The Tale of the Trailx
Wed Apr 28, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Dickens Cider and Meat Inside Her laid a really Shitty trail from Union Park. Rain was eminent, but never showed until we left. But only six hounds showed. Bimbos, where are you? This was definitely  a bimbo friendly trail. Really. Well marked, except when the marks were hidden in shadows, and nice safe streets, except when we ran through dark dingy alleys. And there were all of those bridges, river crossings, track crossings and expressway crossings. Trail headed north and east and in short order Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin ran away with the trail and from us. Lifa was somewhere in the middle and last seen at our first track crossing. Here I was able to short cut Lower Wackoff from a circle jerk and then I ended up following him most of the way. We crossed the Ogden bridge and I stopped to take off an extra shirt. Then I took after Lower Wackoff again and two blocks later I realized I left my hat back where I took off my shirt. Turning around, there was Castration Sensation following and I never saw him again. Retrieving my hat I returned to the chase and the trail finally headed south and west and I missed a few marks but finally came up to the tracks and there was Lower Wackoff coming back to a Split. We sort of ran in together, with me mostly following and we kept missing marks in shadows and finally made it On In. Horn-E, definitely DFL. But we had a short sweet circle with some of Dickens Cider's sweets to eat. No, not that. All was good and On home.
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Sun, May 2, 2021, Chicago Hash. Just Brad and Cockholm Syndrome set a trail from Humboldt Park, mini Cubs Park. Late again I took off after the pack of 13 other hounds and into city Streets. Why did we come to a park if all we were going to do was run city streets and alleys? A quick circle Jerk and then a Check. The only person in sight was Menage A Twat coming back from a False Trail. If we crossed the street we'd have been On. But instead it was a long block west and return. Then east and return. Finally  crossing that street and I'm on and Menage A Twat fell behind as I ran on. North to the 606 and then east. Running alleys and streets in a clockwise direction around the park. Finally about two blocks south of North and trail went East and entered the park and I managed to see Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzel working unmarked Splits together. I caught up just after a Check as they went in separate directions. We all struggled on this for a while before I returned to the direction Lower Wackoff originally took off on. And I had to run a real long way before finding the first arrow. And soon we were back On trail. We crossed Humboldt and through some actual real shiggy and a Split. I went right, right, but missed the next arrow. Upon returning I saw that hidden arrow and took a short cut across the grass to where I had just returned from. Meanwhile Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle found the true trail, a circle jerk and at the same time I found the exit from the circle jerk. This led straight west and into city streets and the finish and they came in about 5 minutes later. Good circle and then we did a naming for the hare, Just Brad. Many shitty names were proposed and finally a shitty name was selected and forever  more he will be known as Sharti B. Watch out for who you like. We had two visitors, a returning Chip N Dale from Colorado and from Las Vegas, Just Michelle, who knew my old friend from LV, Hunka Hunka Burning Shit. Beautiful day in the 80s.  
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Tue, May 4, 2021, The 4X2 Hash. Son Of Spam and Back Door Bizzel hared from Belden and Oakley in the park. This is the latest migration of the Polish Constitution Day Hash, and the first one without its creator laying the trail, the 69 Cent Man. Without elaborating, he is on a first name bases with half the doctors and nurses at the VA over the last 3/4th of a year. And not done yet. But he did show up at the beer stop and joined us in circle. Looking good if not his old self. Welcome and good luck going forward. Always welcome in circle. As for trail, there were a dozen and we took off to the south. At Fullerton we had a Triple Split found to the south and I was able to call out for Meat Inside Her as we found trail. As we went down one side street I caught my toe on one of those gas pipes sticking out of the ground. Always high enough to trip you. It tripped me and bang, I was down. Banged my left thigh right where I keep my wallet. Main pain. As I type this I an still sitting with an ice pack on my thigh. No visible, but some internal bruising, like I had been hit with a mallet. So, from there, four blocks into trail, I tried to run in pain. I wanted to keep the blood flowing to reduce swelling and stiffening. Don't know if it helped, but I'll live to hash tomorrow. So I caught up to Castration Sensation and sort of followed him to the beer stop another two miles on. Meat Inside Her quickly caught us and passed us. Shortly after catching him I noticed my fingers were sticking together. Dried blood. It turns out the tip of my right hand fore finger is gashed which makes typing all of this a bitch. Anyway, somehow we were ahead of Lower Wackoff who never quits despite some wrong marks and such. At the beer stop, we met the 69 Cent Man. From there I short cut back but wanted too keep moving that leg to keep swelling down and no locking up. Finally made it in, DFL. Son Of Spam cooked up some great Polish Sausage and Lower Wackoff led the circle. And all was good. Now to get home and a night of ice packs. 
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On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail x
Thu Apr 22, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from 933 W. Wolfram on the roof deck for 12 trail hounds. Things went bad from the get go. We were soon heading south on Sheffield to a Back Check. But the numbers had us going past a Split. Hmmm. What do we do. We didn't do right but eventually found trail and by then the pack was racing on and there were three of us navigating from the rear. We got to a Check at Wrightwood and Sheffield and Back Door Bizzle saw the last of the front pack disappearing through the park. So we followed and came out to streets and a turn across the street into an alley. Only it wasn't. There was an arrow in the shadows behind a little fence that we missed. But we weren't alone. At the end of the alley we saw Mommys Coming coming back because of no marks. So we return and he is soon gone, and so was Back Door Bizzel. Lower Wackoo and myself head north and we were On. But a long way between marks. Do you need some drywall to supplement your chalk supply? We finally get to Lincoln and there is a hard left arrow. After no marks, hard left, we return to find out that it was a soft left and heading north on Lincoln. We're On again. At Diversey we find a Check. Marked north. So Lower Wackoff made the light and was soon off on the trail to the north. Meanwhile after two light changes I manage to get across the street and only found old marks from Sunday's hash. But not the new ones. So now I'm alone and I range looking for marks and finally just ranging. I got to Belmont and headed east and eventually found marks on the first street after the El. So the plan is to follow them backwards until I find the pack and then return with them. Not. Two blocks later I ran into Famming Flaggott and Just Do Me Slowly. They were walkers today and the hare talked them into going to Wrigley Field and make sure the marks didn't get wiped out. They didn't, but at this point, I just walked back to the beer stop with them. WTF. And Soul Taco beat us in on trail. Well done. Even if it was the Turkey trail. Back on the roof deck we got the fire pit going and some good hot dogs and a circle.
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Sun, Apr 25, 2021, Chicago Hash. Hobo Piss and Palmolive Those Dicks laid a trail from Winnemac Park. I counted 18 Trail Hounds and at least 6 House Puppies go for a walk with the hare. First there was the Salsa band and then circle and we were off. At at the first block was a Split and the pack headed east. But the trail didn't. So we finally get on track and head west and another Split. And someone marks west and we run west and, no marks. Trail went north and then through an alley. WTF. You people know who to run trail don't you. A few blocks later I again see the pack coming back towards me and another mis marked Split. At a Split, a hound goes in both directions. When trail is found, that hound turns back and yells On On for the crowd. Got it now folks. Now we are heading south and what turned out to be a loop around the trail we just ran. I was running near the rear and figured this out and managed to skip a few blocks of trail and get back with more of the front of the pack. And we headed west, across Damen and a little north loop and back south and I looked back and managed to flag Back Door Bizzel and he and a few others were able to short cut that. A few block more in alleys and we came to a little park and the beer stop. And soon the whole pack was there, including about 6 walkers/short cutters. We were finally sent off again, just as Lower Wackoff arrived. At our first Split again the pack just followed the front runner again. But we worked our way over to Lincoln and a Check. A bunch of us thought we were On to the south, but only two marks. We are at Foster and suddenly from the west we see Mommy's Coming and he is On. From here it was left and right and just when you think the trail was heading back to the expected finish, it went the other way again. We finally cross Western and we can smell the beer. Not. South to Lawerence and across. I'm with Back Door Bizzel and Stuffin Muffin along here. We come to a marked Split, but again, it didn't go to another arrow. But Back Door Bizzel yells on east and we follow, but ON what, I didn't know. Back at Lawrence there is a Check and I could see some of the pack coming back from the east where, again, apparently a whole bunch ran off on two marks. From here is was on in to the hares roof deck and circle. And it was a frigid roof deck on a windy day. The hares brought out blankets and the pack was huddling behind the wall trying to stay warm and all was good. Sort of.                              .
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Back Check 32
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When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar.
But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y).

I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals.
It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names.

After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve.
And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle.

At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start.
I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went East.

Just not finding them where I thought they should be.
But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks.

Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked.
So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest.

He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop.
Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation.

Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks.
Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check.

Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city.
The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light.

I then started a clockwise course.
Meanwhile I started to the east and north and into the park. I then started a clockwise course.

Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course.
The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north.

When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back.
So I decided to follow the trail backwards on a No No trail.
Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark.

Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old.
And I had a heavy back pack. Damn.
But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare.

As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds.
Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park.

Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
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I ran it backwards so I decided to write the Tale of the Trail backwards. Hope it came out okay. Here is the Tale of the Trail for those that were on time.
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Mon, Apr 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Just Steve was a virgin hare from Margate Park. As best as I could determine in the dark circle, there were 15 trail hounds. But I missed the start and when I got there, the pack was long gone and so was the hare. And I had a heavy back pack. Damn. Shit happens and to damn often with me. I must be getting old. Anyhow, I didn't see the start direction but did see an On In mark so I decided to follow the trail backwards  on a No No trail. When I finally ran into a FRB, I could just turn around and follow him back. The trail started to the south for a block and then worked its way over to Sheridan and north. Then it started to follow what would be a counterclockwise course. Meanwhile I started to the east and south and into the park. I then started a clockwise course. The marks were good in the park when I was there. It was still light. Worked over to Lawrence and under the outer drive and into the city. Trail worked its was south to Montrose where there was a Check. Then a long straight east along the cemetery for to many damn blocks. Finally heading north I ran into Castration Sensation. He was leading the pack as they just left the shot stop. So I decided to just follow the trail backwards on my No No quest. Mostly easy to follow in reverse, and well marked. But a few hiccups along the way with missed marks. Just not finding them where I thought they should be. I finally got to Foster and trail kept going north. I went east. At Sheridan I picked up on trail again and followed it No No back to the start. And the pack was in the shadows and already holding circle. After the circle we got into a naming for Just Steve. It started slow and finally ended up with several really good names. I came up with Brewmasterbaitor and it made the finals. But for ever more he shall be knows as Sleeping Bootie(y). And the Pink Moon over the park was stellar. When I got home there was a great circle rainbow around the moon. 
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail x
Wed, Apr 14, 2021, First Crack of the Moon Hash. Dickens Cider and Riot Me This Riot Me That laid an A to B trail from Humboldt Park to their apartment. Waaay north. Good trail for 11 hounds, to bad I screwed that up. What else is new. I got to the park on the wrong corner and finally found some trail and followed it backwards to the start, just after they took off. So I mostly just headed to the initial mark I saw with Stuffin Muffin. And the pack was soon there and I followed Magnetic Muff across the street and the pack was gathering. Down an alley and all of those damn FRBs were soon gone. But there was myself and Stuffin Muffin heading north when we missed a turn. I ran on straight and didn't see him again until the finish. Still no marks I ranged and found a mark and I was On. I yelled for Stuffin Muffin but he was out of sight. So I ran on, on this neighborhood street and the street turned and I get to a Check. I ran east and nothing. North, nothing. So I ran west and started ranging. Trail went north in an alley I didn't see. From then on I ranged while working my way north and leaning west while the trail was just to the east and paralleling me. I finally ranged over to Logan Square and did that loop before heading east on Logan Blve. And just before California I ran into Dickens Cider and the pack was in back on a deck over the garage. I had a good run. To bad no one saw it. A short time later Stuffin Muffin got in. A bit bloody. Apparently he tripped and did a header on trail. Dickens Cider did have some of her home made candies. Delicious. And we held circle and all was good. Welcome back Coma Toast. Now come back on out. 

Sat, Apr 17, 2021, The Bushman Hash, annual flower hash.  Horn-E laid trail from Lechowicz woods. The flowers were more like 50% of normal, but apparently the pack of 7 trail hounds liked the trail. Whatever happened to Shitty Hash. The trail went in a big loop from the parking lot around the edge of the woods and along the river and over to Central where it went over the foot bridge. There were some spotty nice sections of flowers along here. Trail crossed the river and went east and south, mostly along the river and to this little island along the tracks. Again, the flowers were fairly good along here. And that flower Child, Lower Wackoff ran into Thunder Deer along here. All right, explanation. She met me as I got off the bus and I invited her along to walk with the walkers. She asked him if he was with the runners following the trail. When he told her his name she ran of into the woods to never be seen again. Damn, she arrived late and to the wrong side of the river. My hippie dream date. Hey, when does an 80 year old fart have a forty year old hit on him. Yeah, sure. So, the pack ran on and at the railroad trestle I had a nice little short trip into flowers and an arrow across the river. Got Back Door Bizzle and Garmin on that one. Then they ran south west along the river, on and on. The flowers are usually thickest through here, but really sparse this year. Trail got all the way to Forest Glen Drive and a Check. Two long Falses here, one going straight and the other crossing the river and returning. And it worked. Garmin did both Falses and the whole damn pack caught up and Just Do Me Slowly finally spotted the return trail. Again, not any great sections of flowers, but now we just run some woods trails and a little off trail. Beer stop was on this little sort of Island in the bend of the river. I found one of the better sections of flowers and sort of a circle of logs to sit on and Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2 managed to just sit in the flowers for a bit. False advertising offered this old man his chair for a bit while he went to sit on a log, raised up about a foot. It was at least until he sat on it. But we were sitting in a nice circle in one of the most laid back circles I was ever in. Flowers in the middle and all around us. And just enough sun and lack of wind to be very comfortable. All was good and we drank on until Swing Low. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.
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Sun, Apr 18, 2021, Chicago Hash.
Hooch B4 Cooch, Dr. Cockvorkian and Gay Dancer laid a trail from Buena Park for an A to B trail. Yeah, A to B alright. Way over to Belmont and the river. I got there late and saw a mark on Montrose under the tracks. But I ran on to the start and they were gone and I would have to carry my back pack the whole way. Damn. So I returned to that mark on Montrose only to fine that the next mark was a Back Check 3. Duh, the start. Sure hope that won't become a future practice. Turns out that was an Eagle Trail. Anyway, I just did that section twice. Not a third time. So I ranged west on Montrose and on to a block past Clark. Now south and zig zag hoping to pick up on trail. And I finally did on Ashland. Apparently just after the shot stop. Fine I don't do those anyway. I ran on and the trail finally came to a Check at Addison and Lincoln and the pack was now all around me. I headed south on Lincoln with Just Steve, but we only had one mark. Heading west we could see the  FRBs heading south on Ravenswood. And there was Just Marissa running along. And there were more. I came to a T and E Split at Roscoe and took the T with that damn back pack on my back. I followed Just Steve to the next corner and a Triple split. Naturally I went wrong and south and the trail went west. By the time I got back to Roscoe there was Back Door Bizzle waiting for the light at Damen. We paralleled to a Check and I headed south only to find Steps In Shit returning. We ended up finding trail into an alley and I had about a fifty step lead before they passed me. A small group of back packers running along. At one point I am following them heading north and they cross the street in the middle of the block. So I did and found a return trail and now I was in front. This lasted to a Check at Western and Roscoe. I finally found this one heading west and soon passed by everyone and came on into the Beer stop by the river and almost the whole pack. Somehow I got in before Lower Wackoff and finally Mudsucker. As best as I could figure there were 27 trail hounds, but only 20 actually running. And out of no where we had Little Trojan Annie, not running, but re-inventing her stuff as a Religious Advisor with her usual great finish of the Day of the Week. False Advertising was being a thorn in her side, but she managed to keep him in Check and the Hares got many, many down downs, I called out those that hadn't hashed yet this year and we almost ran out of beer. Welcome back to the world of hashing. And finally, Little Trojan Annie sang the song Puff the Magic Tampon. At the final line, "He's been in your box all week." Just Marissa fell to her knees laughing so hard she couldn't get up. Eventually she was called out for those super giggles and immediately given a name. NO, not wiggles and giggles or pickles in her giggles or anything else she might have gotten. It was just done. Period. She will forever be known as Puff the Magic Tampon.
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On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail x
Sat, Apr 10, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a spectacularly shitty and muddy and difficult trail at Fort Sheridan and through Openlands Forest Preserve in potentially rainy weather, although that didn't really happen. The weather that is. But the rest was true as 7 hounds took off on this adventure on areas I never saw before. Which means some definitely virgin trail. Would we get scratched, cut, bruised and wet. Not really, but one hound got pricked. (more on that later). After gathering under a bridge we finally got a circle and took off. Right back to the top of the bridge area, about 200 yards straight up, and a Check. Lower Wackoff found that and we headed south and then into the preserve along a concrete path. Concrete? WTF. But that wouldn't last long. Near the lake bluff area we ran into the first obstacle on the trail. "No Trespassing, Explosive Area, Possibly buried ordinance". Ooops. If you take a step and hear a click, DON'T MOVE until Horn-E gets safely away. A Check had us finally getting into some serious prairie and I ended way off trail wandering. Yes, again. But with a little hare assistance, I was back on trail for two marks and a Check. While I wandered around over a little hill and into the prairie, trail was found into a deep, steep ravine. I got about half way down when trail was coming right back up. But Cockholm Syndrume was seen leaping over rocks and back and forth over the raging steam from all of the previous rain. Back at the edge I followed Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 who was really in the zone. Was there beer ahead. Where their pricks ahead. Yes to both as she led us up a steep hill full of small skinny trees that were full of thorns. About a half inch long. Lower Wackoff would call that 'Little Boys Hill'. But little pricks or not, after the beer stop the Harrietts, Just Do Me Slowly and Zone 2 left the pack and returned to the start. I guess they just got to excited and had to go off and dream on their own. Meanwhile the big pricks, from the young to the old, ran on. We did get a Back Checkheading towards the bluffs and steep declines, that the Hare didn't mention. Garmin came back telling us it was a Back Check eleven D one. We did end up running through a housing area and towards another ravine. Hey, I finally found a mark. It was a steep decline into the abyss and the zombie hounds. Something about that bare skin, rotting carcass, and such, got False Advertising thinking up a new song about doing a dead hound and sucking. Well, experienced hashers know the song it came from and I'll leave that to your sick minds or nightmares. Here we encountered more raging waters as we then followed the stream up towards it's source. Must have been at least 300 yards of jumping back and forth over the waters trying to stay dry above our hips, or falling off of slippery rocks, and get washed away. But we finally survived with a final muddy climb out of the ravine. From here it was mostly just running along streets and roads as we skirted around Federal Property and back to the finish. At this point I thought I was DFL, but Lower Wackoff finally caught me. The hare did give me and Lower Wackoff a short cut past a gate and down a winding road into the ravine to where we started. Circle was held there, out of the slight rain but in a raging wind tunnel. A modified Big Dog Circle where we gave a few DDs and then designated the next R. A. And that is where we heard False Advertising whine about getting pricked in the thorny woods. After that. False Advertising had a pocket full of wooden nickels and headed to the Wooden Nickel. I know he likes girlie bars, but he dragged Zone 2 with him. Now most girlie bars include stuffing dollar bills into girls panties, but wooden nickels in the nickel slots is a new one.
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Sun, Apr 11, 2021, Chicago Hash. False Advertising and Just Davinia laid a  trail from Arrigo Park for 9 walkers. Okay, we also had 17 running hounds. We started out to the north end of the park only to return on a Back Check and head out to the south side of the park and then south to Taylor. And I'm behind already. We cross Taylor and head south on Loomis and all of a sudden the pack is returning on a Back Check. But they went way past where the Back Check was solved and meanwhile that had Hooch B4 Cooch and myself heading west in an alley looking for marks. Now I'm really far behind. But I return and follow the disappearing pack across Roosevelt and through some housing areas and south on Ogden and finally west on 14th street to Morgan and a quick beer stop by the tracks. I'm not drinking so I ask False Advertisiag for the on out. Like I can believe anyone named False Advertising. But I head out under the tracks to a Check. I picked right, left, and was soon on and back under the tracks to the north. On 15th Pl the trail went east to Halsted where the hares tried to f*ck with the pack. South towards the underpass and then climb down into the speedimg traffic, climb over a medium and back into traffic and climb out the other side and over or through the fence. Yeah. like I'm going to do that. I go north about fifty yards from 15th Pl. and cross at the light and I'm back on trail running through a housing area and climbing up about 87 steps, I lost count at my age. Now trail heads north to 14th place and I missed the turn mark so I'm south to 13th. Around the block and back and I'm on trail again. I keep looking but no pack in sight. I head east to a Split and naturally pick wrong. So further north and a back check and I'm at a check at Maxwell. Now I have three choices and still no pack in sight. So I go west and eventually I can't even find a second mark. So I return and Mommys Comming is coming towards me. Damn, the pack caught up. As we keep running back to the Check I see almost the whole pack run by and I'm alone in the rear. "The last shall be first and the first shall be last. And so it was written and so it shall be done". From here it was into the Campus and forty2 steps from hell before heading out of the campus and west on Polk following Ice Princess but never quite catching him, and on in to Arrigo Park and the circle. And so we gathered until the last walker, Menage A Twat came on in. Then Hooch B4 Cooch led us in a circle and the hares drank and drank and we were introduced to our virgins, Just Carter and Just Ricky who both did a proper Down Down.  We finally ended that part of circle and we were taking on the naming of our hare, Just Davinia. That was a large circle and it got quite rowdy and fun as great questions were asked and many suggestions for names were submitted. But it finally came down to Just Davinai getting away with not having the balls to run a Bushman Hash, her first Chicago Area hash, and getting away with it. So she will forever more be known as All Bush No Balls. After that we kept hanging around in the park on a sunny day and enjoying spring, and the Harriets were constantly heading off to some tree stump with a blanket to do what the men had to do in the open area behind one of the few trees. Isn't hashing in nature fun?


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The Tale of the Trail x
Sun, Apr 4, 2021, The Chicago Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park and had a large contingent of the fair weather hashers coming on out. Yeah, 26 hounds. Let's keep it up. Trail took off straight north on Western and to the other side of the street. And False Advertising and Horn-E showed how to hash the city streets by crossing Western right away instead of getting caught at the light. Horn-E's last moment of glory on that trail. At the next corner was a Split and Horn-E went south and wrong. Trail went right and the pack took off after False Advertising and Horn-E took off after Zone 2. We caught up at the first Check and the trail was just found. East and to another Check by a bridge. As I got there, the pack was again just taking off over the bridge. This led to another Check that again seemed to be hidden and the pack was going everywhere south, but in no seeming order. Then they were coming back. So, as I headed west, checking. Lower Wackoff yelled On and we headed down an alley and over to Horner Park for another Check. Again, the pack was scattered into the park but there seemed to be no order. Hounds running over the hill before an On call. Whatever. So I ranged west of the park and one block south of Montrose, BIG MISTAKE. The trail was finally found west on Montrose and then north. Never saw a hound again. Hey, Horn-E, Horner Park, what the hell. Well I ranged back to the park and eventually way south of Addison looking for marks. Never try to out guess the hare. He caught me good this time. Like, what else is new. I'm ranging south and checking bridges back to the east and the trail went north and eventually over the bridge near Lawrence, or whatever. Meanwhile I finally headed north and still looking for possible trail ran through the river path just south of Montrose. My last gasp for any scent of a trail. I headed on in and got there about 5 minutes before the hare and the pack. Big circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. Three virgins, Just Taylor, Just Mike and Just Marissa. Welcome to hashing and come back soon.

Tue, Apr 6, 2021, 4X2H4, Lower Wackoff with an aide from Just Do Me Slowly laid trail from Echkert Park and I'm thinking he wanted to do what we (read that as Horn-E) screwed up six months ago. But Lower Wackoff is a sneaky bastard and I think this was sort of a reverse of that trail with the massive Check that I screwed up last time. We screwed up the first Check but finally got on trail heading west and north a bit. I passed Menage A Twat. How did she get ahead of me? I was now running with Zone 2 and we crossed Ashland and a Check. It was found as we got there and I was now working my way south to Chicago, And Garmin had to pass me again. Wrong way, all day, and catching up all the time. At the next Check I headed west and heard False Advertising call On at Ashland. Right behind him, and soon lost him, and now I'm leading Castration Sensation. And now I'm following Castration Sensation. And somehow I'm suddenly following Berts Special Friend and Soul Taco. Like this all trail. There they are and now they aren't. But we worked our way east and south to Grand and now I'm alone and to a Check at Twisted Spoke. I went south and into an alley with Ice Princess suddenly following and nothing. We go to Grand and Soul Taco runs by. No one is On. So we make a wild guess that the trail has to get to the bridge over the Expressway on Ogden. So we run that way and nothing. I keep going and never saw Soul Taco and Ice Princess again. But I had no marks going over the bridge and so I cross the street and there is Bert Special Friend heading north on Ogden and we are soon on.  We cross the bridge and Ogden again and I miss a turn and head down the alley. Nope, dope. Stay on trail. So back on Ogden I find marks heading north to Milwaukee and across the street. But I saw nothing on the other side. Somewhere there was an arrow pointing to the Island between three streets and a Check. But I find an arrow heading west on Chicago and head two blocks. Nope, dope. And suddenly Lifa is coming up behind me. Where did he come from. Like this the whole trail. So I cross Chicago and find an arrow pointing north. So, we had to be at a Check. On? Nope dope. Cross Ogden as I'm working my way counter clockwise around this six way intersection. More marks? Yep. On? Nope, dope. The I find a mark pointing into a subway station and cross Chicago Ave to check out the exit. Nope, dope. But I still head west. Hey, ON IN is west. Two marks and halfway over the bridge, but nope, dope, no third mark. So Now I head north on little side streets. I'm trying to remember that last trail in reverse and looking for marks. Nope dope. Keep ranging. I finally come to a Split and it is marked west. I'm finally on the back trail. Across the foot path over the expressway and west on Augusta and a turn south and a BN. I run on in and there is the pack sitting around. Lifa eventually started circle. We have schedules. And finally Castration Sensation ran on in. And then a few minutes later, Stuffin Muffin finished off the full pack. They don't quit. Beautiful night for hashing.
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On On
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The Tale of the Trail  x
Fri. Mar 26, 2021, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Lifa and Just Steve laying his virgin trail from Hamlin Park. Don't worry J. Steve we can retrain you later.  We started out to the east. Forget that. We quickly came to a Back Check a block north on Belmont and a block east of Damen. We struggled on this and finally found trail going west and to a Check at Damen. I ended up on trail right behind Meat Inside Her and soon passed by Berts Special Friend. A few alleys later we hit another Check and they were already gone. I went south and ooops. wrong way. So I ranged west and then a block north. Trail didn't go that way so I returned two short blocks east to the Check and it was marked going north. Damn. Probably the whole pack. A few blocks and a damn loop and I get to another Check at Western and Roscoe. Not marked and no one in sight. Playing local knowledge, I assumed I was way behind the whole pack and so I ranged south on Western. Belmont, and still not an arrow in sight. Hell, I didn't even see any Indians. So I made another calculated decision, based on the river and such and went another block south and there was Meat Inside Her coming my way on  Check. I'm back with the FRBs. WTF. Who cares. At the Check  I head south over the bridge and ON one, ON two, On three. I actually found trail and Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her followed me. At the other end of the bridge we run into Magnetic Muff. Damn, she found the trail. There goes my glory for the day. We headed into this section of twon houses and I fell behind. Tehn at a Split the back of the pack got ahead of me and I'm DFL again. We come out on Diversey and I ended up following Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation through a housing complex and varous streets and alleys, never quite catching up. Finally the beer stop at Belmont and Damen in a little kids park. And Just Steve's father owns Dry Hop Brewery and we had several large cans to share and sample. I even had to try that stuff. Good shit.  Then back to Hamlin Park and a circle until the cops arrived. They circle by us and turn around. Then back again. Someone reported a gang in the park, the CFMH3 gang of pretty bimbos, lame hashers and an old man.                                .
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Sun, Mar 28, 2021, Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Choke N Stroke hared from Roosevelt Park. Cold and windy. I got there with Bottom Wrangler and only J. Davinia was there with Ice Princess. The other hare laid and booked. I guess she wasn't proud of her trail. We'll get to that. Suddenly we had 17 hounds ready to go including three walkers, Just Do Me Slowly, Menage A Twat and Famming Flaggott. But we were running. And we headed off to the east and then south through the tunnel under Roosevelt. From here the trail would back and forth until we went through a little park. Local knowledge and I headed straight for the park. And at the end of the park was a Triple Split. I went west and naturally the trail went east. So I'm last as we head south on State to 16th and then west. And suddenly the pack is coming back towards me. Whatever happened, we head south Wabash and pass a split and it is marked straight. But it wasn't. Going straight got us to 18th where there was an east bound arrow. And then another and the pack was off, going no where. At that last Split, the trail went right and under tracks and to a Check on 18th. Those other marks were just marks on a False trail. Is Ice Princess getting tricky? Whatever, trail goes south on State to Cermak and after a little loop to a Triple Split at Cermak and Wabash. Now the pack regrouped and died. Really. The marks were south and east or west. But Cermak is  Southwest to northeast. Ooops. But we scattered and Just Sam, Just Frank, Glory Hole, etc. We're all over the place. Even, Horn-E. Nothing. One block in every direction and options. Finally we are redoing everything and someone found a Check at Wentworth and Cermak and across the street. Ice Princess showed how chivalrous he was and blamed Choke N Stroke for that one. So Cockholm  Syndrome headed north on Wentworth on the east side and I paralleled on the west side. He never stopped so I assumed he was on and followed to a Triple Split at 18th St. He went north and I checked east. Nothing. We returned to the Split. Trail went over the bridge to Canal and then north at a Check. I was now with Zone 2 and Castration Sensation as we arrived at a Split at 14th. Trail went west and then north. I assumed, (Never assume a hare, their jobs is to screw over your assumptions) he would go north to Roosevelt and then towards the finish. So I headed north and at Roosevelt I ran into J. Spencer and Zone 2. We told him where the finish was and J. Spencer ran on. Zone 2 and Horn-E plugged along east on Roosevelt with no marks anywhere. We came to State and then on in through the back door. Meanwhile trail went further north to Harrison and then over to where they could head south and east to Polk and On In. After we all got in False Advertising R A'd since no mismanagement from CH3 was there. And they got the FRBs and finally the DFL. That would be you, Pony Pounder. And not Horn-E. Where did you get lost? After circle we headed over to Kaseys and had a beer and then the pack moved on for more. Others on trail, J. Steve, J Garmin, Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle.

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On On
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The Tale of the Trail 
Mon. Mar 15, 2021, The First Crack Of The Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Peterson Park. Slight fresh snow on the ground, maybe an inch, but great running and a great pack of experienced hounds. We took off after a brief chalk talk and entered into some woods. By the time I ventured out of the first section of woods, I was alone with just Menage A Twat. And all those young hounds were gone. Never to be seen again. WTF. We ran on and at the NE section of the park we headed east on Peterson and eventually to a Check. It wasn't marked so I ran north. Nothing. Meanwhile Menage A Twat headed south and was on. We headed south and into Northeastern campus where the local cop was giveing me the once over and following me around the parking lot. I finally returned to a Check and again, Menage A Twat was ahead of me heading east on Foster. aAnd so the trail went, me passing her and then missing a turn while she just walked along and came to the tuurn I missed and headed off. And Lower Wackoff just walked along watching me go one wrong way after another. Damn hare. We finally ended up by a park and Menage A Twat decided she walked enough and headed for a bus. So, with no FRBs in sight, it was decided it was getting late and we needed to head for the Beer Stop, a great little wooned spot. And still no FRBs. Where they stuck on the Eagle Trail???? No. They weren't on trail, or the beer stop. They chickened out with a whole 1 inch of snow  and didn't show up. Just two old timers braved the weather on what turned out to be a beautiful night and a damn good trail. We were doing better in a hell of a lot worse weather all winter, even with unofficial hashes. The Usual Suspects. Disappointing for a hare after many said they were coming.
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Sat. Mar  20, 2021, 2:00PM, The Bushman Hash Horn-E laid trail from Forest Glen Forest Preserve. We had nine hounds on a beautiful day. At the finish, aftter well over 90 minutes, Lower Wackoff came in and told me it was one of the best Bushman trails he ever did. Either he was lying, probable, or it really was, doubtful, or all of the other Bushman trails he ran were that bad, probable. This was definitely a day were things did go wrong. What else is new. After sending the pack off, I headed over to the beer stop with the beer that Back Door Bizzle brought for me. It seemed like I no sooner got settled in and was waiting when Cockholm Syndrum can running on it. WTF. Well, he was the fastest runner that day, but 45 minutes. What went wrong. Well, he started out great running donw the first hill and couldn't stop and right into the water. Good. Later on trail, after crossing Cicero, we was on trail as it headed east along the river and missed the beer stop. Then he headed south into the woods and picked up on trail and missed a back Check and ran into marks for a False from a Check from the other direction. Damn, he is on a roll. But he found that and had no trouble with the rest of the trail and was ON IN. The rest of the pack eventually came along and found the Back Check and the next Check and so on as trail headed between the river and the wet lands. Around here, the two walkers eventually arrived and missed the wet lan
ds and eventually got on trail and managed to come on in with Zone 2 streaking in to become FBI. That group included Just Do Me Slowly and get this, Construction Junction, dressed like she was going shopping on Michigan avenue instead of a run through the woods. What ever happened to the original Bushman Hash? The rest were still out there. Trail had attempted to go around the wet lands clockwise, but in laying trail I found myself surrounded by water. I finally found a way across the water, No I didn't walk on water, and had to go back and correct some marks. But some nice running after that and through a small section of woods almost never run in the past. We did hold a nice circle between two sloughs, as picturesque as I could find that day. And eventually we ended circle and headed out for the night.
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Sun, Mar 21, 2021, Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder hared from Winnemac Park on what turned out to be an A to B hash as announced after the hash. Hobo Piss's roof deck. Nice site. Over 30 hounds on trail with a whole lot of walkers. I saw a Check drawn on the corner of Foster and Damen on my way to the start. Good clue? Not. The trail headed out of the park and into city streats at the South East edge. They then ran north in an alley and the next streat east, and to the north. I short cut to that Check being slow and the sneaky bastard that I am. Only the trail never came there. At least the pack didn't. WTF. So I ran for where the last of the pack was last seen and I saw Lower Wackoff heading north and then east. So, whatever, I follow and except for the walkers, I was DFL. Through the usual tunnel and back south on Ravenswood only to see Lower Wackoff and Castration Sensation back tracking to a Split at Foster. Apparently someone in the early pack knew of marks two blocks south and just ran straight there with most of the pack following. By the time Castration Sensation got there, they were out of sight and he didn't see any marks. They were on the opposite corner coming from the west and not the north. Ooops. So the three of us struggled a bit and found the true trail. We somehow lost Lower Wackoff here. Trail ran east and south and crossed Lawrence and there we came upon more walkers. Heading south we found the first of three Turkey Eagle Splits. Castration Sensation went Eagle and I went Turkey and was joined by a visitor from Houston, (Now I know I'll get this wrong) My Cunt Is For Me. Sing it. Anyhow we ran on together through two more Turkey trails and eventually ON In and most of the pack was there already. Shortly after I got in, the change of location was announced and we were off. And we all somehow made the change. False Advertising and Hooch B4 Cooch ran the circle and all was good in the sun.
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On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail 
Thu, Mar 11, 2021, The Thirstday Hash. Steps In Shit laid trail from the underpass on Laflin at 16th. We had 9 Trail Hounds and quickly took off under the underpass. This led to a big field and some rough remnants of old streets. So, in the dark I fell behind, but was able to barely catch a glance of the pack on a broad loop and eventually to the east. Damn. I'm behind and they are out of sight already. But On, I headed east and as I was over heating I started to disrobe. No, not that far. Just a few sweat shirts. And that is about when Castration Sensation and Its Too Soft passed me. When finished I followed them, just glad to not be alone. But they left me behind until a Split. I caught them and we sort of ran together until a block east of Halsted. There they started to leave me behind as they headed south, under the tracks and further east. I followed and occasionally things were marked and when they weren't, I guessed right. Finally a loop to the south and back west and over towards 18th St and Halsted. Trail sort of just ran west with a short loop to the south on streets and north into some alleys. But I still couldn't catch them. What else is new. I finally hit an unmarked Split, south and west. Knowing where the hare lived, I chose west and was wrong. But there was the hare's street, I headed to the alley and ON IN. And Its Too Soft and Castration Sensation weren't there yet. Apparently they took south on the last Split and I slipped ahead. About five minutes later Lower Wackoff came in. The rest of the pack was already there, including Mommy's Coming, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa and Cockholm Syndrome. We circled on the back porch and headed home. Got A ride from Mommys Coming to the north side and dropped off 2 minutes before my bus arrived. Thanks.
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Sat. Mar 13, 2021, The Big Dog Hash. Son Of Spam and his best friend, Berts Special Friend hared from the Zoo Woods in Brookfield. While waiting for the pack I started to do some exercise therapy on my surgically repaired right hand and I think I ruptured the tendon again. Damn. Well nothing to do but run. No pain. We had a nice pack and a damn beautiful day for hashing. We headed out to the east and then north along the river following the MBM, Double Meter Beater and came to a Check at 31st and 1st. I think it was meat Nside Her that found trail to the east and over the river while the rest of the pack was scattered eeverywhere north and west. Trail crossed the bridge and headed north on a residential street. And the hares had a Check here, but almst no one saw that. Two marks north and there was a four way Split. Since we didn't realize we missed a Check we searched wide to the west, south and east and points in between and fonud nothing. BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS those ways. Someone who knew we were off of a Check went back and ran east on city streets. Meanwhile I was running east off of the fourway for two blocks. They found traill and all took off and meanwhile, not knowing about the Check, I knew that the trail had to go north so I went north, several blocks back and then looped through the woods to the river and back south. Not a trace of a mark.
BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY MARKS. I finally got back there and started to work that four way again. What a freaking' waste. I finally gave up and headed backwards on trail, right past that damn Check I never saw and still didn't see. I circled the wooded section were we started, looking for some marks coming in and finally saw Meat Inside Her and followed her and saw a mark pointing into the trail along the river and the ON IN. Some were there already and more followed. And we circled and went home. I had to drive Son Of Spam home, due to what in some circles is known as over consumption. But all was good and the hares and Meat Inside Her and I shared three pizzas while watching movies of hashers on trail. NOw, that damn check. I have often encountered something like that on trail and decided to go back thinking we might have missed a Check. Why I didn't this time, I don't know. I have also deliberately se traps like that in the past that worked beautifully, to nab the FRB that won't stay exactly on trail and thinks he can range from in front and out smart the hare. Why I missed that I can only attribute to, no, not old age. I'm not that damn old. But meanwhile most of the pack had a good trail that I missed. Others on trail were Lower Wackoff, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, False Advertising, Back Door Bizzle, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Crotch Fire                     
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Sun, Mar 14, 2021, Chicago Hash. Garmin hared from Thorndale and Sheridan in the little park
. We had 17 trail hounds including Just Do Me Slowly and Menage A Twat who did a good hours walk of the trail. The FRBs were Mommys Coming and Cockhholm Syndrome on the Eagle Course. On the Turkey course it was everybody but me, Horn-E. That included Two virgins, Just Christin and Just Anita, Just Frank and Just Sam, Just Davina and Hooch B4 Cooch. And they could run good, not like this old fart. I did follow that pack sort of and ran along Sheridan a block after they turned in. Now, there I got a good blast of the Nor'easter blowing off of the lake. It was like I was standing still running into that wind. It definitely wasn't running. I headed into the campus and what I could see of the pack was scattered about. I headed east and found marks right away and several of the other Turkeys followed and finally got on. We exited the campus by the El and saw where the Eagle pack would eventually join us. It was a simple trail from there, with a Back Check I caught. Trail worked its way south and past Senn High School and pretty much on in from there. It was a couple of more minutes before the Eagles started to arrive. Lower Wackoff told me he dropped out and found the On back trail, And finally the DFL was Castration Sensation arriving during circle. Well done.
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On On
Horn-E
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The Tale of the Trail
Sat, Feb 27, 2021, Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Jenson Park on what turned into an A to B trail for 11 hounds. We took of to the north and at the first alley was a Check I went east following J Brad and we found nothing. So we headed north to Lawrence and there was a mark and Cockholm Syndrum was coming our way. And we were on. Lifa was just behind us. We headed into various check s and splits and finally over a  foot bridge. I was falling back, butLower Wackoff was with me for a brief moment and eventually J Davinia and J Brad ran by me and we were soon over  more bridges and they left me behind as we headed into a University Campus north of Foster. Never saw anyone again. There was a T and E Split and I figured they were far enough ahead that i better thake the Turkey Trail. Not to much of a struggle and I finally came to a point where my trail merged with the Eagle trail. A few blocks later there was a marked Split and the mark sholed going East. the finish was to the west and I kept ehading there hoping to get back in time to join the eagles. Not. They were are the beer stop which was the home of the hares. Damn. But Berts Special Friend came ang about them, returning for his car. So I got a ride to B. and shortly later the walkers, Just do Me Slowly, Construction Function and Menage A Twat arrived. Meat Inside Her was also there and that was our pack. So we held circle and went home.
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Sun, Feb 28, 2021, Chicago Hash.
Famming Flaggott and Its Too Soft hared the return to hashing of the Chicago Hash from the hares roof deck. Small start for a restart. Not even the GM showed up to run. Actually just the usual suspects and two virgins, Just Bennett and Just Steve. We started to the north and the usual 6 corner intersection at Clark and Halsted for a check. Double Meter Beater was off and running and did the entire intersection before we all got there. And the usual alley looked prime, and Horn-E was heading there with False Advertising when Double Meter Beater returned from there. Damn. He and I ended up going north on Halsted and nothing. We decided to try that alley again and he did the alley and I went down Clark and bang, bang, I was on two arrows when I saw Double Meter Beater and he ran right in front of me and found the third arrow. Trail went south on Clark and another Check at Diversey. Here I was heading east on Diversey when Just Davinia passed me and a block later she was on two and then three and I yelled On and we were off to the south. We soon ran into some more confusion heading towards the park. I was almost On and again double Meter Beater ran by me and found the trail. Damn. This led to another Check at Diversey and Sheridan. We ranged into the park and again I was almost on trail when Double Meter Beater ran by me and was on again. I keep missing finding the trail. Well, this led towards the lake and under the Outer Drive and south to Fullerton and then inland. I finally came up on Zone 2 and we struggled on marks. Little tennis ball marks walked off because of heavy foot traffic. Well, from here it was marks and missed marks and we finally got to the park at Wrightwood and Sheffield, a few minutes before they closed the beer stop. All were there accept Lower Wackoff and Back Door Bizzle who showed up about five minutes after we did at the roof top. The fire pit was going and we eventually held circle and a few of us sat around and enjoyed the warm fire pit. Also on trail was Lifa.
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Tue, Mar 2, 2021, 4X2H4 Hash Cockholm Syndrome laid trail from under the tracks on Hubbard, just east of Des Plaines. We struggled at the start and finally got going heading west and eventually south into the west loop area. The usual FRBs were soon gone and I was back struggling along. At one point we crossed Randolph and I was with Lifa. He went south and was on, but I lost him. It then became Horn-E, Lower Wackoff, Its Too Soft, Back Door Bizzle, and Castration Sensation. And I was soon falling back, We were finally heading east on I believe Monroe. The trail went through some parking lots and I was loosing sight of them. So I kept running east to Canal and there was an arrow heading north, Ooops. I'll take it and from there it was pretty much on in hitting the BN. I sort of went the wrong way, but only a block off and hit the beer stop coming in the wrong way. Within five minutes the pack was whole and we held circle. Others on trail were False Advertising, J. Steve, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend.
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Sun, Mar 7, 2021, Chicago Hash.
I'm Fuckin' Nuts and Complimentary Nuts and Just Stacie laid trail from the Bohemian Cemetary and this is nuts. A pack of 31 haunds showed up. WTF. We headed off south on Clark and right into the south entrance of the cemetery heading east. Well, Local Knowledge works. I know there is no exit that way and I head to the north central exit and Lifa follows. And yep, there is a mark. We ran on and about two blocks later Double Meter Beater passed Horn-E and left that old fart in his dust. It was about two blocks later when the pack started to catch up and I was passed by two of the virgins. Just Sam and Just Frank. Actually a short time later Skull n Boner passed with her dog pulling her along and another virgin Just Eric. There was actually another virgin on trail J Rhainne running with Just James. All right, I mentioned the virgins. Actually met them at the circle after. Back to trail. We got to a Check at Broadway and I followed someone to the east and we were soon joined by the pack and On trail. We did get a back Check and I was back near the front on a group. but that never lasts. The trail headed towards the park and out to the lake front at Foster. I short cut here along the tennis courts and sure enough I see the pack coming out of a tunnel and I am back with the pack. Ran along briefly with J Steve, another new comer. 3rd run I think. But he was moving good and I wasn't. We headed out to Sheridan and I watched as a few hounds disappeared to the north and I followed Pony Pounder. Horn-E catching Pony Pounder. Something not right here. Yeah, he pulled something. No, not that. So we ended up walking on in. We got to Clark and Ashland and a Check and while we were checking it out, Gay Dancer showed up, also checking it out. So they cheat and looked it up on facebook and it was a few blocks straight west at the entrance of another cemetery on Ravenswood, And there we circled up. Beer was served and Hooch B4 Cooch held a short circle. Then the pack slowly headed out and fortunately I was only about four blocks from home.                                     
On On
Horn-E



The Tale of the Trail
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Wed Feb 24, 2021, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash was set by Cockholm Syndrone and Construction Junction from the parking lot at 201 E. Illinois. And we had a nice crowd all set to run, with 13 trail hounds including four first timers for this year. And a lot longer. Welcome back. We took off to the west and a quick Check and Dickens Cider (welcome back) was right on trail to the north and then took a wrong way on a Split. That left Horn-E and Ice Princess leading to the west and I was quickly passed by a pack. Another Split at Wacker and I went the wrong way. Damn. So now I'm following people disappearing in the distance. The hares were using the upper and lower levels to the max, the bastards, and it was up and down and at the next Check I almost caught the pack heading east towards Michigan on the upper level. We all missed a turn and crossed Michigan and ran in circles before returning and heading down steps to Lower Wacker. Lower Wackoff was somewhere around here, but I don't know where. And the pack was gone before I got there. The Splits were marked well, but all to often we couldn't find a mark as they tried to find dry spots and not necessarily the best spots to make marks. But they were there. So I ran on and west to Dearborn and then back along the hi rises along the river heading east. Up and down and and finally under the Wrigley Building archway. From here it was over the river and east along the southern edge of the river, on two different levels. At Columbus we crossed the river to the south and at the first intersection I lost trail. Yeah, again. Alone and figuring the pack is way gone and I was two short blocks to the finish, I opted out and headed On IN. And just as I got to the finish, Mommy's Coming beat me in. And the pack was soon following him on in, finishing up with Its Too Soft as DFL. We got into some Whiskey and started circle and mid circle Lower Wackoff came troting on in. He never gives up. So now we had two DFLs and we sang again. And just when Circle finished, Stuffin Muffin came troting on in. He missed the start and did the whole trail, And now we had treee DFLS and sang again. The lyrics are so plesent and colorful and easy to learn. Others on trail were Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Riot Me This Riot Me That, welcome back you three. Soul Taco, Hooch B4 Cooch, and Lifa
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More tales to follow next week. Want to get this out quickly.

The Tale of the Trail
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Sat. Feb 20, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E and Lifa were the hares. I started laying this trail at 10:30 going through an upper thigh level deep snow bank and joined by Lifa at 11:00 and we finished at 2:30. One of the hardest trail I ever laid with most of it in at least 12 to 16 inches deep snow, with a few paths thrown in where you could actually run. Here is the Tale of the Trail by Lower Wackoff.


This Bushman trail was laid by HornE and Lifa on a sunny winter day in HornE Woods.  The Grand Bushman promised the trail of a lifetime, a trail not to be missed, a trail to be never forgotten, etc.  Following a week of massive snowfall, I was expecting the worst and was not disappointed.

The starting pack was False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome, Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff and Lower Wackoff, plus a walker, Just Do Me Slowly and a skier, Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  HornE and Lifa showed up at the bus shelter looking like they returned from an Arctic expedition.  The hares appeared just in time to give us a less than adequate chalk talk.  We were informed that they spent 4 hours laying trail and would not be coming behind us to sweep.  In other words, we were on our own and took off on trail heading north.  

Deep snow lay ahead of us as far as the eye could see. Immediately we were hiking in two feet of snow. Cockholm Syndrome actually tried to run on this trail that was not made for running and he took the lead. Trail turned west and then south right away to take us through the tunnel under Irving Park Road. That was one short stretch or trail were we weren't walking in deep snow, but ice skates might have helped. Emerging from the tunnel we found a split that took us diagonally across a big field for a long hike in deep snow on our way into the woods.  In some places the snow was knee-deep for me.  I fell on my ass once and took over two minutes to get up on my feet.

Once we were in the woods, the snow was not as deep and we could actually run on the usual forest preserve hiking paths. But the hares weren't going to keep the trail so easy for long. I fell behind the pack after making a wrong move on a split i the woods. Tried to catch up and found the true trail that went south along the river. At a turn I found deer eating up the orange flour in the snow. That might explain some missing marks. The trail went east through a hole in the fence on to a golf course. The snow was deep again and I could see a few hashers far ahead of me. I found a check in the snow on a small hill and thought I was on true trail with marks heading north through another hole in the fence. I fell for the sucker marks. Right away I ran into a big F. I returned to the golf course and along came our skier Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion.  She said the pack was on the south side of a big hill.  I took a shortcut to the north of the hill to rejoin the hounds.  

What I learned later in the circle was that true trail took the pack south of a big hill through a frozen reed marsh.  Somewhere lost in the reeds Magnetic Muff was heard crying out "I've fallen and can't get up!".  Stuffin Muffin was already out on higher ground and he wasn't coming back to the rescue.  False Advertising saw a dead deer frozen there in the marsh and took a picture.  That pic will surely be a great addition to the Bushman Dead Animal Gallery.

When I rejoined the pack they were heading north through another hole in the fence back to the forest and we followed a path eastward to the B.  We had gone more than 4 miles on trail.  The hares said they tried to make a longer trail but ran out of time.  We got our Bushman circle started with down downs going to HornE and Lifa for haring such a shitty trail.  Cockholm Syndrome was the FRB.  Magnetic Muff was our DFL, but she was also our FBI since she was the only female runner.  I would have to say Magnetic Muff was luckier than that frozen deer.  False Advertising admitted he was a whiny bitch by not dressing right for the snow with no gloves and nothing waterproof on his feet.  We offered our sympathy and gave him a down down.  Then Construction Junction What's Your Fucktion came along to the circle to complete our pack. 

We ended our Bushman circle as the sun was setting and we left the woods to head north on Cumberland.  Once we returned to our cars, Lifa announced "Second Circle!".  We stood around just steps away from moving traffic and had one more beer.   

On On LW
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Sun, Feb 21,2021, Friends who run Chicago held a hash style run set by Pony Pounder from Empirical Brewing. I was actually planning on trying to run the dry sections of trail. On the way there I saw what might be consider some sort of Check Mark at Peterson and Ravenswood. Sometimes a mark like that can be a great advantage later in trail. I headed south and just before Foster I walked through the usual tunnel under the tracks and there was another Check in a similar color and mangled in the ragged snow. Hmmm!. So we finally gather outside of the brewery and get the chalk talk and different style of marks and multiple colors. And off we go, to the east and an immediate Check at Ravenswood. Now, remember that advantage seeing marks in advance can give you. Here is were I went completely wrong. Trail went straight north and through that tunnel to that Check. I knew that check was there, but I was thinking an on in mark. Nope Dope. By the time I got there, and this was just 2 blocks into trail, I saw Ice Princess and Lower Wackoff disappearing into the distant west. So I tired to use logic. The only way they could get to that first Check I saw was to go all the way to Western and north to Peterson and then east. So I headed straight to it. I was thinking that I could at least get there and run the last part of the trail as the FRBs would finally catch me. Not. At the first Check I looked around and suddenly saw a lot of spray painted marks on the snow, similar to the hash colors of the day, but they were obviously Construction marks for underground cables or pipe lines needed to know about for the upcoming major construction on that location. Never try to out guess the hare. I headed back to find the pack already gathering in the brewery. The trail went in a counter clockwise loop from that check by the tunnel. So, 13 hounds got a hash trail and the old fart got stuffed. Lesson: sometimes marks aren't and you can get screwed. I did. But the on after in the brewery went on and on for a few hours. Good time.  x
On On
Horn-E


Sa 2/13 2:00pm The Big Dog Hash set by Magnetic Muff and Muffin Stuffin from Hernandez Woods. They got a small pack ready to tackle the snow. Hey, they even got that old fart Horn-E out there and he did the course. Sort of. No excuses. Come on out. The pack consisted of Lifa who ran in front and did the eagle trail. False Advertising who ran in the middle and when the trail came near the start, he booked and then realized he couldn't leave because he had Horn-E's bag in his car. And then there was Lower Wackoff who did keep running and did the Turkey trail. Then there was the lame and short cutting bastards, Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. Trail went into the park and towards the railroad trestle. From here it headed west on the north side of the river to Cicero. Nice trail running through here. Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E ran part of this and then up to streets. That old fart Horn-E was paranoid about his wrist still in a splint. At Cicero the sweep, Magnetic Muff gave us a short cut. Well, not really shorter but quicker by roads and safer for my wrist. The real trail went back into La Bagh Woods and followed the paths along the river and then came out of the woods by Target. Actually the lame got there first by road and only found one mark in the huge shopping center. And it was buried in fresh snow and barely able to make out the direction. A short time later we were on Elston and just past a railroad trestle when Lifa passed by overhead and kept going on the eagle trail. Then came Lower Wackoff and he opted to come on down to where we were. From here the trail went on to Lawrance and Lower Wackoff and Magnetic Muff headed that way and the lame brirgade headed north and the ON IN. We shortly gathered and held a quick Big Dog Circle and the hares were very nice in giving me a ride home. Damn lame old fart.


Sun, Feb 14, 2021 First Crack of the Moon Hash, and Luner New Year, at Chase park was set by Lifa. A rare day time Moon Hash due to weather conditions. Another small pack ventured out in the near zero weather for this hash. Lower Wackoff, Cockholm Syndrume, Just Davinia and Castration Sensation. There were two walkers, the usual lame brigade of Just Do Me Slowly and Horn-E. And we took off to the east and the two of us lame hounds were soon on our own. But it could have been worse. Just after we left, Stuffin Muffin showed up. And he didn't make the finish until about 30 minutes after we got back and started circle. Running alone on a non swept trail is a bitch. And that included a Soju Stop. So Well done Stuffin' Muffin. The trail was east to near Sheridan and that is where the lame brigade headed over to the Soju stop and got there just after the other hounds arrived. From there is was a short run back to the Beer Stop in the park behind a Field House. Circle was started by Horn-E in Moon Hash style and we were going round and round before Stuffin Muffin showed up. And within minutes, this old fart said, "Horn-E go bye bye." Just not tuned into that cold and with my splint I only had one set of gloves that fit and they weren't that warm.
The Tale of the Trailx
Su 1/24 we had a Friends Who Run Chicago Hash starting at the west end of the 606 Trail and set by Back Door Bizzel. A little over 5 miles in a big lop clockwise to the north and north west. Nice pack of 10 including Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Just Davinia, Lower Wackoff, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin' Muffin, Crotch Fire, False Advertising, Cockholm Syndrome and Garmin

We 1/27 Whiskey Wednesday Hash.from Twisted Spoke for the WWH3 Aniversary and hared by Lifa. It was a dark and dreary night and besides the Hare, only three hounds showed up, the usual suspects, Lower Wackoff, Castration Sensation and Garmin. I don't want to speculate on the FRB, but I'm sure there was a DFL.

Fr 1/29 Full Moon H3 was started at Forest Glen Forest Preserve shelter and was hared by Lower Wackoff. And congrats to a great writeup by Lower Wackoff.

This was the 24th annual winter moon hash.  For the first time in history, this hash was not at the Gladstone Lounge, but in Forest Glen woods.  The pack of runners was Lifa, Back Door Bizzle with $20 Buttstuff, Hooch Before Cooch, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff.  Menage a Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were walkers.

I had to stop short from laying the complete trail because I ran out of time.  We did the chalk talk at the Forest Glen shelter.  I sent the runners off north on the bike trail.  The walkers went ahead to wait for us in Mariano's and we would pick them up along the trail.  I told the pack I would meet them at the halfway point to sweep and then went off on my own to finish the last 100 yards of trail.  Turned out to be a BIG mistake!

The first check was set in red flour on the snow right in front of the bike bridge over the tracks, but it was destroyed by some misguided civilian after I laid it.  Lifa figured there must have been a check there and the pack went off into the woods in all different directions.  Lifa ran across the bridge and missed a turn to the north which ran close to the river where a loopback was laid.  This part was almost a duplicate of what you set on trail for the November Bushman.  I thought I was being a clever hare, but the pack never came this way.  True trail would lead to a second check under the bike path bridge.  Lifa never saw this second check but was working a split he found on the street to the west of the woods.  That split  took him both ways in the wrong direction.  The rest of the pack was still scattered in the woods as far as I know.

Meanwhile, I was standing for 15 minutes on the third check on the tracks just north of the Forest Glen train stop, blowing my whistle and looking for any signs of hashers.  I then saw a flashlight from somebody coming back across the bridge and that was Lifa.  I headed north to meet them and miraculously the pack had regrouped and came out of the woods to run south on the tracks.  Trail from the third check went through a hole in the fence into the Mariano's parking lot where the walkers caught up with the pack.  From there it was a simple trail in the Forest Glen neighborhood and then back into the woods along the river to a beer stop.  

At the end, it seemed like the pack wasn't all that pissed at me for not being there while they spent a half hour working on the first check.  We came out from our beer stop in the woods to circle in the shelter.  I got a down down for a shitty trail  and more down downs after that.  We ended our outdoor hash circle with beer and pizza under a full moon.

Keep getting healthy so you can hash again!

On on, LW
Again, thanks for the write up

Su 1/31 was another Friends Who Run Chicago Hash and the annual Snow Hash set from Stab 'em & Slab 'em's house 6530 S. University with co hares Reverand Shut The Fuck Up and Lifa.  Hey, they had snow this year. and a damn lot of it and had to lay a live trail. 
Yeah, we definitely had the snow and it was quite a workout live-haring the 2.83 mile trail. Beer stop was at the school/park just up the street from Stab 'Ems. Back at the finish we had 2 fire pits on the patio with circle led by Mudsucker. Afterwards we roasted bratwurst on sticks over the roaring fire.

I may have forgotten someone but this is the attendance I remember:
Stab 'Em & Slab 'em, Reverend STFU, Lifa, CICO, Cockholm Syndrome, Pull Her Penis, Ice Princess, Castration Sensation. Back Door Bizzle.
Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, It's Too Soft, Mudsucker, Just Sarah (Mudsucker's friend), Just ? (Mudsucker's friend), Ménage à Twat
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Thanks for the support in getting me this information while I am laid up. Please help where and when you can and fill up our blank dates, please.

On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail
Wed. Jan 13, 2021 The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Castration Sensation hared from 825 W Wolfram for 8 trail hounds. We took off down the alley to the west and then south. We were moving fast and I knew I would loose this pack. But we ran on and I caught them at Lincoln and Sheffield and a Check. I was right with Cockholm Syndroum as he found this and we ran through the park and headed south through alleys and a parking lot and on to Fullerton. West and into a quad area in De Paul Campus. I ended up going out the Southwest end with others and no marks. There was some controversy on how that Check was solved, but it went west on Fullerton and suddenly we crossed the street and into a gangway that went through about three small quads surrounded by apartments. Never saw this before. Somehow I ended up last coming out of there and at a Check I went down an alley and the pack was gone and suddenly there was trail. This went through a little park and I followed Its Too Soft here. Now we headed south and he disappeared. But at Fullerton there was Garmin coming back to mark a Check. Thanks. I followed and now we were in the beginning of a stretch of straights without to many decision points, Garmin was gone. I ran on and came to a Split. Looking back was Its Too Soft. I took straight and he followed. (?) A block later I was not on. But it was across the street and I was soon on again, but at a Triple split. I picked straight and Its Too soft followed.(?) NO marks after a block. So I decided on a loop to the north and back to the Split. Wrong. Trail went south from the Split. Damn And now I am finally back on trail and ended up going down an alley for several blocks and found a house with beautiful Christmas lights. While taking a pic or 2, Lower Wackoff came up behind me. So we ran on together, east until the El tracks. South a block and then over to OZ Park. Trail went through the park and north to a Check at Lincoln, Lower Wackoff had first pick and went left. Trail went north on Lincoln and I was soon On. Now I get to a 6 corner intersection. And another Check. I opt to go around clockwise and made a full loop and no marks. Damn. So I start again but this time going much further down the streets. S, no. And about here Lower Wackoff caught up again. Then W, no, NW, no, N, and finally I find a mark further down the block on Halsted and from here we were pretty much north and on in. 94 minutes, 5.9 miles. And everyone was sitting in the back yard around the warmth of the fire pit. I grabbed a seat and tried to stay low to avoid the swirling smoke and circle commenced. Good. Then a burger. Thanks. And finally I left with a ride from Garmin. Others on trail were Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin and Lifa. Home and I took off my vest and then a sweat shirt. Wow, the smoke smell. Laundry. But I could still smell that smoke. But my other shirts smelled fine. Then I got it. Damn beard. WOW. Double WOW. Long shower and several shampoos, even scented, before that was gone. A week later I finally put on that vest, after the hash, and not at home. Wow, it also smelled of smoke. Laundry. The fires are good, but stay low and avoid the smoke.
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Sat. Jan 16, 2021, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E hared from Gompers Park at Keeler and Foster. We had 12 hounds. Two walkers in Zone 2 and Just Do Me Slowly who walked parts of the trail. Six hounds really took off and left the last four to struggle on their own. I tried to sweep, but how do you sweep for three separate distinct groups. Slit Digger and Cockholm Syndrome blew away the pack and ran it like it was laid. I assume those that were sort of with them also did, Magnetic Muff, Just Lavinia a new transplant with Malaysian experience, False Advertising and Lifa. Trail went through Gompers Park and across Foster and along a rode at the edge of the river before heading into La Bagh Woods. And Slit Digger did what was planned with the False by the river, jumping off the wall and on through the dried out wet lands and a Check and another Check along the river where he and Cockholm Syndrome both caught the long False. Across the river and a nice run on trails around the swamp and then along the river back to Gompers Park. The middle pack of Mudsucker, Lower Wackoff, Muffin Stuffin and Crotch Fire struggle along and were dying in the dried out wet lands Check. But they got on and finally did that last loop and on in. Back at the finish someone had found my cache of beer and drank four before leaving the rest. but we had enough for circle and we held a nice Bushman Circle. Our transplant Just Lavinia really liked the singing. So all was good and we finally headed home. Good time.               6

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Sun. Jan 17, 2021 Friends Who Run Chicago. Garmin laid trail from Horner Park and for the second day in a row, we had 12 hounds. We covid hashers are doing just fine, numbers wise, and are forming a nice group of regulars. Trail headed south and then out of the park and to the west for a short loop and back into the park. From here we headed south and a Check at Irving Park and California. Trail had to go SE into a park and campus for a high school and sure enough, it did. I actually was right behind Slit Digger for a short stretch before the pack started passing me. We crossed over the river on the bike path and at Addison kept going south along the river in more High School campus area. Then the trail took a u turn and headed north through parking lots and over to a Check at Roscoe and Western. Here the hare admitted he realized he was running out of time and ooops, there goes trail with a massive long straight. The trail eventually did get better after Irving Park as it went through the river path north of Irving to Montrose. And then On In. Meanwhile, I was a major DFL. So I short cut to this park and headed across the park towards Irving Park Bridge and the river. Damn. Hugh fence around the field with wind breaking covers, but a gap right where the path is. But the break was only for the wind breakers and not this new god damn wall of very high chain link fence. With construction signs everywhere and no construction at all. But screw the people anyway. So I followed the fence the long way around, looking for what used to be gaps in the fences. None. Damn. Finally got out and headed across the river and took the river trail on in to the finish. Nice circle when I could hear people with gags over their mouths. Some nice songs including some Limericks. Good time.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trailx
Jan 5. 2021. The 4X2H4 Hash. Lower Wackoff laid trail from Holstein Park for a dozen hounds. Trail started out to the east and we sort of went in circles for a bit. At our second Check I got mixed up as I ran into marks, a False, from the Check before I got to the Check. I finally got there and with Castration Sensation we headed out on the true trail when he returned and said they were coming back. So I ranged from the Check towards where I saw a mark when I got off the bus. Close to the Check, Well, it was trail all right. The ON IN trail and just before the last Check. So I ran the trail backwards which was basically south on Damen, a gangway and alleys and Fullerton west. And I finally ran into Lifa at a Check on Fullerton. Well, obviously I knew the way out. But I always figure when I get there by a short cut or like I did, then I should let the FRB find the trail. He came to hash, not follow my directions because I got there backwards. So Lifa did 2 Falses and finally Back Door Bizzel arrived and headed out the right way, east on Fullerton. False Advertising was right behind. We then ran on until Belden and Damen and the last Check. I found that and one block south. We headed west and towards the finish. False Advertising finally passed me and when we got in, most where already there. Then Garmin came in DFL. He started late and almost caught us. We had a nice circle and headed on home.
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Jan 9, 2021, The Big Dog Hash, the Eight Beer Stop Hash.
Horn-E and Slit Digger hared from Catherine Chevalier Woods.We spent about three hours laying trail and of course it is always how soon can they screw it up. And as soon as they got into the woods, hounds were ranging and obviously not staying on trail. Our first Check was before the first wide path. They ran to a False and over ran it. Got on the path and ran west on a Split from the true ttrail of the Check and I'm not sure they even knew it. But there were marks and a long False. So what do you do at a False? What you do and what they did were two different things. Naturally someone just kept going. Bye bye. The rest finally returned and got back on trail. Trail went trough some real thick sections of small trees and to a Check on another wide path. This took a while and they were soon in the woods again and heading south to this wide prairie of three foot prairie grasses. We had a Check here with three different trails, all leading to the first Beer Stop. One hasher ran straight and yelled ON at the first mark and everyone followed. OK. They got to the Beer Stop and it took about five minutes before Magnetic Muff finally found a Pilsner Urquel. They then ran south, but two hounds found trail out of there on one of those On In trails. Ooops. At the next Beer Stop at a cross section in the woods, Zone 2 and Castration Sensation found the beer. Then they ran on and followed Lower Wackoff on a False. He didn't yell On and even he wondered why they were following him. This pack was not running as a pack or usual conventions. But at their peril. We ran on to Beer Stop 3 by the rivers edge. As I got there, they were confused and couldn't find the beer. Hollow tree was still hollow. Damn. And there was False Advertising staring at a 6.5 foot tall tree stump for about a minute before looking up and there was the beer. So we ran on. Just Do Me Slowly managed to get there and now was following the pack back. I was told Chicken Stiffer finally got back to the pack from that first False. Back Door Bizzel found trail out and we were on to the north. The next check was at a cross roads and down a steep slippery hill, Beer was hidden in a pile of logs. About three hounds managed to head out on the False before a whistle was heard and trail headed along the river and finally to Beer Stop 5 at a 55 gal drum in the middle of the forest. Huh. Trail headed east through the woods and a section that was devastated by a down draft wind storm and fallen trees everywhere, We finally had a Beer Stop 6 in a tight section of trees with the beer high up a fallen tree. Here the late arriving Crotch Fire caught up to the pack. And again the pack got sucked in by another of Slit Digger's long Falses. We got to another wide path and headed south and then into the woods long the water run off area and Beer Stop 7. the pack was whole. Not for long. They finally started out looking for Beer Stop 8. False Advertising started out towards the beer to the east. Then changed his mind and followed Lower Wackoff and others to the south and the slippery path. That led to that very first False that someone ran through. Ooops. Got them. Meanwhile Zone 2 headed East and right to the Beer Stop in a thick section of swamp reeds that were about 12 to 15 feet tall. Beer was in the middle and it was soon the hares and Stuffin Muffin and Crotch Fire and a smiling Zone 2. Something about reeds and molesting or something. When we headed out we ran into Lifa and stoped for a while before heading ON IN. Back at the finish we held a Big Dog circle in the shelter and everyone got at least one Down Down. Then Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly and the hares headed for the mega garage for some pizza and warming up.
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On On
Horn-E

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The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 30, 2020,  The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Steps In Shit volunteered but couldn't make it back to Chicago. So Lifa volunteered to do a live hare. Then only Garmin showed up. WTF. Even Horn-E didn't show and they waited for him for ten minutes. Apparently they each had a nice run, Shit happens. As for Horn-E, as he changed pants to get ready to go, his keys fell behind a box and he didn't look for them until he was ready to leave. A half hour later, still no keys. He didn't find them until the next day at about 1pm. Someone get help for that old man. Hey, I knew they were in the house. Just where. That never happened before.
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31 Dec 2020,
The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Horn-E laid trail from his back yard for a 10PM hash. The latest ever in Chicago. And only four showed up. Just Do Me Slowly who walked about a mile of trail , Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzel and Castration Sensation. Laying trail I knew of one local street with a lot of Christmas Lights. So that was the first goal. then I wanted to head south for a big loop. But there was another 2 block long street with a lot of lights. Why not. Then the next block also had some very unusual coordinated lights. Couldn't not do it. Now it was time to change the original plans. Pulled some Checks by the local High School and tried to sneak past the streets with lights and go around to the north hoping for more streets with lights. Nope. So the last part of the trail was boring. About 3 miles. At the finish we had Hot Chili and fresh baked pretzels and cheap champagne tosts to bring in the new year, A neighbor blew off fire works and Auld Lang Syne. We hung around until about 12:30. So, it worked. At least 5 of us didn't have to spend New Years Eve like any other Thursday night, alone with a good movie.
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1 Jan 2021, False Advertising laid his anal New Years Day Hash from Twisted Spokes. Weather was calling for nasty freezing rain. I tried to email the hare and find out if it was worth coming. Would there actually be a trail. The hare's reply. "
It is terrible here. I would not come. Freezing rain." So I didn't. And last night all five of us said we were going. And the other four did and there was a trail. So, they alone ran the last trail of last year and the first trail of this year. With two separate hares. Now that was false advertising. From what I heard there was a long stretch through very slippery alleys only to come up to a Back Chekc 21. Yeah, 21. Back to the start and a hot drink and then off on a short trail that wasn't horrible even though there was some freezing rain and they finished under some cover. So, they had a good start to hashing in the new year. 
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3 Jan 2021. Eleven hashers gathered to carry on the Just Justs Chicago tradition for the first Sunday of Jan. We had three Master Marker Makers in Son Of Spam, Crotch Fire and Just Brad. And we would name Just Brad later. We had eight runners on trail and we all spent the entire run trying to get ahead of Garmin. He'd blow away the pack and miss a turn and on and on. I managed to find one of those and he soon blew right past me. We worked our way to the east and one of those missed marks right after the first Split. And then again and we were having a hard time seeing the red arrows on the wet pavement. Lower Wackoff found the first Check to the north and myself and Lower Wackoff ran on to a Split and the pack was soon with us. And we went on and on like this. Trail even went over a roof on the campus and back down and across the expressway for a loop back that I caught. And then through the campus where I ran to the lead hound, Garmin only to have him do a loop back or something and I'm off alone going the wrong way. From there we worked our way out of the campus and back west and south of Roosevelt. And all along I was just behind the pack or way behind the pack until we hit the finish in an open field. And a bunch of the pack got out of cars to join us. WTF. And I caught up to Lower Wackoff and walked in together. And there we were, knee deep in goose shit. If you went home and didn't remove your shoes at the door and now your carpets are green, it isn't fresh grass stains. More like processed grass stains. False Advertising led the circle. And he was called out by Crotch Fire for running off trail and losing trail completely and begging for directions. Then we finally got around to naming Just Brad. I started things out with Goose Shit, but things and stories got better. I mean, a real cellar dweller here. When a name like French Licker doesn't make it, we had some good stories. But it ended up in a tie. So we decided we'd let him pick and the name he liked least would be the name he got. and so forever more he will be called Mommy's Coming. Now he has to explain that one to Mom and we'll let him explain it further. Others in attendance were Lifa, Just Do Me Slowly, Back Door Bizzle and Zone 2.
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 15, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash, Lifa set trail from Brands Park for 12 hounds and maybe some Christmas lights. We started out to the north and then headed south through a nice twist of alleys and angled streets and I was able to keep the pack within sight. We crossed Belmont and due to a Back Check I was right up front. But within blocks I lost the pack completely. But trail was there and decisions points were mostly marked and I ran on to California where I ran into the hare sweeping. Trail headed east and into a hidden gangway and over to the Christmas Lights House. Steps In Shit blew past me right about here and at the lights, he was already long gone, and I stopped to take a bunch of pics. Then it was on east and south and eventually over to Logan Blvd and Western and a Check. Marked North East, maybe, I ran on and found trail at Diversey and the Turkey Split. Well, I'm way behind with that fast pack so it was straight up Elston and then north to the Beer Stop along the river. And I wasn't DFL. They took the Eagle trail. We then went back to the park and circled up.
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Dec 18, 2020, Lifa set a trail for friends who run Chicago. We were starting from Its Too Soft's roof Deck and five hounds managed to show up and give his new roof top fire pit a good start. This time I fell back right away with a slow start and traffic and the leaders were long gone. We headed over towards Sheffiend and Wrightwood and a Check. Marked, I headed south and into an alley and saw Garmin disappearing ahead. Crossing Halsted and the next street, Burling, trail headed south and across Lincoln and finally into Oz Park. And there was the sweep but he didn't know where anyone was, But a hint and I headed south on Lincoln and soon Garmin passed me on the other side of the street,I headed over to where the hare said there would be a check, at Armitage and Clark and he warned me to not go south for a long back Check. Good move, I headed into Linclon Park and passed the Zoo lights and finally picked up on marks around the observatory as I was taking time to take pics of lights. Then it was passed the north lagoon and suddenly Garmin passed me. What again. He should have been long gone. The rest of the pack got screwed by a back check 11. Not II as in Roman numerals (when have we ever used those) but someone interpeted it as a back check 2. And they worked the hell out of that. Over and over. Who said hashers are smart. Finally they escaped that and were gaining on me. and passing me. A short time later Just Brad also blew past me. At Diversey Clark I opted out of more trail and he ran north on Broadway. Bye. I got back to the finish and joined Its Too soft, Shortly after I was joined by Castration Frustration who also dropped out after that back check from hell. I finally left as I had to hare the next morning and the rest came in shortly after. Also on trail was Cockholm Syndrome.
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Dec 19. 2020. The Bushman Hash. Horn-E ilaid trail from Edgebrook Woods and we had a pack of 12 and 3 bushbabes who stayed behind and found the beer and hung out in the woods. Meanwhile the pack was gone. I tried to catch them and sweep, but my short cut wasn't fast enough and so I just turned back. They said later on that the hare had to do this and that while they just short cut around it. Probably what happened in the beginning as the trail ran on a slope next to the golf course, Yeah, like they would run that. Damn city runners. Why come to the woods if you are just going to run down streets at every opportunity and skip the woods. Talking to Slit Digger I got some input on trail. They did see a lot of deer. They ran along the ravines and caught both of my Falses after a vertical Check on a hollowed out tree. No, trail didn't go inside. Then we had a river crossing and most didn't see the Check on the bank of the other side and got caught on some Falses there. Good. But trail went under the bridge and through a hole in the fence and into the golf course. Managed to head the trail through a lot of the wooded sections and eventually I was running out of time and shorted the finish a bit. But one last section of woods and crossing Central they were at the finish. And the pack was soon following on in with Lower Wackoff being DFL. We had a nice long leisurely circle in the woods and eventually 9 on us headed over to Slit Diggers Garage for our annual Christmas Party. Good lemon treats Magnetic Muff. We eventually ordered a pizza and just spread out in the garage on lawn furniture and relaxed and told tall tales.
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Dec 20, 2020 was another trail for friends who run Chicago. Rusty Grundel laid trail from the roof deck of Its Too Soft and we had 6 hounds, We headed west and north and I was slowly falling behind. But I managed to keep Back Door Bizzel in sight and then not. We got over to Sheridan and north to Briar. They were out of sight and I got to Broadway and there was Stuffin Muffin. The hare pulled a loop back here on the other side of the street, but where the trail went north, there was no turn mark. Oh Oh. But we split up and I found trail and we regrouped at Belmont and Broadway. We ran north and found a Check at Melrose. Looked like it was marked north so we did that but only found one mark. Far enough behind we decided to head west and look for a trail crossing. Melrose to Halsted to Belmont to Sheffield and there was a Check. And we were there first. I found trail to the south and we regrouped at a Triple Split. Well I picked wrong and when I returned Stuffin Muffin was gone on the right trail and there was Lifa. So Lifa and I got on the right trail and he was on one side of the street when I spotted a loop back and suddenly Castration Sensation was right behind me. And then Magnetic Muff was there and some how most of us were together and we finally ran on back to the roof Deck. We hung out for quite a while there, Its Too soft grilled up a few burgers and the fire pit was roaring and the wind wasn't to bad. Good time.
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
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Dec 13, 2020, A Lucia Fun Run, a Swedish tradition, set by two of our resident Swedes, Construction Junction and Cockholme Syndrome. Celebrating the shortest day on the Julian Calendar.  Trail was in a normal hash fashion with 16 runners. The location of the start had a last minute change of location due to a movie being made at the other location. So we ended up behind the chocolate factory with free smells of fresh cooking chocolate. Trail was set by the Master Mark Maker and he explained the marks and set off the pack to the NE. I started late and he gave me a shortcut straight north and as I got to Grand, the pack was coming my way. At the first street was a triple split and the pack headed north. But Back Door Bizzel came by and told me that there was a check on Grand so we headed there. And as the pack arrived at the Check, I started checking to the west and found trail. Yes, that Horn-E is leading. False Advertising soon caught up at another Triple split and he headed right, right. I headed south, wrong. When I was almost to the next corner I heard the On call but kept going to the corner where I found Lower Wackoff on a short cut. So we paralleled the pack heading west and eventually we came to a street and here was Rusty Grundel coming our way. And there was an arrow and now we are in front. Yeah sure. Rusty Grundel soon passed us and the trail headed east. We followed and at the next block Rusty Grundel found trail through some property. I opted to parallel along the tracks and eventually I saw Rusty Grundel leading the pack south on Halsted. So at the first opportunity I headed south and again I was paralleling the pack. After several more blocks south, the pack came my way and there was Lifa, Some Crappy Name and Rusty Grundel. But it was a short loop and they were soon heading east and I followed as we crossed the Expressway and eventually the pack started catching me and passing me. I'm tiring now after leading for a bit. But we run on and headed for Madison and then down 187 steps to a path along the river. What goes down has to come back up. So I look ahead and I think I saw some hashers heading east on Lake Street. So I head east to Wacker and then north to Lake and guess what. You guessed it. They didn't come this way. Damn. But I head west and quickly pick up on the trail at the T and E Split. Making a wrong assumption, yes again, I never saw another mark. But I start working my way towards the finish and eventually I saw a hasher, Skull N Boner heading behind some building after starring in that damn movie. The story of a beautiful woman being dragged across town by some huge animal, alright, her dog. A short time later I ran into Steps N Shit and then Just Parth as we came into the finish. And there were the Master Mark Maker and the Mistress Mush Maker finishing up on their preparations. And soon we were drinking beer and enjoying traditional Swedish Christmas delights of glögg, lussebullar, pepparkakor and knäck and Swedish Christmas carols. LIfa led a short circle and we all indulged in the goodies and stood around enjoying camaraderie and getting cold together.
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What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

Tue, Dec 1, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash. Back Door Bizzle laid a trail from the northern end of Goose Island for 12 trail hounds. He wasn't there at the start, but we were off right on time and across the old railroad bridge. Checking. Trail headed west and by the time we got to the next Check/Split we were already stretched out with a pack of fast hounds leaving us half fast hounds behind. I saw the pack heading north and short cut the corner and never saw Lower Wackoff again. Kept marking checks and such, but he never caught up. So we ran on. I was soon alone as we headed to Cortland and Damen where Stuffin Muffin caught up with me. He soon left me behind but we managed to run together on and off along the way. We finally got to Damen and the 606 and there was Cockholme Syndrome resolving a back check that brought us up to the 606. And that was the last I saw of him. We ran on and finally came down to street level and a nice mix of streets and the longest mark I ever saw on a Check pointing to true trail. A six foot fence post. Around here we were also joined by Castration Sensation. So it was the three of us running along, together and spreading out, off and On. Finally somehow got ahead of Stuffin Muffin at a Check on Damen. Hey, we had to get back to Goose Island and so it had to go over the Division Street Bridge. Local knowledge again paid. And from there it did cross that bridge and Stuffin Muffin left me behind at the finish. About 5.3 miles for me and I was mostly right on trail.  A circle was already going on, finishing, and shortly after the pack started to disperse.

Sat, Dec 5, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Crotch Fire laid a trail from Wolf Road Woods for a small pack. Unfortunately 15 of us showed up and so the beer stop got screwed up a bit. But we took off on trails that are mostly inhabited by dirt bike riders. And we were running. There were long stretches between junctions in the paths which led to the fast runners running away with the trail. But us half fast runners then got a chance for our own checking. The trails were full of a lot of exposed roots and rocks that at least had me running slower then I wanted to, to avoid catching a toe on something and doing a header, Like False Advertising. Gotcha. He had to ask Lower Wackoff to help him up. Anyone but asking Horn-E. With long stretches between junctions the hare didn't feel a need to keep marking trail because there was no where else to go. But sometimes we need a confidence mark to ensure we didn't miss a turn. Supposedly he had 25 pounds of flour. I doubt 2.5 pounds of flour were used. And sure enough at one point after a junction, I found Magnetic Muff returning on trail saying there were no marks, I kept going and it was at least another hundred yards before I found a little bit of a mark. This eventually led me to leading a small pack down a revine to a road and across the road. Another point where a mark would have helped, But at the next Check, I saw a steep hill and headed that way and was on to the east for what turned into a long straight that wiggled a bit but kept going until we came to a slough. Here trail went left and around the slough and to a parking lot. Again, slight marks and I finally found one at the turn of the parking lot onto a road east. And then I ran on and on with Back Door Bizzle. Probably more yards then the Chicago Bears have managed all year. And no marks. At what point do you stop and go back. did we miss a Check in that parking lot. Nope. Se we tried again and this time the hare came by on his bike, sweeping, and told us that the marks were on the other side of the road. Damn, nothing indicatied that. But we were finally On and we could see the back of the pack coming along. From here it was some more nice trail and finally heading up hill to the parking lot and the finish About 5.5 miles. We held a big Dog Circle and then headed out to avoid the sunset closing rules. From there we headed to a brewery where everyone enjoyed a good brew or two. Good overall day.

Thu, Dec 10, 2020,
A fun run. A small pack of hashers gathered for a fun run at Wellington and Damen in the park. Lifa laid a short trail for us, hash style, and we had a mostly good run. A the first Check the last hound I saw was Just Brad. But I didn't need any hints and of course went the exact opposite way and was now way behind. But I ran on. On Fullerton I deliberately went straight at a Check trying to catch up and sure enough the trail came back to me and I found myself just ahead of Castration Sensation and Back Door Bizzle and just before the T and E split. Back Door Bizzle and I went full Turkey and then the three of us regrouped at a Check at Western and Diversey, Back Door Bizzle and I headed east, local knowledge, and I insisted on going as far as the bridge where I knew of steps coming from below and sure enough, there was an arrow and we were soon into a beer stop on a pier into the river where the front pack, Just Brad, Garmin and Cockholm Syndrome, and Some Crappy Name. After a quick beer we headed back to the park and a few beers and home. A good chance to get out of the house and have a good run on a real nice night.


The Tale of the Trail

Wed, Nov. 25, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Double Meter Beater hared from Palmer Square Park for 7 trail hounds. Six on time and one victim of the CTA and a bit of rain. Yeah, me again. I got there and it took a while to find the start and of course they were long gone. But I found trail and took off through the park and then hit my first mistake. People standing on the turn arrow out of the park and I ran south going no where. Finally got on traill again and did a short loop around the edge of the park and a Split. It was marked west and I ran two blocks without a arrow. so I ranged and eventually around a long block and back to that damn Split. Tried again and a short distance away there was an arrow into an alley. Damn. Followed that to a Check and checked the time. It was already 8:00 so I headed back to the start, more then a bit disappointed. Yeah.And False Advertising was already in. All right, he lost things at a check and headed in. And apparently I missed a Back Check 7 and one or two other Checks that really puzzled the pack. Eventually the pack made it in and we circled around a jug of Wild Turkey. Others on trail were Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Slit Digger, Lower Wackoff and Its Too Soft.

Sun. Nov. 29, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.
Horn-E laid trail from Mather Park for 6 trail hounds. Nice day and a nice night for a hash. Laid a perfect trail. Well, all hares think so and they were sure to let me know where I went wrong. With huge diagrams. The fist Check apparentlyy went normal. But then that Second Check. Started to work perfectly with everyone going off on a False Trail. Instead of finishing off the False Trail with an F, for some stupid reason I laid another arrow and the pack ran in circles for about 10 minutes. Ooops. I want to sweep, but I had to go and get beer for Meange A Twat. Anyhow they finally returned to the Check snad found the correct way out. Only now this time Slit Digger is certain I missed laying another arrow on the true trail. Thanks to Magnetic Muff I was off the hook for that one. Trail went to Kedzie and Devon where there was another Check with a damn long False that at least Slit Digger ran. Actually almost a loop so not that bad. Up until now they were struggling so much that even Meange A Twat caught up walking Then they found the real trail and it was over to a big mall and another Check by Hoe depot. And again they struggled. That one should have been easy, but it took well over ten minutes. After that things were relativly simple and they slowly wandered in one by one. We held a short circle and finished off with swing low and hung around for another twenty minutes or so. Others on trail were Stuffin Muffin, Lower Wackoff and Lifa.


The Tale of the Trail

Thu. Nov 19, 2020, A non-affiliated Covid Hash trail set by Cockholm Syndrome from under the tracks near Kinzie and Canal and 10 hashers seeking some good exercise managed to show up and run a fun trail with plenty of ups and downs. Damn hare. We took off to the east and across the river for a mixed up start and the pack somehow ended on Orleans St near the Merchandise Mart. Some went across the river and over to Wells. Some went in front of the Merchandise Mart. But we all managed to cross Wells and head over this little foot bridge to La salle. Here is where I lost the pack. Yes, again. I thought I saw Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin heading east on Kinzie. Nope. So I ranged north on Clark looking for a trail going east. Not. Meanwhile, I think La Salle is where some found the ON Back trail and headed west. Whatever, Double Meter Beater managed to finish the trail in 25 minutes. but over achievers like him go back out to find the trail he missed. Some few hashers managed to find the correct the trail and keep going and get over towards the lake front for some of those up and downs especially around the rivers edge and lower Michigan. Meanwhile around Grand and Clark, Horn-E found the On back trail and followed it backwards. Hey, its trail. This led me straight east to Wabash where I missed a mark. Damn. But back on trail I ran a block north and crossed Michigan and got into some damn garbage filled alley. Now there I really needed to wear my mask and some nose plugs too. But it was up some stairs and further east and heading down some stairs I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and the pack, at least what was left of it. So I followed them a bit and then, took a short cut to avoid that stinking alley and picked up on trail again with Hooch B4 Cooch and Garmin and we headed east. This was a zig zag trail through a bunch of alleys and streets until we finally hit the BN Check. I was in the lead here, and soon Lifa came along. I found trail along the river and we were soon heading back to the ON IN spot. And there was most of the pack. WTF. That included Steps In Shit and Pony Pounder. Eventually we were joined by the first DFLs Its Too Soft and Castration Frustration. And then came the second DFL, our misguided FRB, Double Meter Beater. Lifa led a bit of circle and all was good.

Sat Nov 21, 2020 was the Bushman Hash hared by Horn-E. Set to start at 1:00PM to avoid the early Forest closing of 4:24pm. Damn rules. Unfortunately some didn't read my posting and get the message of the time change. So when I got to the start after setting trail there were just three hounds. WTF. And I carried a case of beer all that way for three hounds. And laid trail for over three hours. Oh well. I'm sweeping so lets get going. We headed out and after a few splits the mini pack was off and running woodland trails. And then they missed a Split. Somehow the Split was marked with two sticks to go left, but they went straight. Now who marked that Split. We did see Lifa's car, but no Lifa. We figured he came and took off on trail. Not. So after a correction, the pack headed for the river following Stuffin Muffin and with a long dry spell, the river was low and we were able to cross the tracks under the trestle and there was a Check. They headed left and middle and both were long Falses. Here is where I got my trail inspiration of the day. I noticed that with the low river there was actually a low river bank trail that was dry and under a high hill with 80 degree climb up and down. Had to do that. So eventually the pack found trail, with a hint from the hare to Magnetic Muff,  to the right and nearer the tracks and through some good shiggy over logs and stuff and through formerly wet lands. There would be two more of that along trail. But along here Lower Wackiff got ahead and then at a three way fell behind. And the pack ran on, together and then apart and really regrouped at the bridge on Forest Glen Drive. A back Check and a hidden Check got them. But here we reversed trail and headed back on the north side of the river through some good thick shiggy and nice enough areas to actually run a bit. Past the golf course and finally to that planned drop down to the river's edge. And they all chickened out. Hey, if an 80 year old man with a back pack full of flour can do it, so can you. Not. Hell, it was fun laying it and doing it again. These are the things that make some trails greater then others. Trail actually went to a thick vine hanging down a fifteen foot drop to the rivers edge. Vines. Tarzan. Well, not really. But I ran along the river and the trail eventually narrows. It is either the river or a steep climb, about 25 feet almost straight up. But with a few small trees growing out of the side, it was a snap. Yeah, even for an old man. Shortly after we saw four hashers on the other side of the rover. A 2:00pm starting group. This included Slit Digger, who was the only one to climb down to the rivers edge and back up again. And Lifa, False Advertising and Zone 2. So we ran west and they ran east. We had some more nice woods trail and eventually we got to the B, at the bend in the river. It took Lower Wackoff about five minutes to find the beer, 25 craft beers, all different. And as we drank beer, we finally saw the rest of the pack, on the other side of the river. Still five minutes to beer. We then held a quick circle and had to leave to beat that damn 4:24 sunset. All was good. And it was a great day with sunshine and all in the woods. And we did see some strange animal. A tail less squirrel. I had more hair on my chin then the squirrel. We figured he was damn lucky and just managed to get away from Wylie.


The Tale of the Trail


Fri. Nov 13, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash Lower Wackoff laid trail from 5100 N. Francisco and we had 12 hounds. Trail started out to the south and ultimately did a big sweep around to the west and back north and east in the park and finally to a BN at the home of our newest resident Crip, Just Do Me Slowly. And it will be months before she is back on trail. The beer stop was in the back yard and Berts Special Friend was the first hound in. By then the lame or bull shit hounds Horn-E and Menage A Twat were already there. Damn hounds, screwed up on trail again. Especially that damn old man. He actually went to a park a mile away and ran to the correct location and stumbled onto trail at BN. Just Do Me Slowly's mom came out and met the hash. She can't really be JDMS's mom. She doesn't look a day over 60. We then headed over to the start where we held a circle as usual and in the cold. We're getting used to it. Others on trail were Lifa, Pony Pounder, Castration Sensation, Some Crappy Name (No, it isn't something too crappy to mention. That is it), Meat Inside Her, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Its Too Soft and Garmin.

Sat. Nov 14, 2020, The Big Dog Hash Set by Hooch B4 Cooch from BlackHawk Park. As I was arriving, going down Blackhawk street, the pack got an early start and ran past me in the adjacent alley and I never knew it. So, it was 14 trail hounds. But as I arrived at the start Hooch B4 Cooch told me and I was soon in pursuit. I caught then at a Check at Ashland. Or at least the back of the pack. And we were off straight west and then wound our way north to North and then south to Milwaukee. Isn't Milwaukee about 90 miles north of Chicago. Where the hell am I? At this point I had fallen way behind Steps In Shit and Magnetic Muff and was running along with False Advertising. I saw Magnetic Muff to the Northwest and we followed to a Check at Damen where Its Too Soft was parked. I started a counterclockwise loop looking for marks and kept watch on Its Too Soft in case someone called on and he was off. And then he was off and On and I didn't see him leave. What else is new. But I found trail to the south on Damen and into Wicker Park and a Split. Unmarked so I checked out the park and nothing. So I assumed, and never assume with a hare, that the trail had to go west and would probably then head south. Being so damn far behind, I decided to range to the south and eventually pick up on trail. Donnie the Retard. Trail went west and then north. Meanwhile False Advertising was sucked along with my bad call and the two of us separately ranged off course and worked our way back to the start, I then ran backwards on trail until I ran into Double Meter Beater. So it was back to the start. And the pack trickled on in and even Zone 2 managed to find trail and now has bragging rights over False Advertising. Eventually a Big Dog Circle was held and with this big mob, we went On and ON. Then we hung out, On and On. And Hooch B4 Cooch kept reloading a coffee pot with hot cider.

Sun. Nov 15, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch again laid trail from
Pulaski Park. (Just south of Blackhawk between Cleaver and Nobel)Pulaski Park at Blackhawk between /Cleaver and NobelPulaski Park. and for the third hash in a row, Horn-E was late. So I hid my bag in bushes and took off on trail. Running fast, for me, there was no way I would catch that list of speedsters, 8 trail hounds besides myself. Trail started out like a previous hash and so I had no trouble following and what wasn't marked was often obvious and I ran on to the south east, over the Kennedy and back over the Kennedy on Chicago. Then a loop to the south and over to Ashland and pretty much straight north from there and on in. And there they were and circle was over. That is how fast they were and how slow I was, even when I was running fast. The pack included Lifa, Garmin, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Cockholm Syndrum, Rusty Grundel, Pony Pounder and Some Crappy Name. And more hot cider flowed and we hung out in strong cold winds for well over another hour or so. Just having fun socializing.



The Tale of the Trail

Tue Nov 3, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Saving Myself For Two Black Guys laid trail from Oz Park at Webster and Lincoln. Somewhere within the park. This was a fair well as he is taking off for Hawaii for a bit. Lucky bastard. He is probably laying on the beach while we are stuck with all of this record breaking 70 degree plus weather. I know when the hash is. I typed it in for this list. Then I planned on getting there at 7:15 and the bus was even late for that. They were long gone. But I took off and running well I ran the streets of the area north of Oz Park. All right, trail wasn't bad and I was moving along. Even got past a six corner Check at Lincoln and Halsted without to much trouble. Worked my way north on Halsted and then over to Lincoln and finally towards Lincoln and Sheffield. Found a Check here and it was marked to go through the park. I looked at the time and I was already out there a half hour and so I guessed on the trail going west or east. I went west the the trail went east. So I had a good run straight south to Armitage and then straight east to Oz Park and never came across the trail. Naturally. Then were almost finished with circle when I arrived. But I had a good personal run, so, shit happens. On trail besides myself were Castration Sensation, Back Door Bizzle, Lifa, Its Too Soft, Lower Wackoff and Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Seven hounds.                  h.

Sun. Nov 8, 2020, The Chicago Hash,
Gay Dancer hared from Winnemac Park. Looked like a big pack and many more arrived late for a total of 13 hounds running the trail and four walkers. The walkers were 4 Harriets, but glad they turned out. We did have one Harriet that ran, I Eat Dick.She was probably FRB again. We headed through Winnemac Park to the south and I was soon behind the runners. But hounds kept coming from behind me. The first to come running behind me was some guy with Some Crappy Name. A little later I approached Lincoln Square and suddenly I was joined by Cockholm Syndrum and Just Kervin, a virgin. Yeah, he ought to fit in good. Another hound passing me like I'm standing still. I saw then disappear to the west andI was on my own again. Ranging to catch up, I somehow missed the trail crossing Lawrence. Finally crossing Lawrence by the river, and heading through the riverside park I came up to Rusty Grundel and Pony Pounder working a Triple Split. It wasn't my way, so they were soon on. No way I would keep up so I ran north through the park and headed west on Foster. Two blocks later I saw Some Crappy Name following Double Meter Beater. I followed and soon lost them as we headed east and south of Foster and California. Suddenly I ran into two of the walkers, Special Head and Bloody Thighs, They were On and On the Turkey Trail. Hell, no wonder I couldn't keep up. I was on the Eagle trail. But we headed through an alley and Some Crappy Name passes me yet again. I followed and at Lincoln there was a Split. I was ahead, Yeah sure. He soon passed me again. And then another Split and he is wrong again, but I followed and we regrouped and he is gone again. Damn, it sucks to be slow. Finally we enter Winnemac Park and I'm about 100 yards from the On In and, you guessed it. passed again. Rusty Grundel ran right by me in the park and beat me in. Well, with my short cuts, I wasn't last, but should have been. We then laid around and didn't even have a circle. I thought this was a hash and not just some Hound and Hares club.The pack slowly drifted off until there were about ten left, the usual suspects and one virgin. The ones that are doing most of the actual hashing post Covid. We are the hash. Join us.  
 


On On

Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail


Four hashes this week. I set to and I ran two. Two were great and two were finished by all that started out.

Wed Oct 28, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Horn-E laid trail from 1637 W. Glenlake.  Nice turnout for a WWH3 with 8 hounds on trail. I just got back from laying trail as they arrived. I thought I'd have them out there for a good hour. Damn fast hounds. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was soon running down the street. Probably 45 minutes, but they got about 4 miles. Within about five minutes the whole pack was in. Well, at east I kept them close together. And I had about ten different bottles of Whiskey and such to try. And they did, Especially Stuffin Muffin. He staggered out of my back yard. Good thing Magnetic Muff was driving. Others on trail were Cockholm Syndrome, Lifa, Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. There were several groupies who showed up as they held a surprise birthday party for me. Yeah, cake and some gifts. Hey, it is no big deal. Only my first 80th birthday. We also had three groupies that showed up and special thanks for them for showing up even though they didn't hash. False Advertising. Crotch Fire, and Construction Junction, etc. Lifa had a birthday song with 14 verses ready. Even he had to read it. Great stuff. Special thanks for the porn. Really, porn from the 40s. Like I remember that. I didn't even know that it had two uses back then. But it was interesting. It said black and white so I figured it was inter racial stuff with all this racial stuff these days They didn't even sing Swing Low. Funny rather then anything else. Really, I forgot that women had hair there. And no sheep or goats or bald, tattooed, transsexual midgets. I'm afraid of the other one. Debbie Does Dallas. Probably more lesbian stuff between two ladies named Debbie and Dallas. And then there was the instant three some pack. Yeah, two inflate-a-dolls. Two foot long. Look, even I ain't that small. Yeah I blew them up. No, not that way. An electric pump. And they didn't even vibrate. And thanks for the contributions towards hearing aids. Good news is now I can hear the R As. The bad news is now I can hear the R As. I thought all of these years you were calling me Dick Todd for some reason. Thanks guys. Really, thanks. I hope to see you all when I turn 90.

Thu Oct 29, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash,
Steps in Shit laid this trail from his house near 16th street and Racine. Big pack. Yeah, like we get them on TH3. But double and more then the last one. We had five hounds. We took off on a cold and damn windy night to the west for a block and a Check. So far so gook. Then under tracks to the north and another Check. Now the shit began. It was like forever in all directions, long ways, and not a single mark anywhere. Turns out, he made marks on telephone poles and didn't tell us. I finally went west and then took off on a huge loop looking for anything in the way of a mark. After a big half loop I ran into Cockholm Yyndrome and he saw Lifa and Its Too soft. So we headed towards them, but I finally saw they were heading where I already checked. So I continued on this huge loop finally heading south again and running into a Check. And there comes Lifa drom the west, So we Check it out and somehow I end up in from and Lifa catches me heding north on Halsted, We make it to Roosevelt and a Split, Eventually I head west and find a Check. I gamble on west and nthing. Only other option was through the U of I campus so I start another loop.Meanwhile Lifa finds trail through the campus and is long gone. I finally find another Check and head north. Wrong again. What else is new. So another loop around and eventually I'm at Halsted and Taylor. Trail heads east. There is a Split a block later. Now, it is south and back towards the finish or further east and away. I'm already at 4 miles. so, it is south and no marks. Yes again. There are only so many ways they can return across the Dan ryan and so I run on checking each spot and no marks. Damn. I finally head under the railroad tracks near 16th street and there is trail coming from Halsted. I'm on and from here it was sort of an easy trail back mainly on 18th St. I head down the alley and there is the hare on this third floo porch with a gas fire pit in a raging wind storm. Its Too Soft quit early and is there. Just Parth who didn't run is buried in clothes trying to stay warm and he was dowwind of the flames. About five minutes later Lifa arrived followed by Cockholm Syndrome and another 5 to 10 minutes later and Castration Sensation came on in. We tried to stay warm around that wind blown fire and held circle finally finishing with Swing Low and settling into some tall tales and wondering what happened to the absent women of the hash.

Fri Oct 30, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. A blue moon. And it is back to
Horn-E's house and another trail in a different direction this time. After being so nice with surprise birthday shit two days ago, I felt like paying them pack back a little. Trail was a normal Horn-E hash and they found enough tricks to stay together for a while before slowly spreading out. Lower Wackoff was last seen standing like a man in an alley. Lifa got into the lead near Target and managed to find the way out of their parking garage and to the B N. Magnetic Muff was following him by a few blocks and saw an impromptu beer stop. Three full Buds sitting there along trail. But she ran on. Stuffin Muffin and Castration Sensation didn't and stopped for a quick Bud. They knew Lower Wackoff was behind and with a 'This bud's for you' they ran on. Lower Wackoff then missed it. Meanehiile I was waiting in deep shiggy, Yeah, some of the weeds were about 12 feet high. About a year ago I pulled a last time beer stop as construction was about to start on a new Metra Station here. And sure enough they mowed down all of the weeds the next day. Gone forever. But, that is a government construction project. So here we are, a year later and now the sign says construction in 2020. I'll believe it when I see it. And the pack came in one at a time and we looked up at the Blue Moon with a rainbow around it. Kind of cool. Back at the house I got out the goodies. I had 24 different beers for the enjoyment of the small pack. Then I brought out the food. Hot drumsticks from my slow cooker and some potato and macaroni salad. All was good, eat, drink and circle finishing up with Swing Low and hanging around for a while before the pack drifted off.

Sun Nov 1, 2020,  The Chicago Hash. Pony Pounder laid this trail from a little park at 4200 N. Marine Drive. Actually had 11 hounds on trail. What happened. Did the Chicago Men's Hash wake up and get some hounds out. Well, there was actually one Harriett on trail, I Eat Dick, but she and Gay Dancer didn't stay for circle and were gone before the DFL even came in. Trail started out with a run through the tunnel under LSD to a Triple Split. I Eat Dick went Left, right, while I went straight, wrong. No one following I Eat Dick called out ON ON. I looked back and no one was on the corner, but Back Door Drizzel and Lifa heading north. So I returned only to find out that they weren't on. So the three of us headed south, quickly found trail and a Split marked west into a long driveway. Well, it was just a short loop around the front of some school and by the time we got there the pack was already gone and we missed the marks in front of the school. So we wandered in back and Lifa eventually found the trail and I assume Back Door Drizzle followed him. Meanwhile I'm running as far west as Sheridan road and no marks. Well. I returned and finally found trail and it was a long lonely trail from there. No Checks. That's not hashing. Just Splits and they were almost every mark or every other mark. And after about three that were swept and were so obvious I could have found them with a blind fold on, there was never another marked Split. Trail went into the park and south past and through the tennis courts and over to the lake front. And by the time I got there the front of the pack had already done an Eagle Trail and a Shot stop and were long gone. And there was this beautiful golf course to run through and we get stuck on a half mile long stretch of gravel road next to the rocks and lake front. And eventually Lifa finally comes up behind me. We leave the area and run into more and more of those damn Splits. Lifa finally heads for the hill but I pressed on thinking it might go through the bird sanctuary. It did. But eventually I lost trail and another Split and ended up running around most of the bird sanctuary before heading into it. And yeah, I finally found trail in the sanctuary. I followed this on out and another constant stream of Splits. Always go straight. Or damn near always. Finally I get to the Split with SN on it. And one arrow points up the hill. I run up only to find the hare couldn't wait for me and left. So I ran on in and found the pack minus two all waiting. And shortly after Lifa led us in a Circle. Who else was there? Double Meter Beater, Just Parth, Steps In Shit, Cockholm Syndrome, Its Too Soft and Some Crappy Name.             

“If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”

On On

Horn-E



If they’re making cakes for divorces, why not ‘Happy Menopause!’ ‘Mmm, it’s a bit dry. Why is there no jam? Have you run out of eggs?’


The Tale of the Trail


Thu, Oct 22. 2020, the Thirstday Hash. Location was set for Wieboldt Park with no hare and probably the last + 70 degrees hash for at least 4 to 5 months. We had only three hounds show up to run. Pathetic. You missed a great trail and night of hashing. So Cockholm Syndrum had some chalk and took up the duty of Hare for Its Too Soft and Horn-E. With no shag wagon we all had to carry back packs full of clothes and beer, etc. We gave him a 4 minute head start and never caught him. Horn-E led through about four Splits before the first Check. Then Horn-E went straight, wrong and Its Too Soft picked right, right, and was gone. But after several Splits, Horn-E caught up at a Triple split. This time Its Too Soft went straight and Horn-E went right. Horn-E was on and yelled out. I thought I saw him as I reached the end of the alley and waved and ran on. Did't see him again. A few marks later I got to a Split and was going to cross Belmont first. I started marking the checks/splits with a ? for the direction I went. If nothing I went back and crossed that out and put in another ?. If I didn't find something, repeat. If I found something I didn't come back. Should have worked and I ran on. Trail went to Roscoe and then east and back and forth between Roscoe and the close alleys. Trail finally went west in the alley from Damen. A long alley. At the end was a Triple Split and I didn't see marks left or right. Ooops. It was left. Anyhow a long alley straight and no marks at the end. I wasn't going bck. So I just posted ? and started ranging, right and east and crossed his trail that went straight south on Ravenswood with Splits, to the finish. Meanwhile I ended up over on Lincoln and did a big loop south and into the finish. FRB. About five minutes later Its Too Soft came on in. We were joined by Back Door Bizzle who didn't run. So we made him R. A and had some DDs and such and finished with Swing Low and sat around drinking, still in shorts and t-shirt. Beautiful night. Next spring suckers.

Sun. Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hare was some masked man, oops, Double Meter Beater. The pack gathered and we took off with just 6 hounds and no Chicago Harriett again. None period. The Bushman had three last week and they are the men's hash and the so called Mother Hash of Chicago can only come up with six men at the start. About 3 blocks into trail we were joined by Back Door Bizzle making seven men, the usual suspects, as usual. So we ran off to the north and west and got stuck at a Split on Western. Horn-E finally spotted a hidden in plain sight mark and we headed into an alley where Horn-E went right, wrong. So he paralleled the pack as we headed west and finally Cockholm Syndrum popped out of a gangway joining Horn-E as we headed north. Quickly Stiffy 4 Stiffies passed us to a Triple Split. It was found to the east in the alley as we followed Some Crappy Name and then at a Split Horn-E found trail to the north in another alley. We made our way to Logan Blvd and near Western when trail crossed Logan and headed west and Horn-E got stuck with traffic. So, now I'm following but I managed one short cut by looking ahead and seeing Cockholm Syndrum a few blocks away. That was it for those damn FRBs. Trail went north west to Diversey and California and then north at the red light. And I caught the red light. Damn. Now I will never catch up. I head under the Expy and to a Split. I picked right, right, and ran on. Then a damn north turn. I wondered about it, but you follow trail. Yep, a long block later the trail turned right and right and back down the other side of the street. A great move for the pack and the FRB, but now I'm just dragging along. As I headed south I suddenly saw Its Too Soft and called out, saving him some dead end running. We ran on with Its Too Soft following until we hit a Split on Elston. Unmarked, so I kept going south. Nothing. Lookng back, Its Too soft was still standing there. So I ran further and nothing, finally waving that I had nothing and I started ranging. From there, there were probably only three choices, north on western for the Eagle of a Turkey Eagle Split, through a housing complex, or south to Diversey. Nothing on Diversey and I couldn't see Its Too Soft so I ranged further east on Diversey and as I approached the river, the four FRBs emerged from a gangway. And there was the Turkey/eagle split. They ran off and Pony Pounder tried to text Its Too Soft and let him know were to come to. I headed south and ran on in on the Turkey Trail. As I was about to cross Fullerton, I saw Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Pony Pounder coming from the eagle and couldn't join them. Traffic again. Finally got across and was passed by Some Crappy Name and Cockholm Syndrum just before the finish. About 5 minutes later Its Too Soft came in and another 10 minutes before Back Door Bizzle came in. Not a bad trail for a relatively new hare. I didn't say that. some one hi-jacked my email. Cool, but still a nice day.

“Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand”

On On

Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Thu Oct 15, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Just Adam hared with  Whatever's Cheap from Horner Park. We had seven hounds on trail and I fell behind early. Yes, again. South through Horner Park and then across the river and north through that section along the river for the natural river walk. In the dark it was a bitch. My night eyes are going. Damn old age. After this I got to the shot stop in an alley and Back Door Bizzle was just leaving. Well, from here on it was the two of us following the mostly marked trail. West a block and then south several blocks. Crossed Western and now straight north again. Sort of. We missed a loop. But it was back to the street we were on and starting to look like a boring virgin laid trail. But after here we started to get some nice variety on trail and the two of us plugged along finally returning to the park. The rest of the pack, Just Garmin, Hooch B4 Cooch, Its Too Soft, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and J. Lauren managed to stay together and got in a few minutes before we did. We moved the beer stop into shadows and by the hill and Hooch B4 Cooch led us in circle and then a naming for Just Adam. My hearing aid batteries both went dead at the start and I heard nothing on that naming. But they ended up in a 4 to 4 tie that they couldn't break. Finally they figured out that I wasn't voting. Hell, I couldn't hear shit. But they told me the choices and I liked one name. It flowed nicely. so forever more he shall be called     Castration Sensation. Better steer clear of him.

Fri Oct 16, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Leavitt and Campbell Park Drive. There were six hounds at the start. We were warned that this was going into uncharted territory. Beware and run fast. And so we started out to the southeast. Yeah sure. A few blocks south and we headed west. We were still together until a Check and that is when I fell behind. But I was still ahead of Glory Hole. Not. His dog was being to hard to handle, running and dragging him down the streets and alleys. Really wanting to run. About here he decided he had to retreat to the finish. So not knowing it, I'm trying to keep up with Meat Inside Her, Lifa, Garmin and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys. They  headed west from Western on Roosevelt and were marking trail so I ran on. Then we headed way south past factories, empty lots a few homes and a lot of mad angry barking guard dogs. But I ran on and eventually I made another turn south and suddenly there was the pack coming north from a back check loop or whatever. Perfect timing. So, now I'm with the pack for a bit, but again they left me behind. We crossed Roosevelt heading north and onto about a five block stretch of pure straightaway before heading through a dark empty trash filled lot. No, no bodies, so I ran on. We finally ran through some factory zone that I recognized and I knew I was On In. Yeah, sure. At Western I figured trail was straight east to the finish. Damn. Trail went further north and close to the Expressway before heading east again. And then another little loop to the south and eventually a T and E Split. Yeah, like I'm going to take the E split. I headed north and it was straight on in and the pack was just setting up after their finish. So we gathered around and formed our circle, grabbed beers and settled in. Berts Special Friend started circle and all was good. Then just after I gave a Down Down to Glory Hole, Bi Holer came to pick him up. And about ten minutes later we looked up and Its Too Soft came walking on in. He arrived late and walked the whole course. I did give one more down down to Berts Special Friend. He warned of us danger and not one gun shot and only one siren. Disappointing. Eventually we finished circle and slowly moved on out.  

Sat Oct 17, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E l hared from Bunker Hill Woods. Trail started from the South east end of the area, near the locked facilities. Ever notice how the nice clean facilities are always open during the week when the forest preserve is mostly deserted, and closed when the weekend arrives and the area is full of people. These are the same people that would write you up for peeing in the woods after that stupidity. I digress. Most of this is put together from what Slit Digger told me. Trail took off to the west across grasslands with six wankers and three Harrietts. The Men's hash. We crossed the road and there was a Triple Split near a small tree. Most went straight but Slit Digger headed south and found marks into the swamp. There was a big loop through the swamp, clockwise and eventually through a section of dreaded burrs. Sorry, but sometimes you get in and can't get out. When in the woods, "You take what the woods give you." This led to a Check and most of the pack short cut a lot of the swamp while Slit digger did that loop and so were together again. They went west at the Check. Slit Digger went south to a False. Returning he headed east and found trail and didn't see the pack until way after the second river crossing. Speaking of river crossing. The next Check was by the bike path bridge. Slit Digger went straight and it led to an actual river crossing with marks on the other side. But that damn dry bridge is so dam close that he retreated and eventually got back on trail. Some nice trail running through here with a few nasty spots, avoidable, and more trail to a Split. No, trail wouldn't go backwards. So Slit Digger ran straight and no marks. He finally turned back a shot distance from Devon. And the other direction was ON and ran through woods, off trail and behind the pool area, more swamp like land and eventually about 20 feet from where he turned around. I love it when a trail comes together and they catch my tricks and traps. From here Slit Digger crossed the river. No, not in the river, the bridge on Devon and to a Check. I hid this well and he first headed south and there was only one mark. Then north and a well hidden trail along the river before he finally got on. Now, meanwhile, I'm north of there in the deep ravine and looking for the beer I hid on my way to the start. Just missed it while laying trail. I finally find it and head upstream to a likely beer stop and plant it. then I got back to my trail and one last Check. Meanwhile Slit Digger is caught in a loop back over a small ravine and towards Devon before looping back and about here the pack finally caught a short cut and caught up to Slit Digger. They ran on in good woods running and back through the deep ravine and up hills and back down and finally to that last Check. That really caught Slit Digger yet again. But they were soon back on trail and I see then just as I'm finishing the last back check before they run on to beer. And at first they didn't see me and I ran on and put down a big B with an arrow and they came running up to me. And as usual, we circled here. Slit Digger, Lifa, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff, Stupid Is As Stupid Does and Glory hole. Then we here a distant yell from two bimbos. Rotton Whore and her virgin friend. Sorry I didn't get the name. I hope we didn't scare her off with more of a hard core run then she expected. And unfortunately she had to leave very shortly. And then suddenly Back Door Bizzle comes over the hill. The pack is complete. We do another round of circle, finish with Swing Low and head for the cars. Apparently the message didn't get out or out clearly. We were planning on going to Slit Digger's for some grilling. And everyone had plans and only Slit Digger and Horn-E went where we were joined by his wife and some good hash stories for another hour or so. Good day. Damn good day.             


Sun. Oct 11, 2020,  The Chicago Hash,
Cockholm Syndrum laid trail from the little park just north of Blooms chocolate factory. And it was raining. But it was just stopping as we started and six hounds took off with one visiting bimbo following, Cuntlerry. (?sp)We headed north to Grand and a Split. I headed west and found trail and yelled On On, but with hoods on and such, no one heard me so I ran On. At this point I was running with more energy then I can remember in years. Felt great. At a Check at Halsted I headed north and after a block, crossed the street and there was a mark coming from another direction and pointing north. On again. Across the street and a mark crossing Halsted and up a hill. Now, I'm 99% certain this is a dead end, but the lead hound has got to run the trail. Up hill, down hill, up hill again and finally to a roof top parking area and the dreaded Back Check four. As I return I see Lifa coming and then Double Meter Beater and let then know. Double Meter Beater found trail to the west and I soon never saw him again. Lifa was also after him and soon long gone. By now others were catching up. Cuntlerry was way back and got this far and was the only other person to do that Back Check. Upon returning she ran into Diarebar a transplant who was following and they returned to the start/finish. Trail went on for the rest of us and I was following and catching up and we passed Chicago Ave and headed north and east and up by some tracks. I led that small pack along here, but fell behind as another Split as I went on into a tunnel on tracks. Returning I was following and watched them disappear heading east of Halsted on Chicago. Over the river was a turn arrow north, I followed this but never found another mark and everyone was now out of sight. I thought  of another possible Back Check and worked that intersection and nothing. So I headed south for a few blocks and eventually picked up on trail at Kingsbury by a little park where trail left a river walk. I followed it through an alley and gangway and back to Kingsbury and the hares arrows didn't always point towards the next arrow. I ran straight down to the river and nothing. But I saw False Advertising coming along and we sort of grouped together and eventually found trail and I couldn't quite keep up as he came in FRB. Damn. if I didn't run towards the river and instead ran south on Kingsbury, I might have been FRB. Eventually everyone started coming on in. Back Door Bizzle was there with his dog and did a short bit of the trail before returning. But to his credit, he ran all the way to the start. Steps In Shit and Its Too Soft were still missing and circle was started by False Advertising. Finally Steps In Shit arrives and at last, last, Dead Fucking Last, Its Too Soft. In circle I was called out for my upcoming birthday with a box of donuts, a balloon and a musical candle. Thanks to Construction Junction for letting the world know how damn old I'm getting. We also had a few groupies show up that didn't run and left early. Good time.


The Tale of the Trail

Tue Oct 6 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Garmin hared from Skinner Park, for the usual suspects, 7 trail Hounds. We took off thorough the park and to the south and then east. Trail got near the Expressway and a Check that might have gotten us over to the U of I campus, but no, dam sneaky hare. Trail went north and even though I was feeling good and running well, I was falling behind. I finally got to Randolph and saw False Advertising for the last time. We both headed west at a Check and he finally crossed the street to the south. Bye bye. I went north and no marks. Circling around I went east and finally saw a mark and Lower Wackoff. Heading north for a few blocks and Lower Wackoff was falling behind. Then I missed a mark and he yelled out to me. West. So I paralleled for a few blocks and no marks. Heading south I finally picked up on trail and it was a few alleys and such as we again approached Randolph again. Around the block and back across Randolph to Lake Street. Kept looking for Lower Wackoff but didn't see him. Kept going west on Lake and finally south to this big park by Ashland. And we still headed south to a big 6 corner intersection and another Check. Having gotten off the Ashland bus here, I had seen what turned out to be the first mark from that check. A short time later I was back at the park where the pack had gathered in the shadows. Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys, Lifa, False Advertising, Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend. Good trail and a good run for me. We circled there in a nice evening for about an hour.

Thu Oct 8, 2020, 7:00pm The Thirstday Hash,
A pick up hash. Found out about it at about 5:00pm. Jonquil ParkDecided to just rush over and set the trail. Emailed Garmin about that and left. He met me at the park and told me that the GM, Sanding Ovation wanted it to stay a Pick Up Hash ad so he raced over to stop me. WTF. So we hung around for an hour before the pack gathered and Back Door Bizzle was  picked to hare. That left Garmin, J. Adam, Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys and Horn-E. After a short start, we took off after him and he managed to stay ahead of us. Well, a Check every block for seven blocks and he had his good start. And somewhere along here J Adam did a header and had some bloody knees. He needs a naming. Anyway, we finally got past that seventh Check and a Back Check that got me and we ended up in a park about a block west and north of Diverey and Ashland. The hare stopped in a 7/11 and picked up some beer and we had a beer stop. After that no one had any enthusiasm to start haring and so we were stuck with a 1.5 mile walk back and our short circle in the park


Sat Oct 10, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Lifa hared from Humboldt Park near Division and California. Hash of the week as we had a good turnout of 11 hounds. Motorcycle gangs, bicycle gangs, loud music, it was like a hash in Mexico. We took off to the north and quickly caught Slit Digger and Just Brad and Stiffy 4 Stiffies on a Back Check and False Advertising and Horn-E got ahead. Local knowledge. But they quickly blew past us and we weaved back and forth to the north and Armitage. Here we back runners saw then heading west and back into the park and we were able to short cut towards the leaders. This is about where I last saw Zone 2. We found trail and headed west to the big field house and then north. Again falling behind, I saw Slit Digger heading east across Armitage and everyone else following him. He headed north on Humboldt and we were into city streets. Under 606 we headed west and a Back Check and up onto 606. I was near the front along here. We crossed a bridge and another Back Check and then west. Near the end of 606 we came down to street level and through a small playground. Again we struggled at a Check and Slit Digger ranged and was gone. I headed south in an alley. Nothing. Lower Wackoff was on the next street to the east and yelled On. Proud of finding the trail he ran on and on and False. Damn. So now we headed west and were on and suddenly joined by Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend who arrived late but finally caught us. We're now running south and then west and a little loop and I almost caught up. And then at a Check at Armitage. I almost caught up again. The trail was marked south and Stiffy 4 Stiffies blew by me. I thought Lower Wackoff, Back Door Bizzle were behind me, but I never saw them again. I screwed up a Back Check and went around the wrong block. Getting back on trail I ran east to the park and from there it was just running through the park, alone. I was finally called near the Beer Stop and short cut this ball field. And there was everybody. Damn. After beer we returned to where we started and circled in this big field. And suddenly Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys showed up. Late. Ran part of the trail and now we had 11 hounds. Circle was held, Big Dog style and we enjoyed the warmth of the sun.

Sun. Oct 11, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Lifa laid trail from the home of Urine Love. There was a large gathering, but only half went out on trail, Nine trail hounds and the hare. And ten groupies stayed on the roof deck basking in the sun. Hell, at first it looked like a decent crowd. This was to be a Marathon sort of trail, Yeah. long straightaways. 2.64 miles. We did mix it up a bit with Checks and Falses and Back Checks and finally onto Lincoln where we stayed all the way to Irving Park.
By here I was running behind. Really behind. Dr. Cockvorkian found the Check but it was False, and so while I ranged, they found the pack south on Damen and were gone. I never saw them until just before the beer stop. Trail went south and then after a Back Check the pack went a block west and south, across Belmont and to this large park. I ran into Hooch B4 Cooch just before Belmont, ranging from the last Check. We guessed right and he led me into the Beer Stop. And there was the whole pack which also included False Advertising, Bottom Wrangler, Cockholm Syndrum, Back Door Bizzle, J. Parth and O Brother What Art ...Ow, and DFL, Horn-E.

The Tale of the Trail

Wed. 30 Sep 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Its Too Soft laid trail from, surprise, his roof deck. And well done Its Too Soft. He received some bad news that day that his father passed on. And he still got the trail done. Well done. And the sympathies from all of your hash friends.

He said something about 4 miles, but GPS doesn't lie. Well, except mine which usually shuts off half way through the trail. But we had a nice  group of 6 trail hounds that sort of stayed together until it didn't and got scattered and went way past Wrigley and out to the lakefront.
I really started falling behind at a long Check on Clark and south of Wrigley, but I was with them as they surged north and were soon gone. Eventually that part of the trail came back to the Addison red line and then east to a Check at Halsted. Not marked, I ranged to the south and then east and suddenly there was Lifa working on a Check. That ended up going west and he and Garmin disappeared to the south and eventually that damn loop to the lakefront. I kept checking south and finally found trail at Belmont and Broadway. I was On and in front until Lifa finally cught me as I exited an alley. It was a short loop north and then on to Diversey and On In. Soon the rest of the pack arrived including Meat Inside Her, Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black guys. And a short circle was held on the roof as usual.                     

Thu Oct 1, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Pink Dress Hash
.
Gay Dancer hared from 1300 W. Wolfram, a little park with a small gazebo. We were dressed in our finest Pink Dresses. Well, some of us were. And Garmin had the best dress for this show. There were eight trail hounds, an extremely low turnout for this event. But we took off to the north and a quick Check. This took quite a while to resolve before heading north a few blocks and a Triple Check. This was also troublesome. By the time I headed in the right direction the pack was gone and I ended up running right past a mark right in the middle of some painted marks. Finally got that right, only it was wrong and I was joined by Just Lee and we went two blocks straight east and no marks. Somehow that straight line was actually a Split and the right turn was missing. J. Lee eventually found it and he was off and there was no way I could keep up. Got to a Check at Halsted and Diversey and headed south, and south, and south until I picked up on trail at Fullerton, This led me on a short trail straight up Lincoln to Wrightwood and a Shot Stop. Yeah, first one in the Covid era. Don't miss them. My body shuts down and it takes me a long time to get back going again and by that time the pack is long gone and all I could do was follow. Back at the finish we had a short circle and ended with good old Swing Low. There would be a continuation on line on Sat. of the circle. 

Fri. Oct. 2, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Lifa hare from Brands Park at 3259 N. Elston. We had 7 hounds for this trail and we took off to the east. A short river trail and out on Belmont where a Back Check allowed me to catch the pack. We then headed over to a Check at Western. This one had us scattered for a bit before we got on track on Clybourn and then some alleys to Western and over the river and to Elston and a Check. I got lucky here and found the third mark and trail down an alley and I was gone. Blew right through a Back Check/Split and racing On. Did I say racing. Well, for me I was really moving that night and I blew through the next Check and a Split before I finally got caught at a Back Check Split and I went the wrong way. Damn. Don't like that mark. Anyway, I was now with Berts Special Friend and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. We ran on and came to another Check that caused us some shit. Happens a lot sometimes. At this point Magnetic Muff joined us. We ran on and found ourself at another Check at Logan Square. Damn. Bert Special Friend was soon gone and the three of us ran on and finally caught him at a Check at Kedzie. I want the wrong way, east, but on a mark. Finally returned to Kedzie and saw Magnetic Muff disappearing on Belmont heading east. I followed and this finally got me into the beer stop. It was about 5 more minutes before Lower Wackoff, Son Of Spam and Stuffin' Muffin rambled on in. We finally went back to the start and held a nice short circle.    

Sun. Oct 4, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Dryrofoam hared from Gross Park at 2709 W. Lawrence.
It was a beautiful day for a hash. Nice sun and just cool enough for a refreshing run. Unfortunately only 5 hounds took advantage of the great day. Dryrofoam laid a trail with the biggest arrows I ever saw on trail. You could follow that trail even if you were as blind as Horn-E is deaf. With our city taking great care of its citizens, the local facilities were closed as usual (idiots) and the first porta potty on trail had a long line. By the time we got going again, the trail had devolved into the Fast, Half Assed and the Dead Lasts. Just Brad was not seen again by me. Garmin was last seen when he returned to mark a Check on Western. And Lifa blew past me after going the wrong way on a Check. So, I was in back with Back Door Drizzle and eventually he ran down an alley that I knew was a loop. I never saw him come out and thought I got ahead. But no. He was ahead. Helps when you have a dog pulling you. So I ran on over Brown Line tracks and over the River and finally back on Lawrence, a short block or so from the finish. Nope. North with a little park running and then through a campus. Finally I came up to Back Door Bizzle. Damn, he was a head of me. We ran on and crossed Foster. Would we keep going north to Bryn Mawr. No. Just an alley paralleling Foster and over the river and soon some alleys and such to the On In. And there we all gathered for a circle. All six of us and not a single Harriet. And well done to the few Harrietts that are coming out consistently. All three or four of them. Is this were the Chicago Hash dissolves into obscurity with less attendance that even the monthlies are getting. And on a beautiful day too. We held circle and sang some good songs and told some tall hash tales. Good time.  
The Tale of the Trail
Sun. Sep 27, 2020, The Chicago Hash, Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Pulaski Park, for a grand total of 7 hounds. At least we had one Harriett. We took off to the south and Glory Hole took the lead with his dog. With that dog pulling me, I could lead too. Anyhow we got to Division and a Check. I went left, wrong. But Cockholm Syndrum and Pony Pounder went across the street and left and were on to the north along the EXPY and coming out at another Check at Augusta. Soul Taco followed them and I was right behind her. Trail then went straight east and over the footbridge and after two more blocks, a Check. Several hounds were ahead of me and they went south. But they weren't on yet, I think. so I went north and found nothing and only followed then to the next Check where I ran into several hounds lost and Checking. They found trail to the south and into a side street heading east. Here I made a bad decision and since I was at a Split I decided to head east on the Split and run parallel to them. Then I saw a runner way ahead and thought it was Pony Pounder. It wasn't. Damn. The hare pulled a nice, sneaky loop and back to Ogden and over the EXPY. By the time I found this, they were long gone. So I just followed trail and often Splits that were marked and finally there were no marks. Damn. So I ranged and finally picked up trail in an alley just off of Ashland. That lasted a few blocks until another Check. This time at Division. I guessed wrong and eventually gave up and headed ON IN only to find half the pack waiting, Soul Taco, Back Door Bizzle and False Advertising. A few minutes later the FRBs showed up, Glory Hole, Pony Pounder and Cockholm Syndrum. They also gave up. WTF. Anyone we eventually held a laid back circle led by False Advertising on a beautiful afternoon. Where were the hasher of old.

Swing
Low and ON ON Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Sep. 17, 2020, The Thirstday Hash, Back Door Bizzel hared from under the Red Line tracks between Buena and Montrose for 5 trail hounds and three walkers who just followed the Hare on parts of the course. But at least one of the walkers was a Harriet. Wow, is TH3 allowing Harriets now? We headed north to Buena and then off east and over to Lincoln Park. While falling behind early I caught Its Too Soft under the tunnel to the park as he was checking out a Split. Trail went south to Irving Park and then back west. After a block Garmin was seen heading south on a Split and we followed and soon the pack was together with Just Adam and Cockholm Syndrum and a Check. We head west and two blocks later we ran into the hare and walkers and we were on a Back Check. That brought us all to Broadway and I headed north to check it out. The trail went south, the only other possibility. Duh! So I headed west to parallel the pack and look for them coming north. They didn't. But finally I ran into a mark coming out of an alley. A one foot line, consistent with many of the marks the hare laid. West, East, North, nothing. So I figured it was just the second mark off of a Check. Not. Damn. So I headed west to the red line and then north and finally found the On In mark at Irving Park. Well, I waited and waited and waited and finally they can walking on in. They were at a beer stop at the hare's wife's business. But we partied on and Garmin led circle and no Swing Low. What is this shit. For those that miss it, it is below. And we partied on and on. The walkers were Ice Princess, Construction Junction and Famming Flaggot.

Fri. Sep. 18, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly hared from Athletic Field Park at 3546 W. Addison. Wow, 40% of attendance were Harriets. Welcome ladies. You are rare these days. We took off to the north and an immediate Check. Well, that got me. I knew were the trail went, having seen it on the way there. But I decided to play the game and ended up going all around the field, following first Magnetic Muff and then Lifa and finally finding the On In mark before getting on trail and getting to those marks I knew about. And that was a Check at a Hone Depot parking lot entrance. I ended up working my way to the SE corner and as I approached I heard an ON ON. I got there with Mudsucker and found a mark and I was off to the south and eventually following Berts Special Friend. Magnetic Muff joined me and passed me. We ended up going west after a Split and eventually she missed a mark and I saw Berts Special Friend and we took off down an alley. Back on streets heading west there was a Triple Split and i got second choice and I was right, right down an alley. When I finally found a mark I yelled on and they were after me. The next decision mark was a Check. I kept going west and saw a mark that looked like it went into a church area behind a locked fence. Thinking it did and the gate was open when the hares went by, I ran around the Church, A long way. Nothing. So I decided that the trail was probably to my right, but heading north and so I headed north and at Addison, there was a mark. Whoppie. So I cross the street and head north on marks on an angle street. Thought Meat Inside Her might be ahead, but I never saw anyone ahead or behind me after that. I ran on, turned south and to a Check. Got that right away and back on the angle street and into a tunnel of trees and to Pulaski. From here it was under tracks and highway and to a Check. Things finally go wrong. It looked like someone marked the Check with a candy wrapper straight east. After a block, nothing. Across the street, nothing. Damn. I was on the wrong side of the street from the Check on. So I ranged and picked up trail after a Beer Stop that I just missed. I was soon back at the start and waited 25 minutes before Lifa finally came on in. That was probably my best running in years and my damn GPS turned off half way. Damn. We held circle and just finished in time for me to catch the last Addison bus home. Others on trail were Stuffin' Muffin and Meanage A Twat. And no Swing Low. In case you forgot the words, they are listed below.

Sat. Sep. 19, 2020, The Bushman Hash, Horn-E hared from Linnie Woods in Morton Grove. We had eight hounds and three were Harriets, more then TH3 and CH3 put together. And we're the Men's hash. WTF. We started out to the south and into bush right away. This led to the bridge over the river on Dempster. Then the trail headed south on tracks and back into Bush. We had a quick Check at the edge of a steep slope towards river level. And I got Lower Wackoff on that one with only two marks. By then everyone was on and eventually back down towards river level and into thick weeds and under brush. The main pack ran on and I held back with Lower Wackoff. He finally got ahead and somehow I missed him and ran on. Trail came out of this river level trail and up to a prairie level with a hill in the middle. This area was full of tall weeds full of yellow flowers and up to about 10 feet high. I warned the pack to be careful and not damage the flowers and I could not see where they went through the flowers. Great. They took many pictures. I came out of this and ran on and back towards river level and down a long path into trees. And I get there just as part of the pack is returning from finding only two marks on a check. Meat Inside Her was leading followed by Berts Special Friend and then Slit Digger, etc. They crossed the foot bridge and headed west along a path and along the rivers edge. I followed Back Door Bizzel along here and the path eventually merged with another path and a well placed Back Check and four hounds were returning from the Back Check just as Lower Wackoff caught up. Just the way it is supposed to work. This led into the deep woods and almost crawling level stuff and tall weeds and such until we came out at the path that is the On In. This part the pack I was now with included Stuffin Muffin, Magnetic Muff, and Just Do Me Slowly. Hey, I just got everyone named. Anyway, back at the B, Slit Digger eventually found the beer and the pack went for their own beer and chairs and such and we sat in deep woods looking over the river below and held our circle until we couldn't think of anymore accusations. Sang Swing Low and headed to the cars. Some managed to stick around in the sun for another hour or so.

Sun. Sep. 20, 2020, 2:00PM, The Chicago Hash. Crash Test Dummy hared from 4342 N. Bernard. We had 13 trail hounds on this trail and we actually had our first Harriet at the start in weeks. Whoopie. Come on back out ladies. Hashing is still pretty much the same and still fun. Anyhow, this was a short simple trail. I started out right behind Stockholm Syndrome and on to a Split. I went wrong and found myself following Double Meter Beater. Yeah. like that would last. We went north and then some zig zag east and north and then south and east and then north and east and finally came to a little park and through it. Then the trail really got straight. Up to this point I had followed Sanding Ovation and then Back Door Bizzel caught up and then I ran on and caught up to Stuffin Muffin and left him behind and still followed Sanding Ovation as we headed north. But at the little park, she kept going north. I called on, but she didn't follow. So it became Stuffing Muffin and myself heading south in an alley until we hit Montrose and a big park. As we ran on into the park we suddenly saw Double Meter Beater doubling back due to a Back Check and guess what. I was right there and following him back on trail and onto Cullum. Well eventually most of the rest of the pack followed me and passed me and we ran on Cullum and Cullum and Cullum and we now have Cullum as he new Elston. Straight on and on until the alley leading us back to the start/finish. Eventually Double Meter Beater led us in circle. By then the hare had left and so did two hounds including our only Harriet. But we still had our slum lord RumpleStealsKids. She was the one way over there behind the mask and the hares stunt liver. Eventually it ended and again, no Swing Low. Pathetic. Well, it is below, hum it.  

Swing Low
and ON ON
ON ON andHorn-E


The Hash Hymn - sung world wide at the conclusion of hashes and for the hearing impaired.

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot, cuming four two carry me home. (chorus)

I looked over Jordan and what did I see, cuming four two carry me home,
A band of Angels cuming after me, cuming four two carry me home,

If you get there, before I do, cuming four two carry me home,
Tell all my friends, I'm cuming two, cuming four two carry me home,


Some times the chorus is followed by humming and silent verses.



The Tale of the Trail
Sat Sep 12, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, False Advertising hared from Evans Field, wrongly called Jerome Hubbert Woods because of mis communication between the hare and Horn-E. Sorry Stuffin Muffin who arrived late but actually caught some of us on trail and led us. So there were 6 on trail eventually. We started east and then north in a tiny section of woods and immediately lost the trail. I went back to last mark and found trail heading over some grass and into the woods. At the bottom of a little slope was wet lands and a Turkey Eagle Split. Eagle was into the wet lands, actually dry but swamp grasses and razor grass and elephant grass, Hell, it was so high it would take a giraffe to eat from the top. A tall giraffe. And there were some grasses knocked down and a slight trail with traces of flour here and there. The most fun section of trail I ran all year. This was starting out to be the best trail of the year. But it was right after the swamp where the hare dropped his flour and lost half of it to water. So the marks got slight and hidden and mixed up. I led for another hundred yards of good woods before a lost trail. Hooch B4 Cooch and Lifa passed me here and I was stuck struggling to pull 357 burrs out of the hair on my knee and then everyone passed me. But I ran on and eventually found my way out of deep woods and to a path behind everyone else. And this path led back to a real wide path and back to the start. Now that wasn't right. And some of the pack were returning to find trail and where we screwed up. Yep, we missed a False. And so we back tracked and came to the Check and started looking. I lost everyone and wandered through all sorts of paths and deep woods, sometimes seeing two or three marks and then losing trail. Eventually I saw Lifa ahead. He was on some sort of trail, but lost it. Well, he ranged on and eventually headed towards a known path. I kept working that area and finally found the trail and lost it, found it, lost it, found it, lost it. Well, this went on and on. Eventually I found a path and was on trail and running well until I finally came up on Lower Wackoff and Stuffin Muffin, going the the other way, like towards me. I looked around and saw a mark off trail and the three of us were on with Stuffin Muffin leading. About five minutes later we were looking for trail and I realized that this was where I ran into Lifa earlier. I big freakin' loop. I told them and they wanted to run on. At this point I said enough and headed back. They lasted about five to ten minutes before they realized why I wouldn't follow. That trail was almost impossible. So they also returned. We held a Big Dog circle and sang The Hash Hymn. Sweet Low, and soon headed home, muddy but satisfied. Maybe if the hare didn't lose half of his flour.

Sun Sep 13, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess was the scheduled hare, with a maybe start at Kaseys. Then on Sat I got word that the location changed to Redmonds where they were having a closing party, busted by to much Carona and other bull shite. And there would be a co hare of Silent But Deadly. Ten hounds managed to show up. All men for the third hash in a row. Don't Chicago Area Harriets run any more. Anyhow we took off under the El tracks and down to Belmont, through an alley and then west for a few blocks and back to Belmont for three long straight blocks. Then we were north on Southport to just past the El Tracks and back to the start. Less the 2.5 miles and 30 minutes. Hooch B4 Cooch led a laid back circle and along came a Harriet. No, not a Chicago Harriet. But soon to be. A transplant. Didn't get her name, but welcome.

 Swing Low and On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail
Tue. Sep 1, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash, Lower Wackoff hared from Eckhart Park for 7 hounds. If anything can go wrong, it will. The ground was a little wet, but most marks were there. Except when they weren't. I got there a little late and they were already gone, but I ran into them at Milwaukee and Augusta. There is a foot bridge over the Expressway and that is where trail went. Right after that there was a Check right after a railroad threstle. By the time I got there, Lifa and Some Crappy Name were gone. I almost went the right way, back under the trestle on the other side of the street. But the rest of us then spent a real long time looking north, east and south and never a third mark. I ranged the correct way again and went around the whole several blocks and no marks. Missed the flour on trees, but in my defense, the turn mark was missing. Rain??? I finally ran north on another street and again, nothing. Crossed Milwaukee and ranged and this time I spotted a Split. Don't know how trail got there, but I was ON and I called out to the pack, but wasn't sure if anyone heard me. Ran straight on Milwaukee and finally got to a Check at a massive six corner intersection. And I guessed right, Ogden. Not on the right side, but I crossed the street and there was the second mark. Headed over the bridge and found more marks. At the bottom of the hill is a road and there was a left/straight Split, but I somehow missed it and dodged between traffic and ran on to a False. So, not seeing the Split even running back on trail I'm thinking only a False from the Check. Ran into Garmin and Berts Special Friend and marked that trail False and we returned to the Check corner. We found nothing and it was getting late after spending so much time on that other Check, Berts Special Friend, Its Too Soft and myself decided to call it and head back on Chicago Ave to the start. Lifa already did that. Meanwhile Just Do Me Slowly calls the hare and he tells her where the trail goes from that Check. So she and Some Crappy Name head on the true trail, where I found that False, and saw that False I marked and gave up. When does Horn-E ever manage to get ahead and find a False and mark it, Never, And when he does, he gets it wrong. There was a Split and the False was off the Split and not the Check. Damn shadows and bright spots. So we held our circle and all was good and the hare can use that trail again.                  .    

Thu. Sep 3, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Lifa laid trail from Welles Park for 15 hounds. We had four virgins for this trail and only lost half of them. Well, two left early or something and were long gone when circle started. Just KP and Just Tim. We started NE through the park and a quick Check and guess who found it. Yeah, this old fart. Headed into an alley and Stiffy 4 Stiffies quickly took the lead and we were off through alleys and a Back Check. And I almost found this trail again, but I was right behind Rusty Grundle. Trail headed west across Western and streets and alleys and past this little freedom park and some confusion and then west to a Check. I headed west and soon found myself where the third mark was and Just Tim was returning to yell on for the pack. We ran on to the bridge over the river and they were coming back from a Back Check. The FRBs started heading north and west when I decided to check the other side of the street on the bridge and there was a mark in the shadows. I'm on and in front again. We headed over the bridge and with angle streets along the river we had some back and forth and finally on west and south.  We're heading to a park and sure enough a BN. Suddenly there was an arrow up the hill and there was the hare with beer. Some of us started to take off and we crossed the river and came to a T and E Split. I opted for the T, thinking this was just a short little loop and didn't know I would miss the infamous river path in the dark. So on the T trail I was first into the finish just as the hare got there with beer. Those that took the E trail found a trail in pitch dark along the river. Fun. Rusty Grundle eventually led us in a  circle and officially we met our two remaining virgins, Just Janet and Just Kate and we hung out for a bit in the dark.

Fri. Sep 4, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin' Muffin hared from Peterson Park for 9 hounds. Trail headed sw through the park and then through the area of condos and parking lots. Falling behind a bit I finally ran with Berts Special Friend through that area and he left me behind. I caught a short cut thanks to the hare and headed out of the building complex and found a Check. but I was right on it and eventually headed west on Bryn Mawr and then in a area of single family homes and alleys and such finally coming out near a factory zone and another Check. I went north and found two marks, but nothing else, Returning the pack was finally catching up. I now went south and they went west through some parking lots and such and they were ON. Meanwhile I was paralleling and finally came to the abandoned Railroad right of way heading into La Bagh Woods. And there was a Split. I went west and was wrong, So I was following to the south on the path and running in the dark as my eyes adjusted and I was actually gaining on those ahead with flashlights. Finally came to the Bridge and several hounds were returning saying there were no marks. Had to be. We returned and found a Check. I headed East in the park and on a paved path and found marks  and this eventually led to the third mark and a Split. I went south and was wrong or right as I missed a turn. Returning I was now behind some hounds and missed their turn to the south on the next block or alley or wherever. I ran on with no marks figuring I was on a parallel course and finally headed south at this park and found Lifa and trail. We ran through this park and eventually I catch up to Berts Secial Friend, Lifa, Meat Inside Her and we run some alleys and such and finally out on Foster heading to this college campus and the various paths going through there. And two short cutting walkers came along, Scent Of A Man and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys. I passed them and soon I was running into that same park we started from. And then I missed a mark and wandered all over looking for the Beer Stop. Here we held circle and finally left at 10:00, park closing time. Menage A Twat and Just Do Me Slowly were also on trail. Well, so was Its Too Soft. He had to take a Peterson Bus and two Els out of the Green Zone and it took him 7 and a half hours and he arrived late. But he did head out with his lawn chair and his torch and found trail until it left the apartment complex and he called it and found the beer stop. Well done Muff.

Sun Sep 6, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Complimentary Nuts and I'm Fucking Nuts hared from 1764 W. Winnemac, their new apartment, for 10 hounds. This was a short trail and I fell behind early and was struggling trying to keep up. We went NE from the start, crossing Ashland and up Clark and then worked our way west to Ravenswood. As we were heading west, Scent Of A Man was just ahead of myself, Its Too soft and Back Door Bizzle. He made that last turn to the north and I saw the FRBs straight west and I led those other two on a quick short cut. Picked up an trail and in an alley. Eventually fell behind Its Too Soft and we went through the tunnel under the tracks and west to Damen. As I got to Damen and Foster, I saw a Check and it was marked south, twice. So I went South. After a block I saw Its Too Soft and Saving Myself 4 2 Black Guys heading back. Well, hell. This is at the edge of a park and here is a path into the park. If that Check was marked wrong, time to start heading into the park. I did, Then didn't. About three minutes later I found the hare and the FRBs drinking beer in the middle of the shiggy natural area. Another five minutes before the rest of the pack manager to go back to the Check and find the B. After we headed back to the hares beautiful deck and sat around and Lifa eventually led us in circle. All was good.

On On
Horn-E




The Tale of the Trail

Thu. Aug 20, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction hared an A to B trail from Levitt and Augusta. We had 10 hounds on trail in the light. We ended up in some real dark. They had just taken off as I arrived and It was about 3 miles before I caught up to two walkers coming out of an alley. Hmmm, what were they doing alone in the alley. Oh yeah, following trail. A damn short loop. But it was nice to see someone after running alone for so long. It was well swept but the front end of the pack must have really been solving those Checks. A short time later I came up to some more of the pack, and we sort of mixed it up at a Check and followed on into the finish. I arrived at this park alone and I figured it had to be in there somewhere. But we are really talking dark and I follow the arrows until I see a group of people sitting on some bleachers. It was dark enough that I wasn't even sure it was the hash. Eventually I recognized a few and all so many new hashers. Eventually Hooch B4 Cooch called a circle on some paved area and about ten minutes later the lights started to come on and we could actually see each other. Of course as usual I can't hear them behind masks and talking with their inside voices, but circle was held. After circle we hung around for quite a while. Decent trail and you never heard that here. 

Fri Aug 21, 2020 The First Crack of the Moon Hash Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Jonquil Park at Wrightwood, Lincoln & Sheffleid. We had 8 trail hounds and they took off to the west, the fast pack, the half asted pack and the last pack. Trail went west and south and through De Paul and around some angled streets and back to the park. There were a lot of loops for some good short cutting opportunities, but I think they got to spread out to take advantage. And there were two points on trail were the On Out trail was right across the street from the On Back trail and no one found that On Back On Out, But that might have been a great short cut catch up for some slow hounds. We ended up drinking in the park and circling there. The idea of coming here was to try to get into a nearby beer garden at Tapster. By the time tables were onen most were ready to head on and Lower Wackoff and Just Do Me Slowly stayed in the park. And so two non runners (yeah, they're starting to come back out) went to the beer garden and they tried ten different Craft beers before we had to leave. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but didn't work out in practice. So back to parks, yards and alleys as long as the weather holds out. Then what, I have no idea. Dam lockdown.

Sun Aug 23, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend hared from 2201 Campbell parkway. We had 10 trail hounds including 3 virgins, J, Kate, J. Even and J. James and one bimbo on her first Covid hash, Choke and Stroke. That left just 6 regular Covid hashers, as in those that are coming around these days during lockdown. Trail headed straight north for 3.5 blocks. 3,5 blocks???. But after a quick zig and zag we ended up at a Check by a little park. Choke and Stroke found this shortly after I got there which put me from Dead Fucking last to just ahead of Lower Wackoff as the pack headed north and west and the two of us tried to keep them in sight. Then we headed south west and the trail went left, right, left, right etc, by some empty fields allowing Lower Wackoff and Horn-E to short cut across fields and almost keep them in sight. Trail went around this hill and then south to the Eisenhower Expy and a foot bridge over the Expy. As I came down the steps I noticed the pack ahead in the next block but not going anywhere. Hooch B4 Cooch indicated a Check and I looked down and lo and behold, there is an arrow, I yelled that out and headed west looking for the next two. By the time I spotted the third arrow the pack was already following. It always feels good when an old slug like myself can occasionally solve a Check. But leading was short lived as Hooch B4 Cooch finally passed me. We then headed south past this park for a few blocks and the most of the rest of the pack passed me. Another Check or was it a Split and we were heading east and under some tracks. Now here things got confusing. Suddenly hashers were returning towards me and then heading north on some side street. Someone was calling Hooch B4 Cooch back but then he saw something and headed east. Hmmm. I followed him and sure enough, there was a mark coming from the north and heading east. We stumbled onto a short cut and were heading on to Western. Here was an arrow heading south and I took it. A block later the trail went back west and I looked and no one was following me, Huh!! A long story short, I ran a long block west, further south, a long block back east and across western. Further south and east and a Triple check. And all this while I kept looking for someone to follow and on one was following. Huh!!! So I worked the Split and finally going north in an alley with an S turn I see some of the pack, way the hell to the north and looking like they were Checking. They were. It was a Beer Near Check. As best as I can figure from others, Lifa ranged across Western, found the Beer Near and the pack followed while I did a whole loop that they missed. I finally came into the finish and apparently just beat Lower Wackoff and for that long stretch I thought I was in front. Damn. Shit happens. So we held circle and laid back and cooled off in the shade and an occasional breeze.

On ON
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Thu. Aug 13, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Steps In Shit laid trail from 1606 S. Allport. We had a pack of 9 hounds including 3 virgins thanks to J. James. Do that again and we'll definitely have to get you a name. The virgins were Just Alyce, Just Trisha and Just Mo. And I heard they did a good job sniffing out scent on trail. To bad Horn-E didn't or he could have witnessed all of that. Yeah, as usual I got a slow start and fell behind even faster. But shortly after the first Check, Garmin had to pass me for the second time. When an FRB has to pass a DFL several times on a trail, the hare must be doing something right. And from what I saw, the hare was mixing things up good. Anyhow I lost the pack at the second Check. From a block behind I misjudged where I thought I saw the pack go. Meanwhile they went down an alley and two blocks later they had a Triple Split that was giving them fits. I might have caught up there.  For your information. At Checks the first mark is often across the street and down a block and not easy to find. Don't like that myself, but that is the way it is being done. When there is a Split and marks point down the block on the same side of the street, it is an arrow and the arrows say the only directions possible. But never across the street. That is a separate trail and needs an arrow pointing across the street. It is just the way we do things here. The hare now understands and all is good. Anyhow, while I was running in circles at the last Check, the pack finally found that one and moved ON. Then I got there and went through the same things they did. only I had to do all of the options and more then once before figuring out what happened. From there the trail went to the plaza of statues and not a rioter in sight. But another Check. I didn't really figure this one out and eventually ranged east and north and suddenly I was at another Check. WTF. Well, I didn't really solve this but found myself on marks again and came to a Split. Again guessing wrong I came to 19th Street. I figured that the real trail had to go east from that last Split so I headed east for a few blocks. Nothing. Crossed the street and there was an arrow pointing west. From here it was a short way On In. And I was almost first, but Just Parth twisted an ankle and beat me in. About five minutes later the pack came rolling on in. Others on trail were Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Lifa who led a good circle from his perch on high.

Sat. Aug 15, 2020 The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail for nine Hounds from Cumberland and Irving Park. Even when I arrive earlier then normal, I still run out of time and I did again. but more on that Hare f*ck up later. Stashed the beer in the woods and returned to the start to lay trail. Headed south into the woods and through a tunnel of tree branches into a field of prairie grasses some over seven feet high and thick. Trail was laid in TP tied to higher branches. As I was laying this, I was walking down a barely there path with one foot + grasses overflowing the path. Suddenly about ten feet in front of me I see a fox running away on the path. Closet encounter I ever had in the woods with a local meat eater. But on through woods until a Check on what used to be a long wide path, now over run with fallen trees. Laid a long False here that they missed at first, and the pack sort of regrouped. Meanwhile Stiffy 4 Stiffies was long gone on the correct trail. The next adversity was two large trees blocking a path and requiring the pack to do some crawling under them for about 20 feet. We're now running along the gold course. with Lower Wackoff pulling up the rear. And there was a Back Check that worked perfectly for him as he joined Magnetic Muff, J. Kelsey and Just Do Me Slowly and they headed into this huge area of wide open forest with great options to run while jumping over logs and such. At the far end was a Check and the FRBs, were there struggling over the Falses. Worked great and the pack headed south and eventually west and finally back to a path, with another back Check. I finally caught up to a bunch of the pack at a Check they were struggling with. Good. Regroup again. They kept going in the right direction, left, and left, but not far enough. I finally gave a hint to Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin and they were soon off and running. Some nice path and then back into some fairly open woods. This came to the local creek and when I laid trail through the tall grasses I found a big log over the creek. So it would be easy, And then came along Lower Wackoff followed by Just Do Me Slowly. And the chivalrous bastard stopped and waited for her to cross, giving her a hand. If the women have the Balls to run with the Bushman, they can handle water crossings themselves. Part of out founding principals. Anyway, it was path running on in. At the local bridge there was a mark pointing across the bridge and along a narrow path, but Lifa ran down the wide path seeing marks on trees. Eventually he figured out that they were old marks. Love it. And last month I tripped on a root on a path along here. Banged my knee and drew blood. Lower Wackoff found that same root and bit the dust. Along here I figured I had enough time to get in to the finish on time when I was laying trail, but then forest overgrowth got in the way and I had to tie on a lot of TP that put me behind. Then I over ran the beer stop and had laid an extra mark before going back and finding the beer stop. My error. I didn't correct for that, but just put up some more TP for the turn into the beer stop. Stiffy 4 Stiffies found that flour and kept going and completely missed the beer stop. "Hang the hare." But I was already late and as I ran towards the start, I was met by the pack that had already taken off. Good, but I couldn't let them know about the fucked up mark. Damn. We had a nice short circle and then returned to where the cars were parked and found Stiffy 4 Stiffies. Another circle and then left just as the downpour hit. Also on trail were Steps In Shit and Some Crappy Name.                      
Sun Aug 16, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Dickens Cider hared for 11 hounds from 2809 W. Logan Blvd. We took off in dribbles and drabs, or short packs of two or three. I was off in the first dribble of Styroporn and Pony Pounder and Zone 2 was DFL as the last drab. In between were Hooch B4 Cooch who passed me Just before Logan Square Circle and Soul Taco just before the finish. Also in the middle were various groupings of Steps In Shit, Cockholm Syndrum False Advertising, Garmin and a returning new comer, Just Allysa. So, what happened. We headed west and north with a nice twisting course with just enough Splits and Checks to give a challenge to small packs of 2 or 3. Along the way I was following our little group and saw a Split where Styroporn went straight and Pony Pounder went right. I didn't see him again until just before the alley trail on in. But I followed along until I got left behind and did some more checking on my own until Hooch B4 Cooch finally caught me. There was one part where the on out trail and an on back trail were literally across the street at an alley. As I was approaching this for the second time, I managed to see Hooch B4 Cooch heading into the first pass of this section. To far away to call out to him. After the trail we all circled and hung out scattered in the Parkway on Logan Blvd on a nice day, not to warm and an occasional breeze. False Advertising led us in a liad back circle.                
On On
Horn-E



Thu. Aug 6, 2020 The Thirstday Hash. Berts Special Friend hared from Dvorak Park at Cullerton and Carpennter. Would Son Of Spam come out of hiding. Well not for the hash, but he did stop by to mooch a few brews after the hash. As for myself, a series of CTA screw ups and yet I somehow managed to get to the Red Line stop at Cermak at 7:05. A bus was due at 7:10. It never came. The next one was due at 7:26 and I would only be a few minutes late. It never came. Finally after several screw up the next bus arrived at 7:41 and as fast as he was, it was still 7:46 before I got off of the bus. Bus tracker failure. I could have walked it that fast.  The pack was long gone. I found the start and no hare and I had a back pack and a chair for the circle. Ain't running with that shit. So I found some on in marks and started walking the trail backwards. No No instead of On On. But at least I was sort of on trail. I just kept going until I ran into the FRB and then I turned around and short cut back. Sucks, but you do what you can. After we all got in, we sat around for a few beers and a laid back circle. There were a total of nine hounds on trail including my short aborted effort. Meat inside Her, False Advertising,Its Too Soft, Garmin, Lifa, Hooch B4 Cooch, Some Crappy Name. J Parth, and Steps In Shit.

Sun Aug 9, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Silent But Deadly hared from under the El at 937 W. Wrightwood. I was the first to arrive along with Just Brad. Soon we had a virgin, Just Alyssa and then the pack grew to nine hounds with J. Parth, Hooch B4 Cooch, Soul Taco, Steps In Shit, Garmin and Ball Cock Dumper. then the hare arrived. She soon had us off and running at about 2:15 or so. Within blocks the rest of the pack disappeared and a lot of the marks were marked leaving Horn-E and Ball Cock Dumper just plodding along on a simple trail through the local streets, We did manage a little bit of hashing with an unmarked Back Check and a Check that was marked in the wrong direction that gave us an opportunity for a little bit of checking. We finally came on in and stood under the noisy El tracks trying to carry on some conversations between trains. Eventually Feather came running in, from the direction of the On Out trail. I guess he got there after the premature start and never caught us and finally gave up and ran back on in.

On On
Horn-E


On On
Horn-E

Sat Aug. 1, 2020, The Big Dog Hash, Stab 'em & Slab 'em & Reverend Shut The Fuck Up hared from 6530 S. University. We started out, late as normal and from the alley heading south. About 20 hounds but a large section of walkers. This is about those that ran. At least what I saw. We headed east past a few blips and finally under the Metra tracks. I was running second behind False Advertising and we headed north. Then he headed east into an alley. Great, we're heading towards the park. Not. I was running parallel and after a block he had no marks. So he went a half block north and looked like he headed east again. So I did. Last I saw of the pack or him for a while. No one showed up at Stoney Island. So I headed north and nothing, no arrows, block after block. I finally headed back west looking for the pack at the south side of the Midway Plaisance. About three or four blocks later I find an arrow heading north so I'm back on trail, behind as usual. I cross the Midway Plaisance and the trail headed east. And back to Stoney Island. If I stayed on Stoney Island I would have been FRB. But now I am ahead of damn few, but Stuffin Muffin. We head into the park and met up with others and finally headed into the island by the Chinese Garden. But no Beer Stop there this time. So we do get into a dirt path with many side trails and nice running through thick vegetation. We emerge at the far south end and a BN that was about a hundred yards west. Nice trail if I only made it all. Back at the back yard we settled into a very wide circle. It was so wide we had to mail Just Do Me Slowly her down downs. After that we had some good Brats burned to perfection by Reverend Shut The Fuck Up if you don't like them that way. Not really, they were good. And we settled into a laid back party shouting to each other as we were so far apart.

Sun Aug 2, 2020, The Chicago Hash. I Eat Dick & Gay Dancer hared from 4645 N. Magnolia in the back yard. I'd like to say how many hounds showed up, but that number would only be a guess. As I was walking to the start I bumped into Hooch B4 Cooch and he told we they took off at 2:10 and he was heading to a Check and maybe catch them. I had a chair and back pack with me. So I go on and there ended up being a few hounds who arrived counting on a normal 2:30 hash time, like last week. We finally took off at the NORMAL HASH START TIME. There were 6 of us. Stiffy 4 Stiffies took off and blew the rest of us away. That was easy because the trail was already swept by that first pack and so this would be mostly a run instead of a small hash. Should have been a decent sized hash of about 15. But we ran on and I fell behind. Suddenly I found myself just ahead of Just Parth and Steps In Shit. A block later and we had a Check at Montrose. Last I saw of them. Maybe with a larger pack I might have managed to stay with them and not miss the On call from Steps In Shit. So I circle and circle trying to solve that check. I finally did and it was just following marks and Splits and Checks already marked. Like a 5 mile trail. I'd have had as much fun staying home and running around the block 20 times. Definitely not hashing, just running a prescribed course. About the only thing different was running past the graffiti mob and their false propaganda and other B. S. I finally manage to run on into the finish and there is the whole pack, hanging around. Well, now at least I can finally have some fun conversation with friends. I poured myself a drink and about five minutes later a few sprinkles came and the whole hash disappeared. I haven't seen a disappearing act like that since the last time I watched a magician. Yeah, back in Vaudeville. There was nothing left to do except pack my bag back up, and leave. I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer, I'm sure that the trail was nice to run as a pack of fifteen if we were all able to start together like back in the old days of hashing. Alone it sucked. And then to have everyone leave so quick and suddenly, not your fault, but the worst hashing experience I've had since March. We really need to get back to one start time and sticking to it. The hash doesn't run as a pack, but solves trails as a pack and that is the fun of hashing.   

Mon Aug 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Garmin hared from Clarendon Park at Clarenden and Agatite for a pack of 10 hounds. It would turn out to be a nice trail with almost everything in the parks. Only a bunch of experienced hounds could possibly screw this up. And that is what we had for a major fucked up start. Thanks Horn-E (Also the hare and some drizzle in the area causing a relaying of trail and no sweep). As Horn-E is arriving from a bus stop, he spots an arrow going south in the park. Hmmm. Looks like an On In mark. It was. So he crosses the street and sees another mark going north. Hmmm. Must be an On Out mark. It wasn't. Ooops. What happened is the hare laid a trail about a block in the park, like an On In and then crossed the street and went back north. A nice little loop to fuck over the FRB. Here is where the mistake was made. As he turned the trail across the street, Instead of a turning arrow pointing back north, he laid a straight arrow, like crossing a T. Then a block away to the south he had a Split on the On Out trail. The part of the Split, pointing north went to that straight arrow and looked like we were on. And since Horn-E had seen that arrows, when Meat Inside Her couldn't find a mark, it only made sense for Horn-E to yell out to her to keep going, he had seen a mark earlier. Another thing for hares to consider is never having On In trails near an On Out trail, especially near a check or split. So she soon was on trail and we get to a Triple Split, the last Split before the finish. Hounds wander. And we check north and east, but not south because that would take us back to the start. Instead of running around like a pack of hounds we were running around like a flock of chickens with out heads cut off. Well except Its Too Soft who guarded the Check. Horn-E finally ranged very far north and finally found a mark, pointed south, the On In trail. WTF. So, to far away to get the pack, three blocks, he decided to run the trail backwards. Past Lawrence homeless village and into Lincoln Park, past Dogs Beach and eventually ran into Garmin relaying trail. Well, we finally figured out what happened and he ran off to find the pack and Horn-E continued running on a No No trail. This led to the bird Sanctuary where he lost trail, Running around it, he finally found the rest of the pack, finally on trail. Horn-E went on backwards. Hell he has been backwards all of his life so this is good. They ran on and eventually though the bird Sanctuary scaring birds everywhere nesting for the night as they followed Its Too Soft and his mega flashlight. We all ran on and finished our trails and settled into a laid back circle and some nice relaxation. And all was good.

Tue Aug 4, 2020, The 4X2H4 Hash. Meat Inside Her hared from 2225 W. Campbell Park Drive. Another nice pack of 8 hounds for this trail through the hospital district. Who could possibly get lost here. False Advertising, an ideas? We take off and ran through a small residential area I never ran through before. After a quick Back Check, we regrouped at a Check and then scattered. Finally Garmin calls out to me that they went east and I follow to Damen and north and back west where I was able to short cut through a field of scrub and it looked like another Check and the pack was scattering. I ended up following Berts Special Friend to Damen and he headed south. Then across the street I see Garmin heading north and I short cut. I did see False Advertising heading that way at one point, but not again. We did get on trail and we eventually headed east as I followed Stiffy 4 Stiffies, Lifa and Lower Wackoff was right behind me. On east we went towards Arrigio Park. Just before there was a Check and that screwed a few FRBs for a bit and I caught up and we went to a Triple Split at Arrigio Park. Naturally I was a block to the south as they find the trail to the north. I return and they are gone. So, I make a few calculations with my slide rule and compass and T square and headed north and didn't see any marks. So I work my way north and west looking to cut off trail somewhere. Nothing. Finally I am at the expressway and figure that the hare had to cross over somewhere to my east so I head over the Expressway. Still nothing. I head west and there is a turn arrow. I'm On. I ran on and back over the expressway. Now heading west I finally get to a quad split at a little park. I pick right, through the park, and now I'm heading west on Harrison. And at Damen I find a Split, marked west. Damn, I'm behind again. I head west and finally no marks. But that is where I got off the bus and saw a mark. I head for that and run on west and it is On In. And at the finish, there is False Advertising who got lost early and marked that Split\. I was in front. A few minutes later in came Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Garmin and finally the rest of the pack. And there we held a nice laid back circle with Stiffy 4 Stiffies leading the circle. And all was good. Also on trail was Steps In Shit who I don't think I ever saw on trail but he came in with the pack.

On On
Horn-E

The Tale of the Trail

Thu Jul. 23, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, in the back yard for a pack of 8 hounds. I started out with the idea of getting to this hill in Warren Park. Little did I know that it would add up to 6.3 miles with all of the Falses. But I tried to put in several loops that the back of the pack (Lower Wackoff, Stuffin Muffin and Magnetic Muff) might catch and save some time. And they caught them and did stay close to the FRBs. And they were Lifa, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Garmin and Some Crappy Name. Managed to get them on four checks along Clark where they were supposed to think trail would cross. Not. Trail managed to get to Warren Park and managed to run up the hill. At the top is a fence and I believe only Lower Wackoff and Lifa climbed it. Good. Somebody did. The pack managed to come in fairly close together and we settled into the dark corner of my yard while we held a laid back circle and just hung out on a quiet peaceful night. A few hounds said the trail was good, but you know how hounds lie. But I let them use the bathroom anyway before they left.

Sun Jul. 26, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Glory Hole laid trail from Arrigo Park under the shadow of a Statue of the person who discovered the Americas. Unfortunately the statue was removed a few nights earlier. But that didn't stop the hash and we had 14 hounds gather in the sweltering heat of 105 heat index. We took off to the east and the hare wound us around Arrigo Park before we headed east and I started to fall behind. So what else is new. We finally came to a check and it looked like all of these people that left me behind were just standing around. I could see Garmin off in the distance going around this little park. I got there and headed east and Garmin came out of this park ahead of me and he was soon on. Then everyone took turns passing me as we ran through the University Campus. We emerged at the Northeast corner and headed across the Expressway. As I hit the top of the bridge I could see the whole pack running west on Van Buren. And now it was Garmin at the back of that pack and there was no way I would keep up with him. Well, he missed a turn and as he returned I was able to point it out to him. He might catch that pack, but no way I would. So I just kept going west on Van Buren and finally crossed the Expressway and headed over to Ashland. And just as I get there, another short cutter came running by. Yeah, that's you Double Meter Beater. And there was a Check. He headed east, but I was pretty sure the trail went south. Love prelaid trails. I saw a Triple Split on Ashland as I got off the bus and that turned out to be the correct trail. I kept looking back for Double Meter Beater, but again he short cut into the finish and I got stuck with a Back Check before coming on in, a few minutes after him. And there we stood for well over five minutes before we saw half the pack short cutting on in. It seems that while we were at that last Check, we had a few sprinkles. Not even enough to get the pavement wet. Well, those others found them selves in a roaring downpour about three blocks north of us and had to find shelter. Shit happens. Eventually the pack was complete as Cockholm Syndrome finally came in, DFL. Hooch B4 Cooch eventually led us in a laid back circle and then the pack just hung out in the shade drinking beer and all was good. Welcome to our virgin of the day Just Parth, and a transplant who will be here on occasion, Just Anthony. And Steps In Shit, I hope I got your email right this time.

 On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Sat . Jul 18, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail from Cumberland and Irving Park. I headed out to lay trail with a cooler and flour. Decided to change early plans and drop off the cooler early. Big Mistake #1. This would make the on out and the on in to close together. So I opted for heading into the woods instead of the tall grasslands. Big mistake #2. I got into the woods and it was thick and couldn't find my way out. Head for daylight and then another almost impenetrable section. Finally emerged at some tall grasslands and wasn't where I thought I was. Went the wrong way and soon back into thick woods again. Big mistake #3. Now climbing over logs, ducking under fallen trees, and squeezing through wherever I can. Eventually daylight and a path. I went the wrong way and came out at a place I wouldn't have chosen, but at least I found out where I was. Damn, these woods change every time I come out and I've laid well over 50 trails out here. So, I quickly re planned a course in my mind and gave the pack a long section of running on paths. It is about running and not crawling through overgrown woods. So the path goes west along a muddy stagnant stream. Stream on the right, woods overgrown with sticker berry bushes. Really impassable. At the end of the path is a bridge over the stream, but I don't want to go that way, Needed to go left and started that turn early so the pack wouldn't get confused. Remember this point. Then it was a nice 6 to 10 foot wide path. At the first junction in the path I laid a Check with a looong False to the left. Trail went right and towards the west. Again a junction and check with another looong False to the left. Trail went to the river which was just breaking flood stage. Wanted to do a quick back loop into the woods for a great short cut for the slower hounds. Not. Turns out as I headed north I found myself surrounded by water and kept going until I found an easy crossing on logs. Now for some open woods running where you can really actually run. A quick Check and the trail headed downstream from that bridge and a place to run through some deep grasses and leap over that little stream and start to head back. More easy path running and we come to that bridge again. Remember that. Well a second pack hit that area, mis interpreted an arrow pointing to the left of the bridge and instead went over the bridge. Guess what. They found themselves going around the same loop again. As screwed up as this start was, ya gotta laugh at that point as about 5 did that loop again. Real trail paralleled that stream again with a short loop over a hill and back to the path. This eventually led to an attempt to cross the stream to get to where the beer was. Mistake #4. Looked like a safe log and I leaped to the other side, but not far enough and lost my shoe in about 8 inches of deep muck. Had to walk back in my stocking foot to retrieve my shoe. Damn. From here it was a nice narrow path to a point where trail went into tall grasses and a menacing looking bunch of woods, that wasn't all that bad once inside with a path and BEER, Then I had to head for the start, about exactly on time and see if more then the usual numbers actually showed. If anyone. Wow. A pack. 11 Hounds. Would turn out to be more then CH3 the next day and this under heat warnings. WTF. We should have this all the time. Including two Bush Virgins, Cockholm Syndrome and Construction Junction Whats Your Function. Fast hounds, half fast hounds, frequent bush hashers and the infrequent. Just enough beer for a quick circle. And the pack was off. I tried to sweep, but to damn slow and then I did a header tripping on an exposed root on a path. When I got to the circle, some had already left for the cars and their snobby beer selection, and some were off doing that loop a second time. But we eventually all ended up in the picnic area for a longer larger circle and all was good. It was Lifa's 100 Bushman Hash. Others on trail included Just Do Me Slowly, Lower Wackoff, Slit Digger, False Advertising, Just Kelsey, Some Crappy Name, Garmin and Glory Hole.

Sun Jul. 19, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from 2849 N. Southport for a pack of 10 hounds. Being banged up from the Bushman I didn't think I could run, So I got a course from the hare after the pack left and missed the first turn. That put me at the last mark on in. So I decided to just follow the trail backwards. Actually fun as I had to do a little reverse checking. Trail really went in a big loop to the south and east. I finally hit a Check after crossing a flooded intersection. Went a block east, nothing and so I looped back on the next street to the south. Nothing. So now I am back at the street I was running on when I hit the check. Going back a block to the check, nothing. Actually this was the real way the trail entered the Check, but the trail went a block and a half without a mark and I was a half block short. Damn. So I headed west and go around another block without a mark. As I return I find the middle of the pack looking for a mark and coming from the south. So eventually they found a false mark on the corner and didn't see the Check. Gone, east. Just Adam came along and headed right for the true trail and I followed him. The rest of that part of the pack finally figured out their mistake and followed and soon we were back in the alley for circle and drinking. Three front runners, had to pass me at that Check while I was out checking and blew right through it. That was I Eat Dick, Garmin and Silent But Deadly. And eventually Chicken Stifer wandered in DFL What I saw of the trail was a nice twist of trail and mix of Splits and Checks, but far to few marks and the hare admitted that she was running out of flour.

The Tale of the Trail

Sat. Jul 11, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. False Advertising laid trail for 10 hounds from Hubbert Woods in River Grove, North and 1st Ave. That had to be about the worst, MFU start of all time. He lived up to his name, False Advertising. First he had a wrong location for this hash. Then he tells us to go to the road and turn right. We found exactly one mark and we had to go back to find it. Fifteen minutes later we were still within a hundred feet of the first mark when the hare came along and told us there were marks all along, but even he couldn't find a single mark. So, he directed us to the south and a mostly abandoned mall area where we found two marks and then struggled again. Horn-E played Mister Smarty Pants and guessed he was heading to the Gay Bridge in the woods, an abandoned railroad trestle. And he was right and soon on marks. Yelling on he tip toed over the rainbow to the other side and found marks heading into woods and a Check. That led to an easy False and returning he could see the pack finally arriving.  We headed east and spread out before Just Kam finally picked up on trail and Horn-E and Lifa, and Stuffin' Muffin  and Just Kelsey led us out to North Ave and a Check. Here is where we ran into Crotch Fire hashing on a bike and he did pretty good in the woods too. A short time later Just Kelsey found another Check in this school area. Naturally I was in the wrong Direction when this was found and I found myself falling behind. Trail worked its way south and west and eventually over to another Forest Preserve Parking lot. And there was another Check. The pack was scattered and the only one who found the real trail was Lower Wackoff. Which explains why he came in DFL. Horn-E almost went the right way and that is when he last saw Lower Wackoff. Horn-E ranged along the edge of the woods looking for anything. And below was this beautiful wetlands area, now mostly dry and full of razor grass. Had to try it and ranged into the razor grass. At the other end he went up a hill and found a small deer trail. And following that he came to a mark. ON ON. But no one was within ear shot. Following this winding trail he came out to a wide path and saw Just Kam returning from a False. The rest of the pack wandered from that last Check, beyond normal checking range and found this Check. So we headed south and trail was found and we wandered in nice woods without paths and finally Horn-E led a small pack including Magnetic Muff, Its Too Soft and Just Do Me Slowly to a BN. Right at a bridge. Across the bridge was another Check we missed, and we headed right down the sucker False following Just Kam. Well, it was eventually found and we were all soon in the parking lot. And eventually the hero of the day, Lower Wackoff arrived, DFL. But at lest he found the whole trail. Laid back circle was held and all was good. We talked about naming Just Kam and why he hadn't hared. He said if he hared he'd probably just get Some Crappy Name and so we named him on the spot, thanks False Advertising. He will now be known as Some Crappy Name.

Sun Jul. 12, 2020, The Chicago Hash. One Fuck Chuck hared from 6749 N. Lakewood. I got there about 5 minutes before normal hash time, just in time to watch the pack leave early. Can we get back to normal and stick with a standard Hash Out Time so those that arrive at the normal time can hash with the others instead of just following a swept long boring trail, The point of hashing is trying to resolve the trail together, and not necessarily running together, which seldom happens anyhow. So I am off alone and hoping to catch the pack. Not happening, And then I come to an early T and E Split. Well, the pack is long gone and there is no point trying to catch them on a long eagle trail, so I take the turkey. (Apparently it was a damn long eagle trail). I get to the beach and there is a Triple split. I didn't think so, but I checked over towards the sand and to the north. Nothing. Going south I'm soon on trail and that finally comes to a Check. True trail went west on city streets, but I had high hopes for the sand. Not. And that is when I ran into the sand police. She came at me yelling something, probably about my not wearing a mask. Sorry stupid, but there is no way I can pass on, or catch Carona viruses all alone, on a wide sandy beach, while jogging on a very windy day. And I can't breath with a mask on while jogging. Breathing takes precedence. From here I quickly picked up trail and it was a series of long straights with a few Splits already marked by someone. But who else would be on the Turkey Trail. Well, I was soon in to the finish and there was Just Adam, a fast runner who opted for the Turkey trail on his first trail back, and I Eat Dick who somehow went the wrong way and picked up on the Turkey Trail instead of her preferred Eagle Trail. It was quite a long wait before the Eagles and a few late coming Turkeys finally made it on in. Eventually Lifa held a short circle and we soon departed. We also had the return of Pony Pounder. And a newbie, from Paris, (Now I know I got this screwed up) Chateau Margalls. She is an experienced Marathoner and the day before actually started working with a group of new potential Chicago Marathoners. Then this week they canceled the Chicago Marathon. So, come on out to the weekend hashes.

 On On
Horn-E
The Tale of the Trail

Tue. Jul 7, 2020. The 4X2H4 Hash ran from Oz Park with Lifa haring. We met at the tin man statue and ended up west of Dorthy. It started to he north through alleys and then worked its way over to Lincoln Park. Would we finally get into the park and some lake breezes. Yes and no. We got about fifty yards into the park and right out and no breezes. But some nice twists throw Old town and then apparently the trail got a little tricky as some struggled at the back end. Hooch B4 Cooch was FRB, Stiffy 4 Stiffies came in late but finished next. Soul Taco was FBI. Horn-E came in lame. Just Do Me Slowly wilted in the heat and finally walked back. Lower Wackoff kept chugging and came in DFL. The rest of the pack came in somewhere in the middle with Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Its Too Soft, Garmin and Just Kam rounding out the pack. The toughest part of the trail was the downpours caused by the humidity. Really. a cloudless sky and the rain kept coming. Almost got the whole sidewalk wet. Another laid back circle with Hooch B4 Cooch leading and Horn-E yelling "What did he say?"

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Fri . Jul 3, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon HashJust Wylli and Saving Myself For Two Black Guys hard from the picnic area on the north side of Foster at Kilbourn, at the field house. Unfortunately, there was no field house there and I went to the field House in Gompers Park. By the time I found the start, they were gone. But quick directions from SMFTBG and a little local knowledge and I found them just after the Cicero Bridge crossing and a hi-jack. How were two visitors to know that they were going right past Roofie Ragu's house and the marks were spotted. In the heat it was appreciated. We then ran on and I was with them this time. A few city streets and a nice little run on in on wooded paths. At least it should have been. I think my eyesight is now going, but in the darkening woods, I was having trouble navigating the  roots and stuff on the forest floor. But soon we were out and running across the grass to the beer. I followed Garmin and Berts Special Friend. Meat Inside Her was already working on her acceptance speech for being FRB and Lifa was also in. Behind me came the rest of the pack, Lower Wackoff,  Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff and Stuffin Muffin. We had to  move the beer and circle to Gompers Park to avoid the Tree Police and Forest Preserve closing. There we circled and after a brief circle we got to naming Just Wylli. He shall forever more be known as Scent Of A Man.

Sun Jul. 5, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Lifa hared from 933 W. Wolfram, for a smaller then normal pack of just 10 hounds, but we were off in a staggered start and a typical Lifa trail with just enough Checks, Splits and Back Checks to keep most of the pack together. Well. Lower Wackoff and Horn-E fell back but were able to slowly stagger in in the heat. And it was hot. The idea these days in the Chicago Hash seems to be staggered starts so the pack isn't running together with this nasty bug going around. But when does the pack ever really run that much together.  And remember, the idea of a hash is to not run together, as such, but to work the trail together. This trail offered that.
The Tale of the Trail

Tue. Jun 16, 2020, The 4X2H3 Hash. Lifa hared from Churchill Park with a nice pack of eleven trail hounds. And I soon lost the leaders as the pack got split up pretty good. That included Double Meter Beater, Just Kam, Just Zach and Meat Inside Her. But there was a back pack and I found myself taking off after Garmin thinking he was on. Not. And we returned to the first Check and head east and finally get on. And then we started getting into the crazy mix of alleys and angled streets that would be the course for the day. I was now running with a back pack, following Garmin. Then he started disappearing and I was following False Advertising. Then he started disappearing and then out of no where comes Berts Special Friend. And again he soon disappears. WTF. I can't keep up with anyone. But I'm not last and the back runners disappeared as I kept looking back for them. I finally hit a Split and went the right way, but not far enough. Looping back towards the other option I actually ran into the real trail also looping back and I'm On. As I pass that alley I was heading for, there is Lower Wackoff heading my way, on the wrong Split. I called out ON and he got a little short cut. I ran on and eventually got another Split that I read wrong. Circling back, Lower Wackoff finally catches up and we stated running trail together. We finally got to a Check and I found trail and ran to a Back Check. I think I screwed this up, but we spent an extra 5 minutes on that before I found the correct trail out and from there it was On In. Lower Wackoff was about 2 minutes behind me. And the missing Just Do Me Slowly and Mudsucker eventually couldn't keep up with Lower Wackoff and short cut to the finish. And the pack was whole at a diamond finish. 

Fri. Jun 19, 2020,  The Forty Second Anniversary of Hashing in Chicago.
Horn-E hared from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard. Two old time hashes stopped by before the hash, Bloody Thighs and Special Head. Both retired teachers that are now working for FEMA and spent the last several months manning phone banks and saving our lives. I didn't sweep so just hear say. There was a six pack of trail hounds. I gave Menage A Twat a short cut because she was just walking. The rest took off and headed down an alley and a Check. And I got them going the wrong way. But after that they wandered the streets and hit a section with all sorts of crooked streets and alleys and managed to stay together most of the way before finally running on in. We held a laid back circle and 69 Cent man gave us a few songs that most never heard before. And it was on. Only 8 more years to the 50th Anniversary. Start planning now.

Sat. Jun 20, 2020, 2:00pm, A Bushman Hash #181 This is the 15th Anniversary of the Bushman Hash and Horn-E's 35th Anniversary. Horn-E laid trail from St. Paul woods in Morton Grove. At least the local protesters haven't burned down the woods demanding a name change because it is a Christian name. And the woods were beautiful, lush and green and not to over grown. Not to brag, but I thought this was my best trail in a long time. Just a great combination of great and varied terrain in the woods and it mostly worked. We had a six pack of hounds. I enjoyed laying the tail so much I decided to sweep and of course did a piss poor Job. It was a quick chalk talk. I warned everyone that there was a height check point on trail and that everyone had to keep an eye on Just Do Me Slowly. We headed off to the north and a Check at the river. Lifa went left and naturally the right trail was right. And quickly down to rivers edge and a crossing on rocks. That is when I realized I forgot to tell the hounds about all of the TP on trail. So I headed off on an end around, hoping to get ahead of the FRBs and let them know. Especially with one virgin (Just Willi), one new to the area hasher (Saving Myself For 2 Black Guys) and one relatively new hasher (Just Kam) streaking off to the front. SMF2BG & Just Willi came to a river crossing right by a bridge. They ran right on through it. Just Kam took the bridge. When I got there, Lower Wackoff was half way across the river fishing for river trash. JDMS was still navigating some woods. Lifa. I have no idea. I then headed off on paved bike paths trying to get ahead of the FRBs. Damn, I'm sweeping to enjoy running through the field of flowering Iris plants and great woods. Not the damn asphalt. I finally get to where I thought I'd cut them off. Not. There they were, past there and running through knee deep soft prairie weeds and such towards a small section of woods. Run on you damn amnesic hare. They hit a gully and were just crawling out of that when I arrived. Whew!!. It took a bit and they finally found the first TP and soon were off and running through over a hundred yards of knee high or higher soft weeds and mostly white, prairie flowers. This field used to mostly be knee high Scritchy Scratchy, What happened? But still fun running. I caught them at the end at a Check and they finally came to the bike path and a Triple Split. Looking back, I saw Lifa shortcutting across the field and almost catching up. Now, the trail went into a spider trail along the river or narrow dirt path twenty feet over the river. Nice running. Half way along here was a log jam in the river. Been here for at least five years. Several big trees going all the way across. I do something I don't normally do. I had put down a Split here with SC for Short Cut pointing across the river, Remember that. From here it was a race for the three FRBs as they ran this path and a short sweep into woods before coming to the road to the south of the woods and a bridge crossing. Lifa is following and I'm way behind and falling back and still wondering about Lower Wackoff and JDMS. Not to worry. I saw the FRBs heading north as I headed south. good. No Lifa, but he knows what he is doing. I make the same loop over the bridge and head north. From here I just followed my trail alone, correcting a few things for Lower Wackoff and JDMS. Yeah, like they were really behind me. Remember that log jam and the Short Cut. It was laid as a False Trail. But Lower Wackoff and JDMS came by there just as the FRBs did on the other side of the river, They were told that it was a long way, so they crossed on the logs and followed the FRBs. Actually, worked great. These trees are wide enough to easily walk across. But I was told that JDMS straddled the trees and slid across. What she did when she came to the raccoon shit on the trees, I have no idea. From here it was a lot of nice woods running and something else that was knew to me. Looked like a section of newer plantings of some real skinny trees, almost shrubs that are planted within about a foot or less of each other and eventually reached a good ten feet high. JDMS alert area, If she got lost in there we might never find her. From here it was on in on nice paths and just good lush woods.
Circle was laid back and I got a spare chair and sat in a section with some very active tics. Yeah, tics, Total of 5 of the little bastards. They get on you and just crawl for a bit before setting in for a good snack of fresh blood. I caught them all while running up my legs. Safe as long as you get then moving. Just Kam was FRB, Lifa was DFL. SMF2BG was a former Korea Hasher and Lifa hoped he would know a bunch of Korean songs that Lifa knew. Not. but he had different songs then Lifa. All was good and no rain. A great 15th anniversary.

Sun Jun. 21, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Mommy's Little Accident hare from 4902 N. Magnolia. I thought I would get there plenty early and as I walked up the street the pack ran by me going the other way. This included a virgin hasher that I didn't get a chance to meet, Just Bradley I was told later. So I got there, set down my gear and got my GPS going and was off and running. By myself. I could have done that at home. But I ran on. And things were marked so even the rest of the trail left no chance for actually hashing, just running behind a large pack that left way to early. About the only good thing was the T and E Split, which I was told was just a veeerrry long back check. Saw absolutely no one on trail. I thought hashing was a social way of running. Finally came on in. And the pack was all in the back yard. And that was okay, at least as we are trying to do with social distancing. Eventually Cockholm Syndrume came in, alone. And then Skull N Boner comes in, alone. And then Steps In Shit comes in, alone. And then Back Door Bizzle comes in, alone. I'm sure we would have enjoyed running with the starting pack of 7 hounds. Might have been more like hashing. Not a criticism of the hare. Trail was okay as a short trail. Just the current process. If we are going to run in ones and twos, do so and don't mark the trail. We did this at CH3's first hash back. It worked. But if we are going to have a big pack start off and sweep the trail, then wait for all of us like the old days. We'd like to hash too. Not just run a marked trail. Just saying. Now peace out.

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail

Sat Jun. 13, 2020, The Big Dog Hash. Meat Inside Her and Berts Special Friend set trail from Schiller Woods West for the annual Around the World in 80 Beers Hash. We had a nice turnout of eleven trail hounds. About a hundred yards into trail Horn-E found the marks and ran up to a Check. He and Stiffy 4 Stiffies headed down a path to the Northwest and found only one mark. Stiffy 4 Stiffies returned to this parking lot while Horn-E checked a little further northwest. Meanwhile the trail was found to the west and Horn-E wasn't seen again and Horn-E didn't see or hear the pack again. I eventually found a mark, a Split and headed south because I hadn't heard the pack yelling On to the north where I previously was. That led to Irving Park and I spotted an On In arrow. So I knew they were going to cross the river. Stow that in memory. So I headed north and found trail but as soon as it left the path I wandered around in a zone of now marks, or maybe marks, but I sure couldn't find them. Eventually I found about six more marks and then nothing. I mean nothing. So I wandered over to the bicycle path and headed north. And north and north. I finally found a mark and trail went down to this little feeder stream, under a bridge and back to a main path. And a Split. Again nothing and nothing and nothing. So I ran on to Lawrence and the bridge over the river. Hallelujah, a mark. Over the river and into the woods again and again, the marks were there and not there and straight lines on the ground didn't really mean straight ahead. I finally got to another feeder stream, muddy and about fifteen feet across. Didn't see foot prints into the stream so I headed west along the stream and found a large log jam and an easy dry way across. Back to the marks and a Split. But the Split was marked into the woods and not towards this little path. Opps, that is where the trail went. And out to a big grassy field with tall grasses and almost impossible to lay marks much less find them. The pack of ten did. The pack of one didn't and I ended up running through the field along the woods edge instead of through the middle. At the end of the field I found a path back to the river and a nice section for running but I couldn't run that fast as I was constantly looking for marks and of course, there weren't any.  Finally I had to leave the rivers edge and climb up a hill and guess what. Marks. And I followed these to a road and shortly On In where the pack was laying about drinking beer. Actually, I had fun running most of it, but it would have been a lot more fun if I didn't loose the pack after three marks. We held circle and they sampled many different kinds of beers. The pack included Just Kam and Just Kelsey, virgin Big Dog Hashers, and Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff, Stuffin Muffin, Zone 2, False Advertising and Stiffy 4 Stiffies.

Sun Jun. 14, 2020,  The Chicago Hash. Garmin laid trail from his alley and we had 11 trail hounds. When we finally took off, Horn-E led the trail to a quick check and found the trail. And he managed to lead until we crossed Broadway where Lifa took the lead and soon Followed by I Eat Dick and Gay Dancer and our Virgin of the day, Just Kiersten. And they were soon out of sight. But Just Kiersten managed to keep track of them and made it through her first Hash trail. Meanwhile Horn-E fell back to a slower pack including Styroporn, False Advertising and Zone 2. We ran together through Loyola and came to a Check and headed across Sheridan and northwest. Eventually I found myself falling back and their was the Devon Market where I went for something to drink after trail. When I came out I was soon passed by double Meter Beater and followed him back, sort of and finally headed straight to the finish. Eventually J Kam, Sandy Syphilis and Cockholm Syndrome arrived. False Advertising led a short circle and we hung out in the alley, drifting along with the sun. We're slowly coming back.

On On
Horn -E

The Tale of the Trail

Tue, Jun 6, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her laid a trail from 1637 W. Glenlake, back yard for 6 trail hounds. They were Lower Wackoff, Hooch B4 Cooch, Lifa, Garmin, Stiffy 4 Stiffies and Horn-E who ran much later. Nice little trail through the neighborhood with just enough tricks and traps to keep it interesting and Horn-E finally got lost after trail crossed Clark. Can't say much else. About 3.5 miles. There was a laid back circle moon style after. This was the first Moon hash in Chicago that was ever held in the mid afternoon, due to concerns about the Covid virus and the tyranny of our Governor

Sun Jun. 7, 2020, 2:00 pm, The Chicago Hash. Little Trojan Annie hare from 2335 W. Medill Ave., in the back yard. The trail headed north and I followed Silent But Deadly outon trail. At fist I was sort of with Dickens Cider and Garman, Then it was Just Kam and Just Kelsey, and we wee joined by zZomme 2 aand False Advertising. We eventually saw and joined up with Soul Taco and lifa at various points. We finally returned to the hares back yard. There were the earlier hounds including 69 Cent Man, Gay Dancer, Double Meter Beater, Stiffy 4 Stiffies, and a new hasher to the area, U S S R.  Later we were joined by Hooch B4 Cooch, Feather, Cockholm Syndrum and Just Jenny. There was no circle, but we all hung around for a bit and reacquainted ourselves with old friends

On On
Horn-E


The Tale of the Trail
Sat. May 23, 2020, 2:00pm, The Hashers Not Trashers Hash from the Whore House in La Grange Park. A Rotton Whore laid trail from the red light district in La Grange Park for seven hounds. There were three that didn't make it, but showed up to make an appearance, False Advertising and Zone 2, just as the pack was leaving and some old man, late again, and blaming the CTA, RTA, Metra, the Internet, his cell phone, and he would have blamed his Mama if she was still alive, for getting there late, and just as the rain started. Meanwhile a pack of seven trail hounds were out running city streets and working there way to the woods for some real serious shiggy, wet lands and whatever else the evil hare could come up with. And by all reports, it was a good trail for a hare who hadn't laid trail in ten years. Garmin and Just Kam were the FRBs, or the only ones to do the whole trail at 7.27 miles. What, and I missed all that shiggy. Lower Wackoff finally came in as the DFL. Well, hell, Horn-E wasn't on trail. He finally emerged from the woods as the rains hit and the marks disappeared. But he made it back. A short laid back circle was led by Stupid Is As Stupid Does and then the hare brought out some Rotton grub. Good time on a nice opening day of the Memorial Day weekend.

Sat. May 16, 2020, The Bushman Hash. With the Governor still forcing all of Illinois into Lock Down, the Bushman Hash said no. The Governor said we can go out jogging. That is what we do and most of the time we are well separated so why not. The plan was to take the hash through one of the local golf courses that we seldom get a chance to run. They are closed to golfing so why not. Well, the weatherman said WHY NOT. Ooops. About 4 inches of rain on Thursday. It would be flooded. When Horn-E got there he checked out the river. Overflowing the normal area we finish in, when hashing here. That probably meant that the golf course was flooded. It was and would have made any attempts there to be boring and/or futile. So trail headed Northwest. I had to go down one street for a long block before I really got into the woods and it was less then a foot deep in muddy water, and a hell of a lot of ground clutter buried under water and sight, or just floating. But the trail went across Devon and into more muddy water until I reached the Northwest end of that sector. Then it was back and forth over ravines with multiple water crossing, back across Devon and along the flooded golf course. So, that was the plan. As I finally got back in to the start, I saw a hasher we haven't seen in some time, Slit Digger. I went to finish off the start and saw some guy and some girl heading into the woods, right where my trail started, but I didn't recognize them from the distance and so I forgot about them. Surprise. It was Just Kam and a virgin Harriet, Just Kelsey (sp). I probably screwed that up. Soon Its Too Soft showed. That is two hashers that didn't know that those that RSVP'd said they all wanted to BYOB. So, they had no beer. And I didn't expect them with this iron fisted rule of the other hashers about not hashing. But I did expect False Advertising, Lifa and Lower Wackoff and when they arrived we were set to go. They started out into the woods between the tracks and the entrance to the parking area. Lower Wackoff spotted the marks and took the lead. By the time we got to Central, Slit digger was seen almost a block away and running strong. Didn't see him again until the finish as he blew away the trail in 59 minutes. After that long block, next to protected wet lands, we headed down a sidewalk and into the woods, Like I said, deep water, well, over the ankles at the worst, well most of the time. Trail came out after a hundred yards or so at Devon. I was sweeping and right behind False Advertising, Slit Digger was long gone. I crossed and waited for Lifa, Its Too Soft and Lower Wackoff. I was supposed to sweep and not lead, but they seemed to be worrying about the water to much, and I long ago just got used to it as inevitable. After we crossed Devon it was more water. Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Not if you valued your life. Trail headed north west through the bayous and swamps and bogs of Caldwell Woods. But they ran on, or mostly walked through the maze of water and possible water crossings on logs and whatever they could find to avoid getting wet. They were going so slow that even this old gray hare could have laid a live trail and stayed in front. And then suddenly Lower Wackoff starts following trail towards two people in the woods, It was Just Kam and Just Kelsey struggling along on their own through all of that muck. Well done Kelsey. Real well done. And soon Its Too Soft and Lifa caught up and continue sweeping right and left and any way they could go to avoid the water, We finally got to the Northwest end of the trail and a Check. Just Kam went off on one False and Lifa managed to pick south and got on the real trail. He soon left the back pack behind. The trail made three more sweeps across the ravine and up and down the hills on each side. Then we headed back east and they did one more ravine crossing. They then avoided the trail that went right down the middle of the stream. Two inches of cleaner water was to much for them at that point. Cleaned my shoes though. Finally they headed across Devon and a section of nice path above the swollen river where you could actually do some nice woods running. This came out at a road and we had to run along the edge, yes again, swollen river. I know, it is the Bushman Hash and no roads. This came to the golf course where we all got a good look at the swollen fairways. We couldn't get out on the golf course, but there was a bit of a path on the edge of a hill all along the golf course and then along the last edge of swamp land. Some chickened out and just jogged the road, but I did follow Just Kam and Just Kelsey and she even led some of this last little bit. Well done Kelsey. Screw the wimps. After we cross Central it was about a hundred yards of soggy woods until the B, looking over the swollen river and where it over flowed the land. Those that had beer brought it out. Those that didn't have, got one from Just Kam and Just Kelsey who had a few extra. We held a big wide short Bushman circle and everybody had to shout all hare down downs so Horn-E could hear them. We all had a good run and a chance for some real face time and showed that we can hash in these lock down times. Just try to respect others and get out there hashing. It is what we do and this is how to do it.
On On
Horn-E


The Tail of the Trail

Sat. May 16, 2020, 2:00pm, The Bushman Hash.

I got a late start due to the CTA. Apparently they are running a restricted bus service and I had to wait over 30 minutes for my bus. But it was free.  Got there and started laying trail. Managed pretty much what I had in mind and came to the start at 2:00pm. And there were hashers there. Stupid Is As Stupid Does from Atlanta and Rotton Whore took off immediately with this large black and white bitch on her virgin hash trail. And later we forgot to sing the Rover song. Anyway, they got so far and lost marks and eventually found the On Back trail. Damn. And they got there before I got there with the beer. So they went back to there car and sat there drinking beer and spilling beer all over each other. At least they can prove they were on  trail with their muddy knees from falling. Hey, they fell for my trail. Lower Wackoff came later and also headed out on trail and got lost. Again, he found the On Back trail and stuck with it and found the beer, about ten minutes after I got there. A beautiful spot with several trees fallen down making a huge square of seats, socially far enough apart for a pack of ten and filled in the middle with beautiful flowers. Yeah, the flowers were out. But, depending on where you were, 10 to 20 % of normal to maybe 60%, but mostly not as large as usual. Record snows last week stunted their growth. But in a week or two they might be spectacular it anyone had a mind for a walk in the woods. Then there was the mystery Hasher(s). Apparently after Stupid and Rotton got to the beer stop, couldn't find beer and left, and before I got there with the beer, some hasher(s) stopped there. Left two empty cans and a plastic garbage bag and a note. "Thanks Horn-E. Missed you and any others, can't stay but enjoyed the trail and the beautiful flowers. Prettiest trail we ever ran and the best trail we ever ran. Will see you again soon. Miss Teri and Mist Erie Hounds.

Stay safe and see you on trail as soon as you are comfortable with it.

Tale of the Trail

Sat. Apr 18, 2020, The Bushman Hash. Horn-E laid trail out of Forest Glen Forest Preserve. Temperature was about 35 degrees, but you would think it was the fourth of July and 80 degrees. Bikers, joggers, couples and singles, families with kids and dogs. Everywhere there were people re introducing themselves to family. I could barely find a hidden spot behind a tree to pee. Never saw such crowds. I must have told about 30 groups what I was doing so they wouldn't think I was spreading anthrax in the middle of a pandemic. We had three hounds, Lower Wackoff and two Bushman virgins, Rotton Whore and a visiting hasher from Atlanta, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. The pack got separated at the first Check at Cicero. SIASD found trail and was off and walking. Yeah, he doesn't run, but led from there until almost the finish where he went wrong on a Split. Lower Wackoff meanwhile came back from a False and tried to play catchup the whole rest of the way, getting nailed at the hares many nasty Splits, Checks, False and Back Checks. Trail went mostly along the river heading east into La Bagh Woods, around the swamp, and over the old RR bridge and back on the other side of the river. Relatively simple and as nice as we could expect before the spring bloom. Meanwhile Rotton Whore also doesn't run and missed my directions for a short cut, but eventually found it after I went by. WTF. She now does trails with a huge plastic garbage bag cleaning the woods of trail trash. Well done. She filled the whole damn bag to overflowing, mainly thanks to the kids and graffiti so called artists under the Edens bridge. And as she and I came out of the woods on Forest Glen, I pointed her to a short cut to her car with the garbage. Meanwhile I ran ahead on trail not knowing that SIASD got that last split wrong and was heading for the golf course. But we finally gathered at the beer stop in the woods, up on a fallen tree in the woods, (We've done that spot before) sitting on various branches and drinking beer. We brought out several relatively new local songs and some from Atlanta for some good entertainment. Then we headed up to the shelter and brought out a grill. Omaha Steak burgers and some Brats. A quick grill and then off home. And the woods were still full of people having fun in nature.

On On
Horn-E
Tale of the Trail

Wed Mar 11, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash.  False Advertising hared out of the Cobra Lounge for an A to B Hash. I missed it, but they had a small pack of only four hounds, Lifa, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her and Its Too Soft. I was told that there was a five mile trail but the marks were so close together it amounted to only about 2.5 to 3 miles ending at the home of the GM.

Thu. Mar 12, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Ice Princess and Soul Taco hared out of Weathermark for a pack of 11 hounds, TH3's second biggest pack of the year. This was a very short run followed by a Ragnar promotional stuff. We headed north towards the loop and then suddenly east into Grant Park. The hares teased the pack with the possibility of running towards the Museums and Soldier Field, but then did a quick loop back towards the city and a quick beer stop in the usual park. Hashers kept putting beer cans in front of Meat Inside Her and she kept turning them into Hockey pucks, a talent we started at the Bushman Hash, See, we are good for something. Back at the bar we all huddled on couches and appetizers were provided by Ragnar promotion and we all chowed down. Then in that tight circle we held a laid back circle led by Hooch B4 Cooch. So far, no reports of Carona Virus from that tight gathering.

Sun Mar 15, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Sanding Ovation was supposed to hare with a surprise co-hare from Celtic Crown. I arrived at 2:20 and was the first hasher there. At about 3:00 I was the only hasher there. The bar never knew we were coming and was never told them we weren't in case someone showed up. Surprise, the hash was canceled. I finally looked it up on my new cell phone that I am still trying to learn how to use, It was still listed on the CH3 Calendar which came up first. WTF. Later I found out that all of the "other" GMs had a meeting and decided to cancel hashing for March. WTF.  Unheard of. And I have been around for a long time. Safety? Emergency?They even have a Hurricane Hash in Florida. Apparently the regular Sunday patrons at Celtic Crown weren't aware of this. Either were the hashers at TH3 just 64 hours earlier. I left Celtic Crown and went to Barrelman on my way home. More of the usual Sunday patrons that were unaware of and unconcerned with this paranoia. Hoarding TP was the big joke. We then heard that the Governor was closing all bars and restaurants at 9pm on Mon. If this is an emergency, why not right away. And why not close the Tues. elections where all of those vulnerable senior citizens would be working. Will anyone vote, or just those brave enough to leave their homes. Just asking. I went home at 6pm and finally found a long list of people who tried to let me know that the hash, and all of the hashes except Bushman, were canceled for March. WTF. But the CH3 Hash was still listed on their calendar. Hmmm!!! My thanks to Dick Hermonica, Meat Inside Her, Gay Dancer and Lifa for attempting to let me know. But the earliest message I got was at 12:13, well after I checked things and planned my day around the hash that wasn't to be. Let me be clear about this. Last minute changes by the "IN CROWD" has been going on since I started hashing in 1985. It was never an emergency, just a decision that somehow doesn't get to everyone, like me this time. This was not a last minute emergency. If the hare needed to back out, we could have had a last minute "Pick Up" hash. No one is forced to come if they don't want to come. Then we would have had enough hashers for a decent trail. We could have had a hash to a park for a beer stop and a quick mini-circle and then go home. It works for 4X2 Hash. And no one, like myself, would have gotten screwed. If change is necessary, really necessary, you always try to make the hash work as close to the original Hash location and time as possible and always take EVERY venue to let EVERYONE know of the changes. So, yes, I have a right to bitch. Now my rant is over.
On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail
Tue. Mar 3, 2020, The 4by2 Hash. Berts Special Friend hared out of Estelle's for nine hounds. After a long walk to the shag wagon, we held chalk talk there and then ran past the bar and on into trail. Just your usual piece of shit trail except this one actually had a lot of twists and turns and a good chek at Western where everyone thought the trail had to go west. Not. Back east on the other side of the street and into an alley. Remember, at checks trail can go anywhere within 369 hash degrees. But we finally found it and the trail went on through a lot of twists and turns and a few cheap circle jerks. Good. We finally ended up in Wicker Park where the hare waited with beer. And for once this year we had a large contingent of Harrietts on trail. And they kicked ass, coming in 1,2,3,4 while the old fart wankers came in 5,6,7,8,9. Bunch of old worn out slugs. Lifa led a short circle in the park and everyone returned to the bar where there were several versions of $2 beer available. And most of the pack drank on.

Thu. Mar 5, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Antique Load Show with a stealth co-hare to help screw things up, Ritilian Cum Bubble laid trail for 12 trail hounds from Burwood Tap. This was by far TH3's biggest hash of the year. They even got 3 Harrietts to show up. Yeah, just more Bimbos to embarrass Horn-E and SnatchSquatch, the DFLs. And they short cut too. The trail started out fairly good, if you forget that first Check under a locked gate. The marks were fairly good, except when they weren't there. I ended up falling behind eventually and finally saw SnatchSquatch disappearing through Oz Park after a Check. Trail went straight south from the hill and crossed Armitage. The last mark I saw was a true trail mark just after I crossed Armitage. And that block, Mansion Manor, is two long blocks long, like a quarter mile. And I never saw a single mark. Apparently at the end of the block the trail went east, but I never saw any marks. So I returned on the other side of the street. Still no marks. Now I'm entering serious ranging. I cross Oz Park towards Lincoln and there is SnatchSquatch running straight north. I caught him and he was On. We skipped a loop to the east and suddenly the back of the pack was just passing us. Two blocks later we were at beer in a little playground. To her credit, the hare did sweep. But I don't recall her marking anything, especially that quarter mile block where she swore there were marks but that tiny little sprinkle of rain wiped them out. Only on that block. SnatchSquatch led us in a short but lively circle. We met our virgin, Just Ely and a visitor, Deaf Gurl. Then the party carried on and on into the night, the way TH3 used to be. Well done TH3 hashers. Let's keep it up.

Sun Mar 8, 2020, The Chicago Hash. RumpleStealsKids and Crash Test Blow Me hared from The Mouse Trap, the tap room for Off Color Brewery. There were 19 trail hounds out there for the biggest pack yet this year. I got there just after the pack left but was able to put my bag in the bar and run on out after them. I quickly got to a Check at North Ave. Someone marked the trail straight east. After one block and at the busy intersection of North and Clybourn, there was another Check on the SE corner. Someone marked the trail pointing straight NW on Clybourn but after a block there were no marks. I returned and checked the local alley but no marks there. Then I saw a mark, a pack arrow like the last two and just off the NE corner. This one was pointing straight east on the north side of North Ave. Guess what. There were no more marks in that direction. The trail was sabotaged yet again. If I kept going I could have ended up in Lake Michigan a mile away. Instead, after two blocks I headed back and started working the intersection of Halsted and North Ave. Nothing north but I finally found a mark on the SW corner pointing east. So the true trail went straight east on the south side of the street, not the north side of the street as some asshole indicated with a pack arrow. A bad mark can be worse then no mark at all. But two on one Check is inexcusable. The trail finally headed north across North Ave and of course there were no marks from that false pack arrow that would bring the trail back to the one that the hares laid. After that sabotage of the trail, I ran a few more blocks and decided that I was so far behind and I surely couldn't count on pack arrows or true trail arrows to help out. So I headed west hoping that I knew where the Beer Stop would be. I was right, over the bridge and on Goose Island. Eventually the pack came on in and on a beautiful day of wqarm full sunshine. Circle was held outside and the pack drank on with 3 casse and 2 30 racks. Welcome to three virgins, Becca, Trace, and Jean and the visitor, Deaf Gurl.

On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail

Wed. Feb 26, 2020, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash, Meat Inside Her and Glory Hole hared from Ph. D for the usual crew of 4 hounds. That would be Horn-E, Berts Special Friend, Lifa and Son Of Spam. Start was easy until the first Check. After that we seemed to get stretched out. Hell, there was only four of us and Horn-E picking up the rear as usual. Lifa seemed to disappear and managed to come in FRB. Meanwhile Horn-E was suddenly passed by Berts Special Friend. Then Son Of Spam showed up. How did they get behind Horn-E. And that happened again and again. Finally on 18th St, Berts Special Friend headed north and that was the last we saw of him. Meanwhile Son Of Spam and Horn-E weaved back and forth as they headed north looking for trail. They finally ran into Meat Inside Her on a rescue mission. We had just found the trail and it went past a now locked fence. She came to show us the way around it and to the Whiskey Stop. A quick circle and back to PhD for a last brewski.

Thu. Feb 27, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch hared from Damen Tavern. Another small pack including Horn-E, J. Adam, False Advertising, and Garmin. Famming Flaggott was walking trail. Wow, five of us. We headed west and managed to find trail, sort of, on and off. Actually the marks were in bright colors, but not always were we were looking and sometimes not so obvious even when standing on them. Trail did a little loop west of Western and then back north on Western to a Check. False Advertising found it and was off after alerting Just Adam. He marked the Check and ran on. GArmin and Horn-e arrived and didn't know they were at a Check and ran all over looking for marks, mainly east and any direction that didn't have marks. They finally started ranging far and wide and to the north and east before Garmin cheated and checked Facebook. Beer Stop two blocks east of us. We got there just as False Advertising arrived. But no hare. And no beer. It seems as if the hare posted the beer stop as Superior Park and even indicaveted it on a map. But we were a block west of the bar and he was at some school yard with Famming Flaggott a block east of Damen. Ooops. Meanwhile Just Adam was still working the trail and staying on marks and finally found the east location, after the y left. Shit happens. Horn-led a shitty circle that fit this shitty hash.


Sat Feb 29, 2020, The Rag Time Hash. This was snot the best of times for this hasher. Sorry I didn't post this hash and location. Apparently they only allow Facebook users to know about it. But I got late word and for once they weren't conflicting with the Bushman Hash so I went to the approximate location for my first Rag Time Hash. Snot what I expected. First, I found the right building but the wrong address and of course no markings anywhere showing which apartment or buzzer. I finally found an arrow heading out. Good. Now I waited, hoping someone would show up and I could find out where to go. No such luck. So, eventually I decided I came to run the hash so I might as well. Snot the best trail but all right for a nice run on a beautiful day, snot a bit to difficult, and a bit of running in Lincoln Park. I finally finished the trail and found evidence that someone was running the trail. So I hung around and soon the pack came in one at a time. SnatchSquatch who walked a lot, then the real FRB, Lost Her Pussy. Pony Pounder, Garmin. Lifa, Its Too Soft. Since it was the ladies hash there should be some ladies. Sandy Syphillis was the hare and Sanding Ovation and The Dark Kunt ran trail. So there we were standing around in this empty lot passing around a bottle of Champagne and it was snot a pretty sight. Seems like it was just cold enough to account for some excessive nasal discharges and a generous snotty dripped into the open chanpagne bottle as it headed for someone's mouth,  who will remain unnamed, but it definitely was snot a pretty sight and ended the champagne circle. The pack ended that snotty mess and headed inside for grub and endless champagne.

Sun Mar 1, 2020, The Chicago Hash.
Silent But Deadly and Feather hared from Redmonds for another all male hash of 11 hounds. All right, we did have a bimbo hare. False Advertising was so anxious to run that he started before chalk talk. Zone 2 called him back and he listened to the chalk talk and then after the pack took off, he showed me a short cut. Of course it didn't help much. I was still DFL. Under 3 miles and basically a big square before we ended up under the tracks for the beer stop. There was some confusion on trail with blue and pink flour. Now who used what. We did have one virgin, Just John who will be moving here soon. Trail was less then three miles and we were soon in the bar and Silent But Deadly kept a steady stream of beer flowing. False Advertising ran the circle and we were soon done with nothing to do but drink beer.


On On
Horn-E



Tale of the Trail

Thu. Feb 27, 2020,  The Thirstday Hash. Cockholm Syndrome with the help of Just Jenny laid this trail out of J & M Tap for 7 hounds. That was good because it was about 7 miles long according to GPSs results. And five actually made the trail. It started out good with a twisting course and maybe a bit to many Splits. But I was managing to keep the pack in sight until I ran into another of all to many swept Splits with a true trail marked the was the trail didn't go. There were no marks in the direction of the true trail. Why? The wanker who marked the true trail heard On On from that direction, but the trail went the other way and around a building and across the street and into an alley. He heard someone yell who wasn't actually ON but relaying an ON call. There were no marks in that direction. When this is done, another mark or marks are required to bring the trail back to the actual trail the hare laid. Anything less is sabotaging the trail for anyone following. Others besides myself have been burned by these kinds of False/True trail marks. A bad mark is worse then no marks at all. By the time I found the true trail the pack was now long gone. After a few unmarked Splits and resolving them and I finally called it and went back to the bar. There I found SnatchSquatch who also gave up on the trail after getting almost to Western, That would have been less then half way. So, there we sat by ourselves until the pack finally came in a hour later. We then held a short circle and I took advantage of a ride home and left. 

Fri, Feb 21, 2020. The First Crack of the Moon Hash.
SnatchSquatch hared out of Nightwawk for an A to B trail. This time we had 8 hounds including a visiting walker.  Trail was similarly designed to the trail from the previous TH3 hash with less Splits and shorter. Nearing the halfway point there was an impromptu beer stop. Lifa missed it. I was last in and the place was to hot for me and I took off first. From here I managed to find the correct trail after each Split and Check right away except for one. And here is when Pony Pounder caught up with the rest of the pack and passed me. About 5 blocks to the finish. Lifa managed to also catch me at one point and immediately went the wrong way at a Triple split. He heard me call ON but ranged and found marks ahead of me and came in first. I think. At one point I hit a Split by a hole in a fence. Now, I knew SnatchSquatch couldn't do it. Hell, I barely made it, and it was wrong, but the true trail met up right away. Meat Inside Her also tried that hole. At the finish we met in the basement for circle and then upstairs for pizza.

Sun Feb 23, 2020, 2:00pm. The Chicago Hash. Roofie Ragu and Silent But Deadly laid trail from the Bridgeport In after a late venue change. I'm not sure of the attendance on trail because I didn't have I. D. to drink at that bar. Yeah, another stupid stunt by a bartender. Seventy nine years old and she wants my I. D. Even though I wasn't drinking. So I missed the circle. But I believe there were 4 virgins and a total of 17 hounds. Good. And a nice day for a trail. Warmest this year. Trail started out okay with a few twists and turns. I was near the back when we hit a Check at 35th St. It was already solved and the pack was mostly long gone. Another strung out pack. From here it was a loooong straight past Ashland. Mudsucker dropped out and went back. Zone 2 and myself and False Advertising finally joined up at the back. False Advertising finally looked up the beer stop on Facebook and we headed that way. We found a lost virgin on the way and got her to join us. Then False Advertising ran on and at Archer headed east and ahead of the pack. They were on a looooong loooop as far as 38th St and Leavitt. Then Zone 2 started power walking and left the virgin Just Jada (?) alone with Horn-E. How dare they do that to a poor innocent virgin. Fortunately she made it to the beer stop okay. I think they lost one virgin, but it was a nice day and everyone enjoyed a beer before heading off to circle up and I went home.

On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail

Thu. Feb 13, 2020, The Thirstday Hash was set out of Miskas by Soul Taco, The Dark Kunt and Silent But Deadly for four hounds. Unfortunately five showed up, Horn-E. And late as usual. So I took off a few minutes after the pack. At the first block there was some sort of decision point, marked off but indicating east. I went east and after a block there was a Triple Split, unmarked. I chose right and was right. A half block later thee was a Split with straight ahead marked out and the other direction to the right, wrong, and down a long alley. So went any chance of catching the pack at the upcoming park. Anyhow, after running a long block in the wrong direction I went south to the next corner and headed back east for another long block. And there was the arrow I should have been on if that Split was marked correctly. So I  enter this block square park following trail and miss the mark pointing east in the middle of the park. Actually the only mark I had a problem with that the Silent Dark Taco's laid. So, exiting the park at the south end I checked the SW corner. Nothing. Then worked my way around counterclockwise until I found their Check. Not marked, I headed east for a long block. Nothing. Returning I found trail to the south and east and west until trail came to a six corner intersection at Diversey and another Check. I picked Clybourn and was wrong. Checking the time I decided that there was no way I would catch anyone in the pack so I guessed on a possible Beer Stop and headed there. Wrong choice. I went back to the bar and there were the hares, bundled up and cuddled up and staying warm in the bar. The pack soon came in and the beer stop headed to the alley behind the bar for a quick shot and back into the warmth of the bar. Hey, ladies, it wasn't that cold. Circle was called and a 30 rack of PBR was bought and a laid back circle was held and then everyone gathered around a table and drank on into the night.

Sat, Feb 15, 2020.. The Bushman Hash campout weekend. Horn-E, Son Of Spam and Berts Special Friend hared this trail through great woods, a few water crossings and tunnels and few injuries. We only had one injury while laying trail. How would you like a sharp stick in the eye. I didn't like it either. About at thick as a toothpick. I was stopped and trying to remove a dead branch so no one behind would get hit by the falling branch. It was solid however so I turned my head and right into this tiny branch. Just missed the pupil but got the eyelid. "Spam. Spam, come here. I need help." But it looked okay. Just a little red, and I had a red eye even through Sunday. Eleven hounds,
Grateful Dick, False Advertising, Meat Inside Her, Cums On All Bases, Garmin, Ice Princess, Its Too Soft, Mommys Little Accident, Gay Dancer, Hooch B4 Cooch, and Just Gus took off on trail that lasted about 60 to 70 minutes in a winter wonderland. All right, they also had to endure crossing frozen streams and not so frozen streams, as Gratefull Dick demonstrated with legs wet to the knees. Ice Princess didn't believe it was icy under the first tunnel. Apparently he kissed the ice for disbelieving. Just Gus managed to come in first followed by Mommys Little Accident and Gay Dancer. Ice Princess came in DFL. Well, someone had to and Horn-E was a hare. Hooch B4 Cooch was MIA, missing in action and didn't make the finish. Berts Special Friend toasted our two bimbos, Meat Inside Her and Cums On All Bases. Her highlight of the weekend. And everyone got at least one down down, especially the hares. Back at the bunkhouse we got into snacks and warming up dinner, then ate unlimited amounts of food and beer. After dinner games were held as we all sat around in Onezies and PJs. Finally False Advertising and Son Of Spam laid a night trail. Yes, we ran again. This time it was Horn-E, Grateful Dick, Berts Special Friend, Meat Inside Her, Cums On All Bases, Garmin, Its Too Soft, Mommys Little Accident, Gay Dancer, and Just Gus.
>>>>>I'd like to tell you about
this trail, but I never finished. No, I did not have another accident. but as we were going down this road in the campground, suddenly I was almost hit with a falling body. Cums On All Bases looked like she was sliding into home so she could cum on all bases. Slipped on ice
and a full belly flop right next to me. I pulled her up and she looked okay. So I pointed out the direction of trail, but she started to walk sideways. I grabbed her and took another look. This time the blood was coming out from under her hat and I called it for her. Good thing. I just talked to her and she still didn't know what happened to her, except that she remembers me calling it and grabbing her and starting back to the bunk house. Back at the house I grabbed some paper towels as I went by and took her to the bathroom. I took off her hat and she got a good shock as she looked in the mirror. There was about a two inch wide stream of blood from hairline to lip line. Bleeding had stopped but there was a lot of cleanup. Finally I took her to the party room and looked for some ice for the developing swelling. No ice, but I found a bag of frozen onion rings. Yes, you can laugh, but I used it. Finally Meat Inside Her, a nurse by profession, took over. I found some antiseptic cream in my shower kit and False Advertising found some bandaging material and then we got brilliant. Forget the onion rings. We found a plastic bag, filled it with snow and used that. Basically she remembers none of this and only knows what I am telling her. By morning she was gone. Drove home. We were worried and were planning on driving her home. But, beyond pain, she felt fine. She saw a doctor and got X Rayed for her sore shoulder, negative. She tells me that the swelling is still there and spreading and her eye is partially swollen shut. She looks like a raccoon. But she hopes to make it out to a hash this weekend.<<<<<
Meanwhile we partied into the night playing games. Just Robbie introduced a game on his cell, like charades, that had us going for a while. Other games were played and we were all in jammies and onesies. I finally went to bed and woke up next to Soul Taco. Now that is a lovely sight to wake up to. Love those bunk beds. See Sandy S., not everyone is terrified of being with me in a bunk house. In the morning we had scrambled eggs and baked bacon by Son Of Spam and then he laid another trail with Just Gus. After we were standing around a warm fire for circle in the warm sun, and in T-Shirts with the warmth of the sun beating down on us. Then we named Just Gus. It was close with Frozen Cum Scouts and Cum Scouts cuming in right after Moulin Couge. Spelling might be wrong. No, it is wrong. Whoever named him. lets get a correct spelling. Shortly after we headed out. Good time.

Sun Feb 16, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Ice Princess and Le Shartiste hared from Parrots. I got there just after they left and I was told they went west. Yes, they did. About 20 feet and then they went south on Halsted. Meanwhile, they also told me there would be a beer stop at Oz Park. Since I found no marks west, I headed south looking for the beer stop and then I could follow it backwards. Not. They were already there and they had a little trouble finding trail into the park and the hares were late, or so I heard. Apparently the trail was mostly straight there. Hey, its is hash not a race. Anyway we were soon off on a mostly straight course right back to the bar. Sandy Syphillis played at being an R. A, Silent But Deadly fetched beer and One Fuck Chuck shouted over the R. A, constantly as he played beer wench, But we got through it and then everyone hung around the bar until the beer ran out and then some, especially Just Brad, bought more beer and continued drinking.


On On
Horn-E



Tale of the Trail
Tue Feb 4, 2020, The 4X2H4, Lifa will hare the 4X2H4 hash from the Shamrock Club. Lifa set this trail and chalk talk was at a parking lot nearby. I counted on my new cell phone and bus tracker and again arrived late, just after the pack took off. Damn. And I never saw them on trail. Nine bloody hounds and not a trace. Some Splits were marked and others I had to find on my own, but mostly predictable as we wandered over towards Michigan Ave and then north and west to La Salle and Division. Here I lost the trail for a bit but picked it up as it headed south. Then after some little park I lost it again. So I headed on south and through what was left of the old notorious Cabrini Green housing project. Mostly abandoned. Finally I saw the local security as I hit the populated area. Chicago PD. Felt a little more confident of getting out of there in one piece. Then I saw the local pimp come walking by. How did I know? He was wearing the prettiest damn full length fur coat I ever saw. Strutting along like he owned that town. And nobody lives there and wears clothes like that. But I just innocently jog on by and head south. Eventually I heard a whistle and shouts of On On and there was the pack under some trees in a little park, I flipped this fence, yes, this old man, and ran up to not drink beer as the circle was on going. Shortly after we were back at the bar where a few had a nightcap and the rest went on home. 

Thu, Feb 6, 2020, The Thirstday Hash.
Gay Dancer
hared from Big Joe's and Mommys Little Accident co hared a live trail as it just snowed. We had eight hounds for this trail and with those two hares, you just knew someone would get lost on trail. Yes, of course Horn-E and the transplant. Big Long Thang. Hey guys, TH3 attendance is to low to lose transplants. But back to the trail. A Check at the first block quickly dispersed the pack and it was actually Horn-E who found the trail. We headed over to the local high school and park and that is where Horn-E fell behind again. But with bright marks on fresh snow, it was mostly doable and Horn-E plowed along following trail past unmarked Splits. Hmmm, Look right, go left, be right. The next one was go straight, be wrong, go left, be wrong, go back straight again and muuuch further and be right. Yeah, I'm falling further behind. I finally hit a Check and again go left and be wrong. Go straight and hit a triple Split marked right. After a long block with no marks and slowly checking all the way back I finally called it and headed back. Yeah, someone marked that Triple Split the wrong way. Sometimes/often a wrong mark is worse then no mark at all. On the way back to the bar I ran into the transplant, also lost. He had to leave early. Probably expected an actual 7:00pm hash and back by 8ish, not a 7:45 hash back well after 9:00. Usual big Joe's circle and a group hung on for quite awhile after circle. Good.

Fri, Feb 7, 2020, The Chicago Full Moon Hash, Mommys Little Accident hared from Driftwood and we had another live hare. And red chalk on concrete which was hard to follow. The pack of nine was quickly dispersed at the first Check and the pack or parts of the pack missed many parts of trail and even the hare missed part of what he originally planned. Unfortunately that caught Double Meter Beater as he ran on almost to the lake front while the rest of the pack caught marks going back under the same bridge and we were soon at the beer stop under the El Tracks. After we went back to the bar and hung out there drinking Sam Adams Ocktoberfest beer and PBRs. We had a virgin sent by SnatchSquatch who wasn't even there. But welcome J. Adam. And a transplant who didn't get lost blown away on a windy night, Blown In The Wind. After the hash cash was spent, six of us ended up next door for Mex grub.

Sat. Feb 8, 2020, The Big Dog Hash.
Stiffy 4 Stiffies will hare from the Bar On Buena. We had 9 hounds waiting for this hash. There was a last minute change of time, to Noon, and two hashers, Just Gus and One Fuck Chuck showed up late and although they ran some, they really missed the hash. Maybe that was good. So, eleven overall. Stiffy 4 Stiffies was well worn out setting this trail with turkey trails and the overall length, the Idiot A Rod. We took off and worked our way to this tunnel to Lincoln Park. Actually Horn-E led us there due to a lucky short cut. But after the tunnel he took the Turkey trail and most went eagle. Looking back, Horn-E was joined by Son Of Spam and Its Too Soft. At Irving Park we headed into the park further south to find a Back Check. So we returned to Irving Park and Its Too Soft found trail. Yeah that Its Too Soft. Meanwhile Son Of Span found a mark he thought was heading south along the outer drive. So He and Horn-E followed that and found nothing. So we decided to keep going south to the next tunnel and return north there. But we found a mark coming back to the park and followed that south to Belmont. At Belmont, there was a Split with south being crossed out. But who? We thought we were ahead at this point and couldn't see how anyone passed us, but apparently the Eagles short cut something somewhere and they were ahead. But nothing else was marked as we headed west and struggled at the next Check. Here Son Of Spam ran into a police incident. Heading north from the Check he found a Triple split and headed west. He came to some strange letters on trail. YBF. That means You Be Fucked. But while trying to figure out what it meant he encountered some tough looking thugs. CPD. Next he is being questioned and tells them he is with a running club. Yeah sure. So they have him pinned to a fence and are frisking him and getting cuffs ready when Horn-E comes by. "Hey, whats going on. We're just with a running club, following a trail. It is all just a game we play to make running fun." "You mean he wasn't kidding. Alright, get out of here." And that is when Son Of Spam sees the trouble. It was the Mayor's security team. We got the hell out of there. I swear it's true. The rest of the trail was uneventful until suddenly all of the marks are marked. The pack is actually ahead of us. So we run on into the finish, the same beer stop as the night before and they were done waiting for us. We then went on to Michael's for pizza and beer. That is when the late comers finally contacted us and joined us for beer and pizza.
                                        
Sun Feb 9, 2020, 2:00pm. The Chicago Hash. I Eat Dick hared from 4645 N. Magnolia. More snow, wet and nasty so another live hare. The third live hare in four days. No one was going to catch her, but she still got 15 minutes. The trail was just a big, or maybe a medium circle going clockwise to the beer stop at the back alley of Mommys Little Accident. Eighteen hounds took off. I fell behind and tried to keep SnatchSquatch in sight with his big orange shirt. But I finally lost him on Broadway and suddenly I'm joined by our virgin from Sweden, Just Andre, and we walk of until we find the trail and then lose it at a Check. So we circle back going south to Lawrence and then west towards the beer stop. And just before we got there we saw the pack leaving and heading to the finish for warm grub and cold beer and a circle in the living room. Here we were introduced to our visitor, Little Willie from Phon Penh. CH3 is getting the best attendance this year. And we haven't seen the GM this year. Did we even see him in December. Maybe that is the solution. Dump the GM and attendance goes up. Quick, cancel the CH3 GM erections and lets get attendance back up. All hashes, throw out your GMs.

Tale of the Trail

Thu, Jan 23, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Silent But Deadly and Just Christian hared from Parrot's. When I got there the pack was already gone. If you can call that a pack. More like date night. Three blocks later I went the wrong way on a Split. Circling back I found a barely visible, (rain, snow, general wetness), Check. As I headed north I found the pack looking like two lost tourists looking for boys town. Later guys. We're at a check. Ooops. So I went south and worked a Triple Split. Upon returning they were gone. So I headed east a long block. Nothing. Finally found trail heading north and then east of Broadway. Soon back to Broadway there was a Split. Working alone here I headed north. Nothing. West and on into an alley and missed a turn. Nothing on Belmont so I ranged west and eventually found a Check at an alley. Soon Garmin ran up. "There are arrows everywhere. Finally found Its Too Soft. Arrow west on Belmont. Apparently a turn arrow was missing. So we ran on together, west and north past missing marks and Splits. I finally got the lead and at Clark I waited for the others. We regrouped and found a Check across from Redmonds. That was the last of the pack. Garmin went south and was not seen again until the bar. Horn-E went south and then west and ranging on a Split and kept going, hoping against hope to find trail again. Actually found an arrow by Masonic Hospital and was at the beer check a block later drinking a beer with the Hare, Just Christian and Its Too Soft. Yes, he was FRB. You can find trail if you leave the Check, and he did, Back at the bar there were two groupies waiting and we held a Moon Style laid back circle and all went home. Early. Miss those late night Thirstday bashes after hashes.

Fri Jan 24, 2020, The First Crack of the Moon Hash. Berts Special Friend and Meat Inside Her were going to hare from the Wise Owl Drinkery. It was raining. Light but steadily on icy streets and side walks. Berts Special Friend took off on a live trail. Meat Inside Her drove the shag wagon home and started out cooking for this annual Asian New Year Hash. There were seven hounds and as usual, we were lost and Split up at the first mark, a Check. Son Of Spam finally caught up just before the shot stop. The King Of Bedbugs caught the hare just before the shot stop. Just Trevor saw him also near there and was second to the shot stop in a park by Lake and Ashland, about half way. Son Of Sam and Horn-E ranged from the last Check and found the trail On In to there. About five minutes later The Foam Queen, Its Too soft and Lower Wackoff finally came on in. We were also joined here by Ice Princess. On the second part of trail there was a Check at Lake and Ashland. The Foam Queen and Horn-E found that trail and we were off and running. Well, a few of us. Most just walked back to the finish, the hares house. The Foam Queen ran on to a Split and went the wrong way. Horn-E found the right way and yelled on and ran on and ran into a streak of correct guesses except once and stayed in front, yelling On until someone was seen behind. The one time he guessed wrong The King Of Bedbugs found it and Horn-E paralleled and was soon back in front and led on in to the finish behind the hares house. Finally inside, we found five groupies and held a circle. Finally Lower Wackoff showed up. No one marked trail and he ran the wrong way time after time but he never quits. Well done. Eventually suspended circle for Cafe Meat Inside Her. Damn good grub. Thanks. After circle we got into singing long songs for a while. Good time.

Sun Jan 26, 2020, The Chicago Hash. Lifa and Stab 'em and Slab 'em and Reverend Shut The Fuck Up hared from the morgue at 6530 S. University for the annual snow hash and there was still some left. When I got there I found a mob. Well over 25 in attendance. About half just walked over to the park for a beer and then back. The rest of us, fourteen by my count, had a good trail. Start sucked as we ran around for a half mile to a mile and then back into their back yard. But then we were off and fairly straight towards Jackson Park. Then the trail got real good for the limitations of the local parks with some actual woods hashing and running across the golf course and such. We were scattered all over but mostly insight of each other for most of the trail. After that it was just a mile walk back to the morgue. Circle was held in the basement led by False Advertising. Then Hooch B4 Cooch took over and we held a naming ceremony for Just. Christian. He shall forever be known as Cockholme Syndrome. After that is was upstairs for good grub and more good grub. Hash elections have started for CH3 and ballots were passed out. Then we all quietly and slowly dressed and headed home.

On On
Horn-E


Tale of the Trail
Thu, Jan 2, 2020, The Thirstday Hash. Sanding Ovation hared from the Barrel for the second time. Last time it rained the whole trail and no one really found the whole thing, but a nice turnout that far south in heavy rain. This time we had nice weather and there was a great pack of damn good hounds. But the finishing order was all to predictable. You knew from the start that False Advertising would be FRB. And Horn-E would probably show up DFL again. That left the middle of the pack for everyone else. That's you SnatchSquatch. Yeah, only three hounds at the start. We took off to the west and followed False Advertising. But at the first Check, that old man took the lead. Yeah, like that would last. One Split and he was behind again. But it went from one to the other throughout the trail as short well placed and bright marks were everywhere. We finally got to her back yard for a beer stop/circle. Why outside? It is cold. After a few Down Downs we got to DFL and before the song finished The King Of Bedbugs arrived. He got to The Barrel late and ran on his own and since we didn't expect anyone else and had no chalk, we didn't mark most of the Splits and Checks. But damn it, he found us anyway. A few more DDs and I was cold and needed to pee and so after only two beers, everyone just went home. Huh. Why not go back to the bar, where it is warm, and have another beer or two. Really, the bar has a nice back room that looks great for a short circle.
 
Sun Jan 5, 2020, The Chicago Hash. This was another renewal of the Justs Hash with a new Just, Just Oriole. The other hares were Berts Special Friend, Son Of Spam and Crotch Fire. We ran out of the Drum and Monkey. What a surprise. The largest regular hash in months. There were 22 hounds on trail. We even had 3 groupies show up at the On In. Did my rant last week help. Probably not. But a nice day for a hash anyway. We did a loop, so what else is new, that took us to Ashland, then through empty fields south of Roosevelt, (I remember when that area was all homes and such. Then there was this shooting in Memphis and all hell broke loose and it looked like the second coming of WWII or the Chicago Fire. I was there that terrible night and have about 80, 35 mm slides to prove it. Burning buildings all around us. But that is another story.), and over towards the U of I for a tour of the campus and back to the usual two block park for a beer stop. Mainly we held together pretty well. Of course, this was a Just Justs Hash so there were several shot stops where we regrouped. Back at the bar we circled around the usual shuffle board were Hooch B4 Cooch played at being a Religious Advisor. Then we had a naming for Just Oriol. His new name will be forever more, Double Meter Beater. After we hung around and slowly, well not to slowly, drank up all of the beer money. But Horn-E managed to sell a sweat shirt for beer money to our visitor, Mums The Word, for $20 and that bought us two more pitchers.

On On
Horn-E

Tale of the Trail

There were four hashes last week. Didn't make two because of a damn cell phone and missed CTA bus, and dual scheduling on the same day. That always sucks and hurts attendance, maybe, probably at both hashes. As I've said like forever, we need to avoid these things to maximize attendance all around.

On Sat 21 Dec. 2019 there was a Bushman Hash set by Horn-E from Edgebrook Woods. We had an attendance of Seven Hounds. With the beautiful weather it could have been more, but for the scheduling of another hash on the same date. Trail headed straight for the tracks and a Check. but Lifa was right on the trail and we went south and into the lowlands along the river. After another Check the trail went over the foot bridge and then headed towards a Central crossing. Could have been a great Back Check here, but Lifa saw around it and the pack was soon headed east along the river. Several hounds looked far and wide to find a short cut and missed this part. We get too few chances for a good woods trail, why try to short cut around the hares planned trail. It was planned to give you a good run in nature. Enjoy it with the few checks and such designed to try to keep the pack together. So as I watched from across the river, the pack came by one at a time instead of close together. And then they drifted out of sight in the woods. About a half hour later Lifa led the pack into the finish, unmuddy but thirsty. We held circle right near were the beer was found, guarded by a dead, smelly raccoon. And here we pounded the perma frost until our shoes were good and muddy and we ran out of beer.
Then it was off to Lower Wackoff's were we held our anal Bushman Christmas Party with some good Korean food and snacks and Whores de Ovaries.  Good beer was also available and we were joined by a trio of Harriets who didn't run and all was good.

Sun, 22 Dec 2019, was a trail set by Its Too Soft and Soul Taco for the Chicago Hash out of the Hidden Shamrock. This was supposed to be a repeat of his original Santa Hat trail that led to the big Anthrax Scare. He was extremely hung over and late when he laid the original one and because it was getting dark, he laid it with huge amounts of flour. Ooops. Through the zoo. Ooops. I was on that trail and got lost like almost everyone. I got lost again. Three times this time. Either he hasn't gotten any better laying trail or I got worse following trail. Definitely slower. Then throw in the fact that there was another trail zig zagging through his planned course, using beautiful white marks, he had to use colored chalk. Blue still doesn't work in the daytime.
At the first check I followed Pony Pounder into an alley and saw marks. Ooops, they were white marks. Damn. And as soon as I realized that I emerged from the alley and there were colored marks. Great. Then at Broadway I saw what I thought was a hasher with a dog up ahead. A long block later there were no marks. So I ranged south looking for marks and finally gave up and headed for the park. This was supposed to be a replay of the first trail. At Diversey and Sheridan I found a Check. Whoppee, I'm back on trail. Finally. I searched several False trails and found many white arrows yet again. I finally ran into Dirty White Idiot from Boise leading the pack to the Check. Told him and others what I already checked and ran back to check another direction. I ended up following Kahl Drunko the Turd straight East and he yelled On. But it turned out to be another white mark, a check. Damn. So I spread out my search and headed in a big loop south, around the hill and by the Lagoon. More white marks and suddenly there is some runners from the pack yelling On to the south. How did they get there? I searched that area. But we were soon at a shot stop and there was the whole pack. How did they get there? From here it went south towards the Zoo and crisis central. I got caught by traffic and after that I lost the pack and saw  no marks into or in the zoo. I finally headed east and at Lincoln I found a very faded pink arrow. I'm back on trail and Gay Dancer flies right by me. and a few other hashers. What? We ran on to Sheffield and an eventual beer stop in a park at Wrightwood and there was most of the pack. Again, how'd they get there? After that stop it was over to Its Too Soft's roof deck for a very frigid circle I wasn't dressed for. Weren't we supposed to be re-running the original Santa Hat Trail. Indoor circle. Thankfully False Advertising didn't make this an hours long circle and we were finally warm and inside. Its Too Soft did his usual good job of hardy grub, Ham, Cheese Mac and corn. Beer flowed and all was good.

On On
Horn-E

HHHi HHHashers:
See my calendar at www.brownbearsw.com/freecal/hashcal and my web site at HHHinChicago.com
Visitors and new hashers (virgins), we start meeting at the listed times and start hashing a half hour later. Time for a quick beer. Anyone want off this list, email Horn-E at H3HornEH3 and it will be done. 

I can't be held responsible for last minute changes. If you see something you might like to do, always verify at their web site for last minute changes or confirm with the hare

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to all, and remember, there are many who won't be off visiting family and friends during these holidays. Well, many of our friends are hashers and this Wednesday, Christmas Day, Soul Taco and Hooch B4 Cooch are hosting the Whiskey Wednesday Hash, on it's regular date and offering those hashers and maybe some visitors, a chance for a refreshing run in warmer then normal weather and a chance to gather with friends. Join them.

Any visitors in town for the holidays and want to get out for a good run and some beer, check our schedule and come on out. We'd like to meet you.

Wed. 25 Dec  2019, 7:00pm, The Whiskey Wednesday Hash. Hooch B4 Cooch and Soul Taco will hare from 1353 N. Noble. This is Christmas Day and if there are any hashers not off visiting family, cum on over and enjoy a Christmas Hash instead and visit with your hash family. $? Hash cash. Thu, Dec 26, 2019, 7:00pm, The Thirstday Hash. Two Girls One Cupcake will hare from Twisted Hippo at 2925 W. Montrose, $10 Hash Cash.