The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Nov 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #963, ...He's Still Limping setup an Orphans hash from her place at 826 W. Sunnyside. And a flock or Toms and Jennys gathered and tried to mate or just mix and turn a little turkey time into hash time or whole turkey time. Much beer was consumed and the flock turned into a real gaggle of Turkeys, the more beer they drank. 
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Sat, Nov 26, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #301, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from The Double and the hounds gathered. Two is plural so we were a pack of two. At the first Check. Lower Wackoff came on the trail right away while Horn-E was off on a False. And then Horn-E went the wrong way on a Split. Now he is way back. But he finally gets on trail and runs on. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff thinks he should go back and mark some splits and the Check for Horn-E. They passed each other in the dark. Somehow. Shit happens. So, now Horn-E is in front and trying desperately to catch Lower Wackoff. He only occasionally marks a Split in case someone might have showed up late. But does wonder why none of the Splits are marked. Lower Wackoff usually tries to mark Splits and Checks. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is struggling on the Splits and Checks and after solving them he goes back to sweep them for Horn-E. Never thinks that an occasional Split is marked. Reminds me of an old hash tale. Two bimbos turn up for a hash. Bimbo A says to Bimbo B, 'What should I do with my keys.' Bimbo B says, 'Put them in my car."' Then Bimbo B says, 'Now what do I do with my keys.' Bimbo A says, 'Put them in my car.' They got named Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. Well, that was the two hounds on this trail. Horn-E not sweeping much because he is trying to hard to catch Lower Wackoff. Lower Wackoff sweeping everything for Horn-E not putting together occasional swept marks meaning Horn-E was ahead of him. All in all, we both agreed that the hares did a nice job and the trail was pretty OK. Whoa, I almost said good. We returned to the Double and Meat Inside Her went down the block for a pizza for the hounds. Good time. On Out.
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Sun. Nov 27, 2022, The Chicago H
ash. #2392 Back Door Bizzle laid trail from the Peace Park along Lake Shore Drive at Buena. Another great pack. Five hounds and again, no Harriets. We took off to the south along Lake Shore Drive. Garmin was streaking ahead. SnatchSquatch and Bottom Wrangler were not to far behind and then Lower Wackoff. Way behind was that old fart Horn-E. At Irving Park the trail went west. Two blocks later was the last I saw of the front three. Trail went south and then back east and south along LSD. Now I'm really running slow today so I short cut early. Damn, they didn't come back my way. So I head over to LSD and there is a Check and trail marked to go under LSD. That meant south in the park. So, why go over to the park. Just go south. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is sweeping trail for me. Damn. We finally converged where there was another tunnel under LSD. Even SnatchSquatch said when he arrived at the check by the Harbor Shit House, I'm heading inland, trail or no trail. But Lower Wackoff goes back to mark the trail for me. Making me feel guilty for short cutting. Damn. Anyway, I told him I'm out of it today and just go on. Don't worry about marking for me today. And we run inland and up the back alley behind Halsted and finally back to Halsted and that was the last I saw of LW. I've had it and I'm heading on in. I knew where the trail went on in, because I saw the hare finishing up on trail. Meanwhile LW goes on West again and finally back again before heading north and ON IN. The  pack was whole and we held a short circle. And then it was on out. I got offered a ride from the hare and I took it. Thanks Back Door Bizzle. On Out.
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Swing Low and
On ON

Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #415. Silent But Deadly hared from Rite Liquors for a pack of 10 hounds. Actually Soul Taco was supposed to co hare and showed up late. So she ran the trail trying to catch up. Still recovering from eye surgery, I just walked the course and quickly fell way behind. Our first Check was at the big intersection of Ashland, Division and the hare had everyone fooled on that one. But they were soon off to the east and then south and I never saw them again. Lower Wackoff was still in site for about a half mile until I lost him on the foot bridge at Augusta. And damn, the hare really got everyone on that. The return trail was right across the street. And apparently I was there a little to soon to catch that great short cut. So I'm off and walking as fast as these old pegs will carry me. Most of the marks were swept, but still often predictable. Hey, if you do enough trails in that area, they can get predictable. Except the one Lower Wackoff missed. And suddenly I was ahead of him. But he caught me at Chicago and Ashland and was soon gone. Heading west, this was now an ON Home part of the trail and it finished in the alley by the bar. Except for me. There was a note that they ran from the cold and are in the bar. Wait until this weeks hashes. Anyhow I got there just as they were about to start a circle around the pool table. Back to pre Covid stuff as the circle was longer then what we have seen of late and some good songs. On Out
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Thu, Nov 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #961, Ritlan Cum Bubble hared from Atlantic Bar & Grill. Five hounds. And I was going to try and run this one. I can't miss two weeks, it shows and my running slows and it is slow enough as it is. But I'm off following the pack. And then my flashlight blinks out. Damn. It took about three or four blocks before I got it going. By then they are out of sight. Some marks were swept  and so I moved on. Then I hit a Check at Lawrence. Not swept. So I range west to Western. Nothing. So I go for the big sweep counterclockwise looking for marks and a few blocks later I pick up on trail. And I'm off. As off as I can get. And the marks weren't swept. But I picked right until a Trip split. Wrong so after a block I sweep to the west and suddenly I here whistles. I had ranged ahead of the pack and now they were catching up in the adjacent alley. Bingo, I lead the pack for a hundred feet. And a Split. I headed north and SnatchSquatch was right behind me, ahead of me and then gone. But I couldn't find a mark. Were did he go. Gone. At the point of the Split, the trail was going the way I went or a big loop around tracks and the river and bridges, etc. So, as slow as I'm going, I ranged west on Lawrence to the bridge and a big loop of going no where near the trail. The trail had actually just gone one block south at that Split and cross the street and back north. So, while I'm running around parks and alleys and such, the pack ran into the hares back yard and were drinking beer. Shit. Hate when that happens, but I needed a run. Went back to the bar twice and tried to find marks by his house(?). Finally found it and there was a note that they just left. Right. And back at the bar we held a short circle and managed to meet our virgin. Just Chase. Welcome. Also there were North Bangher Alley and Sleepy Num Nums. On Out
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Sat. Nov 12, 2022. The Big Dog Hash #217. Lower Wackoff hared from Miller Meadows South Forest Preserve. Small pack and I got halfway there on a two hour planned journey by CTA before I turned back because of Construction delays. Attendance was five hounds. Back Door Bizzle, False Advertising
and Chicken Stifer at the start and Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muff came late.
Then because of the early start, Lower Wackoff couldn't sweep as he had to set the beer stop. Ooops. and then someone picked up on an On Back trail and they ran straight to the beer stop. 1.9 miles.
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Sun. Nov 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. All Bush No Balls and Prince Guy Ho hared from a last minute location, Magee's. Nineteen hounds on a nice day. Trail headed south in the alley under the El. And I was near the front. I ended up last as they quickly passed me and I was left following Lower Wackoff until I couldn't keep up with him. And Zone 2 who was following me, short cut back to the finish. A close to the bar circle counter clockwise. 3/4 mile north and south and 3/4 mile east and west. That would make it about 3 miles. Most marks were swept or I could see someone ahead. After the hash we had a private room for our circle. North Bangher Alley and Bottom Wrangler led circle. We had two visitors, from San Francisco. Just Get It Over With and Vagina Dentata. And a virgin, Just Scott. Welcome. After circle the party ran on and on. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #300. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared a Halloween Hash from Skinner Park for three hounds and one wanna be. Bring on the stretcher for that old fart. And yeah, the hares were in costume. From some movie. BSF The Grand Moonie looked absolutely lovely as one combatant. MIH, The Grand Crack looked, well, her costume was dark and in the dark it didn't show up as much. Sneaky wench. Lower Wackoff wore yellow pants with flames all over. Was it pants on fire or a flaming pumpkin. We also met on trail, twin Pinatas. One with legs and one without. Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist. That leaves one other wanker, The Grand Bush, Horn-E. Couldn't run due to a recent surgery, but had to costume up anyway. Somewhat. He wore some woman's Hawaiian shorts. These where so loud even Horn-E could hear them without his hearing aids. So that was us. And LW took off on trail. Horn-E walked with the hares for an impromptu beer stop. A great spot in a hidden alley. And the pack finally gathered. After a beer, they were off again. Stay together. Nah. At a Check LW blew his whistle and CDA and CRM both took off on different directions on a Split and never found trail. They finally came on in to the finishing beer stop through a tunnel of lights. And about 45 minutes and 8.2 miles later, LW finally came on in. The only one who did the whoile trail. FRB & DFL. We held a short circle with good, damn good, beers, in a little garden area in the park, and were soon off. On Out
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Tue, Nov 1, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash.
False Advertising laid trail from Chipp Inn. Another large pack for this four mile trail. And so I heard. Just Laura was the FBI. That is First Bitch In. Lower Wackoff short cut all over the place and still did 4 miles. WTF. He never short cuts. Was it that hard? Well, Lifa did the trail and logged 7.2 miles. And finally they regrouped and held a circle that lasted way past the stop time. Because it took so long to finish, they started way past the start time. Since I was only going to walk the course, It sounded like a good one for this old fart to sit out. On Out
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Thu, Nov 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Magee's. We had a six pack of hounds at the start and only five at the finish. Just Greg, are you out there. This write up is for you.
North Bangher Alley, Sleepy Num Nums, Garmin and Brother Incisor finally arrived. They were not kind about that trail. I'm glad I just walked to the beer stop with the hare. And the other Hash Groupies. The beer stop was in a great loft apartment on the 6th floor. There were seventeen security doors to go through to get to their unit. And you needed their phone number to get the secret codes to get past the doors, gates draw bridges and moats to get to the Keep in the southeast corner. Great v
iew. But that doesn't help if you didn't have the secret code. And we waited for the last two hounds to make it. Finally SnatchSuatch arrived. He hadn't seen a hound since the first Split. He thought you were ahead of him. Heard whistles, but that could have just been the whistles from life guards at North Ave beach as gang bangers were dumping bodies from last weekends shoot outs. And he was bitching. Damn, it that old fart Horn-E was on trail you would have really heard some bitching. And that is only on hearsay. So we finally held circle. You can be glad to hear that we properly trashed the hare. at one point he got 12 down downs in a row. Good thing he lived there. Meanwhile more and more groupies arrived and it was damn crowded. And J, Greg, unfortunately you missed a great circle. Well, at least as good as those two bimbos good make it. Especially NBA in her practically nude tights. Hmmm Hmmm. And to the hare, it really wasn't that bad of a trail. Yeah sure. J. Greg, come on back. On Out

Sun. Nov 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Chunder Pussy hared their annual Punkin Chunkin Hash for 18 hounds. Only this hound didn't make the start. So, only 17 hounds started out. And as best as I can figure, four never finished. Shopping and short cutting and such. As for myself, you don't want to hear another bad CTA story. But waiting for about 40 minutes in front of Wrigley watching tourists taking 147 different pictures of an old building is not my way of spending the day. And the bus ride was even worse. Like rush hour. Standing room only, wheel chairs, walkers, shopping bags, a woman giving birth, twice. That was a long ride. As as I arrived, the hare was just driving out to the beer stop, so I joined him. And the pack finally arrived. Then they went punkin shopping. and we went to the park for the Punkin Chunkin. And there were they usual misses and people that couldn't get the hang of the sling shot. But SnatchSquatch launched a few really long ones. All right, they were kiddy punkins. The hares kids also gave quite a few shots and they got the hang of it. Both kids were launched like Texas Leagers. I mean they both launched several shots out of the ball park. It was like a Run Home Derby for the kids. They finally launched the large rotting pumpkins until the infield looked like yellow and orange mud.  Back to the back yard, and with good weather, a circle led by Back Door Bizzle. We met the virgins, Darryl, brother Darryl and the other brother Darryl. Or was it Brian, Brian and Jeb. After circle, we were treated to some good grub as usual at Back Pussy Chunder County abode. Then it was eat and run. Well, some of us stayed to eat the Halloween candy. I finally got a ride part way home and was home in less that an hour. On Out
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Now, go out and buy a Power Ball Ticket so we can have free hash cash forever and vote for None of the Above as often as possible
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed. Oct 26, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday, Hash. Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley hared from The Red Lion Pub. Wasn't there so I have no report.
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Thu, Oct 27, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Double Meter Beater hared from Langes, a nice neighborhood pub with no massive amounts of TVs everywhere you looked. A real dive bar. Great. This was the Zombie Hash. A Thirstday Hash tradition. Only a small pack. The fast hounds, Walking Penis and Sleepy Num Nums, the half fast Hounds, North Bangher Alley and Brother Incisor. And the dead last hound, Horn-E. Our hare had some Zombie make up on. Or was that the way he normally looks? And Horn-E was in costume. The way he normally looks, always in costume. Wolfman. We screwed up the first Split and that was the last I saw on Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley. Did they do it? Really, did they run trail? Meanwhile I saw the other two for a bit and soon it was just me following Brother Incisor and watching her take selfies of her last blind date. Lifa suddenly did appear on trail. Where did he come from? Late. That is what Horn-E does. I managed to stay on trail the whole way to the beer stop. Well, except for two times. That is what I get for following Brother Incisor. There was a shot stop by Graceland Cemetery. And then I copped a ride to the finish with the hare and carried the bags to the beer stop. Under the El tracks again. And again it is North Bangher Alley as R A. I wonder what she sounds like when we can actually hear her. But after a short circle, It was on home for me. Surgery the next morning. On Out
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Sun, Oct 30, The Chicago Hash, Guest write up by Coming Right Meow.

The CH3 Sunday hash went out from the Atlantic Bar on North Lincoln Ave. There were about a dozen hounds going off on a trail set by Ritalin Cum Bubble (dressed as  a beer) and Snatchsquatch (dressed as a slutty pirate). Many of the hounds were wearing costumes. Unfortunately, we lost Bloody Thighs right at the start.
All the hounds skipped the eagle portion of the trail and took the turkey trail to the first beer stop. It was here that we waited a long while for False Advertising (dressed up as a "Have you seen me" milk carton) to show up. Fortunately, he eventually appeared running trail backwards, missing his milk carton.
Also meeting up at the first beer stop was Garmin, dressed as Eyore, who apparently hadn't had enough fun running 50 miles the day before.
After the second beer stop, everyone decided that they'd ran enough and the group walked to the on in about a mile away at Ritalin Cum Bubbles' backyard, where Ritalin made a blazing fire. Just Gregory, dressed as a wizard, nearly caught himself on fire multiple times. Coming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist had to keep their distance from the bonfire as well since they were highly flammable piñatas. Fortunately, there was a doctor on site that could have helped resusitate any fire victims; Skull n Bone Her, a cardiologist in real life, was masquerading as an astronaut.
Big thank you to Ritalin Cum Bubbles' better half, Antique Load Show, for making delicious chili, bread and meatballs. Also a special mention for ...He's Still Limping's sister, who managed to run trail dressed as a boo-bee without flashing anyone.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Oct 20, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dot Dot Dot He's Still Limping and La Shartiste hared from Hooters for a Pink Dress Hash for charity. Two trails and two separate teams begging for cash. And only 6 hounds showed up. And reports were some weren't comfortable running around in such a small group begging for cash. But they did manage to raise over $500. I didn't run, but I brought a BIG bag of Hash Swag and sold over $100 worth and it all went to charity. The brave hounds included Cuming Right Meow who spent $30 on Shirts including a nice warm hooded sweat. Sleepy Num Nums spent $35. Other hounds included Garmin, Steps In Shit, Hobo Piss and Castro Dick Assist. Well done for such a small group. On Out
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Now, 2 suggestions. A charity event once a year in Chicago is a nice idea. But Thursday nights in Sep and Oct, in the dark really takes away from what it could be. Make it a Sep event on Sat, and pick a steady weekend date, that doesn't conflict with BH3 or BDH3. A steady date can get more people from out of town as it is consistent. Visitors can look forward to it.
My other thought is POP. Get a steady date that doesn't conflict with other hashes like the first Sat of Aug. Then with TH3 permission, take over Pink Dress and make that your Fri night Pre Lube. With all of the out of town visitors, and hashing while it is light out. You will make a lot more money and it would be a lot more fun for everybody. Or even do it on the Sat as your POP event. Imagine POP harrietts dressing the men before the hash. Possibilities.
I put the suggestions out there. Ignore me or think about it.
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Sun Oct 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash Garmin laid trail from Empirical Brewery with 12 hounds. Trail headed south to a quick Check Lifa was on that right away and I started to lead the second contingent in that direction. We headed down an alley and the whole pack passed me by as he kept going south. And then they were gone. It was finally just me, Back door Bizzel and 20 Dollar Butt Slut and most of the marks weren't swept. But mostly obvious. Along the southern part of the course we were passed by a late arriving visitor, Penis Fly Trap. And she quickly flew right past us. for a while we were sort of together and then we were back alone. We finally came in together at Winnemac park where Back Door Bizzel led is in circle and we welcomed out Penis Fly Trap and she sang us a song about tacos and burritos. Well done. And we welcomed the virgin Just Kinnier and then it was back to the brewery. And that is when I headed home. There were at least 30 to 40 people waiting in line to get a beer. And I can't even drink, So I moved on and On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Oct 10, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Horn-E
laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake. I hoped for some Marathoners still in town from the marathon, but it was just a short trail for three hounds, Lifa, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. A little over a half hour trail and about 3.7 miles. Lifa was the FRB. Meat Inside Her found the first Check. At the second Check Meat Inside Her was Check Hanging as the two wankers went out to Check and they both found the third arrow at the same time. Both yelling ON ON. And Meat Inside Her is waving them on to find more. One had to be at a False. And it was Berts Special Friend. I love when a Check works so well. Anyhow west from there and eventually through Target and back to the start. Then we just had a short circle and hung out under the Full Moon for two hours before everyone finally left. Yeah, all three of them. On Out.
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Thu, Oct 13, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Sleepy Num Nums and Queef Latifa hared from Oz Park at the Tin Man. Horn-E and North Bangher Alley arrived just before the start. A pack of seven. Horn-E led across the street and into an alley and the whole pack passed him. What else is new. We came for a trail and well, trail? In two blocks we were at a Check. Naturally I went the wrong way and returned with Steps In Shit. Trail headed north one block and another Check at Lincoln Halsted. We saw a mark going through a closed gate. Circled around and no marks coming out. As we returned we heard Coming Right Meow yell On west on Fullerton. But no marks. Then Castro Dick Assist passed me. As we got to the El Tracks, a long block, there was an arrow coming from the other direction and heading south under the tracks. This was the On In. ON IN? WTF. The On In trail
was within a block of the On Out trail at a Check. Ooops. Major rookie mistake. And the Pack was mow in Magee's after about a mile of trail. I waited longer for the bus then that trail took. Well there was no way we were going back out so it was circle under the El tracks and settle in to just drinking beer. Poor hashers. Others on trail were Walking Penis and Brother Incisor, On Out.

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Sat, Oct 15, 2022, The Bushman Hash, #209,
Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. Small pack of four on a beautiful day. The trail went fairly straight west through the picnic areas and finally into the woods. A few short sections of woods and the trail finally headed south. The goal was a small patch of real high weeds we found a few months ago. Where they higher. After a short Back Check the trail headed into the weeds. Not really taller, but now flowering and thick. some were straight up, some leaning north and some south which made it really hard to get through that tangle. Marks every ten feet because that was as far as you could see. And in the middle was a fallen log. Checking. And the trail went towards the left and back over the rotting log and through the tall weeds. A short loop and a Check with three Falses to the north. Trail went south and a long run along the wide bike trail and narrow paths of more similar weeds.Finally across Irving Park under the bridge and a Check. Trail continued straight south and the next Check was just past were the local creek runs into the river. The true trail was straight east in the middle of the creek which at this point is dry and over fifty feet wide, and short weeds, and countless trees in the horizontal position to climb over. But Lifa is smarter that that. Although there are no marks, he keeps going south heading for the golf course. Now that was a massive gotcha. This is hashing. Follow the marks. And they were simple. Straight up stream for a hundred yards or more then exit to the north side of the creek and continue on the twisting path that parallels the creek. And that was the true trail straight to B. Well, there were two checks and they went straight. And yet, somehow Lifa comes On In first, followed by Chicken Stifer, False Advertising and finally Zone 2. The B was in the model plane airfield in the SE corner were the wind was less and the sun was warm. We held a short circle. False Advertising was bitching about not getting a bandanna yet. And it just so happened that I had one for him I made up that morning. He proudly stood there looking like a leader of the Proud Boys militia. And shortly after the pack was out. On Out
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Sun, Oct 16, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from Burning Bush Brewery. There were eleven hounds for this trail. It started out with a Check and Lifa, SnatchSquatch and myself headed east. Not ON so we circled north. And suddenly there were the marks. I'm trying to keep up. Lifa leads to the east and into an alley and a Check. By the time I get there they are gone. I head over to Western and there is Lifa two block to the south. Apparently he was now following SnatchSquatch. Though the front of Lane Campus and a Split. Well, we three know the area and head on to the south and through the hole in the fence and there is trail. Meanwhile the now following pack takes the Split to Western and then back to where I was. We head west towards the river and the wooded bike area. I was passed along here, but I find the trail through the woods and lead La Shartisie, Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley out of there. We are soon at a shot stop. I left there early and trail went over the pedestrian bridge over the river. I soon find the first Check and then a Split. I went the west, but not far enough. So I rounded the block to get to the other direction and naturally, no marks. So I ended up following a left and right trail to SnatchSquatch's house for a hi-jack beer stop coordinated with the hare. From here it was back to Horner Park and along the river path to a beer stop for circle. Unfortunately my drink was in the shag wagon back at the brewery. Damn. A short circle standing on a sewer cover of massive proportions. Deep Tunnel. Then back to the bar to hang out. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Oct 4, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Union Park. Thanks to the CTA I again was arriving late and running down the street at 7:01 when Steps In Shit ran by on trail. But I caught Liva at the start and gave him my run bag and he gave me a little short cut. Off and running, two blocks south I ran into Steps In Shit and I'm on trail. Short lived. Back Check and the rest of the pack was off on the right trail. I short cut to Grand and didn't see them so I headed west. Meanwhile Steps In Shit came out of an alley and headed east on Grand on the other side of the street. He saw me, but didn't yell out. A block later I saw False Advertising crossing Grand. So I'm back on trail and we head through that alley and back to a Check at Ogden. Well that is made and they are out of sight. We follow and it goes all the way to Chicago for a Check. I'm behind and I hear them yell On ON and head west on Chicago. So I dodge traffic and head through a little side street towards Chicago. I hear a whistle. But echoes. I thought it was further west, but it was across Chicago and out of sight on a False. The pack returns and finally finds trail east on Chicago. Meanwhile I think they are (echoes) to the west. Over the bridge on Chicago Ave and checking everywhere for marks. NUTTIN HONEY. I finally figured they went to the next bridge to the north and would come back to Chicago. Keep going down the rabbit hole, I head west checking every corner and alley. Finally at Ashland, not a mark in sight as the pack is over at Halsted and running a great trail down railroad tracks and such, I finally figure out what happened. Well, it is to fucking late now so I head south and to the start. Nothing. So I head to Skinner Park, another park often used for beer stops. Nothing. Returning I pass marks. Yes, MARKS. On the third mark it heads into an alley and I look down that long dark alley and no hashers in sight. They are all in a parking lot right next to me. I skip the alley and try to short cut around it. NAH. So I'm back at that last arrow and there is another arrow into that parking lot and now they are gone. Hey, you could have called out to me. But I soon find them at the start and all is good. Well, except for False Advertising who did a face plant on trail and was bleeding profusely from his knee. So he soon left. Hell, what's another concussion on the highway with all the drunks and gang bangers on that rode. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. After circle I found out there was a conflict with another running club on Marathon beer stop locations. So we had to make a last minute correction to accommodate that. On Out            l
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Thu, Oct 6, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Templestowe for an Octoberfest Hash. As usual, the CTA screwed me again and after three bus no shows I was still only at Damen and Montrose at 7:40 when I gave up and headed home. Don't know what happened besides a visiting hasher/marathoner showed up.
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Sat. Oct 8, 2022, The Big Dog Hash,
False Advertising hared from Sunset Bridge Meadow
. Well, the CTA again. The whole Red Line was shut down due to Police activity on the 63rd St station. But it was soon resolved and I was on my way with only missing one train and first hound to the start. But the pack soon assembled. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin just in time for the start. Back Door Bizzle got there ten minutes late and ran about 13 of the trail and won the award for the most briers on his clothes. And then there was Zone 2 and Chicken Stifer. We head into the woods on a side path and then into a short loop on small trails. F A gives us slower hounds a short cut and I'm soon off in front after a Split, Only I didn't see the flour mark. Flour does come in five pound bags and you are allowed to use the whole bag. I think he was saving it for Z 2 to go home and make more brownies. And I suppose that is after she launders your Big Dog Shirt you didn't wear. But I digress, A Check and I'm on the wrong course so I'm was behind as we had away from the river heading east. And another Check in a picnic grove. I never found the Check but I did find the first arrow. Unfortunately C S was already into the woods on the third arrow. So I led the rest into the woods and right on trail and into a huge mass of briers. I think I got most of them because the rest of the pack didn't have many. Anyway, I go wrong on a Split and on returning they are gone. So I range looking for those tiny little flour marks and find the infamous wall F A thought I was to old to climb. Bingo and I'm on Thatcher, but no marks. I wander right and soon find marks into city streets. I blow the first Check but then I'm ON and the second Check was a gimme. Then there was the impossible to cross North Ave and the Death March part of the trail. Suddenly C S is passing me and goes right at a check. So I went left and eventually found trail rounding the second corner. Through the church lot and past the Big Game and another Check. I went right, right, but not far enough. Damn. And soon I am joined by C S and M M. We check the other directions and find nothing. So C S goes right again, and a little further and we are on. This time into deep woods and the three of us worked the trail together trying to spot those tiny marks and distinguish them from sun spots. We parallel the tracks and trail finally goes up on the tracks and across the fading gay bridge. CS misses a mark over the tetanus wires and M M and Horn-E hold hands at the crawl over the rusty barb wire and to the final Check. And there in the distance is the finish. It was about 10 minutes later when S M finally hit that Check and we could see him in the distance.  Well done. S M found those marks alone. We held a short circle and ate some snacks and it was on home. On Out               .
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Sun. Oct 9, The Hashers of Chicago Marathon Beer Stop. Well thanks to a change of course and late notice and a conflict with another running club handing out beers and the final bull shit was getting to the last selection for a beer stop only to find the entire two block area we picked was set up for water and banana stop. I wandered looking for hashers and found NONE. WTF. So I head to Indiana and again wandered and found none. So I found a nice spot and started handing out beers. Eventually I was joined by Dick Hermonica and Just Gurjit. With three of us we created a lot more attention then by myself and the beer started to flow. But eventually they had to move on and I was alone again. But there definitely was a few very appreciative marathoners stopping by for a beer. The most noticeable was a lady who wasn't running, but remembered us from five years earlier. She was feeling pretty bad and her stomach was in an uproar. But she saw beer and ran up to us for a taste. Her stomach settled down and she was able to finish. Yes, we really do do good out there and are appreciated. The final beer I handed out was a hasher from out of town who was at the Th3 hash this week. Really appreciated the beer.
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Sun, Oct 9, The Chicago Hash, Steps In Shit hared from 35th St Green Line stop north entrance, for an A to B trail.
Only three hounds showed up. Sleepy Num Nums, Bottom Wrangler and Pony Pounder who was over at the running club beer stop. By them I had it and headed home as they headed out on trail, ending with food and beer at Steps in Shit's house. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail
Tue, Sep 27, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff a last minute replacement Hare, laid trail from Hamlin Park. They had three hounds on trail including Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Shit T Situation. About a 4 mile trail with a nice beer stop on the riverwalk at Diversey. Circle was back at Hamlin Park.
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Wed, Sep 28, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. La Shartiste and North Bangher Alley hared from Sidetrack. No information on this hash
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Thu, Sep 29, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Ritilan Cum Bubble hared from the Atlantic Bar and Grill for 5 hounds. And with such a small pack, the hare still tried to kill off 20 % of the pack. More on that in the after tale. We took off to the east and I was soon on my own looking for trail. What else is new. Trail worked its way to the east and into Winnemac Park and then south to a shot stop. Don't tell me we are starting these back up again. More hashing, less stops and good checks. I digress. The pack was there, all four of them and ready to go when I ran past there. Trail headed west and just south of Lawrence. I lost them at a Check at Lincoln. Apparently it went south. I did. But I didn't see any marks. Circling back to Lincoln and Lawrence there was nothing there. So I ranged west a block and suddenly Brother Incisor pops out of a side street and heads across Lawrence. I'm back ON. Into parking lots there was a Check. I heard Stiffy 4 Stiffies yell out Triple Split so I headed there and found that mark. I watched him disappear to the north in an alley, but not On. So I headed west and it was difficult, and far, but I was finally On. Heading north I came to a Split and I bit on the finish being at his house and ran that damn whole long block for nothing. Meanwhile Brother Incisor and Anal Contradiction slipped past me at the Split and suddenly they were ahead of me at another Split and heading east and On IN. Damn, I was that close to being FRB and came in right after them. So we went for our shag and suddenly Cupcakes comes running up to us looking for SnatchSquatch's bag and then ran off. I later learned that after that last Check he was running near some scaffolding and whacked his head real bad and went down with a slight concussion. Okay, they are never slight. But he was off to the Emergency Room for a quick Check up. Okay now. So the rest of us held a quicky circle and soon headed on out. As for the trail. the marks were bright and bag and those that weren't marked were mostly predictable. Until that damn split at the end. On Out
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Sun, Oct 2, 2:00pm The Chicago Hash, Ritlan Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared, sort of. But blame it all on him. And since he circled the Sunday bar on the Thursday trail, he needed different marks. Big mistake. Red chalk. Hard to see unless right on them and harder in shadows. So, things did get fucked up. A lot. And we had one virgin, Just Drew, and one very new hasher, Just Laura and two visitors, Skinny Bitch and Mutt Fucker from Oregon. The first Check was at Lawrence and even I showed up on time before they found that one. The hare pointed north and the pack ran north two blocks without a mark. They were on the right side of the street. The marks were on the left side of the street and only for one block. Now here the pack got split. About five of us returned and found the trail. Meanwhile the pack milled around long enough for someone to roam far enough to find a mark heading east on the cross street. A section of trail that we that found the trail would get to later. A loop. But a short time later they were at a shot stop and myself, Back Door Bizzel and Lower Wackoff were just arriving as they took off. All right, predictable over to Montrose and over the bridge and back north fairly straight to Lawrence. And here the pack get fucked up again. Across from Lawrence and along the river is a strip park. And a Check. Not sure exactly what happened here, but I believe the pack headed north through the park and never found trail again. Eventually making their way to the hares house, lost. But someone marked that Check as true to the north. And A visitor and myself took the bait, ran the forest trail to the end, and no marks. And nothing on the bridge to the east. And at that point we were one hundred yards from the beer stop. Hey, we have to eventually cross the bridge. Or a bridge. So the two of us ventured north to Foster. Still no marks anywhere. We ranged back towards the hares house only to encounter some hashers heading to the Beer stop, across the river from where we first started out on this fiasco. And the winner was Lower Wackoff who found trail way back on Lawrence heading east on that bridge. Damn. And even that took him 20 minutes to finally stumble on the On In arrows with Ice Princess right behind him. WTF. A Fuck up. Back at the hares back yard we were soon in a cloud of smoke. A fire pit. Okay, warmer, but smoky. A short circle led by Brother Incisor and I was out of there. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 26, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartiste hared a nice little short trail from Parrot's for, get this, only 5 hounds. But we had great enthusiasm. Yeah. We finally had a Harriett running with us. Queen Latifah from Tucson. And she took off with Bottom Wrangler and Sleppy Num Nums leaving Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to never see them again until Horn-E spotted Queen Latifah a hundred yards from B and she took off in a dead sprint so as to beat that old man into the ground. The most exciting think on trail was Bottom Wrangler running down an alley and seeing some people parking a car in their garage, And one guy stood guard with a 44 Magnum protecting then in the dark, dark, (bull shit, brightly lit) alley. These yuppies are getting scared of their own shadows and Bottom Wranglers. Meanwhile L W and H followed a mostly sort of swept trail with a dip into Lincoln Park and then back into alleys and the Mean Streets of Chicago and De Paul area and such. We did have a little trouble with the little marks from the hare with a huge bag full of large peices of chalk. But it all finally led in a big clockwise loop to B at Sheffield and Wrightwood. We then walked back to Parrotts for some good beers, Octoberfest, and circle led by Bottom Wrangler and some on the spot, made up verses from Sleepy Num Nums. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 19, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess hared from Kasey's Tavern. We had a small back of hounds and soon took off to the north and west where the hare pulled some new stuff for us. We came to this one Split right near about 107 steps straight up and I was the only fool that did that. It had to go that way. Didn't it? Well, by the time I got back down they were heading towards the river where we went under a residential building, through their lobby and back towards the river. Then we headed towards the riverwalk and north to a Check. By the time I got there they were returning and we headed north on Wacker. Along here I was following Lower Wackoff and Bottom Wrangler as he was waiting to mark checks. I told him I would and they headed west and Suddenly Just Jess is calling from the north and I'm marking and ON. This would us through the loop where we finally caught False Advertising coming out of the subway underpass at Dearborn. Short cut. Mark that and move on. This took us zig zagging to an alley between State and Wabash and a Split. South through the alley and a parking lot where we are following Just Warren to a BN. South to a Cplit and I headed west after Lower Wackoff. False Advertising was in the lead and headed south. Wrong. A block later we entered a park and the beer stop. Just Warren won the hash and False Advertising, due to a bad decision came in DFL. The last shall be first and the first shall be last and so it was written and so it shall be done. We then held a short circle led by Bottom Wrangler. And somehow, the pack all stayed together most of the way. On Out
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Thu, Sep 22, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just Jess hared from OZ Park. I wasn't there and don't know what happened.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Sep 15, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and Mommy's Little Accident hared from Empirical Brewery. And we had a massive crowd. all four of us. And the three fastest proved it right off of the bat as SnatchSquatch, Walking Penis and Garmin took off leaving that old fart, Horn-E behind. The last I saw of them was about three blocks later at a Check as they followed walking Penis down an alley. I tried a short cut and they ended up going west at the T in the alley and were long gone. So, meanwhile I ran up Damen, knowing/guessing that they had to return that way in a narrow corridor. And there was a mark two blocks later. Around the Damen Bryn Mawr curve and heading east. I skipped the back check. I know there is no outlet there. And on east I go. A little trouble at the next Check as I missed an arrow in shadows but I'm right back on it. Then north on Ashland to another Check. Gotta be east and south on Clark and I was on again to Bryn Mawr. Heading east I missed the Split by the curb and went the wrong way. Returning I'm On again and finally came to a Triple Split in an alley. West. Wrong. Circling the block I head south and find an arrow coming from the east and I'm On again to an immediate Check. I got right on that one, down an alley to Foster and On In to the finish. And in that last block I heard whistles coming up behind me. FRB. Walking Penis followed by SnatchSquatch soon followed. Garmin was missing in action having stopped for food on trail. What? Beer stops aren't good enough. We held a quick circle in the little Metra parking lot by the tunnel and On Out. 

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Sat, Sep 17, 2022, The Bushman Hash #208.
Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods. We had a visitor from Taiwan, Mushroom Lover, and I got back to the start in time to find him waiting. Soon the pack was assembled and chalk talk sent them off. Trail headed straight east and around the pool building and then north. I laid a Check at the entrance to the parking lot. Multiple directions available and I had a plan, but you take what the woods gives you and I'm off with only one trail from the Check. And the pack were right on that. So now a big loop on nice narrow path along the river with a Back Check and a Split along the way. This gets the pack to the underpass at Devon. And I got the bastards this time. Trail went under the bridge to a Check. First guess is over the bridge that led to a third mark that was a Split. And they fell for a loop under the bridge, over rocks (where the hare fell on his hairy ass and came up bleeding), and just far enough to catch a few to a False. So Chicken Stifer heads off in the other direction on that last Split. What should have been done. But he doesn't go far enough and almost the whole pack return to the Check where there is a hole in a fence and into the golf course. and they wander. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff figures that Chicken Stifer didn't go far enough and heads there and finds the trail. And off he goes, leading the pack. He said that was the longest he has lead the pack in a long time. Finally there is a large arrow pointing straight up a steep hill to Devon. Hands and knees climbing stuff. Then across the Devon Speedway playing Frogger. And off to the northeast in deep woods where I ran into tiny bugs constantly buzzing around my head and into my eyes. Lifa confirmed the location as they got to him also. I tried to get away while laying trail and finally found a path were I could try running away from the little bastards. I've encountered those before, but that was the worst and the trail suffered a little after that. Through the ravine area and over to a path along the river heading north. And this led to the bend in the river and nice trail along the river to the B. CS, and then Lifa and finally Back Door Bizzle. Where is LW and Mushroom Lover. LW never leaves trail and always keeps going. Well, just before B, LW mis directed Mushroom Lover and they headed to a short cut that put them in deep weeds and finally seeing us at the B. And then they had to crawl through the alligators in standing water, and then briars and thorns, bunnies and beaver and such to get to the B. Always follow trail. So the six of us got into a lively Bushman circle. Eventually CS took an early departure, but not before his usual song, and one finger salute to the hare. The rest of us drank on until we finished with Swing Low. Then Lifa got into the shag wagon and took off with the shag, from Horn-E and Mushroom Lover. We ran after him through heavy traffic and caught him at the light with BDB following and beeping his horn. Finally, LW gave myself and Mushroom Lover a ride to a free First Responder party with good sausages on a bun. And we watched as these old farts were falling down all over the place. NO, not Horn-E. And then we got a ride to the Edgebrook Station were Mushroom Lover could get a train north to his hotel, and I could get a bus home. And there I collapsed until I got stampeded by a herd of Charlie Horses. A last word from Mushroom Lover, "
Hi Horn E, Yes, I do iron Bushman (3rd Saturday) on my heart. On On. " And On Out and I swear this is all true.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 22, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from the parking lot of Gompers Park for 7 hounds. And we took off through Gompers Park and on west and north of Foster through more park. Trail finally headed into some forest preserve and Staci's Niece found a Check. Now from here trail went south across Pulaski. Just Evelyn and Garmin were seen coming back from a Split to the west. Horn-E didn't believe it knowing the hare likes the woods in the dark. Bye Horn-E. Trail meanwhile went about two blocks south of Foster and then mostly straight east, past Pulaski for a few blocks before heading south through a little park and back west. A short loop and then west to the hole in the fence and the beer, back in Gompers Park. Meanwhile Horn-E was off on a big loop just west and south of the real trail and just in time to catch the sweep hare as trail headed north on that last loop. So, all was good. Circle also included Berts Special Friend, Lifa and Double Meter Beater. On Out
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Thu, Aug 25, 2022, The Thirstday Hash.
Coming Right Meow hared from Roosevelt Park for 8 hounds. We headed to the south under the usual tunnel and after a check and some splits got to a Check at the exit from a little park. I found the Check and got first choice. Bad news. I guessed she would swing the trail over to Grant Park. Nope. Trail went west a block and continued on south, through a check, where I again guessed wrong and headed east dragging along Lower Wackoff, and to another Check at 18th St. Well, at that point I know I am way behind now and with the hares tendency for long straights, I will never catch up. But all is not lost. I see Castro Dick Assist heading west. I follow and eventually Lower Wackoff also followed. We headed over the 18th St. bridge to Canal for a quick regroup between us. Little did we know that the beer stop would be 3 miles north west of us. But we head north with LW leading, Horn-E in the middle and CDA walking behind. About three blocks later I felt the first rain drops. Within a block it was heavy rain and not a doorway or any shelter in sight on to maybe Roosevelt. A Galaxy Far Far Away. A looked back and saw a Jewel Supermarket. Ran like hell for the edge of the building only to realize that the eight foot iron fence didn't have a gate there and it was really pouring down. So there I stood by the edge of the building like a shadow plastered against the wall. Not in the down pour, but still in rain. When the rain stopped, CDA and LW came back looking for me. Then the three of us worked our way to Roosevelt and across the bridge and back to the start. We did make contact with the rest of the pack. They got nailed by the rain about Wells and Van
Buren and found shelter in a doorway with the rest of the area rats. Then when it stopped they called the hare and went to the beer stop on North Wabash. It was over a half hour before they left there and returned to the start. With a cart full of beer. And then we got into the center of the park and held a very lively circle with even a few long songs and had a good time. The hare was enjoying some of the songs so much she almost laughed her tits off. Unfortuantely, it was now getting real late and we all headed on out. Others included SnatchSquatch, La Shartisie, Walking Penis, now area hasher Dot Dot Dot something or other and a visitor Lumber Jack Off. On Out  
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

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Mon, Aug 15, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler laid trail for eight hounds and one late cumer, Horn-E,  from Sewerd Park, at Orleans and Division. I got there late and couldn't find the start, but found some ON IN marks. So I decided to follow the trail backwards. This was the most difficult time I ever spent following a trail backwards. Almost none of the arrow showed a turn and not all arrows were directly sourced from another mark, but I ran about two miles trying to follow trail for about a mile to Elm and State were I finally heard whistles. And suddenly a visitor, Just David, came out of an alley behind me, where I looked and didn't see an arrow. Apparently the trail got over to the North Avenue beach area and running in the dark and missing arrows and guessing a lot. So I was now following Just David and Snatchsquatch to a weird mark at Dearborm. I thought it was some sort of back check, but not. It was a group hug check. And suddenly two big sweaty bodies are hugging me. Then they ran off in the wrong directions and Lifa came along and followed the right direction. I know. I just followed it backwards. So I followed him to a beer stop and the Hare. The pack slowly gathered. Really slowly. False Advertising, then another visitor Snitchy Ho from Boston and Lower Wackoff and Just Evelyn and Crotch Fire. Pack is whole and we walked back to the start for a circle finishing off with Limericks. Great. Better then that lame "Last Down down".   
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Thu, Aug 18, 2022, The Thirstday Hash.
The Dark Kunt hare from the Corinthian Yacht Club for a premiminary hash to the Power of the Pussy weekend. Again late, I was heading there when Bottom Wrangler came running at me on a False from a Check, with North Bangher Alley following. She can run. Trail was finally found heading south along the lakefront and along the golf course. At the end of the Golf Course was a four way Split. The right one was marked wrong. The straight west one was marked on. But I never found it. Apparently the trail did go right and over towards the exit from the park at Irving Park. Meanwhile I headed to the tunnel under lake Shore Drive. NO marks. So, trail went south and in some wide loop I'll never find, or north to Irving Park. Whoopie. I'm on trail again. After a bit the trail headed west. I stayed my course and a few blocks later the pack came back to Marine Dr. and I was there for the rear of the pack and saw SnatchSquatch heading west. Hey. wrong way. Heading north I was soon at a shot stop just past Montrose. I counted about 12 or 14 hounds, many I didn't know. Then we were off on a loop to Lawrence, into the park, past the hill and near the lakefront as it finally went around the western edge of the bird sanctuary to a beer stop. I managed to find part of that with Hooch B4 Cooch and then after another Check I found some marks in the dark along the lake. Then a bunch of hashers from who knows where, were yelling On for the finish. As we stood around drinking, I heard some hounds talking about all of the meat on trail at the end. Well, not meat, protein. Bugs. And all the bugs we swallowed. I got three and one up my nose. Then a short chaotic circle. I waited for the POP announcements for POP and they barely seemed to know what was happening on Fri night. Don't remember them saying anything else about POP so I finally tried to get in an announcement for the Bushman. Hey, there just might be someone there that can't do POP, but might want to run in the woods. After all, this is a TH3 hash and not a CH3 hash. Don't know what that was about but the R. A.s finally recognized me among all of the shouting. Then it was over to the Yacht Club for more beer and hanging out. Managed a short conversation with a hasher from Summitt Hash, Mr. Jackson and Papoose. Then it was On Out
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Sat, Aug 20, 2022, The Bushman Hash (The Greatest Hash) #207. Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul Woods. As Lifa suggested the term, I'm calling this one The Power of the Bush Hash. And it took some real power to lay this trail and run it. This might be why so many Harriets won't venture out to the Bush. It isn't the balls, but the legs scratches, burrs and the adversity that the woods offers and demands. I missed my train and had to take an alternate way out to the woods. So the original plans were shortened and redirected. Straight south into the woods and what is usually knee deep at most prairie grasses and such, and then some wet lands. Nope. Waist deep grasses and the normal wetlands weren't. Just a lot of dead logs under a canopy of trees. One gravel path and a False and another path with a Split to a False that caught Lower Wackoff good. This is were he lost the two other hounds. Worked this towards the far east end and a little gully with some water. As I headed down a sleep slope I grabbed a branch, but couldn't hold on and was flat on the ground staring at water with a flour covered face. Shit happens. Knees weren't too scratched so I move on. Some nice woods and then a road and a Check. The left two Falses went towards this pond scum covered swamp or slough. The third one went straight across the road and towards a gully with water. Not. Fourth trail was ON and to a different part of that gully and a water crossing. Then heading left. I focused on a huge dead tree across a field of prairie grasses that didn't look to tall. Well, they were mid thigh and then I found myself surrounded by razor grasses. I had to move on and did, trying to stomp down the razor grass and the burrs and finding a way out. This led to a short quick run along the road and into the woods again for a relative open running area as I kept looking for a good spot to get down to the river's edge where there is a known nice path to run along. I finally see the rivers edge and head there. Of Shit. Did I step in shit, Or at least weeds that were new to me. The former path, and we just ran through this area two months ago, was virtually non existent. Really. I could barely see possible ways through these weeds which looked ten or twelve feet high in sections and wide spreading testicles all around me. I did touch one, and there was only one, that stung the hell on my hands. Tried to stomp that one out. Fortunately I had TP with me and ventured forth. Like every five feet I needed a mark as it was that thick. I finally headed inland as this was getting to bad. I found myself heading up to a known path above the river and then back down again to rivers edge. And again, those tall weeds. I again headed upland again. There is another section of tall weeds and backed by a wall of thin trees bunched together and almost impassable. More TP and a zig zag course through the trees in flour and then up hill. More waist deep prairie grasses. I finally came out to a picnic area. Relief. But short lived. Still too far to the finish so a quick Check and back into the woods. This area wasn't to bad and those high weeds were fewer and more spread out and able to get through them. I was finally able to give the hounds a running area and this eventually got back to the rivers edge were there was the running path I was seeking for so damn long. On in, I found four cars there. And a note that there were three hounds on trail. Who? Lifa. Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. But who was the fourth car. So I headed to that picnic area I came out at I was concerned about Back Door Bizzle running with $20 Butt Slut through those weeds. And just then Lifa appears. Apparently the third hound was Chicken Stifer and they didn't know about Back Door Bizzle. Back at the start we waited and finally Back Door Bizzle came on in covered in burrs with a smiling $20 Butt Slut. All was good. Beer was consumed and a circle was held. The hare was trashed as he would have been. But Back Door Bizzle was able to confirm that those high weeds weren't there 2 months ago at BH3 205. I was still trashed. Then after Lower Wackoff announced his 28th year of hashing. So it was time to give him his Bushman Hash T-Shirt. Now there are four of us. Welcome to the Silverbacks. Over the next few months, there might be a few more awards. It may be you if you are a "long time loyal" Bushman Hasher. Then circle ended and Chicken Stifer left. Lifa brought out his grill for a few quick dogs. And we could all go home, satisfied that the Power of the Bushman will conquer any bush we encounter. Cars that start is another story. Back Door Bizzle offered me a ride home, and then his car wouldn't start. Don't you hate when that happens. He finally called for a tow and they would give him a ride with the dog. But that wouldn't leave room for me in the cab of the tow truck. So I headed to the train with 15 minutes to spare. About ten minutes later I heard a horn honking. He finally got the car started, canceled the tow and we road home. Alls well that ends well. On Out.
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Sun, Aug 21, 2022, Noon? Yeah, forget that. It was after 2:00 when we headed out, eight of us and two live hares, Cuming Right Meow and Soul Taco. This was supposed to be a hangover hash from their POP weekend with an early start so visitors could hash and then head out. Or so I thought. The Chicago Hash. 1872 N. Clybourn for a Rag Time sort of hash. An added plus would be able to watch The Navy's Blue Angels perform from a new unique location. Well, we had a nice short hash with nice Splits and Checks and such through DePaul and over to Magees for a beer stop. And while we were inside, we missed the Blue Angles, what ever they did with the cloud cover. Then Brother Incisor took chalk and ran a live trail back to the start. Again, nice. And we got back to that great roof Deck to see about two passes of the Blue Angles in formation and that was it. Good laid back party, Brother Incisor led circle, and good food, champaign and left over booze. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 8, 2022, The Chicago Hash. The Hare Raiser finally got
Stiffey 4 Stiffies to stand up and hare at the last minute and we met at Driftwood Inn. We had 7 trail hounds. After a tricky start where the hounds caught all of his tricks, we finally headed south under the El Tracks and at Buena we had a Check. The pack struggled here and I finally followed Brother Incisor further south under the tracks. We weren't on. At Irving Park she disappeared. I found trail heading west and at Clark Stacy's Neice and J. Hannah caught up. And there was a Check. I headed south and stumbled on marks two blocks south. From here I led for a mile or so through Checks and Back Checks and Splits until Lifa, J. Hannah and Brother Incisor caught up. But I missed the best part of the trail. Apparently Lifa and (?) followed trail into a dead end parking area. There was some indistinguishable marks half washed out next to a parked car. That would be a Back Check. And that is when the frantic woman ran out in a panic and to protect her car. WTF. Yeah, our marks did it again. Actually she broke up with her boyfriend the night before and she thought those marks pointed out her car for some saboteur. Damn domestic terrorists. So the hashers tried to pick her up, (Hey, she's available), before calming her down and reassuring her that all was okay and then they ran like hell to get away before the cops showed up. And like I said, three caught up to me eventually and we followed some streets and Checks through the neighborhood before ending at the Stiffy 4 Stiffies castle for beer and ice cream. And we waited and waited for the three rattled hounds that got lost or ran off in a panic and finally regrouped and tried to find there way on in. That would be the DFL brigade of Stacies Niece, Anal Contridiction and Hot Mess Bench Press. And all was good. On Out
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Wed, Aug 10, 2022,The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid this mess from Warren Park and the first thing is a message for Horn-E. Get a fucking watch. The out time is 7:30 not 7:55 when you hauled your old sorry ass back to the start. By then Berts Special Friend used his authority as the Grand Moonie to get the pack out on trail. And it was him and Meat Inside Her and J. Gregory. And that old fart tried to catch them and we know that didn't happen. So he met them midway. Meanwhile they went on a tour of Pakistan or west on Devon from Western. Now you know what a trail through city streets in Pakistan would be like. Only worse. Trail then went north and west through city streets with the usual array of shitty Checks laid by the hare. Actually that is a real boring area to lay trail and so, shitty checks are really necessary. Meanwhile they soon came back to Pakistan for a few more blocks of another world before heading south and a few loops. This is where the hare met them and was able to give J. Greg a short cut to avoid some loops. From there it was the easy part and they all missed it and lost trail at a real easy Back Check. And J. Greg came in first, followed by MIH and BSF. We then settled into some bleachers for a laid back circle and some beer all under a real bright Super Moon. Nice laid back time. On Out
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Thu, Aug 11, 2022, The Thirstday
Hash. Brother Incisor set up a beer mile, not a hash, and I'm sure everyone got throughly pissed. Well, isn't that the point of a beer mile.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

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Wed, Jul 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Garmin and Just Pat hared from Koval Distillary. Missed this one, but I heard about 6 Hounds in attendance.
I knew the address and still went to the old location. WTF. Get this old fart a brain transplant.
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Thu, Jul 28, 2022,The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared the Running of the Bulls Hash from the Double Bubble. Another low turnout. Just 3 hounds, showed so the running of the Bulls was canceled and just a regular Hash and outdoor circle.
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Fri Jul 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from Little Joe's with only three hounds again. WTF
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Mon, Aug 1, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartisie hared from Horner Park at the SW corner. Unfortunately due to some mixup and what was posted on the Web Site, three of us ended up at the NW corner. By the time it was figured out, Walking Penis left and Horn-E and Lower Wackoff headed to the real start, way after the pack left. I was walking due to Medical reasons and yet I managed to stay close to Lower Wackoff as we navigated the trail. As I was walking, I circled back when we hit Addison and the Target mall. Back at the start I wandered all around the south end of the park with no marks or finish anywhere. Back into city streets and not a mark in sight. Finally at Montrose I was heading east and to the park for a last minute check at the park and the river and damn, there were marks. And the beer stop was at the base of the hill and a big pack. LW came in a few minutes later. A big pack for once swelled due to out of town visitors and those passing through. After we wandered over to the Montrose Saloon and their beer garden.
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Tue, Aug 2, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her hared from the Slide Bar at 939 S. Western. Walking Penis, SnatchSquatch, Lifa, Lower Wackoff were four running hounds and Horn-E walked and short cut here and there and managed to keep the pack or some of the pack in sight over and over. Trail started to the south and then west as we circled counterclockwise and through the hospital zone, and past the hare Hutch before settling into a little park for a beer stop and circle and all was good.
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Thu, Aug 4, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa hared from Winnemac Park. Another small pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffies, SnatchSquatch, Brother Incisor and Double Meter Beater as running hounds and Horn-E still walking. And a quick loop in the park and the pack headed west. Meanwhile Horn-E headed north from the first check in the park. Damn echoes. I thought they blew a whistle to the north. Not. So I loop back and onto trail through the park. The hare did give me a hint on trail and the beer stop so heading south towards Wilson, I got there shortly before the pack arrived. Double Meter Beater leading and he headed further south. Must have been a False or something. But soon Brother Incisor is leading the pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffie wandering around. I think they somehow screwed up the Check here as SnatchSquatch was whining later about running were they didn't. Shit happens. But trail went east and past the tracks at Ravenswood. I headed north and found an arrow at Lawrence and suddenly the whole pack passed me in two blocks and we hit a beer stop in a little park along the tracks. And all was good. Back at the start the hare brought out a full cooler and with the damn beautiful weather we held a short circle and just hung out until the beer was gone and it was after 11:00pm Good time just hanging out. On Out.
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Sat. Aug 6, 2022, 2:00pm, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa hared from Palmer Square and we had a small pack with one visitor from Florida, Skank The Tank. I was finally going to try running again. Slow. We headed south and our first Check had us confused, 360 degrees, and it want east and then south and towards the 606 trail. I'm now following False Advertising and just ahead of Zone 2. Up onto the 606 and heading east. Just me and Zone 2. Alright, DFL again. Back down to ground level we headed south towards Humboldt park and at a Check, Double Meter Beater is just solving it. South and into the park. I follow. At the Park I can see Skank The Tank and La Shartsie running through the park. So I short cut and mark trail for Zone 2. She didn't follow. Apparently she was getting over heated and headed back to the start. So did False Advertising, but he found the On Back trail and found the beer stop. She found Pony Pounder also back at the start. So, back to those on trail. As I short cut through the park, I'm marking my short cut. Right to a Check. Double Meter Beater, Skank The Tank and La Shartise are working that Check. I yell out that I came in the wrong way, but didn't check that path. I'm going back. Well, On one, On two, On three, I'm yelling and blowing my whistle. No One follows. I find a back Check. I mark it. I run on and blowing my whistle I head north and out of the park. A Check. I work it alone. I run on and to the north and finally a Split. I choose north and the trail went east a block. Now, we all know how slow I am, and at this point I can't imagine why they haven't solved that Check and long since passed me. Or did they. So rather then going back I range a bit to the north and I'm about to head east at the next street when I hear a call from the beer stop. And I was just at the street that led into the beer stop. So I missed a few short blocks and I'm in. And only False Advertising is there with the hare. WTF. It I want back to that last Split and ran those last three blocks the right way I would have beer FRB. But instead I'm just the second SCB to beer. Fifteen minutes later La Shartsie comes on in the correct way. Everyone else was messaged and came walking in in reverse from the start. Quitters. Back at the start we held a short circle and then just hung out there until about 7:30, even in the heavy downpour, sun shower. Good time hanging out and I then put myself at the mercy of the CTA. It was 9:49 before I finally got a Damen Bus and after 10:30 before I got home. Almost three F*cking hours. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Jul 18, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Death By Bukake and Just Justice will hare from McGees for a dozen hounds. And the trail went west and then north and then east and then north, and on and on to Wrigley. Then over to Diversey and Sherican for a beer stop and on in. A total of 6 miles according to one sweaty hasher. But I will give the hare credit. As he zigged and zagged north he never went more then two blocks in the same direction. But back and forth and back and forth through a lot of Splits and one Check. Or so I was told. I know I only saw one before I gave up. Hadn't seen any other hasher in well over a mile and as it headed north again at Halsted, I headed south. I was really running shitty. Even for me. I did eventually pick up on trail after Fullerton and ran it on in. Got in just in time to get the shag bags from the shag shack and had them in circle as the FRBs arrived. North Bangher Alley took another shot at RA from where her career began, under the El tracks. WTF. Noisy Els again. After a short circle we got into naming Just Justice. After much deliberation he shall forever more be know as Shit T Situation. On Out
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Thu, Jul 21, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Dryrafoam will hare from Ronan Park, umless it isn't Ronan Park. And then it might be in River Park about three blocks north and across the river. And so the change was announced on the  Web site, at several places. Unfortunately I looked at the place were it wasn't updated. But I managed to find the start just in time and we took off with a small pack of five. And I quickly fell behind, only ahead of SnatchSquatch. And then he passed me at a Back Check and there I was, running alone again. After two blocks. But the trail was well marked and swept until I quit following the swept marks and just headed east trying to short cut the trail. And I did, finding marks a little over a half mile to B. and did a nice river walk to the On In. Here we held a laid back short circle and everyone headed On Out
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Mon, Jul 25, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Little Accident picked up his usual co hare, Gay Dancer and laid trail out of Clarendon Park. We had 9 hounds including a Harriett for once. Just Evelyn. Trail headed south and eventually over to the tunnel to Lincoln Park just south of Montrose. A Check here had me in back. What else is new. but I followed the pack to the north and towards the lake and another Check. I got to it just in time to mark the check and follow to the Harbor were False Advertising passed me. This went along the Harbor heading east and I got stopped by some guy in a long white beard. He was a runner and we talked and I tried t get him to come to a future hash. Of course now I am totally behind the pack. So as the pack did a loop around the bird sanctuary I short cut it and found marks by a beach side cafe. And as I ran on I was soon passed and followed the pack in a northward loop and then over to the bike path and on to a shelter at about 4500 north where the hares were waiting with beer. North Bangher Alley led our circle. So far so good. Now if we can just get her to start running with us again. Nice short circle and then the tall tales started until they ended and those that were left, left. On Out.
 
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The Tale of the Trail

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Sat. Jul 9, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Mudsucker took the hash to territory where it has never gone before, Lansing Il. and The location is the Bottom Up
Bar and Grill. Big plans, but it lost somethings in execution from this perspective. Trail was divided into 2 sections going past the bar between them. It might have been a lot more fun if we all stayed together as we got to the second section in the waist deep shiggy. Four people went for just the B part. And that included 3 virgins. They quit the trail in about 100 yards after realizing they would have to cross a bridge on a country road. No future hashers there. That left Back Door Bizzel taking on the shiggy alone with $20 Butt Slut. And just a steady stream of nothing but briars and thorns and such was going to be a bit much for the dog who does shiggy all the time. But that was just to deep and no ocasional path to run down. So he had to abandon the trail after several hundred yards of that stuff. All right, the rest of the pack now. We had 10 people on tha A part of the trail which was just a loop through a cemetery and some grassy area and a truck loading zone. Looked like it was laid by car. I was walking and found myself walking with Just Tookey and out of sight of everyone. We managed that okay, but something like this just stretches out a pack for what it was all about, the Shiggy to follow. So we finally head into the shiggy part. Red flour on trees. The pack of 6 ahead of us had an easier time trying to spot the flour on trees that were sometimes to far apart. We were two and my failing eyesight didn't help. And the marks looked like they were laid the day before. Just an opinion as the flour was hardeing as with dew and such. But we struggled on and on and on. Often just following the beaten path and sometimes just trying to find our way. It would have been more fun with the pack. but with no forest paths it was just a constant struggle. We finally came out to the road and no marks, but finally spotted a mark across the street and into more woods. Another couple of hundred yards of this and we came out at this lake where the Beer Stop was supposed to be. And not a mark anywhere and we looked. And of course the pack drank beer and just took off. WTF. Just Tookey really wanted a beer at tis point. We heard later it was warm. So we finally had to leave and guess which way to go. We got to the road and shortly Back Door Bizzle came by from a gas run and gave us a ride on in. And of course even the circle was over as they couldn't even wait for us for circle. Back Door Bizzle had to leave and so I just took off with him. It might be worth another try, but not the A part and stick around for the whole pack at the beer stop and circle. Others on trail, as memory serves me, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lifa from the north lands and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up, Necrophillac and Jack In The Box.
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Mon, Jul 11, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Ritinal Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared from Loafers. Didn't make it. But heard from Lower Wackoff was the only local regular hasher there. But about 6 other hounds, virgins and visitors. Where are the local hashers?
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Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Lower Wackoff hared from Ham Tree Inn. A nice LW trail with his usual nasty Checks and such that led to a beer stop in the woods after about 200 yards of trail in the woods in the dark. Anal Contradiction was the FRB to B and didn't know he had to find the B, in a deep hole. But Lifa finally arrived and found the B and Bingo and BooBee. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E were both injured and walked the whole trail, and almost kept up with the pack with those nasty Checks. Just Do Me Slowly and Stuffin Muffin were also there. That first Check was a real nasty Check that had the pack really spread out. But at the finish we headed into the bar and their beer garden for a few pitchers of beer and our circle. And all was good. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 14, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Dickens Cider hared from Wee Gees. Another trail I missed. But SnatchSquatch reported a fun trail and about 6 hounds, including Famming Flaggott and I don't know who else.
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Sat, Jul 16, 2022, 2:00PM. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E amd Back Door Bizzle laid trail from Horn-E woods at Cumberland and Irving Park. We had to park far away and seeing the crowds of team sports throughout the area, we decided to just tell the pack that the first mark was on the hill to the south. If you were ever there, you know that hill. And we short cut to the hill and started trail there with a check. But we were soon into some knee deep shiggy and scrittchy scratchy and wandering through open fields of this. Then we came to our big mistake. I may never go through this again in the summer. There is an emergency road into the woods. North of this is a section of woods that has had a growing infestation of thorn bushes. Well, once in, we couldn't get out. And we struggled. We finally forced our way out and hit that same road. We were aiming north to exit that thick section and got so turned around we came out to the south, WTF. And we didn't realize it. But we coon recovered and headed towards the river and a Check. We missed this whole section of really nice running woods off of Montrose. Damn. That was the goal. So at this check I looked for a path that used to head southeast from there. Another wall of sticker bushes, Impassable. So we skipped that part of the plan and headed south along the river. Finally we headed inland and into some nice running area in deep woods and then it wasn't. We were shoulder deep in tall weeds and could only see a tree in the distance to put flour on. Very high. But some fun stuff and no thorns and such. We got out of there and through some picnic areas and over to the underpass under Irving Park and another Check. True trail went along the river until a winding path straight east. Well, anyhow it went straight east until we headed straight south over the creek. More water guys, but shallow and narrow. From here we are now running late so it was straight east again and at the foot bridge we held a Check. Two trails out and both on until one wasn't and they were on opposite sides or the creek. But we struggled past more thorns bushes and finally our On In path. That led to a field of waist deep shiggy, but mostly soft grasses and there that bastard hare, Horn-E was sitting with about 12 foreign beers. And SnatchSquatch was the FRB followed by Walking Penis and Just Ron. Then came Lifa and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. But where is Scent Of A Man. Last seen at the Irving Park crssoing. And he is running lame with a torn Achillies Tendon. Finally Back Door Bizzle arrives with some more beer. And eventually Scent Of A Man. We held circle there, Bushman Style. and after three rounds we got into naming Just Ron. The story has to do with riding a bike and a collusion and his eye hitting the other bike. His dad said it was the peddle or peg. but whatever, it popped his eye out. Yeah, dangling from his head. And so forever more he will be known as Popeye Got Pegged. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
 



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Jun 29, 2022,
The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor hared from Delilahs with an assist from Hot Mess Bench Press for 7 hounds. We started south on Lincoln and then west and south and west and west and all the way to Damen. And I almost kept the pack in sight, but finally lost them before Ashland and Fullerton. Trail went over the bridge to Webster an
d then straight to that mentioned Damen and I didn't see a hasher anywhere. But the trail was mostly swept and I kept plunging on. Now heading east on this CCW trail as it worked its way to a park at Ashland and the end of the 606 trail for a short shot stop. And just as I arrived, I saw the pack leaving. And by the time I got to Cortland I could barely see the last runner heading east over the river. I plunged on and got to Clybourn and there was the last of the pack running off after solving a Check. And I get caught by the light and lost them again. But it was north and east through neighborhoods as the trail worked its way to Fullerton and Sheffield. The hare said 4 miles and by my calculations Jonquil Park would be exactly 4 miles. So as I run north I missed a turn and keep going to Jonquil Park and I can't see a soul in the dark. I really need that eye surgery soon. So I return looking for marks and the mark I missed was in the shadows. A turn to this alley heading north....to Jonquil Park. And there is the pack about to finish circle. But hell. I'm just slow. They don't have to wait for me. About 5 to 10 minutes later, everyone was gone. On Out.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from Lakeview Playground Park with an assist from  Urnestus(?). We had 13 hounds, Good lately. trail headed west and us slow bastards were almost able to keep them in sight until we hit Ashland. From here it was Horn-E, Coming Right Meow, Castro Dick Assist and Scent Of A Man. Trail worked its way through some neighborhoods and a park and then west on Diversey. We did a loop to the south and then Checking at Diversey and Damen. Trail went north to Hamlin Park and then we headed east. Except Horn-E. He headed down, doing a header on some of Chicago's shittiest concrete sidewalks. Knees, elbows, hands and head. Blood was gushing out everywhere. At least that was the reaction of Cumming Right Meow. Actually just a little blood and what turned into a black eye. And hell, as I type this a week later. I'm sitting with a swollen knee and an ice pack. WTF. It was just a freaking little booboo. But we walked in from there, to the start and a beer stop at the start. Then it was off to the Lincoln Lounge for circle. Short. Finally after getting called out for my trip to the head meets concrete, I was able to wash off the blood. Then with $20 pitchers the pack soon dissipated. On Out.

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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail from Sullys and we had an extremely fast pack. NOT. Well, maybe Lifa, SnatchSquatch, and Magnetic Muff are mid speed hashers. The rest of us cling to the back of the pack. And that was perfect for two virgins, J. Andria and J. Gregory. They were afraid of being left behind, but Lower Wackoff saved them and came in DFL while waiting for them. But being a slower pack, they were able to see the checking and such and get to enjoy the trail a little more. We did run the neighborhoods and messed up one Check. That is when a car drove by Stuffin Muffin who was following Horn-E. The guy said to Stuffin Muffin, "That is the fastest, oldest guy I've ever seen." And I wasn't even falling this time. Anyhow we covered the area, still together and we headed over to Division and Halsted and a Check. This went over the west bridge and then to the south. Where, we aren't sure. Trail ran up to a movie set where they were going to be filming some car crash scenes. Ooops. Can't go through here. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and I ended up on the other side of the movie scene and blocked. So as we ranged off, we saw SnatchSquatch running north and yelling about a movie scene and he headed into the north end of Goose Island. I followed and soon after the foot bridge we were at beer. There was also Lifa. And eventually the pack wandered in. And in, was along the river on a nice walkway. And we circled there for a nice Moon Hash circle and even the virgins got into the scene and told us they really like the hash. The Moon was up and kayakers were floating on by. What wasn't to like. But all good things have to end and after many tall tales it was soon on out.
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from Its Too Soft's roof deck. He hasn't been hashing for some time now, but he did open his roof top for us at the last minute. Thanks. We had 13 hounds for this trail and Lifa warned us about possibly running over the TH3 trail from a few days ago. So off we go to the west and north a bit and back through some alleys to Racine and Diversey. Tricky Check at the corner and the trail went backwards past the turn to the Check. So they were heading west and I was Checking east. Yeah, that works great. Then traffic lights and they were all gone. Then the trail went straight to the start of the old TH3 Trail. And On and On in a big CCW loop. A few things were swept a little funny and a missed turn after the third Check and now I'm really way behind. I finally hit a three way and went straight and was at Jonquil Park. I'm done. It is to freaking hot, I'm alone for some time now and I'm two blocks for the finish. I'm done and headed over to the roof deck. Five minutes later the pack came on in. Circle was held and all was going good and fun. Then they called out those that served in the military for a down down on Independence day weekend. Good. Then I called out Its Too Soft for not flying an American Flag. I was told I better get used to it. Not. This holiday was about the birth of America and not the special interests of a minority. I would think we would still be Americans first on this weekend. But we moved on. And after circle the famous Its Too Soft grill was lit up and we had some hot dogs, brats and salmon burgers. Well done Its Too Soft. Then it was hang out time and a bunch of us vets had a good bull shit session about the life of vets in and out. Then the pack slowly wandered off. On Out.
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash,
Berts Special Friend and Meet Inside Her met in a bug infested little park with no name.,for a great trail for a great pack of hashers. Unfortunately there were only two hounds at the start, Lifa and Lower Wackoff. Horn-E showed up two minutes after the pack took off. The trail was the usual shitty trail set for a large pack. well, not really. It wasn't that hard and Horn-E soon caught Lower Wackoff, slipped past him at a Check and actually caught Lifa who was running in front and marking all the Splits and Checks. And then Lifa left Horn-E behind and Lower wackoff caught him at Halsted and they worked there way into the finish together. A short beer stop and a shorter Circle and we returned to the start. Here on a beautiful night we just hung around telling tall tales and many beers were consumed and we watched the transformation of lowly bugs into flying eating monsters. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 7. 2022. The Thirstday Hash. BiHoler laid trail from Dugans for a short trail for short and tall hashers alike. We had 11 hounds on trail and we headed east and over a bridge towards the loop. But after a check it was just a loop and the trail was soon heading back over the Expressway at Washington. Then over to Randolph where we ran around and through a stream of sidewalk cafes and such. The fastest runners were blazing the trail or off on Falses and there was a small pack following along. Yeah, myself. And the new transplant Harriet ...Hes Still Limping who was heard to say, "There is someone I can beat." Meaning Scent Of A Man running in his walking boot. He managed to stay in front of her the whole way. We also had two visitors in that back group, Minor Mouthful Queef and Fuck Children Get Cookies. The back pack also included Cuming Right Meow. I was barely hanging in and then at the last park and a Split, I managed to see SnatchSquatch and then Berts Special Friend  going around the park and followed and got ahead of the back pack and hung in to the beer stop. An interesting story after trail from Just Ron (He needs a name). He was on a False and back tracking when he heard two people having sex. He asked "Does this happen often." Not often enough. Three others on trail were False Advertising FRB, LIfa and Hooch B4 Cooch. After the beer stop we headed to the hares roof deck ten flights up and waited for beer to finally arrive. then we held a quick circle. Then a bunch of groupies showed up and tall tales and bull shit really started. And I was soon ON Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

HHHi
HHHashers:

See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list,
email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  

New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.  


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Wed, Jun 29, 2022, 7:00pm
The Whiskey
Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor will hare from Deliliahs at 2771 N. Lincoln.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation will hare from Lakeview Playground Park as 1300 W. Wolfram, $10 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com
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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, 7:00pm, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her will hare from Sullys Place at Blackhawk and Dayton, Just south of the North and Clybourn Red Line Stop. Parking is tough. Remember, this is the Black Socks Hash. $6 Hash Cash
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa will hare from Its Too Soft's roof deck at 933 W. Wolfram. Around back. Be sure to thank him for opening up his roof deck to the hash on this rush basis. $10 Hash Cash. ChicagoHash.com
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, 6:30pm, out at 7:00pm sharp, The 4X2H4 Hash,
Berts Special Friend will hare out of

Aberdeen & Arthington, a park, and near the Field House.
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 23, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just James and Garmin laid trail from Brands park for 13 hounds. Yeah, another sausage fest. And within about two blocks they had their first screw up. They missed a Check mark and people came to a corner and just kept going straight. The pack finally returned when they ran out of marks on a long two block stretch, WTF. But trail was found to the west and we were soon off and running agin. And some of us in the back drifted further and further back while they front raced on and O. There were a few loops close enough for a short cut, but by then we were stretched out enough that we never saw those way in front. But trail was a big counterclockwise loop and eventually back to Belmont where the pack was hiding just over a wall and drinking beer. And three hounds actually came in after me. WTF. Then we walked back to the start where we held a very short circle and then SnatchSquatch then led us in a naming. That that one was fun and Just James was namedasdjkfg hell, I can't read my own writing. That lemon aid is getting to strong. Anus Contribution. Maybe. On Out                            
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Mon, Jun 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Happy Ass Grabber will hare from Park 574 and we had 12 hounds including a Harriet Virgin and a visitor virgin. Scent Of A Man is in town with his son and he ran with us. Then got lost or at least we thought he was lost. Damn, you take your kid a thousand miles away, throw him into a big city get toe and damn if he still finds his way back. Hey, he might grow up into a hell of a hasher. Anyway I believe the Harriett was Just Katy, but you know I can't hear and I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Yeah, a pretty single lady. No way they are going to let this dirty old man meet her. And as for SOAM the Younger, I also didn't get a chance to meet him. I believe I heard Just Ron. How about Run Ron Run. Now for the trail. Just after they took off, I arrived and saw the sweep heading west with Scent Of A Man. I caught up and he grabbed my shag bag and pointed us in the direction of a short cut. And we missed the urban farm. Sheep, goats, chickens and a donkey and an elephant. Wait, those last two were political signs. Then a back check that would lead to a foot bridge over the highway. Would have been great but Horn-E and Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed straight there. Anyway we quickly regrouped and the FRBs ran by and into waist deep shiggy. Nasty weeds and such for a couple of hundred yards. Then the hare directed us into another short cut and he didn't remember where he laid trail. And Lower Wackoff got caught on the first Check and was way behind and in need of these short cuts. But we ran on and eventualy regrouped. Then more nasty shiggy and tracks and such around this hill we have run up way in the past. Coming out of this we headed south to something street about 11teenth south. Again he wanted to give us a short cut, but we decided to follow trail, Bad mistake. He pointed us south and for two blocks we were good. Then a turn across the street and west that went no where. So I headed south and got as fat as 15teenth St. and no marks. Now I'm way behind and heading back to 11teenth St and that short cut so I can catch up. Somewhat. This headed west and into a park. People everywhere hanging out around parked cars. But no beer stop. So I ran around the car blocking the path and through the smell of strong weed and on into the park. Finally heading north, a few cars suddenly drove up and almost blocked that path and guys piled out of the cars. I run on through as I'm trying to blaze a trail through this trail for the following Chief Runs On Club Foot. The Scent Of A Man. We finally get through the park and start walking together. Probably/possibly dead fucking last. We walk on and on and over the expressway and further north and suddenly I see an angled street. Hey, Happy Ass Grabber lives near here. And trail goes straight to his house where Lifa and Happy Ass Grabber were just coming out wondering where the hell we were. His son is missing and so is Lower Wackoff. So Happy Ass Grabber and Scent of a Man get into a car and franticly ride out looking for One Lost Son
Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. And Lower Wackoff just arrives in time for a beer/roady and we all head back to the start. And right after we take off, Ball Cock Dumper runs into One Lost Son Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. All is good and we are all in. Except now the hare and Chief Runs On Club Foot are riding off into the sunset or something like that as they drive all over the area. And no cell connection available. Hell, we finally got through to them and they came in and got their due in down downs in the circle. And then all was good and some headed to a bar and some headed home to howl at the moon at another hash. And I swear it is all truth. On Out. 
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

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Tue, Jun 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa hared from Senior Citizens Park at 2228 N. Oakley. The last time he laid trail from here it was cold and snowing and he had two hounds. This time it was steaming hot and he had ..... two hounds. But there was one on the way. Is it Lifa, the park, or doesn't anyone care about hashing anymore. So Lower Wackoff and Horn-E took off on trail and were joined by a streaking Stiffy 4 Stiffies about two blocks later. And then a Check and Horn-E was On for several twisting alleys before they caught him. From there on it was Lower Wackoff finding trail and Stiffy 4 Stiffies finding trail and all three Back Checks. But in all that heat we ran on and mostly were within sight of each other all the way. Then a Threeway. Stiffy 4 Stiffies went right. Wrong. Lower Wackoff went Straight, right and wrong. Horn-E went left and definetly wrong. But circling the block and back to this alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies yells Checking. And one, two, three, and Horn-E is On. FRB until Stiffiy 4 Stiffies zipped on by and into the Beer Stop in a local bar. With Air Conditioning. And a hare with cold pints waiting. Back at the start, the four of us had a long leisurely circle. On Out
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Thu. Jun 16, 2022. The Thirstday Hash,
SnatchSquatch laid trail from Burming Bush Brewery at 4014 N. Rockwell. And Horn-E went to 4414 N. Rockwell. WTF. Is he senile. Not yet. Recovering I ran straight south and arrived after the pack was gone. But across the bridge and a Check and that damn pack was still stuck on that Check. The first place I would have looked is the last place they looked, just as I arrived. So. I'm with the pack and we went under Irving Park and then west on Irving Park. Back through park and to the south and the twisting foot bridge over the river. I'm with them  but constantly in catch up mode. We then ran over to a Check at Addison and Western. This led to the streets just NW of there and I finally find a short cut and I'm now running right behind Hobo Piss. We ran north to a park and the Beer stop and came in one, two and Snatchsquatech is sitting there with three groupies. A short time later the last three came running on in,Just James, Dryrafoam, and Just James. SnatchSquatch led circle and all was good. On Out
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Sat. Jun 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from St. Paul Woods. A beautiful day in the upped 60s. Perfect for trail. The woods were full of lush greenery and virtually Zero bugs. No skeeters. At the first must water crossing there was a baby beaver swimming around so I moved trail to the left. I then headed to Oakton to cross the river on a bridge, but I could have done a straight river crossing as the waster wasn't deep. Anyhow, trail went relatively straight north as it followed the river with a few twists. Hey, it is a hash. Finally the trail heads east along the river and to a B with an arrow pointing across the river. But there was a Split there and more trail in waist high lush greenery to the bike path and tracks and back around the dry way. Hey, the hounds get a choice for once. Over to the start and only SnatchSquatch sitting there. WTF. On such a beautiful day. About five minutes later Back Door Bizzle arrives and I send them off. The only rough part was after the river crossing where I had a check that stumped them for about ten minutes. And when they finally got to the B, SnatchSquatch opted for the long way and Back Door Bizzle hopped right into the river with $20 Butt Slut. And the nasty old hare was sitting on the edge of the bank with cold beer. Pilsner Urquell and Dab. European this time. We held a really laid back circle of random accusations until they had enough beer.
On the way out, Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. Twice. Almost home, he realized he didn't have his phone. He had put it on his car hood just before we pulled out. Damn. Race back and it is no where in sight. But there was a lady there and she called his number. Answered. She was a local in the area and talking a walk through the Forest Preserve, north to south. She was at the south end. Zooooom and we're there and he got his phone back. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 9, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and North Bangher Alley hared from 621 S. Plymouth Court, the residence of Ice Princess. Unfortunately he was in his apartment, asleep, and we couldn't get in. WTF. So we took off, 6 hounds and two that came along later. Trail went north and west at first. Suddenly the trail was straight south and eventually to the mall on Roosevelt on the bridge. By the time I got here, I was alone with Coming Right Meow. Trail then went over to Clark and continues straight south for several blocks. We then worked our way to the east and over to Michigan before heading straight north. A check at Roosevelt and we were now just walking and into a field of legs before heading west and to a park for a beer stop. After here we headed over to the Ice Castle in the sky, a rehabbed real nice deck about 47 stories up in the air, for a laid back circle as we were joined by some others. ON Out.

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Sat. Jun 11, 2022. The Big Dog Hash, SnatchSquatch hared for five hounds from Independence Park. We took off to the east and stretched out a bit, regrouping at Irving Park and Elston at a Check. This was found to the south and I eventually found another Check at an alley and entered the alley to Check it out. Then Chicken Stifer ran right by me. Hey, pick another direction. That is how it works. WTF. So I ranged instead. Eventually I got on trail and could see various hounds ahead and going around this park. I went straight and came to marks coming out of the park and followed them to a Check. Back Door Bizzel went North, CS went east and indicating he had marks down an alley. I was waiting for traffic to cross the street and Magnetic Muff was Check hanging. I found nothing and so I ranged west and eventually found marks just before the bridge over I 94. So I blew my whistle for MM and headed west. At the next Check, Avondale NW was to obvious and this was SnatchSquatech so I headed SE and found two marks. Shit. No third mark. When I returned the Check was marked NW. So i headed NW on Avondale and eventually saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies bright orange shirt and ran straight for Pulaski. There I joined up with MM and BDB and we worked the trail eventually up to a station and towards Irving Park. They had skipped a turn and there were no marks on Irving Park. So I played Frogger and ranged across the street. There were marks and I yelled to BDB. He and MM ran straight east and eventually found marks and MM was FRB and ON IN. Meanwhile I found more trail to the north and some damn hare trail that kept going where I didn't think that sneaky hare was going. I eventually finished the whole trail and came in DFL. We circled there in reverse Bushman manner and just hung out for another hour or so. On Out.            
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Mon Jun 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Po Po Pickup Game, J. Spencer and Garmin hared, from Metropolitan Brewery. I had the best luck ever with three buses that got me to Belmont and Western with zero waiting. Unfortunately, as I got off the bus in pouring rain, the bus drove off and the Tornado warning started. I rushed to a bus shelter. They aren't really good shelters so I stood in the shelter under my umbrella. A half hour later, after waiting and watching for a tornado that never came, I was able to head to the start. No hares and only two other hounds, Lower Wackoff and Lifa. The hares wanted to cancel. Hell No. The hash doesn't cancel over a few raindrops and some howling winds. So they finally showed up and set off on a live really simple trail. We were joined by J Pat for four hounds. After a head start we were off and running. Straight east to Western and a Check. J Pat found trail to the north, but we didn't hear him calling On and never saw him until the Beer Stop. Horn-E found that same trail, eventually, and we headed north. And another Check. Horn-E wandered east and north and eventually found another Check at Roscoe. Again a long whistle to Lower Wackoff and headed west to an immediate Check and a three way. WTF. Apparently two checks back, was supposed to go through this mall to here, then to that other Check on Western. I returned as Lower Wackoff arrived. Meanwhile Lifa going thorugh the mall so me head east at the three way Check, He headed north and found a short cut to trail. Meanwhile I was ranging east and then north when trail was found by Lower Wackoff to the north. So, from then on, we have no idea were the other two are, but it is Horn-E leading and Lower Wackoff following to Addison, over to the street before the river and south through a strip park to beer. Horn-E's whistle sort of worked, Lower Wackoff could hear it, but couldn't tell which direction it came from. Hell, it was loud enough to stop the soccer match, twice. At the beer stop we decided to circle and eventually named Just Spencer. He shall forever more be known as Stacys Neice. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

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Thu. Jun 2, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Mommys Coming hared from Temple Stowe for a small pack of seven hounds. It was a short trail but it soon spread out due to a Check a block from the start that had the pack going everywhere but the right direction. It was a good check, but as it was, it spread us out. I found myself running parallel to the pack  heading north on Kedzie and soon the pack headed west. And I slowly fell behind. Good bye to SnatchSquatch, Dryrofoam, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Brother Incisor and Hot Mess Bench Press. That left me and Just Toki running and walking and way behind. I was n front and then behind and always seeming to go the wrong way. But I finally caught up to her just before the foot bridge north of Lawrence and west of Kimball. From then on we walked and talked and reacquainted ourselves. And on towards the University, but not through it. And we slowly worked our way east and then through some park by the river and north over Lawrence and eventually on in to the Snatch Garage for a beer stop and circle. This was led by Brother Incisor. After that we headed back to the bar for some social time. On Out.

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Mon Jun 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck was supposed to hare and I got a late message after my posting on here. Foster, just west and north on Lake Shore Drive for an A to B hash. Then I found on the CH3 web site that it would be hared by Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer. Okay. I planned on coming, but a medical procedure left me unable to run that night. Opps. Shit happens. Then the next night I heard that One Fuck Chuck and Gay Dancer hared and Mommys Little Accident was the only hound from Chicago. WTF. I also heard there were three visitors and two virgins. Will the virgins ever return. I'm sure everyone will tell them how much fun it is. But then, if it is so much fun, why are there only three local hashers here? And the three visitors will go home and say about the same thing. Doesn't make Chicago look very good. Just relaying the facts as I know them. Really, if that is so, it is really a sad state of affairs. But I've been here through a lot of ups and downs in attendance. And this is affecting all of the local hashes. Coming back from such low attendance is really hard and it takes some dedication from all interested hashers to help bring things back up. It starts out with a good hareline that has at least the next three weeks lined up. And the next two weeks with iron clad locations. Make them work once listed. Period. Quit switching around. Get it posted in advance so we can make the hash are first choice and not something we will look at if we can't find something else to do. Quit setting hashes and not inviting everyone. Quit setting hash dates on some other hashes dates. We hashes are not in competition, like hashes aren't about competition. We are supposed to be about friendly helpful cooperation among hashers and hashes. Let make it all work together. There are other things we can do, but no one wants to listen to me, much less cooperate together. On Out
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Tue. Jun 7, 2022. The 4X2H4 Hash, False Advertising hared from an old favorite location, J & M Tap. But we never returned for a few beers inside. Well, it was a small group. Three old slow farts, Horn-E, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. The hare told us it would be short, flat and dry like our mothers. Well, there was only a little wet spot. The three of us took off to the north and after a Split we followed Just Do Me Slowly to a Back Check. Horn-E found that and around a building and north to Division. And suddenly a late comer, Double Meter Beater blew right by me heading east. Well, at Leavitt he was slowly leaving me behind, but a Split slowed him down. So we start working our way east and north to a Check at Wicker Park. I thought the other two saw me so I didn't mark the next two Splits, but at that Check, they were never in sight and that went for the rest of the trail. I found that Check and DMB found the next one. Then, are you ready for this. Horn-E found the next two Checks and we are working the trail together and trying to mark most things for the followers, LW and JDMS. But they were busy looking for porta potties. And we ran on. Finally to North and Western where we headed south and towards the On In. That is where DMB slowly left me behind and I last saw him on Division. But he marked Splitss with whatever he could find so we three old farts could find trail, Sticks, stones, used condoms. Whatever works. And we finally came in to a parking lot across from the bar and the hare and a short circle that Lower Wackoff led. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E





The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, May 25, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Magnetic Muff & Stuffin Muffin hared from Old Plank Bar for 7 hounds. And it rained just before the start which wiped out a few marks and made many hard to see. But Magnetic Muff was sweeping. Like that would help. She couldn't remember her own trail. We started out bad with the pack running right by the first Check. But that blind old fart managed to see it and we were soon on past faded marks and to another Check at a T corner. Lifa went Left and was right and gone. Garmin went right and was wrong and J. Spencer and Horn-E blindly followed without realizing there was a Check and where. Ooops. Garmin returned to the Check and followed Lifa and by then the sweep and the back of the pack, Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising had come along and were also gone. Meanwhile J. Spencer and Horn-E were Checking a block away from where the Check was, Dumb F*cks. By the time we figured it out, they were all long gone. We followed and I was finally left behind and never saw anyone again. J. Spencer caught up and the pack managed to stay together in their utter confusion on the marks. About ten minutes after Horn-E returned to the start, the pack returned from the Whiskey Stop and we held a circle in a parking lot. After I left, I heard that Stuffin Muffin did a header and came up with one bloody head. Sorry man. Hope all is well. On Out.

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Thu. May 26, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Empirical Brewery with a live trail. We were soon off and I found myself way behind at the first Check, 50 yards away. WTF. I never saw anyone again until I got to the beer stop. Checks happen. Then after a Split that wasn't swept, I went the wrong way in a two block long loop that brought me almost right back to the Split. Well, all I could do was enjoy what I could find. We went on to a park where I found a Check and marked into the park by a nature reserve, I went through that and found marks on the other side, missing a two block long loop to the NE corner of the park. From then on things weren't bad. Just more park, SW corner, and city streets and more of the same damn park on the NW corner. At this point I figure I was hopelessly behind and I should generally head to where there might be a beer stop. And suddenly I see marks into that damn park again, only this time at the NE corner. What I didn't know was that those were marks from the beginning of that trail in the park. By the time I figured that out, yeah, really f*cked up at this point. I ran on to a parking lot by the tracks and their was the pack. From here it was a change of location to Big Joes for the ON In. On Out                   l
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Fri. May 27, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash,
Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake. I thought that there might be a larger the normal pack due to the big hash weekend ahead with visitors. Wrong. I laid trail thinking 10 to 15 hounds. We had four at the start. And so they were off and hopefully with Double Meter Beater running, he would do a lot of the checking. Damn, he got 8 miles plus. They ran loops and loops and all sorts of shit just getting from my house to Loyola campus and back. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend
showed up late and i directed them to a short cut and they regrouped. But they still ran their asses off and J. Spencer finally quit and we had to text Lower Wackoff to come on in. But we had a nice circle that was small, but went on and on and a lot of fun. That was aided by bringing out the old First Crack Hat for the rotating R As to wear. After that we headed over to Barrel Man were they had a couple of rounds of good beers. On Out
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Sat May 28, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Coming and SnatchSquatch hared from Roosevelt Park. This is way south of the loop and we ended up north east of the loop. I counted about 22 hounds at the start, and a few joined us after. And a few finally quit running and joined the walkers trail after being well into that marathon trail. We started out with a Check at Roosevelt and State. Now I might be slow but I still try and while a lot of hounds stood around I headed up hill and across the street they found trail. So I was near the front and we headed into a mall area just west of Clark. Now I know there is only one way out unless you loop right back to the entrance. They didn't. So I headed to the stairs in back, and was first down the stairs, and knowing that to the south was a dead end, I searched for the Check to the west and north and over to the river. That is when the pack found trail to the east and from here on I was alone. Yes again. If you have the guts to check things out, you win or lose. I won at the first check and lost this one. Trail ran on over to the river and along there and then worked our way through the loop. I ended up by default on a Turkey trail and kept running on through the center of the loop. At one point I couldn't get through the mob of people in front of a theater. So I yelled out, "I've been running and I'm sweaty and I'm going to rub myself all over you people unless you make a path." You should have seen those old biddies move aside with expressions of horror and this old gnome pushed on through.  At Wabash, trail went south and finally to a garage where we were told to take the elevator to the top. Another mob waiting in line. Screw this. Only beer at the top and I can't drink so I'm off looking for trail. I did hear that three hounds walked up thinking it would only be about 5 floors. Eleven suckers. I found trail to the Art Institute where there was a picture Check and a bucket drum band and mobs of people. What the hell do they think this is, a holiday or something? Thousands. And that was just the first block. Anyway I follow the arrow to the south and towards the Bean. Unfortunately that arrow pointed to the photo check that people were standing on. About ten minutes later I finally returned and found the true trail to the south. So I'm off and a Check by the twin Indians. I search towards Buckingham Fountain and find trail into the Fountain area and somehow ran between two arrows without seeing a damn thing. So I'm now wandering south along Columbus and then heading west when I run into Lifa. So we return to the fountain area and this time I find those arrows and we are off in a loop around the fountain and then north along Columbus and ups and downs land. Up to Randolph. west to Michigan. north, west, lower lever, garbage dumps. down to river walk east to Columbus, up 101 steps. a block later down 81 steps and then right back up 76 steps, a loop CCW and into  a park and back up about 65 steps and then down again and back underground to a spot under Randolph east end and the final beer stop. Is that about right SnatchSquatch? Can I have a note, "F*ck you for being the hare, etc" Again, some people got 8 miles. From here we went to a grassy area on a hill and chased away the local wild life for a short circle and then it was On Out
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Sun May 29, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer hared from La Bagh Woods. I heard a good woods trail, but the same familiar stuff. A beer stop at Roofie Ragu's and back to the shelter for circle. The Dark Kunt ran a good circle and I'm sure they ate well and drank well. On Out.
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Mon May 30, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Lifa, The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel hared from 1872 N. Clybourn. Actually a Lifa Trail. I saw some marks on the way there and guessed correctly and at a Check on Armitage the pack caught me and the leaders passed me. Okay. I'm trying to stay in sight and not last as we head down Cortland and over the bridge. I lost sight of the runners ahead and missed a turn and went to the end of a factory zone. Nothing at the exit on Ashland. Heading north to Webster. Nothing. Returned looking for some marks somewhere coming out to Ashland, and found a Check. Across Ashland and into the Metra Station. Here's a short cut. Only one way out. Now heading south across Cortland and a Split by 606. So he is taking the visitors up onto 606. I'll short cut and head south to North. And there was a unmarked Check. In front? Behind? Both. Yeah, that was it. So I find trail East on North and after a screw up at a Split, (Well laid Lifa. Damn hare. ). I'm back on trail and a BN Check. This leads to the usual beer stop South of North on the walking bridge. And I wasn't last. We then head to the Rusty Grundel, Cock Whisperer, Castle in the Sky, roof deck, for circle. And it is full of hashers who don't run anymore or hardly ever, taking up all of the nice seats, from those that are dog tired from running trail. Back Door Bizzle got a circle going. Damn good one. Only missing thing was he didn't recognize the Veterans on Memorial Day. Even though one old fart is half dead already. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 19, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Garmin hared from Senn Park by Old young Abe at Ridge and Clark. We had five hounds, all guys again. Hey, Harriets, it is warming up. You can come out of hibernation. This was supposed to be a re
. What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'msure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. On Outpeat of a failed hash last winter, This meant Horn-E might be able to keep up since he was at that hash. And he did. Trail headed east past Senn H. S, and False Advertising was racing to the front. But he came from that direction and probably saw some marks along the way. At the first Check the trail went south a block and then into a series of alleys. J. James took the lead here. At Broadway there was a Check and just as I got there I heard an On On call from False Advertising in an alley across the street, Yep, right like last time. I blew my whistle and we were right after him and finally came to a Check at Ridge and Braodway. SnatchSquatech and False Advertising were right On heading north on Ridge and then into alleys and neighborhood streets. I followed and as I came out of the alley I was passed by Second Coming and Just James. I followed them to a Split at an alley and headed west. I knew were the last trail went. but this one didn't. WTF. So I followed the old course and came to a Check at the Military Memorial. Where was the pack? Behind me. As I was checking, in the wrong direction they passed me in the right direction. From here on it was following them in neighborhood streets and alleys until we returned to the start. We held a short circle there and then just hung out for about a half hour before dispersing. On Out
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Sat May 21, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Lechowicz Woods. GD rain. Just before I got there it started to rain. So I sat in this shelter waiting for a pause. It never came, but 80 people came to claim that shelter for a birthday party. So I headed over to the foot bridge for a start and we could wait under the bridge. So now I have a direction. North over the river and into the woods for some nice woods running. I wanted to CW through woods and past that previous shelter just before the finish, But at the first Check, I paused. It is raining. They won't be playing golf. A great time to run the Golf Course in the summer. So It was a CCW direction as I looped into the Golf course and a lot of good woods running areas. And the rain kept coming and there was actually one lone golfer out there. WTF. But I'm committed. At one point I left a tee and headed into some deep woods. This is where I almost joined Gispert, hashing around the clouds for eternity. I past this huge downed tree to the left and squeezed past a tight area and headed for a slight hill fifty feet later. Then I heard a loud Crack and looked back as a forty foot healthy tree fell right were I just passed in that tight area. A minute or so after I passed. And when I swept the trail later, that tree was right were I was. I might have even marked trail on it. There would have been no where to rum fast enough. Looked like a healthy tree, full of leaves, no wind. I'm guessing it was just waterlogged with all of the recent rain and fell over its own weight. So, what do you do. Finish trail. And as I'm finishing, still raining there are golfers suddenly everywhere. WTF. So I finally cross that starting foot Bridge and there is the pack, just starting out, False Advertising, Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. And the GD rain just stopped. So I ditched my gear and followed the pack. Nice trail and woods hashing and everyone managed some time in front. Several Checks along the way and we all stayed together and finished together. Back under that foot bridge we held circle for several rounds of Bushman style and finally False Advertising started Swing Low and we were soon out of there. Great day in the woods and God, I'm not ready to die yet. On Out
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Mon May 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Florida Man, Poo La La and Homeless Granny Fucker were haring from Jonquil Park Park for 20 hounds.
What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'm sure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. I counted 20 hounds. Didn't get all of their names but two visitors and three virgins were included. That was the good news. Now for the bad news. They laid the trail in blue chalk. In the dark, and even on asphalt. These younger guys that led the pack, might be able to see those marks, but this old fart with failing eye sight was doomed to failure. Started out fairly well as I was about 4th after the first Check. But the pack passed me and at the First Check I was east of the Check watching False Advertising heading east. Trail went west. From there, except for those blue marks, actually looked like it was twisting back and forth okay. I'm now in back with a virgin, (who left a virgin in back with Horn-E) But she was okay and surrounded by a visitor Mudd Wyfe and Coming Right Meow. So Lower Wackoff and I slipped past them and ran on. Pack is now out of sight, two old farts trying to run and three Harrietts walking. Then Horn-E runs Past a turn arrow, damn fading blue chalk, and a long block later, no marks. So he and lower Wackoff return and find trail. Damn, a half block later was an arrow going west into an alley, a half block off of where I just ran. Damn. Well, I was now falling behind Lower Wackoff and at Southport and School the trail headed east. As far as I know it kept going east to Michigan City. I found a few marks and once had to back track a block to verify I didn't miss a turn, Nope, straight east. Finally I saw a bright white arrow. Looking closer there was a faded Check there and the arrow pointing straight east. Yeah, again. I never saw another mark. Three blocks later I decided this was useless. Even my flashlight didn't help. So at Sheffield, I just started walking on in a mile away. Got there about 5 minutes before the pack. And within minutes they started the circle with four hounds still out there. Hey, weather is nicer and we might want to wait a little longer before starting circle. Those slower runners are also part of the pack. Those four I was with earlier. They barely got in before the circle ended. And Berts Special Friend was leading the circle. Then within minutes the pack started to dissipate until there was little more the the usual suspects who weren't afraid of the dark. Did manage to meet one of the virgins, Just Anthony, He already wants to write songs. He better learn some first.  Also met Mudd Wyfe before she was lyfted off. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON

Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 12, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a live traifor 9nounds. We were soon off to the west and then worked our way north. We hit a quick Song Check and Ugg won out. Then we were off. A lot of Splits and Checks kept the pack together until it wasn't together anymore. At least I wasn't part of it. Damn. I made my way to Division and a Check that wasn't swept. Ranging west I ran into Meat Inside Her, Checking. I missed a loop. But she was soon gone and then she was behind me and who the fuck knows. So was SnatchSquatech behind me until he also wasn't. We headed west and the last I saw of them was at a Check at Milwaukee. It was swept to the south and I went south and never saw another mark. At Augusta I found nothing, damn. I ranged the corner and finally decided to range back towards the "Known" finish. And I never did see another mark, but the pack was all there when I got there. SnatchSquatch led circle and then they we\re off to the start bar. On Out
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Sat May 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Warren Park for a grand total of 4 hounds, the usual suspects. We got a late start but with Berts Special Friend (the GM) and Meat Inside Her leading, we qould get through that trail quick. Until they couldn't find the last Check. We started out with a quick loop and then up the sledding hill for a Check. We struggled a bit as no one took the hares dare to climb the fence to the first mark. Meanwhile Horn-E is wandering all over except the hill. Yeah, already. We finally got on track and Horn-E did manage to solve that first check. A hundred yards later and he was DFL again. We went around the south east end of the park and then north and into city streets and a Check that regrouped the pack. Regroup? Hell, we couldn't solve it. Horn-E finally went west, Again, Nothing. Going north a block and there was Meat Inside Her flying by on trail. So he followed her to Indian Boundary Park and a Check. She is doing her best to solve that Check and win the Hash and Horn-E is still just following like a lost mutt instead of a hash hound. Hell, that blind old fuck didn't even know we were at a Check. So Finally we are joined by Back Door Bizzle and they are off on another False. Well that old Horn Dog decides to run past the last mark on a False and there is Just Do Me Slowly hiding under a bench in the dark like a little lost troll. And she had beer. We shouted ON On for about 10 minutes before those lost hounds were led in to the Beer Stop by the sweep, Lower Wackoff. And they tell me I can't hear. After here we went back to the start and the cars and headed over to Cary's Bar and their back yard beer garden and grill were Meat Inside Her grilled some damn good brats and we held circle. And the beer flowed. On Out
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Mon May 16, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Berts Special Friend hared from Skinner Park. I'd like to say it was a great trail, but I'm not only not that good of a liar, but I and half the pack never found the whole trail. Seems like the trail get sabotaged at the start and the pack was lead astray for about a mile and a half. By the time we recovered we were hopelessly spread out. But eventually there was North Bangher Alley, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin off on their own and not seen after crossing the Expressway. That is where I caught up to False Advertising and we went wrong ways. I think he just made his way back to th finish. I circled back and got on trail, now alone. Wow, that is a lot of fun again. I headed west and eventually Just Do Me Slowly, Bag of Ds, Lower Wackoff and a visitor Shark Laid No caught up. And there was a Check and just as quick they are gone again. I did find trail further west and finally just circled back to the start. I was having to much fun running alone. And back at the start were various hashers. Hooch B4 Cooch who found something and what I don't know. But he missed the sabotage and was first back. Finally it was just that front pack missing. And when they arrived, they were with Po Po Pickup Game. Where did he come from? Hooch B4 Cooch led a short circle and we were out of there. Stiffy 4 Stiffies drove by where I was waiting for a bus and I got a ride home. And he won the lottery for a brand almost new pair of shoes. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON

Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 5, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Coming Right Meow hared from Butler Field. Hashers were wondering about the hare after her last trail. but, Supiz supiz supiz, she did it. Weather looked a bit iffy but at the start there was no rain and mild temperatures. great for a hash. Rain wiped out some of the hares marks, so she took off on a bicycle to relay the trail. We took off towards Millinium Park and found our first Split, but Horn-E was right on that. Yeah. like that would help. a short time later we missed a turn. but we recovered and headed straight north and a few Splits later we passed the bean and still staying together thanks to those Splits. At Randolph there was a check and the trail headed east and around the concert area and back south to the winding bridge. We didn't believe that Split and were right on over the bridge. At the end we had a bunch of Splits as we worked our way to Monroe and over to the lake front. We regrouped at the light and were soon off along the lakefront to the south and finally a LSD crossing at Bundy Fountain. From here were worked the pathways south and a long loop and then back near and on Columbus Drive to a beer stop at Butler Field. where Castro Dick Assist came in FRB. Then we headed to the hare's castle in the sky and the hare was into the Sinko do Mayo and a day for Mexican food. Without Mayonnaise. On Out
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Sat May 7, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa laid trail from Humbolt Park. I won't say this was a great trail. Rules of hash trashes. And it wasn't. But the hare did lay a real twisting trail that had the pack confused front start to finish, and mostly close together. We just experienced one of the dreariest springs in memory with more then enough rain and never enough sunshine. So this was sort of the first day of summer. Blue skies, warm temps, sun and cold beer and salsa music everywhere. And the pack gathered. Wow. What a crowd. The usual suspects, Horn-E, Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising. After we took off on trail we had two late cummers, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Yep, the Usual Suspects. The people formerly known as hashers were still hibernating I guess. Or just quit hashing. The trail. We took off through paths to the north and FA took the lead. Over to the building by the lagoon and under the bridge to the left. I almost short cut over the street and I would have come upon the marks for the ON IN. Lucky hare there. A Check by a bridge under construction stalled us but we finally found trail to the south and around this finger of water and then back north by little Cubs Park. here is where the late cumers caught up to us. Again, along the lagoon and then west into city streets. A block later and a Check. FA went south. Gotcha. The late cumer MM found trail to the north and was off into the lead. And we headed back to the park, And the lagoon and another Check. Near the lagoon and a kiddie park. So the old fart heads through the kiddie park and was almost on the ON IN trail when the hare sweeping, called Horn-E back. Trail headed north to Humboldt and North. City streets again. No, not yet. Back into the park  and heading towards the North East of the park. Speculation. Back to city streets to circle that other trip into city streets. Never try to out guess the hare. We headed north instead of west. There was a Split by an alley and I headed east and was on. Well MM was still ahead and out of sight. But I passed back the wordand we were on and eventually heading back towards Humbolt Parkway. A Split. We followed MM north to a Check. Duh. Right under the 606 trail. How easy can it get. Not that damn easy. Much later we are still standing around with our fingers up our asses, Well, at least not each others. So Finally Horn-E heads south. Still nothing. Into the parkway and there is an arrow on a sewer cover. Then 2 and then 3 and that old fart blows his whistle and is ON heading east. Yeah, like that would last. A Split trail headed east. Horn-E headed south into Octopus country and coming out right behind FA. From here it was into the park and working our way past were Horn-E almost twice found On In trail and then south on Humbolt Drive to Buffalo Country and the beer stop. FA was FRB and damn, the old fart came in 2nd. Lower Wackoff was delayed and DFL as he tried to pick up a fresh Mexican Taco. After a brewski, we headed to the start area where we gathered among the flowers, Dandy Lions are flowers. We circled Big Dog style and relaxed in the beautiful sunshine and you missing hounds missed it. On Out
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Mon May 9, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Dr Cockvorkian and Death By Bukkake hared from McGee's. Wow. Even in the Green zone and we can't break ten hounds in a city of 3,000,000 people. Only 8 of us. Trail headed north under the El Tracks and get this, Horn-E was leading. A Triple Split, a Check, a Split and Horn-E was still ahead. WTF. But at a Song Check, a quick verse of Swing Low and then he didn't see the arrow to the south and headed East and North. By the time he returned, DFL again. At the next check, everyone was gone accept North Bangher Alley heading south and Lower Wackoff waiting to mark the Check. Horn-E went north again and spent the next half hour trying to catch the pack. Eventually through OZ Park and then west. Finally after a Check at Sheffield, I ran into Po Po Pickup Game. From here we struggled as things got darker and arrows were constantly in shadows. We finally game up to a beer stop and the pack. Horn-E didn't stop and ran on. North and along the Clybourn corridor, back and forth as trail headed North. Finally came to a Check that was rough to solve. I checked east and north and around and finally back to the Check and the pack caught up. They couldn't find anything either. So I went on a big loop and headed east on Fullerton before heading south. Came to a street corner and checked all four corners. Nothing. Headed west and all of a sudden the pack is fast approaching and heading east on the other side of the street. I guess they found trail were I stopped looking because I went far enough without a third mark. WTF. But a few blocks later and we are at the 2nd beer stop. after beer we headed back to the bar and ended up under the El tracks for circle. We made North Bangher Alley play RA and I won't admit it in print, but she did a decent Job. Ooops. I didn't say that. ON Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Apr 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider laid a trail from Go Tavern. An A to B trail for 7 hounds that ended up at her home. We started out to the west and it started out with a lot of up one street and down the next and back again. finally it revolved intto a big clockwise spiral. I was falling behind with Stuffin Muffin and we finally caught up to the pack at Palmer Square. I ran past Lower 'Wackoff looking for trail on a Check. Magnetic Muff pointed to an alley and said Lifa went that way and didn't return. So I followed and it was a three block long alley with no marks. Whehn I got back to Palner Square the pack was gone. But I managed to find an arrow and was off playing catch up. And On and On. Finally went down an apparent Dead End alley that wasn't and at the end I caught up to Lower Wackoff. He had heard Just Do Me Slowly, but guessed the sound wrong. So from here it was the two of us running on and on and eventually to the home of. Slippery Fingers and Fire In The Hole for a shot stop and then we walked to Dickens Cider's Home for the ON IN. We picked Just Do Me Slowly to lead the circle and she did a decent job. Also on trail was False Advertising who I never saw after the start until the Shot stop. FRB. On Out
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Thu Apr 28, 2022, the Thirstday Hash. Brother incisor and J' Paulie laid trail from that bar on Buena. We had a dozen hounds for this trail and an a to b hash. Trail worked its way south to a block south of Irving Park on Clark and our first Check. Should be simple. Keep it simple and teach a virgin hare the ropes. Yeah sure. Trail was found east towards the lake. Three marks and then nothing else. WTF. We searched and eventually trail was found to the west. But meanwhile, after ranging south and finding nothing I went back to the mistake trail. I ranged all over and under Lake Shore Drive looking for marks. Of course nothing. So, r
angeing back along Irving Park looking for trail to eventually cross there, I suddenly run into Furry Spice. He mentions something about a Split and then we see a mark heading straight north. From Irving Park to Montrose. No turns. J. Paulie, don't learn that trick. Well, trail went to Montrose and left to the tracks and On In under the Red Line. Somehow I just managed to beat the DFLs. And apparently there was other troubles along the way. Whatever they were, I never heard. But we circled and then got around to naming J Paulie. He will forever more be known as Hot Mess Bench Press and don't ask me why. Then it was back to the bar I headed to the el with Coming Right Meow. On Out
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Fri Apr 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from Gill Park right wear the bad check from the night before was located. Small pack of five and we followed the live hare, SnatchSquatch. I quickly fell behind as Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend disappeared to the front. I was barely keeping the visitor Heiney Girl and Back Door Bizzel in sight as we headed past Wrigley Field and then a loop back towards the south and west before working our way back to the start. I lost those two and struggled over a few marked checks with a few options that were confusing. I finally lost trail about two blocks north of Addison and about two blocks from the start/finish. Guess which way I went. Short circle and then across Clark to a bar for a few rounds. On Out
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Mon May 2, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from River Park. Lower Wackoof was prepared with 2, 30 packs for what used to be ChicagoH3's biggest regular Hash of the year. In the 80s we used to get 5o hashers on the first Mon Night hash. We got five. WTF. Where is everybody. It is May. I know, not perfect weather, but it was nice enough this night. Trail was a little confusing at the start but we finally got on trail and worked our way south for two blocks and then to the east. We were sort of together trying to keep the FRBs in sight and then they weren't in sight and I'm in back with Stuffin Muffin trying to catch up. We got up north to Bryn Mawr when I was suddenly in from at a Check. How the hell did that happen. But the FRBs were soon taking the lead again and I'm barely staying in front of Stuffin Muffin. We finally come to a Check at this park and High School and no one can find the trail. I head north towards Peterson and find nothing. So I head west in front of the school and go a loooong way without a mark and suddenly there is a Split. Got to be On. No one goes that far for a False. So I blow my whistle and run on.Yeah, three marks later I miss a turn and I'm back in back again with Stuffin Muffin. We got over to this park along the river and it was zig zag along and in the park until we came to Just Do Me Slowly's house. A leisurely beer and off to the start for circle. Circle was short for me. Had to catch the last bus on Foster. But I came up with a hash Name for Just Do Me Slowly's Mom. She wasn't there, but we had JDMS do a down down for her Mom. Mama UMeDoMe. For anyone who doesn't know, Yumi is her real name and Do Me is part of her hash name. Hey, have fun with it. So they hung out with 64 beers to finish. On Out 
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Tue May 3, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Skinner Park at Monroe and Throop. When I looked up directions and time for the buses I was given 29 hours and change to Monroe and Throop in Brooklyn New York. By bus. Google gets worse every time I try to use it. Isn't that stuff supposed to get better over time.
Anyhow, I forgot the trail starts at 7:00 sharp. So Lifa gives me a short cut and I'm off and running. Actually it was a good trail, but again, no one bothered to come except myself and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Bad weather? Not really. Just a light mist in the air. And it is only the old farts that show up and all of these young kids are sitting home still hibernating. Yeah, I'm picking on you all. So I get to where Lifa directed me and was a few blocks behind the pack of two. A Split and then a Marked Check and I finally see then ahead after a suckers loop, laid for some FRBs that never showed. So they come to a Split at Lake and I figure to take a short cut in an alley to catch up with them. And they were off on another of LIfa's loops for the FRBs and now I'm ahead and looking back for them. So I'm checking and trying to mark splits and Checks and I run on and on finally coming to a park at Lake and Ashland. Checking. Returning from a False and they finally catch up to me. We work that check and almost lost Just Do Me Slowly thinking she was ahead and she's behind. But a few blocks later we are at the On In at Skinner Park. A very short circle led by Just Do Me slowly and we were on our way home. You all missed a good trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Apr 14, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dyrafoam hared from  Big Joe's for a small pack of four of us. And you know who ran damn near the whole hash alone. We took off to the north and Brother Incisor took off leading to the west after a block. Yeah, like that lasted. Meanwhile I'm running behind and after running all the way to Damen following a fast pack, they were all gone. Shit damn fuck. Alone again. At Damen and Foster there was a Check. And a big park to the south west. I ran south and found a mark, but no elusive 3rd mark. So I ranged into the park and after to big of a loop I found no marks. I exited at Foster and heading east I found trail on the north side of Foster right were the trail headed north. After several blocks there was a Split, swept to the west. Hey, after that Check I'm way behind. They will have to loop back by the cemetery. Go straight. I did and sure enough, there was trail. So now we are heading east and south for two blocks and on east. A block later there was a turn north. Now I know where this was going so I headed straight. Damn, all the way to Ashland and no marks at any intersection. So now it was south for two blocks and back west. Still no marks. Finally at Ravenswood I found a mark into the tunnel. And just then, Brother Incisor blew by me damn determined that she would beat the old mam. By about 15 seconds to a beer stop in a parking lot up by the metra tracks. And we held a quick circle there. Then it was back to Big Joes. On Out
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Fri Apr 15, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her laid trail from Beaumonts for a six pack of hounds. We wandered to the west through streets and alleys as Berts Special Friend and Double Meter Beater ran off and left myself and Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff behind. Son Of Spam was walknig part of the trail and knew where the beer stop was. We finally came to a Check and this old fart found the trail in an alley by the El tracks. And as I ran through a parking lot, BSF and DMB caught up and were soon gone. So now it was Horn-E leading JDMS through alleys and streets and finally Lower Wackoff caught us just west of Clybourn. I was returning to mark a Check that BSF solved for me when he caught up. So, now it was the three of us and I'm desperately trying to stay ahead for once and not be DFL. But finally while going through the De Paul Campus, I missed a turn. LW went back and found it and passed me. Damn. A block later my damn weak ankle started acting up and JDMS passed me. And so I am now walking on the bad ankle and get to Oz Park. Heading west I see a turn arrow on a path into the park. So I shortcut to that path and short cut the BN Mark to where the pack was hiding in the shadows. Well. not really hiding, but in the dark I didn't see them. And so I end up doing a big loop around the park before they spotted me. So we held circle by the athletic field in the shadows, Full Moon Style. Then I headed home to get ready to lay a Bushman trail the next morning. On Out     f
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Sat. Apr 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, #203.
Almost 17 years of consistently hashing on the 3rd Sat of every month without fail. And still other hashers hi jack other hashes and hare in direct opposition to the Bushman. So, only two hashers showed up, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Horn-E hared from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. Mother nature was late this year with the annual April flowers which were at about 10 to 20%. But the trail was nice and easy to follow, except when it wasn't. Checks. While they had no trouble following trail, there were two Checks near Central that really screwed them over. One was just before the bridges over the river. Real trail was up by the road instead of the foot bridge. And both hounds got sucked into running through some real deer shiggy under Central at rivers edge. But JDMS finally found the trail and they ran off to almost immediately another Check on the other side of the river in the woods. LW managed to get sucked into a long False and JDMS eventually found trail along the river. This eventually led to the Metra tracks, lower level where there was a small drainage stream from some wet lands. Soft mud on both sides. I tried and was really starting to sink is. So I wandered around
and about fifty feet away, gravel and sand instead of mud and a short jump. I told them to just find another way when they got there. JDMS just plunged right in. Of course she is so light she didn't sink in anywhere as near as I would have. From here it was along the little island to the RR trestle and then on in through some nice woods and a light coating of flowers on the forest floor. We circled up at a picnic bench along the river for a few beers and a Bushman circle. And On Out. Now, nothing to do on Sunday because that hash date was changed.

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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E





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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon Apr 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from Legion Park for five of the usual suspects. That is those that have consistently been coming around since Covid, especially in the cold miserable weather of winter. It is spring and time for the rest of the hashers to come out of hibernation and enjoy free spirited hashing again. Now, how did the hare screw up this trail. He immediately sent them off to the south and through wet grass. Damn rat bastard. And a block later they left the park for more pavement pounding with a nasty Check. Or Two.  and the hare went out to set a quicky beer stop. Trail went to this footbridge over the river and the hare was waiting for them with the nicest view of the hash. That wasn't saying much for views. And who should arrive first. Berts Special Friend who wasn't even there at the start. What else is new. But we all gathered on a nice evening. We finally couldn't wait any longer and made Just Do Me Slowly finish her beer on trail and they were off.  With a good Back Check led by BSF. Then around Home Depot parking area and into city streets. They ran on until another back check on Jersey that caught Lifa and suddenly Stuffin Muffin pulls into the beer stop as FRB. This was right across the river from the start in another strip park. Also on trail was Lower Wackoff. On Out.
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Tue. Apr 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Harrison Park. Seven hounds. Good. Only Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her showed up late. And Horn-E even later. They caught up to the pack and Horn-E didn't. He even missed circle. Mudsucker showed up. Welcome back from hibernation. I ran trail that was sort of well marked until it wasn't at archer and 18th St. I lost trail there and finally realized I was at a Check as I ended up seeing a mark pointing to where I already was. I did find the True trail mark, but now realizing I'm to far behind to ever catch up, I ranged. Trail went east and north under the tracks and then west until Wood Street and under the tracks again for a beer stop out of any potential rain. Meanwhile I ranged correctly and finally headed north on Wood St. Unfortunately that is where the pack went after the beer stop and there were no marks there. So I was on, but on invisible marks. Back at the park I turned west as I got to the park and right ahead of me, in shadows, was the pack and circle. But I didn't see them. Meanwhile I wandered all over the park looking for any trace of a trail. Not. Finally going by that same section a second time, I saw some people in the shadows, Went over there and it was the circle, after circle and ten minutes later everyone went on or home and so did I. On Out.
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Thu. Apr 7, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dickinme Twofiddy hared for his last time in Chicago. FOYC. Location was Seward Park,. He deserved better because some of his trails were pretty decent. This one was, well, we don't know because no one finished it. I think that was a lot of our fault. The pack that is. We got about two blocks into trail and already SnatchSquatch was long gone and ON. Until he wasn't and ran and ran and finally caved and returned. I was back with the pack and we got to that Check and the leaders were running about but didn't seen to be working things right. Garmin was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, but not finding trail. Then he was gone and eventually back at the start as FRB. Lost. I finally found trail for the rest of us and blew my whistle. They came and I directed Steps In Shit in one of the directions of a Split. Never saw him again on trail and trail didn't go that way. He finaly returned and after moving his car, came in DFL. Now that leaves Horn-E and Famming Flaggott. We went the other way on that Split, Didn't go far enough. Returned to Split and since Steps In Shit hadn't returned, we followed that direction. A big fat nothing. So  we returned and went the original way again and farther this time. Finally found a mark and then another Check. That is when we decided the trail was f*cked and we needed a tree. We returned to the start. So, that is it and I'm sticking with it. We really needed to work together, better, a problem I often see on trail. And this day really showed it. A quick circle and off to a pub. ON Out.
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Sat. Apr 9, 2022.  The Big Dog Hash.
Son Of Spam and Berts Special Friend hared from Lo Rez Brewery. Never let those two hare after drinking a six pack each and then carrying around some elderberry wine on trail. The usual suspects showed up in force. Well, eight of us. Zone 2 would be walking and the rest of us took off to the east with arrows the size of the hares dicks. Hey, even our Mayor has a bigger dick. And she never lies. This trail was back and forth with a lot of back shit. At a Check I found myself following Lifa and no one behind us. We got to 18th St, and headed east. This trail was getting tighter then a 12 year old virgin's twat. I'm guessing here. She said she was a teenager and I'm sticking to that story. We wandered a few alleys and crossed trail at least once. I think. And a loop back was within about 10 feet of a turning arrow. I'd like to say well done hares. It was. But I will never do that in print. So you didn't see that here. The hares were trying to take away Horn-E's title of Rat Bastard. But in reality, more like Dick Wads. And if you don't know what that is, ask Zone 2. We finally hit a Check. Lifa, myself, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, were all at different times standing about 10 feet from the On Out trail and didn't see the arrow behind the second column holding up the tunnel. Rat Bastards and Dick Wads.  I went ranging to the south east. Magnetic Muff almost followed. Lifa was off on a long loop to no where before returning on Halsted from the far north and finding marks. False Advertising was up on the tracks. He found nothing, but some fat railroad dicks almost caught him as he raced back to ground level and headed under the tracks. By the time I returned, all were gone. And suddenly, I found that damn hidden arrow. As I head north, there is Stuffin Muffin heading across Halsted. I climb down to street level and almost stumbled into on coming traffic. You aren't going to hit this old man yet. We headed west and another Check. I ranged again and this time I, no I didn't find trail. I was the wrong way again. I returned and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing under the tracks heading south. From here on I ran alone, occasionally spotting Magnetic Muff way ahead. I came into this park across from Lo Rez Brewery and there was the pack. Including Just Do Me Slowly. Where was she on trail? To short to see again.  And especially for an old man going as blind as he is deaf. And finally Lower Wackoff came on in. He fell behind going back and marking Splits and Checks for slow bastards like Horn-E. But the old Horn Dog fooled him and got ahead. So, where are the hares. Drinking at Son Of Spam's house. And suddenly they are there. Berts Special Friend carrying a microphone for our tiny circle. Hey, the circle was small enough that even Horn-E heard most of the accusations. Well some of them. And Son Of Spam came in dressed like a giant can of span with two knobby legs sticking out the bottom  and I think that was his head sticking out the top. So circle was held. Big Dog style. And we were off. Meat Inside Her took Berts Special Friend home and to bed to sleep it off. Or so she said. Son Of Spam went home for a dinner of Spam on a stick. Everyone else headed home and Horn-E headed off chasing young bunnies. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. On Out.
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Sun. Apr 10, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash.
False Advertising and Crotch Fire hared this mess. All right, it was.  A repeat of an old trail that everyone missed most of. Well, guess what. They missed most of it again. Maybe it is the hares fault. Anyway, about 14 hounds on trail. I followed the CTA's directions to get there fifteen minutes ahead of the start and arrived 15 minutes late. Yes, again. There were marks to B for late comers. I followed them behind Blooms. The chocolate smells in the breeze were the only good smells down in that hole were the local gangs do their drug deals. And no hares in sight. So I take off on trail backwards with my back pack for the shag wagon that wasn't there. The trail was the usual shit in that area. Back and forth, river level and upper level, crossing tracks and going down one side of the street only to return on the other side. and suddenly there it the pack coming my way lead by Hooch B4 Cooch. This quick? Yeah. This quick. They found a short cut and missed over half of the trail. As a matter of fact, the heroes of the day were Lifa, the FRB and Lower Wackoo the DFL. But they were the only ones who did the whole trail. Well done.
On Out
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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Mar 30, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Dickinme  Twofiddy hared from Delilah's at 2771 N. Lincoln. They had a small turnout of about 4 due to rain.
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Thu. Mar 31, 2022. The Thirstday Hash,
Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck hare out of Empirical Brewery at  1801 W. Foster, They had cans of Empirical Beer for circle. Hey, OK.
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Sun. Apr 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Lifa hared from Welles Park at Montrose and Western. Lifa's 30th anniversary Hash. Thirteen Hounds took off to the north and west and the usual Lifa back and forth and a quick regroup with a long back check. Then we headed further north and eventually crossing Lincoln to the east and north of Lawrence. By now I'm in back with Lower Wackoff and he falls back and I'm alone. We head on and at a large park, we do a loop through it and then head south. And Lower Wackoff catches up. A block south is a Check marked with a stick. Not always accurate and sure enough Muffin Stuffin is coming back from going a long block the wrong way. From here on it is the three of us, heading west and then south in alleys paralleling Lincoln and south of Lawrence. We catch a Back Check here and Horn-E takes the lead crossing Lincoln and south to Welles Park. And a BN Check.Horn-E finds it to the south and through the park to an alley and a Split. From here it heads to western and Montrose where we regroup. Then we head west and right into an alley that leads a few blocks to a Beer Stop in a parking Lot. Trouble is, as we were heading west in the alley, the front of the pack is leaving the beer stop and heading back on Montrose to the start in Welles Park. I guess we don't matter if we're running late. All to often pattern lately. We held an all to short circle led by Brother Incisor and then the pack dispersed. Most went to a bar at Sunnyside and Lincoln where Hash Cash bought the first round. On Out.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch had a surprise co hare in Homeless Granny Fucker as they laid trail out of Templestowe for 8 hounds. We took off to the west and I was actually in front. Yeah, one hundred feet. But I was on the right Split and we headed south on Kedzie for a block. By now they are passing me and trail headed west and we were off on a CCW loop. Mostly west and back and forth between Montrose and one block south. We did come to a Check at the exit of an alley and when I got there the pack was scattered. But I didn't see anyone head straight west in the alley. I eventually did and that was the last I saw of anyone. I was ON, and apparently those that weren't, soon were by ranging or seeing someone a block away and short cutting. And with the tight loop that the hares set, I believe that was what happened for most of the trail. The FRBs find the trail and as they are looping around others got nice short cuts. Meanwhile I'm on my own and it was well laid in that with the rainy weather expected, the marks were in flour and BIG. So I had no trouble in finding the trail. Went past Dickens Cider's old apartment, in the alley and back around the front and then back east. Again, a narrow corridor of no more then two blocks north and south and heading east. Guessing became easy and I only guessed wrong on one Split. But that was soon right back ON. Finally ended at the asshole of the Snatch, the garage behind SnatchSquatch's house. And they were already done with circle. So about ten minutes later we returned to the start and just hung out there, warm. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash, This was supposed to be Homeless Granny Fucker haring after getting a haring lesson from SnatchSquatch on Thursday. But suddenly he had a cohare in Brother Incisor. And then he never showed up and Brother Incisor hared alone. And that is how I got the story. But it gets worse, or maybe just the same old thing and then worse. The start was from Harrington's. I got there five minutes late, right with the arrival of Back Door Bizzle. And the pack was gone at 2:33. We followed, him with his dog and me with my back pack. The whole damn way. But that was a blessing in disguise, sort of. Later on that. We headed south to Oz Park and then west a block to Lincoln and a Check. Lower Wackoff was there waiting until the Check was solved. We finally guessed east and we were off. La Shartisie blew on by us coming off of a False. He was soon long gone. So the three of us ran like we were the only ones on the course as most marks were not swept. Over to the Zoo, north in the park and eventually at the Gazebo we headed west a block. North to Diversey and then east to Sheridan. Straight north and then it gets interesting. It started to look like exactly the same course as the hare laid on Mar 3. WTF. So we followed along taking turns leading and eventually working our way up to Sheffield and Addison. Here Back Door Bizzle had to turn back, get his car and head to work. So it is now me and Lower Wackoff. This whole time, it wasn't that we had a hard time finding trail. Mostly quite predictable and well marked, but we're slower then everyone else. So we run on straight west and then south and I managed to get ahead at a couple of Checks, but LW is always right behind me a block or so. Then going south on Racine, there was a turn east and at the alley it continued south. I never saw LW again. And I kept looking. So On to Diversey and south on Lincoln and eventually to the beer stop, just like Mar 3. And when I get there, there is a Check Mark and a message, "May the hash go in peace." WTF. A little over 6 miles and another hash with no circle and this time, no pack. WTF.
They didn't know about me and Back Door Bizzle. But they knew Lower Wackoff was out there. It turns out that Back Door Bizzle actually ran by Jonquil park were the beer stop and circle were just finishing up. He told them we were out there running trail. And they didn't wait. Did they just go home? Did they go to a bar? Did thye care at all? Sounds very unhashlike to me. But what do I know. I'm new at this. Lower Wackoff eventually got to the Beer Stop and found the same and wondered what the hell happened. All I do know for sure is I'm glad I didn't put a big in the shag wagon. I'd still be wondering where it was. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 17, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Kelly's Pub for ten hounds. We took off to the north in side streets and the FRBs were soon pulling away. By the time I got to the De Paul campus they were gone. But a Triple Split soon regrouped me with Lifa. We crossed Fullerton and into alleys toward Lincoln and as we crossed Lincoln he pulled away and I was joined by our virgin J. Allison running with That Thing That Vibrates. But they also pulled away and I last saw them heading east on Fullerton. Again I was briefly joined by Lifa as we entered a loop north to Wrightwood and back to Fullerton. As I was resolving a Split on Fullerton, Brother Incisor caught up with me. We crossed Fullerton and headed back to Lincoln. Here I found trail heading south. This untimately led to a Check at Oz Park. Brother Incisor eventually found trail through Oz Park as I was out searching False Trails. I eventually followed and trail crossed Armitage and into Mansion Row. Again another loop as trail came back north on Halsted. From here it went straight west and eventually after a quick loop to Armitage I found a Check at Sheffield. This took a little time before I found trail into an alley that eventually led me out to some construction across the street with an arrow pointing right at it. Not. The hare's arrows didn't always point exactly where the trail went and after screwing around I finally found trail off to the side. Well this led me to a Check at Clybourn. We're getting there. Yeah sure. I found trail and went into s few side streets and suddenly an arrow into an alley. Never saw another mark and I worked that area for another ten minutes. Finally called it and ran straight east on Webster to the bar. And the pack was already halfway through the circle. That was soon over and the pack soon dispersed. On Out.
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Fri, Mar 18, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Son Of Spam and Coma Toast laid a trail from from Smith Park, in rainy conditions. Apparently they used flour and I only heard one complaint. The marks were to far apart. I wanted to go and was dressed to go when a wave of heavy rain came through and I had a 6 block walk just to get to the El. And coming home meant a loooooong ride back on Western bus with detours. and I had to get up the next day to lay the trail in soggy woods. NO excuses, just lame reasons. Meat Inside Her, Berts special friend, Lifa and Lower Wackoff showed up and apparently the rain let up enough for the hash and then came down later. On out
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Sat. Mar 19, 2022, The Bushman Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz Woods for 5 hounds. Beautiful day with soggy grounds for running. We took off south and through a small prairie following False Advertising and then some woods before going over the the tracks on the bike path. Here was a bit of relatively open woods hashing and then we went into the area were we struggled last month on the no wimps hash and the cracking ice. From here the hare laid a long back check to find the location were he fell through the ice last month. A nasty ditch with a foot of water at the bottom. But back to trail and we headed back north through some woods following Lower Wackoff and Zone 2 along the river to the Tracks and the trestle over the river. By here we had lost all sight of Lifa who missed the concept of the Back Check. Hey, I've done this before. This was just a bit longer. Anyway, trail dipped down near the golf course and the last one I watched heading through there was Back door Bizzle and $20 Butt Slut. This eventually came out and we went along the railroad tracks. There was one section where you could see a lot of Golf Balls along the golf course. A good day and all of the hibernating golfers came out and opened up the Christmas package of a dozen golf balls. then they promtly hit most of then out of bounds. Got a bit rusty Huh. At the finish we must have gotten about 30 balls, and looking brand new. I digress. A short loop inbto some woods and then a short trip through Edgebrook woods and on in. While laying trail I saw a freight train go by. It was the longest one I ever saw. Even an engine in the middle. And it was on the south bound tracks, heading north. Eventually a Metra train came by on the north bound tracks. About five minutes later an Amtrac train came by. And the freight was still going northApparently the freight was on the wrong track s to let those other two trains pass it. But this damn train was so long, that where it was suppossed to merge back to the north bound tracks came up and the passenger trains hadn't ogot there yet. Train hell. It stopped and blocked all roads going north from Central to who knows were, But miles north. It was stopped for over 20 minutes. I was barely able to get around the back of it.
I digress again. Shut this damn writer down. We held circle under the bike bridge over the river and then adjourned to an Irish bar for a Guiness. When it takes about 10 minutes to pour a Guinness, you know they are doing it right. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 20, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dick Hermonica hared from Roosevelt Park and the starting location was, well, screwed up. There was a CH3 mark on the pavement leading into the park and an arrow pointing south and crossed out. I didn't see anyone I thought were hashers, so I assumed the start was changed for some reason. So I went to the park north of there. Nothing. So I went south where I had seen some arrows andfollowed them. They went by one park and on south. I eventually got to the next park and no marks. Circling back I came to a Park that turned out to be a Shot Stop, WTF. I headed back towards what was suppossed to be the start, to verify that the mark was crossed out and I was now in a real bitching mood. And suddenly the pack is coing my way. From where the start was suppossed to be. But why in hell would an arrow pointing to the start be crossed out. WTF. Okay, so I go to the shot stop and drop ff my bag and finally get on trail with the pack. Not the best laid trail, but reasonable with a lot of Splits. West over the Roosevelt Road Bridge and then north to Harrison through some side streets. But mixed up enough that I was able to keep up and even found trail at one point near binnys. But for most of the trail Mommys coming was leading. What else is new. We finally are ehading up hill to that Roosevelt Bridge again and there is a BVN. Yeah, over the edge, or just follow the on out trail backwards for 4.7 miles. But we finally made it in as I followed Pony Pounder and Steps In Shit. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation came in DFL. Lifa was FRB but short cut the last bit and immediately left to catch a trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That
. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue 1 Mar 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin laid trail from Park 567 at 1811 N. Milwaukee for 5 hounds. There was only three of us at the start and we missed a quick turn after a split. I'm thinking already that I'll never see Double Meter beater again. But hey, it takes a while to figure out what the hell the hounds are doing. But then we were off down an alley and Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend arrived, late as usual. A quick Check and I'm losing the pack already. That's what happens when the slow old fart tries to actually Check. When I return they are gone. But it was being marked as they went along. So I kept going. We worked out way to Armitage and Milwaukee and a Check. But that was west across Western and south to Winnebago. Here we crossed Milwaukee again and I missed a turn, But I soon found trail and then a mark was missing but trail went through a parking lot and east on Moffat. Somewhere here I got my personal mental compass mixed up. Hell, it happens. We went back to Western and up onto the 606. but it only went across Western and back down. Now the trail is heading west on Blooingdale. Some how my brain has me going east. WTF. SH. Two blocks later the trail goes south and I'm thinking north. At a Check I head west thinking I'm heading east. But things aren't looking right. I finally check a building number. like they all have them, and I'm at 2700W, WTF. So I return and find the trail from that Check and it is back to Western. Now I'm thinking, that is something new on a hash. I was way behind before I f*cked things up and now it is hopelessly worse. So I return to that bridge for 606 on Western and head east. I better be right. I was. And it is straight back to the park and start. And there is False Advertising. He also lost trail. And there are no hares with beer. Finally the rest rolled on in. Then the hares arrived with beer and excuses and we held a short circle. ON Out
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Thu. Mar 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Brother Incisor hared from Irish Eyes. Trail headed straight east in the alley and then no

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That
. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E   rth to Wrightwood. So we're heading east on Wrightwood and the trail is just confusing enough that I'm just catching up to the pack as they take off after Splits, etc. So far so good. We finally head north to Diversey and the pack is finally gone. But trail is marked and it crosses Diversey and east on Surf. As it heads north, I should have spotted the last of the pack as they did a loop. but I missed that and did the loop to Sheridan and back and we finally head north to Belmont and Broadway. A marked Check north. Not. I'm behind and this pack was fast and we all know I'm half fast. So it was time to head west and see if I can intercept the pack on the loop back to Belmont. And suddenly I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch
, also lost and ranging. We check were we've been and head west. About 1.5 blocks past Shefield there is a mark and as I get there SnatchSquatch bursts out of an alley blowing his whistle like a steam engine blowing off steam. Since they ran through Boys Town I hope that was the only blowing going on. Trail went west a half block and then south. A few more hashers passed me and headed west some more. Not. I'm heading straight south and then east and eventually towards Jonquil Park and there is the pack and groupies hanging around drinking beer. Soon it was back to the bar and SnatchSquatch led circle. And buckets of beer were served. At least I think it was beer. All the bottles seemed to say something about Lite. And we had one returning hasher haven't seen in a long time, Put Put in the Butt. Welcome back. On Out
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Fri Mar 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid Trail from Ravenswood Manor Park at Eastwood and Manor.
The CTA f*cked me over again and I was a few minutes late for a late start and they were just about to do circle. So all was good. But the pack was small. Magnetic Muff and SnatchSquatch and that old fart Horn-E. We headed straight west and then into an alley. I saw SnatchSquatch heading south at the end of the alley, but when I got there I didn't see any marks. Well, to make a long story short, hell, this is Horn-E. Short stories are always long. I ended up ranging a block west in the alley to a T and then with still no marks I worked my way south and west to Kedzie. As I ranged south on Kedzie the other two were heading north in the alley I just left but a half block south of me. Big loop, find a Check and it was marked and I go right back to that alley a already ranged down. But there were no marks were I ran and I kept going and there were marks again and a Check. Unmarked. But I find the trail and head a block west, south a block and coming back east, I find the hounds at a hi jack drinking beer with Stuffin Muffin. After that we three ran on and Stuffin Muffin tried to follow. He missed a mark somewhere and ended up on last Sundays trail and found us at the finish which just happened to be where last weeks beer stop was. Hey, it worked. Meanwhile Magnetic Muff and I were trying to follow SnatchSquatch and we were really spread out, But trail went west and north of Lawrence to the River and then south to a beer stop where the hare was waiting. After the beer we ran on to the track crossing at Rockwell and then eventually to the Wilson ave bridge over the river and back to start. We held a laid back Moon style circle. Back Door Bizzle got a down down for the whitest brightest socks I ever saw at a Moon Hash. Like they were made from slices of cheese from the Full Moon. Only this was a First Crack of the Moon Hash. But they provided plenty of light. After circle the Muffins went home, SnatchSquatch returned on trail looking for lost property. And Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. All was good. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Florida Man and Its Too Soft hared from 916 W. Fullerton, ITS's old condo, under going rehab. Hey, its for sale. Make him and offer he can't refuse. In circle we find out we will be on Blue Chalk. OH NO!!! Trail headed west and north and these young kids left this old man behind in about four or five blocks. The last one I saw was False Advertising and his Orange Elmer Fudd Hat. But I ran on and suddenly there is Furry Spice and his two virgins, J. Beth and J Katy catching up. Well, that didn't last long and about three blocks later they are gone. I am now heading west on Fullerton and trail goes between some buildings. Well at the end, I find a mark pointing across the street. Did I say Blue Chalk. Never saw the turn mark across the street. Finally Zone 2 comes along and sees the marks and we're off to the west. Okay, the hares marks were mostly big and pointing right to the next mark, but you couldn't really see a lot of them until you were right on them, and don't blink. Please never in the dark. White chalk or drywall. So the two of us plow ahead, She's mostly walking and I'm almost walking. Trail finally heads west on Diversey and then north. Here she used technology on trail. GPS. Found out where she was and hit the short cut button. Meanwhile I'm now running on alone. North three blocks and then south on Lincoln to a Check at Jonquil Park. They are already gone. These kids not only run fast they drink fast. Oh how I remember the old days. Back at the condo we gather in the back yard for circle. 20 hounds. There Back Door Bizzle led circle. Horn-E f*cked up a couple of songs. And he's sober. We need to get him drunk again. There was one other virgin there. Just Erin. And someone we haven't seen for a while, A bag of Ds. And most of the usual suspects. After circle was chili mac and pork chops inside the condo and the drinking went on and on. and I am On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  




The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Feb 23, 2022,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Lifa laid trail from Rebel and Rye for a nice pack of two six packs. And we were soon off to the north and west and over the expressway . Then a quick Check on a side street. And when I got there, they were already heading north to another Check at Green Street. Now this one was weird. No one was finding anything. I followed Meet Insider Her north. Looking back I saw someone heading east rapidly. So I paralleled to Halsted and checked the far corner in case trail headed over the bridge. Nothing. On my return, I found a False on Green Street from that Check. Okay. Back at the Check there was almost no one. I followed Berts Special Friend and False Advertising south to that last Check and then just False Advertising heading west in an alley. There were marks. Well. WTF was that other Check all about. We're soon on to the west. Following west I fell behind and saw a turn north. I guessed that it was heading to a foot bridge over the expressway and short cut to where that comes out and there was False Advertising, Checking. And soon there was Lower Wackoff also. I checked south. Nothing. Finally in desperation we rechecked where False Advertising already happened to run, There was the true trail. Damn. So we run on and on and off we run into Stuffin Muffin also. At one point I get the lead and lead us south and then east in alleys and get passed as we go east and through a gangway. I'm now falling behind and head south but no one in sight. So as I work my way into the street to cross the street, some guy is suddenly following me. And following me. WTF. I finally get an opening in traffic and run on and finally loose him. Weird. But now I have also lost the trail. Heading east to check the Chicago Ave Bridge, I come up empty. So, Grand is next and heading south I see Stuffin Muffin running ahead. So I find trail again and then loose it again and I'm heading east again and a block south of Grand and back on trail. Walking at one point. Lower Wackoff finally catches me. Where the F*ck did he come from. And around the corner we are ON IN. And some how Stuffing Muffin is also behind us. No circle and soon half the pack went back to the bar while the rest of us hung out for a bit. Eventually we got cold and headed on to the bar and I got a ride from Double Meter Beater. He dropped me at the Belmont EL. Hey, DMB, that was a mistake on my part. Train stopped at Wilson for trouble in one of the cars. Fire Department was called. A block away. And we just sat there waiting. Even sucks when you catch your train. On Out
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Thu. Feb 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Lifa laid trail from the Senior Citizens Park and it was snowing hard enough to require a live trail and he waited, hoping no one would show up and he could go home. Not happening. Suddenly there was Furry Spice and eventually Dickinme Twofiddy. Damn. So he took off on a short trail of about 2 miles. Unfortunately he laid two many checks and the two hounds really struggled and actually made it a hash. Or so I heard or maybe heard. On Out
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Sat. Feb 26, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Castration Sensation came down from Milwaukee to lay this 10 mile plus hash from Chase Park. And three actually finished the trail. We had a pack of 7 hounds at the start. And trail headed to the west and under some tracks. heading north there was some confusion as to where the trail went. So I continued north to Lawrence and then west and found myself paralleling the course. A few blocks later the trail came to where I was and I was leading the back pack. We went north and around the high school at Damen and Foster. As I was running through the park I commented to Magnetic Muff that we will probably never see those front runners again and suddenly they were right in front of us. Regroup. Yea! The trail then headed back east and eventually back to the start for a quick beer stop. I took off right away and ended up running east on Lawrence and south a block and east to Broadway. Here SnatchSquatch, Lifa and Stiffy 4 Stiffies were catching up to me. Again back to Lawrence and further east. Here is where my ankle started to act up and I decided to call it before I got to far from the start. Smart move. Trail went all the way to the lake and a loop and then back to the start for the full 10 miles course. Somewhere along here, Back Door Bizzle also stopped and returned to the start. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin only planned to run about four and quit at the beer stop, I hung with them until I got cold and headed home. Back Door Bizzle hung through the circle until the pack headed over to Carols. On Out
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Sun. Feb 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash
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Dryrafoam hared from Horner Park for 15 hounds. Trail headed through the park and south to Irvng Park. From here the trail headed almost all the way to Western.  and the pack was out of sight. I plodded on. Finally heading north I managed to see Back Door Bizzle ahead. I caught up and we ran on to Montrose. Then it was straight east to Lincoln. At Lincoln the two of us headed straight north. That was getting enough for me. Back Door Bizzle ran on for awhile before quitting and short cutting back. Meanwhile I ran straight west and over the bridge, constantly hoping for a mark and finally after the bridge I crossed trail. And this was just south of the beer stop, but I don't think they were there yet. Florida Man told me he got 7.1 miles. Glad I quit when I did. The pack finally got in and Back Door Bizzle got the circle going. We had two virgins, and welcomed them to our insanity. And they did empty their cans properly. Welcome. And all through circle people kept asking about Homeless Granny Fucker. Did he get nostalgic crossing one of the bridges? Or just quit like myself and BDB? On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Feb 15, 2022. The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared out of Brands Park for a six pack of hounds. We headed north to a Check on Elston. And we were still together. Trail went west around a little park and some damn slippery sidewalk and over to Kedzie and south. There was a Check at Belmont that I never saw because Berts Special Friend was already coming north on the other side of the street and ON. So I head On and at the first turn I missed the next mark until Magnetic Muff came along and spotted a mark heading north in an alley. Back on we head over towards the expressway and sort of along it. And I'm falling behind. But I'm still following MM and at Sacramento there was a Check I missed. And suddenly MM is coming back towards me. WTF. Oh, check. I think this is where Lower Wackoff passed me as the trail then went east and south. Again, near the expressway. At one point there is a little loop through an empty lot and back to a north street. And suddenly False Advertising zips by me and heads off in the distance. Another check at Elston and we head east towards Rockwell. North on Rockwell and a little loop and we are heading east over the bridge on Belmont. Mid bridge and cross the street and to the river walk area and there is the pack at a beer stop. Okay. Oh. More trail. Now here is where SnatchSquatch pulls something I never saw before. Trail goes north along the path to the rowing shed. Here is a Check at the river. And no marks anywhere. Finally the pack somehow finds themselves heading back south and there is a changed mark at the beer stop, heading back south on the path to Belmont, over the river, and back north on the river path on the west bank, and another Beer stop. And where am I. Still working that Check. And then they are gone. So I figure it can only go north and I make my way to Addison and cross the bridge west. Only way left to try is go south on California and at Roscoe I head east to that River walk and there is the pack. Damn. FRB twice on one hash. We held circle there and all was good. Also on trail was Meat Inside Her. Way out of sight as usual. When we left I headed straight south to Belmont and damn, the CTA gets it right for once. I run to the bus stop and just catch a bus. On Out
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Thu. Feb 17, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Garmin hare from Senn Park and there was just myself and Brother Incisor. Finally Dickinme Twofiddy arrives and about 7;50 we take off. This was a live trail due to snowing and blowing snow. We headed straight east and the trail went into the front park area of Senn H. S, Here I lost the other two. Damn. But I finally find trail at the south east edge of the school area and I'm On in an alley. But all I see are one set of foot prints. The Hare? One of the other two hounds? I work my way on through some twisting and finally get to a Check at Broadway. And there are the other two, checking. We find trail across Broadway and heading south in an alley. This wound around to another check coming out of the alley at Broadway and just north of Bryn Mawr. I saw BI heading south and she looked On, so I followed and only two marks. I head back north and across Broadway and I think I spot DT heading south, Again I head south and nothing and neither of the other two, Returning I work my way north and west and finally find a Triple Split on Ridge. Now they are long gone so I'm on my own and the mark aren't swept. Through an alley and finally on streets and alleys heading west to just before Broadway. Here the trail got super simple. Straight north in an alley with a Split at every opportunity. I kept picking straight and was on. Finally I pick a left and I'm On to a Check at the Military Memorial at Clark and Ashland. I find this aright away and after a loop I didn't need because of not seeing the marks, I was on and again straight north for four blocks to Elmdale. A right turn and a block later it was heading past the little park. Next stop for the finish is the alley behind the hares place or Double Bubble as was mentioned before the hash. If they are outside, they are long gone. If they are inside, I can't get in. And I'm two short blocks home. And looking forward to over an hour of shoveling snow, I headed home while I was still warmed up and shoveled snow. On Out.  
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Sat. Feb 19, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared out of Edgebrook Woods for a no wimps hash. And it was. Mid to upper 20s, no wind, sunny. and virgin snow everywhere. I head out to the south with a goal of running through a golf course. Trail went towards the river and at the edge of the hill towards the wet lands, there was ice everywhere. Slippery? Hell yes. Solid? it was/wasn't. But I wasn't sure and avoided it at this point.
Trail went over the foot bridge and then through Lechowicz Woods. We hit another Check near the river  and in the picnic Area. They were still together and scattered. Meat Inside Her headed into the field and eventually found trail at about the fifth mark. They followed and Lower Wackoff finally came out of the woods running last. We went up a hill and left along the hill towards the tracks.
Again, ice or water ahead. The levels were high, so I avoided them while laying trail. Mistake as the ice was solid enough, most of the time. So I aimed for the bike path bridge over the tracks and a long back check to the top.
MIH caught that. As the returned, Berts Special Friend found the trail and they headed over the tracks. I was sweeping with Back Door Bizzle. Trail headed into the woods were I chased three deer. This heads to a ridge over more wetlands. While laying this, I couldn't resist. I had done that section both frozen and wet and the water is never very deep. a foot or so. So why not. This was slippery as all hell. I mean real slippery. Remember, about 28 degrees and bright sun. It looked dry and mostly was, but there was just a slim film of wet making it the slipperyest ice I ever crossed, Then half was across it starts cracking. Ooops. Huge sections were cracking here and there as I tried to walk on that slick ice. I finally got out and figured that would be great for the pack. And it was, As they arrived BDB held back with $20 Butt Slut. His excuse, The dog was light, You might crack the ice. MIH also walked the fringe area. But BSF ventured out about ten feet and tried as best as he could to walk to the end. And then we had LWO. He was following trail and suddenly he just upends and flat on his side on the ice. Now you can stand on the ice. You can walk on the ice. But you can only fall through the ice and he did. Fortuately the ice was thick enough and the water shallow enough that he only got slightly wet. From head to toe.
So we are now off the ice and over some hilly areas and along the river to the two sloughs, frozen and tempting. I remember holding circle on the first one, one year. Frozen solid. But we just had cracking ice and this would be a little deeper. I'm thinking a foot or two, maybe more. I'm not doing that alone. But a little further I venture off the path towards the area between the two sloughs. An area about fifty feet between them and slightly down hill, Well not that slight. I venture out and it cracks a little. The area looked like white water river that suddenly froze. I mean hilly and bowed in the middle. Well about two or three tentative steps out and crack and through the ice I go. About six inches to solid ground and it was dry. WTF. But it took another fifteen minutes or so to get out of there. Real slick and bowed in the middle so I'm on slippery ice trying to climb out on hands and knees, up hill, and then to a steep hill covered in snow. Okay, I make that. Then I go around the second slough to the river path again. Here is about fifty feet of slick ice about 6 feet wide on the normal path. It finally splits and one part goes towards the river. And two damn close and looking slippery and very shallow ice. So, I'm smarter then that. Yeah, sure. I drift to the right and climb over a log and suddenly I am two foot through the ice and I feel the water rushing up inside my pants legs. What happened was I stepped out onto the drainage ditch to the river. The water froze after a rain and then the water underneath slowly ran off. Well, most of it. Damn. No support for the ice and boom. Well, it was cold, but those plastic bags between two layers of socks helped and it really wasn't that cold. So I climbed out and then had to go back and put in a very large False for the pack. 
So finally the pack arrives at the sloughs. I dared them and challenged them to do it. and ,aom;u BSF and BDB and I got into that cracking ice and on our hands and knees trying to get the hell out of there. LW has some video of me, flat on my belly trying to do a breast stroke and move forward and the ice was so slick I couldn't move an inch.
And LW  is yelling out for the video, "Come on old man,. We have to get you back to the nursing home." And civilians are walking by on the nearby path wondering what they hell they are doing to that poor old man. I finally managed to get to a frozen stick and pull myself forward. Then it was crawling along a log and up hill and the damn pack just left me behind.
From here the pack ran by Forest Glen Picnic area and back down to wet lands. but time is moving forward after my ice encounters and I had to move on.
And the pack was moving with BSF and MIH leading as we crossed the Forest Glen bridge and into woods heading to the Golf Course. On the golf course the trail was fairly straight, but with soe checks and Splits and our leaders had trouble finding tehm and the last one was found by LW. We headed to the northwest corner of the golf course and a little gulley where the fence didn't go all the way to the ground. And once again I had the pack on their knees crawling under. Then they did one more loop in the woods and a final Check near the tracks. But it idn't go to the cars, but back to that fence and the B. I had already gotten the beer out and we held a fun circle out of the wind and in the sun. and all was good. Swing Low and On out.
This was the trail of the year, and it will take a lot to beat that ice. On Out

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Sun. Feb 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash, This was laid by Coming Right Meow and Homeless Granny Fucker out of her home. We had 20 hounds on trail. This was just the opposite of the Bushman trail from the day before, Just a big loop around the loop. Few tricks like a normal hash, but a nice run with the highlights being the River Walk area. I was On at the first Check but didn't go far enough so I ended up near the back of the pack as we ran north on Michigan. And yet, somehow the FRBs kept passing me by. We ran up towards the bean and then north towards the river and down to the river walk. Now I'm running with the sweep so I'm On the rest of the way. For sure. And a lot of marks did disappear with the melting snow. I ended up running with Zone 2 and Back Door Bizzle. The best part of this hash was the circle in her living room with Back Door Bizzle playing RA. And the circle went on for quite a long time. Haven't done that in a long time with cold outside circles. She also provided some grub for us. Then we hung out a long time, something that hasn't been done outside as we all finally get to damn cold. So thanks for that.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  





The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Feb 10, 2022 Dickinme Twofiddy laid a hash for the Thirstday Hash, from a park just south of North on Larrabee for 7 hounds. The trail headed west to the area of Strip Malls near North and Clybourn where the hare led us in tight circles, but mostly well marked, well, when we could find the marks. Hell, with all of the twisting back and forth even Horn-E was able to keep the pack in sight for a while. Then we went down along the river and the only one still in sight was Lifa. And he was pulling away. He left the river and followed the pack. I left the river and found an unswept Check at North Ave. Ooops. That area has so many options. I headed west and found a second mark, a Triple Split. I looked north and south and saw no one. So I tried over the bridge. Not. Back to the Split. I guessed north and was right. But over these abandoned track and snow, there didn't seem to be enough footprints. I finally emerged at the road and couldn't find a mark. Few foot prints, no mark along the tracks and not at the road, spells NOT. Actually it was and I heard from SnatchSquatch that Stiffy 4 Stiffies finally found a mark and the pack was On. Meanwhile I went in a huge loop trough the strip malls, checking both side of streets and all four corners. NADA. Also directly north from that Check. Finally heading east on north I found a mark going south. But only one. Damn. Time is now moving on, so I headed to a mark I saw before the start. Headed north, back trail, to the BN Check. But did they already go by or where they yet to arrive. I turned back and was soon passed by Garmin. And just before a hole in a fence into the park, the rest of the pack started to arrive. So we all did sort of finish together. We circled and punished the hare. Who else was there. Dryrafoam and Furry Spice. I finally started to get cold and headed On Out.
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Sun, Feb 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. A starting location was finally set and then reset on Sat for the Pony Inn. I assumed that meant Pony Pounder was the new GM and he was setting trail with Silent But Deadly. Right. So they finally came out of the RESTRICTED bar and we could get started. I counted 14 hounds. We took off with some running trail and some running to a shag wagon. When we got to the first Check at a massive six corner intersection, some were scattered about, in all directions and more to come. I opted to the south and east and then back to the south. I was on following Dickinme Twofiddy and Lower Wackoff and whoever might be ahead and out of sight. I finally settled in with Lower Wackoff and we found a little on our own and were finally caught be Garmin leading three virgins and North Bangher Alley. They flew by us. We were joined by Back Door Bizzel and the three of us became a DFL pack as we followed Lower Wackoff over mostly swept marks. We finally headed west on Diversey towards Damen and a street before that we headed north. Then over to this park on Damen and a beer check and a circle. By now I was following them and the definite DFL. Circle started with False Advertising playing RA. The hares were called out often with Pony Pounder drinking and Silent But Deadly remaining silent on her fairwell GM Hash. I got called out and had to find a stunt liver because my drink was back in the shag wagon 3/4th of a mile away. Damn. The three virgins were called out, but I never heard their names, because I'm half deaf, and after circle we headed back to the RESTRICTED bar. But these were more virgins brought out by Dickinme Twofiddy. Well done. And his Harriet virgin wasn't drinking so he had to be her stunt liver. But it was a short circle and I'm, On Out              .
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

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The Tale of the Trail
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Missed last week because AOL/YAHOO blocked me and wouldn't even respond and tell me wha was wrong. Turne out they are bitching about SPAM again. So I will have to do another purge of the list and cut back on who wants these messages and thox=se that movednon or let them messages fall into Spam. Everyone who want on is always welcome. Everyone will get three messages to reply or be dropped. Meanwhile, enjoy this weeks tales.
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Tue, Feb 1, 2022 Cockholm Syndrome laid a 4X2H4 hash from Columbus and Monroe for four hounds. Rain turning to snow was expected. It didn't happen and we had a nice and interesting hash. Some new stuff. We started out with a Check and naturally I was off in the wrong direction, south towards Buckingham fountain. Trail went north along the lake. By the time I got across the Lake Shore Drive, they were long gone. Trail headed up towards the river and eventually under a bridge and Lake Shore Drive into this park. Uphill to Upper Randolph and then down stairs towards the lowest level. I plunge on with no hope of seeing anyone again and suddenly as I'm heading north on Lower Columbus, I see Lower Wackoff. and a short time later a call from LIfa and Sharti B. Well, it is back towards the little park and then up a lot of stairs. No wonder the hare didn't want to sweep. Here the trail headed through some doors and we were now in the tunnel system between buildings. We were to follow post it notes on various doors. Yeah, when they were there. But we did regroup as we struggled trying to find our way from one building to another. We finally lost Lifa, or he lost us as he found trail the way it was laid. The other three got lost and just found our way out of those tunnels and such. We headed south and at Randolph we again found trail that took us along the east side on Millennium Park and eventually ON IN. And we hung around for a few beers and ON Home. On Out

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Wed, Feb 2, 2022, Horn-E laid a First Crack of the Moon Hash from Warren Park for two brave hounds. That snow we expected last night finally arrived over night. A good hour or more of shoveling heavy snow. Then wait to see what it would be like at 5:00 for laying trail. Snow stopped and mainly just some blowing snow. Walked over 1.5 miles to the start so I could walk 3 miles to lay trail and run 3 miles sweeping trail and another 1.5 miles on home. The paths in the park were sort of shoveled with that blowing snow. I laid marks and hoped. It was a good thing I swept the trail because in the park the marks were mostly covered. But trail went north through streets and alleys. Damn, but most people actually shoveled and edge to edge and some on the corners went right into the street. Of course there were the assholes who never shovel. So the hounds, Garmin and Lower Wackoff struggled at times and other time it was smooth sailing. The goal was Indian Boundry Park and a loop through there. Some how Lower Wackoff emerged in front as trail headed south and they left me behind. But the marks were mostly damn good. bright red on white snow and under street lights. They ran on and finally returned to Warren Park were the end of the trail was straight across a field of mostly virgin snow and my foot prints. About 6 to 8 inches deep. When I got to the Beer Stop, the hounds were drinking Modelo and Tecate and Lower Wackoff was declared FRB for finding the beer. Once we stopped we started to get cold pretty fast and about five beers between them and we were gone. Damn long walk home. And then another hour of shoveling. WTF.  On Out              .
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Thu. Feb 3, 2022,  The Thirstday Hash was set by Gay Dancer from his apartment on Magnolia for four hounds and one late comer that struggled but only got through a block and a half of trail in about 45 minutes. Yeah, that late comer was me. The El said the trail was coming in five minutes. Fifteen minutes later it arrived. So I got off at 7:32 and ran to the hares place. They had just finished circle and were gone. True trail was marked straight north. As I left the alley, white snow everywhere and no mark. WTF. Two directions and two sides of the street. So it must be straight down the alley. Not. Return and still find nothing. Check the corners a half block away in both directions. Nothing. So back north in the alley to Lawrence. Nothing. Around the block and sweeping wide on Broadway, I return and still nothing. I try one more time to the west and finally see across the street a turn mark in a snow bank and melting in. WTF. I return to find out what the hell I missed. At the original alley, right next to a post in dirty ice and snow was the remnants of a mark in the shadows. So I know it was there. Move on. North on Magnolia and never found another mark, all the way to Lawrence and around the corner. Returned and nothin. So I head back to chalk talk area and head south looking for a possible On Back trail I can follow backwards. Yeah. And this I followed without to much trouble to Wilson and Broadway and the pack was already returning. At that point it wasn't worth going on and it seemed silly to follow them on in and not even be able to drink beer. So I headed home. Don't know what the trail was like, but was told marks were iffy all along. On Out.
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Sun. Feb 6, 2022. The Chicago Hash, the last anal winter snow hash, and we actually had snow this year. Set by Reverend Shut the Fuck Up and Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Lifa from her home on University, for an uncounted number but about 12 runners and about 5 or 7 walkers. We headed north and worked our way towards the Midway Plaisance. I was following and the last person I saw was Stuffin Muffin. I thought I saw hounds heading towards the lake, but I was wrong. Returning to the street were the trail actually was I found a Split. This time it looked like it was marked east and I went a long way east. Nothing. Around the block and nothing. Well. I finally did find it to the west and was On to a Check at the Midway Plaisance. It was swept with an arrow pointing across the street and a little west. And there was a path. I followed the path and found a chalk arrow pointing a little east of straight north, into virgin snow and no footprints. WTF. I cross all the way to the Campus and run in circles back and forth and can't find trail. So, one last desperate attempt. a wide loop to the west and then clockwise. And I finally found a mark coming out of snow with only one set of footprints. WTF. I follow this a block west and into Washington Park. A nice loop of beaten down snow from the pack, around a fence and onto the lagoon and the island. Then around another fence into the lagoon and pretty straight out of the park to the south. Fun stuff. Would have been great with the pack. From here it was mostly marked and back and forth on streets heading towards the finish. Not all marks were swept and I still made a few bad decisions before finally coming to the last Check by the cemetery on 67th St. Marked east. And it went east to University and east and east and east and WTF. Finally at the tracks was the B and of course the pack was long gone. I got back in  mid circle and it was a good circle by Cockholm Syndrome. After that there were brats and foot long hot dogs for some good belly fill and I was finally offered a ride home by Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Thanks loads. On Out

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Feb 2, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail from the Twisted Spoke at Grand and Ogden for the 8th Anniversary Hash. And then they decided to do what shouldn't have been done, do what was done on the first Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Blue flour in the dark and snow. Unfortunately it all to often looked like dirty snow and was hard to make out. We came to a quick Split and trail crossed Ogden and went south to Grand and then west. And Horn-E is doing what he does best, fall behind the pack. They crossed Grand heading south and then back east in an alley and I caught up for a brief moment. At Ogden, trail headed south and under the tracks. I was on following them, but the leaders were gone. I saw a blue mark. So far so good. Two blocks later I still hadn't seen another mark and for once I had a flashlight. WTF. I returned and finally found another mark, So I turned south again. Still nothing. I'm totally behind the pack and no hope of ever catching them so I tried to use my brain. Brains never find Hares or Whiskey Stops. But I tried. Ranged East to the bridge and nothing. So I ranged south on Ogden thinking a Whiskeyr stop at the usual frigid corner. Nothing. Searched that whole area and back across the expressway and other known Whiskey Stops. Nothing. I head for the start and hope that they might have written on the side walk where the Whiskey Stop was. And just as I was arriving, the hares drove up, after the Whiskey Stop. I had fun running around, but it was time to go home due to the frigid weather and our FU mayor's discriminating dictates about drinking inside. Come on Bus.
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Thu. Jan 27, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her, again trying to hare. This time from the CTA Station at North and Clybourn.
We took off to the south and immediately couldn't find trail. So Horn-E is doing what he does best. Searching for trail in the wrong direction. And the pack was off to the east. I did manage to catch them coming out of a dead end street. And apparently that was the theme of the day, Back Checks and little loops back and forth through malls and such and finally working its way to the south, We headed into this big field full of snow and I'm falling behind as usual. At Division there was a Check. I didn't know that, but I did see SnatchSquatch heading west over the bridge yelling On. He wasn't. As I got to the street and sidewalk I saw a shopping cart. Great place to hang my clothes as I tried to take off two sweat shirts. I was sweating and over dressed. Meanwhile the pack is returning on the other side of the street. It was only two arrows off of a Check. Remember, that one I didn't know we were at. SnatchSquatch did see me and yelled out to me. "Hay, you homeless POS, we're on and heading east." He knows I can't hear. And
I didn't see them until the Beer Stop. I crossed the bridge and couldn't find out where they went. So I assumed Goose Island and headed north. Naturally, no marks. At North I headed back to the start and the hares marked where the Beer Stop was. North two blocks on Clybourn. And just as I got there, Dickinme Twofiddy arrived, the FRB. And within minutes SnatchSquatch came in DFL. That is why he yelled for me. So I would be DFL. We held circle there and all was good and some went to Goose Island and some went home.
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Sun. Jan 30, 2022, The Chicago Hash, SnatchSquatch hared an A to B trail from Ronan Park at 2900 W. Lawrence. Fifteen hounds on this trail. All those people that are afraid of the dark bothered to come out. We were on big Orange flour marks. Just Checks and lines. We headed east over the bridge and a Check. Naturally with park to the north we would head north and the pack quickly left me behind. Ran two blocks north and through some park and the last I saw were some hounds heading west over the bridge. I followed and saw a mark heading into the athletic fields to the north. But I saw some hounds to the east and followed them. They weren't on. They got to Kedzie and headed north. I caught up at Foster. It was Po Po Pick Up Game, Construction Junction, and Brother Incisor. The four of us became the DFLs. We headed west and they crossed the street and joined me and we entered into North Park Campus where the hare wound us all over before finally leaving the campus on Kimball. We then headed west and over the foot bridge. A long block later we did a little loop and the trail then headed into a long alley back north. Construction Junction was way ahead and did this long loop in time for the other two to see her and follow. I didn't and now I am in this long loop. So I run to Lawrence and see a mark heading east on Lawrence. Last mark I saw. I worked my way to the B and came in right behind the others and we were celebrated as the DFLs. The garage door was shut and we circled within. All was good.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Jan 15, 2022, The Bushman Hash #200. Horn-E laid trail from the bus shelter SW corner of Cumberland and Irving Park, sometimes called Horn-E woods. Well, I have laid a bunch of trail from there. We had a nice turnout of 10 hounds for our anniversary. Lifa had beer for me to set out at the B. So after a quick chalk talk they were off in cold and a lot of virgin show. And the trail led to the tunnel under Irving Park and no one took it. All right, SnatchSquatch would have had to crawl, but it was solid ice so no problem. Just Do Me Slowly could walk through upright and pulled him through on his back. Trail went through the creek bed following coyote tracks and then into the high grasses. The pack blew right through that and finally came to a Check at the Southeast corner of the Forest Preserve. Here the attempt was to go through the golf course, but the holes in the fences were all repaired. Dam government. So trail went west on a wide path to a point where it was easy to get into some serious woods running. Then a few paths and back to the creek bed near where it enters the river. And the pack was mostly together. And I was trying to sweep and missed it. After I laid the beer stop I ran to that wooded section and they were already through there. Shit happens. So anyhow the pack headed to a picnic grove near Irving Park and the river. A big field and a Check. And there is a hidden path in the Southeast corner of the field and they couldn't find it for the longest time. Well, at least some couldn't as a few managed to find it and not pass on the word to the rest of the pack. Chicken Stifer first. then SnatchSquatch, Berts Special Friend, and On and through some nasty shiggy before coming out to trails on in. Finally the back of the pack came on into the circle. Meat Inside Her, False Advertising, Zone 2, Lifa, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly and Back Door Bizzle. Then most of us headed over to Draft for a warm up beer or two.

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Sun. Jan 16, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Just Carlos and Garmin hared from Bar On Buena and we had 21 hounds. What the hell happened. Did we just get a warn spell. No, it was cold. So we took off and the pack was soon gone and I was in back with Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Coming Right Meow, Zone 2 and Back Door Bizzle. And the virgin hare sweeping and making sure we didn't get lost. Good Job J. Carlos. So we went on a counterclockwise loop around Uptown and finally into Lincoln Park. We actually had glimpses of the front pack, but there was no way we would catch them. But eventually we almost caught them near Montrose Harbor, almost. And we could again see then run away from us and back under Lake Shore Drive and to the Beer Stop. Back Door Bizzle led the circle, a short one and then we named J. Carlos. And he will forever more be know as Homeless Granny Fucker.
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Mon. Jan 17, 2022,  The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lifa hared from Independence Park and from the map, it was a decent trail. To bad I missed it. Well, I started out on the trail and followed Berts Special Friend and then Stuffin Muffin as we headed west along the Expressway and the little path to Pulaski. There the trail went south under the Expressway and a Split. Stuffin Muffin went west so I went east. And I was ON, but didn't see the mark. I returned to the Split as everyone else arrived there. So we returned to where I was and Magnetic Muff saw the mark just passed where I turned around. All right, we are heading in a counter clockwise loop. Ooops, damn hare. He looped us back to Pulaski and a Check. I followed Stuffin Muffin south still thinking CCW. Nothing. So he returned to the pack and I looped around trying to intersect the trail. Damn. I crossed the trail but never saw it. Damn I'm getting old. So I ended up ranging north, checking all four corners, block after block to Montrose. Heading east now I finally found the trail coming out of an alley and a Split. Meanwhile the pack was to the west and north having fun with back checks and falses and such and running together. Damn. So from here it was a short distance to the B in a parking lot behind Tony's market. But it still took me a long time as I guessed every Split and Check wrong. And still I came in ahead of everyone by at least ten minutes. And they all came in one at a time. Then we headed back to the start for circle. Quick and cold and then we Split. I walked to the corner and there was my warm bus and all was good.
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Thu. Jan 20, 2022. The Thirstday Hash. Escort Required and Just Juice from Copenhagen and Gay Dancer were haring from Clark and North. I wanted to get there early enough to talk with my old friend Escort Required, but shit happens. I checked the CTA web site for directions. Actually the time to leave home. I dialed in Clark and North and Google just doesn't have any idea of what Chicago is. They were sending me to North Clark. North Clark goes from Madison to Evanston. But they picked Addison and gave me the time for that. I didn't notice the error and so I arrived at the start at 7:40. Circle was over and the pack was gone. I found a Check and was off looking for them. A very short time later I was at another Check just north of the start and La Salle Drive in the park. I struggled with this one going north, but not far enough, circling back I checked west and north west and finally heard what sounded like an On On call. To the north, somewhere. So I returned to that original direction and looked further and found trail. Good I'm ON and if I did hear an On call I might not be that far behind. Actually as I'm heading around the east end of the lagoon, the pack was already finishing at another path in that area and just to the south of the lagoon and nearer to the Farm in the Zoo from where I was. So, where did the trail go. Around the lagoon and a Check that I found right away. Then straight over to Clark and a Split and quick Check. Well I worked the Split and then the Check and finally found trail heading straight south on Clark, I did hit a Split that was swept. Wrong. Two blocks later and nothing I returned to the Split and went the other way and was soon on and right to the Beer Stop. I saw a light and headed there and saw three hashers walking away. One hare, Gay Dancer and Garmin and I'm not sure who else. Damn masks are not needed in the open air of a park. But I did meet Just Juice and Escort Required and found out that they just finished circle. Apparently Grateful Dick was also there at the start and never made the beer stop. And no one seemed to care. The whole trail couldn't have been much more then a mile. And no one was staying in the park. Cold, but no wind and pretty nice. But they were off to a bar where discrimination reins and I was not allowed in because I care for my health and won't take experimental dangerous shots that don't really work. So I headed to a bus and was home before 9:30. That never happens. WTF.  At least it might have been worth it if there was a decent length of trail.

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Sun. Jan 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dryrafoam Laid trail from Eugene Park. Another trail that got fucked up. But Dryrafoam at least tried to lay a decent trail. Fresh snow and people plowing and marks getting covered over were all a problem. That and apparently an on out trail and Check right across the street from and on back trail. At least I think that is what happened. Anyway a nice pack of a dozen hounds took off to the west and Foster. Somehow at the first corner we headed south and after a long block, we all walked back. A messed up mark. So we thought it was a Check and some went straight west and found the Check at south west corner of Pulaski. Lower Wackoff and myself crossed Foster and did a short little loop path we knew about. Nothing. At Pulaski the rest of the pack was checking. We saw a mark on the North east corner, but we just came from the east so that couldn't have been it. It was the return trail along Foster and we didn't go that way. We checked north and finally I went into the strip mall parking lot and I checked the far corner. Apparently if I went around the back I might have found the trail to a small section of housing north of the forest preserve, At least I was told that is where the trail went. Meanwhile the pack finally found marks heading east on Foster. The on back trail that Lower Wackoff and I missed. When I returned to the Check, I thought I saw Lower Wackoff heading that way and went over there, But by the time I got there he was gone and so I returned to the Check. From here I ranged to the south and finally heading east I intended to return to the start and find the trail and run it backwards. And as I heading east I suddenly saw three hounds heading west on an area I just checked and there were no marks. Well I followed then thinking they were on something. They lost me and I wandered on in to the start and there was the whole pack almost. WTF. Finally All Bush No Balls came in DFL. I think she might have actually found trail at that Check and was finally coming in. the only one who actually ran most of the trail. Back Door Bizzle ran a circle and then offered me a ride home. Bye bye. Two too short trail in a row.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
Tue Jan 4, 2022. The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin laid trail from the little park on the NE Corner of Michigan and Oak. We had 6 hounds and took off to the south along the beach. Over ran a turn through the first tunnel and found a Check at Division and Lakeshore Dr. The 4 FRBs were gone down an alley to the west, Lifa, Sharti B, Cockholm Syndrome and Furry Spice. All I saw after that was Lifa for a few blocks heading west on Division. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff fell behind at that check and wasn't seen until the beer stop. That leaves me, Horn-E. I struggled seeing some marks and other areas were really marked well. West to Orleans and then south. That was a check were I was naturally off the wrong way. Then trail worked its way east and to a Check at Bug House Square. Naturally I went around the block the wrong way. But finally got back on and worked myself south and east to Michigan. Another Check but I was on this one and went south for several blocks before heading east and then north to the Park at Chicago Ave. I got in just before Lower Wackoff who finally lost the trail and had to call it. Quick circle and we were off.
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Wed. Jan 5, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lower Wackoff hared his 25th anniversary winter moon hash from the Forest Glen Forest Preserve. At the start there were only 4 of us and we took off into the woods on a frigid night. Orange marks on trees and red marks in snow. Lifa and Garmin were sone gone and I was alone looking for any sign of a mark. Finally the hare, sweeping, and Just Do Me Slowly came along and we struggled along the trail heading northwest along the river through trail and off trail. Finally started to see some of the marks and visualize to what I was looking for. At the Tracks we headed north on the track, diving for cover as Amtrack blew on through and eventually came off the tracks at Edgebrook Woods. Check. The hare had to point it out. And there didn't look like any other foot prints around. Where were the rest. Did Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her ever show up. Where they coming behind us. The hare pointed out the trail and we headed to the foot bridge and then through a parking lot and into a big field. There I was left alone while the Hare and JDMS went for pizza. Yeah. Really. Ok, it was takeout for the circle. I was sent off on a big loop that would get me through some city streets. Missed most of that and found the two blocks before the trail went back into the woods. From here it went under the foot bridge over the tracks and then along the tracks. Suddenly I heard, On In and there was the pack and the late comers, in a deep depression out of the wind, drinking beer and hot chocolate. A few minutes later the hare arrived with Pizza and we had a short circle enjoying what we could in the single digit cold. No wussies here.
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Thu. Jan 6, 2022. The Thirstday Hash.
SnatchSquatch laid trail from Wang Park for the few and hardy no wimps hashers. And another frigid night of single digits. Mommys Coming was soon long gone, although I did spot him once more returning from a Split. I was behind All Bush No Balls. Garmin ws also long gone. So I'm on my own again. Trail was heading south and towards Clybourn and some malls. A check there and I finally lost trail. but I wandered the parking lot and worked my way past Costco to Clybourn and Diversey. A Check. Hey, I hadn't found the last one yet. Well I looped the intersection Counterclockwise before finding were the pack came to that Check. Start over. And damn, the trail out was were I should have come in and now I knew where the trail should go. So I short cut to the river and there is the trail. Along the river and then working its way north and by a big park. Damn, they aren't there. So I find trail east and finally figure out were they were heading and I'm in in time to end the circle and withing 10 minutes we were gone.
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Sat. Jan 8, 2022,  The Big Dog Hash. The Eight Beer Stop Hash. On Friday night I got an email that my co hare couldn't make it. I could have made a call or two and maybe found a co-hare. This is a hard hash to set alone. You have to carry a case and a half of beer with you as you set trail. But I had an "Here, hold my beer" moment and decided I would try to do it myself. Like I got hit by a stupid stick. I wanted to be in the woods by 10AM. It was 11:30. Over two hours by bus hauling all of the shit I needed. I weighed myself when I woke up. 153.2. I left home weighing 216.6 with winter gear and supplies and beer. I formed a plan and took off. After walking fom the El to the woods, I knew it was time to change plans. Laying the trail backwards. Get rid of the heaviest beer stop loads first. Gone was 8 beers. A short time later, gone was 7 beers. Re adjust my loads and leave one bag behind. Now there was no way I would finish trail in time to get back to the start going backwards. So I headed to the start to set the rest of the trail forward. Into the woods and a slightly different direction then normal. And right there, at the very start, I found out that Lower Wackorr tripped over a log covered in snow and face planted on another log. Ouch. Are you okay??? For safety sake, after the hash he was driven home. I digress.  and with all that white snow, I lost track of where I was and direction. And I ran a back check into a loop and back on myself. WTF. I finally eliminated that and they never found it. Good. But where the f8ck was I. Compass.  Found south and after a few more f*ck ups I finally came to the stream. Frozen solid. With all the delays and shit, I figured I could lay Beer Stop #1 here, so the lead hound could stand there drinking beer and watch everyone else try to stand without falling. Here is where SnatchSquatch and Chicken Ctiffer ranged. It was a Check, and found marks at the nearby path. Damn, they could have snared me. But the rest of the pack ran on. Beer Stop #2 was in this lean two built with logs in the deep woods. Yogi's home. And B.S, #3 was in a hollow log. So the pack is following those two other hounds on paths and a long run on icy paths and lots of Splits and another two Checks. These first two S and CS found B. S. #4 but couldn't find the damn beer. This was just as the trail hit the wet lands and a long stretch of slippery ice, over one hundred yards. Most of the pack ran past them and at the other end of the ice, they found #5. All is good and I'm still ahead. From here it was across a bridge and into the woods again, along the stream bed and into a patch of reeds that were about fifteen feet high. And right in the middle was B. S, #6. After here I went to check on previous trail to see if anyone was out there. False Advertising saw me, but I didn't see were they had hit those arrows I laid in a path after B. S. #1. So appaarently I was safely ahead of the pack. I walked on and finally brought traiil back to B. S. #7. Got out my other bag and more warm clothes and headed back looking for the pack. and just as I was heading out, I saw the pack heading for B. S. #7. Joined them and all wss good. We held circle at thel local shelter. After the circle a brief Swing Low, several of us including, Mommys Coming, SnatchSquatch, Cockholm Symdrone and Back Door Bizzle headed over to the Cabana Club for the ON ON ON. Also on trail was Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her and Zone 2. And all smiles around  x
Sun. Jan 9, 2022. The Chicago Hash, Supposedly a trail, but they were unjustifiably discriminating against others for their private medical decisions. So totally unhashlike. I don't support discrimination and won't at any other hashes. If you can't invite all, don't invite any and let someone else do it. But don't take away our regular hashes. We hashed all last winter without this discrimination. Sorry for the rant, but I needed a good run after Sat.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  













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The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Dec 18. 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Edgebrook Woods. Small pack but ready to go. We headed straight towards the river with me in pursuit sweeping and watching the trail develop. Chicken Stiffer was already ranging to the right of trail and was lucky as the trail got to the river and went that way. Stuffin Muffin was soon right after him on true trail. Over Central and into deep woods, SM soon caught up to CS, probably catching a short cut or two. I tried to catch up and still keep the back of the pack in sight. Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff soon passed me. There was a back Check and suddenly LIfa, Back Door Bizzle and Just Do Me slowly came from the road, short cutting and the pack was whole again. Trail finally crossed some water and up to the golf course and a Check. Lifa was off through the golf course. MM and CS were wandering around in the near golf course. Everyone else was off towards the Club House, the wrong direction. Finally it was decided that the trail went west and CS took the lead and over the bridge. Lifa, I think, wandered on to this other bridge and came back towards trail. The rest of the pack followed true trail. Over the bridge we entered some more woods and CS emerged first to another Check. He went NW on two marks and then down hill. And the rest also went down hill towards a False. A long False, that Lifa found coining from the other direction. Back at the Check, Lifa finally found the Check and it went to where CS was checking. Around a green and then down hill into the woods again and to the next fairway. Never saw CS again and from where I was. I could see where the trail left the area and over a road. Bye. Meanwhile Lifa found trail over a hill and towards another green and back down hill towards the river. And here the rest of the pack gathered and found the hole in the fence. And a Check. Here is where I found out I was running out of time and the trail went pretty much straight back in the woods, just north of Caldwell until near the end of the woods. Across Caldwell and what narrow band of woods the hare could find. Good circle back in the shelter and all was good. 
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Sun Dec 26, 2021. The Chicago Hash, Back Door Bizzle laid a trail from along the tracks behind his house just south of Montrose. About 10 or 12 on trail. I lost my list. We headed south along the tracks with two checks before we got to Wrigley Field. And for once we didn't run around it. Yea! But a quick Circle Jerk and heading west on Waveland. I'm now falling behind with Just Do Me Slowly and a visitor,  Touch Me ???. We struggled along here and there and managed to stay on trail which eventually circled back towards the lakefront and the entrance under Lake Shore Drive south of Addison. By now I'm ahead and following trail along the lagoon. Somehow near the Totem Pole, they saw a Check and found trail marked to the north and east of the tennis courts. I went on true trail to the west of the tennis courts, around the club house and back to the main trail. I'm now behind them, but still looking back for them. WTF. I finally hit the Beer Stop in that little park, lower lever, about 4200 North and the pack is gone. I finally caught up to the hare and a few walkers and we walked on back to the finish. Interesting circle, The hare ran it himself and then doled out gifts to almost everyone. Cleaning out his house of misc, crap. But fun, as long as you didn't get a T-Shirt.
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Dec 29, 2021, Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Son Of Spam laid this maze and it truly was. Thanks to the CTA, I arrived late and got off the bus and saw a mark. Hoping to still catch the hare and a shag wagon I ran backwards on trail and finally ran into Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome. Hare's gone and the pack is ON. So I follow, carrying my back pack, and the hare really jerked the pack around at 22nd and Halsted. Behind a factory and a False. Back out and south and west and a real well laid Circle Jerk straight back to Halsted and an arrow in the shadows. We finally are heading west on 22nd and I'm falling behind the first two and False Advertising. Llast I saw them is when they went north from there. Lower Wackoff caught up around here and the two of us fought that damn trail with more damn Splits then single marks. Add in a few checks and you get it. And the two slowest hounds in Chicago struggling along. But we stayed sort of together. Really struggled on a six corner intersection. I circles the entire area and not one mark. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff headed in the opposite direction looking for marks. Finally returned to the check and saw this little alley. You bet. I'm on. I go back to the corner and look for Lower Wackoff. Five minutes later and he finally emerges to the south west yelling ON. But the On I found was to the south east. My trail went to what he found. But one mark later and again we can't find marks. Bastard hare. But we aren't quiting. A few more mis directions and through the Mexican Paizza or monument circle. But it is never easy with Checks and Splits as trail starts heading east. Damn Hare. I'm in front, Lower wackoff is in front. trail is here, no, somewhere else. but we push on and finally we come to this little park near the hares abode. And there is the pack, circling around a camp gas heater that really worked. The hare and Cockholm Syndrome and two groupies. the other hounds already left. But the hare is suddenly putting something on the heater wrapped in foil. Bingo, steamed hot dogs. Needed that. And we held a short circle. Thanks hare. I'll get you next time with a nasty trail. 
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Jan 1, 2022, the Chicago Hash, the Justs Hash. Hares were Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire & Just Dan from Vintage Bar with 12 hounds. Trail went generally south west and eventually towards that same little park were we were on Whiskey Wednesday. A fast moving pack that almost lost Back Door Bizzle, Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff. Actually I didn't see the last two until the finish. But I don't do shots so I left that first shot stop early and two blocks later and I can't find the mark. Trouble throughout the course. Big marks in chalk, but not always were you might look for them. Small marks with red powder, but often barely visible. But trail went on and covering a lot of the area from last Wednesday's hash. Finally worked its way north along Ashland and then side streets to a little hill in a big field. Shot stop. As soon as I arrived they pointed the way out and we're off again. North to the famous missing Columbus statue that the Mayor was going to return, before she isn't going to return it. Again with that gas heater. Really nice when your hands finally start freezing. After circle Cockholm Syndrome led a naming for Just Dan and we really had some funny stories before we finally settled on Just For Men. One virgin. Welcome Just Rob. Now sign him up for next years Just Justs hash.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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Wed Oct. 27, 2021. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard at 1637 W. Glenlake. We had six hounds on trail, back to the usual suspects. And they were soon off to the north and past the first building with some nice Halloween directions. Actually the trail went past all the hare could find. After a block the trail headed east and a Check a block past Clark. And naturally the hare succeed in catching the pack, or so I heard. Trail then went mostly south to SennH. S. Athletic fields and then another Check. Caught them again. From here the trail wandered over to the wimitary Memorial at Clark and Ashland. Again the hare caught the pack. And then they bitched about the hares marks. Damn hare. Rat Bastard. From here it was a loop back towards the small stretch of shiggy off of Peterson for perhaps the last time ever drink stop. Or so the pack thought. Not. Shortly after was a Whiskey Very Near and back to the back yard. Plenty of whiskey and beer was served and a short circle held and eventually everyone filtered off amd a short Swing Low was sung. FRBs Lifa and Garmin, then Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and Stuffin Muffin and finally Castration Sensation. Like I sid, the usual suspects. x
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 



The Tale of the Trail
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Sat, Oct 16, 2021, Bushman Hash was set by Horn-E from Cumberland and Irving Park. And four hounds showed up on a beautiful day for running in the woods. The pack took off to the south and into prairie with tall prairie grasses. From here is was along a wide path to a downed tree blocking the path. The pack spent a good five minutes here trying to resolve a Check. That took them into some think woods were running is almost impossible but a lot of ducking under branches. It finally came out in a section of forest that is sort of wide open. Trail went to the right, north and eventually to a path. The hare thought he'd get smart here and hold a long back check down the path. But Back Door Bizzle climbed over this log and saw the return arrow from the back check. Screw the hare. and they were on again winding around in this forest were running is easy. Well, if you don't trip on a hidden branch or whatever. This finally came out at another path and a Check. Two Falses one on each direction of the path. Got the pack good. The middle was the way out, back into woods and finally to a four way Split. Again the hare thought he was smart. One of the middle arrows was the correct trail across the small stream and to another path. Lifa did go this way, but missed the next arrow, across a stream and to a path. The hare thought he was smart with a big loop to the left on that path and eventually back to that path on the right. But Lifa found trail to the right. So trail went on to the hill and the usual Check on top. False Advertising was bitching about that before he even got there. From there it was across the little stream again and along a wide path, until it wasn't and almost up to where that first Check was. At least that part worked. Then along the little stream and through those original grasslands and there was the hare arriving in this little clearing with beer and some good Polish Sausages from the local hot dog place. After False Advertising there was Lifa and Castration Sensation. We ate and drank beer and finally started circle before Back Door Bizzle finally arrived and we had a full circle. All was good.
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Thu Oct 17, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Gay Dancer and Just Melinda hared from the Bar On Buena for 13 hounds. Trail started with a Split and I headed south followed by Shartiste who soon passed me. He ran by an arrow and didn't call out, but eventually I got there and called and the pack followed. At the next corner there was a Triple Split and I was on to the left/east. At the next corner I was finally caught and passed by Just Jordan and it was a T and E Split. He went T and I followed past this school and up to Lake Shore Drive. Trail went north and another Split. Well, the tunnel was right there under the Lake Shore Drive and I followed Just Jordan. Pretty soon the rest of those on the Turkey trail passed me and we ran on past Irving Park and towards the south end to the golf course entrance. I guessed right on the trail then going north along the lake and another long straight path. The Eagle trail went all the way to the Belmont Harbor entrance. So they had twice as long of a straight path north as I had. I Eat Dick eventually passed me from running the Eagle trail. Trail went over the hill and at the top was a Check. I thought I saw I Eat Dick running west on the path at the other side so I ran that way. Wrong. But I ran into Just Plinney and Dick Me Two Fiddy. They couldn't find anything and were back tracking. I decided to range a little further and through the tunnel I found marks. I think I was ahead of the pack here as I ran through a parking lot and and over to the bike path. Seeing no marks, I headed north to Lawrence and found nothing, So I ranged west and worked my way over to Sheridan and south and suddenly there is the pack from the Turkey Trail. I followed and it was pretty straight forward to the beer stop under the El tracks by the cemetary. And about five minutes later the rest of the Eagles cam on in.  We did have two new hashers, a virgin Just Lisa and a one timer Just Alex. Welcome.
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Tue Oct 19, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Ice Princess hared from O'Neils with a helping hand from Brother Incisor. I was soon behind and followed west on Wells. I was with Berts Special Friend and Grateful Dick and Stuffin Muffin. We crossed to the south and ran on to a Check and runners were disappearing ahead. The next Check came quickly on Harrison and I saw Castration Sensation  heading south. My first choice. So I went east to the next street and then south. Nothing and no one. I circled back and only found one mark. Went north and found nothing. East, and not far enough as that was the trail. So, I was sure it had to go south and ran on trying to intercept the pack by the tunnel at Roosevelt. Hey, dummy. Yeah, you Horn-E. Trail was no where near there. So I circled over to Michigan and started north hoping to eventually catch trail. I did. Harrison. Got it now Dummy. So I couldn't find the trail into the park and went back to Michigan and north and again caught trail just before the Art Museum. This turned east in front of the Museum and I again lost trail heading west on Adams. So again I tried to go straight and eventually catch trail crossing Adams. And I did at Wells. From here it was a short bit over to this little park on a hill and there was most of the pack. Damn short cutting bastard. When the pack got in, we headed back to the bar and held a Chicago Full Moon Circle
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Thu Oct 21, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Meat Inside Her hared from Skinner Park for 6 trail hounds. Trail headed south and then west. And we were sort of together until we crossed Ashland and a Check. Trail went west and around the United Center. I'm falling behind when I come up to Dick Hermonica and False Advertising wandering around. Apparently I missed a Check and they were working False directions. Then we heard Castration Sensation to the east and headed that way. I finally found a mark and we were in pursuit. And again I was left behind. After a few hidden marks in shadows and such I finally came to a Triple split, unmarked. Castration Sensation had been going back and marking all of the Splits. Anyhow I went the wrong way and finally called it. It was to far to ever catch up. Back at the start waited for the pack for about 10 minutes. Glad I quit when I heard were the beer stop was. I would have missed the whole circle.
This was a trail were we were supposed to wear pink Dresses. It helps if some Harriets also show and wear dresses instead of leaving it all to the men. And it helps if trails were in an area with great foot traffic and a big pack of hounds staying together instead of just racing through the trail. But beside that, The last part of the trail went through the west loop and a whole hell of a lot of sidewalk restaurants. Unfortunately empty with the weather and being dark. But it would have been a great money making hash if we had that pack of 30, staying together creating a fun scene and on a sunny Thursday evening in August with the restaurants full of people. Just a suggestion after doing these all Month.
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue. Oct 5, 2021, The 4X2H4 Hash, Horn-E laid an incredibly shitty trail from the Senior Citizens park. That is far as that old fart can get. Trail started out to the west and past some great Halloween decorations. Reminded everyone of Horn-E's addled mind. And then south to the first Check. They ran south and west and found nothing, Trail went east on Fullerton and then through some alleys and twisting back and forth as it headed to the south. Finally another Check at Armitage and Damen and again some great Falses, yeah sure, to the west and south. But trail went east and then south past Lotties and through a little park and another Check. Only one trail was laid from there, up onto 606 trail. but they dispersed anyhow while Cockholm Syndrome got pissed having to actually run a long way to the third mark. Hey, there was no other way. And On it went to the west. There was another Check at some exits from 606 and the pack got confused here. Especially right after they actually found trail and a Check at a intersection with about 22 actual possibilities. Again, only one way was marked out and they couldn't find it. WTF. But they ranged and finally found it. Meanwhile, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Just Do Me Slowly  had already quit and were walking on in. Meat Inside Her blazed through the final maze of alleys not even looking back and was the real FRB. Then came Cockholm Syndrome and Berts Special Friend and finally our DFL, Castration Sensation. Well, at least he ran it all. A nice little circle and on home after an rendition of Cum Buy Here by Horn-E.
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Thu Oct 7, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from Welles Park We had a small pack of just 6 men, no harriets on trail yet again. And a dress hash. SnatchSquatch took off on a live trail due to the weather. We headed north and worked our way to Lawrence and Western and a Check. Everyone scattered and Castration finally found trail south on Lincoln through the mall area. I passed him at a Split and led for four or five blocks always picking the Splits right. Finally a Triple Split near Wells Park, the start. Gay Dancer and Crash Test Blow Me found trail to the east and I was two blocks south on nothing. I ranged east and saw them ahead. From there it was the three of us over to Damen and south as I tried to keep them in sight. Yeah, they were soon gone. But trail was fairly predictable and I plugged along and kept going back to mark the trail for the back of the pack. We worked out way west to Ravenswood and south to Irving Park before finally returning somewhat along Lincoln. Meanwhile the hare came to Montrose and Lincoln and was snared by Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle and Dickin Me Two-fiddy. Well, not really. They were still stuck at that three way. So they all quit and went on in with the hare and I kept marking trail for three guys who were already drinking beer. Short circle was held and I finally headed home.
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Fri Oct 8, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Damn, same old story. CTA. Two buses in a row with no relief driver at Foster and the bus sat there with 15 to 20 people for a half hour. I finally missed my last possible transfer that would have gotten me into the start just a little late. Son Of Spam laid this trail from Eckert Park and only four hounds showed up. Hey, nice night and some good urban trails from that spot. But the hounds were Dick Hermonica, Lifa, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. Hope it was a good trail.
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Sat Oct 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Pony Pounder hared from the Lakeview Tap Room with a 5 to 6 mile trail and a mid point beer stop and a finish under the El tracks near Montrose. The trail started out east and west and east and west and finally a Check to the north of the start. Here is where SnatchSquatch went wrong/right. He ran to marks he saw on the way to the start and was on the On In trail. And he ran on and on until he got to the BN and B and of course no one was there. We were heading west while he went east. Check at Ashland split us up and we got to a Split at Ashland and Montrose and here I found the right trail out of there. As I ran on to the next Check I found Cockholm Syndrome already there. I picked the right way and was ahead to the next Check near tracks. Again I picked right, sort of. Upon returning from a False, there were marks to the north on Ravenswood as as I turned a corner there was the visitor Handy Capable, or whatever. So the two of us ran on and suddenly there were more coming up behind us. And we headed west some more and to a beer stop where Pony Pounder left his credit card with the bartender. So the pack sat outside and enjoyed some good beer, etc and I ran on. Two blocks later I ran into SnatchSquatch running the trail backwards. I directed him to beer and ran on. From there the trail wandered nicely, but all of the Splits and Checks were already marked and I could only follow along to the finish, just as the hare arrived with beer. Nice circle under the tracks.
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Sun. Oct 10, 2021, Chicago Marathon beer stop. Hashes from all area hashes  gathered near mile 23 to hand out beer to marathoners. Over 20 years now. We meet just east of the Dan Ryan and the Red Line and under the railroad tracks. Only this year the cops busted them. So they headed east to State St and then south about a block and set up there. They like that place and weather permitting we will meet there again. Anyhow it ran on to about 2:00pm before cups ran out. So those that were running the hash, walked over to the start of that.
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Sun. Oct 10, 2021, The Chicago Hash
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Mudsucker laid trail from Turtles as usual with it ending in his back yard for circle. A short trail to the east and through the campus and the south for a big loop and then past Comiskey Park where the White Sox were in a playoff game later in the day. Fans in black everywhere. We ran through a parking area and to a beer stop that Lifa managed for Mudsucker. From there. as usual I ran on, there was a hairpin loop and then some trail to the south for a few blocks and back north to his back yard. I was the FBB. Soon the pack arrived and we held circle and then the pack started to leave, looking for food. Beautifual day.
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

The Tale of the Trail
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Wed. Sep 29, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Lower Wackoff hared from Smith Park for 8 hounds. I was racing to get there and got there just as they started chalk talk. We were soon off to the North west of the park and a Check. Really mixed up start, but I finally heard a call to the west and I was off. Cockholm Syndrome soon passed me and was long gone. I ran on and eventually found myself running west to a Split. Damn, I went wrong and it was a damn long block. But I kept going north to the first EW street and headed west. Several blocks later I found a mark and was back on trail. Lucky ranging. Ran on to the park and heard an On call and was soon heading south in the park and then back to the east. After a Back Check we were regrouping a little bit and we followed Grand to the east with a few quick loops to the north. One through some dark overgrown back alley. I and a few others got called out for chickening out and going around that. Hell, with my eyes I couldn't see shit back there. The next section included a phony T and E Split. I passed Castration Sensation along here as he seemed to hesitate and I was back on Grand heading east and past the start on the other side of the street. Running On there was a Check near the train station that was swept. So someone is ahead. Across Western and north a block and east again. Now here the hare got tricky and had a turn to the north and just across the street was a turn to the south coming from the east. And no one stumbled on that short cut. I finally ran past the local gang or whatever. Boy where they misguided. They called me young man. I had to set then straight. I earned those wrinkles and gray hairs. Here as where Castration Sensation caught up to me. A block later we headed south to a Check. I guessed right that the trail might go north on the other side of the street. The problem is I guessed that the trail "might" go north. It did to a False and I got a looong run down an alley to nowhere and no trail. Returning to the Check, the DFL group arrived. Dick Hermonica, Stuffin Muffin and Son Of Spam, walking along. So Castration Sensation and I continued Checking. He went south and I went west on the south side of the street and near the end I found the 3rd Mark. The back of the pack was following me. This is that mark I mentioned earlier as trail went south here. At the alley I saw Castration Sensation at the far end of an alley. I called out several times to him. He heard me, but didn't know where from and he went back to the Check and everyone was gone. It took him about ten minutes to find the trail on his own. Meanwhile trail went south past the homeless guy in a wheel chair who lived under the tracks and to the next street. Then east and a block later north and we ran into the Whiskey Stop. Whiskey and beer were consumed and then we returned to the start for circle. It was a drunken circle and with respect, the story will end here. I got a ride from Stuffin Muffin and took off after circle.
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Thu Sep 30, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Christian and Cockholm Syndrome hared an A to A' trail from The Green Door. Didn't Lifa just put out a clarification that A to A' meant close, not four blocks away. And so my bag and drink were stuck in Steps In Shit's car four blocks from the finish and I had nothing to drink. Damn. A to A' should be close, like less then a block. Otherwise it starts falling into an A to B category. We did have 12 hounds and we were soon off to the east through a parking lot and a mix up exiting. Returning to the exit a Check was found and I headed north with two trailing. Bad move. Trail went east. By the time I got on trail I found myself in a maze of alleys with an occasional street to get us to the next alley. Finally I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies as he blew past me. Bye bye. A wrong guess and soon I got over to Clark St. and checked south. Nothing. Crossing the street I found a mark going south and Construction Junction heading south. We ran on together and found trail to the south, over the river and into another series of alleys. She missed a mark and headed south. Trail went west. And soon I was joined by Hump Tale Fail and another Just Christian. Damn Christians everywhere. We missed a turn and found a dead end. Returning I found the marks to the south on Franklin. Here Construction Junction rejoined us and then we saw False Advertising on the other side of the street heading north and calling us. Trail now headed west on Randolph and over the river. The hare thought he would catch us on a deep stairway to river level, but this little group was to smart for that. Around the building and up to a little raised hidden park and over Lake Street. Here trail went to river level and north to a little tiny gap in a concrete wall and out onto tracks. I'm all alone along here and I couldn't find the next mark. So I ranged north to Kinzie and a BN Split and Construction Junction blows right by me coming from the west. We cross the river and trail went to river lever and there was Its Too Soft, The three of us head north and I basically fell back as trail ran the river level, a quick loop up and back to river lever until we found the Beer stop under the hares building and along the river. And circle was held. And when one Christian drinks, all Christians drink for the last time. Then a naming. And my hearing aid batteries went dead, so I have no idea what we named Just Christian, or why. Sorry. But then we moved on.
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Sun. Oct 3, 2021,The Chicago Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from his roof deck. We had 12 hounds including one Visitor from Mo Town, Handy Capable (did I get that right) and one virgin, Just Mike, brought to us by All Bush No Balls. We took off to the west and then north through some alleys and such and then east to the usual Clark/Halsted Check. Trail went north on Halsted and then a Triple Split at Belmont. Trail went west and at Wilton we headed north and started to get a few sprinkles. At the next corner the marks were starting to fade. We headed west on School to Kenmore and then north and the marks were starting to disappear. But Gay Dancer and Pony Pounder both said they saw a check at Sheffield and Roscoe. But by the time we got there, it was gone. Washed away. Like completely. And yet it was hardly raining. So trail was called and I mentioned where I had seen BN on my way to the start. A usual area Beer Stop in a playground. And why not. It was raining. The kids would be gone. Se we headed there and it was no longer raining. And the BN was dry and bright and the kids were swinging away. Apparently a very localized shower went east on the north side of Belmont wiping out that part of the trail. We headed on in and at the finish, the chalk talk marks were dry and beautiful, and the hare was just starting out with the beer for the beer stop. Shit happens. We went to the roof and eventually False Advertising held a circle. Then we sat around waiting for promised food, four slab of real tasty ribs and some sides. Great grub even if the trail got fucked. Thanks Its Too Soft for the grub.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu Sep 23, 2021,  The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail for 6 hounds from Horner Park and Horn-E got screwed up before the first mark. What else is new. After chalk talk SnatchSquatch pointed with his elbow to where the trail began. I saw that as almost straight north and I was figuring the street or alley right across Montrose. Castration Sensation headed straight for the paved path. I think he might have seen a mark on his way into the park, because this is where the trail went and a quick Check. Trail was found to the south and the pack was gone heading straight south. Meanwhile, with the trail not going my way, I headed east towards the bridge and there was an arrow going into this new shiggy path along the river. Not knowing I was on a False from a Check, i followed the Arrow and the path. Four blocks of walking in the dark and running when it was light enough and eventually coming out of this section at a paved path heading under the Irving Park bridge over the river. Newly developed trail here. And there was an arrow going under and then on up to Irving Park. Well, I figured out what happened and all I could do was follow the trail, mostly well marked, except when it wasn't. And the Hare was sweeping. Trail headed south along the buildings fronting California and with one small mishap I found myself heading south on California. Trail headed west and then south to Addison and again west. There was a Check somewhere around here that confused the pack for some time until the hare gave a hint to Dryrafoam and they were off and running. Then I came along and the trail was marked for a short cut for me and we were soon heading north. Then suddenly Stiffy 4 Stiffies passed me. Where the hell did he come from. Oh, yeah, Target. Shopping again. Naturally I couldn't keep up, but I ran on and on, and skipped climbing a fence, and eventually found myself heading into Horner Park again. BN ahead. And as I approach this little garden area, there was an arrow pointing straight in and that is what I did. I saw some creepy old man in the back and naturally I assumed any one that creepy had to have something to do with the hash. Not. The pack called out and there they were in another corner, hiding in the shadows. Circle was held here and eventually we all wandered off.
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Mon. Sep 27, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly hared for 13 hounds from Hamlin Park. The trail started out with a few Splits and a Check as we started around the park in a clockwise direction. As a pack there seemed to be little coordination, like calling out ON ON or blowing a whistle. And so after three blocks I found myself behind with a visitor, I Cum From A Clam Down Under, and running from way behind. We were sort of kindred spirits. Run a bit and walk a bit. And we fell further behind. That is what I get for actually Checking and ending up in the wrong direction. Trail went east and south to Diversey and then east. And suddenly there was someone ahead of us crossing the street. We did to and came to an unswept Check as was the whole rest of the trail. So we were on our own. That other hasher was Castration Sensation who was soon working that Check and the next one, before we fell behind him. But trail did go east to Ashland and eventually north and east and north until finally coming out at Belmont and Ashland and a BN Check. Duh! where could this trail go. Hmmm. West and I was soon on and just as I established that and looked back to call out to the visitor, Just Jordan swept on by me. Well, trail went straight west to a block west of Damen and then south to the park. We headed over to the ball field and held circle with Cockholm Syndrome leading the circle. We were introduced to our visitor and then our virgin, Just Laura, and then the circle descended into a mess. But we could count on Dick Hermonica to bring sense out of chaos when necessary.         
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon. Sep 13, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Castration Sensation hared from the sidewalk in front of Driftwood for 19 hounds for an A to B Hash. Would we end up under the tracks again. Trail was off to the east and with a few twists and a back chcck we got to Lincoln Park and everyone was heading north without any arrows. WTF. So I returned and with Back Door Bizzle, found marks into the park. These went north to around the field house and north. But by the time I got there, the pack had found those marks and was gone. I find the trail and now I'm DFL for my efforts. And so we head north towards Lawrence and then south a bit before heading west. Here I ran into Lower Wackoff telling me that the re was a back check and so we head east. Along came Mommys Little Accident and Just Emanuel and Just Monica. No marks. We missed a turn in the dark. But we are soon on and they are all disappearing in the distance. I trudge on and soon come to a T and E at Wilson and Clark. I think I am way behind so I take the T trail and running in the dark I miss a turn and right behid me are Lafa and two virgins. So we back track and I find a turn to Clark and we're heading south. And they pass me. And then four of the FRBs come passing me. This leads to a short loop and back to Clark at Montrose. Is this On IN. Hell no. Damn. Straight south. I find a not swept Check and head into a long alley. Nothing. I return and head south and spot Just Emanuel and Just Monica and we find trail south. Eventually I spot more behind me as we head east on Irving and I was able to give then a short cut before the long straight a way past the cemetery and then north under the tracks along the cemetery before finding the pack and beer stop mear Montrose. All was good and the usual circle between the screaming trains above.
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Thu Sep 16, 2021, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Soul Taco was a last minute hare and it was a long trail and good, except when it wasn't. And that really split our small pack. Yes, only five hounds. We took off to the west amid screaming crowds of Mexicans celebrating Mexican Independence Day. I've got to wonder, since so many are in America illegally or first time citizens, if they bother to celebrate America's Independence Day as enthusiastically. Doubt it. But we soon hnad a Check at Armitage and following the usual lead of Mommys Coming, four of us headed north. We never saw Castration Sensation until after circle and the hare and GM were leaving. He got a shade under 9 miles. WOW. in the freaking dark with marks often in shadows. Although the hare did try to correct that near the end. Anyway four of us ran on. and at Western and Milwaukee and Armitage, a really wide spread six way intersection, we finally broke apart as a pack. Hump Tale Fail and Just Christian were to the west and south and I never saw them again. Mommys Coming went west and saw a mark, I followed a bit, but saw him returning. Never saw him again. I started ranging and ranging and found three falses as in no third arrow. Damn Hare. Actually, well done hare. Now if only we had a large enough pack for that tactic. Anyway as I circled the corner counter clockwise I finally started south on Western and found trail. This led to 606 and up a ramp and a Split. Now thinking I'm DFL I needed to get this right. I headed left, not right, and of course, not right. Somehow I missed the False mark and by the time I got to the next exit in the trail I realized that there were no marks. And none at the exit. So, like I said, probably DFL, I ran on on 606 and for me, with no cracks in the side walks in shadows to worry about tripping, I had a very good run for me on into the finish and I was SCB/FRB. Damn. So I went with the hare and GM to the B in the nearby park and a short time later Hump Tale Fail and Just Christian came on in. Then after a long wait Mommys Coming limped on in, bleeding knee from a trip and his shoe off because of his stubbed toe. We eventually held circle not knowing when if ever Castration Sensation would show up, And he doesn't quit. And he didn't.
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Fri.  Sep 17, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Coming Right Meow hared from Colunbus and Monroe. She planned a trail through Grant Park and all the way out to the planetarium. But rain was eminent and so she canceled that part and we would run Grant Park. Eventually there were only four of us, the usual suspects. We took off through the park and Lower Wackoff disappeared. But we got to Buckingham Fountain and a Check. Here Stuffin Muffin disappeared. Think he caught a lot of the back trail as it came close, too close to Buckingham Fountain. Meanwhile I found trail towards Lake Shore Drive. Alone. Found my way back towards the fountain and then south to the first street and near Lake Shore Drive. I think somehow Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff were ahead of me and they found arrows across Lake Shore Drive and ON south. Meanwhile, not finding arrows I ranged south to the tunnel were trail had to return from the lake front. And there was Lower Wackoff. And a Split. He went left and I went right, and right, and on to the next tunnel and from here trail went north on Columbus. Lower Wackoff and I worked that north until we were right west of the fountain. Trail went east towards the fountain and an arrow just before Columbus. I crossed the street, but I'm thinking, it can't go here. It is to close to the first Check. It didn't. The hare had on more arrow before Columbus and it turned north. And here is where Magnetic Muff caught us and led us further north along the tracks. We finally worked our way toward Michigan and an arrow going north and I took the lead. At the Art Institute there was an arrow west and over to Wabash and then the rains started. But a block later I was running up to the Beer Near and Stuffin Muffin. We rang the buzzer and as the hare arrived, so did the last two and we headed into the inner sanctum and the hares condo. Castro Dick Assist was waiting there. and six cats and a dog. The hare cooked up a massive amount of food for us and we all ate well. By the time we finished, the rain stopped and we headed up to the roof deck for circle. After a short circle we ended with a new finishing song and then settled into the voyeur game as we were about 19 floors up and across from the Palmer House Hotel. Every room was a new story on its own. Pulling back the blankets, closing the curtains in her nightie, the usual stuff. And no one knew we were there. Until some lady spotted us. Lower Wackoff lifted up his shirt as in flashing and, she glanced behind her and then did so herself. DDDdam those were nice. Thanks LW. But all good shows come to an end and I had to leave to set tomorrows trail. Damn.
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Sat. Sep 18, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from La Bagh Woods. This was the day of the Chicago Beer Society Picnic (CBSP), a week later then normal. Many hashers go to this, including those that would like to also do the Bushman Hash. Conflict. So I tried to accommodate, as best as I could. I set the hash for the same area and we would just hash and then hang out near the picnic and drink our own beer. I set the trail and then couldn't find the hashers. I was at the wrong picnic grove, where they usually set up the CBSP. Ooops. But then I saw Lower Wackoff and we headed over to the area of the CBSP. Saw hashers and headed over to let them know where we would start at if anyone wanted to hash. Hostility. Vaccinations. Screw this. Returned to where we were set up and after waiting a long time for one other hasher who wanted to run, Stuffin Muffin, suddenly Castration Sensation showed up with his girlfriend Just Cortney. They couldn't find the hashers either, but found trail and already ran it. Walked it. A nice stroll or run along mostly paths and the troll under the bridge hiding behind his rock house. So, Lower Wackoff and Stuffin Muffin took off on trail and were soon On In. The five of us, and eventually Magnetic Muff joined us, held a Bushman Circle and at the finish we tried my new circle finishing song, Then those signed up for the picnic went there to eat and drink. They even brought us a few offerings, And the rest of us relaxed in the shade over more beer. Actually, it worked pretty good.
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Mon. Sep 20, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff will hare from Mather Park for another small hash with seven locals and a visitor and a virgin. We took off to the south and really screwed that up before ShartiB found trail in an alley, We got up to Peterson and traffic and our virgin really showed he might make a good hasher by playing frogger as he raced through the speeding traffic and headed north. Here we ran into heavy traffic, men in black, who blocked the whole side walk. People can't have fun on our sidewalks. But we ran by anyhow to a check. Several went north and nothing. Putt Putt in The Butt went east and into an alley with nothing. Stuffin Muffin went west and then they all tried that again  and nothing. Lifa was last seen to the north, on the other side of the street. Bingo. Finally Castration Sensation and Horn-E went that way and found it a long block later. So now we are heading west and north and almost to Devon before heading west in the alley and south to Rosemont and Kedzie. And her was a Triple Split. And when I got there, it had been researched in all directions and nothing. In circle it was said that ShartiB went the correct way through brush to waters edge and heard critters and returned. Trail was in flour marked on trees. (Something the hare neglected to mention in circle.) Anyhow I went north in a parking lot along the river. Nothing. Returned on Kedzie. South was already researched. Damn. So I went back north and then started ranging over the river and on south on a bike path where I found a mark. Turned out to be one off of a Check and nothing else. Returned to the Check and now I had to figure out the way into and/or out of the Check. I found the way in, from over on Kedzie and the T and E split. And there was Castration Sensation. I called on and returned to the Check and found another False. Eventually while ranging the hare drove on by and told me it was over across the street heading south on Lincoln. And there it was, into the parking lot of the motel where you might check in, but you really MIGHT CHECK OUT. Yeah there was a shooting there a month earlier, as a fugitive, suspicion of double murder, and now surrounded by cops, killed himself. Ooops. I quickly checked out of there and headed south and where the T and E regrouped. So now I'm running south in this park for a few blocks and then east. Marks in the street and then over to the side walk and finally a Check. And there were several sweep arrows scribbled out. I went south and nothing, crossed the street and an arrow heading south. This was On and I head east at the next corner. Then another screw up, hare/me, I'll let the hash gods say. A Split going east and north, swept as east. I went east and back and back east again. just past the alley in the second block was a faded out arrow. I'm on again. It was a good thing I was running good on this trail. Why in hell an I suddenly running good. For me. Hell. I'll take it. Then I come to a Triple split. Right, Left, or straight. It is marked Straight. It wasn't. It was midway between straight and right in an alley. But not straight. That was as straight as some guy hanging out in boys town six nights a week and saying he isn't gay, he just likes the music. So I run on in this alley and come to a street and no more marks. Damn. So I return and find the hidden turn mark at a parking lot. Now I'm crossing Lincoln and eventually into an alley and a Check Back 5. I return and work that fifth arrow in all possible directions and nothing. So I finally call it and run back to the start and find that the Beer stop is at a park on Peterson. I get there just in time to walk in behind Magnetic Muff. DFL. So I get my drink and we head back to Mather Park. Lifa led a circle and we met our visitor Preteen Protien and our virgin Just Jordon. Then I took off home, walking with Putt Putt In The Butt and Castration Sensation, two miles more.

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue Sep 7, 2021, The 4X2 Hash. False Advertising hared from Union Park. Unfortunately, Union Park was fenced off for the Pitchfork Music Festival and so they had to make do and make it an A to B trail. I heard that they had about 10 hounds including Castration Sensation, Lower Wackoff and Cockholm Syndrome. But not me. Cheers were heard throughout the area. Yeah, I went for my bus and there was a 45 minute delay. So I went home. Damn. I heard it was a pretty good trail. Now that has to be false advertising if I ever heard it. And two checks after the BN had the pack bitching to me a day later. But once the beer flowed, all was good.
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Wed, Sep 9, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash Sleeping Booty laid trail from Lincoln Park near Armitage. Many late comers, and they still passed me on trail. But in the end, we had 14 hounds on trail. That included two walkers, Menage A Twat and a new transplant Likes It Rough. Apparently this trail was to rough for her, or maybe just to fast. But those to Harriets took off on trail and haven't been seen since. The rest of us took off through Old Town and on south and they soon lost me. Two late comers did blow right by me, the GMs, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. But I ran on and eventually got caught by a back check. That is when another late comer came by, Lifa. And pretty soon we got separated and I was on my own. What else is new. But most of the checks were swept. Finally I ran by a little fire house and never saw another mark. Apparently the trail headed over to the Viagra Triangle and then north to Lincoln Park and On In. I ranged to Division and then east looking for trail crossing where I was. At every damn intersection. All four corners. Damn, and they still snuck by me. At the Park I ran on in and somehow wasn't last in. Nice Moon Style circle and all was good and we hung around in the dark.
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Thu Sep 10, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. #900 Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch laid a live trail from the Mouse Trap on an A to B trail. A small pack at the start but 2 Divvy riders showed up later on trail, for a total of ten trail hounds. Trail went east and SnatchSquatch soon disappeared to the front as the rest of us sort of stayed together in the dark. Until we hit Larrabee and North. Then it seemed as if we lost several or did they lose us. But we were suddenly a small pack of myself, Castro Dick Assist, Coming Right Meow, Castration Sensation, etc. I finally found trail for our little group past the snarling dog threatening my life if I yelled On On for the pack. But we worked our way to Armitage and then past Mansion row and back. By now I am falling behind and at Halsted was a Split and suddenly no marks. After three blocks I heard an On On across the street and there was Castration Sensation and Putt Putt in the Butt heading into an alley. We finally emerged from that area there was a lot of the missing pack. WTF. We ran west to Clybourn and a Check. Putt Putt In The Butt and myself headed straight west and I picked up on trail coming out of Binnys. Hey, it was withing normal ranging room. But the trail went north instead before working its way back there. Meanwhile we ran on and south through the old railroad right away, across North and over the bridge to Goose Island. And there was SnatchSquatch and the hare and the non runners were already starting to gather. Eventually the rest of the pack arrived and SnatchSquatch led a decent circle. Then all was good as all stood around drinking and telling tall tales and other bull schitte.                               .
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Sat, Sep 11, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail for 9 trail hounds. And we were off to the south and a check at Wrightwood and Sheffield. I ran west with Saving Myself For Two Black Guys and into the park. He saw some of the pack heading south on Sheffield and headed that way. I spotted an arrow in the park and it had to be checked out. I yelled to him but he was gone. I found a third mark and yelled On but there was no one anywhere around. So I headed west and saw someone walking way ahead. Looked like Lifa, but walking? It was him and at Racine he turned and indicated a Split and he went south. When I got there I headed north and never saw a hasher again on trail. WTF. Yeah, I'm in front and I managed to guess a few Splits correctly and still no one following. I finally got to a Check at Lincoln and Diversey. This I guessed wrong heading up Lincoln but couldn't find a 3rd mark. So I ranged over to Racine and there was a mark and I'm on and still no one behind me. WTF. After a quick false on a Split I hit the T and E Split with E going  into a street fair where four hounds later detoured. But I run on and after another Triple Split, picking wrong, I get back to a Check at Racine and Belmont. Again I pick wrong, but no one coming up behind me. West is On and then north on Southport and after an alley I'm back at Racine again. Another wrong way on a Triple Split but I'm soon back on Racine heading north. From here I work my way through some construction and then west to Newport. At Seminary there is a mark crossing the street. Okay. Then a mark crossing Seminary heading east. Okay. But later on we determined that I must have missed the turn north right after I crossed the street. This led to more trail around Wrigley. Meanwhile I get to Clark and no marks. So I range south one block and there is a mark. How It got there I didn't know, but I'm On. Actually that was the return mark from the loop around Wrigley. In my defense, Castration Sensation also  noted that not all marks were where you would look for them. So, anyway, I'm On. Now trail heads south and back and forth over Sheffield as it goes south. And right into the marks from his trail from last week. Hmmm. Glad I was on that one and knew the difference. And I finally come on in to this little playlot and the hare and beer. FRB. WTF. We finally headed to the EL tracks and waited there. Steps In Shit and Just Do Me Slowly finally came in. They short cut the loop around wrigley and just stayed on Addison and then back on trail. Then the true FRB that ran the whole trail came in, Cockholm Syndrome. Eventually some of the rest and we finally headed to the roof deck. We were all set for a nice circle when the roof deck was invaded by so damn many house puppies that they outnumbered the trail hounds and I never got called out to lead the Big Dog Style Circle. WTF. Then Its Too Soft provided some good grub that us runners really could use. And all was good and many hung around well into the dark.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Sep 4, 2021, The Second City Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail from the Oakton Community Center at 4701 W. Oakton in Skokie. A to A. Hey, this was as easy to get to as possible, hundreds ot yards from the Skokie Swift, Oakton stop. I know, I came that way. And there was only a small pack of 7 hounds. But we managed to stay together and SnatchSquatch's trail led us in a clockwise direction. And there were enough Checks and Splits that kept Mommys Coming from running away with the trail. Eventually I managed to get up to 3rd at a Check and saw Lifa in the distance. Damn, he was wrong and the trail went left. Following Mommys Coming probably. I was soon DFL again. At the next Check I arrived last and saw a direction no one took. Well, that is what hashing is about. So I took off and was soon ON. At the next Split, I went left. Trail went right and by the time I returned I was DFL. Damn. "The first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so it was written and so it shall be done." And a little over a half mile later was B. If in went right I might have almost made FRB. The nature of hashing is not to find all of the Checks, but be close enough to find the last Check. So I ran on and barely avoided DFL by traversing ten feet of shiggy.  Then while talking to the hare I realized that we went right past where my Father owned a business about 150 years ago. And the building where we were drinking (a brewery) was right next to another building that my Father used to own for another business. Clearly, the neighborhood changed so much that I didn't recognize this. The first building was torn down and the second building was now an animal rescue. Then I took off to look for a third building, a tavern my dad owned. Now a Vietnamese Noodle shop. Excuse my trip down memory lane. Thanks Snatchsquatch for making that happen. That happens with old farts. After a round of beers we headed back to the A location and found a place to settle and have our laid back circle. And then it was on home. That Skokie Swift again.
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Sun. Sep 5, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from his roof deck. Yeah, again. and one more six days later. Yet to cum. And there were 16 hounds ready for this trail and Back Door Bizzle showed up later on trail. Then 7 hounds decided to take a ride to the beer stop at the Diversey Harbor entrance. They couldn't even walk that whole mile. So there were 10 now on trail. And we lost 3 of them. Double Meter Beater was supposed to be one of the FRBs. Hey, you can't be an  FRB if you get lost. We also lost Coming Right Meow and her virgin friend from Peru, Just Vanessa. She will be in town for about 2 weeks so lets hope she comes out again and doesn't get lost next time. That is on you, Coming Right Meow. So that left us with 7 who finished the trail. And two of them were visitors, Pebbles For Pussy and Herpiclis. Now we are down to 5 local hashers who finished the trail on such a beautiful day. Trail wove its way north along Sheffield and to a Check at Clark and Halsted, And trail came right back  on the other side of the street and suddenly I'm no longer last. I followed that back to Sheffield and north and ran into Herpiclis just before Belmont and a Split. He chose first and right and was On. meanwhile I ran on north and at the first street I headed right and several of the pack were right there. A Triple Split. I led us east and we were ON again and the small group passed me and eventually found a Check at Belmont and Halsted. Meanwhile this lame old fart ranged to Halsted and south and found a mark. On. And what I found out later was that it was 2 after a Check. I eventually saw Shartie B ahead and he was ON. So I watched behind and soon Pony Pounder was coming and I yelled On and he returned to mark that turn arrow. Now it was the three of us, and I have no idea where the pack is. Nor did I realize we were almost a half of it. WTF. So, with a couple of Splits, I managed to keep up with those two and at a Triple Split at Belmont and Sheridan I came up last. but running through traffic I found a mark going southest towards Lake Shore Drive. I was in front and the real FRB. Like that would last. Pony Pounder past first and led us under the tunnel. and south on the bike path. Shartie B called out that he was On and I followed. The next mark was a turn mark towards the lake front and the rocks. Somehow I missed that. Maybe someone was standing on it as I went by. So, I'm running on paralleling the true trail all the way to the Diversey Harbor entrance and no marks. I even went under Lake Shore Drive and still no marks. So I could only return and finally found that missed mark and came in DFL. From 3rd to DFL in a couple of hundred yards. Damn. Came in right after Lifa. Back at the roof deck Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and then we had some chicken sandwiches, thanks Its Too Soft, and slowly drifted off. Beautiful day on trail and the roof deck. All right, shitty trail.                                .                                         .

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Aug 25, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Whiskey Dickup hared an A to B trail for 10 hounds from Metroplitan Brewert which appeared closed as we gathered under an Arch. The hare arrived and then took off on a bike to relay the trial because of rain and more eminent rain. Trail was fine, but the hare, on a bike, was snared within a mile. So we waited and waited again and finally took off. This time he managed to get it done and it ended up in his back yard. About a mile and a half away from the start and cars. But eventually Meat Inside Her, a non runner, arrived with the shag wagon. Meanwhile everyone had throughly smothered themselves with bug spray. I almost gagged from the fumes and avoided that and stood between to well lathered hounds and had no problems. We did get a little rain in and after the circle. It was a problem when I headed for a bus home, but after that I was fine and caught good transfers. But many were left behind with a long walk back to cars. Hope they had umbrellas. Trail itself was reasonable with a twisting mix of back and forth and teasing us by going past his old apartment before getting to the finish. And somehow I lost a hearing aid. Probably at the start. We did have one virgin who bothered to come out in the rain. Well done to Just Jeff. Otherwise it was Lifa, Horn-E, Just Do Me Slowly, Berts Special Friend, Lower Wackoff, Garmin, False Advertising, Its Too Soft and Hooch B4 Cooch.  Arch
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Thu Aug 26, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from the little park at 1719 W. Wolfram for 11 hounds. And again, no Harriets. But at least we had a Harriet for a hare. And she made up for that short trail some time back. It was about one hour and 45 minutes before we all got in. We started out to the north and a quick check. Trail went north and west. I was north and east. Damn. I was behind Faming Flagott who was walking. But another block and the pack is coming towards me with a well placed Back Check. This led to a Check and as far as I could see, I never saw SnatchSquatch again until the finish. We again headed north and west and hell, who knows where. But the pack seemed to have a central group that sort of came together and then split up again. We worked our way to Damen and School and were back and forth on a Split before it was finally, permanently called east. Last I saw of Hooch B4 Cooch. We kept heading mostly east to Paulina and then north to Lincoln. I thought I was behind and hoped for a Check at Lincoln, but it was just south on Lincoln. Finally caught some of the pack at School again and a Check at Ashland. I was south and wrong when I heard an On call. They headd east and so I did also and they came right out of an alley by me and we headed east. Two blocks later was another Check and I again went south and wrong. But I figured it then had to go east and so I did on Belmont and sure enoughIts Too Soft again comes my way with Back Door Bizzle. They were on but I was ahead and headed south to another Check. Again I headed south and again I was wrong. So again I ranged and this time no one came my way. Ooops. So I kept ranging and finally saw a mark at Wolfram. Yeah, way the hell down there. Now that is ranging to the max. But I was now On and heading west. Back to the park. Naw. Two blocks later and I'm heading north again. Three blocks later and it was west. And finally I'm working my way backtowards the park and NO, I'm not last. Top half. Eventually the rest came in id dribbles and drabs. We held circle and hung around as hounds slowly drifted off. Others on trail were Cockholm Syndrome, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation Urinfectious and Just Christian. If there was anycomplaint about the traio. there of course was, is that the marks were to far apart leaving the hashers way off when they found the first mark off of Splits, or the thrird mark from checks or just confidence they didn't miss a turn especially on long blocks. But otherwise the trail was good.                                         .
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E



Thu Aug 19, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Choke And Stroke and Brother Incisor hared from Arrigo Park. I was out of town but I heard it was a small turnout of four. Back Door Bizzle, Its Too Soft, Cockholm Syndrome and Coming Right Meow. I heard the biggest joke was something about 9:30 and any cock will do or something like that.
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Sat Aug 21, 2021, Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Damn #4 Woods. What a freaking disaster. And not the hares fault. Yeah we heard that before. Really. First, because of this locations lack of access to a place to buy beer, I had to bring beer. A case. Then I had to walk with this case and a back pack full of flour for well over a mile, only to find out where I wanted to start, the southern entrance to Damn #4 Woods, no longer exists. The road was dug up, removed and planted with prairie grasses and trees. That meant the pack would have to figure things out. Like go east and north to the other entrance. And I would still hold a beer stop here, and re-plan my trail and the go another half mile north to the other entrance and a parking lot and start from there. Time is clicking now. But I marked the start and headed into the woods. A couple of hundred yards later I was knee deep in razor grass and my knees and on down are still full of dozens of scratches. Damn. But after that I finally found some paths way back and towards the river and the trail took on a new direction. A lot of twisting paths and Splits and flowering bushes. Yeah, you could smell the flowers. Trail finally was narrowing and I circled back on a wide path and took the trail into the area I wanted to do in the first place. And then there was more razor grass and I never got to the desired prairie. But trail wound at self back towards where I wanted beer and it was over 4 miles, so good. Then I went and waited for the pack. Yeah, all two of them. And we waited to about 2:45 when Back Door Bizzle arrived. So he and Mommys Coming headed out on trail. I swept part and headed over to the beer stop. As I got there the rains started and I stood under a tree waiting for them struggling through the woods and they arrived just as the rain paused. We finally headed to the shelter and held a short circle trying to dry off a bit and finally finished with Swing Low and headed home. All right, it wasn't that bad for such a small turnout. But a lot of shit getting it done. You make it work. 
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Sun Aug 22, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #400
. The GM, Berts Special Friend and a founder, Horn-E, hared from Harrigans about 50 yards away from where it all began, in a bar called Durkins That was on 13 Feb, 1987, a Friday night. Hoped for a few more hounds then we got, but they were busy getting drunk on wine across the street from Durkins and we only got 5 hounds on trail. But I think it was a nice short trail and good for that pack. But they did struggle towards the end with marks too damn far apart and in the dark. I know better. Damn it. But the hares were waiting at the Gazebo in Lincoln Park with a case of beer on ice and after about an hour we saw False Advertising coming on in from the wrong direction. He came to a False as he headed towards the park and about there did a header over a crack in the sidewalk. He was bleeding from both knees. Hate to waste a can of beer washing off all of that blood. And he also lost his phone. Wasn't working after the fall. Then along cane Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin also from the wrong direction. And so we drank for about fifteen minutes before Sleeping Booty and Castration Sensation finished the whole trail, about 4.5 miles by going around the lagoon. And now all was good.
One thing brought out by the GM in circle, I started this hash before he was born.
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Mon Aug 23, 2021, The Chicago Hash. All Bush No Balls and One Fuck Chuck laid trail from Winnemac Park. Another small pack. Horn-E, Its Too Soft, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle and two late comers, Castro Dick Assist and Coming Right Meow.  We started out to the east and at the first Split I ended up going the wrong way. And as I'm following I'm thinking, three blocks into trail and already i'm two blocks behind. But at the next Split I could see ahead and saw Lower Wackoff heading north in an alley and ended up 2nd. Short lived. Back in 4th at the Check at Foster and I headed west. Trail headed east and then north. As I circled back I found myself behind Castration Sensation and at a Split, I chose west. The others were to the north. I was on after a block and from there in it was bye bye. Yeah, me. Trail went a block north and then west and I came to another Split. I chose west and just before I got to the next corner, Damen, I heard an ON call. So I crossed Damen checking the corners and was going to head south to pick up on the pack when I spot an arrow. And so, when you are On, you're On. And I ran on to the False the hares warned us about. Corrected that for the pack and ran on and managed some smart, or lucky picks at the Checks and some Splits and was soon back in the park and hearing the hares yelling On ON. Three miles, but still FRB. Yeah, me. I'm bragging. Or damn lucky. Mosquitoes were biting so we moved the finish to some concrete and they never found us. But the pack did with Its Too Soft coming in next and actually finding trail for them. Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and all was good.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Aug 12, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dave hared from The Web and it is a story of WTF or what the hell happened. First the hare had a major letdown in attendance. He expected 20. Well, that is overly optimistic. Last week we had a very large, for this year, 16 hounds on trail. This week we had four hounds. Hell last Monday we had 6 hounds in the freaking rain. Sun we had 9 on a Moon Hash. But at least we had one more Harriett then last ThirstdayH3's hash had for a total of one. Two experienced hounds and two relative newbies, Just Emmanuel and Just Monica. So, what happened on trail. First the chalk marks were light. He ordered some good chalk and the package of chalk got stolen. Hey, we could have named him Chalk Walks. It started out okay with the hare sweeping a bit and simple Splits and quick regroups. Then we hit a check. Here is where you need an experienced Hare showing the virgin hare how to position marks. The Check was in a parking lot with two ways out. The west was marked and then a turn into an alley. then nothing and it was throughly checked out at least three times. I looped way around looking for trail. Nothing. We were scattered everywhere. There was no mark coming out of the parking area to the east. Again, an experienced hare would have pointed that out. But eventually I found a Triple Split at the next corner to the north. We checked and rechecked and went way around corners looking for any sign of a mark. We worked that Split every way we could think of or imagine. We eventually had to call it. I must have had almost two miles by then and we were a block from the start. We got a hold of the hare and made him show us were the trail went. False Advertising and myself both agreed that it was positioned where almost no pack would have found it. And that was only the second mark. So we then headed to the A prime location for beer and circle. The trail started out right. With some corrections in marking, it might have been damn good. Hopefully he'll relay it soon. After a short list of accusations our GM, Sanding Ovation showed up. No, she didn't run. But we had five besides the hare and were going to name him. For the trail? An abortion. 'My Body My Trail My Fail' was an early suggestion. But we got into his previous employment in the Peace Corp in South East Asia trying to set up an agri business. Hell, the damn missionaries were still trying to put them in clothes and cover their boobs. Disgusting bastards. And from this we had many disgusting names and some that almost made it like 'Captain Cock'. But considering that the natives were offering this 'American' their daughters and 40 acres of land and a plow, we decided on a name, by a tie breaker vote of the GM, and forever more he shall be known as Piece Corps Whore.
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Swing Low and On On

Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list,
email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done.  

New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the cold.  We occasionally charge  up to $10 for hash cash sometimes, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
We have had a lot of new hashers during this pandemic lockdown. And they have no Hash shirts. Yes, they can order hash shit on line. But I'm going to try and open up the Bizzare Bazzar again and bring around some old used shirts and maybe even an occasional new shirt. Price. What you think it is worth. The money will go to beer. Might not have all sizes, but just a few shirts now and then. Probably mostly day hashes. To hard in the dark. So if you want some hash attire bring along some cash. 90 120
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Thu Aug 12, 2021, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dave will hare from The Web at 2026 W. Webster. $5 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com
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Mon Aug 16, 2021, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa, Urine Love and Keyless Entry will hare from 3127 N. Ashland. If we are to meet on the roof deck or inside their apartment, please post which buzzer is theirs. $5 Hash Cash ChicagoHash.com
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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Aug 5, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sleeping Booty laid a live trail from the Totem Pole for 16 trail hounds. Welcome to the Chicago Area's all male hash. We gave the hare 15 minutes and we were off under Lake Shore Drive and heading north east. We got to Broadway and Halsted and a Check. Trail was found to the south and west to the Addison El and then south under the El tracks. So far the pack was spread out, but still working together. At Clark we had another Check. I lost Back Door Bizzle here, but was about to follow in the direction where he disappeared. And their was Steps In Shit. I wasn't last. apparently there were a few others. We headed south along Clark and past the El and a Split. It was swept showing straight south. A block and more later we found no marks. All right, who marked this wrong. So we return and Horn-E finds the correct mark into an alley and east at a T junction and another Split. Ahead of this small group, Horn-E gets to a triple Split and it is marked straight west. Wrong again. The trail was across the street. But we are back On and trail headed to Halsted and Belmont where I get stuck in traffic and lost the pack. For good. Trail went south to Clark and a Check. I thought I heard a whistle to the southeast. Wrong. I circled the intersection and came back to a tiny sweep arrow pointing back the way I came into that Check. And sure enough that was correct, sort of. Actually trail was on the other side of the street and a tiny arrow later indicated east, just opposite of the hare arrow going south. WTF. So I'm on and heading over to Broadway and past there and over towards Sheridan. Here there was a short loop in an alley and north on Sheridan and at Barry the trail headed into another alley over to Hudson. At Hudson there was another Split and another Split marked wrong. I ran to Belmont and nothing. A wrong mark is worse then no mark at all. Returning to the Split I headed west and apparently missed the true trail. Meanwhile I headed back to Belmont, crossed the street and headed back to Sheridan. At this point the trail is heading over to Broadway and north for a bit and to the tunnel over to Lincoln Park. At Sheridan I headed north and into that same tunnel and wonder of wonders, there is a mark coming out of the tunnel and I'm On In, DFL. And there was an immediate circle and with non runners there were 19 men in circle. A massive sausage fest. SnatchSquatch led circle and eventually his wife showed up. She called out everyone who hadn't signed up for POP, for a down down. Almost everyone. So I called her out for a down down. Why? We are asked to show up for this Harriet extravaganza and yet they won't hash with us. Hmmm! But just kidding TH3 is a mixed hash and we'd love to see some Harrietts in attendance. The best way to promote there hash is to show up at hashes and show us that there are still Harrietts in Chicago. Again, just kidding. We love you all. Join us. We did have two hounds not seen in a while, Moloun Spluge and Bloody Brown Castle. Come on back out. 

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Sat Aug 7, 2021, The Big Dog Hash Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up hared from her house and again we had 16 trail hounds, but at least some Harriets. Trail headed south and west and looped right back around her house and finally north to 63rd St. I caught up to the pack here as they struggled with the Check. We headed east. And another Check. By the tine I get there hashers were spread out Checking. I went a block east and there was Jack In Her Box and Rigor Mortis at an alley just north on the corner. Cockholm Syndrone on the other corner. Nobody is on anything. I cross the street to look around there. Nothing. I look back and everyone is gone. WTF. Like disappeared. Well, trail was eventually a half block south in an alley. Meanwhile I'm ranging, looking for trail and the pack to the north and a big loop before getting back to the original Check and an arrow pointing to that damn alley. So I follow trail and it works its was to Stoney Island and Jackson Park and there is the hare sweep, Reverand Shut The Fuck Up. We headed south and a big parking lot. apparently, or so I was told, there was a naked man walking around here, before I got there. Didn't need that. Ran straight On and over to the bridge towards the Japanese Garden and just passed Menage A Twat, avoiding DFL, as I came into the Beer Stop. Long walk back from here. But at the finish was the back yard party. Snacks, and foot long dogs and brats and such. And a Big Dog Circle. All was good. And when Lower Wackoff was leaving, I asked for a ride and he was heading to Evanston, right by my place. I'm for that.
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Sun Aug 8, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Silent But Deadly hared but was only seen by the GMs. Apparently she laid trail from her house to the park, when the GMs arrived, she checked in with them and finished the trail back to her house, finishing the loop. Hey, when you gotta go, you make the situation work and she did. Rain looked eminent and so I brought along some rain gear. And we were off to the south and eventually over to Clybourn and a Check. I went north and trail went south so I'm DFL again. At Diversey trail was marked maybe to the west and I followed and caught the pack at a Split a block later. Trail went under Diversey and a quick loop and back heading west on Diversey. And the rain started to go from slight mist to enough for the rain gear. I put it on and the rain stopped. I digress. Trail went past some town houses and across western and I again caught up to a few hounds Checking. Trail went Up Elston a block and the straight north to Belmont and right at the Bridge. Back across the river and I'm now following Castration Sensation and Lower Wackoff. Across the river and at the light we went north around the bend and to a Split at Western. South to the hares house and then east. A block later I lost trail and as I wound myself in the direction of the finish I ran into Berts Special Friend carrying a 30 pack for Circle and we walked in together. Yeah, I'm DFL. Without a hare, Lower Wackoff was designated stand in. When she next returns, she owes him a stand in for all of her down downs he had to do. Now she can do his. And suddenly circle was over and there was a bus. And damn, I missed it. But another was soon coming and all was good and on home before any more rain.
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Mon Aug 9, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Back Door Bizzzle laid this trail live. He rightly saw the rain coming. I looked at my phone and pooh poohed that thought. Bad move. But after the hare took off after a quick flour talk. My bag was in the shag wagon. And the rains started. Harder and harder. Lifa went under the bridge to await the start time. Meanwhile we got wetter and wetter. Finally I said, f*ck this shit, lets go. Two visitors, including Sex The Final Frontier from Bean Town Hash and akjsdfgso from New York. All right, I had his name but my card got soaked in the rain. Also Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation. At the first Check it was really getting heavy and we were wasting time looking the wrong way. Trail was finally found to the east in city streets and we followed  the visitors. We tried to mark Checks and it did help Lifa eventually catch up after leaving his shelter and finding us gone. The first rain kind of quit here. We did hit one Mark at a corner and akjsdfgso went straight. I interpreted it correctly as an attempt at a Split and I was soon On. Whoopie. At the next Check I picked right, south, and ran on to just accross the West entrance to Peterson Park. Here the visitors caught me and they led through the park and a Check and finally exited at the Eastern entrance. They were On on a Triple Split and south to another Split at Bryn Mawr. By the time I got there, they were long gone. I went west and wasn't on. So I headed south into this huge parking lot, the other direction from that Split. Around the parking lot and nothing. Damn. And then a whistle and there is Lifa on the other side of the street from where I had previously run and he is On. So with a Cemetery here, it is straight west. Castration Sensation passes me and finally Lower Wackoff catches me at Pulaski. And a BN Check. Lifa went north. Castration Sensation went north. I picked west and Lower Wackoff got stuck with north. West was it and at the end of the road was the hares car and beer and the visitors. And then the second wave of rain came in. We could try and find trail north to the start or follow the old railroad right a way to that bridge over Peterson. akjsdfgso picked the path and I followed trying to run through puddles. Castration just walked the path. At the finish I went under the bridge. Dry. akjsdfgso was on the other side of the road, under the bridge. Back Door Bizzle told me to wait there. Eventually, Lifa showed up when he gave up the trail. And the last in were Lower Wackoff and Sex The Final Frontier. And somewhere akjsdfgso disappeared. We think he saw a bus and said, screw this. Then the rain stopped. So we went back on top of the bridge, as originally planned, and held circle. Castration Sensation led it. And all was good. And then a third wave of rain came through. Fortunately Back Door Bizzle gave me and Castration Sensation a ride back to civilization. All was good.
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Swing Low and On On

Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jul 28. 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Its Too Soft hared out of his roof deck at 933 W. Wolfram for eleven hounds. And in usual Its Too Soft fashion it was fucked up by the third mark. At the end of his alley was a two way Split. I followed Hump Back Fail to the south and we were ON heading west to Sheffield. Unfortunately I never saw another mark and neither did anyone else. Ooops. by the time I got back to the two way Split, I saw Castration Sensation heading east in an alley that didn't have an arrow pointing that way. But I was soon ON and everyone was already out of sight. At Halsted and Diversey there was a Check and no one in sight. I ended up going south and somehow got on trail on Schubert. Actually Berts Special Friend showed up and found that. So trail then went south on Burling. Actually know that corner very well. Hung out there in 1946. Not a typo. Back on trail. South to Wrightwood and a quick loop west to Halsted and then east in an alley. And suddenly there were several other hounds there. Right where I went to grade school. Lifa found trail behind my old church and we headed further east in another alley and eventually crossed Clark. At the first street we headed north to Diversey and then west to Sheridan. By now I had lost the pack. Yes, again. But a Check here and I am back with some hounds. I followed J. Kervin and Steps In Shit into the park, but just far enough behind to loose them at the golf driving range. Trail pointed north on the bike path and I missed the quick left turn on Oakdale and kept going. No, no more marks. I returned and didn't go far enough. So it is now ranging time. I ranged all the way to Belmont and no marks. Then west to Halsted. Still nothing. Apparently the rail worked its way to Halsted/Clark intersection and a Check. As I was heading south on Halsted I ran into Castration Sensation. Somehow I got ahead of him before loosing trail and now we converged. Well, at that point I knew where the Whiskey Stop was and headed there. Castration Sensation kept looking for trail and showed up five minutes later. Then we all headed to the roof deck and circle.
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Thu Jul 29, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Berts Special Friend hared out of Superior Playground Park at 2101 W. Superior, AlI can tell you about this trail is at the finish someone called the cops on them in this little playground for making to much noise. Noise in a circle? Never happen. Yeah, sure. So what happened to me. God Damn CTA. I caught my bus that was scheduled to get me there at 7:09, well before hash time. But at my transfer point, and I was on time, there was no bus. We waited for 20 minutes before a bus arrived. And after getting on and settled in, a supervisor arrived and told the driver to head for the garage. Yeah. So now we are in a position where two buses in a row amounted to no shows. My cell phone indicated I wouldn't get there before 7:49, well after hash time and I wasn't about to take off on my own carrying a bag full of t-shirts. Again. Sorry Berts Special Friend. 
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Mon Aug 2, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck hared from a strip of park along Lake Shore Drive and just north of Foster. We had a dozen hounds including one virgin, Just Nora. And she says she'll be back. Whoopee. Welcome. We also had two to many dogs and a slight dog fight. But lets talk trail. Trail headed south for a loop under Lake Shore Drive and back north past Foster and keep it going. Two blocks later we go under Lake Shore Drive and north in the park to a Check at Bryn Mawr. Now, at this point most of the FRBs were long gone and a pack of middle runners were standing around. Hey, it is a Check. The idea is to CHECK IT OUT. So Castration Sensation heads north and across the street and Horn-E heads east into the park and ON. Trail heads north and Castration Sensation takes the lead following trail to a three way split at Hollywood and Sheridan. He gets a light advantage and heads south. I miss that and traffic everywhere so I head north to the next street and a light. No marks. Meanwhile all of those check hangers come to that three way and traffic is right and they head west across the street and On. Damn. Castration Sensation sees them get ON and follows. I get to that corner and find the ON mark and before I leave I see Mommys Little Accident at the three way, held up by traffic. I yell On and I'm off. A block and a half later is a loop into an alley. Castration Sensation missed that as he saw the pack a half block further west heading south. Lucky break. He yelled for me but I didn't hear him over traffic. So I go north in the alley and at this Split. I go straight to the end of the alley and nothing. Returning I take the other option on the Split and I'm On. Meanwhile, during this time Mommys Little Accident got ahead of me at the Split and being the fastest runner of the day, he was long gone and passed everyone and came in FRB. I'm following that pack of Check Hangers thinking they are still behind me. Yeah sure. Well, it was a little zig and a little zag all the way back and never saw anyone again. Finally two blocks from the start, there is a turn into an alley and soon a B at a garage. And there is the pack and all of those people I thought I was ahead of. Shits how that happens. So we head to the start for a circle and lead by Back Door Bizzle and all was good.
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Tue, Aug 3, 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Its Too Soft
is laying trail Oz Park. Another story I'd like to write about, but DAMM CTA. Yes, again. This time I'm on my bus to get me there on time and I hit Foster where they change drivers. And the replacement driver doesn't show up. This is the second time in about a month and so we sit there. About 20 of us, until the next bus come along 20 minutes later. That is 400 wasted minutes or over 6 man hours wasted. By they I wouldn't have made it until well after the pack had left. So I turned around and went home. To damn much of this lately. Its Too Soft, hope you had a nice turnout.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just Dillion hared out of Hawthorn Scholastic Academy with a last minute Co-Hare, Stiffy 4 Stiffies for eventually 17 hounds. He was a virgin hare, so we can blame all of the mistakes on trail on Stiffy 4 Stiffies. The trail started out to the north of the school yard and then under the El track led by that short cutting bastard, Horn-E. And on to the north and west. By then the pack was passing me and we finally came to a Check at Addison that really screwed the FRBs. Yeah, me too. And I finally left there with Back Door Bizzel just as a trio or Waukesha visitors finally arrived, walking. We ran on to a Check at Clark ad just north of Wrigley Field. Back Door Bizzle headed north where he saw marks on his way to the hash. I went east and then circled Wrigley Field, counter clockwise looking for trail. At 4 o'clock I finally found a mark and ran through the Red Line station and another Split. I guessed wrong, but there was a mark that way that looked like the hares arrows. Returning on the south side of the street, the pack was just arriving. I led down the alley and was soon passed. We worked our way over to Halsted and Just Christian, (one of the two) and SnatchSquatch and myself worked the trail to the south and finally trail headed west and after a Triple Split I was now running alone. At Clark there was a Check and Beer Near. I headed west and was on and suddenly not On and out of no where. Furry Spice buzzed by me. We weren't on actual trail, but somehow we both made it into the Beer stop and finish. After a short circle we got into naming the hare, Just Dillon. No, we didn't name him Just Dillon. We named him Hump Back Fail.                               .
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Fri Jul 23, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch  hared out of Northman on the Riverwalk for an A to B hash to the other side of the river for twelve hounds. We headed to the south and into that little park between hi rises that used to be a 9 hole inner city golf course. Really. We came out at Randrolph upper level and headed further south into the park for a loop to the east and down to Lower Randolph. I think there was a Split here. But SnatchSquatch, sweeping, yelled go west old man and I ran under the upper deck. Then suddenly, Friday, Bloody Friday. I approached the back of a parked bus and just as I entered the shadows, my right big toe found a bolt. Not a lightening bolt. A rusty old bolt sticking out of the concrete sidewalk, probably what was left from some old traffic sign. Like no bus parking here. I did the six foot four point landing izzy dizzy in the dirty dusty concrete and came up with a 10, 9, and a 9. Not enough for even a bronze medal, but a burple heart. Seven bleeding spots and a bruised toe, both hands and knees and right arm. And we just began the hash. But we had to hash on and one injured old man doesn't stop the hash. Hell, it wasn't even a dog bite. We came out to upper level Randolph and headed west to a Check at Michigan. Now, normally we'd go south into Millennium park, but this was SnatchSquatch and we returned to find the Check marked to the north and across the street. So we are on and heading west toward Wabash and then north across the river and into a maze of paths on multiple levels around Trump Tower and the Wrigley Building. By the time I emerged from all of that no one was in sight. There was a turn arrow going north on Michigan. Well. eventually the trail went across Michigan, but I never saw the mark. Three times I past where the trail went across Michigan. Damn tourists standing on arrows. But I finally get on and head east. upper level and at Columbus I head south to just before the river. Stairs there and it was down and On In. Turns out that Putt Putt In The Butt lived right above the B spot and offered to let me go to his gym and wash off some of the grit and dirt and clean up all of the blood. We then held a circle and after circle Putt Putt In The Butt invited everyone to a 6th floor roof deck to hang out. All was good. We did have two visitors from the Carolinas, Poop There It Is and Nipples To Infinity. Saving Myself For Two Black Guys was back in town and brought his sister, Just Amanda. She's only run once or twice but lives here and wants to come back. So welcome her with a good hash welcome when she returns.
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Sun Jul 25, 2021, The Second City Hash had
False Advertising and Crotch Fire haring a canoing/kayaking hash from Busse Woods. A beautiful day, but I haven't heard anything about the hash.
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Mon Jul 26, 2021, The Chicago Hash. The hares were supposed to be Feather and Maybe Mollie. It had been listed for some time as Cleo's or a nearby park. Finally I saw on the TH3 Calendar that it was at Cleo's at 1935 W. Damen. That was on Sunday. I would imagine a day later that I could count on that. Hell, Maybe Mollie signed up over a month ago. So I arrived at Cleo's as 7:30 and the bar was empty and no hash marks anywhere. I looked around a little and then finally found out on my Cell Phone that the location had been changed, without announcing to everyone, especially everyone who might attend, that the location was now at Eckert Park. I caught a bus and headed there. Naturally, no one was there and I circled the entire park, finally finding where the circle started. By now it is about 8:00 and I had two choices, Follow the trail carrying a heavy bag full of T-shirts or hang around for who knows how long, hoping that it is an A to A. I went home. Wasted 3 hours. Thanks all. Things can go wrong and changes might be necessary. But first, the hares should get out what they hope is a permanent starting location in a timely manner. Like well over a week in advance unless you are a last minute hare. And then, live up to it. If changes are necessary, will an A to B work so the start can stay the same and nobody gets screwed. Or Maybe a nearby place. Not everyone has a car for a quick change. And how about marking at the original place so people can hopefully get to the changed location. I don't know the reason for this change. I'm sure there was a reason, but there is seldom an excuse. This has been going on since I started hashing, mostly with Chicago H3. The first time it happened was October 1985. Some people in the inner clique decided to have one more Monday Hash with the nice weather before switching to Sunday for the winter. Unfortunately, they only got around to telling their good friends, the inner clique, probably late Sat. night. I showed up on Sunday and rode around on my motorcycle for a long time looking for some marks. Ruined my day. So, I've been burned before and it is never right. I have seen others burned before. It sucks. Get it right as soon as possible and do your best to stick with it. And if you can't, do your best to inform everyone possible of the changes. It is your responsibility to do what you can to not hurt your friends, and possibly visitors and virgins.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Mommys Coming and Castration Sensation set trail from Horner Park. Well, at least they say they did. But Mommys Coming set us off and manned the beer stop and Castration Sensation was off setting trail. We went straight north to a little park and then a Check.  I went down an alley and when I returned, they were gone. But I plugged on and suddenly saw the pack coming my way. A Back Check gone wrong. It was marked Back Check 2 and turned out to be a Back Check 3. Well. I tried that along with Back Door Bizzle on the other side of the street. At the alley we turned back. Damn, another 30 feet and I would have been On. So we worked the area and much time and about 7 miles later we returned to that Back Check and retried the Back Check 3 idea. By the time I got there, SnatchSquatch Its Too Soft, Just Emanuel were off on the trail, finally. Back Door Bizzle came back to check on me. So the two of us followed through Checks and Splits that weren't swept. That Check on Lawrence was another slow down for us. But we ran On. We finally came to an alley along the El Tracks. As we came out there was a Check and Flamming Flaggot who came late and got directions to there. So I now ended up walking along with him and following the pack. We ended up along Lawrence, crossed Western and then south along Lincoln, through a park and west on Montrose. We missed the Beer Stop in an alley and walked on in with the pack. Except SnatchSquatch and Back Door Bizzle who kept running on more trail I knew nothing about. Along the river on narrow wooded path and down to Irving Park. Then over the river and back to the start, on the hill where the pack was waiting. And the hares drank plenty. Then the newbie, Just Emanuel showed them how to really do a proper Down Down. Twice. Well done. Then the first few rain drops came and I headed out. Unfortunately not soon enough. Got wet and it took a looong time waiting for two bus transfers in the rain. Damn.   x
Sat Jul 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve on a beautiful day, sun shine but not to hot. And only three hounds showed up. And a great new trail that they missed at least a third of. Shit happens. They took off to the Northwest along the bike path and soon headed into brush and towards the start of the bike bridge over the tracks. There I had a Split. SW over the bridge or NW down a hill and then SW over the tracks at track level. They missed this. Now, the Split only pointed two ways, but they tried a third way and found the ON Back trail. Damn narrow woods. But they shouldn't have even looked here. So they ran SE along the river and to the Beer Stop and no beer and only a half mile or so. So, realizing their mistake they returned to that Split and found trail this time. Good. So they are on and a Check at the other end of the Bike Bridge. After finding this into the woods they came out to prairie and a field full of prairie flowers two to four or five feet high and TP going right through the middle. Don't crush the flowers. They did some of this before realizing that there was a path around it and being lazy bastards they headed to the path. Trail finally came out to Lechowicz Woods picnic area and an arrow pointing across the grassy picnic area. Apparently they missed the marks in the grass but eventually it came to the river and a Split. And they went right and it was wrong. Gotcha. They finally returned and from there it was a nice path along the rivers edge and up to the tracks again. As they climbed up to the tracks they saw a train coming and were more concerned looking out for the train then the marks and missed a huge arrow pointing NW across the trestle. Instead Zone 2 crossed the tracks and spotted an arrow at rivers edge from the return path. Damn, the screwed up the narrow again. So they ran on in along the river's edge and that On In part for the third time. There they found the hare at rivers edge with two six packs, Bloody Orange and Billy Goat. And except for the skeeters that kept ignoring the buckets of bug spray we all wore, all was good. So we abandoned that spot and headed to the picnic area and a park bench in the sun and finished the beer. Beautiful Day. One other thing. We all spotte a pair of Blue Herons flying along the river, And did they squak when they wanted to.
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Mon Jul 19, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sleeping Booty laid trail from Lincoln Park near Wisconsin. Yeah, it goes a long way. Trail had about 18 hounds and took off to the east into the park through the fumes of the Farm in the Zoo. That was almost as bad as some alleys we go through. We headed south to the tunnel under La Salle Drive and a Check. Here we headed west into Old Town and I was soon all by myself. I thought I was DFL. But I was suddenly passed by Construction Junction etc. and then Cockholm Syndrone just as I was approaching a much needed Porta Potty. So I had to wait. Then along came Lower Wackoff and he had to wait. I finally took off and followed trail. Finally Cockholm Syndrome passed me and I just ran on and on and finally came to a beer stop. And some how that sneaky bastard Lower Wackoff was already there. Damn, DFL. We soon took off and I was soon near the back as we headed west. Then we saw hashers coming back from a Back Check and it soon led to a Check. I went north and the pack went west. Damn. So Now I am running behind and following behind Back Door Bizzle and then he disappears. Damn, I'm alone again. But I keep following trail to a Check on Clybourn. I see the last of the pack, Happy Ass Grabber running across the street coming back from a False Trail. By the time I crossed the intersection he was long gone. Lights and damn lights. trail went into a area with some mixed up angled streets and I see Eat My Pussy ahead. And then gone and damn, I'm alone again. Finally I hit some EL tracks and trail underneath. At Dickens is an E & W Split. But someone marked a true trail mark across the street and east. A block later I realized that it didn't go this way. Damn. A bad mark is worse then no mark at all. The trail went straight east on Dickens and at the first corner it went north on Bissel and there was no mark on that north corner. Thanks a lot. So I run on and into De Paul area. Here I missed a mark into the campus and a block later I realized I was off trail. But I was so damn far behind I figured trail was just north to Fullerton and circling back. Wrong, They Checked at Halsted and Fullerton and then went much further north. Meanwhile I headed straight east looking for some kind of return mark. Nothing. At Clark I headed south and came into the finish, FRB. WTF. Where was everybody? It was another 10 minutes before they came on in.  Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and all was good.
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On On
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The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 15, 2021, The Thirstday Hash.
SnatchSquatch laid his anal Running of the Bulls hash from
Union Park for seven hounds. There were three Bulls and three hounds and one dumb late cumer, Horn-E. The idea is that the Spaniards get a head start and the bulls try to catch/gore them. But this time the Spaniards sabotaged the trail and the Bulls were really lost on Ashland. I just missed the Bulls taking off, but I caught them on Ashland when I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Mommys Coming, running all over the area. I tried to join then but with a heavy back pack, that wouldn't last. And just as suddenly they were gone. But Stiffy 4 Stiffies mentioned something about the trail maybe going by Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her's codo. Sounds like an unscheduled/scheduled beer stop. So I headed south to Ogden and then south on Ogden towards their condo. Then I found a Check. First, which way did it come from. Then was it an On Out Check or an On Back Check. It came from the north so the assumption was it was heading south west to the BS. Southwest, not. West, not. South, maybe, big freaking loop and Not. So I tried NE on the other side of Ogden and there it was. So It is an On Back Check. I worked it and it wasn't hard and I came to another park. As I am working the Triple Split, the wrong way, I ran around the park and finally picked up on marks and was off. But as I worked that Triple Split, I heard an R U. I yelled back "NO". The pack was just catching up and ran into the park for a beer stop. Damn, nothing was working right. So I am heading north and a Check. I guessed wrong, but worked my way to Randolph and back to the start. No B anywhere. Just the starting marks. Damn. So I ranged back to that last Check and started working it. East, Not. And as I return to that point I run into a bunch of drunk hounds and we all waked back to where I just came from. And so the pack gathered and we held circle and all was good. Also there were Dick Hermonica, Happy Ass Grabber, False Advertising and Sleeping Booty also on trail. Swing Low

Fri Jul 9, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Harrison Park. We had eight hounds and took off to the south. I was having trouble with a bad ankle sprain since Tuesday's 4X2H4 Hash and it hurt as I arrived. So I was starting slow and suddenly the ankle felt fine. At the first Check I was last in and it took a bit but we were soon off to the west and some of the pack were already out of sight, like Lifa and Mommys Little Dumpling. So the rest of us struggled along. Somehow we lost Lower Wackoff but we got to Western and across and south in an alley and a T and E Split. I caught up to Son Of Spam here and we came out of this little dirt path and headed west under tracks and through Tony's parking lot. As we then headed south, the pack was coming towards us. Missed a hidden arrow. So we are finally back on and heading east. We are a small pack of five now. We cross Western and into an alley and finally between a fence and into ancient ruins. Trail went on at the remnants of building foundations as Stuffin Muffin led here. I followed Magnetic Muff, risking falling in the tight vegetation and squeezing through a fence. Its Too Soft chickened out and went back and looped around. As we come out we head east and there were Son Of Spam and Its Too Soft heading north. At the next block was a Check. Magnetic Muff waited on the corner and the four guys split up a
And yet again, nd headed north and east on both sides of the street. I don't know what happened with them after that. I found an arrow into an alley and never found another after a long block. But there was no way I was returning. That alley smelled like it was serving nothing but fish markets and Chinese restaurants and their garbage, a week after the start of a garbage truck drivers strike. So I went south a half a block and there was a mark. I'm ON but no one in sight to call out to. So I run on and finally come to a BN Check. Back on trail soon I'm heading north and just east of Damen and I come to a Triple Split. South was wrong so I loop to the east and again wrong. I finally return to the Split and head west to Damen and I'm soon On and heading into the finish. And for me, I was running pretty damn good. About as fast as Lifa and Mommy's Little Dumpling running backwards. Really felt great. We broke out chairs and formed a circle. But we were one chair short. And so, in circle, you stood in the center of the circle and gave a down down. That person got up and you quickly grabbed their chair. Musical chairs. Except Its Too Soft who wouldn't release his chair. Then we find out that it isn't even his chair. Worth another down down. But all was good. Swing Low

Sat Jul 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, Summer idiot-a-rod. Stiffy 4 Stiffies set this Chicago traditional looooooooong Hash for nine hounds. I got there just as they were leaving and after a Porta Potty stop they were gone and I'm thinking 10 miles playing catch up. Shit. And now my ankle is acting up again and I can't risk running fast to catch up. So, I plod along following trail through Lincoln Park heading north. Finally a Check and it is marked west and under Lake Shore Drive. And another Check at the edge of the park. But a sucker play as the trail headed back into the park and north and finally into the dreaded city alleys and streets. Now, as far as I know, somewhere along here, Lower Wackoff see a Porta Potty and the little green flag is up. He boldly rushes up and yanks open the door just in time to see to see a little girl, or was it an old lady, doing the last wipe. Whoops. He slammed the door and ran off to the nearest alley and stood like a man between dumpsters. Hey, it's his story. But meanwhile I follow trail and down an alley to the north and I think I see Lower Wackoff way ahead. Last I saw of him. He went west and there was an unmarked Check on Argyle. So he heads west and then I arrive and suddenly their is Meat Inside Her, Its Too Soft and Putt Putt In The Butt. And they just found trail to the south. And they run off and I'm behind again, but on trail. Yes, eventually Lower Wackoff got back here and this time it was marked. Then there is another Check and again, I just catch up as they run off to the south in an alley. This time Berts Special Friend was with them. But I ran on and the trail heads west and right by Gay Dancers apartment and even though he was running with us, he short cut the pack to his house for an unscheduled beer stop. I ran right on by and a few blocks later I look back and here comes the pack. We run west on Lawrence and then south through some alleys and eventually to a Check at Wilson and Clark. When I get there, the pack is already gone. But I find trail through Staples parking lot and suddenly there were Lifa and Gay Dancer ahead of me. Well, they were soon out of sight and I'm chugging along alone again and come to a Split at Western, a block north of Montrose. And it is marked False to the west, and the pack is to the south and suddenly returning. WTF. A little screw up here. F means go back to Check or Split. In this case you had to go back through that Split to the previous one and eventually Lifa found that heading north. Meanwhile I'm rechecking straight south and after two blocks, nothing. So I range west and up to Montrose and over to Ravenswood. Nothing. Actually the pack was north of me and going further west then were I stopped. Like I'm running an inner circle and they are runing a wider circle. So I head south looking for marks that might come my way. No way. I get to Irving Park and decide to call it. Remember, I'm running on a bad ankle. And I'm still miles from the finish on an A to B and I don't know where B is. So I start walking east on Irving Park and on the south side of the street so I would be better able to see makes coming north. Meanwhile the pack is running around Wrigley Field with rain and thousands of people walking over the marks. Yes, they got split up into about four groups and I made five. I get to Lake Shore Drive and walk under the bridge and there is a bright beautiful arrow. So, I'm on agan and just as suddenly Gay Dancer comes up behind me, Well, I wasn't running and we was so I mostly followed him north to the pedestrian tunnel and through some city streets and two more Checks and I manage to again run into Gay Dancer at parks edge and Montrose. A few block later we head towards Lake Shore Drive behind a field House and there is the finish. A mob of non runners and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooking burgers, I needed food. Damn good burgers. Eventually we all came on in. Castration Sensation was DFL but he ran 15 miles. Life also got 15. My GPS got screwed up but I probably got 7 or 8 miles. Circle was good and a light rain started and all was good. As I left and got into a bus, Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran up and waved me off after I already paid. He offered me a ride home. Now things are really good. Swing Low my friends.
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Mon Jul 12, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sharti B laid a trail out of Palmer Square Park, west end, and he had 19 hounds for this A to B trail. About 4.5 miles for the Turkey Trail. And yes, I ran the Turkey Trail, but I don't know how or where or when I got on it. Any hoo. trail started through the park and just south to Dickens street and west to California. At this point I'm a little ahead of Lower Wackoff and the pack is out of sight. North on California the trail makes it way over to Milwaukee and a Check. As I get there I see Happy Ass Grabber on the other side of Milwaukee being pulled down the street by his dog. I follow and after a short loop to the south we are back at Milwaukee and just before Armitage I find another Check. Unmarked so I head north and Lifa follows me. Hey, where did he come from. Anyhow I inform him about the Check and we split. Ultimately I find the trail and Lifa and Lower Wackoff and I run on to a Check at Western and Lyndale. Lifa goes straight so I head west. Nothing west and I never saw Lifa again until the finish. Straight north on Western and trail crossed Western but never a third arrow. He ranged and picked up on the trail. Now I followed him and Lower Wackoff on that False and we run into USSR. We return and finally find the real trail east from the Check and it runs on to Oakley and we run into USSR's two virgins, J. Emmanuel and J. Monica. Somehow we all manage to work our way over to Western and Logan Blvd. and a Check. At this point we were on the Turkey Trail but here is where we rejoined the Eagle Trail. and the two rejoin and there are hounds everywhere. From here the trail went to a Check on Logan Blvd by a church. This led to Altgeld through an alley and then west, past a Check, and on in to the finish on the Boulevard parkway just west of Richmond. Circle was to damn loud. I guess that is what happens when I have two working hearing aids. It was like standing in the middle of a rock concert. But all was good and we hung around after circle for a bit. I finally left when I felt some rain and headed on out. Swing Low, hashers. 
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On On
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This pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. We have all reacted to it as we saw it, and learned about it, and in the interests of our own health, as we saw fit. When it first hit, everyone folded hashes in panic, even before the Governor shut down Illinois. But I kept the Bushman Hash open. Not mandatory, but for those that wished to live on as they thought was reasonable. Free choice. When we opened up again, the first hash was in my back yard and I opened up my home. Since then and through this winter I have hosted many hashes and always gave access to my home. Its Too Soft also opened his home for multiple hashes. And we cooked and offered it up to all. Last winter when the hashes shut down, many of us said hell no. Regular hashes and under the umbrella of "Friends Who Run Chicago", we kept the traditions going.  And all last winter we had numbers coming out that rival the regular hashes since we have reopened. We had about 15 to 20 hashers who came out frequently and braved the cold of winter for hashes and circles, on lawn chairs in parks and yards. We kept our thing going. Meanwhile, many hashers showed up once or twice or not at all. We got virgins who wanted something to do and found us. If we were not hashing, they might never have come to enjoy our thing and become part of us. And now that Illinois is opening up, our general numbers haven't really increased all that much. Sometimes less then in the winter. But meanwhile something else has happened.

Vaccine Passports. Since Memorial Day their have been two Rag Time Hashes that I know of. No vaccine, no entry. I've only attended one Rag Time in the past and it wasn't really for me. No problem. Beside one couple, hosts, had a new born baby and I'm sure they were being very cautious. But yet, somehow it was okay to show up last Thursday with the baby and ended up holding the baby in circle with all of that singing, which authorities say is super spreader activity. Hmmm. There was one Second City Hash. As I recall, no vaccine, $10 extra and stay masked. I could miss that one. Then the 4th of July weekend happened. First it was the regular Chicago Hash posted. Come to hash but no entry for the great food and party after without proof on your phone of vaccination. I've been a regular member of the Chicago Hash for over 35 years and this is the first time I was not allowed in. I know, babies, kids. But there would be some relief because of a late entry for the weekend, a Second City Hash. No need to worry here. They hosted a beer stop at the Memorial Day Hash and their kid ran around all over the back yard. And there were about 50 hashers and not a mask in sight for about an hour. Wrong. I was told shortly after arriving that I could stay now, because their kid was sleeping, and I could run the hash, but would have to leave after. Huh! She admitted that she screwed up in allowing Memorial Day. It was hard to get up for the hash, and not fun if you know you have to leave.
When I returned for my bag, they were all starting to pile into their above ground pool, covered in bug spray and sweat, and no shower in site. A guess that sweat and bug spray is okay on their kid but me walking around isn't. I digress.

Let's get something straight here. We're talking about some hashers I really like and have always gotten along well with. But you can never stand up to and argue with a woman over issues with her child. That is like getting between a Grizzly sow and her cubs and telling her that her cubs are so cute and cuddly and you only want to pet them. Ain't gonna happen. She will chew you up and spit out the bones.

I guess the main objection is, hash is always open to anyone unless you are going around raping Harrietts or stealing from hashers, or shitting on their couches. I, as much as anyone, kept hashing going through this pandemic. Well over fifty hashes since they closed down, freezing our asses off in the cold dark nights of winter. And now that it has warmed up, those that did nothing are coming out and telling us we're having a party hash and you can't come. Really sucks. If we didn't keep things going, where would hashing in Chicago be now.

We are a club of sorts and if you send out an invitation to host a hash, it goes to everyone.
We love some and maybe tolerate others. But we always welcomed all. Until this year. In other words. If you can't invite everyone, don't invite anyone. It is only fare to those that are excluded. You can always hold off hosting a hash until you are comfortable hosting all. But how can you be comfortable if you know you have to exclude friends. Ones that wouldn't exclude you.

My medical decisions are personal and based on knowing my body and what I have read about the virus, the vaccine and the potential side effects. And I have researched it extensively and acting on the advice of countless Doctors and Virologists. I'm not questioning your choices.

One other thing. Most of us know the Sixty-nine Cent Man. He has gone through medical hell this year and still trying to recover. If he were to just show up at one of these restricted hashes, just to hang out as he can't run yet, would you allow him to stay? He got the shots. But they didn't take and their are no antibodies, and he has to get a do over. Does anyone else know if they actually have anti-bodies? Have you actually been tested for antibodies? Just asking.

Rant over. I only hope we can all hash at every opportunity, and desire to do so, without conflicts.

On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Jun 30, 2021, Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lifa laid trail out of Independence Park and we had a small pack of fast hounds and slow hounds and somehow I ended up with the fast hounds and eventually FRB. No, I didn't earn it, and yet I did. Later. We took off south and along the Expressway. There was a Check along here and falling behind early, Lower Wackoff and I had to solve this. But with luck we were right after the FRBs. We got to Addison and a little park and then headed west over the Expy and to a Check. The FRBs were again gone and I headed northwest and not On. Then suddenly the whole pack is gathering around one block west on Addison and no damn 3rd mark. As we circled back to the Check someone finally headed east on Addison and we were on. We lost Garmin along here. Well done, back of the opposite side of the street. Along here we finally realized that we were joined by Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation. Late comers. This brought us to a Check at Kimball. I found this for the small group of back of the pack hashers and we headed north. Just before Elston there was a Triple Split and I picked wrong heading north. But eventually AC DC from Pittsburgh found the Check and we scattered around there before getting On. A few quick alleys and we checked at Kimball and Irving Park. This went north and about two blocks later it evolved into a small group at the front, AC DC and Ass to Seman, both from Pittsburgh, Stiffy 4 stiffies and myself. We headed west on Cullom and got a split at an alley. I went south and was wrong, but I headed west and the three other front runners eventually came to where I was running on Berteau. By then I was at another Check and working it, They found it and another Split at an alley. The visitors found it heading north and Stiffy 4 Stifies and I paralleled to the west. He finally went north looking for them and I kept going west and again, the trail came to me and I got lucky again. So I'm running south towards Irving Park and near the Expy and a little pathway to Irving Park. Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran by me here and because of the traffic lights he just kept going straight and towards the finish at the park. Only it wasn't. I crossed Irving Park and headed east and the two visitors followed and then passed me. But no hare or beer in the park. So I eventually headed back with Ass To Semen and we fount the marks and got back on trail. Heading along the Expy we crossed Pulaski and I raced to beat the lights and headed down this little back path to the hare and beer, FRB. A short time later the back of the pack came on in and finally the real FRBS, came into the finish from the wrong way. So, technically, the normal DFL became FRB and the Real FRB became DFL. A twist of luck. We then headed over to the park for circle and hanging out in the dark.
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Thu Jul 1, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa was a last minute co-hare with Garmin to celebrate his 2500th Hash at Oz Park. We had nine hounds and things got screwed up early. We headed south and at the second Check was the confusion that screwed me and left me alone. When I got there Mommys Coming was saying there was a Back Check three. But a Back Check three was the Check. Or did then mean the mark before that. Well we worked that for a bit and didn't seem to know WTF was happening, So I'm out Checking and when I return they were all gone. Damn. Well, most marks were marked and I ran on through Old Town and eventually into Lincoln Park. I skipped a loop here and was soon at the beer check. From here the trail went straight north, sort of, from about Armitage to a Split at Beldon that was marked straight ahead. There I ran into a bunch of hounds at Fullerton and they were saying that there were no marks, Well, while checking, suddenly I heard a whistle. But no one in sight. So after more checking I headed west at that Split to Clark and still nothing. Lifa told me at the Beer Stop that there were about 2 more miles so, I figured that it had to go much further north, So I did and nothing was found. I circled back to the park and the start to see if they marked where the circle was, NO. So I circled the entire park and was returning to the start when I found the pack and they are calling DFL. Hell, I'd already been by there once and no one was there. Well, we held circle and all was good. And Cock Whisperer was standing in the circle with her new born and that was good. But twice loosing the pack and finding myself running alone was not fun, SH.
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Tue Jul 6, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. False Advertising and Crotch Fire hared from the Shamrock Club for eight hounds. As the pack headed west and then south around the Merchandise Mart and over the Franklin bridge, Chicken Stifer took the lead and was soon returning on the other side of the street. So we got a quick short cut. Then back across the river at Wells. Trail then went back north across the river again on the other side of the street. Lower Wackoff managed to see CS returning to the south again on La Salle and we skipped that loop and headed straight east on Wacker. Trail went down to river level at La Salle and back up at Clark. The hares are really screwing with us on this one. Then we head north across another bridge, this time at Dearborn. At Kinzie was a Check. CS went straight north and so I headed east. One mark and then nothing. So I assumed CS might be on to the north and I headed north for two blocks and nothing. So I loop back to Dearborn, still no marks and head for the Check. There I found Lower Wackoff and two visitors, I Fell Tower and Second Cumming heading west. A block later they were on nothing but CS had run this way back and forth and was last seen heading west. Now I'm thinking. North, East, West were not On. Keeping with the previous pattern, could those bastard hares be taking us back across the river on the east side of Dearborn. I run off and sure enough, I was right. I call the pack and run on. At Wacker the trail goes east. Well, what else is new. At State is a Split and I head back across another bridge. Those bastard hares got us again. YBF over the bridge. So I return and it is the four of us again. This time trail heads across State and down to the river lever. Again. My right knee was hurting the last time I did that so I stayed upper lever and ranged while they went down. They ran on to Michigan and back to upper level. Meanwhile, while trying to see where they were heading, my left ankle want out. I get these on occasion and this was a bad one. Slightest twist can do it. But there was no more running. Lower Wackoff lost the visitors at Michigan and with some wrong guesses he fell way back and was running on his own. He got about 6 miles of a four mile trail. Meanwhile, I limped on towards the start to see if the finish was posted there. No such luck. So, I'm thinking that we end in a garage for beer. He has done that before. So I work a big loop looking for garages with arrows into them. No. I head for the little river park near Erie where we have had beer stops. No. A big loop back to the bar and still not a mark anywhere. Last thought was that the trail went into the loop and then over to that spot under the tracks we've used before. And there they were dispersing just as I arrived. That was fun. Not. I get my bag and my drink and the few left sang DFL and then we did Swing Low and everyone was gone. As near as I can figure, from those I managed to talk to, Chicken Stifer ranged from that Check and finally headed over to B. I'm thinking he knew where it was because he came to the bar from that direction and with the hares. Menage A Twat came in Second because she just does a long walk and the hares told her were the beer was. Castration Sensation came in next at over 7 miles on that 4 mile trail. I saw his GPS. He went the wrong way, several times at every Split and Check. The visitors left just as I got to circle. And I don't know what happened to Its Too Soft, but I'm sure he followed someone on in. And that's the way I heard it and saw it.
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On On

Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Jun 19, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared a really screwed up hash from Cumberland and Irving Park.
All right, I know the area, but the woods always change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes to become almost impossible. Trail started out to the north instead of the more familiar south and/or west. That got Lower Wackoff right away. We hadn't been this way for some time so it should be an adventure. Yeah, adventure. Sure. First is crossing the ball fields and picnic areas. Then a little loop through a small section of woods. Was that full of ground clutter. Then after some got a little short cut, trail went around a pond and a Check. Do I know what happened here. NO. I was off buying beer. But trail eventually went across a parking lot and into a dirt path in a field of prairie grasses. This led to a short bit on a regular wide path and then into sparse woods and deeper prairie grasses. And climbing over dead trees and such. This led to a Check at a parking lot. Trail went north and to a wide path heading west. This was paralleling a stinky dead stream with about 6 inches of stagnant water. And crossing that was the goal. But the brier bushes were everywhere and I finally got to the end of the former possible crossings and to a more reliable one. But that meant a five foot climb out. Somebody better help Just Do Me Slowly. From here we back tracked a bit on the remnants of a path that dead ended. The overall plan was to get through here and into some more passable woods. It must have taken an extra ten minutes just to work my way past the thorns and dead clutter that I kept breaking away for a passable path. Just Do Me Slowly had it made here. SnatchSquatch, not so much. Now I am in the woods and somewhat running room. This was supposed to come out to fields and a path. When I came out, there were fields of nice tall grasses and the mostly horrible section of trees going on forever. These trees are little clumps of skinny trees just a few feet apart and hard to even walk through. I tried to go around and finally was coming up to a road and no clear path through the trees. I had to head for the edge of the road and run along that until I saw what might be a good spot to re-enter the woods. It was and I soon found some clearings and paths and at least one Split that lost Stiffy 4 Stiffies. But he looped around and soon picked up on trail as we headed towards the river and a small river crossing. Yeah, like anyone would do that. Even Rambo, I mean Scent Of A Man skipped that. And now the trail was on a real wide path along the river. I looked at the time and "Holy Shit" I am 45 minites from the start time and a long way from the finish and now having to scrap some of the planned trail. Shitty trail. Yeah. I mostly headed straight back with a few short loops into trees. So, while they were running, I returned with the beer and walked back along my trail looking for a good spot for a beer stop. And there was this oasis in the middle of the park, a clump of trees. Upon entering I was met with a nice cool breeze and with the heat of the day, that would be the perfect beer stop. Almost. First there was Stiffy 4 Stiffies. He found that left turn and headed for the trees and was soon followed by the pack in twos and threes. Mommys Coming, False Advertising, Zone 2, Back Door Bizzle, Waiting Four Two Black Guys.  Finally we are all there, except SnatchSquatch. Somehow he kept missing the turn into the Beer Stop and we missed seeing him and he was running back and forth. We were looking Snatch. Really. But we all finally made it in. Then we headed to a picnic area and Lower Wackoff brought out a grill and some meat and we got more beer and all was good in the cool shade and light breeze.
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Mon, Jun 21, 2021,  Chicago Hash. Death By Bukkake and Dr. Cockvorkian laid trail out of Liberty Lounge. Fifteen hounds on trail. And I got off at the first Back Check. Damn. Now I'm playing catchup all the way. Not. Then I miss interpreted a mark as trail went north of Irving Park near construction and at the southern end of Horner Park. I saw it as going right over the bridge. I missed a Split and the trail went west and then through the park. Not finding marks and way behind. I opted to head north hoping for the trail to loop east on Montrose. It did. But before getting there I opted to go east and just missed the beer stop in a park. And I would have caught the pack there. But I figured there wouldn't be a beer stop there because it was to far away from the finish. Wrong. What I didn't figure on was two beer stops. Either did most of the pack. And they went further north almost to Lawrence before circling back and east, Meanwhile I ranged on, but not ON, and finally came back to the bar. No one there. So I ran south to Belmont and then east to Damen and actually found an arrow. Damn, how did that get there. But it went no where. It was off of a check. Well, It was a block west and return, north and return, two blocks east and return and one block south and return before I found the Check. Right across the street from where this all started. Damn. From here it was straight south to a park and I was FRB. WTF. Finally Lifa wandered in. He short cut down Ravenswood and found trail. Well over ten minutes before three hounds came on in. We finally gave up waiting at 10PM. By the time we got back to the bar five hounds already left and two were about to leave. It had been suggested having a long trail for the longest day of the year. But at least run it with us. That and most of us didn't realize there were two beer stops and there were a hell of a lot of Back Checks. All in all, a rough trail, but shit happens and after a beer, we all felt better.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

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Thu Jun 10, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sleeping Booty hared from the southwest edge of Lincoln park for a pack of 10 hounds and 3 late comers. That 10 included 2 virgins Just Alana and Just Bret and a visitor Good Wood Licker from the Boston area, We started out to the south and then around the pond for the eagles and Horn-E and the virgins went turkey and merged east of the pond. From here we headed south and out of the park and along Lake Shore Drive and the Gold Coast area. Even hit a few gangways I never saw before. Then we worked our way along Division and Wells and North ave and finally heading into old town. Mostly I managed to stay a little in front of the newbies and they didn't get lost on trail. Eventually we were joined by Back Door Bizzle and finally we hit a check at Lincoln and Wisconsin. I headed north and found nothing. But, at that point I was about a hundred yards from the finish and so I headed ON IN. And Good Wood LIcker called me out in the circle for short cutting. Obviously they hash a lot different at her home hash. During circle we finally ran out of beer and the hare had to go get more. And shortly after I took advantage of the close by bus line right to my house and headed hoome.    
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Fri. Jun 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin where out to kill the hash when they hared out of Sauganash Park. And what I saw was an okay trail for a large pack, but we only had four hounds. Hey, we got more in the dead of winter and 10 degrees. But we were soon off to the north and north and north. At Peterson we had a Split and SnatchSquatch was right by the Split as Lifa returned. That was the last we saw of SnatchSquatch. We were heading north on old railroad right a way/bike path and we were up and down. left side and right side and just missing seeing Snatchsquatch up ahead. We finally came to a T and E just before Devon. SnatchSquatch was long gone on the Eagle and Lifa and Lower Wackoff soon followed. I took the Turkey and headed east. Turkey was a bit of straight east with little dips to the right and left until I picked up on the merging of the two trails. From here I was On to the south and with a few dips to the right or left, finally came out in the parking lot of a brewery. The rest of the pack finally came in at the beer stop about ten or fifteen minutes apart. They went way the hell north for about a 6.5 mile trail. We were going to just have a beer stop here, but by the time we all got in, we decided to circle right there. Then my bus, the last bus of the night, came right by there and I was gone.                               h.
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Sat. Jun 12, 2021, The 200th Big Dog Hash. Lifa and Horn-E hared twice in St. Paul Woods for close to 10 miles.
Yeah, one prelaid and one live trail. Damn thunder storms. And we had some nice tricks and such on trail and went through a lot of effort creating them. The good part was we saw a lot of deer in the beautiful green woods. And then there was that little fawn. Running and leading away from us and then suddenly coming right back past us. WTF. Oh, maybe it was the damn coyote chasing him. But the coyote saw us right after passing us and paused to look at us and the fawn was long gone and living another day. As we finally approached the finish, we saw the clouds coming in. Then our phones were showing the bad weather coming right at us, on its nothern edge. We might have to relay the trail. So Lifa went out for more flour and I waited with the pack, such as it was. Back Door Bizzel, Crotch Fire, SnatchSquatch and for the first time in about 15 months, RumpleStealsKids. Then the rains hit, hard, and we huddled in the leaking shelter at the far end with the strong winds and heavy rain. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Spam and Meat Inside Her arrived for a pack of seven. We took off to re lay the trail. And eventually they followed. We had to miss a few of our great tricks, and mostly stayed on the old trail except when we didn't. When we got to the coyote area there is this little stream. When we first laid the trail, we had a Check here and I ended up walking along in the stream with about a half inch of water trickling by for a long False. It rained. Lifa got here first and just crossed it. I asked and he said it was only up to his knees. Yeah, a flash flood. Where I crossed it came up to mid thighs. Just missed my phone in my pocket. Whew! We eventually started to leap frog past each other so the pack wouldn't catch us. Like that would work. I got ahead and headed over to the narrow path along the river and started laying more trail. Along here I tweaked the trail a bit and then heard Lifa catching up and calling out to me. I thought he was just questioning the slight change I made in the trail. Noooo. He had a bit of a slip on that narrow trail and as he headed for the river he grabbed whatever he could to not fall in and lost his flour. He needed me to return to relay from where he ran out of flour. So, missed communication. I yelled I'm On and ran on and he returned to wait for the pack. Hey, it sort of worked. I went on laying trail and they were able to follow what I relayed and eventually I was on a bike path and walking, almost out of flour and with so much shit in my shoes from water crossings, I could hardly run anymore. And Berts Special Friend ran up and snagged the lead hare. Damn. But rumor has it that they did enjoy the trail. Back at the finish they started the grill, chicken and burgers and franks and all was good. Then we held a real laid back circle and finally headed on out. Beautiful day, great weather, well mostly, and good hashing. A 200th worth trail.
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Mon, Jun 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. False Advertising hared from Ashland, Division & Milwaukee for an A to B trail that would end near the home of Soul Taco and Hooch B4 Cooch. This should have been a simple trail. Hey, it was a simple trail. Well, except, tiny light marks. A back Check and I was right at the right spot to head south and find trail and take the lead. But I missed seeing the mark. So we scattered and I finally went back to the Back Check and they found the arrow I missed and they were long gone. Almost. I did see Lower Wackoff heading the right way and followed. But I also missed the next arrow and went along the east of this housing area while the trail went right through it and a quick Check on Milwaukee. When I got to Milwaukee there were no marks, Heading north I found a Split heading right towards me and it was marked southeast on Milwaukee. So, ten minutes later I finally returned to the Split and back to a Check I didn't know existed. And it was marked south and eventually west in an alley. WTF. So I ran on and was finally looking for fading marks in the dark. And some bastard was moving the light small arrows from under bright lights to under trees and behind poles. So twice I got burned on that and added four extra blocks. I finally came in to the finish and they were just starting the circle. So, all was finally good and I had another 6.5 mile trail. Damn. We had 12 hounds on trail that included a visitor from Barbados, China Brush.  Thanks for the patch. For your information, she is putting together a week long Caribbean tour by boat with a hash every day on a different island and finishing with the Interhash in Trinidad next April. 
 
On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the TrailThu Jun 3, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatchwas to hare from the Skate Park just north of Wilson. I arrived late because of a CTA snafu, 25 minutes later then planned. That made it 7:24 and not a hasher in sight. Anywhere. But I did find a true trail mark and no usual chalk talk marks. WTF. I followed that with a heavy back pack hoping to drop it off with the shag wagon. Not. The second mark I saw was a true trail mark on a Check near the lake. Still no Chalk Talk Marks. So I headed out lugging that heavy back pack and the trail was mostly swept and I was doing sort of fine. Even found a short cut at Foster. But they were already past that and long gone. Coming south I found a Check at Lawrence. I went south and wrong, but I finely did pick up on trail around Wilson and west of the Outer Drive and followed that east and around Cricket Hill and towards the Bird Sanctuary. Trail came to a Check and I headed into the bird sanctuary thinking there would be a circle in there. Not. Just a lot of solo guys cruising back and forth. I'm not sure if they weren't interested or if I scared them off, but I got out unscathed and headed west. I eventually picked up on trail again and headed around the harbor to a BN mark. Under the bridge I headed wrong on a Check thinking the trail just might go back to the start where ever that was, because I don't remember any A to B info. Well, wrong again so I went the other way and found the pack on top of Cricket Hill. By my best guess there were11 other trail hounds besides myself. Short circle and then we watched the night lights. Mostly flashing and blue on fast moving cars. Must have been about 15 just northeast of where we were. I left and saw at least 6 more arriving. Then two ambulances. Shooting? Didn't hear that. Knifing? Gang fight? Who knows.
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Mon, Jun 7, 2021, Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Skinner Park. No flashing lights here as we were about 100 yards from the Police academy. We had 15 trail hounds, including two visitors and two virgins. The visitors are now gone and heading back home and the two virgins disappeared before the circle. I hope they got hash cash. Actually Just Katy and Just David seemed to like the hash and hopefully will return now that they have experienced at least the running part. I took off running slow and within two blocks my old ankle injury started acting up. Last week I ran 7 days in a row and over a Marathon. Then one day off and I ran about 3.8 milea with a heavy back pack and no problems. But take three days off and this old fart starts to fall apart. Damn. We ran east and struggled on a few checks but the hares took us into virgin territory along the expressway. WTF. And after this there was a Check and when I limped up, they were standing around while a few Checked. So I went south towards the U of I Campus. Two marks and nothing. So I ranged east to Halsted and back north when there was a mark. I was last along here except for Menage A Twat who was walking. We headed into the loop and got as far as crossing the river. Things got a bit dicey here as they were power washing the side walks. They'll do anything to put people back to work. And it wiped out a few marks, but I was just barely managing to spot Ice Princess and Just Katy and Stockholm Syndrome on and off ahead of me. We headed back west and the T and E Split. I took T and hoped I might get ahead of Castration Sensation. I know he would go for the Eagle. Then suddenly there are three hashers ahead of me. Just Katy, Ice Princess and Happy Ass Grabber walking along. Remember HAG. Probably been at least a year. And get this HAG, this old fart finally passed you after all these years of trying and about 2 or 300 trails together. Persistence pays off. Of course now he'll come back and really pass me again. And then a short time later Castration Sensation passed me. Back to normal. A few blocks later I catch up and he said he hadn't seen a mark for a bit. There are two ways to attack this. He went back and found a turn to the south and was On. I ranged ahead and north and didn't find shit. But I ranged on west and worked my way south looking for marks and suddenly I find the BN Check. So I Checked that out and finally got On and ran on in ahead of those I mentioned. Oh, that sore ankle and limp. Went away and I started moving good. Cockholm Syndrome led us in circle after the virgins left and all was good.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trailx
Wed. May 26. 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome hared from Heritage Green Park for 17 trail hounds. Is that another record? We have been getting larger and larger packs during the so called pandemic. It is safe to hash. We started out to the south and west and the FRBs quickly ran away with the trail. We soon circled back towards the east and over the river. By the time I got here I saw Lower Wackoff heading over a green hill. I followed only to find a fence to be climbed. My nuts still hurt. We then headed south to Harrison and I was able to see Lower Wackoff heading over the river again to the west. I followed and called out to the three hounds behind me, Ice Princess and his two virgins. At the post office the trail went south. A block later trail headed west and I was able to see Its Too Soft returning from the south. I got lucky. A block later was a little circle jerk to the north and I already saw Lower Wackoff coming back so I skipped that and waved back for those last three. We then headed north for a block and then towards the west and the U of I campus. At least the north side of it. I think this is where I lost those last three. Meanwhile I ran on and we circled north and after a few blocks we were back at Halsted and soon to the On IN. Circle was okay until they ran out of beer. Hey, this is Whiskey Wednesday. That is when I left.

Thu May 27, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft hared from his roof deck. Rain was threatening, but never came during trail. The hare used railroad chalk which turned out to be problematic right from the start on the wet pavement.  But, we had to do with what we had and the hare was sweeping. There were 7 of us and we really tried to work together and after about an hour we weren't half way and spent at least 15 minutes on the last mark before finding a Split on Clark and Sheffield and we don't know how we got there. We scattered and got no where and some including myself finally bailed. Back at the roof deck the pack was gathering and even some non runners. And the fire pit was raging. I still managed to keep my eyebrows from those raging flames. Ice Princess was first back. Or is that gave up first. The ones who got the furthest finally had to give up around Wrigley field. That was Mommys Comming and Sleeping Booty. Separately. Finally Lower Wackoff came crawling in. And he never gives up. Yep, even he gave up. The others were Santa Cums Once a Year and Castration Sensation. No, no Harrietts. Again.
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Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa laid trail from River Park at Carmen and Francisco. It was supposed to rain again. But no rain. Lifa laid a live trail in green powder. And every mark was bright and easily spotted. I was late. Yes again. But I ran right out and eventually caught Lower Wackoff who was marking all of the Splits and Checks real well. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend were also coming late. That is four and there were five FRBs running wild ahead of us. Trail did a loop to the west and south through some river park and then in a counter clockwise trail from there. I joined Lower Wackoff as we struggled together solving Checks and Splits and marking them. We were finally caught by the other late comers and a block later we were met with a Malort Stop right behind the garage of Antique Load Show and Ritilin Cum Bubble. Back on trail it was soon just me and Lower Wackoff. Shortly after crossing Foster I caught a Check Back 1. Well, Lower Wackoff found it and I circled in the other direction and back toward where I thought he would come with the trail. NOT. I finally found myself back at the start and no one there. But a short time later Mommys Coming arrived from the beer stop and the pack was soon there. We held the usual Moon Hash circle and everyone was off. Where I don't know. But I went home.
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Sat, May 29, 2021, Chicago Hash. Soul Taco hared this pre lub hash from the northern tip of Goose Island. There were about 30 hounds on trail. Trail took off over the bridge and to the east for a quick Check. This was falsely called to the east and then north and only two marks. As the fast smart local runners headed back, and this dumb hound followed, those other bastards ranged far enough and found trail. Nothing like a cluster fuck to start things off. So we ran north to Cortland and then straight west to almost Elston. And the pack was a bit strung out. Trail went north for a loop and as I arrived at the turn north, I saw the pack heading south on Elston. Easy. I followed. Ended up with Lower Wackoff as we headed towards North Ave and then west under the Expressway. From here it was on in to a beer stop at Soul Tacos roof deck. 72 freaking steps up. But Sleeping Booty provided some good micro beer and I actually tasted a bit. Good stuff. We finally headed out and I was following Mommy's Coming and the pack just swept by me as we headed towards Division and a T and E Split. I'm not keeping up with that pack so I headed off on the Turkey. We headed west to Elston and then instead or straight over to Goose Island, the trail headed north on Elston. I'm running on the east side of the street and a small pack is ahead of me on the west side and on trail. Suddenly a Check and they are scattering. So I keep going north and never saw them again. I think the trail went south on the east side of the street and over to Goose Island. Meanwhile I ran on north to North without marks. I headed to the On In and nobody ever showed. So now I am really fucked up. I retreat to Division and finally find another Check. I followed the trail through a bit of Goose Island and over the bridge to Halsted. This eventually led to a little mall and I missed the mark saying head up. Yeah, to a roof of a parking lot for another beer stop. By the time I found that, Prickley Puss and Mommys Little Accident were coming down the elevator. So I just ran off to the finish for the second time and came in just before Mommys Coming and Double Meter Beater. We held circle here in the warm sun and all was good. 
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Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and One Fuck Chuck hared from Edgebrook Woods for the main event of Memorial Day weekend. About 50 or so were there and most went either on a walkers trail or the main trail. Before I forget, thanks to Silent But Deadly for putting it all together and our cooks who stayed behind while we ran trail, Feather and Son Of Spam. After Chalk talk we headed east and Horn-E managed to find the trail into the woods where there was an immediate Split. Some quickly passed me and we headed down hill and along the rivers edge and to Central. Nice. Now we followed trail along the golf course and past a housing section and finally back to the woods and a long narrow section along the river, high up at first and eventually down to rivers edge and on and on until they went under Devon and up and over the Devon bridge over the river. And here they laid a Check, just like there was a Check here two weeks earlier on the Bushman Hash. And they both came out to run that trail and SnatchSquatch said, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And they imitated the Bushman trail along here, about 75% of the trail, until they finally branched off near the end of the woods. And I got to actually run some trail in the woods for once and it was great. I seem to have more energy in the woods and I did on that trail. Back to that Check. They ran trail off in the direction of a former False and ran a little different trail in the woods and across a parking lot and towards the foot bridge. Then they were exactly on the old trail, a nice foot path ziggng and zagging along the rivers edge and up towards the bike path. Then the trail went along the rivers edge, paralleling the bike path and most of the pack opted for the bike path. I took the slower river path, but that is why we were in the woods. Then there was a Check were I had one two weeks ago. This led into the ravine and they paralleled the ravine on a nice winding path and then towards the east and into the woods, finally circling south along Caldwell before finally coming out into city streets. This led south through the neighborhood and over to the Metra Tracks and station and then north to the home of W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie for an extended beer stop. Nice back yard and we all finally gathered.  After we left, there was a city trail back. Hey, I know this area and I took a direct way and along the tracks and was soon in to the finish. We ate some damn good grub, thanks cooks. Then Gay Dancer and Dr. Cockvorkian called us together in the nice warm sun for a good circle. Shortly after the start and some announcements, I was called out for a toast. It is Memorial Day. I called out all the Veterans and military and reminded everyone that we were the lucky ones who returned, so how about 15 seconds of silence for those that didn't. "Heres to the Fallen, Red, White and Blue. They fought for freedom, for me and you. They were heroes, so they say. They finally got to heaven, it was a long hard way.  To the Fallen." Then the fun part began and it was a fun circle. After that the pack just sat around in the sun and drank beer and watched Likes Twice The Seaman fly his drone. Crazy stuff. I finally left in time for my last bus with Its Too Soft.
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Mon, May 31, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid this trail and Its Too Soft co hared as cook and beer meister etc. This was to be a hang over hash and there might be a trail for the hung over. Three walked that and returned early. Meanwhile the rest of the pack, 13 hounds were off and running. I was with the pack to the first Check and in the confusion and people heading off in wrong directions and the pack following and then all returning and a real cluster fuck. Suddenly they are gone and Lower Wackoff and myself were left alone. Damn. We ended up going south on Halsted and then some alleys (Do they ever pick up garbage in that area). I fell behind LW and got real messed up at that next check, going east and south before getting back on trail north to Halsted on Lincoln and a three way. And caught Lower Wackoff here. He went on two of the three arrows and found nothing. I went on the third arrow and found nothing. WTF. Well, that  third arrow wasn't really pointing the way trail went and we finally got on trail. Most of the Splits and Checks were marked with sticks and such and many of the sticks got moved before we got there. So, when the marked direction didn't work, we started Checking. It was a struggle but we were moving forward. Close marks after splits and such helped. Finally I came out of an alley onto Diversey and there were two little girls trying to sell Lemonade. Hey, this trail was getting long and dry so we had a lemonade break. Hey, I'll take that over the Bloody Mary break the rest of the pack had and we missed. We ran on north of Diversey and we know we were heading on in. Sort of. But we split up on a Check and both were on False trails and then followed the other and somehow missed each other. I finally found the trail and headed on in and LW was soon right behind me. Its Too Soft had three kegs going and a pack sitting around in the warm sun and soon the food started flowing. Loved the Salmon patties and the ribs and noodles and such. Thanks. Finally headed on out after Hooch B4 Cooch held a belated circle.
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Tue, 1 June, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend laid a trail from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. And yet again I forgot the start time is a half hur early and as I got off the bus, about 7:10, there was the hare finishing off the last part of his trail. He was nice, imagine that a nice hare, and took my shag bag (Thanks Berts Special Friend) as he was almost done and directed me to trail. A half mile away. So I'm on major catchup that will never happen for another large pack of 13 hounds. Well 12 and me. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation marked all of the Splits and Checks, in case some jerk like Horn-E comes late and so it was a good run, 3.8 miles. Ran straight to Western and then south and found trail, off into neighborhood streets and back to Western. Then going south to a Check it was pointed into a KFC parking lot. Some ass hole decided to use it as a short cut right turn to avoid the light and sure as hell didn't care about this honky jogging through the lot. Damn near hit me. And he wasn't going slow. From here a loop to the west and further south and then the north and west part of the course. Up Ogden and a few other streets until Damen and north to where I got off the bus. But, no, not on in. On to the beer stop and north of the Expy and to the back door of the hare. And of course everyone was already gone. Back at the finish we held circle and Lower Wackoff played R A and did a decent job, Damn rookies. But some good songs. After Back Door Bizzle offered a ride home and I was off.
This was the last of 7 straight days of hashing and there were three survivors, Mommys Coming, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E.
Actually it was just the three of us after just 3 hashes. Get a life, get a life, get a life, life life. This is our life.
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On On
Horn-E



HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list,
email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done.  

New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the cold.  We occasionally charge  up to $10 for hash cash sometimes, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
We have had a lot of new hashers during this pandemic lockdown. And they have no Hash shirts. Yes, they can order hash shit on line. But I'm going to try an open up the Bizzare Bazzar again and bring around some old used shirts and maybe even an occasional new shirt. Price. What you think it is worth. The money will go to beer. Might not have all sizes, but just a few shirts now and then. Probably mostly day hashes. To hard in the dark. So if you want some hash attire bring along some cash.
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Wed. May 26. 2021, 7:00pm. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome is haring from Heritage Green Park at 620 W. Adams $0 Hash cash or BYOB
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Thu May 27, 2021, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck.  Hash Cash $5 or BYOB ThirstdayH3.com
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Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Lifa will hare from River Park at Carmen and Francisco.
Hash Cash $5 or BYOB
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Sat, May 29, 2021, 2:00pm, Chicago Hash. Soul Taco will hare from the northern tip of Goose Island. Access by car from Division two blocks west of Halsted or over the foot bridge from 1049 W. North Ave. Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.com
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Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and One Fuck Chuck will hare from Edgebrook Woods just south of Caldwell on Central. Accessible from the CTA Blue line Jefferson Park Station. Central bus and it is shortly after the river crossing. Or the CTA Red Line to Bryn Mawr and take the Peterson bus to the western Terminal. Walk about a block south. Or Metra to Edgebrook and walk about two blocks south on Central. No same day registration.  ChicagoHash.com
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Mon, May 31, 2021, Noon, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder and Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck. , Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.com
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Tue, 1 June, 2021, 6:30 pm the 4X2H4 Hash.
Berts Special Friend will hare from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. This is about 2 or 3 blocks south of the Eisenhower Expressway. Hash Csh $2 or BYOB
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The Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 20, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Garmin laid trail from Winnemac Park. We had 11 hounds and three hounds on trail. We took off to the west and south and out of the park and into an alley and already I was falling behind. Then I really fell behind on Lawrence as I passed a side walk cafe and there was That Thing That Vibrates, No, not that thing. Well, yes, that thing. Sort of. It was a former Chicago Area hasher. At one time she started the Rag Time Hash. Supposed to be a once a month early Saturday hash followed by brunch for Harriets. That lasted about three months and guys started to show and then actually started haring. I guess their feminine side was really getting to them. Anyhow, I finally took off and at Western I found a Check. One False trail later I got on and to the south on Western. A few blocks later a park and another Check. Found that easily and at the far end of the park was another Check. I started to the south and ran into Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft. and eventually Palmolive These Pricks. They already checked south and east so I went north and was soon on to the east. We got to Damen and Its Too Soft was now leading as we crossed Wilson and a Check. Marked west. I was following Palmolive These Pricks and she kept going north. So I did. A block later we had no marks so we ranged west and were right on trail in an alley. This led to a long circle jerk and back to Damen. A triple Split and I was soon on in. Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft got stuck on that last Check, somehow. SnatchSquatch led us in the circle with a great circle. Alright, I lie. After that I managed to sell four t-shirts and went home.
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Sun, May 23, 2021, Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly and Mommys Coming hared from Underbar just north of Belmont on Western. We had 20 hounds on trail and took off to the north. At Roscoe there was a Check and the hash scattered. But SnatchSquatch new the area and correctly guessed to the west. At the river we headed south to Belmont and the hash got really screwed up here. But we finally got on and headed south on the far side of the river. We crossed Elston and by the time I got there I could see the pack returning from a Back Check. SnatchSquatch found trail to the south and I was right behind him. At the next corner was a Split and I got stuck with right. Wrong. Now I'm back of the pack. We went into a section of housing along the river and along here Zone 2 fell behind me. I could occasionally see Lower Wackoff ahead, but couldn't catch him. We ended up running east on Diversey and a block past Damen and then North. Not on marks, I was following Lower Wackoff. As we came back towards Damen, suddenly Castration Sensation and Just Mallory (?) came out of an alley. So it was sort of the four of us heading around a park and north in an alley and a T and E Split. They took the Eagle and I took the Turkey. So shoot me. Two blocks later I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch and the trail came back together. I followed it on in and there was a large part of the pack that also did Turkey. When the pack finally got all in, we headed into the bar next door. Closed, but we circled in the back and we had a decent circle. Shortly after the circle I headed home and although I got hit with the cold front I mainly missed the rain.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Tue. May 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash #282. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Peterson Park. He tried this trail some time back and only had two old farts turn up because of potential bad weather. So he was giving it another try. This time we had 10 hounds on trail and he almost hit exactly the same trail as last time. But even knowing where the trail was going I soon fell behind. A little dip into the woods and over to Peterson and east to a Check. As I got there, they were scattered and Lifa was heading towards the true trail. I followed to the south in an alley. Third as I came out of the alley and a Split. Lifa went east, Back Door Bizzle stood there with his dog and I went west and On trail. But the pack was soon past me and I was falling back. Nice weather made the marks a lot easier to see. We got down to Bryn Mawr where the trail headed east and a Check and I again almost caught the pack as we worked out way northeast and a park at Peterson. Here I was right behind Castration Sensation as he entered the park. There was a big Check here and I could see some of the rest of the pack running towards Peterson at the far end of the park. A Turkey Eagle Split. Everyone went east on Peterson and I went straight north on the Turkey trail. At a mall on Lincoln was a mark crossing Lincoln across a drive way and back across Lincoln with the T and E trails coming together. But the marks looked screwed up to me. I saw the mark as heading SW across Lincoln but in reality the next mark was South along the crosswalk. Damn. I ran in circles looking for trail and upon returning to that mark, the pack was all back together and I was last again. A block south and then west and I watched them disappear back to the north. I went straight and eventually the trail came back to the street I was on and I ran on in to Peterson Park. There I found a Back Check and as I was returning Lifa arrived. I found trail into the woods and B and Lifa was right there with his touch and we found beer. Eventually the whole pack made it on in and Magnetic Muff was DFL. We finally headed back to the Field House and held circle in the dark and ate some treats from Just Do Me Slowly
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Thu May 13, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps N Shit laid trail from Arrigo Park.We had 13 hounds and it was a fast trail with a lot of fast hounds. I quick loop east and north and then west to Ashland. I got there at a Check and the pack was already disappearing over the Expressway to the north. The last I saw of them. I crossed the Expressway and headed east following trail and marked Splits. Finally the trail headed north on Racine and when it hit a Split, I said, forget this. I'm so damn far behind already. So I ran straight up Racine to Taylor and then west to Loomis looking for some kind of mark. Nothing until I got back to Arrigo Park. There I followed trail to the beer stop and the pack. About three were still missingnand eventually the pack was whole with Castration Sensation coming on in DFL. I would still be out there if I didn't short cut. Shit Happens  Beautiful night and we hung on e=well after circle. Another sausage fest with Just Krista/Christa woth her dog being the only lady besides $20 Butt Slut. Please come back. We love you Harrietts.
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Sat, May 15, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid a magnificient trail from Bunker Hill Forest Preserve. Well. it was wonderful until One Fuck Chuck ran past a False. Damn. Well, shit happens. We did gather and when Lifa arrived we took off heading SE along the paved bike trail. A short loop down to the river and back up and SnatchSquatch did the first header of the day. A short Back Check and we were soon running along the river and little bluff over the river on a narrow dirt path. This eventually came to a narrow point and a good spot for a Check. One False headed southeast along the river. Gotchya. Another False went out on the paved path and South East. Here is where One Fuck Chuck ran past the False mark. About fifty yards later was what I thought were hidden marks from the real trail. None on the path and one way into the woods on a tree. No one was supposed to get near there. Ooops. I yelled and they kept going. I managed to catch SnatchSquatch and get him re directed. Lifa was already on the correct trail. So, I followed them into the ravines area and back to the northwest going up and down the ravine and a big log crossing and such until a Check at the north end. Here Just Do Me Slowly was waiting. SnatchSquatch found one False and soon was back on trail to the east and south and into woods like a Bushman Hash should be run. I lost site of him and eventually Lifa as I hung back with Just Do Me Slowly. I finally spotted SnatchSquatch heading straight west on a path and on trail with Lifa right behind. They were on and finishing the best part of trail. This led to the river and an arrow across the river at the Devon Bridge. A Check on the other side and this had two long Falses. And both of them slowed down those front running bastards until Lifa and SnatchSquatch finally arrived and they finally found the true trail along the rivers edge. Trail went on with paths and off trail stuff as we sort of followed the curves of the river. At the Bike Bridge, trail went straight to a huge log and an arrow on top pointing to a log on the other side of the river. Here was a loop that included a second log lean to and a back check around it. Trail then followed the trail south along the river on paths to the beer stop almost right where we started trail. A spot surrounded by logs for their fat butts and the beer flowed. Magnetic Muff has some cookies and circle commenced. And One Fuck Chuck and SnatchSquatch got more down downs then the damn hare. We finally ended with Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The traditional Hash Hymn.
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Sun, May 16, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid an A to B trail from empirical Brewery for 17 hounds that eventually ended in Winnemac Park. We headed east and then north on Ravenswood. I managed to see some of these marks on my way walking to the bar. So I was near the front of the pack as we got to a Check at Balmoral. Everyone was leaning to the trail going east and/or north. It went west, under the tracks and south a bock to Summerdale. I paralleled the pack on Balmoral and at Hoyne the trail went north across Balmoral to this angle street, Bowmanvlle and again right back to Balmoral. So having really never left Balmoral and just paralleling I'm near the front of the pack. There was a Check here and I was about 2nd or 3rd here as we went though some alleys and came out on Berwyn to Western. Across Western, trail still went west. Here local knowledge killed me or made the trail for me. Depending on how you look at it. I saw the pack going south on the first street after Western. I thought this was sort of a dead end or loop and so I went south on Western. And somehow I was on the damn Turkey Trail without even seeing a T and E Split. Two block later and I'm where the T and E come back together at Foster. I thought the pack would soon be coming my way so I ran on. Actually the pack went way past the freaking river. WTF. But meanwhile trail went south a block to a Split. I guessed wrong. Then east a block and a half to another Split and I guessed wrong. A half block later I headed south and pick up on trail. This led to Winnemac Park and right in to the finish. A lousy 2.3 miles. So I went to help the hares empty the shag wagen and just after I returned Chicken Stifer and SnatchSquatch came on in  from two different directions. So there we had three know short cutters. After about 3 or 4 more miles the rest of the pack started to come on in with Lower Wackoff finishing up the pack. Back Door Bizzle led a good circle, especially for the snitches. I sold some shirts and was able to give some beer money to the hare. All was good and then the few Harriets we had, left and it was just Just Do Me Slowly and another sausage fest. Harriets, the pandemic is over. Come on out. We are the Hash House Harriers, not the Rainbow Harriers.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 6, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid trail from Horner Park, for 15 trail hounds. I was running lame so this is from behind. Not like normal. Really way behind. I lasted two blocks and it was walking the rest of the way. Deep thigh contusion. The trail did a big loop heading east over the bridge on Montrose and then south and even a block or two along the river and on south as close to the river as we could get with buildings and such. I actually saw something new just before we hit the fire pitch. Then trail went south of Addison to pickup on the bike/walk bridge over the river and work its way back. Here Just Do Me Slowly and I just did an Addison to Horner Park straight walk back and we ended up circling on the hill in the dark. We had one virgin, Just Dillin and two visitors Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys who made a return visit along with Fuck Children Get Cookie. Saving Myself announced the new forming of a Lafayette Indiana Hash. Used to be the home of the now defunct Hoosier Hash. I actually hashed their once.
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Sat, May 8, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. False Advertising and Zone 2 will lay a woods trail from the Chicago Portage National Historic Site at 4811 S. Harlem.  A first for me. And it would take about 2 hours by public transit. Hell, Pony Pounder could run there in that time. Almost. And he tried and got to the start after the pack left. A half marathon. But just as I was making my transit plans Garmin called and offered a ride. Should take a half hour. We left at 1:30 and didn't get there until 2:45. Holy Schitte, traffic sucked. But trail was good, sort of and a nice mix. We had 13 hounds. I fell behind right away while False Advertising warned me about having to climb over schitte. Hey, I hare the Bushman. I can handle it. Now it was catchup and a big sweep clockwise in the area and finally catching the pack just after the tracks. We ran a gravel path until the trail headed into the woods. I was about tenth heading into the woods and over logs and such and deer paths and almost crawling. The FRBs were long gone. It was me and Magnetic Muff and Back Door Bizzle and Lower Wackoff. We finally came out of the woods and park area and I could see Stuffin Muffin way off in the distance. We looped a quarry and I'm falling back and suddenly Stuffin Muffin was passing me. WTF. We crossed the river for a second time and headed south on sidewalk to a Check. Here I ran into Garmin and Sharti B contemplating going west and or south. There were a lot of hounds to the west, but not on. But woods that way and so I headed that way and suddenly they are yelling on. Across a park area and into woods and I'm DFL as far as I know. When I came out of here at a road, I recognized the area and followed trail across the road. Then it disappeared. I circled around and finally saw a mark on a tree and I was off into the woods. Just before I got out of those woods, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. WTF. How did I get ahead of you. He said Crotch Fire was also behind and when he blew his whistle he didn't follow. So we ran on through the cruizing zone across one more road and those damn tracks again. We finally found trail on the other side and it led to a huge tree that had fallen over a fence. We climbed over and it was back in the Portage Zone and a nice run on paths on in to the finish. And even with my sore leg, I wasn't DFL. We held a nice circle and eventually just hung around in the cold wind for a half hour or an hour just enjoying that damn nor'easter. Others on trail were Lifa, Cockholm Syndrome, Castration Sensation, Steps In Shit, and Hooch B4 Cooch.
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Sun, May 9, 2021, Chicago Hash. Puff The Magic Tampon and Bottom Wrangler laid trail from the parking lot at 4600 N. Lake Shore Drive. It was still cold with that lake wind, but the sun was warm. We had 13 hounds and took off south east. Heading for the nature preserve. Nope. Trail headed south west around the hill and then south along the hopefully forever Lake Shore Drive. Would trail go around the golf course and into that strong nor'easter along the lake front. No. South to Irving Park and inland. Under the bridge and a check. Running slow the pack was long gone. It was marked north and then east to Sheridan and another Check. Marked good so far and swept good. Lifa had marked the trail with a ? heading north. I headed north all the way to Montrose and nothing. Heading west I picked up on the trail and was off and running. But was I behind or in front. Trail kept going north and north and north and finally a Split. I guessed right, right, and was on to the park and then north to a check. Duh. The finish is straight east and boom I was On again. And this was On in. And nobody was there. 3.1 miles. About five minutes later SnatchSquatch came on in and a few minutes after that Lifa came in from the north. We missed the beer stop which was under the EL tracks near Buena. Eventually the pack returned and then a litter of house puppies. Lifa led the circle and all was good. Cupcakes and two types of cookies.  Puff The Magic Tampon was afraid we wouldn't like her after her trail so she baked chocolate chip cookies. Bribing the hounds. And they were so good I offered to marry her if she would bake a fresh batch every day. Damn. didn't work. No cookie or cookies for me. We had two new transplants from the Emerald Coast. Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow. And it was also Garmin's birthday on Mother's day. And Lower Wackoff had his string of hashes broken by doing a Mother's Day thing. He can start over on Tue. All was good and the sun was warm, and the wind was still to damn cold.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Apr 28, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider and Meat Inside Her laid a really Shitty trail from Union Park. Rain was eminent, but never showed until we left. But only six hounds showed. Bimbos, where are you? This was definitely  a bimbo friendly trail. Really. Well marked, except when the marks were hidden in shadows, and nice safe streets, except when we ran through dark dingy alleys. And there were all of those bridges, river crossings, track crossings and expressway crossings. Trail headed north and east and in short order Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin ran away with the trail and from us. Lifa was somewhere in the middle and last seen at our first track crossing. Here I was able to short cut Lower Wackoff from a circle jerk and then I ended up following him most of the way. We crossed the Ogden bridge and I stopped to take off an extra shirt. Then I took after Lower Wackoff again and two blocks later I realized I left my hat back where I took off my shirt. Turning around, there was Castration Sensation following and I never saw him again. Retrieving my hat I returned to the chase and the trail finally headed south and west and I missed a few marks but finally came up to the tracks and there was Lower Wackoff coming back to a Split. We sort of ran in together, with me mostly following and we kept missing marks in shadows and finally made it On In. Horn-E, definitely DFL. But we had a short sweet circle with some of Dickens Cider's sweets to eat. No, not that. All was good and On home.
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Sun, May 2, 2021, Chicago Hash. Just Brad and Cockholm Syndrome set a trail from Humboldt Park, mini Cubs Park. Late again I took off after the pack of 13 other hounds and into city Streets. Why did we come to a park if all we were going to do was run city streets and alleys? A quick circle Jerk and then a Check. The only person in sight was Menage A Twat coming back from a False Trail. If we crossed the street we'd have been On. But instead it was a long block west and return. Then east and return. Finally  crossing that street and I'm on and Menage A Twat fell behind as I ran on. North to the 606 and then east. Running alleys and streets in a clockwise direction around the park. Finally about two blocks south of North and trail went East and entered the park and I managed to see Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzel working unmarked Splits together. I caught up just after a Check as they went in separate directions. We all struggled on this for a while before I returned to the direction Lower Wackoff originally took off on. And I had to run a real long way before finding the first arrow. And soon we were back On trail. We crossed Humboldt and through some actual real shiggy and a Split. I went right, right, but missed the next arrow. Upon returning I saw that hidden arrow and took a short cut across the grass to where I had just returned from. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle found the true trail, a circle jerk and at the same time I found the exit from the circle jerk. This led straight west and into city streets and the finish and they came in about 5 minutes later. Good circle and then we did a naming for the hare, Just Brad. Many shitty names were proposed and finally a shitty name was selected and forever  more he will be known as Sharti B. Watch out for who you like. We had two visitors, a returning Chip N Dale from Colorado and from Las Vegas, Just Michelle, who knew my old friend from LV, Hunka Hunka Burning Shit. Beautiful day in the 80s.  
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Tue, May 4, 2021, The 4X2 Hash. Son Of Spam and Back Door Bizzel hared from Belden and Oakley in the park. This is the latest migration of the Polish Constitution Day Hash, and the first one without its creator laying the trail, the 69 Cent Man. Without elaborating, he is on a first name bases with half the doctors and nurses at the VA over the last 3/4th of a year. And not done yet. But he did show up at the beer stop and joined us in circle. Looking good if not his old self. Welcome and good luck going forward. Always welcome in circle. As for trail, there were a dozen and we took off to the south. At Fullerton we had a Triple Split found to the south and I was able to call out for Meat Inside Her as we found trail. As we went down one side street I caught my toe on one of those gas pipes sticking out of the ground. Always high enough to trip you. It tripped me and bang, I was down. Banged my left thigh right where I keep my wallet. Main pain. As I type this I an still sitting with an ice pack on my thigh. No visible, but some internal bruising, like I had been hit with a mallet. So, from there, four blocks into trail, I tried to run in pain. I wanted to keep the blood flowing to reduce swelling and stiffening. Don't know if it helped, but I'll live to hash tomorrow. So I caught up to Castration Sensation and sort of followed him to the beer stop another two miles on. Meat Inside Her quickly caught us and passed us. Shortly after catching him I noticed my fingers were sticking together. Dried blood. It turns out the tip of my right hand fore finger is gashed which makes typing all of this a bitch. Anyway, somehow we were ahead of Lower Wackoff who never quits despite some wrong marks and such. At the beer stop, we met the 69 Cent Man. From there I short cut back but wanted too keep moving that leg to keep swelling down and no locking up. Finally made it in, DFL. Son Of Spam cooked up some great Polish Sausage and Lower Wackoff led the circle. And all was good. Now to get home and a night of ice packs. 
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On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail x
Thu Apr 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from 933 W. Wolfram on the roof deck for 12 trail hounds. Things went bad from the get go. We were soon heading south on Sheffield to a Back Check. But the numbers had us going past a Split. Hmmm. What do we do. We didn't do right but eventually found trail and by then the pack was racing on and there were three of us navigating from the rear. We got to a Check at Wrightwood and Sheffield and Back Door Bizzle saw the last of the front pack disappearing through the park. So we followed and came out to streets and a turn across the street into an alley. Only it wasn't. There was an arrow in the shadows behind a little fence that we missed. But we weren't alone. At the end of the alley we saw Mommys Coming coming back because of no marks. So we return and he is soon gone, and so was Back Door Bizzel. Lower Wackoo and myself head north and we were On. But a long way between marks. Do you need some drywall to supplement your chalk supply? We finally get to Lincoln and there is a hard left arrow. After no marks, hard left, we return to find out that it was a soft left and heading north on Lincoln. We're On again. At Diversey we find a Check. Marked north. So Lower Wackoff made the light and was soon off on the trail to the north. Meanwhile after two light changes I manage to get across the street and only found old marks from Sunday's hash. But not the new ones. So now I'm alone and I range looking for marks and finally just ranging. I got to Belmont and headed east and eventually found marks on the first street after the El. So the plan is to follow them backwards until I find the pack and then return with them. Not. Two blocks later I ran into Famming Flaggott and Just Do Me Slowly. They were walkers today and the hare talked them into going to Wrigley Field and make sure the marks didn't get wiped out. They didn't, but at this point, I just walked back to the beer stop with them. WTF. And Soul Taco beat us in on trail. Well done. Even if it was the Turkey trail. Back on the roof deck we got the fire pit going and some good hot dogs and a circle.
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Sun, Apr 25, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hobo Piss and Palmolive Those Dicks laid a trail from Winnemac Park. I counted 18 Trail Hounds and at least 6 House Puppies go for a walk with the hare. First there was the Salsa band and then circle and we were off. At at the first block was a Split and the pack headed east. But the trail didn't. So we finally get on track and head west and another Split. And someone marks west and we run west and, no marks. Trail went north and then through an alley. WTF. You people know who to run trail don't you. A few blocks later I again see the pack coming back towards me and another mis marked Split. At a Split, a hound goes in both directions. When trail is found, that hound turns back and yells On On for the crowd. Got it now folks. Now we are heading south and what turned out to be a loop around the trail we just ran. I was running near the rear and figured this out and managed to skip a few blocks of trail and get back with more of the front of the pack. And we headed west, across Damen and a little north loop and back south and I looked back and managed to flag Back Door Bizzel and he and a few others were able to short cut that. A few block more in alleys and we came to a little park and the beer stop. And soon the whole pack was there, including about 6 walkers/short cutters. We were finally sent off again, just as Lower Wackoff arrived. At our first Split again the pack just followed the front runner again. But we worked our way over to Lincoln and a Check. A bunch of us thought we were On to the south, but only two marks. We are at Foster and suddenly from the west we see Mommy's Coming and he is On. From here it was left and right and just when you think the trail was heading back to the expected finish, it went the other way again. We finally cross Western and we can smell the beer. Not. South to Lawerence and across. I'm with Back Door Bizzel and Stuffin Muffin along here. We come to a marked Split, but again, it didn't go to another arrow. But Back Door Bizzel yells on east and we follow, but ON what, I didn't know. Back at Lawrence there is a Check and I could see some of the pack coming back from the east where, again, apparently a whole bunch ran off on two marks. From here is was on in to the hares roof deck and circle. And it was a frigid roof deck on a windy day. The hares brought out blankets and the pack was huddling behind the wall trying to stay warm and all was good. Sort of.                              .
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Back Check 32
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When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar.
But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y).

I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals.
It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names.

After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve.
And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle.

At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start.
I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went East.

Just not finding them where I thought they should be.
But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks.

Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked.
So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest.

He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop.
Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation.

Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks.
Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check.

Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city.
The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light.

I then started a clockwise course.
Meanwhile I started to the east and north and into the park. I then started a clockwise course.

Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course.
The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north.

When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back.
So I decided to follow the trail backwards on a No No trail.
Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark.

Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old.
And I had a heavy back pack. Damn.
But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare.

As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds.
Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park.

Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
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I ran it backwards so I decided to write the Tale of the Trail backwards. Hope it came out okay. Here is the Tale of the Trail for those that were on time.
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Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park. As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds. But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare. And I had a heavy back pack. Damn. Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old. Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark so I decided to follow the trail backwards  on a No No trail. When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back. The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north. Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course. Meanwhile I started to the east and south and into the park. I then started a clockwise course. The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light. Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city. Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check. Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks. Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation. He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop. So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest. Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked. But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks. Just not finding them where I thought they should be. I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went east. At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start. And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle. After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve. It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names. I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals. But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y). And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar. When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail x
Wed, Apr 14, 2021, First Crack of the Moon Hash. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That laid an A to B trail from Humboldt Park to their apartment. Waaay north. Good trail for 11 hounds, to bad I screwed that up. What else is new. I got to the park on the wrong corner and finally found some trail and followed it backwards to the start, just after they took off. So I mostly just headed to the initial mark I saw with Stuffin Muffin. And the pack was soon there and I followed Magnetic Muff across the street and the pack was gathering. Down an alley and all of those damn FRBs were soon gone. But there was myself and Stuffin Muffin heading north when we missed a turn. I ran on straight and didn't see him again until the finish. Still no marks I ranged and found a mark and I was On. I yelled for Stuffin Muffin but he was out of sight. So I ran on, on this neighborhood street and the street turned and I get to a Check. I ran east and nothing. North, nothing. So I ran west and started ranging. Trail went north in an alley I didn't see. From then on I ranged while working my way north and leaning west while the trail was just to the east and paralleling me. I finally ranged over to Logan Square and did that loop before heading east on Logan Blve. And just before California I ran into Dickens Cider and the pack was in back on a deck over the garage. I had a good run. To bad no one saw it. A short time later Stuffin Muffin got in. A bit bloody. Apparently he tripped and did a header on trail. Dickens Cider did have some of her home made candies. Delicious. And we held circle and all was good. Welcome back Coma Toast. Now come back on out. 

Sat, Apr 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, annual flower hash.  Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz woods. The flowers were more like 50% of normal, but apparently the pack of 7 trail hounds liked the trail. Whatever happened to Shitty Hash. The trail went in a big loop from the parking lot around the edge of the woods and along the river and over to Central where it went over the foot bridge. There were some spotty nice sections of flowers along here. Trail crossed the river and went east and south, mostly along the river and to this little island along the tracks. Again, the flowers were fairly good along here. And that flower Child, Lower Wackoff ran into Thunder Deer along here. All right, explanation. She met me as I got off the bus and I invited her along to walk with the walkers. She asked him if he was with the runners following the trail. When he told her his name she ran of into the woods to never be seen again. Damn, she arrived late and to the wrong side of the river. My hippie dream date. Hey, when does an 80 year old fart have a forty year old hit on him. Yeah, sure. So, the pack ran on and at the railroad trestle I had a nice little short trip into flowers and an arrow across the river. Got Back Door Bizzle and Garmin on that one. Then they ran south west along the river, on and on. The flowers are usually thickest through here, but really sparse this year. Trail got all the way to Forest Glen Drive and a Check. Two long Falses here, one going straight and the other crossing the river and returning. And it worked. Garmin did both Falses and the whole damn pack caught up and Just Do Me Slowly finally spotted the return trail. Again, not any great sections of flowers, but now we just run some woods trails and a little off trail. Beer stop was on this little sort of Island in the bend of the river. I found one of the better sections of flowers and sort of a circle of logs to sit on and Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2 managed to just sit in the flowers for a bit. False advertising offered this old man his chair for a bit while he went to sit on a log, raised up about a foot. It was at least until he sat on it. But we were sitting in a nice circle in one of the most laid back circles I was ever in. Flowers in the middle and all around us. And just enough sun and lack of wind to be very comfortable. All was good and we drank on until Swing Low. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.
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Sun, Apr 18, 2021, Chicago Hash.
Hooch B4 Cooch, Dr. Cockvorkian and Gay Dancer laid a trail from Buena Park for an A to B trail. Yeah, A to B alright. Way over to Belmont and the river. I got there late and saw a mark on Montrose under the tracks. But I ran on to the start and they were gone and I would have to carry my back pack the whole way. Damn. So I returned to that mark on Montrose only to fine that the next mark was a Back Check 3. Duh, the start. Sure hope that won't become a future practice. Turns out that was an Eagle Trail. Anyway, I just did that section twice. Not a third time. So I ranged west on Montrose and on to a block past Clark. Now south and zig zag hoping to pick up on trail. And I finally did on Ashland. Apparently just after the shot stop. Fine I don't do those anyway. I ran on and the trail finally came to a Check at Addison and Lincoln and the pack was now all around me. I headed south on Lincoln with Just Steve, but we only had one mark. Heading west we could see the  FRBs heading south on Ravenswood. And there was Just Marissa running along. And there were more. I came to a T and E Split at Roscoe and took the T with that damn back pack on my back. I followed Just Steve to the next corner and a Triple split. Naturally I went wrong and south and the trail went west. By the time I got back to Roscoe there was Back Door Bizzle waiting for the light at Damen. We paralleled to a Check and I headed south only to find Steps In Shit returning. We ended up finding trail into an alley and I had about a fifty step lead before they passed me. A small group of back packers running along. At one point I am following them heading north and they cross the street in the middle of the block. So I did and found a return trail and now I was in front. This lasted to a Check at Western and Roscoe. I finally found this one heading west and soon passed by everyone and came on into the Beer stop by the river and almost the whole pack. Somehow I got in before Lower Wackoff and finally Mudsucker. As best as I could figure there were 27 trail hounds, but only 20 actually running. And out of no where we had Little Trojan Annie, not running, but re-inventing her stuff as a Religious Advisor with her usual great finish of the Day of the Week. False Advertising was being a thorn in her side, but she managed to keep him in Check and the Hares got many, many down downs, I called out those that hadn't hashed yet this year and we almost ran out of beer. Welcome back to the world of hashing. And finally, Little Trojan Annie sang the song Puff the Magic Tampon. At the final line, "He's been in your box all week." Just Marissa fell to her knees laughing so hard she couldn't get up. Eventually she was called out for those super giggles and immediately given a name. NO, not wiggles and giggles or pickles in her giggles or anything else she might have gotten. It was just done. Period. She will forever be known as Puff the Magic Tampon.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail x
Sat, Apr 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a spectacularly shitty and muddy and difficult trail at Fort Sheridan and through Openlands Forest Preserve in potentially rainy weather, although that didn't really happen. The weather that is. But the rest was true as 7 hounds took off on this adventure on areas I never saw before. Which means some definitely virgin trail. Would we get scratched, cut, bruised and wet. Not really, but one hound got pricked. (more on that later). After gathering under a bridge we finally got a circle and took off. Right back to the top of the bridge area, about 200 yards straight up, and a Check. Lower Wackoff found that and we headed south and then into the preserve along a concrete path. Concrete? WTF. But that wouldn't last long. Near the lake bluff area we ran into the first obstacle on the trail. "No Trespassing, Explosive Area, Possibly buried ordinance". Ooops. If you take a step and hear a click, DON'T MOVE until Horn-E gets safely away. A Check had us finally getting into some serious prairie and I ended way off trail wandering. Yes, again. But with a little hare assistance, I was back on trail for two marks and a Check. While I wandered around over a little hill and into the prairie, trail was found into a deep, steep ravine. I got about half way down when trail was coming right back up. But Cockholm Syndrume was seen leaping over rocks and back and forth over the raging steam from all of the previous rain. Back at the edge I followed Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 who was really in the zone. Was there beer ahead. Where their pricks ahead. Yes to both as she led us up a steep hill full of small skinny trees that were full of thorns. About a half inch long. Lower Wackoff would call that 'Little Boys Hill'. But little pricks or not, after the beer stop the Harrietts, Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 left the pack and returned to the start. I guess they just got to excited and had to go off and dream on their own. Meanwhile the big pricks, from the young to the old, ran on. We did get a Back Checkheading towards the bluffs and steep declines, that the Hare didn't mention. Garmin came back telling us it was a Back Check eleven D one. We did end up running through a housing area and towards another ravine. Hey, I finally found a mark. It was a steep decline into the abyss and the zombie hounds. Something about that bare skin, rotting carcass, and such, got False Advertising thinking up a new song about doing a dead hound and sucking. Well, experienced hashers know the song it came from and I'll leave that to your sick minds or nightmares. Here we encountered more raging waters as we then followed the stream up towards it's source. Must have been at least 300 yards of jumping back and forth over the waters trying to stay dry above our hips, or falling off of slippery rocks, and get washed away. But we finally survived with a final muddy climb out of the ravine. From here it was mostly just running along streets and roads as we skirted around Federal Property and back to the finish. At this point I thought I was DFL, but Lower Wackoff finally caught me. The hare did give me and Lower Wackoff a short cut past a gate and down a winding road into the ravine to where we started. Circle was held there, out of the slight rain but in a raging wind tunnel. A modified Big Dog Circle where we gave a few DDs and then designated the next R. A. And that is where we heard False Advertising whine about getting pricked in the thorny woods. After that. False Advertising had a pocket full of wooden nickels and headed to the Wooden Nickel. I know he likes girlie bars, but he dragged Zone 2 with him. Now most girlie bars include stuffing dollar bills into girls panties, but wooden nickels in the nickel slots is a new one.
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Sun, Apr 11, 2021, Chicago Hash. False Advertising and Just Davinia laid a  trail from Arrigo Park for 9 walkers. Okay, we also had 17 running hounds. We started out to the north end of the park only to return on a Back Check and head out to the south side of the park and then south to Taylor. And I'm behind already. We cross Taylor and head south on Loomis and all of a sudden the pack is returning on a Back Check. But they went way past where the Back Check was solved and meanwhile that had Hooch B4 Cooch and myself heading west in an alley looking for marks. Now I'm really far behind. But I return and follow the disappearing pack across Roosevelt and through some housing areas and south on Ogden and finally west on 14th street to Morgan and a quick beer stop by the tracks. I'm not drinking so I ask False Advertisiag for the on out. Like I can believe anyone named False Advertising. But I head out under the tracks to a Check. I picked right, left, and was soon on and back under the tracks to the north. On 15th Pl the trail went east to Halsted where the hares tried to f*ck with the pack. South towards the underpass and then climb down into the speedimg traffic, climb over a medium and back into traffic and climb out the other side and over or through the fence. Yeah. like I'm going to do that. I go north about fifty yards from 15th Pl. and cross at the light and I'm back on trail running through a housing area and climbing up about 87 steps, I lost count at my age. Now trail heads north to 14th place and I missed the turn mark so I'm south to 13th. Around the block and back and I'm on trail again. I keep looking but no pack in sight. I head east to a Split and naturally pick wrong. So further north and a back check and I'm at a check at Maxwell. Now I have three choices and still no pack in sight. So I go west and eventually I can't even find a second mark. So I return and Mommys Comming is coming towards me. Damn, the pack caught up. As we keep running back to the Check I see almost the whole pack run by and I'm alone in the rear. "The last shall be first and the first shall be last. And so it was written and so it shall be done". From here it was into the Campus and forty2 steps from hell before heading out of the campus and west on Polk following Ice Princess but never quite catching him, and on in to Arrigo Park and the circle. And so we gathered until the last walker, Menage A Twat came on in. Then Hooch B4 Cooch led us in a circle and the hares drank and drank and we were introduced to our virgins, Just Carter and Just Ricky who both did a proper Down Down.  We finally ended that part of circle and we were taking on the naming of our hare, Just Davinia. That was a large circle and it got quite rowdy and fun as great questions were asked and many suggestions for names were submitted. But it finally came down to Just Davinai getting away with not having the balls to run a Bushman Hash, her first Chicago Area hash, and getting away with it. So she will forever more be known as All Bush No Balls. After that we kept hanging around in the park on a sunny day and enjoying spring, and the Harriets were constantly heading off to some tree stump with a blanket to do what the men had to do in the open area behind one of the few trees. Isn't hashing in nature fun?


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The Tale of the Trail x
Sun, Apr 4, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park and had a large contingent of the fair weather hashers coming on out. Yeah, 26 hounds. Let's keep it up. Trail took off straight north on Western and to the other side of the street. And False Advertising and Horn-E showed how to hash the city streets by crossing Western right away instead of getting caught at the light. Horn-E's last moment of glory on that trail. At the next corner was a Split and Horn-E went south and wrong. Trail went right and the pack took off after False Advertising and Horn-E took off after Zone 2. We caught up at the first Check and the trail was just found. East and to another Check by a bridge. As I got there, the pack was again just taking off over the bridge. This led to another Check that again seemed to be hidden and the pack was going everywhere south, but in no seeming order. Then they were coming back. So, as I headed west, checking. Lower Wackoff yelled On and we headed down an alley and over to Horner Park for another Check. Again, the pack was scattered into the park but there seemed to be no order. Hounds running over the hill before an On call. Whatever. So I ranged west of the park and one block south of Montrose, BIG MISTAKE. The trail was finally found west on Montrose and then north. Never saw a hound again. Hey, Horn-E, Horner Park, what the hell. Well I ranged back to the park and eventually way south of Addison looking for marks. Never try to out guess the hare. He caught me good this time. Like, what else is new. I'm ranging south and checking bridges back to the east and the trail went north and eventually over the bridge near Lawrence, or whatever. Meanwhile I finally headed north and still looking for possible trail ran through the river path just south of Montrose. My last gasp for any scent of a trail. I headed on in and got there about 5 minutes before the hare and the pack. Big circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. Three virgins, Just Taylor, Just Mike and Just Marissa. Welcome to hashing and come back soon.

Tue, Apr 6, 2021, 4X2H4, Lower Wackoff with an aide from Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Echkert Park and I'm thinking he wanted to do what we (read that as Horn-E) screwed up six months ago. But Lower Wackoff is a sneaky bastard and I think this was sort of a reverse of that trail with the massive Check that I screwed up last time. We screwed up the first Check but finally got on trail heading west and north a bit. I passed Menage A Twat. How did she get ahead of me? I was now running with Zone 2 and we crossed Ashland and a Check. It was found as we got there and I was now working my way south to Chicago, And Garmin had to pass me again. Wrong way, all day, and catching up all the time. At the next Check I headed west and heard False Advertising call On at Ashland. Right behind him, and soon lost him, and now I'm leading Castration Sensation. And now I'm following Castration Sensation. And somehow I'm suddenly following Berts Special Friend and Soul Taco. Like this all trail. There they are and now they aren't. But we worked our way east and south to Grand and now I'm alone and to a Check at Twisted Spoke. I went south and into an alley with Ice Princess suddenly following and nothing. We go to Grand and Soul Taco runs by. No one is On. So we make a wild guess that the trail has to get to the bridge over the Expressway on Ogden. So we run that way and nothing. I keep going and never saw Soul Taco and Ice Princess again. But I had no marks going over the bridge and so I cross the street and there is Bert Special Friend heading north on Ogden and we are soon on.  We cross the bridge and Ogden again and I miss a turn and head down the alley. Nope, dope. Stay on trail. So back on Ogden I find marks heading north to Milwaukee and across the street. But I saw nothing on the other side. Somewhere there was an arrow pointing to the Island between three streets and a Check. But I find an arrow heading west on Chicago and head two blocks. Nope, dope. And suddenly Lifa is coming up behind me. Where did he come from. Like this the whole trail. So I cross Chicago and find an arrow pointing north. So, we had to be at a Check. On? Nope dope. Cross Ogden as I'm working my way counter clockwise around this six way intersection. More marks? Yep. On? Nope, dope. The I find a mark pointing into a subway station and cross Chicago Ave to check out the exit. Nope, dope. But I still head west. Hey, ON IN is west. Two marks and halfway over the bridge, but nope, dope, no third mark. So Now I head north on little side streets. I'm trying to remember that last trail in reverse and looking for marks. Nope dope. Keep ranging. I finally come to a Split and it is marked west. I'm finally on the back trail. Across the foot path over the expressway and west on Augusta and a turn south and a BN. I run on in and there is the pack sitting around. Lifa eventually started circle. We have schedules. And finally Castration Sensation ran on in. And then a few minutes later, Stuffin Muffin finished off the full pack. They don't quit. Beautiful night for hashing.
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On On
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The Tale of the Trail  x
Fri. Mar 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa and Just Steve laying his virgin trail from Hamlin Park. Don't worry J. Steve we can retrain you later.  We started out to the east. Forget that. We quickly came to a Back Check a block north on Belmont and a block east of Damen. We struggled on this and finally found trail going west and to a Check at Damen. I ended up on trail right behind Meat Inside Her and soon passed by Berts Special Friend. A few alleys later we hit another Check and they were already gone. I went south and ooops. wrong way. So I ranged west and then a block north. Trail didn't go that way so I returned two short blocks east to the Check and it was marked going north. Damn. Probably the whole pack. A few blocks and a damn loop and I get to another Check at Western and Roscoe. Not marked and no one in sight. Playing local knowledge, I assumed I was way behind the whole pack and so I ranged south on Western. Belmont, and still not an arrow in sight. Hell, I didn't even see any Indians. So I made another calculated decision, based on the river and such and went another block south and there was Meat Inside Her coming my way on  Check. I'm back with the FRBs. WTF. Who cares. At the Check  I head south over the bridge and ON one, ON two, On three. I actually found trail and Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her followed me. At the other end of the bridge we run into Magnetic Muff. Damn, she found the trail. There goes my glory for the day. We headed into this section of twon houses and I fell behind. Tehn at a Split the back of the pack got ahead of me and I'm DFL again. We come out on Diversey and I ended up following Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation through a housing complex and varous streets and alleys, never quite catching up. Finally the beer stop at Belmont and Damen in a little kids park. And Just Steve's father owns Dry Hop Brewery and we had several large cans to share and sample. I even had to try that stuff. Good shit.  Then back to Hamlin Park and a circle until the cops arrived. They circle by us and turn around. Then back again. Someone reported a gang in the park, the CFMH3 gang of pretty bimbos, lame hashers and an old man.                                .
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Sun, Mar 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Choke N Stroke hared from Roosevelt Park. Cold and windy. I got there with Bottom Wrangler and only J. Davinia was there with Ice Princess. The other hare laid and booked. I guess she wasn't proud of her trail. We'll get to that. Suddenly we had 17 hounds ready to go including three walkers, Just Do Me Slowly, Menage A Twat and Famming Flaggott. But we were running. And we headed off to the east and then south through the tunnel under Roosevelt. From here the trail would back and forth until we went through a little park. Local knowledge and I headed straight for the park. And at the end of the park was a Triple Split. I went west and naturally the trail went east. So I'm last as we head south on State to 16th and then west. And suddenly the pack is coming back towards me. Whatever happened, we head south Wabash and pass a split and it is marked straight. But it wasn't. Going straight got us to 18th where there was an east bound arrow. And then another and the pack was off, going no where. At that last Split, the trail went right and under tracks and to a Check on 18th. Those other marks were just marks on a False trail. Is Ice Princess getting tricky? Whatever, trail goes south on State to Cermak and after a little loop to a Triple Split at Cermak and Wabash. Now the pack regrouped and died. Really. The marks were south and east or west. But Cermak is  Southwest to northeast. Ooops. But we scattered and Just Sam, Just Frank, Glory Hole, etc. We're all over the place. Even, Horn-E. Nothing. One block in every direction and options. Finally we are redoing everything and someone found a Check at Wentworth and Cermak and across the street. Ice Princess showed how chivalrous he was and blamed Choke N Stroke for that one. So Cockholm  Syndrome headed north on Wentworth on the east side and I paralleled on the west side. He never stopped so I assumed he was on and followed to a Triple Split at 18th St. He went north and I checked east. Nothing. We returned to the Split. Trail went over the bridge to Canal and then north at a Check. I was now with Zone 2 and Castration Sensation as we arrived at a Split at 14th. Trail went west and then north. I assumed, (Never assume a hare, their jobs is to screw over your assumptions) he would go north to Roosevelt and then towards the finish. So I headed north and at Roosevelt I ran into J. Spencer and Zone 2. We told him where the finish was and J. Spencer ran on. Zone 2 and Horn-E plugged along east on Roosevelt with no marks anywhere. We came to State and then on in through the back door. Meanwhile trail went further north to Harrison and then over to where they could head south and east to Polk and On In. After we all got in False Advertising R A'd since no mismanagement from CH3 was there. And they got the FRBs and finally the DFL. That would be you, Pony Pounder. And not Horn-E. Where did you get lost? After circle we headed over to Kaseys and had a beer and then the pack moved on for more. Others on trail, J. Steve, J Garmin, Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle.

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On On
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The Tale of the Trail 
Mon. Mar 15, 2021, The First Crack Of The Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Peterson Park. Slight fresh snow on the ground, maybe an inch, but great running and a great pack of experienced hounds. We took off after a brief chalk talk and entered into some woods. By the time I ventured out of the first section of woods, I was alone with just Menage A Twat. And all those young hounds were gone. Never to be seen again. WTF. We ran on and at the NE section of the park we headed east on Peterson and eventually to a Check. It wasn't marked so I ran north. Nothing. Meanwhile Menage A Twat headed south and was on. We headed south and into Northeastern campus where the local cop was giveing me the once over and following me around the parking lot. I finally returned to a Check and again, Menage A Twat was ahead of me heading east on Foster. aAnd so the trail went, me passing her and then missing a turn while she just walked along and came to the tuurn I missed and headed off. And Lower Wackoff just walked along watching me go one wrong way after another. Damn hare. We finally ended up by a park and Menage A Twat decided she walked enough and headed for a bus. So, with no FRBs in sight, it was decided it was getting late and we needed to head for the Beer Stop, a great little wooned spot. And still no FRBs. Where they stuck on the Eagle Trail???? No. They weren't on trail, or the beer stop. They chickened out with a whole 1 inch of snow  and didn't show up. Just two old timers braved the weather on what turned out to be a beautiful night and a damn good trail. We were doing better in a hell of a lot worse weather all winter, even with unofficial hashes. The Usual Suspects. Disappointing for a hare after many said they were coming.
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Sat. Mar  20, 2021, 2:00PM, The Bushman Hash Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. We had nine hounds on a beautiful day. At the finish, aftter well over 90 minutes, Lower Wackoff came in and told me it was one of the best Bushman trails he ever did. Either he was lying, probable, or it really was, doubtful, or all of the other Bushman trails he ran were that bad, probable. This was definitely a day were things did go wrong. What else is new. After sending the pack off, I headed over to the beer stop with the beer that Back Door Bizzle brought for me. It seemed like I no sooner got settled in and was waiting when Cockholm Syndrum can running on it. WTF. Well, he was the fastest runner that day, but 45 minutes. What went wrong. Well, he started out great running donw the first hill and couldn't stop and right into the water. Good. Later on trail, after crossing Cicero, we was on trail as it headed east along the river and missed the beer stop. Then he headed south into the woods and picked up on trail and missed a back Check and ran into marks for a False from a Check from the other direction. Damn, he is on a roll. But he found that and had no trouble with the rest of the trail and was ON IN. The rest of the pack eventually came along and found the Back Check and the next Check and so on as trail headed between the river and the wet lands. Around here, the two walkers eventually arrived and missed the wet lan
ds and eventually got on trail and managed to come on in with Zone 2 streaking in to become FBI. That group included Just Do Me Slowly and get this, Construction Junction, dressed like she was going shopping on Michigan avenue instead of a run through the woods. What ever happened to the original Bushman Hash? The rest were still out there. Trail had attempted to go around the wet lands clockwise, but in laying trail I found myself surrounded by water. I finally found a way across the water, No I didn't walk on water, and had to go back and correct some marks. But some nice running after that and through a small section of woods almost never run in the past. We did hold a nice circle between two sloughs, as picturesque as I could find that day. And eventually we ended circle and headed out for the night.
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Sun, Mar 21, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder hared from Winnemac Park on what turned out to be an A to B hash as announced after the hash. Hobo Piss's roof deck. Nice site. Over 30 hounds on trail with a whole lot of walkers. I saw a Check drawn on the corner of Foster and Damen on my way to the start. Good clue? Not. The trail headed out of the park and into city streats at the South East edge. They then ran north in an alley and the next streat east, and to the north. I short cut to that Check being slow and the sneaky bastard that I am. Only the trail never came there. At least the pack didn't. WTF. So I ran for where the last of the pack was last seen and I saw Lower Wackoff heading north and then east. So, whatever, I follow and except for the walkers, I was DFL. Through the usual tunnel and back south on Ravenswood only to see Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation back tracking to a Split at Foster. Apparently someone in the early pack knew of marks two blocks south and just ran straight there with most of the pack following. By the time Castration Sensation got there, they were out of sight and he didn't see any marks. They were on the opposite corner coming from the west and not the north. Ooops. So the three of us struggled a bit and found the true trail. We somehow lost Lower Wackoff here. Trail ran east and south and crossed Lawrence and there we came upon more walkers. Heading south we found the first of three Turkey Eagle Splits. Castration Sensation went Eagle and I went Turkey and was joined by a visitor from Houston, (Now I know I'll get this wrong) My Cunt Is For Me. Sing it. Anyhow we ran on together through two more Turkey trails and eventually ON In and most of the pack was there already. Shortly after I got in, the change of location was announced and we were off. And we all somehow made the change. False Advertising and Hooch B4 Cooch ran the circle and all was good in the sun.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail 
Thu, Mar 11, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps In Shit laid trail from the underpass on Laflin at 16th. We had 9 Trail Hounds and quickly took off under the underpass. This led to a big field and some rough remnants of old streets. So, in the dark I fell behind, but was able to barely catch a glance of the pack on a broad loop and eventually to the east. Damn. I'm behind and they are out of sight already. But On, I headed east and as I was over heating I started to disrobe. No, not that far. Just a few sweat shirts. And that is about when Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft passed me. When finished I followed them, just glad to not be alone. But they left me behind until a Split. I caught them and we sort of ran together until a block east of Halsted. There they started to leave me behind as they headed south, under the tracks and further east. I followed and occasionally things were marked and when they weren't, I guessed right. Finally a loop to the south and back west and over towards 18th St and Halsted. Trail sort of just ran west with a short loop to the south on streets and north into some alleys. But I still couldn't catch them. What else is new. I finally hit an unmarked Split, south and west. Knowing where the hare lived, I chose west and was wrong. But there was the hare's street, I headed to the alley and ON IN. And Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation weren't there yet. Apparently they took south on the last Split and I slipped ahead. About five minutes later Lower Wackoff came in. The rest of the pack was already there, including Mommy's Coming, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa and Cockholm Syndrome. We circled on the back porch and headed home. Got A ride from Mommys Coming to the north side and dropped off 2 minutes before my bus arrived. Thanks.
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Sat. Mar 13, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Son Of Spam and his best friend, Berts Special Friend hared from the Zoo Woods in Brookfield. While waiting for the pack I started to do some exercise therapy on my surgically repaired right hand and I think I ruptured the tendon again. Damn. Well nothing to do but run. No pain. We had a nice pack and a damn beautiful day for hashing. We headed out to the east and then north along the river following the MBM, Double Meter Beater and came to a Check at 31st and 1st. I think it was meat Nside Her that found trail to the east and over the river while the rest of the pack was scattered eeverywhere north and west. Trail crossed the bridge and headed north on a residential street. And the hares had a Check here, but almst no one saw that. Two marks north and there was a four way Split. Since we didn't realize we missed a Check we searched wide to the west, south and east and points in between and fonud nothing. BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS those ways. Someone who knew we were off of a Check went back and ran east on city streets. Meanwhile I was running east off of the fourway for two blocks. They found traill and all took off and meanwhile, not knowing about the Check, I knew that the trail had to go north so I went north, several blocks back and then looped through the woods to the river and back south. Not a trace of a mark.
BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS. I finally got back there and started to work that four way again. What a freaking' waste. I finally gave up and headed backwards on trail, right past that damn Check I never saw and still didn't see. I circled the wooded section were we started, looking for some marks coming in and finally saw Meat Inside Her and followed her and saw a mark pointing into the trail along the river and the ON IN. Some were there already and more followed. And we circled and went home. I had to drive Son Of Spam home, due to what in some circles is known as over consumption. But all was good and the hares and Meat Inside Her and I shared three pizzas while watching movies of hashers on trail. NOw, that damn check. I have often encountered something like that on trail and decided to go back thinking we might have missed a Check. Why I didn't this time, I don't know. I have also deliberately se traps like that in the past that worked beautifully, to nab the FRB that won't stay exactly on trail and thinks he can range from in front and out smart the hare. Why I missed that I can only attribute to, no, not old age. I'm not that damn old. But meanwhile most of the pack had a good trail that I missed. Others on trail were Lower Wackoff, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, False Advertising, Back Door Bizzle, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Crotch Fire                     
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Sun, Mar 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. Garmin hared from Thorndale and Sheridan in the little park
. We had 17 trail hounds including Just Do Me Slowly and Menage A Twat who did a good hours walk of the trail. The FRBs were Mommys Coming and Cockhholm Syndrome on the Eagle Course. On the Turkey course it was everybody but me, Horn-E. That included Two virgins, Just Christin and Just Anita, Just Frank and Just Sam, Just Davina and Hooch B4 Cooch. And they could run good, not like this old fart. I did follow that pack sort of and ran along Sheridan a block after they turned in. Now, there I got a good blast of the Nor'easter blowing off of the lake. It was like I was standing still running into that wind. It definitely wasn't running. I headed into the campus and what I could see of the pack was scattered about. I headed east and found marks right away and several of the other Turkeys followed and finally got on. We exited the campus by the El and saw where the Eagle pack would eventually join us. It was a simple trail from there, with a Back Check I caught. Trail worked its way south and past Senn High School and pretty much on in from there. It was a couple of more minutes before the Eagles started to arrive. Lower Wackoff told me he dropped out and found the On back trail, And finally the DFL was Castration Sensation arriving during circle. Well done.
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On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Sat, Feb 27, 2021, Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Jenson Park on what turned into an A to B trail for 11 hounds. We took of to the north and at the first alley was a Check I went east following J Brad and we found nothing. So we headed north to Lawrence and there was a mark and Cockholm Syndrum was coming our way. And we were on. Lifa was just behind us. We headed into various check s and splits and finally over a  foot bridge. I was falling back, butLower Wackoff was with me for a brief moment and eventually J Davinia and J Brad ran by me and we were soon over  more bridges and they left me behind as we headed into a University Campus north of Foster. Never saw anyone again. There was a T and E Split and I figured they were far enough ahead that i better thake the Turkey Trail. Not to much of a struggle and I finally came to a point where my trail merged with the Eagle trail. A few blocks later there was a marked Split and the mark sholed going East. the finish was to the west and I kept ehading there hoping to get back in time to join the eagles. Not. They were are the beer stop which was the home of the hares. Damn. But Berts Special Friend came ang about them, returning for his car. So I got a ride to B. and shortly later the walkers, Just do Me Slowly, Construction Function and Menage A Twat arrived. Meat Inside Her was also there and that was our pack. So we held circle and went home.
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Sun, Feb 28, 2021, Chicago Hash.
Famming Flaggott and Its Too Soft hared the return to hashing of the Chicago Hash from the hares roof deck. Small start for a restart. Not even the GM showed up to run. Actually just the usual suspects and two virgins, Just Bennett and Just Steve. We started to the north and the usual 6 corner intersection at Clark and Halsted for a check. Double Meter Beater was off and running and did the entire intersection before we all got there. And the usual alley looked prime, and Horn-E was heading there with False Advertising when Double Meter Beater returned from there. Damn. He and I ended up going north on Halsted and nothing. We decided to try that alley again and he did the alley and I went down Clark and bang, bang, I was on two arrows when I saw Double Meter Beater and he ran right in front of me and found the third arrow. Trail went south on Clark and another Check at Diversey. Here I was heading east on Diversey when Just Davinia passed me and a block later she was on two and then three and I yelled On and we were off to the south. We soon ran into some more confusion heading towards the park. I was almost On and again double Meter Beater ran by me and found the trail. Damn. This led to another Check at Diversey and Sheridan. We ranged into the park and again I was almost on trail when Double Meter Beater ran by me and was on again. I keep missing finding the trail. Well, this led towards the lake and under the Outer Drive and south to Fullerton and then inland. I finally came up on Zone 2 and we struggled on marks. Little tennis ball marks walked off because of heavy foot traffic. Well, from here it was marks and missed marks and we finally got to the park at Wrightwood and Sheffield, a few minutes before they closed the beer stop. All were there accept Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle who showed up about five minutes after we did at the roof top. The fire pit was going and we eventually held circle and a few of us sat around and enjoyed the warm fire pit. Also on trail was Lifa.
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Tue, Mar 2, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash Cockholm Syndrome laid trail from under the tracks on Hubbard, just east of Des Plaines. We struggled at the start and finally got going heading west and eventually south into the west loop area. The usual FRBs were soon gone and I was back struggling along. At one point we crossed Randolph and I was with Lifa. He went south and was on, but I lost him. It then became Horn-E, Lower Wackoff, Its Too Soft, Back Door Bizzle, and Castration Sensation. And I was soon falling back, We were finally heading east on I believe Monroe. The trail went through some parking lots and I was loosing sight of them. So I kept running east to Canal and there was an arrow heading north, Ooops. I'll take it and from there it was pretty much on in hitting the BN. I sort of went the wrong way, but only a block off and hit the beer stop coming in the wrong way. Within five minutes the pack was whole and we held circle. Others on trail were False Advertising, J. Steve, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend.
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Sun, Mar 7, 2021, Chicago Hash.
I'm Fuckin' Nuts and Complimentary Nuts and Just Stacie laid trail from the Bohemian Cemetary and this is nuts. A pack of 31 haunds showed up. WTF. We headed off south on Clark and right into the south entrance of the cemetery heading east. Well, Local Knowledge works. I know there is no exit that way and I head to the north central exit and Lifa follows. And yep, there is a mark. We ran on and about two blocks later Double Meter Beater passed Horn-E and left that old fart in his dust. It was about two blocks later when the pack started to catch up and I was passed by two of the virgins. Just Sam and Just Frank. Actually a short time later Skull n Boner passed with her dog pulling her along and another virgin Just Eric. There was actually another virgin on trail J Rhainne running with Just James. All right, I mentioned the virgins. Actually met them at the circle after. Back to trail. We got to a Check at Broadway and I followed someone to the east and we were soon joined by the pack and On trail. We did get a back Check and I was back near the front on a group. but that never lasts. The trail headed towards the park and out to the lake front at Foster. I short cut here along the tennis courts and sure enough I see the pack coming out of a tunnel and I am back with the pack. Ran along briefly with J Steve, another new comer. 3rd run I think. But he was moving good and I wasn't. We headed out to Sheridan and I watched as a few hounds disappeared to the north and I followed Pony Pounder. Horn-E catching Pony Pounder. Something not right here. Yeah, he pulled something. No, not that. So we ended up walking on in. We got to Clark and Ashland and a Check and while we were checking it out, Gay Dancer showed up, also checking it out. So they cheat and looked it up on facebook and it was a few blocks straight west at the entrance of another cemetery on Ravenswood, And there we circled up. Beer was served and Hooch B4 Cooch held a short circle. Then the pack slowly headed out and fortunately I was only about four blocks from home.                                     
On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Feb 24, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash was set by Cockholm Syndrone and Construction Junction from the parking lot at 201 E. Illinois. And we had a nice crowd all set to run, with 13 trail hounds including four first timers for this year. And a lot longer. Welcome back. We took off to the west and a quick Check and Dickens Cider (welcome back) was right on trail to the north and then took a wrong way on a Split. That left Horn-E and Ice Princess leading to the west and I was quickly passed by a pack. Another Split at Wacker and I went the wrong way. Damn. So now I'm following people disappearing in the distance. The hares were using the upper and lower levels to the max, the bastards, and it was up and down and at the next Check I almost caught the pack heading east towards Michigan on the upper level. We all missed a turn and crossed Michigan and ran in circles before returning and heading down steps to Lower Wacker. Lower Wackoff was somewhere around here, but I don't know where. And the pack was gone before I got there. The Splits were marked well, but all to often we couldn't find a mark as they tried to find dry spots and not necessarily the best spots to make marks. But they were there. So I ran on and west to Dearborn and then back along the hi rises along the river heading east. Up and down and and finally under the Wrigley Building archway. From here it was over the river and east along the southern edge of the river, on two different levels. At Columbus we crossed the river to the south and at the first intersection I lost trail. Yeah, again. Alone and figuring the pack is way gone and I was two short blocks to the finish, I opted out and headed On IN. And just as I got to the finish, Mommy's Coming beat me in. And the pack was soon following him on in, finishing up with Its Too Soft as DFL. We got into some Whiskey and started circle and mid circle Lower Wackoff came troting on in. He never gives up. So now we had two DFLs and we sang again. And just when Circle finished, Stuffin Muffin came troting on in. He missed the start and did the whole trail, And now we had treee DFLS and sang again. The lyrics are so plesent and colorful and easy to learn. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Riot Me This Riot Me That, welcome back you three. Soul Taco, Hooch B4 Cooch, and Lifa
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More tales to follow next week. Want to get this out quickly.

The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Feb 20, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E and Lifa were the hares. I started laying this trail at 10:30 going through an upper thigh level deep snow bank and joined by Lifa at 11:00 and we finished at 2:30. One of the hardest trail I ever laid with most of it in at least 12 to 16 inches deep snow, with a few paths thrown in where you could actually run. Here is the Tale of the Trail by Lower Wackoff.


This Bushman trail was laid by HornE and Lifa on a sunny winter day in HornE Woods.  The Grand Bushman promised the trail of a lifetime, a trail not to be missed, a trail to be never forgotten, etc.  Following a week of massive snowfall, I was expecting the worst and was not disappointed.

The starting pack was False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff, plus a walker, Just Do Me Slowly and a skier, Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  HornE and Lifa showed up at the bus shelter looking like they returned from an Arctic expedition.  The hares appeared just in time to give us a less than adequate chalk talk.  We were informed that they spent 4 hours laying trail and would not be coming behind us to sweep.  In other words, we were on our own and took off on trail heading north.  

Deep snow lay ahead of us as far as the eye could see. Immediately we were hiking in two feet of snow. Cockholm Syndrome actually tried to run on this trail that was not made for running and he took the lead. Trail turned west and then south right away to take us through the tunnel under Irving Park Road. That was one short stretch or trail were we weren't walking in deep snow, but ice skates might have helped. Emerging from the tunnel we found a split that took us diagonally across a big field for a long hike in deep snow on our way into the woods.  In some places the snow was knee-deep for me.  I fell on my ass once and took over two minutes to get up on my feet.

Once we were in the woods, the snow was not as deep and we could actually run on the usual forest preserve hiking paths. But the hares weren't going to keep the trail so easy for long. I fell behind the pack after making a wrong move on a split i the woods. Tried to catch up and found the true trail that went south along the river. At a turn I found deer eating up the orange flour in the snow. That might explain some missing marks. The trail went east through a hole in the fence on to a golf course. The snow was deep again and I could see a few hashers far ahead of me. I found a check in the snow on a small hill and thought I was on true trail with marks heading north through another hole in the fence. I fell for the sucker marks. Right away I ran into a big F. I returned to the golf course and along came our skier Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  She said the pack was on the south side of a big hill.  I took a shortcut to the north of the hill to rejoin the hounds.  

What I learned later in the circle was that true trail took the pack south of a big hill through a frozen reed marsh.  Somewhere lost in the reeds Magnetic Muff was heard crying out "I've fallen and can't get up!".  Stuffin Muffin was already out on higher ground and he wasn't coming back to the rescue.  False Advertising saw a dead deer frozen there in the marsh and took a picture.  That pic will surely be a great addition to the Bushman Dead Animal Gallery.

When I rejoined the pack they were heading north through another hole in the fence back to the forest and we followed a path eastward to the B.  We had gone more than 4 miles on trail.  The hares said they tried to make a longer trail but ran out of time.  We got our Bushman circle started with down downs going to HornE and Lifa for haring such a shitty trail.  Cockholm Syndrome was the FRB.  Magnetic Muff was our DFL, but she was also our FBI since she was the only female runner.  I would have to say Magnetic Muff was luckier than that frozen deer.  False Advertising admitted he was a whiny bitch by not dressing right for the snow with no gloves and nothing waterproof on his feet.  We offered our sympathy and gave him a down down.  Then Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion came along to the circle to complete our pack. 

We ended our Bushman circle as the sun was setting and we left the woods to head north on Cumberland.  Once we returned to our cars, Lifa announced "Second Circle!".  We stood around just steps away from moving traffic and had one more beer.   

On On LW
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Sun, Feb 21,2021, Friends who run Chicago held a hash style run set by Pony Pounder from Empirical Brewing. I was actually planning on trying to run the dry sections of trail. On the way there I saw what might be consider some sort of Check Mark at Peterson and Ravenswood. Sometimes a mark like that can be a great advantage later in trail. I headed south and just before Foster I walked through the usual tunnel under the tracks and there was another Check in a similar color and mangled in the ragged snow. Hmmm!. So we finally gather outside of the brewery and get the chalk talk and different style of marks and multiple colors. And off we go, to the east and an immediate Check at Ravenswood. Now, remember that advantage seeing marks in advance can give you. Here is were I went completely wrong. Trail went straight north and through that tunnel to that Check. I knew that check was there, but I was thinking an on in mark. Nope Dope. By the time I got there, and this was just 2 blocks into trail, I saw Ice Princess and Lower Wackoff disappearing into the distant west. So I tired to use logic. The only way they could get to that first Check I saw was to go all the way to Western and north to Peterson and then east. So I headed straight to it. I was thinking that I could at least get there and run the last part of the trail as the FRBs would finally catch me. Not. At the first Check I looked around and suddenly saw a lot of spray painted marks on the snow, similar to the hash colors of the day, but they were obviously Construction marks for underground cables or pipe lines needed to know about for the upcoming major construction on that location. Never try to out guess the hare. I headed back to find the pack already gathering in the brewery. The trail went in a counter clockwise loop from that check by the tunnel. So, 13 hounds got a hash trail and the old fart got stuffed. Lesson: sometimes marks aren't and you can get screwed. I did. But the on after in the brewery went on and on for a few hours. Good time.  x
On On
Horn-E


Sa 2/13 2:00pm The Big Dog Hash set by Magnetic Muff and Muffin Stuffin from Hernandez Woods. They got a small pack ready to tackle the snow. Hey, they even got that old fart Horn-E out there and he did the course. Sort of. No excuses. Come on out. The pack consisted of Lifa who ran in front and did the eagle trail. False Advertising who ran in the middle and when the trail came near the start, he booked and then realized he couldn't leave because he had Horn-E's bag in his car. And then there was Lower Wackoff who did keep running and did the Turkey trail. Then there was the lame and short cutting bastards, Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. Trail went into the park and towards the railroad trestle. From here it headed west on the north side of the river to Cicero. Nice trail running through here. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E ran part of this and then up to streets. That old fart Horn-E was paranoid about his wrist still in a splint. At Cicero the sweep, Magnetic Muff gave us a short cut. Well, not really shorter but quicker by roads and safer for my wrist. The real trail went back into La Bagh Woods and followed the paths along the river and then came out of the woods by Target. Actually the lame got there first by road and only found one mark in the huge shopping center. And it was buried in fresh snow and barely able to make out the direction. A short time later we were on Elston and just past a railroad trestle when Lifa passed by overhead and kept going on the eagle trail. Then came Lower Wackoff and he opted to come on down to where we were. From here the trail went on to Lawrance and Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff headed that way and the lame brirgade headed north and the ON IN. We shortly gathered and held a quick Big Dog Circle and the hares were very nice in giving me a ride home. Damn lame old fart.


Sun, Feb 14, 2021 First Crack of the Moon Hash, and Luner New Year, at Chase park was set by Lifa. A rare day time Moon Hash due to weather conditions. Another small pack ventured out in the near zero weather for this hash. Lower Wackoff, Cockholm Syndrume, Just Davinia and Castration Sensation. There were two walkers, the usual lame brigade of Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. And we took off to the east and the two of us lame hounds were soon on our own. But it could have been worse. Just after we left, Stuffin Muffin showed up. And he didn't make the finish until about 30 minutes after we got back and started circle. Running alone on a non swept trail is a bitch. And that included a Soju Stop. So Well done Stuffin' Muffin. The trail was east to near Sheridan and that is where the lame brigade headed over to the Soju stop and got there just after the other hounds arrived. From there is was a short run back to the Beer Stop in the park behind a Field House. Circle was started by Horn-E in Moon Hash style and we were going round and round before Stuffin Muffin showed up. And within minutes, this old fart said, "Horn-E go bye bye." Just not tuned into that cold and with my splint I only had one set of gloves that fit and they weren't that warm.
The Tale of the Trailx
Su 1/24 we had a Friends Who Run Chicago Hash starting at the west end of the 606 Trail and set by Back Door Bizzel. A little over 5 miles in a big lop clockwise to the north and north west. Nice pack of 10 including Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Just Davinia, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin' Muffin, Crotch Fire, False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome and Garmin

We 1/27 Whiskey Wednesday Hash.from Twisted Spoke for the WWH3 Aniversary and hared by Lifa. It was a dark and dreary night and besides the Hare, only three hounds showed up, the usual suspects, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation and Garmin. I don't want to speculate on the FRB, but I'm sure there was a DFL.

Fr 1/29 Full Moon H3 was started at Forest Glen Forest Preserve shelter and was hared by Lower Wackoff. And congrats to a great writeup by Lower Wackoff.

This was the 24th annual winter moon hash.  For the first time in history, this hash was not at the Gladstone Lounge, but in Forest Glen woods.  The pack of runners was Lifa, Back Door Bizzle with $20 Buttstuff, Hooch Before Cooch, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.  Menage a Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were walkers.

I had to stop short from laying the complete trail because I ran out of time.  We did the chalk talk at the Forest Glen shelter.  I sent the runners off north on the bike trail.  The walkers went ahead to wait for us in Mariano's and we would pick them up along the trail.  I told the pack I would meet them at the halfway point to sweep and then went off on my own to finish the last 100 yards of trail.  Turned out to be a BIG mistake!

The first check was set in red flour on the snow right in front of the bike bridge over the tracks, but it was destroyed by some misguided civilian after I laid it.  Lifa figured there must have been a check there and the pack went off into the woods in all different directions.  Lifa ran across the bridge and missed a turn to the north which ran close to the river where a loopback was laid.  This part was almost a duplicate of what you set on trail for the November Bushman.  I thought I was being a clever hare, but the pack never came this way.  True trail would lead to a second check under the bike path bridge.  Lifa never saw this second check but was working a split he found on the street to the west of the woods.  That split  took him both ways in the wrong direction.  The rest of the pack was still scattered in the woods as far as I know.

Meanwhile, I was standing for 15 minutes on the third check on the tracks just north of the Forest Glen train stop, blowing my whistle and looking for any signs of hashers.  I then saw a flashlight from somebody coming back across the bridge and that was Lifa.  I headed north to meet them and miraculously the pack had regrouped and came out of the woods to run south on the tracks.  Trail from the third check went through a hole in the fence into the Mariano's parking lot where the walkers caught up with the pack.  From there it was a simple trail in the Forest Glen neighborhood and then back into the woods along the river to a beer stop.  

At the end, it seemed like the pack wasn't all that pissed at me for not being there while they spent a half hour working on the first check.  We came out from our beer stop in the woods to circle in the shelter.  I got a down down for a shitty trail  and more down downs after that.  We ended our outdoor hash circle with beer and pizza under a full moon.

Keep getting healthy so you can hash again!

On on, LW
Again, thanks for the write up

Su 1/31 was another Friends Who Run Chicago Hash and the annual Snow Hash set from Stab 'em & Slab 'em's house 6530 S. University with co hares Reverand Shut The Fuck Up and Lifa.  Hey, they had snow this year. and a damn lot of it and had to lay a live trail. 
Yeah, we definitely had the snow and it was quite a workout live-haring the 2.83 mile trail. Beer stop was at the school/park just up the street from Stab 'Ems. Back at the finish we had 2 fire pits on the patio with circle led by Mudsucker. Afterwards we roasted bratwurst on sticks over the roaring fire.

I may have forgotten someone but this is the attendance I remember:
Stab 'Em & Slab 'em, Reverend STFU, Lifa, CICO, Cockholm Syndrome, Pull Her Penis, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation. Back Door Bizzle.
Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, It's Too Soft, Mudsucker, Just Sarah (Mudsucker's friend), Just ? (Mudsucker's friend), Ménage à Twat
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Thanks for the support in getting me this information while I am laid up. Please help where and when you can and fill up our blank dates, please.

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jan 13, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Castration Sensation hared from 825 W Wolfram for 8 trail hounds. We took off down the alley to the west and then south. We were moving fast and I knew I would loose this pack. But we ran on and I caught them at Lincoln and Sheffield and a Check. I was right with Cockholm Syndroum as he found this and we ran through the park and headed south through alleys and a parking lot and on to Fullerton. West and into a quad area in De Paul Campus. I ended up going out the Southwest end with others and no marks. There was some controversy on how that Check was solved, but it went west on Fullerton and suddenly we crossed the street and into a gangway that went through about three small quads surrounded by apartments. Never saw this before. Somehow I ended up last coming out of there and at a Check I went down an alley and the pack was gone and suddenly there was trail. This went through a little park and I followed Its Too Soft here. Now we headed south and he disappeared. But at Fullerton there was Garmin coming back to mark a Check. Thanks. I followed and now we were in the beginning of a stretch of straights without to many decision points, Garmin was gone. I ran on and came to a Split. Looking back was Its Too Soft. I took straight and he followed. (?) A block later I was not on. But it was across the street and I was soon on again, but at a Triple split. I picked straight and Its Too soft followed.(?) NO marks after a block. So I decided on a loop to the north and back to the Split. Wrong. Trail went south from the Split. Damn And now I am finally back on trail and ended up going down an alley for several blocks and found a house with beautiful Christmas lights. While taking a pic or 2, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. So we ran on together, east until the El tracks. South a block and then over to OZ Park. Trail went through the park and north to a Check at Lincoln, Lower Wackoff had first pick and went left. Trail went north on Lincoln and I was soon On. Now I get to a 6 corner intersection. And another Check. I opt to go around clockwise and made a full loop and no marks. Damn. So I start again but this time going much further down the streets. S, no. And about here Lower Wackoff caught up again. Then W, no, NW, no, N, and finally I find a mark further down the block on Halsted and from here we were pretty much north and on in. 94 minutes, 5.9 miles. And everyone was sitting in the back yard around the warmth of the fire pit. I grabbed a seat and tried to stay low to avoid the swirling smoke and circle commenced. Good. Then a burger. Thanks. And finally I left with a ride from Garmin. Others on trail were Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Lifa. Home and I took off my vest and then a sweat shirt. Wow, the smoke smell. Laundry. But I could still smell that smoke. But my other shirts smelled fine. Then I got it. Damn beard. WOW. Double WOW. Long shower and several shampoos, even scented, before that was gone. A week later I finally put on that vest, after the hash, and not at home. Wow, it also smelled of smoke. Laundry. The fires are good, but stay low and avoid the smoke.
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Sat. Jan 16, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Gompers Park at Keeler and Foster. We had 12 hounds. Two walkers in Zone 2 and Just Do Me Slowly who walked parts of the trail. Six hounds really took off and left the last four to struggle on their own. I tried to sweep, but how do you sweep for three separate distinct groups. Slit Digger and Cockholm Syndrome blew away the pack and ran it like it was laid. I assume those that were sort of with them also did, Magnetic Muff, Just Lavinia a new transplant with Malaysian experience, False Advertising and Lifa. Trail went through Gompers Park and across Foster and along a rode at the edge of the river before heading into La Bagh Woods. And Slit Digger did what was planned with the False by the river, jumping off the wall and on through the dried out wet lands and a Check and another Check along the river where he and Cockholm Syndrome both caught the long False. Across the river and a nice run on trails around the swamp and then along the river back to Gompers Park. The middle pack of Mudsucker, Lower Wackoff, Muffin Stuffin and Crotch Fire struggle along and were dying in the dried out wet lands Check. But they got on and finally did that last loop and on in. Back at the finish someone had found my cache of beer and drank four before leaving the rest. but we had enough for circle and we held a nice Bushman Circle. Our transplant Just Lavinia really liked the singing. So all was good and we finally headed home. Good time.               6

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Sun. Jan 17, 2021 Friends Who Run Chicago. Garmin laid trail from Horner Park and for the second day in a row, we had 12 hounds. We covid hashers are doing just fine, numbers wise, and are forming a nice group of regulars. Trail headed south and then out of the park and to the west for a short loop and back into the park. From here we headed south and a Check at Irving Park and California. Trail had to go SE into a park and campus for a high school and sure enough, it did. I actually was right behind Slit Digger for a short stretch before the pack started passing me. We crossed over the river on the bike path and at Addison kept going south along the river in more High School campus area. Then the trail took a u turn and headed north through parking lots and over to a Check at Roscoe and Western. Here the hare admitted he realized he was running out of time and ooops, there goes trail with a massive long straight. The trail eventually did get better after Irving Park as it went through the river path north of Irving to Montrose. And then On In. Meanwhile, I was a major DFL. So I short cut to this park and headed across the park towards Irving Park Bridge and the river. Damn. Hugh fence around the field with wind breaking covers, but a gap right where the path is. But the break was only for the wind breakers and not this new god damn wall of very high chain link fence. With construction signs everywhere and no construction at all. But screw the people anyway. So I followed the fence the long way around, looking for what used to be gaps in the fences. None. Damn. Finally got out and headed across the river and took the river trail on in to the finish. Nice circle when I could hear people with gags over their mouths. Some nice songs including some Limericks. Good time.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trailx
Jan 5. 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Holstein Park for a dozen hounds. Trail started out to the east and we sort of went in circles for a bit. At our second Check I got mixed up as I ran into marks, a False, from the Check before I got to the Check. I finally got there and with Castration Sensation we headed out on the true trail when he returned and said they were coming back. So I ranged from the Check towards where I saw a mark when I got off the bus. Close to the Check, Well, it was trail all right. The ON IN trail and just before the last Check. So I ran the trail backwards which was basically south on Damen, a gangway and alleys and Fullerton west. And I finally ran into Lifa at a Check on Fullerton. Well, obviously I knew the way out. But I always figure when I get there by a short cut or like I did, then I should let the FRB find the trail. He came to hash, not follow my directions because I got there backwards. So Lifa did 2 Falses and finally Back Door Bizzel arrived and headed out the right way, east on Fullerton. False Advertising was right behind. We then ran on until Belden and Damen and the last Check. I found that and one block south. We headed west and towards the finish. False Advertising finally passed me and when we got in, most where already there. Then Garmin came in DFL. He started late and almost caught us. We had a nice circle and headed on home.
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Jan 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, the Eight Beer Stop Hash.
Horn-E and Slit Digger hared from Catherine Chevalier Woods.We spent about three hours laying trail and of course it is always how soon can they screw it up. And as soon as they got into the woods, hounds were ranging and obviously not staying on trail. Our first Check was before the first wide path. They ran to a False and over ran it. Got on the path and ran west on a Split from the true ttrail of the Check and I'm not sure they even knew it. But there were marks and a long False. So what do you do at a False? What you do and what they did were two different things. Naturally someone just kept going. Bye bye. The rest finally returned and got back on trail. Trail went trough some real thick sections of small trees and to a Check on another wide path. This took a while and they were soon in the woods again and heading south to this wide prairie of three foot prairie grasses. We had a Check here with three different trails, all leading to the first Beer Stop. One hasher ran straight and yelled ON at the first mark and everyone followed. OK. They got to the Beer Stop and it took about five minutes before Magnetic Muff finally found a Pilsner Urquel. They then ran south, but two hounds found trail out of there on one of those On In trails. Ooops. At the next Beer Stop at a cross section in the woods, Zone 2 and Castration Sensation found the beer. Then they ran on and followed Lower Wackoff on a False. He didn't yell On and even he wondered why they were following him. This pack was not running as a pack or usual conventions. But at their peril. We ran on to Beer Stop 3 by the rivers edge. As I got there, they were confused and couldn't find the beer. Hollow tree was still hollow. Damn. And there was False Advertising staring at a 6.5 foot tall tree stump for about a minute before looking up and there was the beer. So we ran on. Just Do Me Slowly managed to get there and now was following the pack back. I was told Chicken Stiffer finally got back to the pack from that first False. Back Door Bizzel found trail out and we were on to the north. The next check was at a cross roads and down a steep slippery hill, Beer was hidden in a pile of logs. About three hounds managed to head out on the False before a whistle was heard and trail headed along the river and finally to Beer Stop 5 at a 55 gal drum in the middle of the forest. Huh. Trail headed east through the woods and a section that was devastated by a down draft wind storm and fallen trees everywhere, We finally had a Beer Stop 6 in a tight section of trees with the beer high up a fallen tree. Here the late arriving Crotch Fire caught up to the pack. And again the pack got sucked in by another of Slit Digger's long Falses. We got to another wide path and headed south and then into the woods long the water run off area and Beer Stop 7. the pack was whole. Not for long. They finally started out looking for Beer Stop 8. False Advertising started out towards the beer to the east. Then changed his mind and followed Lower Wackoff and others to the south and the slippery path. That led to that very first False that someone ran through. Ooops. Got them. Meanwhile Zone 2 headed East and right to the Beer Stop in a thick section of swamp reeds that were about 12 to 15 feet tall. Beer was in the middle and it was soon the hares and Stuffin Muffin and Crotch Fire and a smiling Zone 2. Something about reeds and molesting or something. When we headed out we ran into Lifa and stoped for a while before heading ON IN. Back at the finish we held a Big Dog circle in the shelter and everyone got at least one Down Down. Then Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and the hares headed for the mega garage for some pizza and warming up.
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On On
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 30, 2020,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Steps In Shit volunteered but couldn't make it back to Chicago. So Lifa volunteered to do a live hare. Then only Garmin showed up. WTF. Even Horn-E didn't show and they waited for him for ten minutes. Apparently they each had a nice run, Shit happens. As for Horn-E, as he changed pants to get ready to go, his keys fell behind a box and he didn't look for them until he was ready to leave. A half hour later, still no keys. He didn't find them until the next day at about 1pm. Someone get help for that old man. Hey, I knew they were in the house. Just where. That never happened before.
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31 Dec 2020,
The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard for a 10PM hash. The latest ever in Chicago. And only four showed up. Just Do Me Slowly who walked about a mile of trail , Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzel and Castration Sensation. Laying trail I knew of one local street with a lot of Christmas Lights. So that was the first goal. then I wanted to head south for a big loop. But there was another 2 block long street with a lot of lights. Why not. Then the next block also had some very unusual coordinated lights. Couldn't not do it. Now it was time to change the original plans. Pulled some Checks by the local High School and tried to sneak past the streets with lights and go around to the north hoping for more streets with lights. Nope. So the last part of the trail was boring. About 3 miles. At the finish we had Hot Chili and fresh baked pretzels and cheap champagne tosts to bring in the new year, A neighbor blew off fire works and Auld Lang Syne. We hung around until about 12:30. So, it worked. At least 5 of us didn't have to spend New Years Eve like any other Thursday night, alone with a good movie.
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1 Jan 2021, False Advertising laid his anal New Years Day Hash from Twisted Spokes. Weather was calling for nasty freezing rain. I tried to email the hare and find out if it was worth coming. Would there actually be a trail. The hare's reply. "
It is terrible here. I would not come. Freezing rain." So I didn't. And last night all five of us said we were going. And the other four did and there was a trail. So, they alone ran the last trail of last year and the first trail of this year. With two separate hares. Now that was false advertising. From what I heard there was a long stretch through very slippery alleys only to come up to a Back Chekc 21. Yeah, 21. Back to the start and a hot drink and then off on a short trail that wasn't horrible even though there was some freezing rain and they finished under some cover. So, they had a good start to hashing in the new year. 
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3 Jan 2021. Eleven hashers gathered to carry on the Just Justs Chicago tradition for the first Sunday of Jan. We had three Master Marker Makers in Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire and Just Brad. And we would name Just Brad later. We had eight runners on trail and we all spent the entire run trying to get ahead of Garmin. He'd blow away the pack and miss a turn and on and on. I managed to find one of those and he soon blew right past me. We worked our way to the east and one of those missed marks right after the first Split. And then again and we were having a hard time seeing the red arrows on the wet pavement. Lower Wackoff found the first Check to the north and myself and Lower Wackoff ran on to a Split and the pack was soon with us. And we went on and on like this. Trail even went over a roof on the campus and back down and across the expressway for a loop back that I caught. And then through the campus where I ran to the lead hound, Garmin only to have him do a loop back or something and I'm off alone going the wrong way. From there we worked our way out of the campus and back west and south of Roosevelt. And all along I was just behind the pack or way behind the pack until we hit the finish in an open field. And a bunch of the pack got out of cars to join us. WTF. And I caught up to Lower Wackoff and walked in together. And there we were, knee deep in goose shit. If you went home and didn't remove your shoes at the door and now your carpets are green, it isn't fresh grass stains. More like processed grass stains. False Advertising led the circle. And he was called out by Crotch Fire for running off trail and losing trail completely and begging for directions. Then we finally got around to naming Just Brad. I started things out with Goose Shit, but things and stories got better. I mean, a real cellar dweller here. When a name like French Licker doesn't make it, we had some good stories. But it ended up in a tie. So we decided we'd let him pick and the name he liked least would be the name he got. and so forever more he will be called Mommy's Coming. Now he has to explain that one to Mom and we'll let him explain it further. Others in attendance were Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 15, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lifa set trail from Brands Park for 12 hounds and maybe some Christmas lights. We started out to the north and then headed south through a nice twist of alleys and angled streets and I was able to keep the pack within sight. We crossed Belmont and due to a Back Check I was right up front. But within blocks I lost the pack completely. But trail was there and decisions points were mostly marked and I ran on to California where I ran into the hare sweeping. Trail headed east and into a hidden gangway and over to the Christmas Lights House. Steps In Shit blew past me right about here and at the lights, he was already long gone, and I stopped to take a bunch of pics. Then it was on east and south and eventually over to Logan Blvd and Western and a Check. Marked North East, maybe, I ran on and found trail at Diversey and the Turkey Split. Well, I'm way behind with that fast pack so it was straight up Elston and then north to the Beer Stop along the river. And I wasn't DFL. They took the Eagle trail. We then went back to the park and circled up.
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Dec 18, 2020, Lifa set a trail for friends who run Chicago. We were starting from Its Too Soft's roof Deck and five hounds managed to show up and give his new roof top fire pit a good start. This time I fell back right away with a slow start and traffic and the leaders were long gone. We headed over towards Sheffiend and Wrightwood and a Check. Marked, I headed south and into an alley and saw Garmin disappearing ahead. Crossing Halsted and the next street, Burling, trail headed south and across Lincoln and finally into Oz Park. And there was the sweep but he didn't know where anyone was, But a hint and I headed south on Lincoln and soon Garmin passed me on the other side of the street,I headed over to where the hare said there would be a check, at Armitage and Clark and he warned me to not go south for a long back Check. Good move, I headed into Linclon Park and passed the Zoo lights and finally picked up on marks around the observatory as I was taking time to take pics of lights. Then it was passed the north lagoon and suddenly Garmin passed me. What again. He should have been long gone. The rest of the pack got screwed by a back check 11. Not II as in Roman numerals (when have we ever used those) but someone interpeted it as a back check 2. And they worked the hell out of that. Over and over. Who said hashers are smart. Finally they escaped that and were gaining on me. and passing me. A short time later Just Brad also blew past me. At Diversey Clark I opted out of more trail and he ran north on Broadway. Bye. I got back to the finish and joined Its Too soft, Shortly after I was joined by Castration Frustration who also dropped out after that back check from hell. I finally left as I had to hare the next morning and the rest came in shortly after. Also on trail was Cockholm Syndrome.
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Dec 19. 2020. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E ilaid trail from Edgebrook Woods and we had a pack of 12 and 3 bushbabes who stayed behind and found the beer and hung out in the woods. Meanwhile the pack was gone. I tried to catch them and sweep, but my short cut wasn't fast enough and so I just turned back. They said later on that the hare had to do this and that while they just short cut around it. Probably what happened in the beginning as the trail ran on a slope next to the golf course, Yeah, like they would run that. Damn city runners. Why come to the woods if you are just going to run down streets at every opportunity and skip the woods. Talking to Slit Digger I got some input on trail. They did see a lot of deer. They ran along the ravines and caught both of my Falses after a vertical Check on a hollowed out tree. No, trail didn't go inside. Then we had a river crossing and most didn't see the Check on the bank of the other side and got caught on some Falses there. Good. But trail went under the bridge and through a hole in the fence and into the golf course. Managed to head the trail through a lot of the wooded sections and eventually I was running out of time and shorted the finish a bit. But one last section of woods and crossing Central they were at the finish. And the pack was soon following on in with Lower Wackoff being DFL. We had a nice long leisurely circle in the woods and eventually 9 on us headed over to Slit Diggers Garage for our annual Christmas Party. Good lemon treats Magnetic Muff. We eventually ordered a pizza and just spread out in the garage on lawn furniture and relaxed and told tall tales.
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Dec 20, 2020 was another trail for friends who run Chicago. Rusty Grundel laid trail from the roof deck of Its Too Soft and we had 6 hounds, We headed west and north and I was slowly falling behind. But I managed to keep Back Door Bizzel in sight and then not. We got over to Sheridan and north to Briar. They were out of sight and I got to Broadway and there was Stuffin Muffin. The hare pulled a loop back here on the other side of the street, but where the trail went north, there was no turn mark. Oh Oh. But we split up and I found trail and we regrouped at Belmont and Broadway. We ran north and found a Check at Melrose. Looked like it was marked north so we did that but only found one mark. Far enough behind we decided to head west and look for a trail crossing. Melrose to Halsted to Belmont to Sheffield and there was a Check. And we were there first. I found trail to the south and we regrouped at a Triple Split. Well I picked wrong and when I returned Stuffin Muffin was gone on the right trail and there was Lifa. So Lifa and I got on the right trail and he was on one side of the street when I spotted a loop back and suddenly Castration Sensation was right behind me. And then Magnetic Muff was there and some how most of us were together and we finally ran on back to the roof Deck. We hung out for quite a while there, Its Too soft grilled up a few burgers and the fire pit was roaring and the wind wasn't to bad. Good time.
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 13, 2020, A Lucia Fun Run, a Swedish tradition, set by two of our resident Swedes, Construction Junction and Cockholme Syndrome. Celebrating the shortest day on the Julian Calendar.  Trail was in a normal hash fashion with 16 runners. The location of the start had a last minute change of location due to a movie being made at the other location. So we ended up behind the chocolate factory with free smells of fresh cooking chocolate. Trail was set by the Master Mark Maker and he explained the marks and set off the pack to the NE. I started late and he gave me a shortcut straight north and as I got to Grand, the pack was coming my way. At the first street was a triple split and the pack headed north. But Back Door Bizzel came by and told me that there was a check on Grand so we headed there. And as the pack arrived at the Check, I started checking to the west and found trail. Yes, that Horn-E is leading. False Advertising soon caught up at another Triple split and he headed right, right. I headed south, wrong. When I was almost to the next corner I heard the On call but kept going to the corner where I found Lower Wackoff on a short cut. So we paralleled the pack heading west and eventually we came to a street and here was Rusty Grundel coming our way. And there was an arrow and now we are in front. Yeah sure. Rusty Grundel soon passed us and the trail headed east. We followed and at the next block Rusty Grundel found trail through some property. I opted to parallel along the tracks and eventually I saw Rusty Grundel leading the pack south on Halsted. So at the first opportunity I headed south and again I was paralleling the pack. After several more blocks south, the pack came my way and there was Lifa, Some Crappy Name and Rusty Grundel. But it was a short loop and they were soon heading east and I followed as we crossed the Expressway and eventually the pack started catching me and passing me. I'm tiring now after leading for a bit. But we run on and headed for Madison and then down 187 steps to a path along the river. What goes down has to come back up. So I look ahead and I think I saw some hashers heading east on Lake Street. So I head east to Wacker and then north to Lake and guess what. You guessed it. They didn't come this way. Damn. But I head west and quickly pick up on the trail at the T and E Split. Making a wrong assumption, yes again, I never saw another mark. But I start working my way towards the finish and eventually I saw a hasher, Skull N Boner heading behind some building after starring in that damn movie. The story of a beautiful woman being dragged across town by some huge animal, alright, her dog. A short time later I ran into Steps N Shit and then Just Parth as we came into the finish. And there were the Master Mark Maker and the Mistress Mush Maker finishing up on their preparations. And soon we were drinking beer and enjoying traditional Swedish Christmas delights of glögg, lussebullar, pepparkakor and knäck and Swedish Christmas carols. LIfa led a short circle and we all indulged in the goodies and stood around enjoying camaraderie and getting cold together.
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What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

Tue, Dec 1, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a trail from the northern end of Goose Island for 12 trail hounds. He wasn't there at the start, but we were off right on time and across the old railroad bridge. Checking. Trail headed west and by the time we got to the next Check/Split we were already stretched out with a pack of fast hounds leaving us half fast hounds behind. I saw the pack heading north and short cut the corner and never saw Lower Wackoff again. Kept marking checks and such, but he never caught up. So we ran on. I was soon alone as we headed to Cortland and Damen where Stuffin Muffin caught up with me. He soon left me behind but we managed to run together on and off along the way. We finally got to Damen and the 606 and there was Cockholme Syndrome resolving a back check that brought us up to the 606. And that was the last I saw of him. We ran on and finally came down to street level and a nice mix of streets and the longest mark I ever saw on a Check pointing to true trail. A six foot fence post. Around here we were also joined by Castration Sensation. So it was the three of us running along, together and spreading out, off and On. Finally somehow got ahead of Stuffin Muffin at a Check on Damen. Hey, we had to get back to Goose Island and so it had to go over the Division Street Bridge. Local knowledge again paid. And from there it did cross that bridge and Stuffin Muffin left me behind at the finish. About 5.3 miles for me and I was mostly right on trail.  A circle was already going on, finishing, and shortly after the pack started to disperse.

Sat, Dec 5, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Crotch Fire laid a trail from Wolf Road Woods for a small pack. Unfortunately 15 of us showed up and so the beer stop got screwed up a bit. But we took off on trails that are mostly inhabited by dirt bike riders. And we were running. There were long stretches between junctions in the paths which led to the fast runners running away with the trail. But us half fast runners then got a chance for our own checking. The trails were full of a lot of exposed roots and rocks that at least had me running slower then I wanted to, to avoid catching a toe on something and doing a header, Like False Advertising. Gotcha. He had to ask Lower Wackoff to help him up. Anyone but asking Horn-E. With long stretches between junctions the hare didn't feel a need to keep marking trail because there was no where else to go. But sometimes we need a confidence mark to ensure we didn't miss a turn. Supposedly he had 25 pounds of flour. I doubt 2.5 pounds of flour were used. And sure enough at one point after a junction, I found Magnetic Muff returning on trail saying there were no marks, I kept going and it was at least another hundred yards before I found a little bit of a mark. This eventually led me to leading a small pack down a revine to a road and across the road. Another point where a mark would have helped, But at the next Check, I saw a steep hill and headed that way and was on to the east for what turned into a long straight that wiggled a bit but kept going until we came to a slough. Here trail went left and around the slough and to a parking lot. Again, slight marks and I finally found one at the turn of the parking lot onto a road east. And then I ran on and on with Back Door Bizzle. Probably more yards then the Chicago Bears have managed all year. And no marks. At what point do you stop and go back. did we miss a Check in that parking lot. Nope. Se we tried again and this time the hare came by on his bike, sweeping, and told us that the marks were on the other side of the road. Damn, nothing indicatied that. But we were finally On and we could see the back of the pack coming along. From here it was some more nice trail and finally heading up hill to the parking lot and the finish About 5.5 miles. We held a big Dog Circle and then headed out to avoid the sunset closing rules. From there we headed to a brewery where everyone enjoyed a good brew or two. Good overall day.

Thu, Dec 10, 2020,
A fun run. A small pack of hashers gathered for a fun run at Wellington and Damen in the park. Lifa laid a short trail for us, hash style, and we had a mostly good run. A the first Check the last hound I saw was Just Brad. But I didn't need any hints and of course went the exact opposite way and was now way behind. But I ran on. On Fullerton I deliberately went straight at a Check trying to catch up and sure enough the trail came back to me and I found myself just ahead of Castration Sensation and Back Door Bizzle and just before the T and E split. Back Door Bizzle and I went full Turkey and then the three of us regrouped at a Check at Western and Diversey, Back Door Bizzle and I headed east, local knowledge, and I insisted on going as far as the bridge where I knew of steps coming from below and sure enough, there was an arrow and we were soon into a beer stop on a pier into the river where the front pack, Just Brad, Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome, and Some Crappy Name. After a quick beer we headed back to the park and a few beers and home. A good chance to get out of the house and have a good run on a real nice night.


The Tale of the Trail

Wed, Nov. 25, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from Palmer Square Park for 7 trail hounds. Six on time and one victim of the CTA and a bit of rain. Yeah, me again. I got there and it took a while to find the start and of course they were long gone. But I found trail and took off through the park and then hit my first mistake. People standing on the turn arrow out of the park and I ran south going no where. Finally got on traill again and did a short loop around the edge of the park and a Split. It was marked west and I ran two blocks without a arrow. so I ranged and eventually around a long block and back to that damn Split. Tried again and a short distance away there was an arrow into an alley. Damn. Followed that to a Check and checked the time. It was already 8:00 so I headed back to the start, more then a bit disappointed. Yeah.And False Advertising was already in. All right, he lost things at a check and headed in. And apparently I missed a Back Check 7 and one or two other Checks that really puzzled the pack. Eventually the pack made it in and we circled around a jug of Wild Turkey. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Slit Digger, Lower Wackoff and Its Too Soft.

Sun. Nov. 29, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from Mather Park for 6 trail hounds. Nice day and a nice night for a hash. Laid a perfect trail. Well, all hares think so and they were sure to let me know where I went wrong. With huge diagrams. The fist Check apparentlyy went normal. But then that Second Check. Started to work perfectly with everyone going off on a False Trail. Instead of finishing off the False Trail with an F, for some stupid reason I laid another arrow and the pack ran in circles for about 10 minutes. Ooops. I want to sweep, but I had to go and get beer for Meange A Twat. Anyhow they finally returned to the Check snad found the correct way out. Only now this time Slit Digger is certain I missed laying another arrow on the true trail. Thanks to Magnetic Muff I was off the hook for that one. Trail went to Kedzie and Devon where there was another Check with a damn long False that at least Slit Digger ran. Actually almost a loop so not that bad. Up until now they were struggling so much that even Meange A Twat caught up walking Then they found the real trail and it was over to a big mall and another Check by Hoe depot. And again they struggled. That one should have been easy, but it took well over ten minutes. After that things were relativly simple and they slowly wandered in