On Tue, Aug 7, 2018, I did the 4X2H4 Hash an I hared from Lotties with a total of 9 Hounds. Then the rains came as I was about to leave home. So bad my street was flooded, over the curbs on both sides. That is a heavy rain. So I prepared for the worst and only a few hounds and a semi live trail. I arrived at 6:15 and Soul Taco was there and ready to run. The sky now looked like no rain so I took off laying trail with dry wall. The plan was to head east, but not past Ashland to the east and Armitage to the north, and to the south go only two blocks south of North. Then race back to the start to find out who was there so I could buy enough beer while laying trail. The pack was growing and there would be 7 of us. Three six packs. They were to take off and I went back to trail to finish laying it. Trail now stayed between North and Armitage and not go as far west as Western. Worked fine as I tried to run with a heavy back pack and hope the following pack of hounds wouldn't catch me. So, how do you do that. Tricky Checks and Splits, as often as possible to slow them down like a real hash and give myself more time. It worked. And almost everyone finished within a tight group. But now there were 10 of us and not quite enough beer. And then the bitching began. Five or more miles. Well, true trail was about 4 exactly. The checking got them, but it did keep the pack together. We finished without a BN. I made it up as I went and suddenly I saw the spot, so I just laid a B. Hell, I'm right there so they can't miss me. on the 606 bridge over Damen with a slight cool breeze on a muggy night. After, we went back to Lotties for another and I bought a pitcher of Old Man Grumpy. Good stuff from a grumpy old man.

On Mon, Jul 30, 2018, Glory Hole laid a hash for Chicago H3. And three Chicago Hashers actually showed up. We also had three new hashers, including two virgins. Hooch B4 Cooch showed up late and joined us half way through the trail. With that group we struggled over some Checks but we eventually managed to find trail. I finally fell way behind when a homeless lady in a wheel chair was blocking a turn arrow. Damn. By then I was far enough back that I took the Turkey trail as did the two virgin. The Eagle trail ran down an entrance to the Kennedy and up another entrance to the Kennedy. Fortunately they were under construction. We ended up on the Glory Deck with some snacks and left over beer from POP before we slowly drifted off.

On Thu Aug 2, 2018, we had three hares scheduled for a trail from Kasey's and ended up with two and the one not originally scheduled laid most of the trail. HUH!!! Originally Choke N Stroke, River Stone Annie and Silent But Deadly. But SBD bailed and Gay Dancer stepped up. Then RSA bailed and CNS arrived late and chased GD through most of the trail. And as she raced through the trail, so did the pack of 15. I actually started out near the front as trail was found to the east, but quickly fell behind while Checking and followed the pack south. New stuff and I ended up following Menstrual Casserole. Bad decision. She was following some people ranging and looking for a short cut as we ran south towards Roosevelt, but it was fenced off. Meanwhile the pack went up some stairs and off to Roosevelt and a Split that headed west. By the time i got there I was all alone and followed a well marked trail, but a race course with simple Checks and Splits and few of them. Eventually Cums On Everyone joined me as a late arrival. We ran most of that trail together and eventually ended up in the corner of a park as the last two hounds to the beer stop. From here it was a quick walk to the roof of Ice Princes where we circled and had to choose between shit beer and shitty beer. I finally left with Choke N Stroke and Gay Dancer and headed for the El as Lollapalooza was letting out. But the CTA actually had extra trains and we got seats across from some guy with a bloody nose and blood all over his shirt. WTF.

On Sat, Aug 4, 2018, the last trail of the week was a Big Dog Hash from Stab'em & Slab'em's house. We had 17 hounds following the trail she and Reverand Shut The Fuck Up set. And the 96 degree heat on a sunny day had people whithering right from the start. A quick lemonade stand helped refresh me and we ran off towards Jackson Park. I was now paralleling the pack having missed a turn, but there was suddenly The Foam Queen and I followed him to a quick Back Check and we headed into the park. We mostly stayed somewhat in sight of everyone except Lower Wackoff and Menage A Twat who fell behind and ended up walking. They actually got to the beer stop just as we were about to leave. I digress. Meanwhile the pack ranged between the golf course and towards the lake, but never quite there, and through a nice mix of Checks and Splits that mostly kept us together. Hell, even Horn-E got in front a few times. We eventually entered a natural area with some nice paths through prairie grasses and such and a short time later we were at the beer stop. And we really needed it. Back at the hares house we headed out to a yard party for some snacks and a circle. then we headed for food, sausages, potatoes, bread, shrimp, etc. damn good grub. I finally left when Lower Wackoff made a ride available. We had one Harriett who I haven't seen in many years show up. Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off. Welcome back.

On Mon, July 16, 2018, The Cock Whisperer, Rusty Grundel and Soul Taco laid a trail from Damen Tavern for eight hounds. A nice twisting course. Unfortunately is was sabotaged 7 times along the trail. Yes, SEVEN. I'm not the only one who got burned. But it added up to about 2 extra miles of running and missing the beer stop for me.
Sweeping: This is when someone follows the course and marks various Splits, Checks, etc, after they have been resolved.
Why: Hashing is not a race but a group endeavor to resolve a course. After decisions are resolved, we mark these points so that various individuals in back of the pack can hopefully catch up with the pack and not have to resolve everything themselves, thereby falling further behind, or getting lost.
Who are these people in back. Often me and other slower hashers, and maybe visitors and virgins who are not familiar with our marks or the area, those that missed the start, or those that actually went the wrong way at a decision while trying to resolve the trail for the pack and on returning the pack is gone in another direction.
This trail had seven mis marked sweep marks. No excuse. We appreciate all correct marks as we try to catch up. But a bad mark is worse then no mark at all. If there is a decision point and you see someone running up ahead, they might be On, or ranging to someone they see is On. And if you mark something in that direction and you are not On the true trail for some time, or on the wrong side of the street from real true marks, you are marking the wrong direction for those that follow. Once you make a mark, you have taken control of the trail and until you bring the trail back to the actual trail, you are still in control. That means that you need to continue making marks every so often as if you were the hare, until you bring your trail back to the hares trail. Or correct false marks that in no way lead to the Hares Trail. It is sabotage to mark an arrow as true when it isn't.
1. Running south, east side of street. NE corner, split south and to SW corner. Marked to SW corner. Trail went S a short block to an unmarked Check. About a half mile extra running by the time I found that Check Point. Still  had to solve the Check.
mile
2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice.
3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile
4. A Check on Grand. Marked east. Long block east and back on the other side. Another quarter mile extra. Found trail right away to the north. 2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice.
3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice. 3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice. 3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile 5. Coming out of an alley, a Split marked north. Later found it a hundred feet to the east. Another quarter mile.
6. Triple Split, Beer Near, marked south. No marks. Another quarter mile. Trail went east.
7. Triple Split at an alley, marked east. No marks. North no marks. Trail went west and a quick BVN mark. Another half mile.
Beer stop was shortly later, no beer, no pack and back at the bar they were well into circle. And they wonder why I sometimes come in pissed. Sabotage, seven times. No excuses.

On Thu there was a Thirstday Hash, the virgin Chicago haring attempt by Eat My Pussy from Replay Lakeview. Wasn't there, hope they had a good time.

Then on Sat, Jul 21, 2018, we had a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. Beautiful day for hashing, with only a few light sprays of rain. Six hounds included three Bushman Virgins. Pasta In My Pants from Italy, transplant Double Click For Dick, and Ur Root My Canal, another transplant from up north. And she brought her own balls. And our FRB, R-Tard-E, Just Do Me Slowly our first Bush Babe, and Or G. Screw up of the day was Or G. Now all the Harriets can point at him and tell him how nasty he was. Yeah, he had to stand like a man, behind a tree. Untied his pants, where he had his keys tied, and when he finished he ran on. Suddenly he was returning. He lost his car keys. Ooops. The rest of the guys ran on to the beer stop while I followed the two Bush Babes as a sweep. We had one stretch early on where we got surrounded by water and everyone plunged on in several inches of water and even more of mud. But after that we had three stream crossing that were an easy jump across. Saw three deer on trail while laying it. Also five sightings of a Blue Heron flying over the river. I also ran into a tree, bent over and mooning the trail and it had two assholes. Really. And there was the tree with a handle on it in case it fell over. Really. Never saw anything like that in all my woods trails. Plenty of beer and a casual circle after, then we went to BringerInn for a last round or two. Good time.  2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice.
3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile 4. A Check on Grand. Marked east. Long block east and back on the other side. Another quarter mile extra. Found trail right away to the north. 5. Coming out of an alley, a Split marked north. Later found it a hundred feet to the east. Another quarter mile. 6. Triple Split, Beer Near, marked south. No marks. Another quarter mile. Trail went east. 7. Triple Split at an alley, marked east. No marks. North no marks. Trail went west and a quick BVN mark. Another half mile. Beer stop was shortly later, no beer, no pack and back at the bar they were well into circle. And they wonder why I sometimes come in pissed. Sabotage, seven times. No excuses. On Thu there was a Thirstday Hash, the virgin Chicago haring attempt by Eat My Pussy from Replay Lakeview. Wasn't there, hope they had a good time. Then on Sat, we had a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. Beautiful day for hashing, with only a few light sprays of rain. Six hounds included three Bushman Virgins. Pasta In My Pants from Italy, transplant Double Click For Dick, and Ur Root My Canal, another transplant from up north. And she brought her own balls. And our FRB, R-Tard-E, Just Do Me Slowly our first Bush Babe, and Or G. Screw up of the day was Or G. Now all the Harriets can point at him and tell him how nasty he was. Yeah, he had to stand like a man, behind a tree. Untied his pants, where he had his keys tied, and when he finished he ran on. Suddenly he was returning. He lost his car keys. Ooops. The rest of the guys ran on to the beer stop while I followed the two Bush Babes as a sweep. We had one stretch early on where we got surrounded by water and everyone plunged on in several inches of water and even more of mud. But after that we had three stream crossing that were an easy jump across. Saw three deer on trail while laying it. Also five sightings of a Blue Heron flying over the river. I also ran into a tree, bent over and mooning the trail and it had two assholes. Really. And there was the tree with a handle on it in case it fell over. Really. Never saw anything like that in all my woods trails. Plenty of beer and a casual circle after, then we went to BringerInn for a last round or two. Good time. On On
On Thu there was a Thirstday Hash, the virgin Chicago haring attempt by Eat My Pussy from Replay Lakeview. Wasn't there, hope they had a good time. Then on Sat, we had a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. Beautiful day for hashing, with only a few light sprays of rain. Six hounds included three Bushman Virgins. Pasta In My Pants from Italy, transplant Double Click For Dick, and Ur Root My Canal, another transplant from up north. And she brought her own balls. And our FRB, R-Tard-E, Just Do Me Slowly our first Bush Babe, and Or G. Screw up of the day was Or G. Now all the Harriets can point at him and tell him how nasty he was. Yeah, he had to stand like a man, behind a tree. Untied his pants, where he had his keys tied, and when he finished he ran on. Suddenly he was returning. He lost his car keys. Ooops. The rest of the guys ran on to the beer stop while I followed the two Bush Babes as a sweep. We had one stretch early on where we got surrounded by water and everyone plunged on in several inches of water and even more of mud. But after that we had three stream crossing that were an easy jump across. Saw three deer on trail while laying it. Also five sightings of a Blue Heron flying over the river. I also ran into a tree, bent over and mooning the trail and it had two assholes. Really. And there was the tree with a handle on it in case it fell over. Really. Never saw anything like that in all my woods trails. Plenty of beer and a casual circle after, then we went to BringerInn for a last round or two. Good time.  2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice.
3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile 4. A Check on Grand. Marked east. Long block east and back on the other side. Another quarter mile extra. Found trail right away to the north. 5. Coming out of an alley, a Split marked north. Later found it a hundred feet to the east. Another quarter mile. 6. Triple Split, Beer Near, marked south. No marks. Another quarter mile. Trail went east. 7. Triple Split at an alley, marked east. No marks. North no marks. Trail went west and a quick BVN mark. Another half mile. Beer stop was shortly later, no beer, no pack and back at the bar they were well into circle. And they wonder why I sometimes come in pissed. Sabotage, seven times. No excuses. On Thu there was a Thirstday Hash, the virgin Chicago haring attempt by Eat My Pussy from Replay Lakeview. Wasn't there, hope they had a good time. Then on Sat, we had a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. Beautiful day for hashing, with only a few light sprays of rain. Six hounds included three Bushman Virgins. Pasta In My Pants from Italy, transplant Double Click For Dick, and Ur Root My Canal, another transplant from up north. And she brought her own balls. And our FRB, R-Tard-E, Just Do Me Slowly our first Bush Babe, and Or G. Screw up of the day was Or G. Now all the Harriets can point at him and tell him how nasty he was. Yeah, he had to stand like a man, behind a tree. Untied his pants, where he had his keys tied, and when he finished he ran on. Suddenly he was returning. He lost his car keys. Ooops. The rest of the guys ran on to the beer stop while I followed the two Bush Babes as a sweep. We had one stretch early on where we got surrounded by water and everyone plunged on in several inches of water and even more of mud. But after that we had three stream crossing that were an easy jump across. Saw three deer on trail while laying it. Also five sightings of a Blue Heron flying over the river. I also ran into a tree, bent over and mooning the trail and it had two assholes. Really. And there was the tree with a handle on it in case it fell over. Really. Never saw anything like that in all my woods trails. Plenty of beer and a casual circle after, then we went to BringerInn for a last round or two. Good time. On Mon, The Cock Whisperer, Rusty Grundel and Soul Taco laid a trail from Damen Tavern for eight hounds. A nice twisting course. Unfortunately is was sabotaged 7 times along the trail. Yes, SEVEN. I'm not the only one who got burned. But it added up to about 2 extra miles of running and missing the beer stop for me. Sweeping: This is when someone follows the course and marks various Splits, Checks, etc, after they have been resolved. Why: Hashing is not a race but a group endeavor to resolve a course. After decisions are resolved, we mark these points so that various individuals in back of the pack can hopefully catch up with the pack and not have to resolve everything themselves, thereby falling further behind, or getting lost. Who are these people in back. Often me and other slower hashers, and maybe visitors and virgins who are not familiar with our marks or the area, those that missed the start, or those that actually went the wrong way at a decision while trying to resolve the trail for the pack and on returning the pack is gone in another direction. This trail had seven mis marked sweep marks. No excuse. We appreciate all correct marks as we try to catch up. But a bad mark is worse then no mark at all. If there is a decision point and you see someone running up ahead, they might be On, or ranging to someone they see is On. And if you mark something in that direction and you are not On the true trail for some time, or on the wrong side of the street from real true marks, you are marking the wrong direction for those that follow. Once you make a mark, you have taken control of the trail and until you bring the trail back to the actual trail, you are still in control. That means that you need to continue making marks every so often as if you were the hare, until you bring your trail back to the hares trail. Or correct false marks that in no way lead to the Hares Trail. It is sabotage to mark an arrow as true when it isn't. 1. Running south, east side of street. NE corner, split south and to SW corner. Marked to SW corner. Trail went S a short block to an unmarked Check. About a half mile extra running by the time I found that Check Point. Still  had to solve the Check. 2. Triple Split marked S. Ran over a long block with no marks extra quarter mile,An extra quarter mile,. Trail went east with first mark about a hundred feet away, what would have been my first choice. An extra quarter mile. hat would have been my first choice. , what would have been my first choice. 3. A split, marked north. Long block and back, nothing. East a hundred feet. Another quarter mile 4. A Check on Grand. Marked east. Long block east and back on the other side. Another quarter mile extra. Found trail right away to the north. 5. Coming out of an alley, a Split marked north. Later found it a hundred feet to the east. Another quarter mile. 6. Triple Split, Beer Near, marked south. No marks. Another quarter mile. Trail went east. 7. Triple Split at an alley, marked east. No marks. North no marks. Trail went west and a quick BVN mark. Another half mile. Beer stop was shortly later, no beer, no pack and back at the bar they were well into circle. And they wonder why I sometimes come in pissed. Sabotage, seven times. No excuses. On Thu there was a Thirstday Hash, the virgin Chicago haring attempt by Eat My Pussy from Replay Lakeview. Wasn't there, hope they had a good time. Then on Sat, we had a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove. Beautiful day for hashing, with only a few light sprays of rain. Six hounds included three Bushman Virgins. Pasta In My Pants from Italy, transplant Double Click For Dick, and Ur Root My Canal, another transplant from up north. And she brought her own balls. And our FRB, R-Tard-E, Just Do Me Slowly our first Bush Babe, and Or G. Screw up of the day was Or G. Now all the Harriets can point at him and tell him how nasty he was. Yeah, he had to stand like a man, behind a tree. Untied his pants, where he had his keys tied, and when he finished he ran on. Suddenly he was returning. He lost his car keys. Ooops. The rest of the guys ran on to the beer stop while I followed the two Bush Babes as a sweep. We had one stretch early on where we got surrounded by water and everyone plunged on in several inches of water and even more of mud. But after that we had three stream crossing that were an easy jump across. Saw three deer on trail while laying it. Also five sightings of a Blue Heron flying over the river. I also ran into a tree, bent over and mooning the trail and it had two assholes. Really. And there was the tree with a handle on it in case it fell over. Really. Never saw anything like that in all my woods trails. Plenty of beer and a casual circle after, then we went to BringerInn for a last round or two. Good time.
Last week
On Mon Jul 9, 2018, at The Chicago Hash, Rusty Grundel and the Cock  Whisperer hared from Local Option for 23 hounds with visitors and virgins everywhere. Trail was a nice mix of back and forth without much in the way of outrageous short cuts and a lot of Checks and Splits that kept the pack together and really showed the visitors what hashing in a pack is really all about. And even Horn-E got a turn in front thanks to crossing Fullerton when he saw the pack cross Fullerton a block further west, and coming on marks heading east. Sometimes you get lucky. Good circle in the bar and the bar tender was an old friend from Ravens. Great.

Then on Thu, Jul 12, 2018, SnatchSquatch led his annual Running of the Bulls hash with a co hare, Flamming Flaggot for the TH3 Hash. We had 10 Spaniards and 5 Bulls for this chase from Redmonds. And for once, we Bulls actually got through three Checks before Gay Dancer and Dr. Cockvorkian gored Horn-E, The Dark Kunt and the visitor from Dallas, Double Dribble. Then, back at Redmonds, the bar was having Trivia night so we headed out for 3 30 packs and held circle under the El Track, about 150 feet west of Sheffield. And no cops, but the El did a number on singing and accusations, etc. After, about ten hashers headed to some BYOB pizza place for a few slices.

Fri, Jul 13, 2018, had Lower Wackoff setting the First Crack of the Moon Hash #250. We ran from Ham Tree Inn with 12 hounds. The hare was up to his usual Checks and although this was supposed to be only 2.5 miles long to celebrate the 250th hash, his checks were such that we had a long run before finding the beer. And we really had to look for that. Then we held a short circle in a shelter in the woods before heading back to the bar. On the way back, Lower Wackoff stopped for three large pizzas with six different types of toppings. And he bought them. Great. And we only had $2.50 Hash Cash to celebrate the 250th hash. But Son Of Spam kept the beer flowing and covered that. We also actually had 2 people who were at the first FCMH3, Horn-E the founder and Bloody Thighs.

Then we had to face the Cums On All BasesCums On All BasesCums On All BasesSat, Jul 14, 2018, Cums On All Bases, Big Dog Hash from the Palatine Metra stop. We had a late start due to rain the night before that wiped out the pre laid trail, and the hare having to work earlier. We had a pack of 12 that spanned 75 years differences in age. A Visitor with his wife and two kids, our resident, transient, summer visitors from Hawaii, And six regular hashers. The trail was short on the hashing part of less then two miles where we regrouped at a Check we couldn't solve and then we headed out on two death marches of over a mile each and just straight until the final On In. We entered her house and I thought I was hashing in Antarctica. Damn she had that air conditioner on full blast. I grabbed a beer and headed back in the heat, and shade, to rest up and recover. We eventually held a BDH3 circle and then it was around back to a porch and brats and burgers. Good stuff. We were eventually given rides back to cars and Lower Wackoff and I actually got a ride back into Norwood and his car. All was good.

Sun Jul 15, 2018, there was a surprise hash. Sort of. Second City had a hash and SnatchSquatch forgot he signed up for it, so there wasn't much notice, like Thursday it was announced. But he snagged Panda as a co-hare and set out on a three mile trail. Then the pack arrived, Well, only three of us, Its Too Soft, Eat My Pussy, and Horn-E. But we headed out into the heat and probably did closer to four miles with the Checking and stuff. We all took turns leading the trail and finally Horn-E led to a Check at California and Montrose, after not having a beer stop in the park. So Horn-E went West to a False, and Eat My Pussy headed east and found trail. As Horn-E returned towards the Check, he ranged one block north hoping to come across trail. Then heading east one block and there was trail and the Beer Stop in this small triangle park, and the two hares, and ice cold water and beer. Finally Its Too Soft ranged off of the Check and straight north and after one block he arrived. Eventually Eat My Pussy finished off the trail correctly and came on in. Back at the finish, SnatchSquatch's garage, he announced that their would be no hash cash as he was just using up some beer laying around the house. Thanks. Then we held the lamest circle ever at a SCH3 hash, the home of the sitting circles. Then we hung around and actually talked politics, agreeing and disagreeing and never arguing, just stating experiences, ideas, attitudes, etc. All politics should be that peaceful. See what a hash and cold beer can accomplish.

I also want to thank those that laid these last three hashes. I actually spent more on transportation, and I get senior citizen rates, then I did on Hash Cash. For that there were three very hot hashes, two hot meals and a lot of cold beer.  For me, it was one hell of a good weekend. Special thanks, Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam, Cums On All Base and SnatchSquatch.

On Mon, Jun 15, 2018, The Chicago Hash had a Putt Putt In My Butt and Just Jen trail from Parrots for 17 hounds. It started out with a straight trail south, but soon got into some twisting turns that led over to Lincoln Park (good) and the lake front (good) before more twists and turns until the pack arrived at a beer stop in a little park a block from the bar. Then someone chased the pack out and they went back to the bar. 

Then on Tue, Jun 26, 2018The Chicago Full Moon Hash was led by Lifa. We had 8 hounds including the late coming Lower Wackoff and Son Of Spam and the lost soul, Horn-E. Horn-E got behind at the first Check as he wandered off down an alley. But he ran on and fell behind further and further and finally came out of passing under some tracks to rain, and no mark. The pack was long gone and a real heavy rain was expected. So Horn-E ranged in the direction he thought the hare would go. Never try to out guess the hare. He went east and the trail went west. eventually Horn-E had to head to the possible beer stop and found the hare and a spare umbrella. About ten minutes later the soggy pack of throughly soaked hounds came on in and we held a brief outdoor circle under some trees and the rain slowed down to a drizzle.

On the third day, Jun 27, 2018, there was The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch laid trail from The Empty Bottle for six hounds. We ran on and on and slowly split into three packs of two each. I was with Waiting For Two Black Guys and we fell behind early. He couldn't run much and I can't run for shit. We finally hit a Split and I managed to spot Its Too Soft about two blocks away and running into a park. We followed and finally caught him in the park. At this point we thought everyone was way up front. But along came Berts Special Friend to join us and he and Its Too Soft mainly stayed together and on and off ran ahead. Meanwhile we tried to keep up. Then after the park and a big loop, we were suddenly passed by Son Of Spam and Dick Hermonica. Suddenly we were all together and then Split right away again into the three packs. We had one more Check and two just headed back, two of us were off trail and found marks and finally deduced that they were from a Check and also gave up not finding a third mark. Eventually Its Too Soft and Berts Special Friend came in last, but the only two hounds to do it all.

Finally we have the fourth day Jun 28, 2018, of hashing in a row with a Thirstday Hash, A to B out of Beaumonts. Soul Taco and Silent But Deadly hared for a pack of 19. The trail headed west and I fell behind, eventually following two visitors after a SN Check and they headed down an alley with only two marks, finally returning. Then we saw some people ahead in the other end of that alley and assumed that was On. It wasn't. Finally we got on track and got to the shot stop. Shortly after we back tracked and went to another SS that was about a half mile away, in Dr. Cockvorkian's gangway. I ran on and worked my way to Armitage and a Check. Heading the wrong way, most of the pack found there way to a beer Stop at Pearl Vision's. Meanwhile I was ranging around Oz Park and Hooch B4 Cooch ran by and into the park yelling something about being on a mark. I never saw it and he just headed towards the NE corner without any marks. I later found there was a Check there. Meanwhile I worked the park and then found a few hashers coming out of an alley yelling On to the east. There was a bad mark there, but the hare was waving us to the south and that beer stop. That was it for me. To many stops and my recovery is slow. As we took off again, I walked and some ran and some walked. I fell behind and followed the trail north on Lincoln. One block north the trail crossed the street and there was a Split pointing north and east. I assumed the park for the finish or next beer stop. Wrong. By the time I returned, I added to damn much to the trail and finally found the true trail to the north east. After this it was simple and kept going towards Its To Soft's roof with few diversions. Would have been nice if I knew that was the destination as some knew. By the time I got there, they were well into circle and I just grabbed a beer and sat on the far end of the roof for some recovery and relaxation time before finally joining the circle. Looked like a good circle with visitors and virgins. After there were Brats and hot dogs.

On Thu, 21 Jun 2018, Menstrual Casserole laid her anniversary hash from Miska's. We had a low turnout of only 9 hounds for a beautiful night of hashing with cool temperatures. While the trail was a nice course, the marks were hard to follow due to being to far spaced, especially at Checks. From the back of the pack, where I was as usual, along with Famming Flaggot. We lost the pack completely between the first and second Check, due to a bunch catching a short cut that we missed. Then the Second Check was marked wrong and almost invisible. But we ran, walked on. Then we had a check at Irving Park were the trail was again marked absolutely wrong. A bad mark can and often is, worse then no marks at all. Then add in two blocks to the first true trail mark and we just couldn't catch up. At this Check we got split up and individually ranged until regrouping at another Check at Addison and Western. Unmarked. I ran in two separate directions before returning and with Famming Flaggot we headed west and finally found a mark. Then a Split. Then nothing else. Sorry, but we couldn't find the mark and that was the last Check before B. We missed it. So, not finding any third mark, we headed back to the bar. About 1:45 minutes. And of course everyone was there waiting for us. Circle was much smaller then we usually have at Miska's, but a good time.

Thu Jun 14, 2018,  was the start of the 40th Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago with Horn-E laying a trail from the Double Bubble. A pack of about 20 took off towards Loyola and then worked its way past the hares house for a beer stop. But it wasn't there. Somehow about half the pack found the beer stop by not following trail and guessing where it might be and entered this little park from the north. The rest followed the trail and finally found the park from the south. From here we returned to the bar where Gay Dancer led a nice circle in the beer Garden. 

On Fri Jun 15, 2018, we had,The First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Son Of Spam from The Wise Owl. A nice pack of about fifteen hounds followed trail to a small park where we held circle. I left shortly after while the pack headed back to the bar and I heard they drank late into the night.

On Sat Jun 16, 2018, we started with a short Bushman Hash. Seventeen hounds on trail. Wow. It was from Dam #4 Woods and a prelube to the main Celebration Hash. When I arrived I found that it rained real hard overnight and the picnic area had spots with about 3 inches of water. Right in the direction of the planned trail. Well, if we are going to get wet, it might as well be right at the start. Trail headed through some woods and finally across Devon for the serious woods. A boring trail along the river, or winding in the woods. Winding in the woods was planned and there were patches of water that we couldn't get around. Eventually the trail veered away from the river into some serious brush. I knew there was a prairie, but getting to it was a problem. Finally we emerged at a path of sorts. Three parallel paths like they were made by a three wheel car. And all full of water, three to five inches and slippery. Trail finally got through the prairie and into some nice woods and finally to a muddy tunnel under Devon. From there is was a bike path to B. Beer was on a peninsula into a swamp, but one crazy wanker just plunged mid thigh deep in the swamp to retrieve the beer. I got a quick Down Down and left them to a Bushman circle so I could lay the next part of the trail.


Sat, Jun 16, 2018, I had a last minute Co Hare, Snotcho Mama, and he helped save the day. We took off for some quick woods and then headed for the river. When scouted on Wed, it was muddy, but looked like it would dry by Sat. But those damn rains in our wettest June in history. It was now deep in river overflow and full of floating ground clutter and such. Since the trail would just parallel a higher level path, we went for the path. Most of the pack would have done that anyway. And we sort of followed this path on and off until we hit Touhy. And it was slippery and with occasional water areas. After crossing the river we had a T and E trail.
Snotcho Mama went straight on Touhy to a large picnic area and gave the Turkeys a twisting course through the area to the First Beer Stop.
Meanwhile I headed into the Eagle trail, mostly paralleling the river through fairly open forest. When planning the trail I headed inland and eventually saw a swamp I missed. This time, with high waters, I headed inland sooner and found a nice forest to run through and there was that beautiful swamp. Reeds that were 12 to 15 feet high. I couldn't resist. I headed straight into the reeds. While the live growth was high and formidable looking, when I got into it I found that the previous years dead growth was criss crossed in fromt of me making forward progress almost impossible. Just forcing myself through for about 30 yards. It had to be well over fifteen minutes to get through this mess including climbing over fallen trees and three inches of water. From here it was a short bit of woods to the beer stop.
After the beer stop we headed to the south and another T and E split, Turkey was set by me, just straight south along River Road. The woods to the left were impassible and would not have been fun if we could have gotten in and out of them.
Meanwhile Snotcho Mama crossed the street into a zone of hotels and offices and made the trail up as he went along, including one wall climbing. We had to do the best we could with a bad situation.
Then we hit beer stop number 2, on Devon and just south of the finish. Turkey could have a beer and walk back.
Eagles had one more section and we were off laying this section through woods that were fairly open when we suddenly heard the Eagles yelling On On. We were about to get caught. Snotcho Mama yelled, I'll set a long Back Check and took off to the east and after laying the Back Check, he circled back to me. Meanwhile I set off into another prairie, laying TP as I ran through almost invisible and over grown paths where I attempted a few Splits and forks in the paths. We finally rejoined to the west of the prairie and headed back to the On In part of the trail, along that same bike path the Bushman finished on. And soon Hooch Br Cooch came running on by.
As we finished, Hashers were hitting the local fresh water pump to clean up a bit. Feather got the grill going with chicken, burgers, hot dogs and other goodies. After grub, Horn-E set out three blocks of ice for the circle. USS Cum On My Face led the circle and we pretty much all got on ice multiple times on a long and fun circle. After circle it was pretty much clean up and go home. And we did. Great time.

Sun was to be a hangover hash set by Rag Time Hash and The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel. I was to hung over, well, not really. Just whipped and needing a day off. Hope it all went well.

Mon Nun 18, 2018, was the Chicago Hash set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Dr Cockvorkian and the 40th Anniversary of the Chicago Hash. More damn rain. 22 hounds got about 1.5 miles into the course when they hit, hard and whiped out all sense of trailI was with a pack of six and someone got on Facebook and found the Beer Stop was three blocks away at the back yard of Menstrual Casserole. From there, Hooch B4 Cooch laid another quick trail to the parking area behind Its Too Soft's condo. Finfishing a keg from Sat. Then we went back to Durkins for a fun circle where the virgins were quite prominent in getting nailed for many down Downs. Welcome mon Just Candy and daughter, Just Stacy.

Jun 18, 2018, The actual 40th Anniversay of Hashing in Chicago. Horn-E laid a trail from Big Joe's. We had 8 hounds for a promised short laid back trail and it was. Second Cuming came in first in about 298 minutes. Its Too Soft led the rest about five minutes later with Just Bob pulling up the rear. A quick beer stop and back to the bar for a laid back, sitting circle that we did Full moon style and we just kept going on and on through about 8 pitchers. And we named Just Bob, Magnetic Muffs loooong time friend, StuffinMuffin.


Thu was the start of the 40th Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago with Horn-E laying a trail from the Double Bubble. A pack of about 20 took off towards Loyola and then worked its way past the hares house for a beer stop. But it wasn't there. Somehow about half the pack found the beer stop by not following trail and guessing where it might be and entered this little park from the north. The rest followed the trail and finally found the park from the south. From here we returned to the bar where Gay Dancer led a nice circle in the beer Garden.  On Fri we had,The First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Son Of Spam from The Wise Owl. A nice pack of about fifteen hounds followed trail to a small park where we held circle. I left shortly after while the pack headed back to the bar and I heard they drank late into the night. On Sat we started with a short Bushman Hash. Seventeen hounds on trail. Wow. It was from Dam #4 Woods and a prelube to the main Celebration Hash. When I arrived I found that it rained real hard overnight and the picnic area had spots with about 3 inches of water. Right in the direction of the planned trail. Well, if we are going to get wet, it might as well be right at the start. Trail headed through some woods and finally across Devon for the serious woods. A boring trail along the river, or winding in the woods. Winding in the woods was planned and there were patches of water that we couldn't get around. Eventually the trail veered away from the river into some serious brush. I knew there was a prairie, but getting to it was a problem. Finally we emerged at a path of sorts. Three parallel paths like they were made by a three wheel car. And all full of water, three to five inches and slippery. Trail finally got through the prairie and into some nice woods and finally to a muddy tunnel under Devon. From there is was a bike path to B. Beer was on a peninsula into a swamp, but one crazy wanker just plunged mid thigh deep in the swamp to retrieve the beer. I got a quick Down Down and left them to a Bushman circle so I could lay the next part of the trail. I had a last minute Co Hare, Snotcho Mama, and he helped save the day. We took off for some quick woods and then headed for the river. When scouted on Wed, it was muddy, but looked like it would dry by Sat. But those damn rains in our wettest June in history. It was now deep in river overflow and full of floating ground clutter and such. Since the trail would just parallel a higher level path, we went for the path. Most of the pack would have done that anyway. And we sort of followed this path on and off until we hit Touhy. And it was slippery and with occasional water areas. After crossing the river we had a T and E trail. Snotcho Mama went straight on Touhy to a large picnic area and gave the Turkeys a twisting course through the area to the First Beer Stop. Meanwhile I headed into the Eagle trail, mostly paralleling the river through fairly open forest. When planning the trail I headed inland and eventually saw a swamp I missed. This time, with high waters, I headed inland sooner and found a nice forest to run through and there was that beautiful swamp. Reeds that were 12 to 15 feet high. I couldn't resist. I headed straight into the reeds. While the live growth was high and formidable looking, when I got into it I found that the previous years dead growth was criss crossed in fromt of me making forward progress almost impossible. Just forcing myself through for about 30 yards. It had to be well over fifteen minutes to get through this mess including climbing over fallen trees and three inches of water. From here it was a short bit of woods to the beer stop. After the beer stop we headed to the south and another T and E split, Turkey was set by me, just straight south along River Road. The woods to the left were impassible and would not have been fun if we could have gotten in and out of them. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama crossed the street into a zone of hotels and offices and made the trail up as he went along, including one wall climbing. We had to do the best we could with a bad situation. Then we hit beer stop number 2, on Devon and just south of the finish. Turkey could have a beer and walk back. Eagles had one more section and we were off laying this section through woods that were fairly open when we suddenly heard the Eagles yelling On On. We were about to get caught. Snotcho Mama yelled, I'll set a long Back Check and took off to the east and after laying the Back Check, he circled back to me. Meanwhile I set off into another prairie, laying TP as I ran through almost invisible and over grown paths where I attempted a few Splits and forks in the paths. We finally rejoined to the west of the prairie and headed back to the On In part of the trail, along that same bike path the Bushman finished on. And soon Hooch Br Cooch came running on by. As we finished, Hashers were hitting the local fresh water pump to clean up a bit. Feather got the grill going with chicken, burgers, hot dogs and other goodies. After grub, Horn-E set out three blocks of ice for the circle. USS Cum On My Face led the circle and we pretty much all got on ice multiple times on a long and fun circle. After circle it was pretty much clean up and go home. And we did. Great time. Sun was to be a hangover hash set by Rag Time Hash and The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel. I was to hung over, well, not really. Just whipped and needing a day off. Hope it all went well. Mon was the Chicago Hash set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Dr Cockvorkian and the 40th Anniversary of the Chicago Hash. More damn rain. 22 hounds got about 1.5 miles into the course when they hit, hard and whiped out all sense of trailI was with a pack of six and someone got on Facebook and found the Beer Stop was three blocks away at the back yard of Menstrual Casserole. From there, Hooch B4 Cooch laid another quick trail to the parking area behind Its Too Soft's condo. Finfishing a keg from Sat. Then we went back to Durkins for a fun circle where the virgins were quite prominent in getting nailed for many down Downs. Welcome mon Just Candy and daughter, Just Stacy. The actual 40th Anniversay of Hashing in Chicago. Horn-E laid a trail from Big Joe's. We had 8 hounds for a promised short laid back trail and it was. Second Cuming came in first in about 298 minutes. Its Too Soft led the rest about five minutes later with Just Bob pulling up the rear. A quick beer stop and back to the bar for a laid back, sitting circle that we did Full moon style and we just kept going on and on through about 8 pitchers. And we named Just Bob, Magnetic Muffs loooong time friend, StuffinMuffin. On On Horn-E Thu was the start of the 40th Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago with Horn-E laying a trail from the Double Bubble. A pack of about 20 took off towards Loyola and then worked its way past the hares house for a beer stop. But it wasn't there. Somehow about half the pack found the beer stop by not following trail and guessing where it might be and entered this little park from the north. The rest followed the trail and finally found the park from the south. From here we returned to the bar where Gay Dancer led a nice circle in the beer Garden.  On Fri we had,The First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Son Of Spam from The Wise Owl. A nice pack of about fifteen hounds followed trail to a small park where we held circle. I left shortly after while the pack headed back to the bar and I heard they drank late into the night. On Sat we started with a short Bushman Hash. Seventeen hounds on trail. Wow. It was from Dam #4 Woods and a prelube to the main Celebration Hash. When I arrived I found that it rained real hard overnight and the picnic area had spots with about 3 inches of water. Right in the direction of the planned trail. Well, if we are going to get wet, it might as well be right at the start. Trail headed through some woods and finally across Devon for the serious woods. A boring trail along the river, or winding in the woods. Winding in the woods was planned and there were patches of water that we couldn't get around. Eventually the trail veered away from the river into some serious brush. I knew there was a prairie, but getting to it was a problem. Finally we emerged at a path of sorts. Three parallel paths like they were made by a three wheel car. And all full of water, three to five inches and slippery. Trail finally got through the prairie and into some nice woods and finally to a muddy tunnel under Devon. From there is was a bike path to B. Beer was on a peninsula into a swamp, but one crazy wanker just plunged mid thigh deep in the swamp to retrieve the beer. I got a quick Down Down and left them to a Bushman circle so I could lay the next part of the trail. I had a last minute Co Hare, Snotcho Mama, and he helped save the day. We took off for some quick woods and then headed for the river. When scouted on Wed, it was muddy, but looked like it would dry by Sat. But those damn rains in our wettest June in history. It was now deep in river overflow and full of floating ground clutter and such. Since the trail would just parallel a higher level path, we went for the path. Most of the pack would have done that anyway. And we sort of followed this path on and off until we hit Touhy. And it was slippery and with occasional water areas. After crossing the river we had a T and E trail. Snotcho Mama went straight on Touhy to a large picnic area and gave the Turkeys a twisting course through the area to the First Beer Stop. Meanwhile I headed into the Eagle trail, mostly paralleling the river through fairly open forest. When planning the trail I headed inland and eventually saw a swamp I missed. This time, with high waters, I headed inland sooner and found a nice forest to run through and there was that beautiful swamp. Reeds that were 12 to 15 feet high. I couldn't resist. I headed straight into the reeds. While the live growth was high and formidable looking, when I got into it I found that the previous years dead growth was criss crossed in fromt of me making forward progress almost impossible. Just forcing myself through for about 30 yards. It had to be well over fifteen minutes to get through this mess including climbing over fallen trees and three inches of water. From here it was a short bit of woods to the beer stop. After the beer stop we headed to the south and another T and E split, Turkey was set by me, just straight south along River Road. The woods to the left were impassible and would not have been fun if we could have gotten in and out of them. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama crossed the street into a zone of hotels and offices and made the trail up as he went along, including one wall climbing. We had to do the best we could with a bad situation. Then we hit beer stop number 2, on Devon and just south of the finish. Turkey could have a beer and walk back. Eagles had one more section and we were off laying this section through woods that were fairly open when we suddenly heard the Eagles yelling On On. We were about to get caught. Snotcho Mama yelled, I'll set a long Back Check and took off to the east and after laying the Back Check, he circled back to me. Meanwhile I set off into another prairie, laying TP as I ran through almost invisible and over grown paths where I attempted a few Splits and forks in the paths. We finally rejoined to the west of the prairie and headed back to the On In part of the trail, along that same bike path the Bushman finished on. And soon Hooch Br Cooch came running on by. As we finished, Hashers were hitting the local fresh water pump to clean up a bit. Feather got the grill going with chicken, burgers, hot dogs and other goodies. After grub, Horn-E set out three blocks of ice for the circle. USS Cum On My Face led the circle and we pretty much all got on ice multiple times on a long and fun circle. After circle it was pretty much clean up and go home. And we did. Great time. Sun was to be a hangover hash set by Rag Time Hash and The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel. I was to hung over, well, not really. Just whipped and needing a day off. Hope it all went well. Mon was the Chicago Hash set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Dr Cockvorkian and the 40th Anniversary of the Chicago Hash. More damn rain. 22 hounds got about 1.5 miles into the course when they hit, hard and whiped out all sense of trailI was with a pack of six and someone got on Facebook and found the Beer Stop was three blocks away at the back yard of Menstrual Casserole. From there, Hooch B4 Cooch laid another quick trail to the parking area behind Its Too Soft's condo. Finfishing a keg from Sat. Then we went back to Durkins for a fun circle where the virgins were quite prominent in getting nailed for many down Downs. Welcome mon Just Candy and daughter, Just Stacy. The actual 40th Anniversay of Hashing in Chicago. Horn-E laid a trail from Big Joe's. We had 8 hounds for a promised short laid back trail and it was. Second Cuming came in first in about 298 minutes. Its Too Soft led the rest about five minutes later with Just Bob pulling up the rear. A quick beer stop and back to the bar for a laid back, sitting circle that we did Full moon style and we just kept going on and on through about 8 pitchers. And we named Just Bob, Magnetic Muffs loooong time friend, StuffinMuffin. On On Horn-E Thu was the start of the 40th Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago with Horn-E laying a trail from the Double Bubble. A pack of about 20 took off towards Loyola and then worked its way past the hares house for a beer stop. But it wasn't there. Somehow about half the pack found the beer stop by not following trail and guessing where it might be and entered this little park from the north. The rest followed the trail and finally found the park from the south. From here we returned to the bar where Gay Dancer led a nice circle in the beer Garden.  On Fri we had,The First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Son Of Spam from The Wise Owl. A nice pack of about fifteen hounds followed trail to a small park where we held circle. I left shortly after while the pack headed back to the bar and I heard they drank late into the night. On Sat we started with a short Bushman Hash. Seventeen hounds on trail. Wow. It was from Dam #4 Woods and a prelube to the main Celebration Hash. When I arrived I found that it rained real hard overnight and the picnic area had spots with about 3 inches of water. Right in the direction of the planned trail. Well, if we are going to get wet, it might as well be right at the start. Trail headed through some woods and finally across Devon for the serious woods. A boring trail along the river, or winding in the woods. Winding in the woods was planned and there were patches of water that we couldn't get around. Eventually the trail veered away from the river into some serious brush. I knew there was a prairie, but getting to it was a problem. Finally we emerged at a path of sorts. Three parallel paths like they were made by a three wheel car. And all full of water, three to five inches and slippery. Trail finally got through the prairie and into some nice woods and finally to a muddy tunnel under Devon. From there is was a bike path to B. Beer was on a peninsula into a swamp, but one crazy wanker just plunged mid thigh deep in the swamp to retrieve the beer. I got a quick Down Down and left them to a Bushman circle so I could lay the next part of the trail. I had a last minute Co Hare, Snotcho Mama, and he helped save the day. We took off for some quick woods and then headed for the river. When scouted on Wed, it was muddy, but looked like it would dry by Sat. But those damn rains in our wettest June in history. It was now deep in river overflow and full of floating ground clutter and such. Since the trail would just parallel a higher level path, we went for the path. Most of the pack would have done that anyway. And we sort of followed this path on and off until we hit Touhy. And it was slippery and with occasional water areas. After crossing the river we had a T and E trail. Snotcho Mama went straight on Touhy to a large picnic area and gave the Turkeys a twisting course through the area to the First Beer Stop. Meanwhile I headed into the Eagle trail, mostly paralleling the river through fairly open forest. When planning the trail I headed inland and eventually saw a swamp I missed. This time, with high waters, I headed inland sooner and found a nice forest to run through and there was that beautiful swamp. Reeds that were 12 to 15 feet high. I couldn't resist. I headed straight into the reeds. While the live growth was high and formidable looking, when I got into it I found that the previous years dead growth was criss crossed in fromt of me making forward progress almost impossible. Just forcing myself through for about 30 yards. It had to be well over fifteen minutes to get through this mess including climbing over fallen trees and three inches of water. From here it was a short bit of woods to the beer stop. After the beer stop we headed to the south and another T and E split, Turkey was set by me, just straight south along River Road. The woods to the left were impassible and would not have been fun if we could have gotten in and out of them. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama crossed the street into a zone of hotels and offices and made the trail up as he went along, including one wall climbing. We had to do the best we could with a bad situation. Then we hit beer stop number 2, on Devon and just south of the finish. Turkey could have a beer and walk back. Eagles had one more section and we were off laying this section through woods that were fairly open when we suddenly heard the Eagles yelling On On. We were about to get caught. Snotcho Mama yelled, I'll set a long Back Check and took off to the east and after laying the Back Check, he circled back to me. Meanwhile I set off into another prairie, laying TP as I ran through almost invisible and over grown paths where I attempted a few Splits and forks in the paths. We finally rejoined to the west of the prairie and headed back to the On In part of the trail, along that same bike path the Bushman finished on. And soon Hooch Br Cooch came running on by. As we finished, Hashers were hitting the local fresh water pump to clean up a bit. Feather got the grill going with chicken, burgers, hot dogs and other goodies. After grub, Horn-E set out three blocks of ice for the circle. USS Cum On My Face led the circle and we pretty much all got on ice multiple times on a long and fun circle. After circle it was pretty much clean up and go home. And we did. Great time. Sun was to be a hangover hash set by Rag Time Hash and The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundel. I was to hung over, well, not really. Just whipped and needing a day off. Hope it all went well. Mon was the Chicago Hash set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Dr Cockvorkian and the 40th Anniversary of the Chicago Hash. More damn rain. 22 hounds got about 1.5 miles into the course when they hit, hard and whiped out all sense of trailI was with a pack of six and someone got on Facebook and found the Beer Stop was three blocks away at the back yard of Menstrual Casserole. From there, Hooch B4 Cooch laid another quick trail to the parking area behind Its Too Soft's condo. Finfishing a keg from Sat. Then we went back to Durkins for a fun circle where the virgins were quite prominent in getting nailed for many down Downs. Welcome mon Just Candy and daughter, Just Stacy. The actual 40th Anniversay of Hashing in Chicago. Horn-E laid a trail from Big Joe's. We had 8 hounds for a promised short laid back trail and it was. Second Cuming came in first in about 298 minutes. Its Too Soft led the rest about five minutes later with Just Bob pulling up the rear. A quick beer stop and back to the bar for a laid back, sitting circle that we did Full moon style and we just kept going on and on through about 8 pitchers. And we named Just Bob, Magnetic Muffs loooong time friend, StuffinMuffin. On On Horn-E Last Week: Last Week:

On Tue May 8, 2018,we had a pick up hash set by Lifa and Just Michael. We had eight hounds. Not bad for an impromptu hash, The hares ran us past about every beer stop we use in the area before holding in in a parking lot across the street from Double Bubble. We had one visitor, Screams Do Cum Thru from the Skull N Boner Hash in Conneticunt. She managed to keep Horn-E running most of the way, but they still almost came in last. 

Then on Thu, May 10, 2018,  the Thirstday Hash was set by Lifa. Yes, again. this time from Rose's and another different beer stop as he ran us on a twisting trail and lost Horn-E. Yes, again. But we had a nice circle in the bar and the bar tender loves us. We also had 18 hounds on trail.

Then on Sat May 12, 2018, we had a Big Dog Hash thirteenth Analversary hash where it all started, Caldwell Woods. This time the hare was, yes again, Lifa. Is he trying to dominate Chicago Hashing. This time we had a surprising 8 hounds on trail. It started out like Noah was planning the trail. As I approached the area, the rain started. And it poured, wiping out the trail. But there was a field house and we all gathered there. Finally Lifa took off to relay the trail. Out in the woods we headed, only to get a quick Back Check. This led to some serious shiggy along the river and a Check near Milwaukee. The road, not the city. Horn-E guessed right and went left and somehow found trail and led the pack through three more Checks before the King Of Bedbugs took over and led us through some streets and alleys and doing all of the wrong ways on Splits until we came back to the woods. And there was Lifa, waiting with beer, right by the first Back Check. After the Beer Stop we headed for a pavilion where we froze through a short circle and some good brats, polish and burgers before finally giving up and leaving. Good time.

Okay, the next hash was on Mon. May 14, 2018, The Chicago Hash. I was told it would be USS Cum On My Face as the hare of our first CH3 Monday night trail from Redmonds.our first CH3 Monday night trail from Redmonds. our first Monday night hash of the year. Not. He never showed. Somehow we got three taking credit for haring. What did Menstrual Casserole do? Silent But Deadly meanwhile laid trail twice and when I arrived, it was a total washout. That's two hares that weren't leaving the bar. But Gay Dancer, our exulted Grand Master grabbed some chalk and went out to relay a total washed out trail. He had us wandering all over the place as we manged to run On and On for 55 minutes. And the winner was, Horn-E. Well, actually, the three of us, including Its Too Soft and Eat My Pussy, managed to mostly stay together, while taking turns leading the pack. And we arrived at the last Triple split almost together. Horn-E got to pick second and was on and so he came in first. BFD. And Its Too Soft actually left the Checks and Splits and found some on his own. But we managed a fun circle and we named the manager of Redmonds, COM, as in Cum On Monday. He plans to join us. On Monday. Now, where were the rest of the Chicago Hashers? We are on Monday nights now. When I joined hashing in prehistory, we used to get about 50 hounds for the first Monday night trail. Three? The rain stopped and the weather was great. Lets get out there.

On Tue, 1 May 2018, we had an A to B Chicago Full Moon Hash out of Harringtons, set by Delta Ten Freakuency and Stiffy 4 Stiffies. He said she planned most of it with a map and everything, and he only tweaked it a little. For a relatively new hare, well'''''', not toooo baaaad. Really, she twisted us around the area quite well. But the trail get strung out with a front pack and a back pack. Yep, I was in that pack. We eventually lost Menage A Twat. Getting to long. Then we struggled in an alley before Horn-E found trail through a gangway. Then we hit a Check at Clark and Belmont, with an arrow with a question mark on it. I ran a long, long way before finding out there were only two arrows. Coming back, we started over and Meat Inside Her checked to the west, then east, finding nothing. She didn't go far enough to the west. So, I started the tactic of ever widening circles, looking for a mark. Eventually I found the trail while the others knew where the finish was and headed straight to Its Too Soft's roof deck. Meanwhile I ran on, west, south, west, north, and finally a BN. Then two marks later was a Back Check. auugghh!!!. Now why didn't someone in the front pack mark that point I had to run back to. Damn. South and east and past an unmarked Check and finally to the roof deck. Circle was going on. I grabbed a beer and headed off to a corner to rest a bit and rehydrate (yes especially that).

Thu May 3, 2018, was the Thirstday Hash set by Cumma Slutra and 69 Cent Man, the annual Polish Constitution Day Hash from Bialystok. What is the point of this hash? To prove that the Polish can pass off ten year old beer, kept in a garage for ten years through heat wave and freezing, and still pass it off to tired thirsty old hashers as long as it is on ice? I digress. The pack was off on time. I wasn't there on time. But I ran on after them and most of the Splits and Checks were marked. I finally caught four walkers and passed them. Then around the block I had to pass them again, and then again and yet one more time before getting to the usual beer stop on a front porch. After one of the cold current PBRs, we headed back to the bar where our Grand Mattress led us in circle and did a good job. Well, sort of. We helped with a lot od songs and she finished off with the days of the week. The virgins seemed to enjoy the circle and hopefully wll return. All was good and the beer was cold.

Sun 6 May 2018, was the anal Cinco De Mayonaise Hash, again not on the fifth of May. It was set by TampOn TampOff from Simone's and was supposed to be A to B. Was food served. Hot Tampons? Was Rosie there?

On Wed, Apr 25, 2018, we had the The Whiskey Wednesday Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Puzzled In The Sack from the Bar On Buena. There were 15 hounds on trail and the trail headed a bit south east to the edge of Lincoln Park before heading north and eventually in to the park for a Whiskey Stop. The trail then weaved a bit as it headed north before back into the dreaded city streets. We worked our way south and towards the hares house. Whiskey Stop!!!. Not. The hare sucked us all in and the lights were out. Well done. The trail went on to the park and then back west along Montrose to the El Tracks and south to Buena for a beer stop. Beer Stop? This is Whiskey Wednesday. Whiskey stops and a short circle. The hell with what Horn-E drinks. But the beer was cold, even of only Coors Light. After a short circle we went back to the Bar On Buena where our favorite bartender in all of Chicago was working. Smells Like Twat Sweat. And good service too.

Then we had a Thu, Apr 26, 2018, Thirstday Hash the next day. It was Just Michaels virgin lay and he had Horn-E showing him the ropes. Actually it was a great hash. Would I lie. Well, probably. But I won't talk about how great I thought it was. Here are the bitches I heard. To much running alleys along Lincoln Ave. Too obvious. Got hung up near Trader Joes. Hey, the check only had two Falses. And to damn much straight north on Ravenswood. Even with the two zig zags we added. But finally the hash got to the finish at a park at Montrose and Lincoln as Second Coming led almost the whole pack in at the same time. Well, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Mommys Little Accident did come in about 3 or 4 minutes later. Any time I can nail a few FRBs and they come in DFL, I'll take it. Good sign of a good hash. Maybe. Back at the bar we had a good circle and as the only people in the bar, we could sing anything we wanted.

On Sun, Apr 29, 2018, was The Chicago Hash set by Gay Dancer and Silent But Deadly from the Chicago Historical Museum at the southern tip of Lincoln Park. The pack had just left to I dropped off my shag bag and was off to the races. But the trail didn't head into the park on a beautiful cloudless day. No, south through an alley and pavement pounding the whole way. Splits and Checks were swept. Good. Sweep marks had two glaring errors along the way. Bad.  Hooch B4 Cooch, another late comer, caught me along Division and we got to a Check at La Salle on the south east corner. It had a sweep mark pointing straight south. Two blocks later and we had no marks. Coming back on the WEST side of the street and we found marks at Division and La Salle on the WEST side of the street. That might have helped to point the sweep marks across the street to another path. But we ran on. About two blocks later there was a Split. West and south. South was marked. Two blocks later there were no marks. Returning on the WEST side of the street, there was a arrow found pointing south west into a park. That is six extra blocks. But I ran on and it was just some simple trail that eventually led to a long straight on Larrabee. A block to the west and north on another long block. Would we have a beer stop in Oz Park. Not hardly. At Armitage we had a right turn and five straight blocks towards Lincoln Park. Finally a Check at Lincoln and we headed north and east to the entrance to the Zoo. Straight through and then two blocks north to a Triple Split at Fullerton. Marked left, the trail headed west to Stockton and a long straight trail south. Passed the Zoo entrance we just entered. Now here would have been a good point for a sweep to mark a short cut to the south around that boring loop. Two blocks later we had our last Check. Finally we head straight into the park. But over a bridge and that was the last mark I saw. Past a side path and a road and no marks. Returning to that path I ranged and went over the hill by the statue and still no marks. I finally saw a crowd of people at the end of the lagoon and it was the pack and the finish. Circle had already started and Roofie Ragu led a good circle. After circle the pack dissipated slowly and finally there were just four of us finishing off the beer in the setting sun on a beautiful day. I counted 28 in circle. Minus two hares and about five or six who didn't run and we had about 20 hounds on trail.

On On
Horn-E

On Wed, we had the The Whiskey Wednesday Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Puzzled In The Sack from the Bar On Buena. There were 15 hounds on trail and the trail headed a bit south east to the edge of Lincoln Park before heading north and eventually in to the park for a Whiskey Stop. The trail then weaved a bit as it headed north before back into the dreaded city streets. We worked our way south and towards the hares house. Whiskey Stop!!!. Not. The hare sucked us all in and the lights were out. Well done. The trail went on to the park and then back west along Montrose to the El Tracks and south to Buena for a beer stop. Beer Stop? This is Whiskey Wednesday. Whiskey stops and a short circle. The hell with what Horn-E drinks. But the beer was cold, even of only Coors Light. After a short circle we went back to the Bar On Buena where our favorite bartender in all of Chicago was working. Smells Like Twat Sweat. And good service too. Then we had a Thu, Thirstday Hash the next day. It was Just Michaels virgin lay and he had Horn-E showing him the ropes. Actually it was a great hash. Would I lie. Well, probably. But I won't talk about how great I thought it was. Here are the bitches I heard. To much running alleys along Lincoln Ave. Too obvious. Got hung up near Trader Joes. Hey, the check only had two Falses. And to damn much straight north on Ravenswood. Even with the two zig zags we added. But finally the hash got to the finish at a park at Montrose and Lincoln as Second Coming led almost the whole pack in at the same time. Well, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Mommys Little Accident did come in about 3 or 4 minutes later. Any time I can nail a few FRBs and they come in DFL, I'll take it. Good sign of a good hash. Maybe. Back at the bar we had a good circle and as the only people in the bar, we could sing anything we wanted. On Sun was The Chicago Hash set by Gay Dancer and Silent But Deadly from the Chicago Historical Museum at the southern tip of Lincoln Park. The pack had just left to I dropped off my shag bag and was off to the races. But the trail didn't head into the park on a beautiful cloudless day. No, south through an alley and pavement pounding the whole way. Splits and Checks were swept. Good. Sweep marks had two glaring errors along the way. Bad.  Hooch B4 Cooch, another late comer, caught me along Division and we got to a Check at La Salle on the south east corner. It had a sweep mark pointing straight south. Two blocks later and we had no marks. Coming back on the WEST side of the street and we found marks at Division and La Salle on the WEST side of the street. That might have helped to point the sweep marks across the street to another path. But we ran on. About two blocks later there was a Split. West and south. South was marked. Two blocks later there were no marks. Returning on the WEST side of the street, there was a arrow found pointing south west into a park. That is six extra blocks. But I ran on and it was just some simple trail that eventually led to a long straight on Larrabee. A block to the west and north on another long block. Would we have a beer stop in Oz Park. Not hardly. At Armitage we had a right turn and five straight blocks towards Lincoln Park. Finally a Check at Lincoln and we headed north and east to the entrance to the Zoo. Straight through and then two blocks north to a Triple Split at Fullerton. Marked left, the trail headed west to Stockton and a long straight trail south. Passed the Zoo entrance we just entered. Now here would have been a good point for a sweep to mark a short cut to the south around that boring loop. Two blocks later we had our last Check. Finally we head straight into the park. But over a bridge and that was the last mark I saw. Past a side path and a road and no marks. Returning to that path I ranged and went over the hill by the statue and still no marks. I finally saw a crowd of people at the end of the lagoon and it was the pack and the finish. Circle had already started and Roofie Ragu led a good circle. After circle the pack dissipated slowly and finally there were just four of us finishing off the beer in the setting sun on a beautiful day. I counted 28 in circle. Minus two hares and about five or six who didn't run and we had about 20 hounds on trail. On On Horn-E
Last Week: 
On Tue, Apr 17, 2018, we had a First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Ice Princess and Jizzy from Weathermark Tavern. We had nine hounds on trail as they wound us around the south loop and into Grant Park and finally the usual park near the bar. Then we had a sitting circle in the bar and got around to naming Just Wendy. I was hoping for Ecuahor but we finally settled on, and I hope I have this spelling right, Delta Ten Freakquency. No I don't know why.

Thu, Apr 19, 2018, brought us our weekly Thirstday Hash from Irish Eyes and set by Furry Spice and Soul Taco. We had 15 hounds on trail and we ran to a quick shot stop within two or three blocks. From there it was north along Clark and then to the west. A big loop to the south and the usual park a block away for a quick beer stop. Then it was back to the bar for a quick circle.

On Sat Apr 21, 2018, morning Sandy Syphillis hosted and hared a Rag Time Hash from her apartment. Don't know who, what or anything else, but I'm sure it was a good time with lots of Champagne and brunch thingies.

The Bushman Hash was on Sat Apr 21, 2018, and Horn-E laid trail from Leckowitz Woods. This was to be the usual flower hash, but with the cold spring, I could barely spot a few hundred buds as compared to the usual millions of yellow flowers. So I set off to lay a normal Bushman trail. As I walked the trail I came near Caldwell Road. I try to avoid being near roads whenever possible, but trying to avoid wetlands for the pack, I came up to the road and along comes a car. Someone yells On On, but I don't recognize him in the shadows of the back of the car. I yelled out something to me, but I couldn't understand him with the traffic noises and he wasn't speaking English. He was speaking Australian. Duh. Somehow he found the start and at 2pm, with no one around, he took off on trail until the local tree police showed up. He then came back to the start and there was the pack forming. Two non runners, bad knees and hips, The Gas Stop Bob and Or G. But we had R-Tard-E, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising waiting to actually run. The Aussie is Just Steve and he will be around in the next several weeks. So the pack of four was soon off and I headed with the beer for the B stop along the river with the non runners. Eventually we saw the pack on the other side of the river while we were bird watching. Several hawks, either looking for lunch of feeling the warmer spring weather and looking for a comapnion. We had a cooler of beer and a nice easy going circle before heading to the Nil for a few more pitchers. And False Advertising took off quickly with the visitors bag in his trunk. Ooops. And we didn't have his phone number. But Gas Stop Bob managed to locate Lifa somewhere around the world and he came up with the number and False Advertising had to return to the bar and have another beer. Poor boy. 

Now Sun, Apr 22, 2018, was a way out of the normal range of the Chicago Hash as we ran from Rainbow Beach at 77th St and the Lakefront. Almost two hours for me to get there by pubic transit. And I barely made it before the pack was off. SnatchSquatch and Hobo Piss were the hares and Hobo Piss did a good job of sweeping for 14 hounds as we entered unknown territory. South through the park and then into old factory zones, now looking like a war zone without a building in sight, but many old roads and fields of shiggy. And the trail went on and on to the south and I was barely able to keep the leaders in sight and occasionally caught a little bit of a short cut. Eventually I saw the pack heading west and over Route 41 at 87th St. Another huge field and I found myself with a bit of a short cut and chasing FRBs across the field and near these huge concrete walls. I mean thick like fifteen feet at the base. We went towards the lake and finally around one of the walls and to a beer stop. Here we had a beer as hashers climbed over the no climbing signs and enjoyed the view. Then we were off again around the next wall and into the rape tunnel. Actually a long tunnel in the wall with many openings. This was all part of the old abandoned U. S. Steel plant and this tunnel had a purpose, but for us, it was something different to run through. At the end we ran along a slip from Lake Michigan. Probably for the old ore boats. No, not whore boats. Then we had to climb over the slip and past the dead birds floating below in the polluted water. From here it was back towards the lake and then long fields like we already ran with high weeds and abandoned roads to a final beer stop. Then a short run back through the park to the finish. We got out a grill and started cooking dogs and burgers and held a freezing circle in the cold winds off of the lake. From there I got a ride with Stiffy 4 Stiffes to the north side and saved over an hour travel time. Interesting historic hash. Someday it will all be sterilized housing and fancy parks and same ole same ole city running.
On Tue, there was a 4X2 Hash from Monks Pub. Actually a decent short trail set by Snotcho Mama with a lot of Backchecks and Falses and Checks to keep the pack together. Unfortunately there was only one hound, Horn-E and so there was no need to keep the pack together. And Horn-E found almost every False and Back Check and wrong directions at Checks turning a 3 mile trail into over 4.5. Damn. Then we stopped into Ogilvie Station for a quick beer so the hare could catch an early train. I looked at the taps and ordered a Founders. The hare ordered a Pinball. I tried to pay for my own, but he insisted on buying me a beer. He then got the bill on his credit card and it was $27. Unfreaking believable. Then the bar tender said that was because I got a large glass. It was only a freaking pint. We looked at the menu (provided after we ordered). Unbelievably Founders was listed at $17 for only 12 ounces. And I was poured 16 ounces. I sat there looking for the gold flakes floating in the beer. It was a stout and I've had three different ones since them and they all tasted better. WTF. If you ever have the urge to order a Founders beer. beware and make sure you get the price before ordering.


Tue had Lifa laying a trail from the Shamrock Club for the 4x2H4 hash. A turnout of only three hounds, but we managed to stay together for about a half hour. Then Snotcho Mama found a Check and was long gone before I even found we were at a Check. A little bit of snow and occasionally darkness and a few marks were missed. I missed the one to that Check. But Its Too Soft and myself eventually got back on trail and ran and checked, yes, Its Too Soft had to also, and the two of us ran on and on until we lost trail at a Check on Milwaukee. We ranged back towards the bar and I finally suggested that the trail might go to this little park along the river. There we found Snotcho Mama and Lifa. A quick beer and we were gone, back to the bar where no one even went in. Damn, I needed another one. One Hour and fifty minutes on trail for only four miles.  Check.

Thu was a virgin lay by Just Wendy and a co hare, Fetus Envy. Yeah, trouble there. Eleven hounds as we took off from Galaway Arms on an A to B trail. Mostly south at the start and I ended up behind with Son Of Spam and suddenly I spotted a T n E mark. Not mentioned in circle, but since the pack already left us behind to run around the lagoon by the zoo, we headed north. Eventually the trail came out of the park about a block north of the start and we found a Check at an alley. Also was a SN mark. I headed north into the alley and after going around a turn I found the third arrow and blow my horn. By now the main pack was catching up and Roofie Ragu ran on by me followed by the strung out pack. Unfortunately the Shot Stop went to the south in the alley. Lesson learned. The shot stop needs to be on true trail. Ooops. I heard only one person found it. We ran on with some difficulty due to turn arrows around corners causing us to miss a lot of them. We finally ended up in an alley for a beer stop and then a long walk to Galaway Bay for the B. We finally held a circle and the hares got there due.

Sat was a trail out on Woods on South Harlem for the Big Dog Hash, set by False Advertising. WE actually had 18 hounds. Instructionms were that we would be following little flags on the end of wire and every mark was a Check. We, they weren't and mostly easy to see the next mark and the pack was soon stretched out. I was running in back with Lower Wackoff and eventually three late comers passed. Well, two of them. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was running slow and hung over and even Horn-E beat him to the shot stop. From here we had to find the next flag and dig under neath it for something pointing the way of the true trail. It was a dirty skanky used and sticky dildo. And someone actually carried it back without a hazmat bag. Trail back was then relatively simple and straight forward. But Lower Wackoff still got lost and ended up following the flags backwards to find circle going when he got in. Good circle, Big Dog style. Then we had some quick grillables before the cold pack headed for warm kennels back home.

Sun was set by Rumple Stealskids and Ritlin Cum Bubble setting trail for CH3. Started alright and we were together for three blocks until the fist Check. Most of the pack was checking to the east when the trail was found to the south. Unfortunately the four of five of us that did that were left behind because the rest of the pack wandered east and picked up on trail and were gone. By the time I got out of the Target parking lot, I could see only two hashers in the distance headng east and then north. So I headed north and eventually was able to spot both Lifa and TampOn TampOff because of their green and red jackets. I followed the red jacket and headed north on California. Somewhere I lost him but found myself following another red jacket just jogging around this park. Ooops. But this did lead me to an On Back Check. After finally solving that, it was relatively straight back to the beer stop. Lifa, also running not on pack came up behind me and ran on. We got to the beer stop only to find SnatchSquatch waiting. He also was off trail, but had seen the Beer Stop on the way from his house. Sneaky bastard. And there we stood for about forty-five minutes before the pack arrived. Back at the bar we held a quick circle. The best entertainment was watching Its Too Soft fall asleep sitting on a chair three minutes into circle. After Circle the pack was gone quicker then a work force during an ICE raid in a meat packing plant. WTF.

Last Week: 
On Tue, we had a First Crack of the Moon Hash set by Ice Princess and Jizzy from Weathermark Tavern. We had nine hounds on trail as they wound us around the south loop and into Grant Park and finally the usual park near the bar. Then we had a sitting circle in the bar and got around to naming Just Wendy. I was hoping for Ecuahor but we finally settled on, and I hope I have this spelling right, Delta Ten Freakquency. No I don't know why.

Thu, brought us our weekly Thirstday Hash from Irish Eyes and set by Furry Spice and Soul Taco. We had 15 hounds on trail and we ran to a quick shot stop within two or three blocks. From there it was north along Clark and then to the west. A big loop to the south and the usual park a block away for a quick beer stop. Then it was back to the bar for a quick circle.

On Sat morning Sandy Syphillis hosted and hared a Rag Time Hash from her apartment. Don't know who, what or anything else, but I'm sure it was a good time with lots of Champagne and brunch thingies.

The Bushman Hash was on Sat and Horn-E laid trail from Leckowitz Woods. This was to be the usual flower hash, but with the cold spring, I could barely spot a few hundred buds as compared to the usual millions of yellow flowers. So I set off to lay a normal Bushman trail. As I walked the trail I came near Caldwell Road. I try to avoid being near roads whenever possible, but trying to avoid wetlands for the pack, I came up to the road and along comes a car. Someone yells On On, but I don't recognize him in the shadows of the back of the car. I yelled out something to me, but I couldn't understand him with the traffic noises and he wasn't speaking English. He was speaking Australian. Duh. Somehow he found the start and at 2pm, with no one around, he took off on trail until the local tree police showed up. He then came back to the start and there was the pack forming. Two non runners, bad knees and hips, The Gas Stop Bob and Or G. But we had R-Tard-E, Lower Wackoff and False Advertising waiting to actually run. The Aussie is Just Steve and he will be around in the next several weeks. So the pack of four was soon off and I headed with the beer for the B stop along the river with the non runners. Eventually we saw the pack on the other side of the river while we were bird watching. Several hawks, either looking for lunch of feeling the warmer spring weather and looking for a comapnion. We had a cooler of beer and a nice easy going circle before heading to the Nil for a few more pitchers. And False Advertising took off quickly with the visitors bag in his trunk. Ooops. And we didn't have his phone number. But Gas Stop Bob managed to locate Lifa somewhere around the world and he came up with the number and False Advertising had to return to the bar and have another beer. Poor boy. 

Now Sun was a way out of the normal range of the Chicago Hash as we ran from Rainbow Beach at 77th St and the Lakefront. Almost two hours for me to get there by pubic transit. And I barely made it before the pack was off. SnatchSquatch and Hobo Piss were the hares and Hobo Piss did a good job of sweeping for 14 hounds as we entered unknown territory. South through the park and then into old factory zones, now looking like a war zone without a building in sight, but many old roads and fields of shiggy. And the trail went on and on to the south and I was barely able to keep the leaders in sight and occasionally caught a little bit of a short cut. Eventually I saw the pack heading west and over Route 41 at 87th St. Another huge field and I found myself with a bit of a short cut and chasing FRBs across the field and near these huge concrete walls. I mean thick like fifteen feet at the base. We went towards the lake and finally around one of the walls and to a beer stop. Here we had a beer as hashers climbed over the no climbing signs and enjoyed the view. Then we were off again around the next wall and into the rape tunnel. Actually a long tunnel in the wall with many openings. This was all part of the old abandoned U. S. Steel plant and this tunnel had a purpose, but for us, it was something different to run through. At the end we ran along a slip from Lake Michigan. Probably for the old ore boats. No, not whore boats. Then we had to climb over the slip and past the dead birds floating below in the polluted water. From here it was back towards the lake and then long fields like we already ran with high weeds and abandoned roads to a final beer stop. Then a short run back through the park to the finish. We got out a grill and started cooking dogs and burgers and held a freezing circle in the cold winds off of the lake. From there I got a ride with Stiffy 4 Stiffes to the north side and saved over an hour travel time. Interesting historic hash. Someday it will all be sterilized housing and fancy parks and same ole same ole city running.

On Thu 12 Apr, 2018 we had a Thirstday Hash set by Putt Putt In The Butt from Dickens Street Pub. We had a nice pack of 14 hounds as he headed east on Dickens. A block later was a triple Split. The true trail went right to Armitage, around the block and back to Dickens Street. I believe half the pack went straight east at the Triple Split and found that short on back trail and the pack was now split up a bit. By the time I got there, the pack was mostly gone and I saw two hashers disappearing into the park on the north side of the street. I followed, but found no marks. As I headed back. Lifa came along and yelled he was on one from the Check. Check? I followed and we headed into the park. Trail went around the lagoon and suddenly became blue chalk in the dark, and shadows and on asphalt. The larger pack might have been able to see that last Split where I lost Lifa, but I didn't. More pink and blue marks on through the park and a check. Swept to the south, but no more visible marks that I could find. So I abandoned the attempt and headed into the city and down North Ave. After a few blocks there was suddenly a hidden arrow. Back on, I managed to follow the rest of the trail without problems, despite some mysterious marks and suddenly I was at B in Oz Park and there was the pack. Back at the bar we drank PBR tall boys and held a nice circle. 

Sat. Apr 14, 2018, was The Big Dog Hash set Crotch Fire. We had eight hounds. Well, six running hounds and two walkers under a big yellow umbrella, Zone 2 and Let Me Blow. Unusual trail. After the first right turn arrow, there was nothing but Triple Splits and Checks and all were left turns or straight as the trail was an ever widening spiril from the start until a final right turn and a left turn to a straight run of three blocks down an alley an On In. We ended up in the garage, heated with a wood buring cast iron stove and we were soo  holding circle while our hare cooked two deep fat fried turkeys. Delicions. . Eventually cums On All bases arrived with some desert for us. Thanks and Cum again.

On Sun, Apr 15, 2018, we had a Chicago Hash set by False Advertising from Burwood Tap. Injured, yes again, I followed the pack of nine other hounds, walking as they headed south on Halsted. That was about all I saw of the trail. Went through Oz Park and then the Zoo and who knows where. I managed to walk that part not on trail, but on the word of the hare. First time I ever went through the zoo and didn't see a single animal. Not even a sparrow or a squirrel. The beer stop was in the nearby playground and then back to Burwood for a fun circle and plenty of pitchers of beer.

Tue Apr 3, 2018, was another 4X2H3 Hash. Snotcho Mama hared for a wild pack of Horn-E and Lifa. And there were enough twists and turns and back checks that even Horn-E led on occasion. A few quick beers and we were on home.

Then on Thu, Apr 5, 2018, Stiffy 4 Stiffies laid a hash for his birthday from Celtic Crown for TH3. Two in bar beer stops and an outside bourbon stop and about 6 miles. The first one was at Christina's, home of the $3 Guinness. Damn inflation. Used to cost $2. But the bar is rehabbed and looking really nice. We had 13 trail hounds and a few who rode along with the hare to the various stops. Celtic Crown was upstairs for once and we had a nice circle.
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....

Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird n was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys
Sun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle BirdSun was a Second City Hash set by Speckle Bird and a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffysand a Chicago Hash set by Stiffy 4 Stiffys from The Booze Hound. The finish and beer stop was set by Speckle Bird and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. and the trail was set by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. The trail was laid by Stiffy 4 Stiffies. And short for once, but nicely laid. And Speckle Bird swept the trail from the front. At least that is what I think happened. But this is a hash trash and accuracy isn't always possible, or desirable. We had 21 hounds on trail, and some good and some cheap beers. And after almost everyone left, out came some damn good beers. Squeeze These didn't run, but runs the kitchen and there were four large platters of different kinds of salads for after. Yeah, some meat too. Oh, and SnatchSquatch ran circle, sometimes, and sometimes good, and sometimes.....

Wed 28 Mar, 2018was a Whiskey Wednesday Hash and Glory Hole and Bi Holer laid trail from Haymarket Brewery for 9 hounds. We headed towards the loop and then north towards Lake and over the river. I was heading further east when the trail was found on Orleans over the river and north. I followed and somehow missed an arrow pointing down some stairs to Kinzie St. I'm not only getting slow, now I going blind. I looked for that mark and somehow didn't see it. Five to 10 minutes of searching and ranging and I get back to that arrow I missed heading down the steps. I bent over and asked some cute girls to give me a swift kick in the ass for being so damn blind. Damn, they did. The last one almost sent me flying down the stairs. But I ventured on and followed trail until I caught the pack at a Check at Milwaukee just north of Grand. We had one virgin on trail, J. Tiffiny, and she was the one who finally bailed out the hash and found trail in virgin territory between two buildings. From there it was a relatively easy trail heading south to the west loop area and over to the hares Condo for the On In. In his Condo we held a short, laid back circle and let the hares know what we thought of their trail. And their whiskey which the pack devoured.
 
Thu, 29 Mar, 2018, we had a Thirstday Hash with Silent But Deadly and Loin Dick II laying trail from Redmonds for seven hounds. Silent But Deadly Gave me shit in the circle for criticizing her trails in the past as long straights and few marks. Well, this one really started out good. Lots of marks, bright and white. Splits and Checks and turns. But for some reason the pack got quickly strung out. Hmmm. Then as I was running along trying to keep the back in sight, I got stopped by some young lady who ran up behind me and asked me about my horn. Her parents, Icelanders, got a bigger one for their 25th Anniversary, all engraved and such. Well, now I'm five minutes behind. I run south from Addison and then over to Lake Shore Dr. Now the nice twisting trail get back to form. Long straight, four blocks without  a turn including one entire block without a mark. Finally just before a Check, Just Wendy came up behind me. Wrong way on a few Splits. The Check was marked right and then crossed out. So we went south. When in doubt, go straight. Two marks and then another block without a mark. So we figured we had to miss something and went right to Broadway. Nothing. We ranged north on Broadway and still nothing. J. Wendy finally went back to the Check to try further. I was not going to keep up with her so I ranged back south thinking the trail had to go south and I never saw another mark. meanwhile, J. Wendy found the trail over to the park and another long straight all the way to north of Addison. Then around Wrigley and south to a school yard where the hounds found a beer stop with no beer. Then the hares arrived with beer and took off for the warmth of Redmonds leaving the pack standing there in the cold. Back at the bar Gay Dancer eventually led us in a long circle. Then Silent But Deadly pressured me to okay the new price increases to $10. For the record, I suggested $8 exact change or $10 over the summer to get everyone used to the idea. Normally I prefer the lower costs and passing the hat for those that want to keep drinking well into the night. Light drinkers or those that have to leave early shouldn't have to pay for those that never quit, like Horn-E. And I've been last out more times then you've hashed.

30 Mar, 2018, Good Friday meant a good hashing Friday and Lower Wackoff would lay us a good trail from Yackoo's for the Chicago Full Moon Hash. We had seven hounds heading out through a maze of city streets before a Check at a park that would hopefully lead to the local golf course to run in the dark. By now, Son Of Span was already a hero. He found a senior citizen collapsed on the sidewalk from a fall. No, not Horn-E. He helped the old man up so he could continue his monthly walk to his girlfriends house where they could pray for a glorious raising of a member of past glory. When laying trail, Lower Wackoff found that the local border security agents had repaired the fence. So he had to plan a course around the course before finally getting into a bit of short woods running that led to the beer stop on a cliff over the river and under a beautiful Blue Moon. And it was ably guarded by Bingo and her new friend. Meanwhile Horn-E knew Lower Wackoff wanted to run the golf course and ran/walked to the usual hole in the fence. Damn. repaired. But the local wet backs, or just local neighbors had already set up some logs to aid in climbing the border wall. So, he did. He wandered around the golf course looking for marks and enjoying the peaceful solitude as he worked his way to a hole in the fence they didn't repair. From there it was under Devon along the river and a nice jog on forest paths and such along the river until he also made it to the beer stop. After a couple of beers we headed back to Yackoff's for good pizza and beer and a second circle. We then named Bingo's new friend. She passed the questions with many surrogates answering questions in her behalf. Several names suggested were Queen, Spelling, Quilting, Busy and the final two, Ada and Honey. She will forever more be known as Honey and she will guard our beer with threats of stinging and cross pollination.

31 Mar 2018, Now we come to Marathon Training, I mean the Chicago Hash, Easter Sunday preview, now known as Passover hash. Three Jews, no, not three wise men, three Jews, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie and Roofie Ragu had a great idea. The Jews left Egypt and wandered around in the desert for forty years or whatever. So they were going to have us wander around Chicago for forty miles. Well, not actually. Lifa clocked only 11.5 miles. Then Moses, I mean Roofie Rago laid most of it. Twenty three hounds took off on this great adventure. Some actually finished. There were four beer stop where beer might be available, but there was also a bottle of Maniscevitz to consume as well. There were also games to be played at each stop. I managed to get to the first beer stop after being slowed down by an unmarked back check, a Split that had me going the wrong way in an alley (really one of the best alley treks in Chicago), and four Falses withing a hundred feet of each other after. By then they had taken off on the second leg of trail. It was already 50 minutes for me. Since they were already gone, I grabbed a beer and settled in with the other quitters. But I did beat Zone 2 who also fell back and got stuck in the falses. Must have gotten them from the Dead Sea Scrolls. The hash was set to end at the TrojanJew B & B for circle and some good kosher grub. I had to leave just as they all got there. I'm sure it was a good circle and good time. But 11.5 miles. That cost us one virgin. But welcome to J. Alex. They all aren't that long.

We started with Horn-E Mar 20, 2018, laying a short trail from Big Joe's on Tue for the First Crack of the Moon Hash. Expecting the usual small crowd, I was surprised with nine hounds, a bigger pack then the following CH3 and TH3. WTF. But anyway, they were off through the close by tunnel and along a strip park by the Metra Tracks. And this pack was moving. I circled ahead and saw Meat Inside Her leading after the Second Check. Then I retreated to that strip park where I found a great little beer stop. They wandered around on trail until they headed back to that tunnel where I corrected one mark heading the pack back into the tunnel and back to that strip park. I also added a B at some evergreen trees that had a slight gap between them to an inside teepee type of area. Perfect for the beer stop. Hobo Piss ran right by it, but Berts Special Friend spotted the B and came in as FRB. Lower Wckoff was just a few minutes behind as DFL. The pack was together and we eventually held a pre-circle in that evergreen tent. But it was still a bit windy so we retreated to Big Joe's for a second Circle and more beer. Thanks to Cock Whisperer, we had about 20 beers donated for the beer stop. Warm, but I quickly spread them around on the ground and they were cool enough for the pack.

Thu Mar 22, 2018, was a TH3 trail and a last minute hare stand in, SnatchSquatch, haring out of Nesai Lounge. Lame again, I couldn't run so I eventually walked over to the beer stop where I counted seven hounds on trail. First in was Just Jenelle followed by Fetus Envy, andeventually the normal FRB types, Gay Dancer and One Fuck Chuck who both ran amok and added up over seven miles of trail as they came in DFL. There was a total count of seven house puppies, the lame and lazy and those that just don't run. Half non runners. WOW. Circle was held in this strip park by a cemetery and ended abruptly when two squad cars came by with lights flashing.

Sat Mar 24, 2018, was a Rag Time Hash set by RumpleStealsKids from her house. Missed it and don't know what happened.

Sun Mar 25, 2018, was a CH3 Hash set by Fetus Envy and Ball Cock Dumper from Weathermark. This was after the annual Beer in the Box. That means, many hashers ran the morning 8K Shamrock Shuffle and then got free beer tickets from any non drinking runner they could find and drank ON and ON. A bunch ended up at the start, but weren't running. Finally three hounds showed up. I was still lame, thank God. They took off running and ran and ran and ran. Well Lifa did. One visitor, a walker who walked along with the hares to the beer stops. That left two runners and a T and E trail. WTF. Lifa managed the Eagle alone and did 9.73 miles. Two hours to the second beer stop. Menstrual Casserole and I walked over, about a mile, and apparently got there just after Lifa. I handed over the Hash Cash to the hare and they started Circle. I sure wasn't dressed for an outdoor circle and soon left the freezing hares and hounds. Furry Spice was also there, I don't think he ran, but he did have on new shoes and in the cold, he took off both shoes and drank out of them while standing in bare feet on the cold ground/grass. Well done.
On Thu, Mar 15, 2018,  Loin Dick 2 laid her virgin solo trail for TH3 and 9 trail hounds. It will live on as a trail from hell. Well, not really. The course was nicely planned, map and all. The execution was off. The marks were good, when you could find them and when they actually pointed the right way. To put it simply, more marks, closer together, each mark points to the next mark, and you can't go from one side of the street to the other and back again without indicating such. I probably ran about three miles and was only a mile or so into the course when I decided to let it go. On the way back to the bar, I decided to check the usual park where we hold a lot of beer checks. Yep, there she was, all smiles. It was 20 minutes before Silent But Deadly arrived and she admitted to short cutting a big section. Another 20 minutes before Fetus Envy and Just Ben arrived. But eventually we circled at Danny's Tap Room and she took the criticism with all smiles. And beer. Hey, it was her virgin attempt. We'll set her up with a co-hare and look forward to her next attempt. 

Sat, Mar 17, 2018 was a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from Forest Glen Woods. I'd like to say it was the best hash of the year and we had forty racing hounds, but I'm not that big of a liar. The trail was reasonable for the area. The marks were questionable in parts, (later) or good marks. But the pack was only four. And there was no running there. Just Do Me Slowly isn't really running much or at all lately. The Gas Stop Bob is a walker, but loves the woods trails. Or G has had leg injury issues for years and he couldn't run. That left our visitor, Pied Piper, stopping by for a quick trail before heading to the airport. Street clothes and no intention of running. I spent over two hours laying a trail for running and now they would walk it. About 90 minutes with walkers doing all the checking. But a nice circle in the woods as usual. Then everyone got cold. We retreated to Aunt Edna's bar for a quick beer and everyone had to leave. At least I got a ride from The Gas Stop Bob to my bus stop. LATER: I tried something different for marking flour on trees. It sort of works and sort of doesn't. I filled a sock with flour and banged it against trees. Sometimes it made a nice mark, other times I had to give it several wacks and some were probably to light. And if you were downwind from the tree when you wacked it, you got a face full of flour. In the interest of experimentation, I'll try it once more, in an area where the trail is fairly obvious. This time I'll use ladies nylons, knee highs, and see if they give a good mark. It that works, we'll try it more. If not, well, I tried. Back to the old bare hand or cotton glove. 

Sun, Mar 18, 2018 was the Chicago Hash with The Cock Whisperer and Rusty Grundle laying trail from Cleos for an A to B trail for 11 hounds. Thanks to the CTA giving me bad information and not realizing it until it was to late, I was to late. But so was Hooch B4 Cooch and I had a place to store my bag in his car. It was now 2:55. No way I'd catch up but Hooch B4 Cooch did. The trail was nicely swept with only one Check not marked and I found that right away. Actually most marks were sort of obvious with the exception of a Split in an alley, just before the trail got to Augusta. Both directions had no mark. But the trail was quickly found around two corners on Augusta and we were off and running. I got to the beer stop after the pack left, but there was a cold Hamms sitting on the ground waiting for me. And a message on where the Circle would be, Damen and Caroll. Yeah, like I ever heard of Caroll St. So I abandoned trail, not running with a full beer, and headed for Damen. There some couple was nice enough to give me directions, way south on Damen. And as I took off, there comes Hooch B4 Cooch on the other side of the street, heading for his car. So I rode back with him. Circle was in the railroad area, up a weed overgrown path and back from the road. Tons of cold beer, warm sun and three visitors. All was good.

Tue 3/6/2018 had Lifa laying a trail from the Shamrock Club for the 4x2H4 hash. A turnout of only three hounds, but we managed to stay together for about a half hour. Then Snotcho Mama found a Check and was long gone before I even found we were at a Check. A little bit of snow and occasionally darkness and a few marks were missed. I missed the one to that Check. But Its Too Soft and myself eventually got back on trail and ran and checked, yes, Its Too Soft had to also, and the two of us ran on and on until we lost trail at a Check on Milwaukee. We ranged back towards the bar and I finally suggested that the trail might go to this little park along the river. There we found Snotcho Mama and Lifa. A quick beer and we were gone, back to the bar where no one even went in. Damn, I needed another one. One Hour and fifty minutes on trail for only four miles.  Check.

Thu 3/8/2018 was a virgin lay by Just Wendy and a co hare, Fetus Envy. Yeah, trouble there. Eleven hounds as we took off from Galaway Arms on an A to B trail. Mostly south at the start and I ended up behind with Son Of Spam and suddenly I spotted a T n E mark. Not mentioned in circle, but since the pack already left us behind to run around the lagoon by the zoo, we headed north. Eventually the trail came out of the park about a block north of the start and we found a Check at an alley. Also was a SN mark. I headed north into the alley and after going around a turn I found the third arrow and blow my horn. By now the main pack was catching up and Roofie Ragu ran on by me followed by the strung out pack. Unfortunately the Shot Stop went to the south in the alley. Lesson learned. The shot stop needs to be on true trail. Ooops. I heard only one person found it. We ran on with some difficulty due to turn arrows around corners causing us to miss a lot of them. We finally ended up in an alley for a beer stop and then a long walk to Galaway Bay for the B. We finally held a circle and the hares got there due.

Sat 3/10/2018 was a trail out on Woods on South Harlem for the Big Dog Hash, set by False Advertising. WE actually had 18 hounds. Instructionms were that we would be following little flags on the end of wire and every mark was a Check. We, they weren't and mostly easy to see the next mark and the pack was soon stretched out. I was running in back with Lower Wackoff and eventually three late comers passed. Well, two of them. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was running slow and hung over and even Horn-E beat him to the shot stop. From here we had to find the next flag and dig under neath it for something pointing the way of the true trail. It was a dirty skanky used and sticky dildo. And someone actually carried it back without a hazmat bag. Trail back was then relatively simple and straight forward. But Lower Wackoff still got lost and ended up following the flags backwards to find circle going when he got in. Good circle, Big Dog style. Then we had some quick grillables before the cold pack headed for warm kennels back home.

Sun 3/11/2018 was set by Rumple Stealskids and Ritlin Cum Bubble setting trail for CH3. Started alright and we were together for three blocks until the fist Check. Most of the pack was checking to the east when the trail was found to the south. Unfortunately the four of five of us that did that were left behind because the rest of the pack wandered east and picked up on trail and were gone. By the time I got out of the Target parking lot, I could see only two hashers in the distance headng east and then north. So I headed north and eventually was able to spot both Lifa and TampOn TampOff because of their green and red jackets. I followed the red jacket and headed north on California. Somewhere I lost him but found myself following another red jacket just jogging around this park. Ooops. But this did lead me to an On Back Check. After finally solving that, it was relatively straight back to the beer stop. Lifa, also running not on pack came up behind me and ran on. We got to the beer stop only to find SnatchSquatch waiting. He also was off trail, but had seen the Beer Stop on the way from his house. Sneaky bastard. And there we stood for about forty-five minutes before the pack arrived. Back at the bar we held a quick circle. The best entertainment was watching Its Too Soft fall asleep sitting on a chair three minutes into circle. After Circle the pack was gone quicker then a work force during an ICE raid in a meat packing plant. WTF.
On Wed. Feb 28, 2018 Son Of Spam laid a Whiskey Wednesday Hash from 50/Fifty. Five hounds started trail and only 4 finished. Horn-E, where are you? We started working our way south with a lot of back and forth. Finally Horn-E found trail heading south from a Check and to another Check on Chicago. We then went about five long blocks straight west on Chicago. A couple of Splits let the hash pass Horn-E and after Western Ave, Horn-E was alone. DFL again. The next Check he never found a mark after the third mark. After another mile or two, he gave up and got back to the bar and waited for the pack who were holding a whiskey circle in an alley. Eventually one hound and the hare joined Horn-E for one drink and the rest went home. WTF.

Thu Mar 1, 2018, had a Grateful Dick laid trail from O'shaugnessys for an a to b trail for 11 hounds. We had a few hard to find checks in two blocks and the trail finally led up to the Ravenswood tracks. Fetus Envy went up there and couldn't find a mark. Meanwhile the rest went around under the nearest trestles hoping for marks coming down the other side. Nope. So the pack just headed north and found the On In, two blocks away. So they headed backwards on trail and eventually had to call the hare to find the beer stop. Meanwhile, Horn-E, yep, off trail again, ranged south. No marks after several blocks coming down from the tracks. So he returned to where the trail went up on the tracks and there was a mark that Fetus Envy never saw. Back and forth and left and right, trying to find more marks got three whole tiny marks all the way to Irving Park, in the dark, on live Metra tracks with high fences on both sides. The hare said trail came down at Irving Park, but no marks were found so Horn-E returned to the bar for a Guinness and waited for someone to return. The finish was a hundred yards north in a parking lot where some good hot dogs and burgers were grilled. Well, at least something worked well.

Fri Mar 2, 2018, was a Chicago Full Moon Hash set from Aberdeen Tap. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend laid trail for five hounds. I never saw anyone after the first block. Yep, lost again. Well, not really lost. I quickly found trail but the small pack was long gone, It was a nicely laid trail with lots of twists and turns and through the West Loop area. I finally made in into the finish in an alley as the circle had just started. After circle the pack split and four of us walked over to Twisted Spoke for a beer.

Sat Mar 3, 2018, was a Second City Hash from Weathermark. Crash Test Dummy laid trail for five hounds and after a short loop in alleys we headed into the park and north. Back and forth we managed to stay together until the fire department, and police department and a burning car and Horn-E fell behind again. The pack somehow managed to find the shot stop just south of the Are Institute. Horn-E managed to find the whole trail and came in dead last. So what else is new. Just wait. The Bean was mentioned and somehow we found a Check there as some marks got wiped out. I never saw SnatchSquatch there, but he was around. Lifa headed west and north to Randolph and found trail. The last I saw of Furry Spice and Hooch B4 Cooch was them heading east. I went north and found a Split. I went east and that was wrong. I think that is when Lifa was blowing his whistle and the rest gathered on Randolph and headed west. Meanwhile I came back and headed west and found the trail. I blew the horn many times and no one came. They were already gone. Damn. So I Triple Split got me with looping and missing the true trail and going all the way to Lake. Finally found trail and headed west to State and a split that was barely visible. More aimless running around until giving up and heading south on State and there was a mark. The turn mark got wiped out. From here it was zigging and zagging through Checks and Splits and faded marks to west of La Salle and south of Congress and a BN. That took over another mile of checking before stumbling on the third arrow. From here I ran on without much difficulty except going long stretches without marks all the way to 16th St and an eventual On In. I got in about 170 minutes after the start. All the way alone and without a single true trail mark so I didn't know if I was in front, behind, or the only one on trail. Sort of gave me the drive to continue. That and beautiful weather and a decent trail if the marks were something of a problem at times. Back at the bar. the pack was already doing circle.

Sun Mar 4, 2018, had Tell It To My Nipples laying a birthday trail from Double Bubble. Biggest brightest arrows in memory. Take note hares. The trail was a big loop through the area and from my perspective, near the rear, it looked like a simple trail and with a fast pack they really blew through the trail and faded in the distance. And they marked every Check and Split. Well done. I followed False Advertising until his hangover over took him and he faded back past me to the following Zone 2 and W Jew 40. Now, all I had to do was stay on trail and I wouldn't be DFL. Planned worked as I arrived at the B in an alley where all the pickers were going through the possessions of an eviction. We also had a visitor, Just Patty from Guatemala who might make some more hashes this week. Welcome.

On On
Horn-E


On Thu, Feb 15 the TH3 hash was held at Danny's Tap Room. Lucky I heard about in in advance because there was no update on the TH3 web site. The hares were W Jew 40, Foamy Discharge, O'Shitty Discharge, or was it Foamy Runch, and finally Riot Me This Riot Me That. All of those hares and no sweep. We started out with 8 hounds and were immediately scattered and all confused with a starting False and an immediate Check. By the time I got through that, everyone was out of sight to the east. I managed to catch up with Loin Dick 2 returning from a False. We couldn't solve that Check and started ranging in a big loop before finding trail. After that the trail wasn't to bad and even though there were no sweeps or hounds marking rail we ran on okay as I tried to keep her in sight. I finally lost track of her, probably at a Check that I found right away. Ran on and finally had a Split marked, and crossed out and remarked so that you couldn't figure out which way they tried to point out. Looked straight to me, even though I thought it would be left. So I went straight and it was left. Finally ran over Logan Blvd and up to a triple Split. This time I didn't believe what looked like someone marked for the true trail. I used my instincts and was right, going right. Soon I was at the beer stop before everyone left. And somehow I got in front of Loin Dick 2. We finally left and two blocks before the bar, One Fuck Chuck got an email. Yep, Loin Dick 2. At the beer stop and no one there. Back at the bar Furry Spice led us in a circle and then the Sausage Man arrived. Good stuff, but I almost died on that horseradish.

Fri, Feb 16 2018 was The First Crack of the Moon Hash Asian New Years hash. Meat Inside her and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooked and 16 hounds followed a Lifa trail. I was near the front as we ran past the United Center and found a Check. No one went north so I did. After a block i looked back and no one was there. So I ranged east and after a long block I saw Fetus Envy entering a parking lot.Yeah, I'm back. Feather leads the pack out of the parking lot and a loop right back towards me. Boom. I'm running second behind Feather to a quick Split. He went west and I went right and I was on. two short blocks late I was still near the front at a Check on Ashland. Fetus Envy went north. Just Trevor and I crossed the street into a park. He choose north east in the park and I headed east and I was soon ON. Crossing Ogden was a Split and I picked wrong, but loopoing around I found myself running up to Fetus Envy at the next Check. I went south and was wrong. Heard no one calling, but the trail went right back the way I came, but on the wrong side of the street. Damn. So I ran on, alone, through two back checks and eventually crossing the Expressway on Ogden to a Check. Lower Wackoff had marked it with a tiny bit of chalk, but it was a short cut instead of actual trail and his attempt to get me back on true trail failed as I didn't see the sticks he marked it with or they got moved. Anyway, I was suddenly off trail and poor prospects and near the finish so I ran back to the start and got there about five minutes before the pack started to arrive. It is always more fun near the front or in front and I managed for a short bit of trail so, I had fun. Back at the start, we had a circle and then started into some great Asian and Korean food and of course some good beer. And I just made it to the last bus of the night.

Sat, Feb 17 2018 was the Bushman Hash set by Horn-E  from Lechowitz Woods with five hounds. I was able to sweep and follow the pack. The woods were covered in a few inches of snow. The goal, the golf course, also had a few inches of snow except where the cross country skiers had made trail that melted faster. Great for the trail. The first section of woods led to a path and a great Back Check and Lower Wackoff who was running last was suddenly first to a Check in the golf Course fairway. He headed off on the correct trail and somehow missed the first mark and the rest were scattered all over the fairway, getting close to the return trail. But we got back on trail and False Advertising led us into the woods and a bridge and the next Check. Lifa and R Tard E went down a road to the NW. No marks, but they kept going. Lower Wackoff found trail to the south and yelled on. Great. And he found the False. So when they returned they headed down that same road, again missing the very obvious true trail. Damn. Then at the fairway they headed south along the east edge while Lifa and R Tard E were on the far opposite edge of another fairway running a False trail from the next Check. Like I say, no marks and Cums On All Bases runs on and eventually finds the On Back trail. Shit. So I head into the woods after them as they get to some melted wet lands and circle around and finally get on trail as designed. From here it was just trail up a steep hill, over a bridge, slippery icy path and woods to the finish. R Tard E was first to the B and Cums On All Bases found the beer. Best beer stop of the year. In the hollow of a huge dead tree. We have pictures of five of us inside of the tree and room for more. And the snow was just getting started and we circled up and had a few beers each before heading out to the On In at the Nil. That tree was like standing inside of a huge chimney with two entrances. I'd been by there, withing fifteen feet, dozens of time and never investigated it.

Sun Feb 18, 2018, was the Chicago Hash set by Lower Wackoff with some lame assistance from Horn-E from The Booze Hound. Horn-E was supposed to get there at 2pm to help set the beer stop and then wait there along with Bingo for the pack to arrive. But a last minute phone call that I couldn't break away from and just missing three buses and it was 2:30 before I got there. I even tried catching a cab, but with Lyft and Uber, there just aren't many for flagging down on the street and the only one wouldn't pick me up. Anyway, the pack of nine hounds got going. The trail was to show some previous hares in that area, how to run the various abandoned tracks and live tracks and how to set trail on them. But they didn't show, and the pack got split up on some disappearing marks and a long dead end alley and struggled on in two packs before finally finding the Beer Stop between an abandoned factory and some abandoned tracks in the warm sun. SnatchSquatch led the circle, Soul Taco was beer wench and the hares drank a lot. And Slap Dat Ass finally came out of hibernation.


On Thu, the TH3 hash was held at Danny's Tap Room. Lucky I heard about in in advance because there was no update on the TH3 web site. The hares were W Jew 40, Foamy Discharge, O'Shitty Discharge, or was it Foamy Runch, and finally Riot Me This Riot Me That. All of those hares and no sweep. We started out with 8 hounds and were immediately scattered and all confused with a starting False and an immediate Check. By the time I got through that, everyone was out of sight to the east. I managed to catch up with Loin Dick 2 returning from a False. We couldn't solve that Check and started ranging in a big loop before finding trail. After that the trail wasn't to bad and even though there were no sweeps or hounds marking rail we ran on okay as I tried to keep her in sight. I finally lost track of her, probably at a Check that I found right away. Ran on and finally had a Split marked, and crossed out and remarked so that you couldn't figure out which way they tried to point out. Looked straight to me, even though I thought it would be left. So I went straight and it was left. Finally ran over Logan Blvd and up to a triple Split. This time I didn't believe what looked like someone marked for the true trail. I used my instincts and was right, going right. Soon I was at the beer stop before everyone left. And somehow I got in front of Loin Dick 2. We finally left and two blocks before the bar, One Fuck Chuck got an email. Yep, Loin Dick 2. At the beer stop and no one there. Back at the bar Furry Spice led us in a circle and then the Sausage Man arrived. Good stuff, but I almost died on that horseradish. Fri, was The First Crack of the Moon Hash Asian New Years hash. Meat Inside her and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooked and 16 hounds followed a Lifa trail. I was near the front as we ran past the United Center and found a Check. No one went north so I did. After a block i looked back and no one was there. So I ranged east and after a long block I saw Fetus Envy entering a parking lot.Yeah, I'm back. Feather leads the pack out of the parking lot and a loop right back towards me. Boom. I'm running second behind Feather to a quick Split. He went west and I went right and I was on. two short blocks late I was still near the front at a Check on Ashland. Fetus Envy went north. Just Trevor and I crossed the street into a park. He choose north east in the park and I headed east and I was soon ON. Crossing Ogden was a Split and I picked wrong, but loopoing around I found myself running up to Fetus Envy at the next Check. I went south and was wrong. Heard no one calling, but the trail went right back the way I came, but on the wrong side of the street. Damn. So I ran on, alone, through two back checks and eventually crossing the Expressway on Ogden to a Check. Lower Wackoff had marked it with a tiny bit of chalk, but it was a short cut instead of actual trail and his attempt to get me back on true trail failed as I didn't see the sticks he marked it with or they got moved. Anyway, I was suddenly off trail and poor prospects and near the finish so I ran back to the start and got there about five minutes before the pack started to arrive. It is always more fun near the front or in front and I managed for a short bit of trail so, I had fun. Back at the start, we had a circle and then started into some great Asian and Korean food and of course some good beer. And I just made it to the last bus of the night. Sat, was the Bushman Hash set by Horn-E  from Lechowitz Woods with five hounds. I was able to sweep and follow the pack. The woods were covered in a few inches of snow. The goal, the golf course, also had a few inches of snow except where the cross country skiers had made trail that melted faster. Great for the trail. The first section of woods led to a path and a great Back Check and Lower Wackoff who was running last was suddenly first to a Check in the golf Course fairway. He headed off on the correct trail and somehow missed the first mark and the rest were scattered all over the fairway, getting close to the return trail. But we got back on trail and False Advertising led us into the woods and a bridge and the next Check. Lifa and R Tard E went down a road to the NW. No marks, but they kept going. Lower Wackoff found trail to the south and yelled on. Great. And he found the False. So when they returned they headed down that same road, again missing the very obvious true trail. Damn. Then at the fairway they headed south along the east edge while Lifa and R Tard E were on the far opposite edge of another fairway running a False trail from the next Check. Like I say, no marks and Cums On All Bases runs on and eventually finds the On Back trail. Shit. So I head into the woods after them as they get to some melted wet lands and circle around and finally get on trail as designed. From here it was just trail up a steep hill, over a bridge, slippery icy path and woods to the finish. R Tard E was first to the B and Cums On All Bases found the beer. Best beer stop of the year. In the hollow of a huge dead tree. We have pictures of five of us inside of the tree and room for more. And the snow was just getting started and we circled up and had a few beers each before heading out to the On In at the Nil. That tree was like standing inside of a huge chimney with two entrances. I'd been by there, withing fifteen feet, dozens of time and never investigated it. Sun was the Chicago Hash set by Lower Wackoff with some lame assistance from Horn-E from The Booze Hound. Horn-E was supposed to get there at 2pm to help set the beer stop and then wait there along with Bingo for the pack to arrive. But a last minute phone call that I couldn't break away from and just missing three buses and it was 2:30 before I got there. I even tried catching a cab, but with Lyft and Uber, there just aren't many for flagging down on the street and the only one wouldn't pick me up. Anyway, the pack of nine hounds got going. The trail was to show some previous hares in that area, how to run the various abandoned tracks and live tracks and how to set trail on them. But they didn't show, and the pack got split up on some disappearing marks and a long dead end alley and struggled on in two packs before finally finding the Beer Stop between an abandoned factory and some abandoned tracks in the warm sun. SnatchSquatch led the circle, Soul Taco was beer wench and the hares drank a lot. And Slap Dat Ass finally came out of hibernation.
8 Feb 2018. On Thu we had a Thirstday Hash set by the Dark Silent Taco team. Trail was set from Miskas with about nine hounds on trail. Because of snow conditions, a live trail was called for and then they didn't take off until about 7:50. We finally got out on trail a little after 8pm. A half block later was a Check and we struggled on that one. I was out Checking when the trail was found. No On On call, or whistles or horns or marking the Check and they were gone. Meanwhile Horn-E and Children Of The Corn Hole, a visitor, come back to find nothing and they ran on for another mile or so looking for any sign of a mark. Nothing. Finally, back near Miska's, they spotted Silent But Deadly, a hare and she told them were the Beer Stop was in a park. There was another hare, The Dark Kunt and several non runners waiting there. Eventually The lead hare, Soul Taco arrived. She ran out of powder and had to mark the trail with her finger in virgin snow. Some how most of the pack found that part of the trail and finally arrived at the beer stop. Back at Miska's was the usual good Miskas circle and the party ran on. 

10 Feb 2018. On Sat, The Son Of Spam and The Foam Queen laid a Big Dog Hash trail from Lo Rez brewery. Nice place. Most of the trail was running on clean sidewalks, snow covered side walks, streets and rutted alleys. The pack sort of stayed together as we did a loop of the area and missed a looong False trail. Good. Beer stop was at the bottom of the stairs to Son Of Spams condo and then we went inside for a circle, pizzas, chili and snacks. Good time. 

11 Feb 2018. On Sun was The Chicago Hash set by Feather and Silent But Deadly from his house. We had 8 hounds on trail including one visitor, Finger In My Ass. Trail started down a snow filled gangway and there was some more like that, but mainly just streets and rutted alleys and sidewalks, shoveled and not shoveled. We headed east across the expressway and looping back over the bridge at Augusta. And as I was about to cross the bridge, I passed a little wooded section, virgin snow, trees covered in snow, quiet and peaceful, and all I could see was one of the nicest possible beer stops, but no beer. Actually there was no beer stop. The hares might have had to go out in the cold. Best beer stop?/no beer stop?/stay warm? But we eventually had a good circle with Fetus Envy leading and some good home made soup and fresh baked good bread and a good variety of beers. 
On On Horn-E

Jan 30 2018, We started out the week on Tue with a Blue Moon, Eclipse, Super Moon Chicago Full Moon Hash and only Horn-E could f*ck that up. Cloudy night and the moon only gave us faded images through the clouds at the beer stop on a tropical beach along Sheridan where we were hiding from the sub zero wind chills. And then Horn-E ran out of Dry Wall and had to settle for sheet rock. Similar, but sheet rock is much harder and lays lighter marks. Dry wall is softer and lays good marks. Lifa's GPS and tales of the trail indicated that the trail was run like designed, except when it wasn't. Eight hounds braved the cold night air as we ran from Double Bubble. Lifa was FRB followed closely by FBI Pearl Vision. About five minutes later came Its To Soft and Tell It To My Nipples. And there we stood, drinking beer as quickly as we could before it would freeze, as we watched the gently rolling waves and stomped out feet trying to keep warm. Finally it was decided to wrap it up and as we left we ran into the off trail wandering hound, Fetus Envy. But he wasn't drinking anyway so he just walked back with us. At the bar we found the wimp of the night, Cums On All Bases, warm and cuddly. But where was One Fuck Chuck. He fell back at the Check at Clark and Ridge where there were many possibilities for Falses and he checked them all, but no Falses were laid. Trail ran through the park by the High School. Two checks later, also with only one way out and the trail then came to Ridge again with six Falses laid. And One Fuck Chuck ran on true trail but missed the third arrow, with sheet rock (bad) under a lamp post (good) on bad asphalt (bad) and went back to check out all of the other Falses before giving up and running to the hares house hoping to find beer. (Bad). He returned and finally found that check and got to the beer stop after we left. And as for Lower Wackoff. He's like the energizer bunny on weak batteries. That is, he runs slow like the hare, but he just keeps going no matter what until he finds his way to the finish. Also after we left. Short circle as three hounds weren't drinking. But the hare got his share. Damn hare.

Jan 31, 2018,Wed was the Whiskey Wednesday fourth Anniversary Hash, and set by Lifa from Twisted Spoke. I arrived 3 minutes after they left and took off to never see a single hasher. At the first Check I spent over ten minutes before finding true trail. After here, everything was marked well and I followed south of the tracks and east and eventually heading towards Grand and Halsted, over the expressway. At this point, I'm so far behind I decided to play it smart and range towards a bridge back over the expressway and pick up trail there. I never found it and missed the shot stop, but I was so far behind I would have missed it anyway. I went back to the bar where I found three House Puppies drinking beer and joined them. Eight hounds on trail including myself who wasn't often on trail. Damn.

Feb 1, 2018. Thu, was a Thirstday Hash set by Gay Dancer for his birthday and set from Celtic Crown. What a f*ck up. Well, sort of. Almost no one showed up. He had as few friends as Horn-E at his birthday hash. WTF. Four hounds. But all four hounds did a great job running trail. Well, they had to because they all ran 100% of the trail alone and found the beer stop. Silent But Deadly walked out the door and immediately took off north towards the T and E Split. Horn-E was the only other hound at the start and he took off heading for the T part of the trail. One Check and three or four Splits, but the trail was just straight East on Montrose until it turned south for a block to a beer stop in a kiddie play ground. And he was FRB. WTF. And there he stood with the hare drinking good beer for about ten minutes before Silent But Deadly finally found the B. As usual, still full of energy, but not dressed for the cold. She was so cold her nipples were hard enough to cut glass, She didn't want to stand around in the cold drinking beer and when she found out she was only half way, she quit and asked for directions back to the bar and was off. And just as she left, she ran passed Its Too Soft. Where did he come from? But he saw Roofie Ragu near the start and found out we were already running and he took off on the T trail and found all of the Checks and Splits like Horn-E and he was thirsty, and dressed for the cold. He looked like he could have found the North Pole in all of that clothes. A short time later Roofie Ragu arrived. He did the Eagle and also didn't want to drink beer. Finding there was still another half of trail he took off and got back to the bar just after we did. We got beer and held a low key circle before they headed for tacos and I had to head back to the B. Dummy me, I left my horn there. I wasn't worried about finding it. It isn't as if there would be a bunch of kids in the playground in the dark with below zero wind chills. Yep, it was there.  

Feb 3, 2018. Sat was a Second City Hash at the home of Cums On All Bases. in  Palantine. I couldn't make it, but heard they had seven hounds, a pick up at Metra for Lower Wackoff, and hamburgers after the trail. Seven hounds were on trail and Zone 2 actually was leading trail for awhile before Stiffy 4 Stiffies found trail. Where was False Advertising? Off trail again. They also had a returning Second City Hasher who hasn't been seen in quite awhile, Buffalo Nuts.

Feb 4, 2018. Sun, was The Chicago Hash's anal Super Bowl Hash set from the Trojan Temple of W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie. Hares were Gay Dancer when they finally got his head out of the chunder bucket and Sandy Syphillis. I didn't run but hear 20 on trail for long straights and auto hashing and some games in the snow. Back to the Trojan Temple there were well over 20 hounds for a circle run by Fetus Envy followed by grub and football.


A short Tale of the Trail for a long hard trail
The Chicago Hash June 30, 2014 by Horn-E
.....It rained at hash start time and there was no trail from Roses and SnatchSquatch was just sitting there. It rained harder as tornadoes swept into Illinois. It rained on and on and the hare just sat there. Finally the hare took off with a ten minute head start into rain. Not a down pour anymore, but not a drizzle. And the pack was 15 hardy water hounds. Well make that 14 hardy water hounds and one old near dead water hound (Horn-E) that was wrapped up in rain gear. The trail went into an alley and came to a Check right away. Dr Cockvorkian went right, wrong. Somebody went straight and into an alley and a pack of fools followed on only two marks. Dumb hounds. Trail went left and west and soon another Check. Horse Fly (from Houston) was a block north and off. Damn., Trail went into an alley, turned right and at the next street it turned left and into a park where the hare was waiting with a cooler of beer. Roofie Ragu was the first and we all know who was last. Damn old hound. So there we stood in a playlot. The rain was almost over. Beautiful lightening strikes over the loop to entertain us. So there we stood under trees waiting for the next lightening strike. No one said hound were smart. But One Fuck Chuck got smarter and led a bunch of hounds out from the trees into the playlot. Now that was reeaally smart. Metal fence and metal structures everywhere. That will never attract lightening. And then the playlot sprinkler system turned on. Yeah, the park district is watering the playlot in a storm. But at least it fascinated Hoosier Daddy and Soul Taco. We soon finished the beer and headed back to the bar. About three looong blocks back which was just about as loooong as the on out trail. Taste the Rainbow led a circle and and one house puppy arrived, Its Too Soft. The other brave hounds who ventured out into the raging storm included Drill In My Box, Ginger Snatch, Epi Penis, One Fuck Chuck, Ice Princess, Just Taylor, Just Mike, Just Slobhan and Just Laura. And then the rains returned with more tornadoes and we were stuck in the bar watching cars floating down the street until it finally slacked down. Couldn't even get a cab, but the gondolas were out in force. With sails. x
The Tale of the Trail
The Thursday Hash, 3 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was a Rhotan Trail out of Ravens and rain was expected. It never came. So we had a trail with flour and some nasty tricks. We started right across the street and into an alley the pack ran. It is a dead end. That left that slow old fart Horn-E in the lead as trail actually went south on Clark. But at the first street, another missed mark and trail was found to the east. Now it was back and forth for a bit. We ran one block and then north to Fullerton where the trail went right back south on the other side of the street. And he caught everyone. Back east to the alley and then south and finally into Lincoln Park. And back north right away. I followed Hoosier Daddy on a short cut and we rejoined the pack at the Shakesphere Statue. Now here the pack got screwed again. There was some sort of Split just across the street and Lifa found it. One trail went around the park and the other into a few trees next to the observatory and back out to the path heading north. I followed a few front runners and we were off. We crossed Fullerton and headed south in the park, west of the lagoon. I was just getting to a Check at the Gazebo when trail was found to the north and over the hill. A I ran along, following the pack of FRBs way ahead, the missing back of the pack started to arrive. We ran along the jogging path and at the turn at the north end, I could see a gathering in a playground. Beer Stop? I ran on and Hoosier Daddy and the new to Chicago Hasher,Rolo (new to Chicago from Toledo Mud Hens H3) raced past me to beat me through the gate. And there was beer. Many varieties. And all was good. But finally we had to head back. Trail went back along the lakefront and only four managed to head that way, Feather, Lifa, Dr. Cockvorcian and Little Trojan Annie. Damn show offs. As slow as I was running, I wasn't going to try to keep up with them. I walked back with the rest of the pack. 
.....The pack was eventually called together in a circle by the Dark Kunt. Many down downs were given to our hare. Rhotan. And he deserved them all. We also had several returnees. Tinkle Trotskie and the Hasher Of A Thousand Names, whatever he is using now, visited from Portland. And all old favorite, surprised me as I was getting pop corn and I almost spilled it all, Corn Star showed up after the run. Welcome back and come back often. Foamy Discharge was also a House Puppy this night. And the rest of the trail hounds included Hooch B4 Cooch, O'Shitty Runch, Menstrual Casserole, One Fuck Chuck, W Jew 40, and Its Too Soft.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash, 6 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....We ran this out of Just Dan's House, not a hasher, but a friend of Crotch Fire a hare along with False Advertising. And there was a large turnout of one house puppy, Dickens Cider who can't walk much right now and stayed behind at the fire with Just Dan. We had Bloody Thighs who just planned to walk as she is also in recovery. Partial joggers included virgins Just Katy and Just Danny And we also had Sugar Nuts and Zone 2. Then there was Specklebird who jogged and walked with Spawn Of Speckie. As we speed up, there was The KGB traveling with Just Allie in a stroller and walking a lot and Son Of Spam who fell back with The KGB. Now I didn't see much of then on trail, but they all beat me to the beer stop. And then they walked along with False Advertising who quit sweeping after the beer stop and just walked a short course back with the walkers. 
.....Then there were those that actually tried to run the course and left me behind. The real trail hounds and one old mutt, Horn-E. We took off to the east on Randolph and then Washington and across Ridgeland for a block and a Check. This seemed to take forever as no one was finding anything. I found myself ranging south to Madison when trail was found in an alley. I followed east until the leaders came out in front of me and a Check on Madison and Taylor. Various hashers were scattered when Snotcho Mama found trail to the south. I followed Lifa with Chippendale on the other side of the street. After one block, Lifa picked up trail to the east on Adams and eventually to a Check. Again we scattered. I finally found one, then two marks to the east and Lifa was already way out there. He found another mark, a Triple Split at Austin. Lifa went south and eventually was on going west on Adams along Columbus Park. Meanwhile I was almost a block north and I paralleled for two blocks before heading south and joining the pack in pursuit. From here I'm not sure who was where, but there was a bunch of FRBs in the distance and out of sight. I tried to keep Just Do Me Slowly in sight, eventually joining her as we went over some water and around some small wooded section.The KGB, pushing Just Allie and Son Of Spam were still in sight behind us. We ran on and eventually we were alone as we ran around the east end of the park and to the south end. We now head south on Central going under the Expressway and emerging at the south end on the east side of the street and at the top of some stairs. Here is an arrow and the last arrow, pointing west. We cross over the street and enter an industrial area and seeing no more marks, I yell to Just Do Me Slowly that I'll go back and see if we missed some marks going around the buildings. As I step out of sight, Just Do Me Slowly sees the head of the pack, drinking beer at an unmarked beer stop. Huh. Meanwhile I run on trying to go around the buildings and pick up Just Do Me Slowly at the far end. Not happening. Nothing but fences. After three blocks I loop back, crossing Central to check that out and finally coming back to that last arrow. It is still straight, but there was nothing ahead. So I run on again checking that area and this time I go far enough to see what Just Do Me Slowly saw, now the whole pack including the walkers. Damn.  
.....So after a beer, we head west along some tracks and past a bunch of bee hives. I'm talking 30 or 40. Probably a winter storage area until planting season. Anyhow, we go around on a wide loop and climb back up on an old pallet and head west. I'm with Chippendale, Lifa and Snotcho Mama as we go south and find a Split heading west and a Check at an alley. Well, typical of the marks of the day, often hard to find, Hooch B4 Cooch is also here and he is south in an alley. He doesn't return. But we are all scattered, looking for marks and no one is yelling on. Apparently Hooch B4 Cooch was On. I range to Austin when I see Lifa, a block further west, heading south towards Roosevelt. I head that way and see Snotcho Mama coming out of an alley. He was On and now not On. He missed something. Eventually Berts Special Friend was then coming down the alley and he found the missing arrow that led to trail going a block south of Roosevelt and then west.Snotcho Mama and I followed to the south and in the distance we could see Berts Special Friend and Lifa far ahead. Trail finally headed north again and we could see the leaders, about two long blocks ahead, going west. When we got there, it was a Split, but the trail didn't go west. Damn. Now here is where we really needed the sweep. But he was busy being not busy and walking along with the walkers and not sweeping the trail. So we were on our own. But we are hashers. We'll find it. Eventually. Won't we? So Snotcho Mama returns and heads south and finds the trail and a Check a block later. I am paralleling him. We are now at a little park and he comes my way and two blocks further. Not On. So I head south around the little park, on the east side of the street. Unfortunately we found the trail was on the west side of the street after six more blocks of running a large circle around the park. Actually trail went into this little park and up a big sledding hill. The third mark was hidden under some leaves. At the top of the hill was an arrow pointing down to the north west. But where. Certainly not in the grass anywhere we could see and I already ran that sidewalk. Finally I cross the street and there is the trail. Damn. Now where was that sweep? From here it was fairly easy trail sort of left, right, left, right. Of course there was that arrow marked as on and then crossed out. What did that mean. And then there was a time Snotcho Mama was heading north, definitely on, gets to a corner and no marks. Must be straight ahead. Right? Wrong. As he looks around for the trailing Horn-E, he luckily spots a mark on the other side of the street going west. Huh. Any way, we run on and eventually back to the back yard and again, the whole pack including walkers. Damn. Well, you know who is getting DFL. 
.....Lifa led the circle and we had a nice little circle singing one long song and such. The hares got many a deserved down down and so did Horn-E for trying to hard to follow trail. I mean coming in last, twice. After the circle, Crotch Fire brought out a roasted turkey and I walked away with a big leg to gnaw on like a starving dog. Food was good, good home brew, good bottles and cans and Just Dan kept the fire going while burning off old Christmas trees and scrap lumber. I finally left for home with a grateful ride from Snotcho Mama. 
On On
Horn-E


 The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, 1 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....Our hares were Snotcho Mama and Just Genna and we ran out of and around the Cork. We had twelve trail hounds with two of them, Just Tim and Just Brit, virgins. Trail headed straight west and at the first block was a Triple Split. For some reason a bunch of the hounds headed south, but Horn-E knew the trail went west because he got off the bus at Damen and a Check and trail right to there. But it is April Fools Day and who can trust a hare even under normal conditions. So Horn-E just headed straight and to the Check. Going north was False so he headed west and was on a block later. Trail then went north and after a long block there was a Back Check. Damn hares. And no one is behind Horn-E. On the way back looking for the Back Check he finally ran into Just Do Me Slowly, Just Brit and the hares. Trail went west at the alley and again north after one block. And Horn-E is still running alone. A block north was a Triple Split and Horn-E ran west for a block. And there was another Triple Split, but coming from the south. Obviously missing a loop, Horn-E heads north but didn't see any marks. Heading back, he finally sees Dr. Cockvorcian returning from the west part of the Triple split. Welcome back to the hash. But he also had nothing. So we traded trails and searched again and he was On to the north and it went all the way to Irving Park, leaving Horn-E paralleling and still alone. Anyhow, Dr. Cockvorcian found a Check at Irving Park. He checked north and found nothing. Horn-E was already to the west and not On. So we returned and Horn-E headed east on the north side of the street and almost a long block later he found a mark in a parking lot. We were soon on and heading west in the alley. A little confusion along the way but we ended up at another Check to the north west. Lifa and Horn-E went west and found nothing. Berts Special Friend found trail in a hospital zone and led the pack to the south west. Horn-E saw the direction they went and headed south to a Check at Western and Irving Park. He and Berts Special Friend headed west. A big park in that direction. Had to be. Not. Trail was east a block and then south. But the pack finally converged on a section the sweep, Just Genna told us was now a live trail. But Snotcho Mama was back already. Trail, being live, went back over old marks to Addison and straight east to the bar, past many Triple Splits and all the way past the bar and into the alley and a beer stop. Damn hares. But we finally had beer. Well, sort of. A shade better then O'Douls. And a lot more potent. Olde English 800 16s. Damn hares. Now that is just cruel. But soon Lifa showed up with a keg of Langunitas IPA. Now that was better. 
.....Finally we went back to the bar and $7 large pitchers. Horn-E got the beer flowing and the Moon Hash circle started and everyone was soon into various charges and penalties for the hares. We formally met our Virgins, Just Brit and Just Tim, and it took Lifa three tries to give them a proper demonstration. Eventually all circles must end and the last two hounds out were Hooch B4 Cooch and Horn-E. Other hounds on trail were Son Of Spam, Lower Wackoff, Meat Insider and the return of Caught Red Headed. 
On On
Horn-E


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The Tale of the Trail
The Whiskey Hash, 26 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa from Rocks in Lincoln Park. We had 10 Trail Hounds as we took off to the east. We did the usual array of streets as Horn-E fell behind as usual. But I could barely keep the pack in sight until shit started to happen. We headed east to another Check and the sweep was standing on the Check a block west of Halsted on Webster. A yell was heard into an alley and Hooch B4 Coochcalled it just as I arrived. At the alley the pack was disappearing at the other end of the alley and trail went into the De Paul Campus. They did a little loop and I was just catching up as they headed out to Fullerton and east to Halsted, Lincoln. Now here things got really screwed up. As I arrived, Snotcho Mama was saying something about them being On to the south and there were several hounds running south. So I never saw the Check. Ooops. At the alley was a Split and Son Of Spam and The KGB were down the alley. Berts Special Friend andMeat Insider and others were just south on Halsted. I ran the alley and found nothing. At Dickens no one seemed ON. Well, just west was old trail, so it had to be south. Son Of Spam and Horn-E headed south to Oz Park. That was all that was left. And Son Of Spam searched the park while Horn-E went back to Halsted. No marks were found. We headed north to find where the pack disappeared. No marks. We again searched the alley. Nothing. Damn. So we returned. And there at the corner of Lincoln and Halsted we saw the Check, that I never saw as Snotcho Mama was marking a south arrow. And that arrow was now marked out and another arrow added going west.
..... Lesson: While we in back appreciate people marking Checks and Splits on many trails as they are solved, when there is a sweep, it is his job. Let him do it. Also, for everyone, the idea is to call out what is happening, like Checking, Split, etc so the newly arriving hounds no what is happening. Whistles and horns are nice, especially in a noisy city, but please yell also, so we know, even if you are just ON ON. 
.....So Son Of Spam and Horn-E followed the trail, now marked by the sweep and we eventually went just west of Halsted and north of Diversey as we headed to a roof top finish and Whiskey stop. 
.....Here Berts Special Friend led a mini circle before we headed back to the bar. At the bar we settled into some tables, ate food, drank a little whiskey and a little bit of beer and then headed home. Other hounds on trail included Glory Hole, Crotch Fire, Just Sean, and our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 27 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by, Helen Keller Facial, Rump Springa and Hooch B4 Cooch out of Big Joes. Rain happened and might again, so Helen Keller Facial and Hooch B4 Cooch laid a live trail while Rump Springa went to the beer stop. We headed north and west with a pack of fifteen trail hounds. About two blocks later we stalled at a Check before it was found down an alley heading west. Now I'm not exactly last, yet, but I sensed a short cut over to Foster with this huge park at a school to the south. But no one is in sight. Finally, two blocks west I see the usual FRBs, Roofie Ragu, Dr Cockvorcian, Taste The Rainbow, Feather, etc. heading south across Foster and into the park. I was at another entrance and so I paralleled the leaders as they ran through the park. By the time I got to the far south end of the park, I was now paralleling the back of the pack as they were a street to the west of me. A block later I see Dr Cockvorcian coming my way yelling Check or maybe he was only checking his drawers or something. Anyhow, I crossed the street and there was an arrow and then another and I'm ON. Yes, me. And I'm ahead of the FRBs. We run to Damen and a Check. First there, first choice and I picked east, across Damen. At the alley I get a Split. I pick the arrow into the alley and was almost all the way to the end before I spotted a mark of flour on a pole. I hadn't been looking there. I looked back and no one is there. Finally I spot Dr Cockvorkian and I blow my horn and take off. Trail headed further west in the alley for another block and several Splits and I'm still ahead and heading over to Lawrence. East on Lawrence and I'm really tiring now but when you are ahead, you try to keep going as well and as fast and as far as you can. I finally hit an entrance to a parking lot where there was a little loop and Feather and Dr. Cockvorcian finally passed me. Relief. I can walk a little and the main body of the pack is soon passing me. Two blocks later is a Split into an alley. The mark going straight looked more like just some wind blown flour and everyone was heading into the alley. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama is returning to that mark saying something about a mark on the corner. It must be a loop. No. That is the correct way and those in the alley are wrong. Ooops. He did get called out for that in the circle. Anyway, by the time I got out of the alley, the whole pack had now passed me. Damn. From first to last in less then two blocks. So I follow Mudsucker and soon he was out of sight. I was really winded now, but there was a BN. So I followed on as the trail went north, east to Ashland, North to Foster and then back east. Are we going to the usual tunnel under the tracks about two blocks north. Naturally and there was the whole pack including some house puppies. 
.....Back at the bar, The Dark Kunt called the pack into a circle after the beer started flowing. Drill In My Box poured beer like the cute little beer wench she is. Feather was beaten constantly in circle with a spatula. I was waiting for the RA to flip him over and start beating him on the other side. The hares got many. Down downs that is. no beatings. We had several House Puppies, Hoosier Daddy who was too busy having a chit chat with President, Jimmy Carter, to hash with us. Glory Hole just showed up late. O'Shitty Runch showed up late after running over a civilian in the rain on his bicycle. O'Shitty Runch was on the bicycle that is and the civilian was running for shelter in the rain. And Mount Schwiiinga arrived just in time to present Horn-E with a horn she found in the twin cities at a hash. Thanks. After the circle we finally had a naming for Just Steff. Honey, you will be forever known as Menstural (sp) Caserole. (sp) I'm sure someone will correct me. After that a cake was brought out for the birthday boys and then we drank on into the night. Trail Hounds also on trail included Bi Holer, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie, and one more time, our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 30 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Streeters by Just Eh and That Thing That Vibrates. He swept the trail and she escorted a litter of house puppies including Rhotan, and old Lab, Drill In My Box, a chihuahua, Back Door County, a standard poodle, Menstuarl Caserol an Irish Setter, Vincent Van Ho a visiting Afgan Hound from Portland, and three little virgin puppy schnuddles, Just Sarah, Just Katy and Just Dani. While I'm on the House Puppys, Ice Princess a Pit Bull and our GM, Soul Taco, a Rottweiler showed up after the hash. 
.....Anyhow, back to our hares. Just Eh did a Eh so so job of sweeping. Kidding. a good job. A That Thing That Vibrates did a great job of walking that bunch of House Puppys to a shot stop along the Chicago River where she had a treat for all of the Trail Hounds. Then she walked them north to a little park along Franklin where there was a beer stop. But all of those puppys were getting tired, especially that little Chihuahua, and they arrived late with the refreshments for the Trail Hounds who were waiting with their tongues hanging out. 
.....But lets get to the trail for those trail hounds. There was fourteen of them off on trail and the usual array of fast runners. Like Lifa, who barely beat Mudsucker to the shot stop. All right, he got drunk last night and ran a race this morning and then drank at beer in the box. But lets talk trail. After circle we were pointed across the street to the south and west. But TampOn TampOff ran straight west and a bunch followed. I ran across the street and didn't see a mark so I sort of followed and Roofie Ragu crossed the street and ran ahead of me. But no marks. So I back tracked and followed Snotcho Mama as we headed south and there was a small pack ahead of us with Just Eh. Two blocks later was a Check. To the west was TampOn TampOff and Roofie Raguand I signaled to them that we were at a Check. They had nothing. so I headed west and found nothing. As I was returning I heard an ON ON call from Mudsucker. He was On to the south on Rush. I blew the horn and followed and soon the FRBs were passing us. Two blocks later we turned west and up some stairs to Wabash and south. As I went along R-Tard-E was running with me and suddenly the pack returned from a Back Check and went down some stairs to Hubbard. At State St they headed south and as I and Mudsucker got to Kinsie, the pack was returning again. Dr Cockvorcian found marks on the upper level and headed towards Michigan through the Wrigley Building complex. I ran below contemplating a turn to Lower Level Michigan. Not. Snotcho Mama was following me and as we got to Wrigley Plaza we ran into Smell Like Twat Sweat who let us know we were at a Check and it wasn't to the south. Big mistake on her part. It was and the hare had to finally point us on the way. Meanwhile we were scattered all over. Dr Cockvorcian to the east, just as Roofie Ragu returns from the east. We checked to the north and nothing. I went west. Nothing. Finally returning, we were pointed ON and Jizzyalmost ran me down on the crowded bridge. We gathered at the Wacker light and on green we ran south to a Check at South Water. TampOn TampOff was to the east and I yelled we had a Check. But someone had already found trail to the west and he was soon passing me. At Wabash we ran south for two blocks. Just before Washington I saw the leaders heading west so I did an alley with R-Tard-E right behind me. And we get to State St. Just as Glory Hole is running by, On from a Split. This has us heading west on Wacker and Glory Holefinds a Check at Dearborn. I cross heading north and TampOn TampOff is already heading north on the other side of the street. He finds trail and I cross the street and blow the horn for the following hounds. Jizzy passes me and misses a turn to the west on Kinzie. Meanwhile Dr Cockvorcian and Horn-E follow TampOn TampOff. At the next corner we have a Split. But Glory Hole joins us and I follow him west and we are ON. This runs straight west to Orleans and SSN. And Horn-E might have been near the front, but the usual FRBs are soon passing him. He can't even keep up with the bimbos. Well we all knew that. No, I mean running. And Smell Like Twat Sweat goes flying right on by. And she was the only bimbo on trail. Where are all the bimbos? It was finally warm and they can come out of hibernation in their nice tight shorts and tops. Yeah!! Come on out. I digress. We hit Orleans and we head south to a shot stop at the river. Well, at least Horn-E wasn't last this time, as Its Too Soft, Just Dan, R-Tard-E, Dick Hermonica, Epi Penis, R-Tard-E all followed with Mudsucker and LIfa coming in last. But I'm glad that Mudsucker followed way back. I lost my shirt along trail and he found it. Thanks. And I got it back in circle with the usual down down.  
.....After the shot Stop the Trail Hounds took off to the west and over the Chicago River. Checking there had us going north and then back across the river several blocks north. Now Horn-E is back where he belongs, picking up the rear. Just can't get going after these damn shot stops. But I run on and finally north on Franklin as I pass the House Puppys at Chicago Ave. A block later the Trail Hounds are sitting around in a dog park waiting for refreshments. Cold beer. 
.....Back at the bar we finally collected Hash Cash thanks to Glory Hole getting it started. Check that money and make sure none of it fell into a Glory Hole. Finally we had enough and we were drinking beer. Lifa called the circle together and many down downs were given to all. We met our virgins and our visitors showed why we will always welcome her back. Nice girly bits. After circle we drank on until the last of the pack finally left. Those two old hounds, Horn-E and Rhotan outlasted all of the young pups.  
On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 20 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....A new hash bar, The Bar Below and we had Snotcho Mama and Son Of Spam haring. We had 18 trail hounds on this trail as we headed west through the loop. Snotcho Mama was sweeping and did a decent job that allowed this old fart to keep the pack in sight until we turned back east. Hey, I made it half way. Anyhow the trail was mostly straight east occasionally going a block south. We finally got to Adams at Union Station. I thought I was dead last, but a block south and I caught up again. We ran on to Van Buren and then west to Canal where there was a Split. And apparently a bunch of hounds were a block west and not on trail. The sweep hinted and that old fart Horn-E found a hidden mark to the south. Blowing the horn, he was in front of a bunch of hounds. But after a tunnel under the Expressway, I was back in back. We headed east and I saw Hooch B4 Cooch crossing the street to the south. With no traffic I crossed also. Big mistake. Trail didn't go this way and now being out of sight, I had to backtrack as the trail again went down under the Expressway. Here we had to climb a fence and cross a grassy hill. Yes, a grassy hill downtown. More zig zag as trail went south and into the La Salle Street Station, and out the other side. Up and down and I'm just far enough behind to not catch a short cut. Trail goes west on Harrison and further and over to State Street. Now we go north and with a series of alleys and streets we almost go into Grant Park and back into alleys and finally we loop back towards the bar and there is an arrow into a doorway of a garage and a note to go to 12. And there was the pack at a beer stop. Nice spot. And thanks to Foamy Discharge, who arrived late and tried to catch the pack and didn't, I wasn't DFL. 
.....Back at the bar we had a back room and One Fuck Chuck led the circle. And the beer was Lite bottles in huge buckets. The hares drank often for that trail. Others on trail included Bi Holer, Dr. Cockvorkian, O'Shitty Runch, Crotch Fire, Roofie Ragu, Feather, SnatchSquatch, Berts Special Friend, Puzzled In The Sack, My Hard Will Go On, Meat Insider, Little Trojan Annie, Drill In My Box and The Dark Kunt. We had Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and Sugar Nuts for House Puppies. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....Another part of the birthday tour of Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of Carol's. And this one had some surprised thanks to Rump Springa inventing more beer stops. Apparently the first two were T and E splits where the E might lead to beer. Huh. Trail started north in an alley and we eventually had 16 Trail Hounds including one walker, a visitor, Bringing Up The Rear. Okay. So she hung back with Hooch B4 Cooch and apparently immediately fell. Boom, bang, no hope of running. Meanwhile the pack is running east on Lawrence then south at a Split. Now that was fun. As I got to the Split, I could see TampOn TampOff to the east and not on. Feather was a long block south and now returning on the other side of the street. We finally get a call to the east and it isn't TampOn TampOff. Somehow he missed a turn alley into the first alley. Why would that happen? Oh, yeah. Trail laid the day before and a bit of snow overnight. Hmmm. Meanwhile we headed south and I'm in the alley with the back of the pack, Just Tina and Zone 2. We come out one long block south and finally Feather catches up having run that distance three times. We're now heading east and then south again. Coming out at Wilson we head to the college area at another Split. And a block later I think there was a Back Check and suddenly a bunch of hounds were following Dr Cockvorkian to the east and under the tracks. We finally came to another Split under the tracks that led to a Check at Broadway. We weren't getting anywhere. Horn-E finally went south past Target and found a third arrow, a Triple Split at Montrose. And as he is about to start south, there are Dr. Cockvorkian and Feather. Where did they come from. Anyhow, south is False. So Horn-E goes west and it is a False. By the time he returns, he is dead last again with Snotcho Mama and the hare sweep. We eventually head south and east to Sheridan and back west towards Broadway. Here we spot a T and E Split. We're behind so we opt for the T so we can catch up. At the corner we find a Check and False Advertising returning from a False. Now is that a real False or false advertising from False Advertising. So Horn-E heads south and is eventually on and it leads to a Split at Irving Park. He goes right, wrong and the other two arrive and go left, right. This is a short loop and we are soon heading west a block south of Irving Park. This leads to a series of Splits, with true trail going west. At the cemetery we have another Split. Snotcho Mama finds trail turning west at Irving Park. Now this is a solid RED CHALK TURN, just like the marks the hares used. But they claimed they didn't do it. It had to be old marks by Snotcho Mama. But he didn't run trail there and it was fresh. Hmmm. Anyway, we are about to head west when the rest of the pack arrives, led by TampOn TampOff. That is when we find out that the previous T and E Split led to beer and we were leading. Anyhow, we run on to Clark and no marks. Finally Roofie Ragu goes further west and finds marks and we are On to a Check a block later. Meanwhile, the back of the pack arrived at that Split at the cemetery with the hare sweep and he points them south where they eventually went to a beer stop. WTF. We eventually solve that Check and head on a few blocks north to a B in a little park. The real beer stop. About fifteen minutes later Hooch B4 Cooch arrives with those missing hashers from beer stop number 2. Another five minutes later Rump Springa and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob arrive with the B-E-E-R. From here it was about a mile walk back and after waiting so long for beer, no one was ready to run back.
.....At the bar we found several House Puppys including Soul Taco, Hoosier Daddy, and eventually Dick Hermonica, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Sugar Nuts and Foamy Discharge. Dr. Cockvorkian was volunteered to be the R A. First time and not to bad. All right, not to good. Whatever. We did meet our visitors, Bring Up The Rear and Asscott To Mouth. After circle we hung until the beer money ran out, then about ten hashers went to a Mexican Carry Out and another dive bar to finish off the night. 
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 13 Mar 2014 by Horn-E 
.....Frequent Flyer, Snotcho Mama and Just Bill set trail out of Durkins. Just Bill was a virgin and therefore a virgin hare. He is from Nittany Valley and will start hashing out there. A pack of 16 total, with the late comers, headed east and south at the second Check the pack was just disappearing as Son Of Spam and Horn-E arrived. We headed behind a school and into a slippery, ice covered alley with a Split at the end. We went east to Clark and missed a tiny arrow along the way, squeezed between patches of snow. But at Clark, we didn't see an arrow. We crossed Clark and went through McDonalds. Nothing. Returning to Clark we split up and Son Of Span finally found an arrow heading north. Well, by now we are way behind the pack. Trail went into a westerly loop and back to Clark at Diversey and the usual check. Son Of Spam went east towards the park and found nothing. Well, not nothing. He found Rump Springa. Meanwhile Horn-E found trail to the north. The three of us zigged and zagged between Broadway and Clark and finally a Check at Halsted. We finally found a mark coming out of an alley and heading west on Briar. Another Check at Sheffield split us up as Horn-E finally found trail to the south and blew the Horn for the other two. Two blocks south and the trail looped back east and a block later we found the pack in a playground with a keg of beer. Suddenly Berts Special Friend came in DFL. He showed up late and somehow found the trail without sweep marks. Why can't he find trail when he runs with the pack? 
.....Back at the bar, the beer started to flow in the back room and Lifa ran the circle. We did have one visitor from the Hog Town Hash, Half Wit. Welcome to Chicago. There were several House Puppies, in Helen Keller Facial, Sugar Nuts, Just Steff, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob. There was a long list of Trail Hounds also on trail even if I didn't see them on trail. They included Poultry Fucker, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, W Jew 40 (Glad to see you running again), O'Shitty Runch, Just Preston, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, Drill In My Box, One Fuck Chuck, and Dr. Cockvorkian.  
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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash, 15 Mar 2104
.....Overnight I got an email from Lower Wackoff. He couldn't make the hash or On IN, but asked if he could set a beer stop for us. He would provide the beer and meet us at the shelter in Edgebrook Woods. He's a Bushman Hasher and bothered to ask. We don't normally do this at the Bushman Hash because we finish in the woods and circle there. But we could do this one time and trail was going to go that way anyhow. 
.....Trail was set out of Lechowicz Woods by Horn-E. The rat bastard. Before starting, Meat Insider was running around looking for some hand Lotion. What? This is the Bushman Hash. So off we went with trail going down the ice covered sledding hill. There was a Check at the bottom and the hare already had to point things out to the pack.Son Of Spam and Or G went straight and managed to find trail skipping a big loop along the river. Meanwhile Lifa found it and called On On. And he found a Split from two months ago, finally coming out of the melting snow. Meat Insider and Berts Special Friend followed Lifa and they did a nice loop along the river. Meanwhile the other two are heading east, up a hill and around a field of tall prairie grasses and another Check. Or G found that and ran on and was just out of sight when Lifa managed to climb the hill to the prairie grasses. He leads the back pack and right onto trail at the check. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E tried a short cut and almost found themselves in deep water.There was soon another Check at the drop shaft for deep tunnel. And Or G and Son Of Spam were still working that Check. The pack is back together. After a hint from the hare, Or G finally got on the trail along a fence and heading to a railroad track crossing. And the pack emerged through the woods and followed. This led to the dirt bike hills and another Check. Somehow Meat Insider ended up leading the pack out of there and to the railroad trestle where Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E were waiting. She kept leading across the tracks and finally to a turn down the embankment and across some narrow water. She just showed up the guys by butt sliding down the hill and running on. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Span followed. Or G did a wider loop and Lifa even farthur around the water. But back to our FRB. She came up to a big gate into the golf course, locked with a chain. But she slipped her tiny body on through and was off across the golf course following marks and footprints. Berts Special Friend squeezed through the fence and followed. Next was Or G and just as he got through, Meat Insider yelled Back Check. Those old bastards, Horn-E and Gas Stop Bob are watching and laughing.Lifa meanwhile finds the Back Check and leads the pack north along the tracks, as the rest of the pack squeezes back through that gate. A short time later they were back into the woods for a real nasty Check. The real trail actually looped around trail already run and off to a Back Check. But in the woods, it is easy to lose track of where you are and after the Back Check the trail went right past a False from the Check. Makes sense. NO. But they were running around and eventually found the trail out and across the tracks and into Edgebrook woods.
..... And there was Lower Wackoff waiting with some attempts at Black and Tans and other beers. Berts Special Friend and Meat Insider were off tackling Son Of Spam in the wet snow and rolling around. They finally came to the beer and all was good. Almost. Berts Special Friend was covered in burrs. Yes, in the snow. These burrs poke through his pants and were pricking his skin underneath and well into his crotch were the little pricks were pricking his prick. So he is trying to drink and plucking little pricks from his little prick. Finally Meat Insider came to help and there she is, bent over into his crotch plucking little pricks from his little prick. Meanwhile the rest of us are just listening to Lifa sing us another long song about being 'As drunk as I could be'. Lower Wackoff finally told us why he wanted to set this beer stop for us. He was turning 60. Couldn't stay long as he has another party to go off to, but wanted to spend a little time on this momentous day with some good friends. Thanks for taking a break from your other party and joining us for a little while. Good luck.
.....And back into the winds we went. Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E went over to Central and crossed the bridge to watch the pack in the woods and wait for them at the beer stop. The pack went across Central and into woods on what was a wet, and then snowy loop in that section of woods. Finally coming back along the river until a bend in the river and there was flour pointing across the cold swollen river. Horn-E is a rat bastard. And on the other side is a Check. So the pack followed the rivers edge only to find the river had overflowed the bank and they would have to loop back around this section of water and then head east to the bridge. And as they crossed the bridge we were waiting with the cold beer. 
.....We crossed Central and went to this huge mound of hot embers. The Forest Preserve District was there earlier with volunteers gathering ground cover to burn and cutting down invasive species. It was warm. Meat Insider was designated our official bottle opener and given the bottle opener, a little opener on the end of a little wooden prick. And she fondled it throughout the circle like it was the biggest wood she ever handled. And the hash scribe picks on everyone. We circled until that old man hare got cold and sang some good songs like Mobile. The younger hounds headed off to the city to partake in St. Patrick's Day drinking and the old farts headed over to The Nil for a couple of pitchers of good beers. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 16 Mar 2104 by Horn-E
.....A small turnout for all of the special things the hare, Epi Penis had for us out of O'Donnell's. As we took off, there were only five regular hounds, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer, Its Too Soft, and Horn-E. We did have two visitors, Suxxxs 2 B U from Tucson and Bud Wiper from Phoenix. We also had a new hasher in the area, from Uganda, Just Dan. Welcome to Chicago. Trail started to the east and hit the goofy angled streets between Pulaski and Milwaukee. Our visitors started out well and led withJust Dan, but it was short lived. At a Check at Pulaski, Lifa took the lead and we followed from there on. As we worked our way through the neighborhood streets, Epi Penishad us twisting all over in direct contrast to his last trail. But little help as the leaders, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer eventually worked through a series of easy Checks and Splits leaving the rest behind. Just Dan and Its Too Soft finally made a middle pack and Horn-E was back with the visitors, finally walking into the beer stop withSuxxxs 2 B U. There was a bottle of Jameson and green good jello shots. After here the pack took off on more twisting trail that led to a predictable tiny little park near the Expressway for another beer stop. All right, we've been here before. Horn-E and Suxxxs 2 B U finally came walking in only to see two House puppies, Soul Taco who rode along with the hare and Ginger Snatch who somehow found the beer stop. A few minutes later we all started walking back to the bar. 
.....Back at the bar we were greeted by two more house puppies, or just drunken mongrels, Smell This and Humpty Dumpty. Shit happens and it did. Chaos would rule the day. We were let into the back room and Soul Taco soon had the beer flowing. Epi Penis had several pizzas there along with various chip varieties and a couple dozen cupcakes for St. Patrick's Day. Well done. Lifa bailed us out with starting a circle, but excessive loud talking, shouting and interrupting turned it into chaos, as Lifa tried to get in the basics of a circle and introduce the new visitors, Bud Wiper and Suxxxs 2 B U and our newest transplants, Just Dan. Pied Piper also showed up, a frequent visitor from San Francisco. But there was no control of this circle and Lifa immediately started to sing Swing Low along with everybody else except Smell This who tried to out shout us throughout the song. Done. Thanks Lifa. After this, some left soon. Then our visitors started a game that was a cross between pong and who knows what and a lot of drinking and more chaos. After that those that were still there settled into nice conversation circles. Thanks Epi Penis. 
.....
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, 17 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Babe's by two hashers trying to set everything in Mar to celebrate their birthdays, Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa. Horn-E arrived late after a long walk from the end of the bus line at Central and Caldwell. And as he was walking in the woods he found two binders full of sports cards. Strange, Where they stolen and abandoned there. Did some kid just forget them after a trade session. But whatever, both hares wanted at those cards and are card collectors. So they divided them up after the hash. Whatever
.....We started up into an alley and a quick Split. Lifa as On to the west and we basically followed him west through a series of Splits. At our first Check, Lifa tried straight and was already coming back when Or G and Horn-E arrived. Lifa then went south, found a new bar to try out and finally returned as Horn-E was following Or G to the north and through a hole in a fence and into a cemetery. We finally got to the roads in the cemetery and at the first Split, Or G headed north and Horn-E was On to the east. This took us through three more Splits and finally to the corner of the cemetery and a fence climb. Beer near. We crossed Milwaukee and there was the beer in the parking lot behind some elderly housing. Or G and Horn-E felt right at home. Lifa was desperately trying to appear younger. After the beer we headed north along the rivers edge behind a row of buildings and finally into a parking lot and a Split. And the south on the Split pointed us right back to the same beer stop. With beer in hand we went down to river level and held circle as the full moon rose in the east.
.....After circle we headed back to the bar and shortly later a house puppy, Son Of Spam showed up. Beer was cheap, we had pop corn and cookies and settled in to drinking beer. Barely over 2 miles and 30 minutes. Damn short but nice. 
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 20, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by O'Shitty Runch and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob out of W Cut Rate Liquor, a real great dive bar. Horn-E, Just Graham, Four Score In The Back Door, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, Just Steff, Rofie Ragu, Hooch B4 Cooch, Drill In My Box and Panic Vaginatum. House Puppies were W Jew 40Sugar Nuts, 10 Dix With Wings, Soul Taco, Glory Hole, and Furry Spice. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Feb 23, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Epi Penis and Hood Whorenament out of Irish Eyes.
Horn-E, Back Door County, R-Tard-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Just Graham, Dick Harmonica, Uploader, Chunder Pussy, Son Of Spam, Berts Special Friend, Meat Insider, Taste The Rainbow, Lifa, The Dark Kunt, Soul Taco, Its Too Soft, Just Preston, Just Bobby, TampOn TampOff, Mommy Strangelove.  
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Whiskey Wednesday Hash #2, Feb 26, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Glory Hole out of Cobra Lounge.
Horn-E Puzzled In The Sack, Just Graham, Feather, Snotcho Mama, Rhotan, Son Of Spam, My Hard Will Go ON Forever, Lifa, MHooch B4 Cooch, Crotch Fire, Rump Springa, and one House Puppy, Meat Insider.  
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 27, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hoosier Daddy out of Cork Lounge.
Horn-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Epi Penis, O'Shitty Runch, Foamy discharge, Chippendale, Roofie Ragu, Just Steff, Panic Vaginatum, Just Graham and a lot of House Puppies with Its Too Soft, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Frequent Flyer, Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Four Score In The Back Door.
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Mar 2, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by SnatchSquatch and Soul Taco out of Moe's.
Horn-E, Rump Springa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Back door County, Chunder Pussy, Its Too Soft, Snotcho Mama, Epi Penis, Lifa, Feather, False Advertising, Dr. Cockvorkian
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The Tale of The Trail 
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Mar 3, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of the Jefferson Inn and despite a nasty tweet, it was not to bad with two great beer stops in neighborhood parks. Horn-E, Or G, Son Of Spam.
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Thirstday Hash, Mar 6, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Sugar Nuts and Snotcho Mama out of Wrigleyville North. We went outside and found several large marks for the Chalk Talk. And then off we were with 14 hounds and no sweep from the two hares. And that killed things for three of us.
.....Trail went south and then east into an alley. North from there under El tracks and finally east again in another alley. Horn-E was again trailing way back and I have no idea who was leading. Meanwhile I still haven't seen a mark yet and I'm just following way back. At the next street I finally saw a mark heading south. The pack was a block ahead, disappearing into another alley. I knew this alley and paralleled it, trying to catch up with the pack. I could see the pack to my south. They hit a fence and several crossed the fence and looked lost. Then I saw a bunch of hashers heading back west in another alley and so I backtracked trying to get back to the pack. Here was my first real screw up. If I had waited, The trail actually went over that fence and over to Broadway and a mark heading north and another and I never know where after that. And I would have been near the front. But like I said, I back tracked, running into Its Too Soft at the next corner. We were off course and I yelled that I could see the pack returning in another alley and heading south. From the distance I could recognize at least Drill In My Box. They emerged from that alley, headed south to the next corner and then east to Broadway. As I got to that corner I thought I could see the pack crossing Broadway, a block away. That was the last I saw of the pack. I ran to Broadway and there were no marks. The problem with following a distant pack is that you aren't always sure what they were following. Not always on marks, but running to try to get back to the pack. So when you get to where they were, you have no marks to follow and real guessing begins. Often wrong. I was. I thought they crossed Broadway and so I did. No marks. I headed north on the opposite side of the street from where there were real marks. Damn. But I'm not on marks. So I guessed wrong again and thought the trail might be heading over to Lincoln Park. And so I headed there, hoping to cross trail somewhere. Not. Damn. I entered the park at Irving Park, ran south to Addison and the pedestrian tunnel. Nothing. So I tried to find trail as I  slowly worked my way back, finally going north on Broadway. And guess what. I found the marks I should have been following a half hour ago. As I went along I found a stash of drywall, slim three foot strips. I salvaged them and returned to he bar. Following would have been useless at that point. And back at the bar was our visitor One Trick Dick from Syracuse (Come visit again) and the virgin he brought, Just Amy (Definitely cum again). They also lost trail. Eventually a bunch of hounds arrived. Also lost. They went back out, but didn't find the Beer Stop. Eventually I was told that it was near Damen and Grace. 
.....After the pack finally got in, The Dark Kunt took over the circle and gave many to the hares. We met our virgin and visitor and Chippendale took up another collection for pizza. About nine square feet of it. Anchovy pizza was good. The circle ended, we ate and Just Amy and Sugar Nuts joined the band and showed us how poorly they would do at Karoke. But the band was kind and let them up there. What they didn't know is that the band cut off there mics. 
Other hounds on trail included Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, One Fuck Chuck, Dr. Cockvorkian, Feather, Just Steff, and Roofie Ragu. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Big Dog Hash, Mar 8, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Or G for his birthday out of The Original Dugans, with an assist from Gas Stop Bob. Taking the Peterson Bus to the end of the line and then walking, I stumbled onto marks. They were right in the middle of a work crew, trimming trees and cutting down trees. Two lanes were blocked and often the other two lanes were stopped as cranes moved trees over to the road and loaded onto logging trucks. They were working on the north side of the street and I walked on the south side as I crossed the bridge at the river. And there were the marks. After the bridge I lost marks but picked them on on Malvina, the street I headed south on. Two marks. What you discover when coming to the hash can save your ass later. Would I die like on that last hash, or would it all pay off this time. 
.....We had 11 paying hounds taking off on trail. We ran around the local streets and alleys, and the usual confusion of angled streets and confusing intersections. We were to the east of Milwaukee when the FRB came to a Triple Split. Horn-E was directed to Check left and I did. ON. Crossed MIlwaukee and there was a Check. Knowing the trail eventually had to go up to Devon, I went north a block and nothing. Checking the local alley and the pack was called ON to the west. Still north of the pack, I decided to parallel in an alley and when I came out, no one was in sight. Finally I saw Berts Special Friend heading south, but looking to the east like he was paralleling the pack. South. (?) He was paralleling. And as he headed back east, I also headed east and got to Milwaukee and no one was in sight. Damn. I'm running too slow these days and there is no way I was ever going to find and catch that pack. So I headed to known marks and decided to follow the trail in reverse to get back to the pack. The trail went east along Indian Road and into the adjacent alleys. I followed to a little park and found a Check. So, where did the trail come from that led to that Check. Going east along the south side of the park and I saw a red flour mark in snow, going north. But there was no turn marks towards this mark and so I decided this was some part of trail before the Check, not leading directly to the check. Returning to the Check I looked west and found a False. As I was about to check out the last remaining direction, I saw the leaders of the pack heading past that red mark I saw. What they did was go into a big, well laid loop and back to this Check. Only thing possible. 
.....So, I'm essentially back with the pack and I headed west on Indian Road. They would surely catch me eventually. Really. Wouldn't they? Not. I followed the trail across Devon and came up to the co-hare, Gas Stop Bob who was driving to the beer stop and took a detour. He had with him the injured Just Do Me Slowly who fell on trail. Hey, at her height, she couldn't have fallen far enough to hurt herself. But really, she banged her knee and was down for the count. Gas Stop Bob pointed me straight into this big parking lot where there was a Check. I never found it, but found a mark heading into the woods. I followed this, knowing that it would only take me into a big loop along the river and eventually to those marks I saw on Devon. I wasn't On for most of this loop, but eventually came to marks. I now thought that the pack must have finally passed me while I was on this loop. Not. They were still behind me. 
.....Crossing Devon and crossing the bridge, I was back on marks and slipped down to river level where I found only one set of footprints, the hares. Hmmm. I guess I'm still ahead. I ran on in deep snow, all right. Mostly walked. I tried to walk in OrGs footprints. Faster and less work and then the pack wouldn't know I was ahead of them. Horn-E is a rat bastard. But why spoil the trail for the real FRBs, just because I caught a short cut. The main pack deserves a chance to really hash instead of just following a short cutters footprints. 
.....Trail again crossed Devon and into pure woods hashing. There were several crossing deer paths and paths with one or two previous walkers. OrG followed these and put Splits at many intersections. I could see he was trying to hide his footprints and walk backwords over sections to confuse the pack. And that is what I did, almost as if I was laying the trail, while actually trying to run and solve the trail. Several times I would loss my balance and that single set of footprints would become two and then back to one set of footprints. Trail dropped into a shallow revine and then a field of tall grasses and burrs. Finally it came out at the bike trail. A short bit later, there was another dip towards the river and back up to a huge field and picnic areas. And there was the hares, the auto puppy Meat Insider and Just Do Me Slowly. I tried to run in and the deep snow kept me going slow, but eventually I made it to the No Peek Beer Stop. 
.....Damn, I ended up with Steel Reserve, 24 oz. About ten minutes later, the true FRB came out of the woods and fell flat on his face in the deep snow. Way to go, Berts Special Friend. He was soon followed by the pack, Lifa, Crotch Fire, EZ On The Ass, Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam, Snotcho Mama, and one hound who arrived late with his dog, and found the pack on trail, Double Fister. 
.....Lifa started up our usual Big Dog circle and we finally finished our circle just before dancing to keep warm, Meat Insider turned into Frozen Meat Insider.
We then walked back to the bar and settled into more beer. We did a few long sings and Horn-E did an Alloutte on Meat Insider. Finally we all headed on home, tired and satisfied in good trail and good beer. And I never said that. 
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The Tale of The Trail 
The Chicago Hash, Mar 9, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Feather and a first time hare, Dr Cockvorkian out of Chipps. Well, when you have two fast hares, expect a long trail and we got one. We headed straight east and through a narrow passage on a bed of wet ice. And there was a Check entering a park. Just Steff and Soggy Deposits were heading straight in the wet and ice field, leaning to the right. Horn-E headed into the field heading left. Uploader was heading around the park and was soon ON. We soon were heading over the Kennedy and northeast through some side streets and up to a Check at Elston. Trail headed north and after a quick loop through a fence, we had another Check at Division. Trail went over the river and was beginning to look like the first Whiskey Hash. Lifa led some hounds over the safety rail and around a building and right back to Division. This time we went north into Goose Island and around some factories. I followed the pack and it went towards the north of the island and a beer stop. And as I was arriving, so was security. Bad bad bad hashers. That dumpster was private property. Naughty naughty naughty. So the pack wandered north towards the bridge and drank their beer. But I didn't get one. Damn. 
.....So I went over the bridge looking for trail. There was a Triple Split. I checked to the west and found nothing. I checked across North Ave and onto the tracks and again, found nothing. As I look back, the pack is following me, but I'm not ON. So they turn back. And just after they turned back, I spotted the true trail across the street and coming from another direction. So I run back to the tracks and blew my horn, but no one heard me with the noise of the traffic. Anyhow, it was a Triple Split and I set off working the trail. Straight was False. and as I returned, the pack was arriving led by Uploader. We headed east and we were soon ON and headed over to Clybourn and another Check. I dashed through traffic and headed east and was soon ON. This led to a Split and then north and another Check. By the time I returned from a False, the pack was On north in an alley and into a back yard and up a narrow spiral fire escape to a beer stop. That's number two and I got a beer. Poultry Fucker tried to leave early and The KGB was bombing her with snowballs. And beer was tossed to our DFLs, False Advertising and Zone 2. 
.....Now we headed back west on Armitage and eventually south. First a nice loop to the south and then over to Cortland and straight west to Elston. Now this could have been straight south except for a little loop to the east and crawling under a fence. Only Uploader and the hares did that bit and we ran on to North Ave. Here we headed west under the Kennedy and wound our way to Division. On Division I managed to get ahead of a few hounds at a Check and headed south. On one, On two, Ooops. So I ran around the block and the rest of the pack was gone. Damn. The sweep had marked the trail the way I went. And Dr Cockvorkian did a good job all day as a sweep. Please note sweeps. Again I went back and finally found that third arrow just through a gate and hidden by the gate itself. So I ran on and finally caught about eight hounds walking down an alley. A few blocks later and we were climbing up to a deck for another drink stop. Hot cider and hooch. 
.....Back at the bar we got into a circle in the pool room. Lifa led the circle and the hares drank and drank and Snotcho Mama bought some fruit on trail and presented it to the pack. Good circle. Good singing. Others on trail were Its Too Soft, Skull N Boner and Drill In My Box who showed up late and had to run the whole course carrying a back pack that was twice her size. House Puppys included Hooch B4 Cooch, Bi Holer, Soul Taco and Just Tina.
On On
Horn-E
    The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 2/13/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Taste The Rainbow out of Ravens. I'd like to tell you how this trail went, but I missed most of it. After the hash I asked Taste The Rainbow where the trail went in the park. He said he learned from me to make marks and then loop around in the snow so the pack couldn't just follow footprints in the snow. It worked. I couldn't follow his, or the packs footprints. But I did manage to find three marks that were heading in the wrong direction and didn't have a beginning or an ending. WTF. 
.....So, what happened. We left to the south and a quick Split that left me in front for half a block heading west. But the trail just looped around and headed back towards the park. I could barely keep them in sight. At the park they headed south and I saw them in the distance working a Check. Just after I got there, there was a whistle to the north. We all ran off and eventually we saw Helen Keller Facial heading south again and back to the check. No one was saying anything, but in the distance I could see the leaders heading west into the city. I followed with a few from the back and we got stuck with a red light at Clark. We finally crossed the street and at the next street we got fucked. We had crossed the street and were on the south side of the street. The trail went on the north side of the street and had a turn mark heading south on the east side of the street. Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis headed south on the west side of the street, with no marks. About four Check Hangers including Drill In My Box just stood there and didn't Check. So I headed west and found nothing for over a block. I looked back and the Check Hangers were heading east and back towards the park. Huh. So I did a loop to the south and Armitage and then towards east towards the park. Somehow I missed a few marks heading into the park. Horn-E you old fart. You're not only slow, you're going blind. At the park I gave up, sort of, and headed back towards that last Check. Start from the beginning, damn it. And there were the marks, plain as can be. I followed them the way you were supposed to and had no trouble, even going over were I had already been and this time seeing the marks. Damn. These headed into the park at Armitage and a turn at a museum, heading south. Over some bushes and a mark on a tree, straight south. Great. But I couldn't find anything directly after that tree and not enough footprints to even follow the pack. Going right, on the path, nothing. Going left, I found a mark just off the path, next to a tree, but no footprints from that last marked tree to this tree. WTF. So I assumed the mark went south and I did. I came to a three way mark, pointing north. WTF. I went further and found another mark, going south. Or was this a trail heading north. I headed south and never saw another mark, in the snow cover grass lands or any of the paths. And I tried everything. I finally headed back on those three marks and again checked the snow and the paths and found nothing. Damn, WTF. Shit. So I decided the pack was now drinking beer, probably in Oz Park. (and that is where the BS was.) I walked back to the bar and the FRBs were already in and coming in. Damn. 
.....After the pack got in, we held circle and it was led by Furry Spice and Four Score In The Back Door who didn't run. Damn House Puppys. Speaking of House Puppys, include Just Max, Reverse Muff Diver, Slippery Fingers and Sugar Nuts. The bar brought out a bottle of hooch and cups to pass around. Thanks to the most generous bar in town with the freebies. Urine Love was back in town visiting. Welcome, now go home. Others on trail, 26 hounds total, included Lifa, R-Tard-E, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Just Graham, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, TampOn TampOff, Feather, O'Shitty Runch, Hooch B4 Cooch, Foamy Discharge, W Jew 40, Hoosier Daddy, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Mommy Strangelove, Just Preston and Just Steff. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 2/14/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Horn-E from Gamblers. We had three hounds in Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly and Snotcho Mama. Don't know what they did on trail, but they did manage to stay together and had about an hour run into a section of streets going north and south, next to angled streets, guaranteed to confuse the pack so they wouldn't know what direction they were going. Everything went just as I planned in on a map except one little section where I found a good mound of ice and snow for the pack to climb over and squeeze between a pole and building at the top. Great. Meanwhile, Dickens Cider, who can't run, and I walked to her house where we had the beer stop. Dickens Cider and Horn-E walking alone on Valentine's Day. Don't believe it. She's not that old and he's not that young. He couldn't even catch her when she's injured. 
.....Eventually the pack arrived and we stood in her kitchen and finally turned the beer stop into a circle. Three six packs of good beer, and Dickens Cider had her own bottle of wine. Word is that Or G wasn't going to run, but wanted to join us at the bar after the run. He sat alone, watching the Olympics until the men's figure skating came on. Valentine's day and he's watching men's figure skating was to much for him. 
.....After we finally returned to the bar, we all headed home. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 2/15/2014, by Horn-E
.....All right, it is winter and we can RUN through the golf courses in the area. So Horn-E picked Cumberland and Irving Park where we could get into a Golf Course. Trail went through the usual tunnel with frozen water under Irving Park. Then I followed paths, at least what might be considered a path of worn down snow in foot paths and then into virgin territory. The paths were hard, The virgin territory was even harder. Back to a wide path and get to the Golf Course. On the way I saw two men and a boy of ten, heading into the woods, pulling a sled with a grill on it. Remember this. I entered the golf course through one of two large holes in the fence, about thirty feet apart. In and out, but pull it off so they wouldn't see the out. Worked fine. Headed into some deep woods with only deer tracks to follow. Finally came out into a fare way and laid a Check. There was a few deer trails in the snow and two paths down the middle of the fare way. Individual footprints. I tried to hide marks in footprints and back track in the footprints. Finally worked my way south to the end of a section of trees that defined the fare way. I'm already worn out trying to navigate this deep snow. Just after this is some rough with small hills around a green. Got to climb up to the top of the hill. Damn. Now that was tough. All virgin snow and there was a deep snow drift just over the hill were the wind really built up the snow. This got to be mid thigh deep. RUN? Forget it. Walk? Forget it. Crawl? Maybe. And Just Do Me Slowly was coming. I had to warn the pack that if she disappeared, reach down and pull her out. Actually, only Cliff Hanger did this part. It was like hanging off a cliff and then falling in over your head in deep snow. As I struggled into this snow pack, it was 12 inches at a time, if that. You'd pull out your right leg and try to move it forward and set it down into the next step. Then you'd shift your weight and go another 12 inches deep into a hole. Then repeat with the other foot. And try to keep your balance. Finally I got to the top and was thinking Everest. In the distance, where I wanted to go, was nothing but more virgin snow. I needed snowshoes for this trail. I was beat and time was running out. There was no way I could do that trail. So I laid a Check and headed around that section of trees. This would be easy. NOT. A foot deep, some times deeper and all virgin snow. I finally had to give up on the fare way and head into the woods. Snow was less deep in the trees. I finally came out and paralleled the fence heading towards that hole in the fence and back into the woods. Now I had to go west in the woods to avoid the trail I came in on. Fine. This was just on a wide path with worn down snow. Running time. And running out of time, I needed to stay on the path and just get back. And the path just went on and on and on. Finally I found a path going north and followed that, on and on and on. And eventually this led to the beer, deep in woods and buried under snow, and snow cold. The pack followed this with Chicken Stifer the first into the beer stop. 
.....How did the pack fare? Fair. We started out with seven trail hounds and immediately lost Beer Stop Bob. I had given him a short cut and wanted him to follow me to the short cut. He assumed differently and spent over an hour walking all over the Forest Preserve, only to finally join us in the bar, "A Second Time Around" for the On On On. Meanwhile the pack headed south and I saw Cliff Hanger leading into virgin snow territory. I asked Chicken Stifer where Gas Stop Bob was and he said he was coming. So I waited. Finally I saw someone way back I called and finally retraced myself only to find a cross country skier. He will never make the Olympics. So now I can't follow the pack. Who else was there? Snotcho Mama who short cut Just Do Me Slowly around my deep snow in the golf course. And Lifa and Or Gwere also out there running hard. Well, I headed towards a wide path, hoping to catch the pack in the golf course and watch their demise. Along the way I saw that original group of men in camo, and stopped to chat. They had a nice fire going. They wanted to know if I wanted a hot dog and a beer. I ended up with a steak and a beer and we were shooting a pellet gun at beer cans hanging in trees. Meanwhile the pack is running through the golf course and woods. Hey, I did all right. I finally finished and thanked these guys and headed back to my beer stash. 
.....And the pack was there. We held circle and got to know our newest Bushman, Cliff Hanger. After a few beers and several times around the circle, it was starting to get cold. Well, hell. Gas Stop Bob had our fire wood. So we left and went to the bar. 
.....At the bar, a Polish bar, we had $10 pitchers of Okicim beer and hung out for about four pitchers and warmed up. 
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.....Finally it is time to go. Just Do Me Slowly invited us to a party at the home of Bloody Thighs. I went and Cliff Hanger showed up later. For those that don't know,Bloody Thighs recently had some back surgery and she is doing fine. Here's hoping she has a great and full recovery, And thanks for the beer and good grub brought by others. Many other hashers were there celebrating her recovery. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2/16/2014, by Horn-E
.....Mount Schwiiinga set this trail from Rocks Lincoln Park and we had a pack of 16 hounds with fourteen there at the start. Again, I'd like to tell you about a trail but do to a hare mistake at the start, I missed most of the trail. The on in was a block from a Split.
.....We were divided into four teams and at certain Checks, we had to wait for our entire team to show up. My team, Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis got screwed from the start because I missed the trail. 
.....So what happened. We headed north and I led the pack into the nearest alley. Towards the end of the alley was a cross alley and a Triple Split. Chicken Stiferwent left and found a mark heading south. Most followed and Horn-E went straight south in the same alley. As he came out of the alley, Chicken Stifer was at the corner to the east and yelled to Horn-E that it was a Check and I should head west. Well, at the next corner, a short corner I found a mark. I ran on and found three more and blew my horn. No one was coming. I crossed the street and again blew my horn and saw someone at that corner, coming my way. It wasn't a hasher. Meanwhile I ran on, straight west. After several blocks I came to a corner with a park on the far side. As I crossed the street, I saw an arrow pointing at me. Huh. This is the first I had a clue that something was wrong. I went a little past this and there was a B in the entrance to the park. WTF. I had been running the trail backwards. But there was a trail right from that mark Chicken Stifer was on. So I returned and found a Split, not a Check. And it wasn't swept. So, to follow the pack, I was now over a mile behind. I would never catch up to the pack or my team. And along comes Dick Harmonica. He had arrived late and tried to follow the pack a little and then quit. So I told him I knew where the Beer Stop was and we walked there. Then we followed the trail backwards on a No No trail until we found the pack. And that wasChicken Stifer who apparently had paralleled the course somewhere and missed the shot stop and was ahead. A block later came O'Shitty Runch and then Featherwho wouldn't believe us when we pointed out the course. As soon as they were out of sight, we ran back to the Beer Stop. And the hare was there and about five minutes later the pack came on in. From here it was a walk back over the same trail I now was doing for the fourth time. 
.....Chicken Stifer led the circle and we soon called out our visitor, who wasn't drinking, or doesn't drink. We gave her a short beer, introduced Eva, Sang to her, she finished her beer and left. Hope she returns so we can get to know her better. And she can get to know us better. After circle we were standing around drinking beer when the lights went out. The taps were working, but no light. Hell, if the house had bought a beer, we might have stayed. But that was the end of it. Who were the other hounds on trail? Just Jenna, Foamy Discharge, Hoosier Daddy, Bi Holer, Just Do Me Slowly, Its Too Soft, Wet Up To Here and False Advertising. 
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On On
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 2 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was an A to B hash set by Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 from the Blue Line Tap. Something about a football game and so we had a game about caring a football and passing it off. Well, sort of worked. Anyhow we took off to the south for a Check at Wicker Park and I was handed the football by Wet Up To Here. WTF. I'm always last to the Splits and Checks where we were supposed to pass it off again. Whatever. Trail went east on the north side of the park and then south before heading north. I was following and saw a short cut, thanks to Lifa and I followed until Milwaukee where there was a Split. Everyone was already gone and I just followed. I finally saw SnatchSquatch trying to out guess the pack and head straight as the pack went south towards Milwaukee. I followed the pack and it was straight to a beer/shot stop in a playground. SnatchSquatch eventually made it in. When the booze ran out, we were directed to the south and the first mark, pointing across the street. I headed that way and I was On running behind a strip mall and with a fence on our left and a street there. Remember that. By the time we hit Ashland the FRBs were already past me. And there was a Check. I tried east and it was False. South and it was False. I finally figured that it had to be west on that street on the other side of the fence. And as I headed that way, there was a call to the east. And that turned out to be False, like we already determined. And some had already gone west on that street, but the pack didn't hear them call On. Now I headed that way and soon I found one, two and three marks. I blew my horn and LIfa was behind me relaying the call. Horn-E ran on across Milwaukee and heading south until Lifa passed him. No one else was in sight and Lifa suggested we old farts better slow down for the young kids. Really, it was him and not me. But we ran on and pretty soon the rest of the pack was gaining on Horn-E and as he came out of an alley at Damen, there was no one left behind except the visitor Childern Of The Corn Hole. We crossed Division and headed into alleys and streets behind the pack. Several Splits were marked, but not clearly and we lost more time before figuring out what they were doing. We walked and ran on until we saw the finish in the garbage dump for the hares Condo and a beer stop. Eventually the real DFLs arrived and we went upstairs for the On In. Circle was led by Taste The Rainbow and eventually we settled into good grub and a massacre as a swarm of seahawks ripped apart a bronco and ate the remains. 
.....Other hounds on trail included Epi Penis, Feather, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Hermonica, False Advertising, Snotcho Mama, Hooch B4 Cooch, Drill In My Box, Rump Springa, Chippendale, Speckle Bird, Dickens Cider, Bi Holer, and Just Graham. Some house puppies included Salty Gash, Hidden Panda, Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Just Preston, Hoosier Daddy and Just Vickey.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 5 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....W Jew 40 was setting this out of The Tap Room for his birthday. Unfortunately snow reared its ugly head and this would be a short course. I can still fall behind. It was relatively simple as we headed west and through an alley and finally heading south on slippery, not fully shoveled sidewalks. I was following Lifa down the street when suddenly the leaders are coming right back at us on the side walk. I get up there and with my slow pace, I managed to block about five hounds until we hit an area where someone bothered to shovel the whole sidewalk and I could move aside for the pack. They ran ahead and we could see the FRBs heading east on another street. But this only went to an alley and back north. This allowed me to short cut but I was still in last place. So what else is new. They went into an alley just before Fullerton and I went straight to Fullerton. From there I could see them crossing Fullerton and it was a Check. Lifa was coming my way and so I followed to a Split, heading north. but we never found the third mark. O'Shitty Runch yelled that they were On to the west and we headed north a block and then west to intercept them. We were mostly running in the street as the walks were to slippery and not shoveled. We ran On to Fullerton where I paralleled the trail on the east side of the street. Lifa came to a Triple Split and I checked out the alley and found nothing. So I was now following the pack with only Epi Penis behind me and that didn't last long. Ahead I could see the pack crossing Logan Blvd and a Check. I crossed Logan early and Just Graham was coming my way and he was On. Good, and I followed as we now headed north. A block later the was a Split and the pack was now heading west to California. Hmmm. If I go straight, they will probably return on Diversey. Bingo. As I got to Diversey, Just Graham was passing that corner and about to be On after another Check. I followed and soon more hounds starting passing me. We hit three Splits in a row and no one took the bait and headed north. Finally at that third one, I had just headed south at the Split when Lifa called On, a block away. I now followed and was joined by Just Steff and we ran over to Western and south. At Logan we turned and there is a skate board park under the Expressway and there was the pack at a beer stop. 
.....And this was some beer stop. As I got there I could see this 24 Oz bottle sitting on the ground with foam pouring out the top and freezing. WTF. I grabbed a can and opened it and foam started to bubble out I took a drink and the beer was coming out in chunks. WTF. After each sip I could see the beer flowing out the top and had to quickly sip again. All alcohol. The water part was frozen. Finally liquid quit comiog out the top. I tried to drink and nothing was comng out. Just frozen inside. So I threw away what was left and joined the parade back to the bar. 
.....Back at the bar we had more bad news. The bars domestic beer taps were down. WTF. So they offered us cider as a replacement. Not here. Several of us ended up buying our own beer. Lifa found a good micro for $4.75 and we drank that. Meanwhile the pack is snarfing up on that cider. The circle was a bit chaotic and down downs were flowing. Roofie Ragu was called out for running in shorts and so was Four Score In The Back Door. Where did he come from. So who else was on trail. Snotcho Mama, One Fuck Chuck, Taste The Rainbow, Foamy Discharge, The Dark Kunt, Drill In My Box, and Hooch B4 Cooch. The house puppies were really out this night as we had Its Too soft, Just Max, Slippery Fingers, Just Dave and Soul Taco. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 7 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was the anal Idiotarod Hash set by Happy Ass Grabber from the Happy House and with a fresh coating of snow falling that morning, Happy Ass Grabber had to set a live trail. We started out with a pack of fourteen and finished with a pack of fifteen. Huh. We headed north through various streets and alleys and I struggled to keep up. Finally arriving at a corner on a parallel course, Just Graham passed across in front of me and found a Check. He went left and couldn't find anything. Everyone else was to my right and straight ahead and finding nothing. So I headed left and went a little farther. I finally found a first mark and ran on to find the third mark. ON ON. A block later I led to a Split and went right. Right. And I ran on to a Back Check and beyond thinking it looked like an arrow. Lifa called me back and we looked around before someone found fresh footprints leading to a fence climb. I ran to my right and paralleled the pack as Just Graham was streaking along in an alley. This eventually led to another Check and then to the park in the distance. Naturally we had to go there, but which way. Naturally I went the wrong way and I'm behind again. At the park the pack was long gone and apparently on a Back Check as they were returning on their path a little. I was now with Snotcho Mama and we ran along this road as the pack was on a parallel course in deep snow. They finally came up to a monument where there was a six pack of rot gut malt liquor. While there. Lifa got a call. Hello, this is a hash, not a call center. But it was Lower Wackoff, lost on trail and that missing link, I mean hasher from the start. He followed as best he could and then just headed to the park. Good move. With a few hints from Lifa, he was able to join us just as we left the Beer Stop. We left the park on a road and ran along the outside until we headed right back into the park and under a bridge and more park land until we finally hit the streets again. I was walking along with Berts Special Friend along here until I had the sudden urge to write my autograph in the snow. He left me behind. I guess he had to many eletters to write. The trail headed into city streets and worked its way east. I kept following green as in the shirt of Foamy Discharge. Every time I started running again, she did too. Damn. I just followed. Finally crossing a busy street I saw her go left in an alley. So I tried to go around and maybe finally catch up. Wrong time. She was standing in this field with the pack as I almost missed the Beer Stop. I had to plow through fresh deep show to get there, Just as Lower Wackoff andIts Too Soft got there for the last beers. Damn, I didn't know they were behind me. But we are soon off again on city streets and down an alley, almost at the hares house when we turned away through an empty lot and into an alley. And there was a turn into the backyard of a house. Abandoned. And full of bushes and trees and at the very front of the yard was the beer. Kool stop. 
.....From here it was a short walk back to the hare's house, warmth and cold, good beers and warm pop corn. Lifa got the circle going. And we went through everyone taking a turn leading the circle in Big Dog style before Horn-E ended it and we fell into Swing Low. 
.....Now we settled into some good home made chicken soup. Remember those chickens we played with last summer. They weren't pets. After this we got into singing some long songs with Happy Ass Grabber playing the piano. 
.....Who else was on trail? Son Of Spam, Drill In My Box. Hooch B4 Cooch, O'Shitty Runch, EZ On The Ass, Or G and coming out of retirement,Rusty Grundle. 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 9 Feb 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was an A to B trail set by Just Tina, Bi Holer and Snotcho Mama out of Edgewater Lounge. Never go to Farraguts. There were to be many competitive drinking games along the way. Hey, maybe even some hashing. Seventeen trail hounds started out just around the corner into an alley for some grape vodka shots. Then we headed east to Clark for a Split that no one could find. So Horn-E went a little further east and finally found the mark and we were on for a long block and our first Check. We really stalled here. Never go to Farraguts. Three marks were found to the north, but nothing else. Oooops. Finally the pack wandered back and found marks to the south and a block south of Bryn Mawr and through some streets and alleys and another block south and we had a Check at Broadway. Helen Keller Facial went almost two blocks north and trail was found to the south. That had the pack going south and into an empty lot used for piling up snow. And a BN. Horn-E was dead last as the pack was playing some izzy dizzy and Hoosier Daddy was falling all over. And SnatchSquatch was falling all over trying to tackle him. Never go to Farraguts. While everyone had to bend over with their head on a bat that was touching the ground and spin 5 times. In the case of Drill In My Box, she is so short, it was more of a matter of just standing there and spinning around five times. Then Its Too Soft and Horn-E finished the game. The pack was soon on and south a block, over to Broadway, south one block and west a hundred feet to a playground for another stop for a simulated luge competition, drinking Malort at the end of a twisting course through the ice. As we left, we ran into Lifa coming from the wrong direction, but the pack was on to the end of the block. Never go to Farraguts. This was a long stretch of long straights and I fell way back along with Hoosier Daddy. We went south for 4 blocks, then way west to another stop, this time doing competitive chugging. I skipped that. And apparently so did Chunder Pussy and Hooch B4 Cooch. Hooch B4 Cooch noticed some marks on his way to the hash and just ran straight there with Chunder Pussy missing all of these stops. Never go to Farraguts. Anyhow, we are now heading north and back east and eventually to the final stop in a playground where hashers were trying to pitch pennies into cups and the pack had enough hooch in their bellies to be scattered all over the playground playing like Miss Quickfinger's class of five year olds. Finally we left for a short walk to, Farraguts. Never go to Farraguts. We eventually got the beer flowing and Feather acted like the RA. Not bad. Suddenly we were all to soon doing Swing Low. Never go to Farraguts. Apparently some prissy guys at the corner of the bar were offended by our singing and complained to the bar tender. So we were asked to stop and we did. No problem. Right? Not. Never go to Farraguts. Suddenly this old lady comes in, apparently the owner, and throws us all out, apparently for cooperating and stopping our offensive songs. Never go to Farraguts. 
.....So, the nice people we are, most of us went a mile south to Carols where they appreciate our money and good time crowd. We continued circle and swore to never go to Farraguts. And it really looked like a nice dive bar. Who would have ever expected the swill that hangs out in that dive could be upset by anything that didn't include puking in their own beer. Never go to Farraguts. 
.....Who else was on trail? The too loud, R-Tard-E, Epi Penis and Poultry Fucker, And don't forget the offensive Just Graham, Back Door County, Roofie Ragu, and the super quiet Hermonica. 
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On On 
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
The Inaugural Whiskey Hash, or Whiskey Wanker Hash, or Whiskey, Wankers and Wenches Wednesday Hash, Wed Jan 29, 2014 by Horn-E. 
.....Not sure whether it is W2H3, or W3H3, or W4H4. But Rhotan was our first hare for this Whiskey Hash out of Twisted Spoke on half price whiskey Wednesday. And we had a nice turnout, of wankers and one wench, Meat Insider, who loves these sausage hashes. We started out with a chalk talk fromRhotan. We already knew we are on trouble. Light blue flour. Arrrgh. Will they never learn. Anyhow it must have taken over ten minutes to get past that start with a Check. Somehow we ended up going west and north and slowly learning just how invisible these marks would turn out to be. Finally we are heading north towards Chicago Ave. Running in back, like that never happens, I got there and only saw The KGB and the hare walking east in front of this park field house to a Bad Whiskey Stop. I followed while the pack went west and then north around this park and a Check at the far end. While we waited and waited, Rhotan led the three of us in a name writing contest in the snow. Rhotan managed a Rhot;.... The KGB managed to get The Kg;.. Horn-E managed ;-'-,;'- Finally we saw the pack get to the end of the block and a Split. Naturally they all went the wrong way. Some ventured through the park and got closer to where we were. But horns and whistles meant nothing to that confused mob. Finally they spotted us and came on in. All but two. Guess. Yes, Lifa who ranges a lot and might have ranged around us and be long gone. Then there is Berts Special Friend with his reputation for going the wrong way. Finally we hear some hashers coming from, 'the wrong way'. And they brought the late coming Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and two virgins, Just Stephan and Just Jake. 
.....Finally we take off to the east and a Split that led us over this bridge to the east as we followed Hooch B4 Cooch and Lifa. This led north and a Check. Now we really struggled, again and again as somehow the trail found its way north on Milwaukee and then through some back streets and alleys and tunnels and missed and missing marks. We eventually made it to Elston and Division and another Check. After one returning hasher, we got a clue to retry going to the east over the bridge and soon we were on over the bridge. Here the pack had to climb a fence and down to river level. Now Horn-E knows better. There is no way trail can go along the river and has to come out on the next street. Besides his weak bladder was calling and there was no way he was climbing that fence. Well, sure enough, the pack comes out on that street and Horn-E finds a Check. Running south he finds, one, two, and the third mark in a snow drift. Glory Hole is right behind and we head on, to another Check. Several went straight including Horn-E who knew there was only one way out of that area in that direction, and Berts Special Friend. I should have know better. He is always in the wrong direction. And we were. But we ran on as Horn-E was still looking for a non windy corner for relief. And there was one, by a locked gate. Hate locks. Piss all over it and freeze the lock, leaving yellow icicles hanging from the key hole.
.....The pack went back to Halsted and then over to Division again. Now Rhotan was being a little guttsy here. Last time I remember hashing here, the police redirected the pack because there was a shooting ahead. Bad neighborhood housing project to their left. On their right was condos and town houses for the rich yuppie set. The police patrol this area 47.3 times an hour with left over armed Humvees from Afganistan with machine guns on top. Now in this cold, there weren't many gang bangers out, but the yuppies could be seen walking back and forth trying to get some more nose snow, and some were seen trying to sniff blue flour. At Chicago Ave there was a Check and some were stupid enough to keep going east and past those gang bangers at the drive by nose snow service station. But trail went back west over the bridge to a Check at Halsted. 
.....Meanwhile, Horn-E and Berts Special Friend had long ago hit that intersection and that Check. Berts Special Friend went south. Knowing he is always wrong, Horn-E went west. Damn. He was On and I was behind again. Then another quick Check. Horn-E pulled another False before heading west past another mystery mark and on to MIlwaukee.This went straight north on Milwaukee until a true trail across the street and there was this tall lanky guy on the far corner looking  like a rooster with his multicolored Mohawk hat. Soon Rhotan arrived. This was a beer stop in the narrowest bar in Chicago and it was packed. The path in the bar was narrower then a path through an unshoveled gangway. And Rhotan was buying shots here. Don't know what that costs for over 15 shots of whiskey. Horn-E doesn't do shots so he waited outside, directing the soon to arrive pack into the bar. After their shot, they went around behind the bar and waited in this wind tunnel in the damn cold and now we are talking wind chill factors here. The pack passed around a bottle of belly warmer and they were all indulging and indulging the melodic ramblings of Son Of Spam. Don't leave your day job. But he did attempt a W2H3 hash song. Keep working on it. Finally we were all assembled, except the missing Glory Hole. We all hurried back to the bar or shag wagon where we waited for the slowly strolling Son Of Spam. 
.....Inside the bar we found the missing Glory Hole stuffing his face with nachos and chili. There was also two House Puppies. Well one House Puppy, Hidden Panda and a cute little Puppette, Drill In My Box. Speaking of little House Puppys, Roofie Ragu showed up later. Anyhow, the pack eventually went to tables in the back to stuff their faces with good grub and WHISKEY. Good start. I heard that Glory Hole volunteered to be the next hare. I'm guessing Feb 26, but we'llkeep you posted. Other hounds on trail included Snotcho Mama, Just Graham, Feather, EZ On The Ass and Crotch Fire,  
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Thu Jan 30, 2014 by Horn-E. 
.....What happened to Chippendale? This hash was set by SnatchSquatch from O'Malley's West. Dark red marks. Good. Now we need just more of them. We took off to the south and a Three Way Check. South again for a block and our first Check. A bunch of hounds seemed to go west and never returned. Didn't call back to the pack either. And while the rest of us started to work the Check, the late arriving Chippendale ran up. We never saw him again. Finally some of us headed west including Just Steff, Foamy Discharge and Horn-E. Horn-E did blow the horn and waited until he saw someone coming. We came out of Oz Park to the north and down a side street. By now, Hooch B4 Cooch and Just Graham were also with us. We ran through a parking lot were the mark was ridden over by a car. But we found it and ran north through some alleys to Halsted and then south a block and west, and through De Paul. By now I could see the back of the pack heading west though the campus and I paralleled. They didn't come out where I was running. Circled back to Fullerton and east and there they were inIts Too Soft's condo front yard. Eventually SnatchSquatch led off from there with the walkers, Dickens Cider, One Fuck Chuck and Sugar Nuts, Eventually we followed, led by Just Steff, across Fullerton and under the tracks for a block and then west into more De Paul area and their little mall and a Check. By the time I got there, they were scattered everywhere to the north and west. Finally O'Shitty Runch went further north while the pack returned to the Check and someone headed south and they were soon On. Remember, 369 degrees. The bastard hare really got the pack here. Horn-E blew his horn for the disappearingO'Shitty Runch and we followed a block south to another Check. Damn hare was getting cutsey here. Another 369 degree On trail through an alley and the pack was everywhere but there. Again. Finally we are On and we headed south and west on Webster and another Check. Don't know where the pack went, but I headed south and found a mark in an alley, a Split and I headed way south. Eventually Foamy Discharge followed for a while before returning. Anyhow, at the next corner I saw Just Steff running east from Halsted, into Oz Park. I followed and was soon at the warm beer buried in snow, and about half the pack. Eventually almost all of us found it with Hooch B4 Cooch arriving just after we left. 
.....Back at the bar, One Fuck Chuck led the circle and did almost as many down downs as the hare. Drill In My Box did her usual good job of keeping our glasses full and Sugar Nuts kept the pitchers full. Hoosier Daddy got a down down for hashing in shorts in the cold. Who else was on trail? R-Tard-E, Epi Penis and Its Too Soft who joined us at the beer stop at his condo. Roofie Ragu was the lone House Puppy, arriving during circle.  
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash, 18 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This was set from the former Indian Road Woods, now known as Lechowicz woods by Horn-E. Just two days ago on the TH3 Hash, we had a slight bit of snow wipe out the trail. So, just asHorn-E hit the woods another snow started. He laid heavy red marks throughout the area and even found many marks from over two weeks ago when Lower Wackoff laid a trail through here in orange marks. Surely these heavy, wide, red marks would hold up for the fantastically laid trail through woods over streams and through a golf course. WOW, what a trail. But time was running out, so Horn-E returned to the start to get the pack off before returning to finish the trail of the year. 
Yeah sure. He didn't learn a thing from Thu. night. He found just one tiny little strip of red left from a huge wide mark. Nothing else. A waste of time. Totally. But what else could he do. It  was snowing. So Horn-E would have to lay a live trail. Yeah, that slow old man. 
With a Taste of Tecate from Chicken Stifer, he was off and running in snow that was about 6 inches deep and crusty from previous freeze/melt cycles. Who else would show besides those already there. Just run like hell and try and get as much trail in as possible before they got to the fantastic finish. Thirty minutes and thirty eight seconds according to Lifa. The others includedHooch B4 Cooch, Or G, Lower Wackoff and Snotcho Mama. Trail went along the rivers edge and up a little hill. Somehow Lifa's GPS had him running a big loop along the river that Horn-Edidn't relay. How did he do that without marks? Whatever. Trail went up to the tracks and a Check on the other side. Sucked them in here before they finally headed north on the tracks. Horn-E had picked up his shaker box and was now laying wide red marks again. Trail finally went into the woods on the right and a Check. And I was told that they fell for that False Trail. Good. Two hounds emerged from the woods just as the rest got there. Now the trail went to the west/south and into deep woods. A big loop down by the river and then back up to the top before another big loop towards the river and Central. Crossing Central Horn-E spotted the following pack heading into that last loop. He laid a Check along the road hoping they would head into the woods again. It stalled them just enough to get the trail past 30 minutes. Trail actually headed over the river on the bridge on Central, to the right for a nice little loop and then under the bridge where a case of beers were waiting, hidden under huge ice floes along the now dry bank. Or G finally found the beer, we were out of the snow and the beers were just cold enough. Or G got a little fire going, but the wood under the bridge was frozen and really couldn't get started. We held circle with about 20 good down downs of beer from the well over 10 selections. After the circle we headed over to the usual Nil tavern for a few pitchers of Spaten. 
The Tale of the Trail
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The Chicago Hash, 19 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Roofie Ragu out of J Patricks. I'd like to tell you a fabulous story of this trail, but I got a late start, was tired from yesterday's hash and running slower then normal. and that is slow these days. Anyhow, I followed the distant pack until they disappeared. Along Randolph trail had gone west a for a block. As I went along here, I could see some runners crossing Randolph about three blocks ahead. I thought I saw Lifa. So I decided to shortcut and try to catch the pack. Big mistake. Why does this city allow other joggers to run during our hash times? Anyway, the pack now turned east and I was heading west. All the way to Union Park. Trying to out guess the hare can get dangerous. I returned back towards the bar and never found any more marks. I kept looking around the area for a B for a total time on/off trail of about 75 minutes. Meanwhile the pack went almost down town before returning to the area for a beer stop just south of the bar. My beer is still supposed to be out there. 
Who else was there on this cold day running that trail? Hooch B4 Cooch, Snotcho Mama, SnatchSquatch, Epi Penis, Its Too Soft, Just Graham and O B Where's Art or something like that, from Oregon. 
On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
 11 Jan 2013, The Big Dog Hash, by Horn-E 
About eight inches of wet, heavy snow from the recent rains and above freezing temps. And that was in the woods. The  paths were more about six inches of wet slush. And it didn't get any better as the day worn on. That was what the hares, Ass Capades, Two Hairnets and Horn-E found as they took off. We each had containers of blood, I mean red flour. We also had back packs with 36 cans of beer. This was the Eight Beer Stop Hash in Catherine Chevalier Woods. Laying trail we spread out the duties of leading and laying marks and change the way the trail went. The other two hares sometimes followed in exact footprints and other times just wandered all over to confuse the pack. It mostly worked and the hounds mostly stayed together. All right, Lifa was off trail between Beer Stop one and four and SnatchSquatch skipped the second beer stop and, hell, I don't know who else missed what. 

The pack took off over a very high mound of snow surrounding the parking lot and into the woods to the south. I was staying behind to run back sweep. After a stretch of woods, Two Hairnets set a Check right after a shallow stream. Horn-E took over to the west laying true marks in the stream. At a Split, he took off to the south to confuse the pack with wrong way footprints and Ass Capades laid trail further south and across a path into a big loop. I think I wasted my time and the pack was scattered all over in the woods. After that loop, I saw Berts Special Friend running east on this path and into the woods with a lot of low hanging branches. The pack was soon behind them. We finally came out to a big wide path and another Check. The hares planned a real long False down that path and right past a dead turkey. Really. No, not a wild turkey but a 22 pound butterball dressed and frozen and already for a good thaw and a fire. But no one brought the turkey back. Maybe the coyotes got it. And who got caught on this long False. The FRB, Berts Special Friend. And that is what it was there for. Meanwhile the pack headed over the barbed wire and into the woods to the south following an Ass Capades section of trail. This led to a loop in SnatchSquatch tall grasses and back into woods for a Check. Hounds were everywhere and I have no idea who was on, if anyone, and who was just running around looking for another hound that looked like he was on. At this Check, the hares had a nasty plan. Three separate trail into the grasses. Two would go about two thirds of the way trough the field before coming to a False. The other was On and to the first Beer Stop. The idea was, even if you came to a False, you could see the other hounds on true trail and run to them through virgin sections of tall grasses. And hashers were scattered everywhere. Meanwhile the lead hound on the true trail found B and Soul Taco found the beer. Well done.

We emerged from the tall grasses and into the woods, heading towards the road at the far southern end on the woods. This would lead to Beer Stop number two. But on the way, SnatchSquatch, who was wandering on trail, came to the On Out marks from Beer Stop two. With only one set of footprints, he know he had to be On and headed off towards Beer Stop three. Meanwhile at Beer Stop number two, Jizzy and Hooch B4 Cooch found the beer up in a tree and it was Hooch B4 Cooch who retrieved the beer.

At beer stop three, I found a bunch of hounds gathered and finally moving off. Berts Special Friend and Or G and Just Jeff were left behind, drinking beer that they had to retrieve from the middle of a thorny bush. Bastard hares. 

From here we had some more trail running with a fork in the trail up ahead. Lifa had finally got back on trail and hit the fourth beer stop. But thinking he was so far behind, he ran on by. The hares have got to love that. Meanwhile the pack did arrive there at the rivers edge and EZ On The Ass actually found the beer in the hollow of a tree. Now it wouldn't be fair to mention that EZ On The Ass let the others drink and run on so he could spew. So don't read that last sentence. 

Meanwhile the pack ran on along the rivers edge on the slushy path. If you think that was easy, you weren't there. The hares tried to be sneaky and dirty. Damn rat bastards. Well, at least Horn-E. We finally headed into the woods and Two Hairnets was laying the true trail and Ass Capades and Horn-E were wandering all around laying false footprints. And we had the beer for the next beer stop. There was a fallen tree against another tree and a broken branch a hundred and fifty seven feet up. Horn-E had to hold Ass Capades so he wouldn't fall off of a branch while he used a stick to get the beers as high as we could. Then we told Two Hairnets to lay his B about fifty feet away with no footprints directly to the beer. Then he went on laying trail off through the woods. When I got there, there was a large pack gathered around that tree and sharing beer and just enjoying a rest in the peaceful woods, surrounded by a white winter wonderland. Beautiful.

We now continued to the north while the pack followed the trail of Two Hairnets. This finally came out at a big cross section of paths at the rivers edge. Any thoughts of heading off to the west in the lower levels was spoiled by the high waters and the wetlands full of wet slush. We're crazy and nasty, but not stupid. So we held the sixth Beer Stop right there. The pack found the beer before we got there and they were near the slush of the lower levels were Horn-E hid the beer and a maze of branches and roots and fallen trees or whatever.

And the trail goes on north on the wide path before heading into the woods again. The hares got nasty again. Ass Capades was laying marks while we wandered everywhere crossing tails and trying to confuse the pack. Then we had him lay a turn mark towards us with no footprints. We took over laying marks. Then we did it again as Two Hairnets laid a turn and Horn-E took over. The pack was running in a bit of confusion but managed to finally emerge on the path again. About a hundred yards later the trail headed downhill towards a stream of pure slush. And there was a B with an arrow across the slush. We're crazy and nasty, but not stupid. Two Hairnets had gone to a bridge and crossed over to lay out the beer, in the form of a seven, and visible from the other side. Damn Hares. But the hounds already mostly had wet feet and found logs and such to cross over the slush filled stream. 

From here the pack emerged at the end of the parking area and back into the woods. And eventually they would find the eighth Beer Stop. From there, the last peaceful stop in this winter wonderland, the trail came out of the woods and back to the cars. 

Meanwhile the hares decided to just walk through the parking lot area and we ran into THE MAN. You know, the tree police. Cook County's finest. Where was EZ On The Ass when we needed him. He works at County Jail. Maybe he could have gotten us off the hook. Hah. Anyway, THE MAN was worried about the red marks in the snow. Looked like blood. Yeah, in the form of arrows and B and N and Circles with x in the middle. Can't imagine a bleeding man doing that. He thought we should use yellow. I tried to tell him about all of the yellow snow out there, but he didn't catch the point. And we needed a permit and we needed to call them every time we do this. All right, he just doesn't get it. But we finally walked on. As he drove past us on the way out, he told me that we needed a permit for groups of over 25 and to just send in $75. Like we know when we will have over 25. Should I call them about next weeks Bushman Hash. We might get 6 or 7 hounds.

But he was gone and we headed back into the woods, out of the wind and held our circle. Three hares and sixteen hounds, three of them virgins. The hares got there share and we all got at least one. Then we headed over to a bar called Northwoods in a strip mall on Cumberland. $10 pitchers, but close to the woods. Only about ten of us made it there and we drank up the hash cash. Good time. See you all again next year. The virgins were Just April, Just Matt and Just Arlan. Come on back. They aren't all that wet and cold and hard. We also had Just Preston, Son Of Spam, Its Too Soft and EpiPenis.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 12 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
Little Trojan Annie set this trail out of Independence Tap. It was her birthday and she was all decked out in pink tutu and multicolored tights, etc. We won't lose her on trail. We finally took off heading north like every hash out of there. Almost. At the corner the trail went east and north through an alley and finally up to Montrose where we had a Check that really stumped the pack for a long time. I saw Lifa head north and then east after a block He didn't return. Hmmm.  Meanwhile I finally headed east on Montrose and then north for a long block. Still no marks. Headed back west and at the alley there was a mark and Hooch B4 Cooch running at me. True trail and we headed north in  the alley slipping and slidding everywhere. At the next corner there was a Triple split. Still in front, I chose east and I was on. This led to a school yard and a turn I missed and a Check. But at the corner was a Split and I kept going east. False. Damn. But no one was on. I found out later that Lifa was indeed ahead, and saw me heading towards the False, but he was far away and checking another route out. Anyway, I crossed the street and there was another False. So I lingered waiting to see where the pack would go. I turned away from the pack and headed towards the next corner, past the Falses. When I looked back, the pack was gone. Damn. Did they go north or south? I crossed the street to the north and there was a SS mark pointing into a park. Duh. That was why there were Falses on both sides of the street. Meanwhile the pack ran on north to Lawrence. From there the trail went three blocks east, two blocks south and back west two blocks to here I was waiting with the hare and SnatchSquatch who didn't run and was helping the hare on the beer stops, Finally TampOn TampOff came into the field. Then came Foamy Discharge. Finally the whole pack. It was funny watching them cross the park. Some went through the middle trying to dodge around the slush filled areas and others looping around the slush in deeper snow. After this we headed south and west and this time I fell behind to my usual position. Finally joining up with EpiPenis, Mount Schwiinga and W Jew 40 as I led them into the beer stop. From here the pack didn't seen to be finding the trail so I ranged west a block and then north. Not a mark and now totally seperated from the pack. Somehow Lifa and Hooch B4 Cooch found the second beer stop. Meanwhile I walked my lame ass back to the bar. Here was Pussy In Boots and New York Cock Exchange who quit earlier then me. Hidden Panda was also there although he didn't run. As far as that goes, we also had Drill In My Box not running the hash and Snotcho Mama stopped by after haring the Second City Hash. Eventually the rest of the pack came in. SnatchSquatch led the circle, and we gave many a down down to the hare for haring and her birthday. To many 'When one GM drinks all GMs drink.' Finally I got called out for a special gift from Little Trojan Annie. It was a horn, similar to the horns I use. It had a name on the plastic wrapping that said horn-e. What? While a bunch of hashers and her, were in Michigan, they got bored one day and they wandered into an adult toy store. And there it was. Now I don't know whether it was a nice gift, a good joke or an insult. It is a hand held self gratification device. Soft foam in side with a hole in the middle and a hidden compartment with some lube. But thanks. Really a good laugh on me. Now excuse me while I take a long low break. So. who else was there and on  trail? The Dark Kunt, Rump Springa, Mommy Strangelove, Its Too Soft, Just Graham and Foamy Discharge's brother Andrew and his girlfriend Morgan. And the beer flowed on. 

On On 
Horn-E





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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 23 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Slippery Fingers from Four Treys. It was a nice trail also. To bad the marks sucked. It just goes to show that Slippery Fingers is getting rusty not hashing because of his injuries. He forgot how it is looking for marks. Here's the deal. He used light pink flour. This could have been workable, but they were placed on slushy side walks and some snow banks where they were virtually invisible in the dark. There was a lot of fresh virgin snow on the sides of the side walks where the pink would have been more visible. It started with the first block were Taste The Rainbow turned right and went almost two blocks without a mark, because he didn't notice in the slush that it  was a Split. Without Hooch B4 Cooch sweeping, we'd still be out there. And we had a real small pack looking for marks. Where was everyone? It was a nice night. Anyhow, the trail worked its way south and east as we took turns spotting marks and managed to stay together for the most part. And who was this mighty pack? Epi Penis, Taste The Rainbow, Horn-E, Foamy Discharge and Famming Flaggot. As we worked our way south of Belmont, we got a little confused with a Back Check in a strip Mall. But again, the sweep led us around the mall and south on Ashland. From here we headed west and around the mall where we had a Check. We lost Taste The Rainbow here and the rest of us headed into a section of town homes where Epi Penis found Slippery Fingers and Fire In The Hole manning a shot stop. From here it was west on Diversey to Damen where we found the missing Taste The Rainbow working a Check. This went around the abandoned Public Housing and then north were we slowly got spread out. Hooch B4 Cooch gave Horn-E a hint to go east on Belmont and he ran/walked to the little park at Belmont and Damen where he beat Foamy Discharge over the head, pushed her into the street on the slippery ice and managed to get through the gate first as FRB to the beer stop. And here was everyone except Taste The Rainbow. Back at the bar we met several house puppies including Sugar Nuts, W Jew 40 and a future hound, Just Joanne. We finally finished off the beer money and headed out into the cold. I got as far as the corner bus stop when a cab came out of the gas station on the corner. He insisted I get in because it was so damn cold. He was done for the night and heading home. He gave me a ride right to my door, which was right on his way. Well, the ride was free, but I did give him a real nice tip. Thanks Mr. T. Cabby. 
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash & Second City Hash, Jan, 26, 2014 by Horn-E
This was a snow hash out of the home of Stab 'em and Slab 'em and it lived up to its reputation with another good covering of snow. Lifa and Stab 'em & Slab 'em laid the first part of the trail as hares for CH3 and Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 laid the second part as hares for Second City Hash. Or was it the other way around. But it was short and in a lot of ankle deep thick snow. We had 16 hounds on trial. It started with a Split and trail was found to the south right away. Not. Horn-E came by way of the bus on 63rd St. and saw a few marks going into this field by a school. So he headed north with Snotcho Mama and Rhotan. At 65th, Rhotan headed east, but Horn-E led Snotcho Mama into the field and we found a Check. Snotcho Mama headed north and found nothing. Horn-E headed east and picked up trail heading north on the next street. after a block there was a Triple Split and Horn-E headed north. The pack was gaining and TampOn TampOff headed east and was on. A virgin Just Michael was also running north on the other sidewalk, but we had nothing. So I headed east in the alley and at the next corner, I was back on trail. But there was a Back Check. So I headed east again in the alley and found nothing. I headed north to 63rd and here was Rhotan and Just Michael coming my way. But the pack was on to the north. We paralleled as they crossed 63rd and at the alley they headed back towards the pack. I went on north and at the next corner, there was Just Michael again coming my way. I looked around and there were marks going east and I led until Just Michael passed me. At a corner we had a Split and Just Michael headed north. I headed east and as I turned around the next corner TampOn TampOff was right behind me and there was W Jew 40 waiting with a shot stop. Hooch B4 Cooch was coming up from the south and soon the whole pack was there, except Just Michael. WTF. 
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After the shot we headed north to a Split and Snotcho Mama took the lead with Horn-E right behind. We headed into the Midway Plaisance. There was a Check at this statue in the middle and Snotcho Mama led to there. And a lot of younger, faster hounds passed Horn-E as they blazed trails through the deep snow. TampOn TampOff went NE following marks on trees, but he couldn't find that damn third mark as he entered the tunnel. Horn-E followed and found that damn mark, crossed the street and entered the tunnel. TampOn TampOff soon passed him and led to a Check at the park. While we both checked south, trail was found to the north and a good False behind the hare's old condo. I thought it might be there. But we were back Checking again. I returned to the mark I saw and looked for some smart hare ranging that didn't follow footprints. Wrong. The ON call came from the east and I now new where we we going, The Japanese Garden. Snotcho Mama and Horn-E headed that way through deep snow while the rest of the pack looped around on the road and we were DFL into the beer. All right, I was DFL. Or so we thought. But Just Michael was still MIA. WTF. Apparently he ran on to the north, out of Hyde Park and north to the Loop where he circled the Loop, checked out Navy Pier and finally headed back south along the lake front. As he got to the museum, he circled it and crossed a bridge were he spotted the pack and came in DFL. Or maybe it was something different. I know when we finished he went back out to put in a few more miles. He likes to run. 
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After this beer stop the trail went south on the island, crossed the bridge, and then did a loop in the park before we had another beer stop, just before leaving the park. Again I was almost DFL. And there was Dickens Cider, first to a beer stop. Well, she helped carry the beer there. Damn injuries. From here it was a long walk back to the house. 
x
Inside we held circle in the basement where SpeckleBird led the circle. Was it good. Lets just say he used to be good and he showed some flashes of the past. Many where were called out, especially the hares. But just another shitty circle. We met our virgins, Just Michael and Just Lindsey. We then went upstairs for Italian Beef sandwiches, soup and many other tastes. I finally left when Snotcho Mama offered a ride. I'm not stupid, Take the ride when you get it. Other hounds on trail, Berts Special Friend, Chippendale, Epi Penis, Just Graham, Feather, Its Too Soft, Mommy Strangelove, False Advertising and Roofie Ragu. Mudsucker was the only House Puppy and Squeeze These took her kids sledding with Just LIndsey. 
On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 9 Jan 2014 by Horn-E
What happened? Hell I don't know. I can only tell what I do know. One Fuck Chuck and Chippendale were going to hare from the Tap Room for Little Trojan Annie's birthday and get her good and fuckedup. I hope they succeeded. 
I checked the cta web site for bus times and schedules to get there. I had two options going straight south on Western. I went for the earlier one and the backup would get me there just in time. I left home early and got to the bar forty-five minutes later then scheduled and 25 minutes after hash time. WTF. Traffic, late and missing buses. Hoosier Daddy was on the same Western bus. He said that the Facebook site mentioned an A prime finish. What is A prime? I know A to B. Anyway, we are both slow runners and would never catch the pack that late in the game and especially in the snow and slush and dark. So we went for the idea that it was A to B and finishing at W Jew 40's place. We could go there and find the beer stop and then work the trail backwards. Well, we scoured the area and never saw a single mark. We went to his door twice and no one was there. Finally we headed back to the bar near 9PM. Since the pack apparently wasn't coming to W Jew 40's house, we could go there and wait for their return. Furgetaboutit. We got there at 9PM and saw one tiny mark just south of the bar. Its Too Soft arrived at the same time, not to run, but enjoy the ON ON in the bar. Horn-E checked the area around the bar for a beer stop. Like that park a block east of the bar where we have had so many beer stops. Nothing. In the bar, we found out that the pitcher price was $6. Worth the pack returning for that price. We all ordered a Sierra Nevada pint at only $2. The bar tender said she was told that the pack was returning to the bar. We finally left at 10PM. WTF. What happened? If it was an A to B, it should be announced as such and the general rule is to leave an address as to the finish for anyone who might have arrived late. Not tell the bar tender you will be back. Little Trojan Annie, I hope you had a blast on your birthday. Don't know how much time Its Too Soft wasted in coming there. As for myself and Hoosier Daddy, it was about five and a half hours each, round trip, wasted. 
So, what is the point. Shit happens. If plans change, or are different from the norm, make an effort to make the hash work for everyone and not just those in your immediate presence. If the pack actually came back there for circle, after 10pm, what happened? Two and a half hours. Hope nothing bad happened to anyone to cause such a long hash time to get back to the bar. Looking forward to the next several hashes to hear what happened.
On On
Horn-E  


xThe Tale of the Trail is back, but shortened stories for a while. 
Jan 2, 2014, The Thirstday Hash by Horn-E
We ran out of Wrigley Ville North and our hares were Just Lauren and Rump Springa. It was a nice turnout for the snowy weather leading into a weekend of hell and snow and realllllly cold temperatures. We took off to the west and ended up with a big loop around the cemetery north of Irving Park and all the way to Montrose. That left me hopelessly behind with two long straights. The trail then went a block or so north of Montrose as it headed east and then south under the Red Line tracks. Now I'm completely hopelessly behind and at that point I had only seen three marks. WTF. But I occasionally could see someone in the distance. Lost the trail as it went south of Montrose. But as cold as it was supposed to be, I was comfortable and kept ranging looking for marks. Finally picked up trail as it went east of Sheridan. This turned out to be just a loop around the block and then on south to Irving Park. I'm now two blocks from the bar and already missed one of the drink stops. Trail went east on Irving Park to a WN mark into a big lot. That is Wine Near. But again, the pack was long gone and I checked a little of the perimeter of that lot and figured, hey, I'm now only three blocks from the bar. So I ran on in and found the pack waiting in the bar. Shit happens. After a circle led by Happy Ass Grabber, and all to many views of Happy Ass Grabbers ass and One Fuck Chuck's moose knuckles in tights. We finally got around to naming Just Lauren. Little Trojan Annie took over and we had a great Q and A session with Just Lauren. Then she headed into a corner and many great names were submitted. And that damn old man proved to be a dirty old man as he submitted three names that got onto the list including some not fit to be mentioned. The elimination process took over and she was finally called out. She was on her knees and actually crying at the thought of being named. And forever more she will be known as Sugar Nuts. Congrats. Then Chippendale opened up six pizzas and we settled into a long night of eating and drinking. 

The Tale of the Trail
Jan 3, 2014, The First Crack of the Moon Hash by Horn-E
We ran out of Gladstone again for Lower Wackoff's anal weekend winter classic. True to it's historical record, the weather was shit. Snow came down during the whole time he laid trail and the whole time we ran. The first mark was buried and even the hare couldn't find it. We actually did manage to see a few hints of marks at certain corners as they appeared as a slight pink glow under the snow. But Or G and Horn-E pushed on until we finally talked the hare into going live. He did and we managed to follow trail from that point on. Well, we struggled, but did follow the trail. We really struggled at Central and Elston and when we finally entered the woods. I was tromping in knee deep snow looking for marks. The hare finally pointed out an orange mark on a tree. From there on we sort of followed the marks on trees, even though they were often only the size of a handprint. That is a new born babies handprint. We worked our way to the river and ran and stomped through the deep snow until Or G froze. No, not from the cold, but the sound of an owl hooting. So there you have three old men standing in the woods hooting at an owl while all the young kids in the area were off at Hooters, hooting at hooters, looking for some fresh meat. From here we finally came to a clearing. I don't know if the younger hashers saw any hooters, but we finally saw our hooter flying just over the tree tops and following the river looking for meat. Here we headed over to a shelter and found the beer. Good beers. We stood in this wonderland of snow covered ground and trees while we enjoyed our beer. 
After the beer stop we walked back to the bar were we found a corner to ourselves. The bar was packed with a bunch of revelers celebrating a  birthday with their own disk jockey and loud music. I really don't think they heard our singing at circle with all of that noise. 

The Tale of the Trail
5 Jan, 2014, The Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
We had tree hares trying to replicate their first trail of a year ago. Now named, it was Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam and Crotch Fire out of the Drum and Monkey. Two hares were out laying a live trail while Son Of Spam got us started. We ran all of three blocks before he had a shot stop in a park. After this stop, Feather took off across this park to a Check. And again he headed into a field where he found trail coming out on Taylor. Crossing Taylor the trail went east and south as Snotcho Mama and Horn-E fell behind and occasionally out of sight. The front of the pack solved trails and Splits and Checks as we barely kept them in sight. We finally went under a railroad tunnel. From here the trail climbed up to a railroad spur. At the top we headed along the tracks in deep snow. The trail was wearing out Snotcho Mama who finally had to sit and catch his breath. Fortunately there was a lounge chair in the snow and after a quick dusting he had his break. Now the pack is out of site. But local knowledge came out to rescue this lame pair of hounds. At the next street the trail went east. But the hares had done this before. Their apartment is south and west of here. Hmmm. Lets go south and see if we can pick up trail. After a block we saw Lifa, Feather and finally the rest of the pack emerging from a field to where we were. We then ran on to the hares house where we found the hares and an extended indoor beer/mystery drink stop.  
When we left we found trail to the west. Finally at Racine, trail headed north. I was in back already and could see the pack ahead. False Advertising was waving left, then right, then left and finally the pack was gone. From there I couldn't find another mark. But I was on Racine and the bar was just west of Racine. So I headed into the strong cold headwind and back to the bar. Meanwhile the pack ran off to the west where they had a river crossing in the cold. But TampOn TampOff used his river crossing expertise to lead them across without getting wet. They finally came to a 17 story water tower and Mommy Strangelove was posing about 47 steps up. Then she led to to the top where Meat Insider was waiting with 3 30 packs of Ice House beer and a case of Malort. After a few hours of drinking and warming their insides, they returned to the bar just after horn-E arrived looking like Roalf Amundsen after crossing Antartica solo in a bikini. Our House Puppies inncluded Its Too soft and Sugar Nuts, sitting there warm as toast in front of the roaring fireplace.  Our visitor Mr. Hanky was blubbering into his hanky while reminising about the tropics back home in Corpus Christie. And EpiPenis came in holding two bodies over his shoulders, wearing fourteen layers of clothing and shivering like a pair of six foot vibrators. After undressing, well a few layers of clothes, we found Hooch B4 Cooch and Rhotan.  We soon got into a circle and the beer was flowing. Lifa led things and soon it was over and we could get into the great food and more beer. Then we had to head back into the cold to the nearest pubic transportation. 

On On
Horn-


The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Oct 3, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We ran an A to B trail from Half Acres tap room with Furry Spice and O'Shitty Runch as hares. I'd like to say this was a good trail but I'm not that good of a liar. Maybe it worked from the stand point of the pack. But I followed trail with One Fuck Chuck. He was a bit under the weather and we know Horn-E can't run for shit these days. So they walked and jogged the whole trail. Actually most decision points were marked and we kept the pack in sight for about 3/4ths of a mile. From there on we just followed along. We got stuck a bit at Lincoln and Irving Park. The Check was marked, pointing across the street and south. But there were no marks on that side of the street. Ooops. We looked around a bit and finally found an arrow by the hare pointing south on the west side of the street. But the real trail went south on the east side of the street, only going to the west side of the street after over a block.
.....Just a note to sweeps. If you mark things in the ultimate direction, bypassing a bit of trail, make more marks in the new, slightly changed direction or you just confuse and possibly loose those that are following from way behind.
.....Anyhow, we plunged on to two blocks west of Western and then turning back as trail wound its way back to Welles Park where we found the pack at a beer stop in the Gazebo. Beer, at last.
.....Then we went to the On On at O'Lannagans. So far, so good. Then they started to pout beer from both taps. Unfortunately, the beer out of the Coors tap was skunked. Really bad, even for Coors. I mentioned it to Little Trojan Annie and a short time later I saw Drill In My Box with several pitchers lines up on the bar and tasting them and rejection several. The owner also tasted them and finally they were officially rejected and dumped and we got to the good beer. Well, Budweiser, but at least not skunked.
.....Meanwhile The Dark Kunt was leading circle with a electronic Megaphone. Please don't. Just shout. But otherwise, a good circle. And we all were now on good beer and the party went On and On and ON.
.....Some trail hounds in attendance included Ass Capades, Roofie Ragu, Lifa, Four Score In The Back Door, Frequent Flyer, Urine Love, Taste The Rainbow, TampOn TampOff, Glory Hole, Ass You Wish, Just Sean, Just Mark, Just Ted, Just Steph, and visitor Pretty Pittsburgh from Philadelphia. Some House Puppies included the visitor Virgin Bloody Mary from Memphis, Its Too Soft and the injured W Jew 40 with stress fractures in both legs. Hey, good luck on your recovery and hopefully it will be soon.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Oct 6, 2013 by Horn-E
.....Laid from the home of Its Too Soft, with Lifa haring. We had about 24 hounds at the start, but a bunch of them were walkers heading straight to the beer stop. Meanwhile the rest of us started off to the east and then south working our way towards a big Check at Wrightwood, Sheffield and Lincoln. No one was getting anywhere until we got an On call into and through the park. Damn False on the end caught Chicken Stifer, Horn-E and a few others. Some of us wandered west and then north. Finally we had an On call a block north on Lincoln. Poultry Fucker and Horn-E were following as the trail went east and north towards Diversey. Horn-E managed to blow the horn and got EpiPenis following. Running down Diversey I saw Poultry Fucker crossing the street to the north at Racine. When I got there, now with EpiPenis, we interrupted a sweep arrow as going north on Racine. So we did. After a block we found no marks. Crossing Racine, we found an arrow (actually a second arrow after a Split) heading north. One more block. Nothing. Making a calculation we headed over to Lincoln. Big mistake. If we went east, we would have picked up trail at the alley, about a hundred feet away. Damn. Meanwhile at Lincoln there were no marks. Heading back towards the Check, Horn-E was determined to check out trail going through the gas station. That is when we saw that Split, with the other arrow pointing to the alley behind the gas station. Damn. Horn-E checked it out and was soon On and blowing the horn. Followed by Mudsucker, Chicken Stifer and Mommy Strangelove, EpiPenis soon passed Horn-E and then the rest of this mini pack passed him. Chicken Stifer took the lead and got caught by a quick one block long loop back. Horn-E yelled out to Mudsucker and saved him that loop and we soon headed east. And soon they left me and Mommy Strangelove behind. Horn-E led her into some alleys and eventually to Wellington by the hospital. That's when Mommy Strangelove yelled out to Horn-E, I'm quitting this shitty trail. I hate it. I'm going back to the warmth of Its Too Soft's living room and drink beer. So there." And so I ran off alone. About a block later I saw Mudsucker disappearing to the north, the last hasher I saw. I ran/walked on. Halsted, Briar, Broadway, Belmont, Sheridan and finally heading south and back. Yeah, sure. A few blocks later trail went into an alley. I ran to the end and no marks. Searched around, no marks. finally returning in the alley I confirmed the marks were there. At the entrance to the alley I finally found a mark heading south. It was all a back Check. Not bad if you see the Back Check, but I didn't. Damn. So I followed trail to Diversey and an unmarked Check. Trail went west and then south and finally a BN. BN means beer near. But it never is. At the next Split, I picked wrong, again. This left me in the position of going back, and following trail to the B, probably in the park or at Its Too Soft's old condominium. Either was looking to far and they might not even be there when I got there. So I called it and went back to the warmth of Its Too Soft's apartment. Not. Locked. Damn. On the roof were seven freezing hashers sitting in the wind, drinking beer. And there was Mommy Strangelove, shivering. Fortunately within five minutes, the hares returned and we could go inside. And there was Drill In My Box, on the couch, under a blanket and sleeping, alone. Shortly after the pack started arriving. Back to the roof where Chunder Pussy ran a circle and we froze in the wind. The worst case of frost bite came from Meet Insider, shivering in short shorts. Hey, your legs look great, but you need to bring some warm clothes for after. Your name id Meat Insider, not Heat Insider. But I ramble on. After circle, EpiPenis did the grilling, hot dogs and burgers. Back Door County did a lot of cooking inside in the kitchen. Food was good, beer was good and finally, those that managed to stay all moved inside.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, Sept 30, 2013 by Horn-E
.....SnatchSquatch and Chicken Stifer laid trail out of a bowling alley, Lincoln Lanes. Cool too. They had an upper deck where we could circle and not bother the bowlers below. And after circle, many hashers did some bowling. Anyhow, lets get back to hashing. We had about 25 hounds for this trail at the start. Trail basically headed west starting with the usual alley. Running almost dead last, I was about to be passed by Son Of Spam when he suddenly stopped for some impromptu dumpster diving. What was that all about? At Rockwell there was a Check and just as I got there, trail was found to the south. At an alley just before Lawrence we headed east and found ourselves a hundred feet south of the start. Trail went through an alley and everyone regrouped at Lawrence waiting for traffic. Finally we barged right through the traffic and into an alley and then west under the El tracks. At the next block trail went south and then around a school and into a small nature garden section. Another Check here had the pack confused. Caught Red Headed and myself just caught up as trail was found through the garden and south in an alley. At the end of the alley, trail went west on Montrose and some hashers got sucked into crossing the river. Don't know what that was about, but I saw some hashers including Jizz Limit and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob heading west in the alley just south of Montrose. This leads to a nature path along the river and it was very dark. Trail was just not evident at all, but at each block we could see some chalk arrows at the roadway. We finally headed east in an alley, and after a few blocks we were at Western. By now I think I am dead last and just following trail. Go left, go right, go left, go right and so in went. I headed north in an alley and turned to the east and suddenly no marks. A block later I still didn't see any marks so I headed north to Welles Park and as I cross the street, there is the pack just heading across a ball field. They were heading towards the far northeast corner and a Check. I could see hashers heading south on Lincoln. Gotcha. Trail went east and I was passed by Taste The Rainbow and Berts Special Friend who were out ranging. And the rest of the pack is disappearing again as I barely saw SnatchSquatch in the distance, marking Splits and such. More left right left right and finally we cross under the El tracks and a whole pack of hashers catches me. Where did they come from? Reverse Muff Diver was leading them and included Son Of Spam and The Dark Kunt and a few others. We finally get to Lawrence, just east of Damen and a left, left. Change of direction. This led to an alley paralleling Damen and north to Ainslie. Destination, The Chicken Coop for a beer stop. And so it was, straight ahead for 6 short blocks. And just before I got there, R-Tard-E came racing past me so he wouldn't get DFL.
.....Behind the building the pack gathered. Beer was being consumed. All right, a heads up here. After years and years of Chicken Stifer beer stops of crappy Lite beer, he has been regularly coming out with a great supply of different craft beers at has beer stops. Well done. After the Beer stop we headed back to the bowling alley.
.....Just a side note. Back in 1988, the Chicago Hash came up with hash shirts that were bowling shirts. Pink. Yech. And expensive too. I managed to get three good shirts in Malaysia for mine in a good swap.  
.....Taste The Rainbow called the circle together and the beer was flowing. They had some idea of Retro night for this and oldest shirts were called forward. Definitely won with a shirt I got in Malaysia in 1988. After circle several hashers got into bowling and I took an early ride home. Other hashers I saw in trail were EpiPenis, Glory Hole, Back Door County, Drill In My Box, Poultry Fucker, Lifa, Ass Capades, O'Shitty Runch, Just Colin, Hoosier Daddy, Just Buddy, Just Brian, and Just Kate. Its Too Soft and Bloody Brown Castle were both House Puppies.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 26 Sep, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We started out of Jefferson Inn at the Jefferson Park Blue LIne stop and Rump Springa was our hare. All right, he got his training in Waukesha. What could we expect. But fifteen brave hounds set out on trail anyway. The trail headed straight Northwest for a block and a Check. This had us going west for two short blocks to a Triple Split. By the time I got there, someone was already coming back from Northwest on Higgins. You guessed it, the trail went Northwest on Higgins. I believe Lifa was already long gone before the rest of the pack headed off on Higgins. It went a long way before Horn-E finally found a third mark for the rest of us. And on and on we went. There was a T and E Split and the Eagle apparently only went to the first alley and paralleled the Turkey trail in the alley for three blocks and back on the main trail again. And On and on we went on Higgins to Austin. Seven blocks later. This was a killer Check. No one apparently saw the first hidden arrow on Austin. I know, I tried and missed it. But after much checking, the trail was finally found, straight north on Austin, about four blocks to a foot bridge over the Kennedy Expy. After this, trail kept going north to Bryn Mawr and another Check. Again the pack couldn't find marks, but the pack eventually headed east on Bryn Mawr. Whistles, calls of On On would really help. The last of us finally followed including Foamy Discharge, Roofie Ragu and myself. And another long straight of about four blocks to Milwaukee and a Check. This one was easy and trail went one block south on Milwaukee and then to the right to the first street where we found the hare with a beer stop by a park. Home brew too. About here, SnatchSquatch decided to go straight and missed the beer stop. He found marks a block later, and ran on. We never saw him again until the finish. But he was On trail. After the beer stop, trail came back to Milwaukee and headed south to a Check at Foster. This led straight south for another two blocks and then to the left. We somehow lost Lifa here. Following some city streets to the east, we came to another neighborhood park and another beer stop. After here, there was trail south to Ainslie and then over the Expy, and back north to the bar. Or you could follow Horn-E on the shortcut straight east and through the tunnel under the Metra tracks and back to the bar. No one did. Local knowledge. Anyhow, Horn-E did manage to find Lifa running in circles looking for trail and directed him to the beer stop.
.....Back at the bar, we ended up in the smoking room, a very narrow blocked in walkway where we could all squeeze in. And someone was cooking and offering some half sandwiches and finally some good, hot drum sticks, right off of the grill. Little Trojan Annie ran circle. Drill In My Box played beer wench. Other hounds on trail included, String Theory, Urine Love, Frequent Flyer, False Advertising, O'Shitty Runch, Chicken Stifer, W Jew 40, and our visitor, Three Men And A Horse. We did have two House Puppies, Its Too Soft and Ice Princess.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 Sep 2013 by Horn-E
.....Hoosier Daddy was setting trail out of The Lincoln Tap Room. And he had a drink deal, any tap, free. And there were a lot of good beers to pick from. 9pm to 11pm. Wow. Should have been a great turnout. I walked in and looked at the pack. There were less hounds then at the Bushman last weekend. I stepped back out and the weather was beautiful. What gives? And only two Harrietts. And they were virgins. I had to tell them later that we really do have ladies running with us. Eventually with last minute runners showing up, we had one more hound then the Bushman to save CH3's Hash Cred. Hey, let's get out there and hash.
.....Trail wasn't all that long. We headed north through two Checks to Belmont Lincoln intersection. By the time this old fart arrived, the pack was scattered and no one was yelling On. Finally the hare gave a clue to the two virgins, that the person who went east, never returned. Hmmm. So they followed and they didn't return. So I followed and sure enough, three marks. I blew the horn and the rest of the pack was able to finally follow. Hey, it is a group effort. Yell On, blow whistles, whatever, but let the pack know when you are On. At any rate, we kept going straight east now. Suddenly the leaders were seen to the right at a cross street. A big loop, or was it two loops. Finally I'm back with the pack. We are now heading east again when the leaders again are lost. Lifa returns and sees a mark pointing across the street. How could anyone miss these marks. He must have used about 20 pounds of Coke, or was it Anthrax, or maybe Gold Medal. Anyhow, Lifa interpreted the mark as going into a nearby alley and several followed. But there were no marks. Meanwhile, Horn-E, following in the back, crosses the street and sees a loop back mark that everyone missed. Hey, I found one. And we are now running back to the west. Two blocks later, I'm hopelessly behind again. And trail went south on Southport. Following along, I thought I saw the pack ahead, (To many non hash runners in that area. Damn.) after another loop back. Well, the trail did go east, but it didn't loop back and now I'm way off trail. So I parallel, I think, looking for anything coming south. I make my way all the way to Sheffield and there I spot Vote For Pedro coming towards me and then heading south on Sheffield. I followed and when the trail went past the home of Its Too Soft, the hare was on the roof calling me up for a beer stop. And on the roof was the FRB, SnatchSquatch. All right, he knew were it was and when trail got near there, he went there. Finally the whole pack got in.
.....We held a brief circle on the roof in the nice weather and clear sky, led by Taste The Rainbow. Finally the 30 pack was finished and we walked back to the bar. After a bit, the band took a break and we had another circle where we were finally, formerly introduced to our two virgins, Just Devon and Just Elise. Welcome to hashing and cum back often. Others on trail included Roofie Ragu, O'Shitty Runch, Jizz Limit and Epi Penis. We also had several House Puppies, Its Too Soft, Slippery Fingers, Cupcakes, Hooch B4 Cooch and Just Lauren.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash #100, 21 Sept. 2013. by Horn-E
.....There were a lot of times when we never thought it would get this far. But we made it, and many thanks to Lifa and Or G for signing up to hare so often. Lifa told me he is now at 57 trails. And I my self have made all 100, sort of. As a hare too. I had a Co-hare in EZ On The Ass for the first, which was also my personal 20th anniversary of hashing. I was having personal medical issues for Number 96 and Lifa suggested I plan the trail and he would lay it while I guarded the beer at the finish. Alright, a weak claim to co-haring, but we're calling it that. And at Number 97, Or G also volunteered to help me get through laying the trail and he them swept the trail for me. I'm back laying them on my own now. 
.....Lifa mentioned returning to the start of the Bushman for the 100th and so it was. I was out setting trail for three hours and I managed to find some territory we've never been through before, despite hashing here so many times. We started out with Son Of Spam leading the pack across the grasslands and up the big hill for a Check. From there they had a short section of deep woods and then a long sweeping path around a big field of tall prairie grasses. Well, we had to do those and they were about ten feet high at the end. Then some nasty weed covered forest land before a Check at a parking lot. Trail then entered a small section of woods, between a wide path and a road. All virgin territory, finally coming out to a path with some low prairie grasses. Heading west we came to a Check in a grove of trees. Trail then back tracked a bit with a wide loop that brought us to a path near the road again. This came out to a wide field of picnic land and another Check. Only one trail out of here, hugging the north end of the field and finally along the river on the west end. This led to a creek leading into the river with a Check on the other side. Not sure who else, but Or G leaped over this muddy area and took off on the obvious long False. Meanwhile the real trail headed into a section of woods and out to a trail heading southeast through a narrow path of thorny bushes that are fast overgrowing the path. We followed this to another parking lot and another Check. This led across the grasslands and picnic areas until we headed into deep woods again. And another Check. Damn hare. From here trail headed straight south, out of the woods and across picnic areas before heading to a trail leading under Irving Park and a Check on the other side. Don't know what happened here, but there was another long False with the real trail clinging to the east side of the area and eventually a path into the deep woods. They ran on paths from here on as trail headed back to the finish with a series of Splits and one Check at the bridge.
.....After the pack took off, Bloody Thighs and Gas Stop Bob joined Horn-E as we headed into the woods to set up the beer and circle in the woods. And did we pick up the burrs on the way. Damn. Gave us something to do while we waited for the pack. Gas Stop Bob hid the beer and eventually the pack arrived, led by Lifa. Always Cums First was the first Bush Babe in, leading our other Bush Babe, Just Do Me Slowly. Within five minutes we were all in. Beer was flowing with a variety of over twenty beers to choose from. And who was in this pack. We had two virgin Bushman, Cunt Put and EpiPenis. Son Of Span, who wrote the Bushman Hash Song. Two Bush Babes, Always Cums First and Just Do Me Slowly. SnatchSquatch, R-Tard-E, Rumpspringa, and Sir Poops A Lot who earned his bandanna. Two non runners in Bloody Thighs who was witnessing our traditions for the first time and The Gas Stop Bob who wrote the song for the Grand Poofta, about all of his ailments and such. Damn! And of course, Lifa and Or G.
.....After our circle we returned to the cars where Lifa brought out his grill and sausages. Always Cums First did the cooking. Many other contributions included salad from Bloody Thighs, rice balls from Just Do Me Slowly, salsa and chips, And Horn-E had a special cake made up with camouflage frosting and Bushman Hash #100 on top. And they said it was good. Horn-E also brought out a half gallon bottle of Altenmunster beer for all of us to toast the Bushman Hash #100. We ate, we drank and had a little more circle. All was good and finally, unfortunately, it was time to end it. A good #100th.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, 18 Sep 2013 by Horn-E
.....The start was out of Big Joe's with Horn-E haring. If anything can go wrong, it will. Horn-E was about a third into laying trail when the rain stated. Going home to get flour, he barely made it before the deluge happened. He headed back out in a lull and by the time he got to the bar, it was pouring. So much for that drought. He set out on trail in the rain and laid marks in whatever sheltered spots he could find, or on telephone polls and trees and in corners, etc. Would they hold up. Would anyone come. It was a little over a two mile trail when flour ran out, and Horn-E got to the sheltered beer stop.
.....Back at the bar he found Bloody Thighs waiting and she told him no one showed, but Lifa was on the way. This was a bit special for Lifa because about fifteen years ago he attended his first hash in Chicago out of this bar. Well, he finally arrived and dressed, or undressed for the hash. He took about 25 to 30 minutes to run the trail, with little difficulty finding only one spot where the marks were questionable. The marks held up even though it poured the whole way. Horn-E and Bloody Thighs walked to the beer stop and Horn-E was just opening a beer when Lifa arrived, looking like a drowned rat. The beer was Judgement Day Ale from The Lost Abbey, and with the rain, it looked like Judgement Day was upon us. We were about to consign Lifa to the Lost Abbey. Imagine, beer with a cork at a beer stop. We finished the beer about the time of a short lull in the rain and headed back to Big Joe's. We drank beer, held a short circle and finally everyone left. And I actually was able to walk home without any rain.
.....If it is scheduled, you make due with the adversity thrown our way, and carry on. Hopefully the next trail will have better weather. But hash is hash.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 19 Aug 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Berts Special Friend and Meet Insider out of Liars Club. And if you listened to their chalk Talk, you'd agree that they were. So what happened? We had 20 trail hounds raring to go. We headed across the street and a Split that led into an alley. After another split we were heading down Clybourn and to a Check. This had us going further south on Clybourn and the pack was soon heading all over a parking lot. Horn-E followed Rusty Grundle as he headed up and along the tracks looking for marks. But it was Horn-E who spotted the Back Check that no one realized they were at. From last to first as Horn-E headed back and under the tracks where he found trail heading east. Just like Back Checks are supposed to work. A block later Rusty Grundle passed him and that slow old man was finally able to walk. And the whole pack passed him when Super Stuffer finally ran by. Across Ashland and at the entrance to a park, there was a Triple Split. And the pack was stalled. Finally the trail was found through the park and east to a quick loop and then south towards Fullerton. I was following Hoosier Daddy at this point and trail went east in an alley just before Fullerton. Two blocks later, we crossed Fullerton and east in another alley. I finally caught up to the pack as they were really stalled at a Check. On on was finally called going south on some tracks and then east towards De Paul. Here they did a little loop to the south and then through that little mall space in De Paul. By now the pack was out of sight and Horn-E and Just Do Me Slowly headed though the mall. At the far end, there were no marks. So we ranged through the mall and found a massive Split. Horn-E went west and found nothing, just missing the true trail. We ran around a bit and suddenly I Lean and Panicum Vaginatum were following the same path. Horn-E circled back and still never saw where the trail turned. So he ventured out and across Fullerton and finally saw marks going east and was soon joined by the other three. We headed down an alley and then through a parking lot to a Triple Split on Sheffield. The four of us checked each direction, alone and with others, twice at least, and never found another mark. We finally called it and headed back on Fullerton. And now, the hare comes by on a bicycle. He tells us where the Beer Stop is, On Webster off Ashland. And off he goes. Just Do Me Slowly, Panicum Vaginatum and I Lean finally decided to run over there. Horn-E just went back to the bar.
.....And there I sat, with a glass of water, for about a half hour. Finally the House Puppy of the day, Its Too Soft arrived. When I told him the pack was still out, he grabbed his phone and walked off. I guess he was afraid he might have to talk to Horn-E. But the pack soon wandered in. It took quite a while before the beer started to flow and Just Erin volunteered to be the beer wench. She had to carry many cans of beer on a tray as she wandered the circle. And if you think this was a set up for disaster, it was. Twice she almost lost it and many cans spilled onto the tray. The first time, our virgin Just Kate took the tray and did a massive down down. Well done Just Kate. Our other virgin was Just Glen and they were both brought to the hash by Just Buddy. Well done. Taste The Rainbow led the circle and it was definitely difficult with Karaoke going on right behind us. But with all that noise, we still really nailed the hares and many others. There was one returning hasher, Big Head Little Balls. He had been somewhat under the weather. Was it West Nile Virus, Bird Flu, Spotted Fever, Dengue, Gangrene, or just something he caught while walking around Wrigley? And was it worse then a pit bull attack?
.....Others on trail included Crotch Fire, My Hard Will Go On Forever, Roofie Ragu, Ginger Snatch, Son Of Spam, Hoosier Daddy, Mommy Strangelove, and Frequent Flyer.
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 17 Aug. 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Horn-E and 11 Trail Hounds signed up to hound from St. Paul Woods. Wow. All right, it was a perfect day for running. We do these woods often enough and Lifa and Or G know the woods very well by now, so it is hard to plan a different trail. Then Chicken Stifer arrives and finds a way to short cut a huge block of trail and take a bunch of hounds with him. And I warned everyone in advance to not follow him off trail or they would miss the circle in the woods. Well, despite shortcutting trail, there was enough Hare trickery at the half way point to regroup the pack.
.....So, what happened? We started off to the south and immediately they seemed to be bogged down. Then after a little loop through short, tall grasses they finally headed west following Taste The Rainbow on his virgin Bushman trail. Right behind him was Snotcho Mama, another Bushman Virgin and they both were called FRBs. Well done. Came out to run the woods and actually ran the trail, mostly as designed. Anyhow, Taste The Rainbow ran right past his first Check. You have to both look for marks on trees and on the ground. But he was soon called back. Or G was thinking last time and headed north, but it was Gas Stop Bob who first headed in the right direction, north and quickly joined by Chicken Stifer who actually found trail. This led to running near the east end of the Forest Preserve until a Back Check. From here they headed straight west and into some tall grasses following Toilet Paper (TP). Then we headed towards an isolated narrow section of trees and the pack was all ready starting to try to out guess the hare instead of going through the trail as planned, with Chicken Stifer heading around the wooded section. But the true trail went straight through this section and across some more grassland, across the parking area and into some woods. We were soon at the river and headed north a bit to a big fallen tree over the river. And across the river went the trail. Apparently Cums First and Rump Springa managed to cross on the tree keeping their toes dry while the rest went through the cool river to the other side. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob headed south on the east side of the river, avoiding the river all together. Good guess. All right, the hare gave him a hint. Anyhow, back of the main trail we reversed direction again, heading south along the river and in a thin wooded section avoiding any marks on the paved bike path. A hundred yards later the trail went back to the river and into it. Taste The Rainbow headed in and across, but there were no marks. The hare had to remind him to look for TP and there it was, hanging on branches over the river. He charged straight south in the river for another hundred yards or so before the trail came out on the east side of the river. Well done. Lifa quickly crossed and eventually a few others. Some went on south, following Chicken Stifer, Including Rump Springa, Sir Poops A Lot and Cums First. Others finally entered the water as the trail headed east and was disappearing into the woods. SnatchSquatch headed down a sharp embankment and entered the water to quickly, losing his balance and falling. But one hand was straight up in the air, clutching his cell phone. Now, just who were you going to call in the woods? Anyhow, recovery was made and this great pack of eleven hounds was down to about six who were still following a simple, back and forth trail. At the next Check, the pack was nailed by a False, back over by the river. Gotcha. But they were soon on heading south in nice running woods and left me behind. It was hard to run with shoes full of gravel and burrs. Damn. I found myself back with Gas Stop Bob and Just Do Me Slowly. He headed over to the bridge on the nearby road while Just Do Me Slowly followed trail through a swamp area with some good, real shiggy. Of course she is so light, she almost floated across it while the Wankers sunk in about six or eight inches. We then came to the river and another Check. False to the north and over that road bridge. Some of the short cutters had done that in reverse and were at the Check. There was an obvious mark straight across the river that led to a quick False. The true trail went north along the river for a hundred yards, over a little creek and eventually across the river again. And on the other side was a Check, hopefully hidden so any short cutters would miss it, like the crew that followed Chicken Stifer. Apparently it worked. And this had an obvious trail straight west that went to a long False. Taste The Rainbow said it smelled False, but he had to do it. Gotcha. Now that we were all regrouped, trail was found going north along the river in thin woods, but not on the asphalt bike path. Hidden marks so that any of the short cutters would miss them. They did. Yeah!! But now we were on and the runners were leaving me behind as they did a loop over to a parking lot and back through some trees to the bike path where we hugged the edge for a very short distance before heading into woods and about waist high Scritchy Scratchy. Get used to it. This went through trees and a tiny path and into a hidden grassy area before getting to the real Scritchy Scratchy, a huge field with dozens and dozens of native prairie plants and tall grasses, some about eight feet tall. A hundred yards from the bike path and we couldn't see them or them us. There was one Check in the middle of all this. They actually missed the Check itself. But they were slowed by the turn in trail and marks seen in other directions. They finally were on and through and around a section of thick eight foot grasses. As they emerged and headed for the next section, I saw Taste The Rainbow leading. Some might have been ahead, but we couldn't see more then fifty yards. Trail ended up at this little stream bed that twists all around and naturally we ran right through this. It ended up three downs and ups before that last one over debris from flooded fast rushing waters. This was all loose and I heard that Taste The Rainbow stepped on some and it flipped almost hitting him in the face. Now we go through a little wooded section and through the last bit of Scritchy Scratchy. This led to flour on trees, that could be only seen from the Scritchy Scratchy. Then across the paved bike path was another bit of flour, well into the woods on the other side. Any short cutters that missed the Scritchy Scratchy would have missed the short trail from here, over a tiny, muddy creek and along the river to the beer cache. Here we gathered about 65 minutes after start, but only about 3.1 miles, or so I was told. Everyone made it. We held circle along the river until the beer was gone. Damn, if we keep getting packs this large, I'll have to get co-hares, just to help carry the beer. Well, maybe not.
.....After we finished the beer, we headed across the river and through woods to the cars. Lifa planned a grill and had another cooler full of beer. Some brought food. Damn, are we getting like Second City Hash. Well, not quite. We have nothing but white men and Asian women. More like a tour through south east Asian hashing. We did reconvene the circle and got into some long songs again. Great. Eventually the pack started to thin and we headed towards cars and rides out.
.....Upon finally getting home, I got into that nice warm shower, washing off my shoes and trying to grit my teeth as my legs burned from all of that Scritchy Scratchy, twice. Well, not that bad.
.....Can't wait for that next one, Our 100th Trail, We will BBQ in the woods, so be prepared for bringing food, and let us know in advance if you are cummng so we make sure to have enough beer for the circle in the woods. We might even have a Camo cake to celebrate. It is our thing.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash Aug 15, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of O'Malleys West and was supposed to have three hares. But One Fuck Chuck was a no show and didn't even tell his co-hares. Oh Oh. And he drank a lot of Down Downs for that. But Glory Hole and BarBack MountHim carried on without him. We had 29 hounds at the start and Hoosier Daddy came in late and followed trail. Or so he claims. We also had three House Puppies that went back into the bar, Chicken Stifer, W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie.
.....Trail took off to the south and a quick Split had the pack heading north in an alley and then east on Belden. After a quick loop we had a Check at Cleveland. This was called to the south just as I got there. Heading south to Lincoln I finally caught the pack again as they were waiting for traffic. Since when does the hash wait for traffic. But the pack was soon heading east on Dickens and as I approached Larrabee, our sweep, Glory Hole gave me a short cut, straight south. As as I headed south, False Advertising and then Berts Special Friend came out of a gangway, but there were no marks. Hmmm! So I headed across the street and into another alley, but no marks. Heading over to Armitage, the pack was suddenly heading my way, but there were still no marks. Apparently a mark was finally spotted on Mohawk, heading south, but from where did it come. But then again, it is a Glory Hole trail. At Wisconsin the trail headed east a block and then returned through a little playground. Horn-E spotted the mark coming out and called to Snotcho Mama to check across the street. We both missed the arrow to the north and the pack was soon on that and around west to the first alley heading south. And through another gangway and back on Mohawk. Damn hares. This brought us to a quick loop to the east, south to Eugenie and back west. The pack was now out of sight. At Larabee I found a mark north and then a Split. Picking right, I headed left and into an alley. This led to a Triple Split that slowed me down. West was False. North led to some orange flour. WTF. Running on and there were no more marks. Returning I tried the third split arrow and finally got back on trail that eventually led me south on Orchard to a little park just before North Ave and a Shot Stop. Rofie Ragu was there with the hare, BarBack MountHim. I don't do shots so I was right on to the east on North Ave for a long stretch that led to a Back Check. I came back two blocks before running into the sweep who informed me I missed the turn arrow on the wall. Yeah, about 8 feet up a brick wall covered in ivy. Kind of like a visiting ball player trying to find a fly ball in the ivy in Wrigley Field. But I was now On and a few blocks later I came to the second Shot Stop at a sunken park off of Willow. I was passed by Roofie Ragu and Berts Special Friend just as we got there. I don't do shots, so I was off and right on trail. At Lincoln there was a Split. The obvious was straight, but I couldn't find anything. Going the other way,and again nothing. I finally ranged to Armitage and Clark and there was a Check, just as Snotcho Mama arrived ahead of the pack. I headed into the park with Berts Special Friend right behind me. We split and I headed further into the park, seeing nothing, including never seeing another hasher on trail. Damn. After wandering for some time in beautiful running territory in the park, and seeing nothing, I headed through a tunnel and back towards the Check. Here I found an arrow that only led to a False. So I ran on towards Clark, looking everywhere for a mark crossing my path. And it did, somewhere. Finally at Clark, I called it. Getting really dehydrated, I needed to head for the bar and get a beer. Meanwhile the pack was a block north of where I had been, enjoying a beer in the park. Damn.
.....Finally the pack returned to the bar and the beer started to flow. We headed upstairs and Little Trojan Annie called the circle together. It went on for quite a long time as the hares were constantly called out, including One Fuck Chuck. After circle we hung out upstairs and I finally left around 11:30 with the party still going on.
.....Other Trail Hounds included TampOn TampOff, Its Too Soft, Slippery Fingers, Lifa, Meet Insider, Frequent Flyer, Four Score In The Back Door, Furry Spice, Ass Capades, Poultry Fucker, Urine Love, Just Erin, Just John, Helen Keller Facial, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Jizzy, Panic Vaginatum, My Hard Will Go On Forever, and Canine Fixation. Some more Couch potatoes include Specklebird, Ice Princess and Fire In The Hole who led a trio of beer wenches.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Fri, Aug 8, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was Lower Wackoff's annual summer hash to the woods in the dark from Yacko's. We had 5 hounds baying at the moon and waiting to get started. The trail headed straight west, away from the woods. (?) But this was just a Triple Split to split the pack and bring us to a big loop and into the woods. and we immediately had a fence climb to get in. Horn-E opted to avoid this with his damaged wrist and went around. By the time he got there, there being a river crossing on a huge fallen tree, Lifa, Fire Crotch and Rump Springa already sprinted across and were out of sight. Or G was stranded in the middle of the tree, about 57 feet above the raging rapids below, or so it seemed. He suddenly froze. WTF. He seemed to lose balance, or that was his story. Even Horn-E was waiting to cross. And the hare. Finally he managed to regain balance and made it across as did Horn-E and Lower Wackoff. We entered a short section of woods and into a huge section of picnic areas and large grassy fields. The front three ran to a shelter and found a Check. From here they were spread wide in a forward direction, looking everywhere for trail. So Horn-E headed south and found one, two and damn, he couldn't find that elusive third mark. Meanwhile Or G, with both feet firmly on the ground, wisely decided that this was a Lower Wackoff trail and marks were not always one after another. Ranging after that second mark, he finally found a mark heading into the woods. He was followed by Fire Crotch and Rump Springa. They noticed poison ivy and backed out and ran parallel. Horn-E and Lifa followed into the woods. Horn-E opted for a possible short cut into the, now dry, wetlands and running through some amazing prairie grasses full of flowers and about eight feet high. Really cool stuff. And if he went on with his course, he would have come out at the Short Beer Stop. But he finally came out, into the woods and back on trail. Finally he found the Short Beer Stop. But where was the rest of the pack. Coming off of the Short Beer Stop was a short trail to a check. Or G and Lifa were scattered in a forward direction and Rump Springa and Fire Crotch were off in the reverse direction on the Turkey Trail. Or something like that. Horn-E and Lower Wackoff blew whistles and shouted out and finally got everyone back to the Short Beer Stop, even if not all at once. After this, we somehow got out looking for trail and it was Lifa who got on the right trail over a bridge and to the east into woods along a nice path. And Horn-E was soon following. We came out in a parking lot and another Check. We had to go into the woods, right. Lifa headed north along a path that would eventually go along the rivers edge. Beautiful out there. False. Horn-E ended up climbing over a 57 foot pile of wood chips and into the woods. And just then, Rump Springa found marks heading out of the woods. WTF. Lifa followed. Fire Crotch was seen waving to Horn-E and Or G, but Or G found a Split arrow going into the woods. He wasn't ON. Then Horn-E found a mark into the woods and a BN soon after. He came out into a big field and ahead he could see three hounds at a picnic shelter ahead. But they weren't On. Meanwhile, Or G, DFL out of the woods, found the real trail and ran into some more woods and found the beer. The first shall be last and the last shall be first', to the beer. It was guarded by Bingo, and we all heard the tale of Bingo. Felt like hearing the Tale of the good ship Minnow, with Lower Wackoff being the Captain. And no, Horn-E was not Gilligan.  We soon gathered around the beer and after some cold amber fluids, we decided to hold circle right there with so much ice cold beer. And we did until the beer was gone and with good direction from the Captain, we escaped our beautiful island in the woods and walked back to the bar.. "And that's the way it was...3.15 miles for Lifa.  And fun it was indeed!" or so Lifa said.
.....We walked back to the bar and Magnetic Muff was waiting for us there. And you think the fun ends here. Not. The pints were $2 and $7 pitchers. But the voluptuous bar tender just decided to give us $5 pitchers, without even asking. Then she told us those pizzas on that other table were ours to enjoy, a large with almost everything and a small with just cheese. Then Horn-E brought out the pretzels and Lower Wackoff brought out a huge bag of salted peanuts in the shell. We got the circle going again and were entertained with 20 to 30 good limericks, mostly from Lifa and Lower Wackoff. We finally ended when several hounds had to hit the rode. Magnetic Muff drove Or G home and Horn-E to a bus and we were all good.
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On On
Horn-E
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 3 Aug 2013 by Horn-E. That doggone dog bite story. Damn Dog, be gone.
.....This was set out of the usual Happy House by Happy Ass Grabber and was one of the better trails of the year. I didn't say that. We had 18 hounds at the start of this trail. We set out of his back yard and to the north as we worked a few alleys and streets to go north on Lake Street for a few blocks. From here we worked our way to the Green Line for a trip on unknown duration. Look for marks on the El platform. Horn-E, Lifa and Chicken Stifer headed to the first car to scout for marks on platforms as the train pulled into the station. Finally Horn-E spotted some marks below on Lake street before we came into the Cicero station. We headed out of the train to marks heading west and down to street level. Horn-E led and turned towards Cicero where we had a Check. Meanwhile Chicken Stifer just headed to the marks seen on Lake street from the train, forget trail, jump ahead. And most of the pack followed. As we headed east, there was a turn mark down what looked like a dead end. Actually a great Back Check through a hole in a fence. But Chicken Stifer just ran on east and found the marks from the back check and headed east. At the next street, there was a turn north again. This was true trail, but Chicken Stifer just ranged on east and wasn't seen again until just before the finish. Hooch B4 Cooch followed and wasn't seen until we finally crossed the Eisenhower Expy, much later. Meanwhile, the hash headed across some tracks just before a freight train, with the engineer blowing his horn at Horn-E. We then entered into some good thick woods, following flour. Saw Rusty Grundle on overhead tracks looking for marks, but they were clearly below. Came to a building and trail went around it in deep bush. Here I saw Son Of Spam coming out with the cache of beer. We were in some long ago abandoned building with huge piping inside. Cool spot. Great find Happy Ass Grabber. After a quick taste of beer, Lifa led us north with Horn-E right behind. At a Check, Horn-E headed over a little hill to some more tracks. Heading north, that blind old fart missed three marks. But Chunder Pussy was following and spotted the marks and they turned east over another little hill and into deep bush. Horn-E followed with the pack coming right behind. But trail was elusive and Horn-E managed to pick up on the trail and led to some more tracks and finally out to Kilbourn and a Triple Split.
.....Horn-E went north and the trail went south as Rusty Grundle led. He then got caught by a Back Check at the first street, regrouping the pack somewhat and there were now runners and walkers. We headed south, over Lake St. and a bit of Zig Zag in local streets. I found myself following Chunder Pussy as we returned to Kilbourn and saw three walkers, Salty Gash, Fistful Of Pricks and Taste The Rainbow. Taste The Rainbow (?) walknig along with an ice cream come he got at an ice cream truck. Yeah, they still have those and it was still  playing "Turkey in the Straw". Meanwhile we went on to the west a bit and found trail through an empty field and along some elevated train tracks and another mini beer stop. We were now nine. Two missing and seven walkers on short cuts. We drank the beer and Chunder Pussy and Horn-E then led us under the tracks and to the east. Here we found a Split. Horn-E went south and Chunder Pussy found trail to the east. Horn-E paralleled and rejoined the pack at Kostner and a Check. Trail went south just after Son Of Spam lost his usual cool and cussed the training pack of the local gang bangers causing some shit. Across the Expressway we came to a long loop to the east that Berts Special Friend managed to get caught on. We kept going south until we found the walkers and a Check at 5th Ave. Trail ended up being found to the south and under some mostly abandoned tracks. Back to the east for two long blocks and then into some deep shiggy, across those tracks at ground level and into more deep bush filled with garbage and whatever. Salty Gash was staying out of the shiggy calling to the late arrivals. That would be Horn-E. This section came out at 5th Ave where Its Too Soft looked to be On to the west. He wasn't. Trail went north and back into deep bush. This section was chest high prairie grasses. Half the pack or more was ahead as I entered this section. Taste The Rainbow was seen running to the right of the pack with wild abandon. Horn-E did the same to the left of the pack passing R-Tard-E. In the distance we could see TP on the tall grasses. We finally came out at Kilpatrick, just south of Polk and a Triple Split. 
.....Taste The Rainbow headed straight west in an alley. Berts Special Friend headed north to Polk and found a turn arrow west. Horn-E waved Taste The Rainbow on to the west. Then he went to the side walk and walked along this fence around a home with three dogs running around and barking like crazy. The fence was a strong head high iron fence reinforced with a mesh of tough plastic to keep the dogs from reaching through the iron bars. Now here is the big ooops. Apparently the owner of the property bough two large sheets of this plastic to attach to the fence. Unfortunately, it didn't cover the hole fence. As Horn-E passed the gap in the plastic, a Pit Bull leaped as far as possible through the fence and grabbed him on his arm. Shit. Horn-E yanked as hard as possible, ripping his arm from the jaws of death. There was a three inch gash on the top of his wrist where the dogs tooth dragged through flesh as Horn-E pulled back. Grabbing his wrist, he found blood pouring out from a deep puncture wound on the inside of his wrist. Damn. Rump Springa, who wasn't wearing his shirt, volunteered his T-Shirt to wrap the wounds. Several of us walked around to the front of the building where several kids were hanging out. Like 4 or 5 year olds. We asked them to get their parents, 'someone had been bitten by their dog.' Then another girl came out, about 9, and she had a cell phone, apparently calling daddy. Meanwhile Horn-E started to get a little light headed and we went across the street to some shade on a lawn where Horn-E could lay down. Salty 'Florence Nightingale' Gash held his arm up to minimize bleeding. Happy Ass Grabber eventually asked one of the locals, actually probably the owner of the dogs, for a ride to Happy Ass Grabber's House where we could connect with a hasher with a car for the ride to the VA. And he did.
.....Hey, I was hurting, but the ambulance bill is about $1000 and they would take me to the nearest hospital. More bills. I wasn't impossibly bad off and it made good sense. At the Happy House, Son Of Spam was there and volunteered to drive me to the VA. I got my back pack and we were off. At the VA, I finally got a VA cop to get me straight into ER without the usual VA procedures. Eventually X-Rayed to check for bone damage. Negative. Cleaned up and wrapped with gauze. They don't stitch up dog bite wounds because of the chances of infection. Chicago Police came by and took the report. Lifa showed up at the VA, after the Hash party ended, to offer a ride or whatever. I was okay and was able to take the bus home. Not pleasant, but I managed. I'm on antibiotics for a week. Special thanks to Son Of Spam, Rump Springa, Lifa, Happy Ass Grabber and especially my hash nurse, Salty Gash.
.....As for the rest of the trail, hell, I don't know. They got back, drank beer, held a circle, ate food, and went home. Others not yet mentioned included Bi Holer, EZ On The Ass ( did he actually run anything or did he just hang out with us before the trail. I know he works on Saturdays), Back Door County and Meat Insider.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash, 29 July 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set from Montrose Saloon by Magnetic Muff and Just Do Me Slowly, the first annual Cougar Hash. We had a dozen hounds ready to take off on this trail, thanks to two visitors and ten healthy local hounds. O'Shitty Runch was there, but not healthy yet, not running yet, not riding his bike yet. He looked like he slashed his wrists, his ankles and knees were in bad shape and he could barely talk out of the left side of his mouth. Victim of a bike/auto crash on the way to POP. We all wish you a quick recovery.
.....But meanwhile, we still hash and the two Cougars sent us off to the north across Montrose. And no marks for a block. Fortunately Horn-E came by Brown Line and saw two marks on the way to the bar. The first was a three way mark coming out of an alley. The pack scoured the area around Blagos House. Yeah, he still owns the house, even though he is currently living in subsidized Government housing out west. Meanwhile Horn-E headed east to the alley and called On to the pack. He quickly found a mark going north and led the pack until Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and the visitor, Panicum Vaginatum (I hope I got that right) passed him in the street. By the way, she had a great hash shirt. In back it said, "Ouch, that's my butt". We hit a Check a block later and she led us north and through a little play park. But Horn-E knew better having seen that other arrow as he got off the El, pointing across the tracks and heading north. So he headed that way and was soon passed by Poultry Fucker. We ended up following her to Lawrence and a Check. This led to a little park across the river and a well laid arrow pointing to a real nice wood chip path along the river. Nice shiggy and comfortable running. I followed Lower Wackoff through this. Meanwhile, half the pack missed this and short cut through the park to Argyle and by the time I got there, the pack was disappearing to the north with Magnetic Muff following and sweeping. We ran around this park, over a little foot bridge and west along the river. This led to a T and E Split. T went north to Foster while the E went straight through some shiggy and to a fence climbing at Kedzie. By now everyone was out of sight and I was dead last. Or so I thought. Lower Wackoff interpreted the T and E Split to meant the trail went down to rivers edge and west. Sorry no marks there. Trail did a little loop north of Foster, back under Foster and through a park to the far southeast corner. From here it was just east and south as we ran city streets and alleys, working our way to Rockwell and a point where we could cross the El tracks. During this interval, the following Lower Wackoff finally caught up to me, passed me and led me to the Beer Stop, behind Magnetic Muff's old apartment. Now the way I heard the story, SnatchSquatch followed past BN, no more decision points, somehow missed the beer stop and followed the rest of the trail back to the bar. Meanwhile, we drank our beer and headed back, hitting Montrose and just walking west to the bar. Well, at least SnatchSquatch ran the little loops on the On In trail. Back at the bar we had $7 pitchers for everything and drank some good beers. Taste The Rainbow called circle together. We met our visitors, Not A Real Cop, (NARK) and Panicum Vaginatum. He sang us a short song and she shared one of her female body parts. Chicken Stifer was FRB for missing half the trail and Poultry Fucker was FBI for running the whole trail, faster. Rump Springa got the grill going and we all had some good wienies to stick in some buns. The pack then drank for a bit with the usual House Puppies, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Its Too Soft and Mudsucker, and the injured O'Shitty Runch. The rest of the Trail Hounds included Four Score In The Back Door and EpiPenis. By about 10:30 we herded the remaining pack out the door and got some rides out of there. I needed that.  
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On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 25 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....As I walked down the street towards Four Treys, I saw Clark Kunt taking off on the live trail. And since he was going off alone, why wasn't his co-hare, The Dark Kunt, sweeping. All right, I heard that complaint on trail. And Lifa did try with a tiny piece of chalk.  We soon gathered outside and I counted 40 hounds gathered, most running, but I heard there was a walkers trail while I was lost on trail. Not. Keep dogging it. And I did. Anyhow, we took off to the northwest and after running an alley a block north, hounds were returning saying something about a Back Check. Well, even though I can't run for shit these days, I started looking to the west. Naturally the trail went east and I could barely see the last of the pack disappearing to the south. Ooops. I ran after them and eventually saw what I think was EZ On The Ass paralleling the pack and heading south. I followed him and there were no marks, but eventually he headed east. I followed and eventually came out at Lincoln with no marks. But I saw about two hounds heading south, around a corner again. And again, I wasn't finding marks until I hit a Split, back at Lincoln. I headed east and ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, also lost. We headed east and I saw a mark behind a post heading north and then east. About here, Taste The Rainbow climbed over a fence and joined us. Through a few more Splits and they both left me behind as they went through an empty parking lot just north of Belmont. Across the street was a trip arrow. Taste the Rainbow went east and disappeared. Hooch B4 Cooch went south through an alley and didn't return. I went west to the big intersection, expecting a massive Check and found nothing. So I headed south on Lincoln to try to intercept the other two. At the next corner was nothing. Damn. Then suddenly the whole pack came running out of an alley. I think I missed the shot stop. But then, I don't miss shot stops. But I'm back with the pack. We headed east to a Check. And suddenly the trail was found on the other side of the street, heading west and I'm damn near in front. We eventually head south in an alley and cross Wellington and into a gangway. Very narrow so I went around and saw hounds heading west towards the church. I think that it was in that narrow gangway were the arrest took place. Ice Princess ducks under an air conditioner and there is a man standing there with an AK 47 pointed at him. Well maybe an A K 46.5, or was it just his finger. He yells, "Your under arrest." Well Ice Princess has been under a lot of things, but never arrest. He puts up his hands as another 17 hashers come pouring out of that narrow gangway. With only a lacquered nail pointing at Ice Princess, he suddenly turn and ran the other way and all of the arrestees, headed west. Meanwhile I'm on the north side of the church and suddenly Taste The Rainbow comes around the church and heads west. Weren't we just last and lost recently. Well we're in front now. Well, he was. The pack is soon passing me and we head south for two blocks in an alley before crossing Ashland. The pack slowly passes me as we head west, under some tracks and towards Damen. And suddenly Hooch B4 Cooch comes up behind me. Weren't we last a long time ago. Well we are again. But he leaves me behind and I end up DFL in a back yard behind Clark Kunt's apartment. Big yard. After retrieving bags, we gathered and proceed to drink, well over 40 of us, with the usual array of House Puppies showing up. One Fuck Chuck led the circle. And he is getting better. Well, maybe not. But we got through it with only one Chinese Fire Drill. Virgins were introduced, Leslie, Barney, Mike, and Marty. I think. Welcome. Now come back. After circle the pack held on as the beer bucket was constantly replenished from the liquor store around the corner. All right, I got some of the names that were there on trail besides those already mentioned. , and a few of the house puppies. Jizz Limit or whatever his name is. Check his necklace and pick one. Back Door County, Sandy Syphilis, W Jew 40, Chicken Stifer, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Poultry Fucker, Hoosier Daddy, Foamy Discharge, Hidden Panda, TampOn TampOff, Drill In My Box, Frequent Flyer, Epipenis, Roofie Ragu, Rump Springa, Mount Schwiiinga, That Thing That Vibrates, Soul Taco, Glitter Spitter, Just Brian, Little Trojan Annie, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob (in a tiger outfit) Cuntputt and Pull My Pork. Their were others too.  
 
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
Mon 22 July 2013 A Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
.....Ass Capades laid trail from his place and had a pack of about 23 hounds in his alley as we started out. We ran north and I was running behind watching the last of the bimbos pass me by and run on. We crossed Lawrence and went into an empty lot. Everyone seemed to headed towards Broadway and so I ran along Lawrence and followed Chunder Pussy to Broadway. As I crossed the street, I saw Lifa coming from the north. It was a Check and he was soon On heading south on a side street. I yelled for the pack and followed. We ran to Wilson and then east to the tracks. Here trail went south into an alley. And dummy Horn-E, thinks he has local knowledge and the trail has to come out on Broadway between Aldi and Target. Hey, I've been to both and I thought it was a dead end. It wasn't. And a bunch of hounds followed me. Nothing. They went behind Aldi and found the trail heading into the campus area. Meanwhile Horn-E still thinks he knows best and the trail would have had to go behind Target, so he runs on to Montrose. Dumber and dumber. No one's there. So it is a long run back through that alley until Horn-E finally found the trail heading west. And everyone is long gone. Trail runs west for several blocks and then goes through a loop to Montrose, and back over trail. Well laid. A perfect spot to catch up, but Horn-E is so far behind that everyone was already long gone. After a slight detour for the pack, Horn-E finally catches the pack. Hey, follow trail. We now head west and south for a block, only to head right back north. Here Horn-E followed Back Door County and Lifa in a slight short cut. A block north and the trail crossed Clark and enters an alley going south. Only a block and over to Ashland. But again, Horn-E misses a short cut and follows finally passing Tell It To My Nipples, The Dark Kunt and Just Lauren. Running on, the trail finally goes to Lawrence and several blocks east of Clark before heading into an alley and The Beer Stop.
.....We finally headed back to Ass Capades and up to his roof for the On On. Circle was soon started and run by Chunder Pussy. Well done too. There were many more then ran the trail and the roof was very crowded. Ass Capades started the grill and unfortunately, the smoke all blew right through the circle. But a good time was being had and after circle there were more then enough hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone.
.....And suddenly I saw our old friend and a former Chicago Area Hasher who single handedly put together some really great hashes with great trail and more great food then the pack could eat in three hashes. Brisket, Deep Fat Fried Turkeys (in the woods and bars of Chicago) salads, bread, corn on the cob, whatever. He was fantastic and will always be missed. Peterbilt. And for the record, with no access to the Internet, he called the hotline to find the hash. He just wished there were also directions on the phone line. He had some difficulty finding the place.
.....We had some visitors including Bridge Over The River Twat, and Crouching Dragon Hidden Jacob. We also had a virgin, Just Matt. There were others, but in the crowd I didn't get to meet them all. Other hounds on trail included Hooch B4 Cooch, R-Tard-E, Urine Love, O'Shitty Runch, Ice Princess, Drill In My Box, Foamy Discharge, Jizz Limit, Chicken Stiffer, Poultry Fucker, Barf Fly, EpiPenis, and Four Score In The Back Door. I'm sure there were others. And all to many House Puppies to mention here. Actually I didn't get their names.  
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The Tale of the Trail
Tue 23 July 2013 A Chicago Hash, by Horn-E
.....This trail was set out of Double Bubble with Horn-E haring again. Beware. With laying so many trails, I sometimes think of trying something new. The idea was to see if I could lay a trail that could be run in either direction, because I wasn't sure if I could hold a beer stop at the lakefront with all the weather reports citing 8 to 12 foot waves. Actually wasn't that bad, but a nice fast wind from the north east. Anyhow, I laid trail with nothing but long straight lines instead of arrows. And no Splits, but lots of loops to regroup the pack.
.....So the trail actually headed west through some alleys and streets and through my back yard, the alternate beer stop if I had to reverse trail and plans. From here it went a little west and then to the south winding through streets and alleys. Our second Check was at Clark and Ashland and apparently Lower Wackoff lost the pack here. Trail went east through some side streets and finally another Check at Ridge. While there were several trails to the south, the true trail took one of them, and looped back past the Check into an area just north of Ridge, with streets and alleys going in multiple directions. Short cut once and you might end up on a trail going the wrong way. And that was the game of the day. Somewhere along the way, probably before here, Hooch B4 Cooch got way in front and was leaving the pack behind. That left 5 other hounds running in circles and loops like a plate of spaghetti. Meanwhile Horn-E got beer and chips and was waiting at the lakefront when Hooch B4 Cooch finally arrives at about 40 minutes on trail. It was five minutes later when Just John came along leading Just Erin, Berts Special Friend, Ice Princess and Caught Red Headed. We drank for about 15 minutes before people started to get cold in that stiff breeze off of the lake. And even that beautiful Full Moon rising over the lake couldn't warm them. So we started back, going straight along the On In trail in case Lower Wackoff showed. And he did, just after we passed the El tracks. So, it was a complete pack heading back to the bar. We got a circle going, Full Moon style and had a good time with our group of eight. We're growing again. Come on out to a moon hash and join us.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thristday Hash 18 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was set by One Chuck Fuck and Bi Holer from SoFo. Bi Holer told me she had a nice plan. Then One Fuck Chuck told her how to implement it and everything went to hell. It was to be an A to B. We started out with the usual chalk talk and headed across the street into an alley. We were soon heading north and over to Ashland. What happened here I still don't know, but by the time I got there, people were returning from the west and acting like they were at a Check. They weren't. Apparently the trail headed north in an alley and the trail seemed to head back and forth in the alley between Clark and Ashland as we headed north. I found myself following Hoosier Daddy and for some reason, other hashers managed to pass me, like Lifa. Now how did I get in front of them, I don't know. Finally I followed Hoosier Daddy through the Jewel Parking lot, north to Bryn Mawr and then east. Half way down the block a bunch of normal FRBs passed us. Where did they come from? Taste the Rainbow, Urine Love, Drill In My Box, etc. We soon headed across the street, south a bit and into an alley. From here the trail seemed to go just south, back and forth between the street and alley. I emerged from an alley and saw some hashers, including Little Trojan Annie, to the west, heading south and obviously getting a short cut. I followed and we had another right turn at the next corner. Now here things were definitely screwed up. At the alley, there was a left turn arrow crossing the street. But there was about ten hounds at the next corner milling around like they were at a Check. I crossed the street and saw an arrow coming from were the pack was, also heading into the alley. Now this makes no sense. I yelled out RU and they were checking. But over a long block away, I saw hounds in the alley heading south. I yelled to the pack and headed south with them following. I only found one more arrow, but at the next street, there was another turn arrow coming from the west and into that alley. If this doesn't make sense, it doesn't to me as I write it. We then ran on to the south, somehow missing the beer stop and going all of the way to Lawrence on Magnolia and then west to Clark. At Clark was a Check, but we could see the pack continuing north and back to the start. On an A to B? But the finish B was actually across the street in a pizza place, Pieholer or something like that. Apparently it was BYO and the hash brought in much beer from the liquor store across the street. Hash pizza's were ordered and the Dark Kunt called the circle together. As part of the circle, our GM came out with a few announcements, and then declared that our hare One Fuck Chuck would not be allowed to hare again unless he was with a very experienced hare. I guess it was declared a Very Shitty Trail. There were the virgins and visitors and transplants, including Canine Fixation, Vaginarian, Rump Stumper, Just Steph. Or whatever. After circle they took up another collection for more beer and pizza and I took advantage of a coming bus and headed home. I'm running again, and wasn't DFL. Whoopie. Others in attendance on trail were EpiPenis, Tell It To My Nipples, Snotcho Mama, W Jew 40, Happy Ass Grabber, Hidden Panda, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Berts Special Friend, TampOn TampOff, Ice Princess, Just Lauren, O'Shitty Runch, Chippendale, Meat Insider and if I missed you, what do you want from an old drunk. Some house puppies included Are They Real, Bloody Brown Castle and Slippery Fingers.
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The Bushman Hash 20 July, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was set from Cumberland and Irving Park by that rat bastard hare, Horn-E. The woods are very overgrown with all the rains this year, and often impassable. We had five hounds and taking the hares advice, Just Do Me Slowly took the lead as the only one short enough to get under the trees and bushes while upright. But right after that she twisted her ankle. Overly ambitious taking the lead for once. But Son Of Spam brushed right by her as she lay in the prairie grasses moaning in pain. He led as we ran along a stream bed full of nasty smelly shiggy, After a long run in a narrow path we finally headed south into thick underbrush to another path and a Split. Son Of Span was already lost and directionally challenged and went the wrong way, allowing Meat Insider to take the lead to the west and along a narrow path until the marks went right. Right over that stream. Fortunately there was some small branches to keep your feet dry. Unfortunately Meat Insider can't balance herself and fell in the putrid mess. But the pack showed no mercy as even Berts Special Friend left her laying there as he finally got the lead. A short loop and trail went up the big hill for the mandatory Check. And wrong way Berts Special Friend went the wrong way. Lifa now managed to take the lead as trail headed north to a parking lot and then in thick brush. No poison ivy in sight, but that 22 foot long Boa Constrictor got in the way as it fell on Lifa. But, just about then a coyote came along and saw the Boa Constrictor as meat. Well, it is. When last seen the Boa Constrictor and the coyote were in a death match and we dragged Lifa to safety. So the pack was now regrouped and we headed west until the woods just got impassable and trail headed over to Irving Park and after a Split, Berts Special Friend found the marks and led across a parking lot, past a three ring bouncy circus and finally to another parking lot and a Check. And Berts Special Friend ran right past it, seeing a mark on a tree and finally to a Triple Split on a paved path. The options were three directions, not three hours looking for False Trail. Finally Berts Special Friend, Meat Insider and Son Of Spam gave up and returned just in time as Just Do Me Slowly  found the trail to the west and north and back across Irving Park at a Bicycle Trail. And, damn that hare, another Check. Now last time we were in this picnic area, trail came from the other direction and led to a False, right where the Check was. And Lifa caught that one. So this time he is prepared and headed off where that other trail went. Lifa, Horn-E's a rat bastard. You know the 360 degree rule. Well, at about as the 350 mark was a small path that went right back across Irving Park. But this time under the road along the river. And they all followed Meat Insider as she found a small path and saw a pretty butterfly. And she followed it right to a thousand flys, feasting on the carcass of a not so fresh pile of deer road kill. The smell was overbearing and she tried to hold her breath, almost passing out as Berts Special Friend grabbed her and carried her past the fumes. She quickly recovered and even quicker was Berts Special Friend as he dropped her and took off on trail. "Gotta win the hash." And now was a long bike path with a few turns due to all of the trees knocked down by Friday Nights storms. And he ran on as fast as he could with his pants around his knees. Finally a check and he could see two separate paths, right into the woods. By the time he returned from those Falses, even the gimpy, limping Just Do Me Slowly had passed him on the bike path, ON TRUE TRAIL. Hey, Berts Special Friend. That is what Checks are for. To nail you front running bastards. But at the next Check we headed east on a narrow path and right under the rib cage of a brontosaurus that was unearthed by the last rains and floods. And right after this was the sticker bushes. There used to be a mishmash of narrow paths in the area. But the hare couldn't find them and ripped a lot of flesh off of his legs trying to get out of there. Only Just Do Me Slowly fared okay with long pants to spare her legs. Finally the trail came out into a picnic grove. At the other end was a path, wide enough to really get in a good run and Berts Special Friend was streaking to the front and leaving the pack behind. This trail goes on and on and there is no escape. Surrounded on both sides by a solid wall of those damn sticker bushes. It finally ended up at a check by a little steam heading into the river. And Son Of Spam headed right across the stream to follow the obvious marks on trees on the other side. False. The hare lies and there was a False on trail. Meanwhile the trail went over a bridge and along the stream and then to a path going around a huge picnic area. Nice running area as it eventually headed into a area with a different type of tree. Not as tall and clearings here and there. We finally came out to a path along the stream bed and a turn right across the stream. Everyone managed to cross this one dry, except Meat Insider again. Can't she walk on small logs. From here it was somewhat open running with Berts Special Friend and Lifa leaving the rest behind. Finally a narrow path with prairie grasses over running it and making marks almost impossible. This looped back to the west and along another stream bed. The leaders finally came to the easy path across the stream and the trail now was on a wide path going east and right past the following pack on the other side. So, they tried to outsmart the hare and just cross the stream. You guessed it, Meat Insider again fell in. And this time Just Do Me Slowly also fell in and was sinking fast in the shiggy and quick sand. But Son Of Spam came to the rescue and pulled them both out. From here is was a nice easy run on to the finish on a narrow but clear path to where they found the hare, relaxing in the shade of a tree with 24 ice cold beers. Make that 22. Lifa was so glad to get in, he raced to this shade tree and hugged it. I thought he was going to give the tree some wood, but his thirst brought him back to his senses. Eventually the whole pack made it is and we moved the circle into a cluster of trees where Horn-E started circle. Great fun and a good song by Lifa, and Son Of Spam was presented with his Bushman Bandanna. After circle we found a table and those with cars went for them. Son Of Spam brought out some peroggies. Lifa brought out a grill and we had some fantastic steaks and fresh lobsters and some fresh sail fish that Horn-E caught from the pond while they were running trail, and the usual pretzels, and of course more beer and we partied on for another two hours. They finally decided it was time to leave when Horn-E headed into the woods, supposedly to pee, but holding that fawn by the two rear legs was questionable. Hey, he's old. You get what you can get and after, you can eat the evidence. Fresh venison.
.....Well, that might have happened. Actually it was a 90 minute run through some beautiful woods and green nature with actual deer sightings. Food and beer were great and we did hang out late.
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On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash Number 300, May 25, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We did this one in coordination with a Chicago Hash in the afternoon. First they had their hash around 2:30 with multiple beer stops ending in the backyard of Chunder Pussy and Back Door County. A circle was held and then grub was served. We held back on the Chicago Full Moon Hash until 8:00 so that the hounds could get a little grub. Burgers were promised for after our hash.
.....Being medically handicaped and not really able to lay trail, Horn-E asked for a volunteer hare and Son Of Spam stood up and laid a trail for us. Then he went and got us some beer for a beer stop. Thanks, Son Of Spam.
.....The pack took off at 8:00 after a short chalk talk by Son Of Spam with 12 hounds. Somewhere along the way Hooch B4 Cooch dropped out. All right, he is coming off an injury. The rest ran on while the co-hare, Horn-E, walked over to the beer stop under I 94. And that was the best we could get out of that old fart. Can't say what happened on trail , but I did here one story. SnatchSquatch and Taste The Rainbow were watching some hounds running off to the east. They weren't On and SnatchSquatch turned to Taste The Rainbow only to discover Taste The Rainbow just ran off leaving SnatchSquatch scratching his nuts.
.....Meanwhile Horn-E gets to the B and stands around. Getting tired, he sits on the twelve pack, pulls his hood over his head and leans against the barrier holding up the highway. Suddenly, along comes 59 Minutes Left Wanna Talk comes running under the Expressway, seeing Horn-E, he panics and climbs over the concrete wall to avoid disturbing some possible deranged homeless person. He proceeded around the Beer Stop before Weird Al Spankovich calls him back. Its only the hairy hare. And all was finally good. Beer cures all. And the rest of the pack comes in one at a time, Just Jinson, Late Cuming Prick, Snotcho Mama, Mr. Ed, Mrs Ed, and Berts Special Friend. Oh, and SnatchSquatch and Taste The Rainbow.
.....We held a quick Chicago Full Moon circle in Moon Hash style, introducing the visitors to our special circle. As we finished the beer, we headed back a block to the On On On where we could grab a hamburger and get back into the on going party. And this old fart headed on home.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash Apr 26, 2013 by The Son Of Spam
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On Friday night, Son of Spam laid a damn fine trail out of The Beaumont for the 299th Full Moon Hash. The weather was gorgeous and there was excitement in the air.
Bert's Special Friend arrived at the bar with Just Mary and Just Chris, his sister and brother-in-law from Philadelphia. Inside the bar was a nice, cold pitcher, a beautiful sight after a full day of drinking. Just Sean, Just Jinsun, Just Michelle, Just Rachel, and Self-Satisfier were already inside partaking from the lovely beverage.
Just Paul, Just Do Me Slowly, Snotcho Mama, Are They Real, and Crotch Fire ended up filtering into the bar prior to the start of Chalk Talk. Typically, trail commences at 7:30PM, but we all felt like someone was still missing - Horn-E. With a pitcher of beer still on the table, we figured there was no harm in waiting until 7:45PM for the Grand Moonie himself. Unfortunately, Horn-E was unable to show - he just had surgery on Tuesday and was still recovering. However, the hash continued.
With six virgins and one transplant, we needed a good, thorough chalk talk. Well, we didn't get it. If trail was going to suck, it was off to a good start. The sidewalk outside the bar was narrow and with the weather being so perfect, many pedestrians were using the sidewalk, causing Son of Spam to be interrupted often.
After about five full minutes, chalk talk had finally concluded and we were all on on to the east, towards Oz Park. Trail led straight over the hill, always a joy to run. Crotch Fire, Just Paul, Just Sean, Snotcho Mama, and Bert's Special Friend took turns leading the pack through Lincoln Park High School. Despite Bert's Special Friend promising to stick around with Just Mary and Just Chris, he left them in the dust in the back of the pack. Just Jinsun, Just Michelle, Just Rachel, and Self-Satisfier stuck together in close little pack, seemingly timing each stride with synchronicity. Just Do Me Slowly wasn't far behind and Son of Spam and Are They Real walked trail short-cutting along the way.
After Oz Park, trail led south through a nice little neighborhood in Lincoln Park. We zigzagged north and south, proceeding slowly to the west, seeing many beautiful little homes as we ran. A circle jerk had kept the pack together for a while, but the pack was starting to string out, when the front running bastards (FRBs) came across a well placed check. Just Sean, Snotcho Mama, Just Paul, Bert's Special Friend, and Crotch Fire scattered in hopes of finding true trail. Bert's Special Friend proceeded due north, calling out one, two, but never finding a third mark. He turned around letting Just Sean know that due north was a false trail. Most of the other runners sat at the check waiting, hoping others would fine true trail. Most were new to the game and were afraid of losing the pack or getting lost. Bert's Special Friend retreated back to the check and proceeded west. He saw one straight, two around a corner, and found Crotch Fire. Crotch Fire was on on. Since he was a two blocks west and one block north of the check, no one could hear him call On On. Bert's Special Friend went back to the corner to let the pack know to follow, then sprinted ahead to follow Crotch Fire.
Still headed west, the hounds found themselves under the L, in an alley at a split. Crotch Fire headed left and Bert's Special Friend headed right. As Bert's Special Friend continued north, searching for a mark, he heard on-on. He turned around and saw most of the pack ahead of him. However, Just Mary and Just Chris were not in sight. They probably were with Son of Spam and Are They Real.
Under the L, the pack ran through some patches of shiggy and found themselves at another check. The runners scattered. Bert's Special Friend noticed a white glop on the sidewalk across the street and went to investigate - nothing, just some off-colored concrete. He then proceeded west. One-Two- On-On right by Epic Burger. Trail then headed north down an alley that led to an old industrial park. There was an old train track that was partially paved over. There was a shortage of decision points and Bert's Special Friend started to distance himself from the pack. Trail continued north adjacent to a scrap yard and an industrial plant. On-left through the scales of the scrap yard. The garage doors were open and the pack was able to see some of the machinery used to carry and crush the scrap. A couple of flour marks were needed through the scrap yard. It turned out the trail through the scrap yard was a circle jerk, but we right next to the river. It looked like an appealing location for a beer stop.
Back on trail, we were headed northwest over an old steel bridge when we found a check right on the bridge. Bert's Special Friend continued northwest, but found nothing. Crotch Fire and Just Paul checked the east side of the bridge and found marks headed southeast. Bert's Special Friend inspected an alley to the northeast, but nothing. On-on to the southeast. Still no sign of Just Mary and Just Chris.
Trail led due east for a while and the pack was running together. Just Do Me Slowly was running well. Now headed south, the trail led across the street. The pack timed the cross together and followed southeast to a split. To the right was a neighborhood, to the left was a dark grocery parking lot. Bert's Special Friend took a shot at exploring the grocery parking lot and found an arrow right behind the Redbox vending machine. On-On. On-Right behind the store. It was so dark. The pack then emerged to find themselves in a neighborhood and proceeding down a neighborhood street. Split - continuing straight on the neighborhood street or to the right down an alley? Bert's Special Friend shot down the alley. On-On. It was like him and the hare shared a house or something.
Trail continued down a few more alleys until it came across a check. About four miles into the trail, more runners lingered at the check than usual. Crotch Fire headed south. Bert's Special Friend headed for an alley. Just Sean and Just Paul headed north. Bert's Special Friend, Just Sean, and Just Paul returned to the check with nothing. No one had heard an On-on either. Bert's Special Friend raced south and found a mark. After a far distance, he found another. After another far distance, he found the third. On-on. He also saw Crotch Fire ahead in the distance.
Crotch Fire then found a Beer Near (BN). The pack was reinvigorated and raced towards the ice-cold beverage that they all love. Bert's Special Friend and Crotch Fire ran together east on Armitage and then south. A playground was up ahead with a nice, big Beer (B). They walked in the playground and found nothing. Then on the ground they saw an On-Right arrow. Son of Spam and Are They Real were sitting on a bench enjoying some whiskey. They were eager to greet Bert's Special Friend and Crotch Fire with a beer. Bert's Special Friend shotgunned his beer and Crotch Fire had a beer and a shot. Discussing the trail, they waited for the rest of the pack.
The pack came back and enjoyed beers of their own. Bert's Special Friend did not see Just Mary and Just Chris though. They were not at the beer stop with Son of Spam and Are They Real. They were not with the rest of the pack. They were not coming down the street. Where were they? He ran off on reverse trail to see if he could find them. About a half mile back, he found nothing and ran back to Beer Stop.
The crowd was still enjoying the Beer Stop and Just Mary and Just Chris were still not there. Son of Spam offered his assistance in finding the DFLs. Together, Son of Spam and Bert's Special Friend went back about a half mile and heard a whistle. Weird. Just Mary and Just Chris didn't have a whistle. A little further down the alley, they saw a hasher. If it wasn't the veteran mooner, Lower Wackoff. And behind him, Just Mary and Just Chris were walking. Bert's Special Friend went to go hug his long lost prodigal sister and brother-in-law. Son of Spam greeted Lower Wackoff. Just Mary and Just Chris had no idea Lower Wackoff was a hasher. And Lower Wackoff had passed Just Mary and Just Chris three times, not knowing they were hashers.
Together Bert's Special Friend, Son of Spam, Lower Wackoff, Just Mary, and Just Chris went to the beer stop to find Snotcho Mama laying trail back from the Beer Stop to the bar. The stragglers went back to the beer stop to enjoy a beer. Son of Spam went with the pack back to the bar and promised the pack a gift. After their beers, the stragglers wandered back to the bar to join the crowd.
Back at the bar, the hashers had begun pouring pitchers and ordering food. Outside of the hash, the bar was empty. Sparing the excess head in the pitchers, the bar provided the perfect hash environment. Crotch Fire had his right leg up on spare chair, apparently keeping his leg elevated as he injured his ankle on trail. Circle opened up with the hare passing out "Full Moon Hash" pins to all participants, a true token of appreciation for the hashers having run his shitty trail. With a young, inexperienced crowd, Are They Real, Snotcho Mama, and Lower Wackoff took the helm in the circle and led the hash in song.
Next, the hashers called out the hare for laying a shitty trail - too many decision points, not enough alleys, and too short of a trail. Then the "Justs" were called into the circle and we found out a little more about these new hashers. Only Just Paul and Just Do Me Slowly had hashed before. We quickly found out the Self-Satisfier had no qualms making others come and that Bert's Special Friend liked to come with a nice crowd, including family members. Incest is best after all.
After a couple more down downs, the hare was back in the circle. Crotch Fire was calling him out for laying such a shitty trail that it caused him to injure his ankle. Crotch Fire even had his own special down down drink for the hare - a nice quart of milk. The hare struggled, but eventually finished the quart after three entries into the circle.
Just Mary and Just Chris traded down downs with Lower Wackoff for not recognizing fellow hashers. The hare was called out for looking like Jason Segel. Bert's Special Friend was recognized for being a supposed co-hare, but backing out at the last minute. Horn-E, who was not present, was called out for not attending - the hare drank in his absence. The hare was called out, again, for misleading the hounds into believing that trail would be only three miles. Trail was closer to five miles. Just Rachel, Just Paul, and Self-Satisfier were given a down down for wearing new shoes that were all of the same design.
Then came the down down of the night from Lower Wackoff to Just Mary and Just Rachel - for having a strange obsession with Horn-E, a hasher that neither had ever met. It was truly a deserved down down for these two and a true deserved down down in honor of the Grand Moonie himself. Hopefully these two hashers will be on trail with Horn-E in the near future.
As circle concluded, debauchery continued. Just Mary, Just Chris, and Bert's Special Friend made repeated trips to the juke box, playing Local H and the Eurythmics. Just Mary and Bert's Special Friend also made their way to the dance floor for some good old fashioned family bonding. Other hashers started telling tales of previous trails in hopes of luring the virgins back to future hashes. Slowly hashers left and went their separate ways. The hash left in peace.
Just Mary, Just Chris, Just Jinsun, Son of Spam, Bert's Special Friend, and Doug (a friend who met at the bar after circle, but non-hasher) piled into Son of Spam's five-seated Pontiac Vibe. Just Chris made his way to the trunk and Bert's Special Friend hit Lake Shore Drive to make it down to the southside. During the ride home, all lauded Son of Spam's trail and thanked him for providing a hell of an evening.
As all hashers prepared for a deep slumber, the beautiful full moon was exposed in all of its glory. The next time it rears its exquisite glow, it will be Memorial Day weekend and the 300th Full Moon Hash. Here's to wishing the Grand Moonie a speedy recovery so that he may lay trail.
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thristday Hash 18 Apr, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was laid from Double Bubble by Reverse Muff Diver and One Fuck Chuck. We had 18 trail hounds for this run with rain threatening and the rain came as soon as Chalk Talk was over. Damn. But it didn't last long. Just enough to get everyone wet. We headed west and then north and a Check at a Church. I followed Chippendale into a gangway behind the church for a very obvious trail. Not. But almost everyone followed. SnatchSquatch and Horn-E went back in front of the church where One Fuck Chuck was yelling On On for the opposite direction. We joined Are they Real, Famming Flaggot and Just Bof (a virgin) and Horn-E led to the east and north to a Triple Split where the following pack ran past Horn-E as he picked the wrong direction. Around the corner and at the end of the alley was a wine stop where everyone was already whinning about the marks. Horn-E and SnatchSquatch went on right away and Horn-E found trail after a Check into Loyola Campus. Trail headed right into the center of the campus and then headed to the lake and right, south along the lake where it exited the campus at dead man's curve on Sheridan. Horn-E is now all alone heading south on Sheridan, and south on Sheridan, and south on Sheridan with strong headwinds and then tail winds and they a little spray with the head winds. There was one short loop through a little park and along the lakefront before more southbound running on, Yes, on Sheridan. Finally there is a Triple Split at Thorndale and, and Horn-E got down on his wet knees and prayed to the hashing gods, long departed from these miserable city trails, that the trail would finally leave Sheridan Rd. He then got up and ran a block west and no marks. Damn. Returning on the other side of the street he saw the rest of the pack arriving. Chicken Stifer followed the way Horn-E went and he yelled that there were no marks. Naturally Chicken Stifer didn't listen and actually went further and actually found a hidden mark, across Kenmore and hidden on the handicap ramp behind the curbing. Damn. So we ran to Kenmore and south and Chicken Stifer was out of sight. Never saw him again, even at the On In. Horn-E was now passed some more FRBs Chippendale and Taste The Rainbow and a few others. And about then his ankle went out again. Damn. Even SnatchSquatch passed him as he managed to hang with these fast runners and leave Horn-E behind. We ran west to an alley and on south to Hollywood. Here some of us managed to spot the local wildlife. Damn coon. No, not that kind. A raccoon, running the alley and checking out the local garbage cans. There must be some real cheap garbage pickings because that was one real skinny coon. At Hollywood we headed west until a block past Broadway. Here was a Check and the trail was marked to go NW on Early. This went for two blocks and then a south turn and a Split. As Horn-E was returning from the wrong direction another group of hounds caught up. We looked for the other direction on that Split and Horn-E finally saw a mark well into an alley. Half a block and trail went through a fence and beer. About 5 minutes later, the back pack of hounds arrived and all were drinking.
.....After this we headed back to the bar. Chippendale took up a collection for three pizzas. Biggest damn pizzas I ever saw.
.....The Dark Kunt started circle. She changed her outfit from Crotch Candy to Nipple Candy and drank for that and the weather. That old Crotch Candy must have really smelled like twat sweat after two years and we asked Smells Like Twat Sweat to verify that, But that was one smell that Smells Like Twat Sweat wouldn't smell. We also gave the hares many a down down. And we met our virgins, JUST SARAH and Just Bof. And this was I think the first time we didn't give Famming Flaggot a down down as a visitor unless they did while I was disposing of some beer. Is he now accepted as an official TH3 hound? After the circle, the pack hung on for a bit. We did have two House Puppies, Hooch B4 Cooch and Snotcho Mama. The other Trail Hounds included Helen Keller Facial, Jizz Limit, Hoosier Daddy, W Jew 40, Just Brian #3, Roofie Ragu, Four Score In The Back Door, and Sir Fuck Wit.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash Apr 12, 2013 by Horn-E
.....We had two hares for this trail with Caught Red Headed and Just Do Me Slowly as we hashed out of Dino's again. As I entered the bar I was met by Soaked Arse from Copenhagen. Interesting. I mentioned two European hashers and he knew them. Then he mentioned one and I knew him. Our world of hashing is a small one indeed with friends all over the world. Finally the rest of the pack arrived, Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff. The hares held Chalk Talk and revealed that they don't remember where the hell they set trail, so they would be useless as sweeps. Good. We took off to the north for a couple of Splits and a loop and finally through a little school yard as we followed Horn-E. Then we had a Check and Soaked Arse took the lead to the north and it led to a Back Check and regrouped the pack. A block later we had a Triple Split. This time it was Horn-E who took the lead and led to a Check at Pratt. Horn-E went east and found a turn arrow to the north. Now these hares were already inconsistent with their marks, close and far apart, so Horn-E headed north a full block without any marks, but seeing a mark coming from the west. On. Meanwhile the pack did a loop before getting to this point. Heading west on Morse, Horn-E found another Check and after solving this, he returned to mark the Check and then he ended up following Soaked Arse in another loop and then east for a block. Here there was some confusion and Just Do Me Slowly pointed out the trail to Magnetic Muff who ran to a Split and went west. Not sure what happened here. Magnetic Muff was On, but didn't know it. Horn-E was off and did know it. Lower Wackoff didn't know what was happening and Soaked Arse finally found Horn-E two blocks away, while he was checking out a False from a Check on Sheridan. Trail went east to the beach and south. Horn-E went into a dead end alley and was fucked. No, not that way. This is Loyola, not Halsted. We finally reunited and after running an alley for two blocks and another Back Check, we got to a Check back on Sheridan. Now Horn-E is a smart ass and thinks he knows the trail has to go through Loyola. Fucked again. Returning to Sheridan, he joins Soaked Arse and Magnetic Muff on two marks to the south. But no more. So Horn-E heads into Loyola and finds a hidden arrow. I told you. This leads to a Split and another and we finally find Lower Wackoff returning from the second Split with nothing. He then leads us along the lakefront and as we exit Loyola, Soaked Arse takes the lead heading west on Sheridan. At a Split he heads straight and Horn-E heads south, only to find a BN. One split later we are heading west, across Broadway for a block and to the hares house. Damn, Horn-E got lucky at the end and is FRB again. Remember, we all led here and there. It is often a matter of just getting lucky at the last Split or Check.
.....Inside the house the hare was waiting with two six packs for the six of us and hot, hot dogs for the hounds and a horny male cat rubbing up on Lower Wackoff. From here we just walked back to the bar.
.....Circle started Full Moon style with ever flowing pitchers of Amber Bock beer thanks to the pouring of Just Do Me Slowly and we partied on for the latest On On of the year in Chicago as we didn't quit until almost 1:30. Small pack, good hash. Now, 'Stick your finger in your ring, tastes good', or 'Put a hot potato up your arse'.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash Apr 13, 2013 by Horn-E
.....Or G and Gas Stop Bob were our hares out of Dugans. Now if you are familiar with the area you know that there are a lot of EW streets and NS streets and then many of whatever angle necessary to meet up with two angled streets, Milwaukee and Elston. We're definitely going to get fucked unless we stay on trail. We didn't. We had nine hounds, sort of. Two were given a walking trail to the beer stop. A virgin, Just Cary, and a visitor, Ice Box who knew the Ice Box that hashed in Chicago in the past. Meanwhile Horn-
E led the seven trail hounds across the street and through a parking lot. A quick change of leads with Happy Ass Grabber and Horn-E was back in the lead after several Splits into alleys and streets. We finally headed across Milwaukee and Elston. Chicken Stifer was heading north and completely off trail. We headed across Elston and into some alleys and Chicken Stifer rejoined us as we came to a Check. I'm not sure what happened here. Chicken Stifer and Horn-E were to the east and not On. Horn-E headed into an alley on a mark and when he returned, the pack was gone. The Check was marked in the opposite direction and so it was now all about catching up. Somehow we headed back across Milwaukee and into more angled side streets. Every Check and Split was marked, but I still had to do every one of those damn little loops. We headed west of Nagle and finally north of Devon. A short time later I spotted some of the pack in front. Several blocks away. Damn. Just keep running. More back and forth and good Checks. Damn hares. Finally I ran past Yacko's, a Moon Hash hang out. Later EZ On The Ass said that was as far as he got. Apparently behind everyone from that damn Check. Trail went west down an alley and the pack was now only a block and a half ahead. Suddenly Chicken Stifer passed me. Apparently he was doing what I did, but further back. We now went around an area of several cemeteries. Berts Special Friend was now a half block ahead after a Split. Ran west to Newark, a NS street going right through the middle of the Cemeteries. About 3/4 mile long road. Just Chris was leading along here. We finally hit a Triple Split and Just Chris headed east into the Cemetery. I could see Chicken Stifer ahead as he also headed into the cemetery, but before the spot were Just Chris did. A short cut? Nah!. Just Chris returned after not finding any marks. Chicken Stifer didn't and we didn't see him again until Sunday at the Chicago Hash. Bye. Meanwhile I kept plugging along and slowly gaining on the pack. I finally passed Just Do Me Slowly and the hare, Or G. At the end, we crossed Milwaukee and headed east on Touhy. They crossed Touhy and through a parking lot and finally into woods. I was now right behind them and at a biking path I was right behind the lead, Happy Ass Grabber. Then he seemed to get lost in the woods and we came back out on Touhy at a Split. Returning from the Split I was last again. Just Do Me Slowly was given a short cut to the beer stop and was gone. I followed the hare into the woods and was soon running through a dead body The poor deer thing. All deer bones. I grabbed a trophy thigh bone and ran On and soon passed the pack and led us out at Harts Road. Now we had to cross the river and here I took off into the woods over and through and around wet lands and over logs and such. We came out at a picnic area and a Check. Heading across the road through the picnic area, Horn-E found one mark and Happy Ass Grabber found more and we were On but at a split. Happy Ass Grabber was On to the right and Horn-E was coming towards him when he spotted marks going south in the woods. This came out in a large picnic area and a Check. Horn-E was On One. On Two, And Berts Special Friend was On Three. They ran south along a bike path and passed a picnic shelter, and the beer stop. But we didn't recognize anyone there and ran on in a big loop around the beer stop while they all laughed at us. This led us into wet lands, still dry, as Horn-E led through tiny paths and such, On into woods, and we finally lost it. Berts Special Friend found it and out into picnic grounds and a Split. Berts Special Friend headed west so Horn-E headed east and there was the short cutters and hares waving to us. So we both walked in together. Shared FRB and Horn-E made it three hashes in a row. Damn tired.
.....We dipped into the no peek beer stop and I ended up with Steel Reserve. As thirsty as I was, it wasn't bad. Just Chris got stuck with the Clamato. Ugh. And some got some good ones. Eventually, the hare gave us all nice bright yellow Big Dog long sleeve shirts as his birthday gift to us that made it. After we got cold, we finally headed back to the bar where EZ On The Ass was waiting. We held a Big Dog circle and all was good. Bloody Thighs turned up in her walker and joined us. We managed to get around to naming Just Chris and he shall forever be known as Son On Spam. And Bloody Thighs was finally my ride home were I could collapse. Good time and "It's About The Trail".
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash Apr 14 , 2013 by Horn-E
.....That Thing That Vibrates and Just Brian #3 laid this trail out of Parrot's. There was fifteenTrail Hounds at the start with Jizz Limit just arriving to make 16. And we were soon off to the west after the worst Chalk Talk this year by Just Brian #3. After a Triple Split we were heading west around the north side of the hospital. After three days of being FRB, there was no way it was happening again. Running dead last after just a few blocks and getting tired already. Hey, I'm old. So who was leading? I have no idea. We went south on Sheffield and then to the west a bit. Crossing Diversey I was right behind Just Mike as we headed into an alley going south. Suddenly Chicken Stifer goes running by, bitching because I wasn't blowing my horn. Huh. If you weren't ranging all over, you'd be in front of me like everyone else. But whatever. At LIncoln and Sheffield we had another Check. I always head out on Checks and I headed into the park. Meanwhile trail goes west on Wrightwood and soon the trail is found heading south through the same park and I exit the park running second and blowing my horn for the pack. Rusty Grundle immediately passes and so does a lot of others. We head south to Fullerton and east to Kenwood. Now it gets interesting. Going down Kenwood, the trail goes through a campus building and out into this mall between buildings heading south. I'm almost dead last again, already. This goes south to Webster and the pack is disappearing again, going west. A short block to the west and the pack heads into a small park. Thinking it would go through to the other side, I run to the next street to see if I could see where the pack went. Screw up. They didn't cross the park and go to the next street. They just made a little loop and back out and heading north. Meanwhile Chicken Stifer follows and passes me. Just Mike is following. At Racine and Belden we have no marks. So I head to the east to check if they did the little loop that they did. They did. I see an arrow to the south, pointing north. I blow the horn for Chicken Stifer and Just Mike and head north, just missing a turn mark to the east as I was blowing the horn. Ooops. So they go east on trail and I go north off trail. Finally I return and find the missed arrow. Damn. From here, the trail successfully looped the previous trail (well laid) and they hid the marks well to fuck up short cutters. But with that, I kept missing hidden marks while navigating the afternoon crowds. Back and forth and finally On again heading east to Bissell and south to Webster. Now here I screw up again. Heading east there is another Check with a BN on it. But the sweep, Just Brian #3 marked the trail straight west on the north side of the street. But it actually went straight west on the south side of the street. Another loop around the block before I'm on again and this is right into Oz Park where the pack is waiting. DFL. Not. Actually, Jizz Limit showed up after we left and that made him DFL.
.....The pack then ran on for the second beer stop. All of them except me. I sort of walked and ran with Just Brian #3. At the first Check we had to hold off marking the Check for Berts Special Friend, in the wrong direction again. Then through some neighborhood streets and over to Clark at Deming. Up Clark and eventually to a Check at Diversey. We don't see anyone so Just Brian #3 marks the Check and as we cross the street we see Taste The Rainbow returning from north on Clark. We point out the correct way and he is gone. Yeah, really gone. One Split and he is behind us as the trail goes straight north on Broadway. Now here it gets screwed up. Just Brian #3 doesn't remember exactly where the trail crossed Broadway and he eventually sends me straight west on Barry where their was a turn mark. Well, this also screwed up Taste The Rainbow and he ran back and forth trying to find trail. So I run On to Clark, north a block, west to Sheffield, south a block and there is the pack in an alley under the EL. And shortly after, Taste The Rainbow comes in, DFL. I got lucky twice on this trail.
.....Back at the bar we ran into a few House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Clark Kunt and Glitter Spitter. Taste The Rainbow leads the circle, we are drinking beer and all is finally good. Others on trail included Dr. Fudge Knuuckles, Specklebird, Sandy Syphilis, Reverse Muff Diver, Hidden Panda, False Advertising, Its Too Soft, Just Brenden, and Roofie Ragu.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 4/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....We had nineteen hounds at the start of this trail set by Slippery Fingers who then went home sick after laying this sick trail. He had a co hare in Fire In The Hole who tried to drag this trail out of the hole by going over it and relaying parts with some fresh flour only to be waiting for us at the beer stop. Well done. All right, it wasn't as bad as I'm alleging, but there were a few touchy spots along trail that had the pack stuck for a bit. We headed south and into an alley right at the start and a Check at a T. But Rusty Grundle proved that all that time he wasn't running this year didn't leave him rusty as he found trail to the west on Belden. This led into an alley and through some housing complex and finally breaking out into Oz Park for a Check in the grass. Horn-E was pulling up the rear as usual and found the pack scattered as he entered the park. While the usual Check Hangers were on a path in the middle, some were seen along Webster and not finding anything. So I headed south through the park and a few bimbos followed. Suddenly we heard On Two, but I didn't know where it came from. Then we hear On On and the bimbos lead me out of the park down Howe, through an alley and west on Armitage. Then the pack is heading south on Orchard. This is one of those long blocks that is two long blocks long. The pack found one more mark and then nothing. WTF. So Horn-E goes back to Armitage and confirms that there is a turn arrow there. Meanwhile everyone is just hanging around talking to some residents. No way to find trail that way. So Horn-E heads on south. Someone had to go to the end and check for a mark. He passes the returning Jizz Limit on the way and he says he went to the end. Well, we aren't getting anywhere, so I go on and find a mark in an alley near the end of the block. Blowing the horn, the pack takes off and so do I. At the next block is a check. Heading into the next alley I find, one, two and finally a third arrow all the way over on Larrabee, across the street. WTF. Turning to blow the horn I see Roofie Ragu heading south and blowing the horn stops him and the pack is soon following. One block west on Menomonee is another Check. I went west without any marks. But looking back, I could see the pack heading south. So I parallel south and there is suddenly a False. Going further south I find the Split and head through a gangway to another Split. Headed back north, but didn't see any marks. Headed south to Eugenie and again, no marks, but the following pack is one block over and I blow the horn, but no one follows. So I return to the north and see someone running by yelling On, followed by That Thing That Vibrates. So I follow and we have another check at the next corner. I head east across Sedgwick on Menomonee. It was two more blocks before finding a third arrow and blow the horn. Now there is a Triple Split and I pick right, right. Then there is a turn arrow onto Willow, but I can't find the next arrow after going a whole block to the east. Returning on the other side of the street, the pack is now following in my footsteps. I yell that there are no marks, but no one wants to believe me until I find a hidden mark, behind a post and heading south. We now head south to Eugenie and then east. Definitely On, but a long way and no marks, I cross Wells and finally our visitor Hair Country passes me with several others right behind him. I get a break from leading for a half a block and we finally find another mark and head to a Check at LaSalle. And here is the park. Hair Country heads north, but I'm thinking that we have to go into the park across the street. I head into the park on the north side of W. LaSalle Dr. and find nothing. Lifa is on the south side of the street and yells On One. I head for the tunnel in case he is on a trail that goes through the tunnel. No marks. I look a little farther and miss a mark because of the glare of the wet paths. Heading back along the road I see Hair Country heading my way and let him know I have nothing. Then someone is yelling On or whatever and I see the pack heading west and on the south side of the street. Hanging around by the road, it is obvious no one is really on anything. I'm thinking, Lifa headed that way and the trail could have gone to the lakefront and then back over the pedestrian overpass so I head through the grass a little and there is that mark I previously missed, coming from the eastern tunnel under La Salle Dr. I blow the horn and I'm on. I find another mark and all is good, but there is a Split in the path and no marks there. WTF. I pick the wrong direction heading to the monument on the hill. Nothing. Heading back I run into the following Lifa. We head back towards the other paths to the west a little and I manage to spot a mark on a lower path. Running through some shiggy I'm back On and pass a T and E split. Heading on E, I follow along slippery board paths past another Split and along the waters edge. Nothing. So I range up about fifty feet to the path along the Zoo and here comes Lifa blowing his whistle. He then spots a BN. Heading across a bridge I spot a Split and I get lucky picking the right path. Again I come to a fork in the path that is unmarked, but after that last one I keep going and soon I found another mark. This headed north on paths and after a hundred yards is a B into a tunnel and there is Fire In The Hole sitting on a cooler. And right after me comes the following pack.
.....Now we all know I'm not that fast anymore, if I ever really was fast. But the real thrill in hashing is finding the trail and leading, if only until some faster hasher passes you. As such, I almost never stand around at Checks or Splits. You will never find trail that way. It is about taking a chance. Sometimes you win and solve a Check. Often you end up in back playing catchup or looking for a short cut to get back with the pack. But finding that mark is the thrill. Finding two in one trail is really good. The faster runners, and/or more adventurous runners are out there all the time, like Sandy Syphillis, Lifa, Roofie Ragu, and our visitor, Hair Country. But there is no reason some of the others can't get lucky once in a while. But it is seldom when taking a chance works so well, so often, for a slower runner like myself as it did on this night. It really felt great. And who was DFL. Roofie Ragu. He got caught struggling, looking for a mark on the south of LaSalle Dr and never really found it. But he gets out there and tries, and often is FRB. So, get out there and try. Maybe next time it will be you that gets FRB. It feels good for an old slug like me.
.....Back at the bar Little Trojan Annie was waiting with a cup of beer as we arrived. She soon held circle and finished with the seven days of hashing. In between we welcomed our visitors, Hair Country, Canadian Raper Leaves, Kibbles And Shit and Lapizon My Face. I probably butchered that. Other hounds on trail included Urine Love, Mommy Strangelove, Reverse Muff Diver, Keyless Entry, Just Brian #3, and Drill in My Box. Other house puppies included Its Too Soft, Ice Capades and W Jew 40. Now, get out and hash and take a chance.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Ho Hash Orphans Hash Sun 31 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We set these things to make sure those who won't be off visiting family on a holiday, this time Easter, and have there hash family to spend time with. We used to get about 18 hashers in the past when we actually hashed on Easter, so that would indicate that a lot of hashers might be around. Well, I'm glad to hear a lot of you had somewhere to go and friends or family to spend Easter with. But for two Orphans, we had trail and a great beer stop. Horn-E laid this trail out of Atlantic and it was an easy trail for a pack of ten or more, but a little harder with a small pack. Just Mike did a damn good job of finding trail most of the time with one rough section when we crossed the river on Lawrence and had a Check by a little park. He searched everywhere, not knowing about the nature trail along the river's edge. But he had no trouble after that until another Check be a river. He did find trail to the BN, but that pointed across the river with no bridge in sight. Going back to a bridge he found more trail along the river where we had to scale a high wall, clinging to a fence, and edge along towards the river junction. About a hundred feet past the junction we had a beer stop, the longest in Chicago's history. We were there in the warm sun, telling tall tales and drinking beer for two hours while we watched the geese and ducks floating by on the river. We consumed most of the beer Horn-E got from what was found on the TH3 hash last week.
.....Back at the bar we settled into several pitchers of the good House Beer and dinner, finally leaving around eight.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash Thu Apr 4, 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was laid out of Beaumont's by Hooch B4 Cooch. I'd like to say this was a well laid trail, but I didn't run it when he laid it on Wed. By Thu, there were areas where marks were missing or very light. Like the first turn arrow. We had 22 hounds at the start and two late arrivals Barf Fly and Bare Back Mount Him that managed to find the beer stop. Something that not all starters managed. I almost missed it myself. We immediately turned west on Armitage and then after one block we headed south to Willow. Here we headed west to the El tracks where we did a little loop around the tracks and across Sheffield and over to Kenmore. Here we ran four, yes four, long blocks, a half mile straight north with two short Splits near the end. This put us at Belden in the De Paul area. The leaders missed the Check there and at the next corner, with no marks, they returned to the south where Lifa spotted the faded Check just as I arrived. I heard later that Chunder Pussy and SnatchSquatch just headed east thinking Oz Park and never looked back. They were soooo right. So I headed west on the south side of the street and Back Door County was on the north side. We saw nothing. I even went another block on both sides and saw nothing. I returned to Kenmore and headed north and found one mark. Then I saw Chicken Stifer cross the street and head to the corner ahead of me. At the corner he didn't indicate anything and suddenly headed west. Never saw him again until we got back to the bar. So I headed over to Sheffield and found nothing up to Fullerton. Returning I found a turn mark heading south on Belden. Nothing more on either side of the street all the way to Webster. Returning I found everyone gone, but the Check was marked very carefully with an absolutely straight arrow west. Three blocks later I didn't see a mark. On either side of the street and at all intersections. I quit about here. Apparently the trail went through De Paul and there was another Check near the El and I'm not sure what else. I figured I'd just head to Oz Park, do a loop and see if there was a beer stop there. If not, I'd just go back to the bar. Well at the far east of the park I hadn't seen anything and headed into the park. Spotted Roofie Ragu who said he was On. What he was On was a False from a hidden Check behind a statue that he missed. So we spread out and Roofie Ragu found a mark at the SE corner of the park heading south. A real clear mark. WTF. From here on we found marks that looked freshly laid. At Armitage there was a Triple Split which allowed Horn-E to take the lead heading south. After a block there was a turn onto Wisconsin and there was the pack waiting at a beer stop. And we weren't last as another 6 or so finally came on in.
.....Back at the bar Horn-E got beer flowing while Drill In My Box kept collecting money from the late arrivals and the House Puppies. Then One Fuck Chuck started circle. All right, not bad bad, but not good. But he is learning and getting better, and kept control for the most part. He didn't repeat a song, but messed up a few. He'll get better. Hooch B4 Cooch got plenty of Down Downs. And the De Paul Field Hockey team or whatever they were, got out shouted by the hash leaving them wondering if they would be like us when they got older. There was finally a six pack of us finishing off beer after midnight, so a good party. Who were the rest of the hounds on trail? O'Shitty Runch, Mommy Strangelove, TampOn TampOff, Reverse Muff Diver, Hood Whorenament, Jizz Limit, Mount Schwiiinga, Sandy Syphilis, Poultry Fucker, Urine Love, Just Robert, and Foamy Discharge. the House Puppies were R-Tard-E, Slippery Fingers, Rusty Grundle and Its Too Soft.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 27 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Carys by Horn-E. We had 5 hounds show up and they got a good run through streets and smells that were something out of the Middle East. We headed through an alley and to our first Check at Western. As usual Berts Special Friend was off in the wrong direction when Lower Wackoff found trail in the opposite direction, north on Western. One block west of Western is the next Check and a very obvious set of two marks heading to this huge park. Got the bastards. Trail went the other way and finally Berts Special Friend found trail and it led back north towards Devon. Just Chris was following and finally Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and Caught Red Headed casually walking along. And they walked most of the damn course, or so it seemed. From here, the trail went through an alley where Berts Special Friend got off in the wrong way again on a Split. So Just Chris led to the next Check on Western and got stuck on a long False to the south. So we are now off to the east running side streets and we nailed Berts Special Friend on a Back Check where he ran off on the wrong street with the walkers following. What? But they were soon back on course and heading east where Lower Wackoff solved the next Check through an alley. From here we had several Splits and caught several front runners before trail went over a fence and through a park and still east to a Check. Is this heading to the hares place for a beer. Not likely. Trail reversed course here and headed to another Check at Devon. Lower Wackoff really got off trail here, but the rest were soon on course west to Ridge and then north. The next Check caused them a bit of trouble, but eventually they were in a park running around a golf course. But all beautiful trails have to end and they were soon heading north into city streets and a Check. That bastard hare got them again and finally they returned to that beautiful park. And another Check. Lower Wackoff found this trail and had everyone following him when he found that dreaded F. Damn hare. So off they went into the park and the hare is hearing calls in the park below while drinking on a high sledding hill. Finally Berts Special Friend comes up to the hill and starts up. Let me tell you, he is no Walter Payton. I thought I'd have to throw him a rope to pull him up the hill. But all was soon good as a six pack of hashers finished off a six pack of PBR 16s.
.....From here we walked back to the bar. There was an uninteresting basketball game on the TV between La Hot or something like that and a battered Los Bulls who were kicking ass on the bigger better team. And then we almost had a WWF mixed tag team match, featuring two fat guys defending to fat bumbos. In between we managed to finish off about four pitchers of beer and hold a nice circle and have a good time singing and telling tall tales about short Harrietts.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 28 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was out of The Dark Horse hared by Bloody Brown Castle and virgin hare Helen Keller Facial. We had 17 hounds start out on this trail and were soon at a Check about two blocks away. Horn-E headed west as One Fuck Chuck was already returning saying he only had two. Well, no one else had anything so I yelled to him that we should go back and find the third arrow. We did and we were off with the pack about two short blocks behind. Horn-E was trying desperately to keep One Fuck Chuck in sight through a couple of turns. Finally Sandy Syphilis passed Horn-E and he got a break and almost the whole pack passed him and ran to the second Check. This time Horn-E was off in the wrong direction as the trail was found to the west. Upon returning, the slowly chugging W Jew 40 came along saying he was desperately trying to keep SnatchSquatch in sight. We walked a bit and suddenly the pack was out of sight. All right, I'm not that fast and I didn't see my catching them so I just walked and talked with W Jew 40. Trail was being swept and we were able to follow along okay. We had one Check that was marked east, sort of, and wasn't. But at Southport we decided to range north and there was a mark. Back on again. Finally the Checks and Splits weren't marked anymore and every time we got off course, we would stumble right back on. Finally at Irving Park we said, fugetaboutit. That was more north and we figured we were so far back it was time to return. We followed along the El tracks and figured out that there would probably be a Check behind Bloody Brown Castle's place, as usual.
.....Not. But yes. Now this is hard to believe. Suddenly we see on one of the El pylons, about six Guinness cans, full. And two twelve packs and a case, ripped open. And full of beer. And a lot of good beers. So now we are figuring that somehow we beat the pack to the beer stop. But no B marked. And they weren't there before us because there were no empties, just about 50 full good beers. We opened a couple of Goose Island beers and waited for something, anything to happen. Finally a few texts and phone calls and we found out that the pack was back in the bar. This was not a beer stop. And we weren't leaving fifty good, cold beers behind. So we brought them back to the bar. We intended to split it up, a case and a half for CH3's Sat trail and a half case for the Orphans hash beer stop on Sun.
.....Back at the bar we were hearing of how horrible the trail was from everyone. Well, it did seem to have a lot of long straights and we missed a lot of trail. The Dark Kunt went and found two bottles of milk for the hares in the circle. Helen Keller Facial got his, and reluctantly started to drink and finished it. Just don't stand in front of him or you might get a spontaneous Helen Keller Facial. Bloody Brown Castle absolutely refused to drink his. So the RA cut him off from hash beer. And the circle went on with the usual shit. Mid circle, Berts Special Friend and Just Chris arrived. They arrived a half hour late, ran the course that was swept and on into the part of the course that wasn't and finally made it in. After circle was over we drank on and on and on. Suddenly Bloody Brown Castle is over by our beer stash and I thought he was giving W Jew 40 a ride home with his case and a half. I took my share and suddenly Bloody Brown Castle was gone with the beer. And W Jew 40 came by and wondered where was the beer. Well, Bloody Brown Castle, where is his beer? After that we drank on into the night. It was at least 1AM when I left and there was still five hounds drinking beer. Well, the trail might have sucked a bit, or a lot, but the party was good.
.....Others on trail included Just Mike, Hoosier Daddy, Mommy Strangelove, Urine Love, TampOn TampOff, Cunt Put, Drill In My Box, False Advertising, Hood Whorenament and Just Brian. There were several house puppies including Ginger Snatch, Ice Princess and Barf Fly.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 16 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....Set by Just Brendan and Clark Kunt out of Moe's. We had nineteen hounds set to chase these two on a live trail. After the Dark Kunt gave a chalk talk, we were off to the north on Milwaukee to a Check in a block. We could already see we would have trouble finding marks because of instead of big arrows, we had little chalk lines. But Chicken Stifer found marks on a angled street heading south west and then eventually south to Diversey and a Check. Horn-E and Chicken Stifer headed south checking and trail was found to the east. We ran parallel in an alley. After two blocks we saw Jizz Limit heading south from a Split. But trail was called east again and I again headed east in the alley with Jizz Limit following. Never saw Chicken Stifer again until the beer stop. Trail eventually headed north and then over to Milwaukee and back to Diversey for a Check. This took quite a while before trail was finally found to the south. I was east with Sir Fuckwit who didn't know NSEW from SEWN, but I directed us in a shortcut into an alley and an angle street and soon we were running south and the pack came out of an alley in front of us. There was a Split here, but I saw TampOn TampOff running south and then east yelling On. We followed. It led to Logan Square and I headed to the monument while hashers ran around to the north doing a loop around the monument. I had no marks so I checked with One Chuck Fuck. He said we had a Check at the entrance to the Blue Line subway. But no one found anything after that. Someone finally said that TampOn TampOff had a False coming out of the subway. Meanwhile about six of us are running around looking for marks. We ran through the subway and found arrows but no Check. We ran in circles some more. Finally someone saw that False. So everyone finally figured out that we had to go back to that last Split. Back in the old days, with Chicago's traditional marks, False always meant go back to Check. Back Check meant go back to a Split or look along trail for a mark we missed. Somehow, over time, hashers started turning False into go back to Split or Check. The old way might have been less confusing here. At least for this band of hounds. Whatever. We were soon back On trail and heading south for a block as I followed Sir Fuckwit, One Fuck Chuck Fuck, Sandy Syphilis, Chunder Pussy and a few others. Trail then headed east across Kedzie Blvd. Running last, I got caught by traffic and Chunder Pussy was the last hasher I saw on trail. I ran on and on never quite getting to a point where I might see the pack ahead. Ran through two Shot Stops and they were gone. Thanks to Drill In My Box for taking a tiny bit of drywall and marking almost all of the Splits and Checks I was able to keep going until I finally spotted the beer stop, just as some were already leaving. Dead last. I grabbed a beer. Suddenly I saw W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie coming along the street. They must have been about two or three blocks behind me. But they did better then Foamy Discharge. She was told where the beer stop was and still missed it.
.....Back at the bar we found a crowd. So we headed into a back storage room and held circle there. Shows that it doesn't take much to keep a hasher happy besides beer and songs. A lively circle was held and then we named Just Brendan. Usual questions and stuff and finally we came up with Bar Back Mount Him. And so it will be, for ever more. After the beer ran out, we headed down the street for $1.50 Margaritas and Mex grub. Well after midnight there was still over ten eating and drinking. Good time. Others on trail included, False Advertising, Urine Love, Poultry Fucker, Back Door County, Monkey Seman Monkey Do, and String Theory. The House Puppies included O'Shitty Runch, Fire In The Hole, Slippery fingers, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Hidden Panda, Just Grace, Hooch B4 Cooch and Ball Cock Dumper.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 16 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....Beautiful day for a hash out of Cumberland And Irving Park. And I got there early for once. Good thing because weather pulls its tricks, especially in the woods. Like slippery paths to slick to run on at the beginning and end of the trail and a river over flood stage. But the weather was in the low 30s. Not bad.
.....I had hinted that this trail would go in a different direction then normal, meaning the north section of the woods. Or maybe not. Maybe the golf course that is only accessible during the winter. So I was running trail fairly west in the south section of woods towards a goal of the far Northwest end of that section for a good False for anyone who might be thinking North. On the way I laid a Check in deep woods with a two mark False going south to a lowland, wetland area. This was almost my downfall. After the next Check the idea was to take the trail along a wide path along the river and over a bridge. Unfortunately, the river was up. Oops. Shit. The bridge was underwater. Cold water. Back Check. Now I have to find a path along the wetlands area and right past that False I mentioned. As I'm going along the trail, there it is right ahead of me. So I skipped marking for a long bit on the path and returned to that two mark False. People hit a two mark False and what do they do? Range. So I made three marks and then an F. Hopefully they would just go right back and they did. But later on that. It worked.
.....Later I had other problems at the golf course. Water again. First hole in the fence led to cold water about mid calf deep. Skip that. Go south and around the pond to near the entrance. After many marks I again hit a section where the river over ran the path. Back Check. Had to go east to a section where we could climb the fence.
.....Now to the hounds running the trail. I guess the weather and St. Patrick's day drinking and hangovers kept a lot away and we only had the real Bushman, Or G and Lifa and our Bush Babe, Just Do Me Slowly. We headed into the woods to the south and after a bit of slippery trail we came to an open field, heading south following Lifa. Then we hit a main path going west and it was solid ice, caused by people walking on snow, melting and refreezing to an uneven slick mess. As soon as we got to a clearer area for running into the woods, trail went right into the bush. And there we found mostly solid ground or soft snow and Lifa was running away with the trail. We came to a little stream and crossed on the ice with wet edges that were hard for Just Do Me Slowly to get across. We're going to have to get her some stilts. On the other side of the stream, trail still headed mainly west to a Check at the bridge. Lifa was already long gone to the west and Or G was following so I had to blow the horn for Just Do Me Slowly so she could catch up. And that was easy because Lifa and Or G ran right past a Check without seeing it and couldn't find trail. Finally letting them know they were at a Check Lifa immediately headed south to that previously mentioned False. Worked great. He called On and then False and then returned. Meanwhile Just Do Me Slowly ran north and found trail and was off and running, leading the pack to the next Check in this big snow covered field. Or G went south into woods and a False. Just Do Me Slowly went west, found marks on the true trail but only got to two when Lifa called On. He had headed right to the long False near Irving Park. Naturally they all got there together. So they returned to this long wide path and headed south along the river and to my previously mentioned Back Check. So they looped back and found that path and right past that False. Damn, I got lucky and it worked. We now headed into the lowlands and jumped a small creek of running water and off to the south and along the main path I wanted to do all along. It was down a hill and under about eight feet of water. Finally we hit a dry spot and ran south to a Check. Just Do Me Slowly was again On and this time she led to the golf course where I had trouble laying trail. Meanwhile Lifa was ranging parallel and in the woods and came to the golf course fence. He found the hole. Leave it to Lifa to find a hole. He climbed over the fence and was off over some hills and across the fairways to the next Check. By the time I got there with Or G, Lifa was already checking to the south and then going in a big loop. Just Do Me Slowly followed him and then turned south on a shorter loop, looking at the trees for a mark. Just before she hit the first mark, she looked away. You just can't count on human nature like that. So they struggled until Lifa ranged far enough to find some marks and we were off and running. This went near the club house and across some more fairways and hills and rough until ten minutes later they entered some woods after a Split. Meanwhile Horn-E is short cutting across the fairways towards a herd of deer grazing on a green. He was just enough to scare them into the woods where the hounds would be coming. Meanwhile Lifa went right at the last Split and scared the deer back deeper into woods and Horn-E finished the job before some horny stag chased down Just Do Me Slowly. After here it was another hole in the fence and straight, sort of, to the beer on that same uneven slippery ice. When we got there, Lifa was already enjoying a Guinness. Yes, three different kinds of Guinness. We had several before we got cold and headed to that old standby, Heeney's. I had been out there about six hours and I know I was getting cold. We had a few more with some snacks and finally headed out into the night at about 6:15. Good days hashing.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 17 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We hashed out of Double Bubble with Snotcho Mama haring and his co hare Bloody Brown Castle recovering from a hang over just walked to the beer stop with a virgin, Just Kathy. Nice choice. We had fifteen hounds at the start and picked up One Fuck Chuck on trail. So we took off to the east and down an alley by the tracks, through a gangway and north to a Check at Granville. The pack scattered and enough bought into the trail going north and were long gone. Someone found trail to the south in an alley and I followed Mommy Strangelove south. This led to going under a four plus one and further south to our next Check at Ardmore. This trail went east past dead man corner and out onto the beach following flour now. Unfortunately, windy days and flour on blowing sand don't mix. We found no flour. So Horn-E started running south on the beach and headed for a hole in a fence looking for pavement where there might be a drywall arrow. None all the way to Bryn Mawr. Looking back he saw runners heading towards a pedestrian tunnel under the outer drive. Somehow, around here, Horn-E missed the shot stop. Good, he doesn't do them anyway. Heading west on Hollywood he finally saw arrows going the way he just came from. Hmmm! Checking. Right. At the corner of Sheridan. So he headed west and found marks on the south side of the street. At an alley was a Split. going south he found nothing so at a parking lot he ran through it and west all the way past the El tracks. Nothing. Returning to that section of the alley just as Chicken Stifer was arriving, Horn-E found a mark a little further in the alley. We're off. Trail went south to Catalpa and west to Broadway for a Triple split and On west to Lakewood. By now Horn-E spotted a back pack arriving, being led by The KGB and blew the horn for them. Then we headed south for a block, a block west and back north to a Check at Ridge. By now Horn-E's old feet gave out and he lost the pack and had to walk back to the bar. About ten minutes later they started to wander on in. Beer started to flow and a circle was started. The virgins's, Just Kathy and Just Joe were introduced and a new transplant, False Advertising. After circle the beer continued flowing and the pack stayed for quite a bit. Finally Horn-E took advantage of the food in the bar, Corned Beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes. Let me tell you it was great. Other hounds on trail included Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Reverse Muff Diver, Just Lizzy, Helen Keller Facial, Crotch Fire, Just Mike and Berts Special Friend.
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On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 12 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....What could go wrong? The old favorite hash bar, The Piano Man. Around 30 degrees with occasional light flurries and heavy winds so the snow, if any, wouldn't settle and cover marks. Use Drywall.
.....Upon arriving at the Piano Man, the bar was closed. Only open on Thu through Sat evenings. Huh. All right, make it work. find another bar. $12/Pitcher, $15/pitcher, $18/pitcher. WTF. Finally, four blocks south was another old hash bar, Blarney Stone and $8/pitcher. Great. Now to put a note by The Piano Man as to the new start location. Simple, run the hash by The Piano Man and put down a note then.
.....Back at the start, I grabbed a beer and waited. Finally Lifa arrived, just as the snow arrived. It looked like a hail storm coming through and everything melted as soon as it hit the ground. Marks? They wouldn't be good. Hell, they were out right bad. The worst I ever laid. There is no excuse, just bad reasons like I expected blowing flurries not melting snow. Then Berts Special Friend and Just Chris also arrived. And we were off. The marks were there, to barely there, to no freaking way could we see anything. What wasn't going to be a great run, but only barely adequate, turned into real shit. Thanks Horn-E.
.....I will say that the hounds tried hard. Very hard. They all took their turns leading, running past light, barely visible marks, running back to where the hare was waiting and cussing him as they ran by. We worked out way north through the Addison El Stop and through alleys and streets to the Piano Man. Around back and north to Irving Park and Southport and then south through some more alleys and to a bar called Newport for a beer stop. then a walk straight back to the Blarney Stone.
.....Circle was started Moon Style and we all got Down Downs especially that damn hare. Shit happens. when it does, you try to make the best of it and when something goes wrong that can't readily be corrected, you do your best and take the deserved shit for it. I stand accused. That were the worst marks I ever laid.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 14 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Weeds by Mount Schwiiinga on her birthday on 3.14, pi to all you mathematicians. And there would be many pi Checks on trail, whatever that meant. She took off on a semi live trail and we were to take off at 7:45. After an attempt by Chunder Pussy to hold a chalk talk. we took off to the south with a pack of 25 hounds. Several blocks later we ran into another hound, Roofie Ragu who already ran trail. he arrived just after we left for the shag wagon and thought we were already gone. All right, it was a short trail. Anyhow we had a Check at Kingsbury. Lifa was on to the south and at the next street he found a Split. Horn-E got lucky here and spotted the mark in a parking lot and we were still going south on Kingsbury to another pi Check. We were scattered and someone called On to the south, but I saw Lifa and One Fuck Chuck heading east across Halsted and not stopping. Were they also On. I followed and there was a mark coming from the south on Halsted and crossing Halsted. So the trail was to close together and we were On while the main pack was off to the south. We entered into a community of homes that were dead end. I love prior knowledge. I saw Lifa running around this loop and so I checked the other side of the street and there was a mark coming back and heading north on Halsted. Damn, I'm in front. I blew the horn, but no one heard. I checked a Split through a hole in a fence, but nothing. Then on north and I'm On again to another Check at Clybourn. I spot an arrow to the south on Clybourn and checked it out with nothing. Upon returning I see the pack now heading for the Check. I then head into an area behind some stores and this is where trail actually went. But as I get to North Ave I turn and there is a False. Damn. So I head back and we start over running in all directions. I finally head back to Clybourn and that first arrow I saw. I ran about a block and a half with nothing. About then, I get a flash in my addled brain. Could that False I saw actually have been a pi on its side. Think about it. I ran back and sure enough, it was. Damn. Donny The Retard. By now I think a few hashers had gone past this to the east and were On to the beer stop. But I head across the street and under the El tracks and I find four hashers in the alley at a shot stop. I went back and blew the horn for the rest of the pack and some of us took off to the north without waiting. Sandy Syphilis led us out of the alley and to the east. A block and a half later at Orchard we had another Check. By now someone had found a huge inflated exercise ball and it was now more of a game of kicking the ball around. Horn-E and Just Robert finally headed off on the Check in the wrong direction and naturally the On call was the other way, back south to North. And they were kicking that ball all the way in the middle of the street. As I approached North I heard a bang. No, not a gun shot. A car crash. It seems as if the Man of Steel, Clark Kunt was running across North Ave, in the cross walk when a car stopped for him. Then a cab hit her and another car really back ended the cab. Ooops. I headed east and Bloody Brown Castle was on the other side of the street yelling On. From here we did a little loop into an alley and then straight east for a few blocks to the beer top. Mount Schwiiinga was waiting and buying bottles of Budweiser Black Crown beer. At $2 a pop she was a bit overwhelmed by the crowd of 26 hounds. After our beer it was a walk back to Weeds and past the car wreck. Then One Fuck Chuck and The Dark Kunt held circle and gave our hare her share of down downs. Then we met out visitor, Disco Ass from St. Louis. We also had two virgins, Just Robert and Just Lizzy from Philadelphia. Other hounds on trail included Back Door County, Drill In My Box, That Thing That Vibrates, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Jizz Limit, Chippendale, Foamy Discharge, Helen Keller Facial, String Theory, Glitter Spitter and Mommy Strangelove, There were several House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Fire In The Hole, Slippery Fingers, Its Too Soft and Just Noga.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Mar 2012 by Horn-E
..... Set to start out of Irish Times in Brookfield at the Metra Stop. Hares were Just Chris, Berts Special Friend and Horn-E. Just Chris was all up for this trail that would run around Brookfield Zoo and the local woods. As a special thing he had a ton of good beers and cheap down down beers ready to go. The special beers were all animal related as we would hash around the zoo for the first time in years. Scape Goat, Moose Drool, Tusker, Werewolf and many more. Then along trail he drew pictures of animals everywhere. Well, they were supposed to be animals. We were ready for this zoo run. To bad no one else was and on a beautiful dry day with weather just about 32 degrees so melting snow wasn't a problem, even in the woods. But only Lifa showed. Pity. This was a good trail. And Lifa as usual is up for it. He ran about 8 miles and he likes long trails, so we were off. Lifa had a sweep following him everywhere, Berts Special Friend. Streets, tracks, woods, cross tracks, park, woods, streets, long False into the zoo parking lot, another Check from hell, streets, woods, streets and finally a beer stop. A good mix of trail. The beer stop was at the home of old time hashers, Dr, Chernobyl and Moon. Over twenty years since they had hashed. Horn-E ran into Dr. Chernobyl at the vets hospital last week and they live in Riverside, right next to Brookfield. They were glad to have a beer stop on their back porch. And we tasted some good beers. After that, Dr. Chernobyl and Moon who still run a lot, joined us as we ran another mile and a half to the finishing beer stop, in some more woods with a final circle. To get there we ran over to the Riverside Train Stop for a massive Check with about seven Falses and we could have laid more. Dr. Chernobyl and Moon finally left us to put on some more miles and we drank on in the woods. After this we walked along the tracks to a bar called At The Tracks were we had $7 pitchers and half price pizza. Good time. If you missed it, you missed it.
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The Tale of the Trail
Chicago Hash 10 Mar 2013 by Horn-E
.....We had a surprising turnout on a cold wet day with more rain expected. Twenty Hounds, two scheduled hares Mudsucker and Barf Fly and two last minute hares, Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up. Mudsucker always seems to need extra help. Hey, it is a short trail.
.....As we left, the weather was nice and trail headed straight south. Unfortunately everyone ran next to this park instead of through it for a big loop. But the loop came out right were the main pack ran. But then they couldn't find a mark and started running west, Nothing there. Horn-E arrived about then and started to look to the south east and spotted a mark just as the ranging KGB was almost on it and he yelled On and Horn-E blew his horn and hashers came from everywhere converging on a gate to a street and then we headed south to 37th St. I was plodding along here with a visitor, Shamcock. Here we had a Check, I think, and we all seemed to regroup until someone found a mark under the tracks. This led to the next street and then straight north to 35th St. Here there apparently was a mark going west and everyone ran over to Mudsucker's for a beer stop. But there wasn't a beer stop there. At least not yet. Trail was supposed to go straight north passed 35th St. Lifa returned and finally found this and he and TampOn TampOff ran on with Horn-E following. Then came a T and E Split with E going straight into and across a lot. But apparently there were no more marks. Meanwhile Horn-E ran on north on the Turkey Trail with R-Tard-E following. At 33rd St there was a turn east and at an alley was the next mark, going straight east. But we saw Berts Special Friend heading down the alley yelling On. apparently there was a Back Check that we didn't see. From here things seemed to go to hell. Turn marks with nothing following, etc. We finally managed to approach a Check at an alley from the south. Hounds were off to the north on the street, Some went into the alley at a T and found a turn mark heading north. Okay so far, but no one is finding a third arrow. Horn-E finally goes through the alley over to the next street. As he gets there, Rhotan is seen running north on the other side of the street heading north and blowing his whistle. He was On, but how he got there is beyond anyone else. At the next alley was a turn and another at the T in the alley heading north. But nothing was found at the end of the block. Lifa did find a turn mark into an alley but nothing after that. We ranged a bit and at the next intersection Sandy Syphilis finally spotted a mark across the street and we were off again. From here we wandered over to Halsted and 30th St. Here is a park with many ball fields and the pack headed into the park. Unfortunately some missed a turn out of the park and came to another exit with a Back Check. Unfortunately the Back Check was coming from another direction. Ooops. And they were wandering around there, lost. Just Chris, Its Too Soft and Horn-E had just arrived at 30th St and Halsted about then. and the rain was just starting and eventually came down fairly steady. We started off on what we thought was a short cut to the west. suddenly the pack is heading back to the east and Its Too Soft was running on in an apparent wrong direction. The pack continued to the south on Halsted and about then the back pack of walkers was now heading north in Halsted. Just Chris and Horn-E followed and as we got to 29th St., Berts Special Friend came over this hill yelling he wasn't On. According to the visitor, Saigon Sally, apparently this part was well marked by Barf Fly and went to 27th St and then around a land fill park and back to that mysterious Back Check. From here we ran on Poplar street to the south, through a lot and eventually over to Throop and back north. Along here, Barf Fly, Stab 'em & Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up were sweeping and mainly directing everyone still out there towards Mudsucker's. Just Chris, Horn-E and Menage A Twat were pulling up the rear and while she ran on, the other two said fugetaboutit and just walked back to the bar getting soaked all the way. And as they arrived, the FRB from the beer stop, The KGB was already arriving.
.....We had a few House Puppies, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein and Visitors Nearly Castrated and Just Patty. Calvin Klein then led the circle. A small bar with a lot of locals so it was quite congested. The hares got many and many a down down. Lifa kept the beer flowing. We met our visitors. Other hounds on trail included Monkey Seman Monkey Do, Foamy Discharge, Just Julie, Rhotan, Poultry Fucker, O'Shitty Runch, and Helen Keller Facial. After the circle, hounds slowly left until there were about 13 hounds left and we drank until the beer ran out and we appointed, Foamy Discharge as GM of Second City Hash and Barf Fly was the late night R. A. We did have two really late arriving House Puppies, Taste The Rainbow and Ice Princess.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 3/7/2013 by Horn-E
.....The trail was set from the House of Jew and Furry Spice and Urine Love set the trail. I've seen less marks on trail, but it is hard to remember when. Actually that is because the trail was only a block or so long. It ended up in a field under the Blue Line El tracks where Urine Love was waiting with three 30 packs. Not a beer stop, but the finish and the start of a Beer MIle. Okay, not actually a hash but a fun run with lots of beer. It was to be a three legged race with random partners. While TampOn /TampOff and Just Roger had the best pit stops, they were beaten on the course by O'Shitty Runch and Helen Keller Facial. Coming in third was Back Door County and One Fuck Chuck. The most mismatched pair was Hoosier Daddy and Roofie Ragu. They finally ripped the fragile Duct Tape on their legs and there was no more, so Hoosier Daddy just picked up Roofie Ragu on his back and ran a quarter mile. For some reason Roofie Ragu refused his turn. Another pair that didn't do well was Pussy Foot and Mommy Strangelove as she refused to do a beer after her first loop. Ahhh, WTF. There were two other pairs pulling up the rear, Chunder Pussy and Jizz Limit and the two Harrietts, The Dark Kunt and Little Trojan Annie. There were four house puppies dragged out into the cold and made to stand around through it all and then the outdoor circle. They included Horn-E, Drill In My Box, Sorry I Swollowed and Just Grace. After circle that included many down downs for the winners and hares, we headed over to the House of Jew and settled into warmer beer. Well, not warmer, just in a warmer enviroment.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was the 8th Annual Idiotarod Hash set by Happy Ass Grabber, this time out of his house. We had nineteen hounds (probably a Big Dog Record) ready for trail as we took off on a live trail through the Get Toe and abandoned factory zones and parks. In addition to a final beer stop, we were going to get about four or five mini beer stops of about two beers to pass around. A regroup for the pack before leaving. Yeah, like that works. We started out in the usual direction, NW, and got an immediate Check at Madison and Sacramento. After some effort, trail was found in the south in an alley. Soon we were heading east on Jackson, through a quick Check and On east. I was following along with the others in back, Its Too Soft, EZ On The Ass, (sweeping) Steve the Train Killer, Ice Princess and SnatchSquatch. And we did a lot of following all day until SnatchSquatch got lost and EZ On The Ass short cut some to the beer stop at the end. This led to a Check at Washtenaw. We went under some tracks and had another Check in this large empty field. To the south was out first beer stop, but we didn't find it. Meanwhile with the pack scattered everywhere, Lifa looped around this other empty field to the south and found a mark coming out of it. ON. This led under the tracks to the west and a quick Back Check that slowed down Lifa. Trail went over a foot bridge over the Eisenhower Expy. Another Check but quickly found and we headed south and then under the tracks to the west. Again, the damn hare caught the pack in a Back Check and Horn-E looked at the tracks and saw a mark leading the pack up to the tracks where Chunder Pussy took over the lead. A block or so later and trail went into a huge snow covered field and another Check. Local knowledge and a view of this slag hill by the tracks and I headed south along the tracks, Jizz Limit was ahead and he found marks at the next street, crossing the street and right up the hill. Beer Stop. We all gathered for the beer and view except SnatchSquatch who couldn't get up the hill. So he headed out looking for trail and didn't see trail or hashers for about an hour, going in circles over and over again looking for marks that the hare hadn't laid yet. He finally found a mark going in the wrong direction and was able to rejoin the pack. Meanwhile we started looking for trail. Lifa, Steve The Train Killer, Horn-E and Barf Fly were down on the nearby rail spur finding nothing. Finally one mark. Then a second leading into some nasty bushes, etc. But nothing. Barf Fly jumped over a fence and into a parking area to the south. With no one looking, Horn-E decided to stand like a man and while otherwise occupied, damn if he didn't spot the elusive third mark. Yelling on as soon as he was done, what was left of the pack converged on the rails above this nasty shiggy and while Horn-E climbed out of the shiggy, they were On to the south along the tracks. So there were the usual DFLs running and walking behind. We finally came out at 16th St. and a quick Check. Horn-E could see runners to the west and followed. At California we ran into Douglas Park and I could see the pack standing around at another beer stop. As I arrived Just Chris brought me a can to help finish. Needed that. And as the last three DFLs arrived we took off with everyone heading NW except Lifa and Horn-E who went around some low area with obvious water under slush. Staying in the snow didn't work and suddenly Horn-E was flat on his face stepping knee deep in a hole of freezing slush. Duh!. Learn to stay away from deep slush. But we went On and Lifa was soon On leading across Ogden and around the lagoon. I avoided the water this time and by the time we got half way through the park I could see TampOn TampOff and coming up behind me. While the trail weaved a little, we just followed Lifa and soon came out of the park at 12th Pl. and California. There were now a bunch of us and I headed east on 12th and after a block found marks heading north across Roosevelt. Several hounds were already ranging and ahead and now coming back. Another Back Check that worked. I followed Bert's Special Friend and Just Chris to a fence at California where some climbed the fence and Horn-E slid under with the Harriets. A block later and we were at a Check on Taylor. I'm guessing west and naturally trail went east. This is where SnatchSquatch finally rejoined the pack. Two blocks later and we're back at that damn hill for another beer check. I followed Back Door County up the hill and then back down and we headed east again to the next street and a Triple Split. We could see Mommy Strangelove and Barf Fly to the north and followed. This led us back to a Check just before the footbridge we previously crossed. I believe this is where a good portion of the pack Split off to the north over the footbridge thinking that on a live trail you can go back over former trail. We fucked up. Some meanwhile went west and found a Check at California just before the bridge over the Expressway. This led to the Beer Stop in a little park. Meanwhile the rest of us were lost. Horn-E checked to the west and never saw the pack again, running into On Out marks and going over that Check on Jackson all over again. Finally saying, 'I'm done', he walked back to the house and found Chunder Pussy waiting. Meanwhile those other lost hashers stumbled onto the first beer stop that was missed. Then they ran back to the house arriving a few minutes later. And right after that, the real beer stop crowd arrived. The hare waited a little longer at the beer stop before giving up on us. All that was missing was Taste The Rainbow who was still out working the trail. He arrived about 15 minutes later. The pack was now whole. Wild tales were being told. Trail averages were 7+ miles. Chili was being served and a Big Dog Circle was held. All was good and there were many good beers to be had along with cheap down down beer. Then as she left, Foamy Discharge found she had a flat tire. Much thanks to Chunder Pussy for changing her tire. I finally left getting a ride back to the El from R-Tard-E along with Furry Spice.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 10 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was out of Ravens and set by Sandy Syphilis and Foamy Discharge. It rained. Would there be any kind of good marks. Well, the girls gave everyone a lesson on how to lay marks in the rain. Piles of flour or thick strips. Every mark was there and very visible. And they used white flour mostly well placed with snow still everywhere. Well done. Beyond that, it was the usual shitty trail of pavement pounding for about 2.5 & 3 miles. There was a Split to start things, pointing into an alley and everyone went there. Naw. Next mark was at Fullerton heading west where Horn-E and Mudsucker found the mark. Soon we were following the FRBs for a block and then south on Cleveland, past another Split and on south. We then worked our way over to Lincoln and Webster for a Check. The pack was scattered and Horn-E headed south on Geneve Ter. Finding one mark he was soon joined by Just Seth and we found a second and then a third, a Split at Dickens. Just Seth led us west to an alley and south to Armitage. Here was another Check and Just Seth was On to the west and headed south on Howe, one of those reeeal looong blocks that doesn't end. We followed and at the end the trail went through a school yard and I could now see Its Too soft and Mudsucker checking out the mark. As I got there I saw Fire In The Hole up on the next cporner, an obvious quick loop and a short cut. Another Check. Trail was found to the east and we ran on to Larrabe where trail headed south a little and then around north into an alley and to the back door of Sandy Syphilis. Now that is a nice back door. Heading up a big back stairway to the roof for a beer stop on her deck. and we all gathered, including the rest of the pack, Just Mike, Just Daniel, Jizz Limit and SnatchSquatch. But where was the sweep, Foamy Discharge. About five minutes later she finally came up the alley. We're all here and we stayed on the deck in the fresh breeze for two beers, finally joined by three House Puppies, Ice Princess, Barf Fly and Rhotan. Back at the bar we were met by more House Puppies, TampOn TampOff, Slippery Fingers, R-Tard-E, Chicken Stifer, Hoosier Daddy and One Fuck Check. Beer started to flow and the circle was started with a ragged tag team of hares that all needed to be retired. Suddenly, just into the circle, Chicken Stifer left with the hash ballots. Huh. I didn't know there was a time limit to vote. And the party ran on and on.
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The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 12 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Cork and Horn-E was the hare. Drinking a beer I waited and suddenly Lifa showed up, followed shortly later by Just Chris and Bert's Special Friend. Well, after a quick chalk talk we headed out for Fat Tuesday Hash, on Lincoln's Birthday. And three out of five Checks were on Lincoln. I'd like to say I planned it that way, but so it turned out.
.....Trail took off to the north through some alleys and they arrived were led to the first Check at Grace by Just Chris. But trail was not that simple and finally they headed east and Just Chris was ON. We went east to Ravenswood and then south and east to a Check at Paulina. By the time I got there I saw Berts Special Friend heading east for a few little loops as they worked their way eventually to the south and another Check at Paulina and Roscoe by the Brown Line. Lifa went south on Paulina, Just Chris had second choice and went south on Lincoln. That left Berts Special Friend to take the next choice and he went east on Roscoe and found trail through some alleys, finally coming out on Ashland, across and then south through some more alleys. He finally missed on a Split and Lifa took the lead and led us to the next Check at the NE corner of Lincoln at Belmont Ashland. Here things finally got screwed up. Somehow Just Chris found marks to the west on Belmont that wasn't supposed to be found yet. All right, the hare tried something and it worked for two out of three. The hare put another Check on the same intersection, but on the opposite corner, SW. But shit happens. Meanwhile, I believe Lifa went east and found trail through some alleys and to the south and went on to follow the whole trail. Bert's Special Friend meanwhile went south on Lincoln and managed to pick up on trail that was to close. Damn hare. He disappeared. What? Horn-E ran south on Ashland to the next Check at Wellington. No one. I believe Lifa was already passed here. I waited for a long time and no Berts Special Friend. Shit. So I ran north towards Belmont and On towards the beer stop to be ready for that. Berts Special Friend finally came up behind me. WTF. So I told him where to pick up on the trail and left him. And he believed the hare. So I ran on and got to the beer stop at Pellys Liquors. There were Lifa and Just Chris peeking in the window of the Treasure Chest. They were about to go in and buy some gags, whips and lube for Valentines day when I arrived. We got some beer and walked the trail backwards finally finding Berts Special Friend on Belmont. So we walked back to the bar on a walking beer stop. Back at the bar we managed to kill three large pitchers before everyone had to leave, holding a relaxed Moon Hash style circle.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 2/7/2013 by Horn-E
.....I'd like to say this was a great hash, but I'm not that good of a liar. But in Chicken Stifer's defense, the conditions were really shitty. Rain all day, turning into snow about 4PM, left ALL side walks full of slush, cross walks at the curb were several inches of water and slush. And snow everywhere. We ran a lot in the streets and leaped over slush at curbs. Marks were almost invisible, even looking right at them with pink flour partly covered with fresh snow and then the snow shovelers wiped out many marks. A tricky trail might have been almost impossible to follow. And even at that, we ran past many marks and not finding anything we returned to find the missed mark, usually a Split.
.....We ran out of Gio's with a six pack of trail hounds, while five House Puppies stayed back in the warmth of the bar. Wankers. We took off to the east and soon had our first struggle with the almost invisible marks, a Split. Finally we were On to the north and a Check. This took a bit of time with even our virgin Just Daniel running everywhere trying to find trail. Finely we heard a whistle to the east and soon we were climbing up to the Metra tracks, just after a train went by. We ran down the tracks and over a bridge and about another block before coming back down to earth. By now I'm falling behind, but I could see the pack heading up to Foster. As I approached Foster, there was another whistle under the tracks and heading north on Ravenswood. This went a block north to the Pedestrian tunnel under the tracks and as I emerged from here, I heard another whistle and we headed west. I was finding it easier to run down the middle of the street with ground down and packed snow while the side walks often were full of slush. After a block trail dipped south to an alley and I saw Just Mary disappear at the end of the block heading south again. So I ran to the next street and down the street again finding Just Mary and O'Shitty Runch running around lost. We finally found a Split as they came out of the alley that they missed. Again down an alley to Damen and another Split. We headed south to Foster and again, I didn't see any marks but everyone was heading west around the school. Trail was found around the back of the school and a Check about a block later. The Check was found by Just Mary and it led to a path through a nature area as we all swept through the park as I followed One Chuck Fuck and Just Brendan. Eventually the pack came out at the SW corner of the park. By the time I got there they were a block west and heading south. So I paralleled for a block and there the pack had lost the trail. But the Chicken Coop was right there and after checking the entrance from the alley, we headed around the other side and finally found marks through a very wet gangway and into the basement where the hare was waiting with a twelve pack of good beers. A little over 2 miles.
.....Back at the bar the litter of House Puppies was growing and even during the circle they arrived until we had a litter of 10 House Puppies out numbering the Trail Hounds of only six. The House Puppies included our GM, Little Trojan Annie, our Religious Advisor, The Dark Kunt, the lame, Snotcho Mama and Slippery Fingers, the teacher correcting exams at the bar, Hooch B4 Cooch who couldn't even spell right (It is yellow not yeller), W Jew 40, Reverse Muff Diver, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Taste The Rainbow, and Roofie Ragu. And The Dark Kunt finally held circle ending with a naming and it was a good one. Just Mary, tell us your sins. The left tit is bigger and her favorite. She had a taxi ride that ended in Whoopie and they made the driver wait until they were finished. Cash Cab, Cunt Cab, Taxi cab transgressions, idle me off, park and watched, are we there yet, back seat bang her, idle tip her, leave the meter on, taxi cab cuntfessions, Taxi Trixie, Taxi Tricks and Meat'er Made. Wow. Some good ones there. Then we heard about how Slippery Fingers and Just Mary were cooking and he cut up the jalepeno peppers. Then later his Slippery Fingers became hot fingers. Whoops. Burning Bush, Burn Rub Her, Some Like It Hot, Burns To The Touch, Hot Box, Flushed With A Hose and finally Horn-E came up with Fire In The Hole. There was a unaminous yeah and we didn't even have to get to the other names. Just Mary, you will forever be known as Fire In The Hole. Congratulations.
.....It was a little after midnight when the last of the pack left and Horn-E headed for the door. Waiting for the bus, twice, just to get a mile and a half didn't sound worth it. So I decided to walk. A block later I headed into the empty streets and jogged all the way home. First time I ever did that, but after a short trail, why not.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2/3/2013 by Horn-E
.....Let's just say this was out of the corner bar at Damen and North since the original bar wasn't open. It was set by W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie and Back Door County. I was arriving late, 2:45 and thought I would have to follow alone and hoped the trail was marked. And they were just setting out the chalk talk marks. There were 17 hounds on trail and we took off to the east on North, And Horn-E streaked to the lead. Actually, he was just closest to the corner when they pointed out the direction. And for a whole block he managed to stay in front. Probably because it was to slippery to pass. But at the corner, Uploader took over the lead. We ran to the north from North for a block to a Triple Split. It was taking a while to find this when we had a call to the north. Under the tracks and into a ball field to Damen where the pack died. Apparently they missed the False. Uploader and Horn-E where already back checking when W Jew 40 came running up to bail out the pack. So we raced back to the Triple Split where Lifa went west, Uploader to the east and Horn-E stood there to blow the horn. Finally Uploader found the trail and was off in an alley and to the north This led to some north, south, north zig zag before heading to the intersection of Cortland and Ashland for a Check. I don't know who found this because I was in the east of Ashland, having followed Chunder Pussy across through the traffic. But trail went over the Metra station and to the west on Armitage. I found myself back with the hare, Back Door County as we followed. Finally catching up to W Jew 40 and Taste The Rainbow, walking. Yes, Taste The Rainbow, walking. that was the first time I ever passed him as we crossed Armitage and ran through an alley before coming back across Armitage and heading south. At an alley, trail went west to a Check at Damen. W Jew 40 pointed out the correct direction thinking the pack was long gone. But suddenly a bunch of them were returning from the north and Taste The Rainbow got a short cut and really started running and left me behind with these back packers, Stab 'em & Slab 'em, Mudsucker and Reverand STFU. At a short cut I found myself running in back and my ankle started acting up. Yeah, walking time. So I followed on through some town houses and finally out to a Check at Milwaukee. Already marked, I followed across the street, under some El tracks and across a long empty field where the pack was seen at the far end by the Bloomingdale Trail for a beer stop. This was about some drinking game with teams representing the two teams in the Super Bowl. Drink a six pack and then set up the empty cans on two tables. Then each team had to try to throw a football at the cans and dump them. Those guys were never in a kick pass punt competition. I'd say they threw like girls, but the girls threw better and they'd kick the shit out of me. But all bad. Finally one team missed the cans and hit the table knocking it over and claiming a win. The next toss actually hit the cans and didn't topple the table. I'd call it a draw, the cheaters were first, but the other team legitamitely hit the cans.
.....From here the pack was off to the south and then east on North. That was the last I saw of them, walking along with W Jew 40 and The Dark Kunt. And as we passed the empty lot where the beer stop was supposed to be, he let us know and we headed straight there. About five minutes later Little Trojan Annie arrivred with a pack of House Puppies and the beer. TampOn TampOff, Just Mary, Slippery Fingers and Snotcho Mama. While waiting for the rest of the pack we listened to The Dark Kunt telling tales from the puke side. A few minutes later the pack started to arrive in groups with Chunder Pussy coming in DFL after the pack and SnatchSquatch coming in the other direction, DFL. Other hounds on trail included Just David, Urine Love, Drill In My Box, Just Preston, Just Seth, Jizz Mayonnaise, and Cunt Putt. After a quick beer and some tennis, we headed over to the home of W Jew 40 for a Super bowl Party and a circle. Circle was led by Taste The Rainbow and the pack really grew as there was over 30 for the party with a huge amount of fans.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 31 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was to be the coldest night of the year. With the hare Glory Hole just returning from a vacation in Mexico and Horn-E the co-hare not being able to get together before the hash, we had to make it up as we went with a rough map, designed to keep the trail mostly within a 3/4 mile by a mile area. Maybe five miles at the most. Apparently we got nailed by a six to seven mile trail. Never trust two mischievous hares with an unplanned trail. Fortunately, once we got running we were mostly dressed well enough to not really being cold. Well, Just Larissa and One Fuck Chuck were complaining about cold hands. And the bearded hounds did accumulate enough ice under their nose from frozen exhaled breath to chill off three six packs. But the trail got set and several hounds said the trail was good, so I know it was a really shitty hash.
.....We took off at 7:30 from the Gallery Caberet after a quick circle and off to the west with a small pack of only eight hounds. Eight? Horn-E gets small trails no matter when he sets a trail. Are they afraid of that old man Horn-E, or was it Old Man Winter, or was it Glory Hole? All right, I'll blame it on Glory Hole. It can't be me. I mean we must have had about five whole degrees when we left. That isn't all that cold.
.....We did head through alleys to the corner of Armitage and Western with about 126 different possibilities for trail. And almost everyone followed Dickens Cider to the north, even though she wasn't On. Meanwhile O'Shitty Runch and Snotcho Mama returned from the south only to be told by the hares that Dickens Cider wasn't On. So they returned to a Triple Split on Milwaukee. O'Shitty Runch headed in the right direction, across Western to a turn south on Western and On. But he missed the turn and kept going to a False north of Armitage on Milwaukee. Ooops. Finally the pack got on and took off to the west and into an alley. Horn-E laid back while sweeping to mark short cuts for O'Shitty Runch. Meanwhile O'Shitty Runch somehow heard the pack on trail (since when do Chicago Area Hashers make enough noise for others to hear and get back on trail). But the pack ran on through an empty lot, some more alleys and came to California for another Check. I got there just as the pack found trail to the south and a T and E Split. And about half took the Eagle Split which led to them squeezing through a fence and then having to climb over a rickety chain link fence, into an alley and then to the south. Meanwhile the Turkeys ran south on California and into an empty lot and then back to the north in the alley, to an almost invisible fence and a Back Check. Gotcha. Upon returning they found trail through a gangway and onto the Eagles Trail. We then ran into an alley to the west and then a quick loop over to North Ave and back into the alley going right back towards the pack coming from the east. Gotcha. Meanwhile Horn-E took a short cut trying to catch up and suddenly Snotcho Mama is the first to emerge from the alley, smiling as he out guessed the hares. We'll get you yet. He ran on towards Humboldt and the sneaking bastard hares latest trick. Trail headed north along the sidewalk for a block and then under Bloomingdale Trail to the parkway. Here we pulled out our flour and went straight South for two blocks with marks on trees. This enabled the whole pack to get back together. At North Ave. we crossed Humboldt Blvd and that damn trail now went right back north on the other parkway with marks on trees. Now the pack was really cussing the hares. At the end, at Bloomingdale Trail, trail went west a block and right back to the south to North Ave. Gotcha. Dickens Cider and One Fuck Chuck arrived first and their was a Check with Humboldt Park lying ahead. There were three trails into the park. Dickens Cider headed onto the left False. One Fuck Chuck headed west on North. Drill In My Box headed east on North. But it was O'Shitty Runch heading southwest into the park that was soon On. This led to a big loop past the lagoon, around a field house and down by the frozen beach. That ice was tempting, but a little creaky with only 24 hours of sub freezing temps. So the trail headed over to Humboldt Parkway along the lagoon and to a four leaf clover crossing over the lagoon and under the boulevard. And somehow the pack missed something and was going all the way around again. But they self righted themselves and ran to a Triple Split at a big parking lot. Now when I got there, the Split was barely visible. I know that drywall we used made good marks in the past. So I'll stand by this until proven wrong. Frozen drywall doesn't make marks as good as warm drywall on a windy night. It is my defense and I'm sticking to it. Anyhow, the pack found trail to the east and along the lagoon until a right turn. This led to an island. Unless we crossed on the ice, it had to be a Back Check and we had another gotcha. We then ran out of the park through some tennis courts and to a Check on California. One Chuck Fuck ran right onto trail to the north, but somehow couldn't see it or find it. East was a False. So suddenly the pack is again following Dickens Cider to the south on a False Trail. Just because she is fast, doesn't mean she is On. Just Checking. Get out and Check yourself. We finally had to give a clue to Snotcho Mama and the pack got back on trail. From here I fell back with Little Trojan Annie and W Jew 40 and finally W Jew 40 as trail went north, east, north, east through turns and Splits until we crossed Western. Here we ran through an empty lot and into an alley to a street with so many possibilities for a Check, we had to do it. Apparently the FRBs made it through here, as O'Shitty Runch finally crawled into the beer stop at the Corner Bar along with Dickens Cider and One Chuck Fuck. Meanwhile, Horn-E and W Jew 40 come to that Check, Assuming everyone had found the trail, Horn-E marked the On and about three blocks later the rest of the pack, that we somehow passed at that Check, came up behind us. And so we ran on to the Corner Bar. We never made it back to the Gallery Cabaret as we were never gong to get that pack back out into the cold.
.....We had two House Puppies at the start, Slippery Fingers and Just Mary, and they came over to the Beer Stop and got the beer flowing for the pack. One Fuck Chuck started the circle and Little Trojan Annie finally took over. He needs more trailing. Get him a beer. The hares got about six well deserved Down Downs. And during circle we were joined by another whole litter of seven House Puppies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Ice Princess, Frosty Discharge, Taste The Rainbow, Jizz Mayonnaise, Barf Fly and Soul Taco. After the circle the bar had Karaoke and the pack stayed late. It took me three buses to get home and I just missed each one and didn't get home until a frosty, wind blown 3;00AM.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 25 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....The weather was cold and there was a fresh coating of snow on the ground. Perfect for Lower Wackoff's annual winter classic out of Gladstone Inn. Unfortunately, the cold weather or the Fri date kept all the hounds gathered around the fireplace while only one old hound showed up. Filled with memories of past trails on this annual event, Horn-E wouldn't miss it. And it lived up to all that was expected, aided by rainbow chalk, drywall and blue flour in the dark. Horn-E fought that trail for two hours and twenty minutes before we finally returned to the warmth of the bar. And during the whole trail, that nasty old hare just stood there watching this old hound struggling on missed mark after missed mark and some real nasty Checks in the woods. Damn, could Horn-E have used some help there. And when we returned to the bar we met Or G who couldn't make it and we enjoyed some good pizza.
.....It took a while getting used to some of the marks but after a while most of the marks were there. A few Checks and turns and Splits caused some problems, but we made it. Then we hit a park and Horn-E was right on the marks heading into the park and in the middle of the park. But he drifted right a little and missed a mark to the left a little and on a pole. That led to a loop around the park and finding the On In trail. Then getting screwed up on a shadow from a sign that looked like a turn mark. The hare finally came running after Horn-E and rescued that half blind old mutt. From there, things worked sort of okay until Horn-E missed a Triple Split behind Super Dog. This soon had Horn-E heading into the woods and the first killer Check in a shelter. And there the hare stood while Horn-E worked that Check. First a False on a paved path. Then looping back towards the sledding hill, checking shadows everywhere that looked like blue flour in the dark and finally veering back to the shelter at the base of the hill with so much chewed up snow do to evening sledders. And Here, Horn-E was almost on the true trail. Damn, the hare. So he now headed west and north and found a mark on a tree and only one set of footprints in the snow. Yeah, sure. Soon there were other footprints and Horn-E could never find another mark, even going to the river where there were footprints going across the river. There were several False trails in this direction, but Horn-E could only find that one mark. Finally the hare showed a little mercy and pointed out the correct trail. Good, we're now On again and heading into woods and soon we hit a parking lot and that damn hare had five trails going off of that Check. Down a path, return, towards the log pile, around the piles of gravel, into shiggy, along the river, finally heading south Horn-E spots footprints going to the east. One mark, Two marks, dead end. Damn. The footprints ended. And this was the correct trail. That damn hare was one smart son of a hare. He looped back then around and placed a mark entering the woods at a trail. Damn, just the kind of dirty trick I would have done. And with five hounds helping, we'd have gotten through both of these Checks with some difficulty, but through them. Again, the hare had to bail out the hound. From here we were on paths in the woods and came to a Split. Right, wrong, right again. Now Horn-E is following marks on trees and a single set of footprints. Then the footprints disappear. What? What the hell? Finally the footprints were found veering off the path and eventually back to the path. From here it was a short distance to the bridge and the beer stop. PBR and a beautiful winter wonderland scene looking over the semi frozen river and the snow covered woods drifting off in the distance. Worth the trials of the trail. From here we headed on back with little trouble and finally got into the warmth of the bar where a birthday party was in progress and the bar was crowded. Good time.
x
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 27 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was Lifa and Stab 'em & Slab 'em's annual winter snow run from her house in Hyde Park Area. And we had snow with freezing rain on the way. It took me an hour and forty-five minutes to get there, just as they were in the middle of chalk talk. Nice crowd for the upcoming bad weather. We took off to the north following Dickens Cider. Trail went north of the school and across 65th St. So far it was open field and alleys and it would continue like that as I tried to catch the front of the pack. Yeah, sure. I passed Reverend STFU and he was running without socks. And they wanted to give a down down to those of us in work socks. At least we could afford them. But the pack ran on heading in the general direction of 60th and Cottage Grove where we entered Washington Park. The pack was heading behind a monument and there was a Shot Stop. Well, Horn-E doesn't do shots and wanted to keep going so he headed west and found a mark on a trail heading over a little bridge. He never saw another mark, but being on the SE corner of this huge park, the trail had to go into the park. Right? Wrong. But he crossed another bridge onto an island and found the center of the island had a gate locked. Screw that. The lagoon is forzen. We should be running on this stuff. So he crossed around the end of the fence and crossed the island only to find a locked gate. Back onto the frozen ice and in the distance, on Cottage Grove he could see the last of the pack, Mudsucker being dragged by a dog, heading into the University of Chicago Campus. But we have this beautiful park to run. Well, forget that. So he ran out of the park and arrived at Cottage Grove just in time to see hounds heading east through the campus. Horn-E passed a hospital where there were cops everywhere. The paper the next morning said it was about a bunch of protesters demanding that this particular hospital take care of adults in their trauma center. But meanwhiile, Horn-E ran on trying to catch the pack. I could see hounds heading north a few blocks down. When I got there they were in confusion having missed a turn somewhere. O'Shitty Runch, W Jew 40 and others. Finally we were called On by the sweep, Reverand STFU and we headed into the campus Square for a Check. I ran east passed Mudsucker and EZ On The Ass and got to the end only to see some hashers heading south. I finally got back on trail on the Midway Plaisance where I saw a bunch of hounds heading further south. But the trail headed into a low spot and then across the road and straioght east along a path. Finally the trail went between some buildings and there was the beer stop up ahead just were 61st St ends in a little curve, Why there? There was this tiny little awning that sheltered about four hounds from the steady freezing rain. From here it was a long mile or so walk back to the house.
.....We went into the basement for a circle and Happy Ass Grabber led it. Yeah, with his pants down again. And again and again. The hares got their share of down downs and we met our virgin Just Welder from Brazil. He was the first hairy Brazilian most had ever seen. We also had a bunch of other trail hounds including The Dark Kunt, TampOn TampOff, Just Mike, Its Too Soft, Chippendale who spent most of the trail being dragged along by a dog, Just Do Me Slowly, Bloody Thighs, Special Head, Just Dan, Just Ted and Coxswain Cocks Out with her kids and dogs. We had one house puppy who would rather go around kicking balls and giving headers then hashing with us, Frosty Discharge.
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 17 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
.....This trail was laid out of Manhattan's by Clark Kunt and Sandy Syphilis. We had 15 trail hounds at the start and three ran up at the last minute. 18 hounds on a live trail. Trail went past the jail where those prisoners escaped, but no dangling bed sheets this time. At Chalk we had a Check and everyone was North, South, and West. Naturally the trail went east into a parking garage and out on Dearborn heading north to a Split on Jackson and again we headed east following TampOn TampOff to another Split on State. I followed Bert's Special Friend to the north so naturally the trail went east and into the park on a south west course and over a footbridge to a SSN and a SS behind a monument. That allowed Bert's Special Friend, Snotcho Mama and Horn-E to catch the pack. Next was a Check on Columbus and some of the pack were seen going towards Buckingham fountain, but there were only two marks. Trail did go north in Grant Park to a SS at the band shell. Finally Horn-E headed north and found trail as Just Ernie and Roofie Ragu ran on by with trail heading down a ramp to a bathroom and back up the other side where Horn-E was already short cutting and he spotted the mark heading north. At Monroe was another Split but Just Chris was already On trail and heading east and down steps towards the parking garage entrance and back up to street level to a False. That would say go back to Split and so Horn-E headed across the street and headed east from the last Split. But there was nothing. So Horn-E again crossed the street and started to go up stairs to another section of park when he looked down and saw a mark. That was ON, but the logic of how it got there and we were supposed to find it is beyond me. But we were On and it led into the lower lever parking garage and another Split. Just Chris was right behind Horn-E ahead he ended up on the right trail, but after a loop Horn-E led a small pack of five to the north. After another Split, the pack found another SS. Here Horn-E, who doesn't do shots, ran On and found trail going north and out of the garage. Trail went north of Randolph and Columbus and then to the east on the upper level and to a T and E Split. Taking the E, trail went over to some swooping stairways to ground lever and into Lake Shore East Park and a Check. Sweeping through the park Horn-E was only on one, but the pack was closing and Roofie Ragu found trail on the north edge of the park heading east and out of the area, Running through the park and grass I came to some thorn bushes. I got one good long scrape and about a dozen little punctures. I wasn't the only one. Running out of here we crossed under the Outer Drive and headed south to another SS. Horn-E headed along a path to the north looking for marks. Nothing. Finally the pack of about four headed south and lower level Randolph and found marks. This led to a Split by a stairway and we searched for ever around here before finding the On mark, straight east. I understand the hares were caught around here. Never saw them. We finally came to a stairway and trail went up to the upper lever of Randolph. Just Chris was seen leading the pack across Randolph and eventually into Millennium Park, west of the band shell. This trail came out by the Bean and Just Chris again found trail and a Check. We headed south and Horn-E headed over towards Michigan Ave. And there was a Split. Across the street was another mark and Horn-E blindly, 'get that old bastard some night vision goggles,' past a turn and into an alley. Meanwhile Horn-E runs around the entire block before getting back behind the pack. Through the alley and there is a Triple split. And everyone is standing around waiting for someone to find the trail for them. And Horn-E runs across the street and finds it, through another parking garage. At the end Snotcho Mama takes the lead and leads towards Wabash for a Split. Horn-E picks wrong and heads south with no marks. At the next corner he heads west on Jackson and finds himself behind Chippendalee as we run On to Plymouth Ct and a Split. From here there was a Check to the south at Congress and the BN was at the condo of Ice Princess on his roof. And eventually the whole pack made it there, grabbed a quick beer, and a few then hid from the cold in the stairwell. Here Barf Fly dropped her beer and was seen wiping all of those hops and hopping thing from the inside of her thighs. It's only beer.
.....re only here a short time and we walked back to the bar where there was a whole lot of House Puppies waiting for us, including Hoosier Daddy, Chunder Pussy, Calvin Klein, Odor Eater, bring his nasty pussy back to Rotton, Hood Whorenament, Two girls One Cupcake, Mommy Srangelove, SnatchSquatch and Gaping Panda Hidden Homo. Little Trojan Annie got the beer flowing with six pitchers at once and kept it flowing until the money ran out. Two Girls One Cupcake and Drill In My Box played beer wenches. We had one virgin, a friend of Bert's Special Friend, Just Ray. Welcome to hashing. Now lets name him Bert. The Dark Kunt ran circle and Chippendale took up a collection and made a pizza run. And when the pizza and beer ran out, the pack ran on. Good time and a fun trail. Damn I hate to admit that where the hares might read it. They'll start to get swelled heads. Other hounds on trail included One Fuck Chuck, Jizz Mayonnaise, Back Door County, Glitter Spitter, Ginger Snatch, Frosty Discharge, Just Brendan and Ice Princess.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash 14 Jan 2013 by Horn-E
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.....We had a small turnout of three hounds after a long weekend of hashing. Trail was out of Dino's and Horn-E was the hare. The hounds were raring to go but the hare was moving slow after this weekend of hashing. We headed west and into an alley and then our first Split. Cunt Put was off and running and Lower Wackoff and Snotcho Momma were dragging behind. Back and forth across Devon until we came to Ridge and a Check. Cunt Put stops to take pictures, damn tourist, and Lower Wackoff heads off to the north and On trail. Snotcho Momma stood there trying to stretch out his shins. He isn't going to last. They did a short loop through some neighborhoods to the north of Devon with one Check and numerous Splits as the hare walked parallel on Devon keeping check on the hounds. Finally they returned to Devon for a Check. From here we went into some real shiggy in the city. All right, it was short, but it was shiggy. Then we headed to the south with Snotcho Momma giving in to his aching shins and walking with the worn out hare. The other two hounds managed to walk and run through loops, Splits and Checks as we kept them in sight. As we approached Ridge we lost track of Lower Wackoff. WTF. Meanwhile Cunt Put also was ready to drop out. Trying to run in the cold was causing issues with his recent dental issues and his jaw was throbbing. So Lower Wackoff is on his own and we have no idea where he is. At Ridge we had a Check and thinking Lower Wackoff is ahead, we move quickly through this Check so as to catch him. As we are leaving the area, we spot him coming up behind us. WTF. Apparently he needed some relief and all I can suggest is don't go to Dunkin' Donuts for some lemonade. So now we run on and Lower Wackoff takes a lead and runs to Horn-E's apartment looking for a beer stop. Not tonight folks. A phony NOT Beer Stop mark was found and we went on, again thinking Lower Wackoff is ahead and the lame hare is walking along with the lame and disabled. We crossed Clark heading east and wandered a few streets before Horn-E gave a lead to the lame and disabled and went to mark a Check for the hare. Then he couldn't find the lame and disabled. WTF. Somehow in searching for them, Lower Wackoff again came up from behind and was now leading the others on a trail to the east with a lot of Splits. And the hare finally caught them in time to enter an alley where Caught Red Headed was waiting with a surprise beer stop in the alley behind his condo. From here we headed back and lost Snotcho Mama who went straight home to nurse and ice his strained shins. Back at the bar we had an abbreviated circle as Cunt Put had to get going with a 90 minute drive ahead. That left Lower Wackoff and Horn-E guzzling some good Amber Bock beer and watching the bartender shot pool. Hey, she was better then some fucking sports. That would be some good sport.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog 8 Beer Stop Hash 1/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....Set by Two Hairnets and Horn-E out of Catherine Chevalier Woods. We started out with 20 pounds of flour and 36 beers including 312, PBR and Coors. We were off on trail about 10:15 for three hours of working our mystery or fucking up this course. Well, some of each. Trail started out with a quick loop into the woods and back out to some grassy parkland. The pack was stretched out and somehow not following marks and no one seemed to see the first Check. We did point it out to Gas Stop Bob to prove it was there. But what got the pack was seeing marks on trees that were False trail marks off of the Check. Especially SnatchSquatch. Where was he going? Anyway, they did manage to get back on trail past a shelter and into some narrow spider trails behind it and into the woods. And a Split and a Four Way Split slowed down the FRBs and we regrouped. This led to a E/W path and an immediate turn south on a narrow path that is surrounded by thorny bushes everywhere. Because Gas Stop Bob is a walker I gave him a short cut to the third Check. We did have several Splits along here, but we mostly stayed on the same path until near the end. This was a short loop to the south and back north to a Check. By the time I got there while sweeping, the On call was heard to the West on a path. And off they ran. Gotcha. False. Lifa was soon on trail to the north and after a split trail he ran on to the next Check with the pack following. This was at the long E/W road into the woods to the river. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob already checked out a looong False to under the Expressway. And seeing the whole pack heading his way, he slipped into the woods and let them go right on by to the False. Sneaky bastard. And several hounds including SnatchSquatch and Furry Spice and ??? headed over to the river at the last split before the check and actually walked backwards on the real trail. Love it. Gotcha. So finally everyone returns to the Check. Lifa is off in the woods going who knows where. Bert's Special Friend heads east on the main path. Hey, its another False. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob is now heading south along the river and on the real trail. This headed along this path and a quick fourth Check that had a False previously found from the other direction on the second Check. Gotcha. And on we go as I finally pass Gas Stop Bob and that left SnatchSquatch and Just Chris walking alone in the back. R-Tard-E was ranging on the main path to the east and Ice Princess was also missing. Finally we head inland and into the woods. after a bit we came to the first Beer Stop and I saw Glory Hole walking along with a beer. First. Further on into the woods we came to some flooded wetlands and there was the Second B. And the beer was on a log over the water. Or G got there first, but no one could find the beer. Finally R-Tard-E finds it and talks Happy Ass Grabber into going out on the log for the beer. Well, rather then falling in, he finally just stepped into the water and got the beer. But, On goes the pack and I follow. We now get to an elevated wide bike path going south and finally back into the woods. I paralleled south on the path and eventually the trail crosses the side path and to the rivers edge for Beer Stop Three. And there was Barf Fly leaning against a tree leaning over the river drinking a 312. She was joined by Ass Capades and EZ On The Ass and they all looked as casual as possible drinking beer along the river like it was a sunny summer day. On trail was now back to the east on a wide path, and most of the pack came back from a False to the south and eventually into the woods they went and now heading south again. This finally led to an illegal fire pit in the woods and Beer Stop Four. And here is Lifa(?) and Ice Princess(?) for the last ten minutes, finding nothing. R-Tard-E runs up, yeah that R-Tard-E, and spots the beer right away. By the time I get there, SnatchSquatch is already heading east looking for trail. Yeah, he is On, but him and a bunch of hounds miss a turn and finally return and headed Northeast through thick woods and into an open field. Often wet lands here, the brush is in little mounds. They had burned out the weeds here in a normal procedure of controlled burning of prairie lands. This leads to real treacherous running. And right in the middle of the field in a thicket of skinny trees is the Fifth Beer Stop and Just Eh managed to crawl into the thicket and retrieve the beer before I even got there. And already, three of the drinkers are gone looking for the next beer stop. And they all ran right on by it. It was a bit off of a straight course and hounds saw the next marks off of the Check and just ran right on by. They didn't know they missed it until they found the Seventh Beer Stop. Meanwhile Two Hairnets and Horn-E managed to call back a bunch of hounds and they searched the area for the beer. And searched and searched. Finally I look at O'Shitty Runch and his eyes light up like a teenager at his first Gentleman's Club visit. And where was this beer? About fifteen feet up this old white dead tree. So he climbed up the tree and passed it down to the waiting Or G. Just Do Me Slowly swooped in for a beer. Along came Ass Capades and Barf Fly pulling up the rear of the pack and Gas Stop Bob also got one. I then ran on to find the FRBs. They were already gone from the Seventh Beer Stop in a thicket of skinny trees that you can barely get through. So I ran on and found a large pack of hounds around the Eight Beer Stop. And that was the most fun beer stop of all. While walking in a dry stream bed, looking for a spot to hide the beer, Two Hairnets looked under these two logs and saw an animal. Horn-E went around and there was a possum. Poking it with a stick confirmed it wasn't playing possum. RIP. So we put the beers between these two logs and right at the snout of the possum. Apparently there was a lot of fun as various hounds arrived and looked for the beer. Someone grabbed the bag and it split and all of the beers fell onto the dead possum. Want a fresh cold beer? They all managed to get one, One Chuck Fuck, TampOn TampOff, Drill In My Box, Furry Spice, finally Bert's Special Friend, Ice Princess again and many others between seven and eight. We finally all gathered and headed on in to the finish.
..... Here we got more beer for a circle and went looking for this fort in the woods. Apparently the tree police removed it as we couldn't find it. So we just settled into the woods for a good Big Dog circle. Ice Princess and R-Tard-E were called out for being greedy and getting four beers. And what was that about Ice Princess upchucking? Never mind. We were havinv so much fun that even the deers were joining us. When the beer was gone, we headed out to the On On On. Damn, about time. I was getting damn cold.
.....On On On was at Gladstone Inn on N. Milwaukee where the bartender gave us many free pitchers and we ordered some pizza and some just went next store for good sandwiches. We were eventually joined by Bloody Thighs who gave me a much needed ride home after we ran out of beer money.
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The Tale of the Trail
The IHOP Hash, 1/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....Yes, IHOP. We met there among the usual Sunday afternoon crowd. A few of us got something to eat, Drill In My Box, Barf Fly, Horn-E, Snotcho Mama and Hoosier Daddy. Then the hares, Caught Red Headed and The Dark Kunt arrived. We held a circle in the parking lot and were soon off to the north. All right, they tried a loop and a Split, but it was about four blocks north and then through a parking lot towards the lake. Looks like they went through some building but I followed a few over the top and we were soon heading along Lake Shore Drive to the south. At Irving Park they headed under LSD and to a T and E Split. By now I was behind due to my ankle acting up and not warming up well. I heard that Its Too Soft waited until everyone was out of sight before picking the Turkey Trail. Meanwhile I missed it and just headed south along the path. Then I saw the pack heading north through the golf course. Short Cut. Yeah, sure. Over a chain link fence. And it had just enough early freezing rain to make it to slick to climb. But I persevered and finally found a log, cut off in the fence, and was able to get over it. Running towards the pack they were running around in confusion. Apparently there was a Check and a Split. Not sure what they were On, but finally someone called On to the north and we ran on through the golf course and eventually climbed out over a part of the fence broken down. We now head north towards Irving Park on the jogging path. Trail went under a bridge and was supposed to go over towards the lake for a Shot Stop. But the pack seemed to be scattered everywhere. Some went over Mount Montrose and some around and some towards the lake. Eventually all I saw went towards the lake under a bridge. I headed that way and under the bridge I saw a mark. Looking back, there was two obvious marks on trees, but everyone was running the other way and missed those. And somehow SnatchSquatch and Its Too Soft went by the shot stop. Or so they claim, but The Dark Kunt didn't call out. She claims she did. I call bull shit somewhere between those stories. Meanwhile Horn-E is following those three marks up Mount Montrose and there is a Check on the top. Heading north there is one, two and finally three marks at the bottom, a Three Way. Heading north again there is another Three Way in the road. Looking back the whole pack is now following. Heading north again didn't work and the trail was found to the west. This went on for several blocks until Clarendon. We then went north several blocks to Leland and and west to a Beer Check. We walked over to this little park and had our beer, 312. and some lite stuff. And they brought out about three bottles of hooch that wasn't used at the shot stop. From here we walked back to the On In at the Spot.
.....In the bar were two House Puppies, EZ On The Ass and Chicken Stifer and we soon had three more House Puppies, Ginger Snatch and Ice Princess. And Barf Fly was there at the start, but didn't run and somehow made it to the finish. Hmmm, riding with the Dark Kunt. No wonder they didn't see the hounds go by the shot stop. The other Trail Hounds were Just Seth, One Fuck Chuck, Cunt Putt, Lifa, and Jizz Mayonnaise.
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 1/10/2013 by Horn-E
.....This was out of Time Out Sports Bar and we had three hares, Urine Love, The Dark Kunt and Ass You Wish. And at least one of them sweeping might have saved the trail for Horn-E and Glory Hole, but more of that later. We had 23 hounds on trail and it was raining more and more as the trail went on. But that didn't stop the pack. We took off to the south and then east and finally under the El tracks. Rumor was that TampOn TampOff was scared by some dirty rat along here. I mean the four legged kind. Doesn't he feed them to his snakes. But trail headed south in an alley and finally over to a parallel street. We had our first Check at Sunnyside and it wasn't sunny at all. This Check really baffled the pack for quite a while. We were scattered in all directions and starting to get into serious ranging. Finally I followed a bunch of hounds down an alley and at Artesian, Little Trojan Annie said she thought she heard a whistle in the direction of those hounds.