Chicago Full Moon Hash

The Tale of the Trail

The Big Dogs Hash Hash, Sat, Jan 14, 2012 by Horn-E

.....This was the annual 8 Beer Stop Hash set by Horn-E with Two Hairnets giving a good assist on his first time haring. We buried beer in the woods near the Indian burial ground and then headed over to the north end of Catherine Chevalier Woods, our usual start. We were in luck with over five inches of fresh snow. We had a long stretch of woods trails and off woods stuff before we got to the first beer stop. From here it was just looking for good hideouts for the beer and finishing trail.

.....As we got in to the finish, there was a solid pack of thirsty hounds waiting. 14 hounds were soon off on trail. I waited back to direct the injured Or G to the 8 beer stop so he and Gas Stop Bob could walk over there. We had two late comers, EZ On The Ass and Happy Ass Grabber who arrived late and met us around the 4 beer stop. And the co-founder of the 8 beer stop hash, Rear Loader showed up to run but he had his Big Dog with him. Not a runner and he dropped out early. So, 13 hounds did the whole trail.

.....As I tried to catch up, I found the pack still struggling at the first Check. Damn, was it that hard. I headed towards the true trail and suddenly O'Shitty Runch was coming backwards on the true trail. He was soon off in the correct direction and running out of sight yelling On On. The pack swept in from all directions and were soon right behind him as we hit a little stream. Stream. Stagnant slush sounds better. Some jumped over it and some tried to go over on slippery logs. Uploader was struggling with the whole concept and Horn-E finally directed him around and several followed, including Just Do Me Slowly who would have drowned in that slush. We soon came out at a path where there was the usual Check. O'Shitty Runch and SnatchSquatch were off on the east false trails and the west false trails got more then a few. But Asscapades was on to the north and into the woods for a big loop and another crossing of River Slush. This is the last I saw of Rear Loader and his dog. Bull Mastiffs aren't trail hounds. But don't fuck with them. Meanwhile the trail led to another Check in the heart of the woods. It does a hares heart good when the hounds fall for both Falses. Lifa to the left and O'Shitty Runch to the right. Straight was On and the pack soon followed. We crossed a path and headed to another path in the woods for our fourth Check. Again we regrouped as the trail went the simple way, to the right and down a long path. Now I don't know why and I don't intend to ask, but up ahead, someone was dragging That Thing That Vibrates down the path like a sled. No, not a chain saw or a vibrator. That Thing That Vibrates. Hmmm. Macho man, beautiful Harriet, wild woods all around. Hmmm. But somehow, they ran off. And so did the pack to another Check. Got Uploader on that one. We went straight to a Back Check. From here we went east to the burial ground and the 1 beer stop. But they never found the beer and the mark was messed up. Damn. someone found the beer. Must have been the injured beer using it to kill the pain. Yeah, we did see an injured deer when we laid that part. Limping and a section of leg, like between the shoulder and elbow was completely devoid of fur and just raw meet. She won't last long. But that is nature at its rawest. So they ran on past the den of the Great Hairy Vole. Actually we did see a tiny little Vole in a hole in a tree, about five feet off the ground. Shivering and eerily watching those damn scary humans taking pictures. Yeah, I got one too. Just ahead was the 2 Beer Stop. That Thing That Vibrates and O'Shitty Runch were first at that one, at the top of a little hill. The rest of the pack ran on and the next lucky hounds were Just Katy, Just Rich and Uploader who found the beer in a hollow log. They ran on and O'Shitty Runch and That Thing That Vibrates again scored with some beer in a tree, eight feet up in the air. I believe EZ On The Ass and R-Tard-E also scored on this 4 beer stop. Five was then funny. Hidden in some tall grasses, Asscapades found in and the laid down with in the grasses, trying to hide from the others. Worked too, for a while. They finally charged him and got the other four beers. 6 beer stop was across a bit of frozen water, that looked like slush from before. Whoreo and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown were on that one and finally shared what was left. Seven was at a crossroads and SnatchSquatch had the last two. O'Shitty Runch and R-Tard-E slid into him and under him trying to get that last beer. Lifa and Ball Cock Dumper finally got some beer here. From here there were two Falses and they caught them both. And Whoreo and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown were seen sitting and cuddling on a log in the woods while they finished a beer. We ran on to the 8 beer stop and there was Or G and Gas Stop Bob waiting with the 8 beers and some more.

.....From here, Horn-E went after some down down beer and met the pack on the return for a few quick down downs. Then we all got into cars and headed towards Rabbit's where the bartender made a mistake and gave us $7 pitchers for the first 14 before realizing the mistake. Hey, most of us ate food and really made the bars day. We deserved a break in price. And we held another circle and all had a good time. We finally finished the last pitcher and Two Hairnets finally offered me a ride home. I went home and collapsed.

The Tale of the Trail

Sun, Jan 15, 2012 by Horn-E

.....Soul Taco and String Theory laid this trail from Trinity. As I was walking south on Halsted, late again, I saw the pack heading towards me. Took off my vest and put it in my back pack, grabbed my horn and started after them carrying my back pack. We turned west and I tried to catch them, but after a block I realized how tired I still was from the 8 Beer Stop Hash the day before. But we plunge on and the back included Ice Princess and Fistful Of Pricks. We worked our way around Masonic Hospital and then further west going back and forth. Occasionally I managed to get nearer the front with good Checks, but that was always short lived. Finally, as we were heading south, I mentioned to Fistful Of Pricks that the trail was pretty good because many front runners kept passing us due to good Checks. Well, that soon ended. The pack was now going down an alley to a Split and they all went straight. It wasn't straight and the sweep hare, String Theory was waiting at the Split. So Horn-E and Fistful Of Pricks went back and found the true trail down an alley and through a school yard. The rest of the pack went straight east, ranging with the two lone rangers, Chicken Stifer and Lifa. I managed to see Ice Princess as the last of the rangers heading east. But we stayed on true trail along with the sweep. I finally saw Ginger Snatch up ahead blowing a whistle. I broke off and ran that way. I could now see the last of the pack heading south on Sheffield for four blocks. Now that will string out a pack. Throw in a red light and myself and Fistful Of Pricks and the sweep were now on our own. Suddenly Drill In My Box joined us. Where did she come from? So we ran on to Fullerton and then, with a shortcut, ran straight east on Fullerton to the park. I could see the last of the pack heading north, over the hill and to a beer stop at Diversey harbor.

.....After the beer stop, it was a straight walk west on Diversey to the bar. Here many ate and we held a circle and settled into beer. All was now good.

.....Others on trail included SnatchSquatch, Poultry Fucker, R-Tard-E, That Thing That Vibrates, Bar Fly, Its Too Soft, Cock Whisperer, Just Annie, Feather and Just Eh. There was one house puppy who stayed back to watch TV, Just John.

If you want to get on my list permanently, email me back and say, add me at H3HornEH3@aol.com

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Second City Hash, 1/1/2012 by Horn-E

I counted on the CTA again. I looked on the Internet and they told me to take a bus that doesn't run on Sun. Bastards. So, there I am at the end of the Peterson route and the wind is howling. Walk. Not hardly. It was freaking cold and I would have to walk right into that blast. So I waited in the shelter for the bus. When it was late I looked further and noticed that the sign had no Sunday service. But that blast of wind died down and I took off for about a mile and a half of jogging/walking as I headed west on Devon and north on Milwaukee. I finally passed the On In mark and there was the pack, just starting out. Well, the trail wasn't south. I was there. So we headed north and we were soon ON. A small pack with three walkers, W Jew 40, Just Do Me Slowly and Dickens Cider. Huh!!! But the runners were off and running, through some side streets and into a brief section of woods ending at a Check. I think this is where the pack fucked up. I heard an On call from across the bridge from Yer Anus. It really wasn't. But the last mark was pointing north and the pack headed north. Actually the trail did head north, but on the west side of the river. And it went to a beer stop near Howard and in a gazebo. And the only one to find this, and verify it was the usual late comer, The KGB. Since not a single Check or Split was marked, he found the true trail where we fucked up. Meanwhile, Yer Anus finally found a mark heading east and to a Check. It was Erin Go Buff who found this and then lost it at a Split. But Golden, yeah the hasher we haven't seen in who knows how long, found the trail into the woods. And off we went. Yer Anus finally found the trail out of the deep woods closely followed by Horn-E, Erin Go Buff and Little Trojan Annie. We quickly came to a BN. But no beer. The hare was back at the first Beer Stop and no one was coming. Since B wasn't actually marked, we finally found a mark on the east end of this open grassy area and the four of us were off and running. Some runners followed in the distance, and the walkers were way behind. We ran on and into woods again emerging at a bridge and a Check. Erin Go Buff found this to the east and we did a small loop through a small section of woods before Horn-E grabbed the lead and led us up towards Devon. Here Yer Anus grabbed the lead and led to another BN. Again, no beer. We eventually all gathered here with the arrival of the walkers and Lower Wackoff, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown, Whoreo, and the new guy. What is his name? Is he Rhotan's son? Last time we saw him was at another Rhotan/Second City Hash, on Marathon day. Erin Go Buff was really freezing. this isn't Hawaii and it isn't even cold yet. We hid out of the wind by a building and suddenly Rhotan showed up with all of his usual excuses on how we missed the best trail ever. Well, if it was the best trail this year, if that trail was so fantastic, the beginning that we missed must really be great, because the rest was Rhotan's usual shitty trail, and so we sang it in the circle.

Since the original bar, Capone's Hideout wasn't open, so we moved over to Yackoos, a Moon Hash favorite bar. The bartender new us and gave us a buck off on pitchers. We brought in food and had a good party and shitty circle in the back room. The KGB finally found us, and our one house puppy of the day, Bloody Thighs finally arrived with the chilly chili. But Rhotan soon had that warming up and all was good.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Thirstday Hash, Thu, Jan 5, 2012 by Horn-E

.....This was a trail by Happy Ass Grabber and Just Hattie laying for the first time. And then she had to leave for work. We were promised an outdoor short circle so we mostly dressed for it. Yeah sure. We took off straight west and mostly kept up with that. Finally the trail seemed to turn back towards the east when the FRBs missed a Check in a field. But Happy Ass Grabber caught them and yelled Check. So the following Horn-E headed for an obvious underpass when he spotted an arrow. West. And soon he had three and called On On. At the next Triple Split he headed for another underpass. Unfortunately the trail didn't and went north instead to a point where the pack found two beers to share. From here we headed west some more and soon we were getting stretched out. Perfect time for a loop and that is what we got. Soon the trailing Horn-E saw the pack returning, being led by Four More In The Back Door. Looking around, there was a mark and Horn-E was in front again. Remember, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so it is written and so it shall be done." again and again. Horn-E took a split to the left and found a Back Check. Now he was last coming up to the next mini beer stop. Damn. But we were soon heading through an underpass and now back to the east. We are now running in neighborhood streets and that old man is falling behind again. So as the pack goes left, right, Horn-E follows a block to the north. And soon enough he hits a street and Tampon Tampoff is running towards him. He is yelling Check. so Horn-E picks up on it and Checks to the north. Nothing. Crossing the street he heads south after Tampon Tampoff when he spots an arrow on a window ledge. Window Ledge? That is nasty. But Horn-E got lucky again. So he heads north and after a long block he is finally ON. We got lucky on that one. But the pack soon catches up and we run on to the beer stop in a field where there is beer hidden in a bush.

.....And so we start a circle. Good sipping beers and cheap down down beers. And Glitter Spitter yelling and panicking about all of the burrs in her,,,, or on her. Finally as we are getting to the freezing limits, Tampon Tampoff mentions that he lives across the street. WHAT? WHAT? And you leave us out here freezing. So we head over there and continue the circle. Nice place. One bedroom, two bathroom apartment. Huh. After the circle Tampon Tampoff brings out his pet. Now all of you bimbos need to listen to this. If Tampon Tampoff ever invites you to his place to see his snake, it isn't what you think. And when he mentions the size, 4.5, it isn't inches. And if he tells you it will lick you and wrap itself all around you, believe it. And if you feel anything wrapping itself tightly around you, make sure it is his arms and not his snake. This one doesn't squirt, it swallows. Of course the real dangerous one is still the one that squirts. I'll bet he calls it Cobra.

The Tale of the Trail

Sun, Jan 8, 2012 by Horn-E

.....Cock Whisperer and Little Trojan Annie laid a trail out of the Cork. It couldn't have been easier, Beautiful day and right next to the Addison Brown Line Stop. What could go wrong? The bar wasn't open. Well, it finally did open around 2:30 and we did run from there. 29 trail hounds. We took off right down the usual alley and worked our way west to a Check. This went straight south on Damen to our first stop on this 'break your resolution hash'. We all had to buy a lottery ticket. Okay. What was it? 28 losers and one $4 winner. Does that tell you something? Duh. Save your money for beer.

.....We ran on to the south and west as we worked out way towards Roscoe and Western. After finally getting through the red light, we headed west to a big parking lot. Check. Beautiful. The pack was scattered everywhere and running in all sorts of different directions. Meanwhile the local rent a cop was driving in circles going crazy. He knew he needed to ask wtf. He knew we didn't need to be there. He didn't know why. And he sure didn't know how he would stop 29 hounds running in 29 different directions and then coming back again. Finally we heard On near a fence. Rhotan found 2 and 3 behind a simple little row of bushes and yelled, "You'll notice who is leading", just as he did a header. And he is the one who brags about all of the shiggy at SCH3 and he can't run behind a row of bushes. Meanwhile, Lifa took the lead through a fence and off towards Addison and another Check. As I got there, trail was found to the north and we ran to another stop. A cop stop? No beer, just donuts. After this we headed back east and Four More In The Back Door and Dr. Fudge Knuckle took off blatantly racing. We headed north on Western and across the street where we headed to a school yard. Beer stop. We were here for a long time and finally we walked out of there and walked all the way back to the bar, enjoying the warm weather.

.....Back at the bar Calvin Klein started a circle and we drank on. And on and on and on. We finally held a naming Just Tim became Master Debater. A good name.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Tue, Jan 10, 2012 by Horn-E

.....On one of the last beautiful days of the winter before the snows really come in, Horn-E laid a trail from Rabbit's. Last time here, a month and a half ago, we had about eight hashers in the rain. Only Lower Wackoff took advantage of the beautiful weather and some fun running in the woods under the full moon. While we had an easy run to the edge of the woods, there was a Check at Cicero that only teased the hound. Trail went along Cicero on a side street and finally entered the woods by the river and another Check. Running alone, Lower Wackoff continually found the wrong directions, but running in these conditions, it was fun and who cared.It was beautiful and calm and peaceful in the woods under the full moon. Finally we ran a loop over to Forest Glen, across the river past three deer in the dark and back to Cicero. We were Checking here and Lower Wackoff found trail along the north of the river to a long False. Hey, sometimes you get lucky. He didn't. We finally headed east along the south side of the river where the hare really fucked up. Who, Horn-E. Yeah. He refuses to use flashlights and headed off into the woods, further along the trail then he thought, trying to loop some wetlands. But being further along trail then he thought, and not being able to see shit in the dark, he found himself running in a big loop. He didn't know where the hell he was until he came out on a path and saw his previous Check. Damn. Shit happens. And Lower Wackoff made the same loop only to loose it towards the end and actually pick up on the marks from the last Bushman Hash, over three weeks prior. Like I said, Shit happens. So we finally found ourselves in the now full light of the moon and ran on to the beer stop, on a trestle over the river. Moonlight shimmering on the gently rippling river from the now high full moon. A great and familiar spot for a beer stop. From here it was on back where we found the injured Or G waiting for us, some damn good Smithick's Beer and good burgers.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Big Dog Hash 8 Oct, 2011 By Horn-E

.....This was set out of Forest Glen Forest Preserve by Gas Stop Bob. When I arrived, late again, the pack was gone. The trail went out of the picnic shelter towards the tracks and to the left towards the Metra Station. No one was in sight, but the marks were plain and good. I followed them to Elston and there was a turn arrow heading west on Elston. I went a block or more. No marks. Crossed the street and returned, nothing. Went north again on the south side of the street, for two blocks, nothing. I decided to return on the north side of the street and see if I missed a Check. And there was a big mark. Almost immediately. And so I was off, following trail as it worked towards Foster, across Foster and a few loops and over to Milwaukee. Most of the Splits were marked, so I just followed along. But the trouble was the consistency of the marks. Often close together and suddenly over a block and a half without a mark causing me to return several times to look for a mark I might have missed. Never found one. So On and On it went. At Foster and Milwaukee was the one and only Check. And the Check was marked and so I followed through some more side streets and finally there was a Split that wasn't marked. And across the street, sitting on someone's lawn, was a Beer Stop. There was R-Tard-E, SnatchSquatch, Ball Cock Dumper, Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff, Or G and that dastardly hare, Gas Stop Bob. That beer tasted good. And I was given some head gear to wear for the rest of the trail, A dam warm wig. It will be used again. And others had wigs or hats to wear.

.....We finally took off again, mostly walking. Tired and hot. Finally Or G and R-Tard-E took off and headed towards the woods. About 50 feet into the woods were the tracks. And an arrow pointing at an angle. But no one was finding anything. This enabled Horn-E to range and find the trail into the woods. At last the woods and a time to run. Dead last to the beer stop. In front the whole way in the woods. We went deep into the woods for a bit before finally ending up on wooded paths. These ran along the river through lots of green trees and grasses and a few trees just starting to change color. We ran on all of the way to Forest Glen Road, over it and into a short section of woods. This led to a short loop and back across the road and into the deep woods, leaping over logs and such until we emerged at the shelter and the finish. Well, the last part was damn good.

.....Gas Stop Bob started up a grill and brats were soon being eaten. And potato salad and such. And in honor of Gas Stop Bob's 60th birthday, he brought out bright orange T-Shirts for everyone. Big Dog Logos too. SnatchSquatch was the first off on the usual Big Dog circle and we all took our turn and got more then a few down downs ourselves, out of the dog dish down down cup. We then sat around drinking a lot of good beers until it was time to go. Beautiful day in 80 degree weather.

The Tale of the Trail

The Second City Hash 9 Oct, 2011 By Horn-E

.....After the Marathon Beer Stop, there were finally about seven of us left and all of the beer was gone. Finally Mount Schwiiinga came by just as we were leaving. Then, everyone was heading over to Buckingham Fountain for the SCH3 trail and so I went with them. We soon met Rhotan, Glory Hole and a few others. The hares then arrived. Soul Taco and Just Kristin laid a devious trail for us. Soon 8 Trail Hounds were off and running to the north east and then east. And another two walked with the hares to the beer stop. Erin Go Buff was the early leader. But soon we hit Michigan and everyone was standing at a Split at the light. Horn-E found trail across the street heading north and we all missed the turn at Jackson. But we returned and again followed Erin Go Buff to the west and to a Triple Split at Broadway. Trail was found to the south and we had a Check. No one was finding anything. Horn-E and Ginger Snatch were a block and a half south with nothing. And across the street was some trail we would find later. Upon returning, trail was down into the subway, pedway over to State. When we re-emerged at street level, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown was returning from a back Check. He headed north so Horn-E headed south and was soon On and blowing his horn for the pack. We worked our way over to Van Buren and a Split, right across the street from where Horn-E was five minutes earlier. Trail went south towards Ice Princess's house. Would we be going there for a beer stop. Nah. Damn hares. But the pack lost trail and Horn-E picked up on it and led us south into a semi gated section of townhomes. Here he led through a circle jerk and across a parking lot. Erin Go Buff picked up on trail and soon missed a turn. Horn-E found trail across the street and up some steps for another circle jerk. Thanks hares. Next he led to a Check in this little park. and there we sort of died. Horn-E worked his way far south before he finally found a Split. Checking it out he found another mark heading south towards a tunnel. He returned blowing his horn until he saw Ginger Snatch coming. After the tunnel there was a Split with the On trail a sharp left to State and a sharp turn over the Roosevelt Bridge. At the top Ginger Snatch caught him at a Split. She picked wrong and Horn-E got lucky to the north. But at the bottom of the hill he picked wrong at the next Split. By now the whole pack was back together and Ginger Snatch found trail and the pack followed. We missed some marks in an open field but soon found our way out and to the west. We could now smell the beer. We crossed Wells and there was Rhotan's truck on the hill in the middle of this field where he was waiting with that House Puppy That Thing That Vibrates. We were all together, but suddenly EZ On The Ass took off sprinting so he could be FRB. Way To Much Jism ran this trail after doing the marathon. Salty Gash also ran and so did a virgin, I think his name was Just Bryan. Glory Hole, Ice Princess and the hares Just Kristin and Soul Taco finally walked on in.

.....There was two coolers full of beer, good beer. And some snacks. Rhotan ran the circle and all was good. Our hares got a few down downs and so did everyone. Even Glory Hole, whenever we could get him back on his feet. But he did run the marathon also. Well done. Eventually we got around to finally naming/renaming Just Kristin, right were we tried to name her in the past. And this time we hit magic. We had about six good choices and a few lousy ones. But it was virtually unanimous as we eliminated all of them one at a time. Only one was going to go and she earned it and deserves it. Forever more she will be know as Glitter Spitter. Well done.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The First Crack of the Moon Hash Fri Sep 30, 2011 by Horn-E

.....We ran out of Stocks and Blondes and our hares were The International Virgin and 10 Dix With Wings. We only had four hounds on trail and a sorry bunch at that. SnatchSquatch, R-Tard-E, Horn-E and Uploader. And Uploader was running slow enough to cum in Dead Fucking Last. Horn-E managed to be FRB only because he guessed right at most Splits and Checks near the end while Uploader kept taking the wrong course. Maybe after teaching 10 Dix With Wings how to lay trail, he new most of her tricks.

.....It rained earlier so the hares went and laid real wide, long marks that made it easy to follow. And we all tried to stay together and make sure we relayed the On call to other hounds. Trail went north and east with all hounds getting in front on a few occasions. And the regular DFLs were enjoying the chance to find marks themselves. We finally had a loop back towards the east and the hares nailed us with a loop back west. Damn hares. At the next Check Horn-E finally got his turn in front checking out the only avenue left to check. This led them over to Clinton and we started to the south. We went back and forth a bit until we finally went around the south end of Union Station. Another block south and we had another Check. From here on Horn-E really got lucky as he led us east, over the river, back north past Sears Tower, or is it now the Big Willie, and another Check. Uploader headed north towards the bar and Horn-E headed east and we went past Wells. Sneaky hares. We now ran over towards the Board Of Trade and the protesters, protesting others' successes while they did nothing to succeed themselves. Strange. Horn-E kept waiting, to keep our little pact of togetherness in tact, until he saw the following threesome. Blew his horn and ran on. We went north on Clark and finally headed back towards the bar. We hit one intersection, Monroe and La Salle with no marks. Uploader finally caught Horn-E and headed straight, again picking wrong. So Horn-E headed west and after a block he found a mark heading On In. That street was the only street on trail were marks disappeared and it had just started to rain. So we came in, relatively dry, and settled into some high priced beer.

.....Actually it was cheap beer, priced high. A whopping $12/pitcher for crappy Lite. They ran out of the $10 stuff. Then SnatchSquatch did a strip in the middle of the bar to put on dry clothes. About ten minutes later, an ambulance arrived to tend to the three bimbos stricken with sudden blindness.

.....We conducted a casual circle, Moon style, and no heavy down downs due to the prices of beer. Suggestion: always try to consider cheap prices with smaller hashes as we can't get any special deals for small hashes. Down town beware. But the larger groups can still do those and work deals. We did have a big contingent of House Puppies arrive. Its Too Soft arrived in circle. Then as we were finishing, Crop Duster and Goat Flow Opa arrived. Shortly later Salty Gash and Glory Hole arrived, and finally Lifa arrived. So we had a nice social group at least.

The Tale of the Trail,

Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein, Oct 2, 2011

.....The hash was scheduled for 2PM, start at 2:30. And there we sat until after 3PM and at least 3:15 before we got started. When I arrived, most were drinking beer and socializing, like hashers come for, around a table. A few were standing and a couple of hot babes, Drill In My Box and Just Do Me Slowly were perched on stools, waiting for some young hunk to approach. They got stuck with Horn-E. But really, we came to run. And damn if the hares didn't finally make us run. Not the usual 4 miles, but well over 6, I'm sure. We had 18 hounds at the start for this A to B trail. Yeah, like we'd see then on trail. As best as I could figure, we lost Mudsucker, SnatchSquatch, Are They Real, Just William and W Jew 40 very early. They took wrong turns and found the trail On In and just quit and settled into beer on a beautiful day. That left 13 of us running this shitty trail. All right, not that shitty, but some long straights in it.

.....Starting slow, I followed the pack to the north and west. Finally we hit a Check at 33rd. Dr Fudge Packer was seen to the far north and On so Horn-E followed and with a toot of the horn, the pack followed. After a little loop in an alley we came to a Split. Couldn't find it at first and Chicken Stifer was soon on it, but didn't blow his whistle. Then Lifa found it and we were off, further north. We followed Chicken Stifer under a trestle and further north to another Split, Trail went back under the tracks and further south. But Horn-E and Dr. Fudge Knuckle paralleled and they were soon on again as the trail looped back at them on 26th. Dr. Fudge Knuckle picked a wrong way on a Split allowing Horn-E to lead us to a Check at Wentworth. He kept going east and was way off course when trail was found to the north. Over the highway was a Split and Horn-E was now so far behind, no one was in sight. They headed west and then north about two blocks away. Meanwhile Horn-E was paralleling the back of the pack as he headed through Chinatown. At 22nd the pack still hadn't come back towards Wentworth so Horn-E was about to head west when he saw O'Shitty Runch working a Check. He followed just in time to see Ice Princess yelling On to the north and going behind the China Town Mall. As we headed east, our virgin, Just Alex took the lead and took us over to Wentwroth and a Split. Hey, well done. Trail now had to go back south, right? Wrong. We headed further north to 18th and then east. At Dearborn St. was a Check. Horn-E went south and found nothing. Trail went east, but looping over, he met Dr Fudge Knuckle on Indiana at a Split. Horn-E went south and was On this time leading to a Triple Split at 22nd St. Horn-E went south and Dr Fudge Knuckle and Chicken Stifer split the other two. Trail went east and Horn-E went just far enough, across 23rd, to see the trail return to him. Again leading he headed south past another Triple Split and a block later he had nothing. Looking back he saw Virtually Hung who seemed to point west and so he went west. Bye sucker. Nothing and no one on State or in this park. Crossing the expressway he still saw no one and didn't know where to range over to pick up the trail. Probably, was, east. Anyhow Horn-E kept heading south on a parallel course all the way to 33rd before seeing marks. Heading backwards on trail looking for anyone or a missed beer stop, he finally saw Lifa. So he turned and headed on in as Lifa passed him and left him behind. This was a long straight until the little park just before the starting bar. Trail looped the park and in the southeast corner he saw Lifa running on in and a pack of those that missed trail. A few minutes later the pack started to wander on in. The Dark Kunt, Dr. Fudge Knuckle, Just Kristian, Chicken Stifer and Virtually Hung. But where were the rest. Oooops. We were missing Ice Princess, Drill In My Box, O'Shitty Runch, Just Do Me Slowly, Its Too Soft, Just Luke and our virgin Just Alex. It seems that they met a bunch of people coming back from some football game and were offered a beer. Hashers don't refuse beer.

.....So the pack was finally complete. Calvin Klein led a circle and right after Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein left and left us with the rest of the beer. And the pack stood in the fading sun and warmth and finished the beer. 10 Dix With Wings and Fistful Of Pricks made an appearance after the hash as our only two House Puppies.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Holiday Hash 5 Sept 2011 by Horn-E

.....This was set out of Jefferson Park and when I arrived E Z Sunday was sitting there. He was a Co-Hare along with The International Virgin. They set the trail the night before. And the lord of the clouds sent rain down to wash everything away. so they did a reset.

.....Finally enough hounds showed up to run trail along with a few House Puppies, Just William and That Thing That Vibrates to drink the beer while we were out running. And there was a T and E Split too. We headed east to Milwaukee and then east into the neighborhoods. By the time Horn-E caught up at the first Check, Ball Cock Dumper was yelling On to the south and heading east. This brought us to a park and the trail then headed north to the Lifa Trail and the Turkey Trail. Lifa was already off ranging and Ball Cock Dumper suddenly decided to join Horn-E and Lifa on the Eagle trail. That left Genesis and Tinkle Trotsky to go east on the Turkey Trail and all of its little twists and turns and freaking loops. We went north and through our little loops and turns, with Horn-E barely keeping Ball Cock Dumper in sight and he barely keeping Lifa in sight. We finally crossed the Metra tracks at the station and headed east to a Check. Horn-E finally caught up. Trail was found to the north and back west to the picnic grove. Lifa lost marks in the grass and Horn-E and Ball Cock Dumper finally caught him at the far corner where there were no marks. Well almost. There is a small path into the woods here. If Lifa went another twenty feet he would have found marks. Damn hare. Worked just right. Meanwhile Horn-E led us up to the tracks and headed north where he found an arrow. We're On. And down the tracks we went to a damn Back Check. Damn Hare. Lifa found this into the woods and we spread out like a disorganized pack of cats instead of hounds before Lifa finally found the mark he missed earlier. This led to some path running and eventually up a little hill and a Split. Horn-E found this heading towards the river and yes, a river crossing. Actually in looked to be only about a foot deep, but those marks on the fallen tree captivated these dry hounds and they crossed the tree and over the GD briars at the end. From here Horn-E led as we weaved back and forth through high weeds and over logs and such until he found a Check just before the road. Horn-E found one damn F before Lifa headed backwards a bit and found the true trail and led us into the woods and to a three-way near the golf course. Lifa went in. He should have stayed out. Ball Cock Dumper went left and also wasn't right. He should have gone right. Finally Horn-E arrived and picked right and was right on in a path along the golf course. Following this for quite a bit there was finally a Split and this led past some pretty flowering community gardens and a road. Horn-E again got lucky and followed this to the right and was right again. We finally followed this road to another Check at a cross road, just down from where we were checking fifteen minutes earlier. Well done you damn hare. Trail across the road and under the bridge proved false, but Horn-E ranged and found marks in the woods that led right up to the river. And on the other side was a mark. Damn hare. Now remember, this is a cold windy day and we were not expecting EZ Sunday to Co-Hare. International Virgin would not have brought us to a river crossing that we actually had to do. And we didn't have warm dry clothes at the end and we were then going to a festival and stand around in the cold wind. Cross the river. Not. Maybe another time. We went around and sure enough that would be our last stretch of woods.

.....From here on it was Lifa leaving Ball Cock Dumper behind as he left Horn-E behind. I got lucky once or twice spotting them in the distance, but eventually they were gone. Trail did go back and forth near Cicero before going west and back and forth in neighborhoods with Checks and Splits along the way. Thanks guys. By the time I got into the finish, there were two Hares waiting along with four Trail Hounds and a bunch more House Puppies, (I'll probably miss someone because my pen ran dry, or did it freeze, while I was taking down names, but add in Hustle N Flow, Wang Chunks and his brother (name?)) all drinking beer. And even R-Tard-E showed up just as we finished circle.

.....We held a lively circle on the park path with parents, kids and dogs going by as we sang Kumbya. And when beer finally ended, we headed over to the Polonia Festival for food and more drink. There we ran into Rhotan and Bloody Thighs and Rotton Whore. Finally the cold won out and we scattered to the hills and the local EL station. Good time and would have been greater if it wasn't so freaking windy and cold.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Fri, Aug 12, 2011 by Horn-E

Some interesting things on this trail. We hared out of Ola's and our two hares were Just Do Me Slowly and Magnetic Muff, two experienced and long time hares. And they did surprise us. Before the hash, Magnetic Muff said that while laying trail she almost called me to help get her out. Get her out." Oh, Oh.

We had a grand total of two hounds for this trail, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E. Not slow and not fast. More like half fast. And we took off going right and left, back and forth as we took turns at almost every Split or Check taking the lead. The trail even went underground at one point, into the narrow passages of urine stained dirty tunnels. Ha. I missed that part. After that we caught Horn-E mounting some pussy in a dark street. He really is Horn-E. Will one of you Harriets help him out? Finally Horn-E led the pack, okay, Lower Wackoff and the two sweeps under a tunnel and along a street with ten foot weeds growing over the fences. And suddenly there was an arrow pointing to a hole in a fence and into the weeds. Urban shiggy at its best. There was concrete patches everywhere and the weeds growing out of the concrete were over 3 feet high. The rest got up to six and seven feet high. If you like this, you'd love the Bushman coming up next week. Read that as a cheap plug by the hare. We finally came to what looked like the end. And the hares were taunting us from beyond the fence. Look for the hole. Hell, we have been looking for the hole our whole lives. We finally did find the hole in a tangle of weeds so thick they could strangle your first born. We needed a weed wacker with an axe. And Lower Wackoff forgot one. Hell, we are in the city. Where did these to bimbos ever find this shiggy. I don't often give praise, but they had real balls to come in here alone. But all good things come to an end and we finally, with some difficulty, crawled through the fence at a gate and went on into the dark dingy streets and alleys of Chicago. With death around every corner. Well, not really. But death had been there. We went down one dark alley and into another looking for a mark. Nope. So we checked back and Horn-E saw this tiny glow in the dark that we missed as we ran forward. Just after a dumpster and nestled almost behind a telephone poll was a little box. It had about 18 red carnations in a vase above it, with about a dozen candles in glass containers burning away inside it. Behind them was a small picture of the Virgin Mary. Damn Horn-E will always find a way to get virgins into the story. But apparently someone died there and this was a shrine for him. Imagine, a shrine buried behind a dumpster. Sorry dude, but that is a hell of a place for your shrine. But Lower Wackoff did finally spot an arrow and the hounds were off. And a few blocks later we were in another liquor store bar enjoying a cold beer. It was about a mile back to the bar where we settled into some more beer and a laid back circle, juke box mostly off and no damn rap music when it was on. Pitchers were $7 and we only had two paying hounds. But with excess money from the Bizarre Bazaar into our beer fund, we drank several more pictures. A damn good time for such a small group.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

The Bushman Hash #73, 18 Jun 2011, by Horn-E

.....This was set in St. Paul Woods in Morton Grove, and we had the usual hare, Horn-E starting off on his seventh year of haring every Bushman Hash. Lifa and Or G signed up to hound and we had a surprise hound in Chicken Stifer. We finally took off to the north and into the woods. At the river, which was way down from what was expected, we had a Check. Chicken Stifer was on to the east, but missed the turn down to the rivers edge for a river crossing on slippery rocks. We didn't loose anyone and headed into the woods and up to the tracks. We crossed the trestle and right back under the tracks for a Check. Or G was on along the river and we finally came to a small stream and a log crossing. Chicken Stifer was first to it and over it and he led us west to the next Check. Or G and Lifa went to the right and inland, which would have gotten them into a long Check. But Chicken Stifer found that third arrow and this led to a Split just before another stream crossing. No log this time and the pack worked their way upstream looking for marks and the inevitable Back Check. By then Chicken Stifer had crossed the stream and as they worked their way back down stream he found the On Trail. This led through another muddy area and up a hill to the bike path. Left along the bike path and into the woods, over another stream and up to the field of scritchy scratchy. No problem as the hounds followed Chicken Stifer into the field and eventually after over a hundred yards of thigh high scritchy scratchy. More bike trail and then along the river bank to another Check. Lifa found this across the bike path and off through some woods and waist high grasses, a picnic area, more woods and finally a bridge crossing. The pack ran on along the river to a Split, just before a nasty stream crossing. Lifa was already on the alternate course and across the stream with the sweep following. They ran on along the river and into high weeds and deep woods to a Check. Then after this, it was back to the river and finally through deep woods and into a picnic area and another Check. From here, trail went along the top of a small hill and then into a swamp area. The ground was a soft as one of these new kiddy playgrounds, but you had to swing on trees instead of swings with mommy pushing you. And this was a Back Check. Gotcha. They then ran on to another Back Check and finally into a picnic area. And at the far end, Horn-E was waving with cold beer. The hounds ran on in. Chairs were brought out and pretzels and more cold beer and we all sat around, covered in a bit of mud and bug spray. The bugs never came and we sat for an hour or two, alternately giving each other down downs and casually drinking some good beer and telling tale tales. What it is all about, good trail and good beer.