A short Tale of the Trail for a long hard
The Chicago Hash June 30, 2014 by Horn-E
.....It rained at hash
start time and there was no trail from Roses and SnatchSquatch was just
sitting there. It rained harder as tornadoes swept into Illinois. It rained on
and on and the hare just sat there. Finally the hare took off with a ten minute
head start into rain. Not a down pour anymore, but not a drizzle. And the pack
was 15 hardy water hounds. Well make that 14 hardy water hounds and one old near
dead water hound (Horn-E) that was wrapped up in rain gear. The trail
went into an alley and came to a Check right away. Dr Cockvorkian went
right, wrong. Somebody went straight and into an alley and a pack of fools
followed on only two marks. Dumb hounds. Trail went left and west and soon
another Check. Horse Fly (from Houston) was a block north and off. Damn.,
Trail went into an alley, turned right and at the next street it turned left and
into a park where the hare was waiting with a cooler of beer. Roofie Ragu
was the first and we all know who was last. Damn old hound. So there we stood in
a playlot. The rain was almost over. Beautiful lightening strikes over the loop
to entertain us. So there we stood under trees waiting for the next lightening
strike. No one said hound were smart. But One Fuck Chuck got smarter and led a bunch of
hounds out from the trees into the playlot. Now that was reeaally smart. Metal
fence and metal structures everywhere. That will never attract lightening. And
then the playlot sprinkler system turned on. Yeah, the park district is watering
the playlot in a storm. But at least it fascinated Hoosier Daddy and
Soul Taco. We soon finished the beer and headed back to the bar. About
three looong blocks back which was just about as loooong as the on out trail.
Taste the Rainbow led a circle and and one house puppy arrived, Its Too
Soft. The other brave hounds who ventured out into the raging storm
included Drill In My Box, Ginger Snatch, Epi Penis, One Fuck Chuck, Ice
Princess, Just Taylor, Just Mike, Just Slobhan and Just Laura. And
then the rains returned with more tornadoes and we were stuck in the bar
watching cars floating down the street until it finally slacked down. Couldn't
even get a cab, but the gondolas were out in force. With sails.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thursday Hash, 3 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was a Rhotan Trail out of Ravens and rain was expected. It never came. So we had a trail with flour and some nasty tricks. We started right across the street and into an alley the pack ran. It is a dead end. That left that slow old fart Horn-E in the lead as trail actually went south on Clark. But at the first street, another missed mark and trail was found to the east. Now it was back and forth for a bit. We ran one block and then north to Fullerton where the trail went right back south on the other side of the street. And he caught everyone. Back east to the alley and then south and finally into Lincoln Park. And back north right away. I followed Hoosier Daddy on a short cut and we rejoined the pack at the Shakesphere Statue. Now here the pack got screwed again. There was some sort of Split just across the street and Lifa found it. One trail went around the park and the other into a few trees next to the observatory and back out to the path heading north. I followed a few front runners and we were off. We crossed Fullerton and headed south in the park, west of the lagoon. I was just getting to a Check at the Gazebo when trail was found to the north and over the hill. A I ran along, following the pack of FRBs way ahead, the missing back of the pack started to arrive. We ran along the jogging path and at the turn at the north end, I could see a gathering in a playground. Beer Stop? I ran on and Hoosier Daddy and the new to Chicago Hasher,Rolo (new to Chicago from Toledo Mud Hens H3) raced past me to beat me through the gate. And there was beer. Many varieties. And all was good. But finally we had to head back. Trail went back along the lakefront and only four managed to head that way, Feather, Lifa, Dr. Cockvorcian and Little Trojan Annie. Damn show offs. As slow as I was running, I wasn't going to try to keep up with them. I walked back with the rest of the pack.
.....The pack was eventually called together in a circle by the Dark Kunt. Many down downs were given to our hare. Rhotan. And he deserved them all. We also had several returnees. Tinkle Trotskie and the Hasher Of A Thousand Names, whatever he is using now, visited from Portland. And all old favorite, surprised me as I was getting pop corn and I almost spilled it all, Corn Star showed up after the run. Welcome back and come back often. Foamy Discharge was also a House Puppy this night. And the rest of the trail hounds included Hooch B4 Cooch, O'Shitty Runch, Menstrual Casserole, One Fuck Chuck, W Jew 40, and Its Too Soft.
The Tale of the Trail
The Second City Hash, 6 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....We ran this out of Just Dan's House, not a hasher, but a friend of Crotch Fire a hare along with False Advertising. And there was a large turnout of one house puppy, Dickens Cider who can't walk much right now and stayed behind at the fire with Just Dan. We had Bloody Thighs who just planned to walk as she is also in recovery. Partial joggers included virgins Just Katy and Just Danny And we also had Sugar Nuts and Zone 2. Then there was Specklebird who jogged and walked with Spawn Of Speckie. As we speed up, there was The KGB traveling with Just Allie in a stroller and walking a lot and Son Of Spam who fell back with The KGB. Now I didn't see much of then on trail, but they all beat me to the beer stop. And then they walked along with False Advertising who quit sweeping after the beer stop and just walked a short course back with the walkers.
.....Then there were those that actually tried to run the course and left me behind. The real trail hounds and one old mutt, Horn-E. We took off to the east on Randolph and then Washington and across Ridgeland for a block and a Check. This seemed to take forever as no one was finding anything. I found myself ranging south to Madison when trail was found in an alley. I followed east until the leaders came out in front of me and a Check on Madison and Taylor. Various hashers were scattered when Snotcho Mama found trail to the south. I followed Lifa with Chippendale on the other side of the street. After one block, Lifa picked up trail to the east on Adams and eventually to a Check. Again we scattered. I finally found one, then two marks to the east and Lifa was already way out there. He found another mark, a Triple Split at Austin. Lifa went south and eventually was on going west on Adams along Columbus Park. Meanwhile I was almost a block north and I paralleled for two blocks before heading south and joining the pack in pursuit. From here I'm not sure who was where, but there was a bunch of FRBs in the distance and out of sight. I tried to keep Just Do Me Slowly in sight, eventually joining her as we went over some water and around some small wooded section.The KGB, pushing Just Allie and Son Of Spam were still in sight behind us. We ran on and eventually we were alone as we ran around the east end of the park and to the south end. We now head south on Central going under the Expressway and emerging at the south end on the east side of the street and at the top of some stairs. Here is an arrow and the last arrow, pointing west. We cross over the street and enter an industrial area and seeing no more marks, I yell to Just Do Me Slowly that I'll go back and see if we missed some marks going around the buildings. As I step out of sight, Just Do Me Slowly sees the head of the pack, drinking beer at an unmarked beer stop. Huh. Meanwhile I run on trying to go around the buildings and pick up Just Do Me Slowly at the far end. Not happening. Nothing but fences. After three blocks I loop back, crossing Central to check that out and finally coming back to that last arrow. It is still straight, but there was nothing ahead. So I run on again checking that area and this time I go far enough to see what Just Do Me Slowly saw, now the whole pack including the walkers. Damn.
.....So after a beer, we head west along some tracks and past a bunch of bee hives. I'm talking 30 or 40. Probably a winter storage area until planting season. Anyhow, we go around on a wide loop and climb back up on an old pallet and head west. I'm with Chippendale, Lifa and Snotcho Mama as we go south and find a Split heading west and a Check at an alley. Well, typical of the marks of the day, often hard to find, Hooch B4 Cooch is also here and he is south in an alley. He doesn't return. But we are all scattered, looking for marks and no one is yelling on. Apparently Hooch B4 Cooch was On. I range to Austin when I see Lifa, a block further west, heading south towards Roosevelt. I head that way and see Snotcho Mama coming out of an alley. He was On and now not On. He missed something. Eventually Berts Special Friend was then coming down the alley and he found the missing arrow that led to trail going a block south of Roosevelt and then west.Snotcho Mama and I followed to the south and in the distance we could see Berts Special Friend and Lifa far ahead. Trail finally headed north again and we could see the leaders, about two long blocks ahead, going west. When we got there, it was a Split, but the trail didn't go west. Damn. Now here is where we really needed the sweep. But he was busy being not busy and walking along with the walkers and not sweeping the trail. So we were on our own. But we are hashers. We'll find it. Eventually. Won't we? So Snotcho Mama returns and heads south and finds the trail and a Check a block later. I am paralleling him. We are now at a little park and he comes my way and two blocks further. Not On. So I head south around the little park, on the east side of the street. Unfortunately we found the trail was on the west side of the street after six more blocks of running a large circle around the park. Actually trail went into this little park and up a big sledding hill. The third mark was hidden under some leaves. At the top of the hill was an arrow pointing down to the north west. But where. Certainly not in the grass anywhere we could see and I already ran that sidewalk. Finally I cross the street and there is the trail. Damn. Now where was that sweep? From here it was fairly easy trail sort of left, right, left, right. Of course there was that arrow marked as on and then crossed out. What did that mean. And then there was a time Snotcho Mama was heading north, definitely on, gets to a corner and no marks. Must be straight ahead. Right? Wrong. As he looks around for the trailing Horn-E, he luckily spots a mark on the other side of the street going west. Huh. Any way, we run on and eventually back to the back yard and again, the whole pack including walkers. Damn. Well, you know who is getting DFL.
.....Lifa led the circle and we had a nice little circle singing one long song and such. The hares got many a deserved down down and so did Horn-E for trying to hard to follow trail. I mean coming in last, twice. After the circle, Crotch Fire brought out a roasted turkey and I walked away with a big leg to gnaw on like a starving dog. Food was good, good home brew, good bottles and cans and Just Dan kept the fire going while burning off old Christmas trees and scrap lumber. I finally left for home with a grateful ride from Snotcho Mama.
The Tale of the Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, 1 April 2014 by Horn-E
.....Our hares were Snotcho Mama and Just Genna and we ran out of and around the Cork. We had twelve trail hounds with two of them, Just Tim and Just Brit, virgins. Trail headed straight west and at the first block was a Triple Split. For some reason a bunch of the hounds headed south, but Horn-E knew the trail went west because he got off the bus at Damen and a Check and trail right to there. But it is April Fools Day and who can trust a hare even under normal conditions. So Horn-E just headed straight and to the Check. Going north was False so he headed west and was on a block later. Trail then went north and after a long block there was a Back Check. Damn hares. And no one is behind Horn-E. On the way back looking for the Back Check he finally ran into Just Do Me Slowly, Just Brit and the hares. Trail went west at the alley and again north after one block. And Horn-E is still running alone. A block north was a Triple Split and Horn-E ran west for a block. And there was another Triple Split, but coming from the south. Obviously missing a loop, Horn-E heads north but didn't see any marks. Heading back, he finally sees Dr. Cockvorcian returning from the west part of the Triple split. Welcome back to the hash. But he also had nothing. So we traded trails and searched again and he was On to the north and it went all the way to Irving Park, leaving Horn-E paralleling and still alone. Anyhow, Dr. Cockvorcian found a Check at Irving Park. He checked north and found nothing. Horn-E was already to the west and not On. So we returned and Horn-E headed east on the north side of the street and almost a long block later he found a mark in a parking lot. We were soon on and heading west in the alley. A little confusion along the way but we ended up at another Check to the north west. Lifa and Horn-E went west and found nothing. Berts Special Friend found trail in a hospital zone and led the pack to the south west. Horn-E saw the direction they went and headed south to a Check at Western and Irving Park. He and Berts Special Friend headed west. A big park in that direction. Had to be. Not. Trail was east a block and then south. But the pack finally converged on a section the sweep, Just Genna told us was now a live trail. But Snotcho Mama was back already. Trail, being live, went back over old marks to Addison and straight east to the bar, past many Triple Splits and all the way past the bar and into the alley and a beer stop. Damn hares. But we finally had beer. Well, sort of. A shade better then O'Douls. And a lot more potent. Olde English 800 16s. Damn hares. Now that is just cruel. But soon Lifa showed up with a keg of Langunitas IPA. Now that was better.
.....Finally we went back to the bar and $7 large pitchers. Horn-E got the beer flowing and the Moon Hash circle started and everyone was soon into various charges and penalties for the hares. We formally met our Virgins, Just Brit and Just Tim, and it took Lifa three tries to give them a proper demonstration. Eventually all circles must end and the last two hounds out were Hooch B4 Cooch and Horn-E. Other hounds on trail were Son Of Spam, Lower Wackoff, Meat Insider and the return of Caught Red Headed.
The Tale of the Trail
The Whiskey Hash, 26 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa from Rocks in Lincoln Park. We had 10 Trail Hounds as we took off to the east. We did the usual array of streets as Horn-E fell behind as usual. But I could barely keep the pack in sight until shit started to happen. We headed east to another Check and the sweep was standing on the Check a block west of Halsted on Webster. A yell was heard into an alley and Hooch B4 Coochcalled it just as I arrived. At the alley the pack was disappearing at the other end of the alley and trail went into the De Paul Campus. They did a little loop and I was just catching up as they headed out to Fullerton and east to Halsted, Lincoln. Now here things got really screwed up. As I arrived, Snotcho Mama was saying something about them being On to the south and there were several hounds running south. So I never saw the Check. Ooops. At the alley was a Split and Son Of Spam and The KGB were down the alley. Berts Special Friend andMeat Insider and others were just south on Halsted. I ran the alley and found nothing. At Dickens no one seemed ON. Well, just west was old trail, so it had to be south. Son Of Spam and Horn-E headed south to Oz Park. That was all that was left. And Son Of Spam searched the park while Horn-E went back to Halsted. No marks were found. We headed north to find where the pack disappeared. No marks. We again searched the alley. Nothing. Damn. So we returned. And there at the corner of Lincoln and Halsted we saw the Check, that I never saw as Snotcho Mama was marking a south arrow. And that arrow was now marked out and another arrow added going west.
..... Lesson: While we in back appreciate people marking Checks and Splits on many trails as they are solved, when there is a sweep, it is his job. Let him do it. Also, for everyone, the idea is to call out what is happening, like Checking, Split, etc so the newly arriving hounds no what is happening. Whistles and horns are nice, especially in a noisy city, but please yell also, so we know, even if you are just ON ON.
.....So Son Of Spam and Horn-E followed the trail, now marked by the sweep and we eventually went just west of Halsted and north of Diversey as we headed to a roof top finish and Whiskey stop.
.....Here Berts Special Friend led a mini circle before we headed back to the bar. At the bar we settled into some tables, ate food, drank a little whiskey and a little bit of beer and then headed home. Other hounds on trail included Glory Hole, Crotch Fire, Just Sean, and our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 27 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by, Helen Keller Facial, Rump Springa and Hooch B4 Cooch out of Big Joes. Rain happened and might again, so Helen Keller Facial and Hooch B4 Cooch laid a live trail while Rump Springa went to the beer stop. We headed north and west with a pack of fifteen trail hounds. About two blocks later we stalled at a Check before it was found down an alley heading west. Now I'm not exactly last, yet, but I sensed a short cut over to Foster with this huge park at a school to the south. But no one is in sight. Finally, two blocks west I see the usual FRBs, Roofie Ragu, Dr Cockvorcian, Taste The Rainbow, Feather, etc. heading south across Foster and into the park. I was at another entrance and so I paralleled the leaders as they ran through the park. By the time I got to the far south end of the park, I was now paralleling the back of the pack as they were a street to the west of me. A block later I see Dr Cockvorcian coming my way yelling Check or maybe he was only checking his drawers or something. Anyhow, I crossed the street and there was an arrow and then another and I'm ON. Yes, me. And I'm ahead of the FRBs. We run to Damen and a Check. First there, first choice and I picked east, across Damen. At the alley I get a Split. I pick the arrow into the alley and was almost all the way to the end before I spotted a mark of flour on a pole. I hadn't been looking there. I looked back and no one is there. Finally I spot Dr Cockvorkian and I blow my horn and take off. Trail headed further west in the alley for another block and several Splits and I'm still ahead and heading over to Lawrence. East on Lawrence and I'm really tiring now but when you are ahead, you try to keep going as well and as fast and as far as you can. I finally hit an entrance to a parking lot where there was a little loop and Feather and Dr. Cockvorcian finally passed me. Relief. I can walk a little and the main body of the pack is soon passing me. Two blocks later is a Split into an alley. The mark going straight looked more like just some wind blown flour and everyone was heading into the alley. Meanwhile Snotcho Mama is returning to that mark saying something about a mark on the corner. It must be a loop. No. That is the correct way and those in the alley are wrong. Ooops. He did get called out for that in the circle. Anyway, by the time I got out of the alley, the whole pack had now passed me. Damn. From first to last in less then two blocks. So I follow Mudsucker and soon he was out of sight. I was really winded now, but there was a BN. So I followed on as the trail went north, east to Ashland, North to Foster and then back east. Are we going to the usual tunnel under the tracks about two blocks north. Naturally and there was the whole pack including some house puppies.
.....Back at the bar, The Dark Kunt called the pack into a circle after the beer started flowing. Drill In My Box poured beer like the cute little beer wench she is. Feather was beaten constantly in circle with a spatula. I was waiting for the RA to flip him over and start beating him on the other side. The hares got many. Down downs that is. no beatings. We had several House Puppies, Hoosier Daddy who was too busy having a chit chat with President, Jimmy Carter, to hash with us. Glory Hole just showed up late. O'Shitty Runch showed up late after running over a civilian in the rain on his bicycle. O'Shitty Runch was on the bicycle that is and the civilian was running for shelter in the rain. And Mount Schwiiinga arrived just in time to present Horn-E with a horn she found in the twin cities at a hash. Thanks. After the circle we finally had a naming for Just Steff. Honey, you will be forever known as Menstural (sp) Caserole. (sp) I'm sure someone will correct me. After that a cake was brought out for the birthday boys and then we drank on into the night. Trail Hounds also on trail included Bi Holer, W Jew 40, Little Trojan Annie, and one more time, our visitor from Seattle, Stink In The Pink.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 30 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Streeters by Just Eh and That Thing That Vibrates. He swept the trail and she escorted a litter of house puppies including Rhotan, and old Lab, Drill In My Box, a chihuahua, Back Door County, a standard poodle, Menstuarl Caserol an Irish Setter, Vincent Van Ho a visiting Afgan Hound from Portland, and three little virgin puppy schnuddles, Just Sarah, Just Katy and Just Dani. While I'm on the House Puppys, Ice Princess a Pit Bull and our GM, Soul Taco, a Rottweiler showed up after the hash.
.....Anyhow, back to our hares. Just Eh did a Eh so so job of sweeping. Kidding. a good job. A That Thing That Vibrates did a great job of walking that bunch of House Puppys to a shot stop along the Chicago River where she had a treat for all of the Trail Hounds. Then she walked them north to a little park along Franklin where there was a beer stop. But all of those puppys were getting tired, especially that little Chihuahua, and they arrived late with the refreshments for the Trail Hounds who were waiting with their tongues hanging out.
.....But lets get to the trail for those trail hounds. There was fourteen of them off on trail and the usual array of fast runners. Like Lifa, who barely beat Mudsucker to the shot stop. All right, he got drunk last night and ran a race this morning and then drank at beer in the box. But lets talk trail. After circle we were pointed across the street to the south and west. But TampOn TampOff ran straight west and a bunch followed. I ran across the street and didn't see a mark so I sort of followed and Roofie Ragu crossed the street and ran ahead of me. But no marks. So I back tracked and followed Snotcho Mama as we headed south and there was a small pack ahead of us with Just Eh. Two blocks later was a Check. To the west was TampOn TampOff and Roofie Raguand I signaled to them that we were at a Check. They had nothing. so I headed west and found nothing. As I was returning I heard an ON ON call from Mudsucker. He was On to the south on Rush. I blew the horn and followed and soon the FRBs were passing us. Two blocks later we turned west and up some stairs to Wabash and south. As I went along R-Tard-E was running with me and suddenly the pack returned from a Back Check and went down some stairs to Hubbard. At State St they headed south and as I and Mudsucker got to Kinsie, the pack was returning again. Dr Cockvorcian found marks on the upper level and headed towards Michigan through the Wrigley Building complex. I ran below contemplating a turn to Lower Level Michigan. Not. Snotcho Mama was following me and as we got to Wrigley Plaza we ran into Smell Like Twat Sweat who let us know we were at a Check and it wasn't to the south. Big mistake on her part. It was and the hare had to finally point us on the way. Meanwhile we were scattered all over. Dr Cockvorcian to the east, just as Roofie Ragu returns from the east. We checked to the north and nothing. I went west. Nothing. Finally returning, we were pointed ON and Jizzyalmost ran me down on the crowded bridge. We gathered at the Wacker light and on green we ran south to a Check at South Water. TampOn TampOff was to the east and I yelled we had a Check. But someone had already found trail to the west and he was soon passing me. At Wabash we ran south for two blocks. Just before Washington I saw the leaders heading west so I did an alley with R-Tard-E right behind me. And we get to State St. Just as Glory Hole is running by, On from a Split. This has us heading west on Wacker and Glory Holefinds a Check at Dearborn. I cross heading north and TampOn TampOff is already heading north on the other side of the street. He finds trail and I cross the street and blow the horn for the following hounds. Jizzy passes me and misses a turn to the west on Kinzie. Meanwhile Dr Cockvorcian and Horn-E follow TampOn TampOff. At the next corner we have a Split. But Glory Hole joins us and I follow him west and we are ON. This runs straight west to Orleans and SSN. And Horn-E might have been near the front, but the usual FRBs are soon passing him. He can't even keep up with the bimbos. Well we all knew that. No, I mean running. And Smell Like Twat Sweat goes flying right on by. And she was the only bimbo on trail. Where are all the bimbos? It was finally warm and they can come out of hibernation in their nice tight shorts and tops. Yeah!! Come on out. I digress. We hit Orleans and we head south to a shot stop at the river. Well, at least Horn-E wasn't last this time, as Its Too Soft, Just Dan, R-Tard-E, Dick Hermonica, Epi Penis, R-Tard-E all followed with Mudsucker and LIfa coming in last. But I'm glad that Mudsucker followed way back. I lost my shirt along trail and he found it. Thanks. And I got it back in circle with the usual down down.
.....After the shot Stop the Trail Hounds took off to the west and over the Chicago River. Checking there had us going north and then back across the river several blocks north. Now Horn-E is back where he belongs, picking up the rear. Just can't get going after these damn shot stops. But I run on and finally north on Franklin as I pass the House Puppys at Chicago Ave. A block later the Trail Hounds are sitting around in a dog park waiting for refreshments. Cold beer.
.....Back at the bar we finally collected Hash Cash thanks to Glory Hole getting it started. Check that money and make sure none of it fell into a Glory Hole. Finally we had enough and we were drinking beer. Lifa called the circle together and many down downs were given to all. We met our virgins and our visitors showed why we will always welcome her back. Nice girly bits. After circle we drank on until the last of the pack finally left. Those two old hounds, Horn-E and Rhotan outlasted all of the young pups.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 20 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....A new hash bar, The Bar Below and we had Snotcho Mama and Son Of Spam haring. We had 18 trail hounds on this trail as we headed west through the loop. Snotcho Mama was sweeping and did a decent job that allowed this old fart to keep the pack in sight until we turned back east. Hey, I made it half way. Anyhow the trail was mostly straight east occasionally going a block south. We finally got to Adams at Union Station. I thought I was dead last, but a block south and I caught up again. We ran on to Van Buren and then west to Canal where there was a Split. And apparently a bunch of hounds were a block west and not on trail. The sweep hinted and that old fart Horn-E found a hidden mark to the south. Blowing the horn, he was in front of a bunch of hounds. But after a tunnel under the Expressway, I was back in back. We headed east and I saw Hooch B4 Cooch crossing the street to the south. With no traffic I crossed also. Big mistake. Trail didn't go this way and now being out of sight, I had to backtrack as the trail again went down under the Expressway. Here we had to climb a fence and cross a grassy hill. Yes, a grassy hill downtown. More zig zag as trail went south and into the La Salle Street Station, and out the other side. Up and down and I'm just far enough behind to not catch a short cut. Trail goes west on Harrison and further and over to State Street. Now we go north and with a series of alleys and streets we almost go into Grant Park and back into alleys and finally we loop back towards the bar and there is an arrow into a doorway of a garage and a note to go to 12. And there was the pack at a beer stop. Nice spot. And thanks to Foamy Discharge, who arrived late and tried to catch the pack and didn't, I wasn't DFL.
.....Back at the bar we had a back room and One Fuck Chuck led the circle. And the beer was Lite bottles in huge buckets. The hares drank often for that trail. Others on trail included Bi Holer, Dr. Cockvorkian, O'Shitty Runch, Crotch Fire, Roofie Ragu, Feather, SnatchSquatch, Berts Special Friend, Puzzled In The Sack, My Hard Will Go On, Meat Insider, Little Trojan Annie, Drill In My Box and The Dark Kunt. We had Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob and Sugar Nuts for House Puppies.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 Mar, 2014 by Horn-E
.....Another part of the birthday tour of Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of Carol's. And this one had some surprised thanks to Rump Springa inventing more beer stops. Apparently the first two were T and E splits where the E might lead to beer. Huh. Trail started north in an alley and we eventually had 16 Trail Hounds including one walker, a visitor, Bringing Up The Rear. Okay. So she hung back with Hooch B4 Cooch and apparently immediately fell. Boom, bang, no hope of running. Meanwhile the pack is running east on Lawrence then south at a Split. Now that was fun. As I got to the Split, I could see TampOn TampOff to the east and not on. Feather was a long block south and now returning on the other side of the street. We finally get a call to the east and it isn't TampOn TampOff. Somehow he missed a turn alley into the first alley. Why would that happen? Oh, yeah. Trail laid the day before and a bit of snow overnight. Hmmm. Meanwhile we headed south and I'm in the alley with the back of the pack, Just Tina and Zone 2. We come out one long block south and finally Feather catches up having run that distance three times. We're now heading east and then south again. Coming out at Wilson we head to the college area at another Split. And a block later I think there was a Back Check and suddenly a bunch of hounds were following Dr Cockvorkian to the east and under the tracks. We finally came to another Split under the tracks that led to a Check at Broadway. We weren't getting anywhere. Horn-E finally went south past Target and found a third arrow, a Triple Split at Montrose. And as he is about to start south, there are Dr. Cockvorkian and Feather. Where did they come from. Anyhow, south is False. So Horn-E goes west and it is a False. By the time he returns, he is dead last again with Snotcho Mama and the hare sweep. We eventually head south and east to Sheridan and back west towards Broadway. Here we spot a T and E Split. We're behind so we opt for the T so we can catch up. At the corner we find a Check and False Advertising returning from a False. Now is that a real False or false advertising from False Advertising. So Horn-E heads south and is eventually on and it leads to a Split at Irving Park. He goes right, wrong and the other two arrive and go left, right. This is a short loop and we are soon heading west a block south of Irving Park. This leads to a series of Splits, with true trail going west. At the cemetery we have another Split. Snotcho Mama finds trail turning west at Irving Park. Now this is a solid RED CHALK TURN, just like the marks the hares used. But they claimed they didn't do it. It had to be old marks by Snotcho Mama. But he didn't run trail there and it was fresh. Hmmm. Anyway, we are about to head west when the rest of the pack arrives, led by TampOn TampOff. That is when we find out that the previous T and E Split led to beer and we were leading. Anyhow, we run on to Clark and no marks. Finally Roofie Ragu goes further west and finds marks and we are On to a Check a block later. Meanwhile, the back of the pack arrived at that Split at the cemetery with the hare sweep and he points them south where they eventually went to a beer stop. WTF. We eventually solve that Check and head on a few blocks north to a B in a little park. The real beer stop. About fifteen minutes later Hooch B4 Cooch arrives with those missing hashers from beer stop number 2. Another five minutes later Rump Springa and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob arrive with the B-E-E-R. From here it was about a mile walk back and after waiting so long for beer, no one was ready to run back.
.....At the bar we found several House Puppys including Soul Taco, Hoosier Daddy, and eventually Dick Hermonica, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Sugar Nuts and Foamy Discharge. Dr. Cockvorkian was volunteered to be the R A. First time and not to bad. All right, not to good. Whatever. We did meet our visitors, Bring Up The Rear and Asscott To Mouth. After circle we hung until the beer money ran out, then about ten hashers went to a Mexican Carry Out and another dive bar to finish off the night.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 13 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....Frequent Flyer, Snotcho Mama and Just Bill set trail out of Durkins. Just Bill was a virgin and therefore a virgin hare. He is from Nittany Valley and will start hashing out there. A pack of 16 total, with the late comers, headed east and south at the second Check the pack was just disappearing as Son Of Spam and Horn-E arrived. We headed behind a school and into a slippery, ice covered alley with a Split at the end. We went east to Clark and missed a tiny arrow along the way, squeezed between patches of snow. But at Clark, we didn't see an arrow. We crossed Clark and went through McDonalds. Nothing. Returning to Clark we split up and Son Of Span finally found an arrow heading north. Well, by now we are way behind the pack. Trail went into a westerly loop and back to Clark at Diversey and the usual check. Son Of Spam went east towards the park and found nothing. Well, not nothing. He found Rump Springa. Meanwhile Horn-E found trail to the north. The three of us zigged and zagged between Broadway and Clark and finally a Check at Halsted. We finally found a mark coming out of an alley and heading west on Briar. Another Check at Sheffield split us up as Horn-E finally found trail to the south and blew the Horn for the other two. Two blocks south and the trail looped back east and a block later we found the pack in a playground with a keg of beer. Suddenly Berts Special Friend came in DFL. He showed up late and somehow found the trail without sweep marks. Why can't he find trail when he runs with the pack?
.....Back at the bar, the beer started to flow in the back room and Lifa ran the circle. We did have one visitor from the Hog Town Hash, Half Wit. Welcome to Chicago. There were several House Puppies, in Helen Keller Facial, Sugar Nuts, Just Steff, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob. There was a long list of Trail Hounds also on trail even if I didn't see them on trail. They included Poultry Fucker, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, W Jew 40 (Glad to see you running again), O'Shitty Runch, Just Preston, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, Drill In My Box, One Fuck Chuck, and Dr. Cockvorkian.
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash, 15 Mar 2104
.....Overnight I got an email from Lower Wackoff. He couldn't make the hash or On IN, but asked if he could set a beer stop for us. He would provide the beer and meet us at the shelter in Edgebrook Woods. He's a Bushman Hasher and bothered to ask. We don't normally do this at the Bushman Hash because we finish in the woods and circle there. But we could do this one time and trail was going to go that way anyhow.
.....Trail was set out of Lechowicz Woods by Horn-E. The rat bastard. Before starting, Meat Insider was running around looking for some hand Lotion. What? This is the Bushman Hash. So off we went with trail going down the ice covered sledding hill. There was a Check at the bottom and the hare already had to point things out to the pack.Son Of Spam and Or G went straight and managed to find trail skipping a big loop along the river. Meanwhile Lifa found it and called On On. And he found a Split from two months ago, finally coming out of the melting snow. Meat Insider and Berts Special Friend followed Lifa and they did a nice loop along the river. Meanwhile the other two are heading east, up a hill and around a field of tall prairie grasses and another Check. Or G found that and ran on and was just out of sight when Lifa managed to climb the hill to the prairie grasses. He leads the back pack and right onto trail at the check. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E tried a short cut and almost found themselves in deep water.There was soon another Check at the drop shaft for deep tunnel. And Or G and Son Of Spam were still working that Check. The pack is back together. After a hint from the hare, Or G finally got on the trail along a fence and heading to a railroad track crossing. And the pack emerged through the woods and followed. This led to the dirt bike hills and another Check. Somehow Meat Insider ended up leading the pack out of there and to the railroad trestle where Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E were waiting. She kept leading across the tracks and finally to a turn down the embankment and across some narrow water. She just showed up the guys by butt sliding down the hill and running on. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Span followed. Or G did a wider loop and Lifa even farthur around the water. But back to our FRB. She came up to a big gate into the golf course, locked with a chain. But she slipped her tiny body on through and was off across the golf course following marks and footprints. Berts Special Friend squeezed through the fence and followed. Next was Or G and just as he got through, Meat Insider yelled Back Check. Those old bastards, Horn-E and Gas Stop Bob are watching and laughing.Lifa meanwhile finds the Back Check and leads the pack north along the tracks, as the rest of the pack squeezes back through that gate. A short time later they were back into the woods for a real nasty Check. The real trail actually looped around trail already run and off to a Back Check. But in the woods, it is easy to lose track of where you are and after the Back Check the trail went right past a False from the Check. Makes sense. NO. But they were running around and eventually found the trail out and across the tracks and into Edgebrook woods.
..... And there was Lower Wackoff waiting with some attempts at Black and Tans and other beers. Berts Special Friend and Meat Insider were off tackling Son Of Spam in the wet snow and rolling around. They finally came to the beer and all was good. Almost. Berts Special Friend was covered in burrs. Yes, in the snow. These burrs poke through his pants and were pricking his skin underneath and well into his crotch were the little pricks were pricking his prick. So he is trying to drink and plucking little pricks from his little prick. Finally Meat Insider came to help and there she is, bent over into his crotch plucking little pricks from his little prick. Meanwhile the rest of us are just listening to Lifa sing us another long song about being 'As drunk as I could be'. Lower Wackoff finally told us why he wanted to set this beer stop for us. He was turning 60. Couldn't stay long as he has another party to go off to, but wanted to spend a little time on this momentous day with some good friends. Thanks for taking a break from your other party and joining us for a little while. Good luck.
.....And back into the winds we went. Gas Stop Bob and Horn-E went over to Central and crossed the bridge to watch the pack in the woods and wait for them at the beer stop. The pack went across Central and into woods on what was a wet, and then snowy loop in that section of woods. Finally coming back along the river until a bend in the river and there was flour pointing across the cold swollen river. Horn-E is a rat bastard. And on the other side is a Check. So the pack followed the rivers edge only to find the river had overflowed the bank and they would have to loop back around this section of water and then head east to the bridge. And as they crossed the bridge we were waiting with the cold beer.
.....We crossed Central and went to this huge mound of hot embers. The Forest Preserve District was there earlier with volunteers gathering ground cover to burn and cutting down invasive species. It was warm. Meat Insider was designated our official bottle opener and given the bottle opener, a little opener on the end of a little wooden prick. And she fondled it throughout the circle like it was the biggest wood she ever handled. And the hash scribe picks on everyone. We circled until that old man hare got cold and sang some good songs like Mobile. The younger hounds headed off to the city to partake in St. Patrick's Day drinking and the old farts headed over to The Nil for a couple of pitchers of good beers.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 16 Mar 2104 by Horn-E
.....A small turnout for all of the special things the hare, Epi Penis had for us out of O'Donnell's. As we took off, there were only five regular hounds, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer, Its Too Soft, and Horn-E. We did have two visitors, Suxxxs 2 B U from Tucson and Bud Wiper from Phoenix. We also had a new hasher in the area, from Uganda, Just Dan. Welcome to Chicago. Trail started to the east and hit the goofy angled streets between Pulaski and Milwaukee. Our visitors started out well and led withJust Dan, but it was short lived. At a Check at Pulaski, Lifa took the lead and we followed from there on. As we worked our way through the neighborhood streets, Epi Penishad us twisting all over in direct contrast to his last trail. But little help as the leaders, Dr Cockvorkian, Lifa, Chicken Stifer eventually worked through a series of easy Checks and Splits leaving the rest behind. Just Dan and Its Too Soft finally made a middle pack and Horn-E was back with the visitors, finally walking into the beer stop withSuxxxs 2 B U. There was a bottle of Jameson and green good jello shots. After here the pack took off on more twisting trail that led to a predictable tiny little park near the Expressway for another beer stop. All right, we've been here before. Horn-E and Suxxxs 2 B U finally came walking in only to see two House puppies, Soul Taco who rode along with the hare and Ginger Snatch who somehow found the beer stop. A few minutes later we all started walking back to the bar.
.....Back at the bar we were greeted by two more house puppies, or just drunken mongrels, Smell This and Humpty Dumpty. Shit happens and it did. Chaos would rule the day. We were let into the back room and Soul Taco soon had the beer flowing. Epi Penis had several pizzas there along with various chip varieties and a couple dozen cupcakes for St. Patrick's Day. Well done. Lifa bailed us out with starting a circle, but excessive loud talking, shouting and interrupting turned it into chaos, as Lifa tried to get in the basics of a circle and introduce the new visitors, Bud Wiper and Suxxxs 2 B U and our newest transplants, Just Dan. Pied Piper also showed up, a frequent visitor from San Francisco. But there was no control of this circle and Lifa immediately started to sing Swing Low along with everybody else except Smell This who tried to out shout us throughout the song. Done. Thanks Lifa. After this, some left soon. Then our visitors started a game that was a cross between pong and who knows what and a lot of drinking and more chaos. After that those that were still there settled into nice conversation circles. Thanks Epi Penis.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash, 17 Mar 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set out of Babe's by two hashers trying to set everything in Mar to celebrate their birthdays, Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa. Horn-E arrived late after a long walk from the end of the bus line at Central and Caldwell. And as he was walking in the woods he found two binders full of sports cards. Strange, Where they stolen and abandoned there. Did some kid just forget them after a trade session. But whatever, both hares wanted at those cards and are card collectors. So they divided them up after the hash. Whatever
.....We started up into an alley and a quick Split. Lifa as On to the west and we basically followed him west through a series of Splits. At our first Check, Lifa tried straight and was already coming back when Or G and Horn-E arrived. Lifa then went south, found a new bar to try out and finally returned as Horn-E was following Or G to the north and through a hole in a fence and into a cemetery. We finally got to the roads in the cemetery and at the first Split, Or G headed north and Horn-E was On to the east. This took us through three more Splits and finally to the corner of the cemetery and a fence climb. Beer near. We crossed Milwaukee and there was the beer in the parking lot behind some elderly housing. Or G and Horn-E felt right at home. Lifa was desperately trying to appear younger. After the beer we headed north along the rivers edge behind a row of buildings and finally into a parking lot and a Split. And the south on the Split pointed us right back to the same beer stop. With beer in hand we went down to river level and held circle as the full moon rose in the east.
.....After circle we headed back to the bar and shortly later a house puppy, Son Of Spam showed up. Beer was cheap, we had pop corn and cookies and settled in to drinking beer. Barely over 2 miles and 30 minutes. Damn short but nice.
The Tale of The Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 20, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by O'Shitty Runch and Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob out
of W Cut Rate Liquor, a real great dive bar. Horn-E, Just Graham, Four Score In
The Back Door, Epi Penis, Foamy discharge, Just Steff, Rofie Ragu, Hooch B4
Cooch, Drill In My Box and Panic Vaginatum. House Puppies were W Jew 40Sugar
Nuts, 10 Dix With Wings, Soul Taco, Glory Hole, and Furry Spice.
The Tale of The Trail
The Chicago Hash, Feb 23, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Epi Penis and Hood Whorenament out of Irish
Horn-E, Back Door County, R-Tard-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Just Graham,
Dick Harmonica, Uploader, Chunder Pussy, Son Of Spam, Berts Special Friend, Meat
Insider, Taste The Rainbow, Lifa, The Dark Kunt, Soul Taco, Its Too Soft, Just
Preston, Just Bobby, TampOn TampOff, Mommy Strangelove.
The Tale of The Trail
The Whiskey Wednesday Hash #2, Feb 26, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Glory Hole out of Cobra Lounge.
Horn-E Puzzled In The Sack, Just Graham, Feather, Snotcho Mama, Rhotan, Son
Of Spam, My Hard Will Go ON Forever, Lifa, MHooch B4 Cooch, Crotch Fire, Rump
Springa, and one House Puppy, Meat Insider.
The Tale of The Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Feb 27, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hoosier Daddy out of Cork Lounge.
Horn-E, Hooch B4 Cooch, Epi Penis, O'Shitty Runch, Foamy discharge,
Chippendale, Roofie Ragu, Just Steff, Panic Vaginatum, Just Graham and a lot of
House Puppies with Its Too Soft, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Frequent Flyer,
Soul Taco, Ice Princess, Four Score In The Back Door.
The Tale of The Trail
The Chicago Hash, Mar 2, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by SnatchSquatch and Soul Taco out of Moe's.
Horn-E, Rump Springa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Back door County, Chunder Pussy, Its
Too Soft, Snotcho Mama, Epi Penis, Lifa, Feather, False Advertising, Dr.
The Tale of The Trail
The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Mar 3, 2014 by Horn-E
This trail was set by Hooch B4 Cooch and Rump Springa out of the Jefferson
Inn and despite a nasty tweet, it was not to bad with two great beer stops in
neighborhood parks. Horn-E, Or G, Son Of Spam.
The Tale of The Trail
The Thirstday Hash, Mar 6, 2014 by Horn-E
.....This was set by Sugar Nuts and Snotcho Mama out of
Wrigleyville North. We went outside and found several large marks for the Chalk
Talk. And then off we were with 14 hounds and no sweep from the two hares. And
that killed things for three of us.
.....Trail went south and then east into an alley. North from there under
El tracks and finally east again in another alley. Horn-E was again
trailing way back and I have no idea who was leading. Meanwhile I still haven't
seen a mark yet and I'm just following way back. At the next street I finally
saw a mark heading south. The pack was a block ahead, disappearing into another
alley. I knew this alley and paralleled it, trying to catch up with the pack. I
could see the pack to my south. They hit a fence and several crossed the fence
and looked lost. Then I saw a bunch of hashers heading back west in another
alley and so I backtracked trying to get back to the pack. Here was my first
real screw up. If I had waited, The trail actually went over that fence and over
to Broadway and a mark heading north and another and I never know where after
that. And I would have been near the front. But like I said, I back tracked,
running into Its Too Soft at the next corner. We were off course and I
yelled that I could see the pack returning in another alley and heading south.
From the distance I could recognize at least Drill In My Box. They
emerged from that alley, headed south to the next corner and then east to
Broadway. As I got to that corner I thought I could see the pack crossing
Broadway, a block away. That was the last I saw of the pack. I ran to Broadway
and there were no marks. The problem with following a distant pack is that you
aren't always sure what they were following. Not always on marks, but running to
try to get back to the pack. So when you get to where they were, you have no
marks to follow and real guessing begins. Often wrong. I was. I thought they
crossed Broadway and so I did. No marks. I headed north on the opposite side of
the street from where there were real marks. Damn. But I'm not on marks. So I
guessed wrong again and thought the trail might be heading over to Lincoln Park.
And so I headed there, hoping to cross trail somewhere. Not. Damn. I entered the
park at Irving Park, ran south to Addison and the pedestrian tunnel. Nothing. So
I tried to find trail as I slowly worked my way back, finally going north on
Broadway. And guess what. I found the marks I should have been following a half
hour ago. As I went along I found a stash of drywall, slim three foot strips. I
salvaged them and returned to he bar. Following would have been useless at that
point. And back at the bar was our visitor One
Trick Dick from Syracuse (Come visit again) and the virgin he
brought, Just Amy (Definitely cum again). They also lost trail. Eventually a bunch of hounds
arrived. Also lost. They went back out, but didn't find the Beer Stop.
Eventually I was told that it was near Damen and Grace.
.....After the pack finally got in, The
Dark Kunt took over the circle and gave many to the hares. We met our virgin
and visitor and Chippendale took up another collection for pizza. About
nine square feet of it. Anchovy pizza was good. The circle ended, we ate and
Just Amy and Sugar Nuts joined the band and showed us how poorly
they would do at Karoke. But the band was kind and let them up there. What they
didn't know is that the band cut off there mics.
Other hounds on trail included Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, One Fuck Chuck, Dr.
Cockvorkian, Feather, Just Steff, and Roofie Ragu.
The Tale of The Trail
The Big Dog Hash, Mar 8, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Or G for his birthday out of The Original Dugans,
with an assist from Gas Stop Bob. Taking the Peterson Bus to the end of
the line and then walking, I stumbled onto marks. They were right in the middle
of a work crew, trimming trees and cutting down trees. Two lanes were blocked
and often the other two lanes were stopped as cranes moved trees over to the
road and loaded onto logging trucks. They were working on the north side of the
street and I walked on the south side as I crossed the bridge at the river. And
there were the marks. After the bridge I lost marks but picked them on on
Malvina, the street I headed south on. Two marks. What you discover when coming
to the hash can save your ass later. Would I die like on that last hash, or
would it all pay off this time.
.....We had 11 paying hounds taking off on trail. We ran around the local
streets and alleys, and the usual confusion of angled streets and confusing
intersections. We were to the east of Milwaukee when the FRB came to a Triple
Split. Horn-E was directed to Check left and I did. ON. Crossed MIlwaukee
and there was a Check. Knowing the trail eventually had to go up to Devon, I
went north a block and nothing. Checking the local alley and the pack was called
ON to the west. Still north of the pack, I decided to parallel in an alley and
when I came out, no one was in sight. Finally I saw Berts Special Friend
heading south, but looking to the east like he was paralleling the pack.
South. (?) He was paralleling. And as he headed back east, I also headed east
and got to Milwaukee and no one was in sight. Damn. I'm running too slow these
days and there is no way I was ever going to find and catch that pack. So I
headed to known marks and decided to follow the trail in reverse to get back to
the pack. The trail went east along Indian Road and into the adjacent alleys. I
followed to a little park and found a Check. So, where did the trail come from
that led to that Check. Going east along the south side of the park and I saw a
red flour mark in snow, going north. But there was no turn marks towards this
mark and so I decided this was some part of trail before the Check, not leading
directly to the check. Returning to the Check I looked west and found a False.
As I was about to check out the last remaining direction, I saw the leaders of
the pack heading past that red mark I saw. What they did was go into a big, well
laid loop and back to this Check. Only thing possible.
.....So, I'm essentially back with the pack and I headed west on Indian
Road. They would surely catch me eventually. Really. Wouldn't they? Not. I
followed the trail across Devon and came up to the co-hare, Gas Stop Bob
who was driving to the beer stop and took a detour. He had with him the injured
Just Do Me Slowly who fell on trail. Hey, at her height, she couldn't
have fallen far enough to hurt herself. But really, she banged her knee and was
down for the count. Gas Stop Bob pointed me straight into this big
parking lot where there was a Check. I never found it, but found a mark heading
into the woods. I followed this, knowing that it would only take me into a big
loop along the river and eventually to those marks I saw on Devon. I wasn't On
for most of this loop, but eventually came to marks. I now thought that the pack
must have finally passed me while I was on this loop. Not. They were still
.....Crossing Devon and crossing the bridge, I was back on marks and
slipped down to river level where I found only one set of footprints, the hares.
Hmmm. I guess I'm still ahead. I ran on in deep snow, all right. Mostly walked.
I tried to walk in OrGs footprints. Faster and less work and then the pack
wouldn't know I was ahead of them. Horn-E is a rat bastard. But why spoil
the trail for the real FRBs, just because I caught a short cut. The main pack
deserves a chance to really hash instead of just following a short cutters
.....Trail again crossed Devon and into pure woods hashing. There were
several crossing deer paths and paths with one or two previous walkers. OrG
followed these and put Splits at many intersections. I could see he was trying
to hide his footprints and walk backwords over sections to confuse the pack. And
that is what I did, almost as if I was laying the trail, while actually trying
to run and solve the trail. Several times I would loss my balance and that
single set of footprints would become two and then back to one set of
footprints. Trail dropped into a shallow revine and then a field of tall grasses
and burrs. Finally it came out at the bike trail. A short bit later, there was
another dip towards the river and back up to a huge field and picnic areas. And
there was the hares, the auto puppy Meat Insider and Just Do Me
Slowly. I tried to run in and the deep snow kept me going slow, but
eventually I made it to the No Peek Beer Stop.
.....Damn, I ended up with Steel Reserve, 24 oz. About ten minutes later,
the true FRB came out of the woods and fell flat on his face in the deep snow.
Way to go, Berts Special Friend. He was soon followed by the pack, Lifa, Crotch Fire, EZ On The Ass, Lower Wackoff, Son
Of Spam, Snotcho Mama, and one hound who arrived late with his dog, and
found the pack on trail, Double Fister.
.....Lifa started up our usual Big Dog
circle and we finally finished our circle just before dancing to keep warm,
Meat Insider turned into Frozen Meat Insider.
We then walked back to the bar and settled into more beer. We did a few
long sings and Horn-E did an Alloutte on Meat Insider. Finally we
all headed on home, tired and satisfied in good trail and good beer. And I never
The Tale of The Trail
The Chicago Hash, Mar 9, 2014 by Horn-E
This was set by Feather and a first time hare, Dr Cockvorkian
out of Chipps. Well, when you have two fast hares, expect a long trail and we
got one. We headed straight east and through a narrow passage on a bed of wet
ice. And there was a Check entering a park. Just Steff and Soggy
Deposits were heading straight in the wet and ice field, leaning to the
right. Horn-E headed into the field heading left. Uploader was
heading around the park and was soon ON. We soon were heading over the Kennedy
and northeast through some side streets and up to a Check at Elston. Trail
headed north and after a quick loop through a fence, we had another Check at
Division. Trail went over the river and was beginning to look like the first
Whiskey Hash. Lifa led some hounds over the safety rail and around a
building and right back to Division. This time we went north into Goose Island
and around some factories. I followed the pack and it went towards the north of
the island and a beer stop. And as I was arriving, so was security. Bad bad bad
hashers. That dumpster was private property. Naughty naughty naughty. So the
pack wandered north towards the bridge and drank their beer. But I didn't get
.....So I went over the bridge looking for
trail. There was a Triple Split. I checked to the west and found nothing. I
checked across North Ave and onto the tracks and again, found nothing. As I look
back, the pack is following me, but I'm not ON. So they turn back. And just
after they turned back, I spotted the true trail across the street and coming
from another direction. So I run back to the tracks and blew my horn, but no one
heard me with the noise of the traffic. Anyhow, it was a Triple Split and I set
off working the trail. Straight was False. and as I returned, the pack was
arriving led by Uploader. We headed east and we were soon ON and headed
over to Clybourn and another Check. I dashed through traffic and headed east and
was soon ON. This led to a Split and then north and another Check. By the time I
returned from a False, the pack was On north in an alley and into a back yard
and up a narrow spiral fire escape to a beer stop. That's number two and I got a
beer. Poultry Fucker tried to leave early and The KGB was bombing
her with snowballs. And beer was tossed to our DFLs, False Advertising
and Zone 2.
.....Now we headed back west on Armitage and
eventually south. First a nice loop to the south and then over to Cortland and
straight west to Elston. Now this could have been straight south except for a
little loop to the east and crawling under a fence. Only Uploader and the
hares did that bit and we ran on to North Ave. Here we headed west under the
Kennedy and wound our way to Division. On Division I managed to get ahead of a
few hounds at a Check and headed south. On one, On two, Ooops. So I ran around
the block and the rest of the pack was gone. Damn. The sweep had marked the
trail the way I went. And Dr Cockvorkian did a good job all day as a
sweep. Please note sweeps. Again I went back and finally found that third arrow
just through a gate and hidden by the gate itself. So I ran on and finally
caught about eight hounds walking down an alley. A few blocks later and we were
climbing up to a deck for another drink stop. Hot cider and hooch.
.....Back at the bar we got into a circle in
the pool room. Lifa led the circle and the hares drank and drank and
Snotcho Mama bought some fruit on trail and presented it to the pack.
Good circle. Good singing. Others on trail were Its Too Soft, Skull N Boner and Drill In My Box who showed up late and had to run
the whole course carrying a back pack that was twice her size. House Puppys included Hooch B4 Cooch, Bi Holer, Soul
Taco and Just Tina.
The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash 2/13/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Taste The Rainbow out of Ravens. I'd like to tell you how this trail went, but I missed most of it. After the hash I asked Taste The Rainbow where the trail went in the park. He said he learned from me to make marks and then loop around in the snow so the pack couldn't just follow footprints in the snow. It worked. I couldn't follow his, or the packs footprints. But I did manage to find three marks that were heading in the wrong direction and didn't have a beginning or an ending. WTF.
.....So, what happened. We left to the south and a quick Split that left me in front for half a block heading west. But the trail just looped around and headed back towards the park. I could barely keep them in sight. At the park they headed south and I saw them in the distance working a Check. Just after I got there, there was a whistle to the north. We all ran off and eventually we saw Helen Keller Facial heading south again and back to the check. No one was saying anything, but in the distance I could see the leaders heading west into the city. I followed with a few from the back and we got stuck with a red light at Clark. We finally crossed the street and at the next street we got fucked. We had crossed the street and were on the south side of the street. The trail went on the north side of the street and had a turn mark heading south on the east side of the street. Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis headed south on the west side of the street, with no marks. About four Check Hangers including Drill In My Box just stood there and didn't Check. So I headed west and found nothing for over a block. I looked back and the Check Hangers were heading east and back towards the park. Huh. So I did a loop to the south and Armitage and then towards east towards the park. Somehow I missed a few marks heading into the park. Horn-E you old fart. You're not only slow, you're going blind. At the park I gave up, sort of, and headed back towards that last Check. Start from the beginning, damn it. And there were the marks, plain as can be. I followed them the way you were supposed to and had no trouble, even going over were I had already been and this time seeing the marks. Damn. These headed into the park at Armitage and a turn at a museum, heading south. Over some bushes and a mark on a tree, straight south. Great. But I couldn't find anything directly after that tree and not enough footprints to even follow the pack. Going right, on the path, nothing. Going left, I found a mark just off the path, next to a tree, but no footprints from that last marked tree to this tree. WTF. So I assumed the mark went south and I did. I came to a three way mark, pointing north. WTF. I went further and found another mark, going south. Or was this a trail heading north. I headed south and never saw another mark, in the snow cover grass lands or any of the paths. And I tried everything. I finally headed back on those three marks and again checked the snow and the paths and found nothing. Damn, WTF. Shit. So I decided the pack was now drinking beer, probably in Oz Park. (and that is where the BS was.) I walked back to the bar and the FRBs were already in and coming in. Damn.
.....After the pack got in, we held circle and it was led by Furry Spice and Four Score In The Back Door who didn't run. Damn House Puppys. Speaking of House Puppys, include Just Max, Reverse Muff Diver, Slippery Fingers and Sugar Nuts. The bar brought out a bottle of hooch and cups to pass around. Thanks to the most generous bar in town with the freebies. Urine Love was back in town visiting. Welcome, now go home. Others on trail, 26 hounds total, included Lifa, R-Tard-E, Smells Like Twat Sweat, Just Graham, Its Too Soft, Roofie Ragu, TampOn TampOff, Feather, O'Shitty Runch, Hooch B4 Cooch, Foamy Discharge, W Jew 40, Hoosier Daddy, Crouching Tiger Hidden Jacob, Mommy Strangelove, Just Preston and Just Steff.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Full Moon Hash 2/14/2014, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Horn-E from Gamblers. We had three hounds in Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly and Snotcho Mama. Don't know what they did on trail, but they did manage to stay together and had about an hour run into a section of streets going north and south, next to angled streets, guaranteed to confuse the pack so they wouldn't know what direction they were going. Everything went just as I planned in on a map except one little section where I found a good mound of ice and snow for the pack to climb over and squeeze between a pole and building at the top. Great. Meanwhile, Dickens Cider, who can't run, and I walked to her house where we had the beer stop. Dickens Cider and Horn-E walking alone on Valentine's Day. Don't believe it. She's not that old and he's not that young. He couldn't even catch her when she's injured.
.....Eventually the pack arrived and we stood in her kitchen and finally turned the beer stop into a circle. Three six packs of good beer, and Dickens Cider had her own bottle of wine. Word is that Or G wasn't going to run, but wanted to join us at the bar after the run. He sat alone, watching the Olympics until the men's figure skating came on. Valentine's day and he's watching men's figure skating was to much for him.
.....After we finally returned to the bar, we all headed home.
The Tale of the Trail
The Bushman Hash 2/15/2014, by Horn-E
.....All right, it is winter and we can RUN through the golf courses in the area. So Horn-E picked Cumberland and Irving Park where we could get into a Golf Course. Trail went through the usual tunnel with frozen water under Irving Park. Then I followed paths, at least what might be considered a path of worn down snow in foot paths and then into virgin territory. The paths were hard, The virgin territory was even harder. Back to a wide path and get to the Golf Course. On the way I saw two men and a boy of ten, heading into the woods, pulling a sled with a grill on it. Remember this. I entered the golf course through one of two large holes in the fence, about thirty feet apart. In and out, but pull it off so they wouldn't see the out. Worked fine. Headed into some deep woods with only deer tracks to follow. Finally came out into a fare way and laid a Check. There was a few deer trails in the snow and two paths down the middle of the fare way. Individual footprints. I tried to hide marks in footprints and back track in the footprints. Finally worked my way south to the end of a section of trees that defined the fare way. I'm already worn out trying to navigate this deep snow. Just after this is some rough with small hills around a green. Got to climb up to the top of the hill. Damn. Now that was tough. All virgin snow and there was a deep snow drift just over the hill were the wind really built up the snow. This got to be mid thigh deep. RUN? Forget it. Walk? Forget it. Crawl? Maybe. And Just Do Me Slowly was coming. I had to warn the pack that if she disappeared, reach down and pull her out. Actually, only Cliff Hanger did this part. It was like hanging off a cliff and then falling in over your head in deep snow. As I struggled into this snow pack, it was 12 inches at a time, if that. You'd pull out your right leg and try to move it forward and set it down into the next step. Then you'd shift your weight and go another 12 inches deep into a hole. Then repeat with the other foot. And try to keep your balance. Finally I got to the top and was thinking Everest. In the distance, where I wanted to go, was nothing but more virgin snow. I needed snowshoes for this trail. I was beat and time was running out. There was no way I could do that trail. So I laid a Check and headed around that section of trees. This would be easy. NOT. A foot deep, some times deeper and all virgin snow. I finally had to give up on the fare way and head into the woods. Snow was less deep in the trees. I finally came out and paralleled the fence heading towards that hole in the fence and back into the woods. Now I had to go west in the woods to avoid the trail I came in on. Fine. This was just on a wide path with worn down snow. Running time. And running out of time, I needed to stay on the path and just get back. And the path just went on and on and on. Finally I found a path going north and followed that, on and on and on. And eventually this led to the beer, deep in woods and buried under snow, and snow cold. The pack followed this with Chicken Stifer the first into the beer stop.
.....How did the pack fare? Fair. We started out with seven trail hounds and immediately lost Beer Stop Bob. I had given him a short cut and wanted him to follow me to the short cut. He assumed differently and spent over an hour walking all over the Forest Preserve, only to finally join us in the bar, "A Second Time Around" for the On On On. Meanwhile the pack headed south and I saw Cliff Hanger leading into virgin snow territory. I asked Chicken Stifer where Gas Stop Bob was and he said he was coming. So I waited. Finally I saw someone way back I called and finally retraced myself only to find a cross country skier. He will never make the Olympics. So now I can't follow the pack. Who else was there? Snotcho Mama who short cut Just Do Me Slowly around my deep snow in the golf course. And Lifa and Or Gwere also out there running hard. Well, I headed towards a wide path, hoping to catch the pack in the golf course and watch their demise. Along the way I saw that original group of men in camo, and stopped to chat. They had a nice fire going. They wanted to know if I wanted a hot dog and a beer. I ended up with a steak and a beer and we were shooting a pellet gun at beer cans hanging in trees. Meanwhile the pack is running through the golf course and woods. Hey, I did all right. I finally finished and thanked these guys and headed back to my beer stash.
.....And the pack was there. We held circle and got to know our newest Bushman, Cliff Hanger. After a few beers and several times around the circle, it was starting to get cold. Well, hell. Gas Stop Bob had our fire wood. So we left and went to the bar.
.....At the bar, a Polish bar, we had $10 pitchers of Okicim beer and hung out for about four pitchers and warmed up.
.....Finally it is time to go. Just Do Me Slowly invited us to a party at the home of Bloody Thighs. I went and Cliff Hanger showed up later. For those that don't know,Bloody Thighs recently had some back surgery and she is doing fine. Here's hoping she has a great and full recovery, And thanks for the beer and good grub brought by others. Many other hashers were there celebrating her recovery.
The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2/16/2014, by Horn-E
.....Mount Schwiiinga set this trail from Rocks Lincoln Park and we had a pack of 16 hounds with fourteen there at the start. Again, I'd like to tell you about a trail but do to a hare mistake at the start, I missed most of the trail. The on in was a block from a Split.
.....We were divided into four teams and at certain Checks, we had to wait for our entire team to show up. My team, Snotcho Mama and Epi Penis got screwed from the start because I missed the trail.
.....So what happened. We headed north and I led the pack into the nearest alley. Towards the end of the alley was a cross alley and a Triple Split. Chicken Stiferwent left and found a mark heading south. Most followed and Horn-E went straight south in the same alley. As he came out of the alley, Chicken Stifer was at the corner to the east and yelled to Horn-E that it was a Check and I should head west. Well, at the next corner, a short corner I found a mark. I ran on and found three more and blew my horn. No one was coming. I crossed the street and again blew my horn and saw someone at that corner, coming my way. It wasn't a hasher. Meanwhile I ran on, straight west. After several blocks I came to a corner with a park on the far side. As I crossed the street, I saw an arrow pointing at me. Huh. This is the first I had a clue that something was wrong. I went a little past this and there was a B in the entrance to the park. WTF. I had been running the trail backwards. But there was a trail right from that mark Chicken Stifer was on. So I returned and found a Split, not a Check. And it wasn't swept. So, to follow the pack, I was now over a mile behind. I would never catch up to the pack or my team. And along comes Dick Harmonica. He had arrived late and tried to follow the pack a little and then quit. So I told him I knew where the Beer Stop was and we walked there. Then we followed the trail backwards on a No No trail until we found the pack. And that wasChicken Stifer who apparently had paralleled the course somewhere and missed the shot stop and was ahead. A block later came O'Shitty Runch and then Featherwho wouldn't believe us when we pointed out the course. As soon as they were out of sight, we ran back to the Beer Stop. And the hare was there and about five minutes later the pack came on in. From here it was a walk back over the same trail I now was doing for the fourth time.
.....Chicken Stifer led the circle and we soon called out our visitor, who wasn't drinking, or doesn't drink. We gave her a short beer, introduced Eva, Sang to her, she finished her beer and left. Hope she returns so we can get to know her better. And she can get to know us better. After circle we were standing around drinking beer when the lights went out. The taps were working, but no light. Hell, if the house had bought a beer, we might have stayed. But that was the end of it. Who were the other hounds on trail? Just Jenna, Foamy Discharge, Hoosier Daddy, Bi Holer, Just Do Me Slowly, Its Too Soft, Wet Up To Here and False Advertising.