The Tale of the Trail
HASH BREAK
Thu, May 25, 2023, The Thristday Hash. For a week of two we had someone listed as a hare and no location and suddenly we had a location of Sedgwick Stop and a New Hare, Sleepy Num Nums. And there were marks all over the area from a trail six days before. Ooops. Where is rain when you need it? So we head out with eight hounds and three are walkers. A quick Split has Horn-e ehading east to where he saw marks earlier on the way to the bar. And he is On. Everyone else heads north and they are On. The pack then goes on a big loop to the west and south and east and finally to that mark Horn-E started out on. DAmn Short Cutting Bastard. Really, I thought they would be on a short loop, not half the freaking trail. So I'm on trail to Lincoln Park and then a loop back to Sedgwick after a nasty 6 corner Check. I managed to pick every damn Check and Split wrong, thinking there was a lot of trail ahead. But I'm On In. And less then five minutes later the real FRB comes ON IN. Damn. Don't you hate when that happens. It took alother 10 minutes before the other two walkers walked On In. That would be Homo Dynamics and Famming Flaggott. We did have a visitor, Undercover Jerker. On Out
Hash Break

Sat, May 27, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Steps In Shit signed up and didn't have a location, 4433 S. St Lawrence, until about 2 hours after I posted last week. Hey, you signed up at least a month earlier. It helps get more attendance to get locations out there. Anyhow we still managed to get eleven hounds. Another trail with three of us walking, Famming Flaggott, SnatchSquatch and Horn-E. The rest of the pack soon left us behind. By the time we got to King Drive they were disappearing at 47th St. When we got there we met a nice lady who delayed us with an area history lesson and a warning for Famming Flaggott that he better watch that camera or someone would steal it. Hmmm. Nice neighborhood. So we walk on west a few blocks and then back to King Drive and Hyde Park blvd. And here we entered Washington Park. Easy walking except for one missed mark after a Check, but five minutes later we are back on. And soon we get to the Beer Check at Drexel and Hyde Park. And no beer or pack. SnatchSquatch contacted the hare and he told SnatchSquatch that someone told him we went back to the start. That is over a mile from the finish. Anyway, he said the finish was at 43rd and the Lake Front. So we ended up heading straight north to 43rd and then east and over this winding 3/4 of a mile bridge. As we did that. Bit On The Clit In Texas was going the other way. Already heading home and a solo walk over a mile to her car. WTF. We get there and everyone is relaxing and drinking beer from a cooler and no shag wagon and my bag with something to drink. Damn. So, we finally held circle and after circle we head over that long bridge again. And there was a bus that would take me to the El. I'm out of there. Joined by Joaquin Penis. Along the way we saw half the pack walking back to the start and cars and the hares back yard. And some were given a ride to the El and we headed north together. We did have one Visitor who will be around this summer. Peeparazzi from Pittsburgh. Welcome. On Out. 

Hash Break
Sat, May 27, 2023, The Chicago Hash.Sun, May 28, 2023, The Chicago Hash, Horn-E, False Advertising and Zone 2 hared from Bunker Hill Forest Preserve. Well, at least that location was out there for a month. But that was set up by the MisManagement (Well, at least they did that much) and because of location and I know the woods better then anyone, I volunteered. And found two co hares to mainly help with a car and getting beer to beer stops. Then when I got home from Saturdays trail and relaxed, I finally contacted False Advertising and find out that the GM told him we had to provide the beer. WTF. Over 35 years hashing with H3 and every time we had some celebration hash, like this, MisManagement arranged for the beer. That also freed the hares to plan a better trail. Well, "Trail of the Year" as some called it. I digress. So I head out the next day with two coolers I wasn't counting on and a back pack full of flour, etc. Fortunately my co hares drove by a half mile into the long walk to the start. So, we are now set to lay trail. I had a map. When do I need a map. It is in my head. But that was for the co hares so they knew what was happening. Zone 2 laid a walking trail with a Check and Split or two that would be about a mile to Waukesha. The street, not the hash. F A laid the longer running trail portion on city streets. Then it was into the woods. Z2 and FA headed in to lay the walkers trail while I walked to a good starting point for the runners to enter the deep woods and to a meeting point for a beer stop. Then Z2 headed back to the start, laying more walking trail along the bike path. And a good thing she did. A biker Gang showed up and wanted to take over the shelter and Z2 told them to bugger off and saved the day. That is why you have someone with the permit arrive early to guard the shelter. Great job Z2. Great job MM. Meanwhile FA and I headed into the deep woods. And the woods is always changing and you take what the woods gives you. Along the way we were confronted by some lady. "What are you doing in my woods" A quick explanation and she says, "Oh yeah, Andy told me about you." I guess we are okay. Then we are off finally to the gully area and over to the bike path and trail through a culvert. Like they would do that. Then trail headed north along the river's edge and a river crossing. FA set that crossing river part and the raging waters. Deep too. About ankle deep at least. I laid the turkey part and the walk along the river to a second beer stop at the bridge. From here it was either back to the shelter or the final Eagle Part that FA laid. So, how did trail go. Eleven walking hounds got about a five minute head start. Including 3 kids and a some black pussy. Five running hounds then took off and ran some nasty streets with long blocks. Nice homes and such. and a nasty Check or two, including one that was by a tunnel and an obvious choice until you get to the YBF. Gay Dancer came in first for the runners, just as the walkers came in led by R Kelly and three kids, Just Julian, Just Teresa and Just Alex. His wife Brotha Lova backed off with the trail got to the poison Ivy(?). Also with the walkers were Sass and the Shiggy, Glammy O'Shenanigans, Glory Hole, Joaquin Penis and Just Erica. And finally the last of the runners showed up Lost Her Penis, SnatchSquatch, Crotch Fire and Sleepy Num Nums. Oh, and Cuntlery who has pushing a three wheeler with her black pussy. This was a drink and go stop and so GD was long gone and R. Kelly and the three kids who got tired of the walking course and wanted the deep woods. And they saw animals, 3 crocs in the river, fourteen snakes including the boa, a mama beer and her three cubs playing in the stream, and an occasional deer and possum. At the water crossing most runners just wading on in. But Sleepy Num Nums wanted to prove what a great tight rope walker he was and walked across on a log fourteen feet in the air. Good thing he didn't see those beers. Meanwhile the rest walked the Turkey trail along the river where Cuntlery washed off her pussy, or let her cat go for a swim. I get lost in the translation. After the second beer stop, all of those macho city runners, you know who you are, backed off on the rest of the Eagle trail and walked back to the shelter. Meanwhile The kids were all for more woods and they led R Kelly through the last portion of trail. When they got in, we started circle with SnatchSquatch leading it, Some good songs and stuff. And it was one of the girls that get scratched on trail. Don't worry, that is a badge of honor. Well done. After that the food came out with mac and noodles and guacamoldie, fried chicken, snacks and cookies and everyone managed to get fed. Then the slow exodus started and when a ride was offered, I had to take it or walk over a mile pulling my coolers and stuff. I took it and caught a bus right away. On Out.  
Hash Break
Mon, May 29, 2023, The Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch and La Shartistie were finally recognized as hares. Another hash screw up. We knew for over a month that Rusty Grundel and the Cock Whisperer were offering their roof deck for the On In. But they were not going to also hare. As I got this, SnatchSquatch finally volunteered to hare on Friday, Then at the Saturday Hash La Shartistie said he was the hare. So they co hared. SnatchSquatch laid a live trail for the runners and La Shartisite laid the walkers trail. Location, the Rusty Cock Grundel Whisperer condo. I headed out in front with R Kelly on the walkers trail and we had a quick Split. I found trail and the pack followed. I walked on expecting more Splits and such and ended up finding all of the Split and Check. Notice. Singular. One each. And so, I'm walking on expecting to go off on some falses and the pack catches me. Not. Willow to Halsted to North and almost strait to Goose Island and FRB. Then the rest of the walkers, Steps In Shit, R Kelly, Cuntlery, and Hot Mess Bench Press. About five minutes later Garmin and Stacy's niece came in and finally the rest of the runners, Lost Her Penis, Soul Taco and Peepkazzi our visitor from Pittsburgh. Long beer stop and then back to the roof deck for a pretty damn good circle with some good songs including a few long ones. Then grub. Burgers and brats. and finally I was offered a ride home and I was gone. On Out.
Swing Low
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break

Thu, May 18, 2023, 7:00pm, The Thristday Hash.
Bi Holer and Ice Princess hared from Dugan's for a small pack of 4 hounds. As we headed out, Sleepy Num Nums took a quick lead and headed into an alley and back area parking lot. Off of a Split. Well, there was another arrow in there when I got there. And no one came back, but they were gone. WTF. I finally found my way out and checked that area and found nothing. Well, at that last Split, the trail want south and they all just ranged there. By the time I got back on trail, they were long gone. But surprise, I almost caught up to Bottom Wraingler crossing the expressway and heading for the UIC Campus area. And then he was long gone. I followed trail through the campus and out to the west. In an alley I found a mark heading south. Figuring I was way back, I tried to range and headed west. A block and a half later I found a mark coming from the south. Whoopie, I'm back on. Actually ahead. As I headed north, a Check, and I headed on north and suddenly SNN is passing me. Well, that was False. He returns and I head west and there is BW heading west and yelling ON. Two blocks later, is Racine and the front two are joined by Lost Her Penis who is catching up. I'm falling back again. So I head straight north, block after block after block. Checking all four corners. Nothing. So I go a block east and then head south at the next corner and there is a mark. A quick pick split after and I'm On In to the beer stop. And the pack arrived less then five minutes later. Bitching about the difficulty of checking. Well, the hare admitted to laying trail with a pack of 10 in mind, Not just 3 checking. If I didn't short cut, they'd have had to wait quite a while for me. Soon after they arrived, we headed to the hares Condo building and up to the roof deck for circle and hanging out on a beautiful night. On Out
Hash Break
Fri, May 19. 2023, 7:00pm, The Big Dog Hash.
Shit T Situation hared from Sedgwick Stop
for 10 hounds. Well, he did say this was his first trail completely on his own. It showed. Alright, just kidding. One mistake on trail, an arrow to far around a corner in the Zoo area, and marks there were really tiny. But otherwise, a simple loop trail. We headed over to the park and I was just walking. I quickly lost the pack except for Back Door Bizzle. I caught up to him at a red light, just before the park. And we walked it together. $20 Dollar Butt Stuff is slowing down. I did notice that Menage A Twat was walking behind me at the start, but slow. I looked back several times and she disappeared. I figured that she just went home as she lives near there. Note: She just recently had hip replacement. Well, just as circle is finishing up, she comes walking on in. 20 minutes behind those two other slow walking farts, Horn-E and BDB. Just want to call her out for a hell of a job finishing that trail. Well done. Keep it up. Look how many other hashers aren't coming out anymore. And so. the pack just hung around in the outside patio drinking beer and I had to head out and lay trail the next morning. On Out
Hash Break

Sat, May 20, 2023, The Bushman Hash.
Horn-E laid a trail from Lechowicz Woods and only had 2 hounds. Then a third. Then five. Then seven. WTF. And off they went, except the last two a virgin Just Sai and Just Michelle, a visitor, who wasn't really dressed for trail in the woods, So I walked them to the beer stop and then we walked part of the trail backwards and then I sent them off on the back part of trail and swept along with them. And a short way into trail, J. Sai wanted to take off his shoes. Haven't seen that since Bali many years ago. Hey, if you are comfortable walking barefoot in the woods, go for it. And he did pretty well. Meanwhile, the other five were off and running. Across Central and into some prairie on TP and flour mix. This finally turned to the river and a path north and east. Now the fun began. I told then there were two Splits on trail and both led to the finish and you had to decide which way you wanted to go on and which diversity you wanted to go through. River crossing or stay dry. The water level was so low that I couldn't resist. And False Advertising and Back Door Bizzle opted for the river which cut out a tough 25% of the trail. And trail regrouped across the river. So FA and BDB were off in some beautiful woods hashing. Not yet overgrown and still lush green from spring. Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Lower Wackoff opted for the dry course and were climbing over logs and under and over bridges and tall weeds and finally came to the regroup. There was a Check near hear and MIH and BSF found the trail. LW arrived there and somehow wandered across the woods and picked up on some On Back trail and was soon following BDB and FA. This led across the road to the golf course and then across Central and onto the trail the visitor and virgin were on. And they caught them just after the Check at the tracks. Trail from here was along the river path to Central and across the foot bridge and then the river to the bend in the river by the tracks, a favorite Bushman site in that area, And FA found the beer. Eventually, MIH and BSF came in DFL. Not knowing where anyone was and if they were FRB or DFL. DFL it was. And we held circle in the relaxed manner of the Bushman Hash, in a nice scenic sight in the woods. J Sai and J. Michelle, come on back and also try some of the other local hashes ON Out
Hash Break

Sun, May 21, 2023, The Chicago Hash, La Shartisie and Reverse Muff Diver hared from Double Bubble for 14 hounds. That is nine Chicago Area regulars. two virgins, Just Lucas and Just Shruti, a transplant Rubbed Out, and two visitors Just Mike and Gravy Train. Hope you all enjoyed the hash and return often. And try some of the other hashes in town if you can find out where they are. Trail headed straight east and worked itself to the Foster Ave Beach. That is were I lost trail. Apparently it went south from a Check but a Check had an arrow pointing west towards Hollywood and Sheridan. This is about were Zone 2 lost track of me and headed back. Meanwhile I saw someone at Bryn Mawr that looked like Back Door Bizzle. Yellow shirt and a dog. It wasn't. Damn. Now I am way off course so I ranged west and a few blocks later I picked up on trail and was working a three way when Just Mike and Gravy Train caught up to me. Then Pony Pounder arrived and found trail. Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed off on a wrong Split and somehow came in FRB about a half mile later. La Shartisie our hare, was also sweeping. Something that should happen more often if there are two hares. Makes sure trail is swept correctly and even good short cuts can then be added for those hopelessly behind. Well done. And everyone else passed me there, finally J. Shruti one of out virgins. Trail ended up in the small back yard behind Reverse Muff Divers Place and the pack was complete when Back Door Bizzle finally arrived. And then a few House Puppies arrived. Back at the bar, we held circle inside because of our foul songs, instead of the back yard. The Virgins and Justs were called in often. And after several hounds hung on and on. And Rubbed Out and I got into a great conversation reminiscing about pussy talents and ping pong balls. On Out.
Hash Break




The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, May 11, 2023, The Thristday Hash.
Garmin hared from Nisei with a six pack of hounds. I fell behind early and then caught the two hounds J Evelyn and Bottom Wrangler at Clark and Addison. SnatchSquatch, Ice Princess and Joaquin Penis were already out of sight. But we got caught by lights. Then it was north through an alley and up to Grace, east to Ravenswood and then north and south and working our way to Lincoln Park at Irving Park. From here it was south around the tennis courts and ball fields and to the tunnel by Addison. Here I lost trail and headed On In, DFL. Circle was just starting. I had walked almost the whole course. Am I getting old or just lame? don't answer that one. During circle a visitor from Atlanta ON The Rag, joined us and after Circle we had a good talk about the old days in Atlanta hashing. On Out.
Hash Break

Sat, May 13. 2023, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle and Just Mickey laid a trail from the park at Clark and Sheridan in Evanston. Only three old retired hounds showed up. But us three old farts represent about 20% of the hashes set and run in Chicago. I know. Get a life. It is our life. But that isn't the point. Just want to encourage more participation in hashing in Chicago. Twenty or more at a hash is good numbers. Less is either falling away or working to get to those good numbers. We need you younger people to make this work. Not us old farts. Circles and the run itself are more fun with more people. Get your friends to come on out. The best recruiting we can do. Meanwhile, the trail. The hares had us set off towards the Northwestern campus and the newlt constructed areas on landfill in the lake. Beautiful day for that run along the lake. Lower Wackoff found the first Check, and the second Check. Then Lifa took over as we left the lakefront area and ran through the Frat areas and then on west into the city. I was falling behind when I saw Lifa crossing trail ahead and I had a good short cut. This got me back with Lower Wackoff and after missing a mark the two of us got back on trail and to a hidden tunnel under the EL tracks where the hares were waiting with beer. But this was only halfway. It was just to good to not use. So we ran on and I immediately fell behind and short cut to some marks I saw on the way to the start. And I was back On and FRB. No, make that SCB. Lifa eventually came on in as the true FRB. And Lower Wackoff was DFL, where I should have been. They both got stuck at a Check at Fountain Square. There were no false trails, and they each checked every way but the right way before coming on in. Nice little short circle on the lake front and it was On Home. On Out.

Hash Break

Sun, May 14, 2023, The Chicago Hash,
Pony Pounder hared from the Pony Inn for 13 hounds. The trail went west and south and I was walking and barely keeping the pack in sight. Got slowed down a bit as the pack past a bar and a customer wanted to know what the f*ck is happening. Maybe I got a recruit. So now I follow the pack heading west towards Damen. All I can see is Zone 2 a block or more ahead and Gandolf the Gay, a visitor from Minneapolis. At Damen the trail went south. They went north. I followed and two blocks later we found marks coming from the west. Three blocks later, now on Belmont, I could see the pack catching us. A block or two later and they were past us and we had a BN. And we were soon in this tiny park for Beer Stop and circle. Don't know how far west of Damen they went, but it couldn't have been far. So an overall short trail. Back Door Bizzle was our RA and a short circle was held. Then I headed home, just as the rain came down. On Out.
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Ever since the fiasco of Bud Light's advertising team picking the absolutely last person on the planet that one would expect to be in a Bud Light ad, it seems as if that is the only beer being bought for circles in Chicago. Did Bud Light offer it to us for free? Or a cheap discount? Are we about the only organization in Chicago buying that beer? Just askin'. Bud Light, Bud Light, F*ck that shit. Pabst Blue Ribbon. Just a casual observation from someone who can't drink beer anymore. Moving on.
Hash Break
Tue. May 2, 2023, The 4X2H4 Hash.
Lower Wackoff hared from the Goose Island, water Taxi stop. Now this is a great spot for a start of a trail and circle. We started out to the south and a Quick Check. Then that old man Horn-E got off trail and went ranging. And he ranged everywhere,,,,, but the right direction, finally circling Goose Island and eventually picking up on trail from the start. WTF. Meanwhile the rest of the pack followed Two Fuck Canuck a visitor from St. Louis. That got short cutted back to the start. Then for some reason, they sent out search parties looking for Horn-E. No, he didn't fall into the river, get mugged,
get attacked by Mother Goose protecting her flock of goslings, or found on his hands and knees leaning over a sewer gagging away. Having found no one at the start, Horn-E finally got on true trail and headed out. After a bit, noticing the time, he circled back and was the only one to find the On In trail. A really great finish, not to be missed. But everyone did. So, come next time. The finish was worth it. Now, being a 4x2 hash, it was a quick circle and on out. And the Hare gave Horn-E a ride home. Didn't want to loose him twice in one night.
Hash Break

Wed. May 3, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash,
SnatchSquatch hared live from McGees. We had a small pack and it soon went into the front pack and the back pack. That is where I was, following Cumming Right Meow who was following Lower Wackoff. The hare had told Berts Special Friend that the trail from the start was to the east. It was to the north, under the tracks and then west and north. We circled around De Paul and then north to a Check at Lincoln and Sheffield. There I had a brief look of Berts Special Friend heading south on Lincoln and that was it. Back to our last three again. We wiggled around a bit to a Check at Lincoln and Fullerton and what would probably be ON IN to McGees. Not. Bastard hare was really f*cking with us. McGees, Oz Park, McGees, Oz Park and finally right past McGees, a half block away and on south and straight east to,,,,,,Oz Park on the hill. And the winner was, Meat Inside Her. This is where we had a beer stop on the very first Chicago Full Moon Hash. I was a co Hare with Downwind and I provided some Moon Shine shots from a mason jar for the assembled pack. This time we had Bud Light. How the mighty have fallen. Then it was back to McGees and more noise then I could handle.
Hash Break

get mugged, Thu, May 4, 2023, The Thristday Hash. Cumming Right Meow laid trail from Sedgwick Stop. No shag wagon, so no beer stop. Like the non runners couldn't sit there, drinking beer, and watch our bags. So the hare did. And we were off basically to the east and into Lincoln Park. And the pack was gone. I found and lost trail a few times and ended up at the south east corner of the zoo and saw an arrow pointing north. At this point, I know I am way behind and will never catch up. So I head west around the Zoo and looking for marks heading south. Finally find an arrow at Lincoln and armitage and followed trail in in from there. Since that first mark I saw was swept, I figured that the whole pack was in. Not. Brother Incisor also short cut the trail and marked that. It was another 5 to 10 minutes before La Shartsie, Putt Putt In The Butt, Choke N Stroke and Bottom Wrangler came on it. Then it was the back room for a circle with the house puppies and On Out.
Hash Break
Sun, May 7, 2023, The Chicago Hash,
Sleepy Num Nums hared from the Tin Man statue in Oz Park on a beautiful sunny day. Ant it netted a virgin and a visitor. The Virgin Just Cassy and the visitor Shut Up from Stuttgart. We took off to the east and up to a Split or Check at Dickens and Clark. I was last there and first to find a mark. SnatchSquatch was returning from the east on the north side of Dickens. I crossed over and there was a mark. Pointed it out, SnatchSquatch yelled On ON, and we all know he is loud. No one heard and I followed him to the next corner and then north to Lincoln Park at Fullerton. That is about when I realized no one was following. WTF. By now, SnatchSquatch was in the park and yelled checking. I ranged east and found nothing, but I could see him running north and obviously ON. And another Check at the Gezebo. By the time I got there, he was long gone. and I set out checking. North and west, wrong. North and north and east and ON. A big loop and south on the east side of the lagoon and over the TH3 trail from last week. Finally a Check at Fullerton. And here, everything went to hell. SnatchSquatch had marked the trail south along the east side of the zoo. One mark, two marks and a turn across the street. and then a Back Check three. Hey, that is back to the Check. That is where a False would have been the appropriate mark. As I return I ran into three hashers finally catching up. I warn then about the screw up and they decide to Check east. Well, I can't keep up with them so I headed west and around the zoo. Trail had to come that way eventually. Well, it might have but I missed it. Actually SnatchSquatch was the only one to find the trail and came into the finish in Oz Park, FRB. Since he was the only one to find the whole trail, that also made him DFL. And meanwhile I am still ranging south looking for some marks from the east. I went almost to La Salle Drive before hanging it up and heading for Oz Park. About three blocks away, I spotted Back Door Bizzle walking a block away. That is where he finally found some On In marks. I followed and it led to the pack in the park and I was DFL to the Beer Stop. From second, half the trail, to DFL. WTF. Apparently about the whole pack got to that Check at Fullerton and never found trail from there. They also gave up. One out of 15 managed to find the trail. Well done SnatchSquatch. During circle we named Sleepy Num Nums dog. I believe it was Splash and Spayed. Something like that. On Out
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed Apr 26, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash,
Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her were supposed to hare from Bourbon On Division but it wasn't open. So we found them across the street getting soused in another bar. Maybe that accounts for the real shitty trail But we did have a turnout of a six pack of hounds. And off we went to the west and south to a nasty Check. They said 369 Hash Degrees and they got us. As I arrived, Lower Wackoff was yelling on to the north. It wasn't. So back to the Check and retry. After returning from a Split into an alley I saw Cumming Right Meow and Catstro Dick Assist heading west to Western. Then sort of looked ON. But back at the Check. LW was now heading east and he eventually yelled On. I guessed right and followed LW. He was on and solving Splits and blowing his whistle until some old man confronted him and asked, "Are you getting raped." He replied, "No. but I'm available." Eventually we caught him on a mid block Split, returning from the False. J. Sam and Garmin were also just finally catching up. See what happens when you let LW get in front. Shortly after I fell behind everyone, but a lucky shortcut and I caught up to some FRBs and we found a real shitty fountain. It wasn't even on. It was a fountain honoring a pile of shit. Yeah! Really! That's Wicker Park for you. We ran on and across Division we finally all regrouped at a WN Check. Trail went down some allies and under the EL. I eventually went looking for marks in the wrong alley and came out at Wicker Park, paralleled, I think, the pack, I finally entered the park and the pack grouped at the Whiskey Stop for a laid back circle. On Out
Hash Break

Thu Apr 27, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #985,
Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Just Sam hared for her naming Hash, from West On North. Then we headed out East on North and then North of North and East to Western. Check. We had a pack of 10 now split up all over. Trail went east and I quickly fell behind SnatchSquatch and the Cumming Right Meow. Here I go again, on my own. The last time I saw her was two blocks down an alley. But the marks were there and I caught SnatchSquatch and ...He's Still Limping on Milwaukee. But again he disappeared and eventually she also passed me. Streets and alleys and the 606 and eventually I came to a BN Check. It did twist all around and J. Sam did manage to plan it all by herself. I saw her map. Not bad for a Virgin Hare. But still a shitty trail. We were scattered all around. At least in the back where I was. And somehow I found myself cumming into the finish ahead of HSL. How and where I passed her is a mystery because I was dead on except for one small part of the trail. But HSL finally came on in, and we returned to the bar and their back patio for circle and a naming. Bottom Wrangler led circle, very short, and then into the naming. It was loud and chaotic and I had a hard time hearing all of the questions, but the pack finally settled on a name and forever more, Just Sam will be known as Bit On The Clit In Texas. On Out. 
Hash Break

Sun. Apr 30, 2023, The Chicago Hash.
False Advertising, Just Julie and Just Katie hared from Fulton River Park. This will be a movie Hash going past many locations where movies scenes were filmed. And they were all about 3 miles straight this way and then two miles straight that way and then add in the rain and washed out of marks. This was not going to be easy. Hey, False Advertising, did you ever hear of flour? Just askin'. Then a block after the start, we had a Check that really Split us up. And Bit On The Clit In Texas almost ran over to the On In location. But trail was eventually found to the east and we followed Lost Her Penis and BOTCIT to another Check at Wells. Well, through a garage and east on Hubbard and Lost Her Penis disappeared. I ended up leading to a Check on Wabash, upper level that looked like a B. I ran east and found a Check at Michigan. And I headed underground and found marks by the Billy Goat. I came back and relayed that I was On to Bottom Wrangler and was off. Over the river and down to the River Walk. I finally came to a Check just as Lost Her Poon??? from DC caught up. Trail went straight west and we went up. Ooops. But whatever, it has to come up somewhere and I kept going west. Eventually at La Salle, upper level we became a pack of five with LHP, BOTCIT, LHP and Putt Putt In The Butt, and I. And I again managed to find a mark heading south on La Salle and at Wells, we found Bottom Wrangler at a Check. Now how did he get ahead of us? Anyway, I ran on South and solved that Check and the other five left me behind. More movie scenes and we get to Jackson. Trail is found to the west by LHP and we head to Union Station for that movie scene and never saw another mark. At that point the pack had it. Facebook for the beer stop and it was straight north from Jackson to Kinzie. Then the Beer Stop was found behind the Chocolate factory, dry and under tracks. I arrived there with PPITB. Circle was already half over. Our visitor already left. Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff, Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow had long since gave up on trail and were there. Then they got into naming Just Katie. After much wrangling and some good names, we finally settled into Morocan Roofie. And so it will be forever more. After a good hour and a half or more in a steady light rain, it was On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Thu Apr 20, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #984, Brother Incisor and Choke N Stroke hared a 420 Hash out of Sully's House. Where they ODing on 420 while laying trail? You decide. This is the best I can figure out what happened by the tall tales and fabrications. We had 10 Trail Hounds taking off to the north and west. At our first Check at Kingsbury and Weed there was utter confusion. When I got there, hounds were already returning from the north, and the trail actually had a second Mark at North and Kingsbury. But the FRB hounds never saw it. So we ranged all over to the south and along the river. Nothing. I was out ranging when the trail was finally found and the pack headed west on North, over the river and finally to a Back Check 5. That brought the back to the pedestrian Bridge over to Goose Island or north on abandoned tracks. That is where I headed until I heard an On call going over the foot bridge. That was a False call. So I took off west and over the bridge on North. This time on the north side of the street. A mark should have been just over the bridge at the worst. Nothing. As I was returning Joaquin Penis and North Banger Alley came at me and kept going. So I followed. Steps In Shit called to me from across the street, that he heard an ON call. So we finally came together at the Home Depot Driveway. No marks. WTF. Apparently they did find trail further west, way beyond any distance we would look for a mark. Meanwhile, without a trail, we headed back and the whole pack was gone. Where in hell they went, I don't know. Apparently the trail went south on Throop or Elston to Division. then sort of east to Larrabee and north to the On In. Meanwhile Steps in Shit got the On In location from farcebook and we headed there. Or thought we did. Then we reconfigured and headed to the correct location, about two minutes before the pack, led by Stiffy 4 Stiffies arrived. And they came from two separate directions. Circle was held there and North Bangher Alley was RA and roasted the hares well. Then we returned to the bar for an On In. On Out. Note. to hares. The way the Back Check works with numbers, go back that many trail marks and then look around. There should be a trail mark with a hundred feet or so, on one side or the other. Not two or three blocks away.
Hash Break
Fri Apr 21, 2023, The First Crack of the Moon H4.
Ice Princess hared from Kasey's Tavern for 6 hounds. A quick Check at Harrison. I headed east on Harrison right behind Meat Inside Her. A little back and forth and a Split at an alley. I headed south in the alley. A long alley. Finally found the mark and called out. This led to another Check at Michigan. Got to be the park. I ranged into the park and finally found a turn mark heading south. On One. Another long stretch and finally another mark heading over tracks to the east. Only a second mark, but I called ON ON anyway. To far to not be ON. And it was. At Columbus there was another Check. Thinking Buckingham Fountain, I looked for marks to the north. Nothing. So I headed east to another entrance. Still nothing. On return, the pack was gone and I saw the tail end of Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff heading south along Columbus. I never saw anyone again. I made one miss direction on a turn, but soon found the real trail and a few streets and On In at the Hares House. About 2 miles. We were going to meet on the roof. I pressed the button and got buzzed into the first door. But it wasn't held long enough and I missed the second door. But someone was leaving right away and I got in. Then find out that you need a key card to get into the elevator. WTF. Hold the buzzer for me to get all the way in. Eventually they had to come down to get me. But up on the roof we had a nice view, it was rehabbed since we were last there. Circle was held 10 stories up and there was a little variety of beer and a case of Tranny Light. On Out
Hash Break

Sat. Apr 22, 2023, A Memorial Hash for B O B.
B O B was a past Grand Master of the Chicago Hash. His old buddy, Specklebird laid a trail
from his house, with the assistance of Flounder from Waukesha. What could go wrong here. B O B's wife, Organ Grinder was in town and some hashers from out of town and out of the past. Nine hounds ran the trail. And I soon fell way back. Trail did a loop from one alley to another and then up to abandoned tracks where we headed straight south to Tennessee or Missouri or whatever. A long way. When I get to where they left the tracks, they were long gone. I ranged a bit and picked up on trail on Belmont. Then lost it again. So I ranged east and north and finally got to the On In. Only the Inn was closed and no one was there. So I followed trail backwards and found them in a community garden walking all over everyones fresh planted crops and flowers. WTF. Then we headed back to the On In. And Specklebird led his own circle with many a down down until we did a little "Favorite Memories Of B O B. "I guess my favorite was naming him. On a raft in the middle of a heart shaped lake in a clothing optional resort. I said B O B and immediately it was mentioned Bend Over Boy. That joke still resonates onto death, but the official name is B O B. After circle it was inside for grub, two pots of chili and snacks. Other out of towners included Hotlips, Takes It All, Just Diana (Organ Grinders best friend), and Wedgie from Harrisburg.
Hash Break
Sun. Apr 23, 2023, The Chicago Hash.
Lifa hared out of Duffy's Tavern with a pack of 9 hounds. It was a Lifa trail. What can I say. An immediate Back Check into the park and I, yes me, found trail to the south and a quick Check. Just Sam went east and was On. Bottom Wrangler went south and was On. And they both called out On together. Perfect. You live for those moments. I couldn't see Just Sam, but the pack was heading south, I reluctantly started that way until they hit a False. Damn. So I'm on following Just Sam to the east and she was On and the now spread out pack slowly followed and passed me. Trail went south past the yacht Club and then a Check. That was then under Fullerton
and west on Fullerton. It is now the back of the pack, sort of together. Hotlips, Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff and Myself. Wandering alleys and streets just west of Clark we headed north to Diversey. Lower Wackoff left us. Then Hotlips left us. Then she returned on a Back Check 4. Only it wasn't. It was just the 4th Check. Listen in circle girl. But we got on and headed north and over to the lakefront area, around the Driving range and back to a park area near the Goethe Statue and Beer Stop and circle. That was led by Back Door Bizzle and lasted until everyone got cold. Then it was back to the bar where a swarm of House puppies were all warm and cozy, waiting for us. and the pack partied On. On Out.
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Sun Apr 9. 2023. The Chicago Hash. S
tarted at Sidecar. There was an aggressively loud drag queen Brunch across the street in celebration of our Lord's resurrection. But I'm confident I am prettier and have better moves than them.  Pony set the trail.  Sleepy lived up to his name by looking like he just woke up at chalk talk.  We wound around north generally by the lake to an actual beer stop at Pine Grove and Sheridan out of Pony's trunk.  Trail ended close by at Gill park.  Due to my geriatric dog Pony showed me how to get to the end without climbing a fence on trail.  I heard multiple people had problems with this obstacle and old man Garmin needed a lift.  Then the kennel made fun of me for being too thin due to my weight cut.  I ran circle until Pony used his GM power to substitute North Banger for me.  Our Portland visitors sang an extremely amusing song that I now forget.  Snatch made fun of Sleepy for being too sleepy.  Eventually the general chaos died down and circle ended.   Story by Back Door Bizzle
Hash Break
Thu. Apr 13, 2023, The Thristday Hash #983, SnatchSquatch hared from Four Treys. I missed that hash because I was off watching one of out own, Back Door Bizzle, win his first boxing match in the golden gloves.
Hash Break

Sat. Apr 15, 2023, The Bushman Hash, #215, Horn-E hared the anal Flower Hash from Forest Glen Forest preserve on a really beautiful day into the 80s, for a small pack of 4 hounds. And the flowers were well into bloom. So this was to be a tour of the flower zones as best as I could find them. And I did. And multiple encounters with the local wild life. The flowers are mostly along the river and only known by me, as being in that area. So trail went down stream along the river and through the fields of flowers, and then along a nice running path over looking flowers on the north side of the river. Then we went over a bridge at Cicero and headed upstream and into a small meadow full of flowers and trail had to resort to TP for a bit. Across Forest Glen Dr. and on up stream as I kept the trail as best as I could, heading into concentrations of flowers. Then the trail squeezed between the golf course and the river for some nice clusters of flowers. And they were warned to watch for the golfers, but that didn't stop Zone 2. Blinded by the yellow and gold, she ran right in front of a guy teeing off. And was he teed off. After here there was a section heading north along tracks. This was supposed to take the pack to the north end of another section of flowers to be run on during the return south. This was also supposed to regroup the pack. Not. There was a Check and a four way Split. Lower Wackoff went north and through Edgebrook Woods and then even south to Lechowitz woods with out a mark before returning to that four way split. But he knows the area and saw more flowers then we did. The trail went south along the tracks and into woods and more flowers. But no one went far enough south to find the first mark, or maybe they missed it. The damn deer do eat the flowers and flour. Back at a trestle over the river and the last check, the hippies were tokin' and smokin' and digging the flowers and ignoring the flower of the hash, Zone 2, as she struggled up the gravel to the trestle. One last Check and it was a long winding path to the beer stop through fields of flowers and a few Splits. Lower Wackoff was first in, somehow passing the rest of the pack at the end. And they included False Advertising and Back Door Bizzle. We settled into a section full of flowers and some logs to sit on and $20 Dollar Butt Stuff immediately fell asleep in a bed of flowers. We held a laid back circle and just relaxed and enjoyed the scenery. On Out.

Hash Break

Sun Apr 16, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Joaquin Penis
hared from Billy Goats. Another hash I missed. I believe it was to end near where the Fri and Sat night riots on Michigan Ave took place. Might be some interesting stories there.

Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The
Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Wed. Mar. 29, 2023. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from Delilahs.
And before we even got started, Horn-E got carded trying to come into the bar. Yes, that Horn-E. But management relented and let the old fart in. We finally held chalk talk and were off and running. Into alleys were Horn-E decided to short cut to a mark he saw on the way to the bar. Unfortunately, it wasn't an On mark, but a false off of a Check and the trail headed the other way. Back of the pack again. And heading east down more alleys, I finally lost the pack. Falling way behind I decided just after Halsted, to short cut south and try to pick up trail or they would be waiting for me 'til 9pm to get to circle. Yeah, like they'd wait. So, just after Wrightwood I picked up on trail and headed west. In more damn alleys. Finally at Lincoln I came to a BN Check. A short distance to Jonquil Park. Looking around I picked up on trail at the park and came in second. Brother Incisor got in a little bit ahead of me. She got to Clark before shortcutting and picking up on trail. Within a few minutes the rest of the pack ran on in led by Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend. And eventually Lost Her Penis and Gaylick Pornoculture came racing on in as dual DFLs. Others included False Advertising, Garmin and Joaquin Penis. After a quick circle, some left and some went back to Delilahs. On Out
Hash Break

Thu Mar 30, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #981,
Garmin hared from Big Joe's. and the pack was not as big as Joe's. But we had two front runners and two slugs. One an outrageous short cutter. We took off to the southwest and spun circles around Winnemac Park with Splits everywhere. Trail finally exited the park with a Check at the Southwest corner. Trail from here headed towards a Check at Lawrence and Western. SnatchSquatch was blazing through the trail with J. Sam in hot pursuit. Then came Lower Wackoff in luke warm pursuit and Horn-E on a cold trail. So I guessed right and short cut straight west to Western. Lucky. As I got there, J. Sam was whizzing past Mac Donalds with two whoppers and an order of fries. No coke with that. I followed her and found trail. Meanwhile, Lower Wackoff arrives at the last Check. It is unmarked and so he manages to do every possible False trail before picking up on True Trail. At Western and Foster we have another Check. This time I started out doing the False Trails. But when I finally found True Trail. I came back and posted it for LW. Then at the next Split, I short cut again heading towards marks I saw on my way to the start. And at the tunnel, I found the hare, the FRB and the FBI. Add in me as the SCB and soon we had LW as the DFL. We were running out of initials and circles was on. After circle we adjourned in mass, as little as the mass was, to Big Joes were beer was poured and tall tales of long ago adventures flourished. On Out.
Hash Break

Sun Apr 2, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Back Door Bizzle hared from L & L Tavern, which turned out to be closed until 4pm. Ooops.
But a nice day and we gathered out front, and were joined by a virgin, Just Mickey. M I C K E Y  M O U S E. Really, her words. But her ears were to small. Nope. But I digress. We took off and headed east towards the lake. Sort of. With a pack of 13. Ten in front and 3 trying to, not be last. That's my job. From Belmont Harbor we headed inland to a Check that really stumped Horn-E and Lower Wackoff. Someone set a table over an arrow. But LW finally got us on and headed towards Wrigley. And a crowd. That is where we caught up to J. Mickey. She had only found one mark off of a Check at Clark and Addison. With the three of us, we were soon on and up to Irving park and a three way. Naturally we headed east towards the House of Bizzle. Not. Horn-E found trail west and we ran into the hare, just leaving the Beer Stop. It was the Back Door to his wife's bakery. To many innuendos there. And the pack was gone. The last time I saw donuts at a hash was CH3 500 when The Harlot was doing an Allouette on Armadildo Dundee and jammed his tally wacker through a cream filled donut. I digress. Horn-E and J. Mickey took the hares offer of a ride to the finish. We're the lamest. Lower Wackoff was sent off in hot pursuit of the pack and wasn't seen again. And he doesn't quit. So, there was some sort of FU on trail. Nine other hounds texted on were to go for the Beer Stop. So, they really didn't run that final lag of the hash. That left LIFA, the true hero of the day, the DFL to the beer stop, but in reality the FRB as the only one who found it all, and with none of the marks, swept. Because they were all SCBs. Well done LIfa. Circle was held and we headed off. I took advantage of the offer of a ride and some went back to the now open bar to join Lower Wackoff. On Out.
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Mar. 21, 2023. The First Crack of the Moon Hash #305. Cuntlery laid a trail from Wright Junior College for four hounds. This was her second trail in Chicago and the last one was almost a rain out. Well, the marks were still tiny and to far apart for a crowd, did I say crowd, of four hounds. Maybe 20 or more might have sailed through that trail. But we four really struggled, learning a new hare's style and small and to distant marks. Our first Check had us puzzled until Horn-E found two tiny marks over a grassy area. Never saw a third, but we found another Check at the next Traffic Light. The first mark was right across the street, but we struggled for a long time, each hound retracing every other hounds steps and going further before Berts Special Friend finally got us in the right direction, east. And two blocks later, another Check. And we searched and searched. False trail seemed non existent so eventually we figured one mark and you are on. We went north to a park, around the park and east. Lower Wackoff found one Check here. But BSF and Meat Inside Her were the main hounds finding trail. We circled further east and then south to a Check at Montrose. Here LW and I lost trail and headed west. MIH and BSF were long gone to the west. The next mark we saw was at a parking garage on campus about 100 feet from the beer. We did hold a parking lot beer stop and circle before we all headed out. Windy/cold. And I caught the last bus east. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu Mar 23, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #980,
SnatchSquatch hared a live trail out of The Hock Shop for four running hounds and one biking hound. We were in sight of each other for about 3 blocks and then Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Just Sam were long gone. It was another trail with no Falses and a lot of Checks. Lower Wackoff and Horn-E struggled along the trail and didn't have to much trouble, but. we're slower then most. Trail worked it's way south of Irving Park where I got sucked into heading up a long flight of stairs to the tracks. Damn hare. But then followed LW and got ahead and behind and ahead and so it went. Over to Pulaski and then through all of Independence Park and finally west to Milwaukee area and a Check. LW went wrong, up Milwaukee. Horn-E went right, east and north and we regrouped and on over to the SnatchHouse for a Beer stop. We then headed to the bar for circle. Slippery Fingers rode his bike on trail. Hey, if you can't run, biking and walking trail is welcome. You do what you can do. But Bikes should never lead the runners in solving Checks etc. Hashing is still a running thing. The bar was mostly empty so our circle was ignored and we partied on. On Out.
Hash Break

Sun Mar 26, 2023, The Chicago Hash. This trail was hared from Union Park by Lost Her Penis, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside her. It is the annual Shamrock, Beer in the Box, Hash thing were some hashers run the Shamrock Shuffle and many meet then at Buckingham fountain and drink free beer until hash time, Few runners then hash and some hashers show up to run a hash. So, we had a total pack of 11, 6 walkers and five hounds, The walkers took their participation medals and just walked a walkers trail to the Lost Penis house for some good corned beef while the real trail hounds ran a decent trail. Sort of. Stiffy 4 Stiffies Joaquin Penis and Steps In Shit ran on. Back Door Bizzle sort of kept them in sight and quit at Western to go get his car. And Horn-E, with his nagging cold, tried to follow, hacking all the way. Last time I saw the pack was crossing Ashland. Yeah, I finished and did it all. At the finish, inside, we held a fun circle led by Back Door Bizzle. Good Corned Beef sandwich, and then Back Door Bizzle offered me a ride home. And it was pouring rain. Damn glad I took him up on that. ON Out
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The
Tale of the Trail
Thu Mar 16, 2023, The Thirstday Hash, #979, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Little Joes for a first of the year. The hares outnumbered the hound, Horn-E. But the old fart grabbed his umbrella and headed out anyway and braved the dark misty trail through the neighborhood and the local college campus. And it was straight into an alley before heading over to the campus. A Check in the campus and some Splits slowed the slowest to even slower, but he ran/jogged/walked on. Eventually the trail got over to Halsted and that lazy old dog decided to short cut a bit of trail due to the weariness of running with such a large pack. Over a grassy field he had to go, past some young Coed squatting by some bushes. Hmmm. Don't go near there, but run on. And back on trail. This led to a long stretch under a building overhang and finally a Triple Split. I never found another mark after that Split so I wandered wide looking for marks as I headed to the known beer stop where the hares were waiting. After a short circle we headed back to Big Joe's with a pack of House Puppies who came to drink, but not to hash. All right, at least the puppets were cute. On Out  
Hash Break

Sat. Mar 18, 2023, The Bushman Hash. #214, Horn-E hared from Hernandez Picnic Grove. It was cold, windy and partly cloudy. Would anyone show? So I head out and laid most of the trail I per-planned. Most of the first part of the trail was to be laid on the known spider trails south of the river. And there was new construction. The areas that tended to get wet and slippery were filled in with cross sections of fallen trees. Like stepping stones. And many were anchored by metal stakes through them so they wouldn't float off during high water times. And the stakes were sticking out of the logs, so a one inch covering of snow would make then a real tripping hazard. Only Cook County could take the nature out of nature and make it more dangerous at the same time. But a Check and Back Check through the area and eventually found about 30 people cutting out Buckthorn trees. An invasive species that tends to stifle natural growth and take over the area. Well, that part was good. Then trail went over to Cicero and across the river and back east. I warned the pack about the slippery mud and sure enough the trail went by the very edge of the river and an 8 foot drop and narrow slippery path to the edge. Hey, the forest happens. Then another Check that would later stifle the pack and split them up as trail went around and sort of through some areas of frozen water. Well sort of frozen. Pick your steps carefully and always step on vegetation. In between the ice wouldn't support a small dog. And $20 Butt Stuff is not a small dog. And she had to drag along on a short leash this big guy named Back Door Bizzle. But from here there was a short trail to a lower wet land area and wider pools of this ice and about the nicest scene on this cold windy day and an instant decision to have the beer stop here, out of the wind, and pray for patches of warm sun, where we could drink among the migrating robins all over the area. So who else showed. Seven hounds and one house puppy who walked with the hare to get the beer. Thanks for the company, Zone 2. Now hash next time. This was an easy hash. The first one into the finish was Chicken Stifer who showed up about a minute after the hare and before he could hide the beer. Shortly after was SnatchSquatch bitching about this and that as usual. Must have been a good trail. He was followed by a Bushman virgin and her second hash, Just Julie. She got afraid of the woods and getting lost so she visually hung on SnatchSquatch and wouldn't let go and get lost. Her sister, another Bushman virgin, Just Katie came in much later. She lost sight of Just Julie and kept looking back for baby sis. But she also wasn't going to be left alone out there and never bothered to actually go back looking for baby sis who was actually way in front of her. J. Julie, did she also pretend to care about you like that when you were kids? Also on trail were False Advertising and Lower Wackoff. And we've heard there whining stories before. After two round of circle, we headed out to High Stool, a bar known for its good pours of Guinness and a little warm up time. On Out
Hash Break

Sun Mar 19, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash.
Cumming Right Meow and Catstro Dick Assist out of O'Callaghans. By the way, apologies to the hare for the wrong spelling of his name. And CH3, your spelling was really way off. This is the correct spelling from the hare. So, I'm late getting there. And for once I'm glad I missed that start. I ran into Catstro Dick Assist on the way and he told me it was A to B to his house and I knew were that was. Thanks Lord. Around the corner I met Lower Wackoff. Also late and saying there was a Split on this corner. We never found where that Split went. And we worked the area. Then we got split up. The other hare told Lower Wackoff were the Beer Stop was and so he eventually just headed there, near Division and Sedgwick. The finish was the opposite way. I wandered and wandered and using my best and worst instincts finally crossed the river and checked out the River Walk. Nothing. Going south a block on La Salle I found an arrow. This was the part of the trail that Catstro Dick Assist laid and it was a struggle at times, with markes after Splits, rather far out for this small pack of 7 now like 5 and 1 and 1. Anyhow, I ranged on and on and finally made it on in. The hardest part was the Check be Daley Plaza and that hidden third arrow behind the traffic light pole. R Kelly and Back Door Bizzle managed to just walk back to the finish from the beer stop. And Lower Wackoff struggled to find that part of trail but managed to make it On In. Now for the last three. Apparently Joaquin Penis took off to his house and then came back and somehow came in to the finish with Lost Her Penis and SnatchSquatch. GPS came in at 11.4. We compared several different GPSs pics and the hares. I can only add, unbelievable. They were posted on line. But everyone was in good spirits in circle and despite the bitches, we had a good time. Things go wrong, especially when two hares each do seperate parts of a trail. Distance especially. But we struggled with first marks after Checks and Splits that were to far out for a small pack. Hares, keep that in mind. A mark by the next corner is usually far enough for small packs. Now, it is spring. Lets get those bigger packs back out there. On Out
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Tue Mar 7, 2023.The 4X2H4 Hash. False Advertising hared from the Gold Star Bar for 6 hounds. Well, actually 5 at the start. Lower Wackoff was off wacking off and parking. And yet somehow he finished ahead of Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly without ever passing them. How he do dat? We took off to the north and struggled on a few Splits and Checks before getting to Milwaukee. There Horn-E ran right up to the mark and didn't see it. And so many marks were like that. Anyhow Bottom Wrangler found that and we headed south on Milwaukee to a Check. And here we really died before finding trail south on Milwaukee. And Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly witnessed Bottom Wrangler flying. Well, at least crash landing. 'Off We Go'. But a Check at Ashland. Again. And this was on south on Milwaukee. Hey, this isn't Elston. With one little side loop we ended up at another Check at Augusta. Again, a regroup as we struggled here. Then we were off to the south with Horn-E heading on straight south on a short cut and a Check on Chicago. Again that bastard Horn-E short cuts and the trail cums up to him. And everyone is accounted for except Just Do Me Slowly. So the others ran on and the SCB waited for JDMS and we ended up walking on in to the hares car for cold beer and a short circle. And there was Lower Wackoff. WTF. Also on trail were Lifa and Joaquin Penis. On Out
Hash Break
Wed Mar 8, 2023, 7:00pm, the Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa hared from Solumn Oath Brewery. Nice pack of seven at the start with the usual two late comers on their way. We headed west to Humboldt Pkwy and struggled on what should have been a simple Check. I was finally on One when Stiffy 4 Stiffies looping back found the trail ahead of me. We're off to the south and west, working our way to the 606. A short back check and we are heading east to the first exit and south on Humboldt Pkwy to Check number two. Again I'm heading the right way when trail is found to the east ahead of me and soon everyone is passing me, including the grand Moonies, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her, our late comers. This then headed north and east to Check 3 and I was just arriving when it was solved, to the east. A few zigs and zags and I fell behind and out of sight to Check 4 at Milwaukee and Western. It was marked SE and I was off following trail that was swept well. A short south loop and then straight north to Charleston. Kept looking for Sally but only the rats were running that alley. From there I went west. Heading home. Well sort of.  Crossing Western and another block and there was a Check that I missed. Trail jumped from the south side of the street to the north side of the street. A block later their was Just Do Me Slowly wandering around with her cell phone, lost and trying to call for help. Well we back checked a bit and found the marks and we were off to Milwaukee again. Then south of Milwaukee wiggling trough various streets to California for the last Check. This was straight west and on to Palmer Square and the parkway for the beer stop and circle. And as we headed in that direction we spotted Lower Wackoff a block ahead of us. So we almost came in together. The pack was whole including Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Joaquin Penis. Moon Hash circle was held and we all headed on home. Nice hash with no rain. On Out
Hash Break

Thu Mar 9, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #978, Cuntlery laid trail from Grandparents Park. We had a late announcement on a location. We had rain and potential snow, We had a far out (near O'Hare) location, we had a new hare to Chicago, what else could go wrong. Like a no show. So Horn-E heads out there, 90 minutes by CTA with a hacking cold. And False Advertising show up so she won't be stuck with just Horn-E on trail. Cuntlery laid trail with her best friend, some pussy on a leash. S & M. Hmmm!!! Then we couldn't find her light flour marks in the rain. Talk about washout. But eventually Cuntlery returned and pointed out the right way and we were off. She indicated that we might go into the woods, but there was a short cut if we didn't want to do that. Like Horn-E would take a short cut and avoid the woods. Struggling along, we managed to find a few traces of flour and eventually a Split. Chalk. It held up beautifully. Horn-E had second choice and found the marks and eventually led to the Forest Preserve. Catherine Chevalier Woods for those familiar with the area. Long, very long, dead end parking lot. Horn-E headed out and managed to find traces of flour in the road and kept going. He flashed his light and blew his whistle for False Advertising. Meanwhile False Advertising found the short cut and blew his whistle and flashed his light for Horn-E. It is one thing when a large pack gets split. But two hounds. So Horn-E heads on constantly finding light, barely visible traces of flour and runs on signaling all the way. At the end, he finds four large flour dots indicating a Check. Well, it is the woods on wide paths or real bush wacking. Not another mark was found on partially flooded woodland bike paths and with light traces of flour on pavement, the deep woods seemed impossible, although intriguing following C*nt and pussy in the dark on a dry moonless night with plenty of good marks. Yeah!!. So Horn-E returned along that long street in the woods. Meanwhile False Advertising found the hare and her pussy in a warm car and they were snuggled up keeping dry and warm waiting for that old fool to return. And he did and we had a tripod in the car instead of a circle and the hare dumped Horn-E off at the Cumberland Kiss and Go. Only it was all GO. On Out
Hash Break

Sun Mar 12, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash.
Bottom Wrangler hared from The Sedgwick Stop
for 8 hounds. And one very partial hound, Rusty Grundel with kid in a stroller. He ran a few blocks with us and seeing the futility of the marks, retreated with kid to the bar and his warm wife, The Cock Whisperer. As for us. It was hard. We got to a Check at La Salle and Clark. And everyone was scattered. Everywhere. And finding nothing. And that was the tale of the day. Long distances to the first mark. around corners and such and, now get this, pink chalk in the rain, where everyone was walking over the marks. What could go wrong. Well a few more Checks, like every few blocks, and we reached Division. Ranging everywhere, I was paralleling at one point and they weren't On. They went back and I ranged to the east because that is where we hadn't Checked yet. They found marks to the west and were gone. I never saw another mark. So I ranged west on Division and of course nothing. They were two blocks south of me, struggling on Check after Check. I came to Sedgwick and there is this little park across the street. We've had beer stops there before. Saw nothing. So I headed north to the bar. As for the pack, they eventually got to that same park, as near as I could figure, and had a beer stop. Two hounds, Garmin and False Advertising quit at that point, already over four miles, and went back to the bar. About 10 to 15 minutes after I got there. That shows how much they were struggling. And Sleepy Num Nums just disappeared. Eventually they all made it back to the bar. Joaquin Penis said something about over 7 miles for a four mile trail. The other three finishers were Pony Pounder, La Shartsie and Back Door Bizzle. Hey, well done. Circle was held in the heated smoking tent and most headed home. Exhausted. Hey, shit happens. Sometimes the best of intentions go bad. Part of the game. On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E

The
Tale of the Trail
Thu Mar 2, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #977, Sleepy Num Nums hared from the Cowardly Lion in Oz Park for a pack of seven hounds. I'd like to say this was a good hash, but I'm not that good of a liar. But it was fast. And what wasn't fast was half assed. So naturally I fell behind early. But the trail ran east and south where it went by my old apartment on Wisconsin. By then the pack was really gone. But I managed to follow the trail without to much problem and actually went down an alley I never hashed through before. Hey, good. But then we went into the park and a Split. I went the wrong way, but being way behind I figured to go north anyway and maybe pick up trail coming out of the park. And suddenly by the Farm, I heard whistles and there was the pack on a bridge indulging in champagne. Shortly after arriving the DFL Cuming Right Meow arrived. We finally took off with the pack heading east and I went with the hare to the west. A short time later they were coming out of the park and heading north. Except the Checking Meat Inside Her who headed under a bridge to the west. The rest had a Check at the entrance to the Zoo at Webster. And the finish was to be at McGees about 9.7 miles straight west. There was a slight diversion to the north, but McGees was it. I walked/jogged straight west and just as I walked up to the bar, Cuming Right Meow ran right up behind me, DFL. We did have a back room to ourselves and held circle there, led by Bottom Wrangler. The Improviser Man. He probably improvises as bad as I write these stories. But all was good and the piss was flowing. On Out
Hash
Break
Sat
Mar 4, 2023, The Big Dog Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Blueberry Hill in Forest Park. The place was full of parents mis raising their children while they over comsummed the worst of beers, Lyte. Ugh. The usual suspects of hounds were joined by two towering Harriettes. A virgin Just Julie and her sister a Big Dog virgin J. Katie. No, not a big dog, A Big Dog HASH virgin. Both of them about six foot seven. No way I would keep up with those two galloping amazons. We were soon off with a pack of 9 hounds. A split and a turn, a turn and a Split and a turn and Horn-E was already lost. SnatchSquatch probably planned that so that old fart wouldn't get attacked and beaten up by some old lady with her umbrella at her own funeral. So he was soon, well not to soon, hashing Harlem. The street, about two miles from the land of the dead. Early on, Brother Incisor decided to bail. Hell, Horn-E might have been off course, but he ran/walked on. She bailed before Horn-E even got lost.  Meanwhile in this cemetery the mischievous hare planted a Check on a pile of dirt by a rectangular hole. Seriously, how was he to know that the funeral would happen right when the pack came by, and Splits after Splits had the virgins running around in circles all over graves, jumping from stone to stone so their shoes wouldn't get wet and dirty. From Mabel in 1887 to Max in 1917 to baby Bennie in 2022. Don't worry about the cops being called. They were patrolling streets for a parade and kids running amok collecting candy. So the pack ran on following Stiffy 4 Stiffies, named for those kinds of stiffies. The virgins were desperately trying to follow the Penis brothers so they wouldn't lose Lost Her Penis and trying to stay far ahead of the Walking Penis. Lifa was ranging from the old Confederate section to the gangster section and back again desperately trying to solve the Check on the hill. And despite everything, we all managed to finish close together. Inside the False Advertising/Zone 2 abode we enjoyed multiple Pizzas while holding the worst circle I've seen this year, in the normal Big Dog Style and our virgin J. Julie made the best accusation, 'Back Door Bizzle for blaming his slow running on the $20 Butt Slut' who went and peed on his shoes. On Out.
Hash Break
Sun Mar 5, 2023, The Chicago Hash.
Garmin hared from Lickity Split Frozen Custard. Now that is a first. An ice cream palace instead of a bar. Lick Kitty Slits? Sound like a lesbian place. Are we now recruiting running Lesbians? All right, lighten up. We're hashers and we make jokes that piss off the politically correct crowd. Did I? We had eleven hounds on trail including two Harrietts, All Bush No Balls and Just Lindsey. Yeah!! And we were off to the east and then north and through Loyola Campus. Meanwhile I'm way behind and making it on my own. The hare said something about several churches and a mosque. I know where those are and short cut towards them and there is Lower Wackoff chugging along just south of a church. Bingo. So we head west and I miss were he made a turn and run on to Devon. Where did he go? So I cross Devon and still no marks so I head west and pick up on a mark going into an alley just before Clark. I'm off. After a long block east. I turn the corner and head south and at the first alley it is back west. Not me. I know where the Mosque is and another church. What, no temples or synagogues. Discrimination. Anyway, I head south and looking back, there is finally Lower Wackoff doing the whole trail. Well done. I'm a short cutting bastard today. Eventually he catches me, passes me and we run trail on into the finish. Then we walk over to Double Bubble for circle in their back yard smoke pit and Back Door Bizzle led his best circle of the year. And Bottom Wrangler drank at almost every accusation. He thinks he's funny so we got him drunk to help him actually become funny. On Out. 
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Feb 22, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from River Park for 4 hounds. Yes, that many. It had rained for hours and rained throughout the trail. We saw some marks before take off and they didn't look bad. Yeah, they were recently laid. Older marks were more of a problem. My take on that. Instead of a long spray of flour, it runs off quicker, try small piles. It coagulates like dough if you are lucky. But a lot of marks were on trees and they held up real well. If I only bothered to look up at the right times. So off we go and I'm in the wrong direction after 100 feet. WTF. But at a Check I catch up and I'm following Lifa. Then Double Meter Beater passes me. As I look back for Stuffin Muffin, they disappeared. They found trail through a section of park. When SM and myself got there, we never saw a mark going into the park or in the park. So we headed south to Lawrence, NADA. We ranged across the river and north and sure enough we find a Check and it is swept. We run through that section and west along the river to a Split. I went north and was right. But I didn't see any marks and the road was seriously flooded. So I follow Stuffin Muffin, way back now and finally come to a Check at Kedzie and Foster. Swept. A block later I find the hare and he directs me into an alley. Well, from there on, it was mostly marked, but occasionally a bit of a problem. Behind a school building and up to Bryn Mawr, over the river and south along a narrow park area along the river. I did miss one section into city streets but at the next exit the trail returned and eventually to the underpass under Foster and the Whiskey stop and circle. And all was good. On Out.
Hash Break
Thu Feb 23, 2023, The Thristday Hash, #976,
Dryrafoan hared from Big Joes for 6 hounds. We took off to the east/south and the lead was soon out of sight. WTF. After three blocks and searching the wrong way on a Split, I found myself with Famming Flagott and we walked and ran the rest of the way together. As we got to this park at Kedzie. We thought we heard whistles, but from where. Well, the rest of the pack did trail south of that park for two blocks, west two blocks and then right back to that park. We could have saved our selfs a lot of trouble if we just went to the whistle, but echoes are deceiving and it was dark and we couldn't place them. So we went and did that same loop only to find Dryrafoan at a beer stop in a play ground. Right near where we heard a whistle. They're long gone and probably finished by then. For some reason Brother Incisor never made it to the beer stop. And we followed and short cut our way to the finish. Brother Incisor led us in a circle and all was good. Others on trail were Just Sam, SnatchSquatch and Sleepy Num Nums. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Feb 26, 2023, The Chicago Hash.
Pony Pounder will hare from Begyle Brewery. I got there just as circle was starting. I went to the facilities and by the time I came out, they were gone. But there were a total of 13 hounds on trail. I saw some marks on the way to the brewery at Ashland and Irving Park. So I headed there just as Sleepy Num Nums passed me. The pack seemed to really struggle on that Check. Finally La Shartsie headed north on one side of Ashland and I did on the other side. A block later he found marks, but not coming from the Check. They came from the east. Could have been just around this school, so we ran on. (Note: This was an ON Back trail laid only a block from a Check. We missed the shot stop. The whole pack could have missed it) A block later was a big W. Was that a Whiskey Stop. There was supposed to be a shot stop. Find out late that it was for the Walkers. There were walkers? I was always just short of catching LaShartsie at Splits as he returned to sweep them. But no one else around. Was anyone ahead? NO. Suddenly the pack slowly caught us as we approached Ravenswood. And then they are all passed me and I'm trying to desperately keep Back Door Bizzle in sight. And then he is also gone. Damn. But I run On and at Western, Lifa suddenly approaches and passes me. Where in hell did he come from. Ranging at Splits and Checks. So we are at Irving Park and Western. He's already got 6 miles. We are 3/4 of a mile away from the start and heading further away. WTF. A block later is a Check. Lifa heads south and I follow along North Center Park. Nothing. He and then me enter the park and go around the tennis courts and no marks and back to Irving Park. I go west, nothing, I cross the street and see a mark. we were soon on three and back across Irving Park again and into the west side of North Center Park and there is the pack and circle starting. We were just on the other side of that park, less then a hundred yards away. Why didn't you wankers call out to us instead of letting us run on? But circle is held and then I realize that it is an A to B trail. We now go to the Burning Bush Brewery for an On In. A to B, I didn't see it announced on the web site. Might have missed that in circle if it was announced there, and a mile away gets to not being nice when people finally leave and have to go that far for cars and bikes. Just saying that announcing these things in advance helps, and A to Bs that far away are problems for some after the run. Warm clothes, rain gear, snow issues, etc. We did have one newbie, transplant from Azerbaijan (did I get that right?) Named Ultimate Disco Cunt. Welcome to Chicago.
On Out.
Hash Break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Feb 16, 2023, The Thirstday Hash. #975 ...He's Still Limping & Laura Ingalls Girls Gone Wilder hared from Liars Club. All right, shit happens. There was supposedly a trail under that inch of snow. They laid the trail before the snow and had no options for the snow that was coming. We had six hounds in this mess and some in costume for this themed hash. I never saw a mark. We headed west as directed and there were obviously no marks to be found. I crossed the street and checked out a mall as they said they tried to lay marks where snow wouldn't get to them. Nothing. Finally Walking Penis ran by and said trail went to Damen and then south to Diversey and turn right. Two long straights. I was finally quitting when Scent Of A Man came along. Where the hell did he come from? He had a phone and directions to the drink stop. It was turn left, not right, on Diversey and eventually to the hares in the middle of this housing section. Only three of us made that. I said I'm heading back to the bar and two skipped the second drink stop and were told where three was and ran on. Back to the bar. SnatchSquatch wasn't happy, understandable, and said he ran about seven miles, actually managed to see three marks that didn't help a damn thing. Then he left early. Coming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist quit early. We had a short circle starting out with the hares 'ran such a lovely trail'. I guess that is the exact opposite of the 'hares ran a shitty trail' no matter how good it was. Now hares, I know you went through a lot of work laying your original trail, but it was gone. It snowed. With snow eminent and predicted, you should have been prepared for plan B. Colored flour, 2 to 3 miles and a live trail would have been great and the hounds would have been happy for the effort and the fun of actually having a trail they could follow. If you need help next time something like this happens, ask. SnatchSquatch or I would have gladly offered advice and help. On Out
Sat. Feb 18, 2023, The Bushman Hash. #213. Horn-E laid a trail out of Cumberland and Irving Park (Horn-E) woods. And I had 2 hounds at the start. Back Door Bizzle showed up at the first Check and joined False Advertising and Lost Her Penis. They struggled with that one and eventually got into the trail through the air field and into the woods. This trail would have some difficult moments. Snow was everywhere while laying trail and red on snow looked great. But it was warm and the snow was melting which made the marks over grass almost impossible. But once in the muddy paths through the woods, the marks were a little better. White on trees which usually works great even in snow and I tried to find the thickest spots of snow for ground marks. A ccw trail that went over to the river and then back and eventually along the same creek that they ran out on, but on the other bank. This is rapidly getting into the impossible, impassable stage being over run with thorn bushes. Then a short time later I headed for a known weak path that soon disappeared and I played hell trying to find my way through it. And so did the hounds. Then over a few logs where BDB had to carry $20 Butt Slut over. And finally beer. Now some bad news. While they hashed, I went for beer. But the closest liquor store closed down. WTF. So almost two miles to get beer and set that up. And as I wandered through some woods I haven't been in for a long time, I found a half completed log cabin in the woods. Prefect for the best beer stop of the year. Looks like it was made by local kids or homeless. Roof, just some main beams. But walls and windows and all probably illegally erected. We'll have to try that again. On Out
Hash Break
Sun Feb 19, 2023, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash.
La Shartiste hared from Parrots for 13 hounds. I'd like to say it was a nice trail, but I'm not that good of a liar. All right, I lied. If you were up front you probably really enjoyed that trail, nice tiny itsy bitsy marks and easy Checks and Splits. But from where I stood and as fast as I was running, I might just as well have just stood there, the trail was quickly blown away and I was alone. DFL. So, what else is new. Then there was the turn mark that was washed away on Clark street by a window washer. And every time I thought if a short cut I didn't take it and then found out I should have. Damn. Finally got to the beer stop in Oz Park and they were gone. So On I went. This time I saw a short cut on Dickens and took it and it worked. Then another on Sheffield and it worked, and I ran into the finish. And the pack didn't kill me for holding up a short circle, led by Bottom Wrangler. Then it was back to Parrots and another short circle and hanging out with out Swedish Friends, Construction Junction etc, and Cockholm Syndrome. On Out.
Hash Break

Mon Feb 20, 2023, 7:00pm, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, hared by Cuntlery, then Berts Special Friend and finally Meat Inside Her did the job. Location was from Welles Park and when I got there I had to walk around the whole damn park to find what I thought might be 2 or 3 hound had already taken off. Instead I found a pack of eight others and myself. That is nine for you hounds that can't count that high without using both hands. And the hare was already off on a live trail with a fifteen minute head start. We gave her ten. And it was a fast pack, but we managed to stay pretty well together as a pack. I finally drifted back as we crossed Irving Park and through a parking lot. I saw hounds heading west to Western so I short cut in an alley. They were a block south and apparently at a Check. I saw one hound heading north, then turning around and going back a block. Then he went west. So I paralleled and after a long block, no one was in sight. Damn. But as I go south towards were the pack had to go. I spot an arrow, into this park. I'm On and ahead. But there is a Check. So I head north in the park and around it on Irving Park. And suddenly there is some of the pack coming north on this road just before the bridge. Whoopee. So we cross the road and then over the bridge and some major confusion at a check. But it was soon found going north through Horner Park to Montrose and of course almost everyone passed me. Again across the river and a Check. We were scattered here and On or not On and then there is me. I went a block north and nothing. So I headed east and saw various hounds looking confused. But not ON. So I kept going east and at the alley right before Western I saw a mark heading out of the alley and to Welles Park. And there was soon the pack assembling at the Gazebo for circle. And all was good. We held a Moon Hash circle, ate chips and Swedish candy and drank beer and waved good bye to Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction. On Out
Hash Break
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E

The
Tale of the Trail
Thu. Feb 9, 2023, The Thirstday Hash. #974. Soul Taco, the Dark Kunt & Silent But Deadly hared from Duffy's. What a night. First off, with three beautiful harriets haring, where was everybody. All right, a last minute notice of location. And the rain might have also added to it.  Damn, and R Kelly was going to bring some virgins. Hope they were older then 16. What we got is three harriett hares and two harriett hounds and only three Wankers on trail. When was the last time the ladies out numbered the men. Definitely not the usual sausage hash. Extra buns on this one. So, who were these hounds. Scent Of A Man came all the way from North Dakota for this hash. R Kelly was on his second Chicago Area Hash, Laura Ingalls Girls Gone Wilder, Brother Incisor and that old slow fart, Horn-E. We took off to the east and our second mark was a Check. Brother Incisor checked south and missed an arrow in the shadows of a low fence. Hmmm. Arrows in chalk in the rain? Flour might have helped. Next the pack started out to the north and they found marks, but it was the On IN trail. Meanwhile that old slow fart followed and lost them and didn't see any marks. So he returned and headed south and found the marks for true trail. And ON and ON he went. The marks were mostly there, but often very light in the rain. Some marks just weren't were that blind old fool would normally expect marks. But continuously checking and ranging and the trail would eventually be found. So ON he goes. And just about every time he was ready to quit, like that triple Split just before the Farm in the Zoo that must have taken 15 minutes, suddenly there would be a mark where he never would have looked. Damn. Can't quit now. And so On it went. From the start the trail hugged the west edge of Lincoln Park to that damn farm. Then east to the other side of the Zoo and a long straight north to Fullerton. Then over to the lake front and north to Diversey. And always just enough Splits to f*ck up the hounds. Hounds? At Diversey, trail went under Lake Shore Drive for a shot stop. Like they waited out there by the harbor in the rain all that time. And Horn-E didn't even find that. Washed out and the hare ran out of chalk about then. Then Horn-E, not about to quit now, found trail again heading further north along the golf driving range and Split after Split and he guessed wrong on almost all of them. Finally trail headed into the city streets and at a Split on Briar, that was Swept. Who? How? When? So he runs on to Broadway and there aren't any more marks, anywhere. One freaking Split marked and it is marked wrong. So he ranges and finds another Split south on Broadway. It also is marked. And there were no marks after that. Two Splits marked and both led to no where. That is when the old fart finally quit. 135 Minutes on trail and 130 of them alone. And within ten minutes everyone started to bail out and take off. All right, don't know who did what north of Diversey, but Soul Taco did the whole southern portion. If we all got on trail it would have been a descent hash. But alone, where it sucked, it..., but I had fun. I don't often get to actually solve that many marks. On Out
Hash Break

Sat. Feb 11, 2023, The Big Dog Hash. #220. Lifa set this annual Idiot-A-Rod Hash, ten mile trail from Hawkeyes. Are these hashers crazy. 14 of us. Trail headed north and across the expressway and more north. Twisting back and forth a bit and just easy enough for the pack to run away with the trail leaving Back Door Bizzel, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to really fall behind. Then Lower Wackoff found an impromptu beer stop. Some workers outside a pallet factory having a few Modelos. And Lower Wackoff was more then happy to join them. So Horn-E also stopped. We finally get moving and north of the tracks on Ashland we get marks to the west and there is the hare, sweeping on his bike. He gives me a short cut as they are just going on a short loop to a beer stop and I don't do them. He says there is a Split at Grand, a block north. So I head there and never saw the Split after checking all four corners. and I checked a block in all directions possible. Nothing. I saw SnatchSquatch's GPS trail and he never crossed Ashland heading east at Grand. Rather a few blocks north of Grand. Not saying what happened, but what I did. So I ran on to the east and kept finding nothing as I wandered east and south hoping to cut off trail. And I finally did. Marks between the second beer stop and the finish. And about then, along comes Cuntlery. She didn't do the Idiot a Rod, but the short trail and got to the beer stop before everyone. so she was still out and about for the hell of it. We headed over to the beer stop and the pack had just arrived. Finally at the circle in an open field we held the usual Big Dog circle and all was good. We survived. Eventually after circle we headed back to the bar for a warn up beer or two and some grub. On Out
Hash break
Sun. Feb 12, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Sleepy Num Nums was supposed to be haring from McGees. Never heard what happened. But the GM replaced him and along with LaShartisie, got a trail laid for 19 hounds. it started east and south and eventually I ended up with a few hounds running and walking at the rear. At North and Halsted the runners headed south. I headed east behind Zone 2 and False Advertising, walking and little jogs. Eventually we were joined by SnatchSquatch at the foot bridge over the river to Goose Island. From there we headed north and worked our way to a usual beer stop on Webster about 1200 West. While they were walking, I was trying to run and stayed just a little bit in from of them and finally came in FRB. Really, FWSCB. That is Front walk/running short cutting bastard. A short time later Stacys Niece came in as the real FRB. We held circle there, led by Bottom Wrangler, and then hung out there in the park. Eventually hounds drifted off and some returned to the bar.
Hash Break   
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break

Thu, Feb 2. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #973, Sleepy Num Nums, Just Scott and Gay Dancer hared from Phyliss' Musical Inn for nine hounds. We started out straight North and at the first Split, a short block later, we were already screwed up and lost several hounds. Yeah, not the best marks. But I somehow ended up following the lead pack and we headed across Milwaukee Ave and then east. We're following Walking Penis who went right by a Split. Myself and Steps In Shit were right there and couldn't see the Split even with flashlights. But visiting hasher, No Man On The Moon spotted it and was gone. A block later and I couldn't see any marks at a turn, but the pack was gone and heading for Ashland. I looked. NO marks. But I followed. We crossed Ashland for a few blocks and then headed north across North. A block later and I caught a short cut that got me ahead of Cumming Right Meow as we headed east across Ashland. A block later and we are Checking again. And suddenly SnatchSquatch and Just Sam finally caught the pack. North a block and we are at another Check. Hmmm. 606 Trail. But someone already checked that. But not far enough. Meanwhile I ended up heading straight west an got to the next down ramp from the 606 trail just as Anal Contradiction came down the ramp. Trail headed south. And the pack slowly passed me and I fell behind. Finally got to a BN Check. Never saw another mark. Ran on to Wicker Park eventually where I found Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow. Also lost. So we worked out way back to the bar and found the whole pack there. There wasn't a beer stop, just On Back. We headed for the beer garden for circle and still the band made it almost impossible for me and my bad ears to hear a damn thing. Eventually after a very short circle and an even shorter naming, we finished and Just Scott will forever more be know as Kool And The Gangbang. On Out
Hash Break

Sun. Feb 5, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from A. J. Hudson's Pubic House for this Hawaiian Theme Hash. There were fifteen trail hounds for this trail. Just because it had a warm theme doesn't mean it was. I saw some marks on the way to the bar, so this old fart used them as early on short cuts. The pack did head that way and they finally got to Clark and Grace about the same time I did. I was checking with Furry Spice, Garmin, SnatchSquatch and a few others. Trail was found to the north and through a now locked gate and through a parking lot. We eventually found trail coming out of the lot and to the east. The pack headed north just past the cemetery and I kept going east. They had to come back south, didn't they. After a few blocks I saw SnatchSquatch go by and I knew I was ON again. Followed this around Wrigley to the south and then south on Clark from a check. The rest of the pack was now following. I blew my whistle for them and we were off down some alleys and streets and winding our way towards the Shot Stop. I missed that by going down a side street and eventually over to Ashland and School. A Split caused me some grief and then I was on heading to Lincoln and then north. A block later was a Check, but this was a gimmee and I'm off down an alley under the tracks and north on Ravenswood to a damn Back Check 2. Heading back I see the pack cuming with Snatchsquatch leading. I yell out Back Check and he heads under the tracks. Good. I head the other way and nothing. Meanwhile the rest of the pack arrives and heads straight for the Back Check and never returns. WTF. Somehow they ran past it to Addison and were on and I was FRB and now DFL. The first shall be last and the last shall be first and so it was written and so it shall be done. Well actually Cumming Right Meow finally caught up to me and we worked out way to the Beer stop under the tracks and Circle. We did have two virgins, Just Claudia and Just Matt, and there were two other Justs, Just Erica and Just Jeff. After circle it was back to the warmth of the bar and eventually On Out.
Hash Break       
Mon. Feb 6, 2023, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Park Tavern for four hounds. Unfortunately Horn-E showed up late and made it five. So I'm running late, but they are sweeping the trail and I follow along heading east mainly. At Skinner park I'm thinking, can I short cut around and catch them. I didn't and either did they and two blocks later I'm with the back of the pack. We head over the expressway and a Triple Split. Lifa goes straight and doesn't come back. So we follow and I eventually spot a mark. So it is now me and Lost Her Penis following trail south and east to Lost Columbus Park (Arrigio), and a Check. I head into the park and find a Split but no other marks. Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff now arrive. So I decide to range on the south side in the park and to the east. At the far end I find nothing and exit the park to check the perimeter and then head north. Now remember this point. Yeah, right here, SE corner of the park. But before I do that I hear Lower Wackoff's whistle. To the west. So I head back through the park heading west while LW and JDMS are heading east just outside the park on its north side. I get to the far end at Loomis and check all around. No marks. I finally return to the Check and it is swept pointing east on the north side of the park. At the end of the park, where I was originally heading next, the trail went south for a loop a block south (Missed short cut #1) and then a block east and back north and back west and remember that point I said to remember. Right across the street from where I was.
And I just missed seeing Lost Her Penis and a great short cut. (Missed short cut #2) Now I'm at least a half mile behind everyone. So it is south to Taylor, west and eventually towards the Hospital campus following that damn hares middle of the block crossing the streets and loop backs to hell. I finally come to an unmarked Check and there is Lower Wackoff returning from the south. JDMS is returning from the north and Lifa is texting that the BS is west in front of the Old County Hospital building in the park. Boom and we are there and after all that. I beat JDMS by about 20 feet and wasn't DFL. We held a Moon Hash circle and then dispersed. I could see the blue line station from the circle and ten minutes later I am warm and sitting on the train. ON OUT.
Hash Break   
Tue. Feb 7, 2023, The 4X2H4 Hash. Horn-E is haring from Senior Citizen's Park. Trail was set to go east and then south with a series of back and forth shit and eventually to a Check at Milwaukee and Western. And damn if the pack didn't all regroup here. Trail was across Western and straight west. They all managed to get over there eventually and when no one was looking, Just Do Me Slowly took off on true trail and was long gone. False Advertising and Lifa soon followed. Lower Wackoff was looking for JDMS. I told him as hare and sweep, I would wait for her. But of course she would never come because she was gone. While I was waiting, I caught a real "Serves you right asshole" moment. We've all seen these one wheel powered vehicles that have direction and speed determined by leaning and balance. They whip in and out of traffic worse that a mob of bicyclists. Well, here he comes on Milwaukee heading east and leans into a turn onto south Western and the damn thing slips out from under him and he and it slide along and into the southbound lanes of Western. He gets his, whatever it is called, and dusts himself off. Finally gets it going and suddenly he whips across Western and heads north. He'll life to die another day on that thing. So now. JDMS isn't coming so I head west to find the pack and suddenly here comes JDMS leading the pack out of a dirty filthy alley after a check. And they are soon all together and heading into the maze of alleys in the area. Missing Back Checks and rats and such along the way. And along the way they run into
Laura Ingram Girls Gone Wilder, wandering aimlessly along hash marks looking for the beer stop or the pack and sort of on trail backwards. She informs us that Scent Of A Man from North Dakota whose first trail ever was a Bushman Hash, is out on trail somewhere following us. WTF. We shortly are all back at the start and the B. And SOAM comes over to me for a hug and he is all sweaty. Our 25 to 30 degrees is a heat wave to him after his North Dakota -54 degrees. So Lifa leads a circle and we hang out and eventually head out. I go over to the WEB with SOAM and LIGGW where they had a few nightcaps And eventually I was ON OUT.
Hash Break    
     

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E




The
Tale of the Trail
Hash break
Wed. Jan 25, 2023, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash.
Lifa laid trail for this ninth Analversery Hash from Twisted Spoke, for 6 hounds. At 7:30 he sent five hounds off and running. Where the hell was that old dog, Horn-E. Not another tail of missed buses. Yep. The relief driver never showed up. Long story short I changed route to the damen bus and instead of cuming early I got to Grand at 7:28. A mile away. I waited for the Grand bus. And the hare waited 15 minutes for some dumb late fuck to show up. They ran north and south and west, but none east. I finally gave up and started hoofing it. Still no buses. Ever. But I finally found marks on Grand. Great. Now am I in the first part of trail or the end. I was about the 15% point and the pack was well past me. Trail went south a block and back east. Is this the end. Nope. At Ogden the trail headed south of the tracks. Ain't going there. So I figure the pack had to go south and then more east. I checked every corner just north of the tracks and finally the trail came north again. Did I get in front of them. No way. So I run on. Simple trail and finally crosses Ogden. In the grassy area just south of the expressway. Damn, almost ran right past them. At the Whiskey Stop. I didn't see them and they didn't see me. And I continued on a loop across the expressway, east to Ogden and back over the expressway and through the hole in the fence. And there was the pack. I saw the GPS and I did about half to 60%. Others on trail were Dickens Cider, Garmin, Berts Special Friend, Lower Wackoff and Walking Penis. After a quick circle overlooking cars and cars and trucks and noise. Then back to the bar. A quick round and I headed out. On Out.

Hash break
Thu, Jan 26. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #972, Horn-E laid trail from Double Bubble for four hounds. I got that many???. Wow. Snowed during the day and I was worried about snow over my marks. It quit about 6:00. So, out I head, Set the back part of the trail first, check the bar and then the first part of the trail. Circle back to the bar and get off the 42 hounds. Okay, only 4 hounds. And they ran right past the first turn. And I head out to get that middle turd of a trail. And it was a turd. Damn. Anyhow the trail was simple because more snow was expected. Sort of straight to Loyola Campus. A Check and a sucker False Split across the street. Got at least SnatchSquatch there as he ran towards the lake and the through the campus to the shock of a bunch of freshwomen coming out of some building and seeing this huge monster saquatch running by. They were almost right. But the one I really needed to catch was Sleepy Num Nums. And he runs right to true trail and is now hot on the old farts tail. Meanwhile I lay another Check and then a series of Falses looking like trail might go to my house for a beer stop. Caught SnatchSquatch and some on that. But the sneaky Sleepy  Num Nums doesn't know where I live and keeps right on picking the right directions on all Splits. I see him cuming and try to get to that last Check before beer before he catches me. I even head off in the wrong direction so he won't head straight for beer that I haven't bought yet. He snares the hare right at the second arrow of that False. So I send him off looking for trail and head for the beer stop right behind a liquor store. They weren't there yet. I run in and run out with beer and they are there. So the hare fucked up and was mot only snared but about two minutes late to the beer stop. Then it was off to the bar for a circle. Others on trail were J. Scott and North Bangher Alley. About 2.5 miles average. On Out
Hash Break
  
Sun. Jan 22, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler and Just Adam laid trail from The Sedgwick Stop for 12 hounds. Nice day and no threat of snow. We take off running to the north and east and towards Lincoln Park. I missed the Group Hug Check. Actually a missed a turn towards it and was off in the park with no marks. Returning I find the hug Check and it was swept by the hare, Bottom Wrangler. So I get to the lagoon and I'm looking for the pack in the distance. I see them leaving a shot stop under Grant's horse's ass. They are heading north on the east end of the lagoon. So I head north on the west end of the lagoon and into the Zoo and there is a mark. And then a Check. I go north through the Zoo on a False. Meanwhile the pack was already through here on a quick Check and heading straight west to Oz Park for a beer stop. So eventually I follow. Now along here the sweeping hare texted. You know if the hare has to text during a hash something is fucked up. Yes, his co-hare was still sitting in the pub with the beer. And hounds were already at the beer stop. WTF. Well, they finally got beer and pounded them down and were off. Just as this old blood hound arrived. So I followed and four blocks later they were stopped again for a second Shot Stop. From here it was On In. Sleepy Num Nums tried to lead the circle with the help of Bottom Wrangler. Hey, he's the hare. We also met our Virgin Hound, Just Sam, and deflowered her with a down down. Then it was back up front and beer and food and beer and on and on and On Out
Hash Break                   
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E


      
The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break

Thu, Jan 19. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #971, ...He's Still Limping laid trail from Drink and Ink. A small pack of SnatchSquatch, Garmin and Horn-E and just after the start, Double Meter Beater arrived. And that damn first Check to the north took forever. By the time it was found, we were in four separate packs. Actually four lone hounds. Trail went north a block and then west and eventually into Lincoln Park and near Montrose Harbor. Well, that is where it was supposed to go. And then a beer stop at the hares hutch. Double Meter Beater sort of made most of that. SnatchSquatch got as far as the park and Lawrence and headed south and suddenly was at the BS a few blocks later. I made a big loop to the west, where trail never went and finally got on trail and followed SnatchSquatch to the BS. Meanwhile, since this was an A to B in design, something I didn't know, Garmin somehow ended up at the B and no one there except a hash groupie. We decided to stay at the BS and Garmin finally joined us. Circle was held and tall tales were told. At least when possible to get in a word or two. And I finally headed out. On Out.
Hash Break
Fri, Jan 20. 2023. The First Crack of the Moon Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Rabbits. The bar not a fluffle. We had a large pack of hounds including Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Lifa and Horn-E. Actually that was the whole pack. A short trail to the west and through a block long park, and back and forth and back and forth. And a shot stop for this Lunar New Year Hash with a shot of So Jew. Alright, so I can't spell. Then Stiffie and Lifa took off with SnatchSquatch sweeping. And that old fart really looked like it as he fell way behind. But he finished in time for a one around short circle. Then we headed back to the bar for grub and beer and the wonderful company of the two Moon GMs. And all was short and good. On Out
Hash Break
Sat. Jan 21. 2023, The Bushman Hash, #212. Horn-E hared from Lechowicz Woods. There were 6 hounds including the hibernating Just Do Me Slowly. Trail headed into the woods and down this hill and an immediate left to the west. Meanwhile the pack headed down the hill and wandered around like at a Check that wasn't there. Finally after the hare corrected them before they found the On In trail, they headed west in woods to a Check under the foot bridge. Trail went up to the auto bridge and north, across the bridge. Then it went east along the river and in woods to a short water crossing. And across the river was the hare, laying the beer stop and watching them try to keep their feet dry. Then a check and soon the ON ON. Into the golf course. Fifteen foot high chain link fence and one low spot to crawl under in dead leaves covering wet mud. Some went under and some tried over. $20 Dollar Butt Slut had no problem. There were a few golfers so the trail didn't go through the golf course as much as around the edge and finally back into the woods. Then it was along the river's edge to a river crossing near the bridge.
It was at least 32 degrees and only 3 to 4 foot deep. No one tried the river crossing and took the Turkey way out and went around. From here is was more running west along the river until a final push over to the bike path and the foot bridge over the tracks and On In. False Advertising arrived at beer to see Lifa and Chicken Stifer wandering around looking for the beer. A quick glance and he saw a tree stump and went right to the beer. FRB. Finally Back Door Bizzle and then Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Circle was held at this bend in the river while the hounds munched on nuts like a pack of mangy squirrels and washed then down with cold beer. Then it was off to Tall Stool, no, not the porta toilet, the bar, for a pint of really well drawn Guinness and on home. On Out
Hash Break  
Sun. Jan 22, 2023, The Chicago Hash. Annual Winter Snow Hash. This fluffle of hares, Lifa and Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverend Shut the Fuck Up hared from the Hare Hutch of Stab 'em and Slab 'em. Well, actually the hare, Lifa, laid the trail, Reverend Shut the Fuck Up swept and Stab 'em and Slab 'em led the the itty bitty walking puppies to the beer stop. So, we had the largest pack of hounds this year. Did free grub at the finish help, or the visiting Hounds of Indiana, and other seldom seen hounds, coming out to sniff out old friendly tales. And they all barked up a few. And the Visitor, SadHeAteHer and the three virgins, J. Matt, Tami & Tod. Alright, about 10, 2023 regulars. As I arrived I met Just Matt, again. Seems as if we met about 15 years ago in Jimmy's WoodLawn Tap, an old area hash bar and a Hyde Park institution of renown for defeating City Hall and being able to grandfather in their license during selling and passing it on. He was the bar tender back them and the owner now. Does that mean we train him to be a hare and come back down to Hyde Park more often. He introduced me to another virgin hound, his friend Just Tami. About then the head hare, Stab 'em & Slab 'em, walked up and was introduced. And they turned out to both be Pathologists. I suddenly had a fear that the grub at the finish would suddenly now be roasted and professionally dissected bunnies, blessed by The oh so Reverend Shut the Fuck Up. Oh, for the Lifa of Brian. Instead we had Bunny Sausages that looked like cadaver willies with mustard and ketchup ooozing all over them. Enough of this. The trail was relatively simple, CCW over to the former beautiful Jackson Park, being torn apart for the building of an ugly Pyramid that would tower over the trees. What is left of them. Trail went through the usual lagoons and past the Japanese Garden and then west and eventually to the local school for a beer stop where the walkers were waiting for the runners. Back at the finish we were led in circle by Back Door Bizzle and $20 Butt Stuff on her royal blanket. Limericks were led by Lower Wackoff and Horn-E got accused of actually being the perpetrator of so many of those Limericks. Then it was grub and get the hell out of there. I finally left with Bloody Thighs. No, I didn't have them, she did, and was named for them, and drove me home. Thanks BT. On Out                                                             
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E

 

The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 12. 2023. The Thirstday Hash, #970, Brother Incisor laid trail from Irish Eyes for five hounds. We headed south and east and an alley before getting to six corners as Fullerton Halsted. That sneaky bastard Horn-E saw marks on the way to Irish Eyes, so he quickly hit the first mark off of a Triple Split on Fullerton heading east and he was in front. Like that would last. Bottom Wrangler and Castro Dick Assist passed him a few blocks later, and Cumming Right Meow shortly after. Where oh where was Antique Load Show. We headed east and north and kept on going. I finally spotted them at WOOGMS alley and they soon disappeared. Yes, again. Trail went west now and there was a Check at Clark. I caught the pack at Halsted and there was ALS and BW. Trail kept going west and north and I finally opted for a short cut straight west. Two blocks later there were marks returning from the north and no one in sight. I soon headed into an alley and along came BW and CDA. Then ATS and finally CRM. At Diversey and Lincoln, I was pretty sure the trail was heading to the usual park and I was right. But a Check and a mark from BW led me astray and I ended up heading a long block west on a False Trail. I returned and started Checking and soon was ON to that park I knew, had to be the Beer Stop. And there was the pack and I was DFL again. Damn. Back at the bar we held circle around a table and all was good. On Out.
Hash Break
Sat. Jan 14, 2023, The Big Dog Hash #219. Horn-E laid his annual 8 Beer Stop Hash from Catherine Chevalier Woods for 11 hounds. Due to overall low attendance in Chicago, I knew we would have a smaller crowd. So I only had a case of beer and over 10 pounds of flour on my weary back as I entered the woods. Time was running short, so I couldn't lay trail backwards and get rid of the heavy beer first, so it was straight away and hope they would find my chalk talk and just follow. No way would I get back in time to start them off. Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist texted that they were running late. Oh Shit. The first Check was a stumbler for the pack and they stalled there. They texted back were to go and CRM and CDA stumbled even worse at the beginning and finally quit. As I was laying trail I past this small wet lands off of a creek bed and there are some tall reeds there. Taller then I have ever seen. Like 20 feet high. Beer Stop, in the middle. Only it was so thick a naked 75 pound Thai hooker couldn't have got through there. I managed about 10 feet before laying out 1 beer and backing off. It would have taken over a half hour to go through that with a razor sharp machete. SnatchSquatch managed to get in and get that beer. Trail went On. Down a path under construction for a new bike way. and finally into the woods. Beer stop 2. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That found that one. 5 feet from the B in the hallow of a log and covered in leaves. Meanwhile, False Advertising and S ran off on two separate well marked Falses, and the whole pack just followed. Both times. Hey, B is a Check. You don't blindly follow until On On is called. Whatever, it was a beautiful day, and the sun was out, and no one cared. Into some more ten food high weeds and past the circled dead mole. Is this a sacred animal grave yard? Beer Stop 3. This one was protected by a Zombie Deer. I swear it is true. The beer was laying on the ground in a plastic sleeve. And there was this Zombie Deer reaching out of his grave with one hoof firmly planted on the bag to protect it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Meanwhile, were the fuck is Horn-E. I finished laying the 8th Beer Stop. If I knew that CBA and CRM were at the start, waiting, I would have gone on to the finish and got them out onto trail. But I didn't and I decided to just back track and join the pack. I caught them shortly after their escape from the Zombie Deer. By now, everyone was just walking instead of running ahead and looking for the next beer stop. WTF. They came out into wet lands, mostly dry with patches of water here and there. S led them along a stretch of dry land to a turn over water and a B on a tree over the water. So they all retreated and went around and there was the whole pack, minus the missing two. Nine of them. They found the beer and instead of four standing around drinking the beer, everyone had a beer and they just walked along on a stroll through the woods. A Check at the path stumped them before they ran on to BS 6 by a tree stump in deep woods. Then on to some well hidden beer at BS6. Knowing this location in a little bit of a clearing and another well known clearing to the east, I had a False heading to the second clearing. And they all followed Chicken Stifer like little lemmings. Upon returning, the next two and final two stops were easy and straight north. We hung around at the last one a bit and everyone had a beer. Even a few that weren't consumed. Your hashers and you didn't finish them. WTF. We finally headed on in and held a circle at the shelter. Then it was off to The Cabana Club for a sit down and a few more beers for those that came and a chance to warm up. Also on trail were Crotch Fire, Back Door Bizzle, Zone 2 and a new hasher to the area, R Kelly. Welcome. And On Out.
Hash Break

Sun. Jan 15, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2400. Brother Incisor and Ice Princess will hare from Miska's. Ooops, closed. So to the next closest bar, Four Treys. Trail headed north and west and north and west and north and west and north and west. I was so far back I missed the one good loop for a short cut. At Irving park and a Check. I headed west. When trail headed north yet again, I said no way. Actually a good move. I went west to Western and then south. The pack went a block north and then basically over to and near the river or about two blocks west of me. I finally headed east a bit and came up to Belmont, a block west of Miskas. And Sleepy Num Nums ran by yelling ON. Bottom Wrangler was next in line and On and On. Apparently they got stuck at a Check at the Police Station. Brother Incisor laid it there as a reminder of the time she and North Bangor Alley spent half the night there trying to convince the police they weren't out soliciting. About 3AM they finally convinced them they weren't soliciting and the police let them go. Now they are hungry and they solicited the police to give them a ride to were they could get something to eat. Hmmm. That's my story and the way I remember BI telling it. Anyway, we were soon on south to a park and a beer stop and a circle led by Sleepy Num Nums and whoever chimed in. Then most of us headed back to Four Treys and hung out for an hour or two. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, and the Penis brothers, Walking and Lost Her.  On Out
Hash break
Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 5. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Lifa laid trail from Four Treys for 5 trail hounds. And I showed up lame, but game to walk the trail. They could have used me on that trail. We headed east and I caught the pack struggling on the first Check. But Double Meter Beater was eventually On and they were gone. Trail headed to the dreaded six corner intersection at Lincoln and Ashland. I got there and found a Check. Somehow a piece of paper was on the Check indicating trail crossed the street and went west. So I did. Trail didn't. It went SE. But after a block I assumed the trail had to go south so I did. At Wrightwood I saw Bottom Wrangler running by and heading south. Like I said, I could have helped. But being lame, I short cut west to Damen and then north to the Beer Stop. Trail went south to Diversey and then over to a Check from hell at Clybourn and Damen. First Double Meter Beater ran an extra seven miles looking for trail. Finally found it and blew his whistle. Stiffy 4 Stiffies heard, or didn't hear that whistle, and ran another 6 miles before he found the trail. He blew or didn't blow his whistle. And Bottom Wrangler and Happy Ass Grabber spent three hours and another fifteen miles trying to solve that check. I might have helped there. Or maybe not. But eventually they wandered into the beer stop. A quick circle and back to Four Treys where the pack drank on and on. On Out
Hash break
Fri, Jan 6. 2022. The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lower Wackoff laid his 27 Annual Winter Moon Hash from the Gladstone Lounge for six hounds. And we were off and running. Except Horn-E. Can we actually call what he does, running? So I fell behind as we headed to a Check at the pool. And marking issues caused Lifa to run about four point three miles here. Is that revenge for his last trail at TH3. Anyway, Horn-E was cumming down an alley heading for the pool. At the T in the alley, the arrow pointed west, But there were whistles to the east. And there was SnatchSquatch running by. Short cut. So we now run SE along the golf course and a Check and then into the golf course. I'm alone again in back. Look for flour on trees. Only the hare put flour on the ground in heavy weeds. Finally the Hare sweeping and Lifa, (Why wasn't he up front, Oh yeah, the pool) arrive. Well, now we finally find marks and we're off through the golf course in the dark. From here it was street running until we crossed Central and headed over the Foot Bridge. We could hear the hounds barking. They were stuck on a Check. Check? At the foot bridge. I look over the edge and there is a mark down below by the rivers edge, heading for some real muck. So I struggle to get to that mark and Castro Dick Assist is finally yelling ON. And I almost lost my shoe in some muck. Damn Untied. I get to that mark and I'm in front. Could that old fart finally become FRB. Not. Some woods running and suddenly SnatchSquatch is ahead. WTF. But we run on along the ups and downs along the river. I know where we are going. To the drainage tunnel for a beer stop. So with my shoe almost falling off I loop around leaving the up and downs to the pack. And Back Door Bizzle and Cumming Right Meow are yelling for me and I'm yelling back that I know where I'm going, and we finally came in together. And SnatchSquatch was sitting there not knowing if that was our beer or not. It was being guarded by some angry looking duck with her wee wittle duckling. SnatchSquatch, meet Bingo, our guard duck. Eventually Lifa rolled on in. He was way off on that last Check. So we had beer and returned to the Gladstone. Held a circle and ate some pizza. On Out.
Hash Break

Sun. Jan 8, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2399. Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewery for six hounds. Okay, the numbers. CH3 missed a hash on the Christmas weekend. In 2397 weeks Chicago Hash never missed their weekly mandate to lay a trail, with the exception of the Covid period of mass fear. But they didn't mark those missed dates as hashes and give them a number. Why was this one? Should it get a number? We've had zero turnouts, But if a trail was laid, it is a hash. We've had one hound show up, but if he runs trail it is a hash. But no hare and no location? So that is why I labeled it 2399. Now for the chalk talk. Again some confusion. The hare said there would be one False on trail and it meant go back one mark. Normally a F means go back to the last decision point and start over. Lifa was interrupting him as to that matter and apparently no one knew what to expect. If you want the trail to go back one mark, it should be a Back Check with a number or a back Check with no number but an obvious direction correction. Here we go again. Would the hash figure this out? NOT. So, lets run the trail. We take off to the east and south for a quick shot stop. Shortly after here we lost Zone 2. The pack heads south and eventually to a Check on Lawrence. Here we go again. I was already short cutting and was going past an empty lot when All Bush No Balls started into the empty lot from the alley. I yelled 'no marks' and she turned back. Bye. I followed her and found two marks in the alley and didn't see what directed her into the alley. No one was in sight. And I didn't see a Check. So I ranged east for a block and a half and nothing. So I ranged north. Suddenly I'm hearing whistles. I was looking for someone to my east, but it was SnatchSquatch on the west, running North in an alley. How the hell did he get there? He later said he just ranged wide and eventually found marks without knowing where they came from. So he runs on and I short cut towards where I thought the beer stop would be. I arrive there and no one is there. Just south of the Bryn Mawr/Damen curve. Then the hare and Zone 2 get out of a car. Okay. And we wait and wait and the sun is going down. Finally Lifa arrives from the south on Damen. There was no trail anywhere near where he ended up after that Check. He ran an extra couple of miles. Then SnatchSquatch come on in. And we wait and wait and eventually All Bush No Balls and False Advertising come in. She clocked 8.3 miles. And finally Back Door Bizzle. That was a long wait. It seems as if that is all we did this week. Wait at beer stops for hounds that were stuck on a Check. And Lifa got burned again. So Back Door Bizzle  holds circle and we're getting to damn cold and head out. Does this tale finally end. Not. Five of us go back to the Brewery. Spitefull is a good name. Suddenly Lifa and False Advertising rush back to the table, grab their bags and say they are out of there. Something about the bar tender being a dick head or something like an ass hole. Is this place now on the Hash Shit list? I need to hear this story. On Out.
Hash break

Swing Low and

On ON
Horn-E


The
Tale of the Trail
Wed. Dec 28, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Garmin laid  a trail out of the Duke of Perth. About 6 hounds on trail and I missed it because of a lack of information until it was to late. 
Hash Break

Thu, Dec 29. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #968,
SnatchSquatch laid trail from Temple Stowe
for five hounds. The Grand Thirst called it the GMs revenge. Well it was different. Only marks on trail were arrows and Checks. The hare laid three arrows and then a Check then three arrows and then a Check. And on through the whole trail. At least when he was able to keep count. And there were over 30 DAMN Checks. So much for the bull shit. Actually it kept us together for a short time. Then Garmin disappeared sometime after whispering on on. Horn-E managed to lead the back pack for about three checks and then he and Lower Wackoff fell back. Then Lower Wackoff fell further back. And in the middle were Dryrafoam and Happy Ass Grabber and hound. Five guys spread out in four groups. But the marks were sort of easy, sometimes swept, and if not, try running towards the most lights. And there were plenty on this Christmas Lights Hash. Tunnels of them. We finally ended this Christmas Lights Hash appropriately enough, in a Church parking lot where we sang loud and clear, a chorus of the usual dirty filthy hash songs. On ON was back at Temple Stowe,
Hash break
Mon. Jan 2, 2023, The Chicago Hash. #2398 Berts Special Friend, Crotch Fire, and Double Meter Beater laid trail from Embassy for 14 hounds. There was one visitor, Dodgy Princess from Switzerland, and she brought two newbies, Just Lydia and Just Tom and one virgin Just Forrest  brought by Sleepy Num Nums. Several of the pack walked to the shot stop and then the finish so we had about 11 hounds actually on trail. Including the slowest, Horn-E, DFL. The Hares got tricky from the get go with a turn south only to have the trail head east and then north over the expressway. And from what I saw at the beginning, the virgin and newbies were doing a good job of hunting out trail. Through the campus I was able to still see the pack and got a short cut. But I'm really falling behind. Just ahead was Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist was holding back for her and there was False Advertising looking for a short cut. And somehow I caught up and pointed out trail to them and we were off into an alley and eventually to Target's parking lot. Cuming out of there was an arrow through a locked gate and C D A and I circled to the west and picked up on trail. This led to the shot stop in a park. While the pack was rolling the dice to see what horrible concoction they would have to drink, I ran On. After several false turns I found myself at Ogden and the pack was finally catching up. And a Check with a long False. Trail went south on Ogden and through some parking lots. I was paralleling at this point, running for the lead hound who kept going the wrong way. I finally had to squeeze through an iron fence and catch the pack. Not. So a short cut later and I'm with the front and then the back again as we headed east to a park and the Beer Stop. Soon Bottom Wrangler started the circle and all was good. The hares and visitor/virgins got their share and then we retired to Hawkeyes for some grub. On Out
Hash Break

Tue. Jan 3, 2023, The 4X2H4 hash, Lifa hared from District Brew Yards. Well, actually the street. They were closed. But you make it work and we did. Four hounds on trail for 3.5 to 4.5 miles of trail. And we mostly sort of stayed together until we didn't. Running streets, alleys, and occasional dumps and homeless camps and rats in packs, we finally came to Lake Street. A Check. I held back to mark it. Meat Inside Her went East and after a long block she was ON. But just about then. Lower Wackoff and False Advertising were blowing whistles and they were on. Until they weren't. False. So I know were M I H headed and short cut myself and F A that way and was able to spot her. Meanwhile I'm marking a new trail for L W who isn't following. He went back to the Check and the hare showed him the long way around, but ON trail. Meanwhile we three get to a park and eventually another Check. And again, we are running off to a False. Finally we are back on trail and heading to Ashland and L W was able to catch up. We now head east on Monroe to another park and another Check. M I H is gone. F A is signaling were to go on the Check, but it is foggy. L W and H-E are in a slow pursuit. And suddenly no marks. H-E heads north and L W heads somewhere and finds marks. But he ends up following some trail backwards. Meanwhile I find the marks cuming out of a park. He is blowing his whistle and I'm yelling On and neither is about to admit we are wrong. And I was right, and waited and yelled and finally ran On. eventually Another Check at Randolph. I go north, Wrong. He followed, He shouldn't have. Then I go east and wrong again. He goes west and finds trail a block later. The way I initially looked and found nothing. Damn. So I follow and catch a short cut and get ahead, then it was just sort of On In with L W beating H-E by fifty feet. DFL again. And circle was right near a fenced off old garbage dump we used to circle in. Forced to move up in class by some ass and his huge fences. After circling here, It was on out and I am ON Out.
Hash Break

Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Dec 22. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #967, Cuming Right Meow hared from her Condo down town for a massive pack or 2 hounds. It was cold, but near an El stop. Trail was well planned for a lot of inside pathways and underground streets and garages. What could go wrong? A live portion was laid to get us to the
underground garages. After a three block outside section we came to a Split, north on Michigan or straight east into Millennium Park. Trail went south. Horn-E went north, SnatchSquatch went east, then we both went north and we both went east and around the Bean where they were shoveling everything away. Her marks? No. Trail never went that way. We finally ended up going east on Randolph and lost sight of each other. SnatchSquatch went around Outer Drive East, above and below ground and all around that lower park. He eventually found his way into the Underground Monroe Street Garage, turned a corner and bumped into the hare. Duh!!! They returned to the start. Meanwhile Horn-E entered an upper level entrance (7) of that same garage on Randolph and found marks. After scaring some cute bimbo with her Christmas packages, this hairy old troll finally explained he was following arrows. She protested that there are no Indians around here, ran for her car and blew her horn. Damn, not Horn-E. Oh well. There were splits in the stairway at every level and I checked them out all over and down to (2). Finally I left the garage and entered the underground maze of streets beneath Randolph and Columbus and all over looking for marks. NADA. WTF. Finally found an open entrance to the Maze of passageways between the building up above. Even found a map. Go left, right, left, right. Yeah sure. Except the last left went through some doors and to a construction area. Thank god the doors weren't locked in reverse. I finally emerged through some fancy restaurant where they demanded to know if I had a reservation. No and I ain't an Indian either. Geez. They had all of four customers and two were coughing up some wampum so they could leave. Anyhow, from here it was give up and On IN. And at the On IN we had some good warm stew and hung around until well after. Well, well after. I left at about 1:30. Yeah, AM. On Out.
Hash break
Mon. Dec 26, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from his back yard for a Christmas lights Hash. Trail followed the lights wherever I could find them until a great street of lights all over and about 3/8ths of a mile long, and then the other side. At the finish there was a ton of slow cooked drumsticks and spaghetti to warm the packs bellies and beer until they had enough and went home to prepare for a week back at work and I could sleep in. On Out.
Hash Break
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E
 



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Thu, Dec 15. 2022, The Thirstday Hash, #965, ...He's Still Limping hared from Declans for a great pack of...one. The Grand Thirst, SnatchSquatch showed up. Sorry ..., I wanted to come, but was down with a bad cold last week. She laid a live trail for one and made it as hard as she could, as in long stretches between marks, so he wasn't sure if he was on or off. But he and they ran on to the lake and back. ON OUT
Hash break
Sat. Dec 17, 2022, The Bushman Hash. #218, Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods and we got more hounds then TH3. We had two. Lower Wackoff and Chicken Stifer. And they mostly stayed together and ran as a pack of two. Good. Trail headed to a Check at the bridge and the ON was across the river and along the river. A nice winding trail including some crawling over logs and such until the trail narrowed at an incline to the biking trail. Along the biking trail before heading through wetlands that were mostly frozen and into the gullys. Back out at the bike path and then heading east into the woods. This eventually got the pack good. Trail suddenly headed north, like it was heading for a big loop. Gotcha. That Rat Bastard hare would have been giggling so hard he'd piss his pants over that. Got them. The Check had two Falses, both heading sort of North and the hounds died there, almost. But finally a big old white dot was spotted high on a tree and heading south. Yes across Devon and east along a ridge over the river. This would eventually take the hounds into the golf course. Yeah, I like the winters because the golf courses are closed, the golf course covered in frozen snow. And trail ran through the woods separating the fairways and finally straight down the middle of the fairway into a heavy wind and then on in to the beer. Right were the hare caught these same two hashers a few months ago with a tricky Check. Only this time it was B and under the bridge and out of the wind. A treat from the hare. Merry Christmas. The Grand Bush provided them with Super Dawgs. No, not the eating kind. A beer, a pale ale, named after the Super Dawgs hot dog stand and right next to the place was a liquor store that carried it. And all was good. Circle was brief, but with only three in circle it seemed as if we were constantly leading the circle. After circle, we headed our separate ways. ON OUT
Hash break
Sun, Dec 18, 2022, The Chicago Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from the Old Irving Brewing Co. Wow, the pack size was improving. We actually had three hounds. Horn-E, Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist.
It was low 20s and three slow hounds. But we mostly ran On and stayed together splitting the finding of Checks and Splits and those three damn Back Checks. 3, 6 & 8. Trail meandered mostly East and South towards Irving Park and about 4200 West. and then we looped back with those damn Back Checks, I caught 6. Damn. We finally headed into a section of Town Houses and CDA ended up leading us to the 8 Back Check. Damn hare. But we stuck together, under the Expressway and back to Montrose. Crossing Montrose, this old hound smelled a beer stop ahead and knew were the little triangle park was. Damn, not there. CDA went right and Horn-E went straight north to the next park and there was the hare. While we were running hash, he was running in circles. Around that park over and over trying to stay warm. A quick circle was held and then back to the brewery for a warm up. ON OUT.
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
Hash Break
Tue, Dec 6, 2022, The 4X3H4 Hash,
Lower Wackoff hared from Senior Citizens Park. The trail quickly headed west and I'm all alone. Came to the first Check at Western and still alone. WTF. Where is the pack. I ranged south and found nothing. So I ranged west and eventually picked up on trail. This led me to a series of mistakes and close to a mile running in circles before picking up on a back Check and the real trail. So I run on, constantly trying to signal the hare/sweep where I was. I run on to another Check on Division near Milwaukee. Multiple directions here and a few Falses before circling back to Division and finding the trail. And this led to seeing some marks swept. The pack got ahead or is that the sweep. I finally catch the hare at Palmer Square. We sort of turned around here and headed back to the start. There we held circle and just hung out on a beautiful night. And the pack never did show up. I guess I was the only hound.         .
Hash Break
Wed, Dec 7, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #416.
Horn-E hared from McGee's. We actually, surprise, had a six pack of hounds. So, the 12 beers I brought should do it. The trail was short, three miles. Over to a Check at Halsted and they headed to Oz Park. Wrong. Trail went south on Halsted and then through a maze of streets to a check near the El. From here it was over to that nasty intersection on Clybourn. They lost Lower Wackoff here as he was off on a False when they found trail. This led them to a small mix of angled streets and alleys and we almost did all of them. Then a Check at Racine and Armitage. Only one way out and this really split the pack. But mostly On In to a park at Racine and Webster for a beer stop and a short circle. Glory Hole was FRB, The Perfect Woman from Seattle wasn't dressed for the cold and ran back to the bar for a jacket and gloves, We had a returning hasher, Just Steve. And then back to the bar for a hash birthday party.
Hash Break

Thu, Dec 8. 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #964, SnatchSquatch hared from The Sedgwick Stop. A large pack for Chicago with a lot of visitors. There were two co-hares and a Turkey Eagle trail. Well, I took off hell bent on running the Eagle trail. They were soon long gone. At Wells and Division, caught by the light, and seeing an arrow pointing west, I went west. Missed the turn to the south and apparently it went down to a little park by the merchandise Mart for a beer stop. To much for me. I'd still be out there. But I was trying and ran to a BN. It was the BN for the Turkey trail. I found it right away and when they arrived to the BN, I took off. At least I'm running and not walking. I find one Check. Then a struggled on the next one. Then I lost trail going over a large section of grass. Ranging left, I found the Eagle Trail. So, I'm off on that, twisting and turning I finally came to a Triple Split on Halsted just south of north. East. Wrong. Damn. North. Wrong, Damn, South and I'm on and off to a big open field with the hares and beer waiting. FRB twice, or is it SCB. Circle got going with 23 including those that didn't run trail and the two separate packs. Sleepy Num Nums turned up with his dog. At one point the dog went after the case of beer. Got one can in his mouth and bit down. Beer spraying everywhere. This 6 foot 6 inch hasher stepped back and over me and I ended up on my ass. SH. But why always me. Am I a target?
Hash break
Fri, Dec 9, 2022, The Chicago Hash #2394, Anthrax Hash Prelub. Lifa and Crotch Fire hared from Duffy's. Trail headed east and to the lake front before heading north. I'm now with about 6 or 8 hashers. As I get to the pedestrian tunnel a hasher is seen returning. Back Check? Has to go through the tunnel. So I head west and lead to a Split just as we leave the park. I head straight and I'm on. But no one followed. WTF. And there is a Check at Sheridan. I head west again and didn't find anything. I ranged. Bad mistake. Over to Broadway and north to Belmont. Nothing. Heading west I work my way to a Check at Halsted and Clark. And two hounds looking for trail. It was marked SW but there were no marks there. We ranged. Yes again. I finally found trail several blocks away and followed it on in to a circle just south of the Gazebo. And circle had just started, Count was mid 30s and Back Door Bizzle leading the circle. All was good and after circle we headed back to Duffys for a private party.
Hash break

Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E
 


The Tale of the Trail
Thu, Dec 1, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #963, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared for four hounds from The Ogden, including a transplant, Homodynamics from Houston. We took off to the west and a Split and naturally the trail went east from there. Homodynamics was not in sight. No, not in front, behind. A walker. Meanwhile Garmin was leading and Double Meter Beater right behind. Horn-E was trying to keep up with some loops as we headed north to Ogden and a park and that is where I last saw the two front runners. I understand Double Meter Beater came in FRB. Meanwhile I'm plugging along through neighborhoods and past multiple breweries. If I could only drink, there would have been many opportunities for an impromptu beer stop. But ON I go and eventually around the United Center. Missed the trail on a Check but ranging I finally found it and started to think, Hmmm, are we going to the hares house. Bingo. But how do I get there. I mostly managed to stay right on trail and finally headed down their alley to see two hares and two hounds waiting. And they were cold. So it was inside and we stripped down. well, outer layers and shoes. And Meat Inside Her put in a couple of pizzas. Cell contact was made with Homodynamics and he was not even close. But directions and he was soon there for circle and the telling of Tall Tales. On Out
Hash break
Sat. Dec 3, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. #218,
Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Mudffin hare from Pleasant Point Park. They had four hounds turn out on a beautiful day. At the very beginning they ran to a Check that took forever to find. After that Chicken Stifer took off in the lead with the others following. They finally hit a T and E Split and Chicken Stifer took off on the Eagle. Lower Wackoff decided to also brave the Eagle trail but after three blocks, heading way away from the finish, he returned and followed by about five minutes, the Turkey trail with Back Door Bizzle and Just Brandon. After the circle, Just Brandon and Lower Wackoff joined the hares in a pub for some warm up beers. On Out.
Hash break
Sun. Dec 4, 2022, The Chicago Hash. #2393 Sleepy Num Nums and Just Scott hared from McGee's Did the hare get my email and limit his trail to east of the El tracks so it wouldn't conflict with the Wed. Hash I'm haring from the same location. Not a chance. We had eleven hounds at the start. And a quick Check to the east. Trail went east and eventually north to Lincoln/Halsted intersection. And now into the territory that was in the blocked in Zone for the hares on the upcoming Anthrax Pre Lub. North of Fullerton. Trail headed east for two blocks and then north through neighborhood streets for a couple of blocks and then heading west and north west as trail headed towards Halsted/Diversey. There was a Back Check in there that allowed me to catch up to Lower Wackoff. Then the trail headed directly west for four blocks. Now the trail heads south. And this is territory I originally planned to lay trail in and conceded to Lifa so his trail would not have any problems. Anyhow, now the trail heads south on Kenmore to Jonquil Park and a Check. This headed through Jonquil Park and I spotted Lower Wackoff at the far end of the park and followed him south on Seminary and finally out of the hare's zone for Fridays Hash, crossing Fullerton. This now went through the DePaul Quad and a Check. From there it was short trip south and through an alley and back to McGee's. And circle was already underway. Hey, what's the rush. Circle was inside now. Warm. You can wait for everyone to get in. Circle was led by Garmin and the hares got many.
The trail itself was good, but heading into territory for upcoming hashes wasn't necessary and should have been avoided. Not faulting the hares for this. They're new at this and didn't know. But hare raisers should guide hares on locations and point out these issues. Apparently there will be rain later this week wiping out those marks and they won't be a problem beyond maybe running the same streets again. Boring. But lets coordinate better. Check the various hash calenders. Most of us run many different hashes and we don't need to screw over our friends. We can do better. On Out.
Swing Low and
On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
XXXX

Thu, Nov 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #963, ...He's Still Limping setup an Orphans hash from her place at 826 W. Sunnyside. And a flock or Toms and Jennys gathered and tried to mate or just mix and turn a little turkey time into hash time or whole turkey time. Much beer was consumed and the flock turned into a real gaggle of Turkeys, the more beer they drank. 
X
Sat, Nov 26, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #301, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from The Double and the hounds gathered. Two is plural so we were a pack of two. At the first Check. Lower Wackoff came on the trail right away while Horn-E was off on a False. And then Horn-E went the wrong way on a Split. Now he is way back. But he finally gets on trail and runs on. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff thinks he should go back and mark some splits and the Check for Horn-E. They passed each other in the dark. Somehow. Shit happens. So, now Horn-E is in front and trying desperately to catch Lower Wackoff. He only occasionally marks a Split in case someone might have showed up late. But does wonder why none of the Splits are marked. Lower Wackoff usually tries to mark Splits and Checks. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is struggling on the Splits and Checks and after solving them he goes back to sweep them for Horn-E. Never thinks that an occasional Split is marked. Reminds me of an old hash tale. Two bimbos turn up for a hash. Bimbo A says to Bimbo B, 'What should I do with my keys.' Bimbo B says, 'Put them in my car."' Then Bimbo B says, 'Now what do I do with my keys.' Bimbo A says, 'Put them in my car.' They got named Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. Well, that was the two hounds on this trail. Horn-E not sweeping much because he is trying to hard to catch Lower Wackoff. Lower Wackoff sweeping everything for Horn-E not putting together occasional swept marks meaning Horn-E was ahead of him. All in all, we both agreed that the hares did a nice job and the trail was pretty OK. Whoa, I almost said good. We returned to the Double and Meat Inside Her went down the block for a pizza for the hounds. Good time. On Out.
X
Sun. Nov 27, 2022, The Chicago H
ash. #2392 Back Door Bizzle laid trail from the Peace Park along Lake Shore Drive at Buena. Another great pack. Five hounds and again, no Harriets. We took off to the south along Lake Shore Drive. Garmin was streaking ahead. SnatchSquatch and Bottom Wrangler were not to far behind and then Lower Wackoff. Way behind was that old fart Horn-E. At Irving Park the trail went west. Two blocks later was the last I saw of the front three. Trail went south and then back east and south along LSD. Now I'm really running slow today so I short cut early. Damn, they didn't come back my way. So I head over to LSD and there is a Check and trail marked to go under LSD. That meant south in the park. So, why go over to the park. Just go south. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff is sweeping trail for me. Damn. We finally converged where there was another tunnel under LSD. Even SnatchSquatch said when he arrived at the check by the Harbor Shit House, I'm heading inland, trail or no trail. But Lower Wackoff goes back to mark the trail for me. Making me feel guilty for short cutting. Damn. Anyway, I told him I'm out of it today and just go on. Don't worry about marking for me today. And we run inland and up the back alley behind Halsted and finally back to Halsted and that was the last I saw of LW. I've had it and I'm heading on in. I knew where the trail went on in, because I saw the hare finishing up on trail. Meanwhile LW goes on West again and finally back again before heading north and ON IN. The  pack was whole and we held a short circle. And then it was on out. I got offered a ride from the hare and I took it. Thanks Back Door Bizzle. On Out.
XX
Swing Low and
On ON

Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
XXXX
Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. #415. Silent But Deadly hared from Rite Liquors for a pack of 10 hounds. Actually Soul Taco was supposed to co hare and showed up late. So she ran the trail trying to catch up. Still recovering from eye surgery, I just walked the course and quickly fell way behind. Our first Check was at the big intersection of Ashland, Division and the hare had everyone fooled on that one. But they were soon off to the east and then south and I never saw them again. Lower Wackoff was still in site for about a half mile until I lost him on the foot bridge at Augusta. And damn, the hare really got everyone on that. The return trail was right across the street. And apparently I was there a little to soon to catch that great short cut. So I'm off and walking as fast as these old pegs will carry me. Most of the marks were swept, but still often predictable. Hey, if you do enough trails in that area, they can get predictable. Except the one Lower Wackoff missed. And suddenly I was ahead of him. But he caught me at Chicago and Ashland and was soon gone. Heading west, this was now an ON Home part of the trail and it finished in the alley by the bar. Except for me. There was a note that they ran from the cold and are in the bar. Wait until this weeks hashes. Anyhow I got there just as they were about to start a circle around the pool table. Back to pre Covid stuff as the circle was longer then what we have seen of late and some good songs. On Out
X
Thu, Nov 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, #961, Ritlan Cum Bubble hared from Atlantic Bar & Grill. Five hounds. And I was going to try and run this one. I can't miss two weeks, it shows and my running slows and it is slow enough as it is. But I'm off following the pack. And then my flashlight blinks out. Damn. It took about three or four blocks before I got it going. By then they are out of sight. Some marks were swept  and so I moved on. Then I hit a Check at Lawrence. Not swept. So I range west to Western. Nothing. So I go for the big sweep counterclockwise looking for marks and a few blocks later I pick up on trail. And I'm off. As off as I can get. And the marks weren't swept. But I picked right until a Trip split. Wrong so after a block I sweep to the west and suddenly I here whistles. I had ranged ahead of the pack and now they were catching up in the adjacent alley. Bingo, I lead the pack for a hundred feet. And a Split. I headed north and SnatchSquatch was right behind me, ahead of me and then gone. But I couldn't find a mark. Were did he go. Gone. At the point of the Split, the trail was going the way I went or a big loop around tracks and the river and bridges, etc. So, as slow as I'm going, I ranged west on Lawrence to the bridge and a big loop of going no where near the trail. The trail had actually just gone one block south at that Split and cross the street and back north. So, while I'm running around parks and alleys and such, the pack ran into the hares back yard and were drinking beer. Shit. Hate when that happens, but I needed a run. Went back to the bar twice and tried to find marks by his house(?). Finally found it and there was a note that they just left. Right. And back at the bar we held a short circle and managed to meet our virgin. Just Chase. Welcome. Also there were North Bangher Alley and Sleepy Num Nums. On Out
X
Sat. Nov 12, 2022. The Big Dog Hash #217. Lower Wackoff hared from Miller Meadows South Forest Preserve. Small pack and I got halfway there on a two hour planned journey by CTA before I turned back because of Construction delays. Attendance was five hounds. Back Door Bizzle, False Advertising
and Chicken Stifer at the start and Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muff came late.
Then because of the early start, Lower Wackoff couldn't sweep as he had to set the beer stop. Ooops. and then someone picked up on an On Back trail and they ran straight to the beer stop. 1.9 miles.
X

Sun. Nov 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. All Bush No Balls and Prince Guy Ho hared from a last minute location, Magee's. Nineteen hounds on a nice day. Trail headed south in the alley under the El. And I was near the front. I ended up last as they quickly passed me and I was left following Lower Wackoff until I couldn't keep up with him. And Zone 2 who was following me, short cut back to the finish. A close to the bar circle counter clockwise. 3/4 mile north and south and 3/4 mile east and west. That would make it about 3 miles. Most marks were swept or I could see someone ahead. After the hash we had a private room for our circle. North Bangher Alley and Bottom Wrangler led circle. We had two visitors, from San Francisco. Just Get It Over With and Vagina Dentata. And a virgin, Just Scott. Welcome. After circle the party ran on and on. On Out
XXXX
Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
XXXX
Mon, Nov 7, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. #300. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared a Halloween Hash from Skinner Park for three hounds and one wanna be. Bring on the stretcher for that old fart. And yeah, the hares were in costume. From some movie. BSF The Grand Moonie looked absolutely lovely as one combatant. MIH, The Grand Crack looked, well, her costume was dark and in the dark it didn't show up as much. Sneaky wench. Lower Wackoff wore yellow pants with flames all over. Was it pants on fire or a flaming pumpkin. We also met on trail, twin Pinatas. One with legs and one without. Cuming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist. That leaves one other wanker, The Grand Bush, Horn-E. Couldn't run due to a recent surgery, but had to costume up anyway. Somewhat. He wore some woman's Hawaiian shorts. These where so loud even Horn-E could hear them without his hearing aids. So that was us. And LW took off on trail. Horn-E walked with the hares for an impromptu beer stop. A great spot in a hidden alley. And the pack finally gathered. After a beer, they were off again. Stay together. Nah. At a Check LW blew his whistle and CDA and CRM both took off on different directions on a Split and never found trail. They finally came on in to the finishing beer stop through a tunnel of lights. And about 45 minutes and 8.2 miles later, LW finally came on in. The only one who did the whoile trail. FRB & DFL. We held a short circle with good, damn good, beers, in a little garden area in the park, and were soon off. On Out
X
Tue, Nov 1, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash.
False Advertising laid trail from Chipp Inn. Another large pack for this four mile trail. And so I heard. Just Laura was the FBI. That is First Bitch In. Lower Wackoff short cut all over the place and still did 4 miles. WTF. He never short cuts. Was it that hard? Well, Lifa did the trail and logged 7.2 miles. And finally they regrouped and held a circle that lasted way past the stop time. Because it took so long to finish, they started way past the start time. Since I was only going to walk the course, It sounded like a good one for this old fart to sit out. On Out
X
Thu, Nov 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Magee's. We had a six pack of hounds at the start and only five at the finish. Just Greg, are you out there. This write up is for you.
North Bangher Alley, Sleepy Num Nums, Garmin and Brother Incisor finally arrived. They were not kind about that trail. I'm glad I just walked to the beer stop with the hare. And the other Hash Groupies. The beer stop was in a great loft apartment on the 6th floor. There were seventeen security doors to go through to get to their unit. And you needed their phone number to get the secret codes to get past the doors, gates draw bridges and moats to get to the Keep in the southeast corner. Great v
iew. But that doesn't help if you didn't have the secret code. And we waited for the last two hounds to make it. Finally SnatchSuatch arrived. He hadn't seen a hound since the first Split. He thought you were ahead of him. Heard whistles, but that could have just been the whistles from life guards at North Ave beach as gang bangers were dumping bodies from last weekends shoot outs. And he was bitching. Damn, it that old fart Horn-E was on trail you would have really heard some bitching. And that is only on hearsay. So we finally held circle. You can be glad to hear that we properly trashed the hare. at one point he got 12 down downs in a row. Good thing he lived there. Meanwhile more and more groupies arrived and it was damn crowded. And J, Greg, unfortunately you missed a great circle. Well, at least as good as those two bimbos good make it. Especially NBA in her practically nude tights. Hmmm Hmmm. And to the hare, it really wasn't that bad of a trail. Yeah sure. J. Greg, come on back. On Out

Sun. Nov 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Chunder Pussy hared their annual Punkin Chunkin Hash for 18 hounds. Only this hound didn't make the start. So, only 17 hounds started out. And as best as I can figure, four never finished. Shopping and short cutting and such. As for myself, you don't want to hear another bad CTA story. But waiting for about 40 minutes in front of Wrigley watching tourists taking 147 different pictures of an old building is not my way of spending the day. And the bus ride was even worse. Like rush hour. Standing room only, wheel chairs, walkers, shopping bags, a woman giving birth, twice. That was a long ride. As as I arrived, the hare was just driving out to the beer stop, so I joined him. And the pack finally arrived. Then they went punkin shopping. and we went to the park for the Punkin Chunkin. And there were they usual misses and people that couldn't get the hang of the sling shot. But SnatchSquatch launched a few really long ones. All right, they were kiddy punkins. The hares kids also gave quite a few shots and they got the hang of it. Both kids were launched like Texas Leagers. I mean they both launched several shots out of the ball park. It was like a Run Home Derby for the kids. They finally launched the large rotting pumpkins until the infield looked like yellow and orange mud.  Back to the back yard, and with good weather, a circle led by Back Door Bizzle. We met the virgins, Darryl, brother Darryl and the other brother Darryl. Or was it Brian, Brian and Jeb. After circle, we were treated to some good grub as usual at Back Pussy Chunder County abode. Then it was eat and run. Well, some of us stayed to eat the Halloween candy. I finally got a ride part way home and was home in less that an hour. On Out
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Now, go out and buy a Power Ball Ticket so we can have free hash cash forever and vote for None of the Above as often as possible
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed. Oct 26, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday, Hash. Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley hared from The Red Lion Pub. Wasn't there so I have no report.
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Thu, Oct 27, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Double Meter Beater hared from Langes, a nice neighborhood pub with no massive amounts of TVs everywhere you looked. A real dive bar. Great. This was the Zombie Hash. A Thirstday Hash tradition. Only a small pack. The fast hounds, Walking Penis and Sleepy Num Nums, the half fast Hounds, North Bangher Alley and Brother Incisor. And the dead last hound, Horn-E. Our hare had some Zombie make up on. Or was that the way he normally looks? And Horn-E was in costume. The way he normally looks, always in costume. Wolfman. We screwed up the first Split and that was the last I saw on Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley. Did they do it? Really, did they run trail? Meanwhile I saw the other two for a bit and soon it was just me following Brother Incisor and watching her take selfies of her last blind date. Lifa suddenly did appear on trail. Where did he come from? Late. That is what Horn-E does. I managed to stay on trail the whole way to the beer stop. Well, except for two times. That is what I get for following Brother Incisor. There was a shot stop by Graceland Cemetery. And then I copped a ride to the finish with the hare and carried the bags to the beer stop. Under the El tracks again. And again it is North Bangher Alley as R A. I wonder what she sounds like when we can actually hear her. But after a short circle, It was on home for me. Surgery the next morning. On Out
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Sun, Oct 30, The Chicago Hash, Guest write up by Coming Right Meow.

The CH3 Sunday hash went out from the Atlantic Bar on North Lincoln Ave. There were about a dozen hounds going off on a trail set by Ritalin Cum Bubble (dressed as  a beer) and Snatchsquatch (dressed as a slutty pirate). Many of the hounds were wearing costumes. Unfortunately, we lost Bloody Thighs right at the start.
All the hounds skipped the eagle portion of the trail and took the turkey trail to the first beer stop. It was here that we waited a long while for False Advertising (dressed up as a "Have you seen me" milk carton) to show up. Fortunately, he eventually appeared running trail backwards, missing his milk carton.
Also meeting up at the first beer stop was Garmin, dressed as Eyore, who apparently hadn't had enough fun running 50 miles the day before.
After the second beer stop, everyone decided that they'd ran enough and the group walked to the on in about a mile away at Ritalin Cum Bubbles' backyard, where Ritalin made a blazing fire. Just Gregory, dressed as a wizard, nearly caught himself on fire multiple times. Coming Right Meow and Castro Dick Assist had to keep their distance from the bonfire as well since they were highly flammable piƱatas. Fortunately, there was a doctor on site that could have helped resusitate any fire victims; Skull n Bone Her, a cardiologist in real life, was masquerading as an astronaut.
Big thank you to Ritalin Cum Bubbles' better half, Antique Load Show, for making delicious chili, bread and meatballs. Also a special mention for ...He's Still Limping's sister, who managed to run trail dressed as a boo-bee without flashing anyone.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Oct 20, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dot Dot Dot He's Still Limping and La Shartiste hared from Hooters for a Pink Dress Hash for charity. Two trails and two separate teams begging for cash. And only 6 hounds showed up. And reports were some weren't comfortable running around in such a small group begging for cash. But they did manage to raise over $500. I didn't run, but I brought a BIG bag of Hash Swag and sold over $100 worth and it all went to charity. The brave hounds included Cuming Right Meow who spent $30 on Shirts including a nice warm hooded sweat. Sleepy Num Nums spent $35. Other hounds included Garmin, Steps In Shit, Hobo Piss and Castro Dick Assist. Well done for such a small group. On Out
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Now, 2 suggestions. A charity event once a year in Chicago is a nice idea. But Thursday nights in Sep and Oct, in the dark really takes away from what it could be. Make it a Sep event on Sat, and pick a steady weekend date, that doesn't conflict with BH3 or BDH3. A steady date can get more people from out of town as it is consistent. Visitors can look forward to it.
My other thought is POP. Get a steady date that doesn't conflict with other hashes like the first Sat of Aug. Then with TH3 permission, take over Pink Dress and make that your Fri night Pre Lube. With all of the out of town visitors, and hashing while it is light out. You will make a lot more money and it would be a lot more fun for everybody. Or even do it on the Sat as your POP event. Imagine POP harrietts dressing the men before the hash. Possibilities.
I put the suggestions out there. Ignore me or think about it.
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Sun Oct 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash Garmin laid trail from Empirical Brewery with 12 hounds. Trail headed south to a quick Check Lifa was on that right away and I started to lead the second contingent in that direction. We headed down an alley and the whole pack passed me by as he kept going south. And then they were gone. It was finally just me, Back door Bizzel and 20 Dollar Butt Slut and most of the marks weren't swept. But mostly obvious. Along the southern part of the course we were passed by a late arriving visitor, Penis Fly Trap. And she quickly flew right past us. for a while we were sort of together and then we were back alone. We finally came in together at Winnemac park where Back Door Bizzel led is in circle and we welcomed out Penis Fly Trap and she sang us a song about tacos and burritos. Well done. And we welcomed the virgin Just Kinnier and then it was back to the brewery. And that is when I headed home. There were at least 30 to 40 people waiting in line to get a beer. And I can't even drink, So I moved on and On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Oct 10, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Horn-E
laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake. I hoped for some Marathoners still in town from the marathon, but it was just a short trail for three hounds, Lifa, Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. A little over a half hour trail and about 3.7 miles. Lifa was the FRB. Meat Inside Her found the first Check. At the second Check Meat Inside Her was Check Hanging as the two wankers went out to Check and they both found the third arrow at the same time. Both yelling ON ON. And Meat Inside Her is waving them on to find more. One had to be at a False. And it was Berts Special Friend. I love when a Check works so well. Anyhow west from there and eventually through Target and back to the start. Then we just had a short circle and hung out under the Full Moon for two hours before everyone finally left. Yeah, all three of them. On Out.
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Thu, Oct 13, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Sleepy Num Nums and Queef Latifa hared from Oz Park at the Tin Man. Horn-E and North Bangher Alley arrived just before the start. A pack of seven. Horn-E led across the street and into an alley and the whole pack passed him. What else is new. We came for a trail and well, trail? In two blocks we were at a Check. Naturally I went the wrong way and returned with Steps In Shit. Trail headed north one block and another Check at Lincoln Halsted. We saw a mark going through a closed gate. Circled around and no marks coming out. As we returned we heard Coming Right Meow yell On west on Fullerton. But no marks. Then Castro Dick Assist passed me. As we got to the El Tracks, a long block, there was an arrow coming from the other direction and heading south under the tracks. This was the On In. ON IN? WTF. The On In trail
was within a block of the On Out trail at a Check. Ooops. Major rookie mistake. And the Pack was mow in Magee's after about a mile of trail. I waited longer for the bus then that trail took. Well there was no way we were going back out so it was circle under the El tracks and settle in to just drinking beer. Poor hashers. Others on trail were Walking Penis and Brother Incisor, On Out.

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Sat, Oct 15, 2022, The Bushman Hash, #209,
Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. Small pack of four on a beautiful day. The trail went fairly straight west through the picnic areas and finally into the woods. A few short sections of woods and the trail finally headed south. The goal was a small patch of real high weeds we found a few months ago. Where they higher. After a short Back Check the trail headed into the weeds. Not really taller, but now flowering and thick. some were straight up, some leaning north and some south which made it really hard to get through that tangle. Marks every ten feet because that was as far as you could see. And in the middle was a fallen log. Checking. And the trail went towards the left and back over the rotting log and through the tall weeds. A short loop and a Check with three Falses to the north. Trail went south and a long run along the wide bike trail and narrow paths of more similar weeds.Finally across Irving Park under the bridge and a Check. Trail continued straight south and the next Check was just past were the local creek runs into the river. The true trail was straight east in the middle of the creek which at this point is dry and over fifty feet wide, and short weeds, and countless trees in the horizontal position to climb over. But Lifa is smarter that that. Although there are no marks, he keeps going south heading for the golf course. Now that was a massive gotcha. This is hashing. Follow the marks. And they were simple. Straight up stream for a hundred yards or more then exit to the north side of the creek and continue on the twisting path that parallels the creek. And that was the true trail straight to B. Well, there were two checks and they went straight. And yet, somehow Lifa comes On In first, followed by Chicken Stifer, False Advertising and finally Zone 2. The B was in the model plane airfield in the SE corner were the wind was less and the sun was warm. We held a short circle. False Advertising was bitching about not getting a bandanna yet. And it just so happened that I had one for him I made up that morning. He proudly stood there looking like a leader of the Proud Boys militia. And shortly after the pack was out. On Out
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Sun, Oct 16, The Chicago Hash, Pony Pounder hared from Burning Bush Brewery. There were eleven hounds for this trail. It started out with a Check and Lifa, SnatchSquatch and myself headed east. Not ON so we circled north. And suddenly there were the marks. I'm trying to keep up. Lifa leads to the east and into an alley and a Check. By the time I get there they are gone. I head over to Western and there is Lifa two block to the south. Apparently he was now following SnatchSquatch. Though the front of Lane Campus and a Split. Well, we three know the area and head on to the south and through the hole in the fence and there is trail. Meanwhile the now following pack takes the Split to Western and then back to where I was. We head west towards the river and the wooded bike area. I was passed along here, but I find the trail through the woods and lead La Shartisie, Sleepy Num Nums and North Bangher Alley out of there. We are soon at a shot stop. I left there early and trail went over the pedestrian bridge over the river. I soon find the first Check and then a Split. I went the west, but not far enough. So I rounded the block to get to the other direction and naturally, no marks. So I ended up following a left and right trail to SnatchSquatch's house for a hi-jack beer stop coordinated with the hare. From here it was back to Horner Park and along the river path to a beer stop for circle. Unfortunately my drink was in the shag wagon back at the brewery. Damn. A short circle standing on a sewer cover of massive proportions. Deep Tunnel. Then back to the bar to hang out. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Oct 4, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Union Park. Thanks to the CTA I again was arriving late and running down the street at 7:01 when Steps In Shit ran by on trail. But I caught Liva at the start and gave him my run bag and he gave me a little short cut. Off and running, two blocks south I ran into Steps In Shit and I'm on trail. Short lived. Back Check and the rest of the pack was off on the right trail. I short cut to Grand and didn't see them so I headed west. Meanwhile Steps In Shit came out of an alley and headed east on Grand on the other side of the street. He saw me, but didn't yell out. A block later I saw False Advertising crossing Grand. So I'm back on trail and we head through that alley and back to a Check at Ogden. Well that is made and they are out of sight. We follow and it goes all the way to Chicago for a Check. I'm behind and I hear them yell On ON and head west on Chicago. So I dodge traffic and head through a little side street towards Chicago. I hear a whistle. But echoes. I thought it was further west, but it was across Chicago and out of sight on a False. The pack returns and finally finds trail east on Chicago. Meanwhile I think they are (echoes) to the west. Over the bridge on Chicago Ave and checking everywhere for marks. NUTTIN HONEY. I finally figured they went to the next bridge to the north and would come back to Chicago. Keep going down the rabbit hole, I head west checking every corner and alley. Finally at Ashland, not a mark in sight as the pack is over at Halsted and running a great trail down railroad tracks and such, I finally figure out what happened. Well, it is to fucking late now so I head south and to the start. Nothing. So I head to Skinner Park, another park often used for beer stops. Nothing. Returning I pass marks. Yes, MARKS. On the third mark it heads into an alley and I look down that long dark alley and no hashers in sight. They are all in a parking lot right next to me. I skip the alley and try to short cut around it. NAH. So I'm back at that last arrow and there is another arrow into that parking lot and now they are gone. Hey, you could have called out to me. But I soon find them at the start and all is good. Well, except for False Advertising who did a face plant on trail and was bleeding profusely from his knee. So he soon left. Hell, what's another concussion on the highway with all the drunks and gang bangers on that rode. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her. After circle I found out there was a conflict with another running club on Marathon beer stop locations. So we had to make a last minute correction to accommodate that. On Out            l
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Thu, Oct 6, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Templestowe for an Octoberfest Hash. As usual, the CTA screwed me again and after three bus no shows I was still only at Damen and Montrose at 7:40 when I gave up and headed home. Don't know what happened besides a visiting hasher/marathoner showed up.
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Sat. Oct 8, 2022, The Big Dog Hash,
False Advertising hared from Sunset Bridge Meadow
. Well, the CTA again. The whole Red Line was shut down due to Police activity on the 63rd St station. But it was soon resolved and I was on my way with only missing one train and first hound to the start. But the pack soon assembled. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin just in time for the start. Back Door Bizzle got there ten minutes late and ran about 13 of the trail and won the award for the most briers on his clothes. And then there was Zone 2 and Chicken Stifer. We head into the woods on a side path and then into a short loop on small trails. F A gives us slower hounds a short cut and I'm soon off in front after a Split, Only I didn't see the flour mark. Flour does come in five pound bags and you are allowed to use the whole bag. I think he was saving it for Z 2 to go home and make more brownies. And I suppose that is after she launders your Big Dog Shirt you didn't wear. But I digress, A Check and I'm on the wrong course so I'm was behind as we had away from the river heading east. And another Check in a picnic grove. I never found the Check but I did find the first arrow. Unfortunately C S was already into the woods on the third arrow. So I led the rest into the woods and right on trail and into a huge mass of briers. I think I got most of them because the rest of the pack didn't have many. Anyway, I go wrong on a Split and on returning they are gone. So I range looking for those tiny little flour marks and find the infamous wall F A thought I was to old to climb. Bingo and I'm on Thatcher, but no marks. I wander right and soon find marks into city streets. I blow the first Check but then I'm ON and the second Check was a gimme. Then there was the impossible to cross North Ave and the Death March part of the trail. Suddenly C S is passing me and goes right at a check. So I went left and eventually found trail rounding the second corner. Through the church lot and past the Big Game and another Check. I went right, right, but not far enough. Damn. And soon I am joined by C S and M M. We check the other directions and find nothing. So C S goes right again, and a little further and we are on. This time into deep woods and the three of us worked the trail together trying to spot those tiny marks and distinguish them from sun spots. We parallel the tracks and trail finally goes up on the tracks and across the fading gay bridge. CS misses a mark over the tetanus wires and M M and Horn-E hold hands at the crawl over the rusty barb wire and to the final Check. And there in the distance is the finish. It was about 10 minutes later when S M finally hit that Check and we could see him in the distance.  Well done. S M found those marks alone. We held a short circle and ate some snacks and it was on home. On Out               .
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Sun. Oct 9, The Hashers of Chicago Marathon Beer Stop. Well thanks to a change of course and late notice and a conflict with another running club handing out beers and the final bull shit was getting to the last selection for a beer stop only to find the entire two block area we picked was set up for water and banana stop. I wandered looking for hashers and found NONE. WTF. So I head to Indiana and again wandered and found none. So I found a nice spot and started handing out beers. Eventually I was joined by Dick Hermonica and Just Gurjit. With three of us we created a lot more attention then by myself and the beer started to flow. But eventually they had to move on and I was alone again. But there definitely was a few very appreciative marathoners stopping by for a beer. The most noticeable was a lady who wasn't running, but remembered us from five years earlier. She was feeling pretty bad and her stomach was in an uproar. But she saw beer and ran up to us for a taste. Her stomach settled down and she was able to finish. Yes, we really do do good out there and are appreciated. The final beer I handed out was a hasher from out of town who was at the Th3 hash this week. Really appreciated the beer.
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Sun, Oct 9, The Chicago Hash, Steps In Shit hared from 35th St Green Line stop north entrance, for an A to B trail.
Only three hounds showed up. Sleepy Num Nums, Bottom Wrangler and Pony Pounder who was over at the running club beer stop. By them I had it and headed home as they headed out on trail, ending with food and beer at Steps in Shit's house. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail
Tue, Sep 27, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff a last minute replacement Hare, laid trail from Hamlin Park. They had three hounds on trail including Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Shit T Situation. About a 4 mile trail with a nice beer stop on the riverwalk at Diversey. Circle was back at Hamlin Park.
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Wed, Sep 28, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. La Shartiste and North Bangher Alley hared from Sidetrack. No information on this hash
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Thu, Sep 29, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Ritilan Cum Bubble hared from the Atlantic Bar and Grill for 5 hounds. And with such a small pack, the hare still tried to kill off 20 % of the pack. More on that in the after tale. We took off to the east and I was soon on my own looking for trail. What else is new. Trail worked its way to the east and into Winnemac Park and then south to a shot stop. Don't tell me we are starting these back up again. More hashing, less stops and good checks. I digress. The pack was there, all four of them and ready to go when I ran past there. Trail headed west and just south of Lawrence. I lost them at a Check at Lincoln. Apparently it went south. I did. But I didn't see any marks. Circling back to Lincoln and Lawrence there was nothing there. So I ranged west a block and suddenly Brother Incisor pops out of a side street and heads across Lawrence. I'm back ON. Into parking lots there was a Check. I heard Stiffy 4 Stiffies yell out Triple Split so I headed there and found that mark. I watched him disappear to the north in an alley, but not On. So I headed west and it was difficult, and far, but I was finally On. Heading north I came to a Split and I bit on the finish being at his house and ran that damn whole long block for nothing. Meanwhile Brother Incisor and Anal Contradiction slipped past me at the Split and suddenly they were ahead of me at another Split and heading east and On IN. Damn, I was that close to being FRB and came in right after them. So we went for our shag and suddenly Cupcakes comes running up to us looking for SnatchSquatch's bag and then ran off. I later learned that after that last Check he was running near some scaffolding and whacked his head real bad and went down with a slight concussion. Okay, they are never slight. But he was off to the Emergency Room for a quick Check up. Okay now. So the rest of us held a quicky circle and soon headed on out. As for the trail. the marks were bright and bag and those that weren't marked were mostly predictable. Until that damn split at the end. On Out
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Sun, Oct 2, 2:00pm The Chicago Hash, Ritlan Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared, sort of. But blame it all on him. And since he circled the Sunday bar on the Thursday trail, he needed different marks. Big mistake. Red chalk. Hard to see unless right on them and harder in shadows. So, things did get fucked up. A lot. And we had one virgin, Just Drew, and one very new hasher, Just Laura and two visitors, Skinny Bitch and Mutt Fucker from Oregon. The first Check was at Lawrence and even I showed up on time before they found that one. The hare pointed north and the pack ran north two blocks without a mark. They were on the right side of the street. The marks were on the left side of the street and only for one block. Now here the pack got split. About five of us returned and found the trail. Meanwhile the pack milled around long enough for someone to roam far enough to find a mark heading east on the cross street. A section of trail that we that found the trail would get to later. A loop. But a short time later they were at a shot stop and myself, Back Door Bizzel and Lower Wackoff were just arriving as they took off. All right, predictable over to Montrose and over the bridge and back north fairly straight to Lawrence. And here the pack get fucked up again. Across from Lawrence and along the river is a strip park. And a Check. Not sure exactly what happened here, but I believe the pack headed north through the park and never found trail again. Eventually making their way to the hares house, lost. But someone marked that Check as true to the north. And A visitor and myself took the bait, ran the forest trail to the end, and no marks. And nothing on the bridge to the east. And at that point we were one hundred yards from the beer stop. Hey, we have to eventually cross the bridge. Or a bridge. So the two of us ventured north to Foster. Still no marks anywhere. We ranged back towards the hares house only to encounter some hashers heading to the Beer stop, across the river from where we first started out on this fiasco. And the winner was Lower Wackoff who found trail way back on Lawrence heading east on that bridge. Damn. And even that took him 20 minutes to finally stumble on the On In arrows with Ice Princess right behind him. WTF. A Fuck up. Back at the hares back yard we were soon in a cloud of smoke. A fire pit. Okay, warmer, but smoky. A short circle led by Brother Incisor and I was out of there. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 26, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartiste hared a nice little short trail from Parrot's for, get this, only 5 hounds. But we had great enthusiasm. Yeah. We finally had a Harriett running with us. Queen Latifah from Tucson. And she took off with Bottom Wrangler and Sleppy Num Nums leaving Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to never see them again until Horn-E spotted Queen Latifah a hundred yards from B and she took off in a dead sprint so as to beat that old man into the ground. The most exciting think on trail was Bottom Wrangler running down an alley and seeing some people parking a car in their garage, And one guy stood guard with a 44 Magnum protecting then in the dark, dark, (bull shit, brightly lit) alley. These yuppies are getting scared of their own shadows and Bottom Wranglers. Meanwhile L W and H followed a mostly sort of swept trail with a dip into Lincoln Park and then back into alleys and the Mean Streets of Chicago and De Paul area and such. We did have a little trouble with the little marks from the hare with a huge bag full of large peices of chalk. But it all finally led in a big clockwise loop to B at Sheffield and Wrightwood. We then walked back to Parrotts for some good beers, Octoberfest, and circle led by Bottom Wrangler and some on the spot, made up verses from Sleepy Num Nums. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Sep 19, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess hared from Kasey's Tavern. We had a small back of hounds and soon took off to the north and west where the hare pulled some new stuff for us. We came to this one Split right near about 107 steps straight up and I was the only fool that did that. It had to go that way. Didn't it? Well, by the time I got back down they were heading towards the river where we went under a residential building, through their lobby and back towards the river. Then we headed towards the riverwalk and north to a Check. By the time I got there they were returning and we headed north on Wacker. Along here I was following Lower Wackoff and Bottom Wrangler as he was waiting to mark checks. I told him I would and they headed west and Suddenly Just Jess is calling from the north and I'm marking and ON. This would us through the loop where we finally caught False Advertising coming out of the subway underpass at Dearborn. Short cut. Mark that and move on. This took us zig zagging to an alley between State and Wabash and a Split. South through the alley and a parking lot where we are following Just Warren to a BN. South to a Cplit and I headed west after Lower Wackoff. False Advertising was in the lead and headed south. Wrong. A block later we entered a park and the beer stop. Just Warren won the hash and False Advertising, due to a bad decision came in DFL. The last shall be first and the first shall be last and so it was written and so it shall be done. We then held a short circle led by Bottom Wrangler. And somehow, the pack all stayed together most of the way. On Out
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Thu, Sep 22, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just Jess hared from OZ Park. I wasn't there and don't know what happened.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Thu, Sep 15, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and Mommy's Little Accident hared from Empirical Brewery. And we had a massive crowd. all four of us. And the three fastest proved it right off of the bat as SnatchSquatch, Walking Penis and Garmin took off leaving that old fart, Horn-E behind. The last I saw of them was about three blocks later at a Check as they followed walking Penis down an alley. I tried a short cut and they ended up going west at the T in the alley and were long gone. So, meanwhile I ran up Damen, knowing/guessing that they had to return that way in a narrow corridor. And there was a mark two blocks later. Around the Damen Bryn Mawr curve and heading east. I skipped the back check. I know there is no outlet there. And on east I go. A little trouble at the next Check as I missed an arrow in shadows but I'm right back on it. Then north on Ashland to another Check. Gotta be east and south on Clark and I was on again to Bryn Mawr. Heading east I missed the Split by the curb and went the wrong way. Returning I'm On again and finally came to a Triple Split in an alley. West. Wrong. Circling the block I head south and find an arrow coming from the east and I'm On again to an immediate Check. I got right on that one, down an alley to Foster and On In to the finish. And in that last block I heard whistles coming up behind me. FRB. Walking Penis followed by SnatchSquatch soon followed. Garmin was missing in action having stopped for food on trail. What? Beer stops aren't good enough. We held a quick circle in the little Metra parking lot by the tunnel and On Out. 

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Sat, Sep 17, 2022, The Bushman Hash #208.
Horn-E hared from Caldwell Woods. We had a visitor from Taiwan, Mushroom Lover, and I got back to the start in time to find him waiting. Soon the pack was assembled and chalk talk sent them off. Trail headed straight east and around the pool building and then north. I laid a Check at the entrance to the parking lot. Multiple directions available and I had a plan, but you take what the woods gives you and I'm off with only one trail from the Check. And the pack were right on that. So now a big loop on nice narrow path along the river with a Back Check and a Split along the way. This gets the pack to the underpass at Devon. And I got the bastards this time. Trail went under the bridge to a Check. First guess is over the bridge that led to a third mark that was a Split. And they fell for a loop under the bridge, over rocks (where the hare fell on his hairy ass and came up bleeding), and just far enough to catch a few to a False. So Chicken Stifer heads off in the other direction on that last Split. What should have been done. But he doesn't go far enough and almost the whole pack return to the Check where there is a hole in a fence and into the golf course. and they wander. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff figures that Chicken Stifer didn't go far enough and heads there and finds the trail. And off he goes, leading the pack. He said that was the longest he has lead the pack in a long time. Finally there is a large arrow pointing straight up a steep hill to Devon. Hands and knees climbing stuff. Then across the Devon Speedway playing Frogger. And off to the northeast in deep woods where I ran into tiny bugs constantly buzzing around my head and into my eyes. Lifa confirmed the location as they got to him also. I tried to get away while laying trail and finally found a path were I could try running away from the little bastards. I've encountered those before, but that was the worst and the trail suffered a little after that. Through the ravine area and over to a path along the river heading north. And this led to the bend in the river and nice trail along the river to the B. CS, and then Lifa and finally Back Door Bizzle. Where is LW and Mushroom Lover. LW never leaves trail and always keeps going. Well, just before B, LW mis directed Mushroom Lover and they headed to a short cut that put them in deep weeds and finally seeing us at the B. And then they had to crawl through the alligators in standing water, and then briars and thorns, bunnies and beaver and such to get to the B. Always follow trail. So the six of us got into a lively Bushman circle. Eventually CS took an early departure, but not before his usual song, and one finger salute to the hare. The rest of us drank on until we finished with Swing Low. Then Lifa got into the shag wagon and took off with the shag, from Horn-E and Mushroom Lover. We ran after him through heavy traffic and caught him at the light with BDB following and beeping his horn. Finally, LW gave myself and Mushroom Lover a ride to a free First Responder party with good sausages on a bun. And we watched as these old farts were falling down all over the place. NO, not Horn-E. And then we got a ride to the Edgebrook Station were Mushroom Lover could get a train north to his hotel, and I could get a bus home. And there I collapsed until I got stampeded by a herd of Charlie Horses. A last word from Mushroom Lover, "
Hi Horn E, Yes, I do iron Bushman (3rd Saturday) on my heart. On On. " And On Out and I swear this is all true.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 22, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lower Wackoff hared from the parking lot of Gompers Park for 7 hounds. And we took off through Gompers Park and on west and north of Foster through more park. Trail finally headed into some forest preserve and Staci's Niece found a Check. Now from here trail went south across Pulaski. Just Evelyn and Garmin were seen coming back from a Split to the west. Horn-E didn't believe it knowing the hare likes the woods in the dark. Bye Horn-E. Trail meanwhile went about two blocks south of Foster and then mostly straight east, past Pulaski for a few blocks before heading south through a little park and back west. A short loop and then west to the hole in the fence and the beer, back in Gompers Park. Meanwhile Horn-E was off on a big loop just west and south of the real trail and just in time to catch the sweep hare as trail headed north on that last loop. So, all was good. Circle also included Berts Special Friend, Lifa and Double Meter Beater. On Out
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Thu, Aug 25, 2022, The Thirstday Hash.
Coming Right Meow hared from Roosevelt Park for 8 hounds. We headed to the south under the usual tunnel and after a check and some splits got to a Check at the exit from a little park. I found the Check and got first choice. Bad news. I guessed she would swing the trail over to Grant Park. Nope. Trail went west a block and continued on south, through a check, where I again guessed wrong and headed east dragging along Lower Wackoff, and to another Check at 18th St. Well, at that point I know I am way behind now and with the hares tendency for long straights, I will never catch up. But all is not lost. I see Castro Dick Assist heading west. I follow and eventually Lower Wackoff also followed. We headed over the 18th St. bridge to Canal for a quick regroup between us. Little did we know that the beer stop would be 3 miles north west of us. But we head north with LW leading, Horn-E in the middle and CDA walking behind. About three blocks later I felt the first rain drops. Within a block it was heavy rain and not a doorway or any shelter in sight on to maybe Roosevelt. A Galaxy Far Far Away. A looked back and saw a Jewel Supermarket. Ran like hell for the edge of the building only to realize that the eight foot iron fence didn't have a gate there and it was really pouring down. So there I stood by the edge of the building like a shadow plastered against the wall. Not in the down pour, but still in rain. When the rain stopped, CDA and LW came back looking for me. Then the three of us worked our way to Roosevelt and across the bridge and back to the start. We did make contact with the rest of the pack. They got nailed by the rain about Wells and Van
Buren and found shelter in a doorway with the rest of the area rats. Then when it stopped they called the hare and went to the beer stop on North Wabash. It was over a half hour before they left there and returned to the start. With a cart full of beer. And then we got into the center of the park and held a very lively circle with even a few long songs and had a good time. The hare was enjoying some of the songs so much she almost laughed her tits off. Unfortuantely, it was now getting real late and we all headed on out. Others included SnatchSquatch, La Shartisie, Walking Penis, now area hasher Dot Dot Dot something or other and a visitor Lumber Jack Off. On Out  
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

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Mon, Aug 15, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Bottom Wrangler laid trail for eight hounds and one late cumer, Horn-E,  from Sewerd Park, at Orleans and Division. I got there late and couldn't find the start, but found some ON IN marks. So I decided to follow the trail backwards. This was the most difficult time I ever spent following a trail backwards. Almost none of the arrow showed a turn and not all arrows were directly sourced from another mark, but I ran about two miles trying to follow trail for about a mile to Elm and State were I finally heard whistles. And suddenly a visitor, Just David, came out of an alley behind me, where I looked and didn't see an arrow. Apparently the trail got over to the North Avenue beach area and running in the dark and missing arrows and guessing a lot. So I was now following Just David and Snatchsquatch to a weird mark at Dearborm. I thought it was some sort of back check, but not. It was a group hug check. And suddenly two big sweaty bodies are hugging me. Then they ran off in the wrong directions and Lifa came along and followed the right direction. I know. I just followed it backwards. So I followed him to a beer stop and the Hare. The pack slowly gathered. Really slowly. False Advertising, then another visitor Snitchy Ho from Boston and Lower Wackoff and Just Evelyn and Crotch Fire. Pack is whole and we walked back to the start for a circle finishing off with Limericks. Great. Better then that lame "Last Down down".   
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Thu, Aug 18, 2022, The Thirstday Hash.
The Dark Kunt hare from the Corinthian Yacht Club for a premiminary hash to the Power of the Pussy weekend. Again late, I was heading there when Bottom Wrangler came running at me on a False from a Check, with North Bangher Alley following. She can run. Trail was finally found heading south along the lakefront and along the golf course. At the end of the Golf Course was a four way Split. The right one was marked wrong. The straight west one was marked on. But I never found it. Apparently the trail did go right and over towards the exit from the park at Irving Park. Meanwhile I headed to the tunnel under lake Shore Drive. NO marks. So, trail went south and in some wide loop I'll never find, or north to Irving Park. Whoopie. I'm on trail again. After a bit the trail headed west. I stayed my course and a few blocks later the pack came back to Marine Dr. and I was there for the rear of the pack and saw SnatchSquatch heading west. Hey. wrong way. Heading north I was soon at a shot stop just past Montrose. I counted about 12 or 14 hounds, many I didn't know. Then we were off on a loop to Lawrence, into the park, past the hill and near the lakefront as it finally went around the western edge of the bird sanctuary to a beer stop. I managed to find part of that with Hooch B4 Cooch and then after another Check I found some marks in the dark along the lake. Then a bunch of hashers from who knows where, were yelling On for the finish. As we stood around drinking, I heard some hounds talking about all of the meat on trail at the end. Well, not meat, protein. Bugs. And all the bugs we swallowed. I got three and one up my nose. Then a short chaotic circle. I waited for the POP announcements for POP and they barely seemed to know what was happening on Fri night. Don't remember them saying anything else about POP so I finally tried to get in an announcement for the Bushman. Hey, there just might be someone there that can't do POP, but might want to run in the woods. After all, this is a TH3 hash and not a CH3 hash. Don't know what that was about but the R. A.s finally recognized me among all of the shouting. Then it was over to the Yacht Club for more beer and hanging out. Managed a short conversation with a hasher from Summitt Hash, Mr. Jackson and Papoose. Then it was On Out
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Sat, Aug 20, 2022, The Bushman Hash (The Greatest Hash) #207. Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul Woods. As Lifa suggested the term, I'm calling this one The Power of the Bush Hash. And it took some real power to lay this trail and run it. This might be why so many Harriets won't venture out to the Bush. It isn't the balls, but the legs scratches, burrs and the adversity that the woods offers and demands. I missed my train and had to take an alternate way out to the woods. So the original plans were shortened and redirected. Straight south into the woods and what is usually knee deep at most prairie grasses and such, and then some wet lands. Nope. Waist deep grasses and the normal wetlands weren't. Just a lot of dead logs under a canopy of trees. One gravel path and a False and another path with a Split to a False that caught Lower Wackoff good. This is were he lost the two other hounds. Worked this towards the far east end and a little gully with some water. As I headed down a sleep slope I grabbed a branch, but couldn't hold on and was flat on the ground staring at water with a flour covered face. Shit happens. Knees weren't too scratched so I move on. Some nice woods and then a road and a Check. The left two Falses went towards this pond scum covered swamp or slough. The third one went straight across the road and towards a gully with water. Not. Fourth trail was ON and to a different part of that gully and a water crossing. Then heading left. I focused on a huge dead tree across a field of prairie grasses that didn't look to tall. Well, they were mid thigh and then I found myself surrounded by razor grasses. I had to move on and did, trying to stomp down the razor grass and the burrs and finding a way out. This led to a short quick run along the road and into the woods again for a relative open running area as I kept looking for a good spot to get down to the river's edge where there is a known nice path to run along. I finally see the rivers edge and head there. Of Shit. Did I step in shit, Or at least weeds that were new to me. The former path, and we just ran through this area two months ago, was virtually non existent. Really. I could barely see possible ways through these weeds which looked ten or twelve feet high in sections and wide spreading testicles all around me. I did touch one, and there was only one, that stung the hell on my hands. Tried to stomp that one out. Fortunately I had TP with me and ventured forth. Like every five feet I needed a mark as it was that thick. I finally headed inland as this was getting to bad. I found myself heading up to a known path above the river and then back down again to rivers edge. And again, those tall weeds. I again headed upland again. There is another section of tall weeds and backed by a wall of thin trees bunched together and almost impassable. More TP and a zig zag course through the trees in flour and then up hill. More waist deep prairie grasses. I finally came out to a picnic area. Relief. But short lived. Still too far to the finish so a quick Check and back into the woods. This area wasn't to bad and those high weeds were fewer and more spread out and able to get through them. I was finally able to give the hounds a running area and this eventually got back to the rivers edge were there was the running path I was seeking for so damn long. On in, I found four cars there. And a note that there were three hounds on trail. Who? Lifa. Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. But who was the fourth car. So I headed to that picnic area I came out at I was concerned about Back Door Bizzle running with $20 Butt Slut through those weeds. And just then Lifa appears. Apparently the third hound was Chicken Stifer and they didn't know about Back Door Bizzle. Back at the start we waited and finally Back Door Bizzle came on in covered in burrs with a smiling $20 Butt Slut. All was good. Beer was consumed and a circle was held. The hare was trashed as he would have been. But Back Door Bizzle was able to confirm that those high weeds weren't there 2 months ago at BH3 205. I was still trashed. Then after Lower Wackoff announced his 28th year of hashing. So it was time to give him his Bushman Hash T-Shirt. Now there are four of us. Welcome to the Silverbacks. Over the next few months, there might be a few more awards. It may be you if you are a "long time loyal" Bushman Hasher. Then circle ended and Chicken Stifer left. Lifa brought out his grill for a few quick dogs. And we could all go home, satisfied that the Power of the Bushman will conquer any bush we encounter. Cars that start is another story. Back Door Bizzle offered me a ride home, and then his car wouldn't start. Don't you hate when that happens. He finally called for a tow and they would give him a ride with the dog. But that wouldn't leave room for me in the cab of the tow truck. So I headed to the train with 15 minutes to spare. About ten minutes later I heard a horn honking. He finally got the car started, canceled the tow and we road home. Alls well that ends well. On Out.
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Sun, Aug 21, 2022, Noon? Yeah, forget that. It was after 2:00 when we headed out, eight of us and two live hares, Cuming Right Meow and Soul Taco. This was supposed to be a hangover hash from their POP weekend with an early start so visitors could hash and then head out. Or so I thought. The Chicago Hash. 1872 N. Clybourn for a Rag Time sort of hash. An added plus would be able to watch The Navy's Blue Angels perform from a new unique location. Well, we had a nice short hash with nice Splits and Checks and such through DePaul and over to Magees for a beer stop. And while we were inside, we missed the Blue Angles, what ever they did with the cloud cover. Then Brother Incisor took chalk and ran a live trail back to the start. Again, nice. And we got back to that great roof Deck to see about two passes of the Blue Angles in formation and that was it. Good laid back party, Brother Incisor led circle, and good food, champaign and left over booze. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Aug 8, 2022, The Chicago Hash. The Hare Raiser finally got
Stiffey 4 Stiffies to stand up and hare at the last minute and we met at Driftwood Inn. We had 7 trail hounds. After a tricky start where the hounds caught all of his tricks, we finally headed south under the El Tracks and at Buena we had a Check. The pack struggled here and I finally followed Brother Incisor further south under the tracks. We weren't on. At Irving Park she disappeared. I found trail heading west and at Clark Stacy's Neice and J. Hannah caught up. And there was a Check. I headed south and stumbled on marks two blocks south. From here I led for a mile or so through Checks and Back Checks and Splits until Lifa, J. Hannah and Brother Incisor caught up. But I missed the best part of the trail. Apparently Lifa and (?) followed trail into a dead end parking area. There was some indistinguishable marks half washed out next to a parked car. That would be a Back Check. And that is when the frantic woman ran out in a panic and to protect her car. WTF. Yeah, our marks did it again. Actually she broke up with her boyfriend the night before and she thought those marks pointed out her car for some saboteur. Damn domestic terrorists. So the hashers tried to pick her up, (Hey, she's available), before calming her down and reassuring her that all was okay and then they ran like hell to get away before the cops showed up. And like I said, three caught up to me eventually and we followed some streets and Checks through the neighborhood before ending at the Stiffy 4 Stiffies castle for beer and ice cream. And we waited and waited for the three rattled hounds that got lost or ran off in a panic and finally regrouped and tried to find there way on in. That would be the DFL brigade of Stacies Niece, Anal Contridiction and Hot Mess Bench Press. And all was good. On Out
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Wed, Aug 10, 2022,The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid this mess from Warren Park and the first thing is a message for Horn-E. Get a fucking watch. The out time is 7:30 not 7:55 when you hauled your old sorry ass back to the start. By then Berts Special Friend used his authority as the Grand Moonie to get the pack out on trail. And it was him and Meat Inside Her and J. Gregory. And that old fart tried to catch them and we know that didn't happen. So he met them midway. Meanwhile they went on a tour of Pakistan or west on Devon from Western. Now you know what a trail through city streets in Pakistan would be like. Only worse. Trail then went north and west through city streets with the usual array of shitty Checks laid by the hare. Actually that is a real boring area to lay trail and so, shitty checks are really necessary. Meanwhile they soon came back to Pakistan for a few more blocks of another world before heading south and a few loops. This is where the hare met them and was able to give J. Greg a short cut to avoid some loops. From there it was the easy part and they all missed it and lost trail at a real easy Back Check. And J. Greg came in first, followed by MIH and BSF. We then settled into some bleachers for a laid back circle and some beer all under a real bright Super Moon. Nice laid back time. On Out
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Thu, Aug 11, 2022, The Thirstday
Hash. Brother Incisor set up a beer mile, not a hash, and I'm sure everyone got throughly pissed. Well, isn't that the point of a beer mile.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

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Wed, Jul 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Garmin and Just Pat hared from Koval Distillary. Missed this one, but I heard about 6 Hounds in attendance.
I knew the address and still went to the old location. WTF. Get this old fart a brain transplant.
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Thu, Jul 28, 2022,The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch hared the Running of the Bulls Hash from the Double Bubble. Another low turnout. Just 3 hounds, showed so the running of the Bulls was canceled and just a regular Hash and outdoor circle.
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Fri Jul 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from Little Joe's with only three hounds again. WTF
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Mon, Aug 1, 2022, The Chicago Hash. La Shartisie hared from Horner Park at the SW corner. Unfortunately due to some mixup and what was posted on the Web Site, three of us ended up at the NW corner. By the time it was figured out, Walking Penis left and Horn-E and Lower Wackoff headed to the real start, way after the pack left. I was walking due to Medical reasons and yet I managed to stay close to Lower Wackoff as we navigated the trail. As I was walking, I circled back when we hit Addison and the Target mall. Back at the start I wandered all around the south end of the park with no marks or finish anywhere. Back into city streets and not a mark in sight. Finally at Montrose I was heading east and to the park for a last minute check at the park and the river and damn, there were marks. And the beer stop was at the base of the hill and a big pack. LW came in a few minutes later. A big pack for once swelled due to out of town visitors and those passing through. After we wandered over to the Montrose Saloon and their beer garden.
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Tue, Aug 2, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her hared from the Slide Bar at 939 S. Western. Walking Penis, SnatchSquatch, Lifa, Lower Wackoff were four running hounds and Horn-E walked and short cut here and there and managed to keep the pack or some of the pack in sight over and over. Trail started to the south and then west as we circled counterclockwise and through the hospital zone, and past the hare Hutch before settling into a little park for a beer stop and circle and all was good.
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Thu, Aug 4, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa hared from Winnemac Park. Another small pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffies, SnatchSquatch, Brother Incisor and Double Meter Beater as running hounds and Horn-E still walking. And a quick loop in the park and the pack headed west. Meanwhile Horn-E headed north from the first check in the park. Damn echoes. I thought they blew a whistle to the north. Not. So I loop back and onto trail through the park. The hare did give me a hint on trail and the beer stop so heading south towards Wilson, I got there shortly before the pack arrived. Double Meter Beater leading and he headed further south. Must have been a False or something. But soon Brother Incisor is leading the pack with Stiffy 4 Stiffie wandering around. I think they somehow screwed up the Check here as SnatchSquatch was whining later about running were they didn't. Shit happens. But trail went east and past the tracks at Ravenswood. I headed north and found an arrow at Lawrence and suddenly the whole pack passed me in two blocks and we hit a beer stop in a little park along the tracks. And all was good. Back at the start the hare brought out a full cooler and with the damn beautiful weather we held a short circle and just hung out until the beer was gone and it was after 11:00pm Good time just hanging out. On Out.
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Sat. Aug 6, 2022, 2:00pm, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa hared from Palmer Square and we had a small pack with one visitor from Florida, Skank The Tank. I was finally going to try running again. Slow. We headed south and our first Check had us confused, 360 degrees, and it want east and then south and towards the 606 trail. I'm now following False Advertising and just ahead of Zone 2. Up onto the 606 and heading east. Just me and Zone 2. Alright, DFL again. Back down to ground level we headed south towards Humboldt park and at a Check, Double Meter Beater is just solving it. South and into the park. I follow. At the Park I can see Skank The Tank and La Shartsie running through the park. So I short cut and mark trail for Zone 2. She didn't follow. Apparently she was getting over heated and headed back to the start. So did False Advertising, but he found the On Back trail and found the beer stop. She found Pony Pounder also back at the start. So, back to those on trail. As I short cut through the park, I'm marking my short cut. Right to a Check. Double Meter Beater, Skank The Tank and La Shartise are working that Check. I yell out that I came in the wrong way, but didn't check that path. I'm going back. Well, On one, On two, On three, I'm yelling and blowing my whistle. No One follows. I find a back Check. I mark it. I run on and blowing my whistle I head north and out of the park. A Check. I work it alone. I run on and to the north and finally a Split. I choose north and the trail went east a block. Now, we all know how slow I am, and at this point I can't imagine why they haven't solved that Check and long since passed me. Or did they. So rather then going back I range a bit to the north and I'm about to head east at the next street when I hear a call from the beer stop. And I was just at the street that led into the beer stop. So I missed a few short blocks and I'm in. And only False Advertising is there with the hare. WTF. It I want back to that last Split and ran those last three blocks the right way I would have beer FRB. But instead I'm just the second SCB to beer. Fifteen minutes later La Shartsie comes on in the correct way. Everyone else was messaged and came walking in in reverse from the start. Quitters. Back at the start we held a short circle and then just hung out there until about 7:30, even in the heavy downpour, sun shower. Good time hanging out and I then put myself at the mercy of the CTA. It was 9:49 before I finally got a Damen Bus and after 10:30 before I got home. Almost three F*cking hours. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Mon, Jul 18, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Death By Bukake and Just Justice will hare from McGees for a dozen hounds. And the trail went west and then north and then east and then north, and on and on to Wrigley. Then over to Diversey and Sherican for a beer stop and on in. A total of 6 miles according to one sweaty hasher. But I will give the hare credit. As he zigged and zagged north he never went more then two blocks in the same direction. But back and forth and back and forth through a lot of Splits and one Check. Or so I was told. I know I only saw one before I gave up. Hadn't seen any other hasher in well over a mile and as it headed north again at Halsted, I headed south. I was really running shitty. Even for me. I did eventually pick up on trail after Fullerton and ran it on in. Got in just in time to get the shag bags from the shag shack and had them in circle as the FRBs arrived. North Bangher Alley took another shot at RA from where her career began, under the El tracks. WTF. Noisy Els again. After a short circle we got into naming Just Justice. After much deliberation he shall forever more be know as Shit T Situation. On Out
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Thu, Jul 21, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Dryrafoam will hare from Ronan Park, umless it isn't Ronan Park. And then it might be in River Park about three blocks north and across the river. And so the change was announced on the  Web site, at several places. Unfortunately I looked at the place were it wasn't updated. But I managed to find the start just in time and we took off with a small pack of five. And I quickly fell behind, only ahead of SnatchSquatch. And then he passed me at a Back Check and there I was, running alone again. After two blocks. But the trail was well marked and swept until I quit following the swept marks and just headed east trying to short cut the trail. And I did, finding marks a little over a half mile to B. and did a nice river walk to the On In. Here we held a laid back short circle and everyone headed On Out
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Mon, Jul 25, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Little Accident picked up his usual co hare, Gay Dancer and laid trail out of Clarendon Park. We had 9 hounds including a Harriett for once. Just Evelyn. Trail headed south and eventually over to the tunnel to Lincoln Park just south of Montrose. A Check here had me in back. What else is new. but I followed the pack to the north and towards the lake and another Check. I got to it just in time to mark the check and follow to the Harbor were False Advertising passed me. This went along the Harbor heading east and I got stopped by some guy in a long white beard. He was a runner and we talked and I tried t get him to come to a future hash. Of course now I am totally behind the pack. So as the pack did a loop around the bird sanctuary I short cut it and found marks by a beach side cafe. And as I ran on I was soon passed and followed the pack in a northward loop and then over to the bike path and on to a shelter at about 4500 north where the hares were waiting with beer. North Bangher Alley led our circle. So far so good. Now if we can just get her to start running with us again. Nice short circle and then the tall tales started until they ended and those that were left, left. On Out.
 
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The Tale of the Trail

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Sat. Jul 9, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Mudsucker took the hash to territory where it has never gone before, Lansing Il. and The location is the Bottom Up
Bar and Grill. Big plans, but it lost somethings in execution from this perspective. Trail was divided into 2 sections going past the bar between them. It might have been a lot more fun if we all stayed together as we got to the second section in the waist deep shiggy. Four people went for just the B part. And that included 3 virgins. They quit the trail in about 100 yards after realizing they would have to cross a bridge on a country road. No future hashers there. That left Back Door Bizzel taking on the shiggy alone with $20 Butt Slut. And just a steady stream of nothing but briars and thorns and such was going to be a bit much for the dog who does shiggy all the time. But that was just to deep and no ocasional path to run down. So he had to abandon the trail after several hundred yards of that stuff. All right, the rest of the pack now. We had 10 people on tha A part of the trail which was just a loop through a cemetery and some grassy area and a truck loading zone. Looked like it was laid by car. I was walking and found myself walking with Just Tookey and out of sight of everyone. We managed that okay, but something like this just stretches out a pack for what it was all about, the Shiggy to follow. So we finally head into the shiggy part. Red flour on trees. The pack of 6 ahead of us had an easier time trying to spot the flour on trees that were sometimes to far apart. We were two and my failing eyesight didn't help. And the marks looked like they were laid the day before. Just an opinion as the flour was hardeing as with dew and such. But we struggled on and on and on. Often just following the beaten path and sometimes just trying to find our way. It would have been more fun with the pack. but with no forest paths it was just a constant struggle. We finally came out to the road and no marks, but finally spotted a mark across the street and into more woods. Another couple of hundred yards of this and we came out at this lake where the Beer Stop was supposed to be. And not a mark anywhere and we looked. And of course the pack drank beer and just took off. WTF. Just Tookey really wanted a beer at tis point. We heard later it was warm. So we finally had to leave and guess which way to go. We got to the road and shortly Back Door Bizzle came by from a gas run and gave us a ride on in. And of course even the circle was over as they couldn't even wait for us for circle. Back Door Bizzle had to leave and so I just took off with him. It might be worth another try, but not the A part and stick around for the whole pack at the beer stop and circle. Others on trail, as memory serves me, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lifa from the north lands and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up, Necrophillac and Jack In The Box.
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Mon, Jul 11, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Ritinal Cum Bubble and Antique Load Show hared from Loafers. Didn't make it. But heard from Lower Wackoff was the only local regular hasher there. But about 6 other hounds, virgins and visitors. Where are the local hashers?
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Tue, Jul 12, 2022, 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Lower Wackoff hared from Ham Tree Inn. A nice LW trail with his usual nasty Checks and such that led to a beer stop in the woods after about 200 yards of trail in the woods in the dark. Anal Contradiction was the FRB to B and didn't know he had to find the B, in a deep hole. But Lifa finally arrived and found the B and Bingo and BooBee. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E were both injured and walked the whole trail, and almost kept up with the pack with those nasty Checks. Just Do Me Slowly and Stuffin Muffin were also there. That first Check was a real nasty Check that had the pack really spread out. But at the finish we headed into the bar and their beer garden for a few pitchers of beer and our circle. And all was good. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 14, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Dickens Cider hared from Wee Gees. Another trail I missed. But SnatchSquatch reported a fun trail and about 6 hounds, including Famming Flaggott and I don't know who else.
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Sat, Jul 16, 2022, 2:00PM. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E amd Back Door Bizzle laid trail from Horn-E woods at Cumberland and Irving Park. We had to park far away and seeing the crowds of team sports throughout the area, we decided to just tell the pack that the first mark was on the hill to the south. If you were ever there, you know that hill. And we short cut to the hill and started trail there with a check. But we were soon into some knee deep shiggy and scrittchy scratchy and wandering through open fields of this. Then we came to our big mistake. I may never go through this again in the summer. There is an emergency road into the woods. North of this is a section of woods that has had a growing infestation of thorn bushes. Well, once in, we couldn't get out. And we struggled. We finally forced our way out and hit that same road. We were aiming north to exit that thick section and got so turned around we came out to the south, WTF. And we didn't realize it. But we coon recovered and headed towards the river and a Check. We missed this whole section of really nice running woods off of Montrose. Damn. That was the goal. So at this check I looked for a path that used to head southeast from there. Another wall of sticker bushes, Impassable. So we skipped that part of the plan and headed south along the river. Finally we headed inland and into some nice running area in deep woods and then it wasn't. We were shoulder deep in tall weeds and could only see a tree in the distance to put flour on. Very high. But some fun stuff and no thorns and such. We got out of there and through some picnic areas and over to the underpass under Irving Park and another Check. True trail went along the river until a winding path straight east. Well, anyhow it went straight east until we headed straight south over the creek. More water guys, but shallow and narrow. From here we are now running late so it was straight east again and at the foot bridge we held a Check. Two trails out and both on until one wasn't and they were on opposite sides or the creek. But we struggled past more thorns bushes and finally our On In path. That led to a field of waist deep shiggy, but mostly soft grasses and there that bastard hare, Horn-E was sitting with about 12 foreign beers. And SnatchSquatch was the FRB followed by Walking Penis and Just Ron. Then came Lifa and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. But where is Scent Of A Man. Last seen at the Irving Park crssoing. And he is running lame with a torn Achillies Tendon. Finally Back Door Bizzle arrives with some more beer. And eventually Scent Of A Man. We held circle there, Bushman Style. and after three rounds we got into naming Just Ron. The story has to do with riding a bike and a collusion and his eye hitting the other bike. His dad said it was the peddle or peg. but whatever, it popped his eye out. Yeah, dangling from his head. And so forever more he will be known as Popeye Got Pegged. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
 



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Jun 29, 2022,
The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor hared from Delilahs with an assist from Hot Mess Bench Press for 7 hounds. We started south on Lincoln and then west and south and west and west and all the way to Damen. And I almost kept the pack in sight, but finally lost them before Ashland and Fullerton. Trail went over the bridge to Webster an
d then straight to that mentioned Damen and I didn't see a hasher anywhere. But the trail was mostly swept and I kept plunging on. Now heading east on this CCW trail as it worked its way to a park at Ashland and the end of the 606 trail for a short shot stop. And just as I arrived, I saw the pack leaving. And by the time I got to Cortland I could barely see the last runner heading east over the river. I plunged on and got to Clybourn and there was the last of the pack running off after solving a Check. And I get caught by the light and lost them again. But it was north and east through neighborhoods as the trail worked its way to Fullerton and Sheffield. The hare said 4 miles and by my calculations Jonquil Park would be exactly 4 miles. So as I run north I missed a turn and keep going to Jonquil Park and I can't see a soul in the dark. I really need that eye surgery soon. So I return looking for marks and the mark I missed was in the shadows. A turn to this alley heading north....to Jonquil Park. And there is the pack about to finish circle. But hell. I'm just slow. They don't have to wait for me. About 5 to 10 minutes later, everyone was gone. On Out.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from Lakeview Playground Park with an assist from  Urnestus(?). We had 13 hounds, Good lately. trail headed west and us slow bastards were almost able to keep them in sight until we hit Ashland. From here it was Horn-E, Coming Right Meow, Castro Dick Assist and Scent Of A Man. Trail worked its way through some neighborhoods and a park and then west on Diversey. We did a loop to the south and then Checking at Diversey and Damen. Trail went north to Hamlin Park and then we headed east. Except Horn-E. He headed down, doing a header on some of Chicago's shittiest concrete sidewalks. Knees, elbows, hands and head. Blood was gushing out everywhere. At least that was the reaction of Cumming Right Meow. Actually just a little blood and what turned into a black eye. And hell, as I type this a week later. I'm sitting with a swollen knee and an ice pack. WTF. It was just a freaking little booboo. But we walked in from there, to the start and a beer stop at the start. Then it was off to the Lincoln Lounge for circle. Short. Finally after getting called out for my trip to the head meets concrete, I was able to wash off the blood. Then with $20 pitchers the pack soon dissipated. On Out.

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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail from Sullys and we had an extremely fast pack. NOT. Well, maybe Lifa, SnatchSquatch, and Magnetic Muff are mid speed hashers. The rest of us cling to the back of the pack. And that was perfect for two virgins, J. Andria and J. Gregory. They were afraid of being left behind, but Lower Wackoff saved them and came in DFL while waiting for them. But being a slower pack, they were able to see the checking and such and get to enjoy the trail a little more. We did run the neighborhoods and messed up one Check. That is when a car drove by Stuffin Muffin who was following Horn-E. The guy said to Stuffin Muffin, "That is the fastest, oldest guy I've ever seen." And I wasn't even falling this time. Anyhow we covered the area, still together and we headed over to Division and Halsted and a Check. This went over the west bridge and then to the south. Where, we aren't sure. Trail ran up to a movie set where they were going to be filming some car crash scenes. Ooops. Can't go through here. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and I ended up on the other side of the movie scene and blocked. So as we ranged off, we saw SnatchSquatch running north and yelling about a movie scene and he headed into the north end of Goose Island. I followed and soon after the foot bridge we were at beer. There was also Lifa. And eventually the pack wandered in. And in, was along the river on a nice walkway. And we circled there for a nice Moon Hash circle and even the virgins got into the scene and told us they really like the hash. The Moon was up and kayakers were floating on by. What wasn't to like. But all good things have to end and after many tall tales it was soon on out.
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from Its Too Soft's roof deck. He hasn't been hashing for some time now, but he did open his roof top for us at the last minute. Thanks. We had 13 hounds for this trail and Lifa warned us about possibly running over the TH3 trail from a few days ago. So off we go to the west and north a bit and back through some alleys to Racine and Diversey. Tricky Check at the corner and the trail went backwards past the turn to the Check. So they were heading west and I was Checking east. Yeah, that works great. Then traffic lights and they were all gone. Then the trail went straight to the start of the old TH3 Trail. And On and On in a big CCW loop. A few things were swept a little funny and a missed turn after the third Check and now I'm really way behind. I finally hit a three way and went straight and was at Jonquil Park. I'm done. It is to freaking hot, I'm alone for some time now and I'm two blocks for the finish. I'm done and headed over to the roof deck. Five minutes later the pack came on in. Circle was held and all was going good and fun. Then they called out those that served in the military for a down down on Independence day weekend. Good. Then I called out Its Too Soft for not flying an American Flag. I was told I better get used to it. Not. This holiday was about the birth of America and not the special interests of a minority. I would think we would still be Americans first on this weekend. But we moved on. And after circle the famous Its Too Soft grill was lit up and we had some hot dogs, brats and salmon burgers. Well done Its Too Soft. Then it was hang out time and a bunch of us vets had a good bull shit session about the life of vets in and out. Then the pack slowly wandered off. On Out.
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash,
Berts Special Friend and Meet Inside Her met in a bug infested little park with no name.,for a great trail for a great pack of hashers. Unfortunately there were only two hounds at the start, Lifa and Lower Wackoff. Horn-E showed up two minutes after the pack took off. The trail was the usual shitty trail set for a large pack. well, not really. It wasn't that hard and Horn-E soon caught Lower Wackoff, slipped past him at a Check and actually caught Lifa who was running in front and marking all the Splits and Checks. And then Lifa left Horn-E behind and Lower wackoff caught him at Halsted and they worked there way into the finish together. A short beer stop and a shorter Circle and we returned to the start. Here on a beautiful night we just hung around telling tall tales and many beers were consumed and we watched the transformation of lowly bugs into flying eating monsters. On Out.
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Thu, Jul 7. 2022. The Thirstday Hash. BiHoler laid trail from Dugans for a short trail for short and tall hashers alike. We had 11 hounds on trail and we headed east and over a bridge towards the loop. But after a check it was just a loop and the trail was soon heading back over the Expressway at Washington. Then over to Randolph where we ran around and through a stream of sidewalk cafes and such. The fastest runners were blazing the trail or off on Falses and there was a small pack following along. Yeah, myself. And the new transplant Harriet ...Hes Still Limping who was heard to say, "There is someone I can beat." Meaning Scent Of A Man running in his walking boot. He managed to stay in front of her the whole way. We also had two visitors in that back group, Minor Mouthful Queef and Fuck Children Get Cookies. The back pack also included Cuming Right Meow. I was barely hanging in and then at the last park and a Split, I managed to see SnatchSquatch and then Berts Special Friend  going around the park and followed and got ahead of the back pack and hung in to the beer stop. An interesting story after trail from Just Ron (He needs a name). He was on a False and back tracking when he heard two people having sex. He asked "Does this happen often." Not often enough. Three others on trail were False Advertising FRB, LIfa and Hooch B4 Cooch. After the beer stop we headed to the hares roof deck ten flights up and waited for beer to finally arrive. then we held a quick circle. Then a bunch of groupies showed up and tall tales and bull shit really started. And I was soon ON Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

HHHi
HHHashers:

See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone want off this list,
email Horn-E at H3HornEH3@aol.com and it will be done.  

New hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the current weather.  We occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash, and/or BYOB. Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
Hashing has always been open to anyone. Hares: If you can't invite all hashers to "your" hash, perhaps you should postpone "your" hash to when you can. Simply put, if you can't invite all, don't invite any. These are "our" hashes and should be open to all at all times. If you don't know how to make this work, ask us.  


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Wed, Jun 29, 2022, 7:00pm
The Whiskey
Wednesday Hash. Brother Incisor will hare from Deliliahs at 2771 N. Lincoln.
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Thu, Jun 30, 2022, 7:00PM, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation will hare from Lakeview Playground Park as 1300 W. Wolfram, $10 Hash Cash. ThirstdayH3.com
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Fri, Jun 31, 2022, 7:00pm, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her will hare from Sullys Place at Blackhawk and Dayton, Just south of the North and Clybourn Red Line Stop. Parking is tough. Remember, this is the Black Socks Hash. $6 Hash Cash
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Sun, Jul 3, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa will hare from Its Too Soft's roof deck at 933 W. Wolfram. Around back. Be sure to thank him for opening up his roof deck to the hash on this rush basis. $10 Hash Cash. ChicagoHash.com
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Tue, Jul 5, 2022, 6:30pm, out at 7:00pm sharp, The 4X2H4 Hash,
Berts Special Friend will hare out of

Aberdeen & Arthington, a park, and near the Field House.
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 23, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Just James and Garmin laid trail from Brands park for 13 hounds. Yeah, another sausage fest. And within about two blocks they had their first screw up. They missed a Check mark and people came to a corner and just kept going straight. The pack finally returned when they ran out of marks on a long two block stretch, WTF. But trail was found to the west and we were soon off and running agin. And some of us in the back drifted further and further back while they front raced on and O. There were a few loops close enough for a short cut, but by then we were stretched out enough that we never saw those way in front. But trail was a big counterclockwise loop and eventually back to Belmont where the pack was hiding just over a wall and drinking beer. And three hounds actually came in after me. WTF. Then we walked back to the start where we held a very short circle and then SnatchSquatch then led us in a naming. That that one was fun and Just James was namedasdjkfg hell, I can't read my own writing. That lemon aid is getting to strong. Anus Contribution. Maybe. On Out                            
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Mon, Jun 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Happy Ass Grabber will hare from Park 574 and we had 12 hounds including a Harriet Virgin and a visitor virgin. Scent Of A Man is in town with his son and he ran with us. Then got lost or at least we thought he was lost. Damn, you take your kid a thousand miles away, throw him into a big city get toe and damn if he still finds his way back. Hey, he might grow up into a hell of a hasher. Anyway I believe the Harriett was Just Katy, but you know I can't hear and I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Yeah, a pretty single lady. No way they are going to let this dirty old man meet her. And as for SOAM the Younger, I also didn't get a chance to meet him. I believe I heard Just Ron. How about Run Ron Run. Now for the trail. Just after they took off, I arrived and saw the sweep heading west with Scent Of A Man. I caught up and he grabbed my shag bag and pointed us in the direction of a short cut. And we missed the urban farm. Sheep, goats, chickens and a donkey and an elephant. Wait, those last two were political signs. Then a back check that would lead to a foot bridge over the highway. Would have been great but Horn-E and Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed straight there. Anyway we quickly regrouped and the FRBs ran by and into waist deep shiggy. Nasty weeds and such for a couple of hundred yards. Then the hare directed us into another short cut and he didn't remember where he laid trail. And Lower Wackoff got caught on the first Check and was way behind and in need of these short cuts. But we ran on and eventualy regrouped. Then more nasty shiggy and tracks and such around this hill we have run up way in the past. Coming out of this we headed south to something street about 11teenth south. Again he wanted to give us a short cut, but we decided to follow trail, Bad mistake. He pointed us south and for two blocks we were good. Then a turn across the street and west that went no where. So I headed south and got as fat as 15teenth St. and no marks. Now I'm way behind and heading back to 11teenth St and that short cut so I can catch up. Somewhat. This headed west and into a park. People everywhere hanging out around parked cars. But no beer stop. So I ran around the car blocking the path and through the smell of strong weed and on into the park. Finally heading north, a few cars suddenly drove up and almost blocked that path and guys piled out of the cars. I run on through as I'm trying to blaze a trail through this trail for the following Chief Runs On Club Foot. The Scent Of A Man. We finally get through the park and start walking together. Probably/possibly dead fucking last. We walk on and on and over the expressway and further north and suddenly I see an angled street. Hey, Happy Ass Grabber lives near here. And trail goes straight to his house where Lifa and Happy Ass Grabber were just coming out wondering where the hell we were. His son is missing and so is Lower Wackoff. So Happy Ass Grabber and Scent of a Man get into a car and franticly ride out looking for One Lost Son
Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. And Lower Wackoff just arrives in time for a beer/roady and we all head back to the start. And right after we take off, Ball Cock Dumper runs into One Lost Son Run Ron Run of a Scent Of A Man. All is good and we are all in. Except now the hare and Chief Runs On Club Foot are riding off into the sunset or something like that as they drive all over the area. And no cell connection available. Hell, we finally got through to them and they came in and got their due in down downs in the circle. And then all was good and some headed to a bar and some headed home to howl at the moon at another hash. And I swear it is all truth. On Out. 
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

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Tue, Jun 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa hared from Senior Citizens Park at 2228 N. Oakley. The last time he laid trail from here it was cold and snowing and he had two hounds. This time it was steaming hot and he had ..... two hounds. But there was one on the way. Is it Lifa, the park, or doesn't anyone care about hashing anymore. So Lower Wackoff and Horn-E took off on trail and were joined by a streaking Stiffy 4 Stiffies about two blocks later. And then a Check and Horn-E was On for several twisting alleys before they caught him. From there on it was Lower Wackoff finding trail and Stiffy 4 Stiffies finding trail and all three Back Checks. But in all that heat we ran on and mostly were within sight of each other all the way. Then a Threeway. Stiffy 4 Stiffies went right. Wrong. Lower Wackoff went Straight, right and wrong. Horn-E went left and definetly wrong. But circling the block and back to this alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies yells Checking. And one, two, three, and Horn-E is On. FRB until Stiffiy 4 Stiffies zipped on by and into the Beer Stop in a local bar. With Air Conditioning. And a hare with cold pints waiting. Back at the start, the four of us had a long leisurely circle. On Out
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Thu. Jun 16, 2022. The Thirstday Hash,
SnatchSquatch laid trail from Burming Bush Brewery at 4014 N. Rockwell. And Horn-E went to 4414 N. Rockwell. WTF. Is he senile. Not yet. Recovering I ran straight south and arrived after the pack was gone. But across the bridge and a Check and that damn pack was still stuck on that Check. The first place I would have looked is the last place they looked, just as I arrived. So. I'm with the pack and we went under Irving Park and then west on Irving Park. Back through park and to the south and the twisting foot bridge over the river. I'm with them  but constantly in catch up mode. We then ran over to a Check at Addison and Western. This led to the streets just NW of there and I finally find a short cut and I'm now running right behind Hobo Piss. We ran north to a park and the Beer stop and came in one, two and Snatchsquatech is sitting there with three groupies. A short time later the last three came running on in,Just James, Dryrafoam, and Just James. SnatchSquatch led circle and all was good. On Out
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Sat. Jun 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from St. Paul Woods. A beautiful day in the upped 60s. Perfect for trail. The woods were full of lush greenery and virtually Zero bugs. No skeeters. At the first must water crossing there was a baby beaver swimming around so I moved trail to the left. I then headed to Oakton to cross the river on a bridge, but I could have done a straight river crossing as the waster wasn't deep. Anyhow, trail went relatively straight north as it followed the river with a few twists. Hey, it is a hash. Finally the trail heads east along the river and to a B with an arrow pointing across the river. But there was a Split there and more trail in waist high lush greenery to the bike path and tracks and back around the dry way. Hey, the hounds get a choice for once. Over to the start and only SnatchSquatch sitting there. WTF. On such a beautiful day. About five minutes later Back Door Bizzle arrives and I send them off. The only rough part was after the river crossing where I had a check that stumped them for about ten minutes. And when they finally got to the B, SnatchSquatch opted for the long way and Back Door Bizzle hopped right into the river with $20 Butt Slut. And the nasty old hare was sitting on the edge of the bank with cold beer. Pilsner Urquell and Dab. European this time. We held a really laid back circle of random accusations until they had enough beer.
On the way out, Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. Twice. Almost home, he realized he didn't have his phone. He had put it on his car hood just before we pulled out. Damn. Race back and it is no where in sight. But there was a lady there and she called his number. Answered. She was a local in the area and talking a walk through the Forest Preserve, north to south. She was at the south end. Zooooom and we're there and he got his phone back. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Jun 9, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Gay Dancer and North Bangher Alley hared from 621 S. Plymouth Court, the residence of Ice Princess. Unfortunately he was in his apartment, asleep, and we couldn't get in. WTF. So we took off, 6 hounds and two that came along later. Trail went north and west at first. Suddenly the trail was straight south and eventually to the mall on Roosevelt on the bridge. By the time I got here, I was alone with Coming Right Meow. Trail then went over to Clark and continues straight south for several blocks. We then worked our way to the east and over to Michigan before heading straight north. A check at Roosevelt and we were now just walking and into a field of legs before heading west and to a park for a beer stop. After here we headed over to the Ice Castle in the sky, a rehabbed real nice deck about 47 stories up in the air, for a laid back circle as we were joined by some others. ON Out.

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Sat. Jun 11, 2022. The Big Dog Hash, SnatchSquatch hared for five hounds from Independence Park. We took off to the east and stretched out a bit, regrouping at Irving Park and Elston at a Check. This was found to the south and I eventually found another Check at an alley and entered the alley to Check it out. Then Chicken Stifer ran right by me. Hey, pick another direction. That is how it works. WTF. So I ranged instead. Eventually I got on trail and could see various hounds ahead and going around this park. I went straight and came to marks coming out of the park and followed them to a Check. Back Door Bizzel went North, CS went east and indicating he had marks down an alley. I was waiting for traffic to cross the street and Magnetic Muff was Check hanging. I found nothing and so I ranged west and eventually found marks just before the bridge over I 94. So I blew my whistle for MM and headed west. At the next Check, Avondale NW was to obvious and this was SnatchSquatech so I headed SE and found two marks. Shit. No third mark. When I returned the Check was marked NW. So i headed NW on Avondale and eventually saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies bright orange shirt and ran straight for Pulaski. There I joined up with MM and BDB and we worked the trail eventually up to a station and towards Irving Park. They had skipped a turn and there were no marks on Irving Park. So I played Frogger and ranged across the street. There were marks and I yelled to BDB. He and MM ran straight east and eventually found marks and MM was FRB and ON IN. Meanwhile I found more trail to the north and some damn hare trail that kept going where I didn't think that sneaky hare was going. I eventually finished the whole trail and came in DFL. We circled there in reverse Bushman manner and just hung out for another hour or so. On Out.            
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Mon Jun 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Po Po Pickup Game, J. Spencer and Garmin hared, from Metropolitan Brewery. I had the best luck ever with three buses that got me to Belmont and Western with zero waiting. Unfortunately, as I got off the bus in pouring rain, the bus drove off and the Tornado warning started. I rushed to a bus shelter. They aren't really good shelters so I stood in the shelter under my umbrella. A half hour later, after waiting and watching for a tornado that never came, I was able to head to the start. No hares and only two other hounds, Lower Wackoff and Lifa. The hares wanted to cancel. Hell No. The hash doesn't cancel over a few raindrops and some howling winds. So they finally showed up and set off on a live really simple trail. We were joined by J Pat for four hounds. After a head start we were off and running. Straight east to Western and a Check. J Pat found trail to the north, but we didn't hear him calling On and never saw him until the Beer Stop. Horn-E found that same trail, eventually, and we headed north. And another Check. Horn-E wandered east and north and eventually found another Check at Roscoe. Again a long whistle to Lower Wackoff and headed west to an immediate Check and a three way. WTF. Apparently two checks back, was supposed to go through this mall to here, then to that other Check on Western. I returned as Lower Wackoff arrived. Meanwhile Lifa going thorugh the mall so me head east at the three way Check, He headed north and found a short cut to trail. Meanwhile I was ranging east and then north when trail was found by Lower Wackoff to the north. So, from then on, we have no idea were the other two are, but it is Horn-E leading and Lower Wackoff following to Addison, over to the street before the river and south through a strip park to beer. Horn-E's whistle sort of worked, Lower Wackoff could hear it, but couldn't tell which direction it came from. Hell, it was loud enough to stop the soccer match, twice. At the beer stop we decided to circle and eventually named Just Spencer. He shall forever more be known as Stacys Neice. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

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Thu. Jun 2, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Mommys Coming hared from Temple Stowe for a small pack of seven hounds. It was a short trail but it soon spread out due to a Check a block from the start that had the pack going everywhere but the right direction. It was a good check, but as it was, it spread us out. I found myself running parallel to the pack  heading north on Kedzie and soon the pack headed west. And I slowly fell behind. Good bye to SnatchSquatch, Dryrofoam, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Brother Incisor and Hot Mess Bench Press. That left me and Just Toki running and walking and way behind. I was n front and then behind and always seeming to go the wrong way. But I finally caught up to her just before the foot bridge north of Lawrence and west of Kimball. From then on we walked and talked and reacquainted ourselves. And on towards the University, but not through it. And we slowly worked our way east and then through some park by the river and north over Lawrence and eventually on in to the Snatch Garage for a beer stop and circle. This was led by Brother Incisor. After that we headed back to the bar for some social time. On Out.

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Mon Jun 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck was supposed to hare and I got a late message after my posting on here. Foster, just west and north on Lake Shore Drive for an A to B hash. Then I found on the CH3 web site that it would be hared by Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer. Okay. I planned on coming, but a medical procedure left me unable to run that night. Opps. Shit happens. Then the next night I heard that One Fuck Chuck and Gay Dancer hared and Mommys Little Accident was the only hound from Chicago. WTF. I also heard there were three visitors and two virgins. Will the virgins ever return. I'm sure everyone will tell them how much fun it is. But then, if it is so much fun, why are there only three local hashers here? And the three visitors will go home and say about the same thing. Doesn't make Chicago look very good. Just relaying the facts as I know them. Really, if that is so, it is really a sad state of affairs. But I've been here through a lot of ups and downs in attendance. And this is affecting all of the local hashes. Coming back from such low attendance is really hard and it takes some dedication from all interested hashers to help bring things back up. It starts out with a good hareline that has at least the next three weeks lined up. And the next two weeks with iron clad locations. Make them work once listed. Period. Quit switching around. Get it posted in advance so we can make the hash are first choice and not something we will look at if we can't find something else to do. Quit setting hashes and not inviting everyone. Quit setting hash dates on some other hashes dates. We hashes are not in competition, like hashes aren't about competition. We are supposed to be about friendly helpful cooperation among hashers and hashes. Let make it all work together. There are other things we can do, but no one wants to listen to me, much less cooperate together. On Out
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Tue. Jun 7, 2022. The 4X2H4 Hash, False Advertising hared from an old favorite location, J & M Tap. But we never returned for a few beers inside. Well, it was a small group. Three old slow farts, Horn-E, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. The hare told us it would be short, flat and dry like our mothers. Well, there was only a little wet spot. The three of us took off to the north and after a Split we followed Just Do Me Slowly to a Back Check. Horn-E found that and around a building and north to Division. And suddenly a late comer, Double Meter Beater blew right by me heading east. Well, at Leavitt he was slowly leaving me behind, but a Split slowed him down. So we start working our way east and north to a Check at Wicker Park. I thought the other two saw me so I didn't mark the next two Splits, but at that Check, they were never in sight and that went for the rest of the trail. I found that Check and DMB found the next one. Then, are you ready for this. Horn-E found the next two Checks and we are working the trail together and trying to mark most things for the followers, LW and JDMS. But they were busy looking for porta potties. And we ran on. Finally to North and Western where we headed south and towards the On In. That is where DMB slowly left me behind and I last saw him on Division. But he marked Splitss with whatever he could find so we three old farts could find trail, Sticks, stones, used condoms. Whatever works. And we finally came in to a parking lot across from the bar and the hare and a short circle that Lower Wackoff led. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E





The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, May 25, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Magnetic Muff & Stuffin Muffin hared from Old Plank Bar for 7 hounds. And it rained just before the start which wiped out a few marks and made many hard to see. But Magnetic Muff was sweeping. Like that would help. She couldn't remember her own trail. We started out bad with the pack running right by the first Check. But that blind old fart managed to see it and we were soon on past faded marks and to another Check at a T corner. Lifa went Left and was right and gone. Garmin went right and was wrong and J. Spencer and Horn-E blindly followed without realizing there was a Check and where. Ooops. Garmin returned to the Check and followed Lifa and by then the sweep and the back of the pack, Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising had come along and were also gone. Meanwhile J. Spencer and Horn-E were Checking a block away from where the Check was, Dumb F*cks. By the time we figured it out, they were all long gone. We followed and I was finally left behind and never saw anyone again. J. Spencer caught up and the pack managed to stay together in their utter confusion on the marks. About ten minutes after Horn-E returned to the start, the pack returned from the Whiskey Stop and we held a circle in a parking lot. After I left, I heard that Stuffin Muffin did a header and came up with one bloody head. Sorry man. Hope all is well. On Out.

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Thu. May 26, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch hared from Empirical Brewery with a live trail. We were soon off and I found myself way behind at the first Check, 50 yards away. WTF. I never saw anyone again until I got to the beer stop. Checks happen. Then after a Split that wasn't swept, I went the wrong way in a two block long loop that brought me almost right back to the Split. Well, all I could do was enjoy what I could find. We went on to a park where I found a Check and marked into the park by a nature reserve, I went through that and found marks on the other side, missing a two block long loop to the NE corner of the park. From then on things weren't bad. Just more park, SW corner, and city streets and more of the same damn park on the NW corner. At this point I figure I was hopelessly behind and I should generally head to where there might be a beer stop. And suddenly I see marks into that damn park again, only this time at the NE corner. What I didn't know was that those were marks from the beginning of that trail in the park. By the time I figured that out, yeah, really f*cked up at this point. I ran on to a parking lot by the tracks and their was the pack. From here it was a change of location to Big Joes for the ON In. On Out                   l
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Fri. May 27, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash,
Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake. I thought that there might be a larger the normal pack due to the big hash weekend ahead with visitors. Wrong. I laid trail thinking 10 to 15 hounds. We had four at the start. And so they were off and hopefully with Double Meter Beater running, he would do a lot of the checking. Damn, he got 8 miles plus. They ran loops and loops and all sorts of shit just getting from my house to Loyola campus and back. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend
showed up late and i directed them to a short cut and they regrouped. But they still ran their asses off and J. Spencer finally quit and we had to text Lower Wackoff to come on in. But we had a nice circle that was small, but went on and on and a lot of fun. That was aided by bringing out the old First Crack Hat for the rotating R As to wear. After that we headed over to Barrel Man were they had a couple of rounds of good beers. On Out
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Sat May 28, 2022, The Chicago Hash. Mommys Coming and SnatchSquatch hared from Roosevelt Park. This is way south of the loop and we ended up north east of the loop. I counted about 22 hounds at the start, and a few joined us after. And a few finally quit running and joined the walkers trail after being well into that marathon trail. We started out with a Check at Roosevelt and State. Now I might be slow but I still try and while a lot of hounds stood around I headed up hill and across the street they found trail. So I was near the front and we headed into a mall area just west of Clark. Now I know there is only one way out unless you loop right back to the entrance. They didn't. So I headed to the stairs in back, and was first down the stairs, and knowing that to the south was a dead end, I searched for the Check to the west and north and over to the river. That is when the pack found trail to the east and from here on I was alone. Yes again. If you have the guts to check things out, you win or lose. I won at the first check and lost this one. Trail ran on over to the river and along there and then worked our way through the loop. I ended up by default on a Turkey trail and kept running on through the center of the loop. At one point I couldn't get through the mob of people in front of a theater. So I yelled out, "I've been running and I'm sweaty and I'm going to rub myself all over you people unless you make a path." You should have seen those old biddies move aside with expressions of horror and this old gnome pushed on through.  At Wabash, trail went south and finally to a garage where we were told to take the elevator to the top. Another mob waiting in line. Screw this. Only beer at the top and I can't drink so I'm off looking for trail. I did hear that three hounds walked up thinking it would only be about 5 floors. Eleven suckers. I found trail to the Art Institute where there was a picture Check and a bucket drum band and mobs of people. What the hell do they think this is, a holiday or something? Thousands. And that was just the first block. Anyway I follow the arrow to the south and towards the Bean. Unfortunately that arrow pointed to the photo check that people were standing on. About ten minutes later I finally returned and found the true trail to the south. So I'm off and a Check by the twin Indians. I search towards Buckingham Fountain and find trail into the Fountain area and somehow ran between two arrows without seeing a damn thing. So I'm now wandering south along Columbus and then heading west when I run into Lifa. So we return to the fountain area and this time I find those arrows and we are off in a loop around the fountain and then north along Columbus and ups and downs land. Up to Randolph. west to Michigan. north, west, lower lever, garbage dumps. down to river walk east to Columbus, up 101 steps. a block later down 81 steps and then right back up 76 steps, a loop CCW and into  a park and back up about 65 steps and then down again and back underground to a spot under Randolph east end and the final beer stop. Is that about right SnatchSquatch? Can I have a note, "F*ck you for being the hare, etc" Again, some people got 8 miles. From here we went to a grassy area on a hill and chased away the local wild life for a short circle and then it was On Out
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Sun May 29, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer hared from La Bagh Woods. I heard a good woods trail, but the same familiar stuff. A beer stop at Roofie Ragu's and back to the shelter for circle. The Dark Kunt ran a good circle and I'm sure they ate well and drank well. On Out.
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Mon May 30, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Lifa, The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel hared from 1872 N. Clybourn. Actually a Lifa Trail. I saw some marks on the way there and guessed correctly and at a Check on Armitage the pack caught me and the leaders passed me. Okay. I'm trying to stay in sight and not last as we head down Cortland and over the bridge. I lost sight of the runners ahead and missed a turn and went to the end of a factory zone. Nothing at the exit on Ashland. Heading north to Webster. Nothing. Returned looking for some marks somewhere coming out to Ashland, and found a Check. Across Ashland and into the Metra Station. Here's a short cut. Only one way out. Now heading south across Cortland and a Split by 606. So he is taking the visitors up onto 606. I'll short cut and head south to North. And there was a unmarked Check. In front? Behind? Both. Yeah, that was it. So I find trail East on North and after a screw up at a Split, (Well laid Lifa. Damn hare. ). I'm back on trail and a BN Check. This leads to the usual beer stop South of North on the walking bridge. And I wasn't last. We then head to the Rusty Grundel, Cock Whisperer, Castle in the Sky, roof deck, for circle. And it is full of hashers who don't run anymore or hardly ever, taking up all of the nice seats, from those that are dog tired from running trail. Back Door Bizzle got a circle going. Damn good one. Only missing thing was he didn't recognize the Veterans on Memorial Day. Even though one old fart is half dead already. On Out.
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 19, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Garmin hared from Senn Park by Old young Abe at Ridge and Clark. We had five hounds, all guys again. Hey, Harriets, it is warming up. You can come out of hibernation. This was supposed to be a re
. What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'msure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. On Outpeat of a failed hash last winter, This meant Horn-E might be able to keep up since he was at that hash. And he did. Trail headed east past Senn H. S, and False Advertising was racing to the front. But he came from that direction and probably saw some marks along the way. At the first Check the trail went south a block and then into a series of alleys. J. James took the lead here. At Broadway there was a Check and just as I got there I heard an On On call from False Advertising in an alley across the street, Yep, right like last time. I blew my whistle and we were right after him and finally came to a Check at Ridge and Braodway. SnatchSquatech and False Advertising were right On heading north on Ridge and then into alleys and neighborhood streets. I followed and as I came out of the alley I was passed by Second Coming and Just James. I followed them to a Split at an alley and headed west. I knew were the last trail went. but this one didn't. WTF. So I followed the old course and came to a Check at the Military Memorial. Where was the pack? Behind me. As I was checking, in the wrong direction they passed me in the right direction. From here on it was following them in neighborhood streets and alleys until we returned to the start. We held a short circle there and then just hung out for about a half hour before dispersing. On Out
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Sat May 21, 2022, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Lechowicz Woods. GD rain. Just before I got there it started to rain. So I sat in this shelter waiting for a pause. It never came, but 80 people came to claim that shelter for a birthday party. So I headed over to the foot bridge for a start and we could wait under the bridge. So now I have a direction. North over the river and into the woods for some nice woods running. I wanted to CW through woods and past that previous shelter just before the finish, But at the first Check, I paused. It is raining. They won't be playing golf. A great time to run the Golf Course in the summer. So It was a CCW direction as I looped into the Golf course and a lot of good woods running areas. And the rain kept coming and there was actually one lone golfer out there. WTF. But I'm committed. At one point I left a tee and headed into some deep woods. This is where I almost joined Gispert, hashing around the clouds for eternity. I past this huge downed tree to the left and squeezed past a tight area and headed for a slight hill fifty feet later. Then I heard a loud Crack and looked back as a forty foot healthy tree fell right were I just passed in that tight area. A minute or so after I passed. And when I swept the trail later, that tree was right were I was. I might have even marked trail on it. There would have been no where to rum fast enough. Looked like a healthy tree, full of leaves, no wind. I'm guessing it was just waterlogged with all of the recent rain and fell over its own weight. So, what do you do. Finish trail. And as I'm finishing, still raining there are golfers suddenly everywhere. WTF. So I finally cross that starting foot Bridge and there is the pack, just starting out, False Advertising, Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle. And the GD rain just stopped. So I ditched my gear and followed the pack. Nice trail and woods hashing and everyone managed some time in front. Several Checks along the way and we all stayed together and finished together. Back under that foot bridge we held circle for several rounds of Bushman style and finally False Advertising started Swing Low and we were soon out of there. Great day in the woods and God, I'm not ready to die yet. On Out
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Mon May 23, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Florida Man, Poo La La and Homeless Granny Fucker were haring from Jonquil Park Park for 20 hounds.
What a mob. Well it was a cool night and I'm sure a lot of that  pack were friends of the hares. I counted 20 hounds. Didn't get all of their names but two visitors and three virgins were included. That was the good news. Now for the bad news. They laid the trail in blue chalk. In the dark, and even on asphalt. These younger guys that led the pack, might be able to see those marks, but this old fart with failing eye sight was doomed to failure. Started out fairly well as I was about 4th after the first Check. But the pack passed me and at the First Check I was east of the Check watching False Advertising heading east. Trail went west. From there, except for those blue marks, actually looked like it was twisting back and forth okay. I'm now in back with a virgin, (who left a virgin in back with Horn-E) But she was okay and surrounded by a visitor Mudd Wyfe and Coming Right Meow. So Lower Wackoff and I slipped past them and ran on. Pack is now out of sight, two old farts trying to run and three Harrietts walking. Then Horn-E runs Past a turn arrow, damn fading blue chalk, and a long block later, no marks. So he and lower Wackoff return and find trail. Damn, a half block later was an arrow going west into an alley, a half block off of where I just ran. Damn. Well, I was now falling behind Lower Wackoff and at Southport and School the trail headed east. As far as I know it kept going east to Michigan City. I found a few marks and once had to back track a block to verify I didn't miss a turn, Nope, straight east. Finally I saw a bright white arrow. Looking closer there was a faded Check there and the arrow pointing straight east. Yeah, again. I never saw another mark. Three blocks later I decided this was useless. Even my flashlight didn't help. So at Sheffield, I just started walking on in a mile away. Got there about 5 minutes before the pack. And within minutes they started the circle with four hounds still out there. Hey, weather is nicer and we might want to wait a little longer before starting circle. Those slower runners are also part of the pack. Those four I was with earlier. They barely got in before the circle ended. And Berts Special Friend was leading the circle. Then within minutes the pack started to dissipate until there was little more the the usual suspects who weren't afraid of the dark. Did manage to meet one of the virgins, Just Anthony, He already wants to write songs. He better learn some first.  Also met Mudd Wyfe before she was lyfted off. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON

Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 12, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a live traifor 9nounds. We were soon off to the west and then worked our way north. We hit a quick Song Check and Ugg won out. Then we were off. A lot of Splits and Checks kept the pack together until it wasn't together anymore. At least I wasn't part of it. Damn. I made my way to Division and a Check that wasn't swept. Ranging west I ran into Meat Inside Her, Checking. I missed a loop. But she was soon gone and then she was behind me and who the fuck knows. So was SnatchSquatech behind me until he also wasn't. We headed west and the last I saw of them was at a Check at Milwaukee. It was swept to the south and I went south and never saw another mark. At Augusta I found nothing, damn. I ranged the corner and finally decided to range back towards the "Known" finish. And I never did see another mark, but the pack was all there when I got there. SnatchSquatch led circle and then they we\re off to the start bar. On Out
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Sat May 14, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Warren Park for a grand total of 4 hounds, the usual suspects. We got a late start but with Berts Special Friend (the GM) and Meat Inside Her leading, we qould get through that trail quick. Until they couldn't find the last Check. We started out with a quick loop and then up the sledding hill for a Check. We struggled a bit as no one took the hares dare to climb the fence to the first mark. Meanwhile Horn-E is wandering all over except the hill. Yeah, already. We finally got on track and Horn-E did manage to solve that first check. A hundred yards later and he was DFL again. We went around the south east end of the park and then north and into city streets and a Check that regrouped the pack. Regroup? Hell, we couldn't solve it. Horn-E finally went west, Again, Nothing. Going north a block and there was Meat Inside Her flying by on trail. So he followed her to Indian Boundary Park and a Check. She is doing her best to solve that Check and win the Hash and Horn-E is still just following like a lost mutt instead of a hash hound. Hell, that blind old fuck didn't even know we were at a Check. So Finally we are joined by Back Door Bizzle and they are off on another False. Well that old Horn Dog decides to run past the last mark on a False and there is Just Do Me Slowly hiding under a bench in the dark like a little lost troll. And she had beer. We shouted ON On for about 10 minutes before those lost hounds were led in to the Beer Stop by the sweep, Lower Wackoff. And they tell me I can't hear. After here we went back to the start and the cars and headed over to Cary's Bar and their back yard beer garden and grill were Meat Inside Her grilled some damn good brats and we held circle. And the beer flowed. On Out
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Mon May 16, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Berts Special Friend hared from Skinner Park. I'd like to say it was a great trail, but I'm not only not that good of a liar, but I and half the pack never found the whole trail. Seems like the trail get sabotaged at the start and the pack was lead astray for about a mile and a half. By the time we recovered we were hopelessly spread out. But eventually there was North Bangher Alley, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin off on their own and not seen after crossing the Expressway. That is where I caught up to False Advertising and we went wrong ways. I think he just made his way back to th finish. I circled back and got on trail, now alone. Wow, that is a lot of fun again. I headed west and eventually Just Do Me Slowly, Bag of Ds, Lower Wackoff and a visitor Shark Laid No caught up. And there was a Check and just as quick they are gone again. I did find trail further west and finally just circled back to the start. I was having to much fun running alone. And back at the start were various hashers. Hooch B4 Cooch who found something and what I don't know. But he missed the sabotage and was first back. Finally it was just that front pack missing. And when they arrived, they were with Po Po Pickup Game. Where did he come from? Hooch B4 Cooch led a short circle and we were out of there. Stiffy 4 Stiffies drove by where I was waiting for a bus and I got a ride home. And he won the lottery for a brand almost new pair of shoes. On Out

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Swing Low and On ON

Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. May 5, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Coming Right Meow hared from Butler Field. Hashers were wondering about the hare after her last trail. but, Supiz supiz supiz, she did it. Weather looked a bit iffy but at the start there was no rain and mild temperatures. great for a hash. Rain wiped out some of the hares marks, so she took off on a bicycle to relay the trail. We took off towards Millinium Park and found our first Split, but Horn-E was right on that. Yeah. like that would help. a short time later we missed a turn. but we recovered and headed straight north and a few Splits later we passed the bean and still staying together thanks to those Splits. At Randolph there was a check and the trail headed east and around the concert area and back south to the winding bridge. We didn't believe that Split and were right on over the bridge. At the end we had a bunch of Splits as we worked our way to Monroe and over to the lake front. We regrouped at the light and were soon off along the lakefront to the south and finally a LSD crossing at Bundy Fountain. From here were worked the pathways south and a long loop and then back near and on Columbus Drive to a beer stop at Butler Field. where Castro Dick Assist came in FRB. Then we headed to the hare's castle in the sky and the hare was into the Sinko do Mayo and a day for Mexican food. Without Mayonnaise. On Out
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Sat May 7, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Lifa laid trail from Humbolt Park. I won't say this was a great trail. Rules of hash trashes. And it wasn't. But the hare did lay a real twisting trail that had the pack confused front start to finish, and mostly close together. We just experienced one of the dreariest springs in memory with more then enough rain and never enough sunshine. So this was sort of the first day of summer. Blue skies, warm temps, sun and cold beer and salsa music everywhere. And the pack gathered. Wow. What a crowd. The usual suspects, Horn-E, Back Door Bizzle, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising. After we took off on trail we had two late cummers, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Yep, the Usual Suspects. The people formerly known as hashers were still hibernating I guess. Or just quit hashing. The trail. We took off through paths to the north and FA took the lead. Over to the building by the lagoon and under the bridge to the left. I almost short cut over the street and I would have come upon the marks for the ON IN. Lucky hare there. A Check by a bridge under construction stalled us but we finally found trail to the south and around this finger of water and then back north by little Cubs Park. here is where the late cumers caught up to us. Again, along the lagoon and then west into city streets. A block later and a Check. FA went south. Gotcha. The late cumer MM found trail to the north and was off into the lead. And we headed back to the park, And the lagoon and another Check. Near the lagoon and a kiddie park. So the old fart heads through the kiddie park and was almost on the ON IN trail when the hare sweeping, called Horn-E back. Trail headed north to Humboldt and North. City streets again. No, not yet. Back into the park  and heading towards the North East of the park. Speculation. Back to city streets to circle that other trip into city streets. Never try to out guess the hare. We headed north instead of west. There was a Split by an alley and I headed east and was on. Well MM was still ahead and out of sight. But I passed back the wordand we were on and eventually heading back towards Humbolt Parkway. A Split. We followed MM north to a Check. Duh. Right under the 606 trail. How easy can it get. Not that damn easy. Much later we are still standing around with our fingers up our asses, Well, at least not each others. So Finally Horn-E heads south. Still nothing. Into the parkway and there is an arrow on a sewer cover. Then 2 and then 3 and that old fart blows his whistle and is ON heading east. Yeah, like that would last. A Split trail headed east. Horn-E headed south into Octopus country and coming out right behind FA. From here it was into the park and working our way past were Horn-E almost twice found On In trail and then south on Humbolt Drive to Buffalo Country and the beer stop. FA was FRB and damn, the old fart came in 2nd. Lower Wackoff was delayed and DFL as he tried to pick up a fresh Mexican Taco. After a brewski, we headed to the start area where we gathered among the flowers, Dandy Lions are flowers. We circled Big Dog style and relaxed in the beautiful sunshine and you missing hounds missed it. On Out
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Mon May 9, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Dr Cockvorkian and Death By Bukkake hared from McGee's. Wow. Even in the Green zone and we can't break ten hounds in a city of 3,000,000 people. Only 8 of us. Trail headed north under the El Tracks and get this, Horn-E was leading. A Triple Split, a Check, a Split and Horn-E was still ahead. WTF. But at a Song Check, a quick verse of Swing Low and then he didn't see the arrow to the south and headed East and North. By the time he returned, DFL again. At the next check, everyone was gone accept North Bangher Alley heading south and Lower Wackoff waiting to mark the Check. Horn-E went north again and spent the next half hour trying to catch the pack. Eventually through OZ Park and then west. Finally after a Check at Sheffield, I ran into Po Po Pickup Game. From here we struggled as things got darker and arrows were constantly in shadows. We finally game up to a beer stop and the pack. Horn-E didn't stop and ran on. North and along the Clybourn corridor, back and forth as trail headed North. Finally came to a Check that was rough to solve. I checked east and north and around and finally back to the Check and the pack caught up. They couldn't find anything either. So I went on a big loop and headed east on Fullerton before heading south. Came to a street corner and checked all four corners. Nothing. Headed west and all of a sudden the pack is fast approaching and heading east on the other side of the street. I guess they found trail were I stopped looking because I went far enough without a third mark. WTF. But a few blocks later and we are at the 2nd beer stop. after beer we headed back to the bar and ended up under the El tracks for circle. We made North Bangher Alley play RA and I won't admit it in print, but she did a decent Job. Ooops. I didn't say that. ON Out

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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E



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The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Apr 27, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider laid a trail from Go Tavern. An A to B trail for 7 hounds that ended up at her home. We started out to the west and it started out with a lot of up one street and down the next and back again. finally it revolved intto a big clockwise spiral. I was falling behind with Stuffin Muffin and we finally caught up to the pack at Palmer Square. I ran past Lower 'Wackoff looking for trail on a Check. Magnetic Muff pointed to an alley and said Lifa went that way and didn't return. So I followed and it was a three block long alley with no marks. Whehn I got back to Palner Square the pack was gone. But I managed to find an arrow and was off playing catch up. And On and On. Finally went down an apparent Dead End alley that wasn't and at the end I caught up to Lower Wackoff. He had heard Just Do Me Slowly, but guessed the sound wrong. So from here it was the two of us running on and on and eventually to the home of. Slippery Fingers and Fire In The Hole for a shot stop and then we walked to Dickens Cider's Home for the ON IN. We picked Just Do Me Slowly to lead the circle and she did a decent job. Also on trail was False Advertising who I never saw after the start until the Shot stop. FRB. On Out
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Thu Apr 28, 2022, the Thirstday Hash. Brother incisor and J' Paulie laid trail from that bar on Buena. We had a dozen hounds for this trail and an a to b hash. Trail worked its way south to a block south of Irving Park on Clark and our first Check. Should be simple. Keep it simple and teach a virgin hare the ropes. Yeah sure. Trail was found east towards the lake. Three marks and then nothing else. WTF. We searched and eventually trail was found to the west. But meanwhile, after ranging south and finding nothing I went back to the mistake trail. I ranged all over and under Lake Shore Drive looking for marks. Of course nothing. So, r
angeing back along Irving Park looking for trail to eventually cross there, I suddenly run into Furry Spice. He mentions something about a Split and then we see a mark heading straight north. From Irving Park to Montrose. No turns. J. Paulie, don't learn that trick. Well, trail went to Montrose and left to the tracks and On In under the Red Line. Somehow I just managed to beat the DFLs. And apparently there was other troubles along the way. Whatever they were, I never heard. But we circled and then got around to naming J Paulie. He will forever more be known as Hot Mess Bench Press and don't ask me why. Then it was back to the bar I headed to the el with Coming Right Meow. On Out
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Fri Apr 29, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared from Gill Park right wear the bad check from the night before was located. Small pack of five and we followed the live hare, SnatchSquatch. I quickly fell behind as Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend disappeared to the front. I was barely keeping the visitor Heiney Girl and Back Door Bizzel in sight as we headed past Wrigley Field and then a loop back towards the south and west before working our way back to the start. I lost those two and struggled over a few marked checks with a few options that were confusing. I finally lost trail about two blocks north of Addison and about two blocks from the start/finish. Guess which way I went. Short circle and then across Clark to a bar for a few rounds. On Out
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Mon May 2, 2022, The Chicago Hash.
Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from River Park. Lower Wackoof was prepared with 2, 30 packs for what used to be ChicagoH3's biggest regular Hash of the year. In the 80s we used to get 5o hashers on the first Mon Night hash. We got five. WTF. Where is everybody. It is May. I know, not perfect weather, but it was nice enough this night. Trail was a little confusing at the start but we finally got on trail and worked our way south for two blocks and then to the east. We were sort of together trying to keep the FRBs in sight and then they weren't in sight and I'm in back with Stuffin Muffin trying to catch up. We got up north to Bryn Mawr when I was suddenly in from at a Check. How the hell did that happen. But the FRBs were soon taking the lead again and I'm barely staying in front of Stuffin Muffin. We finally come to a Check at this park and High School and no one can find the trail. I head north towards Peterson and find nothing. So I head west in front of the school and go a loooong way without a mark and suddenly there is a Split. Got to be On. No one goes that far for a False. So I blow my whistle and run on.Yeah, three marks later I miss a turn and I'm back in back again with Stuffin Muffin. We got over to this park along the river and it was zig zag along and in the park until we came to Just Do Me Slowly's house. A leisurely beer and off to the start for circle. Circle was short for me. Had to catch the last bus on Foster. But I came up with a hash Name for Just Do Me Slowly's Mom. She wasn't there, but we had JDMS do a down down for her Mom. Mama UMeDoMe. For anyone who doesn't know, Yumi is her real name and Do Me is part of her hash name. Hey, have fun with it. So they hung out with 64 beers to finish. On Out 
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Tue May 3, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Skinner Park at Monroe and Throop. When I looked up directions and time for the buses I was given 29 hours and change to Monroe and Throop in Brooklyn New York. By bus. Google gets worse every time I try to use it. Isn't that stuff supposed to get better over time.
Anyhow, I forgot the trail starts at 7:00 sharp. So Lifa gives me a short cut and I'm off and running. Actually it was a good trail, but again, no one bothered to come except myself and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Bad weather? Not really. Just a light mist in the air. And it is only the old farts that show up and all of these young kids are sitting home still hibernating. Yeah, I'm picking on you all. So I get to where Lifa directed me and was a few blocks behind the pack of two. A Split and then a Marked Check and I finally see then ahead after a suckers loop, laid for some FRBs that never showed. So they come to a Split at Lake and I figure to take a short cut in an alley to catch up with them. And they were off on another of LIfa's loops for the FRBs and now I'm ahead and looking back for them. So I'm checking and trying to mark splits and Checks and I run on and on finally coming to a park at Lake and Ashland. Checking. Returning from a False and they finally catch up to me. We work that check and almost lost Just Do Me Slowly thinking she was ahead and she's behind. But a few blocks later we are at the On In at Skinner Park. A very short circle led by Just Do Me slowly and we were on our way home. You all missed a good trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On ON
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Apr 14, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dyrafoam hared from  Big Joe's for a small pack of four of us. And you know who ran damn near the whole hash alone. We took off to the north and Brother Incisor took off leading to the west after a block. Yeah, like that lasted. Meanwhile I'm running behind and after running all the way to Damen following a fast pack, they were all gone. Shit damn fuck. Alone again. At Damen and Foster there was a Check. And a big park to the south west. I ran south and found a mark, but no elusive 3rd mark. So I ranged into the park and after to big of a loop I found no marks. I exited at Foster and heading east I found trail on the north side of Foster right were the trail headed north. After several blocks there was a Split, swept to the west. Hey, after that Check I'm way behind. They will have to loop back by the cemetery. Go straight. I did and sure enough, there was trail. So now we are heading east and south for two blocks and on east. A block later there was a turn north. Now I know where this was going so I headed straight. Damn, all the way to Ashland and no marks at any intersection. So now it was south for two blocks and back west. Still no marks. Finally at Ravenswood I found a mark into the tunnel. And just then, Brother Incisor blew by me damn determined that she would beat the old mam. By about 15 seconds to a beer stop in a parking lot up by the metra tracks. And we held a quick circle there. Then it was back to Big Joes. On Out
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Fri Apr 15, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Meat Inside Her laid trail from Beaumonts for a six pack of hounds. We wandered to the west through streets and alleys as Berts Special Friend and Double Meter Beater ran off and left myself and Just Do Me Slowly and Lower Wackoff behind. Son Of Spam was walknig part of the trail and knew where the beer stop was. We finally came to a Check and this old fart found the trail in an alley by the El tracks. And as I ran through a parking lot, BSF and DMB caught up and were soon gone. So now it was Horn-E leading JDMS through alleys and streets and finally Lower Wackoff caught us just west of Clybourn. I was returning to mark a Check that BSF solved for me when he caught up. So, now it was the three of us and I'm desperately trying to stay ahead for once and not be DFL. But finally while going through the De Paul Campus, I missed a turn. LW went back and found it and passed me. Damn. A block later my damn weak ankle started acting up and JDMS passed me. And so I am now walking on the bad ankle and get to Oz Park. Heading west I see a turn arrow on a path into the park. So I shortcut to that path and short cut the BN Mark to where the pack was hiding in the shadows. Well. not really hiding, but in the dark I didn't see them. And so I end up doing a big loop around the park before they spotted me. So we held circle by the athletic field in the shadows, Full Moon Style. Then I headed home to get ready to lay a Bushman trail the next morning. On Out     f
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Sat. Apr 18, 2022. The Bushman Hash, #203.
Almost 17 years of consistently hashing on the 3rd Sat of every month without fail. And still other hashers hi jack other hashes and hare in direct opposition to the Bushman. So, only two hashers showed up, Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly. Horn-E hared from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. Mother nature was late this year with the annual April flowers which were at about 10 to 20%. But the trail was nice and easy to follow, except when it wasn't. Checks. While they had no trouble following trail, there were two Checks near Central that really screwed them over. One was just before the bridges over the river. Real trail was up by the road instead of the foot bridge. And both hounds got sucked into running through some real deer shiggy under Central at rivers edge. But JDMS finally found the trail and they ran off to almost immediately another Check on the other side of the river in the woods. LW managed to get sucked into a long False and JDMS eventually found trail along the river. This eventually led to the Metra tracks, lower level where there was a small drainage stream from some wet lands. Soft mud on both sides. I tried and was really starting to sink is. So I wandered around
and about fifty feet away, gravel and sand instead of mud and a short jump. I told them to just find another way when they got there. JDMS just plunged right in. Of course she is so light she didn't sink in anywhere as near as I would have. From here it was along the little island to the RR trestle and then on in through some nice woods and a light coating of flowers on the forest floor. We circled up at a picnic bench along the river for a few beers and a Bushman circle. And On Out. Now, nothing to do on Sunday because that hash date was changed.

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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E





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The Tale of the Trail
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Mon Apr 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from Legion Park for five of the usual suspects. That is those that have consistently been coming around since Covid, especially in the cold miserable weather of winter. It is spring and time for the rest of the hashers to come out of hibernation and enjoy free spirited hashing again. Now, how did the hare screw up this trail. He immediately sent them off to the south and through wet grass. Damn rat bastard. And a block later they left the park for more pavement pounding with a nasty Check. Or Two.  and the hare went out to set a quicky beer stop. Trail went to this footbridge over the river and the hare was waiting for them with the nicest view of the hash. That wasn't saying much for views. And who should arrive first. Berts Special Friend who wasn't even there at the start. What else is new. But we all gathered on a nice evening. We finally couldn't wait any longer and made Just Do Me Slowly finish her beer on trail and they were off.  With a good Back Check led by BSF. Then around Home Depot parking area and into city streets. They ran on until another back check on Jersey that caught Lifa and suddenly Stuffin Muffin pulls into the beer stop as FRB. This was right across the river from the start in another strip park. Also on trail was Lower Wackoff. On Out.
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Tue. Apr 5, 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash. Lifa hared from Harrison Park. Seven hounds. Good. Only Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her showed up late. And Horn-E even later. They caught up to the pack and Horn-E didn't. He even missed circle. Mudsucker showed up. Welcome back from hibernation. I ran trail that was sort of well marked until it wasn't at archer and 18th St. I lost trail there and finally realized I was at a Check as I ended up seeing a mark pointing to where I already was. I did find the True trail mark, but now realizing I'm to far behind to ever catch up, I ranged. Trail went east and north under the tracks and then west until Wood Street and under the tracks again for a beer stop out of any potential rain. Meanwhile I ranged correctly and finally headed north on Wood St. Unfortunately that is where the pack went after the beer stop and there were no marks there. So I was on, but on invisible marks. Back at the park I turned west as I got to the park and right ahead of me, in shadows, was the pack and circle. But I didn't see them. Meanwhile I wandered all over the park looking for any trace of a trail. Not. Finally going by that same section a second time, I saw some people in the shadows, Went over there and it was the circle, after circle and ten minutes later everyone went on or home and so did I. On Out.
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Thu. Apr 7, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Dickinme Twofiddy hared for his last time in Chicago. FOYC. Location was Seward Park,. He deserved better because some of his trails were pretty decent. This one was, well, we don't know because no one finished it. I think that was a lot of our fault. The pack that is. We got about two blocks into trail and already SnatchSquatch was long gone and ON. Until he wasn't and ran and ran and finally caved and returned. I was back with the pack and we got to that Check and the leaders were running about but didn't seen to be working things right. Garmin was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, but not finding trail. Then he was gone and eventually back at the start as FRB. Lost. I finally found trail for the rest of us and blew my whistle. They came and I directed Steps In Shit in one of the directions of a Split. Never saw him again on trail and trail didn't go that way. He finaly returned and after moving his car, came in DFL. Now that leaves Horn-E and Famming Flaggott. We went the other way on that Split, Didn't go far enough. Returned to Split and since Steps In Shit hadn't returned, we followed that direction. A big fat nothing. So  we returned and went the original way again and farther this time. Finally found a mark and then another Check. That is when we decided the trail was f*cked and we needed a tree. We returned to the start. So, that is it and I'm sticking with it. We really needed to work together, better, a problem I often see on trail. And this day really showed it. A quick circle and off to a pub. ON Out.
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Sat. Apr 9, 2022.  The Big Dog Hash.
Son Of Spam and Berts Special Friend hared from Lo Rez Brewery. Never let those two hare after drinking a six pack each and then carrying around some elderberry wine on trail. The usual suspects showed up in force. Well, eight of us. Zone 2 would be walking and the rest of us took off to the east with arrows the size of the hares dicks. Hey, even our Mayor has a bigger dick. And she never lies. This trail was back and forth with a lot of back shit. At a Check I found myself following Lifa and no one behind us. We got to 18th St, and headed east. This trail was getting tighter then a 12 year old virgin's twat. I'm guessing here. She said she was a teenager and I'm sticking to that story. We wandered a few alleys and crossed trail at least once. I think. And a loop back was within about 10 feet of a turning arrow. I'd like to say well done hares. It was. But I will never do that in print. So you didn't see that here. The hares were trying to take away Horn-E's title of Rat Bastard. But in reality, more like Dick Wads. And if you don't know what that is, ask Zone 2. We finally hit a Check. Lifa, myself, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, were all at different times standing about 10 feet from the On Out trail and didn't see the arrow behind the second column holding up the tunnel. Rat Bastards and Dick Wads.  I went ranging to the south east. Magnetic Muff almost followed. Lifa was off on a long loop to no where before returning on Halsted from the far north and finding marks. False Advertising was up on the tracks. He found nothing, but some fat railroad dicks almost caught him as he raced back to ground level and headed under the tracks. By the time I returned, all were gone. And suddenly, I found that damn hidden arrow. As I head north, there is Stuffin Muffin heading across Halsted. I climb down to street level and almost stumbled into on coming traffic. You aren't going to hit this old man yet. We headed west and another Check. I ranged again and this time I, no I didn't find trail. I was the wrong way again. I returned and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing under the tracks heading south. From here on I ran alone, occasionally spotting Magnetic Muff way ahead. I came into this park across from Lo Rez Brewery and there was the pack. Including Just Do Me Slowly. Where was she on trail? To short to see again.  And especially for an old man going as blind as he is deaf. And finally Lower Wackoff came on in. He fell behind going back and marking Splits and Checks for slow bastards like Horn-E. But the old Horn Dog fooled him and got ahead. So, where are the hares. Drinking at Son Of Spam's house. And suddenly they are there. Berts Special Friend carrying a microphone for our tiny circle. Hey, the circle was small enough that even Horn-E heard most of the accusations. Well some of them. And Son Of Spam came in dressed like a giant can of span with two knobby legs sticking out the bottom  and I think that was his head sticking out the top. So circle was held. Big Dog style. And we were off. Meat Inside Her took Berts Special Friend home and to bed to sleep it off. Or so she said. Son Of Spam went home for a dinner of Spam on a stick. Everyone else headed home and Horn-E headed off chasing young bunnies. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. On Out.
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Sun. Apr 10, 2022, 2:00pm, The Chicago Hash.
False Advertising and Crotch Fire hared this mess. All right, it was.  A repeat of an old trail that everyone missed most of. Well, guess what. They missed most of it again. Maybe it is the hares fault. Anyway, about 14 hounds on trail. I followed the CTA's directions to get there fifteen minutes ahead of the start and arrived 15 minutes late. Yes, again. There were marks to B for late comers. I followed them behind Blooms. The chocolate smells in the breeze were the only good smells down in that hole were the local gangs do their drug deals. And no hares in sight. So I take off on trail backwards with my back pack for the shag wagon that wasn't there. The trail was the usual shit in that area. Back and forth, river level and upper level, crossing tracks and going down one side of the street only to return on the other side. and suddenly there it the pack coming my way lead by Hooch B4 Cooch. This quick? Yeah. This quick. They found a short cut and missed over half of the trail. As a matter of fact, the heroes of the day were Lifa, the FRB and Lower Wackoo the DFL. But they were the only ones who did the whole trail. Well done.
On Out
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On ON and Swing Low
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Mar 30, 2022, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Dickinme  Twofiddy hared from Delilah's at 2771 N. Lincoln. They had a small turnout of about 4 due to rain.
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Thu. Mar 31, 2022. The Thirstday Hash,
Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck hare out of Empirical Brewery at  1801 W. Foster, They had cans of Empirical Beer for circle. Hey, OK.
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Sun. Apr 3, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Lifa hared from Welles Park at Montrose and Western. Lifa's 30th anniversary Hash. Thirteen Hounds took off to the north and west and the usual Lifa back and forth and a quick regroup with a long back check. Then we headed further north and eventually crossing Lincoln to the east and north of Lawrence. By now I'm in back with Lower Wackoff and he falls back and I'm alone. We head on and at a large park, we do a loop through it and then head south. And Lower Wackoff catches up. A block south is a Check marked with a stick. Not always accurate and sure enough Muffin Stuffin is coming back from going a long block the wrong way. From here on it is the three of us, heading west and then south in alleys paralleling Lincoln and south of Lawrence. We catch a Back Check here and Horn-E takes the lead crossing Lincoln and south to Welles Park. And a BN Check.Horn-E finds it to the south and through the park to an alley and a Split. From here it heads to western and Montrose where we regroup. Then we head west and right into an alley that leads a few blocks to a Beer Stop in a parking Lot. Trouble is, as we were heading west in the alley, the front of the pack is leaving the beer stop and heading back on Montrose to the start in Welles Park. I guess we don't matter if we're running late. All to often pattern lately. We held an all to short circle led by Brother Incisor and then the pack dispersed. Most went to a bar at Sunnyside and Lincoln where Hash Cash bought the first round. On Out.
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, SnatchSquatch had a surprise co hare in Homeless Granny Fucker as they laid trail out of Templestowe for 8 hounds. We took off to the west and I was actually in front. Yeah, one hundred feet. But I was on the right Split and we headed south on Kedzie for a block. By now they are passing me and trail headed west and we were off on a CCW loop. Mostly west and back and forth between Montrose and one block south. We did come to a Check at the exit of an alley and when I got there the pack was scattered. But I didn't see anyone head straight west in the alley. I eventually did and that was the last I saw of anyone. I was ON, and apparently those that weren't, soon were by ranging or seeing someone a block away and short cutting. And with the tight loop that the hares set, I believe that was what happened for most of the trail. The FRBs find the trail and as they are looping around others got nice short cuts. Meanwhile I'm on my own and it was well laid in that with the rainy weather expected, the marks were in flour and BIG. So I had no trouble in finding the trail. Went past Dickens Cider's old apartment, in the alley and back around the front and then back east. Again, a narrow corridor of no more then two blocks north and south and heading east. Guessing became easy and I only guessed wrong on one Split. But that was soon right back ON. Finally ended at the asshole of the Snatch, the garage behind SnatchSquatch's house. And they were already done with circle. So about ten minutes later we returned to the start and just hung out there, warm. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash, This was supposed to be Homeless Granny Fucker haring after getting a haring lesson from SnatchSquatch on Thursday. But suddenly he had a cohare in Brother Incisor. And then he never showed up and Brother Incisor hared alone. And that is how I got the story. But it gets worse, or maybe just the same old thing and then worse. The start was from Harrington's. I got there five minutes late, right with the arrival of Back Door Bizzle. And the pack was gone at 2:33. We followed, him with his dog and me with my back pack. The whole damn way. But that was a blessing in disguise, sort of. Later on that. We headed south to Oz Park and then west a block to Lincoln and a Check. Lower Wackoff was there waiting until the Check was solved. We finally guessed east and we were off. La Shartisie blew on by us coming off of a False. He was soon long gone. So the three of us ran like we were the only ones on the course as most marks were not swept. Over to the Zoo, north in the park and eventually at the Gazebo we headed west a block. North to Diversey and then east to Sheridan. Straight north and then it gets interesting. It started to look like exactly the same course as the hare laid on Mar 3. WTF. So we followed along taking turns leading and eventually working our way up to Sheffield and Addison. Here Back Door Bizzle had to turn back, get his car and head to work. So it is now me and Lower Wackoff. This whole time, it wasn't that we had a hard time finding trail. Mostly quite predictable and well marked, but we're slower then everyone else. So we run on straight west and then south and I managed to get ahead at a couple of Checks, but LW is always right behind me a block or so. Then going south on Racine, there was a turn east and at the alley it continued south. I never saw LW again. And I kept looking. So On to Diversey and south on Lincoln and eventually to the beer stop, just like Mar 3. And when I get there, there is a Check Mark and a message, "May the hash go in peace." WTF. A little over 6 miles and another hash with no circle and this time, no pack. WTF.
They didn't know about me and Back Door Bizzle. But they knew Lower Wackoff was out there. It turns out that Back Door Bizzle actually ran by Jonquil park were the beer stop and circle were just finishing up. He told them we were out there running trail. And they didn't wait. Did they just go home? Did they go to a bar? Did thye care at all? Sounds very unhashlike to me. But what do I know. I'm new at this. Lower Wackoff eventually got to the Beer Stop and found the same and wondered what the hell happened. All I do know for sure is I'm glad I didn't put a big in the shag wagon. I'd still be wondering where it was. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  

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The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 17, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Rusty Grundel hared from Kelly's Pub for ten hounds. We took off to the north in side streets and the FRBs were soon pulling away. By the time I got to the De Paul campus they were gone. But a Triple Split soon regrouped me with Lifa. We crossed Fullerton and into alleys toward Lincoln and as we crossed Lincoln he pulled away and I was joined by our virgin J. Allison running with That Thing That Vibrates. But they also pulled away and I last saw them heading east on Fullerton. Again I was briefly joined by Lifa as we entered a loop north to Wrightwood and back to Fullerton. As I was resolving a Split on Fullerton, Brother Incisor caught up with me. We crossed Fullerton and headed back to Lincoln. Here I found trail heading south. This untimately led to a Check at Oz Park. Brother Incisor eventually found trail through Oz Park as I was out searching False Trails. I eventually followed and trail crossed Armitage and into Mansion Row. Again another loop as trail came back north on Halsted. From here it went straight west and eventually after a quick loop to Armitage I found a Check at Sheffield. This took a little time before I found trail into an alley that eventually led me out to some construction across the street with an arrow pointing right at it. Not. The hare's arrows didn't always point exactly where the trail went and after screwing around I finally found trail off to the side. Well this led me to a Check at Clybourn. We're getting there. Yeah sure. I found trail and went into s few side streets and suddenly an arrow into an alley. Never saw another mark and I worked that area for another ten minutes. Finally called it and ran straight east on Webster to the bar. And the pack was already halfway through the circle. That was soon over and the pack soon dispersed. On Out.
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Fri, Mar 18, 2022, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Son Of Spam and Coma Toast laid a trail from from Smith Park, in rainy conditions. Apparently they used flour and I only heard one complaint. The marks were to far apart. I wanted to go and was dressed to go when a wave of heavy rain came through and I had a 6 block walk just to get to the El. And coming home meant a loooooong ride back on Western bus with detours. and I had to get up the next day to lay the trail in soggy woods. NO excuses, just lame reasons. Meat Inside Her, Berts special friend, Lifa and Lower Wackoff showed up and apparently the rain let up enough for the hash and then came down later. On out
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Sat. Mar 19, 2022, The Bushman Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz Woods for 5 hounds. Beautiful day with soggy grounds for running. We took off south and through a small prairie following False Advertising and then some woods before going over the the tracks on the bike path. Here was a bit of relatively open woods hashing and then we went into the area were we struggled last month on the no wimps hash and the cracking ice. From here the hare laid a long back check to find the location were he fell through the ice last month. A nasty ditch with a foot of water at the bottom. But back to trail and we headed back north through some woods following Lower Wackoff and Zone 2 along the river to the Tracks and the trestle over the river. By here we had lost all sight of Lifa who missed the concept of the Back Check. Hey, I've done this before. This was just a bit longer. Anyway, trail dipped down near the golf course and the last one I watched heading through there was Back door Bizzle and $20 Butt Slut. This eventually came out and we went along the railroad tracks. There was one section where you could see a lot of Golf Balls along the golf course. A good day and all of the hibernating golfers came out and opened up the Christmas package of a dozen golf balls. then they promtly hit most of then out of bounds. Got a bit rusty Huh. At the finish we must have gotten about 30 balls, and looking brand new. I digress. A short loop inbto some woods and then a short trip through Edgebrook woods and on in. While laying trail I saw a freight train go by. It was the longest one I ever saw. Even an engine in the middle. And it was on the south bound tracks, heading north. Eventually a Metra train came by on the north bound tracks. About five minutes later an Amtrac train came by. And the freight was still going northApparently the freight was on the wrong track s to let those other two trains pass it. But this damn train was so long, that where it was suppossed to merge back to the north bound tracks came up and the passenger trains hadn't ogot there yet. Train hell. It stopped and blocked all roads going north from Central to who knows were, But miles north. It was stopped for over 20 minutes. I was barely able to get around the back of it.
I digress again. Shut this damn writer down. We held circle under the bike bridge over the river and then adjourned to an Irish bar for a Guiness. When it takes about 10 minutes to pour a Guinness, you know they are doing it right. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 20, 2022, The Chicago Hash, Dick Hermonica hared from Roosevelt Park and the starting location was, well, screwed up. There was a CH3 mark on the pavement leading into the park and an arrow pointing south and crossed out. I didn't see anyone I thought were hashers, so I assumed the start was changed for some reason. So I went to the park north of there. Nothing. So I went south where I had seen some arrows andfollowed them. They went by one park and on south. I eventually got to the next park and no marks. Circling back I came to a Park that turned out to be a Shot Stop, WTF. I headed back towards what was suppossed to be the start, to verify that the mark was crossed out and I was now in a real bitching mood. And suddenly the pack is coing my way. From where the start was suppossed to be. But why in hell would an arrow pointing to the start be crossed out. WTF. Okay, so I go to the shot stop and drop ff my bag and finally get on trail with the pack. Not the best laid trail, but reasonable with a lot of Splits. West over the Roosevelt Road Bridge and then north to Harrison through some side streets. But mixed up enough that I was able to keep up and even found trail at one point near binnys. But for most of the trail Mommys coming was leading. What else is new. We finally are ehading up hill to that Roosevelt Bridge again and there is a BVN. Yeah, over the edge, or just follow the on out trail backwards for 4.7 miles. But we finally made it in as I followed Pony Pounder and Steps In Shit. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation came in DFL. Lifa was FRB but short cut the last bit and immediately left to catch a trail. On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That
. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  


The Tale of the Trail
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Tue 1 Mar 2022, The 4X2H4 Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin laid trail from Park 567 at 1811 N. Milwaukee for 5 hounds. There was only three of us at the start and we missed a quick turn after a split. I'm thinking already that I'll never see Double Meter beater again. But hey, it takes a while to figure out what the hell the hounds are doing. But then we were off down an alley and Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend arrived, late as usual. A quick Check and I'm losing the pack already. That's what happens when the slow old fart tries to actually Check. When I return they are gone. But it was being marked as they went along. So I kept going. We worked out way to Armitage and Milwaukee and a Check. But that was west across Western and south to Winnebago. Here we crossed Milwaukee again and I missed a turn, But I soon found trail and then a mark was missing but trail went through a parking lot and east on Moffat. Somewhere here I got my personal mental compass mixed up. Hell, it happens. We went back to Western and up onto the 606. but it only went across Western and back down. Now the trail is heading west on Blooingdale. Some how my brain has me going east. WTF. SH. Two blocks later the trail goes south and I'm thinking north. At a Check I head west thinking I'm heading east. But things aren't looking right. I finally check a building number. like they all have them, and I'm at 2700W, WTF. So I return and find the trail from that Check and it is back to Western. Now I'm thinking, that is something new on a hash. I was way behind before I f*cked things up and now it is hopelessly worse. So I return to that bridge for 606 on Western and head east. I better be right. I was. And it is straight back to the park and start. And there is False Advertising. He also lost trail. And there are no hares with beer. Finally the rest rolled on in. Then the hares arrived with beer and excuses and we held a short circle. ON Out
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Thu. Mar 3, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Brother Incisor hared from Irish Eyes. Trail headed straight east in the alley and then no

The Tale of the Trail
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Thu. Mar 10, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Output Lounge for a  six pack of hounds. Hey, Harrietts, you are welcome to hash TH3. Really. We started out in a light misting of snow and bright Orange marks. And we were stuck on the first block. But soon On a block later and a Split and Horn-E actually found the trail. Further south we had a Check and when I got there, Garmin zoomed right by me yelling On. But for two block, I never saw a mark. There was a Check there and everyone was gone and Garmin was running south on the east side of the street. I ran on the west side of the street and actually saw a mark. Last mark I saw until the finish. WTF. SH. At Lake Street Garmin yelled On again heading east. And again I saw no marks. Mommys Coming finally arrived and we followed east to Ashland and never saw a mark. WTF. But the others were Checking. Trail went straight south, but the last hashers I saw were heading into the park and east on Lake. I followed and never saw a mark. I only saw one mark since that Check about a half mile away. So I ranged north on Ogden checking every corner  heading to the trestle. Nothing. At Grand I headed west towards the area of the beer stop. In a Garage. So, I'm checking alleys and such and finally see a mark on Grand. a curved line. but which way is it going. So I end up going the wrong way and figure that out at a Split. Returning I find a line pointing to a garage door half open and the hare. One hour out. Perfect timing. Eventually the rest came on in including Double Meter Beater, Dickinme Twofiddy and SnatchSquatch. On Out
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Sat Mar 12, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. SnatchSquatchlaid trail  from Alarmist Brewing and Tap Room for 11 Hounds including like missing hashers, Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That
. Trail went east to Pulaski where we really stalled. I was heading north when Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned, Damn. That was the way. Well, we worked it for a bit before finding trail. From here it worked its way west to the bike trail. Here I think I missed a Check but finally figured out where the pack was, and they were strainght north to Devon and a Check. I got there just as the trail was found and we workedoutr way south and west. I finally started to fall behind and the last one I saw was Back Door bizzle after we crossed a field and rounded a church. The rest of the trail was well still being well swept. Thanks Dickens Cider, and eventually ran to another bike path. And as I ran along here I finally heard ON On in a little park and their the pack gathered for Circle. After a Big Dog Circle it was back to the brewery and a final round or two or three. I finally walked out with Back Door bizzle and walked with himuntil my bus came along. ON Out
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Sun. Mar 13, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Pony Pounder hared from Spiteful Brewing. Fifteen Hounds gathered including a virgin Just Rebecca. Trail went north east towards Bryn Mawr and Ravenswood, the way I walked in to the bar. So I saw three sets of arrows on the way and knew where the trail was going. I did manage a tiny short cut for Just Curt because of that information. And I tried to signal False Advertising to go straight north, but he took off straight east and wasn't seen until well after we all got in. This was all taking us to a Check at Peterson and Ridge, a block south of my house. So I knew that the False arrows going north on Paulina were False. . But I didn't know where it went. I finally found myself on Thorndale and Clark and the pack was a block south an a Triple Split. They headed east and so did I and came to a Check a block later, just after the FRB. So he gets first pick and I get the wrong pick. A block later I'm alone and the pack is heading south. I paralleled and they never came my way. Several blocks later I head towards Clark and spot a lone arrow going the wrong way. Check ahead. And south I go and another Check a few blocks later. Swept straight south, but the trail didn't go straight south. Thanks. So I range again to Ashland and there is a Split. A few Splits later and an unmarked Split. I go south and the trail went east. So now I'm inside the loop and I work my way west and south looking for trail and finally pick it up on Ravenswood. From here I found the back of the pack and it was on in to a park and circle. Back Door Bizzle led circle and all was good. Then we left and I almost headed back to the original Spiteful Brewery, but decided to follow the pack and we went to Empherical Brewery intead. Our third brewery in two days and I can't drink. Damn. On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E   rth to Wrightwood. So we're heading east on Wrightwood and the trail is just confusing enough that I'm just catching up to the pack as they take off after Splits, etc. So far so good. We finally head north to Diversey and the pack is finally gone. But trail is marked and it crosses Diversey and east on Surf. As it heads north, I should have spotted the last of the pack as they did a loop. but I missed that and did the loop to Sheridan and back and we finally head north to Belmont and Broadway. A marked Check north. Not. I'm behind and this pack was fast and we all know I'm half fast. So it was time to head west and see if I can intercept the pack on the loop back to Belmont. And suddenly I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch
, also lost and ranging. We check were we've been and head west. About 1.5 blocks past Shefield there is a mark and as I get there SnatchSquatch bursts out of an alley blowing his whistle like a steam engine blowing off steam. Since they ran through Boys Town I hope that was the only blowing going on. Trail went west a half block and then south. A few more hashers passed me and headed west some more. Not. I'm heading straight south and then east and eventually towards Jonquil Park and there is the pack and groupies hanging around drinking beer. Soon it was back to the bar and SnatchSquatch led circle. And buckets of beer were served. At least I think it was beer. All the bottles seemed to say something about Lite. And we had one returning hasher haven't seen in a long time, Put Put in the Butt. Welcome back. On Out
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Fri Mar 4, 2022, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid Trail from Ravenswood Manor Park at Eastwood and Manor.
The CTA f*cked me over again and I was a few minutes late for a late start and they were just about to do circle. So all was good. But the pack was small. Magnetic Muff and SnatchSquatch and that old fart Horn-E. We headed straight west and then into an alley. I saw SnatchSquatch heading south at the end of the alley, but when I got there I didn't see any marks. Well, to make a long story short, hell, this is Horn-E. Short stories are always long. I ended up ranging a block west in the alley to a T and then with still no marks I worked my way south and west to Kedzie. As I ranged south on Kedzie the other two were heading north in the alley I just left but a half block south of me. Big loop, find a Check and it was marked and I go right back to that alley a already ranged down. But there were no marks were I ran and I kept going and there were marks again and a Check. Unmarked. But I find the trail and head a block west, south a block and coming back east, I find the hounds at a hi jack drinking beer with Stuffin Muffin. After that we three ran on and Stuffin Muffin tried to follow. He missed a mark somewhere and ended up on last Sundays trail and found us at the finish which just happened to be where last weeks beer stop was. Hey, it worked. Meanwhile Magnetic Muff and I were trying to follow SnatchSquatch and we were really spread out, But trail went west and north of Lawrence to the River and then south to a beer stop where the hare was waiting. After the beer we ran on to the track crossing at Rockwell and then eventually to the Wilson ave bridge over the river and back to start. We held a laid back Moon style circle. Back Door Bizzle got a down down for the whitest brightest socks I ever saw at a Moon Hash. Like they were made from slices of cheese from the Full Moon. Only this was a First Crack of the Moon Hash. But they provided plenty of light. After circle the Muffins went home, SnatchSquatch returned on trail looking for lost property. And Back Door Bizzle gave me a ride home. All was good. On Out.
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Sun. Mar 6, 2022, The Chicago Hash,
Florida Man and Its Too Soft hared from 916 W. Fullerton, ITS's old condo, under going rehab. Hey, its for sale. Make him and offer he can't refuse. In circle we find out we will be on Blue Chalk. OH NO!!! Trail headed west and north and these young kids left this old man behind in about four or five blocks. The last one I saw was False Advertising and his Orange Elmer Fudd Hat. But I ran on and suddenly there is Furry Spice and his two virgins, J. Beth and J Katy catching up. Well, that didn't last long and about three blocks later they are gone. I am now heading west on Fullerton and trail goes between some buildings. Well at the end, I find a mark pointing across the street. Did I say Blue Chalk. Never saw the turn mark across the street. Finally Zone 2 comes along and sees the marks and we're off to the west. Okay, the hares marks were mostly big and pointing right to the next mark, but you couldn't really see a lot of them until you were right on them, and don't blink. Please never in the dark. White chalk or drywall. So the two of us plow ahead, She's mostly walking and I'm almost walking. Trail finally heads west on Diversey and then north. Here she used technology on trail. GPS. Found out where she was and hit the short cut button. Meanwhile I'm now running on alone. North three blocks and then south on Lincoln to a Check at Jonquil Park. They are already gone. These kids not only run fast they drink fast. Oh how I remember the old days. Back at the condo we gather in the back yard for circle. 20 hounds. There Back Door Bizzle led circle. Horn-E f*cked up a couple of songs. And he's sober. We need to get him drunk again. There was one other virgin there. Just Erin. And someone we haven't seen for a while, A bag of Ds. And most of the usual suspects. After circle was chili mac and pork chops inside the condo and the drinking went on and on. and I am On Out.

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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E  




The Tale of the Trail
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Wed, Feb 23, 2022,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Lifa laid trail from Rebel and Rye for a nice pack of two six packs. And we were soon off to the north and west and over the expressway . Then a quick Check on a side street. And when I got there, they were already heading north to another Check at Green Street. Now this one was weird. No one was finding anything. I followed Meet Insider Her north. Looking back I saw someone heading east rapidly. So I paralleled to Halsted and checked the far corner in case trail headed over the bridge. Nothing. On my return, I found a False on Green Street from that Check. Okay. Back at the Check there was almost no one. I followed Berts Special Friend and False Advertising south to that last Check and then just False Advertising heading west in an alley. There were marks. Well. WTF was that other Check all about. We're soon on to the west. Following west I fell behind and saw a turn north. I guessed that it was heading to a foot bridge over the expressway and short cut to where that comes out and there was False Advertising, Checking. And soon there was Lower Wackoff also. I checked south. Nothing. Finally in desperation we rechecked where False Advertising already happened to run, There was the true trail. Damn. So we run on and on and off we run into Stuffin Muffin also. At one point I get the lead and lead us south and then east in alleys and get passed as we go east and through a gangway. I'm now falling behind and head south but no one in sight. So as I work my way into the street to cross the street, some guy is suddenly following me. And following me. WTF. I finally get an opening in traffic and run on and finally loose him. Weird. But now I have also lost the trail. Heading east to check the Chicago Ave Bridge, I come up empty. So, Grand is next and heading south I see Stuffin Muffin running ahead. So I find trail again and then loose it again and I'm heading east again and a block south of Grand and back on trail. Walking at one point. Lower Wackoff finally catches me. Where the F*ck did he come from. And around the corner we are ON IN. And some how Stuffing Muffin is also behind us. No circle and soon half the pack went back to the bar while the rest of us hung out for a bit. Eventually we got cold and headed on to the bar and I got a ride from Double Meter Beater. He dropped me at the Belmont EL. Hey, DMB, that was a mistake on my part. Train stopped at Wilson for trouble in one of the cars. Fire Department was called. A block away. And we just sat there waiting. Even sucks when you catch your train. On Out
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Thu. Feb 24, 2022. The Thirstday Hash, Lifa laid trail from the Senior Citizens Park and it was snowing hard enough to require a live trail and he waited, hoping no one would show up and he could go home. Not happening. Suddenly there was Furry Spice and eventually Dickinme Twofiddy. Damn. So he took off on a short trail of about 2 miles. Unfortunately he laid two many checks and the two hounds really struggled and actually made it a hash. Or so I heard or maybe heard. On Out
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Sat. Feb 26, 2022, The Big Dog Hash. Castration Sensation came down from Milwaukee to lay this 10 mile plus hash from Chase Park. And three actually finished the trail. We had a pack of 7 hounds at the start. And trail headed to the west and under some tracks. heading north there was some confusion as to where the trail went. So I continued north to Lawrence and then west and found myself paralleling the course. A few blocks later the trail came to where I was and I was leading the back pack. We went north and around the high school at Damen and Foster. As I was running through the park I commented to Magnetic Muff that we will probably never see those front runners again and suddenly they were right in front of us. Regroup. Yea! The trail then headed back east and eventually back to the start for a quick beer stop. I took off right away and ended up running east on Lawrence and south a block and east to Broadway. Here SnatchSquatch, Lifa and Stiffy 4 Stiffies were catching up to me. Again back to Lawrence and further east. Here is where my ankle started to act up and I decided to call it before I got to far from the start. Smart move. Trail went all the way to the lake and a loop and then back to the start for the full 10 miles course. Somewhere along here, Back Door Bizzle also stopped and returned to the start. Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin only planned to run about four and quit at the beer stop, I hung with them until I got cold and headed home. Back Door Bizzle hung through the circle until the pack headed over to Carols. On Out
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Sun. Feb 27, 2022, The Chicago Hash
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Dryrafoam hared from Horner Park for 15 hounds. Trail headed through the park and south to Irvng Park. From here the trail headed almost all the way to Western.  and the pack was out of sight. I plodded on. Finally heading north I managed to see Back Door Bizzle ahead. I caught up and we ran on to Montrose. Then it was straight east to Lincoln. At Lincoln the two of us headed straight north. That was getting enough for me. Back Door Bizzle ran on for awhile before quitting and short cutting back. Meanwhile I ran straight west and over the bridge, constantly hoping for a mark and finally after the bridge I crossed trail. And this was just south of the beer stop, but I don't think they were there yet. Florida Man told me he got 7.1 miles. Glad I quit when I did. The pack finally got in and Back Door Bizzle got the circle going. We had two virgins, and welcomed them to our insanity. And they did empty their cans properly. Welcome. And all through circle people kept asking about Homeless Granny Fucker. Did he get nostalgic crossing one of the bridges? Or just quit like myself and BDB? On Out
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Swing Low and On On
Horn-E 

The Tale of the Trail
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Tue, Feb 15, 2022. The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch hared out of Brands Park for a six pack of hounds. We headed north to a Check on Elston. And we were still together. Trail went west around a little park and some damn slippery sidewalk and over to Kedzie and south. There was a Check at Belmont that I never saw because Berts Special Friend was already coming north on the other side of the street and ON. So I head On and at the first turn I missed the next mark until Magnetic Muff came along and spotted a mark heading north in an alley. Back on we head over towards the expressway and sort of along it. And I'm falling behind. But I'm still following MM and at Sacramento there was a Check I missed. And suddenly MM is coming back towards me. WTF. Oh, check. I think this is where Lower Wackoff passed me as the trail then went east and south. Again, near the expressway. At one point there is a little loop through an empty lot and back to a north street. And suddenly False Advertising zips by me and heads off in the distance. Another check at Elston and we head east towards Rockwell. North on Rockwell and a little loop and we are heading east over the bridge on Belmont. Mid bridge and cross the street and to the river walk area and there is the pack at a beer stop. Okay. Oh. More trail. Now here is where SnatchSquatch pulls something I never saw before. Trail goes north along the path to the rowing shed. Here is a Check at the river. And no marks anywhere. Finally the pack somehow finds themselves heading back south and there is a changed mark at the beer stop, heading back south on the path to Belmont, over the river, and back north on the river path on the west bank, and another Beer stop. And where am I. Still working that Check