The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Just
Dillion hared out of Hawthorn Scholastic Academy with a last minute
Co-Hare, Stiffy 4 Stiffies for eventually 17 hounds. He was a virgin
hare,
so we can blame all of the mistakes on trail on Stiffy 4 Stiffies. The
trail started out to the north of the school yard and then under the El
track led by that short cutting bastard, Horn-E. And on to the north and
west. By then the pack was passing me and we finally came to a Check at
Addison that really screwed the FRBs. Yeah, me too. And I finally left
there with Back Door Bizzel just as a trio or Waukesha visitors finally
arrived, walking. We ran on to a Check at Clark ad just north of Wrigley
Field. Back Door Bizzle headed north where he saw marks on his way to
the hash. I went east and then circled Wrigley Field, counter clockwise
looking for trail. At 4 o'clock I finally found a mark and ran through
the Red Line station and another Split. I guessed wrong, but there was a
mark that way that looked like the hares arrows. Returning on the south
side of the street, the pack was just arriving. I led down the alley
and was soon passed. We worked our way over to Halsted and Just
Christian, (one of the two) and SnatchSquatch and myself worked the
trail to the south and finally trail headed west and after a Triple
Split I was now running alone. At Clark there was a Check and Beer Near.
I headed west and was on and suddenly not On and out of no where. Furry
Spice buzzed by me. We weren't on actual trail, but somehow we both
made it into the Beer stop and finish. After a short circle we got into
naming the hare, Just Dillon. No, we didn't name him Just Dillon. We
named him Hump Back Fail. .
x
Fri Jul 23, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. SnatchSquatch
hared out of Northman on the Riverwalk for
an A to B hash to the other side of the river for twelve hounds. We
headed to the south and into that little park between hi rises that used
to be a 9 hole inner city golf course. Really. We came out at Randrolph
upper level and headed further south into the park for a loop to the
east and down to Lower Randolph. I think there was a Split here. But
SnatchSquatch, sweeping, yelled go west old man and I ran under the
upper deck. Then suddenly, Friday, Bloody Friday. I approached the back
of a parked bus and just as I entered the shadows, my right big toe
found a bolt. Not a lightening bolt. A rusty old bolt sticking out of
the concrete sidewalk, probably what was left from some old traffic
sign. Like no bus parking here. I did the six foot four point landing
izzy dizzy in the dirty dusty concrete and came up with a 10, 9, and a
9. Not enough for even a bronze medal, but a burple heart. Seven
bleeding spots and a bruised toe, both hands and knees and right arm.
And we just began the hash. But we had to hash on and one injured old
man doesn't stop the hash. Hell, it wasn't even a dog bite. We came out
to upper level Randolph and headed west to a Check at Michigan. Now,
normally we'd go south into Millennium park, but this was SnatchSquatch
and we returned to find the Check marked to the north and across the
street. So we are on and heading west toward Wabash and then north
across the river and into a maze of paths on multiple levels around
Trump Tower and the Wrigley Building. By the time I emerged from all of
that no one was in sight. There was a turn arrow going north on
Michigan. Well. eventually the trail went across Michigan, but I never
saw the mark. Three times I past where the trail went across Michigan.
Damn tourists standing on arrows. But I finally get on and head east.
upper level and at Columbus I head south to just before the river.
Stairs there and it was down and On In. Turns out that Putt Putt In The
Butt lived right above the B spot and offered to let me go to his gym
and wash off some of the grit and dirt and clean up all of the blood. We
then held a circle and after circle Putt Putt In The Butt invited
everyone to a 6th floor roof deck to hang out. All was good. We did have
two visitors from the Carolinas, Poop There It Is and Nipples To
Infinity. Saving Myself For Two Black Guys was back in town and brought
his sister, Just Amanda. She's only run once or twice but lives here and
wants to come back. So welcome her with a good hash welcome when she
returns.
X
Sun Jul 25, 2021, The Second City Hash had False
Advertising and Crotch Fire haring a canoing/kayaking hash from Busse
Woods. A beautiful day, but I haven't heard anything about the hash. x
Mon Jul 26, 2021, The Chicago Hash.
The hares were supposed to be Feather and Maybe Mollie. It had been
listed for some time as Cleo's or a nearby park. Finally I saw on the
TH3 Calendar that it was at Cleo's at 1935 W. Damen. That was on Sunday.
I would imagine a
day later that I could count on that. Hell, Maybe Mollie signed up over a
month ago. So I arrived at Cleo's as 7:30 and the bar was empty and no
hash marks anywhere. I looked around a little and then finally found out
on my Cell Phone that the location had been changed, without announcing
to everyone, especially everyone who might attend, that the location
was now at Eckert Park. I caught a bus and headed there. Naturally, no
one was there and I circled the entire park, finally finding where the
circle started. By now it is about 8:00 and I had two choices, Follow
the trail carrying a heavy bag full of T-shirts or hang around for who
knows how long, hoping that it is an A to A. I went home. Wasted 3
hours. Thanks all. Things can go wrong and changes might be necessary.
But first, the hares should get out what they hope is a permanent
starting location in a timely manner. Like well over a week in advance
unless you are a last minute hare. And then, live up to it. If changes
are necessary, will an A to B work so the start can stay the same and
nobody gets screwed. Or Maybe a nearby place. Not everyone has a car for
a quick change. And how about marking at the original place so people
can hopefully get to the changed location. I don't know the reason for
this change. I'm sure there was a reason, but there is seldom an excuse.
This has been going on since I started hashing, mostly with Chicago H3.
The first time it happened was October 1985. Some people in the inner
clique decided to have one more Monday Hash with the nice weather before
switching to Sunday for the winter. Unfortunately, they only got around
to telling their good friends, the inner clique, probably late Sat.
night. I showed up on Sunday and rode around on my motorcycle for a long
time looking for some marks. Ruined my day. So, I've been burned before
and it is never right. I have seen others burned before. It sucks. Get
it right as soon as possible and do your best to stick with it. And if
you can't, do your best to inform everyone possible of the changes. It
is your responsibility to do what you can to not hurt your friends, and
possibly visitors and virgins.
x
On OnHorn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu
Jul 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Mommys Coming and Castration
Sensation set trail from Horner Park. Well, at least they say they did.
But Mommys Coming set us off and manned the beer stop and Castration
Sensation was off setting trail. We went straight north to a little park
and then a Check. I went down an alley and when I returned, they were
gone. But I plugged on and suddenly saw the pack coming my way. A Back
Check gone wrong. It was marked Back Check 2 and turned out to be a Back
Check 3. Well. I tried that along with Back Door Bizzle on the other
side of the street. At the alley we turned back. Damn, another 30 feet
and I would have been On. So we worked the area and much time and about 7
miles later we returned to that Back Check and retried the Back Check 3
idea. By the time I got there, SnatchSquatch Its Too Soft, Just Emanuel
were off on the trail, finally. Back Door Bizzle came back to check on
me. So the two of us followed through Checks and Splits that weren't
swept. That Check on Lawrence was another slow down for us. But we ran
On. We finally came to an alley along the El Tracks. As we came out
there was a Check and Flamming Flaggot who came late and got directions
to there. So I now ended up walking along with him and following the
pack. We ended up along Lawrence, crossed Western and then south along
Lincoln, through a park and west on Montrose. We missed the Beer Stop in
an alley and walked on in with the pack. Except SnatchSquatch and Back
Door Bizzle who kept running on more trail I knew nothing about. Along
the river on narrow wooded path and down to Irving Park. Then over the
river and back to the start, on the hill where the pack was waiting. And
the hares drank plenty. Then the newbie, Just Emanuel showed them how
to really do a proper Down Down. Twice. Well done. Then the first few
rain drops came and I headed out. Unfortunately not soon enough. Got wet
and it took a looong time waiting for two bus transfers in the rain.
Damn. x
Sat Jul 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E
laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve on a beautiful day, sun
shine but not to hot. And only three hounds showed up. And a great new
trail that they missed at least a third of. Shit happens.
They took off to the Northwest along the bike path and soon headed into
brush and towards the start of the bike bridge over the tracks. There I
had a Split. SW over the bridge or NW down a hill and then SW over the
tracks at track level. They missed this. Now, the Split only pointed two
ways, but they tried a third way and found the ON Back trail. Damn
narrow woods. But they shouldn't have even looked here. So they ran SE
along the river and to the Beer Stop and no beer and only a half mile or
so. So, realizing their mistake they returned to that Split and found
trail this time. Good. So they are on and a Check at the other end of
the Bike Bridge. After finding this into the woods they came out to
prairie and a field full of prairie flowers two to four or five feet
high and TP going right through the middle. Don't crush the flowers.
They did some of this before realizing that there was a path around it
and being lazy bastards they headed to the path. Trail finally came out
to Lechowicz Woods picnic area and an arrow pointing across the grassy
picnic area. Apparently they missed the marks in the grass but
eventually it came to the river and a Split. And they went right and it
was wrong. Gotcha. They finally returned and from there it was a nice
path along the rivers edge and up to the tracks again. As they climbed
up to the tracks they saw a train coming and were more concerned looking
out for the train then the marks and missed a huge arrow pointing NW
across the trestle. Instead Zone 2 crossed the tracks and spotted an
arrow at rivers edge from the return path. Damn, the screwed up the
narrow again. So they ran on in along the river's edge and that On In
part for the third time. There they found the hare at rivers edge with
two six packs, Bloody Orange and Billy Goat. And except for the skeeters
that kept ignoring the buckets of bug spray we all wore, all was good.
So we abandoned that spot and headed to the picnic area and a park bench
in the sun and finished the beer. Beautiful Day. One other thing. We
all spotte a pair of Blue Herons flying along the river, And did they
squak when they wanted to.
x
Mon Jul 19, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sleeping
Booty laid trail from Lincoln Park near Wisconsin. Yeah, it goes a long
way. Trail had about 18 hounds and took off to the east into the park
through the fumes of the Farm in the Zoo. That was almost as bad as some
alleys we go through. We headed south to the tunnel under La Salle
Drive and a Check. Here we headed west into Old Town and I was soon all
by myself. I thought I was DFL. But I was suddenly passed by
Construction Junction etc. and then Cockholm Syndrone just as I was
approaching a much needed Porta Potty. So I had to wait. Then along came
Lower Wackoff and he had to wait. I finally took off and followed
trail. Finally Cockholm Syndrome passed me and I just ran on and on and
finally came to a beer stop. And some how that sneaky bastard Lower
Wackoff was already there. Damn, DFL. We soon took off and I was soon
near the back as we headed west. Then we saw hashers coming back from a
Back Check and it soon led to a Check. I went north and the pack went
west. Damn. So Now I am running behind and following behind Back Door
Bizzle and then he disappears. Damn, I'm alone again. But I keep
following trail to a Check on Clybourn. I see the last of the pack,
Happy Ass Grabber running across the street coming back from a False
Trail. By the time I crossed the intersection he was long gone. Lights and damn lights. trail
went into a area with some mixed up angled streets and I see Eat My
Pussy ahead. And then gone and damn, I'm alone again. Finally I hit some
EL tracks and trail underneath. At Dickens is an E & W Split. But
someone marked a true trail mark across the street and east. A block
later I realized that it didn't go this way. Damn. A bad mark is worse
then no mark at all. The trail went straight east on Dickens and at the
first corner it went north on Bissel and there was no mark on that north
corner. Thanks a lot. So I run on and into De Paul area. Here I missed a
mark into the campus and a block later I realized I was off trail. But I
was so damn far behind I figured trail was just north to Fullerton and
circling back. Wrong, They Checked at Halsted and Fullerton and then
went much further north. Meanwhile I headed straight east looking for
some kind of return mark. Nothing. At Clark I headed south and came into
the finish, FRB. WTF. Where was everybody? It was another 10 minutes
before they came on in. Back Door Bizzle led us in circle and all was
good.
On On
Horn-E
X
The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul 15, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch laid his anal Running of the Bulls hash from Union
Park for seven hounds. There were three Bulls and three hounds and one
dumb late cumer, Horn-E. The idea is that the Spaniards get a head start
and the bulls try to catch/gore them. But this time the Spaniards
sabotaged the trail and the Bulls were really lost on Ashland. I just
missed the Bulls taking off, but I caught them on Ashland when I saw
Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Mommys Coming, running all over the area. I tried
to join then but with a heavy back pack, that wouldn't last. And just as
suddenly they were gone. But Stiffy 4 Stiffies mentioned something
about the trail maybe going by Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside
Her's codo. Sounds like an unscheduled/scheduled beer stop. So I headed
south to Ogden and then south on Ogden towards their condo. Then I found
a Check. First, which way did it come from. Then was it an On Out Check
or an On Back Check. It came from the north so the assumption was it
was heading south west to the BS. Southwest, not. West, not. South,
maybe, big freaking loop and Not. So I tried NE on the other side of
Ogden and there it was. So It is an On Back Check. I worked it and it
wasn't hard and I came to another park. As I am working the Triple
Split, the wrong way, I ran around the park and finally picked up on
marks and was off. But as I worked that Triple Split, I heard an R U. I
yelled back "NO". The pack was just catching up and ran into the park
for a beer stop. Damn, nothing was working right. So I am heading north
and a Check. I guessed wrong, but worked my way to Randolph and back to
the start. No B anywhere. Just the starting marks. Damn. So I ranged
back to that last Check and started working it. East, Not. And as I
return to that point I run into a bunch of drunk hounds and we all waked
back to where I just came from. And so the pack gathered and we held
circle and all was good. Also there were Dick Hermonica, Happy Ass
Grabber, False Advertising and Sleeping Booty also on trail. Swing Low
Fri
Jul 9, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts
Special Friend hared out of Harrison Park. We had eight hounds and took
off to the south. I was having trouble with a bad ankle sprain since
Tuesday's 4X2H4 Hash and it hurt as I arrived. So I was starting slow
and suddenly the ankle felt fine. At the first Check I was last in and
it took a bit but we were soon off to the west and some of the pack were
already out of sight, like Lifa and Mommys Little Dumpling. So the rest
of us struggled along. Somehow we lost Lower Wackoff but we got to
Western and across and south in an alley and a T and E Split. I caught
up to Son Of Spam here and we came out of this little dirt path and
headed west under tracks and through Tony's parking lot. As we then
headed south, the pack was coming towards us. Missed a hidden arrow. So
we are finally back on and heading east. We are a small pack of five
now. We cross Western and into an alley and finally between a fence and
into ancient ruins. Trail went on at the remnants of building
foundations as Stuffin Muffin led here. I followed Magnetic Muff,
risking falling in the tight vegetation and squeezing through a fence.
Its Too Soft chickened out and went back and looped around. As we come
out we head east and there were Son Of Spam and Its Too Soft heading
north. At the next block was a Check. Magnetic Muff waited on the corner
and the four guys split up aAnd yet again, nd
headed north and east on both sides of the street. I don't know what
happened with them after that. I found an arrow into an alley and never
found another after a long block. But there was no way I was returning.
That alley smelled like it was serving nothing but fish markets and
Chinese restaurants and their garbage, a week after the start of a
garbage truck drivers strike. So I went south a half a block and there
was a mark. I'm ON but no one in sight to call out to. So I run on and
finally come to a BN Check. Back on trail soon I'm heading north and
just east of Damen and I come to a Triple Split. South was wrong so I
loop to the east and again wrong. I finally return to the Split and head
west to Damen and I'm soon On and heading into the finish. And for me, I
was running pretty damn good. About as fast as Lifa and Mommy's Little
Dumpling running backwards. Really felt great. We broke out chairs and
formed a circle. But we were one chair short. And so, in circle, you
stood in the center of the circle and gave a down down. That person got
up and you quickly grabbed their chair. Musical chairs. Except Its Too
Soft who wouldn't release his chair. Then we find out that it isn't even
his chair. Worth another down down. But all was good. Swing Low
Sat Jul 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, Summer idiot-a-rod. Stiffy
4 Stiffies set this Chicago traditional looooooooong Hash for nine
hounds. I got there just as they were leaving and after a Porta Potty
stop they were gone and I'm thinking 10 miles playing catch up. Shit.
And now my ankle is acting up again and I can't risk running fast to
catch up. So, I plod along following trail through Lincoln Park heading
north. Finally a Check and it is marked west and under Lake Shore Drive.
And another Check at the edge of the park. But a sucker play as the
trail headed back into the park and north and finally into the dreaded
city alleys and streets. Now, as far as I know, somewhere along here,
Lower Wackoff see a Porta Potty and the little green flag is up. He
boldly rushes up and yanks open the door just in time to see to see a
little girl, or was it an old lady, doing the last wipe. Whoops. He
slammed the door and ran off to the nearest alley and stood like a man
between dumpsters. Hey, it's his story. But meanwhile I follow trail and
down an alley to the north and I think I see Lower Wackoff way ahead.
Last I saw of him. He went west and there was an unmarked Check on
Argyle. So he heads west and then I arrive and suddenly their is Meat
Inside Her, Its Too Soft and Putt Putt In The Butt. And they just found
trail to the south. And they run off and I'm behind again, but on trail.
Yes, eventually Lower Wackoff got back here and this time it was
marked. Then there is another Check and again, I just catch up as they
run off to the south in an alley. This time Berts Special Friend was
with them. But I ran on and the trail heads west and right by Gay
Dancers apartment and even though he was running with us, he short cut
the pack to his house for an unscheduled beer stop. I ran right on by
and a few blocks later I look back and here comes the pack. We run west
on Lawrence and then south through some alleys and eventually to a Check
at Wilson and Clark. When I get there, the pack is already gone. But I
find trail through Staples parking lot and suddenly there were Lifa and
Gay Dancer ahead of me. Well, they were soon out of sight and I'm
chugging along alone again and come to a Split at Western, a block north
of Montrose. And it is marked False to the west, and the pack is to the
south and suddenly returning. WTF. A little screw up here. F means go
back to Check or Split. In this case you had to go back through that
Split to the previous one and eventually Lifa found that heading north.
Meanwhile I'm rechecking straight south and after two blocks, nothing.
So I range west and up to Montrose and over to Ravenswood. Nothing.
Actually the pack was north of me and going further west then were I
stopped. Like I'm running an inner circle and they are runing a wider
circle. So I head south looking for marks that might come my way. No
way. I get to Irving Park and decide to call it. Remember, I'm running
on a bad ankle. And I'm still miles from the finish on an A to B and I
don't know where B is. So I start walking east on Irving Park and on the
south side of the street so I would be better able to see makes coming
north. Meanwhile the pack is running around Wrigley Field with rain and
thousands of people walking over the marks. Yes, they got split up into
about four groups and I made five. I get to Lake Shore Drive and walk
under the bridge and there is a bright beautiful arrow. So, I'm on agan
and just as suddenly Gay Dancer comes up behind me, Well, I wasn't
running and we was so I mostly followed him north to the pedestrian
tunnel and through some city streets and two more Checks and I manage to
again run into Gay Dancer at parks edge and Montrose. A few block later
we head towards Lake Shore Drive behind a field House and there is the
finish. A mob of non runners and Stiffy 4 Stiffies cooking burgers, I
needed food. Damn good burgers. Eventually we all came on in. Castration
Sensation was DFL but he ran 15 miles. Life also got 15. My GPS got
screwed up but I probably got 7 or 8 miles. Circle was good and a light
rain started and all was good. As I left and got into a bus, Stiffy 4
Stiffies ran up and waved me off after I already paid. He offered me a
ride home. Now things are really good. Swing Low my friends.
x
Mon
Jul 12, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Sharti B laid a trail out of Palmer
Square Park, west end, and he had 19 hounds for this A to B trail. About
4.5 miles for the Turkey Trail. And yes, I ran the Turkey Trail, but I
don't know how or where or when I got on it. Any hoo. trail started
through the park and just south to Dickens street and west to
California. At this point I'm a little ahead of Lower Wackoff and the
pack is out of sight. North on California the trail makes it way over to
Milwaukee and a Check. As I get there I see Happy Ass Grabber on the
other side of Milwaukee being pulled down the street by his dog. I
follow and after a short loop to the south we are back at Milwaukee and
just before Armitage I find another Check. Unmarked so I head north and
Lifa follows me. Hey, where did he come from. Anyhow I inform him about
the Check and we split. Ultimately I find the trail and Lifa and Lower
Wackoff and I run on to a Check at Western and Lyndale. Lifa goes
straight so I head west. Nothing west and I never saw Lifa again until
the finish. Straight north on Western and trail crossed Western but
never a third arrow. He ranged and picked up on the trail. Now I
followed him and Lower Wackoff on that False and we run into USSR. We
return and finally find the real trail east from the Check and it runs
on to Oakley and we run into USSR's two virgins, J. Emmanuel and J.
Monica. Somehow we all manage to work our way over to Western and Logan
Blvd. and a Check. At this point we were on the Turkey Trail but here is
where we rejoined the Eagle Trail. and the two rejoin and there are
hounds everywhere. From here the trail went to a Check on Logan Blvd by a
church. This led to Altgeld through an alley and then west, past a
Check, and on in to the finish on the Boulevard parkway just west of
Richmond. Circle was to damn loud. I guess that is what happens when I
have two working hearing aids. It was like standing in the middle of a
rock concert. But all was good and we hung around after circle for a
bit. I finally left when I felt some rain and headed on out. Swing Low,
hashers.
x
On On
Horn-E
x
This pandemic has taken a toll on all of
us. We have all reacted to it as we saw it, and learned about it, and in
the interests of our own health, as we saw fit. When it first hit,
everyone folded hashes in panic, even before the Governor shut down
Illinois. But I kept the Bushman Hash open. Not mandatory, but for those
that wished to live on as they thought was reasonable. Free choice.
When we opened up again, the first hash was in my back yard and I opened
up my home. Since then and through this winter I have hosted many
hashes and always gave access to my home. Its Too Soft also opened his
home for multiple hashes. And we cooked and offered it up to all. Last
winter when the hashes shut down, many of us said hell no. Regular
hashes and under the umbrella of "Friends Who Run Chicago", we kept the
traditions going. And all last winter we had numbers coming out that
rival the regular hashes since we have reopened. We had about 15 to 20
hashers who came out frequently and braved the cold of winter for hashes
and circles, on lawn chairs in parks and yards. We kept our thing
going. Meanwhile, many hashers showed up once or twice or not at all. We
got virgins who wanted something to do and found us. If we were not
hashing, they might never have come to enjoy our thing and become part
of us. And now that Illinois is opening up, our general numbers haven't
really increased all that much. Sometimes less then in the winter. But
meanwhile something else has happened.
Vaccine
Passports. Since Memorial Day their have been two Rag Time Hashes that I
know of. No vaccine, no entry. I've only attended one Rag Time in the
past and it wasn't really for me. No problem. Beside one couple, hosts,
had a new born baby and I'm sure they were being very cautious. But yet,
somehow it was okay to show up last Thursday with the baby and ended up
holding the baby in circle with all of that singing, which authorities
say is super spreader activity. Hmmm. There was one Second City Hash. As
I recall, no vaccine, $10 extra and stay masked. I could miss that one.
Then the 4th of July weekend happened. First it was the regular Chicago
Hash posted. Come to hash but no entry for the great food and party
after without proof on your phone of vaccination. I've been a regular
member of the Chicago Hash for over 35 years and this is the first time I
was not allowed in. I know, babies, kids. But there would be some
relief because of a late entry for the weekend, a Second City Hash. No
need to worry here. They hosted a beer stop at the Memorial Day Hash and
their kid ran around all over the back yard. And there were about 50
hashers and not a mask in sight for about an hour. Wrong. I was told
shortly after arriving that I could stay now, because their kid was
sleeping, and I could run the hash, but would have to leave after. Huh!
She admitted that she screwed up in allowing Memorial Day. It was hard
to get up for the hash, and not fun if you know you have to leave. When I returned
for my bag, they were all starting to pile into their above ground pool, covered in bug spray and
sweat, and no shower in site. A guess that sweat and bug spray is okay
on their kid but me walking around isn't. I digress.
Let's
get something straight here. We're talking about some hashers I really
like and have always gotten along well with. But you can never stand up
to and argue with a woman over issues with her child. That is like
getting between a Grizzly sow and her cubs and telling her that her cubs
are so cute and cuddly and you only want to pet them. Ain't gonna
happen. She will chew you up and spit out the bones.
I guess the main objection is, hash is always open to anyone unless you
are going around raping Harrietts or stealing from hashers, or shitting on their couches. I,
as
much as anyone, kept hashing going through this pandemic. Well over
fifty hashes since they closed down, freezing our asses off in the cold
dark nights of winter. And now that it has warmed up, those that did
nothing are coming out and telling us we're having a party hash and you
can't come. Really sucks. If we didn't keep things going, where would
hashing in Chicago be now.
We
are a club of sorts and if you send out an invitation to host a hash, it
goes to everyone. We love some and maybe tolerate
others. But we always welcomed all. Until this year. In other words. If you can't invite everyone, don't invite anyone. It
is only fare to those that are excluded. You
can always hold off hosting a hash until you are comfortable hosting
all. But how can you be comfortable if you know you have to exclude
friends. Ones that wouldn't exclude you.
My
medical decisions are personal and
based on knowing my body and what I have read about the virus, the
vaccine and the potential side effects. And I have researched it
extensively and acting on the advice of countless Doctors and
Virologists.
I'm not questioning your choices.
One
other thing. Most of us know the Sixty-nine Cent Man. He has gone
through medical hell this year and still trying to recover. If he were
to just show up at one of these restricted
hashes, just to hang out as he can't run yet, would you allow him to
stay? He got the shots. But they didn't take and their are no
antibodies, and he has to get a do
over. Does anyone else know if they actually have anti-bodies? Have you
actually been tested for antibodies? Just asking.
Rant over. I only hope we can all hash at every opportunity, and desire to do so, without conflicts.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailWed,
Jun 30, 2021, Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Lifa laid trail out of
Independence Park and we had a small pack of fast hounds and slow hounds
and somehow I ended up with the fast hounds and eventually FRB. No, I
didn't earn it, and yet I did. Later. We took off south and along the
Expressway. There was a Check along here and falling behind early, Lower
Wackoff and I had to solve this. But with luck we were right after the
FRBs. We got to Addison and a little park and then headed west over the
Expy and to a Check. The FRBs were again gone and I headed northwest and
not On. Then suddenly the whole pack is gathering around one block west
on Addison and no damn 3rd mark. As we circled back to the Check
someone finally headed east on Addison and we were on. We lost Garmin
along here. Well done, back of the opposite side of the street. Along
here we finally realized that we were joined by Its Too Soft and
Castration Sensation. Late comers. This brought us to a Check at
Kimball. I found this for the small group of back of the pack hashers
and we headed north. Just before Elston there was a Triple Split and I
picked wrong heading north. But eventually AC DC from Pittsburgh found
the Check and we scattered around there before getting On. A few quick
alleys and we checked at Kimball and Irving Park. This went north and
about two blocks later it evolved into a small group at the front, AC DC
and Ass to Seman, both from Pittsburgh, Stiffy 4 stiffies and myself.
We headed west on Cullom and got a split at an alley. I went south and
was wrong, but I headed west and the three other front runners
eventually came to where I was running on Berteau. By then I was at
another Check and working it, They found it and another Split at an
alley. The visitors found it heading north and Stiffy 4 Stifies and I
paralleled to the west. He finally went north looking for them and I
kept going west and again, the trail came to me and I got lucky again.
So I'm running south towards Irving Park and near the Expy and a little
pathway to Irving Park. Stiffy 4 Stiffies ran by me here and because of
the traffic lights he just kept going straight and towards the finish at
the park. Only it wasn't. I crossed Irving Park and headed east and the
two visitors followed and then passed me. But no hare or beer in the
park. So I eventually headed back with Ass To Semen and we fount the
marks and got back on trail. Heading along the Expy we crossed Pulaski
and I raced to beat the lights and headed down this little back path to
the hare and beer, FRB. A short time later the back of the pack came on
in and finally the real FRBS, came into the finish from the wrong way.
So, technically, the normal DFL became FRB and the Real FRB became DFL. A
twist of luck. We then headed over to the park for circle and hanging
out in the dark.
x
Thu Jul 1, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Lifa
was a last minute co-hare with Garmin to celebrate his 2500th Hash at
Oz Park. We had nine hounds and things got screwed up early. We headed
south and at the second Check was the confusion that screwed me and left
me alone. When I got there Mommys Coming was saying there was a Back
Check three. But a Back Check three was the Check. Or did then mean the
mark before that. Well we worked that for a bit and didn't seem to know
WTF was happening, So I'm out Checking and when I return they were all
gone. Damn. Well, most marks were marked and I ran on through Old Town
and eventually into Lincoln Park. I skipped a loop here and was soon at
the beer check. From here the trail went straight north, sort of, from
about Armitage to a Split at Beldon that was marked straight ahead.
There I ran into a bunch of hounds at Fullerton and they were saying
that there were no marks, Well, while checking, suddenly I heard a
whistle. But no one in sight. So after more checking I headed west at
that Split to Clark and still nothing. Lifa told me at the Beer Stop
that there were about 2 more miles so, I figured that it had to go much
further north, So I did and nothing was found. I circled back to the
park and the start to see if they marked where the circle was, NO. So I
circled the entire park and was returning to the start when I found the
pack and they are calling DFL. Hell, I'd already been by there once and
no one was there. Well, we held circle and all was good. And Cock
Whisperer was standing in the circle with her new born and that was
good. But twice loosing the pack and finding myself running alone was
not fun, SH.
x
Tue Jul 6, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. False
Advertising and Crotch Fire hared from the Shamrock Club for eight
hounds. As the pack headed west and then south around the Merchandise
Mart and over the Franklin bridge, Chicken Stifer took the lead and was
soon returning on the other side of the street. So we got a quick short
cut. Then back across the river at Wells. Trail then went back north
across the river again on the other side of the street. Lower Wackoff
managed to see CS returning to the south again on La Salle and we
skipped that loop and headed straight east on Wacker. Trail went down to
river level at La Salle and back up at Clark. The hares are really
screwing with us on this one. Then we head north across another bridge,
this time at Dearborn. At Kinzie was a Check. CS went straight north and
so I headed east. One mark and then nothing. So I assumed CS might be
on to the north and I headed north for two blocks and nothing. So I loop
back to Dearborn, still no marks and head for the Check. There I found
Lower Wackoff and two visitors, I Fell Tower and Second Cumming heading
west. A block later they were on nothing but CS had run this way back
and forth and was last seen heading west. Now I'm thinking. North, East,
West were not On. Keeping with the previous pattern, could those
bastard hares be taking us back across the river on the east side of
Dearborn. I run off and sure enough, I was right. I call the pack and
run on. At Wacker the trail goes east. Well, what else is new. At State
is a Split and I head back across another bridge. Those bastard hares
got us again. YBF over the bridge. So I return and it is the four of us
again. This time trail heads across State and down to the river lever.
Again. My right knee was hurting the last time I did that so I stayed
upper lever and ranged while they went down. They ran on to Michigan and
back to upper level. Meanwhile, while trying to see where they were
heading, my left ankle want out. I get these on occasion and this was a
bad one. Slightest twist can do it. But there was no more running. Lower
Wackoff lost the visitors at Michigan and with some wrong guesses he
fell way back and was running on his own. He got about 6 miles of a four
mile trail. Meanwhile, I limped on towards the start to see if the
finish was posted there. No such luck. So, I'm thinking that we end in a
garage for beer. He has done that before. So I work a big loop looking
for garages with arrows into them. No. I head for the little river park
near Erie where we have had beer stops. No. A big loop back to the bar
and still not a mark anywhere. Last thought was that the trail went into
the loop and then over to that spot under the tracks we've used before.
And there they were dispersing just as I arrived. That was fun. Not. I
get my bag and my drink and the few left sang DFL and then we did Swing
Low and everyone was gone. As near as I can figure, from those I managed
to talk to, Chicken Stifer ranged from that Check and finally headed
over to B. I'm thinking he knew where it was because he came to the bar
from that direction and with the hares. Menage A Twat came in Second
because she just does a long walk and the hares told her were the beer
was. Castration Sensation came in next at over 7 miles on that 4 mile
trail. I saw his GPS. He went the wrong way, several times at every
Split and Check. The visitors left just as I got to circle. And I don't
know what happened to Its Too Soft, but I'm sure he followed someone on
in. And that's the way I heard it and saw it. x
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trailx
Sat. Jun 19, 2021, The Bushman Hash.
Horn-E hared a really screwed up hash from Cumberland and Irving Park. All right, I know the area, but the woods always change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes to become almost impossible. Trail
started out to the north instead of the more familiar south and/or
west. That got Lower Wackoff right away. We hadn't been this way for
some time so it should be an adventure. Yeah, adventure. Sure. First is
crossing the ball fields and picnic areas. Then a little loop through a
small section of woods. Was that full of ground clutter. Then after some
got a little short cut, trail went around a pond and a Check. Do I know
what happened here. NO. I was off buying beer. But trail eventually
went across a parking lot and into a dirt path in a field of prairie
grasses. This led to a short bit on a regular wide path and then into
sparse woods and deeper prairie grasses. And climbing over dead trees
and such. This led to a Check at a parking lot. Trail went north and to a
wide path heading west. This was paralleling a stinky dead stream with
about 6 inches of stagnant water. And crossing that was the goal. But
the brier bushes were everywhere and I finally got to the end of the
former possible crossings and to a more reliable one. But that meant a
five foot climb out. Somebody better help Just Do Me Slowly. From here
we back tracked a bit on the remnants of a path that dead ended. The
overall plan was to get through here and into some more passable woods.
It must have taken an extra ten minutes just to work my way past the
thorns and dead clutter that I kept breaking away for a passable path.
Just Do Me Slowly had it made here. SnatchSquatch, not so much. Now I am
in the woods and somewhat running room. This was supposed to come out
to fields and a path. When I came out, there were fields of nice tall
grasses and the mostly horrible section of trees going on forever. These
trees are little clumps of skinny trees just a few feet apart and hard
to even walk through. I tried to go around and finally was coming up to a
road and no clear path through the trees. I had to head for the edge of
the road and run along that until I saw what might be a good spot to
re-enter the woods. It was and I soon found some clearings and paths and
at least one Split that lost Stiffy 4 Stiffies. But he looped around
and soon picked up on trail as we headed towards the river and a small
river crossing. Yeah, like anyone would do that. Even Rambo, I mean
Scent Of A Man skipped that. And now the trail was on a real wide path
along the river. I looked at the time and "Holy Shit" I am 45 minites
from the start time and a long way from the finish and now having to
scrap some of the planned trail. Shitty trail. Yeah. I mostly headed
straight back with a few short loops into trees. So, while they were
running, I returned with the beer and walked back along my trail looking
for a good spot for a beer stop. And there was this oasis in the middle
of the park, a clump of trees. Upon entering I was met with a nice cool
breeze and with the heat of the day, that would be the perfect beer
stop. Almost. First there was Stiffy 4 Stiffies. He found that left turn
and headed for the trees and was soon followed by the pack in twos and
threes. Mommys Coming, False Advertising, Zone 2, Back Door Bizzle,
Waiting Four Two Black Guys. Finally we are all there, except
SnatchSquatch. Somehow he kept missing the turn into the Beer Stop and
we missed seeing him and he was running back and forth. We were looking
Snatch. Really. But we all finally made it in. Then we headed to a
picnic area and Lower Wackoff brought out a grill and some meat and we
got more beer and all was good in the cool shade and light breeze.
x
Mon, Jun 21, 2021, Chicago Hash. Death
By Bukkake and Dr. Cockvorkian laid trail out of Liberty Lounge.
Fifteen hounds on trail. And I got off at the first Back Check. Damn.
Now I'm playing catchup all the way. Not. Then I miss interpreted a mark
as trail went north of Irving Park near construction and at the
southern end of Horner Park. I saw it as going right over the bridge. I
missed a Split and the trail went west and then through the park. Not
finding marks and way behind. I opted to head north hoping for the trail
to loop east on Montrose. It did. But before getting there I opted to
go east and just missed the beer stop in a park. And I would have caught
the pack there. But I figured there wouldn't be a beer stop there
because it was to far away from the finish. Wrong. What I didn't figure
on was two beer stops. Either did most of the pack. And they went
further north almost to Lawrence before circling back and east,
Meanwhile I ranged on, but not ON, and finally came back to the bar. No
one there. So I ran south to Belmont and then east to Damen and actually
found an arrow. Damn, how did that get there. But it went no where. It
was off of a check. Well, It was a block west and return, north and
return, two blocks east and return and one block south and return before
I found the Check. Right across the street from where this all started.
Damn. From here it was straight south to a park and I was FRB. WTF.
Finally Lifa wandered in. He short cut down Ravenswood and found trail.
Well over ten minutes before three hounds came on in. We finally gave up
waiting at 10PM. By the time we got back to the bar five hounds already
left and two were about to leave. It had been suggested having a long
trail for the longest day of the year. But at least run it with us. That
and most of us didn't realize there were two beer stops and there were a
hell of a lot of Back Checks. All in all, a rough trail, but shit
happens and after a beer, we all felt better. X
The Tale of the Trail
x
Thu Jun 10, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Sleeping
Booty hared from the southwest edge of Lincoln park for a pack of 10
hounds and 3 late comers. That 10 included 2 virgins Just Alana and Just
Bret and a visitor Good Wood Licker from the Boston area, We started
out to the south and then around the pond for the eagles and Horn-E and
the virgins went turkey and merged east of the pond. From here we headed
south and out of the park and along Lake Shore Drive and the Gold Coast
area. Even hit a few gangways I never saw before. Then we worked our
way along Division and Wells and North ave and finally heading into old
town. Mostly I managed to stay a little in front of the newbies and they
didn't get lost on trail. Eventually we were joined by Back Door Bizzle
and finally we hit a check at Lincoln and Wisconsin. I headed north and
found nothing. But, at that point I was about a hundred yards from the
finish and so I headed ON IN. And Good Wood LIcker called me out in the
circle for short cutting. Obviously they hash a lot different at her
home hash. During circle we finally ran out of beer and the hare had to
go get more. And shortly after I took advantage of the close by bus line
right to my house and headed hoome.
x
Fri. Jun 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin where out to kill the hash when they
hared out of Sauganash Park. And what I saw was an okay trail for a
large pack, but we only had four hounds. Hey, we got more in the dead of
winter and 10 degrees. But we were soon off to the north and north and
north. At Peterson we had a Split and SnatchSquatch was right by the
Split as Lifa returned. That was the last we saw of SnatchSquatch. We
were heading north on old railroad right a way/bike path and we were up
and down. left side and right side and just missing seeing Snatchsquatch
up ahead. We finally came to a T and E just before Devon. SnatchSquatch
was long gone on the Eagle and Lifa and Lower Wackoff soon followed. I
took the Turkey and headed east. Turkey was a bit of straight east with
little dips to the right and left until I picked up on the merging of
the two trails. From here I was On to the south and with a few dips to
the right or left, finally came out in the parking lot of a brewery. The
rest of the pack finally came in at the beer stop about ten or fifteen
minutes apart. They went way the hell north for about a 6.5 mile trail.
We were going to just have a beer stop here, but by the time we all got
in, we decided to circle right there. Then my bus, the last bus of the
night, came right by there and I was gone.
h.
X
Sat. Jun 12, 2021, The 200th Big Dog Hash.
Lifa and Horn-E hared twice in St. Paul Woods for close to 10 miles. Yeah,
one prelaid and one live trail. Damn thunder storms. And we had some
nice tricks and such on trail and went through a lot of effort creating
them. The good part was we saw a lot of deer in the beautiful green
woods. And then there was that little fawn. Running and leading away
from us and then suddenly coming right back past us. WTF. Oh, maybe it
was the damn coyote chasing him. But the coyote saw us right after
passing us and paused to look at us and the fawn was long gone and
living another day. As we finally approached the finish, we saw the
clouds coming in. Then our phones were showing the bad weather coming
right at us, on its nothern edge. We might have to relay the trail. So
Lifa went out for more flour and I waited with the pack, such as it was.
Back Door Bizzel, Crotch Fire, SnatchSquatch and for the first time in
about 15 months, RumpleStealsKids. Then the rains hit, hard, and we
huddled in the leaking shelter at the far end with the strong winds and
heavy rain. Berts Special Friend and Son Of Spam and Meat Inside Her
arrived for a pack of seven. We took off to re lay the trail. And
eventually they followed. We had to miss a few of our great tricks, and
mostly stayed on the old trail except when we didn't. When we got to the
coyote area there is this little stream. When we first laid the trail,
we had a Check here and I ended up walking along in the stream with
about a half inch of water trickling by for a long False. It rained.
Lifa got here first and just crossed it. I asked and he said it was only
up to his knees. Yeah, a flash flood. Where I crossed it came up to mid
thighs. Just missed my phone in my pocket. Whew! We eventually started
to leap frog past each other so the pack wouldn't catch us. Like that
would work. I got ahead and headed over to the narrow path along the
river and started laying more trail. Along here I tweaked the trail a
bit and then heard Lifa catching up and calling out to me. I thought he
was just questioning the slight change I made in the trail. Noooo. He
had a bit of a slip on that narrow trail and as he headed for the river
he grabbed whatever he could to not fall in and lost his flour. He
needed me to return to relay from where he ran out of flour. So, missed
communication. I yelled I'm On and ran on and he returned to wait for
the pack. Hey, it sort of worked. I went on laying trail and they were
able to follow what I relayed and eventually I was on a bike path and
walking, almost out of flour and with so much shit in my shoes from
water crossings, I could hardly run anymore. And Berts Special Friend
ran up and snagged the lead hare. Damn. But rumor has it that they did
enjoy the trail. Back at the finish they started the grill, chicken and
burgers and franks and all was good. Then we held a real laid back
circle and finally headed on out. Beautiful day, great weather, well
mostly, and good hashing. A 200th worth trail.
xMon, Jun 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. False
Advertising hared from Ashland, Division & Milwaukee for an A to B
trail that would end near the home of Soul Taco and Hooch B4 Cooch. This
should have been a simple trail. Hey, it was a simple trail. Well,
except, tiny light marks. A back Check and I was right at the right spot
to head south and find trail and take the lead. But I missed seeing the
mark. So we scattered and I finally went back to the Back Check and
they found the arrow I missed and they were long gone. Almost. I did see
Lower Wackoff heading the right way and followed. But I also missed the
next arrow and went along the east of this housing area while the trail
went right through it and a quick Check on Milwaukee. When I got to
Milwaukee there were no marks, Heading north I found a Split heading
right towards me and it was marked southeast on Milwaukee. So, ten
minutes later I finally returned to the Split and back to a Check I
didn't know existed. And it was marked south and eventually west in an
alley. WTF. So I ran on and was finally looking for fading marks in the
dark. And some bastard was moving the light small arrows from under
bright lights to under trees and behind poles. So twice I got burned on
that and added four extra blocks. I finally came in to the finish and
they were just starting the circle. So, all was finally good and I had
another 6.5 mile trail. Damn. We had 12 hounds on trail that included a
visitor from Barbados, China Brush. Thanks for the patch. For your
information, she is putting together a week long Caribbean tour by boat
with a hash every day on a different island and finishing with the
Interhash in Trinidad next April.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailThu Jun 3, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatchwas
to hare from the Skate Park just north of Wilson. I arrived late
because of a CTA snafu, 25 minutes later then planned. That made it 7:24
and not a hasher in sight. Anywhere. But I did find a true trail mark
and no usual chalk talk marks. WTF. I followed that with a heavy back
pack hoping to drop it off with the shag wagon. Not. The second mark I
saw was a true trail mark on a Check near the lake. Still no Chalk Talk
Marks. So I headed out lugging that heavy back pack and the trail was
mostly swept and I was doing sort of fine. Even found a short cut at
Foster. But they were already past that and long gone. Coming south I
found a Check at Lawrence. I went south and wrong, but I finely did pick
up on trail around Wilson and west of the Outer Drive and followed that
east and around Cricket Hill and towards the Bird Sanctuary. Trail came
to a Check and I headed into the bird sanctuary thinking there would be
a circle in there. Not. Just a lot of solo guys cruising back and
forth. I'm not sure if they weren't interested or if I scared them off,
but I got out unscathed and headed west. I eventually picked up on trail
again and headed around the harbor to a BN mark. Under the bridge I
headed wrong on a Check thinking the trail just might go back to the
start where ever that was, because I don't remember any A to B info.
Well, wrong again so I went the other way and found the pack on top of
Cricket Hill. By my best guess there were11 other trail hounds besides
myself. Short circle and then we watched the night lights. Mostly
flashing and blue on fast moving cars. Must have been about 15 just
northeast of where we were. I left and saw at least 6 more arriving.
Then two ambulances. Shooting? Didn't hear that. Knifing? Gang fight?
Who knows.
X
Mon, Jun 7, 2021, Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared out of Skinner
Park. No flashing lights here as we were about 100 yards from the
Police academy. We had 15 trail hounds, including two visitors and two
virgins. The visitors are now gone and heading back home and the two
virgins disappeared before the circle. I hope they got hash cash.
Actually Just Katy and Just David seemed to like the hash and hopefully
will return now that they have experienced at least the running part. I
took off running slow and within two blocks my old ankle injury started
acting up. Last week I ran 7 days in a row and over a Marathon. Then one
day off and I ran about 3.8 milea with a heavy back pack and no
problems. But take three days off and this old fart starts to fall
apart. Damn. We ran east and struggled on a few checks but the hares
took us into virgin territory along the expressway. WTF. And after this
there was a Check and when I limped up, they were standing around while a
few Checked. So I went south towards the U of I Campus. Two marks and
nothing. So I ranged east to Halsted and back north when there was a
mark. I was last along here except for Menage A Twat who was walking. We
headed into the loop and got as far as crossing the river. Things got a
bit dicey here as they were power washing the side walks. They'll do
anything to put people back to work. And it wiped out a few marks, but I
was just barely managing to spot Ice Princess and Just Katy and
Stockholm Syndrome on and off ahead of me. We headed back west and the T
and E Split. I took T and hoped I might get ahead of Castration
Sensation. I know he would go for the Eagle. Then suddenly there are
three hashers ahead of me. Just Katy, Ice Princess and Happy Ass Grabber
walking along. Remember HAG. Probably been at least a year. And get
this HAG, this old fart finally passed you after all these years of
trying and about 2 or 300 trails together. Persistence pays off. Of
course now he'll come back and really pass me again. And then a short
time later Castration Sensation passed me. Back to normal. A few blocks
later I catch up and he said he hadn't seen a mark for a bit. There are
two ways to attack this. He went back and found a turn to the south and
was On. I ranged ahead and north and didn't find shit. But I ranged on
west and worked my way south looking for marks and suddenly I find the
BN Check. So I Checked that out and finally got On and ran on in ahead
of those I mentioned. Oh, that sore ankle and limp. Went away and I
started moving good. Cockholm Syndrome led us in circle after the
virgins left and all was good. x
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailxWed.
May 26. 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome hared from
Heritage Green Park for 17 trail hounds. Is that another record? We have
been getting larger and larger packs during the so called pandemic. It
is safe to hash. We started out to the south and west and the FRBs
quickly ran away with the trail. We soon circled back towards the east
and over the river. By the time I got here I saw Lower Wackoff heading
over a green hill. I followed only to find a fence to be climbed. My
nuts still hurt. We then headed south to Harrison and I was able to see
Lower Wackoff heading over the river again to
the west. I followed and called out to the three hounds behind me, Ice
Princess and his two virgins. At the post office the trail went south. A
block later trail headed west and I was able to see Its Too Soft
returning from the south. I got lucky. A block later was a little circle
jerk to the north and I already saw Lower Wackoff coming back so I
skipped that and waved back for those last three. We then headed north
for a block and then towards the west and the U of I campus. At least
the north side of it. I think this is where I lost those last three.
Meanwhile I ran on and we circled north and after a few blocks we were
back at Halsted and soon to the On IN. Circle was okay until they ran
out of beer. Hey, this is Whiskey Wednesday. That is when I left.
Thu May 27, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft
hared from his roof deck. Rain was threatening, but never came during
trail. The hare used railroad chalk which turned out to be problematic
right from the start on the wet pavement. But, we had to do with what
we had and the hare was sweeping. There were 7 of us and we really tried
to work together and after about an hour we weren't half way and spent
at least 15 minutes on the last mark before finding a Split on Clark and
Sheffield and we don't know how we got there. We scattered and got no
where and some including myself finally bailed. Back at the roof deck
the pack was gathering and even some non runners. And
the fire pit was raging. I still managed to keep my eyebrows from those
raging flames. Ice Princess was first back. Or is that gave up first.
The ones who got the furthest finally had to give up around Wrigley
field. That was Mommys Comming and Sleeping Booty. Separately. Finally
Lower Wackoff came crawling in. And he never gives up. Yep, even he gave
up. The others were Santa Cums Once a Year and Castration Sensation.
No, no Harrietts. Again.
X
Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa
laid trail from River Park at Carmen and Francisco. It was supposed to
rain again. But no rain. Lifa laid a live trail in green powder. And
every mark was bright and easily spotted. I was late. Yes again. But I
ran right out and eventually caught Lower Wackoff who was marking all of
the Splits and Checks real well. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special
Friend were also coming late. That is four and there were five FRBs
running wild ahead of us. Trail did a loop to the west and south through
some river park and then in a counter clockwise trail from there. I
joined Lower Wackoff as we struggled together solving Checks and Splits
and marking them. We were finally caught by the other late comers and a
block later we were met with a Malort Stop right behind the garage of
Antique Load Show and Ritilin Cum Bubble. Back on trail it was soon just
me and Lower Wackoff. Shortly after crossing Foster I caught a Check
Back 1. Well, Lower Wackoff found it and I circled in the other
direction and back toward where I thought he would come with the trail.
NOT. I finally found myself back at the start and no one there. But a
short time later Mommys Coming arrived from the beer stop and the pack
was soon there. We held the usual Moon Hash circle and everyone was off.
Where I don't know. But I went home.
X
Sat, May 29, 2021, Chicago Hash. Soul
Taco hared this pre lub hash from the northern tip of Goose Island.
There were about 30 hounds on trail. Trail took off over the bridge and
to the east for a quick Check. This was falsely called to the east and
then north and only two marks. As the fast smart local runners headed
back, and this dumb hound followed, those other bastards ranged far
enough and found trail. Nothing like a cluster fuck to start things off.
So we ran north to Cortland and then straight west to almost Elston.
And the pack was a bit strung out. Trail went north for a loop and as I
arrived at the turn north, I saw the pack heading south on Elston. Easy.
I followed. Ended up with Lower Wackoff as we headed towards North Ave
and then west under the Expressway. From here it was on in to a beer
stop at Soul Tacos roof deck. 72 freaking steps up. But Sleeping Booty
provided some good micro beer and I actually tasted a bit. Good stuff.
We finally headed out and I was following Mommy's Coming and the pack
just swept by me as we headed towards Division and a T and E Split. I'm
not keeping up with that pack so I headed off on the Turkey. We headed
west to Elston and then instead or straight over to Goose Island, the
trail headed north on Elston. I'm running on the east side of the street
and a small pack is ahead of me on the west side and on trail. Suddenly
a Check and they are scattering. So I keep going north and never saw
them again. I think the trail went south on the east side of the street
and over to Goose Island. Meanwhile I ran on north to North without
marks. I headed to the On In and nobody ever showed. So now I am really
fucked up. I retreat to Division and finally find another Check. I
followed the trail through a bit of Goose Island and over the bridge to
Halsted. This eventually led to a little mall and I missed the mark
saying head up. Yeah, to a roof of a parking lot for another beer stop.
By the time I found that, Prickley Puss and Mommys Little Accident were
coming down the elevator. So I just ran off to the finish for the second
time and came in just before Mommys Coming and Double Meter Beater. We
held circle here in the warm sun and all was good. X
Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch
and One Fuck Chuck hared from Edgebrook Woods for the main event of Memorial Day weekend. About
50 or so were there and most went either on a walkers trail or the main
trail. Before I forget, thanks to Silent But Deadly for putting it all
together and our cooks who stayed behind while we ran trail, Feather and
Son Of Spam. After Chalk talk we headed east and Horn-E managed to find
the trail into the woods where there was an immediate Split. Some
quickly passed me and we headed down hill and along the rivers edge and
to Central. Nice. Now we followed trail along the golf course and past a
housing section and finally back to the woods and a long narrow section
along the river, high up at first and eventually down to rivers edge
and on and on until they went under Devon and up and over the Devon
bridge over the river. And here they laid a Check, just like there was a
Check here two weeks earlier on the Bushman Hash. And they both came
out to run that trail and SnatchSquatch said, imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery. And they imitated the Bushman trail along here, about
75% of the trail, until they finally branched off near the end of the
woods. And I got to actually run some trail in the woods for once and it
was great. I seem to have more energy in the woods and I did on that
trail. Back to that Check. They ran trail off in the direction of a
former False and ran a little different trail in the woods and across a
parking lot and towards the foot bridge. Then they were exactly on the
old trail, a nice foot path ziggng and zagging along the rivers edge and
up towards the bike path. Then the trail went along the rivers edge,
paralleling the bike path and most of the pack opted for the bike path. I
took the slower river path, but that is why we were in the woods. Then
there was a Check were I had one two weeks ago. This led into the ravine
and they paralleled the ravine on a nice winding path and then towards
the east and into the woods, finally circling south along Caldwell
before finally coming out into city streets. This led south through the
neighborhood and over to the Metra Tracks and station and then north to
the home of W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie for an extended beer stop.
Nice back yard and we all finally gathered. After we left, there was a
city trail back. Hey, I know this area and I took a direct way and along
the tracks and was soon in to the finish. We ate some damn good grub,
thanks cooks. Then Gay Dancer and Dr. Cockvorkian called us together in
the nice warm sun for a good circle. Shortly after the start and some
announcements, I was called out for a toast. It is Memorial Day. I
called out all the Veterans and military and reminded everyone that we
were the lucky ones who returned, so how about 15 seconds of silence for
those that didn't. "Heres to the Fallen, Red, White and Blue. They
fought for freedom, for me and you. They were heroes, so they say. They
finally got to heaven, it was a long hard way. To the Fallen." Then the
fun part began and it was a fun circle. After that the pack just sat
around in the sun and drank beer and watched Likes Twice The Seaman fly
his drone. Crazy stuff. I finally left in time for my last bus with Its
Too Soft.
X
Mon, May 31, 2021, Chicago Hash.
Pony Pounder laid this trail and Its Too Soft co hared as cook and beer
meister etc. This was to be a hang over hash and there might
be a trail for the hung over. Three walked that and returned early.
Meanwhile the rest of the pack, 13 hounds were off and running. I was
with the pack to the first Check and in the confusion and people heading
off in wrong directions and the pack following and then all returning
and a real cluster fuck. Suddenly they are gone and Lower Wackoff and
myself were left alone. Damn. We ended up going south on Halsted and
then some alleys (Do they ever pick up garbage in that area). I fell
behind LW and got real messed up at that next check, going east and
south before getting back on trail north to Halsted on Lincoln and a
three way. And caught Lower Wackoff here. He went on two of the three
arrows and found nothing. I went on the third arrow and found nothing.
WTF. Well, that third arrow wasn't really pointing the way trail went
and we finally got on trail. Most of the Splits and Checks were marked
with sticks and such and many of the sticks got moved before we got
there. So, when the marked direction didn't work, we started Checking.
It was a struggle but we were moving forward. Close marks after splits
and such helped. Finally I came out of an alley onto Diversey and there
were two little girls trying to sell Lemonade. Hey, this trail was
getting long and dry so we had a lemonade break. Hey, I'll take that
over the Bloody Mary break the rest of the pack had and we missed. We
ran on north of Diversey and we know we were heading on in. Sort of. But
we split up on a Check and both were on False trails and then followed
the other and somehow missed each other. I finally found the trail and
headed on in and LW was soon right behind me. Its Too Soft had three
kegs going and a pack sitting around in the warm sun and soon the food
started flowing. Loved the Salmon patties and the ribs and noodles and
such. Thanks. Finally headed on out after Hooch B4 Cooch held a belated
circle.
x
Tue, 1 June, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash. Berts
Special Friend laid a trail from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. And yet
again I forgot the start time is a half hur early and as I got off the
bus, about 7:10, there was the hare finishing off the last part of his
trail. He was nice, imagine
that a nice hare, and took my shag bag (Thanks Berts Special Friend) as
he was almost done and directed me to trail. A half mile away. So I'm
on major catchup that will never happen for another large pack of 13
hounds. Well 12 and me. Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation marked
all of the Splits and Checks, in case some jerk like Horn-E comes late
and so it was a good run, 3.8 miles. Ran straight to Western and then
south and found trail, off into neighborhood streets and back to
Western. Then going south to a Check it was pointed into a KFC parking
lot. Some ass hole decided to use it as a short cut right turn to avoid
the light and sure as hell didn't care about this honky jogging through
the lot. Damn near hit me. And he wasn't going slow. From here a loop to
the west and further south and then the north and west part of the
course. Up Ogden and a few other streets until Damen and north to where I
got off the bus. But, no, not on in. On to the beer stop and north of
the Expy and to the back door of the hare. And of course everyone was
already gone. Back at the finish we held circle and Lower Wackoff played
R A and did a decent job, Damn rookies. But some good songs. After Back
Door Bizzle offered a ride home and I was off.
This was the last of 7 straight days of hashing and there were three survivors, Mommys Coming, Lower Wackoff and Horn-E. Actually it was just the three of us after just 3 hashes. Get a life, get a life, get a life, life life. This is our life.
X
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers
(virgins), we start meeting at the listed
times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer.
Anyone
want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done.
New
hashers or visitors, because of the virus and lock down, many hashes
are back yards or parks. Outside. Be prepared for the cold. We
occasionally charge up to $10 for hash cash sometimes, and/or BYOB.
Hash cash money usually goes entirely to beer, but might include costs
for food. HARES: Please get your locations updated ASAP but at least a
week to 10 days in advance so we can publish them. Helps attendance.
We
have had a lot of new hashers during this pandemic lockdown. And they
have no Hash shirts. Yes, they can order hash shit on line. But I'm
going to try an open up the Bizzare Bazzar again and bring around some
old used shirts and maybe even an occasional new shirt. Price. What you
think it is worth. The money will go to beer. Might not have all sizes,
but just a few shirts now and then. Probably mostly day hashes. To hard
in the dark. So if you want some hash attire bring along some cash.
x
Wed. May 26. 2021, 7:00pm. The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome is haring from Heritage Green Park at 620 W. Adams $0 Hash cash or BYOB
X
Thu May 27, 2021, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck. Hash Cash $5 or BYOB ThirstdayH3.com
X
Fri May 28, 2021 7:00pm, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa will hare from River Park at Carmen and Francisco. Hash Cash $5 or BYOB
xSat, May 29, 2021, 2:00pm, Chicago Hash. Soul
Taco will hare from the northern tip of Goose Island. Access by car
from Division two blocks west of Halsted or over the foot bridge from
1049 W. North Ave. Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.comX
Sun, May 30, 2021, NOON, Chicago Hash. SnatchSquatch
and One Fuck Chuck will hare from Edgebrook Woods just south of
Caldwell on Central. Accessible from the CTA Blue line Jefferson Park
Station. Central bus and it is shortly after the river crossing. Or the
CTA Red Line to Bryn Mawr and take the Peterson bus to the western
Terminal. Walk about a block south. Or Metra to Edgebrook and walk about
two blocks south on Central. No same day registration. ChicagoHash.com
X
Mon, May 31, 2021, Noon, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder and Its Too Soft will hare from 933 W Wolfram, around the back and up to the roof deck. , Hash Cash $0 if paid for the weekend or $5 ChicagoHash.com
x
Tue, 1 June, 2021, 6:30 pm the 4X2H4 Hash. Berts
Special Friend will hare from 2200 W. Campbell Parkway. This is about 2
or 3 blocks south of the Eisenhower Expressway. Hash Csh $2 or BYOB
XThe Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 20, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Garmin laid
trail from Winnemac Park. We had 11 hounds and three hounds on trail.
We took off to the west and south and out of the park and into an alley
and already I was falling behind. Then I really fell behind on Lawrence
as I passed a side walk cafe and there was That Thing That Vibrates, No,
not that thing. Well, yes, that thing. Sort of. It was a former Chicago
Area hasher. At one time she started the Rag Time Hash. Supposed to be a
once a month early Saturday hash followed by brunch for Harriets. That
lasted about three months and guys started to show and then actually
started haring. I guess their feminine side was really getting to them.
Anyhow, I finally took off and at Western I found a Check. One False
trail later I got on and to the south on Western. A few blocks later a
park and another Check. Found that easily and at the far end of the park
was another Check. I started to the south and ran into Castration
Sensation and Its Too Soft. and eventually Palmolive These Pricks. They
already checked south and east so I went north and was soon on to the
east. We got to Damen and Its Too Soft was now leading as we crossed
Wilson and a Check. Marked west. I was following Palmolive These Pricks
and she kept going north. So I did. A block later we had no marks so we
ranged west and were right on trail in an alley. This led to a long
circle jerk and back to Damen. A triple Split and I was soon on in.
Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft got stuck on that last Check,
somehow. SnatchSquatch led us in the circle with a great circle.
Alright, I lie. After that I managed to sell four t-shirts and went
home.
x
Sun, May 23, 2021, Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly and Mommys Coming hared from Underbar just north of Belmont on Western.
We had 20 hounds on trail and took off to the north. At Roscoe there
was a Check and the hash scattered. But SnatchSquatch new the area and
correctly guessed to the west. At the river we headed south to Belmont
and the hash got really screwed up here. But we finally got on and
headed south on the far side of the river. We crossed Elston and by the
time I got there I could see the pack returning from a Back Check.
SnatchSquatch found trail to the south and I was right behind him. At
the next corner was a Split and I got stuck with right. Wrong. Now I'm
back of the pack. We went into a section of housing along the river and
along here Zone 2 fell behind me. I could occasionally see Lower Wackoff
ahead, but couldn't catch him. We ended up running east on Diversey and
a block past Damen and then North. Not on marks, I was following Lower
Wackoff. As we came back towards Damen, suddenly Castration Sensation
and Just Mallory (?) came out of an alley. So it was sort of the four of
us heading around a park and north in an alley and a T and E Split.
They took the Eagle and I took the Turkey. So shoot me. Two blocks later
I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch and the trail came back together. I followed
it on in and there was a large part of the pack that also did Turkey.
When the pack finally got all in, we headed into the bar next door.
Closed, but we circled in the back and we had a decent circle. Shortly
after the circle I headed home and although I got hit with the cold
front I mainly missed the rain.
XThe Tale of the Trail
x
Tue.
May 11, 2021, The First Crack of the Moon Hash #282. Lower Wackoff and
Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Peterson Park. He tried this trail
some time back and only had two old farts turn up because of potential
bad weather.
So he was giving it another try. This time we had 10 hounds on trail
and he almost hit exactly the same trail as last time. But even knowing
where the trail was going I soon fell behind. A little dip into the
woods and over to Peterson and east to a Check. As I got there, they
were scattered and Lifa was heading towards the true trail. I followed
to the south in an alley. Third as I came out of the alley and a Split.
Lifa went east, Back Door Bizzle stood there with his dog and I went
west and On trail. But the pack was soon past me and I was falling back.
Nice weather made the marks a lot easier to see. We got down to Bryn
Mawr where the trail headed east and a Check and I again almost caught
the pack as we worked out way northeast and a park at Peterson. Here I
was right behind Castration Sensation as he entered the park. There was a
big Check here and I could see some of the rest of the pack running
towards Peterson at the far end of the park. A Turkey Eagle Split.
Everyone went east on Peterson and I went straight north on the Turkey
trail. At a mall on Lincoln was a mark crossing Lincoln across a drive
way and back across Lincoln with the T and E trails coming together. But
the marks looked screwed up to me. I saw the mark as heading SW across
Lincoln but in reality the next mark was South along the crosswalk.
Damn. I ran in circles looking for trail and upon returning to that
mark, the pack was all back together and I was last again. A block south
and then west and I watched them disappear back to the north. I went
straight and eventually the trail came back to the street I was on and I
ran on in to Peterson Park. There I found a Back Check and as I was
returning Lifa arrived. I found trail into the woods and B and Lifa was
right there with his touch and we found beer. Eventually the whole pack
made it on in and Magnetic Muff was DFL. We finally headed back to the
Field House and held circle in the dark and ate some treats from Just Do
Me Slowly
XThu
May 13, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps N Shit laid trail from Arrigo
Park.We had 13 hounds and it was a fast trail with a lot of fast hounds.
I quick loop east and north and then west to Ashland. I got there at a
Check and the pack was already disappearing over the Expressway to the
north. The last I saw of them. I crossed the Expressway and headed east
following trail and marked Splits. Finally the trail headed north on
Racine and when it hit a Split, I said, forget this. I'm so damn far
behind already. So I ran straight up Racine to Taylor and then west to
Loomis looking for some kind of mark. Nothing until I got back to Arrigo
Park. There I followed trail to the beer stop and the pack. About three
were still missingnand eventually the pack was whole with Castration
Sensation coming on in DFL. I would still be out there if I didn't short
cut. Shit Happens Beautiful night and we hung on e=well after circle.
Another sausage fest with Just Krista/Christa woth her dog being the
only lady besides $20 Butt Slut. Please come back. We love you
Harrietts.
xSat, May 15, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E
laid a magnificient trail from Bunker Hill Forest Preserve. Well. it
was wonderful until One Fuck Chuck ran past a False. Damn. Well, shit
happens. We did gather and when Lifa arrived we took off heading SE
along the paved bike trail. A short loop down to the river and back up
and SnatchSquatch did the first header of the day. A short Back Check
and we were soon running along the river and little bluff over the river
on a narrow dirt path. This eventually came to a narrow point and a
good spot for a Check. One False headed southeast along the river.
Gotchya. Another False went out on the paved path and South East. Here
is where One Fuck Chuck ran past the False mark. About fifty yards later
was what I thought were hidden marks from the real trail. None on the
path and one way into the woods on a tree. No one was supposed to get
near there. Ooops. I yelled and they kept going. I managed to catch
SnatchSquatch and get him re directed. Lifa was already on the correct
trail. So, I followed them into the ravines area and back to the
northwest going up and down the ravine and a big log crossing and such
until a Check at the north end. Here Just Do Me Slowly was waiting.
SnatchSquatch found one False and soon was back on trail to the east and
south and into woods like a Bushman Hash should be run. I lost site of
him and eventually Lifa as I hung back with Just Do Me Slowly. I finally
spotted SnatchSquatch heading straight west on a path and on trail with
Lifa right behind. They were on and finishing the best part of trail.
This led to the river and an arrow across the river at the Devon Bridge.
A Check on the other side and this had two long Falses. And both of
them slowed down those front running bastards until Lifa and
SnatchSquatch finally arrived and they finally found the true trail
along the rivers edge. Trail went on with paths and off trail stuff as
we sort of followed the curves of the river. At the Bike Bridge, trail
went straight to a huge log and an arrow on top pointing to a log on the
other side of the river. Here was a loop that included a second log
lean to and a back check around it. Trail then followed the trail south
along the river on paths to the beer stop almost right where we started
trail. A spot surrounded by logs for their fat butts and the beer
flowed. Magnetic Muff has some cookies and circle commenced. And One
Fuck Chuck and SnatchSquatch got more down downs then the damn hare. We
finally ended with Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. The traditional Hash Hymn. x
Sun,
May 16, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid an A to B trail from
empirical Brewery for 17 hounds that eventually ended in Winnemac Park.
We headed east and then north on Ravenswood. I managed to see some of
these marks on my way walking to the bar. So I was near the front of the
pack as we got to a Check at Balmoral. Everyone was leaning to the
trail going east and/or north. It went west, under the tracks and south a
bock to Summerdale. I paralleled the pack on Balmoral and at Hoyne the
trail went north across Balmoral to this angle street, Bowmanvlle and
again right back to Balmoral. So having really never left Balmoral and
just paralleling I'm near the front of the pack. There was a Check here
and I was about 2nd or 3rd here as we went though some alleys and came
out on Berwyn to Western. Across Western, trail still went west. Here
local knowledge killed me or made the trail for me. Depending on how you
look at it. I saw the pack going south on the first street after
Western. I thought this was sort of a dead end or loop and so I went
south on Western. And somehow I was on the damn Turkey Trail without
even seeing a T and E Split. Two block later and I'm where the T and E
come back together at Foster. I thought the pack would soon be coming my
way so I ran on. Actually the pack went way past the freaking river.
WTF. But meanwhile trail went south a block to a Split. I guessed wrong.
Then east a block and a half to another Split and I guessed wrong. A
half block later I headed south and pick up on trail. This led to
Winnemac Park and right in to the finish. A lousy 2.3 miles. So I went
to help the hares empty the shag wagen and just after I returned Chicken
Stifer and SnatchSquatch came on in from two different directions. So
there we had three know short cutters. After about 3 or 4 more miles the
rest of the pack started to come on in with Lower Wackoff finishing up
the pack. Back Door Bizzle led a good circle, especially for the
snitches. I sold some shirts and was able to give some beer money to the
hare. All was good and then the few Harriets we had, left and it was
just Just Do Me Slowly and another sausage fest. Harriets, the pandemic
is over. Come on out. We are the Hash House Harriers, not the Rainbow
Harriers.
The Tale of the Trailx
Thu May 6, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. SnatchSquatch
laid trail from Horner Park, for 15 trail hounds. I was running lame so
this is from behind. Not like normal. Really way behind. I lasted two
blocks and it was walking the rest of the way. Deep thigh contusion. The
trail did a big loop heading east over the bridge on Montrose and then
south and even a block or two along the river and on south as close to
the river as we could get with buildings and such. I actually saw
something new just before we hit the fire pitch. Then trail went south
of Addison to pickup on the bike/walk bridge over the river and work its
way back. Here Just Do Me Slowly and I just did an Addison to Horner
Park straight walk back and we ended up circling on the hill in the dark.
We had one virgin, Just Dillin and two visitors Saving Myself 4 2 Black
Guys who made a return visit along with Fuck Children Get Cookie.
Saving Myself announced the new forming of a Lafayette Indiana Hash.
Used to be the home of the now defunct Hoosier Hash. I actually hashed
their once.
x
Sat, May 8, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. False
Advertising and Zone 2 will lay a woods trail from the Chicago Portage
National Historic Site at 4811 S. Harlem. A first for me. And it would
take about 2 hours by public transit. Hell, Pony Pounder could run there
in that time. Almost. And he tried and got to the start after the pack
left. A half marathon. But just as I was making my transit plans Garmin
called and offered a ride. Should take a half hour. We left at 1:30 and
didn't get there until 2:45. Holy Schitte, traffic sucked. But trail was
good, sort of and a nice mix. We had 13 hounds. I fell behind right
away while False Advertising warned me about having to climb over
schitte. Hey, I hare the Bushman. I can handle it. Now it was catchup
and a big sweep clockwise in the area and finally catching the pack just
after the tracks. We ran a gravel path until the trail headed into the
woods. I was about tenth heading into the woods and over logs and such
and deer paths and almost crawling. The FRBs were long gone. It was me
and Magnetic Muff and Back Door Bizzle and Lower Wackoff. We finally
came out of the woods and park area and I could see Stuffin Muffin way
off in the distance. We looped a quarry and I'm falling back and
suddenly Stuffin Muffin was passing me. WTF. We crossed the river for a
second time and headed south on sidewalk to a Check. Here I ran into
Garmin and Sharti B contemplating going west and or south. There were a
lot of hounds to the west, but not on. But woods that way and so I
headed that way and suddenly they are yelling on. Across a park area and
into woods and I'm DFL as far as I know. When I came out of here at a
road, I recognized the area and followed trail across the road. Then it
disappeared. I circled around and finally saw a mark on a tree and I was
off into the woods. Just before I got out of those woods, Lower Wackoff
came up behind me. WTF. How did I get ahead of you. He said Crotch Fire
was also behind and when he blew his whistle he didn't follow. So we
ran on through the cruizing zone across one more road and those damn
tracks again. We finally found trail on the other side and it led to a
huge tree that had fallen over a fence. We climbed over and it was back
in the Portage Zone and a nice run on paths on in to the finish. And
even with my sore leg, I wasn't DFL. We held a nice circle and
eventually just hung around in the cold wind for a half hour or an hour
just enjoying that damn nor'easter. Others on trail were Lifa, Cockholm
Syndrome, Castration Sensation, Steps In Shit, and Hooch B4 Cooch.
x
Sun, May 9, 2021, Chicago Hash. Puff
The Magic Tampon and Bottom Wrangler laid trail from the parking
lot at 4600 N. Lake Shore Drive. It was still cold with that lake wind, but the sun was warm. We
had 13 hounds and took off south east. Heading for the nature preserve.
Nope. Trail headed south west around the hill and then south along the
hopefully forever Lake Shore Drive. Would trail go around the golf
course and into that strong nor'easter along the lake front. No. South
to Irving Park and inland. Under the bridge and a check. Running slow
the pack was long gone. It was marked north and then east to Sheridan
and another Check. Marked good so far and swept good. Lifa had marked
the trail with a ? heading north. I headed north all the way to Montrose
and nothing. Heading west I picked up on the trail and was off and
running. But was I behind or in front. Trail kept going north and north
and north and finally a Split. I guessed right, right, and was on to the
park and then north to a check. Duh. The finish is straight east and
boom I was On again. And this was On in. And nobody was there. 3.1
miles. About five minutes later SnatchSquatch came on in and a few
minutes after that Lifa came in from the north. We missed the beer stop
which was under the EL tracks near Buena. Eventually the pack returned
and then a litter of house puppies. Lifa led the circle and all was
good. Cupcakes and two types of cookies. Puff The Magic Tampon was
afraid we wouldn't like her after her trail so she baked chocolate chip
cookies. Bribing the hounds. And they were so good I offered to marry
her if she would bake a fresh batch every day. Damn. didn't work. No
cookie or cookies for me. We had two new transplants from the Emerald
Coast. Castro Dick Assist and Cumming Right Meow. And it was also Garmin's
birthday on Mother's day. And Lower Wackoff had his string of hashes
broken by doing a Mother's Day thing. He can start over on Tue. All was
good and the sun was warm, and the wind was still to damn cold.
x
The Tale of the Trailx
Wed Apr 28, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens
Cider and Meat Inside Her laid a really Shitty trail from Union Park.
Rain was eminent, but never showed until we left. But only six hounds
showed. Bimbos, where are you? This was definitely a bimbo friendly
trail. Really. Well marked, except when the marks were hidden in
shadows, and nice safe streets, except when we ran through dark dingy
alleys. And there were all of those bridges, river crossings, track
crossings and expressway crossings. Trail headed north and east and in
short order Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin ran away with the trail and
from us. Lifa was somewhere in the middle and last seen at our first
track crossing. Here I was able to short cut Lower Wackoff from a circle
jerk and then I ended up following him most of the way. We crossed the
Ogden bridge and I stopped to take off an extra shirt. Then I took after
Lower Wackoff again and two blocks later I realized I left my hat back
where I took off my shirt. Turning around, there was Castration
Sensation following and I never saw him again. Retrieving my hat I
returned to the chase and the trail finally headed south and west and I
missed a few marks but finally came up to the tracks and there was Lower
Wackoff coming back to a Split. We sort of ran in together, with me
mostly following and we kept missing marks in shadows and finally made
it On In. Horn-E, definitely DFL. But we had a short sweet circle with
some of Dickens Cider's sweets to eat. No, not that. All was good and On
home.
x
Sun, May 2, 2021, Chicago Hash. Just
Brad and Cockholm Syndrome set a trail from Humboldt Park, mini Cubs
Park. Late again I took off after the pack of 13 other hounds and into
city Streets. Why did we come to a park if all we were going to do was
run city streets and alleys? A quick circle Jerk and then a Check. The
only person in sight was Menage A Twat coming back from a False Trail.
If we crossed the street we'd have been On. But instead it was a long
block west and return. Then east and return. Finally crossing that
street and I'm on and Menage A Twat fell behind as I ran on. North to
the 606 and then east. Running alleys and streets in a clockwise
direction around the park. Finally about two blocks south of North and
trail went East and entered the park and I managed to see Lower Wackoff
and Back Door Bizzel
working unmarked Splits together. I caught up just after a Check as
they went in separate directions. We all struggled on this for a while
before I returned to the direction Lower Wackoff originally took off on.
And I had to run a real long way before finding the first arrow. And
soon we were back On trail. We crossed Humboldt and through some actual
real shiggy and a Split. I went right, right, but missed the next arrow.
Upon returning I saw that hidden arrow and took a short cut across the
grass to where I had just returned from. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and
Back Door Bizzle found the true trail, a circle jerk and at the same
time I found the exit from the circle jerk. This led straight west and
into city streets and the finish and they came in about 5 minutes later.
Good circle and then we did a naming for the hare, Just Brad. Many
shitty names were proposed and finally a shitty name was selected and
forever more he will be known as Sharti B. Watch out for who you like.
We had two visitors, a returning Chip N Dale from Colorado and from Las
Vegas, Just Michelle, who knew my old friend from LV, Hunka Hunka
Burning Shit. Beautiful day in the 80s. x
Tue,
May 4, 2021, The 4X2 Hash.
Son Of Spam and Back Door Bizzel hared from Belden and Oakley in
the park. This is the latest migration of the Polish Constitution Day
Hash, and the first one without its creator laying the trail, the 69
Cent Man. Without elaborating, he is on a first name bases with half the
doctors and nurses at the VA over the last 3/4th of a year. And not
done yet. But he did show up at the beer stop and joined us in circle. Looking
good if not his old self. Welcome and good luck going forward. Always
welcome in circle. As for trail, there were a dozen and we took off to
the south. At Fullerton we had a Triple Split found to the south and I
was able to call out for Meat Inside Her as we found trail. As we went
down one side street I caught my toe on one of those gas pipes sticking
out of the ground. Always high enough to trip you. It tripped me and
bang, I was down. Banged my left thigh right where I keep my wallet.
Main pain. As I type this I an still sitting with an ice pack on my
thigh. No visible, but some internal bruising, like I had been hit with a
mallet. So, from there, four blocks into trail, I tried to run in pain.
I wanted to keep the blood flowing to reduce swelling and stiffening.
Don't know if it helped, but I'll live to hash tomorrow. So I caught up
to Castration Sensation and sort of followed him to the beer stop
another two miles on. Meat Inside Her quickly caught us and passed us.
Shortly after catching him I noticed my fingers were sticking together.
Dried blood. It turns out the tip of my right hand fore finger is gashed
which makes typing all of this a bitch. Anyway, somehow we were ahead
of Lower Wackoff who never quits despite some wrong marks and such. At
the beer stop, we met the 69 Cent Man. From there I short cut back but
wanted too keep moving that leg to keep swelling down and no locking up.
Finally made it in, DFL. Son Of Spam cooked up some great Polish
Sausage and Lower Wackoff led the circle. And all was good. Now to get
home and a night of ice packs.
x
The Tale of the Trail x
Thu Apr 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from 933 W. Wolfram on the roof deck for 12 trail hounds. Things
went bad from the get go. We were soon heading south on Sheffield to a
Back Check. But the numbers had us going past a Split. Hmmm. What do we
do. We didn't do right but eventually found trail and by then the pack
was racing on and there were three of us navigating from the rear. We
got to a Check at Wrightwood and Sheffield
and Back Door Bizzle saw the last of the front pack disappearing
through the park. So we followed and came out to streets and a turn
across the street into an alley. Only it wasn't. There was an arrow in
the shadows behind a little fence that we missed. But we weren't alone.
At the end of the alley we saw Mommys Coming coming back because of no
marks. So we return and he is soon gone, and so was Back Door Bizzel.
Lower Wackoo and myself head north and we were On. But a long way
between marks. Do you need some drywall to supplement your chalk supply?
We finally get to Lincoln and there is a hard left arrow. After no
marks, hard left, we return to find out that it was a soft left and
heading north on Lincoln. We're On again. At Diversey we find a Check.
Marked north. So Lower Wackoff made the light and was soon off on the
trail to the north. Meanwhile after two light changes I manage to get
across the street and only found old marks from Sunday's hash. But not
the new ones. So now I'm alone and I range looking for marks and finally
just ranging. I got to Belmont and headed east and eventually found
marks on the first street after the El. So the plan is to follow them
backwards until I find the pack and then return with them. Not. Two
blocks later I ran into
Famming Flaggott and Just Do Me Slowly. They were walkers today and the
hare talked them into going to Wrigley Field and make sure the marks
didn't get wiped out. They didn't, but at this point, I just walked back
to the beer stop with them. WTF. And Soul Taco beat us in on trail.
Well done. Even if it was the Turkey trail. Back on the roof deck we got
the fire pit going and some good hot dogs and a circle.
XSun, Apr 25, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hobo Piss and Palmolive Those Dicks laid a trail from Winnemac Park.
I counted 18 Trail Hounds and at least 6 House Puppies go for a walk
with the hare. First there was the Salsa band and then circle and we
were off. At at the first block was a Split and the pack headed east.
But the trail didn't. So we finally get on track and head west and
another Split. And someone marks west and we run west and, no marks.
Trail went north and then through an alley. WTF. You people know who to
run trail don't you. A few blocks later I again see the pack coming back
towards me and another mis marked Split. At a Split, a hound goes in
both directions. When trail is found, that hound turns back and yells On
On for the crowd. Got it now folks. Now we are heading south and what
turned out to be a loop around the trail we just ran. I was running near
the rear and figured this out and managed to skip a few blocks of trail
and get back with more of the front of the pack. And we headed west,
across Damen and a little north loop and back south and I looked back
and managed to flag Back Door Bizzel and he and a few others were able
to short cut that. A few block more in alleys and we came to a little
park and the beer stop. And soon the whole pack was there, including
about 6 walkers/short cutters. We were finally sent off again, just as
Lower Wackoff arrived. At our first Split again the pack just followed
the front runner again. But we worked our way over to Lincoln and a
Check. A bunch of us thought we were On to the south, but only two
marks. We are at Foster and suddenly from the west we see Mommy's Coming
and he is On. From here it was left and right and just when you think
the trail was heading back to the expected finish, it went the other way
again. We finally cross Western and we can smell the beer. Not. South
to Lawerence and across. I'm with Back Door Bizzel and Stuffin Muffin
along here. We come to a marked Split, but again, it didn't go to
another arrow. But Back Door Bizzel yells on east and we follow, but ON
what, I didn't know. Back at Lawrence there is a Check and I could see
some of the pack coming back from the east where, again, apparently a
whole bunch ran off on two marks. From here is was on in to the hares
roof deck and circle. And it was a frigid roof deck on a windy day. The
hares brought out blankets and the pack was huddling behind the wall
trying to stay warm and all was good. Sort of.
.
x
Back Check 32
x
When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar.
But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y).I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals.
It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names.After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve.
And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle. At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start.
I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went East.Just not finding them where I thought they should be.
But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks. Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked.
So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest. He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop.
Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation.Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks.
Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check. Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city.
The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light. I then started a clockwise course.
Meanwhile I started to the east and north and into the park. I then started a clockwise course. Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course.
The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north.When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back.
So I decided to follow the trail backwards on a No No trail.
Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark.Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old. And I had a heavy back pack. Damn.
But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare.As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds.
Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park. Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
x
I
ran it backwards so I decided to write the Tale of the Trail backwards.
Hope it came out okay. Here is the Tale of the Trail for those that
were on time.
x
Mon,
Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Just Steve was a virgin hare
from Margate Park. As best as I could determine in the dark circle,
there were 15 trail hounds. But I missed the start and when I got there,
the pack was long gone and so was the hare. And I had a heavy back
pack. Damn. Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting
old. Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In
mark so I decided to follow the trail backwards on a No No trail. When I
finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him
back. The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way
over to Sheridan and north. Then it started to follow what would be
a counterclockwise course. Meanwhile I started to the east and south
and into the park. I then started a clockwise course. The marks were
good in the park when I was there. It was still light. Worked over to
Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city. Trail worked
its was south to Montrose where there was a Check. Then a long straight
east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks. Finally heading
north I ran into Castration Sensation. He was leading the pack as they
just left the shot stop. So I decided to just follow the trail
backwards on my No No quest. Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well
marked. But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks. Just not
finding them where I thought they should be. I finally got to Foster and
trail kept going north. I went east. At Sheridan I picked up on
trail again and followed it No No back to the start. And the pack was in
the shadows and already holding circle. After the circle we got
into a naming for Just Steve. It started slow and finally ended up with
several really good names. I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it
made the finals. But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping
Bootie(y). And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar. When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon.
xThe Tale of the Trail x
Wed, Apr 14, 2021, First Crack of the Moon Hash. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That laid an A to B trail from Humboldt Park to their apartment. Waaay north. Good
trail for 11 hounds, to bad I screwed that up. What else is new. I got
to the park on the wrong corner and finally found some trail and
followed it backwards to the start, just after they took off. So I
mostly just headed to the initial mark I saw with Stuffin Muffin. And
the pack was soon there and I followed Magnetic Muff across the street
and the pack was gathering. Down an alley and all of those damn FRBs
were soon gone. But there was myself and Stuffin Muffin heading north
when we missed a turn. I ran on straight and didn't see him again until
the finish. Still no marks I ranged and found a mark and I was On. I
yelled for Stuffin Muffin but he was out of sight. So I ran on, on this
neighborhood street and the street turned and I get to a Check. I ran
east and nothing. North, nothing. So I ran west and started ranging.
Trail went north in an alley I didn't see. From then on I ranged while
working my way north and leaning west while the trail was just to the
east and paralleling me. I finally ranged over to Logan Square and did
that loop before heading east on Logan Blve. And just before California I
ran into Dickens Cider and the pack was in back on a deck over the
garage. I had a good run. To bad no one saw it. A short time later
Stuffin Muffin got in. A bit bloody. Apparently he tripped and did a
header on trail. Dickens Cider did have some of her home made candies.
Delicious. And we held circle and all was good. Welcome back Coma Toast.
Now come back on out.
Sat, Apr 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, annual flower hash. Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz
woods. The flowers were more like 50% of normal, but apparently the
pack of 7 trail hounds liked the trail. Whatever happened to Shitty
Hash. The trail went in a big loop from the parking lot around the edge
of the woods and along the river and over to Central where it went over
the foot bridge. There were some spotty nice sections of flowers along
here. Trail crossed the river and went east and south, mostly along the
river and to this little island along the tracks. Again, the flowers
were fairly good along here. And that flower Child, Lower Wackoff ran
into Thunder Deer along here. All right, explanation. She met me as I
got off the bus and I invited her along to walk with the walkers. She
asked him if he was with the runners following the trail. When he told
her his name she ran of into the woods to never be seen again. Damn, she
arrived late and to the wrong side of the river. My hippie dream date.
Hey, when does an 80 year old fart have a forty year old hit on him.
Yeah, sure. So, the pack ran on and at the railroad trestle I had a nice
little short trip into flowers and an arrow across the river. Got Back
Door Bizzle and Garmin on that one. Then they ran south west along the
river, on and on. The flowers are usually thickest through here, but
really sparse this year. Trail got all the way to Forest Glen Drive and a
Check. Two long Falses here, one going straight and the other crossing
the river and returning. And it worked. Garmin did both Falses and the
whole damn pack caught up and Just Do Me Slowly finally spotted the
return trail. Again, not any great sections of flowers, but now we just
run some woods trails and a little off trail. Beer stop was on this
little sort of Island in the bend of the river. I found one of the
better sections of flowers and sort of a circle of logs to sit on and
Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2 managed to just sit in the flowers for a
bit. False advertising offered this old man his chair for a bit while he
went to sit on a log, raised up about a foot. It was at least until he
sat on it. But we were sitting in a nice circle in one of the most laid
back circles I was ever in. Flowers in the middle and all around us. And
just enough sun and lack of wind to be very comfortable. All was good
and we drank on until Swing Low. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin and
Magnetic Muff.
x
Sun, Apr 18, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hooch
B4 Cooch, Dr. Cockvorkian and Gay Dancer laid a trail from Buena Park
for an A to B trail. Yeah, A to B alright. Way over to Belmont and the
river. I got there late and saw a mark on Montrose under the tracks. But
I ran on to the start and they were gone and I would have to carry my
back pack the whole way. Damn. So I returned to that mark on Montrose
only to fine that the next mark was a Back Check 3. Duh, the start. Sure
hope that won't become a future practice. Turns out that was an Eagle
Trail. Anyway, I just did that section twice. Not a third time. So I
ranged west on Montrose and on to a block past Clark. Now south and zig
zag hoping to pick up on trail. And I finally did on Ashland. Apparently
just after the shot stop. Fine I don't do those anyway. I ran on and
the trail finally came to a Check at Addison and Lincoln and the pack
was now all around me. I headed south on Lincoln with Just Steve, but we
only had one mark. Heading west we could see the FRBs heading south on
Ravenswood. And there was Just Marissa running along. And there were
more. I came to a T and E Split at Roscoe and took the T with that damn
back pack on my back. I followed Just Steve to the next corner and a
Triple split. Naturally I went wrong and south and the trail went west.
By the time I got back to Roscoe there was Back Door Bizzle waiting for
the light at Damen. We paralleled to a Check and I headed south only to
find Steps In Shit returning. We ended up finding trail into an alley
and I had about a fifty step lead before they passed me. A small group
of back packers running along. At one point I am following them heading
north and they cross the street in the middle of the block. So I did and
found a return trail and now I was in front. This lasted to a Check at
Western and Roscoe. I finally found this one heading west and soon
passed by everyone and came on into the Beer stop by the river and
almost the whole pack. Somehow I got in before Lower Wackoff and finally
Mudsucker. As best as I could figure there were 27 trail hounds, but
only 20 actually running. And out of no where we had Little Trojan
Annie, not running, but re-inventing her stuff as a Religious Advisor
with her usual great finish of the Day of the Week. False Advertising
was being a thorn in her side, but she managed to keep him in Check and
the Hares got many, many down downs, I called out those that hadn't
hashed yet this year and we almost ran out of beer. Welcome back to the
world of hashing. And finally, Little Trojan Annie sang the song Puff
the Magic Tampon. At the final line, "He's been in your box all week."
Just Marissa fell to her knees laughing so hard she couldn't get up.
Eventually she was called out for those super giggles and immediately
given a name. NO, not wiggles and giggles or pickles in her giggles or
anything else she might have gotten. It was just done. Period. She will
forever be known as Puff the Magic Tampon.
xThe Tale of the Trail x
Sat, Apr 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a spectacularly shitty and muddy and difficult trail at Fort
Sheridan and through Openlands Forest Preserve in potentially rainy
weather, although that didn't really happen. The weather that is. But
the rest was true as 7 hounds took off on this adventure on areas I
never saw before. Which means some definitely virgin trail. Would we get
scratched, cut, bruised and wet. Not
really, but one hound got pricked. (more on that later). After
gathering under a bridge we finally got a circle and took off. Right
back to the top of the bridge area, about 200 yards straight up, and a
Check. Lower Wackoff found that and we headed south and then into the
preserve along a concrete path. Concrete? WTF. But that wouldn't last
long. Near the lake bluff area we ran into the first obstacle on the
trail. "No Trespassing, Explosive Area, Possibly buried ordinance".
Ooops. If you take a step and hear a click, DON'T MOVE until Horn-E gets
safely away. A Check had us finally getting into some serious prairie
and I ended way off trail wandering. Yes, again. But with a little hare
assistance, I was back on trail for two marks and a Check. While I
wandered around over a little hill and into the prairie, trail was found
into a deep, steep ravine. I got about half way down when trail was
coming right back up. But Cockholm Syndrume was seen leaping over rocks
and back and forth over the raging steam from all of the previous rain.
Back at the edge I followed Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 who was really
in the zone. Was there beer ahead. Where their pricks ahead. Yes to both
as she led us up a steep hill full of small skinny trees that were full
of thorns. About a half inch long. Lower Wackoff would call that
'Little Boys Hill'. But little pricks or not, after the beer stop the
Harrietts, Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 left the pack and returned to
the start. I guess they just got to excited and had to go off and dream
on their own. Meanwhile the big pricks, from the young to the old, ran
on. We did get a Back Checkheading towards the bluffs and steep
declines, that the Hare didn't mention. Garmin came back telling us it
was a Back Check eleven D one. We did end up running through a housing
area and towards another ravine. Hey, I finally found a mark. It was a
steep decline into the abyss and the zombie hounds. Something about that
bare skin, rotting carcass, and such, got False Advertising thinking up
a new song about doing a dead hound and sucking. Well, experienced
hashers know the song it came from and I'll leave that to your sick
minds or nightmares. Here we encountered more raging waters as we then
followed the stream up towards it's source. Must have been at least 300
yards of jumping back and forth over the waters trying to stay dry above
our hips, or falling off of slippery rocks, and get washed away. But we
finally survived with a final muddy climb out of the ravine. From here
it was mostly just running along streets and roads as we skirted around
Federal Property and back to the finish. At this point I thought I was
DFL, but Lower Wackoff finally caught me. The hare did give me and Lower
Wackoff a short cut past a gate and down a winding road into the ravine
to where we started. Circle was held there, out of the slight rain but
in a raging wind tunnel. A modified Big Dog Circle where we gave a few
DDs and then designated the next R. A. And that is where we heard False
Advertising whine about getting pricked in the thorny woods. After that.
False Advertising had a pocket full of wooden nickels and headed to the
Wooden Nickel. I know he likes girlie bars, but he dragged Zone 2 with
him. Now most girlie bars include stuffing dollar bills into girls
panties, but wooden nickels in the nickel slots is a new one.
x
Sun, Apr 11, 2021, Chicago Hash. False
Advertising and Just Davinia laid a trail from Arrigo Park for 9
walkers. Okay, we also had 17 running hounds. We started out to the
north end of the park only to return on a Back Check and head out to the
south side of the park and then south to Taylor. And I'm behind
already. We cross Taylor and head south on Loomis and all of a sudden
the pack is returning on a Back Check. But they went way past where the
Back Check was solved and meanwhile that had Hooch B4 Cooch and myself
heading west in an alley looking for marks. Now I'm really far behind.
But I return and follow the disappearing pack across Roosevelt and
through some housing areas and south on Ogden and finally west on 14th
street to Morgan and a quick beer stop by the tracks. I'm not drinking
so I ask False Advertisiag for the on out. Like I can believe anyone
named False Advertising. But I head out under the tracks to a Check. I
picked right, left, and was soon on and back under the tracks to the
north. On 15th Pl the trail went east to Halsted where the hares tried
to f*ck with the pack. South towards the underpass and then climb down
into the speedimg traffic, climb over a medium and back into traffic and
climb out the other side and over or through the fence. Yeah. like I'm
going to do that. I go north about fifty yards from 15th Pl. and cross
at the light and I'm back on trail running through a housing area and
climbing up about 87 steps, I lost count at my age. Now trail heads
north to 14th place and I missed the turn mark so I'm south to 13th.
Around the block and back and I'm on trail again. I keep looking but no
pack in sight. I head east to a Split and naturally pick wrong. So
further north and a back check and I'm at a check at Maxwell. Now I have
three choices and still no pack in sight. So I go west and eventually I
can't even find a second mark. So I return and Mommys Comming is coming
towards me. Damn, the pack caught up. As we keep running back to the
Check I see almost the whole pack run by and I'm alone in the rear. "The
last shall be first and the first shall be last. And so it was written
and so it shall be done". From here it was into the Campus and forty2
steps from hell before heading out of the campus and west on Polk
following Ice Princess but never quite catching him, and on in to Arrigo
Park and the circle. And so we gathered until the last walker, Menage A
Twat came on in. Then Hooch B4 Cooch led us in a circle and the hares
drank and drank and we were introduced to our virgins, Just Carter and
Just Ricky who both did a proper Down Down. We finally ended that part
of circle and we were taking on the naming of our hare, Just Davinia.
That was a large circle and it got quite rowdy and fun as great
questions were asked and many suggestions for names were submitted. But
it finally came down to Just Davinai getting away with not having the
balls to run a Bushman Hash, her first Chicago Area hash, and getting
away with it. So she will forever more be known as All Bush No Balls.
After that we kept hanging around in the park on a sunny day and
enjoying spring, and the Harriets were constantly heading off to some
tree stump with a blanket to do what the men had to do in the open area
behind one of the few trees. Isn't hashing in nature fun?
x
The Tale of the Trail x
Sun,
Apr 4, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park and had
a large contingent of the fair weather hashers coming on out. Yeah, 26
hounds. Let's keep it up. Trail took off straight north on Western and
to the other side of the street. And False Advertising and Horn-E showed
how to hash the city streets by crossing Western right away instead of
getting caught at the light. Horn-E's last moment of glory on that
trail. At the next corner was a Split and Horn-E went south and wrong.
Trail went right and the pack took off after False Advertising and
Horn-E took off after Zone 2. We caught up at the first Check and the
trail was just found. East and to another Check by a bridge. As I got
there, the pack was again just taking off over the bridge. This led to
another Check that again seemed to be hidden and the pack was going
everywhere south, but in no seeming order. Then they were coming back.
So, as I headed west, checking. Lower Wackoff yelled On and we headed
down an alley and over to Horner Park for another Check. Again, the pack
was scattered into the park but there seemed to be no order. Hounds
running over the hill before an On call. Whatever. So I ranged west of
the park and one block south of Montrose, BIG MISTAKE. The trail was
finally found west on Montrose and then north. Never saw a hound again.
Hey, Horn-E, Horner Park, what the hell. Well I ranged back to the park
and eventually way south of Addison looking for marks. Never try to out
guess the hare. He caught me good this time. Like, what else is new. I'm
ranging south and checking bridges back to the east and the trail went
north and eventually over the bridge near Lawrence, or whatever.
Meanwhile I finally headed north and still looking for possible trail
ran through the river path just south of Montrose. My last gasp for any
scent of a trail. I headed on in and got there about 5 minutes before
the hare and the pack. Big circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. Three virgins,
Just Taylor, Just Mike and Just Marissa. Welcome to hashing and come
back soon.
Tue, Apr 6, 2021, 4X2H4, Lower
Wackoff with an aide from Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Echkert
Park and I'm thinking he wanted to do what we (read that as Horn-E)
screwed up six months ago. But Lower Wackoff
is a sneaky bastard and I think this was sort of a reverse of that
trail with the massive Check that I screwed up last time. We screwed up
the first Check but finally got on trail heading west and north a bit. I
passed Menage A Twat. How did she get ahead of me? I was now running
with Zone 2 and we crossed Ashland and a Check. It was found as we got
there and I was now working my way south to Chicago, And Garmin had to
pass me again. Wrong way, all day, and catching up all the time. At the
next Check I headed west and heard False Advertising call On at Ashland.
Right behind him, and soon lost him, and now I'm leading Castration
Sensation. And now I'm following Castration Sensation. And somehow I'm
suddenly following Berts Special Friend and Soul Taco. Like this all
trail. There they are and now they aren't. But we worked our way east
and south to Grand and now I'm alone and to a Check at Twisted Spoke. I
went south and into an alley with Ice Princess suddenly following and
nothing. We go to Grand and Soul Taco runs by. No one is On. So we make a
wild guess that the trail has to get to the bridge over the Expressway
on Ogden. So we run that way and nothing. I keep going and never saw
Soul Taco and Ice Princess again. But I had no marks going over the
bridge and so I cross the street and there is Bert Special Friend
heading north on Ogden and we are soon on. We cross the bridge and
Ogden again and I miss a turn and head down the alley. Nope, dope. Stay
on trail. So back on Ogden I find marks heading north to Milwaukee and
across the street. But I saw nothing on the other side. Somewhere there
was an arrow pointing to the Island between three streets and a Check.
But I find an arrow heading west on Chicago and head two blocks. Nope,
dope. And suddenly Lifa is coming up behind me. Where did he come from.
Like this the whole trail. So I cross Chicago and find an arrow pointing
north. So, we had to be at a Check. On? Nope dope. Cross Ogden as I'm
working my way counter clockwise around this six way intersection. More
marks? Yep. On? Nope, dope. The I find a mark pointing into a subway
station and cross Chicago Ave to check out the exit. Nope, dope. But I
still head west. Hey, ON IN is west. Two marks and halfway over the
bridge, but nope, dope, no third mark. So Now I head north on little
side streets. I'm trying to remember that last trail in reverse and
looking for marks. Nope dope. Keep ranging. I finally come to a Split
and it is marked west. I'm finally on the back trail. Across the foot
path over the expressway and west on Augusta and a turn south and a BN. I
run on in and there is the pack sitting around. Lifa eventually started
circle. We have schedules. And finally Castration Sensation ran on in.
And then a few minutes later, Stuffin Muffin finished off the full pack.
They don't quit. Beautiful night for hashing.
x x
The Tale of the Trail x
Fri. Mar 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa and Just Steve laying his virgin trail from Hamlin
Park. Don't worry J. Steve we can retrain you later. We started out to
the east. Forget that. We quickly came to a Back Check a block north on
Belmont and a block east of Damen. We struggled on this and finally
found trail going west and to a Check at Damen. I ended up on trail
right behind Meat Inside Her and soon passed by Berts Special Friend. A
few alleys later we hit another Check and they were already gone. I went
south and ooops. wrong way. So I ranged west and then a block north.
Trail didn't go that way so I returned two short blocks east to the
Check and it was marked going north. Damn. Probably the whole pack. A
few blocks and a damn loop and I get to another Check at Western and
Roscoe. Not marked and no one in sight. Playing local knowledge, I
assumed I was way behind the whole pack and so I ranged south on
Western. Belmont, and still not an arrow in sight. Hell, I didn't even
see any Indians. So I made another calculated decision, based on the
river and such and went another block south and there was Meat Inside
Her coming my way on Check. I'm back with the FRBs. WTF. Who cares. At
the Check I head south over the bridge and ON one, ON two, On three. I
actually found trail and Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her
followed me. At the other end of the bridge we run into Magnetic Muff.
Damn, she found the trail. There goes my glory for the day. We headed
into this section of twon houses and I fell behind. Tehn at a Split the
back of the pack got ahead of me and I'm DFL again. We come out on
Diversey and I ended up following Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and
Castration Sensation through a housing complex and varous streets and
alleys, never quite catching up. Finally the beer stop at Belmont and
Damen in a little kids park. And Just Steve's father owns Dry Hop
Brewery and we had several large cans to share and sample. I even had to
try that stuff. Good shit. Then back to Hamlin Park and a circle until
the cops arrived. They circle by us and turn around. Then back again.
Someone reported a gang in the park, the CFMH3 gang of pretty bimbos,
lame hashers and an old man. .
x
Sun, Mar 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Ice
Princess and Choke N Stroke hared from Roosevelt Park. Cold and windy. I
got there with Bottom Wrangler and only J. Davinia was there with Ice
Princess. The other hare laid and booked. I guess she wasn't proud of
her trail. We'll get to that. Suddenly we had 17 hounds ready to go
including three walkers, Just Do Me Slowly, Menage A Twat and Famming
Flaggott. But we were running. And we headed off to the east and then
south through the tunnel under Roosevelt. From here the trail would back
and forth until we went through a little park. Local knowledge and I
headed straight for the park. And at the end of the park was a Triple
Split. I went west and naturally the trail went east. So I'm last as we
head south on State to 16th and then west. And suddenly the pack is
coming back towards me. Whatever happened, we head south Wabash and pass
a split and it is marked straight. But it wasn't. Going straight got us
to 18th where there was an east bound arrow. And then another and the
pack was off, going no where. At that last Split, the trail went right
and under tracks and to a Check on 18th. Those other marks were just
marks on a False trail. Is Ice Princess getting tricky? Whatever, trail
goes south on State to Cermak and after a little loop to a Triple Split
at Cermak and Wabash. Now the pack regrouped and died. Really. The marks
were south and east or west. But Cermak is Southwest to northeast.
Ooops. But we scattered and Just Sam, Just Frank, Glory Hole, etc. We're
all over the place. Even, Horn-E. Nothing. One block in every direction
and options. Finally we are redoing everything and someone found a
Check at Wentworth and Cermak and across the street. Ice Princess showed
how chivalrous he was and blamed Choke N Stroke for that one. So
Cockholm Syndrome headed north on Wentworth on the east side and I
paralleled on the west side. He never stopped so I assumed he was on and
followed to a Triple Split at 18th St. He went north and I checked
east. Nothing. We returned to the Split. Trail went over the bridge to
Canal and then north at a Check. I was now with Zone 2 and Castration
Sensation as we arrived at a Split at 14th. Trail went west and then
north. I assumed, (Never assume a hare, their jobs is to screw over your
assumptions) he would go north to Roosevelt and then towards the
finish. So I headed north and at Roosevelt I ran into J. Spencer and
Zone 2. We told him where the finish was and J. Spencer ran on. Zone 2
and Horn-E plugged along east on Roosevelt with no marks anywhere. We
came to State and then on in through the back door. Meanwhile trail went
further north to Harrison and then over to where they could head south
and east to Polk and On In. After we all got in False Advertising R A'd
since no mismanagement from CH3 was there. And they got the FRBs and
finally the DFL. That would be you, Pony Pounder. And not Horn-E. Where
did you get lost? After circle we headed over to Kaseys and had a beer
and then the pack moved on for more. Others on trail, J. Steve, J
Garmin, Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle.
The Tale of the Trail
Mon. Mar 15, 2021, The First Crack Of The Moon Hash. Lower
Wackoff laid trail from Peterson Park. Slight
fresh snow on the ground, maybe an inch, but great running and a great
pack of experienced hounds. We took off after a brief chalk talk and
entered
into some woods. By the time I ventured out of the first section of
woods, I was alone with just Menage A Twat. And all those young hounds
were gone. Never to be seen again. WTF. We ran on and at the NE section
of the park we headed east on Peterson and eventually to a Check. It
wasn't marked so I ran north. Nothing. Meanwhile Menage A Twat headed
south and was on. We headed south and into Northeastern campus where the
local cop was giveing me the once over and following me around the
parking lot. I finally returned to a Check and again, Menage A Twat was
ahead of me heading east on Foster. aAnd so the trail went, me passing
her and then missing a turn while she just walked along and came to the
tuurn I missed and headed off. And Lower Wackoff just walked along
watching me go one wrong way after another. Damn hare. We finally ended
up by a park and Menage A Twat decided she walked enough and headed for a
bus. So, with no FRBs in sight, it was decided it was getting late and
we needed to head for the Beer Stop, a great little wooned spot. And
still no FRBs. Where they stuck on the Eagle Trail???? No. They weren't
on trail, or the beer stop. They chickened out with a whole 1 inch of
snow and didn't show up. Just two old timers braved the weather on what
turned out to be a beautiful night and a damn good trail. We were doing
better in a hell of a lot worse weather all winter, even with
unofficial hashes. The Usual Suspects. Disappointing for a hare after
many said they were coming.
x
Sat. Mar 20, 2021, 2:00PM, The Bushman Hash Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest
Preserve. We
had nine hounds on a beautiful day. At the finish, aftter well over 90
minutes, Lower Wackoff came in and told me it was one of the best
Bushman trails he ever did. Either he was lying, probable, or it really
was, doubtful, or all of the other Bushman trails he ran were that bad,
probable. This was definitely a day were things did go wrong. What else
is new. After sending the pack off, I headed over to the beer stop with
the beer that Back Door Bizzle brought for me. It seemed like I no
sooner got settled in and was waiting when Cockholm Syndrum can running
on it. WTF. Well, he was the fastest runner that day, but 45 minutes.
What went wrong. Well, he started out great running donw the first hill
and couldn't stop and right into the water. Good. Later on trail, after
crossing Cicero, we was on trail as it headed east along the river and
missed the beer stop. Then he headed south into the woods and picked up
on trail and missed a back Check and ran into marks for a False from a
Check from the other direction. Damn, he is on a roll. But he found that
and had no trouble with the rest of the trail and was ON IN. The rest
of the pack eventually came along and found the Back Check and the next
Check and so on as trail headed between the river and the wet lands.
Around here, the two walkers eventually arrived and missed the wet lands
and eventually got on trail and managed to come on in with Zone 2
streaking in to become FBI. That group included Just Do Me Slowly and
get this, Construction Junction, dressed like she was going shopping on
Michigan avenue instead of a run through the woods. What ever happened
to the original Bushman Hash? The rest were still out there. Trail had
attempted to go around the wet lands clockwise, but in laying trail I
found myself surrounded by water. I finally found a way across the
water, No I didn't walk on water, and had to go back and correct some
marks. But some nice running after that and through a small section of
woods almost never run in the past. We did hold a nice circle between
two sloughs, as picturesque as I could find that day. And eventually we
ended circle and headed out for the night. x
Sun, Mar 21, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony
Pounder hared from Winnemac Park on what turned out to be an A to B
hash as announced after the hash. Hobo Piss's roof deck. Nice site. Over
30 hounds on trail with a whole lot of walkers. I saw a Check drawn on
the corner of Foster and Damen on my way to the start. Good clue? Not.
The trail headed out of the park and into city streats at the South East
edge. They then ran north in an alley and the next streat east, and to
the north. I short cut to that Check being slow and the sneaky bastard
that I am. Only the trail never came there. At least the pack didn't.
WTF. So I ran for where the last of the pack was last seen and I saw
Lower Wackoff heading north and then east. So, whatever, I follow and
except for the walkers, I was DFL. Through the usual tunnel and back
south on Ravenswood only to see Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation
back tracking to a Split at Foster. Apparently someone in the early
pack knew of marks two blocks south and just ran straight there with most
of the pack following. By the time Castration Sensation got there, they
were out of sight and he didn't see any marks. They were on the
opposite corner coming from the west and not the north. Ooops. So the
three of us struggled a bit and found the true trail. We somehow lost
Lower Wackoff here. Trail ran east and south and crossed Lawrence and
there we came upon more walkers. Heading south we found the first of
three Turkey Eagle Splits. Castration Sensation went Eagle and I went
Turkey and was joined by a visitor from Houston, (Now I know I'll get
this wrong) My Cunt Is For Me. Sing it. Anyhow we ran on together
through two more Turkey trails and eventually ON In and most of the pack
was there already. Shortly after I got in, the change of location was
announced and we were off. And we all somehow made the change. False
Advertising and Hooch B4 Cooch ran the circle and all was good in the
sun.
x On OnHorn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Thu, Mar 11, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps
In Shit laid trail from the underpass on Laflin at 16th. We had 9 Trail
Hounds and quickly took off under the underpass. This led to a big
field and some rough remnants of old streets. So, in the dark I fell
behind, but was able to barely catch a glance of the pack on a broad
loop and eventually to the east. Damn.
I'm behind and they are out of sight already. But On, I headed east and
as I was over heating I started to disrobe. No, not that far. Just a
few sweat shirts. And that is about when Castration Sensation and Its
Too Soft passed me. When finished I followed them, just glad to not be
alone. But they left me behind until a Split. I caught them and we sort
of ran together until a block east of Halsted. There they started to
leave me behind as they headed south, under the tracks and further east.
I followed and occasionally things were marked and when they weren't, I
guessed right. Finally a loop to the south and back west and over
towards 18th St and Halsted. Trail sort of just ran west with a short
loop to the south on streets and north into some alleys. But I still
couldn't catch them. What else is new. I finally hit an unmarked Split,
south and west. Knowing where the hare lived, I chose west and was
wrong. But there was the hare's street, I headed to the alley and ON IN.
And Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation weren't there yet. Apparently
they took south on the last Split and I slipped ahead. About five
minutes later Lower Wackoff came in. The rest of the pack was already
there, including Mommy's Coming, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa
and Cockholm Syndrome. We circled on the back porch and headed home.
Got A ride from Mommys Coming to the north side and dropped off 2
minutes before my bus arrived. Thanks.
x
Sat.
Mar 13, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Son Of Spam and his best friend, Berts
Special Friend hared from
the Zoo Woods in Brookfield. While waiting for the pack I started to do
some exercise therapy on my surgically repaired right hand and I think I
ruptured the tendon again. Damn. Well nothing to do but run. No pain.
We had a nice pack and a damn beautiful day for hashing. We headed out
to the east and then north along the river following the MBM, Double
Meter Beater and came to a Check at 31st and 1st. I think it was meat
Nside Her that found trail to the east and over the river while the rest
of the pack was scattered eeverywhere north and west. Trail crossed the
bridge and headed north on a residential street. And the hares had a
Check here, but almst no one saw that. Two marks north and there was a
four way Split. Since we didn't realize we missed a Check we searched
wide to the west, south and east and points in between and fonud
nothing. BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS those ways. Someone who knew we
were off of a Check went back and ran east on city streets. Meanwhile I
was running east off of the fourway for two blocks. They found traill
and all took off and meanwhile, not knowing about the Check, I knew that
the trail had to go north so I went north, several blocks back and then
looped through the woods to the river and back south. Not a trace of a
mark. BECAUSE
THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS. I finally got back there and started to work
that four way again. What a freaking' waste. I finally gave up and
headed backwards on trail, right past that damn Check I never saw and
still didn't see. I circled the wooded section were we started, looking
for some marks coming in and finally saw Meat Inside Her and followed
her and saw a mark pointing into the trail along the river and the ON
IN. Some were there already and more followed. And we circled and went
home. I had to drive Son Of Spam home, due to what in some circles is
known as over consumption. But all was good and the hares and Meat
Inside Her and I shared three pizzas while watching movies of hashers on
trail. NOw, that damn check. I have often encountered something like
that on trail and decided to go back thinking we might have missed a
Check. Why I didn't this time, I don't know. I have also deliberately se
traps like that in the past that worked beautifully, to nab the FRB
that won't stay exactly on trail and thinks he can range from in front
and out smart the hare. Why I missed that I can only attribute to, no,
not old age. I'm not that damn old. But meanwhile most of the pack had a
good trail that I missed. Others on trail were Lower Wackoff, Lifa,
Hooch B4 Cooch, False Advertising, Back Door Bizzle, Stiffy 4 Stiffies
and Crotch Fire .
x
Sun, Mar 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. Garmin hared from Thorndale and Sheridan in the little park.
We had 17 trail hounds including Just Do Me Slowly and Menage A Twat
who did a good hours walk of the trail. The FRBs were Mommys Coming and
Cockhholm Syndrome on the Eagle Course. On the Turkey course it was
everybody but me, Horn-E. That included Two virgins, Just Christin and
Just Anita, Just Frank and Just Sam, Just Davina and Hooch B4 Cooch. And
they could run good, not like this old fart. I did follow that pack
sort of and ran along Sheridan a block after they turned in. Now, there I
got a good blast of the Nor'easter blowing off of the lake. It was like
I was standing still running into that wind. It definitely wasn't
running. I headed into the campus and what I could see of the pack was
scattered about. I headed east and found marks right away and several of
the other Turkeys followed and finally got on. We exited the campus by
the El and saw where the Eagle pack would eventually join us. It was a
simple trail from there, with a Back Check I caught. Trail worked its
way south and past Senn High School and pretty much on in from there. It
was a couple of more minutes before the Eagles started to arrive. Lower
Wackoff told me he dropped out and found the On back trail, And finally
the DFL was Castration Sensation arriving during circle. Well done.
x On On
Horn-E
x
The Tale of the Trail
Sat, Feb 27, 2021, Chicago Full Moon Hash,
Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Jenson Park on what turned
into an A to B trail for 11 hounds. We took of to the north and at the
first alley was a Check I went east following J Brad and we found
nothing. So we headed north to Lawrence and there was a mark and
Cockholm Syndrum was coming our way. And we were on. Lifa was just
behind us. We headed into various check s and splits and finally over a
foot bridge. I was falling back, butLower Wackoff was with me for a
brief moment and eventually J Davinia and J Brad ran by me and we were
soon over more bridges and they left me behind as we headed into a
University Campus north of Foster. Never saw anyone again. There was a T
and E Split and I figured they were far enough ahead that i better
thake the Turkey Trail. Not to much of a struggle and I finally came to a
point where my trail merged with the Eagle trail. A few blocks later
there was a marked Split and the mark sholed going East. the finish was
to the west and I kept ehading there hoping to get back in time to join
the eagles. Not. They were are the beer stop which was the home of the
hares. Damn. But Berts Special Friend came ang about them, returning for
his car. So I got a ride to B. and shortly later the walkers, Just do
Me Slowly, Construction Function and Menage A Twat arrived. Meat Inside
Her was also there and that was our pack. So we held circle and went
home.
x
Sun, Feb 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Famming
Flaggott and Its Too Soft hared the return to hashing of the
Chicago Hash from the hares roof deck. Small start for a restart. Not
even the GM showed up to run. Actually just the usual suspects and two
virgins, Just Bennett and Just Steve. We started to the north and the
usual 6 corner intersection at Clark and Halsted for a check. Double
Meter Beater was off and running and did the entire intersection before
we all got there. And the usual alley looked prime, and Horn-E was
heading there with False Advertising when Double Meter Beater returned
from there. Damn. He and I ended up going north on Halsted and nothing.
We decided to try that alley again and he did the alley and I went down
Clark and bang, bang, I was on two arrows when I saw Double Meter Beater
and he ran right in front of me and found the third arrow. Trail went
south on Clark and another Check at Diversey. Here I was heading east on
Diversey when Just Davinia passed me and a block later she was on two
and then three and I yelled On and we were off to the south. We soon ran
into some more confusion heading towards the park. I was almost On and
again double Meter Beater ran by me and found the trail. Damn. This led
to another Check at Diversey and Sheridan. We ranged into the park and
again I was almost on trail when Double Meter Beater ran by me and was
on again. I keep missing finding the trail. Well, this led towards the
lake and under the Outer Drive and south to Fullerton and then inland. I
finally came up on Zone 2 and we struggled on marks. Little tennis ball
marks walked off because of heavy foot traffic. Well, from here it was
marks and missed marks and we finally got to the park at Wrightwood and
Sheffield, a few minutes before they closed the beer stop. All were
there accept Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle who showed up about five
minutes after we did at the roof top. The fire pit was going and we
eventually held circle and a few of us sat around and enjoyed the warm
fire pit. Also on trail was Lifa.
xTue, Mar 2, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash Cockholm Syndrome laid trail from
under the tracks on Hubbard, just east of Des Plaines. We struggled at
the start and finally got going heading west and eventually south into
the west loop area. The usual FRBs were soon gone and I was back
struggling along. At one point we crossed Randolph and I was with Lifa.
He went south and was on, but I lost him. It then became Horn-E, Lower
Wackoff, Its Too Soft, Back Door Bizzle, and Castration Sensation. And I
was soon falling back, We were finally heading east on I believe
Monroe. The trail went through some parking lots and I was loosing sight
of them. So I kept running east to Canal and there was an arrow heading
north, Ooops. I'll take it and from there it was pretty much on in
hitting the BN. I sort of went the wrong way, but only a block off and
hit the beer stop coming in the wrong way. Within five minutes the pack
was whole and we held circle. Others on trail were False Advertising, J.
Steve, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Meat Inside Her and
Berts Special Friend.
x
Sun, Mar 7, 2021, Chicago Hash. I'm
Fuckin' Nuts and Complimentary Nuts and Just Stacie laid trail from the
Bohemian Cemetary and this is nuts. A pack of 31 haunds showed up. WTF.
We headed off south on Clark and right into the south entrance of the
cemetery heading east. Well, Local Knowledge works. I know there is no
exit that way and I head to the north central exit and Lifa follows. And
yep, there is a mark. We ran on and about two blocks later Double Meter
Beater passed Horn-E and left that old fart in his dust. It was about
two blocks later when the pack started to catch up and I was passed by
two of the virgins. Just Sam and Just Frank. Actually a short time later
Skull n Boner passed with her dog pulling her along and another virgin
Just Eric. There was actually another virgin on trail J Rhainne running
with Just James. All right, I mentioned the virgins. Actually met them
at the circle after. Back to trail. We got to a Check at Broadway and I
followed someone to the east and we were soon joined by the pack and On
trail. We did get a back Check and I was back near the front on a group.
but that never lasts. The trail headed towards the park and out to the
lake front at Foster. I short cut here along the tennis courts and sure
enough I see the pack coming out of a tunnel and I am back with the
pack. Ran along briefly with J Steve, another new comer. 3rd run I
think. But he was moving good and I wasn't. We headed out to Sheridan
and I watched as a few hounds disappeared to the north and I followed
Pony Pounder. Horn-E catching Pony Pounder. Something not right here.
Yeah, he pulled something. No, not that. So we ended up walking on in.
We got to Clark and Ashland and a Check and while we were checking it
out, Gay Dancer showed up, also checking it out. So they cheat and
looked it up on facebook and it was a few blocks straight west at the
entrance of another cemetery on Ravenswood, And there we circled up.
Beer was served and Hooch B4 Cooch held a short circle. Then the pack
slowly headed out and fortunately I was only about four blocks from
home. On OnHorn-EThe Tale of the Trail
x
Wed
Feb 24, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash was set by Cockholm Syndrone
and Construction Junction from the parking lot at 201 E. Illinois. And
we had a nice crowd all set to run, with 13 trail hounds including four
first timers for this year. And a lot longer. Welcome back. We took off
to the west and a quick Check and Dickens Cider (welcome back) was right
on trail to the north and then took a wrong way on a Split. That left
Horn-E and Ice Princess leading to the west and I was quickly passed by a
pack. Another Split at Wacker and I went the wrong way. Damn. So now
I'm following people disappearing in the distance. The hares were using
the upper and lower levels to the max, the bastards, and it was up and
down and at the next Check I almost caught the pack heading east towards
Michigan on the upper level. We all missed a turn and crossed Michigan
and ran in circles before returning and heading down steps to Lower
Wacker. Lower Wackoff was somewhere around here, but I don't know where.
And the pack was gone before I got there. The Splits were marked well,
but all to often we couldn't find a mark as they tried to find dry spots
and not necessarily the best spots to make marks. But they were there.
So I ran on and west to Dearborn and then back along the hi rises along
the river heading east. Up and down and and finally under the Wrigley
Building archway. From here it was over the river and east along the
southern edge of the river, on two different levels. At Columbus we
crossed the river to the south and at the first intersection I lost
trail. Yeah, again. Alone and figuring the pack is way gone and I was
two short blocks to the finish, I opted out and headed On IN. And just
as I got to the finish, Mommy's Coming beat me in. And the pack was soon
following him on in, finishing up with Its Too Soft as DFL. We got into
some Whiskey and started circle and mid circle Lower Wackoff came
troting on in. He never gives up. So now we had two DFLs and we sang
again. And just when Circle finished, Stuffin Muffin came troting on in.
He missed the start and did the whole trail, And now we had treee DFLS
and sang again. The lyrics are so plesent and colorful and easy to
learn. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Riot
Me This Riot Me That, welcome back you three. Soul Taco, Hooch B4 Cooch,
and Lifax
More tales to follow next week. Want to get this out quickly.
The Tale of the Trail
x
Sat.
Feb 20, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E and Lifa were the hares. I
started laying this trail at 10:30 going through an upper thigh level
deep snow bank and joined by Lifa at 11:00 and we finished at 2:30. One
of the hardest trail I ever laid with most of it in at least 12 to 16
inches deep snow, with a few paths thrown in where you could actually
run. Here is the Tale of the Trail by Lower Wackoff.
This Bushman trail was laid by HornE and Lifa on a sunny winter day in HornE Woods.
The Grand Bushman promised the trail of a lifetime, a trail not to be
missed, a trail to be never forgotten, etc. Following a week of massive
snowfall, I was expecting the worst and was not disappointed.
The starting pack was False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff, plus a walker, Just Do Me Slowly and a skier, Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion. HornE and Lifa showed up at the bus shelter looking like they returned from an Arctic expedition. The hares appeared just in time to give us a less than adequate chalk talk. We
were informed that they spent 4 hours laying trail and would not be
coming behind us to sweep. In other words, we were on our own and took
off on trail heading north.
Deep snow lay ahead of us as far as the eye could see. Immediately we were hiking in two feet of snow. Cockholm Syndrome
actually tried to run on this trail that was not made for running and
he took the lead. Trail turned west and then south right away to take us
through the tunnel under Irving Park Road. That was one short stretch
or trail were we weren't walking in deep snow, but ice skates might have
helped. Emerging from the tunnel we found a split that took us
diagonally across a big field for a long hike in deep snow on our way into the woods. In some places the snow was knee-deep for me. I fell on my ass once and took over two minutes to get up on my feet.
Once we were in the woods, the snow was not as deep and we
could actually run on the usual forest preserve hiking paths. But the
hares weren't going to keep the trail so easy for long. I fell behind
the pack after making a wrong move on a split i the woods. Tried to
catch up and found the true trail that went south along the river. At a
turn I found deer eating up the orange flour in the snow. That might
explain some missing marks. The trail went east through a hole in the
fence on to a golf course. The snow was deep again and I could see a few
hashers far ahead of me. I found a check in the snow on a small hill
and thought I was on true trail with marks heading north through another
hole in the fence. I fell for the sucker marks. Right away I ran into a big F. I returned to the golf course and along came our skier Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion. She said the pack was on the south side of a big hill. I took a shortcut to the north of the hill to rejoin the hounds.
What
I learned later in the circle was that true trail took the pack south
of a big hill through a frozen reed marsh. Somewhere lost in the reeds Magnetic Muff was heard crying out "I've fallen and can't get up!". Stuffin Muffin was already out on higher ground and he wasn't coming back to the rescue. False Advertising saw a dead deer frozen
there
in the marsh and took a picture. That pic will surely be a great addition to the Bushman Dead Animal Gallery.
When
I rejoined the pack they were heading north through another hole in the
fence back to the forest and we followed a path eastward to the B. We
had gone more than 4 miles on trail. The hares said they tried to make a
longer trail but ran out of time. We got our Bushman circle started
with down downs going to HornE and Lifa for haring such a shitty trail. Cockholm Syndrome was the FRB. Magnetic Muff was our DFL, but she was also our FBI since she was the only female runner. I would have to say Magnetic
Muff was luckier than that frozen deer. False Advertising
admitted he was a whiny bitch by not dressing right for the snow with no
gloves and nothing waterproof on his feet. We offered our sympathy and
gave him a down down. Then Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion came along to the circle to complete our pack.
We
ended our Bushman circle as the sun was setting and we left the woods
to head north on Cumberland. Once we returned to our cars, Lifa announced "Second Circle!". We stood around just steps away from moving traffic and had one more beer.
On On LW
x
Sun,
Feb 21,2021, Friends who run Chicago held a hash style run set by Pony
Pounder from Empirical Brewing. I was actually planning on trying to run
the dry sections of trail. On the way there I saw what might be
consider some sort of Check Mark at Peterson and Ravenswood. Sometimes a
mark like that can be a great advantage later in trail. I headed south
and just before Foster I walked through the usual tunnel under the
tracks and there was another Check in a similar color and mangled in the
ragged snow. Hmmm!. So we finally gather outside of the brewery and get
the chalk talk and different style of marks and multiple colors. And
off we go, to the east and an immediate Check at Ravenswood. Now,
remember that advantage seeing marks in advance can give you. Here is
were I went completely wrong. Trail went straight north and through that
tunnel to that Check. I knew that check was there, but I was thinking
an on in mark. Nope Dope. By the time I got there, and this was just 2
blocks into trail, I saw Ice Princess and Lower Wackoff disappearing
into the distant west. So I tired to use logic. The only way they could
get to that first Check I saw was to go all the way to Western and north
to Peterson and then east. So I headed straight to it. I was thinking
that I could at least get there and run the last part of the trail as
the FRBs would finally catch me. Not. At the first Check I looked around
and suddenly saw a lot of spray painted marks on the snow, similar to
the hash colors of the day, but they were obviously Construction marks
for underground cables or pipe lines needed to know about for the
upcoming major construction on that location. Never try to out guess the
hare. I headed back to find the pack already gathering in the brewery.
The trail went in a counter clockwise loop from that check by the
tunnel. So, 13 hounds got a hash trail and the old fart got stuffed.
Lesson: sometimes marks aren't and you can get screwed. I did. But the
on after in the brewery went on and on for a few hours. Good time. xOn OnHorn-ESa
2/13 2:00pm The Big Dog Hash set by Magnetic Muff and Muffin Stuffin
from Hernandez Woods. They got a small pack ready to tackle the snow.
Hey, they even got that old fart Horn-E out there and he did the course.
Sort of. No excuses. Come on out. The pack consisted of Lifa who ran in
front and did the eagle trail. False Advertising who ran in the middle
and when the trail came near the start, he booked and then realized he
couldn't leave because he had Horn-E's bag in his car. And then there
was Lower Wackoff who did keep running and did the Turkey trail. Then
there was the lame and short cutting bastards, Just Do Me Slowly and
Horn-E. Trail went into the park and towards the railroad trestle. From
here it headed west on the north side of the river to Cicero. Nice trail
running through here. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E ran part of this and
then up to streets. That old fart Horn-E was paranoid about his wrist
still in a splint. At Cicero the sweep, Magnetic Muff gave us a short
cut. Well, not really shorter but quicker by roads and safer for my
wrist. The real trail went back into La Bagh Woods and followed the
paths along the river and then came out of the woods by Target. Actually
the lame got there first by road and only found one mark in the huge
shopping center. And it was buried in fresh snow and barely able to make
out the direction. A short time later we were on Elston and just past a
railroad trestle when Lifa passed by overhead and kept going on the
eagle trail. Then came Lower Wackoff and he opted to come on down to
where we were. From here the trail went on to Lawrance and Lower Wackoff
and Magnetic Muff headed that way and the lame brirgade headed north
and the ON IN. We shortly gathered and held a quick Big Dog Circle and
the hares were very nice in giving me a ride home. Damn lame old fart.
Sun,
Feb 14, 2021 First Crack of the Moon Hash, and Luner New Year, at Chase
park was set by Lifa. A rare day time Moon Hash due to weather
conditions. Another small pack ventured out in the near zero weather for
this hash. Lower Wackoff, Cockholm Syndrume, Just Davinia and
Castration Sensation. There were two walkers, the usual lame brigade of
Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. And we took off to the east and the two of
us lame hounds were soon on our own. But it could have been worse. Just
after we left, Stuffin Muffin showed up. And he didn't make the finish
until about 30 minutes after we got back and started circle. Running
alone on a non swept trail is a bitch. And that included a Soju Stop. So
Well done Stuffin' Muffin. The trail was east to near Sheridan and that
is where the lame brigade headed over to the Soju stop and got there
just after the other hounds arrived. From there is was a short run back
to the Beer Stop in the park behind a Field House. Circle was started by
Horn-E in Moon Hash style and we were going round and round before
Stuffin Muffin showed up. And within minutes, this old fart said,
"Horn-E go bye bye." Just not tuned into that cold and with my splint I
only had one set of gloves that fit and they weren't that warm. The Tale of the TrailxSu
1/24 we had a Friends Who Run Chicago Hash starting at the west end of
the 606 Trail and set by Back Door Bizzel. A little over 5 miles in a
big lop clockwise to the north and north west. Nice pack of 10 including
Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Just Davinia, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin' Muffin, Crotch Fire, False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome and Garmin
We
1/27 Whiskey Wednesday Hash.from Twisted Spoke for the WWH3 Aniversary
and hared by Lifa. It was a dark and dreary night and besides the Hare,
only three hounds showed up, the usual suspects, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation and Garmin. I don't want to speculate on the FRB, but I'm sure
there was a DFL.
Fr
1/29 Full Moon H3 was started at Forest Glen Forest Preserve shelter
and was hared by Lower Wackoff. And congrats to a great writeup by Lower
Wackoff.
This
was the 24th annual winter moon hash. For the first time in history,
this hash was not at the Gladstone Lounge, but in Forest Glen woods.
The pack of runners was Lifa, Back Door Bizzle with $20 Buttstuff, Hooch
Before Cooch, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff. Menage a Twat and Just
Do Me Slowly were walkers.
I
had to stop short from laying the complete trail because I ran out of
time. We did the chalk talk at the Forest Glen shelter. I sent the
runners off north on the bike trail. The walkers went ahead to wait for
us in Mariano's and we would pick them up along the trail. I told the
pack I would meet them at the halfway point to sweep and then went off
on my own to finish the last 100 yards of trail. Turned out to be a BIG
mistake!
The first check was set
in red flour on the snow right in front of the bike bridge over the
tracks, but it was destroyed by some misguided civilian after I laid
it. Lifa figured there must have been a check there and the pack went
off into the woods in all different directions. Lifa ran across the
bridge and missed a turn to the north which ran close to the river where
a loopback was laid. This part was almost a duplicate of what you set
on trail for the November Bushman. I thought I was being a clever hare,
but the pack never came this way. True trail would lead to a second
check under the bike path bridge. Lifa never saw this second check but
was working a split he found on the street to the west of the woods.
That split took him both ways in the wrong direction. The rest of the
pack was still scattered in the woods as far as I know.
Meanwhile,
I was standing
for 15 minutes
on the third check on the tracks just north of the Forest Glen train
stop, blowing my whistle and looking for any signs of hashers. I then
saw a flashlight from somebody coming back across the bridge and that
was Lifa. I headed north to meet them and miraculously the pack had
regrouped and came out of the woods to run south on the tracks. Trail
from the third check went through a hole in the fence into the Mariano's
parking lot where the walkers caught up with the pack. From there it
was a simple trail in the Forest Glen neighborhood and then back into
the woods along the river to a beer stop.
At
the end, it seemed like the pack wasn't all that pissed at me for not
being there while they spent a half hour working on the first check. We
came out from our beer stop in the woods to circle in the shelter. I
got a down down for a shitty trail and more down downs after that. We
ended our outdoor hash circle with beer and pizza under a full moon.
Keep getting healthy so you can hash again!
On on, LW
Again, thanks for the write up
Su 1/31 was another Friends Who Run Chicago Hash and the annual Snow Hash set from Stab 'em & Slab 'em's house 6530 S. University with co hares Reverand Shut The Fuck Up and Lifa. Hey, they had snow this year. and a damn lot of it and had to lay a live trail. Yeah, we definitely had the snow and it was quite a
workout live-haring the 2.83 mile trail. Beer stop was at the
school/park just up the street from Stab 'Ems. Back at the finish we had
2 fire pits on the patio with circle led by Mudsucker. Afterwards we
roasted bratwurst on sticks over the roaring fire.
I may have forgotten someone but this is the attendance I remember:
Stab
'Em & Slab 'em, Reverend STFU, Lifa, CICO, Cockholm Syndrome, Pull
Her Penis, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation. Back Door Bizzle.
Lower
Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, It's Too Soft, Mudsucker, Just Sarah
(Mudsucker's friend), Just ? (Mudsucker's friend), Ménage à Twat
x
Thanks
for the support in getting me this information while I am laid up.
Please help where and when you can and fill up our blank dates, please. On OnHorn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jan 13, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash,
Castration Sensation hared from 825 W Wolfram for 8 trail hounds. We
took off down the alley to the west and then south. We were moving fast
and I knew I would loose this pack. But we ran on and I caught them at
Lincoln and Sheffield and a Check. I was right with Cockholm Syndroum as
he found this and we ran through the park and headed south through
alleys and a parking lot and on to Fullerton. West and into a quad area
in De Paul Campus. I ended up going out the Southwest end with others
and no marks. There was some controversy on how that Check was solved,
but it went west on Fullerton and suddenly we crossed the street and
into a gangway that went through about three small quads surrounded by
apartments. Never saw this before. Somehow I ended up last coming out of
there and at a Check I went down an alley and the pack was gone and
suddenly there was trail. This went through a little park and I followed
Its Too Soft here. Now we headed south and he disappeared. But at
Fullerton there was Garmin coming back to mark a Check. Thanks. I
followed and now we were in the beginning of a stretch of straights
without to many decision points, Garmin was gone. I ran on and came to a
Split. Looking back was Its Too Soft. I took straight and he followed.
(?) A block later I was not on. But it was across the street and I was
soon on again, but at a Triple split. I picked straight and Its Too soft
followed.(?) NO marks after a block. So I decided on a loop to the
north and back to the Split. Wrong. Trail went south from the Split.
Damn And now I am finally back on trail and ended up going down an alley
for several blocks and found a house with beautiful Christmas lights.
While taking a pic or 2, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. So we ran on
together, east until the El tracks. South a block and then over to OZ
Park. Trail went through the park and north to a Check at Lincoln, Lower
Wackoff had first pick and went left. Trail went north on Lincoln and I
was soon On. Now I get to a 6 corner intersection. And another Check. I
opt to go around clockwise and made a full loop and no marks. Damn. So I
start again but this time going much further down the streets. S, no.
And about here Lower Wackoff caught up again. Then W, no, NW, no, N, and
finally I find a mark further down the block on Halsted and from here
we were pretty much north and on in. 94 minutes, 5.9 miles. And everyone
was sitting in the back yard around the warmth of the fire pit. I
grabbed a seat and tried to stay low to avoid the swirling smoke and
circle commenced. Good. Then a burger. Thanks. And finally I left with a
ride from Garmin. Others on trail were Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin
and Lifa. Home and I took off my vest and then a sweat shirt. Wow, the
smoke smell. Laundry. But I could still smell that smoke. But my other
shirts smelled fine. Then I got it. Damn beard. WOW. Double WOW. Long
shower and several shampoos, even scented, before that was gone. A week
later I finally put on that vest, after the hash, and not at home. Wow,
it also smelled of smoke. Laundry. The fires are good, but stay low and
avoid the smoke.
x
Sat.
Jan 16, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Gompers Park at
Keeler and Foster. We had 12 hounds. Two walkers in Zone 2 and Just Do
Me Slowly who walked parts of the trail. Six hounds really took off and
left the last four to struggle on their own. I tried to sweep, but how
do you sweep for three separate distinct groups. Slit Digger and
Cockholm Syndrome blew away the pack and ran it like it was laid. I
assume those that were sort of with them also did, Magnetic Muff, Just
Lavinia a new transplant with Malaysian experience, False Advertising
and Lifa. Trail went through Gompers Park and across Foster and along a
rode at the edge of the river before heading into La Bagh Woods. And
Slit Digger did what was planned with the False by the river, jumping
off the wall and on through the dried out wet lands and a Check and
another Check along the river where he and Cockholm Syndrome both caught
the long False. Across the river and a nice run on trails around the
swamp and then along the river back to Gompers Park. The
middle pack of Mudsucker, Lower Wackoff, Muffin Stuffin and Crotch Fire
struggle along and were dying in the dried out wet lands Check. But
they got on and finally did that last loop and on in. Back at the finish
someone had found my cache of beer and drank four before leaving the
rest. but we had enough for circle and we held a nice Bushman Circle.
Our transplant Just Lavinia really liked the singing. So all was good
and we finally headed home. Good time. 6
x
Sun.
Jan 17, 2021 Friends Who Run Chicago. Garmin laid trail from Horner
Park and for the second day in a row, we had 12 hounds. We covid hashers
are doing just fine, numbers wise, and are forming a nice group of
regulars. Trail headed south and then out of the park and to the west
for a short loop and back into the park. From here we headed south and a
Check at Irving Park and California. Trail had to go SE into a park and
campus for a high school and sure enough, it did. I actually was right
behind Slit Digger for a short stretch before the pack started passing
me. We crossed over the river on the bike path and at Addison kept going
south along the river in more High School campus area. Then the trail
took a u turn and headed north through parking lots and over to a Check
at Roscoe and Western. Here the hare admitted he realized he was running
out of time and ooops, there goes trail with a massive long straight.
The trail eventually did get better after Irving Park as it went through
the river path north of Irving to Montrose. And then On In. Meanwhile, I
was a major DFL. So I short cut to this park and headed across the park
towards Irving Park Bridge and the river. Damn. Hugh fence around the
field with wind breaking covers, but a gap right where the path is. But
the break was only for the wind breakers and not this new god damn wall
of very high chain link fence. With construction signs everywhere and no
construction at all. But screw the people anyway. So I followed the
fence the long way around, looking for what used to be gaps in the
fences. None. Damn. Finally got out and headed across the river and took
the river trail on in to the finish. Nice circle when I could hear
people with gags over their mouths. Some nice songs including some
Limericks. Good time.
x
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailxJan 5. 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Holstein Park for a dozen hounds. Trail
started out to the east and we sort of went in circles for a bit. At
our second Check I got mixed up as I ran into marks, a False, from the
Check before I got to the Check. I finally got there and with Castration
Sensation we headed out on the true trail when he returned and said
they were coming back. So I ranged from the Check towards where I saw a
mark when I got off the bus. Close to the Check, Well, it was trail all
right. The ON IN trail and just before the last Check. So I ran the
trail backwards which was basically south on Damen, a gangway and alleys
and Fullerton west. And I finally ran into Lifa at a Check on
Fullerton. Well, obviously I knew the way out. But I always figure when I
get there by a short cut or like I did, then I should let the FRB find
the trail. He came to hash, not follow my directions because I got there
backwards. So Lifa did 2 Falses and finally Back Door Bizzel arrived
and headed out the right way, east on Fullerton. False Advertising was
right behind. We then ran on until Belden and Damen and the last Check. I
found that and one block south. We headed west and towards the finish.
False Advertising finally passed me and when we got in, most where
already there. Then Garmin came in DFL. He started late and almost
caught us. We had a nice circle and headed on home.
x
Jan 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, the Eight Beer Stop Hash. Horn-E
and Slit Digger hared from Catherine Chevalier Woods.We spent about
three hours laying trail and of course it is always how soon can they
screw it up. And as soon as they got into the woods, hounds were ranging
and obviously not staying on trail. Our first Check was before the
first wide path. They ran to a False and over ran it. Got on the path
and ran west on a Split from the true ttrail of the Check and I'm not
sure they even knew it. But there were marks and a long False. So what
do you do at a False? What you do and what they did were two different
things. Naturally someone just kept going. Bye bye. The rest finally
returned and got back on trail. Trail went trough some real thick
sections of small trees and to a Check on another wide path. This took a
while and they were soon in the woods again and heading south to this
wide prairie of three foot prairie grasses. We had a Check here with
three different trails, all leading to the first Beer Stop. One hasher
ran straight and yelled ON at the first mark and everyone followed. OK.
They got to the Beer Stop and it took about five minutes before Magnetic
Muff finally found a Pilsner Urquel. They then ran south, but two
hounds found trail out of there on one of those On In trails. Ooops. At
the next Beer Stop at a cross section in the woods, Zone 2 and
Castration Sensation found the beer. Then they ran on and followed Lower
Wackoff on a False. He didn't yell On and even he wondered why they
were following him. This pack was not running as a pack or usual
conventions. But at their peril. We ran on to Beer Stop 3 by the rivers
edge. As I got there, they were confused and couldn't find the beer.
Hollow tree was still hollow. Damn. And there was False Advertising
staring at a 6.5 foot tall tree stump for about a minute before looking
up and there was the beer. So we ran on. Just Do Me Slowly managed to
get there and now was following the pack back. I was told Chicken
Stiffer finally got back to the pack from that first False. Back Door
Bizzel found trail out and we were on to the north. The next check was
at a cross roads and down a steep slippery hill, Beer was hidden in a
pile of logs. About three hounds managed to head out on the False before
a whistle was heard and trail headed along the river and finally to
Beer Stop 5 at a 55 gal drum in the middle of the forest. Huh. Trail
headed east through the woods and a section that was devastated by a
down draft wind storm and fallen trees everywhere, We finally had a Beer
Stop 6 in a tight section of trees with the beer high up a fallen tree.
Here the late arriving Crotch Fire caught up to the pack. And again the
pack got sucked in by another of Slit Digger's long Falses. We got to
another wide path and headed south and then into the woods long the
water run off area and Beer Stop 7. the pack was whole. Not for long.
They finally started out looking for Beer Stop 8. False Advertising
started out towards the beer to the east. Then changed his mind and
followed Lower Wackoff and others to the south and the slippery path.
That led to that very first False that someone ran through. Ooops. Got
them. Meanwhile Zone 2 headed East and right to the Beer Stop in a thick
section of swamp reeds that were about 12 to 15 feet tall. Beer was in
the middle and it was soon the hares and Stuffin Muffin and Crotch Fire
and a smiling Zone 2. Something about reeds and molesting or something.
When we headed out we ran into Lifa and stoped for a while before
heading ON IN. Back at the finish we held a Big Dog circle in the
shelter and everyone got at least one Down Down. Then Magnetic Muff,
Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and the hares headed
for the mega garage for some pizza and warming up.
x
On On
Horn-E
x
The Tale of the TrailxDec 30, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Steps
In Shit volunteered but couldn't make it back to Chicago. So Lifa
volunteered to do a live hare. Then only Garmin showed up. WTF. Even
Horn-E didn't show and they waited for him for ten minutes. Apparently
they each had a nice run, Shit happens. As for Horn-E, as he changed
pants to get ready to go, his keys fell behind a box and he didn't look
for them until he was ready to leave. A half hour later, still no keys.
He didn't find them until the next day at about 1pm. Someone get help
for that old man. Hey, I knew they were in the house. Just where. That
never happened before.
x
31 Dec 2020,
The Chicago
Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard for a 10PM hash.
The latest ever in Chicago. And only four showed up. Just Do Me Slowly
who walked about a mile of trail , Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzel and
Castration Sensation. Laying trail I knew of one local street with a lot
of Christmas Lights. So that was the first goal. then I wanted to head
south for a big loop. But there was another 2 block long street with a
lot of lights. Why not. Then the next block also had some very unusual
coordinated lights. Couldn't not do it. Now it was time to change the
original plans. Pulled some Checks by the local High School and tried to
sneak past the streets with lights and go around to the north hoping
for more streets with lights. Nope. So the last part of the trail was
boring. About 3 miles. At the finish we had Hot Chili and fresh baked
pretzels and cheap champagne tosts to bring in the new year, A neighbor
blew off fire works and Auld Lang Syne. We hung around until about
12:30. So, it worked. At least 5 of us didn't have to spend New Years
Eve like any other Thursday night, alone with a good movie.
x
1
Jan 2021, False Advertising laid his anal New Years Day Hash from
Twisted
Spokes. Weather was calling for nasty freezing rain. I tried to email
the hare and find out if it was worth coming. Would there actually be a
trail. The hare's reply. "It
is terrible here. I would not come. Freezing rain." So I didn't. And
last night all five of us said we were going. And the other four did and
there was a trail. So,
they alone ran the last trail of last year and the first trail of this
year. With two separate hares. Now that was false advertising. From what
I heard there was a long stretch through very slippery alleys only to
come up to a Back Chekc 21. Yeah, 21. Back to the start and a hot drink
and then off on a short trail that wasn't horrible even though there was
some freezing rain and they finished under some cover. So, they had a
good start to hashing in the new year.
x
3
Jan 2021. Eleven hashers gathered to carry on the Just Justs Chicago
tradition for the first Sunday of Jan. We had three Master Marker Makers
in Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire and Just Brad. And we would name Just Brad
later. We had eight runners on trail and we all spent the entire run
trying to get ahead of Garmin. He'd blow away the pack and miss a turn
and on and on. I managed to find one of those and he soon blew right
past me. We worked our way to the east and one of those missed marks
right after the first Split. And then again and we were having a hard
time seeing the red arrows on the wet pavement. Lower Wackoff found the
first Check to the north and myself and Lower Wackoff ran on to a Split
and the pack was soon with us. And we went on and on like this. Trail
even went over a roof on the campus and back down and across the
expressway for a loop back that I caught. And then through the campus
where I ran to the lead hound, Garmin only to have him do a loop back or
something and I'm off alone going the wrong way. From there we worked
our way out of the campus and back west and south of Roosevelt. And all
along I was just behind the pack or way behind the pack until we hit the
finish in an open field. And a bunch of the pack got out of cars to
join us. WTF. And I caught up to Lower Wackoff and walked in together.
And there we were, knee deep in goose shit. If you went home and didn't
remove your shoes at the door and now your carpets are green, it isn't
fresh grass stains. More like processed grass stains. False Advertising
led the circle. And he was called out by Crotch Fire for running off
trail and losing trail completely and begging for directions. Then we
finally got around to naming Just Brad. I started things out with Goose
Shit, but things and stories got better. I mean, a real cellar dweller
here. When a name like French Licker doesn't make it, we had some good
stories. But it ended up in a tie. So we decided we'd let him pick and
the name he liked least would be the name he got. and so forever more he
will be called Mommy's Coming. Now he has to explain that one to Mom
and we'll let him explain it further. Others in attendance were Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2.
x
On On
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail
x
Dec
15, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lifa set trail from Brands
Park for 12 hounds and maybe some Christmas lights. We started out to
the north and then headed south through a nice twist of alleys and
angled streets and I was able to keep the pack within sight. We crossed
Belmont and due to a Back Check I was right up front. But within blocks I
lost the pack completely. But trail was there and decisions points were
mostly marked and I ran on to California where I ran into the hare
sweeping. Trail headed east and into a hidden gangway and over to the
Christmas Lights House. Steps In Shit blew past me right about here and
at the lights, he was already long gone, and I stopped to take a bunch
of pics. Then it was on east and south and eventually over to Logan Blvd
and Western and a Check. Marked North East, maybe, I ran on and found
trail at Diversey and the Turkey Split. Well, I'm way behind with that
fast pack so it was straight up Elston and then north to the Beer Stop
along the river. And I wasn't DFL. They took the Eagle trail. We then
went back to the park and circled up.
x
Dec
18, 2020, Lifa set a trail for friends who run Chicago. We were
starting from Its Too Soft's roof Deck and five hounds managed to show
up and give his new roof top fire pit a good start. This time I fell
back right away with a slow start and traffic and the leaders were long
gone. We headed over towards Sheffiend and Wrightwood and a Check.
Marked, I headed south and into an alley and saw Garmin disappearing
ahead. Crossing Halsted and the next street, Burling, trail headed south
and across Lincoln and finally into Oz Park. And there was the sweep
but he didn't know where anyone was, But a hint and I headed south on
Lincoln and soon Garmin passed me on the other side of the street,I
headed over to where the hare said there would be a check, at Armitage
and Clark and he warned me to not go south for a long back Check. Good
move, I headed into Linclon Park and passed the Zoo lights and finally
picked up on marks around the observatory as I was taking time to take
pics of lights. Then it was passed the north lagoon and suddenly Garmin
passed me. What again. He should have been long gone. The rest of the
pack got screwed by a back check 11. Not II as in Roman numerals (when
have we ever used those) but someone interpeted it as a back check 2.
And they worked the hell out of that. Over and over. Who said hashers
are smart. Finally they escaped that and were gaining on me. and passing
me. A short time later Just Brad also blew past me. At Diversey Clark I
opted out of more trail and he ran north on Broadway. Bye. I got back
to the finish and joined Its Too soft, Shortly after I was joined by
Castration Frustration who also dropped out after that back check from
hell. I finally left as I had to hare the next morning and the rest came
in shortly after. Also on trail was Cockholm Syndrome.
x
Dec 19. 2020. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E
ilaid trail from Edgebrook Woods and we had a pack of 12 and 3 bushbabes
who stayed behind and found the beer and hung out in the woods.
Meanwhile the pack was gone. I tried to catch them and sweep, but my
short cut wasn't fast enough and so I just turned back. They said later
on that the hare had to do this and that while they just short cut
around it. Probably what happened in the beginning as the trail ran on a
slope next to the golf course, Yeah, like they would run that. Damn
city runners. Why come to the woods if you are just going to run down
streets at every opportunity and skip the woods. Talking to Slit Digger I
got some input on trail. They did see a lot of deer. They ran along the
ravines and caught both of my Falses after a vertical Check on a
hollowed out tree. No, trail didn't go inside. Then we had a river
crossing and most didn't see the Check on the bank of the other side and
got caught on some Falses there. Good. But trail went under the bridge
and through a hole in the fence and into the golf course. Managed to
head the trail through a lot of the wooded sections and eventually I was
running out of time and shorted the finish a bit. But one last section
of woods and crossing Central they were at the finish. And the pack was
soon following on in with Lower Wackoff being DFL. We had a nice long
leisurely circle in the woods and eventually 9 on us headed over to Slit
Diggers Garage for our annual Christmas Party. Good lemon treats
Magnetic Muff. We eventually ordered a pizza and just spread out in the
garage on lawn furniture and relaxed and told tall tales.
x
Dec
20, 2020 was another trail for friends who run Chicago. Rusty Grundel
laid trail from the roof deck of Its Too Soft and we had 6 hounds, We
headed west and north and I was slowly falling behind. But I managed to
keep Back Door Bizzel in sight and then not. We got over to Sheridan and
north to Briar. They were out of sight and I got to Broadway and there
was Stuffin Muffin. The hare pulled a loop back here on the other side
of the street, but where the trail went north, there was no turn mark.
Oh Oh. But we split up and I found trail and we regrouped at Belmont and
Broadway. We ran north and found a Check at Melrose. Looked like it was
marked north so we did that but only found one mark. Far enough behind
we decided to head west and look for a trail crossing. Melrose to
Halsted to Belmont to Sheffield and there was a Check. And we were there
first. I found trail to the south and we regrouped at a Triple Split.
Well I picked wrong and when I returned Stuffin Muffin was gone on the
right trail and there was Lifa. So Lifa and I got on the right trail and
he was on one side of the street when I spotted a loop back and
suddenly Castration Sensation was right behind me. And then Magnetic
Muff was there and some how most of us were together and we finally ran
on back to the roof Deck. We hung out for quite a while there, Its Too
soft grilled up a few burgers and the fire pit was roaring and the wind
wasn't to bad. Good time.
x
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
x
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
x
Dec 13, 2020, A
Lucia Fun Run, a Swedish tradition,
set by two of our resident Swedes, Construction Junction and Cockholme
Syndrome. Celebrating the shortest day on the Julian Calendar. Trail
was
in a normal hash fashion with 16 runners. The location of the start had
a last minute change of location due to a movie being made at the other
location. So we ended up behind the chocolate factory with free smells
of fresh cooking chocolate. Trail was set by the Master Mark Maker and
he explained the marks and set off the pack to the NE. I started late
and he gave me a shortcut straight north and as I got to Grand, the pack
was coming my way. At the first street was a triple split and the pack
headed north. But Back Door Bizzel came by and told me that there was a
check on Grand so we headed there. And as the pack arrived at the Check,
I started checking to the west and found trail. Yes, that Horn-E is
leading. False Advertising soon caught up at another Triple split and he
headed right, right. I headed south, wrong. When I was almost to the
next corner I heard the On call but kept going to the corner where I
found Lower Wackoff on a short cut. So we paralleled the pack heading
west and eventually we came to a street and here was Rusty Grundel
coming our way. And there was an arrow and now we are in front. Yeah
sure. Rusty Grundel soon passed us and the trail headed east. We
followed and at the next block Rusty Grundel found trail through some
property. I opted to parallel along the tracks and eventually I saw
Rusty Grundel leading the pack south on Halsted. So at the first
opportunity I headed south and again I was paralleling the pack. After
several more blocks south, the pack came my way and there was Lifa, Some
Crappy Name and Rusty Grundel. But it was a short loop and they were
soon heading east and I followed as we crossed the Expressway and
eventually the pack started catching me and passing me. I'm tiring now
after leading for a bit. But we run on and headed for Madison and then
down 187 steps to a path along the river. What goes down has to come
back up. So I look ahead and I think I saw some hashers heading east on
Lake Street. So I head east to Wacker and then north to Lake and guess
what. You guessed it. They didn't come this way. Damn. But I head west
and quickly pick up on the trail at the T and E Split. Making a wrong
assumption, yes again, I never saw another mark. But I start working my
way towards the finish and eventually I saw a hasher, Skull N Boner
heading behind some building after starring in that damn movie. The
story of a beautiful woman being dragged across town by some huge
animal, alright, her dog. A short time later I ran into Steps N Shit and
then Just Parth as we came into the finish. And there were the Master
Mark Maker and the Mistress Mush Maker finishing up on their
preparations. And soon we were drinking beer and enjoying traditional Swedish Christmas delights of glögg,
lussebullar, pepparkakor and knäck and Swedish
Christmas carols. LIfa led a short circle and we all indulged in the
goodies and stood around enjoying camaraderie and getting cold together.
x
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
x
On On
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Tue,
Dec 1, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash. Back
Door Bizzle laid a trail from the northern end of Goose Island for 12
trail hounds. He wasn't there at the start, but we were off right on
time and across the old railroad bridge. Checking. Trail headed west and
by the time we got to the next Check/Split we were already stretched
out with a pack of fast hounds leaving us half fast hounds behind. I saw
the pack heading north and short cut the corner and never saw Lower
Wackoff again. Kept marking checks and such, but he never caught up. So
we ran on. I was soon alone as we headed to Cortland and Damen where
Stuffin Muffin caught up with me. He soon left me behind but we managed
to run together on and off along the way. We finally got to Damen and
the 606 and there was Cockholme Syndrome resolving a back check that
brought us up to the 606. And that was the last I saw of him. We ran on
and finally came down to street level and a nice mix of streets and the
longest mark I ever saw on a Check pointing to true trail. A six foot
fence post. Around here we were also joined by Castration Sensation. So
it was the three of us running along, together and spreading out, off
and On. Finally somehow got ahead of Stuffin Muffin at a Check on Damen.
Hey, we had to get back to Goose Island and so it had to go over the
Division Street Bridge. Local knowledge again paid. And from there it
did cross that bridge and Stuffin Muffin left me behind at the finish.
About 5.3 miles for me and I was mostly right on trail. A circle was
already going on, finishing, and shortly after the pack started to
disperse.
Sat,
Dec 5, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Crotch Fire laid a trail from Wolf Road
Woods for a small pack. Unfortunately 15 of us showed up and so the beer
stop got screwed up a bit. But
we took off on trails that are mostly inhabited by dirt bike riders.
And we were running. There were long stretches between junctions in the
paths which led to the fast runners running away with the trail. But us
half fast runners then got a chance for our own checking. The trails
were full of a lot of exposed roots and rocks that at least had me
running slower then I wanted to, to avoid catching a toe on something
and doing a header, Like False Advertising. Gotcha. He had to ask Lower
Wackoff to help him up. Anyone but asking Horn-E. With long stretches
between junctions the hare didn't feel a need to keep marking trail
because there was no where else to go. But sometimes we need a
confidence mark to ensure we didn't miss a turn. Supposedly he had 25
pounds of flour. I doubt 2.5 pounds of flour were used. And sure enough
at one point after a junction, I found Magnetic Muff returning on trail
saying there were no marks, I kept going and it was at least another
hundred yards before I found a little bit of a mark. This eventually led
me to leading a small pack down a revine to a road and across the road.
Another point where a mark would have helped, But at the next Check, I
saw a steep hill and headed that way and was on to the east for what
turned into a long straight that wiggled a bit but kept going until we
came to a slough. Here trail went left and around the slough and to a
parking lot. Again, slight marks and I finally found one at the turn of
the parking lot onto a road east. And then I ran on and on with Back
Door Bizzle. Probably more yards then the Chicago Bears have managed all
year. And no marks. At what point do you stop and go back. did we miss a
Check in that parking lot. Nope. Se we tried again and this time the
hare came by on his bike, sweeping, and told us that the marks were on
the other side of the road. Damn, nothing indicatied that. But we were
finally On and we could see the back of the pack coming along. From here
it was some more nice trail and finally heading up hill to the parking
lot and the finish About 5.5 miles. We held a big Dog Circle and then
headed out to avoid the sunset closing rules. From there we headed to a
brewery where everyone enjoyed a good brew or two. Good overall day.
Thu, Dec 10, 2020, A fun
run. A small pack of hashers gathered for a fun run at Wellington and
Damen in the park. Lifa laid a short trail for us, hash style, and we
had a mostly good run. A the first Check the last hound I saw was Just
Brad. But I didn't need any hints and of course went the exact opposite
way and was now way behind. But I ran on. On Fullerton I deliberately
went straight at a Check trying to catch up and sure enough the trail
came back to me and I found myself just ahead of Castration Sensation
and Back Door Bizzle and just before the T and E split. Back Door Bizzle
and I went full Turkey and then the three of us regrouped at a Check at
Western and Diversey, Back Door Bizzle and I headed east, local
knowledge, and I insisted on going as far as the bridge where I knew of
steps coming from below and sure enough, there was an arrow and we were
soon into a beer stop on a pier into the river where the front pack,
Just Brad, Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome, and Some Crappy Name. After a
quick beer we headed back to the park and a few beers and home. A good
chance to get out of the house and have a good run on a real nice night.
The Tale of the Trail
Wed, Nov. 25, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double
Meter Beater hared from Palmer Square Park for 7 trail hounds. Six on
time and one victim of the CTA and a bit of rain. Yeah, me again. I got
there and it took a while to find the start and of course they were long
gone. But I found trail and took off through the park and then hit my
first mistake. People standing on the turn arrow out of the park and I
ran south going no where. Finally got on traill again and did a short
loop around the edge of the park and a Split. It was marked west and I
ran two blocks without a arrow. so I ranged and eventually around a long
block and back to that damn Split. Tried again and a short distance
away there was an arrow into an alley. Damn. Followed that to a Check
and checked the time. It was already 8:00 so I headed back to the start,
more then a bit disappointed. Yeah.And False Advertising was already
in. All right, he lost things at a check and headed in. And apparently I
missed a Back Check 7 and one or two other Checks that really puzzled
the pack. Eventually the pack made it in and we circled around a jug of
Wild Turkey. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Slit Digger,
Lower Wackoff and Its Too Soft.
Sun. Nov. 29, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E
laid trail from Mather Park for 6 trail hounds. Nice day and a nice
night for a hash. Laid a perfect trail. Well, all hares think so and
they were sure to let me know where I went wrong. With huge diagrams.
The fist Check apparentlyy went normal. But then that Second Check.
Started to work perfectly with everyone going off on a False Trail.
Instead of finishing off the False Trail with an F, for some stupid
reason I laid another arrow and the pack ran in circles for about 10
minutes. Ooops. I want to sweep, but I had to go and get beer for Meange
A Twat. Anyhow they finally returned to the Check snad found the
correct way out. Only now this time Slit Digger is certain I missed
laying another arrow on the true trail. Thanks to Magnetic Muff I was
off the hook for that one. Trail went to Kedzie and Devon where there
was another Check with a damn long False that at least Slit Digger ran.
Actually almost a loop so not that bad. Up until now they were
struggling so much that even Meange A Twat caught up walking Then they
found the real trail and it was over to a big mall and another Check by
Hoe depot. And again they struggled. That one should have been easy, but
it took well over ten minutes. After that things were relativly simple
and they slowly wandered in one by one. We held a short circle and
finished off with swing low and hung around for another twenty minutes
or so. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Lifa.
The Tale of the Trail
Thu.
Nov 19, 2020, A non-affiliated Covid Hash trail set by Cockholm
Syndrome from under the tracks near Kinzie and Canal and 10 hashers
seeking some good exercise managed to show up and run a fun trail with
plenty of ups and downs. Damn hare. We took off to the east and across
the river for a mixed up start and the pack somehow ended on Orleans St
near the Merchandise Mart. Some went across the river and over to Wells.
Some went in front of the Merchandise Mart. But we all managed to cross
Wells and head over this little foot bridge to La salle. Here is where I
lost the pack. Yes, again. I thought I saw Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin
heading east on Kinzie. Nope. So I ranged north on Clark looking for a
trail going east. Not. Meanwhile, I think La Salle is where some found
the ON Back trail and headed west. Whatever, Double Meter Beater managed
to finish the trail in 25 minutes. but over achievers like him go back
out to find the trail he missed. Some few hashers managed to find the
correct the trail and keep going and get over towards the lake front for
some of those up and downs especially around the rivers edge and lower
Michigan. Meanwhile around Grand and Clark, Horn-E found the On back
trail and followed it backwards. Hey, its trail. This led me straight
east to Wabash where I missed a mark. Damn. But back on trail I ran a
block north and crossed Michigan and got into some damn garbage filled
alley. Now there I really needed to wear my mask and some nose plugs
too. But it was up some stairs and further east and heading down some
stairs I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and the pack, at
least what was left of it. So I followed them a bit and then, took a
short cut to avoid that stinking alley and picked up on trail again with
Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin and we headed east. This was a zig zag trail
through a bunch of alleys and streets until we finally hit the BN Check.
I was in the lead here, and soon Lifa came along. I found trail along
the river and we were soon heading back to the ON IN spot. And there was
most of the pack. WTF. That included Steps In Shit and Pony Pounder.
Eventually we were joined by the first DFLs Its Too Soft and Castration
Frustration. And then came the second DFL, our misguided FRB, Double
Meter Beater. Lifa led a bit of circle and all was good.
Sat
Nov 21, 2020 was the Bushman Hash hared by Horn-E. Set to start at
1:00PM to avoid the early Forest closing of 4:24pm. Damn rules.
Unfortunately some didn't read my posting and get the message of the
time change. So when I got to the start after setting trail there were
just three hounds. WTF. And I carried a case of beer all that way for
three hounds. And laid trail for over three hours. Oh well. I'm sweeping
so lets get going. We headed out and after a few splits the mini pack
was off and running woodland trails. And then they missed a Split.
Somehow the Split was marked with two sticks to go left, but they went
straight. Now who marked that Split. We did see Lifa's car, but no Lifa.
We figured he came and took off on trail. Not. So after a correction,
the pack headed for the river following Stuffin Muffin and with a long
dry spell, the river was low and we were able to cross the tracks under
the trestle and there was a Check. They headed left and middle and both
were long Falses. Here is where I got my trail inspiration of the day. I
noticed that with the low river there was actually a low river bank
trail that was dry and under a high hill with 80 degree climb up and
down. Had to do that. So eventually the pack found trail, with a hint
from the hare to Magnetic Muff, to the right and nearer the tracks and
through some good shiggy over logs and stuff and through formerly wet
lands. There would be two more of that along trail. But along here Lower
Wackiff got ahead and then at a three way fell behind. And the pack ran
on, together and then apart and really regrouped at the bridge on
Forest Glen Drive. A back Check and a hidden Check got them. But here we
reversed trail and headed back on the north side of the river through
some good thick shiggy and nice enough areas to actually run a bit. Past
the golf course and finally to that planned drop down to the river's
edge. And they all chickened out. Hey, if an 80 year old man with a back
pack full of flour can do it, so can you. Not. Hell, it was fun laying
it and doing it again. These are the things that make some trails
greater then others. Trail actually went to a thick vine hanging down a
fifteen foot drop to the rivers edge. Vines. Tarzan. Well, not really.
But I ran along the river and the trail eventually narrows. It is either
the river or a steep climb, about 25 feet almost straight up. But with a
few small trees growing out of the side, it was a snap. Yeah, even for
an old man. Shortly after we saw four hashers on the other side of the
rover. A 2:00pm starting group. This included Slit Digger, who was the
only one to climb down to the rivers edge and back up again. And Lifa,
False Advertising and Zone 2. So we ran west and they ran east. We had
some more nice woods trail and eventually we got to the B, at the bend
in the river. It took Lower Wackoff about five minutes to find the beer,
25 craft beers, all different. And as we drank beer, we finally saw the
rest of the pack, on the other side of the river. Still five minutes to
beer. We then held a quick circle and had to leave to beat that damn
4:24 sunset. All was good. And it was a great day with sunshine and all
in the woods. And we did see some strange animal. A tail less squirrel. I
had more hair on my chin then the squirrel. We figured he was damn
lucky and just managed to get away from Wylie.
The Tale of the Trail
Fri. Nov 13, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash
Lower Wackoff laid trail from 5100 N. Francisco and we had 12 hounds.
Trail started out to the south and ultimately did a big sweep around to
the west and back north and east in the park and finally to a BN at the
home of our newest resident Crip, Just Do Me Slowly. And it will be
months before she is back on trail. The beer stop was in the back yard
and Berts Special Friend was the first hound in. By then the lame or
bull shit hounds Horn-E and Menage A Twat were already there. Damn
hounds, screwed up on trail again. Especially that damn old man. He
actually went to a park a mile away and ran to the correct location and
stumbled onto trail at BN. Just Do Me Slowly's mom came out and met the
hash. She can't really be JDMS's mom. She doesn't look a day over 60. We
then headed over to the start where we held a circle as usual and in
the cold. We're getting used to it. Others on trail were Lifa, Pony
Pounder, Castration Sensation, Some Crappy Name (No, it isn't something
too crappy to mention. That is it), Meat Inside Her, Magnetic Muff,
Stuffin Muffin, Its Too Soft and Garmin.
Sat.
Nov 14, 2020, The Big Dog Hash Set by Hooch B4 Cooch from BlackHawk
Park. As I was arriving, going down Blackhawk street, the pack got an
early start and ran past me in the adjacent alley and I never knew it.
So, it was 14 trail hounds. But as I arrived at
the start Hooch B4 Cooch told me and I was soon in pursuit. I caught
then at a Check at Ashland. Or at least the back of the pack. And we
were off straight west and then wound our way north to North and then
south to Milwaukee. Isn't Milwaukee about 90 miles north of Chicago.
Where the hell am I? At this point I had fallen way behind Steps In Shit
and Magnetic Muff and was running along with False Advertising. I saw
Magnetic Muff to the Northwest and we followed to a Check at Damen where
Its Too Soft was parked. I started a counterclockwise loop looking for
marks and kept watch on Its Too Soft in case someone called on and he
was off. And then he was off and On and I didn't see him leave. What
else is new. But I found trail to the south on Damen and into Wicker
Park and a Split. Unmarked so I checked out the park and nothing. So I
assumed, and never assume with a hare, that the trail had to go west and
would probably then head south. Being so damn far behind, I decided to
range to the south and eventually pick up on trail. Donnie the Retard.
Trail went west and then north. Meanwhile False Advertising was sucked
along with my bad call and the two of us separately ranged off course
and worked our way back to the start, I then ran backwards on trail
until I ran into Double Meter Beater. So it was back to the start. And
the pack trickled on in and even Zone 2 managed to find trail and now
has bragging rights over False Advertising. Eventually a Big Dog Circle
was held and with this big mob, we went On and ON. Then we hung out, On
and On. And Hooch B4 Cooch kept reloading a coffee pot with hot cider.
Sun. Nov 15, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch again laid trail from Pulaski Park. (Just south of Blackhawk between Cleaver and Nobel)Pulaski Park at Blackhawk between /Cleaver and NobelPulaski
Park. and for the third hash in a row, Horn-E was late. So I hid my bag
in bushes and took off on trail. Running fast, for me, there was no way
I would catch that list of speedsters, 8 trail hounds besides myself.
Trail started out like a previous hash and so I had no trouble following
and what wasn't marked was often obvious and I ran on to the south
east, over the Kennedy and back over the Kennedy on Chicago. Then a loop
to the south and over to Ashland and pretty much straight north from
there and on in. And there they were and circle was over. That is how
fast they were and how slow I was, even when I was running fast. The
pack included Lifa, Garmin, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies,
Cockholm Syndrum, Rusty Grundel, Pony Pounder and Some Crappy Name. And
more hot cider flowed and we hung out in strong cold winds for well over
another hour or so. Just having fun socializing.
The Tale of the Trail
Tue Nov 3, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Saving
Myself For Two Black Guys laid trail from Oz Park at Webster and
Lincoln. Somewhere within the park. This was a fair well as he is taking
off for Hawaii for a bit. Lucky bastard. He is probably laying on the
beach while we are stuck with all of this record breaking 70 degree plus
weather. I know when the hash is. I typed it in for this list. Then I
planned on getting there at 7:15 and the bus was even late for that.
They were long gone. But I took off and running well I ran the streets
of the area north of Oz Park. All right, trail wasn't bad and I was
moving along. Even got past a six corner Check at Lincoln and Halsted
without to much trouble. Worked my way north on Halsted and then over to
Lincoln and finally towards Lincoln and Sheffield. Found a Check here
and it was marked to go through the park. I looked at the time and I was
already out there a half hour and so I guessed on the trail going west
or east. I went west the the trail went east. So I had a good run
straight south to Armitage and then straight east to Oz Park and never
came across the trail. Naturally. Then were almost finished with circle
when I arrived. But I had a good personal run, so, shit happens. On
trail besides myself were Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle, Lifa,
Its Too Soft, Lower Wackoff and Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Seven hounds.
h.
Sun. Nov 8, 2020, The Chicago Hash,
Gay Dancer hared from Winnemac Park. Looked like a big pack and many
more arrived late for a total of 13 hounds running the trail and four
walkers. The walkers were 4 Harriets, but glad they turned out. We did
have one Harriet that ran, I Eat Dick.She was probably FRB again. We
headed through Winnemac Park to the south and I was soon behind the
runners. But hounds kept coming from behind me. The first to come
running behind me was some guy with Some Crappy Name. A little later I
approached Lincoln Square and suddenly I was joined by Cockholm Syndrum
and Just Kervin, a virgin. Yeah, he ought to fit in good. Another hound
passing me like I'm standing still. I saw then disappear to the west
andI was on my own again. Ranging to catch up, I somehow missed the
trail crossing Lawrence. Finally crossing Lawrence by the river, and
heading through the riverside park I came up to Rusty Grundel and Pony
Pounder working a Triple Split. It wasn't my way, so they were soon on.
No way I would keep up so I ran north through the park and headed west
on Foster. Two blocks later I saw Some Crappy Name following Double
Meter Beater. I followed and soon lost them as we headed east and south
of Foster and California. Suddenly I ran into two of the walkers,
Special Head and Bloody Thighs, They were On and On the Turkey Trail.
Hell, no wonder I couldn't keep up. I was on the Eagle trail. But we
headed through an alley and Some Crappy Name passes me yet again. I
followed and at Lincoln there was a Split. I was ahead, Yeah sure. He
soon passed me again. And then another Split and he is wrong again, but I
followed and we regrouped and he is gone again. Damn, it sucks to be
slow. Finally we enter Winnemac Park and I'm about 100 yards from the On
In and, you guessed it. passed again. Rusty Grundel ran right by me in
the park and beat me in. Well, with my short cuts, I wasn't last, but
should have been. We then laid around and didn't even have a circle. I
thought this was a hash and not just some Hound and Hares club.The pack
slowly drifted off until there were about ten left, the usual suspects
and one virgin. The ones that are doing most of the actual hashing post
Covid. We are the hash. Join us.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Four hashes this week. I set to and I ran two. Two were great and two were finished by all that started out.
Wed
Oct 28, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake. Nice turnout for a WWH3 with 8
hounds on trail. I just got back from laying trail as they arrived. I
thought I'd have them out there for a good hour. Damn fast hounds.
Stiffy 4 Stiffies was soon running down the street. Probably 45 minutes,
but they got about 4 miles. Within about five minutes the whole pack
was in. Well, at east I kept them close together. And I had about ten
different bottles of Whiskey and such to try. And they did, Especially
Stuffin Muffin. He staggered out of my back yard. Good thing Magnetic
Muff was driving. Others on trail were Cockholm Syndrome, Lifa, Meat
Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys.
There were several groupies who showed up as they held a surprise
birthday party for me. Yeah, cake and some gifts. Hey, it is no big
deal. Only my first 80th birthday. We also had three groupies that
showed up and special thanks for them for showing up even though they
didn't hash. False Advertising. Crotch Fire, and Construction Junction,
etc. Lifa had a birthday song with 14 verses ready. Even he had to read
it. Great stuff. Special thanks for the porn. Really, porn from the 40s.
Like I remember that. I didn't even know that it had two uses back
then. But it was interesting. It said black and white so I figured it
was inter racial stuff with all this racial stuff these days They didn't
even sing Swing Low. Funny rather then anything else. Really, I forgot
that women had hair there. And no sheep or goats or bald, tattooed,
transsexual midgets. I'm afraid of the other one. Debbie Does Dallas.
Probably more lesbian stuff between two ladies named Debbie and Dallas.
And then there was the instant three some pack. Yeah, two
inflate-a-dolls. Two foot long. Look, even I ain't that small. Yeah I
blew them up. No, not that way. An electric pump. And they didn't even
vibrate. And thanks for the contributions towards hearing aids. Good
news is now I can hear the R As. The bad news is now I can hear the R
As. I thought all of these years you were calling me Dick Todd for some
reason. Thanks guys. Really, thanks. I hope to see you all when I turn
90.
Thu Oct 29, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash, Steps
in Shit laid this trail from his house near 16th street and Racine. Big
pack. Yeah, like we get them on TH3. But double and more then the last
one. We had five hounds. We took off on a cold and damn windy night to
the west for a block and a Check. So far so gook. Then under tracks to
the north and another Check. Now the shit began. It was like forever in
all directions, long ways, and not a single mark anywhere. Turns out, he
made marks on telephone poles and didn't tell us. I finally went west
and then took off on a huge loop looking for anything in the way of a
mark. After a big half loop I ran into Cockholm Yyndrome and he saw Lifa
and Its Too soft. So we headed towards them, but I finally saw they
were heading where I already checked. So I continued on this huge loop
finally heading south again and running into a Check. And there comes
Lifa drom the west, So we Check it out and somehow I end up in from and
Lifa catches me heding north on Halsted, We make it to Roosevelt and a
Split, Eventually I head west and find a Check. I gamble on west and
nthing. Only other option was through the U of I campus so I start
another loop.Meanwhile Lifa finds trail through the campus and is long
gone. I finally find another Check and head north. Wrong again. What
else is new. So another loop around and eventually I'm at Halsted and
Taylor. Trail heads east. There is a Split a block later. Now, it is
south and back towards the finish or further east and away. I'm already
at 4 miles. so, it is south and no marks. Yes again. There are only so
many ways they can return across the Dan ryan and so I run on checking
each spot and no marks. Damn. I finally head under the railroad tracks
near 16th street and there is trail coming from Halsted. I'm on and from
here it was sort of an easy trail back mainly on 18th St. I head down
the alley and there is the hare on this third floo porch with a gas fire
pit in a raging wind storm. Its Too Soft quit early and is there. Just
Parth who didn't run is buried in clothes trying to stay warm and he was
dowwind of the flames. About five minutes later Lifa arrived followed
by Cockholm Syndrome and another 5 to 10 minutes later and Castration
Sensation came on in. We tried to stay warm around that wind blown fire
and held circle finally finishing with Swing Low and settling into some
tall tales and wondering what happened to the absent women of the hash.
Fri Oct 30, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. A blue moon. And it is back to Horn-E's
house and another trail in a different direction this time. After
being so nice with surprise birthday shit two days ago, I felt like
paying them pack back a little. Trail was a normal Horn-E hash and they
found enough tricks to stay together for a while before slowly spreading
out. Lower Wackoff was last seen standing like a man in an alley. Lifa
got into the lead near Target and managed to find the way out of their
parking garage and to the B N. Magnetic Muff was following him by a few
blocks and saw an impromptu beer stop. Three full Buds sitting there
along trail. But she ran on. Stuffin Muffin and Castration Sensation
didn't and stopped for a quick Bud. They knew Lower Wackoff was behind
and with a 'This bud's for you' they ran on. Lower Wackoff then missed
it. Meanehiile I was waiting in deep shiggy, Yeah, some of the weeds
were about 12 feet high. About a year ago I pulled a last time beer stop
as construction was about to start on a new Metra Station here. And
sure enough they mowed down all of the weeds the next day. Gone forever.
But, that is a government construction project. So here we are, a year
later and now the sign says construction in 2020. I'll believe it when I
see it. And the pack came in one at a time and we looked up at the Blue
Moon with a rainbow around it. Kind of cool. Back at the house I got
out the goodies. I had 24 different beers for the enjoyment of the small
pack. Then I brought out the food. Hot drumsticks from my slow cooker
and some potato and macaroni salad. All was good, eat, drink and circle
finishing up with Swing Low and hanging around for a while before the
pack drifted off.
Sun
Nov 1, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid this trail from a
little park at 4200 N. Marine Drive. Actually had 11 hounds on trail.
What happened. Did the Chicago Men's Hash wake up and get some hounds
out. Well, there was actually one Harriett on trail, I Eat Dick, but she
and Gay Dancer didn't stay for circle and were gone before the DFL even
came in. Trail started out with a run through the tunnel under LSD to a
Triple Split. I Eat Dick went Left, right, while I went straight,
wrong. No one following I Eat Dick called out ON ON. I looked back and
no one was on the corner, but Back Door Drizzel and Lifa heading north.
So I returned only to find out that they weren't on. So the three of us
headed south, quickly found trail and a Split marked west into a long
driveway. Well, it was just a short loop around the front of some school
and by the time we got there the pack was already gone and we missed
the marks in front of the school. So we wandered in back and Lifa
eventually found the trail and I assume Back Door Drizzle followed him.
Meanwhile I'm running as far west as Sheridan road and no marks. Well. I
returned and finally found trail and it was a long lonely trail from
there. No Checks. That's not hashing. Just Splits and they were almost
every mark or every other mark. And after about three that were swept
and were so obvious I could have found them with a blind fold on, there
was never another marked Split. Trail went into the park and south past
and through the tennis courts and over to the lake front. And by the
time I got there the front of the pack had already done an Eagle Trail
and a Shot stop and were long gone. And there was this beautiful golf
course to run through and we get stuck on a half mile long stretch of
gravel road next to the rocks and lake front. And eventually Lifa
finally comes up behind me. We leave the area and run into more and more
of those damn Splits. Lifa finally heads for the hill but I pressed on
thinking it might go through the bird sanctuary. It did. But eventually I
lost trail and another Split and ended up running around most of the
bird sanctuary before heading into it. And yeah, I finally found trail
in the sanctuary. I followed this on out and another constant stream of
Splits. Always go straight. Or damn near always. Finally I get to the
Split with SN on it. And one arrow points up the hill. I run up only to
find the hare couldn't wait for me and left. So I ran on in and found
the pack minus two all waiting. And shortly after Lifa led us in a
Circle. Who else was there? Double Meter Beater, Just Parth, Steps In
Shit, Cockholm Syndrome, Its Too Soft and Some Crappy Name.
“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”
On On
Horn-E“
If they’re making cakes for divorces, why not ‘Happy Menopause!’ ‘Mmm,
it’s a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?’
The Tale of the Trail
Thu,
Oct 22. 2020, the Thirstday Hash. Location was set for Wieboldt Park
with no hare and probably the last + 70 degrees hash for at least 4 to 5
months. We had only three hounds show up to run. Pathetic. You missed a
great trail and night of hashing. So Cockholm Syndrum had some chalk
and took up the duty of Hare for Its Too Soft and Horn-E. With no shag
wagon we all had to carry back packs full of clothes and beer, etc. We
gave him a 4 minute head start and never caught him. Horn-E led through
about four Splits before the first Check. Then Horn-E went straight,
wrong and Its Too Soft picked right, right, and was gone. But after
several Splits, Horn-E caught up at a Triple split. This time Its Too
Soft went straight and Horn-E went right. Horn-E was on and yelled out. I
thought I saw him as I reached the end of the alley and waved and ran
on. Did't see him again. A few marks later I got to a Split and was
going to cross Belmont first. I started marking the checks/splits with a
? for the direction I went. If nothing I went back and crossed that out
and put in another ?. If I didn't find something, repeat. If I found
something I didn't come back. Should have worked and I ran on. Trail
went to Roscoe and then east and back and forth between Roscoe and the
close alleys. Trail finally went west in the alley from Damen. A long
alley. At the end was a Triple Split and I didn't see marks left or
right. Ooops. It was left. Anyhow a long alley straight and no marks at
the end. I wasn't going bck. So I just posted ? and started ranging,
right and east and crossed his trail that went straight south on
Ravenswood with Splits, to the finish. Meanwhile I ended up over on
Lincoln and did a big loop south and into the finish. FRB. About five
minutes later Its Too Soft came on in. We were joined by Back Door
Bizzle who didn't run. So we made him R. A and had some DDs and such and
finished with Swing Low and sat around drinking, still in shorts and
t-shirt. Beautiful night. Next spring suckers.
Sun.
Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hare was some masked man, oops, Double
Meter Beater. The pack gathered and we took off with just 6 hounds and
no Chicago Harriett again. None period. The Bushman had three last week
and they are the men's hash and the so called Mother Hash of Chicago can
only come up with six men at the start. About 3 blocks into trail we
were joined by Back Door Bizzle making seven men, the usual suspects, as
usual. So we ran off to the north and west and got stuck at a Split on
Western. Horn-E finally spotted a hidden in plain sight mark and we
headed into an alley where Horn-E went right, wrong. So he paralleled
the pack as we headed west and finally Cockholm Syndrum popped out of a
gangway joining Horn-E as we headed north. Quickly Stiffy 4 Stiffies
passed us to a Triple Split. It was found to the east in the alley as we
followed Some Crappy Name and then at a Split Horn-E found trail to the
north in another alley. We made our way to Logan Blvd and near Western
when trail crossed Logan and headed west and Horn-E got stuck with
traffic. So, now I'm following but I managed one short cut by looking
ahead and seeing Cockholm Syndrum a few blocks away. That was it for
those damn FRBs. Trail went north west to Diversey and California and
then north at the red light. And I caught the red light. Damn. Now I
will never catch up. I head under the Expy and to a Split. I picked
right, right, and ran on. Then a damn north turn. I wondered about it,
but you follow trail. Yep, a long block later the trail turned right and
right and back down the other side of the street. A great move for the
pack and the FRB, but now I'm just dragging along. As I headed south I
suddenly saw Its Too Soft and called out, saving him some dead end
running. We ran on with Its Too Soft following until we hit a Split on
Elston. Unmarked, so I kept going south. Nothing. Lookng back, Its Too
soft was still standing there. So I ran further and nothing, finally
waving that I had nothing and I started ranging. From there, there were
probably only three choices, north on western for the Eagle of a Turkey
Eagle Split, through a housing complex, or south to Diversey. Nothing on
Diversey and I couldn't see Its Too Soft so I ranged further east on
Diversey and as I approached the river, the four FRBs emerged from a
gangway. And there was the Turkey/eagle split. They ran off and Pony
Pounder tried to text Its Too Soft and let him know were to come to. I
headed south and ran on in on the Turkey Trail. As I was about to cross
Fullerton, I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Pony Pounder coming from the
eagle and couldn't join them. Traffic again. Finally got across and was
passed by Some Crappy Name and Cockholm Syndrum just before the finish.
About 5 minutes later Its Too Soft came in and another 10 minutes before
Back Door Bizzle came in. Not a bad trail for a relatively new hare. I
didn't say that. some one hi-jacked my email. Cool, but still a nice
day.
“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand”
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu Oct 15, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Just
Adam hared with Whatever's Cheap from Horner Park. We had seven hounds
on trail and I fell behind early. Yes, again. South through Horner Park
and then across the river and north through that section along the
river for the natural river walk. In the dark it was a bitch. My night
eyes are going. Damn old age. After this I got to the shot stop in an
alley and Back Door Bizzle was just leaving. Well, from here on it was
the two of us following the mostly marked trail. West a block and then
south several blocks. Crossed Western and now straight north again. Sort
of. We missed a loop. But it was back to the street we were on and
starting to look like a boring virgin laid trail. But after here we
started to get some nice variety on trail and the two of us plugged
along finally returning to the park. The rest of the pack, Just Garmin,
Hooch B4 Cooch, Its Too Soft, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and J. Lauren managed to
stay together and got in a few minutes before we did. We moved the beer
stop into shadows and by the hill and Hooch B4 Cooch led us in circle
and then a naming for Just Adam. My hearing aid batteries both went dead
at the start and I heard nothing on that naming. But they ended up in a
4 to 4 tie that they couldn't break. Finally they figured out that I
wasn't voting. Hell, I couldn't hear shit. But they told me the choices
and I liked one name. It flowed nicely. so forever more he shall be
called Castration Sensation. Better steer clear of him.
Fri
Oct 16, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Berts Special
Friend hared from Leavitt and Campbell Park Drive. There were six hounds
at the start. We were warned that this was going into uncharted
territory. Beware and run fast. And so we started out to the southeast.
Yeah sure. A few blocks south and we headed west. We were still together
until a Check and that is when I fell behind. But I was still ahead of
Glory Hole. Not. His dog was being to hard to handle, running and
dragging him down the streets and alleys. Really wanting to run. About
here he decided he had to retreat to the finish. So not knowing it, I'm
trying to keep up with Meat Inside Her, Lifa, Garmin and Saving Myself
For Two Black Guys. They headed west from Western on Roosevelt and were
marking trail so I ran on. Then we headed way south past factories,
empty lots a few homes and a lot of mad angry barking guard dogs. But I
ran on and eventually I made another turn south and suddenly there was
the pack coming north from a back check loop or whatever. Perfect
timing. So, now I'm with the pack for a bit, but again they left me
behind. We crossed Roosevelt heading north and onto about a five block
stretch of pure straightaway before heading through a dark empty trash
filled lot. No, no bodies, so I ran on. We finally ran through some
factory zone that I recognized and I knew I was On In. Yeah, sure. At
Western I figured trail was straight east to the finish. Damn. Trail
went further north and close to the Expressway before heading east
again. And then another little loop to the south and eventually a T and E
Split. Yeah, like I'm going to take the E split. I headed north and it
was straight on in and the pack was just setting up after their finish.
So we gathered around and formed our circle, grabbed beers and settled
in. Berts Special Friend started circle and all was good. Then just
after I gave a Down Down to Glory Hole, Bi Holer came to pick him up.
And about ten minutes later we looked up and Its Too Soft came walking
on in. He arrived late and walked the whole course. I did give one more
down down to Berts Special Friend. He warned of us danger and not one
gun shot and only one siren. Disappointing. Eventually we finished
circle and slowly moved on out.
Sat
Oct 17, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E l hared from Bunker Hill Woods.
Trail started from the South east end of the area, near the locked
facilities. Ever notice how the nice clean facilities are always open
during the week when the forest preserve is mostly deserted, and closed
when the weekend arrives and the area is full of people. These are the
same people that would write you up for peeing in the woods after that
stupidity. I digress. Most of this is put together from what Slit Digger
told me. Trail took off to the west across grasslands with six wankers
and three Harrietts. The Men's hash. We crossed the road and there was a
Triple Split near a small tree. Most went straight but Slit Digger
headed south and found marks into the swamp. There was a big loop
through the swamp, clockwise and eventually through a section of dreaded
burrs. Sorry, but sometimes you get in and can't get out. When in the
woods, "You take what the woods give you." This led to a Check and most
of the pack short cut a lot of the swamp while Slit digger did that loop
and so were together again. They went west at the Check. Slit Digger
went south to a False. Returning he headed east and found trail and
didn't see the pack until way after the second river crossing. Speaking
of river crossing. The next Check was by the bike path bridge. Slit
Digger went straight and it led to an actual river crossing with marks
on the other side. But that damn dry bridge is so dam close that he
retreated and eventually got back on trail. Some nice trail running
through here with a few nasty spots, avoidable, and more trail to a
Split. No, trail wouldn't go backwards. So Slit Digger ran straight and
no marks. He finally turned back a shot distance from Devon. And the
other direction was ON and ran through woods, off trail and behind the
pool area, more swamp like land and eventually about 20 feet from where
he turned around. I love it when a trail comes together and they catch
my tricks and traps. From here Slit Digger crossed the river. No, not in
the river, the bridge on Devon and to a Check. I hid this well and he
first headed south and there was only one mark. Then north and a well
hidden trail along the river before he finally got on. Now, meanwhile,
I'm north of there in the deep ravine and looking for the beer I hid on
my way to the start. Just missed it while laying trail. I finally find
it and head upstream to a likely beer stop and plant it. then I got back
to my trail and one last Check. Meanwhile Slit Digger is caught in a
loop back over a small ravine and towards Devon before looping back and
about here the pack finally caught a short cut and caught up to Slit
Digger. They ran on in good woods running and back through the deep
ravine and up hills and back down and finally to that last Check. That
really caught Slit Digger yet again. But they were soon back on trail
and I see then just as I'm finishing the last back check before they run
on to beer. And at first they didn't see me and I ran on and put down a
big B with an arrow and they came running up to me. And as usual, we
circled here. Slit Digger, Lifa, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff,
Stupid Is As Stupid Does and Glory hole. Then we here a distant yell
from two bimbos. Rotton Whore and her virgin friend. Sorry I didn't get
the name. I hope we didn't scare her off with more of a hard core run
then she expected. And unfortunately she had to leave very shortly. And
then suddenly Back Door Bizzle comes over the hill. The pack is
complete. We do another round of circle, finish with Swing Low and head
for the cars. Apparently the message didn't get out or out clearly. We
were planning on going to Slit Digger's for some grilling. And everyone
had plans and only Slit Digger and Horn-E went where we were joined by
his wife and some good hash stories for another hour or so. Good day.
Damn good day.
Sun. Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash,
Cockholm Syndrum laid trail from the little park just north of Blooms
chocolate factory. And it was raining. But it was just stopping as we
started and six hounds took off with one visiting bimbo following,
Cuntlerry. (?sp)We headed north to Grand and a Split. I headed west and
found trail and yelled On On, but with hoods on and such, no one heard
me so I ran On. At this point I was running with more energy then I can
remember in years. Felt great. At a Check at Halsted I headed north and
after a block, crossed the street and there was a mark coming from
another direction and pointing north. On again. Across the street and a
mark crossing Halsted and up a hill. Now, I'm 99% certain this is a dead
end, but the lead hound has got to run the trail. Up hill, down hill,
up hill again and finally to a roof top parking area and the dreaded
Back Check four. As I return I see Lifa coming and then Double Meter
Beater and let then know. Double Meter Beater found trail to the west
and I soon never saw him again. Lifa was also after him and soon long
gone. By now others were catching up. Cuntlerry was way back and got
this far and was the only other person to do that Back Check. Upon
returning she ran into Diarebar a transplant who was following and they
returned to the start/finish. Trail went on for the rest of us and I was
following and catching up and we passed Chicago Ave and headed north
and east and up by some tracks. I led that small pack along here, but
fell behind as another Split as I went on into a tunnel on tracks.
Returning I was following and watched them disappear heading east of
Halsted on Chicago. Over the river was a turn arrow north, I followed
this but never found another mark and everyone was now out of sight. I
thought of another possible Back Check and worked that intersection and
nothing. So I headed south for a few blocks and eventually picked up on
trail at Kingsbury by a little park where trail left a river walk. I
followed it through an alley and gangway and back to Kingsbury and the
hares arrows didn't always point towards the next arrow. I ran straight
down to the river and nothing. But I saw False Advertising coming along
and we sort of grouped together and eventually found trail and I
couldn't quite keep up as he came in FRB. Damn. if I didn't run towards
the river and instead ran south on Kingsbury, I might have been FRB.
Eventually everyone started coming on in. Back Door Bizzle was there
with his dog and did a short bit of the trail before returning. But to
his credit, he ran all the way to the start. Steps In Shit and Its Too
Soft were still missing and circle was started by False Advertising.
Finally Steps In Shit arrives and at last, last, Dead Fucking Last, Its
Too Soft. In circle I was called out for my upcoming birthday with a box
of donuts, a balloon and a musical candle. Thanks to Construction
Junction for letting the world know how damn old I'm getting. We also
had a few groupies show up that didn't run and left early. Good time.
The Tale of the Trail
Tue Oct 6 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin hared from Skinner Park,
for the usual suspects, 7 trail Hounds. We took off thorough the park
and to the south and then east. Trail got near the Expressway and a
Check that might have gotten us over to the U of I campus, but no, dam
sneaky hare. Trail went north and even though I was feeling good and
running well, I was falling behind. I finally got to Randolph and saw
False Advertising for the last time. We both headed west at a Check and
he finally crossed the street to the south. Bye bye. I went north and no
marks. Circling around I went east and finally saw a mark and Lower
Wackoff. Heading north for a few blocks and Lower Wackoff was falling
behind. Then I missed a mark and he yelled out to me. West. So I
paralleled for a few blocks and no marks. Heading south I finally picked
up on trail and it was a few alleys and such as we again approached
Randolph again. Around the block and back across Randolph to Lake
Street. Kept looking for Lower Wackoff but didn't see him. Kept going
west on Lake and finally south to this big park by Ashland. And we still
headed south to a big 6 corner intersection and another Check. Having
gotten off the Ashland bus here, I had seen what turned out to be the
first mark from that check. A short time later I was back at the park
where the pack had gathered in the shadows. Saving Myself 4 2 Black
Guys, Lifa, False Advertising, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend.
Good trail and a good run for me. We circled there in a nice evening
for about an hour.
Thu Oct 8, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash, A
pick up hash. Found out about it at about 5:00pm. Jonquil ParkDecided
to just rush over and set the trail. Emailed Garmin about that and left.
He met me at the park and told me that the GM, Sanding Ovation wanted
it to stay a Pick Up Hash ad so he raced over to stop me. WTF. So we
hung around for an hour before the pack gathered and Back Door Bizzle
was picked to hare. That left Garmin, J. Adam, Saving Myself 4 2 Black
Guys and Horn-E. After a short start, we took off after him and he
managed to stay ahead of us. Well, a Check every block for seven blocks
and he had his good start. And somewhere along here J Adam did a header
and had some bloody knees. He needs a naming. Anyway, we finally got
past that seventh Check and a Back Check that got me and we ended up in a
park about a block west and north of Diverey and Ashland. The hare
stopped in a 7/11 and picked up some beer and we had a beer stop. After
that no one had any enthusiasm to start haring and so we were stuck with
a 1.5 mile walk back and our short circle in the park
Sat
Oct 10, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Lifa hared from Humboldt Park near
Division and California. Hash of the week as we had a good turnout of 11
hounds. Motorcycle gangs, bicycle gangs, loud music, it was like a hash
in Mexico. We took off to the north and quickly caught Slit Digger and Just Brad and Stiffy 4 Stiffies on a Back Check and False
Advertising and Horn-E got ahead. Local knowledge. But they quickly
blew past us and we weaved back and forth to the north and Armitage.
Here we back runners saw then heading west and back into the park and we
were able to short cut towards the leaders. This is about where I last
saw Zone 2. We found trail and headed west to the big field house and
then north. Again falling behind, I saw Slit Digger heading east across
Armitage and everyone else following him. He headed north on Humboldt
and we were into city streets. Under 606 we headed west and a Back Check
and up onto 606. I was near the front along here. We crossed a bridge
and another Back Check and then west. Near the end of 606 we came down
to street level and through a small playground. Again we struggled at a
Check and Slit Digger ranged and was gone. I headed south in an alley.
Nothing. Lower Wackoff was on the next street to the east and yelled On.
Proud of finding the trail he ran on and on and False. Damn. So now we
headed west and were on and suddenly joined by Meat Inside Her and Berts
Special Friend who arrived late but finally caught us. We're now
running south and then west and a little loop and I almost caught up.
And then at a Check at Armitage. I almost caught up again. The trail was
marked south and Stiffy 4 Stiffies blew by me. I thought Lower Wackoff,
Back Door Bizzle were behind me, but I never saw them again. I screwed
up a Back
Check and went around the wrong block. Getting back on trail I ran east
to the park and from there it was just running through the park, alone.
I was finally called near the Beer Stop and short cut this ball field.
And there was everybody. Damn. After beer we returned to where we
started and circled in this big field. And suddenly Saving Myself 4 2
Black Guys showed up. Late. Ran part of the trail and now we had 11
hounds. Circle was held, Big Dog style and we enjoyed the warmth of the
sun.
Sun.
Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Lifa laid trail from the home of Urine
Love. There was a large gathering, but only half went out on trail, Nine
trail hounds and the hare. And ten groupies stayed on the roof deck
basking in the sun. Hell, at first it looked like a decent crowd. This
was to be a Marathon sort of trail, Yeah. long straightaways. 2.64
miles. We did mix it up a bit with Checks and Falses and Back Checks and
finally onto Lincoln where we stayed all the way to Irving Park. By
here I was running behind. Really behind. Dr. Cockvorkian found the
Check but it was False, and so while I ranged, they found the pack south
on Damen and were gone. I never saw them until just before the beer
stop. Trail went south and then after a Back Check the pack went a block
west and south, across Belmont and to this large park. I ran into Hooch
B4 Cooch just before Belmont, ranging from the last Check. We guessed
right and he led me into the Beer Stop. And there was the whole pack
which also included False Advertising, Bottom Wrangler, Cockholm
Syndrum, Back Door Bizzle, J. Parth and O Brother What Art ...Ow, and
DFL, Horn-E.
The Tale of the Trail
Wed. 30 Sep 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Its
Too Soft laid trail from, surprise, his roof deck. And well done Its
Too Soft. He received some bad news that day that his father passed on.
And he still got the trail done. Well done. And the sympathies from all
of your hash friends.
He said something about 4
miles, but GPS doesn't lie. Well, except mine which usually shuts off
half way through the trail. But we had a nice group of 6 trail hounds
that sort of stayed together until it didn't and got scattered and went
way past Wrigley and out to the lakefront. I
really started falling behind at a long Check on Clark and south of
Wrigley, but I was with them as they surged north and were soon gone.
Eventually that part of the trail came back to the Addison red line and
then east to a Check at Halsted. Not marked, I ranged to the south and
then east and suddenly there was Lifa working on a Check. That ended up
going west and he and Garmin disappeared to the south and eventually
that damn loop to the lakefront. I kept checking south and finally found
trail at Belmont and Broadway. I was On and in front until Lifa finally
cught me as I exited an alley. It was a short loop north and then on to
Diversey and On In. Soon the rest of the pack arrived including Meat
Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black guys. And a
short circle was held on the roof as usual.
Thu Oct 1, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Pink Dress Hash. Gay
Dancer hared from 1300 W. Wolfram, a little park with a small gazebo.
We were dressed in our finest Pink Dresses. Well, some of us were. And
Garmin had the best dress for this show. There were eight trail hounds,
an extremely low turnout for this event. But we took off to the north
and a quick Check. This took quite a while to resolve before heading
north a few blocks and a Triple Check. This was also troublesome. By the
time I headed in the right direction the pack was gone and I ended up
running right past a mark right in the middle of some painted marks.
Finally got that right, only it was wrong and I was joined by Just Lee
and we went two blocks straight east and no marks. Somehow that straight
line was actually a Split and the right turn was missing. J. Lee
eventually found it and he was off and there was no way I could keep up.
Got to a Check at Halsted and Diversey and headed south, and south, and
south until I picked up on trail at Fullerton, This led me on a short
trail straight up Lincoln to Wrightwood and a Shot Stop. Yeah, first one
in the Covid era. Don't miss them. My body shuts down and it takes me a
long time to get back going again and by that time the pack is long
gone and all I could do was follow. Back at the finish we had a short
circle and ended with good old Swing Low. There would be a continuation
on line on Sat. of the circle.
Fri.
Oct. 2, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lifa hare from Brands Park at
3259 N. Elston. We had 7 hounds for this trail and we took off to the
east. A
short river trail and out on Belmont where a Back Check allowed me to
catch the pack. We then headed over to a Check at Western. This one had
us scattered for a bit before we got on track on Clybourn and then some
alleys to Western and over the river and to Elston and a Check. I got
lucky here and found the third mark and trail down an alley and I was
gone. Blew right through a Back Check/Split and racing On. Did I say
racing. Well, for me I was really moving that night and I blew through
the next Check and a Split before I finally got caught at a Back Check
Split and I went the wrong way. Damn. Don't like that mark. Anyway, I
was now with Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. We
ran on and came to another Check that caused us some shit. Happens a lot
sometimes. At this point Magnetic Muff joined us. We ran on and found
ourself at another Check at Logan Square. Damn. Bert Special Friend was
soon gone and the three of us ran on and finally caught him at a Check
at Kedzie. I want the wrong way, east, but on a mark. Finally returned
to Kedzie and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing on Belmont heading east. I
followed and this finally got me into the beer stop. It was about 5 more
minutes before Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam and Stuffin' Muffin rambled
on in. We finally went back to the start and held a nice short circle.
Sun. Oct 4, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Dryrofoam hared from Gross Park at 2709 W. Lawrence. It
was a beautiful day for a hash. Nice sun and just cool enough for a
refreshing run. Unfortunately only 5 hounds took advantage of the great
day. Dryrofoam laid a trail with the biggest arrows I ever saw on trail.
You could follow that trail even if you were as blind as Horn-E is
deaf. With our city taking great care of its citizens, the local
facilities were closed as usual (idiots) and the first porta potty on
trail had a long line. By the time we got going again, the trail had
devolved into the Fast, Half Assed and the Dead Lasts. Just Brad was not
seen again by me. Garmin was last seen when he returned to mark a Check
on Western. And Lifa blew past me after going the wrong way on a Check.
So, I was in back with Back Door Drizzle and eventually he ran down an
alley that I knew was a loop. I never saw him come out and thought I got
ahead. But no. He was ahead. Helps when you have a dog pulling you. So I
ran on over Brown Line tracks and over the River and finally back on
Lawrence, a short block or so from the finish. Nope. North with a little
park running and then through a campus. Finally I came up to Back Door
Bizzle. Damn, he was a head of me. We ran on and crossed Foster. Would
we keep going north to Bryn Mawr. No. Just an alley paralleling Foster
and over the river and soon some alleys and such to the On In. And there
we all gathered for a circle. All six of us and not a single Harriet.
And well done to the few Harrietts that are coming out consistently. All
three or four of them. Is this were the Chicago Hash dissolves into
obscurity with less attendance that even the monthlies are getting. And
on a beautiful day too. We held circle and sang some good songs and told
some tall hash tales. Good time.
The Tale of the Trail
Sun. Sep 27, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch
B4 Cooch hared from Pulaski Park, for a grand total of 7 hounds. At least we had one Harriett.
We took off to the south and Glory Hole took the lead with his dog.
With that dog pulling me, I could lead too. Anyhow we got to Division
and a Check. I went left, wrong. But Cockholm Syndrum and Pony Pounder
went across the street and left and were on to the north along the EXPY
and coming out at another Check at Augusta. Soul Taco followed them and I
was right behind her. Trail then went straight east and over the
footbridge and after two more blocks, a Check. Several hounds were ahead
of me and they went south. But they weren't on yet, I think. so I went
north and found nothing and only followed then to the next Check where I
ran into several hounds lost and Checking. They found trail to the
south and into a side street heading east. Here I made a bad decision
and since I was at a Split I decided to head east on the Split and run
parallel to them. Then I saw a runner way ahead and thought it was Pony
Pounder. It wasn't. Damn. The hare pulled a nice, sneaky loop and back
to Ogden and over the EXPY. By the time I found this, they were long
gone. So I just followed trail and often Splits that were marked and
finally there were no marks. Damn. So I ranged and finally picked up
trail in an alley just off of Ashland. That lasted a few blocks until
another Check. This time at Division. I guessed wrong and eventually
gave up and headed ON IN only to find half the pack waiting, Soul Taco,
Back Door Bizzle and False Advertising. A few minutes later the FRBs
showed up, Glory Hole, Pony Pounder and Cockholm Syndrum. They also gave
up. WTF. Anyone we eventually held a laid back circle led by False
Advertising on a beautiful afternoon. Where were the hasher of old.
Swing Low and ON ON Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Sep. 17, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Back Door
Bizzel hared from under the Red Line tracks between Buena and Montrose for
5 trail hounds and three walkers who just followed the Hare on parts of
the course. But at least one of the walkers was a Harriet. Wow, is TH3
allowing Harriets now? We headed north to Buena and then off east and
over to Lincoln Park. While falling behind early I caught Its Too Soft
under the tunnel to the park as he was checking out a Split. Trail went
south to Irving Park and then back west. After a block Garmin was seen
heading south on a Split and we followed and soon the pack was together
with Just Adam and Cockholm Syndrum and a Check. We head west and two
blocks later we ran into the hare and walkers and we were on a Back
Check. That brought us all to Broadway and I headed north to check it
out. The trail went south, the only other possibility. Duh! So I headed
west to parallel the pack and look for them coming north. They didn't.
But finally I ran into a mark coming out of an alley. A one foot line,
consistent with many of the marks the hare laid. West, East, North,
nothing. So I figured it was just the second mark off of a Check. Not.
Damn. So I headed west to the red line and then north and finally found
the On In mark at Irving Park. Well, I waited and waited and waited and
finally they can walking on in. They were at a beer stop at the hare's
wife's business. But we partied on and Garmin led circle and no Swing
Low. What is this shit. For those that miss it, it is below. And we
partied on and on. The walkers were Ice Princess, Construction Junction
and Famming Flaggot.
Fri. Sep. 18, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Athletic Field Park
at 3546 W. Addison. Wow,
40% of attendance were Harriets. Welcome ladies. You are rare these
days. We took off to the north and an immediate Check. Well, that got
me. I knew were the trail went, having seen it on the way there. But I
decided to play the game and ended up going all around the field,
following first Magnetic Muff and then Lifa and finally finding the On
In mark before getting on trail and getting to those marks I knew about.
And that was a Check at a Hone Depot parking lot entrance. I ended up
working my way to the SE corner and as I approached I heard an ON ON. I
got there with Mudsucker and found a mark and I was off to the south and
eventually following Berts Special Friend. Magnetic Muff joined me and
passed me. We ended up going west after a Split and eventually she
missed a mark and I saw Berts Special Friend and we took off down an
alley. Back on streets heading west there was a Triple Split and i got
second choice and I was right, right down an alley. When I finally found
a mark I yelled on and they were after me. The next decision mark was a
Check. I kept going west and saw a mark that looked like it went into a
church area behind a locked fence. Thinking it did and the gate was
open when the hares went by, I ran around the Church, A long way.
Nothing. So I decided that the trail was probably to my right, but
heading north and so I headed north and at Addison, there was a mark.
Whoppie. So I cross the street and head north on marks on an angle
street. Thought Meat Inside Her might be ahead, but I never saw anyone
ahead or behind me after that. I ran on, turned south and to a Check.
Got that right away and back on the angle street and into a tunnel of
trees and to Pulaski. From here it was under tracks and highway and to a
Check. Things finally go wrong. It looked like someone marked the Check
with a candy wrapper straight east. After a block, nothing. Across the
street, nothing. Damn. I was on the wrong side of the street from the
Check on. So I ranged and picked up trail after a Beer Stop that I just
missed. I was soon back at the start and waited 25 minutes before Lifa
finally came on in. That was probably my best running in years and my
damn GPS turned off half way. Damn. We held circle and just finished in
time for me to catch the last Addison bus home. Others on trail were
Stuffin' Muffin and Meanage A Twat. And no Swing Low. In case you forgot
the words, they are listed below.
Sat. Sep. 19, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from Linnie Woods in Morton Grove. We had eight hounds and three were Harriets,
more then TH3 and CH3 put together. And we're the Men's hash. WTF. We
started out to the south and into bush right away. This led to the
bridge over the river on Dempster. Then the trail headed south on tracks
and back into Bush. We had a quick Check at the edge of a steep slope
towards river level. And I got Lower Wackoff on that one with only two
marks. By then everyone was on and eventually back down towards river
level and into thick weeds and under brush. The main pack ran on and I
held back with Lower Wackoff. He finally got ahead and somehow I missed
him and ran on. Trail came out of this river level trail and up to a
prairie level with a hill in the middle. This area was full of tall
weeds full of yellow flowers and up to about 10 feet high. I warned the
pack to be careful and not damage the flowers and I could not see where
they went through the flowers. Great. They took many pictures. I came
out of this and ran on and back towards river level and down a long path
into trees. And I get there just as part of the pack is returning from
finding only two marks on a check. Meat Inside Her was leading followed
by Berts Special Friend and then Slit Digger, etc. They crossed the foot
bridge and headed west along a path and along the rivers edge. I
followed Back Door Bizzel along here and the path eventually merged with
another path and a well placed Back Check and four hounds were
returning from the Back Check just as Lower Wackoff caught up. Just the
way it is supposed to work. This led into the deep woods and almost
crawling level stuff and tall weeds and such until we came out at the
path that is the On In. This part the pack I was now with included
Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff, and Just Do Me Slowly. Hey, I just got
everyone named. Anyway, back at the B, Slit Digger eventually found the
beer and the pack went for their own beer and chairs and such and we sat
in deep woods looking over the river below and held our circle until we
couldn't think of anymore accusations. Sang Swing Low and headed to the
cars. Some managed to stick around in the sun for another hour or so.
Sun. Sep. 20, 2020, 2:00PM, The Chicago Hash. Crash Test Dummy
hared from 4342 N. Bernard. We had 13 trail hounds on this trail and we
actually had our first Harriet at the start in weeks. Whoopie. Come on
back out ladies. Hashing is still pretty much the same and still fun.
Anyhow, this was a short simple trail. I started out right behind
Stockholm Syndrome and on to a Split. I went wrong and found myself
following Double Meter Beater. Yeah. like that would last. We went north
and then some zig zag east and north and then south and east and then
north and east and finally came to a little park and through it. Then
the trail really got straight. Up to this point I had followed Sanding
Ovation and then Back Door Bizzel caught up and then I ran on and caught
up to Stuffin Muffin and left him behind and still followed Sanding
Ovation as we headed north. But at the little park, she kept going
north. I called on, but she didn't follow. So it became Stuffing Muffin
and myself heading south in an alley until we hit Montrose and a big
park. As we ran on into the park we suddenly saw Double Meter Beater
doubling back due to a Back Check and guess what. I was right there and
following him back on trail and onto Cullum. Well eventually most of the
rest of the pack followed me and passed me and we ran on Cullum and
Cullum and Cullum and we now have Cullum as he new Elston. Straight on
and on until the alley leading us back to the start/finish. Eventually
Double Meter Beater led us in circle. By then the hare had left and so
did two hounds including our only Harriet. But we still had our slum
lord RumpleStealsKids. She was the one way over there behind the mask
and the hares stunt liver. Eventually it ended and again, no Swing Low.
Pathetic. Well, it is below, hum it.
Swing Low and ON ON
ON ON andHorn-E
The Hash Hymn - sung world wide at the conclusion of hashes and for the hearing impaired.
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home. (chorus)
I looked over Jordan and what did I see, cuming four two carry me home,
A band of Angels cuming after me, cuming four two carry me home,
If you get there, before I do, cuming four two carry me home,
Tell all my friends, I'm cuming two, cuming four two carry me home,
Some times the chorus is followed by humming and silent verses.
The Tale of the TrailSat Sep 12, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, False
Advertising hared from Evans Field, wrongly called Jerome Hubbert Woods
because of mis communication between the hare and Horn-E. Sorry Stuffin
Muffin who arrived late but actually caught some of us on trail and led
us. So there were 6 on trail eventually. We started east and then north
in a tiny section of woods and immediately lost the trail. I went back
to last mark and found trail heading over some grass and into the woods.
At the bottom of a little slope was wet lands and a Turkey Eagle Split.
Eagle was into the wet lands, actually dry but swamp grasses and razor
grass and elephant grass, Hell, it was so high it would take a giraffe
to eat from the top. A tall giraffe. And there were some grasses knocked
down and a slight trail with traces of flour here and there. The most
fun section of trail I ran all year. This was starting out to be the
best trail of the year. But it was right after the swamp where the hare
dropped his flour and lost half of it to water. So the marks got slight
and hidden and mixed up. I led for another hundred yards of good woods
before a lost trail. Hooch B4 Cooch and Lifa passed me here and I was
stuck struggling to pull 357 burrs out of the hair on my knee and then
everyone passed me. But I ran on and eventually found my way out of deep
woods and to a path behind everyone else. And this path led back to a
real wide path and back to the start. Now that wasn't right. And some of
the pack were returning to find trail and where we screwed up. Yep, we
missed a False. And so we back tracked and came to the Check and started
looking. I lost everyone and wandered through all sorts of paths and
deep woods, sometimes seeing two or three marks and then losing trail.
Eventually I saw Lifa ahead. He was on some sort of trail, but lost it.
Well, he ranged on and eventually headed towards a known path. I kept
working that area and finally found the trail and lost it, found it,
lost it, found it, lost it. Well, this went on and on. Eventually I
found a path and was on trail and running well until I finally came up
on Lower Wackoff and Stuffin Muffin, going the the other way, like
towards me. I looked around and saw a mark off trail and the three of us
were on with Stuffin Muffin leading. About five minutes later we were
looking for trail and I realized that this was where I ran into Lifa
earlier. I big freakin' loop. I told them and they wanted to run on. At
this point I said enough and headed back. They lasted about five to ten
minutes before they realized why I wouldn't follow. That trail was
almost impossible. So they also returned. We held a Big Dog circle and
sang The Hash Hymn. Sweet Low, and soon headed home, muddy but
satisfied. Maybe if the hare didn't lose half of his flour.
Sun Sep 13, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Ice
Princess was the scheduled hare, with a maybe start at Kaseys. Then on
Sat I got word that the location changed to Redmonds where they were
having a closing party, busted by to much Carona and other bull shite.
And there would be a co hare of Silent But Deadly. Ten hounds managed to
show up. All men for the third hash in a row. Don't Chicago Area
Harriets run any more. Anyhow
we took off under the El tracks and down to Belmont, through an alley
and then west for a few blocks and back to Belmont for three long
straight blocks. Then we were north on Southport to just past the El
Tracks and back to the start. Less the 2.5 miles and 30 minutes. Hooch
B4 Cooch led a laid back circle and along came a Harriet. No, not a
Chicago Harriet. But soon to be. A transplant. Didn't get her name, but
welcome.
Swing Low and On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailTue. Sep 1, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash, Lower
Wackoff hared from Eckhart Park for 7 hounds. If anything can go wrong,
it will. The ground was a little wet, but most marks were there. Except
when they weren't. I got there a little late and they were already
gone, but I ran into them at Milwaukee and Augusta. There is a foot
bridge over the Expressway and that is where trail went. Right after
that there was a Check right after a railroad threstle. By the time I
got there, Lifa and Some Crappy Name were gone. I almost went the right
way, back under the trestle on the other side of the street. But the
rest of us then spent a real long time looking north, east and south and
never a third mark. I ranged the correct way again and went around the
whole several blocks and no marks. Missed the flour on trees, but in my
defense, the turn mark was missing. Rain??? I finally ran north on
another street and again, nothing. Crossed Milwaukee and ranged and this
time I spotted a Split. Don't know how trail got there, but I was ON
and I called out to the pack, but wasn't sure if anyone heard me. Ran
straight on Milwaukee and finally got to a Check at a massive six corner
intersection. And I guessed right, Ogden. Not on the right side, but I
crossed the street and there was the second mark. Headed over the bridge
and found more marks. At the bottom of the hill is a road and there was
a left/straight Split, but I somehow missed it and dodged between
traffic and ran on to a False. So, not seeing the Split even running
back on trail I'm thinking only a False from the Check. Ran into Garmin
and Berts Special Friend and marked that trail False and we returned to
the Check corner. We found nothing and it was getting late after
spending so much time on that other Check, Berts Special Friend, Its Too
Soft and myself decided to call it and head back on Chicago Ave to the
start. Lifa already did that. Meanwhile Just Do Me Slowly calls the hare
and he tells her where the trail goes from that Check. So she and Some
Crappy Name head on the true trail, where I found that False, and saw
that False I marked and gave up. When does Horn-E ever manage to get
ahead and find a False and mark it, Never, And when he does, he gets it
wrong. There was a Split and the False was off the Split and not the
Check. Damn shadows and bright spots. So we held our circle and all was
good and the hare can use that trail again. . Thu. Sep 3, 2020 The Thirstday Hash.
Lifa laid trail from Welles Park for 15 hounds. We had four virgins for
this trail and only lost half of them. Well, two left early or
something and were long gone when circle started. Just KP and Just Tim.
We started NE through the park and a quick Check and guess who found it.
Yeah, this old fart. Headed into an alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies quickly
took the lead and we were off through alleys and a Back Check. And I
almost found this trail again, but I was right behind Rusty Grundle.
Trail headed west across Western and streets and alleys and past this
little freedom park and some confusion and then west to a Check. I
headed west and soon found myself where the third mark was and Just Tim
was returning to yell on for the pack. We ran on to the bridge over the
river and they were coming back from a Back Check. The FRBs started
heading north and west when I decided to check the other side of the
street on the bridge and there was a mark in the shadows. I'm on and in
front again. We headed over the bridge and with angle streets along the
river we had some back and forth and finally on west and south. We're
heading to a park and sure enough a BN. Suddenly there was an arrow up
the hill and there was the hare with beer. Some of us started to take
off and we crossed the river and came to a T and E Split. I opted for
the T, thinking this was just a short little loop and didn't know I
would miss the infamous river path in the dark. So on the T trail I was
first into the finish just as the hare got there with beer. Those that
took the E trail found a trail in pitch dark along the river. Fun. Rusty
Grundle eventually led us in a circle and officially we met our two
remaining virgins, Just Janet and Just Kate and we hung out for a bit in
the dark.
Fri. Sep 4, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic
Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Peterson Park for 9 hounds. Trail
headed sw through the park and then through the area of condos and
parking lots. Falling behind a bit I finally ran with Berts Special
Friend through that area and he left me behind. I caught a short cut
thanks to the hare and headed out of the building complex and found a
Check. but I was right on it and eventually headed west on Bryn Mawr and
then in a area of single family homes and alleys and such finally
coming out near a factory zone and another Check. I went north and found
two marks, but nothing else, Returning the pack was finally catching
up. I now went south and they went west through some parking lots and
such and they were ON. Meanwhile I was paralleling and finally came to
the abandoned Railroad right of way heading into La Bagh Woods. And
there was a Split. I went west and was wrong, So I was following to the
south on the path and running in the dark as my eyes adjusted and I was
actually gaining on those ahead with flashlights. Finally came to the
Bridge and several hounds were returning saying there were no marks. Had
to be. We returned and found a Check. I headed East in the park and on a
paved path and found marks and this eventually led to the third mark
and a Split. I went south and was wrong or right as I missed a turn.
Returning I was now behind some hounds and missed their turn to the
south on the next block or alley or wherever. I ran on with no marks
figuring I was on a parallel course and finally headed south at this
park and found Lifa and trail. We ran through this park and eventually I
catch up to Berts Secial Friend, Lifa, Meat Inside Her and we run some
alleys and such and finally out on Foster heading to this college campus
and the various paths going through there. And two short cutting
walkers came along, Scent Of A Man and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. I
passed them and soon I was running into that same park we started from.
And then I missed a mark and wandered all over looking for the Beer
Stop. Here we held circle and finally left at 10:00, park closing time.
Menage A Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were also on trail. Well, so was Its
Too Soft. He had to take a Peterson Bus and two Els out of the Green
Zone and it took him 7 and a half hours and he arrived late. But he did
head out with his lawn chair and his torch and found trail until it left
the apartment complex and he called it and found the beer stop. Well
done Muff.
Sun Sep 6, 2020, The Chicago Hash.
Complimentary Nuts and I'm Fucking Nuts hared from 1764 W. Winnemac,
their new apartment, for 10 hounds. This was a short trail and I fell
behind early and was struggling trying to keep up. We went NE from the
start, crossing Ashland and up Clark and then worked our way west to
Ravenswood. As we were heading west, Scent Of A Man was just ahead of
myself, Its Too soft and Back Door Bizzle. He made that last turn to the
north and I saw the FRBs straight west and I led those other two on a
quick short cut. Picked up an trail and in an alley. Eventually fell
behind Its Too Soft and we went through the tunnel under the tracks and
west to Damen. As I got to Damen and Foster, I saw a Check and it was
marked south, twice. So I went South. After a block I saw Its Too Soft
and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys heading back. Well, hell. This is at
the edge of a park and here is a path into the park. If that Check was
marked wrong, time to start heading into the park. I did, Then didn't.
About three minutes later I found the hare and the FRBs drinking beer in
the middle of the shiggy natural area. Another five minutes before the
rest of the pack manager to go back to the Check and find the B. After
we headed back to the hares beautiful deck and sat around and Lifa
eventually led us in circle. All was good.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Aug 20, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Cockholm
Syndrome and Construction Junction hared an A to B trail from Levitt
and Augusta. We had 10 hounds on trail in the light. We ended up in some
real dark. They had just taken off as I arrived and It was about 3
miles before I caught up to two walkers coming
out of an alley. Hmmm, what were they doing alone in the alley. Oh
yeah, following trail. A damn short loop. But it was nice to see someone
after running alone for so long. It was well swept but the front end of
the pack must have really been solving those Checks. A short time later
I came up to some more of the pack, and we sort of mixed it up at a
Check and followed on into the finish. I arrived at this park alone and I
figured it had to be in there somewhere. But we are really talking dark
and I follow the arrows until I see a group of people sitting on some
bleachers. It was dark enough that I wasn't even sure it was the hash.
Eventually I recognized a few and all so many new hashers. Eventually
Hooch B4 Cooch called a circle on some paved area and about ten minutes
later the lights started to come on and we could actually see each
other. Of course as usual I can't hear them behind masks and talking
with their inside voices, but circle was held. After circle we hung
around for quite a while. Decent trail and you never heard that here.
Fri Aug 21, 2020 The First Crack of the Moon Hash Hash. Horn-E
laid trail from Jonquil Park at Wrightwood, Lincoln &
Sheffleid. We had 8 trail hounds and they took off to the west, the fast
pack, the half asted pack and the last pack. Trail went west and south
and through De Paul and around some angled streets and back to the park.
There were a lot of loops for some good short cutting opportunities,
but I think they got to spread out to take advantage. And there were two
points on trail were the On Out trail was right across the street from
the On Back trail and no one found that On Back On Out, But that might
have been a great short cut catch up for some slow hounds. We ended up
drinking in the park and circling there. The idea of coming here was to
try to get into a nearby beer garden at Tapster. By the time tables were
onen most were ready to head on and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly
stayed in the park. And so two non runners (yeah, they're starting to
come back out) went to the beer garden and they tried ten different
Craft beers before we had to leave. It sounded like a good idea at the
time, but didn't work out in practice. So back to parks, yards and
alleys as long as the weather holds out. Then what, I have no idea. Dam
lockdown.
Sun Aug 23, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared
from 2201 Campbell parkway. We had 10 trail hounds including 3 virgins,
J, Kate, J. Even and J. James and one bimbo on her first Covid hash,
Choke and Stroke.
That left just 6 regular Covid hashers, as in those that are coming
around these days during lockdown. Trail headed straight north for 3.5
blocks. 3,5 blocks???. But after a quick zig and zag we ended up at a
Check by a little park. Choke and Stroke found this shortly after I got
there which put me from Dead Fucking last to just ahead of Lower Wackoff
as the pack headed north and west and the two of us tried to keep them
in sight. Then we headed south west and the trail went left, right,
left, right etc, by some empty fields allowing Lower Wackoff and Horn-E
to short cut across fields and almost keep them in sight. Trail went
around this hill and then south to the Eisenhower Expy and a foot bridge
over the Expy. As I came down the steps I noticed the pack ahead in the
next block but not going anywhere. Hooch B4 Cooch indicated a Check and
I looked down and lo and behold, there is an arrow, I yelled that out
and headed west looking for the next two. By the time I spotted the
third arrow the pack was already following. It always feels good when an
old slug like myself can occasionally solve a Check. But leading was
short lived as Hooch B4 Cooch finally passed me. We then headed south
past this park for a few blocks and the most of the rest of the pack
passed me. Another Check or was it a Split and we were heading east and
under some tracks. Now here things got confusing. Suddenly hashers were
returning towards me and then heading north on some side street. Someone
was calling Hooch B4 Cooch back but then he saw something and headed
east. Hmmm. I followed him and sure enough, there was a mark coming from
the north and heading east. We stumbled onto a short cut and were
heading on to Western. Here was an arrow heading south and I took it. A
block later the trail went back west and I looked and no one was
following me, Huh!! A long
story short, I ran a long block west, further south, a long block back
east and across western. Further south and east and a Triple check. And
all this while I kept looking for someone to follow and on one was
following. Huh!!! So I worked the Split and finally going north in an
alley with an S turn I see some of the pack, way the hell to the north
and looking like they were Checking. They were. It was a Beer Near
Check. As best as I can figure from others, Lifa ranged across Western,
found the Beer Near and the pack followed while I did a whole loop that
they missed. I finally came into the finish and apparently just beat
Lower Wackoff and for that long stretch I thought I was in front. Damn.
Shit happens. So we held circle and laid back and cooled off in the
shade and an occasional breeze.
On ON
Horn-E
The Tale of the TrailThu. Aug 13, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Steps
In Shit laid trail from 1606 S. Allport. We had a pack of 9 hounds
including 3 virgins thanks to J. James. Do that again and we'll
definitely have to get you a name. The virgins were Just Alyce, Just
Trisha and Just Mo. And I heard they did a good job sniffing out scent
on trail. To bad Horn-E didn't or he could have witnessed all of that.
Yeah, as usual I got a slow start and fell behind even faster. But
shortly after the first Check, Garmin had to pass me for the second
time. When an FRB has to pass a DFL several times on a trail, the hare
must be doing something right. And from what I saw, the hare was mixing
things up good. Anyhow I lost the pack at the second Check. From a block
behind I misjudged where I thought I saw the pack go. Meanwhile they
went down an alley and two blocks later they had a Triple Split that was
giving them fits. I might have caught up there. For your information.
At Checks the first mark is often across the street and down a block and
not easy to find. Don't like that myself, but that is the way it is
being done. When there is a Split and marks point down the block on the
same side of the street, it is an arrow and the arrows say the only
directions possible. But never across the street. That is a separate
trail and needs an arrow pointing across the street. It is just the way
we do things here. The hare now understands and all is good. Anyhow,
while I was running in circles at the last Check, the pack finally found
that one and moved ON. Then I got there and went through the same
things they did. only I had to do all of the options and more then once
before figuring out what happened. From there the trail went to the
plaza of statues and not a rioter in sight. But another Check. I didn't
really figure this one out and eventually ranged east and north and
suddenly I was at another Check. WTF. Well, I didn't really solve this
but found myself on marks again and came to a Split. Again guessing
wrong I came to 19th Street. I figured that the real trail had to go
east from that last Split so I headed east for a few blocks. Nothing.
Crossed the street and there was an arrow pointing west. From here it
was a short way On In. And I was almost first, but Just Parth twisted an
ankle and beat me in. About five minutes later the pack came rolling on
in. Others on trail were Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Lifa who led a good
circle from his perch on high.
Sat. Aug 15, 2020 The Bushman Hash. Horn-E
laid trail for nine Hounds from Cumberland and Irving Park. Even when I
arrive earlier then normal, I still run out of time and I did again.
but more on that Hare f*ck up later. Stashed the beer in the woods and
returned to the start to lay trail. Headed south into the woods and
through a tunnel of tree branches into a field of prairie grasses some
over seven feet high and thick. Trail was laid in TP tied to higher
branches. As I was laying this, I was walking down a barely there path
with one foot + grasses overflowing the path. Suddenly about ten feet in
front of me I see a fox running away on the path. Closet encounter I
ever had in the woods with a local meat eater. But on through woods
until a Check on what used to be a long wide path, now over run with
fallen trees. Laid a long False here that they missed at first, and the
pack sort of regrouped. Meanwhile Stiffy 4 Stiffies was long gone on the
correct trail. The next adversity was two large trees blocking a path
and requiring the pack to do some crawling under them for about 20 feet.
We're now running along the gold course. with Lower Wackoff pulling up
the rear. And there was a Back Check that worked perfectly for him as he
joined Magnetic Muff, J. Kelsey and Just Do Me Slowly and they headed
into this huge area of wide open forest with great options to run while
jumping over logs and such. At the far end was a Check and the FRBs,
were there struggling over the Falses. Worked great and the pack headed
south and eventually west and finally back to a path, with another back
Check. I finally caught up to a bunch of the pack at a Check they were
struggling with. Good. Regroup again. They kept going in the right
direction, left, and left, but not far enough. I finally gave a hint to
Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin and they were soon off and running.
Some nice path and then back into some fairly open woods. This came to
the local creek and when I laid trail through the tall grasses I found a
big log over the creek. So it would be easy, And then came along Lower
Wackoff followed by Just Do Me Slowly. And the chivalrous bastard
stopped and waited for her to cross, giving her a hand. If the women
have the Balls to run with the Bushman, they can handle water crossings
themselves. Part of out founding principals. Anyway, it was path running
on in. At the local bridge there was a mark pointing across the bridge
and along a narrow path, but Lifa ran down the wide path seeing marks on
trees. Eventually he figured out that they were old marks. Love it. And
last month I tripped on a root on a path along here. Banged my knee and
drew blood. Lower Wackoff found that same root and bit the dust. Along
here I figured I had enough time to get in to the finish on time when I
was laying trail, but then forest overgrowth got in the way and I had to
tie on a lot of TP that put me behind. Then I over ran the beer stop
and had laid an extra mark before going back and finding the beer stop.
My error. I didn't correct for that, but just put up some more TP for
the turn into the beer stop. Stiffy 4 Stiffies found that flour and kept
going and completely missed the beer stop. "Hang the hare." But I was
already late and as I ran towards the start, I was met by the pack that
had already taken off. Good, but I couldn't let them know about the
fucked up mark. Damn. We had a nice short circle and then returned to
where the cars were parked and found Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Another circle
and then left just as the downpour hit. Also on trail were Steps In Shit
and Some Crappy Name.
Sun Aug 16, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Dickens Cider hared for 11 hounds from 2809 W. Logan Blvd. We
took off in dribbles and drabs, or short packs of two or three. I was
off in the first dribble of Styroporn and Pony Pounder and Zone 2 was
DFL as the last drab. In between were Hooch B4 Cooch who passed me Just
before Logan Square Circle and Soul Taco just before the finish. Also in
the middle were various groupings of Steps In Shit, Cockholm Syndrum
False Advertising, Garmin and a returning new comer, Just Allysa. So,
what happened. We headed west and north with a nice twisting course with
just enough Splits and Checks to give a challenge to small packs of 2
or 3. Along the way I was following our little group and saw a Split
where Styroporn went straight and Pony Pounder went right. I didn't see
him again until just before the alley trail on in. But I followed along
until I got left behind and did some more checking on my own until Hooch
B4 Cooch finally caught me. There was one part where the on out trail
and an on back trail were literally across the street at an alley. As I
was approaching this for the second time, I managed to see Hooch B4
Cooch heading into the first pass of this section. To far away to call
out to him. After the trail we all circled and hung out scattered in the
Parkway on Logan Blvd on a nice day, not to warm and an occasional
breeze. False Advertising led us in a liad back circle.
On On
Horn-EThu. Aug 6, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Berts
Special Friend hared from Dvorak Park at Cullerton and Carpennter.
Would Son Of Spam come out of hiding. Well not for the hash, but he did
stop by to mooch a few brews after the hash. As for myself, a series of
CTA screw ups and yet I somehow managed to get to the Red Line stop at
Cermak at 7:05. A bus was due at 7:10. It never came. The next one was
due at 7:26 and I would only be a few minutes late. It never came.
Finally after several screw up the next bus arrived at 7:41 and as fast
as he was, it was still 7:46 before I got off of the bus. Bus tracker
failure. I could have walked it that fast. The pack was long gone. I
found the start and no hare and I had a back pack and a chair for the
circle. Ain't running with that shit. So I found some on in marks and
started walking the trail backwards. No No instead of On On. But at
least I was sort of on trail. I just kept going until I ran into the FRB
and then I turned around and short cut back. Sucks, but you do what you
can. After we all got in, we sat around for a few beers and a laid back
circle. There were a total of nine hounds on trail including my short
aborted effort. Meat inside Her, False Advertising,Its Too Soft, Garmin, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Some Crappy Name. J Parth, and Steps In Shit.
Sun Aug 9, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly
hared from under the El at 937 W. Wrightwood. I was the first to arrive
along with Just Brad. Soon we had a virgin, Just Alyssa and then the
pack grew to nine hounds with J. Parth, Hooch B4 Cooch, Soul Taco, Steps
In Shit, Garmin and Ball Cock Dumper. then the hare arrived. She soon
had us off and running at about 2:15 or so. Within blocks the rest of
the pack disappeared and a lot of the marks were marked leaving Horn-E
and Ball Cock Dumper just plodding along on a simple trail through the
local streets, We did manage a little bit of hashing with an unmarked
Back Check and a Check that was marked in the wrong direction that gave
us an opportunity for a little bit of checking. We finally came on in
and stood under the noisy El tracks trying to carry on some
conversations between trains. Eventually Feather came running in, from
the direction of the On Out trail. I guess he got there after the
premature start and never caught us and finally gave up and ran back on
in.
On On
Horn-E
On On
Horn-E
Sat Aug. 1, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Stab 'em & Slab 'em & Reverend Shut The Fuck Up hared from 6530 S. University.
We started out, late as normal and from the alley heading south. About
20 hounds but a large section of walkers. This is about those that ran.
At least what I saw. We headed east past a few blips and finally under
the Metra tracks. I was running second behind False Advertising and we
headed north. Then he headed east into an alley. Great, we're heading
towards the park. Not. I was running parallel and after a block he had
no marks. So he went a half block north and looked like he headed east
again. So I did. Last I saw of the pack or him for a while. No one
showed up at Stoney Island. So I headed north and nothing, no arrows,
block after block. I finally headed back west looking for the pack at
the south side of the Midway Plaisance. About three or four blocks later
I find an arrow heading north so I'm back on trail, behind as usual. I
cross the Midway Plaisance and the trail headed east. And back to Stoney
Island. If I stayed on Stoney Island I would have been FRB. But now I
am ahead of damn few, but Stuffin Muffin. We head into the park and met
up with others and finally headed into the island by the Chinese Garden.
But no Beer Stop there this time. So we do get into a dirt path with
many side trails and nice running through thick vegetation. We emerge at
the far south end and a BN that was about a hundred yards west. Nice
trail if I only made it all. Back
at the back yard we settled into a very wide circle. It was so wide we
had to mail Just Do Me Slowly her down downs. After that we had some
good Brats burned to perfection by Reverend Shut The Fuck Up if you
don't like them that way. Not really, they were good. And we settled
into a laid back party shouting to each other as we were so far apart.
Sun Aug 2, 2020, The Chicago Hash. I Eat Dick & Gay Dancer hared
from 4645 N. Magnolia in the back yard. I'd like to say how many hounds
showed up, but that number would only be a guess. As I was walking to
the start I bumped into Hooch B4 Cooch and he told we they took off at
2:10 and he was heading to a Check and maybe catch them. I had a chair
and back pack with me. So I go on and there ended up being a few hounds
who arrived counting on a normal 2:30 hash time, like last week. We
finally took off at the NORMAL HASH START TIME. There were 6 of us.
Stiffy 4 Stiffies took off and blew the rest of us away. That was easy
because the trail was already swept by that first pack and so this would
be mostly a run instead of a small hash. Should have been a decent
sized hash of about 15. But we ran on and I fell behind. Suddenly I
found myself just ahead of Just Parth and Steps In Shit. A block later
and we had a Check at Montrose. Last I saw of them. Maybe with a larger
pack I might have managed to stay with them and not miss the On call
from Steps In Shit. So I circle and circle trying to solve that check. I
finally did and it was just following marks and Splits and Checks
already marked. Like a 5 mile trail. I'd have had as much fun staying
home and running around the block 20 times. Definitely not hashing, just
running a prescribed course. About the only thing different was running
past the graffiti mob and their false propaganda and other B. S. I
finally manage to run on into the finish and there is the whole pack,
hanging around. Well, now at least I can finally have some fun
conversation with friends. I poured myself a drink and about five
minutes later a few sprinkles came and the whole hash disappeared. I
haven't seen a disappearing act like that since the last time I watched a
magician. Yeah, back in Vaudeville. There was nothing left to do except
pack my bag back up, and leave. I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer, I'm sure
that the trail was nice to run as a pack of fifteen if we were all able
to start together like back in the old days of hashing. Alone it sucked.
And then to have everyone leave so quick and suddenly, not your fault,
but the worst hashing experience I've had since March. We really need to
get back to one start time and sticking to it. The hash doesn't run as a
pack, but solves trails as a pack and that is the fun of hashing.
Mon Aug 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Garmin hared
from Clarendon Park at Clarenden and Agatite for a pack of 10 hounds.
It would turn out to be a nice trail with almost everything in the
parks. Only a bunch of experienced hounds could possibly screw this up.
And that is what we had for a major fucked up start. Thanks
Horn-E (Also the hare and some drizzle in the area causing a relaying
of trail and no sweep). As Horn-E is arriving from a bus stop, he spots
an arrow going south in the park. Hmmm. Looks like an On In mark. It
was. So he crosses the street and sees another mark going north. Hmmm.
Must be an On Out mark. It wasn't. Ooops. What happened is the hare laid
a trail about a block in the park, like an On In and then crossed the
street and went back north. A nice little loop to fuck over the FRB.
Here is where the mistake was made. As he turned the trail across the
street, Instead of a turning arrow pointing back north, he laid a
straight arrow, like crossing a T. Then a block away to the south he had
a Split on the On Out trail. The part of the Split, pointing north went
to that straight arrow and looked like we were on. And since Horn-E had
seen that arrows, when Meat Inside Her couldn't find a mark, it only
made sense for Horn-E to yell out to her to keep going, he had seen a
mark earlier. Another thing for hares to consider is never having On In trails near an On Out trail, especially near a check or split. So
she soon was on trail and we get to a Triple Split, the last Split
before the finish. Hounds wander. And we check north and east, but not
south because that would take us back to the start. Instead of running
around like a pack of hounds we were running around like a flock of
chickens with out heads cut off. Well except Its Too Soft who guarded
the Check. Horn-E finally ranged very far north and finally found a
mark, pointed south, the On In trail. WTF. So, to far away to get the
pack, three blocks, he decided to run the trail backwards. Past Lawrence
homeless village and into Lincoln Park, past Dogs Beach and eventually
ran into Garmin relaying trail. Well, we finally figured out what
happened and he ran off to find the pack and Horn-E continued running on
a No No trail. This led to the bird Sanctuary where he lost trail,
Running around it, he finally found the rest of the pack, finally on
trail. Horn-E went on backwards. Hell he has been backwards all of his
life so this is good. They ran on and eventually though the bird
Sanctuary scaring birds everywhere nesting for the night as they
followed Its Too Soft and his mega flashlight. We all ran on and
finished our trails and settled into a laid back circle and some nice
relaxation. And all was good.
Tue Aug 4, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Meat Inside Her hared from 2225 W. Campbell Park Drive. Another
nice pack of 8 hounds for this trail through the hospital district. Who
could possibly get lost here. False Advertising, an ideas? We take off
and ran through a small residential area I never ran through before.
After a quick Back Check, we regrouped at a Check and then scattered.
Finally Garmin calls out to me that they went east and I follow to Damen
and north and back west where I was able to short cut through a field
of scrub and it looked like another Check and the pack was scattering. I
ended up following Berts Special Friend to Damen and he headed south.
Then across the street I see Garmin heading north and I short cut. I did
see False Advertising heading that way at one point, but not again. We
did get on trail and we eventually headed east as I followed Stiffy 4
Stiffies, Lifa and Lower Wackoff was right behind me. On east we went
towards Arrigio Park. Just before there was a Check and that screwed a
few FRBs for a bit and I caught up and we went to a Triple Split at
Arrigio Park. Naturally I was a block to the south as they find the
trail to the north. I return and they are gone. So, I make a few
calculations with my slide rule and compass and T square and headed
north and didn't see any marks. So I work my way north and west looking
to cut off trail somewhere. Nothing. Finally I am at the expressway and
figure that the hare had to cross over somewhere to my east so I head
over the Expressway. Still nothing. I head west and there is a turn
arrow. I'm On. I ran on and back over the expressway. Now heading west I
finally get to a quad split at a little park. I pick right, through the
park, and now I'm heading west on Harrison. And at Damen I find a
Split, marked west. Damn, I'm behind again. I head west and finally no
marks. But that is where I got off the bus and saw a mark. I head for
that and run on west and it is On In. And at the finish, there is False
Advertising who got lost early and marked that Split\. I was in front. A
few minutes later in came Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin and finally the
rest of the pack. And there we held a nice laid back circle with Stiffy 4
Stiffies leading the circle. And all was good. Also on trail was Steps
In Shit who I don't think I ever saw on trail but he came in with the
pack.
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Thu Jul. 23, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, in the back yard for a pack of 8 hounds. I
started out with the idea of getting to this hill in Warren Park.
Little did I know that it would add up to 6.3 miles with all of the
Falses. But I tried to put in several loops that the back of the pack
(Lower Wackoff, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff) might catch and save
some time. And they caught them and did stay close to the FRBs. And they
were Lifa, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Garmin and Some
Crappy Name. Managed to get them on four checks along Clark where they
were supposed to think trail would cross. Not. Trail managed to get to
Warren Park and managed to run up the hill. At the top is a fence and I
believe only Lower Wackoff and Lifa climbed it. Good. Somebody did. The
pack managed to come in fairly close together and we settled into the
dark corner of my yard while we held a laid back circle and just hung
out on a quiet peaceful night. A few hounds said the trail was good, but
you know how hounds lie. But I let them use the bathroom anyway before
they left.
Sun
Jul. 26, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Glory Hole laid trail from Arrigo Park
under the shadow of a Statue of the person who discovered the Americas.
Unfortunately the statue was removed a few nights earlier. But that
didn't stop the hash and we had 14 hounds gather in the sweltering heat
of 105 heat index. We took off to the east and the hare wound us around
Arrigo Park before we headed east and I started to fall behind. So what
else is new. We finally came to a check and it looked like all of these
people that left me behind were just standing around. I could see Garmin
off in the distance going around this little park. I got there and
headed east and Garmin came out of this park ahead of me and he was soon
on. Then everyone took turns passing me as we ran through the
University Campus. We emerged at the Northeast corner and headed across
the Expressway. As I hit the top of the bridge I could see the whole
pack running west on Van Buren. And now it was Garmin at the back of
that pack and there was no way I would keep up with him. Well, he missed
a turn and as he returned I was able to point it out to him. He might
catch that pack, but no way I would. So I just kept going west on Van
Buren and finally crossed the Expressway and headed over to Ashland. And
just as I get there, another short cutter came running by. Yeah, that's
you Double Meter Beater. And there was a Check. He headed east, but I
was pretty sure the trail went south. Love prelaid trails. I saw a
Triple Split on Ashland as I got off the bus and that turned out to be
the correct trail. I kept looking back for Double Meter Beater, but
again he short cut into the finish and I got stuck with a Back Check
before coming on in, a few minutes after him. And there we stood for
well over five minutes before we saw half the pack short cutting on in.
It seems that while we were at that last Check, we had a few sprinkles.
Not even enough to get the pavement wet. Well, those others found them
selves in a roaring downpour about three blocks north of us and had to
find shelter. Shit happens. Eventually the pack was complete as Cockholm
Syndrome finally came in, DFL. Hooch B4 Cooch eventually led us in a
laid back circle and then the pack just hung out in the shade drinking
beer and all was good. Welcome to our virgin of the day Just Parth, and a
transplant who will be here on occasion, Just Anthony. And Steps In
Shit, I hope I got your email right this time. On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Sat . Jul 18, 2020, The Bushman Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. I headed out to lay
trail with a cooler and flour. Decided to change early plans and drop
off the cooler early. Big Mistake #1. This would make the on out and the
on in to close together. So I opted for heading into the woods instead
of the tall grasslands. Big mistake #2. I got into the woods and it was
thick and couldn't find my way out. Head for daylight and then another
almost impenetrable section. Finally emerged at some tall grasslands and
wasn't where I thought I was. Went the wrong way and soon back into
thick woods again. Big
mistake #3. Now climbing over logs, ducking under fallen trees, and
squeezing through wherever I can. Eventually daylight and a path. I went
the wrong way and came out at a place I wouldn't have chosen, but at
least I found out where I was. Damn, these woods change every time I
come out and I've laid well over 50 trails out here. So, I quickly re
planned a course in my mind and gave the pack a long section of running
on paths. It is about running and not crawling through overgrown woods.
So the path goes west along a muddy stagnant stream. Stream on the
right, woods overgrown with sticker berry bushes. Really impassable. At
the end of the path is a bridge over the stream, but I don't want to go
that way, Needed to go left and started that turn early so the pack
wouldn't get confused. Remember this point. Then it was a nice 6 to 10
foot wide path. At the first junction in the path I laid a Check with a
looong False to the left. Trail went right and towards the west. Again a
junction and check with another looong False to the left. Trail went to
the river which was just breaking flood stage. Wanted to do a quick
back loop into the woods for a great short cut for the slower hounds.
Not. Turns out as I headed north I found myself surrounded by water and
kept going until I found an easy crossing on logs. Now for some open
woods running where you can really actually run. A quick Check and the
trail headed downstream from that bridge and a place to run through some
deep grasses and leap over that little stream and start to head back.
More easy path running and we come to that bridge again. Remember that.
Well a second pack hit that area, mis interpreted an arrow pointing to
the left of the bridge and instead went over the bridge. Guess what.
They found themselves going around the same loop again. As screwed up as
this start was, ya gotta laugh at that point as about 5 did that loop
again. Real trail paralleled that stream again with a short loop over a
hill and back to the path. This eventually led to an attempt to cross
the stream to get to where the beer was. Mistake #4. Looked like a safe
log and I leaped to the other side, but not far enough and lost my shoe
in about 8 inches of deep muck. Had to walk back in my stocking foot to
retrieve my shoe. Damn. From here it was a nice narrow path to a point
where trail went into tall grasses and a menacing looking bunch of
woods, that wasn't all that bad once inside with a path and BEER, Then I
had to head for the start, about exactly on time and see if more then
the usual numbers actually showed. If anyone. Wow. A pack. 11 Hounds.
Would turn out to be more then CH3 the next day and this under heat
warnings. WTF. We should have this all the time. Including two Bush
Virgins, Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction Whats Your
Function. Fast hounds, half fast hounds, frequent bush hashers and the
infrequent. Just enough beer for a quick circle. And the pack was off. I
tried to sweep, but to damn slow and then I did a header tripping on an
exposed root on a path. When I got to the circle, some had already left
for the cars and their snobby beer selection, and some were off doing
that loop a second time. But we eventually all ended up in the picnic
area for a longer larger circle and all was good. It was Lifa's 100
Bushman Hash. Others on trail included Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff,
Slit Digger, False Advertising, Just Kelsey, Some Crappy Name, Garmin
and Glory Hole.
Sun Jul. 19, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from 2849 N. Southport for a pack of 10 hounds.
Being banged up from the Bushman I didn't think I could run, So I got a
course from the hare after the pack left and missed the first turn.
That put me at the last mark on in. So I decided to just follow the
trail backwards. Actually fun as I had to do a little reverse checking.
Trail really went in a big loop to the south and east. I finally hit a
Check after crossing a flooded intersection. Went a block east, nothing
and so I looped back on the next street to the south. Nothing. So now I
am back at the street I was running on when I hit the check. Going back a
block to the check, nothing. Actually this was the real way the trail
entered the Check, but the trail went a block and a half without a mark
and I was a half block short. Damn. So I headed west and go around
another block without a mark. As I return I find the middle of the pack
looking for a mark and coming from the south. So eventually they found a
false mark on the corner and didn't see the Check. Gone, east. Just
Adam came along and headed right for the true trail and I followed him.
The rest of that part of the pack finally figured out their mistake and
followed and soon we were back in the alley for circle and drinking.
Three front runners, had to pass me at that Check while I was out
checking and blew right through it. That was I Eat Dick, Garmin and
Silent But Deadly. And eventually Chicken Stifer wandered in DFL What I
saw of the trail was a nice twist of trail and mix of Splits and Checks,
but far to few marks and the hare admitted that she was running out of
flour.
The Tale of the Trail
Sat.
Jul 11, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. False Advertising laid trail for 10
hounds from Hubbert Woods in River Grove, North and 1st Ave. That had to
be about the worst, MFU start of all time. He lived up to his name,
False Advertising. First he had a wrong location for this hash. Then he
tells us to go to the road and turn right. We found exactly one mark and
we had to go back to find it. Fifteen minutes later we were still
within a hundred feet of the first mark when the hare came along and
told us there were marks all along, but even he couldn't find a single
mark. So, he directed us to the south and a mostly abandoned mall area
where we found two marks and then struggled again. Horn-E played Mister
Smarty Pants and guessed he was heading to the Gay Bridge in the woods,
an abandoned railroad trestle. And he was right and soon on marks.
Yelling on he tip toed over the rainbow to the other side and found
marks heading into woods and a Check. That led to an easy False and
returning he could see the pack finally arriving. We headed east and
spread out before Just Kam finally picked up on trail and Horn-E and
Lifa, and Stuffin' Muffin and Just Kelsey led us out to North Ave and a
Check. Here is where we ran into Crotch Fire hashing on a bike and he
did pretty good in the woods too. A short time later Just Kelsey found
another Check in this school area. Naturally I was in the wrong
Direction when this was found and I found myself falling behind. Trail
worked its way south and west and eventually over to another Forest
Preserve Parking lot. And there was another Check. The pack was
scattered and the only one who found the real trail was Lower Wackoff.
Which explains why he came in DFL. Horn-E almost went the right way and
that is when he last saw Lower Wackoff. Horn-E ranged along the edge of
the woods looking for anything. And below was this beautiful wetlands
area, now mostly dry and full of razor grass. Had to try it and ranged
into the razor grass. At the other end he went up a hill and found a
small deer trail. And following that he came to a mark. ON ON. But no
one was within ear shot. Following this winding trail he came out to a
wide path and saw Just Kam returning from a False. The rest of the pack
wandered from that last Check, beyond normal checking range and found
this Check. So we headed south and trail was found and we wandered in
nice woods without paths and finally Horn-E led a small pack including
Magnetic Muff, Its Too Soft and Just Do Me Slowly to a BN. Right at a
bridge. Across the bridge was another Check we missed, and we headed
right down the sucker False following Just Kam. Well, it was eventually
found and we were all soon in the parking lot. And eventually the hero
of the day, Lower Wackoff arrived, DFL. But at lest he found the whole
trail. Laid back circle was held and all was good. We talked about
naming Just Kam and why he hadn't hared. He said if he hared he'd
probably just get Some Crappy Name and so we named him on the spot,
thanks False Advertising. He will now be known as Some Crappy Name.
Sun Jul. 12, 2020, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck hared
from 6749 N. Lakewood. I got there about 5 minutes before normal hash
time, just in time to watch the pack leave early. Can we get back to
normal and stick with a standard Hash Out Time so those that arrive at
the normal time can hash with the others instead of just following a
swept long boring trail, The point of hashing is trying to resolve the
trail together, and not necessarily running together, which seldom
happens anyhow. So I am off alone and hoping to catch the pack. Not
happening, And then I come to an early T and E Split. Well, the pack is
long gone and there is no point trying to catch them on a long eagle
trail, so I take the turkey. (Apparently it was a damn long eagle
trail). I get to the beach and there is a Triple split. I didn't think
so, but I checked over towards the sand and to the north. Nothing. Going
south I'm soon on trail and that finally comes to a Check. True trail
went west on city streets, but I had high hopes for the sand. Not. And
that is when I ran into the sand police. She came at me yelling
something, probably about my not wearing a mask. Sorry stupid, but there
is no way I can pass on, or catch Carona viruses all alone, on a wide
sandy beach, while jogging on a very windy day. And I can't breath with a
mask on while jogging. Breathing takes precedence. From here I quickly
picked up trail and it was a series of long straights with a few Splits
already marked by someone. But who else would be on the Turkey Trail.
Well, I was soon in to the finish and there was Just Adam, a fast runner
who opted for the Turkey trail on his first trail back, and I Eat Dick
who somehow went the wrong way and picked up on the Turkey Trail instead
of her preferred Eagle Trail. It was quite a long wait before the
Eagles and a few late coming Turkeys finally made it on in. Eventually
Lifa held a short circle and we soon departed. We also had the return of
Pony Pounder. And a newbie, from Paris, (Now I know I got this screwed
up) Chateau Margalls. She is an experienced Marathoner and the day
before actually started working with a group of new potential Chicago
Marathoners. Then this week they canceled the Chicago Marathon. So, come
on out to the weekend hashes.
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Tue.
Jul 7, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash ran from Oz Park with Lifa haring. We met
at the tin man statue and ended up west of Dorthy. It started to he
north through alleys and then worked its way over to Lincoln Park. Would
we finally get into the park and some lake breezes. Yes and no. We got
about fifty yards into the park and right out and no breezes. But some
nice twists throw Old town and then apparently the trail got a little
tricky as some struggled at the back end. Hooch B4 Cooch was FRB, Stiffy
4 Stiffies came in late but finished next. Soul Taco was FBI. Horn-E
came in lame. Just Do Me Slowly wilted in the heat and finally walked
back. Lower Wackoff kept chugging and came in DFL. The rest of the pack
came in somewhere in the middle with Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside
Her, Its Too Soft, Garmin and Just Kam rounding out the pack. The
toughest part of the trail was the downpours caused by the humidity.
Really. a cloudless sky and the rain kept coming. Almost got the whole
sidewalk wet. Another laid back circle with Hooch B4 Cooch leading and
Horn-E yelling "What did he say?"
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Fri . Jul 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Just
Wylli and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys hard from the picnic
area on the north side of Foster at Kilbourn, at the field house.
Unfortunately, there was no field house there and I went to the field
House in Gompers Park. By the time I found the start, they were gone.
But quick directions from SMFTBG and a little local knowledge and I
found them just after the Cicero Bridge crossing and a hi-jack. How were
two visitors to know that they were going right past Roofie Ragu's
house and the marks were spotted. In the heat it was appreciated. We
then ran on and I was with them this time. A few city streets and a nice
little run on in on wooded paths. At least it should have been. I think
my eyesight is now going, but in the darkening woods, I was having
trouble navigating the roots and stuff on the forest floor. But soon we
were out and running across the grass to the beer. I followed Garmin
and Berts Special Friend. Meat Inside Her
was already working on her acceptance speech for being FRB and Lifa was
also in. Behind me came the rest of the pack, Lower Wackoff, Just Do
Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin. We had to move the beer
and circle to Gompers Park to avoid the Tree Police and Forest Preserve
closing. There we circled and after a brief circle we got to naming Just
Wylli. He shall forever more be known as Scent Of A Man.
Sun Jul. 5, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from 933 W. Wolfram,
for a smaller then normal pack of just 10 hounds, but we were off in a
staggered start and a typical Lifa trail with just enough Checks, Splits
and Back Checks to keep most of the pack together. Well. Lower Wackoff
and Horn-E fell back but were able to slowly stagger in in the heat. And
it was hot. The idea these days in the Chicago Hash seems to be
staggered starts so the pack isn't running together with this nasty bug
going around. But when does the pack ever really run that much
together. And remember, the idea of a hash is to not run together, as
such, but to work the trail together. This trail offered that.
The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Jun 16, 2020, The 4X2H3 Hash.
Lifa hared from Churchill Park with a nice pack of eleven trail hounds.
And I soon lost the leaders as the pack got split up pretty good. That
included Double Meter Beater, Just Kam, Just Zach and Meat Inside Her.
But there was a back pack and I found myself taking off after Garmin
thinking he was on. Not. And we returned to the first Check and head
east and finally get on. And then we started getting into the crazy mix
of alleys and angled streets that would be the course for the day. I was
now running with a back pack, following Garmin. Then he started
disappearing and I was following False Advertising. Then he started
disappearing and then out of no where comes Berts Special Friend. And
again he soon disappears. WTF. I can't keep up with anyone. But I'm not
last and the back runners disappeared as I kept looking back for them. I
finally hit a Split and went the right way, but not far enough. Looping
back towards the other option I actually ran into the real trail also
looping back and I'm On. As I pass that alley I was heading for, there
is Lower Wackoff heading my way, on the wrong Split. I called out ON and
he got a little short cut. I ran on and eventually got another Split
that I read wrong. Circling back, Lower Wackoff finally catches up and
we stated running trail together. We finally got to a Check and I found
trail and ran to a Back Check. I think I screwed this up, but we spent
an extra 5 minutes on that before I found the correct trail out and from
there it was On In. Lower Wackoff was about 2 minutes behind me. And
the missing Just Do Me Slowly and Mudsucker eventually couldn't keep up
with Lower Wackoff and short cut to the finish. And the pack was whole
at a diamond finish.
Fri. Jun 19, 2020, The Forty Second Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago.
Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard. Two old time hashes
stopped by before the hash, Bloody Thighs and Special Head. Both retired
teachers that are now working for FEMA and spent the last several
months manning phone banks and saving our lives. I didn't sweep so just
hear say. There was a six pack of trail hounds. I gave Menage A Twat a
short cut because she was just walking. The rest took off and headed
down an alley and a Check. And I got them going the wrong way. But after
that they wandered the streets and hit a section with all sorts of
crooked streets and alleys and managed to stay together most of the way
before finally running on in. We held a laid back circle and 69 Cent man
gave us a few songs that most never heard before. And it was on. Only 8
more years to the 50th Anniversary. Start planning now.
Sat. Jun 20, 2020, 2:00pm, A Bushman Hash #181 This is the 15th Anniversary of the Bushman Hash and Horn-E's 35th Anniversary. Horn-E
laid trail from St. Paul woods in Morton Grove. At least the local
protesters haven't burned down the woods demanding a name change because
it is a Christian name. And the woods were beautiful, lush and green
and not to over grown. Not to brag, but I thought this was my best trail
in a long time. Just a great combination of great and varied terrain in
the woods and it mostly worked. We had a six pack of hounds. I enjoyed
laying the tail so much I decided to sweep and of course did a piss poor
Job. It was a quick chalk talk. I warned everyone that there was a
height check point on trail and that everyone had to keep an eye on Just
Do Me Slowly. We headed off to the north and a Check at the river. Lifa
went left and naturally the right trail was right. And quickly down to
rivers edge and a crossing on rocks. That is when I realized I forgot to
tell the hounds about all of the TP on trail. So I headed off on an end
around, hoping to get ahead of the FRBs and let them know. Especially
with one virgin (Just Willi), one new to the area hasher (Saving Myself
For 2 Black Guys) and one relatively new hasher (Just Kam) streaking off
to the front. SMF2BG & Just Willi came to a river crossing right by
a bridge. They ran right on through it. Just Kam took the bridge. When I
got there, Lower Wackoff was half way across the river fishing for
river trash. JDMS was still navigating some woods. Lifa. I have no idea.
I then headed off on paved bike paths trying to get ahead of the FRBs.
Damn, I'm sweeping to enjoy running through the field of flowering Iris
plants and great woods. Not the damn asphalt. I finally get to where I
thought I'd cut them off. Not. There they were, past there and running
through knee deep soft prairie weeds and such towards a small section of
woods. Run on you damn amnesic hare. They hit a gully and were just
crawling out of that when I arrived. Whew!!. It took a bit and they
finally found the first TP and soon were off and running through over a
hundred yards of knee high or higher soft weeds and mostly white,
prairie flowers. This field used to mostly be knee high Scritchy
Scratchy, What happened? But still fun running. I caught them at the end
at a Check and they finally came to the bike path and a Triple Split.
Looking back, I saw Lifa shortcutting across the field and almost
catching up. Now, the trail went into a spider trail along the river or
narrow dirt path twenty feet over the river. Nice running. Half way
along here was a log jam in the river. Been here for at least five
years. Several big trees going all the way across. I do something I
don't normally do. I had put down a Split here with SC for Short Cut
pointing across the river, Remember that. From here it was a race for
the three FRBs as they ran this path and a short sweep into woods before
coming to the road to the south of the woods and a bridge crossing.
Lifa is following and I'm way behind and falling back and still
wondering about Lower Wackoff and JDMS. Not to worry. I saw the FRBs
heading north as I headed south. good. No Lifa, but he knows what he is
doing. I make the same loop over the bridge and head north. From here I
just followed my trail alone, correcting a few things for Lower Wackoff
and JDMS. Yeah, like they were really behind me. Remember that log jam
and the Short Cut. It was laid as a False Trail. But Lower Wackoff and
JDMS came by there just as the FRBs did on the other side of the river,
They were told that it was a long way, so they crossed on the logs and
followed the FRBs. Actually, worked great. These trees are wide enough
to easily walk across. But I was told that JDMS straddled the trees and
slid across. What she did when she came to the raccoon shit on the
trees, I have no idea. From here it was a lot of nice woods running and
something else that was knew to me. Looked like a section of newer
plantings of some real skinny trees, almost shrubs that are planted
within about a foot or less of each other and eventually reached a good
ten feet high. JDMS alert area, If she got lost in there we might never
find her. From here it was on in on nice paths and just good lush woods.
Circle was laid back and I got a spare chair and
sat in a section with some very active tics. Yeah, tics, Total of 5 of
the little bastards. They get on you and just crawl for a bit before
setting in for a good snack of fresh blood. I caught them all while
running up my legs. Safe as long as you get then moving. Just Kam was
FRB, Lifa was DFL. SMF2BG was a former Korea Hasher and Lifa hoped he
would know a bunch of Korean songs that Lifa knew. Not. but he had
different songs then Lifa. All was good and no rain. A great 15th
anniversary.
Sun Jun. 21, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Mommy's Little Accident hare from 4902 N. Magnolia. I
thought I would get there plenty early and as I walked up the street
the pack ran by me going the other way. This included a virgin hasher
that I didn't get a chance to meet, Just Bradley I was told later. So I
got there, set down my gear and got my GPS going and was off and
running. By myself. I could have done that at home. But I ran on. And
things were marked so even the rest of the trail left no chance for
actually hashing, just running behind a large pack that left way to
early. About the only good thing was the T and E Split, which I was told
was just a veeerrry long back check. Saw absolutely no one on trail. I
thought hashing was a social way of running. Finally came on in. And the
pack was all in the back yard. And that was okay, at least as we are
trying to do with social distancing. Eventually Cockholm Syndrume came
in, alone. And then Skull N Boner comes in, alone. And then Steps In
Shit comes in, alone. And then Back Door Bizzle comes in, alone. I'm
sure we would have enjoyed running with the starting pack of 7 hounds.
Might have been more like hashing. Not a criticism of the hare. Trail
was okay as a short trail. Just the current process. If we are going to
run in ones and twos, do so and don't mark the trail. We did this at
CH3's first hash back. It worked. But if we are going to have a big pack
start off and sweep the trail, then wait for all of us like the old
days. We'd like to hash too. Not just run a marked trail. Just saying.
Now peace out.
Horn-EThe Tale of the Trail
Sat Jun. 13, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend set trail from Schiller Woods West for the annual Around the World in 80 Beers Hash. We
had a nice turnout of eleven trail hounds. About a hundred yards into
trail Horn-E found the marks and ran up to a Check. He and Stiffy 4
Stiffies headed down a path to the Northwest and found only one mark.
Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned to this parking lot while Horn-E checked a
little further northwest. Meanwhile the trail was found to the west and
Horn-E wasn't seen again and Horn-E didn't see or hear the pack again. I
eventually found a mark, a Split and headed south because I hadn't
heard the pack yelling On to the north where I previously was. That led
to Irving Park and I spotted an On In arrow. So I knew they were going
to cross the river. Stow that in memory. So I headed north and found
trail but as soon as it left the path I wandered around in a zone of now
marks, or maybe marks, but I sure couldn't find them. Eventually I
found about six more marks and then nothing. I mean nothing. So I
wandered over to the bicycle path and headed north. And north and north.
I finally found a mark and trail went down to this little feeder
stream, under a bridge and back to a main path. And a Split. Again
nothing and nothing and nothing. So I ran on to Lawrence and the bridge
over the river. Hallelujah, a mark. Over the river and into the woods
again and again, the marks were there and not there and straight lines
on the ground didn't really mean straight ahead. I finally got to
another feeder stream, muddy and about fifteen feet across. Didn't see
foot prints into the stream so I headed west along the stream and found a
large log jam and an easy dry way across. Back to the marks and a
Split. But the Split was marked into the woods and not towards this
little path. Opps, that is where the trail went. And out to a big grassy
field with tall grasses and almost impossible to lay marks much less
find them. The pack of ten did. The pack of one didn't and I ended up
running through the field along the woods edge instead of through the
middle. At the end of the field I found a path back to the river and a
nice section for running but I couldn't run that fast as I was
constantly looking for marks and of course, there weren't any. Finally I
had to leave the rivers edge and climb up a hill and guess what. Marks.
And I followed these to a road and shortly On In where the pack was
laying about drinking beer. Actually, I had fun running most of it, but
it would have been a lot more fun if I didn't loose the pack after three
marks. We held circle and they sampled many different kinds of beers.
The pack included Just Kam and Just Kelsey, virgin Big Dog Hashers, and
Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin,
Zone 2, False Advertising and Stiffy 4 Stiffies.
Sun Jun. 14, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Garmin laid
trail from his alley and we had 11 trail hounds. When we finally took
off, Horn-E led the trail to a quick check and found the trail. And he
managed to lead until we crossed Broadway where Lifa took the lead and
soon Followed by I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer and our Virgin of the day,
Just Kiersten. And they were soon out of sight. But Just Kiersten
managed to keep track of them and made it through her first Hash trail.
Meanwhile Horn-E fell back to a slower pack including Styroporn, False
Advertising and Zone 2. We ran together through Loyola and came to a
Check and headed across Sheridan and northwest. Eventually I found
myself falling back and their was the Devon Market where I went for
something to drink after trail. When I came out I was soon passed by
double Meter Beater and followed him back, sort of and finally headed
straight to the finish. Eventually J Kam, Sandy Syphilis and Cockholm
Syndrome arrived. False Advertising led a short circle and we hung out
in the alley, drifting along with the sun. We're slowly coming back.
On On
Horn -E
The Tale of the Trail
Tue, Jun 6, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts
Special Friend, Meat Inside Her laid
a trail from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard for 6 trail hounds. They were
Lower Wackoff, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa, Garmin, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and
Horn-E who ran much later. Nice little trail through the neighborhood
with just enough tricks and traps to keep it interesting and Horn-E
finally got lost after trail crossed Clark. Can't say much else. About
3.5 miles. There was a laid back circle moon style after. This was the
first Moon hash in Chicago that was ever held in the mid afternoon, due
to concerns about the Covid virus and the tyranny of our Governor
Sun Jun. 7, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Little Trojan Annie hare from 2335 W. Medill Ave., in the back yard. The
trail headed north and I followed Silent But Deadly outon trail. At
fist I was sort of with Dickens Cider and Garman, Then it was Just Kam
and Just Kelsey, and we wee joined by zZomme 2 aand False Advertising.
We eventually saw and joined up with Soul Taco and lifa at various
points. We finally returned to the hares back yard. There were the
earlier hounds including 69 Cent Man, Gay Dancer, Double Meter Beater,
Stiffy 4 Stiffies, and a new hasher to the area, U S S R. Later we were
joined by Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Cockholm Syndrum and Just Jenny.
There was no circle, but we all hung around for a bit and reacquainted
ourselves with old friends
On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Sat.
May 23, 2020, 2:00pm, The Hashers Not Trashers Hash from the Whore
House in La Grange Park. A Rotton Whore laid trail from the red light
district in La Grange Park for seven hounds. There were three that
didn't make it, but showed up to make an appearance, False Advertising
and Zone 2, just as the pack was leaving and some old man, late again,
and blaming the CTA, RTA, Metra, the Internet, his cell phone, and he
would have blamed his Mama if she was still alive, for getting there
late, and just as the rain started. Meanwhile
a pack of seven trail hounds were out running city streets and working
there way to the woods for some real serious shiggy, wet lands and
whatever else the evil hare could come up with. And by all reports, it
was a good trail for a hare who hadn't laid trail in ten years. Garmin
and Just Kam were the FRBs, or the only ones to do the whole trail at
7.27 miles. What, and I missed all that shiggy. Lower Wackoff finally
came in as the DFL. Well, hell, Horn-E wasn't on trail. He finally
emerged from the woods as the rains hit and the marks disappeared. But
he made it back. A short laid back circle was led by Stupid Is As Stupid
Does and then the hare brought out some Rotton grub. Good time on a
nice opening day of the Memorial Day weekend.
Sat.
May 16, 2020, The Bushman Hash. With the Governor still forcing all of
Illinois into Lock Down, the Bushman Hash said no. The Governor said we
can go out jogging. That is what we do and most of the time we are well
separated so why not. The plan was to take the hash through one of the
local golf courses that we seldom get a chance to run. They are closed
to golfing so why not. Well, the weatherman said WHY NOT. Ooops. About 4
inches of rain on Thursday. It would be flooded. When Horn-E got there
he checked out the river. Overflowing the normal area we finish in, when
hashing here. That probably meant that the golf course was flooded. It
was and would have made any attempts there to be boring and/or futile.
So trail headed Northwest. I had to go down one street for a long block
before I really got into the woods and it was less then a foot deep in
muddy water, and a hell
of a lot of ground clutter buried under water and sight, or just
floating. But the trail went across Devon and into more muddy water
until I reached the Northwest end of that sector. Then it was back and
forth over ravines with multiple water crossing, back across Devon and
along the flooded golf course. So, that was the plan. As I finally got
back in to the start, I saw a hasher we haven't seen in some time, Slit
Digger. I went to finish off the start and saw some guy and some girl
heading into the woods, right where my trail started, but I didn't
recognize them from the distance and so I forgot about them. Surprise.
It was Just Kam and a virgin Harriet, Just Kelsey (sp). I probably
screwed that up. Soon Its Too Soft showed. That is two hashers that
didn't know that those that RSVP'd said they all wanted to BYOB. So,
they had no beer. And I didn't expect them with this iron fisted rule of
the other hashers about not hashing. But I did expect False
Advertising, Lifa and Lower Wackoff and when they arrived we were set to
go. They started out into the woods between the tracks and the entrance
to the parking area. Lower Wackoff spotted the marks and took the lead.
By the time we got to Central, Slit digger was seen almost a block away
and running strong. Didn't see him again until the finish as he blew
away the trail in 59 minutes. After that long block, next to protected
wet lands, we headed down a sidewalk and into the woods, Like I said,
deep water, well, over the ankles at the worst, well most of the time.
Trail came out after a hundred yards or so at Devon. I was sweeping and
right behind False Advertising, Slit Digger was long gone. I crossed and
waited for Lifa, Its Too Soft and Lower Wackoff. I was supposed to
sweep and not lead, but they seemed to be worrying about the water to
much, and I long ago just got used to it as inevitable. After we crossed
Devon it was more water. Water water everywhere and not a drop to
drink. Not if you valued your life. Trail headed north west through the
bayous and swamps and bogs of Caldwell Woods. But
they ran on, or mostly walked through the maze of water and possible
water crossings on logs and whatever they could find to avoid getting
wet. They were going so slow that even this old gray hare could have
laid a live trail and stayed in front. And then suddenly Lower Wackoff
starts following trail towards two people in the woods, It was Just Kam
and Just Kelsey struggling along on their own through all of that muck.
Well done Kelsey. Real well done. And soon Its Too Soft and Lifa caught
up and continue sweeping right and left and any way they could go to
avoid the water, We finally got to the Northwest end of the trail and a
Check. Just Kam went off on one False and Lifa managed to pick south and
got on the real trail. He soon left the back pack behind. The trail
made three more sweeps across the ravine and up and down the hills on
each side. Then we headed back east and they did one more ravine
crossing. They then avoided the trail that went right down the middle of
the stream. Two inches of cleaner water was to much for them at that
point. Cleaned my shoes though. Finally they headed across Devon and a
section of nice path above the swollen river where you could actually do
some nice woods running. This came out at a road and we had to run
along the edge, yes again, swollen river. I know, it is the Bushman Hash
and no roads. This came to the golf course where we all got a good look
at the swollen fairways. We couldn't get out on the golf course, but
there was a bit of a path on the edge of a hill all along the golf
course and then along the last edge of swamp land. Some chickened out
and just jogged the road, but I did follow Just Kam and Just Kelsey and
she even led some of this last little bit. Well done Kelsey. Screw the
wimps. After we cross Central it was about a hundred yards of soggy
woods until the B, looking over the swollen river and where it over
flowed the land. Those that had beer brought it out. Those that didn't
have, got one from Just Kam and Just Kelsey who had a few extra. We held
a big wide short Bushman circle and everybody had to shout all hare
down downs so Horn-E could hear them. We all had a good run and a chance
for some real face time and showed that we can hash in these lock down
times. Just try to respect others and get out there hashing. It is what
we do and this is how to do it.
On On
Horn-E
The Tail of the TrailSat. May 16, 2020, 2:00pm, The Bushman Hash.
I
got a late start due to the CTA. Apparently they are running a
restricted bus service and I had to wait over 30 minutes for my bus. But
it was free. Got there and started laying trail. Managed pretty much
what I had in mind and came to the start at 2:00pm. And there were
hashers there. Stupid Is As Stupid Does from Atlanta and Rotton Whore
took off immediately with this large black and white bitch on her virgin
hash trail. And later we forgot to sing the Rover song. Anyway, they
got so far and lost marks and eventually found the On Back trail. Damn.
And they got there before I got there with the beer. So they went back
to there car and sat there drinking beer and spilling beer all over each
other. At least they can prove they were on trail with their muddy
knees from falling. Hey, they fell for my trail. Lower Wackoff came
later and also headed out on trail and got lost. Again, he found the On
Back trail and stuck with it and found the beer, about ten minutes after
I got there. A beautiful spot with several trees fallen down making a
huge square of seats, socially far enough apart for a pack of ten and
filled in the middle with beautiful flowers. Yeah, the flowers were out.
But, depending on where you were, 10 to 20 % of normal to maybe 60%,
but mostly not as large as usual. Record snows last week stunted their
growth. But in a week or two they might be spectacular it anyone had a
mind for a walk in the woods. Then there was the mystery Hasher(s).
Apparently after Stupid and Rotton got to the beer stop, couldn't find
beer and left, and before I got there with the beer, some hasher(s)
stopped there. Left two empty cans and a plastic garbage bag and a note.
"Thanks Horn-E. Missed you and any others, can't stay but enjoyed the
trail and the beautiful flowers. Prettiest trail we ever ran and the
best trail we ever ran. Will see you again soon. Miss Teri and Mist Erie
Hounds.
Stay safe and see you on trail as soon as you are comfortable with it.