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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 21 Aug 2010 by Horn-E
This is what it is all about. The kind of turnout you hope for. While so many hashes have had low turnouts of late, we had one of our best. Nine hounds showed up and some of the regulars didn't even make it. a perfect day for hashing except for the mosquitos. Pesky little bastards, but only in the deep woods where the soil was wet. Every time I bent over to lay a mark, they rose up like a swarm of Japanese planes over Pearl Harbor attacking everywhere. And they kept pursuing me down the path. I applied bug spray four times and I hate bug spray. I warned everyone and we all sprayed up. No beer stop. I couldn't afford the plasma that it would take. We did have an ambulance on hand with an extra supply. You couldn't even stop to pee. Those little bitches would suck more blood out of that little thing during a quick wizz then a team of hookers could suck cum out on open house night in the back alley.
But trail was laid and I survived. Now, would anyone show up. When I returned, there was Rear Loader sitting on a lounge chair in the shade on this beautiful day. Soon they arrived. Texas Asshole Massacre, EZ On The Ass, Tampon Tampoff, Licker Leash, Or G dressed as Easy Rider, Happy Ass Grabber with Turbo Dog, and Just Andy, Occupied came all the way from Hawaii. This is the way it should be. If I had packs like this on a regular basis, I could plan longer and better trails. We'll see what happens next month.
We finally took off and Happy Ass Grabber was first into the woods. Unfortunately he went left at a Split and the trail went right. They headed down along the river to mosquito hell. NEVER STOP. And they didn't. I ranged ahead to the footbridge and waited. Soon I saw EZ On The Ass find trail and lead the pack. That was short lived. Or G was first to the path and he was soon on heading east and south to a Check on a pile of road apples. It would be a scatty trail, one way or another. Or G headed to the river but found no footprints. Thinking he would out smart the hare, he then back tracked on trail. But the true trail headed straight down a wide horse trail. I was avoiding mosquitos. The scattered pack was soon on following the lead hound until they went through a small section of woods to a Check at the bike path. That bastard hare laid to long Falses to the south, one through mosquito alley. I'm not sure who caught what, but I heard yells of False. Meanwhile the trail did a loop and another loop, a big S curve and headed along the river to a bridge. I did consider a river crossing, but that would just wash away the bug spray and cause severe loss of blood. After we crossed the bridge there was a Check and it had the pack scattered. But trail went right into the Scritchy Scratchy. No real path, or just the slightest hints of a path, but Or G spotted the Toilet Paper and he was off. This led to a section that I love. It is a small section of tall weeds. I'm talking 12 feet high and real thick. Yeah, trail went through this. I can only imagine what it would be like to do several acres of these, Wherethefuckarewe Weeds. But it was short lived and they were soon following the faint path and TP heading west to a gravel path. Check. We lost Occupied here. He went out of the woods and wasn't seen again until the finish. All woods, all the time. Meanwhile, they finally headed south along the gravel path and were On. They have signs all over about don't disturb the prairie and then they destroy it with this ugly road filled with pot holes filled with mosquito breeding water. But finally we entered the large prairie area. I hoped for some real high scritchy scratchy, but they mowed parts of it. So the trail went through various sections of short weeds and tall weeds until we came out on the other side to a gravel path. This went left to a chained off road. Do Not Enter, Service Road. Yeah, like hashers can read. Someone yelled this out, but wouldn't confess to it in the circle. Naturally trail went this way. It led to the edge of the Metra tracks and a Back Check. This had the pack following a stream bed of mud. And then over weeds and mosquito country. We came back up the hill to a trace of a path and followed this along the river. The front hound was lucky. He disturbed the skitters. The rest were waving their arms so much that Occupied thought they were going to take off and started to tell everyone about their seat belts. But this was short lived and led to a short trail across a foot bridge and out to the picnic area and the end of the skitters. I heard someone say, "Don't tell Horn-E but that was pretty good." And the skitters weren't really that bad. Just keep moving.
Soon Horn-E arrived with the beer. Cold, cheap, and some chips. Circle up and the accusations took off in Bushman style. Horn-E got four of the first six down downs and he gave one to someone else. Picking on that bastard hare. Damn right, We also got the DFLs and the Bushman virgins. It was a short circle and a short drinking period and soon, the hashers had to leave for whatever evening plans they had. And that is what the Bushman is about. Good trail, beer and move on or hang out.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 19 Aug 2010 by Horn-E
Are They Real set this from the Spot again. But we never drink there. And this time was even worse. No one even had a pre hash drink. They might not let us back in. And it was a small turnout too. Again. We had 15 at the start. And that included one hare and Horn-E and Corn Star who were going to get the beer. So, twelve hounds on trail. But for all of you who were afraid of another Are They Real trail, I didn't here any complaints. She is working her way up to average. So, lets support her next attempt. We all get better with practice and friendly criticisms. I don't know where they went, but the FRBs came into the beer stop with smiles and a thirsty look. That was Licker Leash, Greasy Spurn and Five Hole Failure. And we had virgins too. They liked it.
From here we walked to the finish, which was the pool deck at Are There Real's condo. No, we couldn't go swimming. But she had ham sandwiches to go with the ample supply of beer. Circle was very subdued do to the noise restrictions, but went well. Happy Ass Grabber presided and called out the virgins for special introductions. Just Tod, Just Mike and Just Veronica. Welcome. We finally ended the quiet circle and hung around until they through us out at 10:00. Yes 10:00. So we headed up to her unit for more beer. Who else was there? Iron Maiden, Just John, Just Stacey, and the 10k Tiki Ho showed up late. I think I missed a name or two. Sorry.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 11 Aug 2010 by Horn-E
Horn-E laid this out of Little Rascals and by all indications, the trail was tricky enough to keep the hounds at bay. Heading north we had a Split that had Just Do Me Slowly taking the lead down an alley. But that only lasted to the first Check at the edge of a park. She headed into the park and was way out there when Or G found trail to the east. Since when do we go east from here? Since now. And Or G led to a Check in a school yard. At the exit, he went left, wrong, and Just Do Me Slowly went right, right. And she led us over to Belmont and across where we joined her and she led to the next Check. But Or G had been here before and headed for the tunnel and found a Triple Split for a second mark. We could have regrouped a hundred hashers here before Just Do Me Slowly again found trail with flour on trees and through a park for a little loop and then on south to Diversey. Trail went west and another Check at a light. That brave Or G ran straight down Diversey leaving little Just Do Me Slowly heading off down a dark alley. But after slaying three dragons, wiping out a Mexican drug cartel and seven Polish gangsters, she emerged to help Or G find trail in a park to the south. Meanwhile Horn-E went off to buy beer for a beer stop. I next saw our little band of hounds as they ran, make that walked down tracks and couldn't find the flour in the weeds. So I rescued them and we started a walking beer stop, through some nasty burrs and a downed fence and a huge construction site, past the Mexican band practicing for the next Lalapollosa and finally emerging at Diversey. Another Check. With the half naked Or G starring at the hare with threats in his eyes and sweat running down everywhere, he demanded another beer. He looked like the ghost of a thousand slayings crossing the
Rio Grande in Arizona, and with hundreds of Mexicans wandering around everywhere, I wasn't challenging him. So we kept walking and kept the walking beer stop going through a four block long park and back to the bar. Heat. This ain't shit. Not after you ran Viet Nam in a heat wave as the hare did.
Rio Grande in Arizona, and with hundreds of Mexicans wandering around everywhere, I wasn't challenging him. So we kept walking and kept the walking beer stop going through a four block long park and back to the bar. Heat. This ain't shit. Not after you ran Viet Nam in a heat wave as the hare did.
Back at the bar we ordered some pub grub and I had a really great burger and we had several pitchers of beer and drank until.... Then we headed off to find the Moon Dancers.
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